This is not a confession. This is a story about a drunken night out in New York City and how I ended up in the train yards. Also, I don't know what I'm doing with my phone, but it's a good thing it's not an important one. Peace and love, G-Dog. -Tune in next Thursday for a new episode of the podcast on video, starting this Thursday! -G-Dog - Subscribe to our new podcast on YouTube! Subscribe and comment to stay up to date with what's going on in our lives and what we're talking about! G-dog - is a podcast that's going to be on video starting this week on Thursday, and it'll be still be free for audio, but I want people to start migrating over to freespeechtv.tv, where you can see us talking about all this crap! If you want more G- dog, you'll have to subscribe to Freespychttv.tv and start getting the audio version of the show on Thursdays! I'm giving out too much free shit! - Peace & Love, Peace and Love, - G- Dog - Timestamps: 4:00 - I'll be back next Thursday - 6:30 - I'm not doing these Monday shows anymore - 8:00 9:00- I'm going to start getting a new phone - 11:00s - 13:30 14:20 - I can't afford a taxi - 16:30- I'll just wait for an Uber - 17:30s 18:20s 19:40s - I need a car? 21:40 - I don t have a car - 22:20 23:00 s 24:00 Is it a good day? 25:00 Can you tell me what you want me to call me back? 26:40 27:15 29:00 What's your favorite thing? 35: What do you like about this week? 36: Is there anything you're looking for? 31: What would you like? 33:00 + 36:00 Do you think I'm a 6.3? 37:00 I'll give me a cup of crisps? 39:00 How do you think you're a 6? 38:00 / 39:30 + 40:00 36:10
Transcript
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00:00:24.000It's not, we're not having video of this.
00:00:26.000That starts this Thursday and this Thursday the podcast will be on video on freespeech.tv and it'll be still free for audio, but I'm not doing these Monday shows anymore.
00:00:38.000I want people to start migrating over to freespeech.tv.
00:01:20.000Although I'm not sure I can still afford to be drinking makers all the time.
00:01:23.000So, on Friday night I'm in the city, partying, and if you want to get back to the burbs, again this is not a confession,
00:01:30.000You got to leave crazy early if you want to get back by train because it's not just like it takes me about three trains to get to Grand Central or sorry two trains to get to Grand Central and then I have to make sure that coincides with the suburbs train.
00:01:43.000So the trains aren't running at a normal pace.
00:01:45.000So you have to give yourself like over half an hour to get from Grand Central to it.
00:01:50.000I mean from Midtown to Grand Central really.
00:02:23.000Alone, sitting at the bar, being ugly.
00:02:26.000We had a letter to the show, Get Off My Lawn, which is on every day, folks.
00:02:34.000And it was a woman and her friends rationally explaining that I'm a 6.3 at best, looks wise.
00:02:40.000So when you're a 6.3 in New York City, and women who are pretty horny in this town because they're running out of time and they're looking for a mate, it's like a bear right before hibernation.
00:02:52.000So they're trying to get some food in them before they go to sleep because they might starve to death.
00:02:56.000It's not good for women in New York City.
00:02:59.000It's an elephant's graveyard for ovaries.
00:03:01.000So when a disgusting old man, who I was wearing a shirt, by the way, that said jaw army with Rastafarian epaulets, sits down, they're just like, yeah, no thanks.
00:03:11.000I'll just talk to my friends and hope someone less ugly sits down.
00:03:15.000So I'm sitting there and I, I time it right.
00:03:17.000I get the 1220 and I'm looking at my phone and it's, it's a bit of a hike.
00:03:21.000I'm pretty far out in the burbs and uh, I wake up and I'm at the end of the line, the last station.
00:03:29.000So I jump out and I left my phone on the fucking train and I've had this new phone for about four or five days.
00:03:39.000I haven't even updated all my passwords on all my various apps.
00:03:45.000I get out and I think, well, I'll just wait for a taxi to take me home because I can't call an Uber, right?
00:04:06.000Would you like a... I took some whiskey out of my flask and then I was parched so I grabbed some crisps and threw them away because I knew they'd make me more parched.
00:05:38.000But we've all seen that video where that woman is trying to get that black kid who was riding his bike on the sidewalk, and she's like a short, fat Puerto Rican.
00:05:45.000Here in New York, they always get these Puerto Rican women to be cops, and their butts are just like fucking tables.
00:05:52.000They look like two chairs stuffed in their pants.
00:05:54.000And I find it attractive, sexually, but not authority.
00:05:59.000It doesn't make me feel safe to have some bowling pin with little booties on
00:06:05.000Run around say she's gonna protect me.
00:06:07.000Anyway, this one was Asian and She was just so fucking tiny like wasn't there a case there was a case recently Where a cop
00:07:14.000Well, you're still a pretty bad guy, dude.
00:07:16.000I don't care how many cops you shot, you're still going to jail.
00:07:22.000And I think she was acquitted because he was resisting arrest in an almost violent way, but the city's going to get sued to high hell.
00:07:29.000And I talked to another cop about this.
00:07:32.000And he said he used to work with a tiny woman as his partner, and it was hell, especially domestics, because she would just get all ornery.
00:07:43.000Now, a domestic is the most dangerous situation a cop can be in, because say I'm at a fight in a bar, and the cops show up, and the fight was about someone spilling my girl's drink.
00:07:53.000Do I really wanna go to the tombs for this?
00:07:59.000Won't happen again, or I'll just poop out the back.
00:08:01.000Um, but if it's a domestic and she's gonna charge you with domestic violence, you're never gonna see your kids again, you guys are getting divorced, your life's already over.
00:10:21.000To make sure everything runs smoothly.
00:10:23.000She's the boss and she has a gun that can kill people on her at the time.
00:10:27.000She's the top of the authority chain, really.
00:10:29.000I mean, I'm sure a judge is and the president is, but I don't come across judges and presidents.
00:10:33.000So as far as my day-to-day life, this figure has the most authority in my life.
00:10:38.000And I know how to knock people out, especially five foot two people who are frail little skinny women.
00:10:46.000And so it goes to your mind like, pop!
00:10:47.000I could just pop her in the chin and run away or take her gun or whatever.
00:10:51.000You can fight the law and have the law not win.
00:10:55.000So I was disturbed when that thought flashed through my head but then I thought what about someone who's a criminal and who's drunk or on crack or something or she's about to arrest him or she's she asked for his ID and he knows he has warrants out and if she checks his warrants he's going back to Rikers for another year and a half probably most of which will be solitary.
00:11:20.000It reminds me of this young woman who just died and I mean all due respect to the dead I'm sorry to bring this up, but she was killed in a domestic Just the other day.
00:11:31.000I can't look it up on my phone because my phone's lost but I looked at the pictures of her and She must be five feet tall Like what is she doing going to domestics in the first place?
00:13:54.000Not only do we have all this bullshit where some tiny little girl is next to you, in a super dangerous situation, having your back, but then we also have this culture where they say cops are hunting criminals and black people, and they're totally evil and racist, and they always react violently, and you're gonna get shot anyway.
00:14:11.000Actually, that woman who said, holy shit, I shot him, is a combination of the two problems.
00:14:16.000One is criminals and people of color, I'm sorry to say, assuming that the cops are out to kill them and totally overreacting and not complying and resisting.
00:14:29.000And then incompetent female cops who can't handle the adrenaline rush and shit their pants.
00:14:34.000And that makes it even more dangerous.
00:14:40.000So anyway, I take my taxi home, disappointed in the G, and the next day I do find my iPhone, and it shows it's at the end of the line.
00:14:52.000And I don't know, I think sometimes your brain can't handle the truth, so your brain hands you a bone, and it says, you know what's gonna happen, dude?
00:15:01.000You're gonna go up to that train station, and there's gonna be a sweet old man with a little train conductor hat, like in a children's book, and there'll be lots of oak.
00:16:24.000So that's not happening but it's so frustrating to see on your computer at the Dunkin Donuts that it's right 50 feet from me and I just can't have it and I gotta go through all this paperwork and you can imagine how long I'd be on hold waiting to talk to someone.
00:16:44.000So I think maybe I can case the joint.
00:16:49.000So I start walking around the circumference of the yards and I notice that there's this sort of stone wall and tons of weed and prickly bushes and stuff but there doesn't seem to be a fence there.
00:17:03.000Hey guys at the yards you may want to just walk around the total perimeter of your establishment and make sure there's not beautiful stone steps.
00:18:19.000Remember that band who everyone suffocated from the fire?
00:18:22.000So I start looking at all the seats in each car and there's beer there and I see a newspaper and I pick up the newspaper and it says Friday.
00:18:42.000So then I do that entire train, which is about 20 cars, and as I'm walking down the length of the train, I see the train next to me has its doors open, like the doors you get in are open on this side.
00:18:54.000So after I'm done the train, I go, well, I could crawl in between these two dirty cars, get even filthier, then crawl up between those, and then I could crawl into the big open door.
00:19:05.000So after I check train A, I go to train B and check it.
00:19:08.000And my heart's kind of pounding, too, because this is a felony.
00:19:12.000And I'm sort of going, whoo, adrenaline control.
00:19:30.000Now it hasn't occurred to me at this point that when I, uh, when find your phone says it's at the yards, it means that's the last time we pinged it before it ran out of batteries.
00:20:50.000But it's like we smuggled all this hash from Indonesia once and we made $3,000 and then we were living large and I had been broke for a long time.
00:21:18.000I think the authorities have deals with the drug dealers where they say, if you can get me a $16,000 bust, like a big amount of heroin, I'll let a bunch of shit go.
00:21:29.000So I look good to the politicians cause I'm busting major shit.
00:21:33.000And that means I'll let a bunch of little stuff go.
00:21:36.000So they seduce these dummies and say, um, get them with two, three thousanders.
00:21:45.000And then they hit them with the 16,000.
00:22:47.000But then still, just like locked up abroad.
00:22:50.000Cause they'll say in locked up abroad, they go, well, I knew it was, we were past the point of no return and they just dropped me off at the airport and I just put my fucking giant gym bag on the conveyor.
00:23:00.000And you're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:23:27.000And my dad tells me he would do this to himself too sometimes.
00:23:30.000He would put himself in really shitty situations just to see what his brain would come up with.
00:23:35.000It was like his brain was a separate entity.
00:23:37.000And one time he was doing a... He would design military equipment for the American military.
00:23:43.000Like optic systems for helicopters, whatever.
00:23:46.000So he's working on one of those projects and they had what they do is they bid low and then like Trump you keep charging more and more and more for over delays and extra work and all you change this we got to charge you more and you end up getting three times the price.
00:24:00.000So he's doing one of those hustles and he gets there and he goes I don't have a reason why we're charging more and why there's a delay.
00:24:07.000But let's see what my brain comes up with.
00:24:10.000So, probably goes out drinking the night before, shows up at this military base, and he says, now, I know you'll be wondering why it is we've had to increase costs and man hours on this particular project.
00:24:25.000And they go, yeah, we were wondering that, Jim.
00:25:48.000And he just stares at me and I stare at him.
00:25:50.000And it was like, you know, when you see an animal sometimes in the forest, like a deer, and he's so confused that you just stare at each other because you're both so shocked that another species exists on the same planet.
00:26:02.000And he's looking at you going, wow, a fucking human.
00:26:05.000And you're going, wow, a fucking deer.
00:26:07.000And, uh, so he's staring at me going, wow, a lunatic.
00:26:10.000A homeless weirdo has snuck into the yards, is he gonna kill me?
00:26:14.000So, the only good news here is I've had a haircut recently, so I don't look that homeless, right?
00:28:39.000Nine hours sleep and I go I had just fit again my brain saved the day and he goes I just finished a 20 hour shift and I guess I was a lot more tired than I thought.
00:28:49.000And he just laughs, and then we both laugh at how absurd the situation is, and it is absurd because it's a lie, and I go, and he goes, well you're rested now!
00:28:59.000And I go, yep, ready to take on the day!
00:29:01.000And then we both laugh at what a crazy situation it is being blue collar guys who have to work crazy shifts and occasionally fall asleep on the train, and they're not upper middle class morons who get so drunk they lose their phone trying to save a hundred bucks.
00:32:45.000And you just keep that in your wallet for emergencies.
00:32:48.000Also, older dudes, I think we've forgotten that when you used to call it a wood, it was actually pretty accurate.
00:32:56.000Now I would call it a slightly frozen jujube.
00:33:00.000A gummy bear that was left in the snow for maybe 20 minutes.
00:33:06.000From wood to cardboard, a Bluetooth story.
00:33:11.000It's the better, cheaper, faster choice, and we thank them for sponsoring the podcast.
00:33:16.000It's great if you're married and stuff and you want to make sure that everything goes great, that one time you get a babysitter during the week.
00:33:21.000But I would think it's even more important for young men who are out there looking for Mrs. Right.
00:35:22.000Hey, Gavin, in the 2005 Vice Guide to Picking Up Chicks, wow, that was a long ass time ago, you suggested beating off to a girl you're into because it sends magical wank vibes into the cosmos.
00:35:33.000I stole that tip, by the way, from Derek Beckles.
00:35:39.000Since your team no wanks now, I'm against beating off to porn, which the left hates, by the way.
00:36:38.000As you may have seen in my hit film how to be a man there's always shitty tits where you pretend that her breasts are just grotesque and you feel much more comfortable going out up to her because she's obviously lonely because she can't hold down a relationship because of those disgusting wart laden tits with hairy nipples and no meat in them.
00:36:56.000You actually feel good about yourself because you're talking to a freak.
00:37:01.000And you're like, I'm a sweet person to treat this woman like a human being and not a circus sideshow.
00:37:10.000Also, the accidentally putting it in the butt, that's what Mattress Girl was all about, by the way.
00:37:14.000That's why she ruined that guy's life.
00:37:17.000Because he said, she said he put it in the butt and he wasn't supposed to.
00:37:22.000And after she said, whoa, wrong hole, he kept going.
00:37:26.000Meanwhile, he has texts of her saying to him, I want you to fuck me in the ass.
00:37:31.000So not the strongest case in the world, which is why the MIPD told her to fuck off.
00:37:35.000And she decided, oh well, I'll just ruin his life via social media.
00:37:38.000Then I don't have to worry about the police.
00:37:40.000And when asked why she didn't go to the police, she didn't tell the truth, which is the police told me I better watch it or I'm going to be in big trouble for lying.
00:37:47.000She said, there's no perfect victims and the police made me feel uncomfortable.
00:37:52.000Meanwhile, Mindy Kaling had a sitcom where the guy, what's his name, Ben Novak Jr., who was one of the producers of The Office, his character did exactly that and it was a super funny jokey episode.
00:38:13.000The BJ Novak character put it in her butt and he says it was an accident and she doubts it was and the rest of the episode she's walking like with her butt away from him in a comical way.
00:38:24.000So it's amazing how we can keep moving the goalposts with these particular things depending what the latest social media trend is.
00:38:33.000Hey Gab, so I recently met this chick.
00:38:35.000She is 8.5 in my opinion, and everything is going great.
00:38:38.000But we are in California, and of course she's on the woke wagon.
00:38:42.000She's also bisexual, and looks like she's very proud of her queer identity.
00:38:46.000But I don't mind, as long as we are enjoying hot sex together.
00:38:49.000Anyway, I consider myself a liberal, just I'm not okay with all this crazy progressive nonsense, but I've been avoiding politics as much as I can.
00:38:56.000I don't know, though, for how much longer we can do this.
00:39:00.000I know your wife is a liberal, so maybe you have some tips for me?
00:39:04.000I like your new pink Fred Perry sweater, and your new website is gorgeous!
00:39:20.000I remember there was this enforcer who worked for my friend Robbie Dillon up in Montreal when he was a loan shark and he was Russian.
00:39:27.000I think he's in jail now, or prison, sorry, for a double homicide.
00:39:30.000but he told me this long story once where he said the way that you find the woman the way you caught the woman is you say everything is okay no problem so when she comes she say oh we get dinner you say yeah that's great and then she doesn't show up or she's maybe one hour late you say no problem okay whatever said hey i'm gonna go all my friends tonight i'm sorry i said we said we'd see movie but we can't see it tonight you go okay whatever babe see you later call give me a call when you can
00:39:57.000Um, and you just keep making everything A-OK, right?
00:40:02.000And if she'd like to have sex, if yes, if not, then that's cool, man.
00:40:06.000And you keep going and you keep going with this.
00:40:18.000I'm not going to do it in the studio, but he goes, then you turn around and you fuck her in the ass for all the bullshit she put you through.
00:41:26.000In fact, in Charles Murray's book, The Curmudgeon's Guide to Getting Ahead, he talks about things that are much more important like punctuality.
00:41:50.000I think, if you think that something happened, it's up to the preponderance of evidence to decide if it happened.
00:41:56.000For example, at my kid's baseball game on Saturday, there was this coach, and he was being a dick, and our team was losing, and after one of our main guys struck out, he's a beast, and a total animal, and we kind of rely on him for a lot of our hitting, and he struck out, and for maybe three seconds, he held the bat against his forehead, like, are you a dummy?
00:42:28.000And then later one of the kids took too long to get to the plate.
00:42:32.000I think he was reluctant because it was basis loaded and we were down one and he knew there was a lot of pressure on him and he wasn't into it.
00:42:37.000These kids are 10 and he goes, let's move.
00:42:54.000And bunting isn't as easy as everyone says it is.
00:42:56.000So it ricochets off the bat and hits his chest, and he just collapses to the ground and starts wailing.
00:43:01.000And I'm not crying loudly, but he was being a pussy about it.
00:43:04.000So the coach runs over, and they're sitting there, and they're, are you okay?
00:43:08.000And then he's with them, and at one point, they're holding his arm and lifting it up and down like you would if someone had a car accident.
00:43:15.000Like, what the fuck are we doing here?
00:43:15.000Are you checking if his arm is broken from a pitch that was probably 40 miles an hour?
00:43:21.000And so our coach sort of mumbles to another one of our coaches, oh, I thought we were in a hurry here.
00:43:27.000And the coach goes ballistic, and he's like, I'm trying to deal with my boy here that's messed up, and you're screaming at him to hurry up!
00:43:34.000I never seen any shit like that before in my life!
00:43:37.000And then at the end of the game, we ended up winning, by the way, 7-6, they come out to shake hands, and instead of shaking his hand, the mean coach grabbed our coach and goes, I never seen shit like that before in my life!
00:43:59.000And the other couples, the other moms were like, oh, you didn't record it when he was screaming at our kid after he was hurt.
00:44:06.000And then the other moms were like, that's not how it went down.
00:44:09.000Now, I just told you how it went down, right?
00:44:12.000I guarantee if you talk to any of those parents, their version of the story is that their coach was just being normal, and then when one of their kids got hit, we all started yelling at him and saying, move it, move it, stop being a pussy!
00:44:24.000And that's the truth that will go in their history books.
00:44:30.000And that's going down in my history books.
00:44:33.000You know, I was talking to Sarah Silverman recently about this and I was, we hadn't spoken in a long time and she's like, are you still like this and like that?
00:44:39.000I'm like, yeah, but that's, she's like, we're living in a terrible time in America and, you know, abortion rights.
00:44:44.000I go, most, almost half women are pro-life.
00:44:58.000So if someone hates Trump or doesn't want smaller government or thinks cops are murderers, or doesn't give a shit about the working class and wants open borders and all that, it's not that they have a different opinion than you.
00:46:41.000On one journalist calling him a motherfucker and stuff and I think it was the guy who has buttholes for eyes Was threatening to knock him the fuck out Excuse my language, but that's what was going down.
00:46:53.000You could have that all could have been money for you What if you bet it's I don't know if you can bet on coaches losing their temper, but it's amazing what you can bet on
00:47:02.000You can bet on fighting, NBA, March Madness, NFL, NHL, NCAA football, and all other major sports, politics, reality TV, esports, virtually everything.
00:47:11.000I think you can bet on when celebrities are gonna die.
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00:47:18.000BetDSI also has the fastest payouts in the industry.
00:48:04.000And new people you never heard of, like the CEO of Parlay, who's going up to take down Twitter and create a replacement for Twitter.
00:48:12.000Or some old cop who's on his way to jail because he planted cameras in a Hasidic Jew's office and caught him getting pegged by a prostitute and tried to blackmail him.
00:48:21.000Actually, we lost that guy because by the time I set up the interview, he was already in prison.
00:48:58.000So yeah, go to freespeech.tv and sign up.
00:49:00.000And not only will you get the free podcast on Thursday that you always get, but you get a vidcast of it and you can call in and see what videos we're talking about and stuff.