Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #111: WHY YOU WANNA BE MIDDLE CLASS?

00:00:53.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McKinnon.

00:01:02.000 She's got nowhere to go She's got nowhere to be She's got aware What'd you think of that band?

00:01:32.000 Kind of trippy?

00:01:33.000 Pretty good, huh?

00:06:12.000 plane was a bus and you can ride on the side but you can't fly it's got a bit of mitch hedberg to them it does i was about to say like we don't lose your baggage we lose you you are falling from the sky uh bubba and hanks Is our sponsor today.

00:06:31.000 We're devoting the whole show to them.

00:06:33.000 Bubba's in a bad way, I believe.

00:06:36.000 Yeah.

00:06:37.000 And it's sad.

00:06:38.000 I think it's cancer, right?

00:06:40.000 Yeah.

00:06:42.000 Terrible.

00:06:43.000 Great sponsor has been with us for years, Bubba and Hanks.

00:06:47.000 Obviously, Hanks will continue making fantastic stakes.

00:06:50.000 Let's pull those up.

00:06:53.000 Now I'm using his death as a way to make money for myself.

00:06:57.000 If you use the promo code Gavin, you get 20% off.

00:07:01.000 I'm a big fan of all their beef.

00:07:03.000 Oh, yeah.

00:07:04.000 You finished off a whole pack recently.

00:07:06.000 Let me tell you something.

00:07:06.000 I had the asabucco the other day.

00:07:09.000 Wait, stop.

00:07:11.000 Let's rate them from your favorite to down.

00:07:16.000 Because you had everything, right?

00:07:17.000 Did you have the burgers?

00:07:18.000 I've had the burgers, the pre-made patties.

00:07:20.000 Phenomenal.

00:07:21.000 Great.

00:07:22.000 My kids inhale those.

00:07:24.000 When you go on the website, you realize that it's waigu beef.

00:07:28.000 And waigu beef are these special breeds of cows that have like great marbling and fat within the meat that classifies them as waigu.

00:07:39.000 And they're so...

00:07:41.000 The flavor is the fat with the marbling within the meat.

00:07:45.000 Oh, it's delicious.

00:07:46.000 I've had the burgers.

00:07:48.000 I've had the chopped meat.

00:07:50.000 I've had the eye-round steaks.

00:07:53.000 I've had the asabuko.

00:07:55.000 And let me tell you something.

00:07:57.000 Every cut was phenomenal.

00:07:59.000 I did asabuko the other day.

00:08:01.000 It's because asabuco is like the foreshank of the front legs.

00:08:06.000 So it's, you know, it's got some tendons and stuff like that.

00:08:08.000 So you braise it, cook it in a liquid for like three or four hours.

00:08:12.000 Oh my God.

00:08:13.000 Three or four hours?

00:08:14.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:08:15.000 And what's the liquid?

00:08:16.000 The liquid is, I mean, I use beef broth, a little bit of water.

00:08:21.000 This is in a frying pan.

00:08:22.000 No, no, like in like a pot.

00:08:26.000 I use a Dutch oven.

00:08:27.000 I have a ceramic-coated Dutch oven at my house, so.

00:08:30.000 Okay.

00:08:30.000 But yeah.

00:08:31.000 Oh, for braising?

00:08:32.000 It's about like short ribs or anything like that?

00:08:34.000 Oh.

00:08:35.000 Three hours.

00:08:36.000 Yeah.

00:08:37.000 And then do you do something like to scorch the outside?

00:08:40.000 You know how I like the outside burnt.

00:08:42.000 What you do is you take a little, I take a little flour.

00:08:45.000 I flour the outside of it.

00:08:47.000 I put it in a frying pan.

00:08:48.000 I skill it.

00:08:49.000 After you've done this three hours for the before, prior to.

00:08:52.000 Okay.

00:08:53.000 I just put a little flour, coated the outside, and I brown the outside.

00:08:59.000 Like you seared the outside.

00:09:00.000 So when you put it in the liquid, all the juices stay inside.

00:09:03.000 Oh, it was beautiful.

00:09:06.000 That sounds fantastic.

00:09:07.000 Beautiful.

00:09:08.000 Now, you have a roommate named Cocaine, is that correct?

00:09:11.000 Yayo.

00:09:13.000 Did you share it with him?

00:09:14.000 Of course.

00:09:16.000 If it's in the house, it's for both of us.

00:09:20.000 He's been using the same Teflon pan for so long.

00:09:23.000 The Teflon's gone.

00:09:24.000 Yeah.

00:09:27.000 The Teflon, it's just a silver pan now.

00:09:30.000 It's no longer a non-stick.

00:09:31.000 Which means he ate all the Teflon that was on the pan.

00:09:34.000 I don't eat out of his pan.

00:09:35.000 He's an animal.

00:09:36.000 Cocaine is an animal.

00:09:39.000 So yeah, Bubba and Hank's delicious.

00:09:41.000 Promo code Gavin.

00:09:42.000 Our heart goes out to Bubba.

00:09:44.000 God bless him.

00:09:45.000 I mean, are we giving up hope?

00:09:46.000 Are we saying, like, say a prayer for Bubba?

00:09:49.000 Never give up hope.

00:09:50.000 Always give up.

00:09:50.000 Never give up.

00:09:51.000 My father passed a throat cancer in 91, so I can understand his plight.

00:09:56.000 You know how many times people, the doctors say, oh, you know, they gave this guy this long to live and then they just blow past that?

00:10:02.000 Yeah, let's just pray.

00:10:03.000 Yeah, absolutely.

00:10:04.000 Let's pray for Bubba, of Bubba and Hanks.

00:10:07.000 Pray for him to have peace.

00:10:08.000 Pray for him to get through this or if he's not going to get through it, to endure it with as much fortitude and strength as possible.

00:10:16.000 Let's take a moment for Bubba.

00:10:17.000 Go peacefully.

00:10:24.000 I got to say, I don't want to brag, but I don't pray to God for bullshit like the Mets.

00:10:33.000 And when I do pray for something, it's usually a big one.

00:10:36.000 Like Steven Crowder I prayed for.

00:10:38.000 Phenomenal recovery.

00:10:40.000 Twins, beautiful twins.

00:10:41.000 Beautiful twins.

00:10:42.000 Everything's going great with him.

00:10:43.000 Pay Stickman was looking at like 20 years for some bullshit charge.

00:10:47.000 I prayed for him.

00:10:48.000 He's good to go.

00:10:50.000 I don't know, Bubba.

00:10:52.000 They use it sparingly.

00:10:53.000 It's like when your mother says fuck.

00:10:55.000 Not your mother.

00:10:55.000 Jesus.

00:10:56.000 She never didn't say fuck.

00:10:59.000 But when your mother, my mother says fuck about once a month, once every two months, and it's sort of, you go, whoa, this is a biggie.

00:11:06.000 I've noticed that with parenting, too.

00:11:08.000 If you only swear at kids when you're really mad and they hear, I'm sick of your fucking shit.

00:11:13.000 They go, he's really sick of my fucking shit because he said fucking shit.

00:11:16.000 And it's all over the tone, too.

00:11:19.000 It's all what?

00:11:20.000 With the tone.

00:11:21.000 Yeah.

00:11:21.000 The delivery of it.

00:11:23.000 Like, my mother used to say, fuck off all the time.

00:11:26.000 She'd be like, oh, fuck off.

00:11:28.000 And it was like dismissive.

00:11:31.000 Yeah.

00:11:31.000 It wasn't like, for fuck's sake, son.

00:11:34.000 Oh, for fuck's sake.

00:11:35.000 Yeah, when you get that, you're in trouble.

00:11:38.000 Trouble.

00:11:39.000 Yeah, my dad would do this like, fucking.

00:11:41.000 And if it was a fucking, I knew someone was going to die tonight.

00:11:46.000 Like, if I got called by my full name, Matthew.

00:11:51.000 If you ever hear your middle name for your parents.

00:11:53.000 Oh, to my credit, I don't have a middle name.

00:11:57.000 Oh, really?

00:11:58.000 No.

00:11:59.000 It's Matthew Odell.

00:12:01.000 Matthew Big Monster Odell?

00:12:03.000 No, no, baby monster.

00:12:05.000 I have a confirmation name, which is Jude, but Jude.

00:12:08.000 It was kind of funny.

00:12:09.000 When I was young, my mother's father's name was Alan.

00:12:13.000 On my birth certificate, it just says Matthew Odell.

00:12:16.000 On my social security card for years, you just say Matthew Allen O'Dell.

00:12:21.000 Oh.

00:12:22.000 You know what it says on my Social Security card?

00:12:24.000 Gavin doesn't care about Matthew's middle name.

00:12:27.000 Oh, shit.

00:12:29.000 Oh!

00:12:30.000 Catsu.

00:12:31.000 Do you have a middle name?

00:12:32.000 Me?

00:12:33.000 Yeah.

00:12:33.000 It's fucking Katsu.

00:12:35.000 Yeah.

00:12:36.000 Oh, I thought you just stuck that in your name because everyone thought you were a Spic.

00:12:39.000 Well, no, they still think I'm a Spic.

00:12:41.000 Well, that would be fun.

00:12:44.000 Do you have a middle name?

00:12:45.000 Yeah, Miles.

00:12:46.000 Oh.

00:12:46.000 Gavin Miles McInnes.

00:12:48.000 GMM.

00:12:50.000 G-Double M. It's not a very sexy acronym, GMM.

00:12:53.000 My wife doesn't have a middle name, and I contend that if you don't have a middle name, your parents don't love you enough.

00:12:59.000 Yeah.

00:12:59.000 I'm an Unloved child.

00:13:00.000 You're an unloved child.

00:13:01.000 Why do Puerto Ricans use their middle names more than any other people?

00:13:04.000 Luis J. Gomez, fucking Ryan Catsu Rivera or Alexandria Jolque de Cortez.

00:13:09.000 Maybe they want to sound fancy.

00:13:10.000 Maybe Puerto Ricans are insecure about the fact that they're all on welfare and they want to sound like they're Spaniards.

00:13:17.000 Yeah.

00:13:17.000 Your middle name is.

00:13:18.000 Let me tell you something.

00:13:19.000 The most crazy names are the Mexicans.

00:13:22.000 Oh, yeah.

00:13:23.000 When I was away in the federal system, they used to have like six names.

00:13:26.000 Yes.

00:13:27.000 And it was all hyphenated.

00:13:28.000 They had like their mother's maiden name, their father's name, their grandmother's maiden name, their grandfather's name.

00:13:34.000 Yeah.

00:13:34.000 Oh, it was insane.

00:13:36.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:13:37.000 Call me old-fashioned.

00:13:38.000 That's stupid.

00:13:39.000 Yeah.

00:13:40.000 I agree.

00:13:41.000 Like, this is what I keep trying to get across to people about culture.

00:13:44.000 They're not different than us.

00:13:46.000 They're worse.

00:13:47.000 Yeah.

00:13:48.000 Like, Swedes are different than us.

00:13:50.000 They have their little sardine sandwiches or whatever.

00:13:52.000 I get that that's different, but equal.

00:13:55.000 But the Middle East is not equal.

00:13:58.000 I saw this video.

00:13:59.000 We'll talk about it next time we do real news.

00:14:01.000 But it was like trying to get the Afghan army to stop smoking hash or to wear their helmets facing the right way.

00:14:09.000 Like they're monkeys.

00:14:12.000 You can make monkeys hold a gun for a photo op.

00:14:15.000 The biggest joke is make them do jumping jacks.

00:14:20.000 That to me was an epiphany.

00:14:22.000 Dude, I saw that video.

00:14:24.000 That jumping jack video is from like 10 years ago.

00:14:29.000 2004.

00:14:30.000 Yeah, it's a long time ago.

00:14:31.000 It's old as shit.

00:14:32.000 They're horrible.

00:14:33.000 And not only are they retarded, but they're stoned.

00:14:36.000 So you give someone with Down syndrome hash.

00:14:39.000 That's not even the one, but that'll do.

00:14:42.000 Or it's probably a different angle, the same one.

00:14:44.000 Look at that.

00:14:46.000 Irreparable.

00:14:47.000 Yeah.

00:14:48.000 Untrainable.

00:14:50.000 How the fuck can you not do a jumping jack?

00:14:52.000 No one taught me how to do jumping jacks.

00:14:54.000 Yeah, I don't remember learning that.

00:14:56.000 I didn't take a night course in jumping jacks.

00:14:59.000 I didn't take a night course in not hanging on to a plane.

00:15:02.000 There you go.

00:15:03.000 I didn't read a brochure that said it's freezing cold six miles above the earth.

00:15:08.000 The winds in it?

00:15:09.000 And 500 miles an hour is a hell of a wind.

00:15:13.000 I want to see them jump rope.

00:15:16.000 Because it's not the easiest thing.

00:15:18.000 I want to see them do that thing with red solo cups where they go pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, and then pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, and sing a song again.

00:15:24.000 I saw a kid do like four different iterations of it in five seconds.

00:15:29.000 It was some sort of world champion.

00:15:31.000 He made like a pyramid, a thingamadoodle, then broke them all down, then made him again.

00:15:34.000 And he was like, bang, five seconds.

00:15:36.000 I don't think one person in the Middle East could do that.

00:15:39.000 No.

00:15:40.000 I don't think...

00:15:41.000 They could drink out of the cup.

00:15:42.000 How's this for an incredibly xenophobic, horrible thing to say that I should go to hell for and be in the SPLC's hate group?

00:15:50.000 I don't think one person in the Middle East could do that.

00:15:53.000 Was that five seconds?

00:15:54.000 And he got a boner, right?

00:15:55.000 That was five seconds.

00:15:57.000 Oh, that was a different guy.

00:15:58.000 The Rubik's Cube guy, the top Rubik's Cube guy.

00:16:01.000 We saw this documentary, and he had such severe autism that when he broke the world record, he got a boner.

00:16:06.000 Nice.

00:16:06.000 But go back to that one.

00:16:08.000 What did he do there?

00:16:10.000 That was five seconds.

00:16:12.000 Let's see what he did.

00:16:13.000 So I take a bunch of cups.

00:16:16.000 I do three thowers, two towers, one big tower, and then put them back together again.

00:16:23.000 There's a word in Afghani for this called magic.

00:16:26.000 You could rule the Taliban.

00:16:29.000 You know what we should do?

00:16:29.000 Instead of sending troops there, just send like Chris Angel and David Copperfield, some corny street musicians, David Blaine.

00:16:37.000 And he'd be like, oh, look, and say, Muhammad has told me to stop cutting out women's eyes.

00:16:47.000 Dude, why are we?

00:16:48.000 Okay, no problem.

00:16:49.000 Stop fucking kids.

00:16:51.000 By the way, I said the other day.

00:16:52.000 I'm just money and just...

00:16:53.000 Yeah, just that.

00:16:55.000 Our entire military budget should be magic.

00:16:59.000 Those coins that you bite and then you flick it and it goes back again.

00:17:02.000 Where did your finger go?

00:17:03.000 What is going on?

00:17:07.000 I got some criticism the other day because I said the Taliban fucks kids and they go, no, that's the Baki Baza or whatever.

00:17:13.000 No, they all fuck kids and they all fuck each other.

00:17:17.000 Women are human garbage to them.

00:17:19.000 They're breeding machines.

00:17:20.000 They kill them, feed them the dogs.

00:17:22.000 Manna just sent me a picture of a woman who had her eyes cut out for God knows what, farting on a Thursday.

00:17:27.000 Under the her father was in the Taliban and told on her that she was working for the Afghan police.

00:17:37.000 And they shot her eight times, stabbed her, and took her eyes out of her skull with a knife and left her for dead.

00:17:44.000 So what you're pulling up there is, yes, our allies fuck boys, but they all fuck boys and each other and goats.

00:17:50.000 That's just the way it is over there.

00:17:53.000 And that sounds very, like, I hear that coming out of my mouth and I go, wow, that's a horrible thing to say.

00:17:57.000 What a racist thing to say.

00:17:59.000 It's just a fact.

00:18:00.000 Talking to the internet.

00:18:01.000 Fets who were there.

00:18:02.000 Well, here's the sad part.

00:18:04.000 Like one sniper, I don't want to say it was Chris College or anything, but a pretty well-known sniper in Afghan, he's watching there, looking through his scope, and these guys would come in and rape these children every night, and they're not allowed to engage.

00:18:21.000 They're not allowed to stop them.

00:18:22.000 Oh, right.

00:18:23.000 It got to the point where one point, one guy came in and ripped all the kids' teeth out with pliers.

00:18:30.000 So when he sodomized them, he wouldn't have any teeth.

00:18:34.000 Well, sodomizes the butthole.

00:18:35.000 When he face rapes.

00:18:38.000 Would he pull the teeth out of their ass?

00:18:39.000 No, out of their mouth.

00:18:41.000 Right.

00:18:41.000 So that's face fucking.

00:18:43.000 I think sodomy is also oral copulation.

00:18:45.000 Oh, really?

00:18:46.000 Yeah.

00:18:48.000 See what's going on when we get involved in these other cultures?

00:18:50.000 You have to learn sodomy.

00:18:53.000 I got a message after I said a couple of those things about what was happening at Westchester County Airport about the people, and they said it was all children.

00:19:01.000 They said majority of the children had blown out nasal passages and bruised eyes, which is also from forcible sodomy.

00:19:09.000 What the?

00:19:10.000 What?

00:19:10.000 They fucked them in the eyes?

00:19:12.000 They're fucking their face.

00:19:14.000 Sheesh.

00:19:15.000 Yeah.

00:19:16.000 But why does that hurt your eyes?

00:19:18.000 You know, after a repetitive...

00:19:20.000 Oh, you're gagging and stuff, and your sinuses are blowing out.

00:19:24.000 Disgusting.

00:19:25.000 The scars are different.

00:19:26.000 They're just different.

00:19:27.000 That's from the southern border.

00:19:28.000 It's like the U.K. general said.

00:19:30.000 They're just country boys.

00:19:31.000 They're country boys.

00:19:33.000 And by the way, I don't think we're going to have any more problems from them because the U.S. Ambassador sent them a strongly worded letter.

00:19:41.000 Oh, the guy who left the embassy.

00:19:44.000 No, she's a black woman.

00:19:46.000 And she's our U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations.

00:19:48.000 Oh, to the United Nations.

00:19:49.000 And she sat down.

00:19:52.000 All right, Buster Brown.

00:19:54.000 You may think you're a hot tamale today, but you had better watch yourself and treat not just women, but trans women of color with respect.

00:20:05.000 Or I don't even know.

00:20:08.000 There's no better video to emphasize how laughable that is than the one you played when you first came back from Costa Rica about the Taliban laughing at the reporter.

00:20:18.000 That's perfect.

00:20:19.000 And it's, I like it because you don't have to see any children being raped in it.

00:20:22.000 There's no women having their eyes gouged out, which is also a very effective way to explain who they are.

00:20:27.000 But yeah, that just sums it up.

00:20:29.000 Like, you know, there's a Harry and Paul sketch.

00:20:33.000 Ah, fuck it.

00:20:34.000 It's too involved.

00:20:39.000 All right, so the Thursday live show, we usually have so many sponsors that we don't like to cover too much news.

00:20:46.000 But today we've devoted everything to Bubba and Hanks in honor of Bubba.

00:20:52.000 You know what happened to Bubba and Hanks once?

00:20:55.000 Some super rich guy who listens to the show heard that they were sponsoring the show.

00:21:00.000 He thought, that's cool.

00:21:01.000 He got in his plane from, I don't know, Houston, Dallas, Dallas, Houston, flew down to their farm in his plane, this little like one prop thing, and said, hi, I heard about you on Gavin's show.

00:21:14.000 What a great farm.

00:21:15.000 And he walked around the farm.

00:21:17.000 Beautiful.

00:21:18.000 It's funny because when you read about me or the show or anyone involved, you go, holy shit, these are all satanic racists who run the KKK and kill black babies for sport.

00:21:29.000 But when I was in the city yesterday doing Kumia's show, I get out of my car.

00:21:34.000 By the way, this pet peeve of mine, a lot of Manhattanites go, you don't have to pay for parking, dude.

00:21:40.000 Just go to Hell's Kitchen, 9th Street, 30th.

00:21:45.000 Just park there.

00:21:46.000 It's bullshit.

00:21:48.000 There is no fucking parking in New York.

00:21:52.000 And every person who lives there goes, what are you talking about?

00:21:55.000 They never have a car, by the way.

00:21:56.000 No.

00:21:58.000 They go, there's parking everywhere.

00:22:00.000 And then they'll show you a picture of a spot.

00:22:01.000 It's usually like 9 p.m.

00:22:03.000 Yeah, there's a couple spots at 9 p.m.

00:22:05.000 But as far as normal times, it's no standing allowed and it's commercial vehicles only.

00:22:11.000 Now, luckily, I have enough cop paraphernalia to open a small cop store.

00:22:15.000 So I just litter the dash with mini badges and policeman's cards and shit.

00:22:19.000 And you park near the police station on a 36th and 9th, and you might get away with it.

00:22:27.000 But anyway, and maybe it's because that was a cop area.

00:22:30.000 I parked there, and I'm walking towards the studio.

00:22:37.000 It's a couple blocks.

00:22:39.000 Some guy yells, hey, Gavin, how you doing?

00:22:42.000 Big fan, what are you doing these days?

00:22:43.000 By the way, if you're a big fan, you should probably know about this network.

00:22:46.000 And you're a baby monster, not a big fan.

00:22:49.000 Pose for a selfie, walk another few feet, some guy's in a car, old guy, white hair, Gavin, how you doing?

00:22:56.000 It was like the Truman Show.

00:22:58.000 Nice.

00:22:59.000 And then on the way, and then on the way back, some guy goes, I'm listening to you right now.

00:23:07.000 So that was three people in the span of two blocks there and back.

00:23:11.000 So four blocks, I guess.

00:23:12.000 But the reason I bring that up is not just to talk about my favorite subject, which is me, but to say that these evil monsters that you hear about are perceived as evil monsters at Huffington Post and fucking CNN and MSNBC.

00:23:25.000 But in the real world, it's like, how you doing, buddy?

00:23:29.000 Because no one trusts the media anymore.

00:23:32.000 So when someone Googles badly, like Project Veritas, you look them up.

00:23:38.000 They edit videos misleadingly.

00:23:41.000 They are deceptive.

00:23:43.000 They're corrupt.

00:23:44.000 No one thinks that but Wikipedia and their competitors in the media.

00:23:50.000 People on the street go, oh yeah, Project Veritas, they're great.

00:23:54.000 They blew up this story, that story.

00:23:57.000 Anyway, I got 5% left.

00:23:58.000 Why don't you...

00:24:03.000 I couldn't agree with more than...

00:24:05.000 I couldn't agree more with what they both said.

00:24:11.000 There's something good.

00:24:12.000 Have you seen this guy?

00:24:13.000 So, you know, if you want some hope for COVID, some COVID hope.

00:24:16.000 Here, cut to you and I'm going to get my computer charger.

00:24:18.000 You want some COVID hope out there?

00:24:19.000 If you go to the Board of Supervisors meetings on YouTube.

00:24:25.000 Oh, look.

00:24:25.000 It's a six-hour thing of people.

00:24:27.000 No, people that are over the whole COVID and vaccine crap.

00:24:32.000 Yeah.

00:24:32.000 So this is good.

00:24:32.000 It's like parents, people from the community.

00:24:36.000 Yeah.

00:24:37.000 I've had COVID.

00:24:39.000 I think I have too.

00:24:40.000 I've been vaccinated.

00:24:42.000 No, I was in the hospital for 10 days.

00:24:44.000 Oh, really?

00:24:44.000 With COVID?

00:24:45.000 Yeah.

00:24:45.000 Back in January.

00:24:47.000 I got a January 2nd, 10 days in the hospital because of my underlying heart condition and diabetes.

00:24:53.000 Yeah, that's worth making clear, Maddie.

00:24:56.000 You have the immune system of a dead person.

00:24:58.000 Yeah, I have all the trifecta of, I have heart failure, I have diabetes, I have asthma.

00:25:06.000 So lung failure.

00:25:07.000 And at the time, I was a little, I'm still obese, according to my doctors.

00:25:13.000 Like, I'm 206 pounds right now.

00:25:16.000 I dropped 30 pounds.

00:25:17.000 Nice, congrats.

00:25:18.000 Anyway, so I had them.

00:25:21.000 So they said, we're going to keep you in the hospital for the 10 days until your incubation period is up.

00:25:26.000 All that.

00:25:28.000 Whatever, okay.

00:25:29.000 Basically, I was pretty much asymptomatic, didn't have any treatments, just they were treating me for, you know, give me oxygen, keep me on my regular medication and everything.

00:25:40.000 Then I say to the doctors, I said, well, do I have to get the vaccine or what's up?

00:25:45.000 They're like, well, you have to wait 90 days from the time of your release to get the vaccine.

00:25:50.000 So I get the vaccine like March 29th because I had to wait 90 days.

00:25:57.000 I get the Pfizer, one shot, which is, and I go back for three weeks.

00:26:02.000 You get the second shot.

00:26:03.000 If you're in Moderna, you got to wait four weeks to get the second shot.

00:26:06.000 So I get the second shot, boom.

00:26:09.000 So now I'm fully vaccinated.

00:26:11.000 And you've had it.

00:26:12.000 And I've had COVID.

00:26:13.000 I've been in the hospitalized with COVID.

00:26:17.000 So even though I've been vaccinated, I've had COVID, I'm still a potential super spreader, I can get COVID again, and I should wear a mask.

00:26:29.000 So why did I take a vaccine?

00:26:34.000 Are you logged into that key to the city thing?

00:26:37.000 Oh, yeah.

00:26:37.000 I have a...

00:26:38.000 Here, I'll pull it up on my.

00:26:40.000 I have my.

00:26:43.000 Is it like a big barcode, Doohickey?

00:26:45.000 Yeah, I got it right here.

00:26:46.000 I'll pull it up and put it by the camera there.

00:26:48.000 I have a.

00:26:50.000 Is there any information on there you would want?

00:26:54.000 He thought of that, Ryan.

00:26:55.000 Thank you.

00:26:56.000 Okay.

00:26:57.000 Frankly, just making sure.

00:26:59.000 It doesn't have autofocus.

00:27:01.000 Hopefully we get it.

00:27:02.000 So what if I took a screen grab of that?

00:27:04.000 What if someone took a screen grab of that and put it on their phone and held it up when they go to a restaurant in New York?

00:27:10.000 Apparently it's illegal, but I don't know why.

00:27:12.000 Because it's not an official document.

00:27:14.000 Well, it's fraud.

00:27:15.000 But does it, it would say Maddie O'Dell on it, right?

00:27:18.000 Of course.

00:27:18.000 Yeah.

00:27:19.000 So would they ask to see my driver's license with it?

00:27:21.000 I bet they wouldn't.

00:27:22.000 No, of course not.

00:27:23.000 Hold on.

00:27:23.000 Maybe you could see better from this.

00:27:25.000 I bet New Yorkers.

00:27:27.000 Click on me?

00:27:27.000 I bet New Yorkers could get away with just someone taking a screen grab of that.

00:27:32.000 That's the Excelsior Pass.

00:27:34.000 And then when you tap on it, it goes to a huge...

00:27:40.000 You can't really see it.

00:27:40.000 Oh, they might tap on it.

00:27:42.000 It's like the Metro North.

00:27:44.000 Yeah, it's got a tickets.

00:27:47.000 There's a giant QR code right here.

00:27:49.000 You can't really see it on the.

00:27:51.000 Oh, hold on.

00:27:53.000 No, it's just the one.

00:27:54.000 Yeah, it's just plain.

00:27:55.000 But there's a QR code there.

00:27:58.000 And it tells me it expires in 2022.

00:28:01.000 2022?

00:28:03.000 Yep.

00:28:04.000 It's only good for one year.

00:28:05.000 That's in the fucking panel.

00:28:06.000 No, that's an active month.

00:28:07.000 Active passes.

00:28:08.000 September, October, November, December.

00:28:10.000 That's in four months.

00:28:11.000 No, it's April 19th, 2022.

00:28:15.000 Oh, I see.

00:28:16.000 Yeah, the day I got my last shot.

00:28:18.000 But now that I got an email because of my, I'm on the heart transplant list.

00:28:24.000 I got an email the other day, same as our liberal bartender Jimmy.

00:28:29.000 He got one because he has autoimmune disease saying that he should come and get the third booster shot.

00:28:34.000 Third?

00:28:35.000 Third booster shot.

00:28:38.000 Him and I both got tertiary.

00:28:40.000 Yes.

00:28:41.000 Third chance.

00:28:42.000 Third booster shot.

00:28:44.000 And why is this going to work any better than the two that I already taken?

00:28:48.000 Well, that's just it.

00:28:49.000 As everyone keeps saying, they're just going to keep going.

00:28:53.000 I just want to know when does a novel virus, like the novel coronavirus, become not novel?

00:29:01.000 Like, when is it, okay, it's here to stay and we're just going to deal with it like the flu?

00:29:06.000 Yeah.

00:29:07.000 If you're going to die, you're going to be able to do it.

00:29:09.000 How long can you beat a dead horse?

00:29:10.000 Oh, like imagine there's a nuclear war and we're all in the bunker for a year and then you start going, you know what?

00:29:17.000 I'm going to go outside.

00:29:18.000 I'm going to show you how to get out of here.

00:29:19.000 I know there's dead cows everywhere.

00:29:20.000 I'll be the victim.

00:29:22.000 Yeah, it's really hard to see the sun because there's so much ash.

00:29:27.000 I'm kind of done with this fucking bunker now.

00:29:29.000 Like, at what point do we say, okay, mask didn't work the first time?

00:29:33.000 I've already fucked all of you twice.

00:29:35.000 We're going back.

00:29:36.000 And half of you are dudes.

00:29:38.000 Yeah.

00:29:38.000 One of you is my dad.

00:29:39.000 So I've had enough.

00:29:41.000 I need some variety.

00:29:42.000 I'm going to go fuck a dead cow outside the bunker.

00:29:45.000 I think that's the Scottish thing.

00:29:47.000 Fucking your dad?

00:29:48.000 No, dead cow.

00:29:49.000 No.

00:29:50.000 So the impatience part.

00:29:52.000 As one does.

00:29:53.000 So anyway, so there was this, everybody's pissed in San Diego.

00:29:56.000 You would think California, they're not, you know, they're all woke and pissed.

00:29:58.000 Even the dude from POD's dad?

00:30:00.000 Yeah, no, I was going to say that it's a shame that Copper Cab is deciding to do content outside of censored TV.

00:30:06.000 But this is pretty powerful stuff.

00:30:08.000 And they should be putting a tingle up the spine of your back.

00:30:12.000 And they should be begging you to do the right thing.

00:30:15.000 You're about to open a pit of hell.

00:30:18.000 You do not get a vaccine passport put on us.

00:30:22.000 You know, as the population who's in control, you know that the people are the politicians.

00:30:29.000 Once you get a power, you will never relinquish it.

00:30:32.000 Do you think that the four feet of marble that holds you above, high in this chamber, will help you from the fate of humanity, which you are unleashing?

00:30:47.000 If not, your children and your children's children will be suffocated.

00:30:54.000 They will be asked, how many vaccines have you had?

00:30:58.000 Have you been a good little naughty?

00:31:01.000 Hey, oh puzzle, hey, oh puppy, hey, little puppy, hey, little puppy, little nutty.

00:31:19.000 Yes, you doctor what you are in violation of the number of code, which is international law and the definition is.

00:31:36.000 Your time is expired.

00:31:38.000 Was he saying L Fauci?

00:31:40.000 Yeah.

00:31:42.000 Mocking.

00:31:43.000 Yes, yes, yes, yes.

00:31:44.000 I understand.

00:31:44.000 Right.

00:31:46.000 That's not copper cab, is it?

00:31:48.000 No.

00:31:49.000 Please take a seat.

00:31:50.000 That's blonde cab.

00:31:52.000 It's pretty funny because I have a relative that looks almost identical.

00:31:56.000 That looks like a white Boston Mike from DMS who died deer hunter style playing Russian roulette.

00:32:01.000 Oh, yeah.

00:32:03.000 Wow.

00:32:04.000 I don't...

00:32:04.000 Look, this is my personal opinion.

00:32:06.000 That shit means nothing to me.

00:32:07.000 That's not activism.

00:32:09.000 That's just, they give you room.

00:32:10.000 I have these friends who they've noticed their kids are real ornery and pissy when they take them away from video games.

00:32:17.000 So the mother has like a decompression room where she goes, get off your shit, get off your iPad, get off your everything.

00:32:24.000 And then as the kids being a suck, she goes, go into that room and wait 15 minutes.

00:32:28.000 And that's their decompression Chamber.

00:32:31.000 And I tried it.

00:32:32.000 It's a good move to do because you're taking crack away from a crackhead and they need time to sort of recalibrate.

00:32:39.000 And I told the husband after the wife told me that, I go, I really like your wife's tips.

00:32:46.000 And he goes, What the fuck did you just say to me?

00:32:49.000 And I go, your wife's tips.

00:32:50.000 They're amazing.

00:32:53.000 Your wife's tips or tips.

00:32:56.000 He goes, how do you know anything about my wife's tits?

00:33:00.000 And I was like, I've never looked at your wife's tits.

00:33:03.000 As a rule, when I talk to any man's wife that's a friend of mine, my eyes stop at the shoulders.

00:33:08.000 I talk to women like this.

00:33:10.000 Hi, what's going on?

00:33:11.000 I actually purposely don't even know their names.

00:33:13.000 People see that as sexist.

00:33:14.000 No.

00:33:15.000 But it's actually respectful.

00:33:17.000 It's respectful to not look at your friend's wife or girlfriend or not know her name.

00:33:22.000 It's like, I heard her tips.

00:33:25.000 You listened to my wife's tips?

00:33:26.000 I just tip fucked your wife.

00:33:29.000 She had some great ideas for kids.

00:33:32.000 Anyway, so that's what that is.

00:33:35.000 It's a timeout room.

00:33:37.000 We're going to let you go to a town hall and you can yell with your dreads and say your little speech that you wrote on your phone.

00:33:44.000 And we go, oh no, you totally hurt my feelings.

00:33:48.000 And then they go back and they keep oppressing us.

00:33:51.000 The way you fight back is to break the law.

00:33:54.000 It's like Lenore Skenazzi in her book, Free Range Kids.

00:33:57.000 She goes, it's illegal for a five-year-old and a six-year-old to go to the park alone.

00:34:02.000 Send them to the park alone.

00:34:04.000 They can't arrest us all.

00:34:06.000 If everyone sends their five and six-year-olds to the park alone without parental supervision, then what?

00:34:12.000 The jails fill up with kids?

00:34:15.000 That's why I say get fired, get in trouble at the end of every show.

00:34:18.000 That's the only way to do it.

00:34:19.000 Send your kid to school and say, my kid's not wearing a mask.

00:34:23.000 That's a lot more effective than, you, hail, Vauci, hail, Vauci.

00:34:29.000 You should be ashamed of yourself.

00:34:31.000 Ooh.

00:34:33.000 You know, my buddy Dean, who I hang out with, you met, you know, when I hang out the other day, his kid, he lives in Greenwich, Connecticut.

00:34:42.000 So now Connecticut schools have deemed that kids have to wear masks going back to this current school year.

00:34:52.000 That didn't sit well for about half of the residents of Greenwich.

00:34:57.000 And now they have to join the Greenwich Patriots.

00:35:02.000 Damn.

00:35:03.000 Really?

00:35:03.000 Yeah.

00:35:04.000 Believe it or not.

00:35:06.000 So Greenwich is pretty left, though, generally, isn't it?

00:35:09.000 But there.

00:35:10.000 It's a weird...

00:35:10.000 Well, it's obviously a weird.

00:35:11.000 Connecticut's a weird state.

00:35:13.000 Yeah.

00:35:13.000 Because there's like New Canaan where Ann Coulter's from.

00:35:16.000 Correct.

00:35:17.000 There's a lot of old money.

00:35:19.000 There's a lot of influence.

00:35:21.000 There's a lot of...

00:35:22.000 A lot of old Republican money.

00:35:23.000 Yes.

00:35:24.000 Yes.

00:35:25.000 You know what?

00:35:25.000 But there's also a lot of rich young liberals.

00:35:29.000 New money.

00:35:29.000 Yeah.

00:35:30.000 Yeah.

00:35:31.000 I don't think they outweigh the old money.

00:35:34.000 I think it makes sense that the super liberal places, they have.

00:35:38.000 The Greenwich.

00:35:41.000 What the hell did you say?

00:35:42.000 Patriots.

00:35:43.000 Patriots.

00:35:44.000 I'm sorry.

00:35:44.000 Got a brain fart there.

00:35:45.000 The Greenwich Patriots to challenge the schools.

00:35:51.000 Wow.

00:35:52.000 Yeah, I have a seat.

00:35:53.000 It's like Antifa says, that's my source for everything.

00:35:56.000 Talk is cheap.

00:35:57.000 Direct action is all that matters.

00:35:59.000 Non-compliance.

00:36:00.000 Non-compliance.

00:36:01.000 Send all your kids with no masks.

00:36:03.000 What are they going to do?

00:36:04.000 Shut the whole school down?

00:36:05.000 Oh, you're against the COVID mandates?

00:36:07.000 All right.

00:36:08.000 You better not scream into a pillow in your bedroom about how much you hate them.

00:36:12.000 That would really hurt me.

00:36:13.000 Oh, yeah?

00:36:14.000 Watch this.

00:36:17.000 Oh, no.

00:36:18.000 Like, those fucking dumb things where they have Mark Zuckerberg in Congress and Ted Cruz is like, can you locate?

00:36:27.000 Can someone locate where you are on Facebook?

00:36:30.000 And he's like, I don't know, sir.

00:36:31.000 We are still looking into that.

00:36:33.000 Ooh, you grilly-grilled fucking Jack Dorsey.

00:36:37.000 I'm so scared.

00:36:39.000 Non-compliance is the way to go.

00:36:41.000 Yes.

00:36:41.000 My opinion.

00:36:43.000 Well, this is a good example of that.

00:36:45.000 Let's see here.

00:36:47.000 What would you fucking do?

00:36:48.000 Oh, I have a lot of trouble looking at this.

00:36:50.000 What would you do?

00:36:52.000 I can't handle fucking children in duress.

00:36:55.000 I haven't seen this.

00:36:56.000 Really?

00:36:56.000 It's good.

00:36:57.000 I don't know if I can watch it again.

00:36:59.000 I had to watch it through your eyes, squinty eyes.

00:37:06.000 Australia's out of fucking control, man.

00:37:09.000 Wait a minute.

00:37:09.000 Is this the autistic child that had to get on the plane?

00:37:12.000 They had a medical note not to get tested?

00:37:15.000 No, this is a totally different.

00:37:16.000 I know what you're saying.

00:37:17.000 I think this is an involuntary vaccine.

00:37:20.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:37:23.000 Look at this shit.

00:37:24.000 What would you do?

00:37:26.000 I mean, you'd have to like...

00:37:27.000 Oh, I'd go to the children's vaccine.

00:37:30.000 Well, I'd go to jail, but I don't know if I can overpower three guys.

00:37:34.000 Oh, I'm going to try my darnest.

00:37:36.000 Yeah.

00:37:36.000 I might knock one out.

00:37:37.000 That's my last swings and my last dying breath.

00:37:40.000 I'm going to bite their fucking faces.

00:37:43.000 My kids aren't going to have a dad.

00:37:44.000 I think it was a couple of days ago.

00:37:47.000 There was an autistic child that had a note from his doctor that said, you can't try to stick anything up his nose because he's going to go batching.

00:37:55.000 You know, he's on a spectrum.

00:37:57.000 He's autistic.

00:37:58.000 And the fucking, oof.

00:38:01.000 All hell broke loose.

00:38:04.000 And then they issued an apology for traumatizing the kid.

00:38:11.000 What do you, at what point does this get, like, are you fucking kidding me?

00:38:17.000 You know, when the Brits invaded South Africa, they were losing against the Boers, and so they started killing the women and children, and then they won.

00:38:27.000 They did the exact same thing to the Americans in 1776, and they made the Americans so mad that they lost.

00:38:36.000 But it's a tried and tested, dirty pool way to destroy a civilization, and right now they are attacking our children to try to break us.

00:38:47.000 And it's going to start a fucking civil war.

00:38:51.000 CRT, this kind of shit here.

00:38:54.000 I mean, you attack a man's kids, he either buckles and cries and is just a broken man, or he turns in to Braveheart.

00:39:02.000 Like, look at that.

00:39:03.000 Australian police pepper spray a child for not wearing a mask.

00:39:08.000 It's bizarre what's going on in Australia.

00:39:10.000 And by the way, that cop is not wearing a mask.

00:39:12.000 Help is coming.

00:39:18.000 All right, let's stop giving away free content.

00:39:19.000 Australia's bananas.

00:39:21.000 We're going to get to the mailbag and then we're going to take some calls.

00:39:24.000 You're going to miss out on this because you're too cheap to pay your bills.

00:39:26.000 Oh my God, guess what?

00:39:28.000 The first letter we have is called Smokeshow, Liberation, Talibrown, Pronouns, and Kabul Skydiving.

00:39:36.000 Very involved title.

00:39:38.000 But it involves a woman with the best hits I've ever seen, and I'm half a century old.

00:39:44.000 You're missing out on that, sir.

00:39:46.000 Yeah.

00:39:46.000 So go to censor.tv, sign up.

00:39:48.000 It's $10 a month.

00:39:49.000 It's a fantastic investment.

00:39:51.000 It's non-stop entertainment every single day.

00:39:54.000 Even when I'm away for three weeks, we're still bombarding you with entertainment.

00:39:59.000 Now that I'm back from my vacation, I'm going to start doing the sit-down interviews here in the studio.

00:40:04.000 I'm going to have War Vets, our buddy Bill, who was in Guam, got a purple heart.

00:40:11.000 Was it a grenadier?

00:40:12.000 He's got a grenade.

00:40:13.000 He got a purple heart because he sprained his ankle playing softball while his buddies were dying fighting the Cubans.

00:40:21.000 We'll get Tommy Ranger, who was in Afghanistan for many years, killed jihadist, see how he feels about the pull-out.

00:40:29.000 And then guess who I got?

00:40:30.000 I got fucking Nikki Klein from that sex cult.

00:40:34.000 We're going to sit her down in the fancy studio.

00:40:36.000 And her contention is the FBI placed kitty porn on his computer.

00:40:42.000 She also says this is not a hunch.

00:40:44.000 She has evidence, forensic evidence, that it's going to free him.

00:40:48.000 Is that the one with the brand?

00:40:50.000 They all have brands.

00:40:51.000 They have the brand on the head.

00:40:53.000 That's the cult.

00:40:54.000 That's the cult.

00:40:55.000 NVXM or whatever.

00:40:57.000 Nexium.

00:40:58.000 Nexium.

00:40:58.000 Yeah, that's it.

00:40:59.000 Nikki Klein.

00:41:00.000 What did I say?

00:41:02.000 Not that.

00:41:05.000 Great memory.

00:41:06.000 How many remember correct names?

00:41:07.000 Sorry.

00:41:08.000 I can't wait for that.

00:41:10.000 Yeah, I want to.

00:41:11.000 This is what I want to do, like with the working class interviews on those seats.

00:41:16.000 I want to do, okay, I'm me.

00:41:18.000 I'm 18.

00:41:19.000 I want to be a plumber.

00:41:20.000 What do I do first?

00:41:21.000 What's the worst part of it?

00:41:23.000 How much does it cost?

00:41:24.000 What can I fail?

00:41:25.000 What can I not fail?

00:41:26.000 Who do I need to know?

00:41:27.000 And like, make me a plumber, take me through it.

00:41:29.000 With the Vietnam vet, I want to hear, when did you first know you had to go?

00:41:35.000 Like, what kind of plane did you get on?

00:41:36.000 Were you shitting your pants when you landed?

00:41:38.000 But with the celebs with this thing, I want to know your life story.

00:41:42.000 Like, you were born here, you went there.

00:41:45.000 How did you end up in a sex cult?

00:41:47.000 Like, what about your childhood made you end up there?

00:41:51.000 I just pulled that out of my ass right now.

00:41:52.000 Because you don't want to say to a plumber, what about your childhood made you want to plumb?

00:41:57.000 That doesn't really grab anyone.

00:42:00.000 I want the working class ones and the Warvettes, I want them to come away with, like, they've done it.

00:42:06.000 Right.

00:42:07.000 But with these stories more, I want, like, with Ann Coulter, her dad was this incredible guy.

00:42:12.000 I think he was a judge.

00:42:14.000 I want to know how he shaped her.

00:42:17.000 That's interesting to me, and it's interesting to you.

00:42:19.000 Anyway, we're going to go through the mail now.

00:42:21.000 We're going to look at some fantastic tits you're not allowed to see.

00:42:25.000 You're a moocher, and I hate you.

00:42:27.000 Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

00:43:01.000 So, Baby Monster had a baby the other day.

00:43:05.000 No, he had a birthday the other day, and we're at the pub, and this woman walks by.

00:43:15.000 This is tit-related.

00:43:16.000 I can tell.

00:43:18.000 There are some tits in it.

00:43:20.000 Tits are a percentage of it, maybe 12.

00:43:24.000 She is so fucking hot that we're all talking about like, yeah, have you seen this thing where Biden, so Trump had a plan to get out of Kabul.

00:43:36.000 He had it all laid out.

00:43:37.000 Biden crumpled it up, threw it in the garbage.

00:43:39.000 Raheem Kassan was covering this because it was a Trump idea.

00:43:43.000 Exact same as Cuomo, where Trump brought the big boat by that everyone could have been in and been isolated and cured.

00:43:50.000 But he said, no, I don't want Trump to win.

00:43:52.000 So send them to old folks' home where 14,000 people will die.

00:43:55.000 Probably 14,000 people will die in Kabul.

00:43:58.000 American citizens, I'm guessing.

00:44:00.000 So these guys are letting Americans die for political points.

00:44:04.000 And we're talking like that, right?

00:44:07.000 And this fucking woman walks by.

00:44:10.000 She's about 19.

00:44:12.000 She's slightly Hispanic.

00:44:14.000 Her hair is blacker than coal.

00:44:18.000 She has a little tube top on with little stingamids, like a tank top tube top, sports bra thing.

00:44:23.000 She has leggings on.

00:44:25.000 I didn't see her feet, but let's just imagine they're like sort of little sneakers, little vans or something.

00:44:31.000 Maybe little aerobic shoes.

00:44:33.000 A 10.

00:44:35.000 And so everyone stops talking because in Kabul.

00:44:39.000 Yeah.

00:44:40.000 And then as she passes, we see the back of her two bowling balls that are identical twins that grew up loving each other to death.

00:44:51.000 And every time she takes, like her leg goes in the back extension, one of the bowling balls inflates.

00:44:56.000 Boom.

00:44:57.000 Boom.

00:44:57.000 Yeah.

00:44:58.000 Boom.

00:44:59.000 Which were like normal size.

00:45:00.000 They weren't crazy.

00:45:01.000 It was the proverbial, the record skipped.

00:45:05.000 Yeah.

00:45:07.000 And everything stopped.

00:45:09.000 And every guy that was with us literally just went.

00:45:13.000 You know what's funny?

00:45:14.000 It was silent.

00:45:16.000 You see that?

00:45:16.000 Everywhere she goes, she's just hearing like birds chirping and like crickets.

00:45:19.000 She's like, wow.

00:45:20.000 It's quiet.

00:45:21.000 It's proverbial.

00:45:22.000 There's a lot of humming.

00:45:23.000 You walk into a room and the record skips.

00:45:26.000 It was exactly like there was a massive car accident and a baby went through the windshield and splatted on the back of a bus.

00:45:33.000 We didn't even go, ooh.

00:45:35.000 You could not just in awe.

00:45:37.000 Just like draw drop like a.

00:45:40.000 it was like a dog walked by with a human face and said, What?

00:45:45.000 We all just went, Look up Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

00:45:49.000 Jaws were just dog human face.

00:45:50.000 I'm going to come.

00:45:53.000 I wouldn't want to fuck her.

00:45:55.000 That's how pretty she was.

00:45:57.000 I would be like, it would be desecrating in the Mona Lisa.

00:45:59.000 There was a little debate about that between us.

00:46:01.000 I'd be like, can I just touch your butt cheeks, I guess?

00:46:03.000 Yeah, let me just.

00:46:04.000 Let me just watch you walk down the street.

00:46:06.000 Let me just, how about I just pray to you?

00:46:08.000 Let me light some candles, put some oranges around you, put some incense.

00:46:12.000 Like Buddha.

00:46:13.000 This is what it was like.

00:46:18.000 That was our reaction.

00:46:19.000 It was that amazing.

00:46:22.000 Why are you in that movie, but without AIDS?

00:46:26.000 She was as pretty as a dog with a human face.

00:46:29.000 No, sorry.

00:46:29.000 As shocking.

00:46:30.000 Right.

00:46:31.000 And like you see someone that that usually when a girl is super hot and has nice tits, God goes, you're not getting an ass out of this.

00:46:38.000 I already spent all my chips.

00:46:39.000 I mean, the face was dice.

00:46:42.000 The tits were ample.

00:46:44.000 Ample.

00:46:44.000 The hair was jet black.

00:46:46.000 Black.

00:46:47.000 Flowing.

00:46:48.000 Shining.

00:46:48.000 Lid back.

00:46:50.000 Just over her shoulder.

00:46:51.000 It was just like...

00:46:53.000 If I had come by an ex on and scooped her up and throw her on the back, a judge wouldn't have prosecuted me for kidnapping.

00:47:00.000 He would have been like...

00:47:01.000 If you touched her ass and you brought her into court, the judge would rule for you.

00:47:05.000 The judge would say, you're the victim.

00:47:07.000 I've seen the evidence and I agree.

00:47:09.000 Hey, bitch, you're going to jail.

00:47:11.000 You raped him.

00:47:12.000 You need not be in public.

00:47:14.000 You raped him by wearing yoga pants.

00:47:16.000 You fucking bitch.

00:47:18.000 She was smoking.

00:47:19.000 Smoke.

00:47:20.000 Well, that brings up the controversial question, how often do you see a 10?

00:47:28.000 Because it kind of defines the bell curve.

00:47:30.000 It's been a while.

00:47:32.000 And it's not scientific, so you got to go with your gut.

00:47:35.000 Like, people say you see a 10 once in your life and a 0 once in your life.

00:47:39.000 No.

00:47:40.000 I think you see, my gut, I'm not being scientific here.

00:47:43.000 My gut says you see a 10 and a 0 every three months.

00:47:48.000 I saw, I was out in Millwater, water mill in the Hamptons over the weekend.

00:47:56.000 And there was one that was a strong 9, 9.5.

00:48:01.000 Strong.

00:48:02.000 But nothing compared to the 10.

00:48:08.000 Like, you saw this woman, and she came down in her gown for the party and everything, and you were like, okay, she's smoking.

00:48:15.000 She's total smoke show, 9, 9.5 solid.

00:48:19.000 A 9, 9.5, you can live.

00:48:21.000 You're still earth wings.

00:48:22.000 Yeah.

00:48:23.000 But a 10.

00:48:23.000 This 10?

00:48:25.000 You just go.

00:48:26.000 Cut it right off.

00:48:27.000 And it used to break my heart because I'm like, why don't I have you?

00:48:30.000 And then I'm like, what?

00:48:31.000 Why don't I have a fucking Conor McGregor $2 billion yacht?

00:48:35.000 That's a dumb thing to think.

00:48:36.000 Now, I just go, wow, I just saw the Mona Lisa.

00:48:42.000 I just saw an incredible work of art.

00:48:44.000 Sarah Jessica Parker?

00:48:46.000 Dude, she's a fucking horse too.

00:48:51.000 No one wants to fuck Sarah Jessica Parker.

00:48:53.000 And that's a great picture.

00:48:54.000 Is Yolandi Visser on there?

00:48:55.000 Is Lena Dunham?

00:48:57.000 Zero man.

00:48:58.000 You could drop her out of a plane in Kabul.

00:49:01.000 And the Taliban would be like, ah, I'm not that horny yet.

00:49:03.000 Come back in an hour.

00:49:04.000 Lena Dunham.

00:49:05.000 And these are super hot pictures of them, too.

00:49:08.000 He's saying that.

00:49:10.000 Ugly women hearing.

00:49:11.000 No one sex appeal.

00:49:12.000 Maya Rudolph.

00:49:13.000 Yeah, that's another thing.

00:49:14.000 Dude, you got to see Maya Rudolph in unflattering pictures.

00:49:17.000 Oh, my God.

00:49:18.000 My best friend when I was 10?

00:49:20.000 Absolutely not.

00:49:21.000 But now?

00:49:22.000 Peter McCarthy, no thanks.

00:49:25.000 Chloe's 70, I do see the appeal.

00:49:27.000 Chloe, yeah.

00:49:28.000 I think I could have fucked her once.

00:49:30.000 She was hanging out with Dianewood for a while.

00:49:33.000 Oh, yeah?

00:49:34.000 Oh, yeah.

00:49:34.000 She was always very cool and dangerous and stuff.

00:49:38.000 I knew her in the early aughts, but my wife told me recently she was all about being a Cuomosexual back when that was the hot thing.

00:49:46.000 And I was just like, ruined.

00:49:50.000 Next.

00:49:50.000 No fucking way.

00:49:54.000 Who else?

00:49:54.000 All things.

00:49:55.000 Oh, my God.

00:49:56.000 Are you out of your mind?

00:49:57.000 My mom?

00:49:59.000 Phew.

00:50:00.000 Tina Faye, yes.

00:50:02.000 Tina Faye, we can work with.

00:50:05.000 Hillary Swank, sort of, I guess.

00:50:07.000 It's a very dude.

00:50:08.000 Look at those collarbones.

00:50:10.000 She's got a very early...

00:50:11.000 Who's the chicken aliens?

00:50:13.000 She looks like that guy.

00:50:14.000 Sigoni Weaver.

00:50:15.000 She looks like that guy at the gym who wants to talk too much.

00:50:18.000 Oh, no.

00:50:18.000 I know exactly that.

00:50:20.000 I'm kind of doing the speed bag now, dude.

00:50:22.000 Let's talk later.

00:50:23.000 I can't hear you.

00:50:24.000 I hear butter button, but I'm not going to be able to do it.

00:50:26.000 I was doing so good with not talking to anybody at my gym and I got roped in.

00:50:29.000 I now have a gym guy that I have to wave to now, and it's not great.

00:50:33.000 Larry?

00:50:35.000 What?

00:50:37.000 That's a joke.

00:50:38.000 That's a joke.

00:50:39.000 No, it's a joke.

00:50:43.000 She wishes she was.

00:50:44.000 Lizzo is her goals.

00:50:46.000 Jesus Christ.

00:50:47.000 Gabrielle Sibide is a really cool chick, I've heard.

00:50:51.000 Super funny.

00:50:52.000 Nobody wants to fuck her.

00:50:54.000 Nobody.

00:50:56.000 She's worse than nothing.

00:50:57.000 Same with who's the Ghostbusters black chick from...

00:51:02.000 What was it?

00:51:03.000 I'm drawing a total blank.

00:51:04.000 Yeah.

00:51:05.000 Milo made fun of her.

00:51:06.000 Yeah, her hair is like a flame emoji.

00:51:08.000 Fucking.

00:51:10.000 Her feet are like size 13.

00:51:14.000 She's not funny.

00:51:15.000 She was affirmative action hired.

00:51:16.000 She's loud.

00:51:17.000 Looks like a guy.

00:51:19.000 Whatever the fucking.

00:51:20.000 What is it?

00:51:20.000 There's something about being on screen where you can't remember certain names.

00:51:26.000 Because the second these cameras are off, I know her name.

00:51:29.000 Leslie Jones.

00:51:30.000 Leslie Jones.

00:51:31.000 Leslie Jones.

00:51:32.000 I was thinking of...

00:51:33.000 Who would you rather fuck, Leslie Jones or January Jones?

00:51:36.000 Who the fuck is January Jones?

00:51:38.000 She's the blonde from Mad Man.

00:51:40.000 Oh, okay.

00:51:41.000 Who would make your dick cry tears of come just by saying hi.

00:51:44.000 That's a hard one.

00:51:45.000 Please don't.

00:51:46.000 Leslie?

00:51:47.000 Is that Leslie or is that January?

00:51:49.000 I can't tell.

00:51:50.000 I cannot tell them apart.

00:51:53.000 That could be Leslie Jones.

00:51:55.000 If that's Leslie Jones, I'd do Leslie.

00:51:57.000 Leslie, Leslie.

00:51:58.000 I'd rather fuck Mr. Jones than Leslie Jones.

00:52:01.000 Yeah.

00:52:02.000 Mr. Jones.

00:52:03.000 Hey.

00:52:03.000 If it was a choice between counting crows, his hair is made of wool.

00:52:09.000 And he fucked every chick in Friends.

00:52:13.000 Wow.

00:52:13.000 And they're all nines.

00:52:15.000 He was banging Jen Aniston for a while.

00:52:16.000 Jen Aniston.

00:52:18.000 That fucking weird dude.

00:52:19.000 Have you seen him lately?

00:52:20.000 That's wool.

00:52:21.000 Sideshow Bob.

00:52:22.000 Have you seen him lately?

00:52:23.000 No.

00:52:24.000 He's like almost bald.

00:52:26.000 He's bald there.

00:52:27.000 No, but all that red wool gone and just like big empty patches.

00:52:31.000 Imagine being so good at picking up chicks that you could look like that ugly fucking Jay and get a J like Jennifer Anniston.

00:52:42.000 He used to be the bartender at the Viper Room.

00:52:45.000 Oh, really?

00:52:45.000 Yeah.

00:52:46.000 Where does he get his haircut?

00:52:47.000 Michael's for arts and crafts?

00:52:49.000 He's got no dreads anymore.

00:52:51.000 David Cross told me that he went to a party at his house and you walk in and there's a massive staircase that goes up to this giant painting of him.

00:52:59.000 Him.

00:53:00.000 Wow.

00:53:00.000 So he's like sort of...

00:53:02.000 A little narcissism.

00:53:03.000 Yeah, welcome to my spot.

00:53:05.000 Oh, it's getting kind of...

00:53:06.000 Now he's starting to look like your accountant friend.

00:53:08.000 Where was he from?

00:53:09.000 I don't think he was from the bad.

00:53:10.000 I think he was from Oakland.

00:53:12.000 He was up from the Oakland area.

00:53:14.000 That's a bad one.

00:53:15.000 When he started.

00:53:16.000 That's a hustle, dude.

00:53:17.000 That's a hustle.

00:53:17.000 I got a handed drink.

00:53:18.000 He's cut all his dreads off and his hair is just like patches.

00:53:22.000 Looks like he got alopecia.

00:53:23.000 Still more fuckable than Leslie Jones.

00:53:27.000 I'm not seeing these bald ones.

00:53:28.000 I got to look, let me see, 2021.

00:53:30.000 I think he had a thing called Coke.

00:53:34.000 That's how you fuck a bunch of girls.

00:53:37.000 When you got tons of money?

00:53:40.000 Okay, let's do the mailbag intro.

00:53:42.000 We only have five minutes.

00:53:44.000 We're supposed to do an hour of mail.

00:53:46.000 Paimini?

00:53:47.000 Pai Mini, as they say in Puerto Rico.

00:53:50.000 Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.

00:53:54.000 Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.

00:53:59.000 Let me touch it.

00:54:00.000 Let me touch it.

00:54:03.000 We still have not let him touch it.

00:54:07.000 Since I talked about the tits, we've got two new emails, so we'll try to rip through those.

00:54:11.000 Where have all the Proud Boys gone?

00:54:13.000 Hey, Gavin, did you know if you replace Cowboys with Proud Boys in Paula Cole's Where Have All the Cowboys gone?

00:54:19.000 It works just the same, if not better?

00:54:23.000 Where have all the Proud Boys gone?

00:54:26.000 Sounds like a hit.

00:54:27.000 Click on it, Meathead.

00:54:29.000 Oh.

00:54:29.000 What do you mean?

00:54:30.000 Oh.

00:54:31.000 It took me a while to pull that up.

00:54:37.000 Yeah, the verse doesn't come in for a second, so let's skip it.

00:54:40.000 I know the song very well.

00:54:42.000 Yeah, of course you do, you single mom.

00:54:46.000 I don't even know who Paula Cole is.

00:54:48.000 Oh, come on, man.

00:54:50.000 She doesn't know.

00:54:52.000 I don't want to wait for our lives to be.

00:54:53.000 Maddie, imagine knowing this song really well.

00:54:56.000 He knows it.

00:54:56.000 That's Ryan's life.

00:54:57.000 Maddie, you know this.

00:54:58.000 Come on.

00:54:58.000 No, he does not.

00:54:59.000 W-R-R-V, it pops up.

00:55:01.000 W-R-R-E?

00:55:03.000 W-R-R-V.

00:55:04.000 The Hudson Valley's alternative music radio station.

00:55:08.000 Okay.

00:55:09.000 I did hear there's a civil war in the Proud Boys, and this happened before the insurrection, and it's called Make Proud Boys Clandestine Again.

00:55:18.000 And it was like, bring me back, get rid of Enrique, have no more rallies.

00:55:23.000 There we go.

00:55:26.000 That's what he always was, though.

00:55:27.000 That's a wig.

00:55:30.000 Well, it's kind of like the mafia, Omerta.

00:55:35.000 Like, John Gotti was hated and viled by the mafia because he was so public and out in the public's eye.

00:55:44.000 He's like, no, we operate under the radar.

00:55:48.000 But that implies that the Proud Boys have this sort of crime agenda.

00:55:52.000 It's more like the Knights of Columbus where they would do a parade to raise money for the nuns.

00:55:56.000 Skull and bones.

00:55:57.000 It was supposed to be bodyguarding.

00:55:59.000 And I understand it makes sense to go to a few rallies and beat up Antifa, but like it was getting relentless in D.C. It was every fucking month.

00:56:07.000 Yeah.

00:56:08.000 Anyway.

00:56:09.000 Big deals at West, though.

00:56:10.000 Disney diddlers.

00:56:12.000 Oh, we're getting a whole bunch here.

00:56:14.000 Here's some woman named Lawrence wants us to know that Little Monsters is what Lady Gaga calls her friends.

00:56:20.000 Oh, thanks for that heads up.

00:56:24.000 Wow, I guess you really watch the show fastidiously and take it all in.

00:56:29.000 Disney diddlers busted.

00:56:31.000 Gavin, please watch Florida Sheriff Bust Undercover Child Pedo, Disney Starbucks, et cetera, employees.

00:56:37.000 This one of so too many.

00:56:42.000 No, that looks boring.

00:56:44.000 We don't do press conferences.

00:56:46.000 Dear Gavin and Ryan, I thought your theory about trainings and video games was bullshit, but maybe not.

00:56:51.000 My theory is that all these kids playing as women on video games has led to this whole identity crisis with gender where guys go, I'm a woman.

00:57:01.000 I identify as a woman.

00:57:03.000 Because you were playing Fortnite with some fucking small-waisted chick with a nice ass, which Ryan does.

00:57:10.000 What?

00:57:11.000 You play as a woman.

00:57:12.000 No, hold on a second.

00:57:14.000 There was that one game and you have no choice.

00:57:17.000 I never picked a female character in any video games where you have a choice.

00:57:21.000 And you had to play because someone pointed a gun to your head and said, play this game.

00:57:24.000 No, but I mean the thrills.

00:57:27.000 The thrill.

00:57:28.000 The thrill.

00:57:29.000 You get a little tingling.

00:57:31.000 I fucked guys in prison because there was no chicks.

00:57:34.000 I had no choice.

00:57:36.000 Well, if that's your thrill.

00:57:37.000 But this thrills.

00:57:38.000 It was a thrill.

00:57:39.000 If I didn't fuck dudes, I wouldn't have had the thrill.

00:57:41.000 Yeah, but this thrill is.

00:57:42.000 So is that what you're going to do in prison?

00:57:43.000 But this is straight.

00:57:44.000 Do a bunch of cocksucking?

00:57:45.000 Because you know we're both going.

00:57:48.000 Well, if it's my thrill, but it's not my thrill.

00:57:50.000 My thrill is shooting robot dinos.

00:57:56.000 Can't get that with a guy.

00:57:58.000 Did you pull up the picture yet?

00:57:59.000 Vampire Barbie girl.

00:58:00.000 I'm a trans femme who has never played Dark Swords or Fallout.

00:58:03.000 New Vegas.

00:58:04.000 Yes, I exist.

00:58:06.000 I will literally buy you New Vegas.

00:58:07.000 I'm a missionary effectively.

00:58:08.000 Maybe if you play with me.

00:58:10.000 Vampire Barbiegirl.

00:58:11.000 Yeah, so they're all gamers talking about gaming.

00:58:15.000 This is from Bill.

00:58:16.000 You see a 10 every three months?

00:58:18.000 Gavin, you're speaking out of your arse again, mate.

00:58:21.000 This sounds like a British person.

00:58:22.000 Yep.

00:58:23.000 How can you claim to be encountering a 10 every three months?

00:58:26.000 Here's the litmus test on whether or not you've just witnessed an angel.

00:58:29.000 It's not that you just stop what you're doing, record need of scratch, the world pauses, but it's also that you remember her for years afterwards and random moments of your life.

00:58:38.000 That vision enters your mind.

00:58:39.000 Dude, she's in my head right now.

00:58:41.000 I could bring her up like that.

00:58:42.000 You didn't clarify, but this happened 12 years ago that you guys just told us.

00:58:46.000 That chick we saw the other day will definitely be etched in the head forever.

00:58:50.000 Ever.

00:58:51.000 Ever.

00:58:53.000 Like, you know what I should have done?

00:58:56.000 I should have ran outside and went, Jen?

00:58:59.000 And then she turns around and she's like, what?

00:59:01.000 I go, oh my God, I'm sorry.

00:59:03.000 I thought you were my cousin Jen.

00:59:04.000 Listen.

00:59:05.000 Me, Mom, taking an info.

00:59:06.000 I would have went out there and ran out and said, hey, listen, excuse me, you dropped something.

00:59:10.000 And she's going to stop it, she turned around and looked down.

00:59:12.000 I'm like, yo, if you fall for that, you'll fall for me.

00:59:17.000 And then you knock her over.

00:59:18.000 The cheesiest pickup line ever.

00:59:20.000 Or, you know, another good one, if you want to fuck her, is you run up to her and you jump on top of her and you hold her down.

00:59:27.000 And then you put a knife against her throat and you say, we're going to have a fucking party.

00:59:31.000 And you better not scream or cry.

00:59:33.000 That's for rape.

00:59:34.000 That is rape.

00:59:35.000 Is that rape?

00:59:36.000 That's actually rape.

00:59:36.000 That might be rape.

00:59:37.000 In America, that's rape.

00:59:39.000 Yeah.

00:59:39.000 You're thinking.

00:59:40.000 In Canada.

00:59:40.000 Well, if you were bringing her to Afghanistan.

00:59:42.000 In Canada, that's how I met my wife.

00:59:43.000 There's no incoming flights, but if you did bring her to Afghanistan.

00:59:46.000 I first met my wife in Canada.

00:59:48.000 I was raping her because I saw her on the street and I tackled her and did the knife thing.

00:59:52.000 And I said, smile, fucking smile, right?

00:59:55.000 She's crying and it was bumming me out, right?

00:59:57.000 She's like, oh.

00:59:59.000 Aren't you having a good time?

01:00:00.000 I'm married.

01:00:01.000 And I go, fucking smile.

01:00:03.000 And I push the knife towards her throat.

01:00:05.000 And she goes like this.

01:00:05.000 She goes, as she's crying, she goes, I'm smiling.

01:00:09.000 I'm smiling.

01:00:10.000 See?

01:00:11.000 Fakest fucking smile you've ever seen, man.

01:00:14.000 Could you believe it?

01:00:16.000 Oh, wait, damn it.

01:00:17.000 I was doing this.

01:00:18.000 That's what I'm talking about.

01:00:20.000 That guy's down with it.

01:00:23.000 That was for my ex-con friend Robbie, who told me that joke 30 years ago.

01:00:29.000 And it's a certain, certain people laugh at that, and other, they're called men.

01:00:34.000 And the other half of the population goes, uh.

01:00:36.000 I found it funny the first time, but I. Well, there's the classic one of the guys going to trial for rape, and the judge goes, you know, the girl was telling you, no, don't stop.

01:00:45.000 And you go, no, no, Your Honor.

01:00:47.000 She was telling me, no, don't fucking stop.

01:00:49.000 You weren't there.

01:00:50.000 You were in the context.

01:00:51.000 You got the comma wrong.

01:00:53.000 You got the context wrong.

01:00:55.000 You're missing an exclamation.

01:00:56.000 No.

01:00:56.000 Yeah, there was no period.

01:00:58.000 And she's telling me, no, please don't stop.

01:01:02.000 It's like these pencils we had in grade school that said, don't do drugs, but the don't started at the wrong end.

01:01:09.000 So as we sharpened them, it said, do drugs.

01:01:12.000 There you go.

01:01:13.000 You fucking morons.

01:01:14.000 Oh, speaking of jokes, somebody came up with a Mitch Hedberg joke.

01:01:17.000 Chris Hines.

01:01:18.000 Remember him?

01:01:19.000 Background contest guy?

01:01:20.000 He says, shovels are just big spoons that have food that I don't want to fucking eat.

01:01:28.000 Pretty good?

01:01:29.000 Nope.

01:01:29.000 Not that's very Mitch Hedberg.

01:01:32.000 A spoon goes like this.

01:01:33.000 A shovel goes like this.

01:01:35.000 Shovels are just big spoons for shit I don't want to eat.

01:01:38.000 Yeah, you're right.

01:01:39.000 Sometimes you go like that, I guess.

01:01:41.000 Okay.

01:01:43.000 But it's also, you remember for years, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, there are some blokes well into their 80s who still remember that one day in 1957 when they saw a 10.

01:01:51.000 Look, a bell curve has to be defined by the parameters.

01:01:55.000 So say you lived in fucking Kabul.

01:01:58.000 You would have to change your parameters to make sure you see a 10 X amount of times.

01:02:04.000 If you lived in ugly land, here's the real question.

01:02:06.000 If you lived in ugly land, like say Glasgow, Scotland, would you say I never saw a 10?

01:02:12.000 Or would you change your parameters?

01:02:14.000 When I was a young man, hot blondes like cheerleader types were not interested in me for whatever reason.

01:02:20.000 They're probably assholes.

01:02:22.000 So I changed my tastes and made it more ethnically ambiguous brunettes.

01:02:27.000 And then I got pussy.

01:02:31.000 If you talk about the IQ of a town, you start with 100 as the median.

01:02:38.000 So say you do 10 tests, you make the middle test 100 IQ.

01:02:44.000 And then that's your bell curve from there.

01:02:46.000 So it's ridiculous to say you never see a 10.

01:02:49.000 That's not how parameters work.

01:02:52.000 You have to work with what you're given.

01:02:54.000 Correct.

01:02:58.000 OnlyFans bans porn?

01:03:01.000 Yes.

01:03:02.000 Yes, we're familiar with that.

01:03:03.000 Oh, yeah.

01:03:04.000 It was just prostitution for middle-class girls.

01:03:06.000 No way.

01:03:07.000 It's huge.

01:03:07.000 A bunch of people had OnlyFans.

01:03:09.000 You have an OnlyFans.

01:03:11.000 I do.

01:03:12.000 I have a little monsters.

01:03:15.000 Some guy sending us the same memes a bunch of times named Alex.

01:03:20.000 This is the email I was trying to get to when we talked about the mailbag, but we keep getting fucking new shit.

01:03:27.000 Hey, G-Man, Criminal, and the Rad Dad.

01:03:30.000 That's me, baby.

01:03:33.000 I own that.

01:03:34.000 Which one am I?

01:03:35.000 I'm the criminal.

01:03:37.000 Okay.

01:03:38.000 I hope you had a good vacation.

01:03:39.000 I'm happy to see you back in action.

01:03:40.000 For the record, that Costa repelling incident really did hurt the censored TV brand.

01:03:45.000 So I'm only sending you $8.99 this month.

01:03:47.000 That aside, I came across this picture and I had to share with you guys.

01:03:50.000 She's no 10.

01:03:52.000 Well.

01:03:54.000 But the shirt compelled me to send it.

01:03:59.000 Also, that Dreedle screaming Hail Fauci was epic.

01:04:04.000 Oh, Dreddy.

01:04:06.000 Everyone's seen that t-shirt by now, right?

01:04:08.000 Look, it goes real low.

01:04:09.000 That goes around your hips.

01:04:11.000 Afghanistan finally liberated from a regime that imposes mandatory face coverings, destroy statues, and promotes a gentle manilation of children.

01:04:19.000 That's a good one.

01:04:20.000 But let me see that chick again.

01:04:23.000 You know what bothers me about that?

01:04:24.000 It's like she's got a fake.

01:04:26.000 Her face is a filter on it.

01:04:32.000 Like in between her cheeks and her nose.

01:04:35.000 Like the tits are huge, but I'm not a big fan of humongous fake tits.

01:04:39.000 Definitely photos.

01:04:40.000 Are those definitely fake tits?

01:04:42.000 Oh, yeah, 100%.

01:04:43.000 Yeah.

01:04:43.000 I hate fake tits.

01:04:45.000 You can feel them.

01:04:46.000 You can feel the bags and stuff.

01:04:47.000 They're penises.

01:04:49.000 I mean, I'm an ass and thigh man and like flat tummy, nice thighs.

01:04:54.000 I'm fine with zero tits at all, like an inch.

01:04:58.000 I'm fine with fucking droopers.

01:04:59.000 I'm from Florida.

01:05:01.000 Zero.

01:05:02.000 Fine.

01:05:03.000 We can work with dudes' tits.

01:05:05.000 Oh, I got a good one.

01:05:06.000 Would you fuck Leslie Jones with real tits or January Jones with fake tits?

01:05:12.000 January Jones?

01:05:13.000 I would fuck January Jones with huge black boners tits.

01:05:16.000 You would fuck her if you got tits afterwards.

01:05:18.000 We would fuck her if one of her tits.

01:05:20.000 I would fuck her if one of her tits was my dad's head and one of her tits was my mom's head and they're both going, kid you!

01:05:27.000 What are you doing there?

01:05:28.000 Calm down.

01:05:30.000 It's ridiculous.

01:05:31.000 Hang is too good for you.

01:05:32.000 Hey, you're shaking us about.

01:05:34.000 Hey, what don't you?

01:05:36.000 I would tit fuck her if my parents' heads were her tits.

01:05:39.000 And you'd still be...

01:05:40.000 They're coming and they all pay every day.

01:05:42.000 Dude, you could put an RPG up to my head and say, your smithereens and your family's necks.

01:05:49.000 We're going to boil them alive.

01:05:50.000 Unless you fuck January Jones.

01:05:51.000 And I'd be like, can't do it.

01:05:53.000 I mean, sorry.

01:05:54.000 You're a beautiful, beautiful bird.

01:05:55.000 And I'd go, ah, come on, Dick.

01:05:58.000 I need you.

01:05:59.000 I'm going to come.

01:06:00.000 Anyway, what's this blonde?

01:06:02.000 She fake tits.

01:06:03.000 That's a bummer.

01:06:04.000 She's got kind of a Mexican dyed her hair bone.

01:06:06.000 She does have that Mexican look, which there's nothing wrong with.

01:06:11.000 She's got a very long nose.

01:06:13.000 Yep.

01:06:14.000 But it's all filtered.

01:06:15.000 You see how it's like white and blurred out?

01:06:17.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:06:18.000 It's all mushy.

01:06:19.000 So we're not getting the true story.

01:06:21.000 Right.

01:06:21.000 I'm going to throw out an 8.

01:06:25.000 7.5.

01:06:25.000 7, 7.5.

01:06:26.000 7.7.

01:06:28.000 Because the picture's filtered.

01:06:30.000 You're not getting the real look.

01:06:32.000 It's hard for us to degrade your work when you cheat and plagiarize.

01:06:37.000 Check these out.

01:06:37.000 These are fucking rough shit turns.

01:06:40.000 Whoa!

01:06:41.000 Yeah, that's a fucking shit.

01:06:42.000 That's a rough.

01:06:43.000 No, no, the other one.

01:06:45.000 Who, her, the Kardashian?

01:06:48.000 That's a Kardashian.

01:06:49.000 Someone take a shit on her face.

01:06:51.000 Did you ever see her before and have a picture of what she looked like?

01:06:53.000 That's Bruce Jenner's daughter.

01:06:55.000 Yeah.

01:06:56.000 Oh, really?

01:06:58.000 She had her jaw, her cheeks, and everything doesn't look like Kim.

01:07:04.000 That's depraved.

01:07:05.000 Well, she made a billion dollars.

01:07:07.000 Yeah, she did that stupid makeup company.

01:07:09.000 By the way, that Demi Lovato no makeup thing, I'm still all in.

01:07:13.000 Balls deep.

01:07:15.000 Some girls just have natural beauty.

01:07:17.000 Yeah.

01:07:18.000 Same with that one at the very bottom there.

01:07:20.000 The blonde.

01:07:21.000 The blonde?

01:07:22.000 I'll take either of those.

01:07:23.000 Yeah.

01:07:24.000 I don't mind freckles.

01:07:25.000 No.

01:07:27.000 But yeah, go back to that Kylie Jen.

01:07:29.000 Oh, she's a beast.

01:07:30.000 That's brutal.

01:07:32.000 Is that Brianna in the top right?

01:07:34.000 Yeah.

01:07:36.000 She just looks like a black man.

01:07:36.000 That's reasonable.

01:07:37.000 She's got a humongous forehead.

01:07:39.000 All black women do.

01:07:41.000 That's because they're constantly pulling their hair back and it starts to tear.

01:07:44.000 Kylie B. Coke dealer.

01:07:47.000 She's a big fucking fat pregnant stripper.

01:07:50.000 Go back up to Kylie Jenner, though.

01:07:52.000 Who fucking sprayed diarrhea in her face?

01:07:57.000 Look at that.

01:07:57.000 Yeah.

01:07:58.000 What the fuck happened?

01:08:00.000 Did you eat zits for three weeks?

01:08:02.000 If you go Kylie Jenner before and after, and you look at the two pictures, oh my God.

01:08:07.000 But we're talking about two separate things.

01:08:09.000 One is all the surgery she's had.

01:08:11.000 The other is her skin is barf.

01:08:14.000 Right.

01:08:15.000 Go back.

01:08:16.000 I can't get enough of this.

01:08:18.000 We should be saving this for the gossip episode tomorrow.

01:08:21.000 Paige.

01:08:21.000 Dude, where is it?

01:08:22.000 Is it Kylie Jenner?

01:08:23.000 No, I want to see that.

01:08:24.000 Yeah, that diarrhea face.

01:08:25.000 That one face.

01:08:26.000 Give me the whole, make it the whole screen.

01:08:28.000 Okay.

01:08:30.000 Is that just freckles and zips?

01:08:32.000 No, that's surgery.

01:08:33.000 I think it's a freckles.

01:08:34.000 I believe it's some sort of post-flow.

01:08:35.000 Oh, is that post-surgery?

01:08:37.000 Yeah, that's post-surgery.

01:08:38.000 What are you doing?

01:08:38.000 I'm looking for...

01:08:39.000 Oh, that was a thumbnail.

01:08:41.000 Yeah.

01:08:41.000 Right?

01:08:41.000 Yeah.

01:08:42.000 That's all bruising.

01:08:44.000 Wait, go back.

01:08:45.000 Will you fucking get it together?

01:08:47.000 I want to have a good look and see if Maddie's right about this bruising shit.

01:08:51.000 Okay.

01:08:51.000 Let's find out.

01:08:53.000 If it's a thumbnail, then just stay on the thumbnail.

01:08:55.000 Okay.

01:08:57.000 Let's zoom in there.

01:08:59.000 No, the thumbnail on the far right.

01:09:02.000 It's real big, but.

01:09:04.000 Yeah.

01:09:04.000 Maybe pull out.

01:09:05.000 Oh, for fuck's sake.

01:09:06.000 Those are all broken blood vessels.

01:09:09.000 Really?

01:09:09.000 In her face?

01:09:10.000 Underneath her eyes?

01:09:11.000 Yeah.

01:09:12.000 This is so frustrating.

01:09:13.000 Oh.

01:09:15.000 That's all broken blood vessels.

01:09:17.000 Okay, so that's pretty defendable.

01:09:20.000 Your face is going to look fucked up after you've had surgeons battering you with scalpels.

01:09:24.000 Also, they do derma rolling.

01:09:25.000 Have you seen what she looked like prior to the surgeon?

01:09:28.000 I'm aware of that.

01:09:29.000 Oof.

01:09:29.000 Is that not derma rolling where they puncture your skin?

01:09:32.000 They always show that Kylie Jenner picture and they go, you're not ugly, you're just poor.

01:09:35.000 She is.

01:09:37.000 She made herself look like her sister Kim.

01:09:41.000 I mean, for a billion dollars, I'd make myself look like my brother.

01:09:49.000 Yo, Gav, I want to buy some Rasta gear.

01:09:52.000 Oh.

01:09:52.000 Rasta.

01:09:53.000 You came to the right place.

01:09:54.000 We love selling our Rasta gear.

01:09:56.000 If there's one thing we know, it's the correct Rasta gear.

01:09:59.000 Oh, shit, we have a whole box of shirts I brought.

01:10:01.000 It's in the car, though.

01:10:03.000 We have a full rundown of all the sizes of shirts.

01:10:06.000 So we'll be wearing them throughout the day.

01:10:07.000 Actually, someone sent me an inside joke.

01:10:10.000 It's not really a shirt.

01:10:11.000 He's in our Rasta.

01:10:14.000 It's Hindu, but it's from the singer of Blood Clot, who says Ross a lot.

01:10:22.000 Says Ross Klot, Bumble Klot.

01:10:24.000 Who am I talking about?

01:10:26.000 I'll give you a clue.

01:10:28.000 Yo, what up?

01:10:29.000 We're here with Julie.

01:10:31.000 She's getting fucking coming here for dog food.

01:10:34.000 You got to get at it.

01:10:35.000 Just did a 200-mile run.

01:10:37.000 Motherfuckers trying to slow you down.

01:10:39.000 You got to get in their face and say nothing slows you down.

01:10:42.000 Don't fucking let anything stand in your way.

01:10:45.000 I grew up in the foster care system.

01:10:47.000 I got abused, fucked over.

01:10:49.000 Who's that?

01:10:50.000 Say in jail.

01:10:52.000 That's John Joseph.

01:10:53.000 John Joseph.

01:10:54.000 I highly recommend him as an Instagram follow.

01:10:58.000 You know what dog food is, right?

01:11:00.000 No, he was literally talking about dog food.

01:11:02.000 No, dog food is dope.

01:11:04.000 Yeah.

01:11:04.000 Oh.

01:11:05.000 But in that imitation, he was talking about dog food.

01:11:07.000 I wonder if he feeds his dogs vegetarian food.

01:11:11.000 She's here for dog food.

01:11:12.000 No, he's talking about.

01:11:13.000 He always has his pit bull in his videos, and he's just fed her and stuff.

01:11:17.000 And he's showing her face and he's rescuing her.

01:11:19.000 I follow him.

01:11:20.000 Oh, you do?

01:11:20.000 Oh, yeah.

01:11:22.000 I get his newsletter every Monday.

01:11:24.000 It's great.

01:11:25.000 I love it.

01:11:26.000 I told you by the time I blew up his walking tour.

01:11:30.000 Oh, you were there?

01:11:33.000 I was on Ludlow.

01:11:35.000 And he's coming through doing his walking tour.

01:11:37.000 And me and another buddy and my get on our bikes.

01:11:41.000 motorcycles.

01:11:41.000 Yeah, on our motorcycles.

01:11:43.000 And he's directly across the street from where we are.

01:11:49.000 And he's in the middle of talking.

01:11:50.000 And my Harley and my other, you know, they're extremely loud.

01:11:55.000 So we...

01:11:58.000 And like, all there's this crowd.

01:12:00.000 Which is all like German in orange shot, like, ah, and starts laughing.

01:12:07.000 He goes, slow Eastside, baby.

01:12:09.000 That's New York.

01:12:10.000 Yep.

01:12:11.000 Yeah, but he was a, he's a real deal.

01:12:15.000 Yeah, he's a great fucking guy.

01:12:17.000 Yep.

01:12:18.000 And don't fuck with him.

01:12:19.000 No.

01:12:20.000 He's got Chuxito vibes.

01:12:22.000 Like, he'll knock you out if you say the wrong thing.

01:12:26.000 If you learn about the guy's history from what a time he was in Foster Homes, in youth homes, and when he was in the Navy, and then he went rogue in the Navy, and he was, you know, on the run in AWOL for a bunch of years.

01:12:39.000 Homeless as a kid in the Lone East Side.

01:12:42.000 The one thing I don't get about him is he goes to his mom's for Mother's Day, rides a bike fucking, getting at it.

01:12:47.000 Why would you go there?

01:12:49.000 But like, I'd be mad at her.

01:12:50.000 Yeah.

01:12:51.000 Oh, she was depressed.

01:12:52.000 Okay.

01:12:53.000 He was foster parents had him in his backyard, in their backyard, him and his brother.

01:13:00.000 They're raping him.

01:13:01.000 They had them on these cots all winter.

01:13:03.000 And then he was in the back.

01:13:04.000 And then the dogs were also back there shitting.

01:13:07.000 So as they're sleeping, there's flies all over them from the fucking dog shit.

01:13:11.000 But he was also in the same youth detention center as Mike Tyson, Spofford in the Bronx.

01:13:19.000 Oh, really?

01:13:19.000 Yeah.

01:13:20.000 He went through the whole fucking system.

01:13:22.000 Then he kind of, he met Bad Brains, started working at a vegetarian food juicing place.

01:13:31.000 Handing spot.

01:13:32.000 Underneath the tutelage of, what's his name from HR?

01:13:37.000 HR from Bad Brains.

01:13:39.000 He starts working there, then becomes, gets into the monk and all that stuff, and he goes to fucking India and he's like a shriner and doing all this crazy stuff.

01:13:50.000 His life story is bugged out.

01:13:52.000 Yeah, not a shriner, a Hindi.

01:13:54.000 He's not a shriner, but he's like a Harry Krishna.

01:13:58.000 Yeah.

01:13:58.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:13:59.000 And so is Anthony Civarelli from Gorilla Biscuits.

01:14:02.000 Everyone got into that.

01:14:03.000 To this day, he's still in the middle of the house.

01:14:05.000 All those New York hardcore dudes have like Krishna and fucking that elephant on their arm.

01:14:11.000 But he's still a dangerous dude.

01:14:12.000 Yeah.

01:14:13.000 Yeah.

01:14:14.000 Pull up that meme I sent you.

01:14:16.000 Yeah.

01:14:17.000 Dangerous to the bone.

01:14:19.000 God bless him.

01:14:20.000 Respect him.

01:14:20.000 You sent them separately?

01:14:22.000 I just emailed it to you.

01:14:24.000 Cunt lips.

01:14:26.000 I went on his walking tour.

01:14:27.000 It's fun.

01:14:28.000 Oh, yeah.

01:14:28.000 Zoom out.

01:14:29.000 My fall plans, the Delta variant.

01:14:32.000 Yeah.

01:14:34.000 He does now, he does all these Irans all over the world.

01:14:38.000 It's funny because if you ever watch his videos, like his missing the draw on his kitchen counter.

01:14:50.000 He still is in the same go to his Instagram John Joseph Cro-Mag or something.

01:14:56.000 John Joseph Cro-Mag.

01:14:58.000 His pep talks are awesome.

01:15:00.000 We didn't let that meme sit.

01:15:02.000 Obviously, Hindus are probably a little uncomfortable with guys like John Joseph jumping into their religion.

01:15:09.000 But he was devoted.

01:15:13.000 Okay, let's see.

01:15:14.000 Oh, he did Joe Rogan.

01:15:17.000 Keep going down, though.

01:15:18.000 I want to see one of his pep talk ones.

01:15:21.000 No, no, no.

01:15:24.000 Wait, this is a video.

01:15:25.000 Yeah, but it's not.

01:15:27.000 It might do.

01:15:28.000 Hey, what's up, everybody?

01:15:30.000 Coming to you live and direct.

01:15:32.000 From Nagrill, Jamaica, the yard, you know, down here.

01:15:35.000 Put in my five-mile run this morning.

01:15:37.000 Did a 2,000-yard swim.

01:15:40.000 You know what they say?

01:15:41.000 Is Rotwall a bear?

01:15:42.000 Calm seas never made good sailors, right?

01:15:45.000 You got to weather the storm no matter what you're going through.

01:15:47.000 No matter what's happening right now, you got to stay on your routine.

01:15:51.000 Look who I'm with.

01:15:52.000 Let me turn this camera around.

01:15:55.000 Oh, there's a sexy girl in a bikini.

01:15:59.000 She's following me everywhere.

01:16:00.000 This guy's so New York.

01:16:02.000 Y'all be good.

01:16:04.000 You got to go get some organic fruit.

01:16:07.000 Okay, that's not what I want.

01:16:08.000 I want the New York ones where he's got his dog.

01:16:10.000 Yeah, bear.

01:16:10.000 It's like, we're out here getting at it.

01:16:12.000 We got bear here.

01:16:13.000 Yeah, bear.

01:16:15.000 It's a big, huge fucking neck.

01:16:17.000 Yeah, there we go.

01:16:20.000 Hey, how you guys doing?

01:16:21.000 I'm out here with the bear.

01:16:25.000 That's the LES right there.

01:16:27.000 We're here with the bear.

01:16:31.000 You know what?

01:16:32.000 I always pay attention to people.

01:16:34.000 I don't wear fucking headphones and all this shit.

01:16:37.000 I'm a people person.

01:16:38.000 I'm a New Yorker, right?

01:16:40.000 59 years old.

01:16:41.000 I'm becoming soon in October.

01:16:43.000 I always pay attention to people.

01:16:45.000 You know what I noticed this morning?

01:16:46.000 I'm walking on the river.

01:16:48.000 Everybody's exercising.

01:16:51.000 Everybody's smiling.

01:16:53.000 There's no fucking depressed people over there.

01:16:57.000 Because you know what?

01:16:58.000 Exercise releases endorphins.

01:17:02.000 That's a chemical reaction in the brain.

01:17:05.000 It makes you feel pleasure.

01:17:08.000 You know what kills endorphins?

01:17:11.000 Intoxication, drugs, and all that bullshit.

01:17:14.000 And you know what else?

01:17:15.000 Watching that fucking news.

01:17:18.000 Watching the news.

01:17:19.000 Don't pay attention to that shit.

01:17:22.000 It's all fucking negative.

01:17:24.000 Unless they're telling me about the 90-year-old lady that feeds 30 cats every fucking day, I don't want to know about it.

01:17:30.000 Right?

01:17:32.000 Fucking people I know are fucking consumed with that shit now.

01:17:36.000 They're fucking just non-stop putting this bullshit out there.

01:17:39.000 Turn that shit off.

01:17:40.000 Get the fuck out of there.

01:17:41.000 Like, right?

01:17:43.000 Help strengthen your immune system.

01:17:45.000 Stretch cortisol.

01:17:47.000 It fucking always shit.

01:17:48.000 Anyway, I want a shirt that says Jaw Army or something.

01:17:50.000 Any suggestions on where to get that kind of thing?

01:17:54.000 I got my Jaw Army shirt at the airport in Jamaica.

01:17:57.000 He's in a.

01:17:59.000 Maddie, The man, baby monster.

01:18:02.000 Oh, sorry.

01:18:03.000 Maddie is the man.

01:18:04.000 We got to use more punctuation here, folks.

01:18:06.000 Maddie is the man, period.

01:18:09.000 You should have had a period there.

01:18:10.000 Baby monster rules, period.

01:18:14.000 New sentence.

01:18:15.000 Also, comma.

01:18:16.000 What are you drinking, Gavin?

01:18:18.000 Period.

01:18:19.000 You should have had.

01:18:20.000 This is pathetic.

01:18:21.000 There's zero punctuation here.

01:18:22.000 Also, you were even more ripped than normal.

01:18:24.000 Have you been doing jumping jacks?

01:18:25.000 Also, can you ask Ryan if he can do a Matty impression?

01:18:30.000 Oh, that's a good one.

01:18:31.000 Let's see.

01:18:32.000 Wait, Maddie, try to move your mouth as I talk and do your voice.

01:18:35.000 All right, let's see.

01:18:36.000 So, yeah, I was locked up for a while, but so this guy came up and I took his fucking head and I spun it around and kicked it down the street like a fucking soccer ball.

01:18:46.000 And he was like, oh, dude, what are you doing?

01:18:48.000 I was like, I'm a fucking baby monster.

01:18:52.000 Not bad.

01:18:53.000 I remember when Ryan first met me, he was a little hesitant.

01:18:56.000 Stop doing impressions about me.

01:18:58.000 I'm cool, I rule, and I'm pool.

01:19:02.000 You're good, Ryan.

01:19:03.000 I'm real smart and a good person, and I don't want any trouble.

01:19:08.000 You know, after the show, he's going to put his arm around and be like, it was funny.

01:19:11.000 It was real funny.

01:19:13.000 Am I a clown?

01:19:13.000 Do I amuse you?

01:19:15.000 My head amuse you.

01:19:16.000 Funny how?

01:19:18.000 Okay, last one, and then we'll take calls.

01:19:22.000 I'm jumping ahead a little bit here, Ryan.

01:19:24.000 Biden quote for shirt.

01:19:26.000 Hey, jungle monkeys, imagine this entire quote on a shirt.

01:19:29.000 And it is Biden saying, you got the vaccination?

01:19:33.000 Are you, I mean, okay?

01:19:34.000 Or you seem, no, it works, or you know, or mom and dad, or the neighbor, or when you go to the church, or no, I really mean it.

01:19:43.000 There are trusted interlocutors.

01:19:46.000 Think of the people.

01:19:48.000 If your kid wanted to find out whether or not there was a man on the moon or whatever, you know something, or you know, whether those aliens are here or not.

01:19:56.000 You know, who are the people they talk to to be on and the kids who love talking about...

01:20:01.000 They really did choose, like, we know that the president doesn't lead the show, although I think Trump led it more than anyone in a long time.

01:20:09.000 But, like, you couldn't have got a guy who's not retarded.

01:20:14.000 Let me ask you a question.

01:20:16.000 And I think I posed this the other day.

01:20:20.000 If he's incompetent, do we really want Kamala Harris next?

01:20:27.000 I don't know.

01:20:28.000 Or what are the alternatives to the overall in this car?

01:20:34.000 I'm not smart enough to figure out if you want the puppet to be competent or not.

01:20:40.000 I don't know.

01:20:41.000 Because I'm going to get more done.

01:20:41.000 I remember someone said to me once, they go, it's actually good that Justin Trudeau is incompetent because he goes, we're going to kill the pipeline.

01:20:50.000 And then someone goes to him, and an investor goes, that's 20,000 jobs.

01:20:54.000 It's going to be really bad for you.

01:20:55.000 You don't want to shut that down.

01:20:57.000 And then Justin has no backbone.

01:20:59.000 So he's just like, oh, okay, we're not shutting it down.

01:21:02.000 Like, literally the other day after the Afghan withdrawal and all the, I was so hell-bent and distraught and like embarrassed.

01:21:15.000 Yeah, it's embarrassing.

01:21:16.000 The administration that's in charge.

01:21:19.000 And I posted a thing on Facebook and I said, Joe Biden needs to resign immediately.

01:21:25.000 And that's all I wrote.

01:21:26.000 And I just left it at that.

01:21:28.000 And then as I went back a couple days later and I went through my comments and they were like, oh, so you'd rather Kamala instead?

01:21:37.000 I think so.

01:21:40.000 I think so.

01:21:41.000 I don't know.

01:21:42.000 I mean, we're really like, would you rather eat shit or get stabbed in the ass?

01:21:46.000 Who's really, you know, who's the puppet master?

01:21:49.000 Who is the puppet master?

01:21:51.000 I think it's Susan Rice.

01:21:53.000 I think Susan Rice is running America and the world right now.

01:21:56.000 You know what's fucking too?

01:21:57.000 And Valerie Jarrett and Obama.

01:21:59.000 Have you heard of the term the high cabal?

01:22:02.000 Is he the puppet masters at the very top?

01:22:05.000 Like there's a group of like 12 to 15 individuals that kind of control everything.

01:22:10.000 Shadow government?

01:22:12.000 Yes.

01:22:13.000 Like I don't know.

01:22:16.000 Like who's fucking pulling this dude?

01:22:19.000 I guess if we don't have Joe Biden, we wouldn't have as many jokes like we just had with, I mean, mom and dad.

01:22:27.000 Tackle every day?

01:22:28.000 At least?

01:22:30.000 Yeah.

01:22:31.000 Like Hillary's laugh.

01:22:32.000 I was so glad we weren't exposed to that.

01:22:35.000 Did you see she's trying to run for New York State?

01:22:40.000 Governor?

01:22:40.000 Representative?

01:22:41.000 No, not governor.

01:22:42.000 Rep. Senate.

01:22:46.000 Okay.

01:22:46.000 Oh, yeah.

01:22:48.000 Good.

01:22:48.000 Oof.

01:22:50.000 All right.

01:22:50.000 Let's fucking take some calls.

01:22:54.000 We really delayed it here.

01:22:55.000 Yeah.

01:22:56.000 You callers, call in with the number provided in a minute.

01:23:02.000 You are on the air.

01:23:04.000 You have a conversation.

01:23:05.000 This is a fucking loser.

01:23:07.000 You want me to learn, share, listen?

01:23:09.000 Understand why.

01:23:10.000 Hey, why does everyone get two things?

01:23:12.000 You have one thing.

01:23:13.000 Thank you for calling.

01:23:14.000 It was great hearing from you.

01:23:16.000 Bye-bye.

01:23:17.000 All right, next call.

01:23:20.000 All right, next call.

01:23:22.000 All right.

01:23:23.000 We have stink on the line.

01:23:25.000 Stink?

01:23:25.000 What's up, stink?

01:23:26.000 Yes, stink.

01:23:28.000 Hey, baby.

01:23:29.000 Oh, it's female, stink.

01:23:30.000 Female.

01:23:32.000 Hi.

01:23:33.000 I have a question for you.

01:23:37.000 So my niece is going to be 20 years old, and she's still living at home.

01:23:45.000 My brother and I grew up kind of a little bit in between upper and middle class.

01:23:50.000 And my brother's a doctor, and he kind of spoiled the shit out of her.

01:23:55.000 And she ended up making some bad choices and dating a thug guy.

01:24:01.000 A what?

01:24:03.000 Kind of like a thuggy.

01:24:05.000 A black guy or a wigger?

01:24:08.000 A nigger a wig.

01:24:12.000 Yeah.

01:24:12.000 Which one?

01:24:14.000 Wait, is it a black guy or is it a wigger?

01:24:17.000 Isn't the guy from Counting Crows a nigg with a wig?

01:24:19.000 No, his name.

01:24:22.000 He's a, he's an African American.

01:24:25.000 Okay.

01:24:25.000 But anyway, so he contacted me through Instagram and asked me to help him because my niece is like waiting tables now and like hardcore on below and all this shit.

01:24:42.000 And this is terrible.

01:24:44.000 But he actually, my brother couldn't stand him at all.

01:24:48.000 They've been dating for a while and he's like so against him.

01:24:54.000 So my question is, like he drug tested her and all that stuff.

01:24:58.000 I don't know what's going on.

01:24:59.000 I'm kind of in the dark.

01:25:01.000 But my question is for you, what would you do if you're in that situation with your daughter?

01:25:08.000 Because she's a good girl, but she's like so spoiled, rotten that she has no idea what it's like.

01:25:15.000 Like she complains and cries about having to pay for her $25 credit card that she owes your parents and things like that.

01:25:23.000 So what would you do if that was your daughter?

01:25:27.000 I had to talk to this dude and he seems pretty legit and nice.

01:25:31.000 You know, he's just different, I don't know, different strokes, whatever.

01:25:36.000 So I just wanted to know what you would do, like, if you were in his position.

01:25:42.000 Okay, I got it.

01:25:43.000 Spoiled his kid.

01:25:44.000 I got it.

01:25:45.000 You send her away to a camp for two months.

01:25:51.000 And this camp is, you tell her it's to give her intrinsic survival skills.

01:25:58.000 And don't worry, I'm going to pay you a bunch of money after you graduate from this survival camp.

01:26:06.000 And it's a pretty tough camp.

01:26:07.000 They sleep outside, no cell phones, nothing.

01:26:11.000 Then you hire a detective to spy on him.

01:26:14.000 He's going to cheat on her in about a day.

01:26:18.000 When she's done, you give her the money, maybe $10,000, and you show her pictures of him cheating.

01:26:26.000 And now she's experienced a rugged lifestyle.

01:26:30.000 She has experienced discipline and self-worth.

01:26:34.000 And she's done with the relationship with that fucking asshole.

01:26:36.000 And here's the fun part.

01:26:38.000 If he didn't cheat on her, and he's been a great guy, then he's, you know, 75% of blacks abandon their baby mama, but maybe he's one of the one in four.

01:26:49.000 So send her away.

01:26:51.000 And don't tell her, I'm sending you away because I hate your boyfriend.

01:26:55.000 Say, I'm sending you away to give you this crucial survival skill.

01:26:59.000 I've seen people do this with their kids, much younger, of course, but my experience has been they come in much tappier.

01:27:09.000 They come out of these camps, like cured.

01:27:12.000 The problem with the daughter is she has an experienced life.

01:27:15.000 She's essentially 12.

01:27:18.000 Who introduced her to Coke?

01:27:20.000 Totally.

01:27:20.000 What?

01:27:21.000 Thank you, Gavin.

01:27:21.000 Who introduced her to Coke?

01:27:24.000 One more time.

01:27:25.000 Who introduced her to Coke?

01:27:27.000 The thug.

01:27:28.000 Okay.

01:27:30.000 She works as a waitress.

01:27:32.000 You know how the wait staff is?

01:27:33.000 You know how that freaking culture is in the restaurant business.

01:27:36.000 Were we in Brooklyn?

01:27:38.000 This is Brooklyn?

01:27:39.000 Well, high-end, right?

01:27:41.000 High-end restaurants, there's a lot of Coke and Booz going on.

01:27:43.000 Oh, 100%.

01:27:44.000 If you're in a red.

01:27:45.000 Every chef, thanks for calling.

01:27:47.000 Every chef, every waiter, every waitress.

01:27:49.000 And I kind of get it because you're working your ass off.

01:27:52.000 You're super pumped.

01:27:53.000 And then it's like 1 or 2 a.m.

01:27:55.000 And they're like, all right, you're free to go.

01:27:57.000 You're not about to go put on your peepee jam jams and watch Golden Girls.

01:28:03.000 You're fucking pumped.

01:28:04.000 You've been running around and you want to party.

01:28:07.000 And you have, in New York City, if it's a good restaurant, you have $200, $300 cash.

01:28:12.000 You want to fucking get wasted.

01:28:14.000 The doors are closed, the bars open, and the coke comes out.

01:28:18.000 And everyone's cleaning up and everyone's doing what they do.

01:28:21.000 It's restaurant class.

01:28:22.000 It's laughing, doing shopping.

01:28:23.000 It's like SNL.

01:28:24.000 All the high-end restaurants.

01:28:26.000 You finish SNL, you finally do the show.

01:28:29.000 It's a hit.

01:28:30.000 You think it went well.

01:28:31.000 You're not going to bed that night.

01:28:33.000 No, of course not.

01:28:35.000 So if she gets back in the restaurant industry, the great thing about the restaurant industry, though, as a pretty girl, is you meet like 700 guys a night.

01:28:43.000 Yeah.

01:28:43.000 So it's a great way to link up with the dude.

01:28:46.000 You have to always go above your scale.

01:28:50.000 Another thing is with boyfriends, though, if they're with a shitty boyfriend, a cokehead or something, the more you get mad, the hotter you make him.

01:29:00.000 So you kind of got to go, hey, where's Shaquan?

01:29:05.000 He's really cool.

01:29:06.000 How's his rap career going?

01:29:07.000 I was listening to his demo.

01:29:09.000 He has some jams.

01:29:13.000 Wow.

01:29:14.000 What's the one called?

01:29:15.000 All my mad bitches is crazy.

01:29:17.000 That's kind of my favorite.

01:29:19.000 That's the hit, right?

01:29:19.000 Is that the hit?

01:29:20.000 I mean, that's got to be the hit.

01:29:21.000 It's called Cashflow, but that's the chorus.

01:29:24.000 Idiot.

01:29:25.000 What if you bring him to dinner and you're just like, you know, you have a bunch of people that have jobs and things going for them, and then you just, like, so what do you do?

01:29:31.000 And he's like, ah, chill.

01:29:33.000 And then maybe she's like, he's a fucking retard with no goals.

01:29:38.000 What you got to do is you got to start hanging out at his place with his homies, wearing a do-rag and a triple XL t-shirt and just like, y'all, what's up, man?

01:29:48.000 Where's my daughter at, G?

01:29:50.000 Yeah.

01:29:50.000 Where the fuck?

01:29:51.000 Jenny, where?

01:29:51.000 I'll text the bitch.

01:29:52.000 Jenny, where you at, motherfucker?

01:29:54.000 If you ain't gonna slap her, I will.

01:29:56.000 Damn.

01:29:59.000 I brought the Kush.

01:30:00.000 Yo, if you come and buy Shaquan's place, can you get me and him some scissor?

01:30:06.000 Some scissor?

01:30:07.000 Or at least some Benadryls.

01:30:08.000 Let me get some of that lean.

01:30:10.000 Yeah, let's get some lean.

01:30:11.000 I want to get my pup a drink.

01:30:13.000 And then it works out too well, and you guys are actually homies.

01:30:16.000 Yeah, that's the problem.

01:30:17.000 She's disgusted.

01:30:18.000 She dumps him, and then you guys end up having these really deep conversations on cop syrup.

01:30:22.000 Why did you dump Shaquan?

01:30:25.000 And then you're just like, you're in a gang now.

01:30:27.000 The New York, you're in the Crips.

01:30:29.000 There you go.

01:30:31.000 And you say, what's cracking?

01:30:33.000 What's cracking?

01:30:34.000 Because the Crips say, what's cracking?

01:30:36.000 And the Bloods say, what's popping?

01:30:38.000 Oh, really?

01:30:39.000 Yeah.

01:30:40.000 Yeah, what's popping, blood?

01:30:42.000 What's cracking?

01:30:43.000 Cuz.

01:30:43.000 They say cuz, yeah.

01:30:44.000 Yeah, cracking is Crips, popping is bloods.

01:30:49.000 We got Justin on the line.

01:30:51.000 Thanks for calling.

01:30:53.000 Justin, you're on the line.

01:30:54.000 Hey, guys, how are you?

01:30:56.000 Hey, Maddie, nice to meet you.

01:30:58.000 Gav, I saw On HBO, Woodstock 99, right?

01:31:04.000 I think you talked about it before.

01:31:06.000 That documentary from start to finish was the biggest piece of anti-white propaganda I've ever seen in recent times.

01:31:15.000 It started out from like making driving the point home that was all like white kids, white men, and then it goes to how women were being groped in mosquitoes.

01:31:27.000 And then it goes, it jumps to this like black reverend guy complaining about how DMX was like doing the call in response to the song My Niggas.

01:31:40.000 I was just completely floored by it because I was like, I don't know, like 14, 13 when that went down.

01:31:48.000 Everything they talked about that movie, it was nothing like it went down in that movie.

01:31:52.000 Was there a woman who was actually raped like penis in vagina?

01:31:58.000 Because that's bad.

01:31:59.000 I don't know.

01:31:59.000 But if there was someone...

01:32:00.000 No, no, that's horrible.

01:32:02.000 If there was someone crowdsurfing and you got a bunch of wasted teenagers and someone grabbed an ass in a boob, I mean, it's bad sportsmanship, but it's not like mass rape.

01:32:14.000 And you've been to tons of shows.

01:32:16.000 Like, how many times, how many, like, pong shows or metal shows have you been to where you'll have the singer being like, guys, don't grab on the women.

01:32:23.000 Like, let them surf the crowds.

01:32:25.000 All the time.

01:32:26.000 Okay, yeah, you're right.

01:32:27.000 But also, you're in a mosh pit.

01:32:29.000 It's not a friendly place to be.

01:32:30.000 When we were kids in the 80s, you'd be in the mosh pit and the Nazi skinheads would be on the perimeter and they would punch you in the face as you went by.

01:32:40.000 We didn't get a documentary.

01:32:43.000 Or they'll kick you in the head as they scroll by the crowd.

01:32:48.000 At least I thought it wasn't metal shows.

01:32:50.000 But the way they were filming this documentary, I was just staring at it dumped at it.

01:32:55.000 Like they were trying to put all the blame on Limp Biscuit.

01:32:59.000 And they're like, two nights later, Rage Against the Machine got the crowd pretty wild.

01:33:04.000 And it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

01:33:07.000 How can you blame, I don't even like Limp Biscuit, but how could you blame Limp Biscuit for something that happened to you?

01:33:14.000 You're right.

01:33:15.000 The subtext there is like white males are all rapists and they're jocks and they're gross.

01:33:20.000 And you'll notice that the Beastie Boys, that's where they sort of made their mark in the sand where they're like, we're no longer the licensed ill guys.

01:33:28.000 Now we're super serious feminist guys and we're really pissed off.

01:33:32.000 Absolutely.

01:33:33.000 Yeah.

01:33:35.000 Yeah, it was pretty wild.

01:33:36.000 There's been a lot of like weird like propaganda coming out of HBO, which I think coincides with their huge push to like put like give HBO max to everybody, you know?

01:33:47.000 Because I think they just want to blast out these things to these like middle-aged next, you know, the kids that went to Woodstock are probably all like, you know, I'm 35.

01:33:56.000 Like we're all like middle-aged now.

01:33:58.000 And it's just to drive that like point home that like if you're white, you're angry, you're misogynistic, you're race.

01:34:06.000 Thanks for calling.

01:34:08.000 35 is middle-aged.

01:34:10.000 That sucks.

01:34:11.000 Fuck.

01:34:12.000 What are we then?

01:34:13.000 That's Limp Biscuit right there.

01:34:14.000 It sucks that that's the narrative, right?

01:34:16.000 But they really did set off the riot.

01:34:18.000 It's a fact.

01:34:19.000 Limp Biscuit did?

01:34:20.000 Oh, fuck yeah, they did.

01:34:21.000 With this very performance.

01:34:22.000 They were like, you ever want to bring shit?

01:34:24.000 Come on, yeah.

01:34:26.000 They're allowed to say that.

01:34:27.000 Have you ever seen the recent one of this?

01:34:30.000 Yeah.

01:34:31.000 Like Nookie?

01:34:32.000 Lollapalooza?

01:34:33.000 Yeah.

01:34:33.000 Of like 2021.

01:34:34.000 He's got like blonde hair and a...

01:34:36.000 No, he's got like a big, huge wig on.

01:34:38.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:34:39.000 Yellow sunglasses.

01:34:40.000 But listen, the Beastie Boys want to cry that, oh, we don't do this, we don't do that.

01:34:44.000 Listen, their early videos of like Cookie Puss and Girls to clean the bathroom, girls to clean up my room, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls.

01:34:54.000 There's videos of them putting their hands down girls' pants.

01:34:59.000 By the way, those women weren't victims.

01:35:00.000 They weren't like, no, these were willing protectors.

01:35:03.000 They were like, I'm partying with the Beastie Boys.

01:35:05.000 This is funny.

01:35:06.000 I was out one night hanging out with the famous porn store Ron Jeremy.

01:35:10.000 So I'm hanging out with Ron Jeremy.

01:35:12.000 A couple of girls that used to live with me.

01:35:15.000 And he's signing tits.

01:35:18.000 He's doing this.

01:35:19.000 He's got his hands on their pants.

01:35:21.000 So the next morning they wake up and they see the signature.

01:35:24.000 There's the video.

01:35:25.000 The signatures and all this crazy bullshit.

01:35:28.000 They're like, yo, you were the most famous porn star in the world.

01:35:32.000 What the fuck do you think was happening?

01:35:34.000 What do you think was going to happen?

01:35:35.000 Yeah, avoid it.

01:35:36.000 And you let it happen.

01:35:37.000 If you're creeped out by creeps, maybe avoid Ron Jeremy.

01:35:39.000 You can put his hand down your pants.

01:35:42.000 You let him sign your tits.

01:35:44.000 Let him feel you.

01:35:45.000 Like, I'm not going to tell you no.

01:35:47.000 But wait a minute.

01:35:48.000 Ryan, you think if you're in a whatever the fuck they're called, new metal rap, if you're in a new metal rap band and you say, you ever want to just break shit?

01:35:57.000 You're not starting a riot.

01:35:59.000 No, it's not their fault, but the crowd was like, yeah, let's break shit actually right now, though.

01:36:04.000 Yeah, but you said it's their fault.

01:36:05.000 It's a fact.

01:36:06.000 No, it's a fact that their song started.

01:36:08.000 Well, they started burning the place down when that happened.

01:36:10.000 Their song started that, for sure.

01:36:12.000 Break shit, yeah.

01:36:14.000 That's not their fault.

01:36:14.000 No, it's not their fault.

01:36:15.000 You said it was their fault.

01:36:17.000 It's a fact.

01:36:18.000 No, all right.

01:36:18.000 Well, it's not their fault, but that song is when they started.

01:36:22.000 So it's a kawinky dink.

01:36:23.000 Well, no, it's not a kwinky dink.

01:36:25.000 I don't want to blame.

01:36:25.000 I love Limp Biscuit.

01:36:26.000 If Iron Maiden come out and sing Run to the Hills and then everyone runs to the Hills, it's not their fault.

01:36:32.000 Right.

01:36:32.000 But they're playing their role.

01:36:35.000 You're a heavy rock band.

01:36:36.000 You ever wanted to fucking break shit?

01:36:38.000 Yeah.

01:36:39.000 Oh, yeah.

01:36:39.000 No, I'm not blaming them.

01:36:40.000 I love Limp Biscuit.

01:36:41.000 What if they sang My Way or the Highway and everyone ran onto the highway and got hit by 18 Wheelers?

01:36:45.000 So you know their song.

01:36:46.000 Exactly.

01:36:46.000 You know their song.

01:36:48.000 I know that from the Bob Odenkirk sketch.

01:36:49.000 You're down with the biscuit.

01:36:51.000 I'm so down with the biscuit, dude.

01:36:53.000 That was Wes Borland?

01:36:56.000 Yeah.

01:36:57.000 He wouldn't be less down with the biscuits.

01:36:58.000 He became this weird, like, kind of a...

01:37:00.000 It looks like a black tranny thing.

01:37:02.000 He looks like an old man.

01:37:04.000 Well, Fred Durst does, but look at Wes.

01:37:07.000 That's not Wes Borland.

01:37:08.000 Yes, it is.

01:37:08.000 No.

01:37:09.000 On the guitar, that is.

01:37:10.000 No, sir.

01:37:11.000 Yes, it is.

01:37:11.000 He said he would never do another show with Western.

01:37:13.000 Well, he lied.

01:37:14.000 That's it.

01:37:15.000 That's not Wes Born.

01:37:16.000 I swear to God.

01:37:16.000 Yeah.

01:37:18.000 No fucking way.

01:37:19.000 Wes!

01:37:21.000 No, he introduced him and I watched this whole fucking concert, and I loved it.

01:37:25.000 Are we wearing thigh-high socks?

01:37:26.000 That's what I'm saying.

01:37:27.000 I'm going to have to go home.

01:37:28.000 Wes Brule was a nut.

01:37:29.000 He's the one who did all the crazy makeup and light.

01:37:33.000 Yeah.

01:37:34.000 But he also said that he would never do another show with Lynn Biscuit.

01:37:38.000 He lied.

01:37:39.000 I lied.

01:37:40.000 All right.

01:37:40.000 That's probably why he's wearing leggings because his pants are on fire.

01:37:45.000 No, yeah, he definitely joined the band.

01:37:47.000 Oh, you're still here, sir.

01:37:49.000 Okay, thanks for calling.

01:37:53.000 I'm sorry, sir.

01:37:54.000 But yes, thank you.

01:37:55.000 Yeah.

01:37:56.000 For your call.

01:37:57.000 I forget what the actual crimes were at that Woodstock.

01:38:00.000 If a woman was actually raped, then the guy should go to jail.

01:38:03.000 People died.

01:38:05.000 Right, but if a woman was like held down and fucked against her will, obviously we have a rape case, and there's laws for that.

01:38:11.000 But if it was like groping and shit, then, and the documentary's all about those evil jocks.

01:38:16.000 Fuck off.

01:38:17.000 I'm sick of that shit.

01:38:18.000 Yeah.

01:38:19.000 You want to go crowd surfing?

01:38:20.000 People are going to grab your ass.

01:38:21.000 They're going to grab your pussy.

01:38:22.000 They're going to grab all your ass.

01:38:23.000 Fans have grabbed my ass a million times.

01:38:24.000 In New York City, going to bars, having a gay boyfriend, going to gay orgies.

01:38:32.000 I used to get my ass grabbed all the time.

01:38:34.000 Blowing dudes in alleyways.

01:38:37.000 Behind garbage dumpsters?

01:38:38.000 Yeah.

01:38:39.000 I'd be in a dumpster with eight other naked guys, and one of them would grab my ass.

01:38:43.000 Did you go to the ball?

01:38:44.000 Oh, my God.

01:38:45.000 The constant shout of show your tits.

01:38:47.000 No.

01:38:48.000 I'm going to be tossing and turning all night.

01:38:51.000 Ever heard of Mardi Gras?

01:38:54.000 Show me your tits.

01:38:55.000 Oh, my God.

01:38:56.000 Dave Matthews was a hornball.

01:38:59.000 Today.

01:39:01.000 The tragically hip got shouted down because they're Canadians.

01:39:05.000 Oh, I had no idea.

01:39:07.000 Boo.

01:39:08.000 The carnage.

01:39:09.000 Vern Troyer.

01:39:09.000 Vern Troyer, who's one inch tall, felt unsafe.

01:39:12.000 Yeah, so did Stuart Little.

01:39:16.000 The me is falling.

01:39:17.000 Mosquitoes were under duress.

01:39:20.000 A truck randomly driving through the audience.

01:39:22.000 Well, did it hit anyone?

01:39:23.000 Runaway cops.

01:39:24.000 Crowdsurfing.

01:39:26.000 Yeah, crowdsurfing.

01:39:26.000 There are few more unself-aware breaches of crowd etiquette worse than crowdsurfing during Elanis Morissette performance of Iran.

01:39:33.000 She was getting fingered.

01:39:34.000 What?

01:39:35.000 She was getting fingered.

01:39:36.000 But that didn't say that.

01:39:38.000 It said just crowdsurfing at all.

01:39:40.000 No, she didn't.

01:39:40.000 During Elanis Morissette is unexpected.

01:39:42.000 You're trying to finger her.

01:39:44.000 Yeah, but it doesn't say that.

01:39:46.000 There are few more, look, few more unself-aware, terrible grammar, breaches of crowd etiquette worse than crowdsurfing.

01:39:54.000 I bet this is written by a woman.

01:39:55.000 Go to the top.

01:39:56.000 Of course.

01:39:57.000 That's what I'm saying.

01:39:58.000 I can tell by the grammar.

01:39:59.000 Daniel Keck.

01:40:00.000 I think it was even Lady Gaga.

01:40:02.000 Maybe.

01:40:02.000 You should say that.

01:40:02.000 She went to crowdsurf.

01:40:03.000 Look up Daniel Kepp.

01:40:04.000 People were trying to finger her.

01:40:06.000 Daniel.

01:40:07.000 I'm like, what do you expect?

01:40:08.000 Yeah, Lara Logan.

01:40:11.000 These are people that I guarantee this kid did not live this.

01:40:14.000 Oh, wait.

01:40:15.000 Is he older?

01:40:16.000 Let's see.

01:40:17.000 No.

01:40:18.000 Well, yeah, probably he lived it.

01:40:19.000 What a pussy.

01:40:20.000 He's a pussy.

01:40:21.000 He wasn't there.

01:40:22.000 No.

01:40:22.000 Just look at him.

01:40:24.000 Wouldn't that be funny if Alanis Morissette was crowdsurfing and some guy got his hand up her shorts and fingered her and she was like, oh, fuck yeah.

01:40:31.000 Yeah.

01:40:32.000 Oh, that's hitting it right on the side.

01:40:33.000 Don't fucking stop.

01:40:36.000 Leave me right here.

01:40:37.000 She gets there.

01:40:39.000 The song ends and she's still like, oh, yeah.

01:40:43.000 I'm going to do that song again.

01:40:45.000 I'm going to come.

01:40:46.000 Squirting.

01:40:48.000 That's how you know she's on mess.

01:40:52.000 Anyway, enough.

01:40:54.000 Next call.

01:40:55.000 You got 10,000 crowd members and all of them diddles your clips.

01:41:00.000 Zach Ryan Show?

01:41:02.000 I love that show.

01:41:04.000 Hey guys, can you hear me?

01:41:05.000 Yep.

01:41:06.000 Yes, sir.

01:41:08.000 I just want to say, okay, so Ryan's show, I clicked on it expecting nothing, and it was actually hilarious.

01:41:19.000 He nailed the impressions, and it's like you listen to the show every day, and you don't really track with the impressions, but then when you actually hear the impression being done by someone else, it all comes together and it's hilarious.

01:41:32.000 But I was actually, I had an idea for the Wednesday shows.

01:41:38.000 The show with Compound is great, but it's a little short.

01:41:41.000 It'd be cool if Ryan had his own one-hour show on Wednesdays to sort of bolster the programming.

01:41:48.000 I don't know.

01:41:49.000 I'm not against it.

01:41:52.000 Ryan's mailbag was such a shit show that it was bad, not just for censored, but for me personally and Maddie.

01:42:00.000 And Maddie wasn't even on the network at that time.

01:42:03.000 True.

01:42:03.000 Big fan, though.

01:42:05.000 So he's failed so many times that I haven't even watched that episode yet, to be honest.

01:42:11.000 I've watched parts of it.

01:42:12.000 You should check it out.

01:42:14.000 It opens strong and it tapers off because you can tell it doesn't necessarily have the crazy or the programming behind it that the main show does.

01:42:24.000 But I think, Ryan, to your credit, you're not gay.

01:42:28.000 And I think you're also a pretty funny guy.

01:42:31.000 So I think he may have the talent to carry a show.

01:42:34.000 If Joshua Cash can carry a show, Ryan can carry a show.

01:42:37.000 Give me a break.

01:42:38.000 Wait, so you think that it's cool to be not gay?

01:42:42.000 That's all I need.

01:42:44.000 Not to be kidding.

01:42:47.000 Ryan can be the not gay Garrett of the network.

01:42:51.000 Okay.

01:42:52.000 Thanks for calling.

01:42:53.000 Ryan, I'm just sending you a video of a gay Chinese guy.

01:42:58.000 And like, I don't think I'm gay, but sometimes gays are so cool that you go, wow, you guys seem to have a lot of shit going on that's pretty awesome.

01:43:10.000 And it's not like you consider being gay, but you go, I'm kind of jealous.

01:43:15.000 You guys are having a ball.

01:43:17.000 Yeah, you're having a lot of fun.

01:43:18.000 You look cool.

01:43:19.000 You dress cool.

01:43:21.000 And you do cool shit.

01:43:23.000 Like, check this out.

01:43:24.000 New York Yankees.

01:43:28.000 Lose the phone number.

01:43:36.000 Nasty.

01:43:38.000 Those are grubs.

01:43:44.000 Thank God that person's wearing a New York Yankee shirt.

01:43:53.000 You don't agree?

01:43:54.000 Beoda?

01:43:56.000 Those are grubs.

01:43:59.000 Gavin, It's over.

01:44:01.000 Is that like Gavin?

01:44:05.000 Is that like loosely gelatinous fat in the bottom of a bowl?

01:44:12.000 Oh, they definitely pop.

01:44:14.000 There's all this juicy shoots out.

01:44:15.000 Oh, yeah, there's lots of juice.

01:44:18.000 Just like that juicy fat.

01:44:20.000 Except the legs are kind of hard.

01:44:22.000 They feel like little hairs.

01:44:23.000 Yeah, those are little grubs.

01:44:24.000 They're crunchy.

01:44:25.000 And they probably still move after they're in your teeth, too.

01:44:28.000 Like, they keep going.

01:44:30.000 And you can feel like the pulsing in there, too.

01:44:32.000 It feels like a little heart is inside of it.

01:44:35.000 Fuck off.

01:44:38.000 Fuck off.

01:44:40.000 But those are grubs.

01:44:45.000 You didn't like it?

01:44:47.000 Gavin, do you think that's worse than what you ate in Costa Rica a couple weeks ago?

01:44:55.000 A thousand times.

01:44:57.000 All I ate in Costa Rica was a large tablespoon of mayonnaise, but it was fat.

01:45:03.000 That is...

01:45:05.000 I was too much offended.

01:45:06.000 Let me ask you a question.

01:45:08.000 That's what you eat in hell.

01:45:09.000 You're a spoonful of mayonnaise.

01:45:10.000 Could you eat a spoonful of mayonnaise?

01:45:12.000 No, no, no.

01:45:12.000 I'm trying to describe the fat.

01:45:14.000 Like, in America, when you have fat on a steak, like Bubba and Hanks, it's like octopus.

01:45:19.000 It's just chewy, and it's not the best.

01:45:22.000 Right.

01:45:23.000 But if it's in a little bit, you just give it some chews and it goes down.

01:45:26.000 This was like...

01:45:28.000 It's all texture for you.

01:45:30.000 Yeah, it's all about texture.

01:45:32.000 Now, if you put a spoon in a jar of mayonnaise and took it out and ate it, would that like make you bulk?

01:45:40.000 That would be better than what I experienced.

01:45:42.000 Really?

01:45:43.000 But I don't want to do that.

01:45:44.000 Because my cousin Miami Mike said the same thing the other day.

01:45:47.000 I was cutting hard-boiled eggs in half and putting like a little cap of mayonnaise on it and just...

01:45:53.000 Oh, that sounds delicious.

01:45:54.000 And I was just...

01:45:55.000 Yeah, that sounds great.

01:45:56.000 And he would not eat it because it had the fucking little cap of mayonnaise on it.

01:46:02.000 What I wanted to convey when I said that was that the fat wasn't like together and it was like...

01:46:08.000 It was kind of gelatinous.

01:46:10.000 Like hair gel.

01:46:14.000 Because you were like...

01:46:15.000 Well, that's the kind of thing you don't realize until it's in your mouth.

01:46:19.000 Yeah, then you're like...

01:46:21.000 Why do you sound like peewee over here?

01:46:23.000 You don't want to...

01:46:24.000 I should have just spat it in your nap.

01:46:26.000 What was the fat, though?

01:46:27.000 What was so...

01:46:28.000 The pork?

01:46:28.000 Pork.

01:46:29.000 Yeah.

01:46:29.000 Pork.

01:46:30.000 I like that.

01:46:31.000 So it was pulled pork at the top, which was delicious.

01:46:33.000 It's pork rinds, which is not my cup of tea, but I like a little crunch once again.

01:46:38.000 Yeah, a little crunch.

01:46:39.000 So I can work with that.

01:46:40.000 And then I start getting down to what these people call juicy.

01:46:45.000 And I thought, we think of juicy as white people, we think of like butter and good things, not fucking mayo fat.

01:46:58.000 Yeah, I was watching that episode and it was just like, I feel for him.

01:47:05.000 The only time I've been that grossed out in this past year was I told you I was cleaning out the filter of the dishwasher and I pulled out a poodle skirt.

01:47:15.000 Yeah, that would make me bolt.

01:47:18.000 And it was that, it was those dogs that have dreads.

01:47:22.000 It was that.

01:47:22.000 And I was like, oh, maybe this is just wool and it's how they filter it.

01:47:25.000 And then I touched it and they would start falling.

01:47:31.000 Yeah, that's one of my favorite things.

01:47:33.000 100 poodle dreads of 9 million meals.

01:47:38.000 1,000 poodle dreads of 9 million meals pointing out the Mercury Lambs, by the way.

01:47:44.000 That's the clip of the day, by the way, this whole dry heaving section, including the grubs.

01:47:48.000 Yeah, that was terrible.

01:47:51.000 Although I did feel for you when I watched it, I was like, oh, man, I understand that.

01:47:55.000 When you get that, like, there's something.

01:47:58.000 It's funny because there's no logic to it.

01:48:01.000 Like, I could chop off, you know, a cow's head at a butcher and just be like, oh, we're having cow head today.

01:48:07.000 Right.

01:48:07.000 That wouldn't freak me out.

01:48:08.000 But like, pouring out old milk when those balls come out of the thing and it goes plop, plop.

01:48:16.000 Oh.

01:48:17.000 Or old yoga.

01:48:21.000 Old butter, rotten cheese, moldy bread.

01:48:24.000 Yeah.

01:48:24.000 I've held nothing.

01:48:25.000 I might eat it.

01:48:26.000 Scrape off the mold, toast it up.

01:48:29.000 But curdled milk.

01:48:30.000 Oh, my God.

01:48:32.000 I'd rather see a dick.

01:48:34.000 Yeah.

01:48:36.000 Oh, it's the most stupid act we've ever had on the finals of ADT.

01:48:41.000 That was true.

01:48:44.000 Yeah, that was a bunch of frames.

01:48:45.000 They're spinning into each other's mouths.

01:48:47.000 I'll never forget the grossest thing I've ever seen in my life was when Fear Factor blended rats.

01:48:53.000 Wow.

01:48:54.000 Entire rats.

01:48:56.000 Are you sure it was rats?

01:48:57.000 Yes.

01:48:57.000 With the hair and everything?

01:48:58.000 The hair and everything.

01:48:59.000 And then they drink it.

01:49:01.000 And you're like, how is that legal?

01:49:03.000 Dude, how do the doctors approve that?

01:49:05.000 Are there laboratory rats that have been tested for every disease in the world?

01:49:09.000 Yeah, did you like, I don't know.

01:49:10.000 Are they freezing?

01:49:11.000 Cryogenically freeze it?

01:49:13.000 And what about all the bones?

01:49:17.000 Crazy.

01:49:17.000 Like, aren't the bones going to stick in your esophagus and cut your hands?

01:49:21.000 I don't even want to fucking think of it.

01:49:23.000 I can't cut your intestines.

01:49:24.000 I used to watch that show and be like, half of it, like, the eyeballs.

01:49:28.000 My thing is eyeballs.

01:49:30.000 Can't do it.

01:49:32.000 Rats are actually really good for you, man.

01:49:35.000 That's my limit.

01:49:36.000 Can't do it.

01:49:37.000 They're really high in Omega-13.

01:49:40.000 I don't give a fuck what they're high in.

01:49:41.000 No, they're high, man.

01:49:43.000 Joe Rogan got me great tickets in an MMA fight, and the guys behind me hated Joe Rogan.

01:49:49.000 And they were like, you fucking ruin MMA, Rogan.

01:49:54.000 And they go, let's fucking go.

01:49:56.000 They didn't say a rat in a blender, but they're like, let's go eat some fucking spiders in a blender.

01:50:01.000 Oh, my God, maggots.

01:50:02.000 Turn it off.

01:50:03.000 Turn it off.

01:50:03.000 All right, wait.

01:50:04.000 This is the African cave-dwelling spider.

01:50:06.000 Have you seen that?

01:50:07.000 That's why I can never be a garbage man.

01:50:10.000 Yeah, it stinks, right?

01:50:11.000 I can.

01:50:12.000 Maggots aren't the worst in the universe, but they're pretty bad.

01:50:17.000 It's supposed to be a joke, right?

01:50:19.000 Pretty bad.

01:50:20.000 Ooh, ooh.

01:50:21.000 Like those big things that weren't that simple, the first one?

01:50:25.000 Those were grubs.

01:50:28.000 Those are really big, thick Maggots.

01:50:31.000 Where's the one with the African cave-dwelling spider?

01:50:34.000 That's the worst thing I've ever seen.

01:50:35.000 No, that's not.

01:50:35.000 Nothing's worse than maggots and grubs, dude.

01:50:37.000 Yeah.

01:50:38.000 Well, blended rats doesn't sound like that.

01:50:40.000 Yeah, but you're right.

01:50:40.000 It doesn't think of God.

01:50:42.000 God doesn't want you near dead bodies.

01:50:44.000 So anything maggoty, God sends you messages going, get the fuck away from that.

01:50:48.000 Yeah.

01:50:48.000 Same with shit.

01:50:50.000 Yeah, I used to have a big fear.

01:50:51.000 God isn't that worried about spiders.

01:50:52.000 No.

01:50:53.000 No.

01:50:53.000 I'm not an arachnophobe.

01:50:55.000 No, me neither.

01:50:57.000 I didn't deal with spiders.

01:50:59.000 I had a wolf spider in prison once.

01:51:00.000 What?

01:51:01.000 You what?

01:51:01.000 A wolf spider.

01:51:02.000 You ate one?

01:51:03.000 No, no.

01:51:04.000 I kept one.

01:51:04.000 I found them in the yard.

01:51:05.000 That was cool.

01:51:06.000 I love two MD coffee jars, Folger jars, and I put them together, put sticks and stones.

01:51:13.000 I used to find crickets in the yard and feed them.

01:51:16.000 How long did you have them for?

01:51:18.000 I had them for a good, probably six, seven, eight months.

01:51:20.000 For the guards.

01:51:22.000 Like, every time they would come do shelf saked downs, and they would.

01:51:27.000 I tell them, listen, I got a fucking spider in there.

01:51:29.000 You hear the crickets.

01:51:31.000 And then one day one fucking dickhead took it.

01:51:34.000 Some CO.

01:51:35.000 Yeah, it went from being about the size of a quarter to about this big.

01:51:40.000 They're probably not used to getting so much free food.

01:51:41.000 It went from like a size of a quarter to like that big.

01:51:45.000 Yeah, they don't make waves.

01:51:46.000 They used to catch bees.

01:51:47.000 I used to have guys in the kitchen catching all sorts of fly.

01:51:50.000 I caught a couple like bees, like yellow jackets.

01:51:54.000 And I'm like, oh man, it's going to sting the shit out of the spider.

01:51:57.000 I had this fucking stick in there.

01:51:58.000 I had a little V in it, like this.

01:52:01.000 The fucking spider would go up into the V, and it would go.

01:52:05.000 One.

01:52:06.000 Kill them all.

01:52:08.000 Yeah, I guess that's where they got the name Wolf Spider.

01:52:10.000 Yeah.

01:52:11.000 They don't make webs.

01:52:12.000 They just jump.

01:52:13.000 Okay, enough gross shit.

01:52:14.000 I can't handle it anymore.

01:52:16.000 I can feel my last cheeseburger right in here.

01:52:18.000 I'm just trying to keep the...

01:52:19.000 Yeah, no, wolf spiders are...

01:52:20.000 Look at a wolf spider, though.

01:52:21.000 They look cool.

01:52:23.000 He used to sit up in that little crotch in the V of the stick, and he would just wait and just pounce on him.

01:52:32.000 That's what they should do with convicts, is have more like terrariums.

01:52:37.000 Hell yeah.

01:52:38.000 That looks like a big fucking wolf spider.

01:52:41.000 But maybe it's not.

01:52:42.000 We're just close.

01:52:43.000 Yeah.

01:52:43.000 Yeah, that's what they look like.

01:52:44.000 Like, literally, when I found him, he was about the size of a quarter.

01:52:47.000 And then when I got done with him, he was like almost the size of a silver dollar.

01:52:52.000 Wonder where he is today.

01:52:53.000 I wonder if he's watching this episode right now.

01:52:57.000 He was in Allenwood Cliff.

01:52:58.000 That's my dad.

01:52:59.000 Maddie.

01:53:00.000 That's Maddie.

01:53:01.000 Maddie, we have a surprise for you.

01:53:03.000 He's here.

01:53:04.000 This is your life.

01:53:06.000 Ladies and gentlemen.

01:53:08.000 He's super old now.

01:53:09.000 He's like, Maddie was my closest friend.

01:53:12.000 He's crying his eyes out.

01:53:14.000 I used to feed him crickets, flies.

01:53:17.000 I remember.

01:53:17.000 And bees.

01:53:19.000 The best bees a wolf spider could ever hope for.

01:53:22.000 We'd be walking the track, and I'd hear the crickets going, and I'd be like, shh.

01:53:26.000 And I'd reach out and just grab the crickets, hold them in my hand until I went back to my unit.

01:53:32.000 They used to call you little monster, but then you said, no, you're my little monster.

01:53:36.000 Yeah, wolf spiders are no joke.

01:53:37.000 They're great.

01:53:38.000 My funnest pet I ever had was, and it's illegal to do this, was getting red Fs, salamanders upstate.

01:53:45.000 What's insane?

01:53:45.000 Building a terrarium with a little pond.

01:53:48.000 And it's not like a fish thing where it has to be clean.

01:53:51.000 That's when you lived upstate, right?

01:53:52.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:53:52.000 In Berryville.

01:53:53.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:53:54.000 We had like 13 in there.

01:53:56.000 I go to a pet store, get a bunch of crickets.

01:53:57.000 They're fucking beautiful.

01:53:59.000 Yeah.

01:53:59.000 They're fluorescent red.

01:54:00.000 And you watch them eat the crickets.

01:54:02.000 They last forever.

01:54:04.000 I want to go up to the bottom of the bed.

01:54:05.000 Same type of thing.

01:54:06.000 Tomorrow.

01:54:06.000 Like, you know, I'm walking through the yard.

01:54:08.000 I see on a fence the fucking big spider web with a little spider in it.

01:54:12.000 I just grab the spider and I'm taking this motherfucker back with me.

01:54:16.000 Like the same thing with the red eye.

01:54:18.000 You're not supposed to do it, but I'm going to do it anyway.

01:54:20.000 You make prison sound pretty fun.

01:54:22.000 No, it's not fun.

01:54:23.000 Sounds like a nature camp.

01:54:26.000 Welcome to Bear Hill Nature Camp.

01:54:29.000 Please write a letter to Max and John, by the way.

01:54:31.000 Yeah.

01:54:32.000 At the end of the show.

01:54:33.000 Oh, nice.

01:54:33.000 What are you saying?

01:54:35.000 No, I'm just saying, like, yeah, prison's great.

01:54:37.000 You could have spiders there.

01:54:38.000 That's all types of vermin.

01:54:42.000 Yeah.

01:54:43.000 For real, right?

01:54:43.000 Okay, let's take another call.

01:54:46.000 And if you tell them real fast, that was two hours?

01:54:49.000 First time back.

01:54:50.000 If you complain and say there's a roach near my cell, how quick do they go?

01:54:55.000 Oh, they freak.

01:54:55.000 No, look, I don't know a lot about prison, but if a prisoner complains about a cockroach, any kind of inconvenience, they freak out because they don't want a bad Yelp review.

01:55:03.000 That's true.

01:55:04.000 So they run in, they get exterminators, they get you all new sheets, right, Maddie?

01:55:09.000 Well, part of our first interview ever was on free speech and how Epstein was complaining that there's roaches and this and that.

01:55:17.000 You're an MDC in Manhattan.

01:55:20.000 I mean, MCC, 150 Park Row.

01:55:23.000 It's a high-rise in Manhattan.

01:55:24.000 Of course you've got roaches.

01:55:25.000 You must not even notice roaches.

01:55:26.000 You just notice anywhere.

01:55:28.000 Like seeing frogs in Puerto Rico.

01:55:30.000 You're just like, yeah.

01:55:31.000 Or Kecko, like in Florida.

01:55:33.000 Yeah, it's just there.

01:55:35.000 Get the fuck out of here.

01:55:36.000 You don't even, it doesn't register.

01:55:37.000 And most of them aren't even roaches.

01:55:39.000 They're giant water bugs.

01:55:41.000 With the wings that can fly?

01:55:43.000 Yeah.

01:55:44.000 You know that chick that I'm going to get on the show, Nikki Klein?

01:55:48.000 Yes.

01:55:49.000 So when her guy there, the Nexium guy, was in, is it MDC or MCC?

01:55:54.000 Well, MDC is in Brooklyn, which is Metropolitan Detention Center.

01:55:58.000 It's on 3rd Avenue and 27th Street in Sunset Park, Brooklyn.

01:56:02.000 Okay.

01:56:02.000 That's a pre-trial detention center.

01:56:06.000 That's, I think, where he was.

01:56:07.000 Then you have MCC, which is Metropolitan Correctional Center, which is at 150 Park Row in Manhattan.

01:56:13.000 Right, in Lower Manhattan there, by City Hall and all that.

01:56:16.000 I've been in both.

01:56:17.000 MCC is where Epstein was.

01:56:20.000 So what she started doing is playing music.

01:56:24.000 I think it was MCC, but playing music on boom boxes and dancing, which sounds kind of gay, but in the context of someone at the end of their rope is kind of cool.

01:56:36.000 And they could see them.

01:56:38.000 So they'd see these people outside dancing, listening to music, and they, you know, I sound like a hippie right now, but it was really inspiring for them.

01:56:46.000 Well, there was a point in time, not too long ago, when the city had a huge blackout, and they were like kind of like flashing their emergency lights and MDC was on the news and everything.

01:56:57.000 And they had no heat and all this crazy kind of shit.

01:57:00.000 I mean, both, you know, your high-rise buildings in New York City.

01:57:07.000 One's in Brooklyn, one's in Manhattan.

01:57:09.000 Of course, there's people all around you.

01:57:11.000 Like in MCC we used to go to our recreation was on the roof.

01:57:15.000 So you see like the the crown like uh what was it, uh 100 um 100 Police Plaza and all that shit way downtown.

01:57:26.000 Yeah.

01:57:27.000 So you can see like you can see the city skyline to a degree.

01:57:32.000 MDC you had what they called rect decks.

01:57:36.000 It was like kind of cages on the outside of the building so you got like border views of like the Gowanus Canal and all that bullshit.

01:57:43.000 Well when when most people hear, oh she would play music and dance around and you go, oh, I'm glad someone who fucked a baby got to have a little fucking entertainment.

01:57:54.000 And that brings up the question of how many of those guys in there are bad people that shouldn't be in society that assaulted a bunch of people for no reason, that raped someone, that fucking murdered someone.

01:58:07.000 I think it's five.

01:58:09.000 Five.

01:58:10.000 Listen, I've been there.

01:58:13.000 I've been in Lewisburg, United States Penitentiary, USP Lewisburg.

01:58:18.000 I've been in FCI Allenwood.

01:58:20.000 I've been in NDC Brooklyn.

01:58:22.000 I've been in MCC Manhattan.

01:58:24.000 I've been in countless county jails.

01:58:28.000 There's five, I would say 5% of the inmate population that are just pure animals.

01:58:37.000 Evil.

01:58:38.000 Evil, destructive.

01:58:40.000 They wake up and their whole mentality is just to hurt and maim and destroy, and that's it.

01:58:48.000 It's not a joke.

01:58:50.000 There are people who have domestics that are bullshit, domestics that are real, drug, guys desperate to get money for drugs and they rob a store.

01:58:59.000 85% of the people are drug-related.

01:59:02.000 Yeah.

01:59:02.000 I've heard even higher than that.

01:59:04.000 Yeah.

01:59:04.000 85% of the people.

01:59:06.000 Drug-related is pretty big.

01:59:09.000 I've seen people in jail with extensive sentences for what they call steering.

01:59:16.000 Now, these are kids that grow up in the neighborhood that have no idea what the fuck is going on.

01:59:21.000 They're not making any money.

01:59:23.000 They're not working for the drug dealers.

01:59:25.000 But if you walk down their street and you said, hey, I'm looking to cop some dope.

01:59:29.000 I'm looking to cop some Coke.

01:59:30.000 I'm looking to cop, whatever you're looking to cop.

01:59:32.000 And I say, all right, listen, go down to that fucking door right there.

01:59:36.000 Go in there, knock on the third door, and ask for so-and-so.

01:59:41.000 They would get caught up in the conspiracy and get charged with what they call steering because you're steering the customers to the drug dealers.

01:59:48.000 But by the same token, with all this revolving door bail shit that de Blasio is pushing.

01:59:53.000 Oh, now you're...

01:59:54.000 When you finally get into jail, you fucked up like 37 times.

01:59:58.000 Well, now, listen, not in 2018.

02:00:05.000 My bail was quarter of a million dollars.

02:00:09.000 If I got arrested now for the same charge in today, 2021, it'd be nothing.

02:00:15.000 Zero.

02:00:16.000 Zero.

02:00:18.000 We better get you.

02:00:20.000 We'll do the bar one.

02:00:21.000 What happened was, I mean, because I would be, I'm already a three-time felon.

02:00:29.000 I would have to wait to go in front of a county court judge because a local, like say if I got arrested in Yonkers, the Yonkers judge couldn't set my bail because I'm already a three-time felon.

02:00:44.000 So they would have to kick me up to county court and I would go to county court and then they would release me.

02:00:50.000 Because let's do some crimes.

02:00:52.000 Yeah.

02:00:54.000 If you were going to do a crime right now, you had some planning, you had a week.

02:00:59.000 I had a week.

02:01:00.000 What would you do?

02:01:01.000 Right now?

02:01:03.000 In the sense that...

02:01:05.000 Who's going to clean your toilets, Mr. Trump?

02:01:08.000 Who is going to be cleaning your toilet, Donald Trump?

02:01:13.000 Should we rob a bank?

02:01:14.000 Should we rape a baby?

02:01:15.000 Should we do identity theft?

02:01:17.000 You know what?

02:01:18.000 I've seen people.

02:01:20.000 I've watched the news and watched the locals.

02:01:23.000 And people are getting caught for burglary and commercial burglary and all sorts of crazy stuff.

02:01:28.000 And they're getting released within an hour.

02:01:31.000 You know what I would do?

02:01:32.000 Attack an old Asian lady, throw her down the stairs.

02:01:35.000 You know what the big thing is right now?

02:01:36.000 Oh, no, dollar.

02:01:37.000 Is people are coming from Connecticut.

02:01:39.000 Fuck them, man.

02:01:40.000 And they're coming to Westchester, to the suburbs, and they're robbing high-end vehicles.

02:01:47.000 And they're sending down miners, not only miners, but like from 15 to 19, because they know if they get caught, they're going to be out in an hour.

02:01:58.000 But I have a high-end vehicle.

02:02:00.000 Go ahead and rob it right now.

02:02:01.000 What are you going to get?

02:02:02.000 Insurance.

02:02:05.000 What do you mean, insurance?

02:02:06.000 You have insurance.

02:02:07.000 I don't have shit in my car.

02:02:08.000 Oh, you mean steal the actual car?

02:02:10.000 Steal the actual car.

02:02:11.000 But the alarm will go off.

02:02:12.000 Oh, there's listeners.

02:02:14.000 Hot wiring a BMW in 2021.

02:02:16.000 You know, your key is electronically encoded to your vehicle.

02:02:20.000 Now they have machines.

02:02:23.000 If you can remember the conversation you and me and my buddy Dean were having the other night.

02:02:27.000 About the cell phones?

02:02:28.000 Of cell phones, credit cards.

02:02:30.000 Same type of thing.

02:02:32.000 All those encrypted electronic keys.

02:02:36.000 You can take my key out of the air.

02:02:39.000 I could read the signal from your key and take your car without it ever going off.

02:02:45.000 Right now, from where you're sitting, you could get my BMW key and your Range Rover if you were here.

02:02:55.000 Both.

02:02:56.000 I could get both the codes and then take your car.

02:02:58.000 Do the car need to be nearby too?

02:03:02.000 It would probably be preferable, but yeah.

02:03:05.000 Because it's all RF.

02:03:07.000 You know what?

02:03:07.000 If you guys are that, if that criminal is that capable, you got a BMW, buddy.

02:03:12.000 You're not talking about...

02:03:14.000 But this is what I'm saying.

02:03:16.000 It's the big guy hiring all these little guys saying, hey, listen, take these keys.

02:03:21.000 Let's go down and check all the RFs and see which ones work.

02:03:25.000 RFs.

02:03:26.000 Radio frequency.

02:03:28.000 And then, you know, you put your Keys in, and they're turning your cars on, and going.

02:03:33.000 They do the same thing with garage door openers.

02:03:38.000 Really?

02:03:38.000 There's only a certain amount of frequency for garage door openers.

02:03:41.000 So you take one that's programmed with a bunch of them, you just drive down the street, and you hit the one, and whatever garage door opens, you're in the house.

02:03:48.000 I had no idea we were that vulnerable.

02:03:50.000 Yeah.

02:03:52.000 Yeah, you could.

02:03:54.000 Ryan, what happened then?

02:03:55.000 Episode 36 and 37 of Katie Hopkins.

02:04:00.000 I don't know.

02:04:01.000 Let's see.

02:04:02.000 Did you fuck up again for a change?

02:04:07.000 Anyway, we'll discuss our private business later.

02:04:11.000 Let's do one more call.

02:04:13.000 Okay.

02:04:14.000 I think my mic died.

02:04:18.000 Oh, fuck.

02:04:18.000 Can you hear me, Ryan?

02:04:20.000 No.

02:04:21.000 No, Ryan's wearing headphones, so he would know if your mic died because he's competent.

02:04:25.000 That goes into the computer.

02:04:27.000 Only the callers hear that.

02:04:28.000 Okay.

02:04:30.000 Tim.

02:04:32.000 Tim.

02:04:33.000 Kevin.

02:04:34.000 Yeah.

02:04:34.000 Kevin, Rye Guy.

02:04:36.000 Hold up.

02:04:36.000 Not Maddie?

02:04:37.000 You don't want Maddie in on this?

02:04:39.000 Should Maddie leave?

02:04:40.000 No.

02:04:42.000 No, I wanted to compliment Maddie, but I know you get jealous.

02:04:47.000 I just wanted to say I've been a subscriber a long time.

02:04:49.000 I remember you talking about National Review and a meeting you went to years ago.

02:04:55.000 Yeah, I was just thinking about that the other night.

02:04:58.000 They were so worried about what the deep time spot of them.

02:05:03.000 And I remember hearing that, and I've been a subscriber for National Review for a long time, and I was like, really?

02:05:09.000 And then I saw Trump, how they completely showed their belly of, we're not like Trump.

02:05:18.000 We're not D-Class A like him.

02:05:21.000 Don't let us, they just completely surrendered.

02:05:24.000 I remember Rich Lowry, when you were getting crap for the Proud Boys, was like, I don't think the Proud Boys did anything wrong, but David should have known that he wanted to give a fair shake on this.

02:05:37.000 Yeah, he had a really weird take.

02:05:40.000 I remember there was a New York Post, well, New York Post reprinted it, but Rich Lowry had this take where he was like, Gavin's language is toxic and violent.

02:05:50.000 And I'm like, yeah, what's the matter with toxicity and violence?

02:05:54.000 We're up against a toxic and violent counterculture called fucking Antifa.

02:06:01.000 What do you want to do with them?

02:06:02.000 Have the UN ambassador send them a note?

02:06:05.000 Those guys have always been huge white-belly pussies who I don't really know who they're trying to appeal to because there's no way in hell the New York Times is ever going to take Rich Lowry and National Review seriously, no matter how much ass they eat.

02:06:23.000 Never.

02:06:25.000 That's what drives me insane.

02:06:28.000 And they will just, I remember Ramish Pan wrote, I'm a big pro-life guy.

02:06:33.000 That's been my thing all along.

02:06:36.000 And I remember Trump's been the most pro-life president in history.

02:06:41.000 And even the pro-life supposed guys at National Review were like, I'm so hot voting for him.

02:06:46.000 It's like, what is the point of you?

02:06:49.000 If you're not going to stand up at anything, it's just been this, give us the campaign donation, subscribe, but we're not going to do anything.

02:06:57.000 We're going to keep surrendering like Paul Ryan kept doing.

02:07:01.000 And then Trump stands up and starts fighting and they turn against us.

02:07:06.000 It's just I can't figure it out.

02:07:08.000 Is it class?

02:07:09.000 Maybe, like, Rich Lowry grew up poor.

02:07:11.000 His parents were teachers.

02:07:13.000 Maybe he's so desperate to be accepted by the elites that he'll do anything possible.

02:07:20.000 And Andrew McCarthy, that night you're talking about, by the way, that story he's talking about, I'm sure you've heard before, where they were talking with ISIS.

02:07:28.000 And it was just like this, but it was back when Andrew McCarthy wrote a book called Free Speech and Islam.

02:07:33.000 And we had a dinner party later, and it was all national with you guys.

02:07:36.000 And they said, I think what ISIS is doing now is they're trying to flank the West Bank and the, not the West Bank, but you know what I mean, Syria and talking about their strategy.

02:07:46.000 And I'd had a few drinks and I was like, why the fuck are we talking about a bunch of inbred animals like they have any kind of grand plan here?

02:07:56.000 They're fucking, and they all just turned to the New York Times reporter and went, no, no, I don't even know who that is.

02:08:02.000 I don't know what's going on.

02:08:03.000 Whoa.

02:08:05.000 And Andrew McCarthy, by the way, the guy who the whole dinner party was made for, he's the cock sucker who threw John Derbyshire under the bus and had him fired for National Review for doing the talk, but about whites.

02:08:22.000 The talk is the famous talk where blacks say, you know, you're going to be beaten up by cops and you live in a shitty place.

02:08:27.000 So he parodied that, and it was essentially satire.

02:08:32.000 And he said, all right, you want to play the talk?

02:08:34.000 I'll do a talk to my kids.

02:08:36.000 They're half Asian, but they're going to be seen as whites.

02:08:38.000 Hey, guys, if you see a black guy on the side of the road and he seems to be in distress, this was one of the harsher ones, don't pull over.

02:08:45.000 It's not safe.

02:08:46.000 Keep driving.

02:08:49.000 And he was fired from National Review for that, even though he wrote it for Tacky Mag.

02:08:55.000 Yep.

02:08:56.000 And I would go back to Coulter years ago when she said, regarding the New York Times or any of them nonetheless, like, they're into infanticide.

02:09:09.000 Infanticide.

02:09:10.000 They want to kill babies.

02:09:11.000 Why do you want to be friends with these people?

02:09:14.000 Yeah.

02:09:15.000 Say we were headbangers in high school and we're in the smoking section and our hair goes down to our tits and we have like Venom shirts on and one of us goes, I really want to fuck the head of the cheerleading squad.

02:09:27.000 And I'm like, what?

02:09:28.000 They don't like us.

02:09:29.000 We don't like them.

02:09:30.000 We have nothing.

02:09:31.000 What?

02:09:31.000 Why are you trying to get in with cheerleaders, dude?

02:09:34.000 We have like metal chicks with tattoos.

02:09:37.000 Why are you trying?

02:09:39.000 They have zero.

02:09:40.000 They'll never fuck you in a million years.

02:09:43.000 Yep.

02:09:44.000 Does that go back to the it's humiliating?

02:09:48.000 They're the very definition of cucks.

02:09:51.000 And the Rick's Lowry one when he wouldn't defend you.

02:09:54.000 The derb stuff I saw earlier.

02:09:57.000 I was like, you guys are Jonah Goldberg all throwing him under the bus.

02:10:01.000 I was like, oh my gosh.

02:10:03.000 I subscribed to you clowns for years.

02:10:07.000 Yeah, Jonah Goldberg.

02:10:08.000 It's always like, oh, they're de classe.

02:10:11.000 Oh, they use vulgar language.

02:10:12.000 Oh, we don't stoop to their level.

02:10:15.000 You sound like a fucking monarch.

02:10:17.000 What are we in the king's palace?

02:10:19.000 All right, thanks for calling.

02:10:21.000 Now I'm mad.

02:10:23.000 I was going to say, what does that go back to, like, you always want what you can't have?

02:10:28.000 Is that it?

02:10:29.000 Maybe.

02:10:30.000 I think Trump has a bit of that.

02:10:32.000 I think Trump likes wasps and he loves Tucker and he knows that he's seen his Rodney Dangerfield in Caddyshack.

02:10:40.000 And he's like, I'm in country clubs, but I'm not considered old money because I'm not old money.

02:10:47.000 He was actually at a club he used to belong to years ago, a couple of weeks ago.

02:10:52.000 I was there doing an event in Wingfoot in my mouth.

02:10:56.000 Oh, yeah.

02:10:57.000 All the liberals protested it.

02:10:58.000 Oh, and he was there, and somebody took a classic picture, said, hey, who left these at the clubhouse?

02:11:06.000 And it was a red, white, and blue leather bag.

02:11:09.000 And it said, DJT 45.

02:11:13.000 Really?

02:11:14.000 Oh, yeah.

02:11:15.000 Nice.

02:11:16.000 That was his golf bag.

02:11:19.000 He used to be a member there at Wingfoot Country Club.

02:11:22.000 That's the club we're talking about.

02:11:25.000 Maybe because I'm British, or we're British, but the thing I resent about it is this whole, like, you know, when you have blue-collar people who start doing a nicer accent and they try to sound a little more erudite.

02:11:35.000 And yeah, actually, and I'll go, you're from fucking Croydon.

02:11:39.000 Why are you talking like that?

02:11:40.000 I mean, I did it for work.

02:11:42.000 And then I'll go, do your real accent.

02:11:44.000 And they're like, I can't do it anymore.

02:11:45.000 It's good.

02:11:45.000 Let me ask you a question.

02:11:46.000 Social climbing is nauseating.

02:11:48.000 Does your parents have any younger or older siblings?

02:11:54.000 Oh, yeah, tons.

02:11:55.000 Because my mother, like, there was 11 of them.

02:11:58.000 My mother, so the older ones spoke a totally different dialect.

02:12:04.000 Well, yeah.

02:12:04.000 Now the younger, same both.

02:12:06.000 My younger aunts and uncles are totally, totally different.

02:12:12.000 More working class?

02:12:13.000 Sounds like that?

02:12:14.000 Less, I guess, I would say at that point in time, a little less working class.

02:12:18.000 Because my dad has that stupid, like, how out of my body.

02:12:22.000 Absolutely.

02:12:23.000 And he claims he's over-enunciating to so Canadians and Americans can understand him.

02:12:30.000 But when he says that, I look over at my mother and she's like, oh, for fuck's sake.

02:12:33.000 Exactly.

02:12:34.000 And my aunt Irene, she also has this, like, like, we were driving through the Gorbals once in Glasgow.

02:12:40.000 And I go, oh, that's where you and Dad used to live.

02:12:44.000 And she goes, not really.

02:12:46.000 And she goes, we are McKinnis.

02:12:49.000 We don't like to look back in life.

02:12:52.000 We like to always move forward.

02:12:54.000 They're always worried about their post-class.

02:12:55.000 They pass your house.

02:12:56.000 I'm not saying you're trash.

02:12:58.000 They're all worried about their postcode.

02:13:00.000 Yeah.

02:13:01.000 I hate that shit.

02:13:03.000 I have family that grew up in Morse Park, Bears Den.

02:13:06.000 They're kind of like higher up in the social economic things in my family.

02:13:15.000 But I've had things down in Kingston next to the Gorbals.

02:13:19.000 That's where you came from.

02:13:20.000 It's boring eugenics shit.

02:13:23.000 I noticed this with the boomers too.

02:13:25.000 We're Gen X. Boomers are really into, they'll go, yeah, well, so my uncle, his father is a Davis, and this is of Davis tires.

02:13:37.000 And you're like, okay.

02:13:40.000 Fantastic.

02:13:41.000 Wow.

02:13:42.000 You're a tire, you're related loosely to the tire industry.

02:13:46.000 Right.

02:13:47.000 Congratulations.

02:13:48.000 Or celebrities they love too.

02:13:50.000 Like, oh yeah, you know, Faye Dunaway.

02:13:52.000 So her father was my cousin's great-grandfather.

02:13:56.000 I don't fucking care.

02:13:57.000 Aren't she with matters?

02:14:00.000 Yeah, it's kind of funny because I have, there's such a, in the 11 brothers and sisters, there's such a variation of decades that some speak a certain way and the younger siblings speak a different way.

02:14:16.000 Yeah.

02:14:17.000 Yeah, I would say all my dad's siblings are in working class denial.

02:14:24.000 I wouldn't say my dad is, but his accent sure fucking sounds like it.

02:14:29.000 Yeah.

02:14:29.000 And it's the least likable thing about Britain is this obsession with class.

02:14:36.000 Because you'll learned.

02:14:37.000 Well, that goes back to the...

02:14:39.000 America's nouveau riche, so we're kind of unique.

02:14:41.000 But you've learned over time that there's boring rich people and interesting rich people, and there's boring poor people and interesting poor people.

02:14:50.000 Like Tacky Theodore Kopoulos is one of the richest guys I know.

02:14:53.000 The guy's a fucking riot.

02:14:55.000 He's a maniac.

02:14:57.000 He went to prison on a lark because he said to the woman at customs, I'm glad you didn't check that bag.

02:15:03.000 And then he said, I love prison.

02:15:04.000 I got to meet everyone from my judo club.

02:15:08.000 And then you have some other rich square like Rich, well, Rich Lowry's not rich, but like Jonah Goldberg.

02:15:14.000 Who is like a fucking, I would rather die than have him.

02:15:17.000 Far in the wind.

02:15:20.000 Anyway.

02:15:20.000 That's so fucking funny.

02:15:22.000 So true.

02:15:24.000 We gave you way too much gold tonight.

02:15:26.000 Should we tease Jose sent the COVID background?

02:15:29.000 Brand new fucking.

02:15:31.000 It looks awesome.

02:15:32.000 I owe Jose a thousand bucks.

02:15:34.000 Jose?

02:15:34.000 Oh, he was one of the winners.

02:15:36.000 Jose!

02:15:37.000 Jose!

02:15:38.000 Jose!

02:15:39.000 Jose!

02:15:40.000 Jose.

02:15:41.000 We're not doing bad, right?

02:15:42.000 We won the game last night.

02:15:43.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:15:44.000 Still third, but I feel like we're one win away from replacing the Phillies in number two.

02:15:48.000 Here we go.

02:15:49.000 Number two.

02:15:50.000 The Mets only suck a little.

02:15:53.000 The Metropolitans.

02:15:54.000 Let's fucking go, Mets.

02:15:56.000 There's the Mets going up to number two.

02:15:59.000 That's my goal, number two.

02:16:02.000 So we tease it or are we watching this bumper?

02:16:05.000 I mean, not the bumper, the background.

02:16:06.000 Let's watch the background.

02:16:08.000 Tease it.

02:16:08.000 Let's not tease it.

02:16:10.000 Bam.

02:16:11.000 Awesome.

02:16:11.000 In the one shot?

02:16:12.000 God, that guy's talented.

02:16:13.000 And you're there with like some Chinese.

02:16:16.000 He's always got like the triangle.

02:16:18.000 That triangle is so classy.

02:16:21.000 Very impressed with the little vial.

02:16:22.000 Imagine it had a little thing that said hate.

02:16:24.000 Like, he didn't get it.

02:16:25.000 He was like, how about in this one?

02:16:28.000 Imagine it was just kitty porn.

02:16:29.000 He snuck in and we didn't notice.

02:16:31.000 We didn't notice until the fifth episode that there was like some four-year-olds.

02:16:34.000 Like those haunted houses that use real horns.

02:16:36.000 You saw that with the serial killers when they were trying to catch BTK.

02:16:41.000 No.

02:16:43.000 He had drawn a thing with these spectacles.

02:16:45.000 It was a pair of glasses laying on a desk.

02:16:48.000 And then they put the words, call the chief now.

02:16:51.000 And they thought that if they showed the subliminal message in the middle of the newscast, that he would get the message and call the chief.

02:17:02.000 Remember that one?

02:17:06.000 Oh, there we go.

02:17:07.000 What are you doing?

02:17:08.000 Yeah, that's it right there.

02:17:09.000 Weird.

02:17:12.000 There was this one like child musty guy that was like he spun his picture like this, like he put it in a Photoshop and spun his face so you couldn't see it.

02:17:19.000 And then somebody just unspun it.

02:17:21.000 Oh, yeah, I remember that one.

02:17:24.000 Enough content.

02:17:25.000 Yeah.

02:17:25.000 Get fired.

02:17:26.000 Get in trouble.

02:17:27.000 Be brave.

02:17:27.000 Thanks, Maddie, for coming to the show.

02:17:29.000 See you next week.

02:17:30.000 Happy week.

02:17:30.000 Love you guys.

02:17:31.000 And never stop fighting.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - August 20, 2021

GOML LIVE #111: WHY YOU WANNA BE MIDDLE CLASS?

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