SPOILER WARNING: This episode is not for the faint hearted. I don t give a fuck about superhero movies, and you shouldn t either. I'm not a kid who fantasizes about being a superhero, and I don't care if you do either. We need to go back to the days of real life bullying, where kids got to fight back against the bad guys instead of being made to be a superhero. I think we need to bring back the real world, where we get to fight against the real bad guys, and we don't have to be made to become a superhero to do so. I'm a nerd, but that's what nerds do, so let's talk about it. I also talk about a guy who calls himself "Monkey Man," and why he's not worth it. Also, I talk about the new movie "Shazam" and why you should not be watching superhero movies unless you're old enough to watch them with your kids. If you don't like superhero movies then you should stop listening to this podcast, because it's not for you. I'll tell you why you shouldn't be watching them and listen to this episode of the podcast, and go listen to my other podcast, "The Real World" instead. I'll be back next week with a new episode of The Real World, where I'm going to be talking about all things superhero movies and other cool stuff. and other stuff. I hope you enjoy it! Logo by Courtney Dealing with the world's most annoying people. - The Real Real World Podcast. Music by Zapsplenty. Subscribe to the Real World Radio Subscribe on Apple Podcasts! Subscribe on iTunes Learn more about your ad choices and become a supporter of the show on Podchaser. Download MP3 by clicking HERE. Send us your thoughts and rating/subscriber? We'll be listening to your thoughts on this podcast on the next episode of this podcast and other awesome stuff we're listening to it on the podcast and we'll be giving you a shoutout on the Podchick Podcasts by The Real Life Podcasts. Thank you for listening to us on PodChick and all the love and support us on the podchilling in the next week's episode will be a review on that too! Subscribe and review the podcast is coming soon! Thanks for listening and all that good vibes!
Transcript
Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. You can also explore and interact with the transcripts here.
00:00:10.000And by the way, I'm a half a century old.
00:00:13.000I don't give a fuck about superheroes, and you shouldn't either.
00:00:17.000If you're old enough to hear this podcast, then you shouldn't be watching superhero movies.
00:00:24.000Unless your wife needs a break and you want to take the kids off her hands and you're too lazy to go do good dad stuff like play catch and you just want to sit in a chair for a few hours.
00:00:35.000So you take them to the superhero movies.
00:00:37.000Actually, you have to take kids to every big new movie there is.
00:00:42.000They're sold out for the first couple weeks, but then tickets are available.
00:01:31.000But anyway, you take your kids to all the movies, so that's why I know these superhero movies.
00:01:36.000I would not go there if I was not a father.
00:01:40.000I'm not a little kid who's getting bullied who fantasizes about fighting back and being a Spider-Man.
00:01:47.000What a weird fantasy, too, being a Spider-Man.
00:01:53.000I want to catch bad guys in my web and then slowly cocoon them and then over time just inject my fangs into their femoral artery and drink all their fluids as they rot.
00:02:08.000Well, Spider-Man doesn't even do that.
00:03:33.000By the way, superheroes are superfluous now because they were created to help the victims of bullying and we quote-unquote stamped out bullying.
00:03:59.000I was watching on Reddit Public Freakout, there was some guy, they say racist attacked in a restaurant and among his epithets he called the guy monkey man.
00:04:09.000I don't know if that was necessarily racial.
00:05:54.000One time I was with my friend Trace Crutchfield and he was wearing a three-piece suit.
00:05:59.000He was in the punk scene in Austin as a kid, but there's that one dude in the punk scene who wears like a sweater and slacks and doesn't have any tattoos and never dyed his hair.
00:06:09.000He likes the music and moshing and the guys, but he doesn't like the look.
00:06:14.000They represent .01% of the punk movement.
00:06:44.000I'd like to go to a gynecologist, get his clamps, put them in your pussy, separate your vagina so it's held open, and then feed in millipedes and cockroaches and water bugs until your pussy was bursting at the seams.
00:07:00.000You catch me on Wednesday night at around 8pm, you don't have to do that whole first part.
00:08:32.000So one guy gets, is sort of shoving him and trying to make him uncomfortable by elbowing him, which is a really pussy, passive aggressive thing to do.
00:08:40.000If you're going to fight someone, just fight them.
00:08:43.000And Trace just turns around, grabs a guy by the neck and picks him up like the Hulk.
00:08:48.000Now he's not off the ground a lot, but he did leave the ground a couple of times.
00:08:53.000And he picks the guy up, and he walks him outside, and he holds him up against the wall, and he goes, what are you doing, you fucking child?
00:09:02.000And all his buddies, the punk's buddies, come out to have his back, which involves just standing there, mouth agape, at this neck assault.
00:09:14.000And then Trace drops him and lets him fall.
00:09:18.000And he laughs at him, and we walk away.
00:09:21.000And as we're walking away, the guy's like holding his neck and rubbing his neck, and his friends are staring at him, his badass punk friends.
00:09:27.000They're probably all rich kids from Long Island.
00:09:29.000And his rebuttal, just as we're basically out of earshot, I hear him go, who calls anyone a child?
00:10:11.000Because they had their spot, and they could go and blow each other, and then all these fucking hipsters showed up, and you'd see them scowling at you.
00:10:20.000They were so mad that we took over their bar.
00:10:27.000It all started with this dude, Spencer Sweeney, who was DJing there, and we'd go to hear his rockin' tunes, and the next thing you know, we had straightified a gay bar.
00:11:45.000I've only had like one threesome this year.
00:11:47.000I should be getting gangbanged like all my gay friends.
00:11:51.000And she's lonely and bored and they're out dancing and gays are kind of sexist in a weird way.
00:11:56.000My wife's a fag hag and I'll never forget, she was with Jeremy Scott, the fashion designer, and Pablo, his assistant, and they were posing for a picture and she was getting in the picture and he kind of shooed her aside and he said, this one's just for the boys, honey.
00:12:12.000And I thought, there's a weird latent sexism within the gay community.
00:12:15.000They don't treat their fag hags very well because they have no currency.
00:12:19.000You know, we treat women well because old ladies have made us, so we hold doors open for them.
00:12:24.000We're like, thanks for creating earth.
00:12:26.000And then when you're single and they're younger, you're like, hope I can fuck you.
00:13:26.000But you wouldn't laugh at him, he'd kill you.
00:13:28.000Then there was this Puerto Rican dude, he had white Timberlands on, a white, like, jockstrap kind of thing with his ass out, and a white Yankees hat.
00:15:21.000By the way, my three friends, Tino and Wendy Mullin and whatever the Tino's brother's name is, we're all just sort of staring and we all, it's sort of like Goonies when they go to that mobster's house accidentally and they hear them around upstairs.
00:15:37.000Like, we were not laughing and high-fiving anymore.
00:15:39.000We all realized that I was wrong to take us there.
00:15:44.000And he stares at me from, now he's on the other end of the bar, right?
00:18:38.000There's a piano there, there's a gymnasium with decorations that say like, 1980s, hey class of 85!
00:18:47.000It hasn't been touched in years and it's still decorated for prom.
00:18:52.000They had one last prom in 89 and then that was it.
00:18:59.000And then we go upstairs and there's all these rooms.
00:19:02.000So I think there's two things going on here.
00:19:04.000There was a school and residential apartments and we had access to both.
00:19:10.000So we go up the stairs of the residential apartments and there's mattresses on the ground and candles and we see it's a whole building of bums.
00:21:39.000He went to an all-black school thanks to some dumb diversity thing in Florida where they would bus white kids to black neighborhoods to increase diversity.
00:21:48.000So he would get beat up every day, and then he became- now he speaks in Ebonics, has black mannerisms, and can beat the shit out of anyone.
00:21:56.000So he's tough in that sense, but he's also a pussy who gets scared super easy.
00:22:10.000He was so convinced that someone was in the house trying to kill him that he boarded up his room and put a bed against the door and put a mattress up against the window and sat in the room alone so the bad guy couldn't kill him and then one after I don't know maybe a full night there he goes you know what
00:22:44.000And he's totally alone in the middle of nowhere in this abandoned, like, rental house, running around it with a knife, screaming at someone who's not there.
00:26:10.000One of the best nights of my life was the 2004 blackout.
00:26:16.000Anyway, that's in my book, A Death of Cool.
00:26:18.000You can pick it up at stores everywhere.
00:26:21.000So those tangents are better than the story, but just, yeah, watching this movie, Endgame, and all the politically correct claptrap that they cram into it, you know, it assumes that we're racist and sexist, so they shock us by showing cool black people and women that can kick ass.
00:26:41.000And I'm sure that does shock a bunch of racist sexists.
00:26:45.000But you made your whole movie about that, and there's none of those people that would be offended by it are here.
00:26:52.000It's sort of like, as a Scottish person, if movies kept talking about all the things the Scots had invented, like they put the steam engine on its side, and the Industrial Revolution, and, oh, did you know tarmac?
00:27:03.000The Mac is a Macintosh, and Scots invented roads.
00:27:06.000It's sort of like they injected that into every movie.
00:27:09.000And as a Scottish person, I'd be going, yeah, yeah, okay.
00:27:12.000Can we just get on with the plot, please?
00:27:14.000Yes, I'm very proud of my Scottish ways.
00:27:51.000This guy is a radical fat... His personality on the inside is a radical blue-haired fat feminist in a hat she knitted herself that's orange.
00:30:22.000Imagine you were treated like the client that you had.
00:30:26.000Like if you're representing a murderer.
00:30:28.000You have to represent a guy who eats babies.
00:30:31.000Okay, say a guy killed a million babies.
00:30:34.000You have to represent him because you want to make sure that the law got him right and and you know read him his memorandum rights or whatever because you want to make sure we have an efficient system that catches baby murderers.
00:31:43.000I'd rather hang out with her than watch this stupid, fucking, dumb, feminist, bullshit movie.
00:31:48.000At the end of the movie, Captain America, who decides not to be Captain America when he goes back in time... By the way, time travel is just a thing that fucking Tony Stark figured out at his log cabin in about two minutes.
00:32:02.000He sits there with a Mobius strip on his stupid 3D Mirage hologram computer and says, what if you do his imitation?
00:32:11.000Jarvis, why don't you pull up a Mobius strip and take the 30 second unit, flip that.
00:33:02.000So the, her gorgeous, she has this beautiful thing that shows her boobs nicely, this Iron Man costume with like dragonfly wings on the back and she slams down on the ground and then her face opens up and you're looking at Gwyneth Paltrow.
00:33:17.000She's there to save the earth from these giant monster demons.
00:36:15.000Humans... So I think the black guy who was becoming Captain America, all he does is manipulate this suit that has wings on it, and then he can fly it real well.
00:36:25.000And he sunk the wings into a beast's chest, by the way, which must have damaged the wings.
00:37:23.000Ever heard of the campaign Earth First?
00:37:25.000So she shows up at the end of the movie, right when we're about to lose, and goes to the main spaceship of the main bad guy and flies right through it, just like Superman would.
00:40:02.000In fact, corrections officers in the Catskills have this sort of OG Al Capone vibe where waitresses always serve them first and people stare at them because they're so employed.
00:40:13.000Basically your only option there is crime or corrections officer.
00:40:20.000And because Mark Cuntface Droopy Eyebrows Ruffalo saw the movie Frack Nation, which is based on a guy's misunderstanding of how methane works, the money shot in Frack Nation is someone lighting their tap water on fire.
00:40:57.000Burning Springs, New York is called Burning Springs because 200 years ago a spring caught fire and it's been burning ever since because it's natural.
00:41:09.000There's parts of the Catskills where if you leave a candle on in your bathroom, you're gonna blow the door off.
00:41:16.000Because there's methane gas in the water.
00:41:18.000Perfectly healthy, not dangerous levels, but flammable levels.
00:41:23.000That's counterintuitive to most people and I understand that.
00:41:26.000But the tap water's always been flammable and fucking, the cat's kills.
00:41:30.000But this guy Joe David Fox or something makes this movie Frack Nation, all these dumb liberals fall for it.
00:41:49.000I'm guessing millions, but it's probably upwards of that.
00:41:53.000And so Mark Ruffalo leads this fucking fight to stop the fracking.
00:41:59.000And maintain, because he doesn't want his beautiful vacation home and his pool to maybe have a one in a million chance the water table is affected by fracking.
00:42:42.000Unless you have what it takes, it might be the wrong decision.
00:42:45.000I remember someone said to me once, if you're so fucking nationalist and patriotic, why don't you go join the army and fight for this country that you say you love so much?
00:42:54.000And I go, because I'm not brave enough.
00:43:23.000I want to make sure I... So here are my notes.
00:43:27.000But first of all, it's a kids movie, and half of it is this really complex discussion about the nature of time travel that's so complex it even goes above Back to the Future.
00:43:37.000They talk about all the time travel movies in it, and it's more advanced than those.
00:43:41.000So it's not time travel in a fun, silly way like Back to the Future.
00:43:45.000It's time travel like you would study in first year university.
00:44:51.000But you realize that they had all these, like the executives who made this plan, they had probably physical little cards of all the different guys and their box office was probably written down.
00:45:01.000So they had a Hulk and it said like 360 million.
00:45:05.000All the Hulk movies combined, gross, right?
00:45:08.000And they also see people like Iron Man, Iron Man 3 bombed.
00:45:48.000But he wrote Tropic Thunder, and Robert Downey Jr.
00:45:51.000and him got along great because he's a great guy, super funny, fucking hilarious guy.
00:45:54.000You've got to check out the extras on that DVD where Justin Theroux plays a German film buff who loves Steve Coogan and thinks he's competent when he clearly isn't.
00:46:58.000In other words, Justin Theroux killed Iron Man.
00:47:01.000So I'm watching him die, and I'm watching his face scab over, and I'm just thinking, Justin, you must watch this movie and think, I killed that guy.
00:47:40.000But, he's also kind of a dick, and I remember I was pitching a show, Hipster Archie Bunker, and I told him about it, and he goes, that's my pitch.
00:47:49.000I have a contract with Comedy Central, and that's the pitch.
00:47:53.000And he goes, even though we were friends at the time, he goes, I'm gonna get lawyers involved, dude.
00:48:47.000He's talking about mullets, wraparound sunglasses, jet skis, wet t-shirt contests, bouncing boobs, leg warmers, keds, the accelerator girls in the ZZ Top video, legs.
00:49:00.000He's talking about heavy petting, finding frozen penthouses in the snow bank.
00:49:05.000He's talking about that big giant portable phone that the dude on Wall Street had, Michael Douglas.
00:49:33.000That's the America I want for my daughter.
00:49:35.000Where she can say funny shit like that.
00:49:41.000I've already discussed this, but that same movie...
00:49:45.000When we were sitting down, I'm handing my son, my 10-year-old son, his popcorn, and I go, I see he's on his phone, I go, give me, get your phone!
00:51:54.000Yeah, so they ruined superhero movies, and that pisses me off, not because I give a shit about superheroes, I'm an adult, but it pisses me off because as a dad, I gotta go take my kids to these things.
00:52:05.000And by the way, my kids had a shitty time too.
00:52:08.000Like that last Star Wars one, whatever it was called, where they had like 50 people of all races, and there's the Chinese guy, and this guy's gay, and this guy's Iranian or whatever, and fucking Carrie Fisher's a drawing.
00:52:28.000That they kept pretending they had to go pee.
00:52:31.000Like, I bring my youngest, he was five at the time, I bring him down to the bathroom, he gets to the urinal, maybe like two drops of pee come out of his dink.
00:53:41.000What a ridiculous thing to ruin movies for.
00:53:47.000You know, last night I was watching the Dick Cavett Show clip and it was Marlon Brando talking about, remember on the Oscars or something, he brought out an Indian woman to make a speech?
00:53:58.000And he was talking about that and he was like, well the way that the blacks are portrayed to be goofy doofuses and Indians to be drunks and you know, Mexicans to be stupid and disgusting.
00:54:21.000And Marlon Brando, like, if that would annoy the shit out of me now, if someone had an Indian go up and accept an award, because it's tedious.
00:54:27.000But maybe back then, you know, the American Indian movement, they took over Alcatraz.
00:54:35.000You were saying that in the 50s, too, by the way.
00:54:37.000Yeah, so the 50s, and as far as racism goes, yes, you've got valid points at the wazoo when you're talking about the 50s and 60s, and my heart goes out to the impoverished people of color in the 50s and 60s.