Tits are funny things, aren t they? I was never a tit guy when I was growing up, and it took me a long time to appreciate them, but now that I ve got them, they re funny. I bet my new wife s tits are scorching hot, and I bet her new husband s new wife doesn t have any tits either. I mean, what am I supposed to do with these things? I m sure they have more nerve endings than other parts of your body, but don t put it all in lowercase, dude. I m sorry about the mess on the desk, too. Ryan is putting together a video for Miles, wherein he names 5 kick ass female athletes. I think he hates you, obviously. God, you re a retard. And that s just to say, I m not a retard, and there s just enough stuff to fill two contractor bags to fill 2 contractor bags, and then just enough to fill the kitchen with laundry to fill a cupboard with recyclables, and that s all I got to do is clean it all up in my apartment. I can t wait to do it. and then I ll be a retard too. and I ll do my best to make you laugh about it. I hope you like it, brozz! I love ya, bye. -Jonoth - Jonoth . Jonoth is a writer, comedian, actor, and comedian. Jonathans Ryan is a good friend of mine, and he s a good dude. . . . Jonotha good dude, Jonoth s Jonah s a nice guy, too, Jonah is a great guy, and a good guy, you know what he s good, good guy. Ryan s a bad one. Don t forget to check him out, Jonathas a good one, too? can t you tell me if you don t like him? Jonoh s good enough, brotha, he s not good enough? Tom s got a good ass? , and he has a great sense of humor, he likes to talk about things like that kind of stuff. And he s got it all, so he s funny, he does it like that too, you can t get it all right, you ll get it right, don t you see it right? Thank you Jonothans, Jonahs, so don t be mad at me?
Transcript
Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. You can also explore and interact with the transcripts here.
00:00:03.000I can see, sometimes I look at tits, you know, like in a online, I don't mean porn, I mean like, well, I was actually just looking in the news about this Playboy model who was getting $300,000, who was paid $300,000 and had her rent paid by this doctor that was just a perv.
00:00:23.000And he cut her off, so she killed him.
00:00:26.000She cut him off from Earth, threw him in a trunk.
00:00:29.000But I'm looking at a picture of her, and I can see her tits.
00:00:32.000She's got a low slung thing, and I'm thinking, tits are funny.
00:01:48.000Again, it's very weird in upstate New York because you have these guys in camo who have chicken farms and snowplow in the winter and they all have that New York accent.
00:02:00.000So they're rednecks who hate New York.
00:02:02.000They would never go to Manhattan in a million years.
00:02:04.000Many of them have never been to Manhattan.
00:02:06.000Many of them have never been south of, I don't know, Westchester.
00:07:43.000So I go, dude, this guy spends $100 a day to commute back to his town in upstate New York, even though he has an apartment much closer to the studio.
00:11:22.000I didn't know men our age still do that.
00:11:24.000That's a very sort of a, you know, when you're first dating kind of a thing, you don't really do that, you know, in a longterm relationship.
00:12:07.000By the way, that, um, that little node I did, that weird sort of, uh, fluctuation in my voice was an homage to Gary Coleman on Arsenio Hall when Arsenio said, and this is on the wonderful DVDs, TV carnage, Derek Beckles,
00:12:28.000Uh, fuck, I remembered a story I have to tell you about Derek Beckles.
00:12:34.000Something happened to me and him recently.
00:12:40.000Anyway, Derek Beckles does these things called TV Carnage.
00:12:44.000And they are compilations of terrible TV.
00:12:46.000We did a website together which is why my email has street carnage in it because it was street boners and TV carnage.
00:12:52.000And he compiles the worst of television and one of them was this Gary Coleman thing where he's talking to Arsenio and Arsenio is doing this thing.
00:13:00.000That we all do where you pretend the person in front of you isn't handicapped or somehow a loser.
00:13:07.000Like when they'd have Liberace on talk shows and they'd go, so Liberace have you found a lady yet?
00:13:13.000And he's like, I haven't found the right one.
00:13:18.000Or when they have, you know, Rachel Dolezal on Melissa Harris Perry, and they're talking about what it was like to be black girls, or Laverne Cox, that tranny, was also on some show, and they're talking about being young girls and stuff, and you're watching it going, yeah, um, that person you're talking to had a penis when it was a little girl, so she doesn't understand that.
00:13:43.000And Arsenio was talking to Gary Coleman, who clearly doesn't get laid, he's a dwarf.
00:14:21.000Like if you ask a six-year-old, in fact I asked my son if he has a girlfriend he said no but there's a kid in his class named Gavin and Gavin has like 20 girlfriends which is more than all the girls in his class.
00:14:32.000So he must be girlfriends with every single girl in his class and then feed off of maybe two more separate classes.
00:16:23.000He's saying they want the tough dude look and he's wearing a motorcycle jacket, a Cosby looking dress shirt, and he has Dr. Martens on, which look really funny on dwarves.
00:16:37.000You kind of have to be a big person to pull off Dr. Martens and they have to be pretty darn old.
00:16:41.000But he has brand new ones on so he looks like a little toy.
00:17:27.000Well I was saying because he like so Arsenio kind of emasculates him by grabbing his little foot and puts it up like let's see this little fucking midget foot and then uh Gary just like leans back yeah you go ahead and you touch my foot and he like leans back yeah yeah you you would be one of the few people stupid enough to think that Gary Coleman isn't being completely humiliated on this show he is but look this is yeah yeah just shut up please and go to the clip see if you can find the clip he's like that's right yeah you're talking too much this episode
00:17:58.000You're the guy who thinks you buy groceries in a basket with a little fucking French bread fin.
00:19:46.000In fact, after taking down the SPLC, which I would appreciate some credit for, we've only begun, and by the way, breaking news, I think this is going to go real deep.
00:19:57.000I used to just think, oh, they have too much power and they're in big tech and they're getting people censored from Facebook and all this other stuff, social media, and then they're getting involved in the banks.
00:20:10.000But now that I'm digging, I think it goes way deeper.
00:20:12.000I think it's a gigantic money laundering scheme.
00:20:15.000I think the Attorney General of Alabama is going to get involved and people are going to jail.
00:20:20.000I thought I would just get a big settlement and do them some serious damage.
00:21:50.000Why did you say, I don't know anything about this in the 9-1-1 call?
00:21:55.000Is it because you know that those are recorded in their public record and you want to, that that's going to show up in court, you fucking evil bitch.
00:27:47.000She went from Elliott Smith to the drummer from the Pixies.
00:27:50.000And a lot of people who knew Elliott closely thought Jennifer murdered him.
00:27:55.000There was things like, and this just rumor, I don't, I don't take this as fact, but there was stories I heard like his suicide note spelt his name wrong.
00:28:04.000Which is weird that a girlfriend wouldn't be able to spell her own boyfriend's name wrong.
00:28:08.000There was also rumors that she had been writing down baby names and he had ripped it up saying, we're not having kids.
00:28:29.000One of the main problems when investigating Alex Smith's case is the small amount of people willing to speak to me, and the even slimmer number of people willing to go on record.
00:28:36.000I think we're experiencing a thing called, um... I think we're experiencing a thing called female privilege.
00:28:43.000Like, we just saw Jussie Smollett experiencing black privilege.
00:30:38.000Chiba sued Martha Greenwald, the administrator of Smith's estate, for a breach of oral contract.
00:30:45.000She alleged that she had entered into an oral agreement with Elliot to live together, cohabitate, and combine their efforts and earnings, share equally any and all property.
00:30:53.000So she sued for his money from his estate.
00:31:17.000So anyway, that's a tangent and just a theory I have.
00:31:21.000But I just remembered, amongst our circle of friends, Jennifer was part of the people I would hang out with.
00:31:26.000I would see her at parties all the time and I was really sketched out by her.
00:31:30.000I remember I told Andy Capper, the editor of Vice UK at the time, he ran out of the party and had nightmares for days because he was convinced that everyone was hanging out with a murderer.
00:31:42.000And it was just, the female privilege I'm talking about is, it was just so unthinkable that a woman would murder a man.
00:31:49.000That everyone just went, meh, ignored it.
00:31:52.000Now, conversely, if a man was rumored to possibly be racist, or in my case, like Trump, I'm immediately banned from the scene.
00:32:02.000So you can murder Elliott Smith and people ignore it, but if you like Donald Trump, you're exed and you can't hang out with us anymore.
00:32:10.000All right, so to go back to this woman, what's her name again?
00:32:34.000In 2005, Coleman signed a will naming Gray as his executor.
00:32:38.000That's the head of his corporation, I guess.
00:32:41.000But Coleman married Price in 2007 and then signed a handwritten codicil to the will, that's an amendment, in favor of Price that same year.
00:32:49.000Interesting in the will, Coleman wrote that, and this is a quote from his will, I have made this change of free will and was not coerced in any way.
00:32:56.000This I have done because of my personal selfishness and weakness, and I love her with all of my heart.
00:33:02.000And then the article says, and this is Forbes, odd language.
00:33:06.000But that marked only the... I'm sounding like that guy who does Nightline.
00:33:11.000You know that guy with the white hair who's like, odd language.
00:33:14.000Was Jennifer the love of Chris's life?
00:33:18.000Or was Chris scared about what might be happening next?
00:33:22.000You know, the way he does those stories, those true crime things, it sounds like it's a bedtime story and he's reading to you, you know, right before you go to sleep.
00:33:31.000Would she be the one who had murdered Roy?
00:37:43.000and then conveniently they're like they're still getting along and he shows up after my uncle's dead this guy with tattoos all over the place he just got out of prison he's a creep and she yeah she does something in the field of uh bodies like autopsy bodies and she was like oh yeah i remember her telling me she can't get the smell off of her hands it's like really sick and how disgusted she was by it but oddly enough she had my uncle cremated right after
00:38:33.000And the thing was that he, it was like a drug thing, like painkillers, like because he had gotten, like as if he accidentally overdosed on that, it's just, I don't know.
00:38:44.000That's a good way to do it if you're gonna murder someone.
00:40:17.000Wait a minute, this is the most clear-cut case I've ever seen.
00:40:20.000So, they get divorced, she doesn't get any money, but she had him sign that thing in the will that said, on my own volition, I'm not being coerced, I want her to be the head of my estate.
00:40:34.000She's broke, she can't get a break in film.
00:40:37.000So by 2010, her and her meth-head boyfriend, I'm making all this up by the way, her and her meth-head boyfriend go, we gotta get that Coleman money, that Different Strokes money.
00:40:49.000So they went, they killed him together.
00:41:39.000So let's sorry that was it and there's another thing that reading her body language in this thing Gary Coleman Shannon price Yeah, some of it is problematic
00:50:04.000There's like full on simpleton and then there's just, you have the weird eyes and you're, you can like live alone.
00:50:11.000But anyway, there's this awesome guy on the show who I want to have.
00:50:18.000You know, liberals treat blacks as pets.
00:50:21.000Remember they dumped them as pets because they pissed the rug when they voted against gay marriage and they said, Negroes, that's not what I trained you to do.
00:51:25.000...disability if you like, a learning disability perhaps, but what the show is so popular and many people find it really heartwarming... Is that a green screen or like?
00:54:31.000You know, Picasso said it took him a lifetime to learn how to paint like a child, and I think this is what Jonathan Richman is trying to get, but he's obviously not autistic.
00:54:49.000And Brighton, he's singing about Brighton.
00:54:50.000Brighton's another, Eastbourne I think is in Brighton, but it's another, all along the coast, the southern coast, they have all these little, you know, towns.
00:54:59.000I remember I was with G. Vaucher from the punk band Crass, and we were at Eastbourne, I believe.
00:55:06.000No, it was one that's, it's another coastal one, but it's east.
00:56:53.000She used to work with Somali immigrants, refugees, and my mum says, Oi, if it's so liberating, right?
00:57:01.000If it's all about preserving a woman, because the argument is that you're not sexualizing them, right?
00:57:07.000And you're, you know, you're putting them on a pedestal and you're saying, I don't want geezers looking up your skirt or checking out your buns.
00:57:13.000So I put you in this bin bag where you're safe, right?
01:03:42.000Yeah, speaking of your lazy thinking that you just said, where you, um, we gotta wrap this up too, we're going way too late, where you said you thought that was just damages, a hundred grand a year in various bric-a-brac that gets broke.
01:03:56.000I tuned out for like one second, I missed the whole thing.
01:03:59.000Then don't interject if you weren't listening.
01:04:02.000But anyway, it reminded me, I was at this pub the other night, and this guy, we're talking about Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, and talking about how dimwitted she is, and how she doesn't know anything about the economy.
01:04:14.000She recently said that the reason that they have two term limits, a two term limit on presidents, is because they feared FDR, and they didn't want him to have too many terms.
01:04:26.000A, FDR had about four terms, I believe, or maybe five.
01:04:30.000B, they came up with the term limits in 47.
01:05:30.000No one's scared of being stabbed by this politician.
01:05:33.000Clearly, the guy fucking meant her effectiveness, her mass appeal, and how that combines with her terrible ideas.
01:05:42.000And I had to sit there making like a peace sign with my fingers and say, on this little piggy, you're talking about her being attractive and a young woman and being a bartender who pretends she grew up in the Bronx.
01:05:56.000And then on this little piggy, and I touched my other finger, you're talking about her effectiveness, her appeal, and how dangerous that is because of her ideas, because she's a socialist and she wants big government and she wants to take more tax dollars in a heavily taxed place like New York.
01:06:10.000And then I melded the two fingers together, I go, they're the same thing.
01:06:16.000And then he started getting kind of aggro, like I was patronizing him, which I guess I was.
01:06:21.000But when you lazy think like that, it's inevitable.
01:06:25.000Anyway, the moral of the story is, let's not take things for granted anymore.
01:06:30.000Let's not just nod our heads, like Daniel on The Undateables, just because something sounds right and we can tell by the timing.
01:06:37.000I feel like we're becoming robots, where you watch a sitcom and you hear the... You can tell it's time to laugh by the cadence of the setup.
01:06:50.000But instead of saying, wait a minute, was that actually funny?
01:07:19.000We've got to be a little more dubious.
01:07:21.000The fact that everyone ran with that Covington Catholic schoolboy thing, where we assume that young men like to vandalize Aboriginal ceremonies, or the fact that we believed that MAGA guys with ski masks are running around with bleach, pouring them on random gay black celebrities, and then adorning them with a noose.
01:07:39.000The fact that these things have legs show that we're mentally obese.
01:08:06.000No one asked for Ryan's final two cents.
01:08:09.000I was doing a great goodbye there, and you jumped in front of me on stage and went, that's right folks, and I'm Ryan Katsu Rivera, signing off.