Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #117

00:00:13.000 Live from New York, it's Get Up 11 with Kevin Super Ladies,

00:01:00.000 I know it's a couple of disgusting liberals, a hideous trans loser homo, making great music.

00:01:15.000 I know those people would love to see everyone here die, but it's a pretty good little jam.

00:01:22.000 And if I had to agree with all the musicians I hear politically, I don't think I'd be listening to any music.

00:01:28.000 So I love that song.

00:01:29.000 I think they did a great job.

00:01:31.000 Welcome back to Get Off My Lawn.

00:01:32.000 Ladies and gentlemen, Maddie Odell is back.

00:01:36.000 He's alive.

00:01:37.000 There I am.

00:01:38.000 And he zoomed in.

00:01:39.000 He zoomed all the way in.

00:01:41.000 You don't have to zoom quite that close there.

00:01:43.000 Yep, that's good.

00:01:44.000 Hey, guys, it is.

00:01:45.000 How are you feeling, Maddie?

00:01:46.000 I'm doing good.

00:01:47.000 I'm doing good.

00:01:48.000 I want to thank all the baby monsters that reached out and sent good well wishes to me.

00:01:52.000 I appreciate it.

00:01:53.000 How did you find those?

00:01:56.000 Some of them came to me.

00:01:57.000 People have been hitting me on my socials.

00:02:01.000 What are your socials?

00:02:02.000 Maybe we should have those on the screen.

00:02:04.000 Maddie O'Dell.

00:02:05.000 Do you have an Instagram account?

00:02:07.000 Yeah.

00:02:09.000 N-I-G.

00:02:10.000 I got a Facebook.

00:02:11.000 Is that private?

00:02:12.000 Can we announce that?

00:02:13.000 Sure.

00:02:14.000 Yeah, you're Evil Live or something.

00:02:16.000 I Live Evil.

00:02:17.000 I Live Evil.

00:02:19.000 I underscore Live Evil.

00:02:21.000 L-I-V-E-V-V-I-V-I-V-I-V.

00:02:22.000 I underscore LiveEvil.

00:02:24.000 Yeah, I think I follow you.

00:02:27.000 Yeah.

00:02:27.000 And then Facebook is just Maddie O'Dell.

00:02:30.000 Maddie or Matthew?

00:02:31.000 Maddie.

00:02:32.000 Okay.

00:02:32.000 M-A-T-T-Y.

00:02:33.000 And then do you have a Twitter?

00:02:35.000 I do.

00:02:37.000 Do you use it?

00:02:42.000 Sound insecure.

00:02:42.000 Not much, but I have one.

00:02:44.000 You sound shy.

00:02:45.000 Ryan, he looks blurry to me for a change.

00:02:50.000 My Twitter is at Odell underscore Maddie.

00:02:55.000 At Odell underscore Maddie.

00:02:57.000 I would like to plug Getter, my Getter account.

00:03:00.000 There was a Gavin underscore McInnes there that had 900 followers.

00:03:04.000 That was not me.

00:03:06.000 So they deleted it, but they couldn't transfer the followers over, which is a design flaw.

00:03:11.000 I got to get one of those.

00:03:13.000 I mean, right now.

00:03:14.000 Is Rumble a thing?

00:03:17.000 Yeah.

00:03:17.000 I don't know.

00:03:19.000 Getter is supposed to be Twitter where you can't get banned.

00:03:21.000 Right now, I got to get a better feed because 90% of what I look at is just Dinesh D'Souza, who posts like every five minutes.

00:03:28.000 So I may have to delete him.

00:03:31.000 Special thanks to our sponsor, Tactical Walls.

00:03:35.000 They did our Tactical Walls.

00:03:37.000 They did Ryan's Tactical Walls.

00:03:40.000 We had Tactical Tim in here building them.

00:03:44.000 You get 20% off when you use the promo code Gavin.

00:03:49.000 Look at that.

00:03:49.000 Ryan's nice blurry cam shows us.

00:03:52.000 Luckily, the corner of your monitor is in focus.

00:03:57.000 You're so useless.

00:03:59.000 It's amazing.

00:04:01.000 There we go.

00:04:03.000 Ryan's got various bric-a-brac.

00:04:05.000 All of his bric-a-brac, of course, is mine, minus the Woody Pez.

00:04:10.000 All his friends are fans of the show.

00:04:12.000 Ryan is just a Lamprey on this shark that is Gavin McInnes.

00:04:17.000 And I am a Lamprey on the shark that is Tactical Walls.

00:04:20.000 If you could pull them up, that would be fantastic.

00:04:22.000 They make these incredible shelving units where you can display your guns.

00:04:28.000 That's the majority of Tactical Walls.

00:04:31.000 But they also have cool hiding spots for your guns from mirrors that you double click and they open up and there's your rifle behind the mirror.

00:04:39.000 That was his first product as a solo guy.

00:04:42.000 He's a war vet.

00:04:44.000 He is America-made.

00:04:46.000 All of his stuff is manufactured in America.

00:04:49.000 So if you're lucky enough to live in a gun state, then you should use tactical balls to display your guns.

00:04:54.000 But if you're unlucky, like us New Yorkers, you could still use them to hide your guns, your illegal guns, like the issue box or the clocks where your stuff hides behind.

00:05:07.000 I love the issue box quite a lot.

00:05:09.000 That's where you put your gun.

00:05:11.000 And of course, when guys break into your house, they don't think to steal your tissue box.

00:05:16.000 So go to tacticalwalls.com.

00:05:21.000 Use promo code Gavin for 20% off all orders.

00:05:24.000 That's tacticalwalls.com.

00:05:26.000 And I noticed, by the way, we have hurt our sales guy's feelings because he is not writing any more copy.

00:05:34.000 We made fun of his copy one too many times.

00:05:37.000 And now he's resorted to.

00:05:39.000 This episode is brought to you by Tactical Walls.

00:05:41.000 If you need to, colon dash, hide your guns, dash, hide your kids, slash, hide your wife.

00:05:49.000 That doesn't make any sense.

00:05:51.000 None of the stuff he sells is big enough to hide a human being.

00:05:54.000 It's all for hiding guns.

00:05:57.000 So even though you only wrote one sentence, bad guy, you failed.

00:06:04.000 A little update.

00:06:06.000 Guys at my gym saw the darkness episode, and now I'm the GG Allen of the gym, and they presented me with this.

00:06:15.000 They go, you think you're dark?

00:06:17.000 You might want to check out this.

00:06:19.000 It's the most disgusting book on earth.

00:06:21.000 And I said, if it's just gay porn, then I'm going to stop reading it.

00:06:27.000 I know gay porn exists.

00:06:28.000 You're not blowing my mind.

00:06:29.000 It's funny When a cop sends you a picture of a hot chick and you click on it and then a dick pops out, that's amusing.

00:06:35.000 It's four seconds.

00:06:36.000 But if you're giving me a gay porn book, I'm just going to throw it out.

00:06:39.000 So don't waste my time.

00:06:40.000 And also, if this, they called it a horror book, if this horror book involves children under duress in any way, shape, or form, I won't just throw it away.

00:06:49.000 I'll be pissed off at you.

00:06:51.000 And they go, no one does that, you asshole.

00:06:55.000 And this is the most disgusting book I have ever read.

00:07:00.000 I highly recommend it if you want to puke.

00:07:03.000 It has a man who lives with his mother who rapes him.

00:07:09.000 They fuck holes in cows' bodies.

00:07:12.000 They puke.

00:07:13.000 Every second page has a rape.

00:07:15.000 It is the most disgusting piece of literature ever made.

00:07:19.000 I guess you'd call it horror-gross out fiction.

00:07:24.000 And I just knew the writer was British from the beginning.

00:07:27.000 About three chapters in, he says wank.

00:07:31.000 Mother's corpse in bits, dead dog on the roof, girlfriend in a coma, baby nailed to the wall, and 100 tons of homicidal beef stampeding through the tube system.

00:07:39.000 And Stephen thought the slaughterhouse was bad.

00:07:42.000 It is fucking brutal.

00:07:44.000 Anyway, we're turning into Jim Goad's circa 1995 with Answer Me, and I think we should correct the course and get back to fun.

00:07:55.000 Tomorrow, we're going to get into some gossip.

00:07:57.000 It'll be a very light episode.

00:07:59.000 I'm researching Joe Coy's relationship with Chelsea Handler.

00:08:04.000 Because there's something not right about it.

00:08:07.000 I think she shattered his marriage.

00:08:12.000 Homewrecker.

00:08:13.000 So, Maddie, how do you feel after your operation?

00:08:17.000 A little sore, you know.

00:08:19.000 People ask me what it feels like, and I heard you describe it on last Thursday.

00:08:24.000 It feels like somebody took a belt sander and kind of sanded it inside of my chest.

00:08:29.000 Which they did.

00:08:31.000 Well, yeah, they burned it.

00:08:32.000 Burned it up with lasers and all sorts of stuff.

00:08:35.000 It's amazing how, like, you know, if you burn your arm with a match, that you have a match-shaped burn on your forearm that hurts.

00:08:42.000 But it's amazing that when you go inside your body and do something similar, you can feel that.

00:08:47.000 Yeah.

00:08:48.000 I mean, I guess it's obviously.

00:08:48.000 It was like a really bad irritant.

00:08:51.000 Like, you had like steel wool or something, like, it just very uncomfortable and like feeling you want to itch it, but you can't.

00:09:00.000 Because I could scratch my chest, but it doesn't help inside.

00:09:04.000 And the operation was a raging success?

00:09:07.000 Yeah.

00:09:08.000 They said everything went well.

00:09:09.000 You know, obviously, I was in the hospital for two days, came home.

00:09:13.000 I mean, other than trying to keep the fluid and the inflammation down and keeping pneumonia at bay, like I got to do these breathing treatments, excuse me, breathing exercises with a spirometer,

00:09:29.000 and I got to get up and move around.

00:09:31.000 I just can't lay around in the house and stuff and just relax.

00:09:34.000 If I was a good friend, I would have got you a whore to come and blow you.

00:09:39.000 It's not a joke.

00:09:40.000 It's all right.

00:09:43.000 And more importantly, you were recently, so Joe Tonelli at our local has quit his job as a bartender, although he's still there every single fucking day.

00:09:55.000 But he had to quit because he got a job at FedEx.

00:09:59.000 A guy named Dean interviewed him for the job, and he's going to be driving around with people who do deliveries and making sure they follow safety standards.

00:10:09.000 You and Bill, Unrely Bill, went to FedEx and said, we're here to speak with Dean, the man who hires people.

00:10:17.000 They said there's no such person.

00:10:18.000 Correct.

00:10:19.000 We showed a picture of you outside of FedEx recently.

00:10:22.000 Now, there's been an update.

00:10:23.000 You went to the bar next to FedEx.

00:10:25.000 Right down the street from the FedEx complex where Joe was allegedly hired.

00:10:31.000 We went to have a lunch and we were at the bar.

00:10:34.000 Well, it was in the later afternoon, probably two o'clock.

00:10:38.000 And then an off, a guy who finished his shift at FedEx came in.

00:10:42.000 He's got the purple FedEx shirt on.

00:10:44.000 Oh, he's got the whole uniform on.

00:10:46.000 So I nudge Jack and I go, Jack, look who's in here?

00:10:50.000 FedEx guy.

00:10:51.000 I said, you know, we got to grill him.

00:10:54.000 About the hiring.

00:10:55.000 You know, just what's the deal?

00:10:58.000 How do you get hired?

00:10:58.000 What's the job like?

00:11:00.000 What can you expect?

00:11:02.000 And we told him about our friend.

00:11:07.000 And he said, well, what position is he going for?

00:11:11.000 He goes, he's like, I work for FedEx Express.

00:11:14.000 Then you have FedEx Ground.

00:11:16.000 He's like, there's different departments.

00:11:17.000 So I go, no, this guy is supposed to be working in management.

00:11:22.000 And he's going to be riding around with the drivers on their routes, checking for safety.

00:11:27.000 He goes, there's no position like that at the job.

00:11:31.000 There's obviously no such position.

00:11:34.000 FedEx delivery is not dangerous.

00:11:37.000 There's safety for people who deal with fucking fire and propane and toxic fucking fumes.

00:11:45.000 But delivering a box, what's going to happen?

00:11:47.000 You drop the box on your head.

00:11:49.000 He goes, secondly, he goes, that's a position that would be somebody hired from within the company who's got at least 10 years experience on the job and how the job is supposed to be done.

00:12:02.000 He goes, I would take that job if it existed.

00:12:05.000 He goes, but it doesn't.

00:12:07.000 He goes, your friend's full of shit.

00:12:08.000 He goes, how old is he?

00:12:10.000 And I go, I think he's in his mid-50s, 55, 56.

00:12:13.000 He goes, no fucking way is he getting hired.

00:12:16.000 No fucking.

00:12:17.000 Well, being an opioid addict is also not great for safety inspectors because they tend to fall asleep.

00:12:22.000 Yeah.

00:12:23.000 No fucking way is Joe Tonelli hired a FedEx.

00:12:26.000 Well, the amazing thing was the baby monsters supplied us with proof that he did rescue a cat.

00:12:35.000 Yes.

00:12:35.000 He did apply oxygen to it.

00:12:37.000 It was on the front page of the daily, whatever it was, Rye Examiner.

00:12:42.000 Some baby monsters said, no, no.

00:12:44.000 He saw a story about a Joe Tonelli and he decided to make his name Joe Tonelli.

00:12:50.000 No.

00:12:51.000 And there's no way that there's two Joe Tonellis.

00:12:54.000 No, it's not.

00:12:55.000 That really did happen.

00:12:57.000 At one point in the town where he grew up and went to high school, not Scotland.

00:13:03.000 He was a volunteer fireman.

00:13:06.000 And the same thing, he's gone to like all the surrounding towns because after about a month and a half to two months, people get so fed up of his bullshit lies and all.

00:13:19.000 This has been going on for 30-something years.

00:13:22.000 This is nothing new with Joe.

00:13:25.000 He's been a compulsive liar his entire life.

00:13:27.000 Everyone.

00:13:29.000 Like, whether it's volunteer ambulance corps or volunteer fire department, they all boot him out because of his compulsive lying.

00:13:39.000 Like, he wants to go on there.

00:13:40.000 In his resume, he said that he was the volunteer fire chief.

00:13:49.000 But no, he wasn't the chief.

00:13:52.000 No, the only way you can tolerate him is to treat him like shit.

00:13:55.000 Yeah.

00:13:56.000 And I would feel bad about treating a normal retard like shit.

00:13:59.000 But, you know, getting a $100 tip on Veterans Day, he earns his keep as a perfect victim to punch down on.

00:14:06.000 Yeah.

00:14:08.000 And being good at it, if you will.

00:14:11.000 Fucking loser.

00:14:12.000 All right.

00:14:12.000 Well, we should invade the mailbag.

00:14:16.000 There we go.

00:14:17.000 Don't you think?

00:14:19.000 Jump right in.

00:14:19.000 I'm going to have to run and get my computer, so hopefully I can be back by the time you're done your little song.

00:14:25.000 I just barfed.

00:14:26.000 Ready?

00:14:27.000 Ryan, shut up.

00:14:29.000 You don't have a dad.

00:14:32.000 Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.

00:14:37.000 Let me touch it.

00:14:42.000 See how much I care about you?

00:14:43.000 I don't want to waste one second.

00:14:47.000 My computer died.

00:14:49.000 My big computer just went.

00:14:52.000 And it's hard.

00:14:53.000 There's a two-week wait for a new one.

00:14:55.000 Oof.

00:14:56.000 My son's on the cover of a magazine.

00:14:59.000 Yeah, I saw that on the show the other day.

00:15:00.000 You bought two new ones, huh?

00:15:02.000 Yeah.

00:15:03.000 I mean, I'm not overindulging myself.

00:15:07.000 No.

00:15:07.000 We had...

00:15:09.000 I bought this in 08, and I got the laptop in 2012.

00:15:17.000 Yeah, I just bought a new MacBook Pro, I think last year.

00:15:21.000 Oh, yeah?

00:15:22.000 Yeah.

00:15:23.000 Okay, we just got this in right now.

00:15:26.000 It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown.

00:15:29.000 No, it's the Great Pumpkin Maddie O'Dell.

00:15:31.000 Yeah, what did I say before the show started?

00:15:33.000 I said, I look like the Great Pumpkin over here.

00:15:35.000 Well, it's already been Photoshopped.

00:15:37.000 Have you got that, Ryan?

00:15:38.000 Hold on a second.

00:15:39.000 I forgot to reload my deal.

00:15:41.000 Why?

00:15:42.000 And I'm not seeing that.

00:15:44.000 The earliest one is from 12, 11 a.m., so something's wrong here.

00:15:47.000 Well, this is 9.15 p.m.

00:15:49.000 I close out, I open back up.

00:15:52.000 No?

00:15:52.000 I think maybe you have to wait.

00:15:54.000 Synchronization in progress.

00:15:56.000 It's showing me a little bar.

00:15:57.000 There we go.

00:15:58.000 And now it exited, and it's opening back up.

00:16:01.000 I think your seventh mistake.

00:16:03.000 This episode at 15 minutes in.

00:16:07.000 God, we got so many letters about pit bulls.

00:16:10.000 Every single motherfucker spells it as one word.

00:16:13.000 It's not one word.

00:16:14.000 It's two words.

00:16:15.000 The performer is one word, pit bull.

00:16:19.000 Stop fucking spelling it pit bull as one word, you meatheads.

00:16:24.000 The real name is the American Pit Bull Terrier.

00:16:27.000 Yes.

00:16:29.000 All right, Ryan, you ready?

00:16:32.000 Yes.

00:16:33.000 Show it.

00:16:35.000 Oh, here we go.

00:16:36.000 Kind of anticlimactic.

00:16:38.000 I'm going through a bunch of Maddie letters.

00:16:41.000 Okay?

00:16:42.000 Yeah.

00:16:45.000 So I type Maddie in there.

00:16:47.000 Okay, good.

00:16:48.000 To the baby monster who said that in, we were just, I just said that to myself before the show started.

00:16:54.000 I'm sitting, looking at myself on the monitor going, man, I look like the great pumpkin sitting up there.

00:16:58.000 We're going to make fluorescent orange shirts.

00:17:01.000 Hey, Gav, Rai, and Maddie, with the announcement of YouTube restricting and banning people even more severely, I couldn't help but think Censored TV is going to get a whole bunch more content creators.

00:17:11.000 I love how the more they try to control us, the more they go fuck their mothers.

00:17:16.000 Freedom is awesome.

00:17:17.000 Make that a t-shirt.

00:17:19.000 Yeah, that is true.

00:17:20.000 I got to say, though, with contributors, I don't like begging.

00:17:24.000 Like with Laura Loomer, I got her on board.

00:17:27.000 I shot a show at my house, and I love her to death.

00:17:32.000 But each video was like pulling teeth, and it's sort of like fucking someone.

00:17:37.000 Like you say, you want to fuck, you want to fuck.

00:17:38.000 And after a while, you're like, I don't want to fuck you anymore if you don't want to fuck me.

00:17:42.000 This isn't fun.

00:17:43.000 And so someone like Atheism is Unstoppable.

00:17:47.000 I check in on him.

00:17:48.000 I mean, I listen to every one of his shows, but I check in on him like once every two months.

00:17:53.000 And it's nothing but quality content.

00:17:56.000 Or someone like Coppercab, I had to nag and nag and then pay him a fortune, then I'd finally get something.

00:18:01.000 Or Milo, he kept getting more and more raises and delivering less and less content.

00:18:06.000 So I don't know.

00:18:08.000 I'd rather like solicit people very gently and wait for their tsunami of enthusiasm.

00:18:16.000 Because going out and hunting for people, I don't know.

00:18:19.000 I'm not a fucking record label.

00:18:23.000 There's an America First guy who's interested.

00:18:26.000 Who's that?

00:18:27.000 Dalton Dalton something.

00:18:32.000 I forgot his last name, but he's interested.

00:18:34.000 He's got a pretty good following.

00:18:35.000 He got kicked off of a bunch of stuff.

00:18:38.000 Okay, pull him up.

00:18:39.000 Let's see him.

00:18:40.000 Let's see.

00:18:42.000 He just inquired today.

00:18:43.000 Well, a lot of people are going to be getting banned.

00:18:45.000 I mean, YouTube announced today that anything that's anti-vax is banned.

00:18:51.000 Oh, yeah.

00:18:52.000 Anything.

00:18:53.000 And by anti-vax, they mean vax questioning.

00:18:56.000 Yes.

00:18:57.000 Anything.

00:18:58.000 If you throw out an interrogative that goes, I don't know if I would want my wife at nine months pregnant to get the vaccine.

00:19:06.000 That is anti-vax.

00:19:08.000 And you'll notice I didn't say yes or no.

00:19:09.000 I said, I don't know if.

00:19:11.000 Right.

00:19:11.000 Banned.

00:19:13.000 Across the board.

00:19:14.000 They put the announcement out this morning.

00:19:19.000 All right.

00:19:19.000 So I think this is his second YouTube.

00:19:21.000 He had.

00:19:22.000 All right, everybody.

00:19:23.000 So today we're going to be reacting to somebody reacting and responding to one of my old YouTube videos.

00:19:28.000 He made this video about a month ago.

00:19:29.000 I just now discovered his response because somebody commented on one of my more recent videos.

00:19:35.000 Hey, look, I found you through this guy.

00:19:37.000 He's a total degenerate.

00:19:39.000 You should go check it out or whatever.

00:19:40.000 What's Nick, though?

00:19:43.000 So if you want to watch this full-he's friends with Nick.

00:19:46.000 The problem with America First these days is the FBI is clamping down, and we just got our payment processors back up after a massive attack.

00:19:56.000 Oh, this is about the debate.

00:19:58.000 The Robert Barnes-Nick Fuentes.

00:20:00.000 He believes that Islamo-fascism is a direct threat to the United States, so he thinks that we are justified in getting involved in that area.

00:20:09.000 Did you watch that?

00:20:10.000 I'm very interested to see what Fuentes is going to say.

00:20:13.000 It's pretty good.

00:20:14.000 I don't know where Robert Barnes got off saying that he bent him over his knee and spanked him.

00:20:19.000 I thought it was...

00:20:20.000 Well, that's the thing now with the American divorce.

00:20:22.000 You watch a debate and it goes normal.

00:20:26.000 And the right says that the left was served and the left says the right was spanked.

00:20:31.000 It was a really poor form.

00:20:33.000 He blocked Nick after the debate.

00:20:35.000 First, it was really cordial, and they were fine.

00:20:37.000 They were gentlemen towards each other.

00:20:38.000 And then afterwards, he was like, yeah, that little punk, blah, blah, blah.

00:20:42.000 And I was like, Nick is good.

00:20:44.000 He's great.

00:20:45.000 I mean, I don't agree with everything he says, but I don't really have to.

00:20:49.000 I'm not interested in agreeing with everything.

00:20:50.000 What do you disagree with that Nick Fuentes says?

00:20:54.000 Well, you know, just innately.

00:20:56.000 No, just give me one thing that Nick Fuentes believes that you don't agree with.

00:21:00.000 One of the big ones is like, because Israel stinky boo-boo Israel, that means Islamic, the people of Islam aren't a threat at all, basically.

00:21:12.000 And like a negligible threat.

00:21:14.000 And I'm like, I don't really agree with that totally, but if they both just met in the middle there, they're both super right.

00:21:21.000 And then you just have two smart guys talking about it.

00:21:23.000 It's not like they're 1% of the population in America.

00:21:25.000 They're not going to get me.

00:21:27.000 But I think we're up to about, what, 80 dead in recent years?

00:21:35.000 Fort Hood was 13.

00:21:37.000 Pulse was 49.

00:21:41.000 Westside Highway was 8.

00:21:43.000 San Bernardino was 14.

00:21:45.000 It adds up.

00:21:46.000 It's no Crips and Bloods, 20 a day, but it's a thing.

00:21:50.000 Right.

00:21:51.000 Yeah, I don't have strong feelings on Jews or Israel stuff, and I feel like they're our closest allies in that area.

00:21:56.000 And that area is just garbage anyway, just garbage goat people.

00:22:02.000 I'd like to open my eyes and see them as human.

00:22:05.000 Russell Brand has been coming back in my YouTube algorithms while, and he is who he is.

00:22:10.000 Is there any possible way you can do a free speech with him?

00:22:13.000 This is so fucking annoying.

00:22:15.000 Yeah, sure.

00:22:16.000 Yeah.

00:22:17.000 Hey, Charlie Watts died.

00:22:19.000 Any chance you could play for the Stones?

00:22:22.000 Like, Russell Brand would never answer.

00:22:25.000 I can't get Andy No.

00:22:27.000 I have been working on this book, and I want Andy No to, an interview with him to be a chapter.

00:22:33.000 He won't go near me.

00:22:34.000 And this is like, sitting down is one thing.

00:22:37.000 That's pretty brave with me because you're going to get canceled.

00:22:40.000 But appearing in a book, no one has a problem with that.

00:22:44.000 And Andy No does.

00:22:46.000 He will not return any of my calls.

00:22:48.000 So like, who the fuck are you?

00:22:50.000 You must be a child.

00:22:52.000 You must be a 14-year-old to sit at home and go, you should get Russell Brand on your show.

00:22:59.000 Hey, you hate Chelsea Handler.

00:23:02.000 You should do a debate with her about fatherhood and family.

00:23:07.000 Yeah, let's fly Chelsea Handler to the South Bronx.

00:23:10.000 New white screen or bar sesh episode, even with maybe Maddie?

00:23:16.000 Yeah, let's get Russell Brand and Maddie together.

00:23:21.000 Even if it's just a Skype.

00:23:22.000 Shut the fuck up, you boob.

00:23:27.000 Um.

00:23:31.000 Okay, I can't remember if we've read this or not.

00:23:36.000 I think we have.

00:23:37.000 So I'll skip that.

00:23:40.000 Um.

00:23:44.000 No, Maddie tonight?

00:23:46.000 What happened to Maddie?

00:23:47.000 I know you said he had a bad prior reputation, but I find him to be a delightful young man and quite the foil to your witty barbs on censored live Thursdays.

00:23:56.000 Best Leo.

00:23:57.000 Hey, Leo?

00:23:58.000 I don't know how you could possibly watch the fucking show and not know that the man had an operation.

00:24:04.000 Yeah, that's true.

00:24:10.000 Okay, that's a guy named Maddie.

00:24:15.000 Love your show, Fag.

00:24:17.000 Start saying you're Irish and Scottish.

00:24:19.000 Your real name is McGinnis.

00:24:20.000 Your boy Maddie is Irish too.

00:24:22.000 Celtic football fans are all Irish descent.

00:24:25.000 Odell is an Irish name.

00:24:26.000 I'm a fellow Irish Scot.

00:24:28.000 I like you more than a friend.

00:24:30.000 And then he includes a link that says, how dare you?

00:24:35.000 How dare you?

00:24:37.000 For him, I'll say, Koi Big.

00:24:39.000 Hail, hell.

00:24:42.000 Are you Celtics and your cousin is Rangers, right?

00:24:49.000 Yeah.

00:24:49.000 Celtic Catholics and Protestants.

00:24:51.000 Big division within the family.

00:24:54.000 A lot of them don't even give a fuck, so.

00:24:57.000 In my family, my dad's side, they're in deep denial of their Irish heritage.

00:25:02.000 They deny that the name is McGinnis.

00:25:04.000 And then they told their kids that it's not McGinnis.

00:25:08.000 So when my cousin, who's actually Mexican, researched his 23andMe and all that, he discovered that our name is McGinnis.

00:25:16.000 Well, I tell you, my I have family with the name McGinnis.

00:25:20.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:25:24.000 Our parents grew up.

00:25:26.000 Four miles from each other.

00:25:27.000 Four miles from each other.

00:25:28.000 And Joe Tonelli told us that he's also from Glasgow.

00:25:31.000 Yeah.

00:25:32.000 And he went to high school there.

00:25:34.000 And then our buddy James, who's from southern England, says, so, Joe, growing up in Scotland, you would, of course, come across some colloquialisms, some sayings.

00:25:45.000 And then you jumped in and go, yeah, like, Joe, what does hodjerwish mean?

00:25:49.000 Yeah.

00:25:50.000 Oh, I know that one.

00:25:50.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:25:51.000 What does that mean?

00:25:52.000 I don't know, but the liberal Scottish guy told me it.

00:25:54.000 Just shut your mouth or something?

00:25:56.000 Hodjerwisht.

00:25:57.000 Like, shut your mouth.

00:25:58.000 You got it.

00:25:59.000 Talking shit.

00:25:59.000 It means calm down.

00:26:00.000 Like, take it down a notch.

00:26:03.000 Your wish.

00:26:04.000 I don't know what weesch is.

00:26:05.000 Your mouth.

00:26:06.000 Oh, your mouth.

00:26:09.000 Yeah.

00:26:09.000 Or like, he he didn't know the Beano, the Beezer, the R. Willy.

00:26:13.000 Core, Wizzer and Chips.

00:26:15.000 Yeah, the Bruins.

00:26:17.000 Nothing.

00:26:17.000 Urwoolly.

00:26:19.000 Torpy Scones.

00:26:20.000 It's It's Drik outside.

00:26:22.000 It's a Braw Brech Moonlech neck.

00:26:25.000 The neck.

00:26:26.000 Rabbi Burns.

00:26:27.000 A man is a man and all that.

00:26:30.000 Nothing.

00:26:30.000 And all that.

00:26:32.000 And all that.

00:26:34.000 A man is a man and all that.

00:26:36.000 The packy.

00:26:37.000 The packy.

00:26:37.000 The chinkies.

00:26:39.000 Asians in Glasgow will go, you fancy a chunky the night.

00:26:43.000 Aye.

00:26:45.000 They call their own food chinky.

00:26:47.000 Yeah.

00:26:49.000 You can go to the chinky and get a deep-fried pizza.

00:26:55.000 This is a guy who wants us to know that I suck at music.

00:26:59.000 Gavin, I love the show, but after your live stream, I feel compelled to weigh in on this.

00:27:02.000 You are not some kind of authority on music.

00:27:05.000 You suck at music, and half the shit you promote is garbage.

00:27:11.000 Tell me what AM7 3rd inversion means right now, or shut the actual fuck up about music forever.

00:27:20.000 Well, the AM7 3rd inversion is when you were doing scales on a guitar, and in the third inversion, which is a C flat, you come down.

00:27:30.000 It's almost always done with a whammy bar.

00:27:33.000 And you do what's called inversion, which is C flat and E, and you go.

00:27:39.000 That is the AM7 third inversion.

00:27:42.000 How'd you know that?

00:27:44.000 I'm a music authority, Ryan.

00:27:47.000 Impressive.

00:27:47.000 Yeah.

00:27:48.000 Usually people forget the whammy bar part.

00:27:50.000 Well, a lot of people can only do it on guitar.

00:27:52.000 I can do it with my mouth.

00:27:53.000 I've seen you do it.

00:27:54.000 Yeah.

00:27:54.000 It goes, this is an AM7 third inversion done a cappella.

00:28:05.000 Amazing.

00:28:06.000 Thank you.

00:28:07.000 I didn't know that.

00:28:10.000 What's wrong?

00:28:11.000 I didn't know you had that in you.

00:28:12.000 Kind of makes me look at you a little different is all.

00:28:14.000 I'm an authority.

00:28:17.000 Then let's see between you and Ryan who can draw a circle of fifths offhand.

00:28:24.000 Okay.

00:28:26.000 I mean, I don't know how long we're going to have to do this.

00:28:28.000 This is all stuff I don't know.

00:28:32.000 And then I do the fifths.

00:28:33.000 One, two, three, four, five.

00:28:37.000 What are you doing the F clef base?

00:28:39.000 Very simple.

00:28:40.000 Those are the fifths.

00:28:42.000 I don't see a circle, but yeah, that's accurate.

00:28:45.000 Two for two.

00:28:46.000 No, a circle of fifths offhand.

00:28:48.000 Oh, I see.

00:28:49.000 Right, right, right.

00:28:50.000 Sorry.

00:28:50.000 And then what's the V in the key of B major?

00:28:54.000 Okay, obviously the V in key major is...

00:28:56.000 I mean, sorry, the V in the key of B major is...

00:29:04.000 In the key of B major.

00:29:07.000 Can you even tell me that?

00:29:08.000 Well, I just did.

00:29:09.000 Every time you try to sing, you sound like actual dog shit.

00:29:13.000 Which actual dog shit at the very most might make a crackly sound as it leaves the anus, but once it's sitting there...

00:29:19.000 Ryan, you have dog shit behind you.

00:29:21.000 I do, yeah.

00:29:22.000 Pull that down.

00:29:23.000 Hello, dog poo.

00:29:26.000 Put that up against the mic.

00:29:30.000 So, I don't.

00:29:31.000 Sir, dog shit does not make a sound.

00:29:36.000 You can't hit a note to save your life.

00:29:39.000 Wait, is that a video drop?

00:29:42.000 They couldn't carry a tune to save their lives.

00:29:45.000 That's Joker, right?

00:29:46.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:29:47.000 Is that one of our drops?

00:29:48.000 They couldn't carry a tune to save their lives.

00:29:53.000 He's such a little snarky little bitch.

00:29:56.000 Yes, Ryan's shit leaves something to be desired, but he has his moments.

00:30:00.000 Thank you.

00:30:00.000 You, as a front man, relied solely on charisma and edginess, not any kind of tangible musical ability.

00:30:08.000 You're fucking Rebecca Black telling Kenny G he sucks.

00:30:12.000 Damn.

00:30:13.000 Yes, he absolutely sucks, but he's still way better than you, so shut the fuck up.

00:30:17.000 Damn, dog.

00:30:19.000 Love you, love the show.

00:30:20.000 Love Ryan, love Maddie.

00:30:22.000 Fuck you and the hills you rode in on.

00:30:25.000 He fucking got us both in one fell sweep.

00:30:27.000 No, he didn't get me because I answered every single one of his questions, including the V in B minor.

00:30:32.000 That's true, but his subjective opinion of you was not flattering.

00:30:35.000 Maddie, do you want us to show your Instagram?

00:30:38.000 Sure.

00:30:38.000 Bam.

00:30:39.000 There I am.

00:30:40.000 Let's turn that from 261 to something better.

00:30:43.000 A very sexy picture of you.

00:30:44.000 That's too sexy.

00:30:45.000 Is it a Bluetooth thing or you're not sure?

00:30:47.000 No, that's funny.

00:30:47.000 It's a lens brush.

00:30:48.000 It looks like a makeup brush.

00:30:49.000 Yeah.

00:30:49.000 What do you mean?

00:30:50.000 It's a lens brush for a camera.

00:30:54.000 Okay, well, he doesn't have that.

00:30:55.000 He knows everything.

00:30:56.000 He wants to take ice and do photography.

00:30:59.000 Dude, he knows everything about the lighting, what the camera things are called.

00:31:04.000 He's always shocking me before the show.

00:31:05.000 He's like, yeah, yeah, that's the light box.

00:31:07.000 And this is the thing.

00:31:08.000 Yeah, I gave...

00:31:09.000 Actually, I went back to prison the last time.

00:31:12.000 My son took all my camera equipment.

00:31:14.000 And his half-sister goes to school for television and film.

00:31:21.000 And I guess while I was away, it was sitting in his room and she's seen it.

00:31:25.000 And she asked if she could use my equipment.

00:31:28.000 And I had a pretty extensive lens collection and camera bodies and tripods.

00:31:33.000 I didn't know this about you.

00:31:34.000 We're learning.

00:31:35.000 Yeah, and then so when I came home, I just told my ex-wife and my son, I said, listen, just tell her to keep it all.

00:31:42.000 Nice.

00:31:42.000 That's very nice of you.

00:31:45.000 You lost a lot of shit when you went to the slammer.

00:31:47.000 Yeah.

00:31:48.000 It usually ends up that way.

00:31:51.000 Your health insurance, your life insurance, your tractor trailers.

00:31:57.000 I had a 53-foot refrigerator tractor trailer that's gone.

00:32:01.000 Two motorcycles.

00:32:04.000 It happens.

00:32:05.000 Well, you shouldn't rape women then.

00:32:09.000 I haven't yet, but when I do, I'll know the consequences.

00:32:13.000 Nobody tells you things like this, you know?

00:32:15.000 Yeah.

00:32:15.000 Now, I put in Maddie in the search bar, and I'm getting things from Matthews, which is interesting that the email program knows that Maddie is Matthew.

00:32:28.000 But anyway, this is nothing to do with Maddie.

00:32:30.000 It's from a Matthew.

00:32:32.000 Oh, that's a picture of me being gorgeous.

00:32:34.000 Don't, look at that.

00:32:35.000 That's me when I was 14.

00:32:37.000 That's a British Army jacket you're wearing.

00:32:39.000 Yep.

00:32:40.000 That I had my mom sewed zippers on.

00:32:43.000 I had one.

00:32:44.000 Same coat.

00:32:46.000 Really?

00:32:46.000 Yeah.

00:32:47.000 Huh.

00:32:48.000 Is that a Scottish thing?

00:32:49.000 We keep overlapping.

00:32:50.000 That is a Wolgreen Army coat from England.

00:32:55.000 Every time I meet someone cool, they were fat, ugly nerds when they were 14.

00:33:00.000 I've been cool since I was about 13.

00:33:04.000 Why wasn't anyone else cool?

00:33:05.000 Should I get that hairdo?

00:33:07.000 It's called a mohawk.

00:33:09.000 But with the blonde and all that.

00:33:11.000 Yeah, you should.

00:33:12.000 Right?

00:33:13.000 That's a great hairdo for a new dad.

00:33:15.000 I had that same coat.

00:33:17.000 That's pretty funny.

00:33:19.000 Here's one from Matt.

00:33:21.000 Please get Joe from the bar on the show for a live show or something with Maddie.

00:33:30.000 Him and I have had our entanglements in the choice words for each other.

00:33:38.000 That's a pretty good suggestion.

00:33:39.000 The thing about Joe is, like all monkeys, they don't like when it's showtime.

00:33:47.000 Right.

00:33:48.000 Even when we start making fun of him, like I said, hey, what's Dean's last name?

00:33:54.000 The boss who's hiring me, he goes, stop enough.

00:33:58.000 So that's not exactly lending itself to a good guest on the show.

00:34:02.000 But I'm not against it.

00:34:03.000 I mean, we had Gary on.

00:34:05.000 Yeah.

00:34:06.000 Yeah, that was supposed to be a joke, right?

00:34:07.000 You know why we can't get Gary on this new show?

00:34:10.000 Because neither Ryan and I want him in our cars.

00:34:14.000 Right.

00:34:15.000 Because he'll reek up the car.

00:34:17.000 Yeah.

00:34:17.000 I saw him the other morning.

00:34:19.000 Really?

00:34:20.000 That's wild.

00:34:21.000 Where'd you see him?

00:34:24.000 By the trains.

00:34:26.000 Yeah.

00:34:26.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:34:27.000 Well, he takes a train stop-up because there's these purple cigars that he likes.

00:34:33.000 He always hangs out in that one gas station on the corner there, right by the train.

00:34:38.000 Yeah.

00:34:38.000 It's always there.

00:34:39.000 And he's got his shirt on button and he's completely hairless.

00:34:43.000 Like his chest.

00:34:44.000 I got a killer tan.

00:34:45.000 Great tan.

00:34:47.000 Beautiful tan, long, gorgeous nails.

00:34:50.000 Silky dirty.

00:34:51.000 It's what my wife is going for when she goes on vacation.

00:34:54.000 Dark brown leather tan, no hair, and big long nails.

00:34:58.000 Homeboys get night like.

00:35:02.000 So you won't allow him in your car, Ryan?

00:35:04.000 No.

00:35:05.000 We just got the baby seat in there.

00:35:07.000 Hot shit.

00:35:08.000 Oh, I'm sorry.

00:35:10.000 I didn't think he'd hear me.

00:35:11.000 I was thinking about going down there and fucking filming him just like on the street, but like find him and shit.

00:35:19.000 I'll put a fucking tarp on my car.

00:35:21.000 Passenger seat, I guess.

00:35:23.000 Yeah.

00:35:23.000 I feel bad.

00:35:24.000 I mean, it's leather seats.

00:35:25.000 I'll just watch him with a fucking bleach wet.

00:35:28.000 He what?

00:35:29.000 He had a job.

00:35:30.000 Well, he goes, tell Ryan to come by.

00:35:33.000 And I'm like.

00:35:34.000 Bring him in the anthropology.

00:35:34.000 How's he going to find you?

00:35:37.000 Bring him in the anthropology.

00:35:38.000 I'm around.

00:35:38.000 That'd be hilarious.

00:35:39.000 I'm around.

00:35:40.000 You want me to keep doing the show?

00:35:45.000 Gavin, Ryan, and Maddie, which would you rather?

00:35:47.000 I would just like to say, before I read this email, that would you rathers are an art form.

00:35:53.000 I'm an expert because when we would plant trees in Northern Canada, we would spend 12 hours a day working these out.

00:35:59.000 My favorite is, would you rather have to eat a piece of shit this big every morning?

00:36:05.000 You could mix it with mashed potatoes or just have it like a pill.

00:36:08.000 Or dance every single place you go for a year.

00:36:12.000 So even if you get up to go piss in the middle of the night, you have to dance there.

00:36:15.000 You can't walk normal anywhere.

00:36:17.000 And then you can play with the time.

00:36:19.000 That's the best one about that.

00:36:20.000 You can make the shit bigger.

00:36:22.000 You can make the dancing two years and the shit six months.

00:36:27.000 Another trick with these is don't bring in your fucking dad and say how much would you have to pay to blow your dad and now you don't have a relationship.

00:36:34.000 That's fucking lame.

00:36:37.000 I got one.

00:36:38.000 Okay.

00:36:39.000 Can I just warn everyone before you open your mouth?

00:36:41.000 It's going to suck yourself.

00:36:42.000 This is going to suck.

00:36:43.000 Okay.

00:36:43.000 Would you rather have already, it already sucks.

00:36:46.000 Would you rather how shut up your boring?

00:36:52.000 Okay, well.

00:36:53.000 Be buried in it.

00:36:53.000 You're boring.

00:36:56.000 No, no, I'm not going to fall for it next time, though.

00:36:59.000 Okay, don't.

00:37:00.000 I'm not.

00:37:01.000 Good.

00:37:02.000 I have no interest in telling you anymore.

00:37:04.000 Good.

00:37:04.000 I'm glad.

00:37:04.000 I don't want to hear it.

00:37:05.000 I'm going to tell my other friends.

00:37:06.000 I'm glad Billy Bologna and Pee Wee Herman are sharp as diamonds, and you are in a goldfish bowl because your one job, which is creating video that is working.

00:37:22.000 I cut myself shaving today's not working.

00:37:25.000 In two spots, and it looks like I have sneak bite.

00:37:27.000 Oh, I thought you were going to show us your pussy lips.

00:37:29.000 I don't have pussy lips.

00:37:31.000 Okay, what's your would you your shitty would you rather?

00:37:34.000 Okay, it is, would you rather have your head chopped off slowly with a serrated blade or be buried alive?

00:37:43.000 That's not terrible, but I will say that the most famous one ever is buried alive or drowned.

00:37:50.000 So you're just taking the famous one and adding a chop head.

00:37:54.000 I'm taking drowned out of that.

00:37:56.000 Yeah, I know.

00:37:56.000 That's my criticism of what you just did.

00:37:58.000 I would rather drown.

00:38:00.000 No, I heard drowning's very painful.

00:38:01.000 They say it's blissful.

00:38:02.000 That's what I thought.

00:38:03.000 I was like, I think that's how I want it.

00:38:04.000 How do they know?

00:38:06.000 I don't know, but they're saying that it would be incredibly painful to have your lugs fill up and you wouldn't be dead, so you'd feel that.

00:38:11.000 Because if you've ever felt like heading like shit, it would be done quick.

00:38:15.000 It sounds a lot quicker than Buried Alive.

00:38:17.000 In fact, Buried Alive sounds the worst of both worlds.

00:38:20.000 You do drown.

00:38:22.000 And then you're also fucking panicking as dirt piles up around you.

00:38:25.000 Oh, my God.

00:38:26.000 Yeah.

00:38:27.000 Yeah, I'm going to go with the drowning for the classic British pub one that we just said.

00:38:31.000 And then for Ryan's, I think I might go with the saw.

00:38:35.000 And you think, like, adrenaline will come in and then...

00:38:37.000 I'd get my head cut off before I would bury it alive.

00:38:40.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:38:41.000 I think what's going to happen is like your spine's going to get slit.

00:38:45.000 And you're going to bleed out.

00:38:46.000 And you're going to bleed out in like...

00:38:48.000 You can't let.

00:38:48.000 I think you live with no head for like three seconds.

00:38:51.000 So the whole ordeal sounds like a seven-second ordeal, which is...

00:38:56.000 You ever been rolled up in a carpet before?

00:38:58.000 Where you can't move your arms and legs?

00:39:00.000 I think so.

00:39:00.000 Didn't some black guy die that way?

00:39:02.000 Dude, it's the claustrophobia that bothers me.

00:39:06.000 Okay, here we go, folks.

00:39:08.000 Get your hopes down.

00:39:10.000 And we're going to leave the free section and go behind the paywall.

00:39:13.000 We'll do a quick Nita Fashions ad.

00:39:15.000 But Gavin Ryan and Maddie, which would you rather?

00:39:18.000 For the rest of your life, you can never wipe your ass.

00:39:22.000 Instead, every time you shit, he wrote poop here, but adults don't say poop.

00:39:28.000 Gary is always there with bare hands to wipe your ass, I guess like a Muslim.

00:39:33.000 He will always try his best, but who knows how good of a job he can really do?

00:39:37.000 Plus, he's got those long nails.

00:39:39.000 And maybe he can get frisky if you felt like it.

00:39:41.000 And you can't threaten or hurt him.

00:39:43.000 He might miss your hole and reach too far.

00:39:45.000 Maybe fingers deep in there to scoop it all out.

00:39:49.000 Scoop it all out.

00:39:51.000 I'm already done shitting, moron.

00:39:53.000 He's going to try it, but probably won't ever be perfect.

00:39:56.000 And if you need to wipe again because he did a bad job the first time, he has to do it for you again.

00:40:01.000 Okay?

00:40:02.000 This actually is not bad.

00:40:03.000 I feel bad saying this guy would suck.

00:40:06.000 Or for the rest of your life, every time you have sex or masturbate or have a wet dream, oh yeah, my wet dreams that I have every 13 years.

00:40:16.000 Every time before you come, right before you come, Gary swoops in to get the final few pumps to quickly finish you off.

00:40:23.000 So if you're deep in your wife, you automatically come out and he finishes you off.

00:40:27.000 I knew it would suck.

00:40:28.000 That's so stupid.

00:40:30.000 You just ruined my marriage.

00:40:32.000 You ruined my relationship with my wife, which hurts my kids.

00:40:35.000 We're getting divorced.

00:40:37.000 That's idiotic.

00:40:38.000 The second one is idiotic.

00:40:40.000 It's just as dumb as when they say, you know, fuck your dad or whatever.

00:40:44.000 That's just a stupid ultimatum.

00:40:47.000 The first one was good.

00:40:48.000 It was a scenario I could imagine that was hell.

00:40:52.000 But like making me not love my wife and having no sexual relationship with my wife without Gary, like that's just dumb.

00:40:59.000 I swear to God, if it's the last thing I do, I'm going to get my hands around your throat.

00:41:02.000 Okay, we take those seriously around here.

00:41:06.000 All right, before we go, Nita Fashions.

00:41:10.000 That's where I get all my dapper suits.

00:41:12.000 You folks, well, I don't know if these are free video-wise, but on Thursday nights, I just dress in normal rags.

00:41:19.000 I got this cool gang squad shirt from NYPD buddy, which I'm very proud of.

00:41:24.000 It's the perfect level of fuck you.

00:41:26.000 What does it say on the back?

00:41:28.000 We protected and served, only to be denied and...

00:41:31.000 Let me see.

00:41:32.000 Turn full around.

00:41:33.000 We protected and served to be denied and dismissed.

00:41:36.000 Bronx gang squad.

00:41:37.000 Blah, blah, blah.

00:41:38.000 And it's got all the different gang squads.

00:41:40.000 Pretty awesome.

00:41:41.000 I asked this after we showed that Shizmabin video where they had the gang squad shirt with the two guns.

00:41:46.000 But the gang squad is no more, I guess.

00:41:48.000 Shizmobin is no more.

00:41:51.000 What?

00:41:51.000 Fucking...

00:41:52.000 I know.

00:41:53.000 Well, hold on.

00:41:54.000 We'll deal with that in a second.

00:41:55.000 We're in the middle of a commercial right now.

00:41:56.000 So I dress down on Thursday nights, but the other three days, I'm dressed very well.

00:42:06.000 And that is thanks to Nita Fashions Custom Tailors.

00:42:10.000 Contact them through their Instagram.

00:42:12.000 Message them on Instagram.

00:42:13.000 They'll set up a Zoom appointment with you.

00:42:15.000 They'll measure your whole body.

00:42:17.000 And then they have a book of you.

00:42:19.000 And they'll send you swatches.

00:42:21.000 You define your suits.

00:42:23.000 You define your shirts.

00:42:24.000 You can get a shirt for anywhere from 50 to 500 bucks.

00:42:27.000 You can get a suit anywhere from $1,000 to $5,000.

00:42:31.000 You can get, so now we have a perfectly tailored shirt, $50, and a perfectly tailored suit, $900.

00:42:39.000 And you wear that to weddings, funerals.

00:42:42.000 Even if you're a blue-collar plumber, you need at least one suit.

00:42:45.000 And these guys pull it together.

00:42:46.000 Most of their clients that come to them through this show are lawyers and sales dudes.

00:42:52.000 And those guys need a variety of suits.

00:42:54.000 I'm telling you, man, it has your name in it.

00:42:56.000 You choose what kind of pockets you want.

00:42:58.000 You choose the thickness of the fabric.

00:43:02.000 You choose every facet of it.

00:43:04.000 They've got big, thick winter suits where you don't even need a coat.

00:43:07.000 They've got thin flannel, not flannel, but linen suits.

00:43:12.000 Remember, I was wearing my Nita Fashions linen suit to Roger Stone's trial, and I walk up to Milo, and he's recoiled in horror as I approach him.

00:43:20.000 And I'm like, what the fuck?

00:43:22.000 What's your problem?

00:43:23.000 And he goes, linen in October.

00:43:26.000 Oh.

00:43:30.000 But yeah, it's a dying trade tailorism, if that's the word.

00:43:35.000 Among the many.

00:43:36.000 What?

00:43:37.000 I said, among the many dying trades.

00:43:39.000 Among the many.

00:43:40.000 And these guys are still doing it.

00:43:41.000 So go to Anita Fashions.

00:43:43.000 Say Gavin sent you.

00:43:45.000 I forget what the discount is.

00:43:46.000 I think it's like 10% or something.

00:43:48.000 15%.

00:43:50.000 And now we're going to go behind the paywall.

00:43:53.000 This is only the people who are not cheap.

00:43:57.000 And when I say not cheap, who can't afford a pint a month?

00:44:02.000 That's really, I mean, in Manhattan, a pint is nine bucks.

00:44:06.000 It's a dollar tip.

00:44:07.000 This is at Grand Central and stuff.

00:44:09.000 But let's say in your local, it's five bucks.

00:44:12.000 So it's two beers a month.

00:44:13.000 You assholes can't afford two beers a month to have not just me giving you two hours a day, but about another 20 shows.

00:44:23.000 Endless content.

00:44:24.000 It's the funnest way to get the news because when you watch the news today, even from Tucker, it can get depressing.

00:44:32.000 It can be a little morbid.

00:44:34.000 It can seem like we're in end of days.

00:44:36.000 But with this show, we add layers of humor and we laugh at the clown world around us.

00:44:42.000 We were red-pilled and now we're clown-pilled and we can enjoy ourselves because once you realize that everything is funny and it's here for your amusement, then it all becomes quite fun.

00:44:55.000 That's the beauty of irony and sarcasm is you can laugh at these leftist lunatics like Eddie Glade.

00:45:07.000 Gloud Jr.

00:45:08.000 Gloud.

00:45:09.000 I looked up his last name today.

00:45:10.000 It's Latin for lame.

00:45:12.000 No.

00:45:12.000 I'm not kidding.

00:45:13.000 Amazing.

00:45:14.000 I'm not fucking kidding.

00:45:16.000 We love Eddie Gloud.

00:45:19.000 And instead of getting depressed when you see him, appreciate the clown for what he is.

00:45:23.000 A useless fucking moron who has built a career on saying systemic racism again And again and again.

00:45:32.000 Well, maybe he's gay.

00:45:33.000 You ever thought of that?

00:45:34.000 No, he's married to an ugly black woman.

00:45:37.000 I also looked that up.

00:45:39.000 So, yeah, we're going behind the paywall.

00:45:41.000 We're going to answer a couple more letters, and then we are going to take phone calls.

00:45:49.000 So, goodbye, Cheapskates.

00:45:51.000 See you next week.

00:45:52.000 Cheerio.

00:45:53.000 Get fired.

00:45:53.000 Get in trouble.

00:45:54.000 Be brave.

00:45:55.000 And never stop fighting.

00:46:25.000 Pretty good band, huh?

00:46:28.000 They look like a political nightmare, but the real problem with these dummies is getting involved in politics.

00:46:36.000 Stick to silly art.

00:46:38.000 That's what you're good at.

00:46:41.000 The O-phobia.

00:46:42.000 What are we phobic of?

00:46:45.000 The O?

00:46:46.000 Or theophobia, where they're afraid of a guy named Theo.

00:46:48.000 Imagine talking to any of these people about Trump.

00:46:51.000 But does that mean afraid of religion?

00:46:53.000 Like theology, theophobia?

00:46:56.000 They're just great songwriters.

00:46:58.000 This is like it was when I was a kid, where no one knew how Culture Club felt about Ronald Reagan.

00:47:04.000 They just knew that we shouldn't want to hurt him.

00:47:08.000 Do you really want to hurt Boy George?

00:47:10.000 I heard that song today.

00:47:12.000 Really?

00:47:13.000 I never wanted to hurt Boy George.

00:47:15.000 He's kind of red-pilled, actually.

00:47:16.000 He tweeted me once.

00:47:19.000 Seems like a good guy.

00:47:21.000 Filial.

00:47:22.000 Dread of the wrath of God.

00:47:24.000 That was close.

00:47:25.000 Huh.

00:47:26.000 Good guess.

00:47:27.000 Theo.

00:47:31.000 Can we get more fighting with Larry Barnes?

00:47:33.000 I want to hear more of his funny sayings, dude.

00:47:35.000 Dude, and all these trailer fights, too.

00:47:37.000 You'd have great takes.

00:47:38.000 Yeah, we got to get him in here.

00:47:41.000 I got some crazy.

00:47:42.000 I'm glad someone brought up Larry Barnes.

00:47:43.000 Guess what fucking happened to him yesterday?

00:47:46.000 He goes to Chase Bank in Manhattan.

00:47:48.000 They go, well, you're not welcome here.

00:47:52.000 What?

00:47:53.000 He goes, if you think I'm leaving here without my money.

00:47:56.000 He used racial epithets, too, against the African-American teller.

00:48:00.000 Wow.

00:48:01.000 And the Hispanic people.

00:48:02.000 He was not happy with their behavior and spoke like the head of the KKK.

00:48:06.000 By the way.

00:48:07.000 By the way, Larry Barnes, New York Bank, maybe it was 2000, tackled a fucking bank robber.

00:48:16.000 Wow.

00:48:16.000 Beat the shit out of him.

00:48:18.000 He had robbed some old lady who took out like three grand cash, and he tackled the guy and got the money back, gave it back to her.

00:48:25.000 So he rescues banks.

00:48:27.000 I swear Maddie's looking blurry again, Ryan.

00:48:33.000 His microphone seems sharp, but he could be sharper.

00:48:37.000 Isn't this the kind of thing we work out before the show?

00:48:39.000 And what fucking color is your shirt?

00:48:42.000 Cunt lip?

00:48:43.000 When something's focused, a very little difference in movement.

00:48:48.000 Maddie does not move.

00:48:49.000 He's a giant pumpkin.

00:48:50.000 He just went to piss.

00:48:51.000 Oh, well, we got a pumpkin.

00:48:52.000 He went to piss and he sat back on the exact same chair.

00:48:54.000 Look at your pussy lip shirt.

00:48:58.000 What color is that?

00:49:00.000 Why would you buy that?

00:49:03.000 What is it?

00:49:04.000 It's from Uniqlo.

00:49:05.000 I think it's salmon.

00:49:07.000 It's worse than salmon somehow.

00:49:09.000 I didn't know you could have a worse color.

00:49:12.000 It's like dead pussy lips.

00:49:15.000 I can't shop in that store.

00:49:18.000 They don't make fat guy stuff.

00:49:22.000 So the bank said, no, you got to go.

00:49:25.000 And he said, I want my money.

00:49:26.000 They gave him all his money, all his life savings.

00:49:28.000 Not his life savings, but whatever he had in his checking account, like 16 grand.

00:49:34.000 And they wouldn't explain why.

00:49:36.000 You know why?

00:49:37.000 Because he gets paid cash and they think he's a drug dealer.

00:49:40.000 Oh.

00:49:41.000 Because he's in Mount Vernon.

00:49:42.000 And when black guys in Mount Vernon deposit thousands of dollars a week, they assume he's a drug dealer.

00:49:48.000 And I go, I think we have a lawsuit on our hands, my friend, because it's not, the owner of the gym pays his taxes.

00:49:55.000 Yeah.

00:49:55.000 So it's not like it's illegal under the table money.

00:49:58.000 This is all legit money.

00:49:59.000 What is it worth $10.99 or something?

00:50:02.000 I guess.

00:50:03.000 Yeah.

00:50:03.000 So I'm going to get my Jews on it, but I might want to get my Jew lawyer on it.

00:50:08.000 Facial discrimination.

00:50:10.000 Yeah.

00:50:11.000 Like, think of a bank.

00:50:13.000 The initial design is, I store your money.

00:50:17.000 Not I store your money if it comes in checks.

00:50:19.000 Well, you want to know what the craziest thing is that new thing with Pid wants to do bank accounts with over $600 in it.

00:50:29.000 I was in federal prison with a guy.

00:50:31.000 He owned a hotel in the city.

00:50:33.000 And he would deposit the money from the bars and everything.

00:50:37.000 Like the bar part or the lobby and all that.

00:50:40.000 In cash.

00:50:41.000 The bank tellers reported him because he was making large cash deposits.

00:50:48.000 And then they did like the IRS and got notified and they investigated him.

00:50:52.000 I mean, it was like, he's like, I went in every week.

00:50:56.000 They knew I owned the hotel.

00:50:59.000 Because they have that big door for night deposits, that big slot that you put the money in.

00:51:04.000 That's cash.

00:51:06.000 It used to be anything above 10 grand.

00:51:10.000 Right.

00:51:10.000 You would have to, they would notify the IRS.

00:51:12.000 Right.

00:51:13.000 Now it's any suspicious cash deposits.

00:51:17.000 It's ridiculous.

00:51:17.000 Well, they also confiscate it until you can prove that it's yours.

00:51:22.000 Make sure it's not ill-gotten gains.

00:51:24.000 Right.

00:51:26.000 Anyway, so that pisses me off.

00:51:29.000 But this is Larry Barnes in a nutshell.

00:51:31.000 Okay, I've got a fight coming up with a fellow senior, and the guy's apparently not a great fighter as opposed to boxer.

00:51:39.000 Like the punches are not knockouts, but he's got great cardio.

00:51:42.000 And this is Larry.

00:51:44.000 He sits me down.

00:51:44.000 He's like, look, man, you got to start running.

00:51:48.000 You got to get your cardio up.

00:51:50.000 You know, this guy's got great cardio.

00:51:52.000 It's Brian Gumbel's birthday.

00:51:54.000 Do you know how old he is?

00:51:56.000 He's 76 years old.

00:51:59.000 And If you don't have cardio, this guy's going to murder you.

00:52:02.000 And I'm like, what the fuck has this got to do with Brian Gumbel?

00:52:08.000 Because his thing is, he has all these birthdays memorized.

00:52:11.000 Yeah.

00:52:12.000 And he just, I go, you can't just stuff a random celebrity's birthday in a diatribe about cardio.

00:52:18.000 Is it the night of your fight?

00:52:20.000 Is it no birthday or no day was just?

00:52:22.000 Two days ago.

00:52:23.000 Well, let's look it up.

00:52:24.000 I hope he's right because I've suspected there's a possibility.

00:52:30.000 Is it Gumble?

00:52:32.000 Yeah.

00:52:33.000 That he's wrong about this shit.

00:52:35.000 He can't read.

00:52:36.000 No, he's right.

00:52:37.000 September 29th, 1948.

00:52:39.000 That was yesterday.

00:52:41.000 He can't read.

00:52:41.000 So there's no way he looks in his email in the morning and sees it's Bryant Gumbel's birthday.

00:52:46.000 He just remembers like Robert De Niro, Billy Crystal, Bryant Gumbel, Mel Gibson, all the boxers.

00:52:53.000 He knows every boxer's fight.

00:52:54.000 Ask him any Tyson fight.

00:52:56.000 He'll tell you the year, the day, the day of the week, and what the weather was like that day.

00:53:02.000 I could tell you, frankly, any birthday.

00:53:04.000 I know birthdays very well.

00:53:06.000 I know if you're Sagittarius on a cusp.

00:53:09.000 Donnie, why are you wearing a vulva-colored t-shirt?

00:53:13.000 Frankly, it's not Vulva-colored.

00:53:14.000 There's a lot of great colors out there, but frankly, Vulva's not one of them.

00:53:17.000 I can tell you that for sure.

00:53:19.000 So what color is it?

00:53:21.000 Vulva.

00:53:25.000 Is that Melania's Vulva?

00:53:28.000 But yeah, we'll get him going soon.

00:53:32.000 I miss Milo.

00:53:34.000 Get him back.

00:53:34.000 He is my favorite.

00:53:35.000 I miss Laura Loomer.

00:53:36.000 I miss them so much.

00:53:39.000 Milo is cost-prohibitive, I'm afraid.

00:53:42.000 Very, very expensive contributor.

00:53:46.000 I love the guy, though.

00:53:47.000 Great guy.

00:53:48.000 Great guy.

00:53:49.000 Great guy.

00:53:50.000 Hello.

00:53:51.000 And when we bring it back, it'll be season two.

00:53:53.000 That's okay because a lot of shows do that.

00:53:56.000 I don't think a lot of these contributors are like, I'd like to do a show.

00:53:59.000 Can you pay me like 80 grand a year?

00:54:01.000 And I'm like, SiriusXM pays $250 an episode.

00:54:07.000 And people are very happy to get it because it takes an hour out of their day.

00:54:10.000 So it's $250 an hour.

00:54:12.000 That's pretty great.

00:54:13.000 You're asking for $6,000 an episode.

00:54:17.000 No.

00:54:19.000 You don't bring me $6,000 an episode.

00:54:25.000 Hey, Gav, Ryan, and Maddie, did you notice Shizmabin got censored again?

00:54:30.000 I was watching his videos when it happened.

00:54:33.000 The last video he put up was a really graphic stoning of a child rapist.

00:54:38.000 Oh, geez.

00:54:39.000 Overkill, actually, in some Middle Eastern country.

00:54:41.000 There's no such thing as overkill when it comes to punishing a pedophile.

00:54:45.000 Yeah, child rapist is...

00:54:46.000 I was going to say a pedophile rapist, like any other kind of person who has sex with kids.

00:54:51.000 Pedophile is synonymous with rape.

00:54:53.000 Yeah, there's no consent with that age.

00:54:57.000 Maddie, Rygai, and GavGuy, I am beyond angry.

00:55:02.000 I will attach a Rubick for the assignment I was given in college in a college-level musical education course.

00:55:08.000 This week we discussed social justice, critical pedagogy, oppression, and the writings of known Marxists such as Paolo Freire.

00:55:18.000 We spoke a lot about how it is immoral to focus mainly on Western examples when teaching music.

00:55:23.000 Wrong.

00:55:26.000 The West dominates music.

00:55:28.000 Bongo's is not music.

00:55:31.000 As you can imagine, it was absolute educational cancer.

00:55:34.000 I made my opinions known to the class, but was simply told that I have not had to deal with oppression, being white and male, so I could not understand it.

00:55:43.000 The irony is that they're oppressing you in that very instance.

00:55:47.000 You just need to be open to new ideas and be okay with being comfortable.

00:55:50.000 The teacher even giddily smiled behind his mask while informing the class, soon white people will not be the majority.

00:55:57.000 Yeah.

00:55:58.000 And let's see how well you all do when you're being the non-white patriarchy.

00:56:05.000 It's not going to be Wakanda.

00:56:07.000 I'll tell you that much.

00:56:08.000 It's going to be a little bit more like Baltimore.

00:56:11.000 At the end of class, I noticed the girl sitting next to me was staring at me.

00:56:14.000 She whispered, I agree with you.

00:56:16.000 My fellow baby monsters, this is what education has become.

00:56:20.000 I should note, by the way, that I get many of these emails where they actually send me pictures of the curriculum, if not PDFs.

00:56:29.000 And it's all the same.

00:56:30.000 In fact, I'll dig one up right after this.

00:56:35.000 Students are told to speak up and say their truth unless they are mildly right-leaning.

00:56:41.000 It's like an unspoken code in college.

00:56:43.000 If you're a conservative, don't speak up.

00:56:44.000 We all have to whisper when we speak politics or religion.

00:56:47.000 If this is how we are treated as the majority, I'm fearful how we will be treated as the minority.

00:56:54.000 Which makes me want to jump to another fugging thing that I saw sent to us that nothing's wrong with.

00:57:11.000 I knew it.

00:57:12.000 And it's coming up.

00:57:15.000 Yes, black people don't tip.

00:57:17.000 I got that one.

00:57:18.000 Nothing wrong with that.

00:57:20.000 New Indian Joker face, pit bull madness.

00:57:23.000 Why are you trying to be working class?

00:57:25.000 Here we go.

00:57:26.000 English class.

00:57:27.000 10 things everyone should know about race.

00:57:31.000 And as Maddie Odell pointed out, you've got some great points if you want to talk about racism before 1970.

00:57:39.000 We had Jim Crow.

00:57:40.000 We had slavery.

00:57:42.000 We had lynchings in the 1800s.

00:57:44.000 The KKK was very mainstream in the 1800s.

00:57:48.000 I'll hear it all.

00:57:49.000 But if you were born after 1970, fuck off.

00:57:54.000 As far as our lifetimes go, you got no complaints.

00:58:00.000 How about that black dude calling me Cracker at the bar?

00:58:05.000 Mr. Jared.

00:58:07.000 And you said he's gay?

00:58:09.000 Yeah.

00:58:10.000 Maybe you wanted to fuck me.

00:58:12.000 That man sucks dicks.

00:58:15.000 That man sucks dicks.

00:58:18.000 Cracker, at least I'm not a faggot.

00:58:21.000 I am a freshman in college, and I'm hoping to get your thoughts on this handout given to my English class.

00:58:25.000 Well, first, can you take better pictures, please?

00:58:29.000 I'd like to know what the fuck this has to do with English.

00:58:33.000 We are a month into classes, and all we have talked about is race and slavery in English class.

00:58:43.000 When, if ever, will this country ever stop talking about slavery?

00:58:50.000 I was watching Eddie Gloude today in an Eddie Gloud rut, and he was talking about how as a nation, we need to confront our fears and we need to come to terms with our past, with slavery.

00:59:06.000 And you're like, and so I Googled slavery news, and there was like a hundred articles in the past two days.

00:59:15.000 Ryan, can you look up, when was slavery abolished?

00:59:19.000 What actual year?

00:59:22.000 So I think it was 84 years after 1776.

00:59:27.000 So we're talking about a very short-lived period of time.

00:59:33.000 Wait, that sounds too much.

00:59:36.000 Because I'm not answering to any British slavery, right?

00:59:41.000 That's not our problem.

00:59:42.000 We started America in 1776.

00:59:45.000 Yeah.

00:59:46.000 So you get 1776 to abolish in America.

00:59:50.000 Ryan, why are you pulling up the Byzantine Empire?

00:59:54.000 Can you learn to Google, please?

01:00:00.000 1865.

01:00:01.000 So 1776 to 1865.

01:00:05.000 Okay.

01:00:06.000 So 1865 minus 1776 equals 89 years.

01:00:14.000 89 years.

01:00:15.000 And America has been a country for 300 years?

01:00:19.000 I thought it was like 250?

01:00:21.000 250?

01:00:23.000 240, 245?

01:00:24.000 20, 45, 2021 minus 1776 equals 245 years.

01:00:34.000 Minus 85.

01:00:35.000 So yes, 90 years.

01:00:38.000 2% of the population had slaves.

01:00:40.000 There were some wildly rich aristocrats in the South who had some fucking slaves.

01:00:46.000 Democrats.

01:00:47.000 We lost Democrats.

01:00:49.000 We lost 650,000 men to that war, abolishing such a thing.

01:00:53.000 So why am I not drowning in thank yous?

01:00:57.000 I'm confused by.

01:01:01.000 Anyway, I'm majoring in accounting and I'm just talking English.

01:01:05.000 I'm just taking English to fulfill the gen ed requirement.

01:01:09.000 College is mostly a waste, but I justify myself being here because maybe I'm learning a skill or maybe I'm just wasting my time.

01:01:15.000 If my grammar shit, blame my woke cat-loving professor, keep up the good work.

01:01:18.000 Now, iPhones are amazing today.

01:01:21.000 You can see, like, if I'm looking at a bug, I'll take a picture of it and then look at it on my phone, even if it's in front of me, because I can see so much better.

01:01:28.000 This asshole has sent us an image that is, how many megabytes is this?

01:01:35.000 It looks like it's about 400 kilobytes.

01:01:39.000 But anyway, all I can read is, first of all, I hate this fucking layout.

01:01:45.000 Look at this weird, self-indulgent graphic design.

01:01:50.000 There's less and more to race than meets the eye.

01:01:54.000 An Oriental baby?

01:01:55.000 With some weird baby and some guy that's whited out.

01:01:59.000 It's Asian.

01:02:00.000 It's got, I don't know who ITVS is.

01:02:04.000 It's got some weird thing on the bottom that looks like propaganda.

01:02:08.000 And then at the top, we've got this ornate scripty font, things everyone should know about race.

01:02:14.000 Whoever made this had way too much time on their hands.

01:02:19.000 10 things.

01:02:21.000 Race is a modern idea.

01:02:23.000 Okay.

01:02:24.000 By the way, I'm fine with all of this.

01:02:27.000 So race doesn't exist.

01:02:28.000 So we don't have to keep talking about it, right?

01:02:30.000 Because we're all the same?

01:02:31.000 Yeah.

01:02:32.000 Great.

01:02:33.000 Race has no genetic basis.

01:02:35.000 Okay.

01:02:36.000 Let's move on then.

01:02:38.000 Human subspecies don't exist.

01:02:40.000 Fine with me.

01:02:42.000 Go nuts.

01:02:43.000 Skin color is only skin deep.

01:02:46.000 Okay.

01:02:46.000 So we don't need Black Lives Matter.

01:02:48.000 We don't need constant caterwalling about how horrible it is to be black.

01:02:53.000 We're all the same.

01:02:55.000 We're all Americans now.

01:02:56.000 Fantastic.

01:02:58.000 Welcome to 1776.

01:03:01.000 Most variations is within, not between races.

01:03:05.000 Slavery predates race.

01:03:07.000 Knew that.

01:03:08.000 Race and freedom were born together.

01:03:11.000 What?

01:03:12.000 What does that mean?

01:03:14.000 That makes no sense.

01:03:15.000 Race and freedom were born together?

01:03:18.000 The U.S. was founded on the principle that all men are created equal, but the country's early economy was based largely on slavery.

01:03:26.000 That's false.

01:03:28.000 Right.

01:03:28.000 The country's been around for 245 years.

01:03:31.000 You only had slavery for 89.

01:03:32.000 And 2% of the population had slaves.

01:03:35.000 And if slavery was so profitable, why didn't the South win?

01:03:39.000 They had all this cotton money.

01:03:42.000 Why were they crushed by the North?

01:03:45.000 You know, I got a friend who's a teacher, man.

01:03:49.000 And he said that his students say, hey, why is the curriculum all about race?

01:03:55.000 He said, I think that's racist.

01:03:56.000 I said, these kids are smart.

01:03:57.000 Not smart.

01:03:59.000 Black kids are smart, man.

01:04:02.000 Black kids are just as smart as rich kids.

01:04:05.000 Hey, man.

01:04:07.000 Race justified social equalities as natural.

01:04:12.000 Race isn't biological, but racism is still real.

01:04:15.000 Oh, you just fucked up your whole thing.

01:04:18.000 10.

01:04:18.000 Colorblindness will not end racism.

01:04:20.000 But wait a minute.

01:04:21.000 The first five points of your 10 things list is that we should be colorblind.

01:04:29.000 It doesn't matter.

01:04:30.000 And now your last one is anti-colorblindness.

01:04:35.000 Like, it's fucking amateur hour at the Apollo.

01:04:38.000 And this guy has to study this in fucking school.

01:04:42.000 Look at this.

01:04:42.000 Critical pedagogy, social justice, self-reflection.

01:04:47.000 I mean, why?

01:04:49.000 I foresee a fucking war with my wife when my kids are old enough for college.

01:04:55.000 I don't want them going.

01:04:57.000 I don't care about the money.

01:04:59.000 I know That my kids are Indians.

01:05:02.000 There's like 17 schools they can go to for free.

01:05:05.000 I don't want them to go and learn that white people are evil.

01:05:09.000 That's not education.

01:05:10.000 That's just bullshit.

01:05:12.000 It's opinion.

01:05:14.000 Yeah, it's a stupid opinion.

01:05:17.000 I like it.

01:05:18.000 I think it's actually good.

01:05:20.000 I'm lying.

01:05:23.000 So when you lie, your nose turns into a cock?

01:05:26.000 It's Pinocchio.

01:05:27.000 It's one of the most...

01:05:28.000 No, Pinocchio doesn't have a jiggly dick for a gnome.

01:05:33.000 It's not a jiggly dick.

01:05:34.000 Yes, it is.

01:05:35.000 No, it's not.

01:05:37.000 Jiggly dick is a good name for a drag queen.

01:05:39.000 It is.

01:05:41.000 I'm going to spring my kids to drag queen story hour to hear jiggly dick.

01:05:45.000 Read them tick-tock talk.

01:05:47.000 The mouse ran up the clock.

01:05:55.000 Did you wear the orange shirt because it's like Halloween season?

01:05:58.000 No, no, no, no.

01:05:58.000 If that's Halloween, chilly out.

01:06:02.000 It's not even October yet.

01:06:04.000 I dressed for the fall.

01:06:06.000 Shut up.

01:06:08.000 Nicole.

01:06:10.000 Hey, Gavin, Ryan, and Maddie.

01:06:12.000 I'm a 26-year-old sand monkey.

01:06:14.000 The term is sand nigger, my dear.

01:06:17.000 Yes.

01:06:17.000 From Toronto, I've always value your raw opinion.

01:06:20.000 I hope for some of this more of the same.

01:06:22.000 I'm seeking direction and finding a lifelong partner.

01:06:24.000 I've held on to most of my gold coins, currently three short.

01:06:28.000 I don't drink, smoke, or party, or partake in anything that would jeopardize my inherent duty as a woman, having babies.

01:06:33.000 I've lived by everything you've said, except I feel myself turning into the dreaded career woman.

01:06:37.000 I knew I would one day be a stay-at-home mom.

01:06:40.000 I spent my younger years building something that would ease the financial burden on my future spouse.

01:06:46.000 Five years later, I did.

01:06:48.000 I bring in six figures.

01:06:50.000 I'm incredibly unhappy because I have nobody to give it to.

01:06:52.000 Instead, I waste money on my truck, motorcycles, spa treatments, men, anything to fill this inherent void.

01:06:58.000 I'm actually getting a boner because I've seen pictures of her.

01:07:02.000 I went farther ahead.

01:07:03.000 And I try, Gavin.

01:07:04.000 I try hard.

01:07:04.000 I'm probably too forward.

01:07:05.000 I'll cook clean, do laundry groceries for man I meet the week prior.

01:07:09.000 I'll naively lead with money, blah, blah, blah.

01:07:11.000 But doing these duties for a potential spouse seems to be the only thing that brings me any kind of fulfillment and happiness.

01:07:16.000 Any guidance would be appreciated.

01:07:18.000 I don't require a lot.

01:07:19.000 I just want to be loved, serve a man, blah, blah, blah.

01:07:22.000 Like you more than a friend, Nicole.

01:07:24.000 This is a fucking smoke show.

01:07:27.000 And she's got your shirt on.

01:07:29.000 Our shirt on.

01:07:30.000 She could be fat, but what kind of fag gives a shit if some chick is fat?

01:07:38.000 She's covering up her cleavage.

01:07:40.000 Husband only gets the...

01:07:41.000 Oh, she's not that fat.

01:07:43.000 No.

01:07:43.000 I don't think she's really fat at all.

01:07:44.000 What's going on with her face in that?

01:07:46.000 Is that a weird...

01:07:46.000 It's a helmet.

01:07:48.000 It's a COVID protection.

01:07:50.000 Oh, a motorcycle.

01:07:50.000 A motorcycle.

01:07:53.000 You like the fact that she rides motorcycles?

01:07:55.000 Yeah.

01:07:56.000 I was very...

01:07:56.000 She's wearing a helmet there, right?

01:07:58.000 Yeah.

01:07:59.000 I was very upset today.

01:08:00.000 I bought a motorcycle helmet today.

01:08:02.000 It was not cheap.

01:08:03.000 And it broke.

01:08:06.000 What?

01:08:06.000 It broke?

01:08:06.000 How the fuck does it break?

01:08:08.000 What are you talking about?

01:08:10.000 It's separated from the cheek pads and everything inside.

01:08:14.000 Like the inside, the styroform connects to the outer shell.

01:08:18.000 Actually, it's separated.

01:08:19.000 And this is like a high-end.

01:08:22.000 How much?

01:08:22.000 $250?

01:08:23.000 No.

01:08:24.000 $600?

01:08:25.000 Wow.

01:08:27.000 Shoebirth.

01:08:28.000 Is this with the headphones and the music and everything?

01:08:31.000 I have communications that go in it.

01:08:34.000 But yeah, I was a little disappointed because I've been biding my time to purchase this helmet.

01:08:43.000 And I was like, oh, man, I got the one I wanted.

01:08:47.000 And it failed me.

01:08:49.000 It hurt me today.

01:08:52.000 Okay.

01:08:52.000 I have a solution to this woman.

01:08:54.000 Marry my brother.

01:08:56.000 He's CC'd here.

01:09:00.000 I think that's it.

01:09:04.000 I mean, and he's a great guy.

01:09:06.000 You want to talk about great guys?

01:09:08.000 I mean, he really is.

01:09:09.000 Great guy.

01:09:10.000 Canceled?

01:09:11.000 Cancelled?

01:09:12.000 Because of my fucking horrible curse.

01:09:16.000 It's really unfair.

01:09:17.000 And frankly, we've seen a lot of unfairness, but the unfairness.

01:09:20.000 Canceled like 45th.

01:09:22.000 That's right.

01:09:26.000 This is from a woman named Maggie.

01:09:27.000 I'm sure it's ancient Chinese secret, but what in the hell is the call-in number?

01:09:33.000 Let's start taking calls.

01:09:35.000 Well, we'll pop it up.

01:09:37.000 This is my favorite song that we do.

01:09:40.000 No offense, mailbag guys.

01:09:46.000 You are on the air.

01:09:49.000 This is a fucking loser.

01:09:52.000 You want me to learn, share, listen?

01:09:54.000 Understand why.

01:09:55.000 Hey, why does everyone get two things?

01:09:57.000 You have one thing.

01:09:58.000 Thank you for calling.

01:09:59.000 It's great hearing from you.

01:10:01.000 Alright, next call.

01:10:02.000 We'll try it out.

01:10:03.000 Yeah.

01:10:05.000 This is pretty cool.

01:10:06.000 Okay, so let's go to this.

01:10:11.000 We have our call-in.

01:10:15.000 Bloop.

01:10:15.000 Bleep.

01:10:16.000 So there's the number for you.

01:10:20.000 Alright.

01:10:21.000 I'm so happy.

01:10:21.000 My brother's getting married.

01:10:23.000 I'm going to have a fucking niece and nephew soon.

01:10:26.000 Your brother?

01:10:27.000 Yeah.

01:10:27.000 No way.

01:10:28.000 That chick that just emailed.

01:10:30.000 Nefinesi.

01:10:31.000 She's marrying your brother?

01:10:33.000 Well, I told her to.

01:10:34.000 Oh, she said she's ready to get married.

01:10:36.000 I responded.

01:10:37.000 I CC'd my brother.

01:10:38.000 Nice.

01:10:39.000 Frankly.

01:10:40.000 I could have a kid in as soon as nine months.

01:10:43.000 A little baby.

01:10:44.000 Yeah?

01:10:45.000 A little baby A-rab.

01:10:47.000 I think they're called Bay raps.

01:10:48.000 They are.

01:10:49.000 That's true.

01:10:50.000 I don't know how you knew that, but they are.

01:10:52.000 I know everything.

01:10:53.000 Did you see my music knowledge?

01:10:54.000 I did.

01:10:55.000 I was very impressed with that.

01:10:58.000 Thoroughly.

01:10:59.000 Should be.

01:11:00.000 Thoroughly.

01:11:01.000 I'm an authority.

01:11:03.000 All right, let's see.

01:11:04.000 I'm going to try to use our actual mics here.

01:11:08.000 Hello.

01:11:10.000 Hey now.

01:11:11.000 Can you hear us?

01:11:12.000 Let me guess.

01:11:13.000 You can't hear us.

01:11:14.000 It sounds like shit.

01:11:15.000 Ryan's a fuck up.

01:11:17.000 He didn't test the microphones before we started the show because he was too busy noodling away on his guitar at home or spending, I think he was at the gym for five hours now?

01:11:26.000 No, two and a half.

01:11:27.000 But I texted you at two and you texted me back at six and said, I missed this, I was at the gym.

01:11:35.000 Yeah.

01:11:40.000 Okay.

01:11:41.000 Hello?

01:11:46.000 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Ryan's job.

01:11:50.000 This is Ryan speaking.

01:11:54.000 Wait.

01:11:55.000 Is it me?

01:11:56.000 Yeah, I can hear you now.

01:11:59.000 Why did you say wait, Ryan?

01:12:03.000 Can you hear me?

01:12:04.000 Not me.

01:12:10.000 So Ryan's got skin-tight pants on, pussy lip, colored shirt, and he can't do his fucking job.

01:12:16.000 And now he's like...

01:12:16.000 If it's me, I can't hear you.

01:12:18.000 Oh, you can't hear us?

01:12:21.000 Hello?

01:12:22.000 Hey, hello, hello, check.

01:12:24.000 Testing.

01:12:26.000 Now I'm getting mad.

01:12:29.000 Ready to connect.

01:12:30.000 Click connect to show NAC.

01:12:32.000 What I was trying to do is have a regular headphone.

01:12:35.000 I mean, we know what you're trying to do, but you can't do that.

01:12:38.000 You're not capable.

01:12:39.000 It worked last week.

01:12:40.000 It was really cool.

01:12:43.000 Oh, I'm delayed, guys.

01:12:44.000 Hello, yeah.

01:12:45.000 Can you hear us?

01:12:46.000 All right.

01:12:47.000 Hey.

01:12:47.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:12:48.000 All right.

01:12:48.000 I'm on.

01:12:49.000 I'm on.

01:12:50.000 Can you hear me?

01:12:51.000 Yeah.

01:12:52.000 All right.

01:12:53.000 Hey, listen, I got a crazy story.

01:12:56.000 Shoot.

01:12:57.000 I can hear you now.

01:12:58.000 Okay, what's your story?

01:13:02.000 I got a story.

01:13:04.000 Alrighty.

01:13:05.000 Let's hear it.

01:13:07.000 So, hey, hey, so, alright.

01:13:09.000 Are you trying to make me mad?

01:13:14.000 Just tell the story, sir.

01:13:15.000 I got a pedophile story.

01:13:18.000 I am about to murder you and your entire family and fuck your kids if you don't tell us this fucking story.

01:13:25.000 So you'll have another pedophile story.

01:13:27.000 You're about to have another one.

01:13:28.000 All right, ready?

01:13:29.000 So in my hometown.

01:13:32.000 Yes?

01:13:33.000 You know how junkies.

01:13:34.000 Listen, listen.

01:13:35.000 You know how junkies always have a hustle?

01:13:38.000 Yes.

01:13:41.000 So this kid.

01:13:43.000 All right, thanks for calling.

01:13:45.000 Next call, please.

01:13:46.000 No, no, I'm getting...

01:13:48.000 I'm getting Wow.

01:13:51.000 If that guy was sent by our enemies to make me mad, he couldn't have done a better job.

01:13:58.000 I have a story.

01:13:59.000 I have a pedophile story.

01:14:00.000 Are you ready?

01:14:02.000 Unacceptable.

01:14:03.000 Hit the ground running.

01:14:04.000 I know Ryan is retarded and our shit doesn't work, but once it finally kicks in, spill your guts.

01:14:12.000 Next caller.

01:14:15.000 Jesus Christ, that guy was a fucking moron.

01:14:17.000 Holy shit.

01:14:18.000 I have a story.

01:14:19.000 That's nice.

01:14:20.000 Let's hear it.

01:14:21.000 That's like the phrase, can I ask you a question?

01:14:23.000 Which is a question, by the way.

01:14:26.000 Go ahead, sir.

01:14:27.000 Gavin.

01:14:29.000 So you pee the bed a lot when you get fucked up and drink and shit like that, right?

01:14:34.000 Yes.

01:14:34.000 So when I was with one of my exes, I had the same problem.

01:14:41.000 This was like in my early 20s.

01:14:43.000 And it always happened when I drank a ton of beer.

01:14:45.000 I used to drink a ton of beer.

01:14:46.000 I don't really drink beer anymore.

01:14:47.000 I'm more of a maker's mill now.

01:14:49.000 But anyway, I used to wake up after I fell asleep.

01:14:54.000 I would wake up and then I would go and pee on something in the house.

01:14:58.000 Oh, yeah, I've done that.

01:14:59.000 This one, my ex, she filmed me doing it.

01:15:05.000 And, well, she didn't film me doing the act, but she filmed the, which caught me.

01:15:11.000 And I was trying, and I basically I peed in her dirty clothes hamper in the closet.

01:15:15.000 Which is fine.

01:15:17.000 She's got to get watched anyway.

01:15:20.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:15:20.000 So that was my explanation.

01:15:22.000 But like, I was defending myself.

01:15:24.000 She came in and she goes, did you just fucking pee in my dirty clothes hamper?

01:15:29.000 And I was like, no.

01:15:30.000 And granted, I'm blackout drunk.

01:15:32.000 I don't remember any of this.

01:15:34.000 And she's saying to me, like, you know, you've peed in my hamper.

01:15:39.000 And I was like, how do you know it was me?

01:15:42.000 And I started being like a lawyer.

01:15:44.000 And I'm like, out of the whole world, you don't think it could be anybody else that heated your dirty clothes hamper?

01:15:52.000 She's like, who the fuck else would it be?

01:15:54.000 But anyways, it was pretty freaking hilarious.

01:15:56.000 I wish I had the tape, but she hit my best mouse.

01:15:58.000 So I don't have all that.

01:15:59.000 That's great.

01:15:59.000 Thanks for calling.

01:16:00.000 Another time.

01:16:01.000 No, you get one thing.

01:16:03.000 You get one thing.

01:16:04.000 Thank you for calling.

01:16:05.000 If you look up a video, How to Piss in Public that I did, I don't know where it would still be living, maybe like bumble or some shit.

01:16:14.000 But I tried wearing adult diapers for a while because I was pissing in my own underwear and sock drawer.

01:16:25.000 And I noticed I would just remove the tabs because adult diapers only have four little post-it note tabs to hold them on.

01:16:32.000 They don't hold on very strong, not like kids' diapers.

01:16:35.000 And so I would just remove it when I was blackout unconscious.

01:16:38.000 And this was back when I was doing more Adderall.

01:16:40.000 I don't piss that much, or at least not sleep piss.

01:16:44.000 So then I put on adult diapers and then with duct tape, I wrapped it around my waist a few times so it was solid on.

01:16:52.000 And that actually worked.

01:16:53.000 I didn't piss the bed while I was wearing that outfit, but my wife was violently turned off by her husband spooning her with the crinkly underwear that had how to adjust your balls in public.

01:17:13.000 That's so weird.

01:17:17.000 So jump ahead.

01:17:22.000 Wait, hang up on that guy.

01:17:24.000 Moron?

01:17:27.000 What the fuck are you doing, Ryan?

01:17:30.000 You got this poor man in limbo post-death?

01:17:37.000 Way ahead.

01:17:40.000 Well, then he's back in the 90s.

01:17:43.000 A few drops in the 90s, obviously.

01:17:45.000 But we're done.

01:17:47.000 No!

01:17:48.000 It's not there?

01:17:49.000 Two drops.

01:17:52.000 Are you at the very, very end there?

01:17:54.000 Yeah.

01:17:55.000 I have no way of knowing.

01:17:59.000 There was an older version of that that used to have me duct taping diapers to myself.

01:18:04.000 I was notorious for pissing in public when I had that, like, you know, on the upper east side back in the day.

01:18:11.000 And like they have phone booths.

01:18:14.000 I was just going there, 10 o'clock on the phone, just fucking.

01:18:17.000 Yeah, The number one rule of magic is: if you're going to make this pen disappear, you go, I am going to make a pen disappear.

01:18:25.000 And it's going to happen.

01:18:26.000 And you get their eyes up here.

01:18:28.000 And that's what you do with the phone.

01:18:29.000 You go, are you out of your fucking mind?

01:18:32.000 Absolutely not.

01:18:34.000 No.

01:18:34.000 Then you know what?

01:18:36.000 Then send them all back.

01:18:37.000 I don't want any of those deliveries to arrive at my door if there's no one there to pick them up.

01:18:43.000 And then people go, ooh, that guy's real mad at his delivery people.

01:18:47.000 That was back in the day when they had public telephones all over the fucking city.

01:18:51.000 Well, you can piss anywhere there's a phone.

01:18:55.000 You just got to yell loud enough.

01:18:57.000 Now, were you sleepwalking and pissing or just get up?

01:19:01.000 This was very rare.

01:19:02.000 I would get up and I would piss into a drawer.

01:19:05.000 But for the most part, I would just wet the bed.

01:19:07.000 I have a Murray brother story like that.

01:19:09.000 Oh, yeah?

01:19:10.000 One of them used to get up and would go piss in the plant, the potted plant in the living room.

01:19:16.000 Would piss in.

01:19:17.000 They were on a vacation with time.

01:19:18.000 And one guy fucking pissed his brother's luggage.

01:19:23.000 Oh, it was hilarious.

01:19:25.000 It happens.

01:19:26.000 We all make mistakes.

01:19:27.000 A little too much indulgence.

01:19:29.000 What are you doing there, Ryan?

01:19:32.000 Oh, I've got my.

01:19:36.000 Wait, what the fuck?

01:19:37.000 You're getting up to get drinks as you fuck up the show and you're blurry?

01:19:41.000 Well, the show's already fucked up, so I'm...

01:19:44.000 This is my post-workout drink.

01:19:47.000 This is a meal replacement, basically.

01:19:48.000 It's like 400 calories.

01:19:51.000 You know what?

01:19:51.000 Don't go and grab a meal replacement while the show's falling apart.

01:19:57.000 Okay?

01:19:58.000 We got our calls.

01:20:01.000 I prefer our actual microphones go through.

01:20:04.000 Yeah, so do I. So does everyone.

01:20:06.000 But it worked last week and it doesn't work this week.

01:20:10.000 So we got our trusty lavs.

01:20:13.000 We know that it doesn't work this week.

01:20:18.000 You know what I did today, by the way?

01:20:20.000 I brought the kids to boxing at 6 o'clock and I hadn't been.

01:20:24.000 And I went to the pub and I had about four beers.

01:20:27.000 So I worked out and it was great.

01:20:31.000 16 ounce curls.

01:20:32.000 I was nailing the heavy bag harder than before, yelling.

01:20:37.000 And I could feel the beer like going through my system.

01:20:40.000 Coursing through your veins.

01:20:41.000 Coursing through my veins.

01:20:42.000 And it was a great feeling.

01:20:45.000 I didn't do the work that I normally do, but.

01:20:49.000 What were you getting like the heavy bag or double end bag?

01:20:54.000 I did, well, my normal warm-up is two skip rope, two shadow, two speed bag.

01:21:01.000 And then I do the heavy bag, like maybe one water bag, one double end, one slip rope in a loop, three rounds of each.

01:21:09.000 But this was more just like the normal warm-up and then maybe four or five rounds of hitting the heavy bag.

01:21:16.000 But I was fucking destroying the heavy bag.

01:21:19.000 That's what I'm going to do for my fight.

01:21:20.000 I'm just going to have three whiskeys.

01:21:23.000 Chop wood.

01:21:24.000 Because the reason you get tired is you're all fucking tense.

01:21:28.000 If you're drunk, A, not drunk, but you have a reasonable buzz.

01:21:33.000 A, you can take a blow to the head and you don't go crazy.

01:21:36.000 B, it might help the anger.

01:21:39.000 And C, you're relaxed.

01:21:42.000 Like, I can hit a heavy bag.

01:21:43.000 I can do like 12 rounds, zero problem on a heavy bag.

01:21:48.000 If I'm sparring, two rounds feels like a world record.

01:21:54.000 And three rounds, I have AIDS by the end.

01:21:56.000 And you could fucking kill my family in front of me.

01:21:58.000 I wouldn't even be mad.

01:21:59.000 Yeah, because the heavy bags don't hit back.

01:22:01.000 Yeah.

01:22:02.000 And I think it's fear.

01:22:05.000 It's got to be.

01:22:05.000 It may be anxiety.

01:22:07.000 Because all your muscles are tensing up.

01:22:09.000 That's the thing.

01:22:10.000 You have to become comfortable in the ring.

01:22:12.000 Right.

01:22:13.000 That was like me laying on when I told the nurses I was sweating because I had the fucking tube up my thick and I was trying to piss.

01:22:21.000 I started to physically sweat because I was so clenched and tight.

01:22:25.000 Right.

01:22:25.000 Like, what's wrong with you?

01:22:26.000 I'm like, you're pissing me off.

01:22:29.000 Yeah.

01:22:30.000 You know what pisses me off about that story?

01:22:32.000 So Maddie had a catheter that went up into his bladder.

01:22:35.000 Yeah.

01:22:35.000 And it feels like you have to piss, but you can't feel anything.

01:22:38.000 Folly.

01:22:38.000 And it shreds your urethra on the way in and the way out.

01:22:42.000 So the next time you piss, it burns.

01:22:44.000 And it's like, you guys haven't improved on a plastic jug.

01:22:49.000 It's not better than just putting my dick in a jug and letting me piss into that.

01:22:54.000 Now, I know that seems primitive and you want to believe that we've improved, but you haven't.

01:22:59.000 So just give me my fucking jugs and let me piss into a plastic jug like I do on road trips.

01:23:06.000 Fucking duct tape a piece of hose to my dick and dip it in a bucket.

01:23:11.000 Exactly.

01:23:11.000 That would be way less uncomfortable.

01:23:14.000 The duct tape might hurt when you peel it off.

01:23:17.000 I'll live with it.

01:23:19.000 Back in our day.

01:23:20.000 Didn't piss razor blades at one point in your life.

01:23:23.000 You weren't living.

01:23:27.000 You either drive 90 or you're not driving.

01:23:29.000 Exactly.

01:23:30.000 I could never drive 90 on a fucking motorcycle.

01:23:33.000 No way.

01:23:36.000 60 and I'm pooping my pants.

01:23:39.000 The fastest I've ever been on a motorcycle was 176 miles an hour.

01:23:42.000 What the fuck?

01:23:43.000 On a Suzuki GSX-R1100.

01:23:46.000 Where was that?

01:23:49.000 Like, it's got to be the Bonneville Salt Flats.

01:23:51.000 No, 95.

01:23:52.000 Really?

01:23:53.000 Yeah.

01:23:54.000 My Harleys have been out to Utah and Bonneville Salt Flats.

01:24:00.000 175 miles an hour.

01:24:02.000 That's scary in a fucking truck.

01:24:06.000 That's scary in a Dodge Ram.

01:24:09.000 My Triumph, I've done 141.

01:24:14.000 Maybe it's because I don't have fairing.

01:24:15.000 I don't know, man.

01:24:16.000 Like, if I'm going 60 and I look behind me to see to change lanes, my whole head goes, man.

01:24:28.000 Have you ever had a wipeout?

01:24:30.000 A bad accident?

01:24:31.000 I went down.

01:24:33.000 I was about an hour outside of Omaha, Nebraska.

01:24:35.000 I was probably doing 115 when it started to get...

01:24:41.000 I went into a curve.

01:24:42.000 We went three wide into a curve and I hit the soft shoulder and got a little squirrely.

01:24:46.000 But by the time I hit the ground, I was probably doing around 70.

01:24:49.000 And you were launched into the air.

01:24:52.000 I had what they call a high side crash.

01:24:53.000 Like the bike went this way and then it flipped over this way.

01:24:58.000 It actually dumped me on my head.

01:25:01.000 Yep.

01:25:03.000 Okay.

01:25:03.000 So you can see instead of the bike laying down this way and sliding, like the bike upends and then catches and flips you and launches you that way.

01:25:13.000 It's called a high side crash.

01:25:15.000 Did you get knocked out?

01:25:16.000 I didn't go unconscious.

01:25:18.000 I had open finger gloves on.

01:25:20.000 I wore my fingers down to the bone on one hand.

01:25:24.000 I had leathers on and pants and a kidney belt that held everything together.

01:25:28.000 I had some road rash up one arm.

01:25:31.000 I shattered my heel.

01:25:32.000 So to have road rash, you went through all the leather?

01:25:35.000 Yeah, it went through.

01:25:36.000 And, you know, I had road rash, like, you know, scarred up on my forearm.

01:25:42.000 Did you cry like a little bitch?

01:25:44.000 No, but it sucked cleaning it and scrubbing it every day, every morning.

01:25:48.000 At the time, I would have prospects, and I'd be like, all right, kick me in the balls.

01:25:55.000 Fuck it, it sucked.

01:25:56.000 And I had to, it sucked because I was only on my third day out.

01:25:59.000 I was going out to California.

01:26:00.000 I was riding out to California and back.

01:26:02.000 So I still had two more days to ride to get to California.

01:26:06.000 And then I stayed there for four days and party and then had to ride all the way home.

01:26:10.000 So I had to walk around because I shattered my heel.

01:26:13.000 So I couldn't put pressure on the back of my foot.

01:26:16.000 So I had to walk around on my tiptoe for the whole fucking trip.

01:26:19.000 What's that?

01:26:20.000 Say that again?

01:26:22.000 I was jumping over, when we built our place upstate, we were celebrating and we had a huge bonfire with all the cardboard from all the furniture and shit we had bought.

01:26:30.000 And we had a bunch of people over and I was running over the fire, nude.

01:26:36.000 And then this asshole on mushrooms, Trevor Simser, he fucking clotheslined me when I was in midair.

01:26:43.000 He claimed he was shoving me, but we have the footage and it's click, click, click, click, click, click, boof.

01:26:47.000 So I landed ass first on the pile of cardboard that was molten lava.

01:26:53.000 You know, fast cardboard burns and there's piles and piles of it.

01:26:56.000 So it was like 1 billion degrees.

01:26:58.000 So I jumped up.

01:27:00.000 I rolled in the snow a bit and then I ran into the shower and just had a cold shower on it, but it was too late.

01:27:06.000 The damage was done.

01:27:07.000 My ass was fucking shredded.

01:27:08.000 Did you burn your balls?

01:27:10.000 No, just the butt cheeks.

01:27:12.000 Oh, thank God it wasn't the actual anus.

01:27:15.000 Yeah, I never thought of that.

01:27:16.000 My balls could have been damaged.

01:27:19.000 Yeah, the anus and the taint and all that.

01:27:21.000 I think the balls were way up into their nervous position.

01:27:26.000 Yeah.

01:27:27.000 So I go to the hospital the next day.

01:27:30.000 I stay in a freezing cold bath for six hours, had a scarf and a hat on and a heated fan because obviously being in a cold pool all night is very chilly.

01:27:39.000 And I go there and they go, oh my God, yeah, this looks pretty bad.

01:27:43.000 Then they get what's basically a steel brush and they start scrubbing it.

01:27:48.000 And the pain was so intense that I started to get dizzy.

01:27:51.000 I was going to faint.

01:27:52.000 And I go, I'm about to pass out.

01:27:54.000 I've never felt pain like this in my life.

01:27:56.000 And they go, well, sir, if we don't do this, then your skin will heal around the charcoal and you'll have dark spots on your buttocks for the rest of your life.

01:28:06.000 And you get infection.

01:28:07.000 But they didn't say infection, though.

01:28:09.000 They just said discoloration.

01:28:11.000 I go, I'm not an ass model.

01:28:13.000 Why didn't you fucking tell me?

01:28:14.000 I don't give a shit if there's some dark spots on my buttocks.

01:28:19.000 That's why we're doing this?

01:28:21.000 So it looks nice.

01:28:22.000 That's the most painful thing of burn treatment.

01:28:25.000 Like when people get severely burned, is they have to scrub them daily.

01:28:30.000 Well, we had this friend, Lizzie Bogatzos.

01:28:32.000 She was in a band called Gang Gang Dance.

01:28:35.000 And she thought it'd be funny to, on stage, to have her tits, her nipples on fire, which sounds cool, right?

01:28:44.000 So everyone who knew her said, all right, I guess you're going to do that.

01:28:48.000 Wear cotton, make sure it's drenched soaking wet, and have the matches like that are having the flames away from your tits.

01:28:59.000 She ignored the soaking wet and decided to go with more of a polyester shirt.

01:29:06.000 So her fucking tits were on fire on stage.

01:29:09.000 I showed up after all this happened and the ambulance was there wheeling her out.

01:29:14.000 And I said to my buddy Matt Sweeney, I went, what happened here?

01:29:16.000 And he goes, the worst thing imaginable.

01:29:21.000 And she was out there dancing with her tits.

01:29:24.000 Not sure why you're not pulling her up, Brian.

01:29:27.000 What's your name again?

01:29:28.000 What?

01:29:28.000 What's your name again?

01:29:30.000 Were you not watching the show?

01:29:32.000 Yeah, I'm watching it.

01:29:32.000 It sounded like a friend that you knew.

01:29:34.000 So like somebody from high school or some shit that nobody knows.

01:29:36.000 Gang Gang Dance.

01:29:37.000 No, popular band, Gang Dance.

01:29:39.000 Gang Gang Dance.

01:29:41.000 Lizzie Bugatsos.

01:29:43.000 Greek woman.

01:29:45.000 And so the matches were like this, whatever they were, and then they dipped into the polyester.

01:29:51.000 The shirt bursts into flames, sticks to her.

01:29:54.000 Her pants burst into flames, too.

01:29:59.000 She was in the hospital for seven months as they put various skin grabs.

01:30:03.000 She had Freddy's skin from here to here.

01:30:07.000 Freddy.

01:30:10.000 No bueno.

01:30:11.000 I texted her after I got that mild aspurn and said, I have tasted a hundredth of your hell.

01:30:18.000 And next time I see you, I'm just going to drop to my knees and start praying, saying, not worthy, not worthy.

01:30:24.000 You have danced with the devil.

01:30:29.000 I cannot imagine how badly Ryan is spelling the Greek name Bugatsos right now.

01:30:36.000 It's probably...

01:30:37.000 B-U-G-O.

01:30:38.000 Nope.

01:30:40.000 No?

01:30:42.000 No.

01:30:43.000 I'm wrong?

01:30:44.000 B-U-G.

01:30:45.000 How could I be wrong?

01:30:46.000 I'm Ryan Katsu Rivera.

01:30:48.000 B-U-G-A.

01:30:49.000 B-O-U.

01:30:50.000 B-O-U.

01:30:52.000 Anyway, this isn't the foot.

01:30:54.000 She's very attractive.

01:30:58.000 Singer.

01:30:59.000 Greek broad Who talks like Betty Boop?

01:31:02.000 Hey, what are you guys doing?

01:31:04.000 Yeah, did you hear about when I burnt my tits off?

01:31:07.000 Holy fuck, it was my own personal hell.

01:31:11.000 I swear to God.

01:31:15.000 Their music's too weird.

01:31:18.000 They had this one song that was a hit, and I was like, can't you do more hits?

01:31:22.000 Like, you're such a talented band.

01:31:24.000 Just do Louie Louie songs.

01:31:26.000 Can we hear something, fuckhead, Ryan?

01:31:31.000 That's her.

01:31:36.000 She sings like Kate Bush.

01:31:40.000 Not that I know anything about music.

01:31:49.000 Look up her and burn.

01:31:52.000 Lizzie Bugatzos Gang Gang Dance Burn.

01:31:58.000 What's that?

01:31:59.000 An article about the burn night?

01:32:01.000 It says she lit herself on fire.

01:32:04.000 Lizzie Bugatsos plays like fire.

01:32:15.000 Actress doused herself in alcohol, lit herself on fire.

01:32:17.000 Alice Cooper style, suffering severe burns and landing in the hospital.

01:32:20.000 Sometimes Bugatzos walks on slippery wires.

01:32:24.000 What a nightmare that was.

01:32:26.000 Imagine what it was like to watch.

01:32:29.000 No.

01:32:30.000 You know what's even worse?

01:32:31.000 The smell.

01:32:34.000 Yeah, burning flesh is hard.

01:32:37.000 I mean, I like Greek food, but I don't want to see Greek chicks cook.

01:32:41.000 No.

01:32:41.000 I mean, I like seeing Greek chicks cook food, but I don't want to see them literally cook.

01:32:46.000 All right, next call.

01:32:47.000 These puns are getting stale.

01:32:50.000 That was a fun little trip.

01:32:53.000 Pizza Boy delivery.

01:32:58.000 206.

01:32:59.000 You're on the line.

01:33:00.000 Hello?

01:33:01.000 Hey.

01:33:03.000 Good afternoon, guys.

01:33:05.000 Good afternoon.

01:33:08.000 Daddy, I'm glad you're not dead.

01:33:10.000 Thank you.

01:33:11.000 Me too.

01:33:11.000 Ryan.

01:33:12.000 Yes.

01:33:12.000 Ryan, get the suggestion box ready because...

01:33:16.000 I am beyond angry.

01:33:19.000 All right.

01:33:21.000 All right.

01:33:22.000 So, Gavin, I really hope that you think that's true and not walk around and turn away.

01:33:34.000 No, close.

01:33:36.000 Anyway, we appreciate your knowledge of the video drops.

01:33:40.000 Can we get to your point?

01:33:41.000 Turn around!

01:33:42.000 You walk away!

01:33:44.000 So I'm a tradesman, and you know, we like listening to the show every once in a while on the job site for sure, in the cars, you know, on the way to and from the shop.

01:33:56.000 And for some reason, nobody in our company, you know, none of the guys that I work with, wants to, you know, mail into the mailbag because you're like our English teacher.

01:34:09.000 You're like, you know, you gotta make sure that there's no compound sentences.

01:34:14.000 And so like, what do you think we are?

01:34:16.000 Some sort of students?

01:34:18.000 Are you from Ohio?

01:34:21.000 Uh, no?

01:34:23.000 Because I got a letter from Ohio today that I had to send back correcting 57 spelling and grammar mistakes.

01:34:31.000 57?

01:34:32.000 57.

01:34:35.000 That's not true.

01:34:36.000 It doesn't say that.

01:34:37.000 You're a liar.

01:34:38.000 All right.

01:34:38.000 Thank you for calling.

01:34:41.000 It doesn't say that.

01:34:42.000 You're a liar.

01:34:43.000 That's not how he talks.

01:34:46.000 It doesn't say that.

01:34:47.000 You're a liar.

01:34:48.000 It doesn't say that.

01:34:49.000 You're a liar.

01:34:50.000 Oh, God.

01:34:51.000 Ryan, your Scottish is a nightmare.

01:34:55.000 It's fucking terrible.

01:34:57.000 I'll send it to you right now.

01:34:58.000 You can shut it.

01:34:59.000 And I think I know why.

01:35:00.000 And I think I know why.

01:35:08.000 Yeah, pull up this letter I just sent you.

01:35:10.000 All right.

01:35:12.000 Gavin Rye, my new theory is when you talk about pit bulls, one word, and lose subscribers, it's not because they don't like you talking mad about them.

01:35:18.000 It's because you sound like such an incredible pussy.

01:35:21.000 But he asterisks out pussy.

01:35:24.000 Like we can't handle the word pussy.

01:35:28.000 You sound like a bougie antifa kid or a Black Lives Matter dyke talking about the evils of the white man or the Western world.

01:35:35.000 It's baffling how you're, while you are, not afraid of fighting a 200-pound messed out Antifa dude, but terrified of a 45-pound stupid animal.

01:35:45.000 Yeah, I'm much more scared of a pit bull than an Antifa.

01:35:51.000 I thought we're on the same page with that.

01:35:54.000 We'll be sharing some Pitbull letters tomorrow that involve brutal maimings.

01:35:59.000 That's his letter, right?

01:36:02.000 And then show my, I had to write him back.

01:36:06.000 I don't know why you're complicating this so much, Ryan.

01:36:08.000 Just show both.

01:36:11.000 God damn it.

01:36:12.000 I might give away his identity.

01:36:15.000 I don't think he gives a fuck.

01:36:18.000 If he's this illiterate, then his job is not cancelable.

01:36:22.000 So that's his letter.

01:36:26.000 Okay.

01:36:27.000 And then at the top there, I had to correct it.

01:36:31.000 Gavin Wright, my theory is colon.

01:36:35.000 And you people don't seem to understand.

01:36:37.000 When you talk about pit bulls and lose subscribers, comma.

01:36:40.000 If your sentence has a thing that has a caveat, like my one problem with people who fart too much is they blah, blah, blah.

01:36:48.000 Like for most of my life, I've been scared.

01:36:53.000 Wait, that's a terrible example.

01:36:55.000 When you talk about pit bulls and lose subscribers, so you're setting something up, then you have a comma.

01:37:03.000 Anyway, sorry.

01:37:05.000 That guy's saying I'm pedantic when it comes to spelling and grammar, and I'm being equally tedious in my rebuttal.

01:37:13.000 Next call.

01:37:15.000 Okay.

01:37:16.000 Hootie.

01:37:18.000 Hootie.

01:37:19.000 Go ahead, Hootie.

01:37:20.000 Hootie wants to talk about Boy Scouts.

01:37:24.000 Hey, what's up, guys?

01:37:25.000 How y'all doing?

01:37:26.000 Good.

01:37:27.000 Hey, man.

01:37:30.000 I think we're getting a delay here, but I was wondering, I've never heard you talk about Boy Scouts, and I got my Eagle Scout in 2015, and I just think it's a tragedy what's happening to that organization nowadays.

01:37:42.000 Ruined by faggots.

01:37:43.000 I've never actually thought about that.

01:37:45.000 I'm sorry.

01:37:45.000 Ruined by faggots.

01:37:48.000 Yeah, I agree.

01:37:50.000 But I was wondering what you thought, because you talk about the war on boys a lot.

01:37:54.000 Do you think that that organization will be able to recover or some new organizations will spring up because of it?

01:38:02.000 And I was just seeing what you thought about it.

01:38:04.000 Yeah, I don't know.

01:38:05.000 Maybe we should have a young Proud Boys.

01:38:08.000 Because Proud Boys are all about drinking and partying, and there's a lot of Coke and fucking meeting in bars.

01:38:13.000 But maybe there's a future for a, you know, eight to 16 Proud Boys.

01:38:22.000 Because the Boy Scouts was a great way for young men to get in touch with nature, to hang out with someone who knew what they were doing.

01:38:31.000 Then the homos demanded they become part of it.

01:38:34.000 And they said, well, I don't really understand why you want to become part of it.

01:38:38.000 Your son isn't in, you don't have a son.

01:38:40.000 You just want to be part of the Boy Scouts.

01:38:42.000 And they go, yeah, well, you got a problem with that?

01:38:44.000 Well, I just don't get why it's an issue.

01:38:45.000 Then they demanded they get in, and then they started fucking them, of course, because they're fucking pedophiles.

01:38:51.000 Now it's not even Boy Scouts.

01:38:53.000 And then they got girls involved.

01:38:55.000 Now it's the scouts and girls involved.

01:38:58.000 But the Girl Scouts still exist.

01:39:00.000 It started when I was like in first grade, and then when I was 18, that's when you age out.

01:39:05.000 So this whole thing, I missed it.

01:39:07.000 I missed all this bullshit.

01:39:09.000 I aged out before any of this crap.

01:39:11.000 So I got Eagle.

01:39:13.000 Was able to do that before all this faggot shit started happening.

01:39:17.000 But, you know.

01:39:18.000 Yeah, when I was a kid in Canada, we were beavers.

01:39:20.000 I'm sorry about that, Maddie.

01:39:22.000 I'm glad you're doing okay.

01:39:23.000 Yep, thank you.

01:39:24.000 I was a Boy Scout.

01:39:25.000 Thanks for calling.

01:39:26.000 Were you, really?

01:39:27.000 Oh, yeah.

01:39:28.000 Oh, my mother, we were heavily involved in scouts.

01:39:31.000 It's fun.

01:39:32.000 My brother was an Eagle Scout.

01:39:33.000 I made it to life, but I didn't become an Eagle Scout.

01:39:38.000 In Canada, you're a beaver until you become a wolf.

01:39:41.000 And the way that happens is you go to the gymnasium and you have your beaver vest on with your beaver shit.

01:39:47.000 And then they turn up the lights and then there's fake lightning and then you go, oh, oh, you put on your wolf vest.

01:39:54.000 And then they turn the lights on again.

01:39:55.000 Now you're a fucking wolf.

01:39:56.000 Wolf.

01:39:58.000 You start off in Cub Scouts and then you become like what they call Weeblos and then Boy Scouts.

01:40:03.000 It's like that's what a beautiful, honorable tradition that must go back.

01:40:09.000 I don't know.

01:40:09.000 Oh, national champorees.

01:40:11.000 I had to break it.

01:40:12.000 Well, the Tubbs.

01:40:13.000 Troop Scouts in the 1800s.

01:40:14.000 I was in Troop 6 in Nero Shell where I grew up.

01:40:17.000 And it was some of the best.

01:40:19.000 I mean, like I said, the leaders that we had were, they were all parents of kids that were in there, but they were all, you know, they were Vietnam.

01:40:28.000 They all had come home from the wars and stuff.

01:40:30.000 And there really is something magical about being in nature.

01:40:34.000 Like, I know all these troubled kids who are kidnapped in the middle of the night and taken to these getaway camps.

01:40:42.000 Like, I'm talking about kids who are, you know, looking up kiddie porn and stealing liquor from their parents and fucking disappearing into the city.

01:40:50.000 Like, they've tried everything and they can't discipline them.

01:40:52.000 So they go to these camps.

01:40:53.000 And it sounds terrible because they pick you up at 3 a.m. in your bedroom, put you in a van, take you to the airport, and fly you to Ohio.

01:41:02.000 And then you're in the woods.

01:41:04.000 You can only talk to your parents via a letter once every 10 days.

01:41:09.000 And you're there for like 40 days.

01:41:11.000 And I've known two troubled kids.

01:41:14.000 They're both friends of my kids, which says something, who have come back from it, fucking reborn, rebooted, totally awesome.

01:41:23.000 Or my wife, like with all this harassing our kids and ostracizing.

01:41:27.000 And when she was at like the peak of her mental distress, she went to a similar thing, but for rich people in Arizona.

01:41:37.000 And it was like 20 days, I think, of just getting up at dawn and going for hikes and no computers and no phone and no Instagram.

01:41:46.000 And she came back rebooted, recommitted to the marriage, like Stepford wife, basically, without the spaciness.

01:41:54.000 So there is something to be said for human beings getting in touch with nature.

01:41:59.000 And that was done with a young man's in his developing years.

01:42:04.000 His formative years are being formed in nature perfect.

01:42:09.000 And they fucking ruined it with woke bullshit with homos who didn't even really want to be there.

01:42:15.000 The bird, which is the bald eagle.

01:42:20.000 It's like gay marriage.

01:42:21.000 They didn't really want to get married.

01:42:22.000 They just wanted to be part of a thing that they heard they can't be a part of.

01:42:25.000 And then they all got married and they got divorced a year later.

01:42:28.000 It's all about me, me, me, me, me.

01:42:30.000 Yeah.

01:42:31.000 It's all.

01:42:32.000 Which is the opposite of the Boy Scouts.

01:42:35.000 Hey, Ryan, someone just sent us pictures of Lizzie Bogatzo's burns.

01:42:40.000 I see them.

01:42:41.000 Burns.

01:42:43.000 Look at that stomach.

01:42:44.000 This one's so pretty.

01:42:46.000 Not safe for work.

01:42:49.000 I've never seen that.

01:42:51.000 Wow.

01:42:51.000 That actually looks kind of good.

01:42:53.000 I'm embarrassed.

01:42:54.000 Like a melting candle lady?

01:42:56.000 I don't know.

01:42:57.000 She's so pretty and classy and with a little Betty Boop accent.

01:43:03.000 That kind of looks good, I'm afraid.

01:43:05.000 That does not.

01:43:07.000 No.

01:43:07.000 That looks like she spilled an omelette on her belly.

01:43:09.000 Yeah.

01:43:11.000 Is that it?

01:43:12.000 Just those two pics?

01:43:13.000 Yeah.

01:43:14.000 Those two pics.

01:43:15.000 The one that got away.

01:43:16.000 I wonder if I could have had her.

01:43:18.000 Probably could have.

01:43:19.000 I must have her.

01:43:26.000 Brian, what's his name?

01:43:28.000 Duran?

01:43:29.000 Is also in the band, and they were dating for a while.

01:43:33.000 I don't know.

01:43:34.000 They never fucking went anywhere.

01:43:37.000 He's a great artist.

01:43:38.000 Okay, now I'm babbling.

01:43:40.000 Next call.

01:43:41.000 All right.

01:43:42.000 Alrighty then.

01:43:43.000 We've got Samuel on the line.

01:43:45.000 Hey, how you guys doing?

01:43:47.000 I can barely hear you guys, by the way.

01:43:48.000 You're cutting in and out for growing the fucking idiot.

01:43:51.000 Hey, fudge you, man.

01:43:52.000 But I'll just tell my story.

01:43:54.000 So earlier today, actually, I was talking to this girl, and we were talking about race and everything and how the black community uses the N-word.

01:44:04.000 But then she brought up like tongue flew what Trump was talking about.

01:44:09.000 And she was saying it was racist against Chinese culture.

01:44:12.000 And somehow that was racist against Chinese people.

01:44:15.000 So I made the arguments: when did culture become a synonym with race?

01:44:20.000 Because you can be cultures of anything, or anything can be your culture, but you can be any race.

01:44:26.000 Yeah, wait a minute.

01:44:27.000 So what was offensive to Chinese isms?

01:44:32.000 Kung Fu, what Trump called Kung Fu or Chinese.

01:44:36.000 But it is from China.

01:44:38.000 Exactly.

01:44:40.000 Isn't it crazy that a country can likely knowingly create a global pandemic that has devastated the entire fucking world?

01:44:54.000 I think Africa didn't do too badly because no one goes there or leaves there.

01:44:59.000 But especially the Western world just fucked up the ass.

01:45:03.000 New York City's done.

01:45:05.000 New York City will never recover.

01:45:09.000 Millions of deaths.

01:45:11.000 And your friend is worried about offending the culture that created said pandemic.

01:45:18.000 What the?

01:45:19.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:45:20.000 She was making it like somehow...

01:45:23.000 So, you know, you can say, I don't like the Muslim culture, but that doesn't mean I hate Arabs.

01:45:28.000 So when did we decide that race and culture was equal?

01:45:32.000 It's not the same thing.

01:45:33.000 Well, this started in Britain where racist meant like you don't like fat people.

01:45:39.000 Or racist means that you celebrate Christmas during in front of Jews and you say Merry Christmas to a Jew.

01:45:47.000 That's racist.

01:45:48.000 And I always laughed at that, that they would use the term racism in things that were not even remotely racist.

01:45:56.000 And then five years later, here we are.

01:45:59.000 If you don't like the pandemic, you're a racist.

01:46:03.000 Okay?

01:46:04.000 You just made racism sound pretty cool.

01:46:08.000 I mean, fuck, the definition of the word is in the fucking name.

01:46:12.000 It's race, not culturism or fucking whatever.

01:46:16.000 Yeah, it's not racist to be anti-Semitic.

01:46:19.000 They're a religion.

01:46:21.000 And I don't care if it's racist to hate on the Chinese for this pandemic.

01:46:27.000 I hate them.

01:46:28.000 I hate China.

01:46:30.000 And when I see Chinese people on the street in America, my first instinct is, hi five, buddy.

01:46:35.000 You got out of that disgusting shithole.

01:46:39.000 You must be very happy.

01:46:41.000 China is asshole.

01:46:43.000 Like, Chinese people don't like China.

01:46:45.000 That's why they left.

01:46:46.000 They needed 50 grand cash to leave that communist hellhole.

01:46:51.000 That's how much they paid just to get out.

01:46:53.000 Not to get in.

01:46:54.000 It's the culture.

01:46:54.000 Now they have the lawyer fees and everything else.

01:46:57.000 The communist culture.

01:46:59.000 It's a fucking horrible place.

01:47:01.000 And fuck Taiwan while we're shitting on China.

01:47:04.000 Taiwan is capitalist.

01:47:06.000 It has basically the same laws as us.

01:47:09.000 And it still sucks shit.

01:47:11.000 It's still disgusting.

01:47:12.000 There's still dirt and garbage everywhere.

01:47:15.000 I don't know what it is with those people.

01:47:16.000 Maybe Mao killed too many of the fun ones.

01:47:19.000 But that place smells like fucking A. Really fuck the whole eastern side of the world.

01:47:23.000 Fuck the whole, fuck the non-Western world sinking into the sea.

01:47:27.000 Bye-bye.

01:47:28.000 Bye, Georgia.

01:47:31.000 Not America.

01:47:32.000 I'm talking about fucking Chechnya and all the Kazakhstan.

01:47:36.000 Go fuck yourself.

01:47:37.000 There's a million stands.

01:47:41.000 Okay, thanks for calling.

01:47:42.000 Every country sucks.

01:47:43.000 I've lived all over the world, and the more I travel, the more I realize.

01:47:49.000 I mean, Costa Rica, the people are smart, and it's nice there.

01:47:53.000 It's still fucking molten lava in the summer season.

01:47:56.000 And the rainy season is like, it gives you ophelia, ophobia, because God is hurling rain at you for three months, like hurling, screaming tornadoes of rain 24 hours a day.

01:48:12.000 It's fucking mental.

01:48:14.000 People get cabin fever.

01:48:15.000 They go crazy.

01:48:16.000 You never get dry during rainy season because the moisture is coming at you sideways.

01:48:21.000 Your towels in your bathroom are moldy in Costa Rica.

01:48:24.000 And that's one of the most civilized Central American countries.

01:48:30.000 It's the only civilized Central American country.

01:48:32.000 That's the best they have to offer, and it blows.

01:48:37.000 We got the guy talking about Bob Kelly.

01:48:44.000 You're on the line.

01:48:46.000 Hey.

01:48:48.000 Hey.

01:48:51.000 Hey, so I watched.

01:48:53.000 Can I hear a baby in the background?

01:48:55.000 No, just a little bit of a bunch of people.

01:49:01.000 Sorry, go ahead.

01:49:03.000 I was watching Compound Censored last week.

01:49:05.000 Uh-huh.

01:49:07.000 And you were on with Bob Kelly, right?

01:49:09.000 Correct.

01:49:10.000 At the end of it, you were like, hey, nice meeting you.

01:49:14.000 And you shook his hand.

01:49:15.000 What was that about?

01:49:18.000 What do you mean?

01:49:20.000 Well, like, you've been on his podcast before.

01:49:23.000 Yeah, I think I added it again after I said that.

01:49:28.000 Oh, well, I probably didn't hear that.

01:49:30.000 I'm probably a retard, but it's okay.

01:49:31.000 Okay, thanks for calling.

01:49:33.000 That was great.

01:49:36.000 I'm probably a retard, but that's okay.

01:49:39.000 No, it's not.

01:49:40.000 Care!

01:49:40.000 I'm in a care!

01:49:44.000 Plus, I assume Bobby Kelly didn't remember me.

01:49:47.000 Remember me?

01:49:50.000 We have GPS on the phone.

01:49:53.000 Are we supposed to take left at 1,500 feet?

01:49:56.000 Go ahead, sir.

01:49:59.000 That was a joke.

01:50:01.000 It's not a joke.

01:50:02.000 I was digging through your catalog, which is excellent, and I came across the history of punk rock.

01:50:10.000 And I wanted to, out of respect, to give you the opportunity to correct yourself.

01:50:16.000 The Stooges started punk rock.

01:50:20.000 Stooges were not punk rock.

01:50:23.000 The Stooges were a type of hard rock that was not Punk and was awesome, and is more closely linked to the MC5 and other dangerous hard rockers of the time.

01:50:41.000 It is not punk rock.

01:50:43.000 Punk rock's roots are much more colorful, much more linked to glam in the UK.

01:50:51.000 America's contribution to punk was meager at best.

01:50:56.000 Oh, so the New York dolls and the CBGB New York scene was art rock.

01:51:03.000 Talking heads, television, all of that stuff was art rock.

01:51:08.000 It was not punk rock.

01:51:12.000 Many would argue with you, sir.

01:51:14.000 Many have, and I'm happy to take them on.

01:51:17.000 But just because the- You don't hear TBI as punk rock?

01:51:20.000 What?

01:51:22.000 TBI.

01:51:22.000 You don't think TBI is punk rock?

01:51:25.000 No, I think it's art rock.

01:51:27.000 I think that they were...

01:51:29.000 Like, look at talking heads.

01:51:31.000 Why are talking heads in every history of punk?

01:51:34.000 CBGB had a lot of cool, glammy, fucking arty bands that were not punk.

01:51:41.000 The Sex Bestos are the quintessential punk band.

01:51:44.000 Did they learn from the Stooges?

01:51:49.000 I can see Iggy Pop being somewhat of an influence.

01:51:54.000 How did Johnny Rotten hear about Iggy Pop?

01:51:58.000 He was hanging out in fucking Detroit?

01:52:01.000 Was he in Ann Arbor, Michigan?

01:52:04.000 The Dead Boys?

01:52:05.000 Yeah, the Dead Boys were punk rock, but they were mimicking British music.

01:52:12.000 Anyway, thanks for calling.

01:52:16.000 I did make one mistake in that little documentary where I said that in the 70s, Margaret Thatcher invented the middle class.

01:52:29.000 But she didn't actually come into power, I think, until 1980 or something like that.

01:52:35.000 But she was a prominent political figure before that, and she was behind a big push for privatization in Britain, and that really saved Britain.

01:52:44.000 The funniest thing about going back to Glasgow and visiting my mom's friends and my own relatives is they're in these big, beautiful stone mansions that look like this studio, this big, with fucking big stone walls, this thick, and they're living on fucking Suckey Hall Street,

01:53:01.000 and they're bitching about Maggie Thatcher and what she did to Britain.

01:53:05.000 And you're like, how do you think you ended up in this?

01:53:10.000 You're from the fucking Gorbals and you live in a mansion now because of privatization, you silly cunt.

01:53:18.000 Sometimes the complaints will be false.

01:53:20.000 They hate her so much there.

01:53:23.000 To this day, everyone in Britain fucking despises Maggie Thatcher and she's the reason that there's a middle class.

01:53:31.000 It was just the rich and the poor before her.

01:53:34.000 And the weird part was the poor loved it.

01:53:38.000 I was working class.

01:53:39.000 My granddad was working class.

01:53:41.000 Why do you want to be middle class?

01:53:43.000 Because I want a pool.

01:53:45.000 On a hot day, I want to be able to do a cannonball.

01:53:48.000 There is life outside of the pub and my favorite soccer team, which of course is Celtics.

01:53:58.000 All right.

01:54:00.000 We've got 905 online, Canada.

01:54:04.000 Big fucking kits.

01:54:07.000 Big fucking ticks.

01:54:09.000 Big fucking kids.

01:54:11.000 I'm going to come.

01:54:14.000 Yeah, you're totally right about pit bulls.

01:54:16.000 They scare the shit out of me.

01:54:18.000 But that's not why I called.

01:54:21.000 I don't know if you've heard.

01:54:22.000 Today is Canada's first National Day of Truth and Reconciliation.

01:54:27.000 It's a national holiday.

01:54:30.000 It's about the residential school thing.

01:54:33.000 And I find it kind of funny Maddie's wearing an orange shirt because the whole thing is like everyone's supposed to wear orange for it.

01:54:42.000 But I think it's just an excuse for white people to feel bad about themselves.

01:54:46.000 Just wanted to get your thoughts on it.

01:54:47.000 So what are you supposed to do on the Truth and Reconciliation Day?

01:54:51.000 Oh, honoring Indigenous survivors.

01:54:53.000 They're orange and the banks are closed.

01:54:54.000 But wait a minute.

01:54:55.000 Wait a minute.

01:54:56.000 Wait a minute.

01:54:57.000 Those mass graves were discovered to be false.

01:55:03.000 They realized that it was Indians who were burying people and then just putting up a shitty little wood thing to mark the grave and forgetting about it because the way they treat the afterlife is the body's not that important.

01:55:20.000 I mean, once it's buried, it's sort of like over with and it's off into the spirit world.

01:55:26.000 Although they do have a big thing about how the body has to be maintained.

01:55:29.000 Like if you have your thumb amputated, you got to save it and make sure you're buried with it so you have a thumb in the afterlife.

01:55:35.000 But I think once you're in the afterlife, you're good to go.

01:55:37.000 Anyway, the whole notion that Canadian schools were murdering hundreds of Indians and throwing them into mass graves was disproven.

01:55:46.000 But we're having a day to apologize?

01:55:50.000 And plus the government's pledging like, I think like something like $24 million into public education to put it into the curriculum to teach them about the genocide, quote unquote.

01:56:02.000 To teach them about this giant misunderstanding.

01:56:05.000 It's like Black Wall Street.

01:56:07.000 Yeah, it's fucking the Tulsa, Oklahoma massacre all over again.

01:56:11.000 And now as parents, our kids come home and we have to go.

01:56:16.000 Hello.

01:56:18.000 Hello?

01:56:20.000 That's enough.

01:56:20.000 Thanks for calling.

01:56:21.000 Now as parents, our kids come home, we have to go, okay, here's what happened with Tulsa.

01:56:25.000 It was a race riot that was started because some guy fondled a white chick.

01:56:31.000 A black dude fondled a white chick.

01:56:32.000 And then the blacks were worried that he wasn't going to get a fair trial.

01:56:35.000 So they showed up with guns.

01:56:36.000 And then the whites didn't like that.

01:56:37.000 The blacks were there with guns.

01:56:38.000 And then the blacks started, they shot the first shot, started a riot, and then eventually it built up and built up until eventually the blacks lost the fight.

01:56:49.000 They started.

01:56:52.000 You getting kind of tired over there, Maddie?

01:56:54.000 Well, you know, I had heart surgery.

01:56:58.000 Fatigue.

01:56:59.000 I'm up late.

01:57:01.000 And now we have to explain to people about the fucking aboriginal myths.

01:57:05.000 Yes, by the way, we did not treat the Indians well.

01:57:08.000 And yes, we did separate them from their families.

01:57:11.000 And yes, we did send pedophile priests to reserves where the Catholic schools and the churches were on the reserves, sort of implying that it was okay if they raped Indian kids.

01:57:26.000 Believe me, there are some sins in our past.

01:57:29.000 But let's just teach the true ones and not the giant fucking mass graves.

01:57:35.000 Because that wasn't a thing we did.

01:57:37.000 We did not kill thousands of Indians and set them up in fucking giant graves.

01:57:42.000 Jesus.

01:57:44.000 Anyway, next last call.

01:57:46.000 One more.

01:57:47.000 Okay.

01:57:50.000 This guy's friend's girlfriend broke up over a Porsche.

01:57:54.000 Hey, Ryan, I heard the beat.

01:57:56.000 I can't hear you guys talk, though, at all.

01:57:58.000 Just let you know.

01:58:00.000 I guess my story is, what I was going to say was I got a my girlfriend.

01:58:04.000 She's got a friend who just broke up with her boyfriend.

01:58:09.000 I guess the fucking boyfriend didn't like her because she was pro-choice.

01:58:14.000 He's fucking not.

01:58:16.000 And I don't know.

01:58:17.000 I just thought it was going to fucking ball these ideas pretty much to say, yeah, here's the deal.

01:58:21.000 You're fucking bullshit.

01:58:23.000 Like, why the hell do you believe this crap?

01:58:25.000 And I was just thinking to myself, like, well, what the fuck?

01:58:27.000 Like, how do we teach like chicks?

01:58:31.000 I don't understand how the fuck we get this whole thing figured out.

01:58:34.000 Like, abortion is clearly not a fucking good thing.

01:58:37.000 And these chicks just, you know, they fucking can't see it.

01:58:39.000 It's absolute horseshit.

01:58:41.000 Yeah, I think you're giving women too much credit.

01:58:44.000 I'm going to end this on a sexist note where I would say, stop treating women like their political opinions matter.

01:58:51.000 Just tell them they're pro-life.

01:58:53.000 Or just smile and say, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're pro-choice.

01:58:57.000 That sounds great and everything.

01:58:59.000 And correct it over time.

01:59:01.000 I mean, the idea, like, I think a lot of guys talk about women like they're dudes.

01:59:06.000 And you have to be on the same page.

01:59:08.000 And you kind of do with dudes.

01:59:09.000 Like, I don't see how I could be friends with someone who was against free speech or against the Second Amendment, thought guns were evil.

01:59:15.000 I don't know what the fuck we talk about.

01:59:17.000 As far as chicks go, I don't respect their political opinions.

01:59:21.000 I do respect women.

01:59:23.000 I think they're magic.

01:59:24.000 They can create life.

01:59:26.000 So I'm hanging out with Superman.

01:59:28.000 But as far as them talking about the Daily, whatever it's called where Clark Kent works.

01:59:34.000 Daily Planet?

01:59:35.000 The Daily Planet and hearing their views on journalism.

01:59:38.000 I don't give a shit what Clark Kent has to say about journalism.

01:59:42.000 He's not a good journalist.

01:59:44.000 He's a superhero.

01:59:46.000 And I feel the same way about most women.

01:59:48.000 I don't care how they feel about politics.

01:59:52.000 They're not good at it.

01:59:52.000 Anyway, thanks for calling.

01:59:54.000 Folks, we're out of time here.

01:59:56.000 We've drifted five minutes past the deadline.

01:59:59.000 Thanks to Maddie O'Dell for coming by.

02:00:02.000 Thanks to Brian for fucking up the microphones and sending us back in time to when things didn't work.

02:00:09.000 And thank you for tuning in.

02:00:12.000 We'll see you tomorrow where we've got a fun, light episode.

02:00:16.000 I want to focus on that dude who got that chick fired for saying, go back to your hood.

02:00:20.000 I've been deep diving him and he's a cunt.

02:00:23.000 He wrote a book called The Black Friend, How Whites Can Be Better People.

02:00:28.000 And I also want to look at Chelsea Handler and Joe Coy.

02:00:32.000 Chelsea Handler has been a real single spinster activist, and then she stole some guy's, some woman's man, a guy with a kid, and took over his life.

02:00:46.000 Apparently she does want to be with a man, you lying cunt, his poor ex, who is totally fucking hot.

02:00:53.000 By the way, we'll be looking at pictures of her.

02:00:56.000 So until tomorrow, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - October 01, 2021

GOML LIVE #117 - MATTY'S BACK

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