Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - Get Off My Lawn Podcast #118

00:00:00.000 I, um, just put a manpon in the garbage of the studio here, so don't go in there.

00:00:06.000 I used a manpon because I was using the lavatory, and, uh, I had to do Patrick Coffin's show.

00:00:12.000 He's a Catholic.

00:00:14.000 Uh, I think he was... Ooh!

00:00:20.000 That's an emergency.

00:00:22.000 John Mulaney had a good bit about sirens on SNL.

00:00:24.000 Did you see it?

00:00:25.000 No.

00:00:25.000 He's like, they're so mean now.

00:00:27.000 They're eh, ah, eh.

00:00:28.000 He goes, they used to sound like an old Jewish cat dying.

00:00:38.000 Old Jewish cat dying.

00:00:39.000 This is funny, my wife goes, Patrick Mulaney made it to SNL?

00:00:42.000 I go, he's a superstar.

00:00:45.000 John Mulaney's hilarious, yeah.

00:00:46.000 But he's one of the big, he wrote for Seinfeld, he's had his own show.

00:00:49.000 I think he was doing that Nick Kroll old people thing at Madison Square Garden or, I don't know, Radio City Music Hall or some big place.

00:00:58.000 Yeah, Too Much Tuna or something.

00:01:01.000 Anyway,

00:01:04.000 When I had an ad agency, I did that once, and I had my man pond, and the co-founder that started it, he had to blow his nose, and there was no tissues around, so he rifled through the office garbage, and he discovered that, and he blew his nose in it, and then he saw the little brown square.

00:01:28.000 That it's inevitably there.

00:01:29.000 And you know what's great about him is he's got a really bad gag reflex.

00:01:36.000 Like I could make him barf all the time.

00:01:38.000 We'd go on business trips and I'd just start thinking of stuff.

00:01:41.000 And like one time he felt kind of sick and he goes, oh, I think I'm going to throw up.

00:01:46.000 I don't feel too good.

00:01:46.000 And I go, your dad and my dad are naked.

00:01:51.000 and they it's a hot day out and they've rubbed butter all over their butts and they're rubbing their butts together covered in melted butter and there's flies everywhere and he just goes oh my god that's disgusting

00:02:09.000 There's few things that make you laugh harder than making your friend barf.

00:02:12.000 It's just such an accomplishment, you know?

00:02:14.000 Or making anyone barf.

00:02:15.000 Say you're at a party.

00:02:16.000 This doesn't really happen as an adult, but when you're, you know, in your 20s and someone is like, they're too drunk, and then you go up to them and you say something like, just imagine having a third trimester abortion now, but you're a man and they do it out of your asshole.

00:02:34.000 And then you're like, yay!

00:02:36.000 I did it!

00:02:37.000 I was thinking, I was writing down actually the times I've laughed hardest in my life and it wasn't actually when my buddy used my manpon.

00:02:45.000 By the way, manpon is when you fold up tissue and you put it in between your butt cheeks.

00:02:53.000 It's usually what professional men in New York do in July because they're wearing suits and we get what roadies call swamp ass.

00:03:02.000 And I've seen a man on 52nd Street duck into a little alcove and remove it, and there it was, a perfect square with a little round, it's almost like you're wearing brown lipstick, and you just, you did that to sort of take off the excess lipstick.

00:03:16.000 It's like a little love note, you write your number on it.

00:03:19.000 Little love note from your ass to New York.

00:03:22.000 You have like a refurbished asshole, like you sent your body in for repair, because you had a broken asshole, and they just gave you like a used one, and they sent it back.

00:03:29.000 Yeah, this is no good.

00:03:29.000 Yeah.

00:03:31.000 But I was writing down the hardest I've ever laughed in my life, and I was remembering Ryan McGinley was this photographer that I discovered, by the way.

00:03:43.000 Ryan, I discovered you.

00:03:45.000 But he didn't include that in his book for some reason.

00:03:48.000 I guess because I'm a pariah now.

00:03:50.000 But I'm trying to find it here.

00:03:56.000 Oh yeah, so I found it.

00:03:58.000 So he came out, we're at a party, and he came out and he went, hey guys, what's going on?

00:04:04.000 And he had cum all over his face.

00:04:07.000 Now, he's a gay man, so I assumed he was in there performing fellatio, and his partner had ejaculated on him, and instead of wiping it off, he came out and just started hanging out with people.

00:04:18.000 Now, I found out later that's not what happened.

00:04:19.000 It was hand soap, but when I first thought it was the first thing, it was a laugh.

00:04:25.000 It was like a high school laugh.

00:04:28.000 You know those laughs?

00:04:29.000 As an old man now, you know, we're calloused.

00:04:32.000 Our funny bones are calloused, so we'll laugh.

00:04:35.000 My son will say something really cute, and I'll go,

00:04:38.000 But like the dying laugh where you're grabbing at air and pushing it into your mouth because you're going to suffocate and you're actually worried.

00:04:46.000 You know those laughs?

00:04:47.000 I can barely remember them.

00:04:49.000 But I remember those laughs where you go, this is becoming a concern.

00:04:53.000 I'm laughing too hard.

00:04:54.000 Like we used to do this thing in high school where we'd burn each other and the way you burn someone is you just show your eyes and you stare at them and you're somewhere far away.

00:05:04.000 So you could be just sort of peering out, you know, like that.

00:05:08.000 Kilroy was here graffiti where it's just eyes poking out from something and you can't see the rest of the face.

00:05:13.000 So you'd maybe go horizontal by the edge of a doorway.

00:05:17.000 So you're bending your neck, right?

00:05:18.000 And it's just your eyes peering around the corner and you stare at this guy.

00:05:22.000 He could be eating a sandwich.

00:05:23.000 It could take you 10 minutes.

00:05:25.000 for him to sort of look around the room and then he sees you staring at him sideways like that with just your eyes and it's called being burned and you'd always laugh your head off and one time I was walking down the street after school leaving school and a school bus drove by and Eric DeGraw was there and just peering just his eyes out of the window

00:05:44.000 So I just, for some reason, luckily, I was looking at the school bus and I see person sitting, facing forward, person sitting, facing forward, person sitting, facing forward, person sitting, facing forward, Eric's eyes burning me, person sitting, facing forward, person sitting, and I was dead.

00:06:01.000 Like a sniper shot my knees out.

00:06:03.000 I collapsed to the ground.

00:06:05.000 He's gone meanwhile.

00:06:06.000 The school bus is gone, but it was like it was almost like that Muslim dude, the Beltway Sniper, who's never called a Muslim, by the way.

00:06:12.000 It's always like some crazy guy.

00:06:14.000 He was a Muslim.

00:06:16.000 It's almost like the Beltway Sniper drove by and just went...

00:06:20.000 Just shot my knees out and that was the laughing I did when Ryan fake had jizz on his face.

00:06:28.000 Holy shit did I laugh.

00:06:29.000 I remember sitting on a couch and I was catapulted out of the couch like flying out of the couch dropped to my knees screaming laughing.

00:06:39.000 No one else thought it was that funny which I don't understand.

00:06:43.000 And so that's two of the hardest times I ever laughed in my life.

00:06:46.000 The third was Chin, we called him.

00:06:49.000 His name was Christian.

00:06:51.000 And everyone called him Chin in Texas.

00:06:53.000 And he kept messing with our buddy Stockbauer and shoving him.

00:06:56.000 Stockbauer was, all Texans are kind of effeminate.

00:06:59.000 They've got this gregarious way of talking, guy.

00:07:02.000 And they sort of, their arms are always gesticulating.

00:07:04.000 And people in the North think they're gay.

00:07:07.000 Well, this guy has that Southern thing, but it's 10 times crazier.

00:07:10.000 So he's almost like Paul Lin or Liberace, but Texan.

00:07:15.000 And whenever he would come to New York, they'd go, who's your gay friend?

00:07:17.000 And he'd go, guy, I'm not gay.

00:07:19.000 It just feels good.

00:07:21.000 All his quotes are amazing.

00:07:22.000 Yes.

00:07:23.000 I used to follow him around with a notepad and he caught me once and he goes, that's it.

00:07:27.000 Write it down, boys.

00:07:29.000 I'm the Oscar gone wild of our generation.

00:07:33.000 When I first met him, I was with a junkie named Jesse, and Jesse is probably high on heroin at the time, and he said, hey man, do you like to go low or do you like to get up?

00:07:47.000 Do you like uppers or downers?

00:07:48.000 And Jesse goes, I'm kind of into going down.

00:07:52.000 And he goes, not me, I like to get higher than a Georgia pine!

00:07:57.000 Birds are boring, dude.

00:07:59.000 Wait, what did he say?

00:08:00.000 What was the birds are boring?

00:08:01.000 Oh, yeah.

00:08:02.000 What was that?

00:08:04.000 We were at a outdoor cafe in Austin in the 90s during South by Southwest and we saw these two parakeets and they looked out of their element, obviously, and people were saying, what are those doing there?

00:08:14.000 And he goes, God damn it.

00:08:15.000 Birds are boring.

00:08:16.000 Look at me.

00:08:17.000 Is that the same place we ate?

00:08:19.000 Yes.

00:08:20.000 Oh, that's awesome.

00:08:21.000 Yeah.

00:08:22.000 Felt historic.

00:08:24.000 That junkie guy was fucking funny, man.

00:08:26.000 I remember one time I was at Doc Holliday's and he showed up with two large coffees.

00:08:33.000 Because heroin makes you low-key, right?

00:08:35.000 Tired.

00:08:37.000 And you don't want people to know you're on heroin.

00:08:39.000 But you're also super lazy, so you come up with these terrible scams.

00:08:43.000 Where I'm just gonna, and I said, Jesse, I know you're trying to be a normal person, but normal people drink a coffee at a time.

00:08:50.000 No one orders two larges.

00:08:52.000 That's, you're just gonna have explosive diarrhea, which probably would be good, because junkies get constipated.

00:08:58.000 Did you know that when I went into that Tommy Robinson trial in London, everyone was on his side, but there was a few protesters who were sort of secretly there, including some terrorist Muslim guy

00:09:09.000 Who I had to tell the police about.

00:09:10.000 A guy who was friends with the terrorist who drove over the London Bridge.

00:09:15.000 Whoa.

00:09:15.000 And he stuck around after and was debating people and stuff.

00:09:19.000 And I said to the cops, I know you're watching everyone here, let's give a disproportionate amount of attention to this guy with the giant beard staring at us.

00:09:26.000 And I showed him an article about the actual guy.

00:09:29.000 He's a well-known jihadist over there.

00:09:31.000 Anyway, someone threw shit at us.

00:09:34.000 And I think I've told this story before, the poo was as big as a professional NFL football.

00:09:42.000 It was shaped more like a tooth, but it was as big as a football and it hit the ground with a thud.

00:09:49.000 And this woman sort of, she had one of those stupid,

00:09:54.000 Aluminum coffee mugs that people carry around I don't know why and she used that to sort of break it in two and Push it over to the side.

00:10:02.000 Yeah, it was one of the most disgusting things I've ever seen in my life But uh

00:10:11.000 Yes.

00:10:13.000 I'm going to repeat a story here because we were talking about repeating stories and someone actually requested a story in the scrotum today, in the mailbag.

00:10:20.000 He said, can you tell that story again?

00:10:22.000 But the story I was going to tell now was with Jesse.

00:10:22.000 And I will tell that story again.

00:10:25.000 He said, hey, man, come on over.

00:10:28.000 This guy, people don't understand.

00:10:29.000 Heroin does kill you and everything.

00:10:31.000 It also makes you the most annoying, shitty weirdo ever.

00:10:36.000 I remember one time, his girlfriend at the time, they couldn't get their computer to work, and he's like, maybe you have, this is back in the early 2000s, so this was a thing, font conflict.

00:10:48.000 Maybe you have a font conflict.

00:10:51.000 See if you can get rid of some fonts.

00:10:53.000 As he's talking to her about this, and they're both in slow motion trying to solve it, he has his thumb lodged 100% up his ass.

00:11:02.000 That's just what you do when you're a junkie.

00:11:04.000 And you know what else junkies do?

00:11:06.000 They suck each other's dicks.

00:11:08.000 Straight guys will suck each other's flaccid penises.

00:11:12.000 It's just like you become an animal.

00:11:15.000 You become like a weird, gross chimp.

00:11:19.000 And you have no feelings.

00:11:21.000 He broke up with this one girl.

00:11:23.000 He just sat with her on the couch and he had his legs draped over her.

00:11:27.000 And he just goes, yeah, it's not working out.

00:11:29.000 We're breaking up.

00:11:30.000 And so she's sitting there bawling her eyes out and he's just staring at her like you would an animal in the zoo.

00:11:37.000 Just feeling nothing.

00:11:38.000 Anyway, he invites us all over for breakfast.

00:11:42.000 So we get there.

00:11:43.000 I'm already annoyed.

00:11:44.000 What is this?

00:11:45.000 A breakfast party?

00:11:46.000 And there's about ten of us over at the time and it's like one o'clock and he doesn't have anything to eat but like some frozen waffles.

00:11:57.000 Okay, thanks.

00:11:59.000 Jesse, this is a really fun idea for a new kind of party.

00:12:02.000 A breakfast party with no food.

00:12:04.000 And the only coffee he had was from this tiny Hello Kitty coffee maker that makes one tiny little coffee at a time.

00:12:13.000 Sort of like the coffee makers you get in your hotel, where it does one cup.

00:12:17.000 So now I'm pissed.

00:12:18.000 I'm like, dude, what is this?

00:12:19.000 And he's like, oh, hey, man, we gotta get butter.

00:12:24.000 I was going to call you.

00:12:26.000 And as he's saying this, he's trying to fix this Hello Kitty thing.

00:12:30.000 He doesn't understand how it works.

00:12:31.000 So he's moving the Hello Kitty mug, like the little chamber that gets the coffee.

00:12:36.000 He's moving it right and left and right and left.

00:12:38.000 Like eventually the coffee maker is going to learn what he's trying to do and fix itself.

00:12:43.000 So now I'm really pissed off.

00:12:46.000 And then he says to his girlfriend, you gotta go get butter.

00:12:50.000 We don't have any butter.

00:12:51.000 And I'm just like, you know, besides the part where they all die, junkies really are the worst fucking people alive.

00:12:59.000 The worst.

00:13:00.000 So then she goes, okay.

00:13:02.000 They're both talking like they're underwater.

00:13:04.000 She goes to leave and she comes back and she puts on her sunglasses.

00:13:11.000 And then he goes, Katie!

00:13:12.000 Katie!

00:13:15.000 And she turns around, and he says, the gayest thing that has ever been said by anyone around me before or since, it's, if I started my own SPLC, I would have hate maps for sentences, people who had said something this bad.

00:13:34.000 You ready for this?

00:13:35.000 Yes.

00:13:35.000 He says in his junkie voice, still messing with the Hello Kitty coffee filter, he goes, I like your new sunglasses!

00:13:47.000 I woke up the next morning like a zombie out of bed, like the killer in the movie Halloween when Jamie Lee Curtis is on the phone and then the killer, who you think is dead, suddenly gets up, just without using his arms, just sits up.

00:14:01.000 That next morning I was like, I like your new sunglasses!

00:14:06.000 God, it lobotomizes you.

00:14:09.000 Anyway, sorry.

00:14:10.000 So Chin was bugging Stockbauer, and Stockbauer got some pink house paint, and as Chin was talking to someone else, he poured it on top of his head.

00:14:22.000 And before Chin realized what was happening, because it was like room temperature, right?

00:14:28.000 He had a good, I'm going to say two shots, like if you get a shot at a bar, two shots of pink paint.

00:14:35.000 And then we did the best thing ever.

00:14:38.000 We said, dude, dude, dude, if you get it wet right now and you wash it just with cold water, it'll come out.

00:14:44.000 Now that's obviously a lie.

00:14:47.000 It's oil, this paint.

00:14:49.000 It's house paint.

00:14:50.000 So the only way you can get it out is with more oil.

00:14:53.000 So if anyone pours house paint on your head, you gotta go get some olive oil from the kitchen, mix that in, get as much as you can out with the olive oil, and then wash it with soap and that'll take the olive oil and the paint off.

00:15:05.000 The worst thing you could do

00:15:07.000 We're good.

00:15:25.000 Like he's a rug rat or something.

00:15:28.000 And I was fucking laughing.

00:15:31.000 Harder than the Ryan laugh, harder than the Eric laugh.

00:15:35.000 And I have it on video somewhere.

00:15:38.000 Stockbauer has it.

00:15:39.000 I think it's on some Vice South by Southwest thing.

00:15:42.000 If you're really ambitious, you could maybe dig it up.

00:15:46.000 Stockbauer, Vice, South by Southwest, Austin.

00:15:50.000 It was a pink party.

00:15:52.000 That was the theme of the party, which is why he had pink paint.

00:15:55.000 But I'll never laugh like that again.

00:15:57.000 It was a laugh.

00:15:59.000 It was almost like a roller coaster, you know, where it just keeps going and going and it's just so intense and it seems like there's limitless energy.

00:16:08.000 This would be back in like 2000 or maybe even the 90s.

00:16:11.000 So you're not going to see it in a new noisy post.

00:16:16.000 Um, so that was funny.

00:16:20.000 When, uh, when Ryan and I were in Texas, we visited Stock Bauer and we became obsessed with the doctor.

00:16:26.000 Have we already talked about this?

00:16:28.000 I don't think so.

00:16:29.000 The doctor from My 600-lb Life.

00:16:33.000 Um, because he has his way of talking.

00:16:35.000 Excuse me.

00:16:36.000 Excuse me?

00:16:38.000 What are you doing?

00:16:39.000 What are you doing to me?

00:16:40.000 You put on, she lose, she lose 60 pounds.

00:16:45.000 You're not being honest with me.

00:16:46.000 You gain, you get the gastric bypass, you put on 7 pounds.

00:16:51.000 You're not eating right.

00:16:53.000 It's very simple.

00:16:54.000 And they're always so cunty to him.

00:16:56.000 This guy's trying to save their life.

00:16:58.000 And every single fat person on that show has a terrible attitude.

00:17:03.000 Everyone's done them wrong.

00:17:05.000 This hotel, the beds are too high up.

00:17:07.000 I can't get on them.

00:17:08.000 You're hurting me.

00:17:09.000 It's too hot.

00:17:10.000 They forgot my fries.

00:17:12.000 I wonder how you became such a useless fat pig.

00:17:16.000 Maybe it's because you have a useless fat attitude.

00:17:20.000 So anyway, we just became that doctor for hours at a time and the whole flight, the whole flight and just walking around, it became like, what if that doctor was just really annoying and the way fat people see him is the way he is?

00:17:35.000 How y'all doing?

00:17:36.000 How y'all doing?

00:17:39.000 What is he?

00:17:40.000 Dr. Noswarden?

00:17:42.000 What kind of nationality is that?

00:17:43.000 This is Dr. Now for short.

00:17:46.000 So we were like, excuse me.

00:17:49.000 Excuse me.

00:17:50.000 Who is she?

00:17:50.000 I did it when we went to Disneyland too.

00:17:52.000 It was driving my family insane.

00:17:53.000 Really?

00:17:53.000 Oh, that's funny.

00:17:54.000 Because I go, excuse me.

00:17:55.000 Excuse me.

00:17:56.000 What are you doing?

00:17:57.000 What?

00:17:58.000 I'm here.

00:17:58.000 I work at the store at the hotel.

00:18:00.000 Excuse me.

00:18:01.000 Are all these things expensive?

00:18:03.000 How much is this?

00:18:06.000 And I noticed people get real annoyed.

00:18:09.000 Like I would go to the Hard Rock Hotel and go to the front and go, excuse me, excuse me, these guitars on the wall, do they all work?

00:18:18.000 Uh, yes, I assume they work.

00:18:20.000 Okay.

00:18:21.000 You're allowed to take them down.

00:18:23.000 This one is really Prince, really play this one.

00:18:27.000 Who is this?

00:18:29.000 Excuse me.

00:18:30.000 He says, excuse me.

00:18:30.000 Who is this?

00:18:31.000 Excuse me.

00:18:33.000 He's playing Candy Crush.

00:18:35.000 Yes?

00:18:36.000 He missed the whole top row.

00:18:38.000 Blueberries.

00:18:39.000 He could have got that.

00:18:43.000 Excuse me.

00:18:43.000 Can you buckle your seatbelt?

00:18:44.000 We're about to take off.

00:18:45.000 Excuse me.

00:18:46.000 Yes.

00:18:47.000 Excuse me.

00:18:47.000 Yes.

00:18:48.000 Oh, and it's great on a plane, too, because there's that button where you can call the flight attendant.

00:18:52.000 I once gotten shit from a flight attendant for pressing that button to ask for booze.

00:18:55.000 And I was like, no offense, but the button itself is a picture of you handing me a drink.

00:19:04.000 Yeah.

00:19:05.000 It's like a drink with a hand.

00:19:06.000 That's what is the icon on the button.

00:19:08.000 How come I don't get a game?

00:19:10.000 I can't play the game?

00:19:11.000 Excuse me.

00:19:12.000 Well, that's on her phone, sir.

00:19:13.000 Excuse me.

00:19:14.000 Excuse me.

00:19:15.000 You'd be amazed, you'd be amazed how fun it is to do that guy.

00:19:20.000 Like I stopped because my wife was in tears and my kids were in a really bad mood, but now I'm looking for that video by the way.

00:19:29.000 It's just so soothing.

00:19:32.000 I can't explain it.

00:19:34.000 Why is that?

00:19:35.000 Because he's simple.

00:19:36.000 Because he gets away with so much.

00:19:38.000 He can do anything.

00:19:39.000 Like a simple person?

00:19:42.000 Excuse me.

00:19:42.000 He does anything he wants.

00:19:46.000 Anyway.

00:19:47.000 That's almost like the... You were doing a lot of voices down there.

00:19:50.000 The Chinese guy?

00:19:51.000 The Uber driver?

00:19:53.000 Like, oh, the guy last night, he very drunk, so he leaned back all the way, but nice guy, and you're like, yeah, nice guy, nice guy.

00:20:00.000 That video was exclusively on my Patreon.

00:20:02.000 It's not offensive to do someone's accent back to them, as long as they never notice.

00:20:08.000 And clearly, if their English is that shitty, they won't notice.

00:20:11.000 Now, my wife always ruins it by going, oh, he's joking.

00:20:14.000 I'm sorry about him.

00:20:15.000 And I go, you just, the tree fell in the woods.

00:20:18.000 It wasn't making a sound.

00:20:20.000 But now you made it a thing.

00:20:23.000 And now he knows I was making fun of him.

00:20:25.000 Now I'm embarrassed.

00:20:27.000 What were you doing, lady?

00:20:29.000 You did kind of break the character, though, because he passed the turn.

00:20:31.000 He's like, no, no, it's over the left.

00:20:33.000 Yeah, but they don't get those subtleties.

00:20:35.000 Imagine you being able to differentiate what kind of Mandarin someone was doing.

00:20:43.000 Yeah, I suppose.

00:20:44.000 I suppose.

00:20:46.000 I had a funny idea for a series of documentaries.

00:20:49.000 I think I might do it.

00:20:50.000 I'm ruining the surprise here, but think of it as you guys getting an inside scoop on future art projects.

00:20:56.000 That's the beauty of being a member of this mug club, as Crowder would put it.

00:21:01.000 You're on the Get Off My Lawn Club, so you hear about projects before they happen.

00:21:04.000 I also want to get it out there because I'm scared it will be stolen.

00:21:08.000 Okay, here's my idea.

00:21:11.000 Three documentaries, they're all basically the same joke,

00:21:14.000 But you take something like, well, 600 pound life for example.

00:21:18.000 We've already talked about this.

00:21:19.000 This is happening.

00:21:20.000 I'm going to duplicate 600 pound life and I'm just going to make it me.

00:21:27.000 I think I'm up to 180 pounds now.

00:21:28.000 So it'll be my 180 pound life.

00:21:32.000 And I'll have Ryan wash me and stuff in the bathroom.

00:21:35.000 And I'll be eating like fried chicken off of my giant t-shirt.

00:21:38.000 And people will be helping me get out of bed.

00:21:40.000 Unfortunately, I won't be able to play the doctor.

00:21:42.000 Excuse me, why are you weighing, you weigh 180.

00:21:47.000 You start this, you are now weighing 180.

00:21:49.000 Now you weigh 180, you weigh 175.

00:21:52.000 That's your best impression.

00:21:54.000 Really?

00:21:54.000 Yeah.

00:21:55.000 That sounds just like the guy.

00:21:57.000 Why are you lying to me?

00:21:59.000 What's the matter?

00:21:59.000 What are you doing?

00:22:00.000 Excuse me.

00:22:01.000 Excuse me.

00:22:02.000 I think it's so soothing because he doesn't use any of his mouth muscles.

00:22:09.000 No, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:22:09.000 You think of like Jim Carrey, who has to use 110% of his face to talk.

00:22:15.000 Yeah.

00:22:15.000 This soothing guy, he doesn't move nothing.

00:22:17.000 He barely, he doesn't even move his mouth.

00:22:20.000 It's the opposite of all righty then.

00:22:22.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:22:28.000 That's him yelling.

00:22:29.000 Let's get him talking.

00:22:35.000 I've never seen him mad before.

00:22:36.000 Yeah, that's actually... That's not a good one.

00:22:40.000 You do your part.

00:22:41.000 Excuse me.

00:22:42.000 What are you doing?

00:22:43.000 Why are you lying to me?

00:22:44.000 This conversation is not over.

00:22:46.000 But maybe it will help if we get you more mobile.

00:22:49.000 Yes.

00:22:50.000 But maybe perhaps... So let's look at your tie and see...

00:22:55.000 Oh, God.

00:22:57.000 That's bad.

00:22:58.000 Your leg is actually looking pretty good.

00:23:01.000 Yeah, right.

00:23:03.000 Your leg is actually looking pretty good.

00:23:05.000 You know what he sounds exactly like?

00:23:07.000 What's her name from Mad TV?

00:23:09.000 Miss Swan?

00:23:10.000 Miss Swan, yeah.

00:23:12.000 He's in Disciple.

00:23:14.000 I would love to see a Gore Vidal versus, what's his name, William Buckley.

00:23:20.000 A Gore Vidal versus William Buckley debate, but it's the doctor from 600 Pound Life and Miss Swan.

00:23:27.000 And she's like, excuse me, why you do that?

00:23:30.000 What are you doing?

00:23:31.000 Why are you doing that to me?

00:23:32.000 Who's this?

00:23:33.000 Who's this?

00:23:34.000 Why'd you say that?

00:23:36.000 Ms.

00:23:36.000 Swan is at the candy store.

00:23:37.000 This is back when you could be racist and funny.

00:23:51.000 What did you lose?

00:23:52.000 Uh, uh, candy!

00:23:54.000 A little bit.

00:23:55.000 Yeah.

00:23:55.000 Here's a little sample.

00:24:13.000 No, they're not that similar actually.

00:24:25.000 She sounds exactly like my daughter when she was a baby.

00:24:28.000 All babies are Chinese.

00:24:29.000 When she used to call Cookie Monster, Queena.

00:24:33.000 And one time she's leaving my room, and she left Cookie Monster on the bed, and she goes, oh, Queena!

00:24:39.000 And runs back and grabs him.

00:24:41.000 You had to be there.

00:24:43.000 So yeah, I wanna recreate an episode of my 600 pound life, call it my 180 pound life, and steal the script, everything.

00:24:50.000 There's no joke here.

00:24:51.000 Just make it 100% exactly the same.

00:24:55.000 Yeah.

00:24:57.000 And there was one episode where she was so fat, she had to be hosed down,

00:25:02.000 Oh, that's the party.

00:25:03.000 Yeah.

00:25:04.000 I'm just battling the flash player.

00:25:10.000 And she had to go out back and get washed down with a hose the way you would wash a farm animal.

00:25:17.000 And they had all these tarps on the back porch.

00:25:21.000 Oh, Lord.

00:25:27.000 So that'll be funny.

00:25:28.000 And that's, you know what?

00:25:30.000 That's a level of humor that is kind of, we're getting into performance art.

00:25:34.000 That's what I really resent, by the way, about this October 12th thing, where Proud Boys got in a fight after they were ambushed by Antifa.

00:25:42.000 That night was performance art.

00:25:46.000 It was comedy and art combined.

00:25:48.000 It was kind of like old New York, like Joe Coleman when he would blow himself up with fireworks and eat the head off a mouse or a rat.

00:25:56.000 It was good old New York fun.

00:25:59.000 And the way they turned that into like a night of hate.

00:26:03.000 Even the fake news, by the way, going on about that night.

00:26:06.000 They're saying, Proud Boys plead guilty to violence.

00:26:10.000 Okay, here's the truth.

00:26:12.000 And this shows you how fake the news is, especially when it involves anything remotely pro-Trump.

00:26:19.000 There was 10 Proud Boys arrested for nothing.

00:26:22.000 That night there was the fight.

00:26:24.000 Antifa told the cops to F you pig.

00:26:26.000 In other words, there's no victim.

00:26:28.000 So everyone went home.

00:26:29.000 Then the DNC decided they could politicize this and de Blasio called when the attorney general said, throw the book at them.

00:26:35.000 So then they went back, rounded up 10 of them and gave them a huge range of charges.

00:26:41.000 The worst three being Doug, Max, and John are facing, uh,

00:26:46.000 John's facing a year in prison for weird charges like attempted assault and felony riot and weird shit like that.

00:26:54.000 John's facing a year in prison.

00:26:56.000 Max is facing six months in prison.

00:26:59.000 Doug was facing three years probation.

00:27:02.000 Doug and John are married to black women with black kids.

00:27:06.000 They're now unemployed because they're members of a white supremacist organization, according to the Southern Poverty Law Center, which I'm suing.

00:27:12.000 So go to DefendGavin.com.

00:27:16.000 But out of the ten, some of the charges were pretty mundane.

00:27:19.000 And there was two guys, Eric and Jake, who did take a plea deal to save a bunch of lawyers fees because the pleas were five days community service.

00:27:30.000 So, would you like to continue paying a lawyer $500 an hour to defend yourself?

00:27:36.000 Or will you just pick up garbage for two hours a day?

00:27:39.000 Five days in a row.

00:27:41.000 I'm not even in a row.

00:27:42.000 Oh fine, I'll pick up fucking garbage.

00:27:44.000 So those two guys were Eric and Jake.

00:27:45.000 Jake isn't even a proud boy.

00:27:46.000 He was a guy who was helping out this dude Gavin Wax at the Manhattan Republican Club.

00:27:51.000 By the way, Gavin and Jake, earlier in the night, caught a mob of Antifa beating the living shit out of this citizen journalist and stealing his equipment.

00:28:00.000 And they were arrested for that.

00:28:02.000 Not Jake and Gavin, but the Antifa dudes.

00:28:06.000 And that was like, they conflate that with the later fight and say, only Antifa were arrested at the fight.

00:28:11.000 No, no, no, no.

00:28:12.000 That was a mob attacking a journalist and they got caught.

00:28:15.000 Then later on, Antifa circled the block, ambushed these Proud Boys who were on their way home, threw a bottle, a glass bottle, stop saying plastic, a glass bottle of piss at them, started punching them, started kicking them when they were down.

00:28:32.000 Then the Proud Boys got up, this is all in the video, and beat the living tar out of them.

00:28:37.000 Now, some say that Max started the fight by charging them.

00:28:42.000 No, he, after they threw the piss bottle, he ran at the first guy, grabbed him.

00:28:45.000 For some reason, every time they show this footage, they zoom in on this, and it looks like he's punching him in the head.

00:28:50.000 He's pulling his mask off.

00:28:52.000 He put his arms around his neck and pulled his mask off, which I think is a cool thing to do.

00:28:57.000 And also, isn't there sort of a, there should be a different

00:29:03.000 What's the word?

00:29:04.000 Consideration for this particular ambush.

00:29:07.000 This isn't seeing five Antifa, or however many it was, stand in front of you right now on 42nd Street on the way back to the trains.

00:29:17.000 This is after a week of threats, vandalism towards the building, screaming fascist, throwing piss at everyone who came in and out of the venue, beating up that citizen journalist, leaving notes that say this is only the beginning, we are not civil.

00:29:31.000 So it's not your average ambush.

00:29:33.000 And I know it's so hard for the left or anyone who's not part of this to squeeze it in their brain.

00:29:39.000 And what I say to those people is, pretend they're gay.

00:29:43.000 Pretend me, a big time homosexual speaker, was doing a talk at the Manhattan Gay Club.

00:29:51.000 And the woman who answers the phones was harassed.

00:29:54.000 They called her a cunt.

00:29:55.000 They said they're going to rape her and kill her for harboring a homo.

00:29:58.000 And then the homo boys showed up to watch the talk, and after days and days of terror, these homophobes show up, throw a bottle of pee at the gays, start beating up, start pounding the gays, the gays finally stand up for themselves and beat the guys up.

00:30:13.000 And they're all facing, one of them is facing a year in prison?

00:30:17.000 I mean, those gays, people would have t-shirts of those gays if that was the scenario, but no.

00:30:22.000 They're conservatives in New York, so they must be Nazis, and de Blasio and Cuomo,

00:30:27.000 Go to Proud Boy Magazine and look at the 10 times New York politicians have used Proud Boys to help their own careers.

00:30:33.000 It's amazing.

00:30:35.000 Cuomo asking other politicians if they're Proud Boys.

00:30:38.000 Anyway, so Jake, non-Proud Boy, and Eric took a plea because it was a good deal.

00:30:43.000 The rest just said, fuck no.

00:30:45.000 I'm not spending a year in prison for defending myself.

00:30:48.000 We have video footage of them starting the fight.

00:30:51.000 The police press conference said they were starting the fight.

00:30:54.000 Anyhow, I don't know where I got all into that.

00:30:57.000 I wanted to clear that up.

00:30:59.000 So that's one documentary, My 600-lb Life.

00:31:02.000 And then I saw Free Solo last night.

00:31:04.000 It was on Nat Geo, with no commercials.

00:31:09.000 The whole movie is about this guy who's really brave, and he can climb up mountains with no equipment.

00:31:16.000 He's severely autistic.

00:31:19.000 He has Asperger's.

00:31:21.000 So he's not really brave, per se.

00:31:25.000 He doesn't have feelings.

00:31:28.000 So he doesn't have fear.

00:31:30.000 And the other good thing about being autistic is you're very methodical.

00:31:33.000 So he climbed the mountain a bunch of times with ropes.

00:31:36.000 So he knew every single step and made sure he could do it and practiced and practiced and practiced and wrote diaries about certain steps.

00:31:45.000 And then he did it free solo.

00:31:48.000 Free solo climbing is when you just climb with absolutely nothing, but a little weird cup on your belt that has powder on it.

00:31:54.000 Cause I guess you gotta make sure your hands are never greasy.

00:31:58.000 Excuse me.

00:31:59.000 I got a letter by the way about clearing my throat and how gross it is.

00:32:03.000 So I box regularly.

00:32:06.000 I suck shit at it.

00:32:08.000 And when I spar, the guy I'm sparring with is usually a professional and he takes it super easy on me.

00:32:15.000 I might get punched twice or three times in the head.

00:32:19.000 Only one of those punchers will sort of rattle my cage because he's very careful.

00:32:22.000 I get to punch as hard as I want.

00:32:23.000 By the way, you know who's a total badass fighter and is a really scary guy to spar with?

00:32:30.000 I'll pay you a million dollars if you can guess.

00:32:32.000 Scary guy to spar with?

00:32:34.000 Looks like you.

00:32:35.000 Famous musician.

00:32:37.000 Oh, I don't know.

00:32:38.000 Steve Aoki.

00:32:39.000 Close.

00:32:40.000 James Iha.

00:32:41.000 Oh, I don't know who that is.

00:32:42.000 From the Smashing Pumpkins.

00:32:43.000 Really?

00:32:44.000 The Asian guy with the blonde hair.

00:32:46.000 He boxes regularly.

00:32:47.000 He doesn't even hit the heavy bag or skip rope.

00:32:51.000 He goes right into the ring and starts fighting.

00:32:52.000 Huh.

00:32:55.000 He's a really good boxer with great cardio.

00:32:58.000 He can last 12 rounds, no problem.

00:33:01.000 He'll kick the shit out of you and your entire family.

00:33:03.000 He's a really good guy, James Iha.

00:33:05.000 And I like his solo stuff.

00:33:06.000 You should check out his solo record.

00:33:09.000 That's a fun little tidbit.

00:33:10.000 Anyway, I thought it'd be funny to do a documentary about me and my boxing career and film it exactly like Free Solo.

00:33:20.000 So it has like my wife talking about how dangerous it is, because half the movie is his friends saying they worry about him, they have nightmares about him, and they're worried he's not going to come home.

00:33:30.000 Because there is maybe a one in billion chance I could get seriously hurt boxing.

00:33:35.000 So we just show me working out, and we just talk about the dangers of boxing.

00:33:40.000 They show footage of boxers who have died over the years.

00:33:43.000 There's probably been like five in the history of humanity, and those guys were all in real fights.

00:33:47.000 And the funny thing about that idea, that documentary, is it would piss people off.

00:33:52.000 Because they'd think, this fucking rich douche is just paying people to make his stupid boxing hobby look dangerous.

00:34:01.000 I fucking hate this guy.

00:34:03.000 I think a good joke, 20% of people don't get it and think it's serious.

00:34:09.000 Like I've met people who want to beat up Miles McInnes.

00:34:13.000 I used to write for Vice as Christy Bradknox because I tried to get female writers and it was a chore.

00:34:19.000 Sorry ladies, you're hard to find.

00:34:21.000 I got Amy Kellner, very talented lady.

00:34:23.000 Leslie Arfin, very talented writer.

00:34:26.000 That was about it.

00:34:28.000 So I just thought, I know how to get our numbers of chicks and minorities up.

00:34:32.000 I'll just be them.

00:34:33.000 So I was a black guy.

00:34:34.000 I was a bunch of chicks.

00:34:35.000 I was Christy Bradnox, which was a girl I had a crush on in fourth grade.

00:34:40.000 And I told my friend Robbie Dylan that.

00:34:42.000 And he goes, oh fuck, I wanted to fuck her.

00:34:44.000 It's like, you still can, but he's not going to like it.

00:34:51.000 So that's idea number two.

00:34:52.000 And then my third idea I've also had for a long time now.

00:34:55.000 It's sort of the same thing.

00:34:58.000 And it's... I can do a Jimi Hendrix imitation that's like a C-minus.

00:35:04.000 So it's like for all along the Watchtower.

00:35:06.000 It's... Zoom-vroom-vroom-vroom-vicka-picka-poof!

00:35:09.000 Zoom-vroom-vroom-vroom-vicka-picka-pew!

00:35:11.000 Zoom-vroom-vroom-vroom-vicka-picka-pew!

00:35:13.000 Zoom-vroom-vroom-vroom-vicka-picka-pew!

00:35:15.000 Pew-pew-pew-pew-pew!

00:35:16.000 Pew-pew-pew-pew-pew!

00:35:19.000 No need to get excited!

00:35:21.000 Outta here!

00:35:24.000 Hey!

00:35:25.000 Hey!

00:35:26.000 Hey!

00:35:28.000 So, um, we do that, but we do it in a super serious tone, like it's this incredible gift.

00:35:35.000 60 Minutes will once in a while, every five years or so, they'll have some idiot savant, and they'll have some kid who's autistic and he can't speak or look anyone in the eyes and he has to be spoon-fed his food, but he can play concerto music.

00:35:49.000 And you can play him any music, any classical music, you just play it for him once and then he sits at the piano and recreates it verbatim perfectly.

00:35:57.000 An average man with an unordinary gift.

00:36:01.000 We sit now with Gavin McInnes.

00:36:03.000 In New York City lives a mild-mannered media pundit named Gavin McInnes with an extraordinary gift.

00:36:10.000 And we just talk about how incredible my gift is.

00:36:13.000 I talk about how YouTube will demonetize it if I do it in a video because they think it's Jimi Hendrix.

00:36:20.000 And I actually, I can't do it on 60 minutes or it might be problematic on 60 minutes because you'll get, you know, a copyright strike because they'll think, Warner Brothers will think it's them.

00:36:32.000 Oh, and then we could do, here's where it gets tricky.

00:36:34.000 We'll go to the city and we'll have a recording of that and we'll tell people to listen to it and then say, that's not Jimi Hendrix.

00:36:42.000 Now, here's a question to you, Ryan.

00:36:45.000 Do we continue with the bit when we interview people on the street?

00:36:49.000 Or do we let them be themselves and say, that doesn't sound, that sounds like a guy making Jimi Hendrix sounds with his mouth.

00:36:56.000 That, you know what?

00:36:57.000 I think that's, that you save that for the last.

00:37:00.000 Like you build it all up, like even his friends are like, yeah, I've known him for years.

00:37:04.000 I didn't know he could do that.

00:37:05.000 I mean, he never mentioned it or anything like that.

00:37:07.000 And then one day he just started doing it.

00:37:10.000 We turned around, we said, turn the radio off, there's no radios on the construction site.

00:37:13.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can't break the joke down that early, that's weird.

00:37:18.000 So at the end, maybe you have people being like, I don't, is this a guy doing this?

00:37:22.000 I think, no, you gotta commit.

00:37:24.000 It's like someone farting in a porno.

00:37:26.000 It pulls you out of it.

00:37:27.000 I think everyone on the street has to be blown away and they have to be, no mate, that has to be, that was Jimi Hendrix.

00:37:33.000 No, it wasn't.

00:37:34.000 It was someone doing it with their mouth.

00:37:35.000 You're kidding.

00:37:36.000 Yeah.

00:37:36.000 And then have like fam, fake family members of mine saying it's just a gift he's always had.

00:37:41.000 I can't explain it.

00:37:44.000 Um, so those are my three ideas for documentaries I want to do about myself in, um, got to say it does not sound funny to me right now after listing it like that.

00:37:53.000 Well, if people have imagination.

00:37:54.000 Imagination!

00:37:55.000 Then they're gonna see when it comes true.

00:37:58.000 It's actually a pretty funny bit.

00:38:00.000 What was that Sopranos joke about the guy from... Oh, Prodigy.

00:38:05.000 The guy from Prodigy died.

00:38:07.000 So it's a picture of Paulie with his hand up.

00:38:10.000 He's like, T, I'm just saying, he's not gonna be starting no fires no more.

00:38:14.000 Oh, starting fires anytime soon, dude.

00:38:16.000 Yeah.

00:38:17.000 You ruined the joke.

00:38:18.000 Fuck, shit.

00:38:19.000 It's a meme.

00:38:20.000 You know, this is, we haven't had anything to drink during this podcast.

00:38:24.000 That might be the issue.

00:38:25.000 In a while too.

00:38:26.000 Yeah.

00:38:26.000 I don't have, I can't afford whiskey at the moment.

00:38:29.000 Really?

00:38:30.000 Yeah.

00:38:31.000 Like physically.

00:38:33.000 Can't afford to, uh, have, uh, not solid shits.

00:38:37.000 Oh, you have the money.

00:38:38.000 You just physically, you've, you've been on a bender.

00:38:41.000 Yeah.

00:38:41.000 It's been, it's been, you know, beers and drinking and champagne and stuff.

00:38:45.000 I got destroyed last night, but it's because my wife wanted to drink, and that happens about once every two and a half weeks.

00:38:52.000 And the answer is yes.

00:38:54.000 At all times.

00:38:55.000 It's like, it's like Jimmy wants to jam.

00:38:58.000 Hey!

00:38:59.000 Hey!

00:39:00.000 Hey man, hey Gavin man.

00:39:02.000 I want to play some guitar with you if you're interested.

00:39:06.000 Oh God, that was terrible.

00:39:07.000 If I say no to drinking then I'm gonna be a bummer.

00:39:10.000 I'm gonna want to harsh your game.

00:39:12.000 Yeah, not necessarily.

00:39:13.000 Hey.

00:39:14.000 Hey, hey, hey!

00:39:17.000 Um, alright.

00:39:18.000 I wanted this to be the super funny episode.

00:39:20.000 I started out with a man-pawn joke, and I discussed the times I've laughed hardest in my entire life.

00:39:27.000 I came up with three hilarious

00:39:31.000 Documentaries and everything I think has just fallen flat.

00:39:35.000 There's been no humor here.

00:39:36.000 I don't know why.

00:39:37.000 Maybe it's because all those letters were so mean to you that they killed the vibe in the room.

00:39:43.000 No.

00:39:44.000 They killed your mojo.

00:39:45.000 I just don't want to laugh anymore because I sound like a retard.

00:39:48.000 Someone's gonna hurt you.

00:39:49.000 It's okay.

00:39:50.000 Well let's just jump to the scrotum then, shall we?

00:39:53.000 Yeah.

00:39:54.000 I got some scrotums too.

00:39:56.000 Uh, okay folks.

00:39:57.000 Wait a minute.

00:39:59.000 I've got stuff in my mail bag since we've been talking.

00:40:03.000 Huh.

00:40:03.000 Isn't that fun?

00:40:04.000 That is fun.

00:40:04.000 It's fresh.

00:40:06.000 Um, all right.

00:40:07.000 Brand new, fresh off the presses, mail bag.

00:40:11.000 Hey Gavin, I've been following you since my formative years, probably why I'm malformed.

00:40:15.000 Funny one, Jason.

00:40:17.000 This is Jason.

00:40:18.000 Here's some more proof that trans people are mentally ill gays.

00:40:21.000 And it's an article from the Daily Mirror that says, Married lesbian couple are now husband and wife after one became a man.

00:40:29.000 Keep the podcast coming.

00:40:32.000 That story is super old.

00:40:35.000 This is a thing that people do that drives me nuts.

00:40:38.000 They send you something from years ago.

00:40:41.000 First of all, how did you come across that?

00:40:45.000 Uh, I'm pretty sure I remember this story.

00:40:50.000 Oh, it says five hours ago.

00:40:52.000 I remember this couple.

00:40:55.000 My girlfriend became my husband.

00:40:57.000 This is what I don't get about the gays.

00:40:59.000 Aren't you a lesbian because you're attracted to women?

00:41:03.000 Yeah.

00:41:04.000 Like there's certain things I love about women.

00:41:06.000 And if my wife left me, I would still end up with a woman because I like boobs and butts and chicks, cheekbones, and all the things that make them women.

00:41:17.000 But remember that dude we used to have on the show?

00:41:19.000 We'll have him back.

00:41:19.000 The mechanic.

00:41:20.000 I talked about him on an earlier podcast.

00:41:22.000 So he's a chick.

00:41:23.000 He has a vagina.

00:41:25.000 And he's been taking hormones for so long, like since the 80s, that he just looks like your mechanic.

00:41:31.000 In fact, you're shocked when you, he's bald, like that ugly kind of bald, where it's just on the sides.

00:41:36.000 He's a great guy, but he has a vagina.

00:41:39.000 So we were talking about his sex life and his, his boyfriend?

00:41:43.000 Yeah.

00:41:45.000 Goes down on him.

00:41:47.000 So I'm interested in the boyfriend.

00:41:50.000 I get the lesbian.

00:41:51.000 She's just like, I hate everything that's feminine about me.

00:41:54.000 I want to be a dude.

00:41:54.000 So I'm gonna take these pills till I look like a little mechanic guy who's bald, a little hoser.

00:42:00.000 But the doodoo eats them out.

00:42:01.000 So you're attracted to short little ugly men.

00:42:04.000 No offense.

00:42:06.000 But you also like eating a sweet pussy once in a while.

00:42:10.000 How many guys are you going to find if you guys break up?

00:42:13.000 What does your Tinder say?

00:42:15.000 Looking for working class mechanic type of guy with a sweet little trim pussy.

00:42:20.000 Yeah, I don't... The only thing I like about a guy is everything but the penis.

00:42:26.000 Yeah.

00:42:26.000 You know, that's a really odd thing.

00:42:29.000 I like putting my dick in my husband's vagina.

00:42:35.000 Gays hate vaginas.

00:42:36.000 How many people do you think there are like that in America?

00:42:39.000 Not the ones that look like Justin Timberlake or whatever, what's his name there, the other guy, Justin Bieber.

00:42:46.000 You know how all those lesbians who become men, they all look like Justin Bieber and they have like low slung jeans and sideways baseball hats and you're like, you're a chick dressed up as a little boy.

00:42:56.000 But, but how many of them look like, you know, someone's dad and just have a vagina?

00:43:01.000 I'm going to wager.

00:43:03.000 Oh, I know another one.

00:43:04.000 One of the top guys who gets you handguns in New York City.

00:43:07.000 Uh, it's where Anthony got his permit from.

00:43:10.000 His name's John something.

00:43:11.000 He's the top go-to guy to get a handgun permit in Manhattan, which is next to impossible.

00:43:17.000 And he has a vagina.

00:43:18.000 Really?

00:43:19.000 Yep.

00:43:19.000 Wow.

00:43:20.000 In fact, he got caught with a scandal charge recently taking bribes and giving presents to people and he claims, no, I had to do that because

00:43:29.000 Of transphobia.

00:43:30.000 I had to give people gifts so they wouldn't hate me for being trans, but he does not look remotely like a woman.

00:43:36.000 Whoa.

00:43:36.000 He's another one of these, been doing it for decades.

00:43:38.000 So the thing I don't get about those kind of guys is who fucks them?

00:43:43.000 And how do you, what do you do after you break up?

00:43:48.000 Like there's, there's probably, I'm going to say 19 people in the world that look exactly like a dude, like your dad, and they have a vagina.

00:43:56.000 I'm going to say 19.

00:43:57.000 That's high.

00:44:00.000 No, it's not.

00:44:00.000 Out of 360 million?

00:44:03.000 I'm saying, how are you going to ever find someone if you guys break up?

00:44:05.000 Right.

00:44:06.000 All right, so I'm sorry about crapping on that guy.

00:44:09.000 It turns out it is a new story.

00:44:10.000 But I believe I recognize this couple from a previous story.

00:44:14.000 But anyway, you're very confusing, Gaze.

00:44:17.000 Very confusing.

00:44:19.000 All right, we ready to go to the mailbag?

00:44:20.000 Why don't you play your message while I find the appropriate letter.

00:44:25.000 Oh, sure.

00:44:25.000 So this is a follow up from last week.

00:44:28.000 I played a message from a, uh, a proper Londoner.

00:44:32.000 Do you know what I mean, mate?

00:44:33.000 Like.

00:44:34.000 I'm like a proper Londoner.

00:44:36.000 That accent, by the way, I'm told is called the Roadman.

00:44:39.000 The Roadman.

00:44:41.000 So, not gonna say his name, but here he is with a rebuttal.

00:44:46.000 Bro, how's Gavin gonna fucking roast me on the podcast and fucking make fun of my accent?

00:44:55.000 Firstly, I live in the States.

00:44:59.000 The estates or estates?

00:45:01.000 The estates, excuse me?

00:45:03.000 Excuse me, do you mean you live in the United States or you live in an estate, a housing estate in London?

00:45:09.000 Yeah.

00:45:15.000 He's a proper, what are you saying, he's a proper Londoner.

00:45:18.000 From Camden Town.

00:45:20.000 Camden Town's pretty fancy.

00:45:21.000 Why are you doing an affected roadman accent, pretending to be working class, when you're clearly upper class?

00:45:27.000 Well, I'm a proper proud boy.

00:45:29.000 He's a good guy.

00:45:30.000 He's just, uh, he's on your team.

00:45:31.000 He's Team Gavin.

00:45:32.000 Yeah, I know.

00:45:33.000 He was just saying, you know.

00:45:34.000 I know.

00:45:35.000 What do you mean?

00:45:36.000 People... He doesn't listen to your podcast hatefully, is what he wanted to clarify.

00:45:41.000 I don't care.

00:45:41.000 And I liked his point before.

00:45:44.000 See, this goes back to a bigger thing.

00:45:47.000 One thing I like about New York is the filth, and the garbage, and the rats.

00:45:51.000 Like, why does everything have to be, we're on the same team?

00:45:54.000 I'm against betrayal.

00:45:55.000 I'm a very loyal dude.

00:45:57.000 But as far as like, no man, you can't mock my accent, when I'm like, on the same team as you, bruv.

00:46:04.000 No.

00:46:06.000 Half the time you hang out with your friends, you're just insulting them the whole time.

00:46:08.000 Right?

00:46:10.000 Yeah, that qualifies friendship, yeah.

00:46:12.000 Alright, this is from Dermot.

00:46:15.000 The spink, Katsu Rivera.

00:46:17.000 I've never heard, what's a spink?

00:46:18.000 The spink, oh, spick and chink.

00:46:22.000 Oh.

00:46:22.000 Spink.

00:46:23.000 That's a good one.

00:46:25.000 But you're not a chink, you're a nip.

00:46:26.000 Yeah, I call myself Chinese all the time though.

00:46:29.000 You're a spip.

00:46:30.000 Thank you.

00:46:30.000 That doesn't really sound cool, does it?

00:46:32.000 No, spap.

00:46:33.000 Spap?

00:46:34.000 Spap sounds better.

00:46:36.000 Japregan.

00:46:37.000 Um, Japregan sounds... Anyway, the Spink, Katsu, Rivera... Actually, no, I like Spink.

00:46:41.000 You know why?

00:46:42.000 It's short and concise?

00:46:43.000 Because racial epithets aren't accurate.

00:46:44.000 Like in Britain, they call Indians Pakis, even though Pakistan and India are at war.

00:46:49.000 It's funnier that way.

00:46:50.000 It's funnier that way.

00:46:50.000 It's more authentic.

00:46:51.000 I call myself Chinese all the time.

00:46:52.000 It's way funnier.

00:46:53.000 I call myself Chah-nee.

00:46:55.000 Chah-nee.

00:46:56.000 One time my wife, she worked with this Chinese girl for years in PR, and then the girl found out that she was half Cambodian.

00:47:04.000 No!

00:47:06.000 Uh...

00:47:07.000 No, no, sorry, she thought she was Cambodian, and then she found out that she was genetically Chinese.

00:47:12.000 There's lots of Chinese people all over Southeast Asia.

00:47:14.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.

00:47:15.000 They tend to do pretty well, right?

00:47:16.000 They took over Singapore and installed air conditioners and got rich.

00:47:20.000 So she goes, holy shit, I thought I was Cambodian my whole life, I'm Chinese?

00:47:23.000 And she was kind of freaked out about it.

00:47:24.000 My wife goes, maybe that's why you like to go to Chinatown!

00:47:31.000 So that spanked Katsu Rivera should only speak as Jordan Peterson.

00:47:37.000 That's a great theory.

00:47:38.000 Let me unravel why that's a great theory.

00:47:41.000 I have my two fingers on my temple.

00:47:44.000 I'm always thinking with my furrowed brows like Magneto.

00:47:50.000 I'm moving metal.

00:47:52.000 Yeah, I think I've lost my impressions a little bit.

00:47:54.000 No, that was great!

00:47:55.000 Thank you.

00:47:55.000 Yeah, that was good.

00:47:56.000 I became him.

00:47:58.000 He's got a real sort of English accent in his Canadian accent a little bit.

00:48:01.000 Yeah.

00:48:02.000 I guess there is a lot of British in the Canadian accent.

00:48:05.000 Or Scottish, with the aboot and everything.

00:48:09.000 Someone was mad at me for defending Trudeau.

00:48:11.000 He said it's not about prostitutes, you dummy.

00:48:14.000 What happened was a company called SNC, this is from Siemens.

00:48:18.000 What happened was a company called SNC was caught in the biggest fraud case in Canadian history.

00:48:22.000 Trudeau tried to get his Attorney General to step in and force the prosecution to make a deal.

00:48:27.000 The AG looked into it, the prosecution said they were not making a deal.

00:48:30.000 Trudeau said the AG had to fix it because there was an election coming.

00:48:34.000 The AG said she could not do that just to get him elected so he fired her.

00:48:37.000 Whatever.

00:48:38.000 There's way juicier stuff with Trudeau.

00:48:40.000 Like the fucking mosque shooting that Faith Goldie looked into.

00:48:45.000 I believe, this is one of my more Alex Jones-y theories, that it was two people and one of them was Muslim.

00:48:52.000 There was the white kid and a Muslim kid and I remember when that, we're talking about the one in Quebec City in Quebec, I remember when that news was breaking they talked about two shooters.

00:49:03.000 And I believe one of them had an East Asian sounding name, Southeast Asian, whatever, Indian, East Indian.

00:49:11.000 And I believe Trudeau didn't like that narrative.

00:49:14.000 He preferred the Dylann Roof narrative.

00:49:15.000 So they just quietly erased the other shooter from the story and focused on the one white kid.

00:49:24.000 And they called him a Nazi because he had liked some Nigel Farage link or something, which means nothing.

00:49:30.000 It could mean you were saving the article so you could read it later.

00:49:35.000 He also was kind of an environmentalist who was worried about the world's water supply and stuff.

00:49:39.000 He's a fucking nut, clearly, if you're shooting up a place.

00:49:41.000 But that's a juicy story.

00:49:43.000 John Cardillo, he's a good one to look up on that because I think he agrees with me.

00:49:49.000 All right, so that was some juicy gossip.

00:49:53.000 This is from Philip.

00:49:55.000 He's sorry that I didn't have the practice to learn and creatively utilize musical instruments like the guitar.

00:50:00.000 This is how, this is the kind of people who are good at guitar.

00:50:02.000 Super fastidious nerds.

00:50:06.000 Like who talks like that?

00:50:07.000 I'm sorry that you didn't have the patience and discipline to learn and creatively utilize.

00:50:12.000 Creatively utilize?

00:50:14.000 Have you ever kissed a girl?

00:50:16.000 Uh, musical instruments, like the guitar, in your youth.

00:50:20.000 It sounds like you gave it a shot but didn't take it seriously.

00:50:23.000 Why are you writing me this?

00:50:26.000 I got one letter that goes, hey, enjoy your podcast.

00:50:28.000 Would you consider doing a podcast with Ben Shapiro?

00:50:32.000 Uh, yeah, sure, why?

00:50:34.000 What kind of question is that?

00:50:35.000 And then, okay, thanks, bye.

00:50:39.000 Oh my god, this is brutal.

00:50:41.000 I learned to play guitar and studied musical theory as well as a plethora of instruments as a teen.

00:50:46.000 I always thought I'd quote-unquote make it.

00:50:49.000 I've made some cash playing gigs all around the state of Maine, but nothing that set the world on fire.

00:50:54.000 Your sidekick, Ryan Ketsu Rivera, is a damn good guitarist.

00:50:57.000 Well, thank you!

00:50:58.000 And probably a multi-instrumentalist like myself.

00:51:00.000 Somewhat.

00:51:02.000 Before my time is up on Planet Clown World I would get I want to get a beer with you fellas and pick a little guitar with a Japsu Rivera He sounds like Ignatius J. Reilly from Confederacy of Dunces and what's all this that's that's almost as annoying as the I want to fight you the whole I'd love to get a beer with you who the fuck yeah for $5,000 who do you think you are?

00:51:28.000 Well, I'm gonna have a Cuban cigar with a listener slash talented person.

00:51:33.000 No, you're a moron.

00:51:34.000 Why?

00:51:34.000 It's a Cuban and he's cool.

00:51:36.000 What a total and utter waste of time.

00:51:38.000 And he's planning on making some portraits of you and I. I will meet someone for tons of money or if there's some sort of...

00:51:45.000 Business plan or a project we're gonna get together with but to just I would like to meet you for yeah I'd like to meet 10 million people for a beer every book I've ever read I'd love to grab a beer with the author you don't get that Millennials You don't just get to get a beer with people you like or fight someone that made you mad That's you're not fucking King you

00:52:06.000 Well, you know what I realized?

00:52:07.000 Having a cigar with a viewer or whatever, they're cool in their own right.

00:52:12.000 Like, not everybody that's cool happens to be famous.

00:52:14.000 You know, Anthony Kumi, if he was never a radio guy, he'd still be as funny as he is.

00:52:18.000 He just wouldn't have a career that proves it.

00:52:21.000 So I could, you know, you meet people that aren't in the public eye and they could be just as cool or cooler than both of us.

00:52:27.000 Who knows?

00:52:29.000 Oh, that was annoying.

00:52:32.000 Just your fellow man.

00:52:33.000 Thanks for your non-information there, dude.

00:52:35.000 You know, some celebrities are boring, and then some people who aren't famous aren't boring.

00:52:39.000 Yeah!

00:52:39.000 Wow, thanks for the wake-up call, Ryan.

00:52:41.000 I had no idea.

00:52:42.000 All right, this is from Dean.

00:52:43.000 I got a bunch of these boy-in-my-arms-tires jokes.

00:52:45.000 Me too, that's what I have.

00:52:46.000 They all suck.

00:52:48.000 I have good ones.

00:52:49.000 I just got back from shit canning a bunch of obsequious yes-men.

00:52:53.000 Boy are those smarms fired.

00:52:55.000 First of all, it has to be flew back, not I just got back.

00:52:59.000 Secondly, smarmy is an adjective.

00:53:01.000 You can't just make it a noun and say smarms.

00:53:05.000 Who calls yes-men smarms?

00:53:08.000 That is a zero.

00:53:10.000 That's an F. You're kicked out of my class.

00:53:12.000 This is from Johan.

00:53:14.000 He just flew back from DC and boy are the Clintons liars.

00:53:18.000 Okay, that's enough.

00:53:20.000 I'm not a fan of that one.

00:53:21.000 That one sucks.

00:53:22.000 I hate when immigrants, like especially Europe, they think that they're just part of the gang, and like, and they always say IN instead of ING.

00:53:29.000 Like, yeah, it was really fun.

00:53:31.000 I went dancing with some friends of mine, and we were really, it was having a really fucking good time with the dancing.

00:53:37.000 And I'm like, stop trying to sound cool, dude.

00:53:39.000 Just be a weird European immigrant.

00:53:43.000 Boy, these letters are pissing me off.

00:53:46.000 All right, here's another stinker from Jim.

00:53:49.000 I just got back.

00:53:50.000 Stop saying just got back.

00:53:51.000 It has to be flu.

00:53:53.000 Remember the original joke is that your arms are tired.

00:53:56.000 I just got back from an old-timey school teacher's fashion show and boy are my marms attired.

00:54:04.000 I would rather watch gay porn than read these.

00:54:07.000 I got one that's good.

00:54:09.000 From at house of sharts.

00:54:12.000 I just flew home from law school and boy are my arms esquires.

00:54:18.000 That's not terrible.

00:54:19.000 Next one.

00:54:20.000 Uh, at Europe Sucks.

00:54:22.000 I just flew back from pirating 50 Cent's entire discography and boy are my limes wired.

00:54:26.000 That's a good one, there we go.

00:54:28.000 36 limes.

00:54:29.000 Finally!

00:54:30.000 Finally, a good one.

00:54:31.000 And I can't explain why that's a good one.

00:54:33.000 Yeah, it breaks the arms rhyming thing, but limes wired, it's hilarious.

00:54:37.000 I love it.

00:54:38.000 Alright, this guy is Jeff.

00:54:41.000 Spicoli?

00:54:42.000 I'd like to say your name and where you're from.

00:54:44.000 Your full name and where you're from.

00:54:45.000 So please mention if I can.

00:54:48.000 Mm-hmm.

00:54:49.000 Yeah, but uh, so we were talking about how when you saw John Appetown you chickened out of insulting him Oh, yeah, which is very disappointing and how I was recommending that you don't try to be witty just say like fuck you.

00:55:00.000 Mm-hmm That's great.

00:55:01.000 I like your sunglasses, by the way Wait, I wasn't doing it perfectly.

00:55:06.000 Let me really try it here

00:55:08.000 Oh yeah, he wasn't looking up at her.

00:55:10.000 He was looking at the Hello Kitty thing.

00:55:12.000 So he was just sort of yelling it.

00:55:13.000 I think he cocked his neck a little bit to help the sound waves, but he was focused on Hello Kitty.

00:55:18.000 And he was like, I like your new sunglasses!

00:55:21.000 Yes.

00:55:23.000 I just got little mini douche chills.

00:55:25.000 All right.

00:55:27.000 This guy says that you should have said, look, it's Judd half a fag.

00:55:33.000 Not bad.

00:55:35.000 I know you don't like it, but not bad.

00:55:37.000 I don't mind it.

00:55:37.000 Yeah.

00:55:38.000 It's not witty, but again, folks at home, when you're insulting someone on the street, you're not trying to be the Oscar Gone Wild of our generation.

00:55:46.000 You just yell an insult.

00:55:48.000 Fuck you.

00:55:49.000 Give him the finger.

00:55:51.000 Now, if you ever get to sit down with Judd Apatow, you can really take him apart piece by piece and explain why he sucks.

00:55:57.000 Are you fucking sucking that vape pen?

00:55:59.000 I have it in my mouth, but I didn't press the button.

00:56:02.000 Well, you're verboten.

00:56:04.000 I know.

00:56:05.000 Okay, this guy's named Whitfield.

00:56:07.000 I just flew back from the American Kennel Club and boy are my dogs briared.

00:56:12.000 I guess that's a type of dog.

00:56:14.000 I don't know.

00:56:15.000 These are hurting my feelings.

00:56:16.000 I have to take the word for it there.

00:56:18.000 That makes sense.

00:56:19.000 Ryan Katsu Rivera just assisted my seppuku, and boy are my tharms expired.

00:56:26.000 Ah.

00:56:27.000 What's seppuku?

00:56:28.000 It's killing yourself with a sword.

00:56:30.000 Harikari?

00:56:32.000 Yeah, seppuku, harikari, there's another word for it.

00:56:34.000 What's a tharm?

00:56:35.000 I don't know.

00:56:36.000 Part of a sword?

00:56:38.000 Expired?

00:56:40.000 Wow, that sucked.

00:56:42.000 Farms expired.

00:56:43.000 I don't know.

00:56:43.000 If it wasn't for that 50 cent one, I might be committing seppuku right now.

00:56:47.000 Yeah.

00:56:48.000 I just hoodwinked the sheriff of Nottingham and boy is my tuck a friar.

00:56:52.000 That's kind of so bad it's good.

00:56:54.000 That's like a fun groan.

00:56:57.000 I like it.

00:56:59.000 If I hear fucking On Your Feet, I just told you one more time, I'm white boying a school.

00:57:05.000 This one's really harsh about you.

00:57:06.000 You want to hear it?

00:57:07.000 Yes.

00:57:08.000 Really?

00:57:08.000 You can take it?

00:57:09.000 I don't care.

00:57:09.000 Yeah.

00:57:11.000 People aren't jealous of Ryan.

00:57:12.000 That's the subject heading.

00:57:15.000 From Jeff.

00:57:16.000 And it says, I'm sick of all my favorite podcasts and shows being ruined by a shitty co-host slash producer.

00:57:22.000 Jim and Sam sucks because of Sam.

00:57:24.000 Kumia sucks now because of Dave Fuckdow.

00:57:27.000 And now yours because you let middling comics talk half the time.

00:57:31.000 I'm not a comic.

00:57:33.000 That's your takeaway.

00:57:37.000 Here's kind of a weird one.

00:57:38.000 Sam Roberts.

00:57:38.000 By the way, you've got some good ones, too.

00:57:40.000 I want to be Sam Roberts.

00:57:43.000 For an entire show for you.

00:57:44.000 I'll tell you what annoys me about Sam Roberts on the Jim and Sam Show.

00:57:47.000 Sam Roberts is such a Jim Norton fan, as we all are, but he talks about him like they're an old married couple.

00:57:54.000 A little bit.

00:57:55.000 And he's like, oh yeah, Jim will, he'll wake up like one minute before it's time to go and just, you know, run out the door.

00:58:01.000 Oh yeah, he does do that.

00:58:02.000 He mentions things that make Jim Norton unique and you're just like, just be a co-host.

00:58:06.000 You're not his fucking agent.

00:58:08.000 I think he's invented a really specific type of straight man that's pretty, uh,

00:58:13.000 He nailed, like, he could, he redefined a straight man kind of thing, so I like him for that.

00:58:18.000 Yeah, I shouldn't talk about a show I don't think I've ever heard.

00:58:21.000 Well, I listen to it almost every day.

00:58:23.000 Prime Time Sam Roberts, yeah, that's something that Jim will do, and... It's not as good, I'm not as practiced, but I can nail Sam Roberts.

00:58:31.000 Sam Roberts is probably an awesome guy, but I just have this, like, I am a bigot in many senses, it's never race or religion, but it's people who like wrestling.

00:58:41.000 He knows their names and I guess he knows it's not real but it's so weird that you'd go to a stadium and when Macho Man Savage or whatever like slams a table on the undertaker or whatever they do and then you cheer Why?

00:58:56.000 It's sports entertainment is the thing and so-called Steve Austin was one of my favorite wrestlers and now he's actually in his sneakers too, which is

00:59:06.000 A really fun cultural thing to get into.

00:59:08.000 I like Air Jordans, for instance.

00:59:12.000 They're some of the nicest shoes out there.

00:59:13.000 I have a huge collection of them.

00:59:15.000 And it goes back to the... People say he over explains a lot too, so it's kind of what I'm trying to do.

00:59:21.000 He wraps up the whole... But he makes a nice tidy package if you missed that on previous episodes.

00:59:25.000 He catches you up.

00:59:26.000 All right.

00:59:27.000 I don't want to shit on Jim Norton and Sam Roberts.

00:59:29.000 What a total... That's like my lowest priority on earth.

00:59:32.000 I love... I don't know Sam and I love Jim.

00:59:34.000 They rule.

00:59:37.000 Although does he, does Jim really still fuck trannies?

00:59:40.000 That's not a thing you can do for a long time.

00:59:42.000 I understand, especially if you're a drug addict, which he's not.

00:59:44.000 I understand going through a tranny phase, but like, I've fucked trannies for 20 years.

00:59:50.000 That doesn't, it's like an old, really fat person.

00:59:53.000 I just can't picture it.

00:59:55.000 It's like always riding a bike with training wheels.

00:59:58.000 It's like, you're going to have to just take them off and ride.

01:00:00.000 Yeah, it's like an old wigger.

01:00:02.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:00:02.000 Like a 75-year-old guy going, yo, yo, what's up, man?

01:00:06.000 Shit's burning out here, yo.

01:00:08.000 Ooh, I'm going to line up a whole thing for you of cringy Asians talking black.

01:00:13.000 That's my thing, is finding Asians that talk black.

01:00:17.000 Oh, yeah, the sneaker guys, they go, yeah, this is really whack.

01:00:20.000 This new sneaker is super dope.

01:00:22.000 This is pretty much like number one hottest shoe, and it's like totally like sitting outside.

01:00:26.000 People are like sleeping on it.

01:00:27.000 I'm like, what's up with that?

01:00:29.000 That's whack.

01:00:30.000 I'm like, dude, I want to drop you off on the hood and just watch you get torn apart so bad.

01:00:34.000 They can't even speak English yet, and they're speaking worse English instead.

01:00:37.000 They're settling with Ebonics.

01:00:39.000 I wouldn't dare use the word wigger for Cory Booker and Kamala Harris, but I feel the same way about them.

01:00:44.000 When Cory Booker's like, yeah, I was talking to my man T-Bone about this, or Kamala Harris is like, yeah, back in college, I'd be like listening to Tupac and Snoop Dogg.

01:00:55.000 Or another person, Melissa Harris Perry.

01:00:57.000 She grew up in an all-white

01:00:59.000 family in Ohio.

01:01:01.000 She was adopted.

01:01:02.000 Or Colin Kaepernick, too.

01:01:05.000 All those guys, they grew up, you know, they didn't have chitlins and grits for breakfast.

01:01:11.000 They never played dice once.

01:01:12.000 And Jesse Williams, who made that huge BET speech, he has blue eyes and like the lightest skin I've ever seen.

01:01:19.000 I thought he was white.

01:01:21.000 But more importantly, how did you grow up?

01:01:22.000 Like Mariah Carey, Alicia Keys, they never saw their black dad.

01:01:26.000 Drake would visit his black dad sometimes in the summer.

01:01:30.000 But his whole, like, y'all, his accent is fake.

01:01:32.000 He's a Canadian, white, Jewish guy.

01:01:34.000 Holy shit, that's right.

01:01:35.000 I keep forgetting that.

01:01:37.000 He tricks me.

01:01:37.000 Because he likes Sprite so much.

01:01:40.000 Well, he says it was every summer, all summer in Memphis, but I don't believe him.

01:01:45.000 Every summer I visited my dad.

01:01:47.000 And I was like, Dad, what's up?

01:01:49.000 It's me, Drake.

01:01:50.000 I'm in a wheelchair.

01:01:51.000 It's me, Drake.

01:01:52.000 I'm from Etobicoke, Ontario.

01:01:55.000 That's the way to say it.

01:01:56.000 All right, this one's a weird one.

01:01:58.000 By the way, we got a lot of letters saying, stop reading these letters.

01:02:01.000 The mailbag is a flop.

01:02:02.000 Let it go.

01:02:03.000 It's not a new part of your show.

01:02:05.000 I don't know.

01:02:05.000 I'm kind of enjoying it.

01:02:06.000 I like it.

01:02:06.000 It's going better than my three stupid documentary ideas.

01:02:09.000 Which, by the way, the magic of film, as Bob Odenkirk said, give me the raw footage for Casablanca, and I'll make you a piece of shit.

01:02:16.000 So I could make, like, it's all going to be in the nuance of how I make these.

01:02:21.000 It's like a dream.

01:02:21.000 You have to trust it.

01:02:23.000 Sounds like shit, it's probably cool.

01:02:24.000 I'm the least excited about the boxing one.

01:02:28.000 That's new, it's brand new.

01:02:30.000 You haven't figured out the twist in it, the angle.

01:02:33.000 Right, and you know what?

01:02:35.000 If it comes across, say, 70% of the people who see it think that I'm just some dumb rich asshole who made a documentary about his boxing career.

01:02:42.000 Now it's Ali G. And I suck at it, then that's kinda cool too.

01:02:47.000 See, this is where comedy and art sort of bleed into each other.

01:02:50.000 Like, that's my favorite kind of comedians, like Sam Hyde, where you can't really tell what the joke is or not.

01:02:55.000 Like, Sam Hyde once did a comedy set where he took a black person's entire routine and just repeated it, and it sounded brutally racist about black people being late all the time and stuff, and it was all just verbatim.

01:03:08.000 I thought of a fun idea.

01:03:10.000 White, white, like a crack of dew.

01:03:13.000 You do stand-up comedy and you take, from the Cringe Reddit, you take one of those complete failure comedy nights and you play, you do it, right?

01:03:21.000 And of course you bomb.

01:03:23.000 And then later on the night you play a video of what you were doing.

01:03:28.000 Play a video of what?

01:03:29.000 Of the one that you stole, like the bombing.

01:03:31.000 Oh, oh, I see, I see.

01:03:32.000 So they see that you weren't actually sucking, you were making fun of someone who bombed.

01:03:36.000 But you don't let them see that for like three hours.

01:03:38.000 Ah.

01:03:39.000 Wouldn't that be cooler?

01:03:40.000 That is pretty cool.

01:03:40.000 I'm on some real, like, heavy art shit these days, yo.

01:03:44.000 My mind is, like, coming up with this, like, crazy... I'm 48, but I'm, like, reaching this.

01:03:49.000 Maybe it's because I work out.

01:03:50.000 You in your prime, dog.

01:03:51.000 I'm getting, like, all this crazy art shit going through my cerebellum, yo.

01:03:55.000 You see, what happens is when you're using your body, you know what I'm saying?

01:03:58.000 You old, Nick.

01:04:00.000 But when you use your body, your brain's compensations

01:04:04.000 Your brain's in your body.

01:04:06.000 Uh, by the way, you know, I went to a fight on Friday night.

01:04:09.000 Yeah.

01:04:09.000 And, uh, this black guy from the South Bronx that I've, I've seen a few times, um, fight, he does, he keeps doing this thing where he just comes out like someone slapped his mother in the face for the first two rounds, like a complete fucking

01:04:24.000 Psycho, which is very dangerous, right?

01:04:27.000 You're blowing all your chips.

01:04:29.000 And so the guy's fighting, just sits there blocking, blocking, blocking.

01:04:33.000 By the third round, he was dead to the world.

01:04:36.000 It was Weekend at Bernie's.

01:04:37.000 And I just watched him get annihilated.

01:04:40.000 And I know his coach, and I was saying to his coach later, I said, what was going on there?

01:04:45.000 He blew all his chips, right?

01:04:47.000 I mean, you're either a boxer or a fighter.

01:04:49.000 If you're gonna be a fighter, then you better have amazing cardio.

01:04:53.000 And the coach goes off the record, um, it's his fucking diet.

01:04:57.000 I try to take him out, give him steaks, give him protein.

01:05:00.000 You know what he had for dinner last night?

01:05:02.000 Rice Krispie Squares.

01:05:03.000 Come on.

01:05:04.000 For dinner.

01:05:05.000 Come on.

01:05:06.000 This is the African American experience in the South Bronx.

01:05:08.000 No dad ever.

01:05:10.000 And a mom who was just not paying attention.

01:05:13.000 So he tries to give him steak.

01:05:15.000 I'll pay for it.

01:05:16.000 I'll take you to a steakhouse.

01:05:18.000 Nah, man.

01:05:18.000 And then I'll have a bag of cookies for dinner.

01:05:21.000 Dude, I hate that so much.

01:05:22.000 And he doesn't want the steak.

01:05:24.000 That's the crazy part.

01:05:25.000 It's not like I can't afford it.

01:05:28.000 And he says, I'm sorry, coach.

01:05:29.000 It's what I'm used to.

01:05:30.000 People that drink soda, like my grandfather, he's still very Puerto Rican.

01:05:34.000 And one of the things that he can't let go is just drinking soda instead of water.

01:05:38.000 It's like, that's their drink.

01:05:39.000 Well, it's working for him at least.

01:05:41.000 Like with my guy, it's not working for him.

01:05:43.000 He's getting the shit beaten out of him.

01:05:45.000 Your grandfather made it to a ripe old age.

01:05:46.000 And is he the Vietnam vet?

01:05:48.000 Yep.

01:05:48.000 Yeah.

01:05:49.000 He's made of stone.

01:05:50.000 So he survived the most traumatic experience in recent American history.

01:05:53.000 And I'm judging his preferences in drink.

01:05:56.000 Yeah.

01:05:56.000 And he was, yeah, he stopped drinking alcohol, cold turkey.

01:05:59.000 Got to drop that, that cola.

01:06:01.000 I think telling him how to live is a low priority.

01:06:04.000 But also the idea with the stand-up comedy where we take my set that was so awful, the On Your Feet soldier... Oh no, that was separate.

01:06:10.000 The stand-up cringe comedy I did, and you rewrite it, and we see if I could actually do a good stand-up from that.

01:06:17.000 That's a fun idea.

01:06:18.000 Oh yeah, that is a fun idea.

01:06:19.000 I'm happy to do that.

01:06:19.000 It's so funny.

01:06:21.000 You know what another guy told me at the gym?

01:06:24.000 There's this scam that is usually done to young Puerto Rican couples, where they invite you to a seminar, and they say, just listen to this seminar, and at the end you get a free vacation.

01:06:35.000 And the audience will be like one white couple, one black couple, and maybe nine Puerto Rican couples in their early 20s, about to start their lives.

01:06:43.000 And it's a three-hour ceremony, it's a three-hour seminar about pots and pans,

01:06:50.000 And how they're dangerous and iron will give you cancer and this Teflon and this no stick is corrosive and dangerous and here's the scientific study But we have this pot pen and knife collection for a mere $3,000 and

01:07:06.000 So the guy that I know that went there, he goes, I don't want this.

01:07:09.000 3,000 bucks?

01:07:10.000 A pan's like 10 bucks.

01:07:11.000 He's really mad at his wife for dragging him there.

01:07:15.000 And then the guy starts fucking with him and goes, oh, what's the matter?

01:07:17.000 You can't afford it?

01:07:18.000 Meanwhile, every other couple is signing up.

01:07:20.000 Yep, we're in.

01:07:21.000 Here's my credit card.

01:07:22.000 Wow.

01:07:23.000 It's like snake oil salesmen.

01:07:25.000 It's like an old...

01:07:27.000 18th century hustle that these Puerto Ricans are getting fucked over.

01:07:32.000 Dude, cut, coat, and like the knives and the Kirby vacuums.

01:07:35.000 This was all things that I've... When you start realizing what a pyramid scheme is, then you're like, you get out of it.

01:07:40.000 And the last one I ever went to, I was like 16 or 17.

01:07:43.000 Oh wait, you've been to one of these?

01:07:45.000 Oh, yeah.

01:07:45.000 No, I was probably like 18 or 19.

01:07:47.000 No Scottish person would ever, ever fall for anything like that.

01:07:50.000 Well the thing is they say you don't buy anything, you just get your other friends to sell things for you.

01:07:56.000 Oh right, that was an episode of King of Queens.

01:07:58.000 It's like the license to sell the water filter.

01:08:01.000 It is so depressing.

01:08:02.000 And you leave there and you're like, I am susceptible to- It's just legal crime.

01:08:05.000 It's a legal- he's a legal thief.

01:08:08.000 And they brainwash you because people try to convince you out of it.

01:08:10.000 And you're like, no, no, dude, it's trust me.

01:08:12.000 Trust me.

01:08:12.000 It's very good.

01:08:12.000 You should have seen the abuse he got when he said, I'm not buying this.

01:08:14.000 He said, you can't afford it.

01:08:16.000 And they said, are your parents together?

01:08:17.000 How long have you been married for?

01:08:18.000 Your parents are split up, right?

01:08:19.000 Basically saying and trying to get the guy so mad that he'll go, you know what?

01:08:22.000 Give me that.

01:08:23.000 Yeah.

01:08:23.000 Yeah, I'm getting those spots.

01:08:24.000 Like to break you.

01:08:25.000 Yeah.

01:08:25.000 It's a cult.

01:08:26.000 It's like cult-minded shit.

01:08:28.000 I've seen people that just got into it.

01:08:30.000 Meanwhile, you already figured it out.

01:08:32.000 You're like, it's a scam.

01:08:33.000 And they're like, no, no, it's not a scam, though, because the numbers show that statistically, and you're like, oh my god.

01:08:37.000 It's like talking to a Scientologist.

01:08:39.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:08:40.000 It's creepy.

01:08:40.000 All right, this is a weird letter.

01:08:43.000 When you were talking about Disneyland, it reminded me of my Mexican friend.

01:08:45.000 This guy is named, we'll just call him H.

01:08:48.000 Years before she was married, she and her husband, boyfriend at the time, would watch Disney movies at anything rated G to not have any thoughts of sex.

01:08:55.000 I didn't know that.

01:08:56.000 I thought Mexicans were all fucking like crazy.

01:08:58.000 I don't even remember if PG movies were allowed.

01:09:01.000 This non-sexual traditional Mexican courting went on for years, but I think that based on me knowing Mexican men and having been married to one before, I think that my friend's boyfriend may have been finding other women, blah, blah, blah.

01:09:11.000 So anyway, this is such a weird letter to send me.

01:09:14.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:09:15.000 I don't give a fuck.

01:09:16.000 I'm kind of interested.

01:09:18.000 So anyway, they get married and then they go on a Disney cruise for the honeymoon.

01:09:21.000 So not only is this letter from a stranger, she's telling me about other strangers that I'll never meet and don't know.

01:09:27.000 I thought it was so wrong.

01:09:28.000 I mean, what a way to kill innocence.

01:09:30.000 They were fucking in a Disney cruise bedroom with kids probably hearing this in other rooms.

01:09:34.000 Some things should stay sacred.

01:09:36.000 Even though Disney has a history of some questionable shit, you try to keep that away from the kids.

01:09:40.000 Heather, Heather, you are painfully wrong.

01:09:43.000 A,

01:09:44.000 I've been on a Disney cruise, they suck by the way, don't go, but it's super loud.

01:09:49.000 The only way I could fall asleep at night was to pretend I'm a billionaire and I'm sleeping on my private jet as we go to Singapore on the overnight.

01:09:56.000 It's as loud as that.

01:09:58.000 Secondly, there's nothing wrong with sex between two married people.

01:10:04.000 Like the most right-wing, evangelical, God himself, everyone is two thumbs way up.

01:10:10.000 In fact, you can get up to all kinds of rude business too.

01:10:13.000 I don't care if you're 69ing if you're married.

01:10:15.000 I don't think a priest... I don't think a priest has a problem with 69s.

01:10:19.000 Do they?

01:10:20.000 I don't think so.

01:10:21.000 I'll ask.

01:10:22.000 So what the fuck's the matter with this?

01:10:24.000 They managed to save themselves from marriage.

01:10:26.000 That's kind of cool.

01:10:27.000 You can laugh at it all you want.

01:10:29.000 But can you imagine that first night?

01:10:32.000 Holy shit.

01:10:33.000 I would pop a hole in her head when I came.

01:10:36.000 She'd look like a whale coming up for air.

01:10:39.000 She'd be dead.

01:10:40.000 A porpoise.

01:10:41.000 Yes.

01:10:43.000 Uh, all right.

01:10:44.000 So, Heather, waste of a letter and terrible point.

01:10:48.000 Let's get some more.

01:10:49.000 We're almost done here, folks.

01:10:50.000 We're running out of time.

01:10:50.000 Stupid arms jokes.

01:10:52.000 I just got back from an interview at the Whoopie Cushion Factory.

01:10:54.000 Stop saying you just got back!

01:10:56.000 You just flew back.

01:10:58.000 To be fair, they didn't have a chance to correct themselves.

01:11:03.000 I just got back from an interview at the Whoopie Cushion Factory and boy are my farts hired.

01:11:08.000 I don't like it.

01:11:09.000 I hate that.

01:11:11.000 Why would a Whoopie Cushion place hire you to fart?

01:11:14.000 We know what farts sound like.

01:11:17.000 We're almost done with this Whoopie Cushion Factory.

01:11:19.000 We will need a professional farter to come in and just toot once in a while to remind us what farts sound like, because we don't know.

01:11:25.000 The gold standard.

01:11:27.000 It's sort of like that perfect meter they have in Paris.

01:11:27.000 Yeah.

01:11:31.000 You go and bring your meter stick to it and go, yep, it's about right.

01:11:35.000 Um, keep up the good work, Gavin.

01:11:36.000 You're right, robots are bullshit.

01:11:38.000 Fucking... By the way, speaking of how much I hate robots, and when I say robots, I mean a lot of things.

01:11:43.000 I hate those vacuums that go around your house and take ten hours to do a one minute sweeping job.

01:11:49.000 A Roomba.

01:11:50.000 I hate Roombas.

01:11:51.000 I hate dishwashers.

01:11:52.000 They take two hours to wash about 12 minutes worth of dishes.

01:11:59.000 And then, and this isn't that closely related, I fucking hate this talk about robots and how they're going to be taking over

01:12:07.000 And then they'll show you some stupid humanoid thing on the news where it answered a fake question that was pre-written.

01:12:13.000 And they'll have those stupid mechanics that move its face.

01:12:16.000 The same technology we had at Disneyland in the Hall of Presidents when I was there in the 70s.

01:12:21.000 So no, we're not all gonna have our personal robots.

01:12:24.000 And why is that on every news thing?

01:12:25.000 Whenever I do Red Eye, there was always a robot segment at the end.

01:12:29.000 And how spooky it is that these robots can now pick up a phone.

01:12:32.000 Fuck you.

01:12:33.000 They can't pick up a phone.

01:12:34.000 They're useless.

01:12:36.000 Machines suck.

01:12:37.000 Okay, fridges are cool.

01:12:38.000 How long have we had fridges for?

01:12:41.000 Well over half a century.

01:12:42.000 I'm not impressed.

01:12:44.000 Well, they're completing touring tests now.

01:12:48.000 One of them made a... scheduled an appointment for a nail salon or a hair salon.

01:12:53.000 Whoa!

01:12:54.000 And it tricked... That's the Terminator!

01:12:56.000 And it tricked the person into thinking... Like, it sounds like a real person.

01:12:59.000 It's creepy.

01:13:00.000 Yeah, that's not... No, that's AI and fucking... That's the same as your GPS voice where it says, turn right at the light.

01:13:07.000 But it's... That's not a robot.

01:13:08.000 But it sounds... Oh, okay, yeah.

01:13:10.000 But if you match that AI with the robot that does a backflip, now it's talking to you and scheduling shit and doing flips.

01:13:16.000 Yeah, and we'll talk when that happens, and that's gonna be in about 200 years.

01:13:20.000 We'll all be dead.

01:13:22.000 So stop saying it's imminent on every goddamn news show.

01:13:25.000 I don't say that.

01:13:26.000 Oh.

01:13:26.000 I know, not you.

01:13:28.000 You're not on every goddamn news show, by the way.

01:13:31.000 That's true.

01:13:32.000 Um...

01:13:36.000 Very interesting video someone sent me, I'll do that on another show, by this guy Derek Jensen, a professor, and it's called Queer Theory Pedophilia Jeopardy W slash, meaning with, Derek Jensen.

01:13:49.000 Look up that on your own time, but it's, you know what, it's amazing, it's this professor talking about how the anarchist movement and the queer theory movement seems to be linked to pedophilia, and what I find amazing about this video is,

01:14:01.000 He's in a class, a modern classroom, with people yelling at him and freaking out.

01:14:06.000 All these social justice nuts.

01:14:08.000 And he manages to plow through the heckling and sort of charm them by turning it into a game of Jeopardy.

01:14:16.000 That's really impressive.

01:14:17.000 That is impressive.

01:14:18.000 I didn't know that was even possible.

01:14:20.000 Okay, here's a real stinker.

01:14:22.000 I just flew back from Brian Stetler's house and boy are my arms toe-faces.

01:14:28.000 Jesus.

01:14:29.000 What?

01:14:30.000 Is that supposed to be a so-bad-it's-good one?

01:14:34.000 No, like, that person should never make a joke.

01:14:36.000 Ben?

01:14:37.000 Ben, if you're out there, you're a great person, I'm sure.

01:14:40.000 You should learn a trade if you're not especially intelligent.

01:14:44.000 Never ever make a joke ever again.

01:14:46.000 Just accept it.

01:14:48.000 You can be around humor.

01:14:49.000 You can be around funny people.

01:14:51.000 Like Chloe Sevigny is like this.

01:14:52.000 I've hung out with her a few times.

01:14:54.000 She loves humor and she gets jokes.

01:14:57.000 She's not remotely funny.

01:14:59.000 So she just doesn't make jokes and she laughs and enjoys other people's jokes.

01:15:04.000 That's you, Ben.

01:15:05.000 You and Chloe should never get married because there'll be no laughs in that house.

01:15:09.000 Okay, here we go.

01:15:10.000 Ryan's getting some shoutouts.

01:15:11.000 Oh, shit.

01:15:12.000 I think Ryan's totally fine.

01:15:14.000 Sometimes his commentary is shitty and retarded, but... His impressions are amazing.

01:15:24.000 And you can tell he's a genuinely nice guy.

01:15:28.000 It gets better.

01:15:29.000 I think you're too hard on him when he fucks up, which makes him overly self-conscious about the things he says.

01:15:36.000 When he gets self-conscious, he gets nervous.

01:15:38.000 And when he gets nervous, he flubs his delivery and becomes autistic.

01:15:43.000 Also, his laugh is fine.

01:15:45.000 Oh.

01:15:46.000 It's good to have someone else laughing on the podcast.

01:15:49.000 Thanks for the great content.

01:15:50.000 Everyone go to DefendGavin.com.

01:15:51.000 Now, you want to hear something amazing?

01:15:52.000 Mm-hmm.

01:15:53.000 That's the same Ben as the guy who did the terrible toe face joke.

01:15:56.000 Oh!

01:15:57.000 Which did you even get?

01:15:58.000 Brian Stetler looks like a thumb or a toe.

01:16:01.000 Oh, okay, okay, okay.

01:16:02.000 Well, no, I didn't get it.

01:16:03.000 Greg Gutfeld once described Brian Stetler as a turgid tattletale.

01:16:07.000 Mm-hmm.

01:16:07.000 Which is one of the best insults.

01:16:09.000 Second to torpid sloth.

01:16:12.000 That one's not such a great insult because torpid means slow, so of course the sloth is slow.

01:16:18.000 But calling something that's slow, slow, it means it's a slow version of something that is slow.

01:16:24.000 Yeah, you're right, it was a great joke.

01:16:25.000 I like it.

01:16:26.000 I am awesome.

01:16:27.000 Dear Mr. McGinnis, put there to make me mad, and it worked.

01:16:34.000 This German mindset you've experienced at Disney is the reason why Merkel is still in charge.

01:16:39.000 Our leaders can't be wrong.

01:16:41.000 He has that in quotes.

01:16:42.000 And if someone proves me to be wrong, even showing evidence right before my eyes, so much the worse for reality.

01:16:48.000 End of quotes.

01:16:49.000 It reminds me of an old saying in Nazi Germany when rumors of the arrest of Jews in the neighborhood were discussed at dinner.

01:16:55.000 Wenn das der Führer wusste.

01:16:58.000 In other words, if only Hitler knew about that.

01:17:01.000 Brother, I don't know what you're talking about, but I have a question for you.

01:17:52.000 Well, 9 and 10 aren't that hard to learn.

01:17:54.000 Oh, no, no.

01:17:54.000 But why aren't you learning French or some... Like, that could get you pussy.

01:17:58.000 Well, I was thinking about... Well, I don't need pussy, but I was thinking about Japan, Japanese, and I was like, that's too hard.

01:18:04.000 Yes?

01:18:05.000 So I was like, I heard German was linked very closely to English, like the way they form their sentences.

01:18:09.000 We got it from German, yes.

01:18:10.000 Yeah, a lot of the words are just... You don't even have to try.

01:18:13.000 It's very fun.

01:18:14.000 I like it.

01:18:14.000 It's very fun.

01:18:15.000 You're very weird.

01:18:17.000 I just got back, again with the got backs.

01:18:20.000 By the way folks, I think we're done with these, so please do not send any more flying jokes.

01:18:24.000 Out of all 50 we've read today, the only funny one was the 50 cent one, and that other one that was so bad it was good.

01:18:32.000 I just got back from yearning after Mountain Lakes, and boy are my tarns desired.

01:18:39.000 What are tarns?

01:18:40.000 I don't know, but I'm sad.

01:18:41.000 And I can't explain why.

01:18:42.000 I am in charge of the casting for The Sound of Music.

01:18:45.000 Now he's not even getting back from anywhere.

01:18:50.000 Now he just has a job.

01:18:51.000 I am in charge of the casting for The Sound of Music and boy are my nuns hired.

01:18:57.000 Fuck you.

01:18:59.000 You're fired.

01:19:00.000 Dude, that one started off so bad.

01:19:03.000 I'm in charge?

01:19:04.000 I have a good one.

01:19:06.000 Did you just write one in your head?

01:19:07.000 Yeah, I just flew back from a... I'm gonna stop myself.

01:19:18.000 I just flew back from an ADT home security seminar and boy are my alarms wired.

01:19:24.000 Yeah.

01:19:25.000 I mean, that's technically correct.

01:19:25.000 Yeah.

01:19:27.000 That's like what a robot would write.

01:19:28.000 There's no fun in it though.

01:19:30.000 It's got to be some humanity in it.

01:19:32.000 Some fun.

01:19:33.000 Yeah.

01:19:33.000 That was like mathematically correct.

01:19:35.000 That's like what the computers came up with after two days.

01:19:38.000 I just left the Middle East and boy are my alarms wired.

01:19:38.000 Yeah.

01:19:41.000 We got from Chris.

01:19:42.000 Oh, so there's the same punchline, coincidentally.

01:19:45.000 Alright, this is our last letter, then we're gonna wrap it up.

01:19:48.000 This was the comedy special episode that had funny things, but wasn't actually a funny episode.

01:19:54.000 I bet we could do something on children dying of leukemia next podcast and it would actually be funnier.

01:20:01.000 Gavin, you said something interesting regarding the term wigger that really confused me.

01:20:04.000 You seem to use it to describe a black person who acts white.

01:20:06.000 No sir, I was, I may have used it in the past to describe a rich black person who grew up all white trying to act ghetto tough for some credibility like Cory Booker and Kamala Harris.

01:20:19.000 In Ohio, I'd always heard that term described.

01:20:20.000 White person acts, yes, of course, dumbass.

01:20:23.000 It was a popular term at my nearly 100% white high school that was surrounded by corn on three sides because half the class dressed like wiggers.

01:20:28.000 Can a wigger be used both ways?

01:20:31.000 Oh, God.

01:20:34.000 I'm not Google, dude.

01:20:36.000 Look it up.

01:20:37.000 I used it in a creative, silly way to be amusing, and you're not amusing me.

01:20:42.000 That's the end of the show.

01:20:45.000 Did you already win?

01:20:46.000 Did I already tell you this one?

01:20:46.000 Oh.

01:20:47.000 Fly flush, flat flack, flum flexus, and floy are my flomspired.

01:20:51.000 Yeah, you did.

01:20:52.000 Okay.

01:20:52.000 You already told me that shitty joke.

01:20:53.000 Alright.

01:20:55.000 So let's, we're moving forward with the SPLC case.

01:20:59.000 I implore everyone to go to DefendGavin.com and just throw five bucks in the mix.

01:21:04.000 Let's just keep it alive.

01:21:05.000 Keep it moving.

01:21:06.000 We're 58% of the way there.

01:21:09.000 And that's great.

01:21:11.000 I'm very happy with that.

01:21:12.000 It's the most successful fundraiser I've ever done.

01:21:14.000 I mean, for the Proud Boys case, I think we raised 15 grand.

01:21:20.000 Even that rebel trip to Israel, we barely raised enough to pay for it.

01:21:26.000 But $148k is great.

01:21:29.000 It has to get up to $250k.

01:21:30.000 I'm going up against a company that is worth, I believe, a billion.

01:21:35.000 They list 432 million on their site, but they have been caught with secret accounts in the Cayman Islands.

01:21:41.000 Now surely you're not going to keep a hundred grand in the Cayman Islands when you are proud about having 432.

01:21:46.000 So I would wager the money in the Cayman Islands is about the same or more.

01:21:50.000 So let's say it's five.

01:21:51.000 So we're up upwards of a billion dollars.

01:21:54.000 I am fighting and I'm fighting them because they are starting to de-platform everyone.

01:21:59.000 And they're getting embedded in big tech.

01:22:01.000 They've got this new thing called Change the Terms, which they use my face, by the way, to define.

01:22:06.000 And it's a funny picture because it's after I had read Ann Coulter's speech at Berkeley because she was banned.

01:22:13.000 And we were on our way to get beers with friends.

01:22:15.000 And I'm saying Uhuru in the picture, which is a joke.

01:22:19.000 So it's just a great example of how ignorant they are, how anti-fun they are, and how anti-free speech they are.

01:22:24.000 But they're getting embedded in big tech where they're going to decide who gets kicked off social media.

01:22:29.000 That, by the way, ends up defining the whole national conversation.

01:22:34.000 So they want to define what we talk about, and who gets elected, and why.

01:22:39.000 And on top of that they're getting involved in banking and you're getting people like war vet Joe Biggs who was just booted off a chase because the SPLC has decided or as someone linked to the SPLC has decided that uh what he does is wrong because he loves Trump and he's conservative.

01:22:57.000 I mean it's it's not just about banning conservatives soon it's going to be about banning

01:23:02.000 Lesbians who are anti-trans.

01:23:04.000 You know, a lot of lesbians don't like the idea of young lesbians cutting their tits off because they think they're men.

01:23:10.000 They see that as anti-lesbian.

01:23:12.000 And they're gonna be the next to go.

01:23:14.000 So...

01:23:16.000 Don't sleep on this case.

01:23:18.000 Also, do not go to nohate.com, my brother Miles's website.

01:23:24.000 That's a terrible place to go.

01:23:26.000 And, uh, I've got a lot of things brewing.

01:23:28.000 I'll keep you posted on them here.

01:23:30.000 We're going to get a, a mail service set up.

01:23:32.000 We're talking about some sponsors for this podcast too, which I guess means I'll do it more often.

01:23:38.000 And, um, there's no sense in me telling you to go check out this podcast cause you're listening to it right now.

01:23:43.000 So goodbye.

01:23:44.000 And I'll see you soon.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - March 04, 2019

Get Off My Lawn Podcast #118 | I just put a manpon in the garbage

Episode Stats

Length

Words per Minute

Word Count

Sentence Count

Misogynist Sentences

Hate Speech Sentences

Summary

Transcript