On this episode of Thick & Thin, the boys talk about a man who almost died in a car crash, a woman who almost got married in France, and a guy who almost broke his collarbone in a cartwheel in a children's hospital.
Transcript
Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. You can also explore and interact with the transcripts here.
00:00:33.000My wife knew I was going to propose to her because on the way to the Eiffel Tower, I was playing air drums to this music, and I go, I was frantic.
00:01:56.000And we have a lot of history in Paris, especially at that location.
00:02:00.000A couple years before we were there visiting, we have friends there, niggers in Paris.
00:02:06.000And I said, I bet you can't do a cartwheel over that bench.
00:02:10.000Like, run up to the bench, do a cartwheel where you put your ass, put your hands there, and then land on the other side of the bench, like, you know, going with it, not over the back, but parallel to it.
00:03:41.000So then I'm under the impression that my shoulder is just out of socket because I can feel there's something very painful and something's not right.
00:03:50.000So I grab a doorknob and I go one, two, three in the emergency room and yank it.
00:03:57.000And what I thought I would be doing is like popping my shoulder back into its spot.
00:04:01.000But all I was doing was taking the broken collarbone and going beam, bomp, beam, bomp, doing nothing.
00:04:56.000Like the way a criminal would brag about a bank heist.
00:05:00.000And I'll never forget that because I remember thinking, I wasn't really that conservative at the time or even political, but 9-11 had just happened and I was starting to not like the left and their tolerance.
00:05:12.000And I remember thinking, like, so instead of him, like, you'd imagine the normal reaction would be like, here, America's kind of a sinking ship, dude.
00:13:43.000I will say, I like to bust your chops, but it does look kind of cool to have us a high-rise, it's not aesthetically cool, but as far as funness goes, to have all of those kids all hang out in the same park.
00:16:27.000So you're sitting there, because when you take a girl home and there's that first kiss, no matter how well things are going, it's always awkward to sort of go, ha ha ha ha.
00:16:37.000Yeah, well, that's what they were doing then.
00:16:39.000I mean, that's a lot of people were doing it back then.
00:16:41.000And you change the energy kissing energy.
00:19:17.000No, it was just like kind of, it just, I'm sure that was there, like the, she saw it coming, and then you walk a little more, and then you kind of just forget it, and then you're off topic, and then you catch up.
00:19:30.000By the time that you're in the walk, like the, you kind of forget that it's like a setup.
00:19:37.000So whatever you're talking about, like the Mets comes to a close, there's a one beat, two beat, and then you stop walking.
00:20:14.000And, you know, also, and then just kind of some other information that, like, you know, because we wanted an ideal wedding, you know, like a nice, you know, ceremony and everything like that.
00:20:27.000But, you know, it's hard to pull that together during the COVID times.
00:20:31.000Well, also, even when places are open, they're double booked.
00:21:17.000And you only invite, like, well, you know, my rule with weddings is, would it be weird if I were to call you and say, hey, man, I'm going to be in your neighborhood.
00:23:50.000I had high expectations for, you know, not that I've always been like, oh, I can't wait to get married sort of thing, like some sort of fucking Disney thing.
00:24:01.000But I like that there's traditionalism to it, you know, and, you know, off to a kind of unorthodox start.
00:29:09.000Hey, anti-Semites, isn't it weird there's plenty of like Beth Israel in New York City and all these Israel Jewish hospitals, but there's no Muslim hospitals?
00:29:53.000The greatest changes occurred in the limbic system concentrating in the amygdala and in the frontal and temporal lobes.
00:30:00.000A neurologist who saw the results postulated that the data indicated circumcision affected most intensely the portions of the victim's brain associated with reasoning, perception, and emotions.
00:30:10.000Follow-up tests on the infant one day, one week, and one month after the surgery indicated that the child's brain never returned to its baseline configuration.
00:30:19.000In other words, the evidence generated by this research indicated that the brain of the circumcised infant was permanently changed by the surgery.
00:34:34.000It's these ugly, stupid, boring dykes.
00:34:37.000And people have shown who he was having the call with, and they're all hideous monster, bulldyked, lesbian pieces of human shit.
00:34:46.000And you know they were talking about Trump and racism and other things that are irrelevant today.
00:34:53.000And so because he was bored, on silent, he put on Red Tube or Uporn or something and was just like randomly, that's fake, randomly looking at shit that just to amuse himself,
00:39:55.000No, with that kind of girl, you want something to go wrong, like you want cross eyes or a gap in her teeth or something, or maybe even missing an arm to give it some spice.
00:40:03.000See, those are all things we can manage.
00:42:19.000What's great about all these podcasts and these video shows now is vidcasts is if you've got a shitty task, like the dishes or repairing a cupboard door or something like that, you put this on and it's no problem.
00:42:34.000I could have like, you ever have a bear go through your garbage if you live in the country?
00:42:37.000It's the worst job ever because they spread the garbage around and you can't shovel it up.
00:42:41.000So you have to pick up each individual piece of garbage and put it back in a bag.
00:42:45.000It takes like an hour and a half, especially when your kids have diapers everywhere.
00:45:55.000He was in his shitty, disgusting apartment in Jersey where his side table was an broken air conditioner and he had a line of heroin, line of Coke, line of heroin.
00:51:00.000Well, actually, the writing for Animal House was a compilation of Harold Ramos and everyone got together and they amalgamated their craziest college stories with the craziest stories they've ever heard.
00:51:13.000So what you're seeing in Animal House is like 20 people telling the craziest stories of 20 years.
00:54:00.000So their emotions are very easy to hone in on.
00:54:06.000And then they've got these giant eyes.
00:54:08.000So it helps you practice like looking at eyes and corresponding with eyes.
00:54:12.000So bronies are severely autistic guys who have trouble speaking to human beings, trying to be normal and trying to fix their mental illness.
00:54:28.000And like insane clown posse is another thing people shit on where it's just the children of single moms trying to build a sense of community.
00:54:36.000Usually if rich white liberals are shitting on something or Howard Stern is, it's usually worth having a second look at.
00:54:44.000Anyway, that brings us to this video where the guy says perpetual adolescence.
00:54:48.000And you see this woman who's obviously a big fan of puppies, cartoon puppies, I guess.
00:54:55.000And she's ordered a furry helmet and she's freaking out about it.
00:57:00.000Suddenly, this little girl I had come to know as Emily, or whatever, got really interested in video games and roughhousing with the boy.
00:57:11.000So I guess he has a son, and the parents would bring their daughter over to play with their son.
00:57:18.000It took me about two weeks to really study the behavior and find out from the parents that Emily was more of a prepubescent Jeff with silky long hair and exclusively pink slash purple clothing.
00:57:31.000Long story short, I had a conversation with the parents and little Jeff only to find out that little Jeff was afraid to be a boy around his parents because they were so proud.
00:57:45.000So I, of course, called child services, which caused the parents to flee the state.
00:57:50.000I'm happy to announce that little Jeff has a new loving home and is looking forward to playing basketball on the correct team next year, where he will inevitably get ran the fuck over like tiny kids do.
00:58:13.000Taking away a kid from the parents, but if the parents are like doing that Munchausen syndrome by proxy or showing off their kid or making him be cosplaying as a kid.
00:58:22.000Munchhausen syndrome is when you make a kid sick and you claim that you're hurt by proxy.
01:04:29.000I don't think either one of you give each other enough shit in certain situations when it's entirely necessary to do so.
01:04:36.000For example, Ryan is a stupid little pygmy with Down syndrome who didn't know what out of wedlock meant and also dressed exactly like Patrick Swayze in Roadhouse for his shitty mullet reveal and then feigned absolute shock when the first comparison was made and said he'd never seen the movie.
01:06:03.000Ryan, this is when you should step in and call him out on these thinly veiled borderline jokes and get him back for all the times he has bitched you out on live television like a black woman at Burger King.
01:06:14.000Just remember that he is in denial and his impervious boomer caveman brain will force him to pretend that you can't hurt his feelings.
01:06:21.000Also, don't forget that he is an alcoholic loser who sets a terrible example for his children by pissing himself to sleep in a leather chair every night.
01:06:39.000Gavin, I won't be surprised if you never read this on the show because I think you're actually an extremely insecure and sensitive little bitch, which is why you're constantly picking on Ryan.
01:06:48.000And despite the fact that he is a fatherless half-chink retard, he takes criticism way better than you ever could.
01:06:55.000And you probably don't give him credit for that either.
01:06:56.000I just don't have anything to say back.
01:06:58.000That's really, I have nothing else to do but absorb it.
01:08:07.000The dicks thing I'm not taking as a criticism.
01:08:10.000Like, closeted fag is something you say about men when you're everyone when you're in your teens, because you're petrified that you're going to be gay.
01:08:19.000So you're like, that's probably a fag.
01:09:06.000Being blind in one eye is like being gay.
01:09:08.000So when my ex-friend said, I hope your kids become gay so you can see what it's like and it'll erase your prejudice, fuck you for saying I care about gays.
01:09:18.000And secondly, fuck you for saying my kids should be blind in one eye.