Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #118

00:00:14.000 From New York, it's Get Money One with Kevin McGuinness.

00:00:42.000 That was every ACDC song ever written.

00:00:46.000 They are all exactly the same.

00:00:49.000 With few exceptions.

00:00:50.000 I mean, Thunderstruck, that was pretty recent, right?

00:00:53.000 That one's different.

00:00:55.000 For those about to rock, Hell's Bells, Highway to Hell, Dirty Deeds.

00:01:02.000 They got a lot of fucking hits.

00:01:04.000 I've Got Big Balls.

00:01:05.000 I've Got Big Balls.

00:01:06.000 But when you put on, like, for those about to rock, when you put on the album, you have to sometimes double check that the songs changed.

00:01:13.000 Yeah.

00:01:13.000 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Get Off My Lawn.

00:01:16.000 Welcome back, Maddie O'Dell.

00:01:17.000 What's up, everybody?

00:01:18.000 Back from the grave.

00:01:20.000 Yes, sir.

00:01:21.000 Didn't die.

00:01:23.000 You know, it took its toll.

00:01:25.000 It's been hasn't been the best, but it's not the worst.

00:01:28.000 Are you fully recovered now?

00:01:30.000 I still have a little fluid in my right lung.

00:01:32.000 Can you, like, do you feel 100%?

00:01:35.000 Like I said, like, after sleeping all night, like, when I get up in the morning, I feel a little fluid in there, and I got to get up and start moving around and hack up a little bit.

00:01:46.000 Huh.

00:01:46.000 But it's pretty common with the procedure.

00:01:48.000 Okay, so you're good to go.

00:01:51.000 And Brian, you feel good?

00:01:52.000 Yeah, I feel great.

00:01:53.000 What'd to see you?

00:01:54.000 We noticed you lost the only interesting thing that you've ever done, which is have a mullet.

00:01:59.000 And he shaved.

00:02:00.000 This is a filter.

00:02:02.000 No mustache.

00:02:03.000 Yeah, that's true.

00:02:04.000 Yeah, my wife was like, I have a brand new husband.

00:02:07.000 I was like, well, what do you think?

00:02:08.000 She's like, you look like a child.

00:02:10.000 He's a really, you look like a prodigy.

00:02:13.000 You look like a 12-year-old who goes to Harvard.

00:02:16.000 And yeah, yeah, and I'm lending my skills to produce.

00:02:20.000 I'm an intern.

00:02:20.000 You look like there's a bunch of guys trying to figure out who work at Raytheon and are trying to figure out why this drone is flying sideways, the one that's headed to Saudi Arabia to kill our enemies.

00:02:30.000 And then you show up and you're super shy because you're on the spectrum.

00:02:34.000 And you go, maybe it's not nothing to do with the interface.

00:02:37.000 Maybe this is just the actual propellers.

00:02:40.000 I'm the guy in the movie where they go to the guy like, I know a guy.

00:02:44.000 And then it's like, mom.

00:02:46.000 Like I'm in the basement, but a prodigy.

00:02:48.000 Like that movie I just saw recently, it wasn't recent actually, where they go to Mars.

00:02:53.000 I think it was The Martian?

00:02:54.000 No, it was later than that.

00:02:56.000 And they're like, I don't know what to do.

00:02:58.000 We got this.

00:02:59.000 We're trying to go to Mars.

00:03:00.000 We got to get back and they're going to die of old age.

00:03:02.000 And we need a brilliant scientist.

00:03:05.000 You know, the smartest guy in the world.

00:03:06.000 And then it's like.

00:03:11.000 Hi, I'm the This Is America rapper.

00:03:15.000 What?

00:03:16.000 Oh, it's him?

00:03:18.000 Donald.

00:03:18.000 Donald Glover or whatever his name is?

00:03:22.000 And he's like, I don't know, 13?

00:03:25.000 No, I guess he's 30 in the movie.

00:03:27.000 But like, ah, Yuve, every fucking...

00:03:30.000 Look, I'm sorry we keep talking about racism on this show, but it's up our noses.

00:03:35.000 Like this fucking shooter.

00:03:37.000 School shooter.

00:03:38.000 Remember Columbine?

00:03:39.000 You sure do.

00:03:40.000 You'll never forget it.

00:03:42.000 This guy comes in, shoots up a school.

00:03:43.000 The takeaway is, I don't know.

00:03:46.000 I mean, he was under a lot of pressure.

00:03:47.000 He was being bullied.

00:03:48.000 Now he's out on bail.

00:03:50.000 And the story is leaving the news.

00:03:53.000 Sorry.

00:03:54.000 So he shot up a school.

00:03:56.000 Why are we playing the blame game?

00:03:59.000 I saw some tweet.

00:04:00.000 I could send it to you where this woman goes, I will send it to you.

00:04:04.000 She goes, he's just a baby.

00:04:06.000 I feel sorry for his parents.

00:04:09.000 Imagine what they're going through, having a son who tried to murder a bunch of people?

00:04:15.000 That must be so stressful for them.

00:04:18.000 God forbid.

00:04:19.000 How about if he had a fucking MAGA hat on?

00:04:23.000 How long would that story be staying in the fucking news?

00:04:27.000 I just sent it to you.

00:04:28.000 Speaking of MAGA hats, I am very happy to announce new shirts.

00:04:33.000 Now, everyone is making these shirts.

00:04:35.000 It's going to become the motto of 2021.

00:04:38.000 But our shirts are better than everyone else's shirts.

00:04:41.000 And I'm going to make it a, it's a bumper sticker too.

00:04:44.000 So go down, go.

00:04:45.000 Oh, yeah, you got it.

00:04:46.000 He's just a baby.

00:04:48.000 My heart goes out to his parents and the school.

00:04:50.000 These kids need guidance, not a jail cell.

00:04:54.000 Help these kids.

00:04:55.000 My heart breaks for everyone.

00:04:59.000 He's 18 and shot four people.

00:05:00.000 He's not a baby.

00:05:01.000 He didn't have to do a baby deed.

00:05:03.000 He didn't do a baby deed.

00:05:04.000 This goes back to a joke I used to do with my buddy Marcus in college and tree planting mostly.

00:05:10.000 Actually, he never went to college, but I was of that age.

00:05:13.000 And we'd go, oh, the Zulus are killing the Hulus who are attacking the Hootsies who are killing the Tutsis.

00:05:23.000 Oh, my heart bleeds for Africa.

00:05:26.000 She's doing our guy.

00:05:28.000 Our joke is her reality.

00:05:31.000 But yeah, speaking of Trump, check out our new shirts.

00:05:36.000 Let's go, Brandon.

00:05:38.000 I don't have a physical copy with me or I'd be wearing it.

00:05:42.000 I got a new McPuter and I want to put the sticker on that.

00:05:45.000 But go to our shop, Ryan.

00:05:47.000 Do you know about this even?

00:05:49.000 No.

00:05:51.000 Aren't they beautiful?

00:05:53.000 That is nice.

00:05:54.000 That's retro and nice.

00:05:56.000 And NASCAR.

00:05:57.000 I've seen a lot of people doing the shirts and they just write, let's go, Brandon.

00:06:00.000 That ignores the impetus.

00:06:02.000 And our buddy, I don't know if he wants us to say his name.

00:06:06.000 We'll call him Mike.

00:06:08.000 He made the O and E. Now, this guy's a fucking Mexican.

00:06:12.000 Oh, gotcha.

00:06:13.000 And he's that good at graphic design and that smart.

00:06:16.000 Brilliant.

00:06:17.000 So stop shitting on Mexicans all the time.

00:06:19.000 At least one of them is talented.

00:06:23.000 They are, they're not setting their best, but we have their best.

00:06:26.000 We hire the exceptions to the rule.

00:06:30.000 We Have the one good Mexican in the world.

00:06:32.000 And it comes in black.

00:06:33.000 Now, the fun thing about black is it's a totally different color scheme.

00:06:38.000 Not totally different, but uh-oh.

00:06:41.000 We don't have a preview for the main page.

00:06:46.000 Yeah, go back a page.

00:06:48.000 Right there.

00:06:49.000 Well, that's the sticker, but that will tell you everything you need to know.

00:06:53.000 No, click on the sticker.

00:06:56.000 Okay.

00:06:57.000 So go back.

00:06:59.000 Yeah, click on that.

00:07:00.000 So it's white text.

00:07:03.000 That is a good look.

00:07:04.000 It makes the blue and the red pop.

00:07:06.000 Absolutely.

00:07:08.000 That's kind of fierce.

00:07:09.000 I like that.

00:07:10.000 I saw this 1982 M-Series BMW that I want to get.

00:07:15.000 It's $12,000, $100,000 miles.

00:07:18.000 My son wrecked his.

00:07:20.000 You're kidding me.

00:07:22.000 Sent me a video the other day.

00:07:24.000 It's completely totaled.

00:07:26.000 Yeah.

00:07:27.000 Dude.

00:07:28.000 He said the steering shaft snapped or something.

00:07:31.000 I was like, hmm.

00:07:32.000 Well, that's the end of that.

00:07:33.000 You're not going to get a new steering shaft.

00:07:35.000 You want to know how fast you were going or where.

00:07:38.000 That boy of yours, it's constantly getting into all kinds of.

00:07:42.000 I don't know where he gets it from.

00:07:43.000 I called him today.

00:07:44.000 I said, what are you doing about the car?

00:07:46.000 It's already sold.

00:07:47.000 Sold already.

00:07:50.000 I go, how much do you get for it?

00:07:51.000 He goes, a lot more than I paid for it.

00:07:53.000 Really?

00:07:54.000 Oh, yeah.

00:07:55.000 Oh, was that the one he got the crazy deal on?

00:07:57.000 That was like.

00:07:58.000 It's a quarterly discount.

00:07:59.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:08:01.000 I heard they take a lot of these cars, like the flood cars, and they auction them off and they sell them in Saudi Arabia.

00:08:08.000 And these third world countries will rebuild.

00:08:11.000 What they call salvage titles in there.

00:08:13.000 That puts a little...

00:08:14.000 Not that they're not worthy of driving or anything, but the values decreased.

00:08:20.000 Well, you should see this 1982 beast.

00:08:23.000 It's just from up the road in, I don't know, B word, New York.

00:08:30.000 But I was just thinking, the reason I bring it up is, yeah, that's what it looks like.

00:08:33.000 But you can't...

00:08:35.000 That's exactly what it looks like.

00:08:37.000 And it's black.

00:08:38.000 You can't put bumper stickers on that, right?

00:08:40.000 No.

00:08:41.000 That wasn't a thing in 1982.

00:08:43.000 Yeah, when did the bumper stickers come out?

00:08:45.000 It feels like a 90s thing.

00:08:46.000 People think they're gay, but I think they make it easy to find your car.

00:08:52.000 We had bumper stickers all over my mother's station wagon growing up.

00:08:56.000 Yeah.

00:08:56.000 Look at that fucking beauty they just showed.

00:09:00.000 They.

00:09:01.000 Ryan.

00:09:02.000 Those are my pronouns.

00:09:04.000 How the fuck can we not have that back again?

00:09:08.000 Why is this such a crazy...

00:09:09.000 I honestly feel like a faggot in 1950.

00:09:12.000 And I'm like, can you not suck one cock?

00:09:15.000 How could you guys be so obsessed with pussies?

00:09:17.000 They look like an alien's face.

00:09:20.000 Don't you want dicks?

00:09:21.000 Look how gorgeous dicks are.

00:09:24.000 I honestly feel like that.

00:09:28.000 Nothing, Vaddie?

00:09:30.000 Yeah, I mean, listen, I feel the same way about motorcycles.

00:09:33.000 I love motorcycles.

00:09:36.000 But there's still beautiful motorcycles.

00:09:37.000 Oh, yeah.

00:09:38.000 There's still like modern Harleys that look like they're from 1950.

00:09:43.000 Like, motorcycles have expanded to the crotch rocket thing, right?

00:09:47.000 Which your triumph is kind of, like a Japanese-looking thing.

00:09:51.000 No offense.

00:09:52.000 But they've still maintained the range.

00:09:55.000 And there's still like beautiful Moto Goozies.

00:09:58.000 What do you call those things?

00:10:00.000 That's a brand.

00:10:01.000 They're fucking beautiful.

00:10:02.000 So there's still beautiful classic bikes, but there's no beautiful classic cars that are being made.

00:10:10.000 And they say, oh, no, they're bringing back the muscle car.

00:10:12.000 I don't know.

00:10:13.000 Those things look like I could break them with my hand.

00:10:17.000 Like the new Challenger and all those things.

00:10:19.000 I don't know.

00:10:20.000 They lack the fucking gigantitude of the original Mopars where you're like, if I get hit by this, I'm dust.

00:10:30.000 We should take a moment to.

00:10:32.000 We're in free time here.

00:10:34.000 The way the show should go on these free episodes is, welcome back to the show.

00:10:38.000 Welcome back, Maddie.

00:10:39.000 We introduce everyone.

00:10:40.000 Don't talk about the music.

00:10:41.000 Don't talk about a car you saw for sale and jump right into the sponsors.

00:10:46.000 Today's sponsors are Tactical Walls built in America, a company run by a vet, the only way to show your guns, the only way to show your artillery.

00:11:00.000 Beautiful stuff.

00:11:01.000 And this is only the tip of the iceberg with Tactical Walls.

00:11:04.000 And by the way, when you use promo code Gavin15, you get 20% off.

00:11:08.000 Not 2%, 2-0% off.

00:11:12.000 And the beauty of Tactical Tim and his fortitude and his creativity is if you live in a shithole cunt city like New York, they still have cool stuff.

00:11:23.000 They have tactical walls for sports.

00:11:26.000 Tactical wall.

00:11:27.000 We have tactical walls in our studio.

00:11:30.000 Ryan puts his crap on the wall, on his tactical walls.

00:11:36.000 In the front, we can't show you with a camera angle, but we have...

00:11:39.000 Oh my God, you look like you're on Netflix's love on the spectrum.

00:11:48.000 I want a girlfriend.

00:11:50.000 My name is Ryan.

00:11:52.000 I like girls very much, but I also like trains way more.

00:11:56.000 I collect Thomas the Tank Engine, and I want to meet a girl that I can collect trains with.

00:12:01.000 Perhaps her name will be Lucy.

00:12:05.000 My mom's been teaching me how to smile and not make too much eye contact.

00:12:11.000 I watched it last night, and one of the unfortunate things about being over 50 is you become a crybaby.

00:12:18.000 And I was crying for a large part of it, especially this girl who reminded me of my daughter.

00:12:25.000 And she's just like, you look at these people that are just not compatible.

00:12:30.000 Like there's racism and transphobia and sexism.

00:12:34.000 That's all bullshit.

00:12:36.000 Those people are invited to society.

00:12:38.000 Autistic people are not.

00:12:41.000 And inevitably, they go on a date and they get along great, of course.

00:12:44.000 They're both Autistic.

00:12:46.000 And I almost feel like it's divine intervention.

00:12:49.000 God will get in their head and go, you are just friends.

00:12:53.000 And they'll go, how'd the date go?

00:12:54.000 Oh, it went fantastic.

00:12:56.000 I had a great time.

00:12:57.000 Will you be seeing her again?

00:12:59.000 No, we are just friends.

00:13:02.000 It's like God is like, nah, nah, I'm not making more of these.

00:13:05.000 We already have too many.

00:13:07.000 I'm sorry, that's a horrible eugenics thing to say, but that's the vibe I get.

00:13:12.000 It's every single fucking time.

00:13:15.000 They fall in love.

00:13:17.000 The date goes great.

00:13:18.000 She can't draw.

00:13:20.000 And oh, look, there's Ryan.

00:13:22.000 Yeah, I am.

00:13:23.000 Because she's nice.

00:13:24.000 What will you and the girlfriend do together?

00:13:27.000 Together.

00:13:29.000 She will get pregnant by accident and we will get married.

00:13:32.000 Yeah.

00:13:32.000 What else do girlfriends and boyfriends do?

00:13:35.000 They get married after you get pregnant and then after you get the ring.

00:13:39.000 Oh, that's about me?

00:13:40.000 No, it was not an accident.

00:13:41.000 I told her to get off birth control.

00:13:42.000 Hugs and kisses.

00:13:43.000 A man who wants a baby does that.

00:13:46.000 Yes.

00:13:47.000 Yes.

00:13:48.000 When we go on our first date with somebody.

00:13:50.000 My boss abuses me.

00:13:52.000 She's like, wait a sec.

00:13:53.000 He's just Asian.

00:13:55.000 There's nothing wrong with him.

00:13:57.000 He's in regulation.

00:13:59.000 But it's new.

00:14:00.000 There's a whole new series on Netflix now.

00:14:02.000 Nice.

00:14:03.000 It's gut-wrenching.

00:14:05.000 It is a roller.

00:14:06.000 If you have, if you're an empath, like most fucking strong males are, oh, God, it rips your guts out.

00:14:15.000 And when your guts get ripped out, you want to go to tacticalwalls.com, build a mod wall, and hang your entrails where your M16 used to be.

00:14:26.000 So go to tacticalwalls.com, promo code Gavin.

00:14:29.000 That's the longest tangent we've ever had in a commercial.

00:14:33.000 And thank you, Tactical Walls, for supporting the show.

00:14:41.000 Back to the spooky background.

00:14:46.000 I fought a cop today and a fireman.

00:14:50.000 Huey?

00:14:51.000 Yep.

00:14:52.000 Every night.

00:14:53.000 Fighting Huey is like fighting, it's like a giant.

00:14:58.000 You're not fighting him.

00:14:59.000 It's like when your kids fight their dad on mommy's bed.

00:15:04.000 And it's just like, I want to...

00:15:07.000 If I can get one in.

00:15:09.000 But what he'll do is, like, my only thing I can do is hide down low, hit you in the belly, and then hope an overhand right connects to something I can't even see.

00:15:20.000 So my head's down too.

00:15:21.000 So he'll just go, whack, and thump me so hard on the top of the head, I can feel my spine go, like an accordion.

00:15:29.000 And then I'll look up as I'm passing out and he'll go, don't put your head down.

00:15:36.000 Don't put your head down.

00:15:37.000 Now, is that sparring someone or is that working with a helper?

00:15:44.000 He wasn't exactly sweating.

00:15:47.000 Don't put your head down and don't close your eyes.

00:15:49.000 Sounds like that was a huge mistake.

00:15:52.000 But the cop, I think he might be better than me, but we're in the same universe at least.

00:15:58.000 But he's fucking 300 pounds.

00:16:01.000 So what he does when he gets tired is he goes on top of me.

00:16:04.000 Smothers you.

00:16:05.000 And dude, like on a video game, I could see I'm in green and I could just see the health go down to a third instantly.

00:16:15.000 It's magic.

00:16:17.000 I was re-watching the Deontay Wilder fight with Tyson Fury getting ready for this Saturday.

00:16:24.000 And as I was watching, and I noticed my archenemy was in the audience.

00:16:31.000 You have hurt me today.

00:16:33.000 Oh, you got to get that on your phone.

00:16:35.000 I send that clip out to everyone who, if someone doesn't get back to me within 10 minutes of a text, I'm like, you have hurt me.

00:16:44.000 You have hurt me today.

00:16:45.000 It's so much better than a GIF because it's got audio.

00:16:50.000 Like I was, I'm alone in the studio.

00:16:53.000 If anyone wants to kill me, by the way, these are the days.

00:16:56.000 Wednesday morning and Thursday, because Ryan's too lazy to come in and do any actual video.

00:17:00.000 It's quiet.

00:17:01.000 Yeah, no, it's quiet for him.

00:17:02.000 So I'm texting my wife, and I'm like, I'm alone in the studio if you're anywhere near the Bronx Aruno and you want to come in wearing like high heels and a trench coat and nothing else.

00:17:15.000 In the sense that...

00:17:16.000 And then just silence.

00:17:18.000 Not even no.

00:17:19.000 Just like, so then I get to send, you have hurt me today.

00:17:25.000 How can we do, not monetize per se, but get nap?

00:17:30.000 We should have a thing on the site where you can download all these to your phone.

00:17:36.000 And then you can say that someone's hurt you today.

00:17:39.000 Maddie was hurt today.

00:17:41.000 You lost a friend.

00:17:42.000 Yesterday, unfortunately.

00:17:44.000 Good friend of mine, Joey.

00:17:46.000 Rest in peace.

00:17:46.000 Ride in peace, brother.

00:17:48.000 I can't even tell you how many great times.

00:17:51.000 Sad to hear about his passing.

00:17:54.000 You know, my heart goes out to your family, your brothers, your mother, your father, your wife.

00:18:00.000 Now, when a biker dies, your brain goes, oh, it was probably all the partying and the meth and the shooting and all that stuff.

00:18:07.000 You got some underlying health issues.

00:18:09.000 I don't know all the particulars, but.

00:18:12.000 Well, I have a theory.

00:18:14.000 I think bikers are social creatures, right?

00:18:17.000 Like Chuck Zito said, I blew my marriage because I was out at the clubhouse all the time hanging out with the guys and I wasn't spending time with my daughter and my wife.

00:18:26.000 So I hereby officially believe that bikers have a network of like 400 very close friends.

00:18:35.000 And you don't fall out with them because bikers are all about loyalty and stuff.

00:18:39.000 Like I've fallen out with all my vice friends and all that shit.

00:18:41.000 So I've had several generations of friends that are gone.

00:18:44.000 But bikers will stick together.

00:18:47.000 Even if you're kicked out of the club, you have the like brothers forever meetups.

00:18:54.000 So when you hang out with a biker, you go, holy shit, man, your friends are dropping like flies, but it's because they have so many friends.

00:19:00.000 Yeah.

00:19:01.000 I've been to a lot of funerals.

00:19:06.000 Because if it's not heroin and so it's like sepsis and cancer and an aneurysm, that just means you've got a lot of friends.

00:19:14.000 That's my theory.

00:19:16.000 Anyway, did you get that picture I sent you?

00:19:18.000 Let's see.

00:19:19.000 So I'm watching Deontay Wilder and Tyson Fury from last year, the one where he got him in the ear.

00:19:27.000 And I think what happened in this fight is He punched Deontay Wilder so hard that it created a vacuum.

00:19:35.000 And when he pulled the glove away, his eardrum basically fell out.

00:19:41.000 He had blood pouring out of his ear the whole fight.

00:19:43.000 And then, with no eardrum, no equilibrium, he couldn't stand.

00:19:46.000 So he wasn't really knocked out.

00:19:48.000 He was just like in a crazy kitchen.

00:19:50.000 The ring was going like this.

00:19:51.000 So I'm watching it again because it's on because everyone's excited about this Saturday, which we're not going to film, by the way.

00:20:00.000 It's distracting.

00:20:01.000 I can't enjoy the fight when we're trying to entertain you.

00:20:04.000 But check this out.

00:20:06.000 There's Shane Smith in the second row.

00:20:12.000 And I don't recognize anyone he's with, but whenever the camera is on that particular side, there he is.

00:20:18.000 He's got these puffy eyes that us Irish get when we drink for three days straight.

00:20:24.000 But also they're white.

00:20:26.000 Like Trump's got that too.

00:20:27.000 Around the eyes white.

00:20:28.000 I think that's just the, no, that's just the TV.

00:20:32.000 But I think what's happened, those seats are not available to buy.

00:20:36.000 So I think what's happened here, the guy's blown so many millions of dollars on blackjack.

00:20:41.000 I heard he emptied his entire fortune playing blackjack.

00:20:44.000 You just had to sell that big, but $40 million house he got there?

00:20:47.000 It's weird to, it's like, I don't mind if you think you're good at poker, but if you think you're good at blackjack, you're good at coin tosses.

00:20:55.000 It's sorry.

00:20:56.000 You can't be good at blackjack.

00:20:58.000 But he's a great salesman, and salesmen have selective memory.

00:21:02.000 So when they're out selling and nine people say, fuck you, I don't want vice.

00:21:06.000 It sucks.

00:21:07.000 That just dissolves into the air.

00:21:11.000 It's a talent I don't have.

00:21:12.000 Someone says something I'm working on sucks, I want to close their throat.

00:21:17.000 And that's why I could never do sales because I'd be like, hey, you want to get involved in censor.tv?

00:21:21.000 No.

00:21:22.000 Well, fuck you.

00:21:24.000 Get what you fucking deserve.

00:21:28.000 Footage of Gavin after he, no, thank you.

00:21:30.000 My dad had the same problem.

00:21:31.000 He retired from his business and they started a company called GKL, Gavin Kyle Lorraine, me, my brother, my mother.

00:21:38.000 And he would do, he had all the clients.

00:21:40.000 He'd been doing, building fucking military shit his whole life.

00:21:44.000 And he would go out and try to get contracts and they'd say, oh, I don't know, Jim.

00:21:47.000 I don't know if we're going to do that.

00:21:48.000 And he would just go, see you all fucking body.

00:21:51.000 So hello.

00:21:53.000 Company tanked in like a couple months.

00:21:56.000 It's too sensitive.

00:21:57.000 But anyway, so I think Shane has selective memories.

00:22:00.000 He thinks he's good at blackjack.

00:22:01.000 And he probably spent so many millions that wherever that was, I forget where it was in Las Vegas.

00:22:07.000 They're like, let's put our whales.

00:22:09.000 This is the whale section.

00:22:10.000 The people that have spent $10 million.

00:22:13.000 $10 million.

00:22:14.000 Yeah.

00:22:15.000 They get a special section, five seats each, whatever you want.

00:22:19.000 Hey, wait a minute.

00:22:20.000 The guy with the beard behind him looks like that dude who is like ex-military, who has all those chicks on his Instagram where he's got like 19 girlfriends.

00:22:30.000 Oh, he's all tatted up.

00:22:31.000 He's all tatted up.

00:22:32.000 He's about working out and get pussy.

00:22:35.000 He's married now.

00:22:35.000 That's Matt Best.

00:22:36.000 Matt Best?

00:22:38.000 That might be Matt Best behind him.

00:22:40.000 Could be.

00:22:41.000 Who's your money on for this Saturday with Wilder and Fury rematch?

00:22:50.000 Fury.

00:22:51.000 Yeah, I have a go.

00:22:52.000 It's got to be Fury.

00:22:54.000 He's an Irish traveler.

00:22:56.000 He's a fucking gypsy.

00:22:57.000 You know what age they start fighting?

00:23:00.000 Negative four months.

00:23:04.000 Their embryos fight.

00:23:07.000 Take it blows in the stomach.

00:23:10.000 The only thing tougher than an Irish traveler is a gay Irish traveler.

00:23:15.000 Because they get beaten by their fathers for being gay the second they fucking say, show tunes don't suck.

00:23:24.000 All right, our second sponsor for the show before we leave you is JohnnyAppleCBD.com.

00:23:33.000 CBD.

00:23:34.000 These guys have been with us since day one.

00:23:36.000 Use promo code Gavin.

00:23:37.000 You get 20% off.

00:23:39.000 Now, POT, we assume, is a drug that hippies take to have orgies and go to rallies, foment revolution.

00:23:51.000 And then someone took the THC out of it and they went, actually, the high part is just the tip of the iceberg.

00:23:57.000 It actually is as magic as these weirdo hippies with the hemp pants say.

00:24:02.000 This is totally legal weed with no THC.

00:24:07.000 And we've discovered that there's all kinds of magical properties.

00:24:10.000 Come on, now, dog.

00:24:11.000 No, really.

00:24:13.000 Come on, man.

00:24:14.000 I'm serious.

00:24:16.000 Whatever that guy's name is.

00:24:18.000 And we discovered his name recently, right?

00:24:20.000 Lil Boozy.

00:24:21.000 Little Boozy?

00:24:23.000 The CBD.

00:24:24.000 You put that on your joints after working out too hard, sore muscles.

00:24:29.000 Magically, the pain goes away.

00:24:31.000 You put some of it in your coffee.

00:24:33.000 Again, this is not pot.

00:24:35.000 It's potless pot.

00:24:37.000 You put the tincture in your coffee, in your drink, in your tea.

00:24:40.000 All of a sudden, the anxiety is gone.

00:24:43.000 The gummies at night, you start worrying about your life.

00:24:47.000 Oh, no, what if I get sued?

00:24:49.000 People are trying to kill me.

00:24:51.000 My late night evenings are probably a little more intense than yours, but you don't have to worry about credible death threats the FBI warned you about.

00:24:58.000 But the gummies take that away.

00:25:00.000 That's their only time.

00:25:03.000 And then there's all kinds of shit I haven't even tried yet.

00:25:06.000 Like I've tried the tinctures, the gummies, the CBD ointment, the topical cream.

00:25:11.000 You know, my wife was wearing stilettos one night when we went out and I was like, finally, I've been begging you to do this forever.

00:25:18.000 Are you going to start wearing them around the house?

00:25:20.000 And she's like, I put CBD on my feet.

00:25:22.000 Let me fuck you with my heels on, yeah.

00:25:28.000 And she was dancing around like she was wearing Nikes, Nikes, which is short, obviously, for the long-term name, Nichael.

00:25:35.000 I ruined the joke by saying long-term name.

00:25:36.000 What's that?

00:25:37.000 Say that again?

00:25:38.000 I think I'm getting drunk, folks.

00:25:41.000 I'm going to come.

00:25:43.000 The jokes are losing their edge.

00:25:45.000 So yeah, jacbd.com, johnnyapple.com.

00:25:49.000 They both work.

00:25:50.000 Promo code Gavin, 20% off.

00:25:53.000 Topicals, cartridges, vapes.

00:25:56.000 You've tried the vape, right?

00:25:58.000 How does that make you feel?

00:25:59.000 I like the tinctures more because I'm picky about my vapes.

00:26:01.000 It'd be funny if you went really shitty, I puked.

00:26:05.000 And I grew tits.

00:26:06.000 Oh, So we don't endorse that.

00:26:09.000 No, it was.

00:26:10.000 No, the vape is okay, but really where it's at for me, by the way, they have a new vape.

00:26:15.000 I'm going to be if we the ad guy can send one to us.

00:26:18.000 But look at this: no buttons.

00:26:19.000 You just inhale and relax.

00:26:21.000 Oh, fun.

00:26:21.000 But I like the tinctures.

00:26:22.000 They taste good.

00:26:23.000 It's like an oil type thing, and it comes on really quick.

00:26:25.000 You hold it in the bottom of your mouth for a little bit, and you feel like relaxed, like good.

00:26:29.000 But last question.

00:26:31.000 When you're at your university and you're at a party and girls are drunk and they're flirting with you and they make out with you, isn't that pedophilia?

00:26:39.000 Isn't that illegal?

00:26:40.000 Because you're 12?

00:26:43.000 You're saying because I look young that any sort of act of sexuality towards me would then be...

00:26:48.000 Well, you're going to one of the most prestigious Ivy League schools in the country and you're 12.

00:26:53.000 I'm 32 years old.

00:26:54.000 I just look younger because I shaved my mustache.

00:26:57.000 Oh, I didn't even notice that.

00:26:58.000 That's another thing.

00:27:00.000 You didn't notice that?

00:27:00.000 You dipped your head in uncool sauce.

00:27:03.000 No, it's very cool.

00:27:04.000 Like a fucking piece of onion and you came out shitty and boring.

00:27:09.000 It's cool up here.

00:27:10.000 Piece of onion.

00:27:11.000 I don't like looking like a regular Asian, but let me tell you what.

00:27:13.000 Growing my poof that you hate so much, I'm going to get it back, but you have to start from zero.

00:27:19.000 You can't just get it.

00:27:20.000 No, I know what you're saying.

00:27:21.000 I was growing it out because I wanted to have this Pendleton look this winter.

00:27:27.000 But I'd have to put so much grease in my fro that my glasses were covered in grease, and they'd be slipping out of my hands.

00:27:34.000 And then the beard, I was always playing with it.

00:27:36.000 It didn't feel like a man.

00:27:38.000 You feel like a man when you have too much shit on your hands.

00:27:40.000 Remember Ty Richards?

00:27:41.000 He had beautiful locks that made him look like a rock star.

00:27:44.000 He was a lock star.

00:27:46.000 Yeah.

00:27:46.000 I don't call men with long hair beautiful, but I get you.

00:27:49.000 Gorgeous.

00:27:50.000 And he cut it all because he was like, you know, shampooing and conditioning your hair and like drying it and combing it.

00:27:55.000 It's fucking gay.

00:27:56.000 Well, it's like...

00:27:57.000 I have six kids.

00:27:58.000 We don't irrationally hate man buns.

00:28:01.000 We hate that you're carrying something around, a hairy fanny pack on your head, that you could easily just go shh.

00:28:07.000 Like if something's in your way, you don't put it in a bun.

00:28:10.000 Right.

00:28:11.000 You cut it off.

00:28:14.000 So I did it.

00:28:15.000 All right.

00:28:15.000 And you did it.

00:28:16.000 Yeah, but you lost your fun.

00:28:19.000 You got to do something kooky, dude.

00:28:20.000 I got muscles.

00:28:22.000 The muscles throw in a whole new realm.

00:28:25.000 Let's see your guns.

00:28:27.000 Watch out, everybody.

00:28:31.000 Can I have a good tax tuna today?

00:28:34.000 Today.

00:28:35.000 Because I worked out today.

00:28:36.000 My tax looked pretty big.

00:28:39.000 But I'm not done yet.

00:28:40.000 All right.

00:28:44.000 I hope this doesn't discourage anyone from subscribing to Censored.tv who has been listening to it.

00:28:50.000 A lot of people say that guy's on Coke when he does the show and he's fucking up and he's on math and blah, blah, blah.

00:28:56.000 This is one of the only episodes where we actually were on Coke.

00:29:00.000 So most of the time when you say that, it's just because we had a large coffee.

00:29:05.000 I don't think it's that different.

00:29:06.000 In fact, as far as the jokes not landing, I would blame my attorney, Mr. Booze, here and his sidekick, Bourbon.

00:29:15.000 But please subscribe to censored.tv.

00:29:17.000 We've got a lot of stuff coming in the fall.

00:29:20.000 Some exciting stuff I can't tell you about right now until it's confirmed.

00:29:23.000 But new contributors.

00:29:24.000 When we started this show out, it was just me.

00:29:27.000 And it was an hour and 20 minutes a day, four days a week.

00:29:31.000 Now, there's at least four or five hours of shows every single fucking day.

00:29:38.000 We have, I don't even know, 25, 30 different shows on, and it's still 10 bucks a month.

00:29:45.000 It's still a beer and a shot a month.

00:29:48.000 Actually, today I went to our local.

00:29:51.000 I got a bud, and he opens me up another one.

00:29:54.000 I'm like, dude, I got to go.

00:29:56.000 I got to do the show.

00:29:57.000 He's like, ah, shit.

00:29:58.000 All right.

00:29:58.000 I'll give this to Joe Tonelli.

00:30:02.000 And then I go, can I do a shot of Fireball before I leave?

00:30:06.000 He's like, yeah, sure.

00:30:07.000 And then he goes, just give me $13, whatever.

00:30:11.000 Did you realize Fireballs are $8?

00:30:16.000 I was about to walk out with $5 as my bill.

00:30:20.000 I did one little thing of fucking cough syrup that's available at CVS.

00:30:24.000 I don't even think it's booze.

00:30:26.000 I think it's malt liquor.

00:30:27.000 Yeah.

00:30:28.000 It's at CVS.

00:30:30.000 Oh, I know.

00:30:31.000 It's the only booze I've ever seen at CVS.

00:30:34.000 Jameson is not at CVS.

00:30:36.000 Because it's not real booze.

00:30:38.000 It's malt liquor.

00:30:39.000 $8?

00:30:41.000 That's a steep price.

00:30:43.000 The fuck.

00:30:44.000 Like, I paid $10 for picklebacks and stuff.

00:30:46.000 I love picklebacks.

00:30:47.000 That's full of bourbon.

00:30:48.000 Yeah, I'll get elaborate.

00:30:50.000 I don't mind paying $8 for a Maker's on the rocks.

00:30:53.000 Right.

00:30:53.000 But $8 for CVS juice?

00:30:57.000 Anyway, you know what's a good teaser?

00:30:59.000 Is that we have a thing when you're part of sensor TV that you understand what the bird, which is the bald eagle, is.

00:31:05.000 And we have really exciting people lined up that had said it.

00:31:08.000 People are tricking people into saying it.

00:31:10.000 Not just random women doing makeup.

00:31:12.000 Wow, I can't believe I'm high and drunk, and I'm better at explaining things than you.

00:31:17.000 Ryan, people who are listening to this show free as a podcast have no idea what the fuck you're talking about.

00:31:22.000 Let me go back a couple steps.

00:31:24.000 Sure.

00:31:25.000 George Floyd, a redundant piece of shit who became a saint, saint shit, I guess I would call him, has a brother that's even stupider than him.

00:31:36.000 What's his name?

00:31:36.000 His name is a negative adjective called Felonious.

00:31:42.000 Felonious is linked to the word felon.

00:31:45.000 It means bad.

00:31:46.000 But they took Phil and added Onius without even looking it up.

00:31:51.000 So his name is literally Felonious.

00:31:55.000 And his lawyer said, look, man, this lawyer, by the way, just so you know I'm not racist, his lawyer is a very black man.

00:32:03.000 And his smart black lawyer said, look, here's the deal.

00:32:06.000 We got to start saying to people, why is there an endangered list for animals and not for people?

00:32:15.000 Why is the bald eagle on the endangered list, yet George Floyd is not?

00:32:20.000 The black man is not.

00:32:21.000 He's like, okay.

00:32:22.000 I think I know why.

00:32:23.000 How do I say that?

00:32:24.000 It's like, okay.

00:32:26.000 Let me make this very simple.

00:32:29.000 Why was the bald eagle on the endangered list, but my brother was not.

00:32:36.000 Let's try that.

00:32:38.000 And Florius is like, got it.

00:32:40.000 So he gets on the news and he goes, How come there is an endangered list for the bird, which is the bald eagle?

00:32:50.000 Take the bird, which is the bald eagle.

00:32:55.000 Clearly showing that he has never heard of a bald eagle before.

00:33:00.000 And we noticed, by the way, recently that they're not bald.

00:33:04.000 And you can see the heartbreak in his lawyer's eyes when he says.

00:33:08.000 Because you know they went through it, I'm going to say 30 times.

00:33:11.000 Easy.

00:33:12.000 It gets insulting if you do it too many times, right?

00:33:16.000 So no more than 40.

00:33:18.000 $700 billion and a trillion, $300 million.

00:33:23.000 Take the bird.

00:33:24.000 He fucked it up so what our viewers have been doing, and again I have to explain more.

00:33:30.000 Maddie has a horrible temper and he's not a tall guy.

00:33:34.000 So he was known in prison as baby monster.

00:33:37.000 Lady Gaga calls her fans her monsters.

00:33:41.000 So we call our quote-unquote fans baby monsters as a parody of the whole concept of naming your fans.

00:33:48.000 And it's a fuck you to Lady Gaga in a sense.

00:33:50.000 That's true.

00:33:51.000 Not a fuck you.

00:33:52.000 You know what I mean.

00:33:54.000 So the baby monsters have been going on various TikToks and cameo even and getting people to say the bird which is the bald eagle.

00:34:03.000 The bird which is the bald eagle.

00:34:07.000 And so after we go behind the paywall, we're going to be showing you some celebrities saying the bird which is the bald eagle because it's become our mantra.

00:34:16.000 I think we should make bumper stickers and t-shirts.

00:34:19.000 Oh my God.

00:34:19.000 I was thinking about getting a tattoo and just not even saying anything.

00:34:22.000 But I was like, that's too much.

00:34:24.000 Nope, that's my next.

00:34:25.000 Let's put a secured episode of the show.

00:34:27.000 Oh my God.

00:34:28.000 Maddie, are you in?

00:34:29.000 I'm in.

00:34:29.000 Oh, my God.

00:34:31.000 I don't know if it's the booze talking, but the three of us are going to go to a tattoo shop and get the bird which is the bald eagle.

00:34:38.000 I want a picture of a bald eagle in it, too.

00:34:41.000 I want it to be a sick-ass tattoo.

00:34:42.000 We can all get different designs.

00:34:44.000 Oh, yeah, we have to get different designs.

00:34:46.000 But I think I want to get a bald eagle that's bald.

00:34:49.000 No, no, no feathers.

00:34:51.000 No feathers on his head.

00:34:52.000 Or people go, that's not what a bald eagle looks like.

00:34:54.000 And I go, yeah, I'm fucking pissed about it.

00:34:56.000 We don't give a damn.

00:34:58.000 It's like my eldest boy, when he was a little kiddie, told me that Pinocchio's friend was named Crickety Cricket.

00:35:06.000 And I loved hearing him say that.

00:35:08.000 And I'd always bug him.

00:35:09.000 I'd go, I'm sorry to keep asking you this, but Pinocchio's friend, the cricket, it's like, why do we keep going?

00:35:18.000 Crickety Cricket was his name.

00:35:20.000 I go, oh, yeah, thanks.

00:35:22.000 So I got a tattoo that says Crickety Cricket with a little top hat.

00:35:26.000 And then when he turned about seven, he's like, I got some bad news for you, Dad.

00:35:31.000 I was wrong.

00:35:32.000 It's Jiminy Cricket.

00:35:34.000 And I was like, oh, great.

00:35:36.000 Thanks a lot.

00:35:38.000 I got Crickety Cricket on me for the rest of my life.

00:35:40.000 Kilt trip.

00:35:43.000 All right.

00:35:43.000 So that's it, folks.

00:35:44.000 We're going behind the paywall now.

00:35:45.000 Thank you to Tactical Walls.

00:35:47.000 Thank you to Johnny Apple CBD.

00:35:49.000 You guys are missing out on a very fun show.

00:35:51.000 We're going to be taking calls.

00:35:52.000 Oh, we're going to be reading viewer mail after the Bird Witches the Bald Eagle.

00:35:57.000 Then we're going to be taking calls, and it's going to be a wild ride.

00:36:00.000 And this is just one episode out of four a week of my show.

00:36:05.000 No, five a week of my show.

00:36:06.000 And then umpteen other fucking shows to tickle your show.

00:36:11.000 About 45 shows.

00:36:12.000 45.

00:36:13.000 So yeah, goodbye.

00:36:14.000 Get fired.

00:36:15.000 Get in trouble.

00:36:16.000 Be brave.

00:36:18.000 And never stop fighting.

00:36:45.000 Never think that far.

00:36:48.000 And we're back.

00:36:49.000 That was Sink the Pink, which I believe is a song about consuming cotton candy and going for it.

00:36:58.000 I think a lot of people, when they get cotton candy, they'll have little nibbles.

00:37:01.000 And I believe what ACDC is saying there, just like have huge bites.

00:37:07.000 Sink your head into the cotton candy.

00:37:10.000 Now that's how guys talk to one another.

00:37:12.000 Oh, there's Ryan.

00:37:14.000 Now that's how guys talk to one another.

00:37:16.000 So wait, how you got a haircut?

00:37:20.000 And then he takes it too far?

00:37:21.000 That's a great scene.

00:37:22.000 Take cut my hair, you fucking piece of shit.

00:37:25.000 They're like, and then he pulls the gun on him.

00:37:27.000 The irony of that movie is it's about Hmong immigrating into wherever he is, Northern California, and ruining it.

00:37:37.000 And the Hmong ruined that fucking movie.

00:37:39.000 Because he used all real Hmong and they can't act.

00:37:43.000 So they sucked.

00:37:44.000 They were immigrating into the movie and they shouldn't have been there.

00:37:48.000 The Hmong invaded that movie the way they invaded California.

00:37:53.000 So it ends up sort of disproving what he's going to prove.

00:37:55.000 Same with the fucking Sopranos prequel.

00:37:59.000 It was all about blacks moving in the neighborhood and you're like, yeah, you moved into my movie.

00:38:03.000 No!

00:38:04.000 How could you say that?

00:38:05.000 Sorry.

00:38:08.000 I've been watching the clips on fucking YouTube.

00:38:12.000 I watch that whole series religiously.

00:38:15.000 Every time I look up a clip on YouTube, I'm like, what the fuck is this?

00:38:20.000 A construction worker saw Vito blowing it, dude?

00:38:28.000 Spoilers, honey.

00:38:30.000 My wife watches and she gets her first time watching it.

00:38:34.000 I think that's the problem with dating children.

00:38:37.000 So should we see?

00:38:38.000 Let's start with the honey on the tree.

00:38:43.000 This is the Zing Zong.

00:38:46.000 What?

00:38:47.000 The honey on the tree that's the Zingzong?

00:38:49.000 Yeah, you don't know these expressions?

00:38:50.000 No, I do not.

00:38:52.000 Oh, it's a Canadian thing.

00:38:53.000 I've got this one.

00:38:54.000 Iron Really?

00:38:55.000 Okay, let me just say in advance, I don't give a shit about non-famous People saying it.

00:39:02.000 Okay.

00:39:02.000 Well, then we'll get rid of it.

00:39:03.000 Like, you can show me your underwear guy, but Lahomo was kind of funny because his eye makeup was all crazy.

00:39:09.000 But when it's just like some pretty 19-year-old going, the bird which is the bald eagle, I don't know what that means.

00:39:15.000 That's not interesting to me.

00:39:17.000 That's true.

00:39:17.000 He had iron brew underwear.

00:39:19.000 Really?

00:39:20.000 Yeah.

00:39:20.000 Was he Scottish?

00:39:22.000 Go back.

00:39:23.000 I don't know how many people have iron brew underwear.

00:39:25.000 There's not a ton of iron brew underwear in Santa Cruz.

00:39:29.000 Iron Brew.

00:39:51.000 As we do.

00:39:57.000 Bald Eagle.

00:40:01.000 Did you have a pet in it?

00:40:02.000 No.

00:40:05.000 See, I mean, that guy's funny.

00:40:07.000 I'd like to see him talk about other stuff, but is it really interesting that he said the Bagdwacha is the Bald Eagle?

00:40:13.000 I have no idea what that means.

00:40:14.000 He probably says a lot of things.

00:40:16.000 Yeah.

00:40:16.000 This one's pretty good.

00:40:18.000 I don't get this.

00:40:19.000 Yeah, this is good.

00:40:20.000 On Elijah's show and her show, it's called You Are Here.

00:40:23.000 Have to believe in this to be on their team.

00:40:26.000 She's sad when they say that all they can do is kill us.

00:40:29.000 This is true.

00:40:30.000 They shoot you in the face and they go, oops.

00:40:32.000 Jake Duke says, Sydney, please say the bird which is the bald eagle.

00:40:39.000 Is that a joke?

00:40:40.000 What's the...

00:40:41.000 I would say you probably said something bad, but I...

00:40:44.000 The bird which is the bald eagle.

00:40:45.000 He says it again.

00:40:46.000 Just in case.

00:40:48.000 That's like, have you ever seen that one where they go, happy birthday, Nick Garr?

00:40:52.000 Oh, yeah.

00:40:53.000 And she's like, happy birthday, Nick Garr.

00:40:57.000 And then they both go, the weather today.

00:41:00.000 That hurt me, though, that Elijah and Sidney don't watch our show.

00:41:03.000 It does hurt.

00:41:05.000 I consider them pals.

00:41:06.000 A bold eagle.

00:41:07.000 Well, not anymore.

00:41:08.000 Sidney Watson has got some great interviews on YouTube where she keeps, she moved here from Australia and she keeps getting apartments and they're all friends.

00:41:17.000 And then inevitably they see her real name, Sidney Watson.

00:41:21.000 Not that she gives them a fake name, but when you meet roommates, you're not like, I'm Gavin Miles McInnes.

00:41:26.000 And then they find out who she is and they kick her out for being a conservative.

00:41:33.000 In one apartment, the landlord kicked her out.

00:41:37.000 I don't want Trump supporters in my building.

00:41:40.000 Like, I use the analogy of blacks in the 50s a lot, but I don't think blacks were like, yeah, I don't want blacks in my building.

00:41:47.000 I mean, maybe, yeah, in 1952.

00:41:51.000 But not in our lifetime have blacks been kicked out for being black.

00:41:57.000 Sydney was kicked out like a month ago.

00:42:00.000 All right, what else?

00:42:01.000 We already did Nick Fuentes, right?

00:42:03.000 No.

00:42:03.000 Oh, we.

00:42:03.000 Well, yeah, it says, great show as usual, Nick.

00:42:06.000 What are your thoughts on the bird, which is the bald eagle?

00:42:08.000 I think it's really great.

00:42:13.000 Oh, yeah, it's really great.

00:42:15.000 He's just fucking.

00:42:16.000 That guy's got a bright future.

00:42:18.000 He's got a bright future because he's unflappable.

00:42:20.000 I think it's really great.

00:42:22.000 Yeah, he cannot be faced.

00:42:24.000 Just roll with it.

00:42:25.000 Great show as usual, Nick.

00:42:26.000 What are your thoughts on the bird, which is the bald eagle?

00:42:29.000 I think it's really great.

00:42:32.000 That's funny shit, man.

00:42:34.000 And this is the drum roll please one.

00:42:37.000 Okay, let's go.

00:42:38.000 This probably cost 300 bucks.

00:42:39.000 Just about.

00:42:40.000 And it's one of our favorite people.

00:42:42.000 And I fucking hate this guy.

00:42:44.000 I just want to make clear.

00:42:45.000 Never mind.

00:42:45.000 He's a total phony.

00:42:47.000 He is a New Yorker, sort of, who moved to LA when he was 18.

00:42:54.000 And his daddy owned a comedy club.

00:42:56.000 He gave him a comedy career, gave him tons of open mic, whatever, space.

00:43:01.000 And his shtick became, I'm a New York guy.

00:43:04.000 I don't fuck around.

00:43:06.000 Now, when you have a New York accent and you go to LA, people go, ooh, are you in the mafia?

00:43:12.000 And a lot of Italians and retired cops and what's his name?

00:43:17.000 Fucking Joey Coco Dio.

00:43:18.000 Joey Coco Dio.

00:43:19.000 Star of Medi Saints of New York.

00:43:22.000 He's in that?

00:43:22.000 Yeah, he got his head blown off, remember?

00:43:24.000 Oops, spoiler alert.

00:43:25.000 I'm so sorry.

00:43:26.000 If you didn't see it by now.

00:43:27.000 Yeah, fuck it.

00:43:28.000 Come on, guys.

00:43:29.000 He got killed in that?

00:43:30.000 Yeah.

00:43:31.000 If I had known, I would have beat off to that scene.

00:43:33.000 You didn't beat off to that scene?

00:43:34.000 No.

00:43:35.000 Maybe you beat off so hard he forgot.

00:43:36.000 You're like, oh, fuck.

00:43:37.000 Yeah, I went into a coma.

00:43:40.000 I don't remember him in that movie.

00:43:41.000 Who was he?

00:43:44.000 Well, his character's name was Buddha Bompancero, so he's related to Big Pussy somehow.

00:43:48.000 I come really, really hard.

00:43:51.000 Oh, God.

00:43:52.000 I hate that drop.

00:43:57.000 Wait, what was that one?

00:43:58.000 Coco Diaz is a fake New Yorker.

00:44:00.000 Oh, yeah.

00:44:00.000 So, yeah, a lot of New Yorkers, their accent to us means nothing, right?

00:44:04.000 It's just like, you're my plumber.

00:44:06.000 I know you guys.

00:44:07.000 But like Joe Tonelli.

00:44:09.000 It's not like you go, ooh, Joe Tonelli's here.

00:44:12.000 We're in big trouble.

00:44:13.000 Joe Tonelli just showed up.

00:44:16.000 By the way, I got some gossip about Joe Tonelli.

00:44:18.000 If you go to his Facebook page, his sister's on there.

00:44:21.000 Oh, no.

00:44:22.000 Writing with all caps as the first letter for every single sentence.

00:44:26.000 And she's like, fuck you.

00:44:27.000 And I can say this because it's public.

00:44:29.000 Right.

00:44:30.000 And she's like, fuck you.

00:44:31.000 Don't use me in your name.

00:44:33.000 You said you rescued our three brothers on 9-11.

00:44:36.000 What's that?

00:44:37.000 He wasn't even in the state of New York when 9-11 happened.

00:44:40.000 Yes.

00:44:42.000 Betty, let me explain something to you.

00:44:45.000 The buildings were on fire early at 9 a.m.

00:44:48.000 He had time to get in a bird, which is a helicopter, and get down here from New Jersey.

00:44:54.000 Where was he?

00:44:54.000 Arizona.

00:44:55.000 Okay.

00:44:56.000 They're Concorde jets, F-14 fighter jets.

00:45:00.000 They're those trains that they're going to invent soon that could go east to west coast very quickly.

00:45:06.000 So he wasn't in the state when the planes hit.

00:45:08.000 We don't know if he's in the state when it came time to rescue his three brothers.

00:45:11.000 Arizona and New York.

00:45:12.000 Who may or may not exist.

00:45:13.000 Exactly.

00:45:14.000 So she's like, fuck you, blah, blah, blah.

00:45:16.000 And then she posted on his Facebook the thing about Arizona saying, be aware of these people pretending to be nurses.

00:45:24.000 Yeah.

00:45:24.000 They're lying.

00:45:26.000 Which I can't believe there's a list.

00:45:29.000 Oh, people do it all the time.

00:45:31.000 What do they do?

00:45:32.000 They go to old folks' homes and shit?

00:45:37.000 Try to get jobs at hospitals?

00:45:38.000 They'd probably just steal drugs and shit.

00:45:42.000 But like, you go to a hos I I don't I don't know how it works, but I assume you apply to hospital and you're on a nurse database.

00:45:49.000 Right.

00:45:49.000 And they go, you're not working here.

00:45:51.000 You're not on the database.

00:45:52.000 Right.

00:45:52.000 There's like you get a license number.

00:45:55.000 Like, I used to date a girl who worked with people on the spectrum.

00:46:00.000 She had what I think it's called an NPI number.

00:46:02.000 Like, you put your name in it, and it has a number so you can be tracked throughout the state.

00:46:07.000 That's logical.

00:46:08.000 Yeah.

00:46:08.000 That's the way society should be running.

00:46:10.000 When you get CIS letters from the Arizona State Board of Nursing saying, stop trying to fucking pass yourself off as a nurse and a flight nurse.

00:46:19.000 You know?

00:46:21.000 Can't make it up.

00:46:23.000 But anyway, she also goes, don't bring up our mother.

00:46:29.000 You abused her.

00:46:30.000 I have the Rye police reports to prove it.

00:46:35.000 Uncle Bill, million dollar bill, went to his mother's wake.

00:46:41.000 No way.

00:46:42.000 And he says the sister didn't even acknowledge him.

00:46:46.000 We got to get the sister on this show, dude.

00:46:50.000 What if we got Joe on the show, sitting where you are, and we had a this is your life and we brought in his sister.

00:46:57.000 Really?

00:46:58.000 Really?

00:46:58.000 Oh, wow.

00:46:59.000 He'd walk out in the middle.

00:47:01.000 Are you serious right now?

00:47:02.000 Oh, really?

00:47:03.000 Really?

00:47:03.000 We're doing this?

00:47:04.000 All right.

00:47:05.000 I've had him admit to people in the bar that he was never, ever, ever, ever in the military.

00:47:13.000 Well, you threatened to kill him.

00:47:15.000 But yet, he will still tell you he was in the fucking Marines.

00:47:18.000 That's the annoying thing.

00:47:20.000 Everything gets uncovered.

00:47:22.000 You were not a Marine.

00:47:23.000 You didn't fly a bird for the fucking EMT people.

00:47:28.000 No.

00:47:29.000 And okay, we're all agreed.

00:47:31.000 And then two days later...

00:47:32.000 Yeah, I was flying a bird for the EMT.

00:47:35.000 There was a drunk driving accident.

00:47:36.000 Like I said, the story that gets, like, even, I finally met Big John.

00:47:42.000 I don't know, Big John.

00:47:43.000 The new guy.

00:47:44.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:47:45.000 The smart guy.

00:47:45.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:47:46.000 Yeah.

00:47:46.000 He had the same story that blew you away about him with the car breaking through the roadblock and hitting her.

00:47:52.000 And the last thing you heard was some guys, Joe.

00:47:55.000 And the car hit the helicopter.

00:47:57.000 So just to be clear, folks at home, Joe Tonelli claims that he worked as an helicopter EMT, which I don't know how EMTs go, but I assume being the helicopter is the very top of the helicopter.

00:48:07.000 He's a trauma flight nurse.

00:48:09.000 Not even he was a trauma flight.

00:48:12.000 That's got to be the top.

00:48:14.000 I mean, if I was going to be an EMT, that's what I want to be.

00:48:17.000 None of it's kind of the coolest thing you could be, right?

00:48:20.000 Like, you don't want to be the one at the ER who has to wash shit off a bum's leg that is become to his actual skin.

00:48:31.000 Like, that's those people are needed, and God bless you for washing shit off bums' legs and bums' bums, for that matter.

00:48:39.000 But no one wants to be that.

00:48:42.000 You want to be the guy.

00:48:44.000 There's a fucking massive pile up.

00:48:45.000 People need the jobs of life.

00:48:47.000 Like I'm saying, is his story is so unbelievable.

00:48:54.000 He thinks it sounds great because it's like it's off a movie screen.

00:48:59.000 But in reality, none of that would have ever, ever transpired any conditions anywhere.

00:49:08.000 Because so his story, folks at home, is that there was some massive accident.

00:49:13.000 And so they asked him, we need a flight trauma nurse.

00:49:15.000 So his helicopter, he's not driving it, I guess.

00:49:18.000 It goes down to the highway, lands on the middle of the highway, and he starts dragging people onto the ambulance helicopter to take them home.

00:49:27.000 The bird, he calls.

00:49:29.000 And as he's doing that, a car.

00:49:32.000 He says he grabbed this little girl, like a five-year-old girl.

00:49:35.000 Like he jumped out of the helicopter.

00:49:37.000 Joe, thank you.

00:49:38.000 He scooped up the girl out of like the wreck and was running to the helicopter to put her in the, as you, I put her in the bird, and some car broke through where the traffic was blocked off.

00:49:50.000 And the last thing I heard was, Joe, watch out.

00:49:53.000 And the car hit me and the helicopter.

00:49:55.000 I'm like, Joe, before a helicopter ever gets to a fucking accident scene, there's already paramedics and ambulances on scene that are treating the patient.

00:50:03.000 And he's on a gurney and the whole entire highway is shut down both directions.

00:50:08.000 That's the big one right there.

00:50:09.000 And they wheel the fucking.

00:50:10.000 Helicopters don't just plop down on the fucking highway.

00:50:13.000 There's pylons and flares everywhere.

00:50:16.000 It's a major deal for a helicopter to land on a goddamn road.

00:50:20.000 It's so unbelievable.

00:50:20.000 Obviously.

00:50:21.000 It's ridiculous.

00:50:23.000 Obviously.

00:50:25.000 I mean, you could be 14 and just sit there and do the math and be like, well, they're very valuable pieces of machinery and highways are very volatile.

00:50:33.000 I'd imagine they have pylons and flames.

00:50:38.000 It's just, it's so acidine that it's like, are you fucking kidding?

00:50:43.000 Like, never in a million years did that ever happen, Joe.

00:50:46.000 We got to get it.

00:50:47.000 You didn't land a helicopter to rescue a car accident victim in like Vietnam war zone.

00:50:53.000 That's what he's doing.

00:50:54.000 He's conflating Vietnam with his fake helicopter EMT thing.

00:51:00.000 And by the way, regarding the cat thing, we had a bunch of baby monsters send in the article that said he did rescue a cat.

00:51:07.000 I've been thinking about this.

00:51:09.000 Did he told a journalist who wanted a fun front page little quarter on the local newspaper?

00:51:21.000 Is there evidence?

00:51:22.000 He has tried to volunteer at every local volunteer firehouse, any volunteer ambulance corps.

00:51:34.000 And they're always looking for new volunteers.

00:51:37.000 So Joe's 58 now.

00:51:39.000 Years ago, when he was young, he probably did.

00:51:43.000 And from what I don't doubt it.

00:51:46.000 Is that he's gotten in, you know, they don't just send you off to firefight.

00:51:51.000 You have to go get training and everything at the county firefighter academy and all that.

00:51:56.000 But he does what he does everywhere.

00:51:59.000 He goes in there.

00:51:59.000 He Thinks he knows everything, he starts telling it, and then they bounce him.

00:52:03.000 You know, they get tired of his bullshit after a couple of weeks.

00:52:06.000 Yeah, because it's relentless bullshit.

00:52:08.000 Like, he joined a biker club called Third Watch, Fourth Watch, Fourth Watch, which is my understanding is all retired, like right.

00:52:17.000 It's not like the Hells Angels are not going to fight them.

00:52:21.000 If Ryan and I started a biker game in AMA club, and we had lower thirds and stuff on our we had bottom rockers on our jackets, Hells Angels would go, who the fuck are you guys, blah, blah, blah.

00:52:31.000 But my understanding with Fourth Watch is it's like retired cops and stuff, and they're sort of allowed to coexist.

00:52:37.000 Well, they're a law enforcement club.

00:52:39.000 Instead of like MC, it'll say LE.

00:52:41.000 Oh, okay.

00:52:42.000 Like you have RCs, which are riding clubs.

00:52:44.000 You have MCs, which are motorcycle clubs, you have LE, which is law enforcement.

00:52:48.000 Like that's what I'm talking about.

00:52:48.000 So it's not a real motorcycle club.

00:52:51.000 I mean, it's a motorcycle club, but it's for retired law enforcement and firefighters.

00:52:55.000 There's a bunch of clubs like that.

00:52:57.000 Okay, so he joined them, and there was an article about them on BuzzFeed.

00:53:02.000 Frankly, there was an article about them on BuzzFeed.

00:53:06.000 Fourth Watch?

00:53:08.000 Who are you right now?

00:53:10.000 Are you seven different guys?

00:53:13.000 My name is Trump Poole.

00:53:15.000 And frankly.

00:53:16.000 Trump who?

00:53:18.000 Trump Poole.

00:53:19.000 Listen, man.

00:53:20.000 Oh, it's Tim Poole and Trump combined.

00:53:22.000 Yeah.

00:53:23.000 Look, I get it.

00:53:24.000 Man, listen.

00:53:25.000 I get it, okay?

00:53:26.000 Frankly, if you look at this article for BuzzFeed, it's hard.

00:53:29.000 We're going to stop it.

00:53:30.000 Are your eyes supposed to be doing it?

00:53:31.000 You got Twitch there.

00:53:32.000 You got Tourette's?

00:53:34.000 Is that part of the bit?

00:53:35.000 It's like a computer malfunction?

00:53:36.000 Listen, man.

00:53:37.000 I'm sorry to ask you to explain your joke as you're doing it, but I'm confused.

00:53:42.000 Listen, it's fine, man.

00:53:43.000 Listen.

00:53:44.000 He's a clone.

00:53:45.000 Proof that there's clones.

00:53:47.000 Tim Poole became a Trump clone live on air.

00:53:52.000 Only here, ladies and gentlemen.

00:53:54.000 It's crazy, man.

00:53:55.000 You made me forget what I was talking about, Ryan.

00:53:57.000 There was the Fourth Watch.

00:53:58.000 Fourth Watch.

00:53:59.000 Oh, yeah, so Fourth Watch.

00:54:00.000 So he goes there and he's like, dude, you can believe this.

00:54:03.000 You can believe this shit.

00:54:04.000 Oh, my God.

00:54:05.000 Serious?

00:54:05.000 Serious right now?

00:54:06.000 So my grandson is in ICU.

00:54:08.000 Serious?

00:54:10.000 Yeah, he's been there.

00:54:10.000 He's on fucking life support.

00:54:12.000 My grandson, he's eight years old.

00:54:15.000 And so the Fourth Watch guys are all EMTs, cops, like they know every hospital in America.

00:54:22.000 And it's a big club.

00:54:24.000 I think it's a national club.

00:54:25.000 It's got thousands and thousands of members.

00:54:29.000 So they go, all right, you're a prospect, but we consider you a brother.

00:54:34.000 What hospital?

00:54:35.000 Oh, it's hospital.

00:54:36.000 It's the same hospital he always mentions when he says someone's dying.

00:54:39.000 Like he told me his fucking daughter, who I don't think exists.

00:54:42.000 No.

00:54:42.000 Slid her wrists in the bathtub and took Xanax.

00:54:45.000 Oh, it was Jimmy's niece.

00:54:47.000 Doggy style totals that the girl that he felt like supposedly is his wife out there is not his wife.

00:54:53.000 They were like high school sweethearts and they never had kids.

00:54:57.000 No.

00:54:59.000 I went to high school with him.

00:55:00.000 I think it was Jimmy's niece had some horrible suicide attempt and Joe was like, whoa, that sounds pretty bad.

00:55:06.000 That's mine now.

00:55:07.000 And he just took it and made it his.

00:55:10.000 My daughter was in the bathtub, took Xanax and she slid her wrist.

00:55:14.000 What?

00:55:15.000 We had a big fight about that because I have a daughter and I consider it almost like stolen valor.

00:55:21.000 Like, don't fucking talk about dead girls to me.

00:55:24.000 I have a girl.

00:55:25.000 But the thing is, so what are you doing here?

00:55:28.000 Yeah, that's another thing.

00:55:29.000 Like, get on a plane and go to Arizona.

00:55:32.000 If my daughter was in a car accident in Timbuktu, I'd be waiting at LAX right now for the transfer from fucking American Airlines.

00:55:40.000 But anyway, he's doing all these fucking lies to Fourth Watch.

00:55:44.000 He goes, yeah, my grandson.

00:55:45.000 Oh, fucking my grandson.

00:55:47.000 Yeah.

00:55:48.000 By the way, my dad is dying to get over this COVID shit so he can come back because he's obsessed with Joe Tonelli.

00:55:55.000 I need to get back to Joe.

00:55:57.000 I need, because he loves interrogating Joe and pointing out the holes in his argument.

00:56:01.000 And Joe Joe's like, are we serious right now?

00:56:04.000 You want to go through that fucking window?

00:56:06.000 So you're going to kill me rather than explain how you could have been in Arizona and New Jersey at the same exact time.

00:56:16.000 But anyway, so they find the hospital.

00:56:19.000 They're like, oh yeah, we know that hospital.

00:56:21.000 We have a fourth watch dude there who can make sure your grandson gets the best possible care.

00:56:30.000 We'll do some fucking nefarious business and move him up to like the hottest fucking ICU.

00:56:36.000 He's an ICU.

00:56:38.000 And we'll get him the best fucking breath of life.

00:56:41.000 What do they call it there?

00:56:41.000 Ventilator in the entire hospital.

00:56:44.000 What's his name?

00:56:45.000 What's his doctor?

00:56:47.000 What room is he in?

00:56:48.000 He didn't have a picture of his daughter.

00:56:51.000 He didn't know her name.

00:56:52.000 He didn't know her birthday.

00:56:54.000 Her birthday.

00:56:56.000 Really?

00:56:57.000 Remember when he told us that he went to high school in Glasgow?

00:57:01.000 Yeah.

00:57:02.000 And James is like from any colloquialist.

00:57:05.000 76?

00:57:07.000 Something up to 1979.

00:57:09.000 I'm like, Joe, you were like, okay, Joe.

00:57:12.000 Scotland has, it's a very unique little place.

00:57:15.000 Primary wine, primary.

00:57:16.000 Iron Brew, fucking Mars bars, the ice creams with the, what's that little chocolate thing they stick in it?

00:57:26.000 The Cadbury flakes.

00:57:28.000 Like, tell me about Glasgow.

00:57:30.000 There's a million little details no one else knows.

00:57:33.000 Fucking.

00:57:34.000 Smarties, yeah.

00:57:38.000 Anyway, they go to find his fucking grandson and he doesn't exist.

00:57:43.000 And they go, you're out.

00:57:45.000 And it was so embarrassing because of Joe, they started coming to our pub and they would have all their gear on and he'd have his gear on with Prospect.

00:57:54.000 And then after the grandson lie, he had to, I don't know, burn his vest.

00:57:57.000 They'd still come to the club occasionally and he'd be sitting there at a different end of the bar.

00:58:03.000 Like, aren't you embarrassed?

00:58:06.000 He got kicked out of the Legion.

00:58:09.000 What person in their right mind who never served a day in the military is going to go to the American Legion, which is all American veterans, and try to pass themselves off as a service member.

00:58:28.000 And after about 15, 20, he Gets tossed out and he starts crying to Uncle Unreliabil.

00:58:34.000 Oh, can't you vouch for me?

00:58:36.000 No, no.

00:58:39.000 No, fuck that.

00:58:40.000 Why would I do that?

00:58:41.000 If you were in any military, go get your TD214.

00:58:44.000 Go get your anything.

00:58:46.000 Yeah, I remember you quizzing him about the Marines and which camp did you go to?

00:58:50.000 I got a story.

00:58:52.000 So when my kid was in baseball, when he started, when we first moved to the Burbs, he's with this kid, I guess I could say his name, Miles McAloon.

00:59:02.000 His dad was Danny McAloon, which is a well-known Bronx boxer, who I am very honored to this old Puerto Rican named Jalapeno said, hey, what the fuck?

00:59:13.000 We got fucking Danny McAloon in the gym.

00:59:15.000 Because I looked like him because he had a mustache.

00:59:19.000 Danny McAloon never really went anywhere with boxing because he couldn't hold his booze, which I think is just fucking pathetic.

00:59:26.000 It's pathetic.

00:59:32.000 But anyway, I became friends with Willie.

00:59:35.000 He's a Bronx cop, but he did 10 tours in Iraq, I think.

00:59:39.000 A lot of tours in Iraq.

00:59:41.000 So he moves to LA a couple years ago.

00:59:46.000 And I said, don't do it.

00:59:47.000 It's a mistake.

00:59:48.000 Unless they're going to pay your wife, his wife works at NBC or something.

00:59:51.000 Unless they're going to pay her millions of dollars, don't do it.

00:59:54.000 And he goes, what?

00:59:56.000 Shut up, idiot.

00:59:56.000 I'm doing it.

00:59:57.000 And so he sent his wife and kids down there to North Hollywood something, because she got a great gig with NBC.

01:00:05.000 And then he did that crazy cop thing where you work 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and you get your pension.

01:00:12.000 It's not what it used to be in the 90s, but it's still pretty good.

01:00:17.000 So he does a great job.

01:00:18.000 And then he goes to North Hollywood, but he's still a Bronx guy.

01:00:22.000 He's a war vet and a retired cop.

01:00:25.000 And they never met anyone like him down there.

01:00:27.000 And just like I was saying earlier with Coco Diaz, they get excited.

01:00:31.000 And they're like, I know Tony Soprano.

01:00:33.000 I know Robert De Niro.

01:00:35.000 I know the tough guy who's worked with the mob.

01:00:38.000 Even if you're a cop who arrested the mob, you go to LA and you're like, yo, what the fuck I work with the mob?

01:00:44.000 We used to take care of business.

01:00:45.000 What am I going to say?

01:00:46.000 Hey, whoa, forget about it.

01:00:49.000 Yeah, tough guy bear.

01:00:51.000 They call him.

01:00:55.000 Probably would call him tough guy bear.

01:00:59.000 Right?

01:01:00.000 Did you fall asleep in a bowl of Cheetos?

01:01:03.000 Cheeto bear.

01:01:08.000 You got to work on that skin tone guy.

01:01:11.000 My guy.

01:01:14.000 Skin tone bear.

01:01:15.000 Skin tone bear.

01:01:17.000 Orange bear.

01:01:18.000 Copper tone bear.

01:01:19.000 Goldfish bear.

01:01:22.000 I can't tell if this show is going well or not.

01:01:25.000 So he told me, you know, your phone will send you an old video.

01:01:29.000 So my phone sends me a video of six years ago when my son got a home run.

01:01:33.000 And Miles, his son, was jumping on my, he was the catcher.

01:01:37.000 He's jumping on my son.

01:01:38.000 You got a home run, blah, blah.

01:01:39.000 I was like, good old days, whatever.

01:01:41.000 And so he goes, I got to tell you this story.

01:01:43.000 So we talk because I've noticed working class people don't like texting.

01:01:47.000 They don't like the grammar and stuff.

01:01:49.000 They want to get on the phone.

01:01:51.000 I am very literary.

01:01:53.000 I'm a genius and an aristocrat.

01:01:55.000 So I like communicating with text.

01:01:58.000 Anyway, we have to talk.

01:01:59.000 So I get off the train.

01:02:01.000 I go to the parking lot where my bike is, blah, blah, blah.

01:02:03.000 And he tells me this story.

01:02:05.000 So he's working with this coach.

01:02:07.000 This is in North Hollywood.

01:02:09.000 And they've never heard that accent, really.

01:02:11.000 He tells him he's not in the mob.

01:02:12.000 So they get over the Coco Diaz bullshit.

01:02:14.000 By the way, please find Coco Diaz being assassinated.

01:02:17.000 I want to enjoy that.

01:02:19.000 And the guy falls in love with Willie.

01:02:24.000 In love.

01:02:25.000 It's like, you're fucking crazy, man.

01:02:27.000 You're the best.

01:02:27.000 Oh, my God.

01:02:28.000 And we got to have play dates with the kids.

01:02:30.000 And he's the, sorry, the guy's the coach for my friend's son, who's a great catcher and a great pitcher.

01:02:36.000 And he's like, you're fucking amazing, man.

01:02:38.000 Oh, my God.

01:02:39.000 So they become sort of pals.

01:02:41.000 Like, Willie's new to North Hollywood.

01:02:44.000 So he's like, okay, you love me.

01:02:46.000 That can't be bad.

01:02:47.000 As long as you don't want to fucking fuck my mouth, let's hang out.

01:02:51.000 So they start hanging out, not in a really intimate way, but just through the sports and bring the kids together and blah, blah, blah.

01:02:58.000 And they're driving back from a game.

01:03:01.000 And for some bizarre reason, now this guy's, this North Hollywood dude, the LA dude, his parents are from Uruguay, which by the way, translates as you're a gay.

01:03:12.000 And they came here.

01:03:13.000 And let me just guess that they're doing pretty good in America.

01:03:20.000 Their son is married with kids, baseball coach in North Hollywood.

01:03:26.000 I'm guessing they're doing maybe a thousand times better than all their friends back in Urigay, right?

01:03:32.000 Let's just get crazy and guess that.

01:03:34.000 So he's driving and he says to my buddy, he's like, do you like it here?

01:03:42.000 The kids are in the back seat.

01:03:44.000 And Willie's like, what?

01:03:46.000 You mean in North Hollywood?

01:03:48.000 Yeah, I mean, I'm getting used to it.

01:03:50.000 I'm kind of a fish out of water, but, you know, I like it.

01:03:54.000 He's like, no.

01:03:56.000 In America.

01:03:58.000 And he goes, yes.

01:04:01.000 And he goes, the American dream is dead.

01:04:07.000 What the fuck happened to you?

01:04:09.000 Like, out of nowhere, he turns into this dude.

01:04:11.000 Radicalized.

01:04:12.000 Radicalized.

01:04:13.000 And he goes, this country's a lie.

01:04:16.000 It was stolen from the Indians.

01:04:18.000 You know, the things, the shit you said when you were 14.

01:04:22.000 It was stolen from the Indians.

01:04:24.000 It was built on slavery.

01:04:25.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:04:27.000 Welcome back, 14 me.

01:04:29.000 Why do you keep, it's like I was killed when I was 14 and my 14-year-old self keeps haunting me.

01:04:34.000 So he goes, Willie goes, you know that I did several, I don't know how many tours.

01:04:39.000 I think I want to say 10, but that sounds like a lot.

01:04:43.000 He goes, you know, I did ex-tours in Iraq, right?

01:04:45.000 And I was a cop in the Bronx for 20 years?

01:04:48.000 And he goes, well, you should know more than anyone that this country's fucked beyond belief.

01:04:56.000 And he goes, I strongly disagree.

01:04:59.000 And he Goes, and then the guy goes.

01:05:01.000 I don't believe in God, I'm an atheist, and I see things for what they are.

01:05:05.000 And then Willie goes, Well, I'm not an atheist, I'm a Christian, and I don't like that you're saying this in front of my kid who's right behind you.

01:05:15.000 And now it makes me worried about what goes on at the games.

01:05:19.000 I'm starting to think now the coach was drunk.

01:05:23.000 I think he maybe did some shots or something.

01:05:26.000 Or I've drank with Willie before, and the guy can drink like a bottle of bourbon and drive home like he's, let's go, Brandon.

01:05:35.000 So maybe the guy couldn't handle his liquor.

01:05:37.000 I'm starting to think.

01:05:39.000 Anyway, he comes home, and you baby monsters, tell me what you think of this, because I'm of two minds about this next step.

01:05:48.000 So the next day, he goes, at one point, I'm lying in bed, like, what was I doing in Iraq?

01:05:53.000 Maybe I made a mistake.

01:05:54.000 Like, I started to doubt my existence there.

01:05:59.000 The guys who went to Iraq had no say in going to Iraq.

01:06:03.000 You don't sit there with the top brass and debate the pros and cons of this particular mission.

01:06:08.000 That's not the point.

01:06:09.000 And it's the exact same with cops.

01:06:11.000 If you get called to go to a fucking vaccine rally.

01:06:16.000 It's what you signed up for.

01:06:17.000 It's what you sign up for.

01:06:18.000 I know it sucks.

01:06:19.000 And I would hate to be a cop saying, no, you got to wear your mask, but that's the deal.

01:06:26.000 Now, obviously there's limits, and we love those cops in Virginia who said, if the state started confiscating your guns, I'm not going to enforce a law that's unconstitutional.

01:06:37.000 But as far as like getting a call saying you're going to Iraq, what are you going to do?

01:06:45.000 Fuck you.

01:06:46.000 I'm a draft Dodger now.

01:06:48.000 Okay.

01:06:48.000 Why'd you sign up?

01:06:51.000 So the next day, he calls the guy.

01:06:54.000 And by the way, you're vulnerable when you're hungover, which helps my theory.

01:06:57.000 And he goes, yeah, I'm taking my son off your team.

01:07:03.000 We're done.

01:07:04.000 And guess what happened to the dude?

01:07:06.000 Guess what he did?

01:07:08.000 He started bawling his eyes out.

01:07:12.000 Crying, crying like his dog just died in his arms.

01:07:17.000 Going, fuck him, I knew it.

01:07:24.000 I fucking knew it.

01:07:26.000 You know what?

01:07:26.000 I never did it.

01:07:27.000 As I was saying, then he was doing that thing that kids do when they're trying to talk is they cry.

01:07:41.000 I knew that.

01:07:43.000 I shouldn't.

01:07:45.000 I should have kissed.

01:07:50.000 And you were.

01:07:51.000 You were.

01:07:53.000 Crying on the phone.

01:07:55.000 Now, I can cry quietly on the couch to Love on the Spectrum.

01:08:01.000 That's manly.

01:08:02.000 I'll stand by that.

01:08:04.000 I'm judging by your eyes that you don't agree.

01:08:07.000 Oh, let me tell you something about crying.

01:08:10.000 After your story, I'll tell you a story about men crying.

01:08:13.000 Long distance ads, war movies.

01:08:16.000 I'm waterworks.

01:08:18.000 But some guy goes, fuck you.

01:08:20.000 After I said something stupid, I'm like, all right, I get it.

01:08:22.000 Fuck you.

01:08:24.000 So the guy's blubbering.

01:08:26.000 And then my buddy gets a call the next day from a previous coach on a great team that was kind of bad news bears-y, like underdogs.

01:08:33.000 And he goes, we really need your son back.

01:08:35.000 And he goes, oh, thank God.

01:08:36.000 My son doesn't have a team as of today.

01:08:39.000 Boom, back on the team.

01:08:40.000 He goes, it was like divine intervention.

01:08:42.000 It was like Gavad.

01:08:44.000 Let's call him Gavad from now on.

01:08:45.000 It was like Gavad said, I'm going to get you back on an old team because I like what you did there with telling that asshole from Uruguay to fuck off.

01:08:56.000 All right, what's your story?

01:08:58.000 You cried like a bitch?

01:08:59.000 I'm sitting in FCI, Federal Correctional Institution, Allenwood in Pennsylvania.

01:09:05.000 Now it's a medium-high prison.

01:09:07.000 People there, life sentences, multiple life sentences.

01:09:10.000 You know, my cellmate got life for murder, never going home.

01:09:14.000 What did he do?

01:09:15.000 He murdered a soldier.

01:09:16.000 He was sold.

01:09:17.000 What were the circumstances?

01:09:19.000 He was addicted to heroin.

01:09:21.000 The guy offered to bring him out to town.

01:09:23.000 Oh, I remember the story.

01:09:24.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:09:24.000 He was on a German military thing.

01:09:26.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:09:27.000 And he killed the guy for $8 in his pocket and $20 in the ATM.

01:09:32.000 But we're all in, they have movie night.

01:09:36.000 You know, they have a movie committee, and you get to pick certain movies that we're going to watch throughout the month.

01:09:42.000 So they pick Million Dollar Baby.

01:09:44.000 That's the Heather Swank as a boxer.

01:09:46.000 Doctor Hillary Swank and Hillary Swank.

01:09:48.000 Claim Eastwood directed it.

01:09:50.000 She ends up, she tries to become the successful fighter and take care of her family.

01:09:54.000 Her family's just shitting on her.

01:09:56.000 And then she gets cheap shot at the end.

01:09:58.000 Bullshit, by the way.

01:09:59.000 She breaks her neck and she's like paralyzed.

01:10:02.000 Let me tell you something.

01:10:04.000 In the fucking common area, where all these stone-cold sociopath killers, everybody, everybody's like this.

01:10:16.000 Yeah.

01:10:17.000 Life and television.

01:10:18.000 And this way they do it, too.

01:10:19.000 And they're looking, they're like, who else is doing it?

01:10:22.000 And they're all fucking sobbing their fucking eyes out.

01:10:25.000 I was sobbing out too.

01:10:26.000 I was like, Jesus fucking Christ.

01:10:28.000 I don't see a problem with that whatsoever.

01:10:31.000 But you never do the ugly face cry and go, there was none of that.

01:10:37.000 But if you're watching her try to get her life together, my thing is like a group of people overcoming adversity and coming together.

01:10:49.000 Now, one of the worst examples of this, of course, is the movie Elf, where they get enough Christmas spirit to bring the sleigh up in Central Park and back up again.

01:10:59.000 And I looked over at my wife going during that scene.

01:11:02.000 And she was like, are you fucking kidding me?

01:11:06.000 And I'm like, they're going to do it.

01:11:07.000 They're going to do it.

01:11:09.000 I feel no shame for that whatsoever.

01:11:12.000 School of Rock, I also cried, where they kicked Jack Black, and they're like, you always told us we could be something.

01:11:19.000 And now you're lying here on your ass.

01:11:25.000 This is, it's not gay to cry.

01:11:28.000 Shows that you knows how to empathize.

01:11:30.000 Yeah.

01:11:30.000 Hello, you got a bass.

01:11:32.000 Now, if a girl dumps you and you cry, I want to kill you.

01:11:36.000 You should be ashamed.

01:11:37.000 I have to admit, the science of this particular point I'm making, I'm not totally solid on because I know it sounds ridiculous.

01:11:45.000 But I feel like a very tough, badass dude for crying last night to Love on the Spectrum.

01:11:53.000 And I also feel like beating up the guy who cried when my friend Willie said, my boy's off the team because you said America sucks.

01:12:01.000 Ooh, that's a hate crime right there, bro.

01:12:04.000 Those don't seem to contradict.

01:12:05.000 Can you show the trailer for the new season of Love on the Spectrum?

01:12:08.000 You should tear up at this.

01:12:11.000 This is people who've done nothing wrong and are incompatible with society.

01:12:17.000 And they are trying their very best to realign themselves with us.

01:12:23.000 And it's just scientifically, mathematically not there.

01:12:29.000 They're playing the hand that was dealt to them.

01:12:31.000 It's like an albino trying not to be pale.

01:12:35.000 Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen.

01:12:37.000 This is series two of Love on the Spectrum.

01:12:40.000 I don't really need to introduce myself because you already know who I am.

01:12:44.000 Michael, of course.

01:12:46.000 The greatest boyfriend in the world.

01:12:48.000 Yes, I am.

01:12:49.000 Definitely.

01:12:50.000 And why are you back?

01:12:52.000 I'm continuing my quest for true love.

01:12:55.000 But God can't bear the thought of being single my entire life because it's lonely, it's boring, and it's also unfulfilling, and it makes you feel like you lack a purpose.

01:13:05.000 I can't see myself without a wife.

01:13:09.000 There's no other way for me.

01:13:11.000 Meanwhile, these guys have siblings that are not on the spectrum, and they see them with girlfriends laughing and picking flowers and dancing.

01:13:21.000 They hear fucking at night.

01:13:23.000 Something always seems to be wrong or kind of trigger my flight reflex.

01:13:31.000 I never had a girlfriend, not even when I was in high school.

01:13:34.000 I'm on my quest for true love, and I cannot give up on that.

01:13:38.000 Finding love is really hard for anyone.

01:13:40.000 Give up.

01:13:41.000 You don't force love.

01:13:42.000 Well, let them come to you.

01:13:44.000 One day he's going to get it.

01:13:46.000 Actually, they do have...

01:13:47.000 When they have couples that are not brutally on the spectrum, like let's say, I don't know, 15% Autistic, they'll find another 15% Autistic and those can live together and they do the dishes together.

01:13:59.000 Make it work.

01:14:00.000 They have a picnic and shit.

01:14:02.000 I don't know if they can breed.

01:14:03.000 I don't know if they should breed.

01:14:05.000 But when you get up to like, I'm making up these numbers, by the way, like 55%, it's not happening.

01:14:14.000 It's not happening.

01:14:16.000 I'm 30 and I thought I would have to be a little bit more than that.

01:14:18.000 Oh, that guy's the worst.

01:14:19.000 He's a dinosaur expert.

01:14:22.000 This series follows young adults on the autism spectrum.

01:14:25.000 Say hello to my future husband or wife.

01:14:27.000 Hello there.

01:14:28.000 As they navigate the confusing world of relationships and dating.

01:14:33.000 What's your age limit?

01:14:34.000 70.

01:14:38.000 With the help of specialists.

01:14:40.000 So why do you want a partner?

01:14:41.000 Because I want a fraud.

01:14:44.000 And support from loved ones.

01:14:49.000 They search for that special someone.

01:14:51.000 I'll do whatever it takes to find a girlfriend.

01:14:55.000 She ticks all my boxes.

01:14:58.000 From first dates.

01:15:00.000 Just I'm trying to make up conversation.

01:15:02.000 It seems that she only will like to see me again as a friend.

01:15:06.000 Every time.

01:15:09.000 I really do like spending time with you.

01:15:12.000 She's perfect.

01:15:13.000 Absolutely perfect.

01:15:15.000 And he says that about every date.

01:15:19.000 Oh, somebody's in a white dress.

01:15:21.000 That was mysterious.

01:15:23.000 I'm hooked.

01:15:24.000 I'm in.

01:15:24.000 Why is it only Australia they can do that show?

01:15:27.000 Surely there's autistic people elsewhere.

01:15:33.000 I found that trailer very harrowing.

01:15:36.000 This trailer, on the other hand, I feel nothing.

01:15:40.000 Oh, good.

01:15:41.000 Kill him.

01:15:42.000 Oh!

01:15:44.000 Oh!

01:15:44.000 He says he's talking about his Gumar.

01:15:47.000 He's like, I would eat her shit.

01:15:49.000 Gumad.

01:15:50.000 Gumad.

01:15:51.000 Good cue.

01:15:53.000 Where's Josephine at moments with a girlfriend?

01:15:58.000 I would eat his shit.

01:16:00.000 Oh!

01:16:04.000 What?

01:16:05.000 Oh, that was a joke punch?

01:16:06.000 Spoiler alert.

01:16:10.000 I love.

01:16:11.000 I love.

01:16:16.000 You know what?

01:16:16.000 I bet when guys like Coco Diaz, who are super tough guy New Yorkers in LA, I bet when they talk to actual, you know, mobsters, they go, something's up with that Coco dude.

01:16:30.000 He's from Jersey.

01:16:31.000 Yeah, I got a bad vibe out of him.

01:16:33.000 What the fuck?

01:16:34.000 What the fuck is he talking about?

01:16:35.000 Well, maybe he's gay.

01:16:36.000 You ever thought of that?

01:16:37.000 Fuck.

01:16:38.000 It's not gay.

01:16:39.000 There's something else.

01:16:40.000 Well, that was a great teaser for this cameo.

01:16:45.000 The bird, which is the bald.

01:16:49.000 Oh, we forgot to get the light.

01:16:50.000 Michael F. Face.

01:16:52.000 What's his name again?

01:16:53.000 Fuck you, Michael Rap.

01:16:54.000 Oh, I didn't finish my diss on him.

01:16:56.000 So he moves to L.A. when he's 18, right?

01:16:59.000 So we're talking about like 1990 or around then.

01:17:03.000 His dad gets him a thing.

01:17:04.000 He does the Coco Diaz New York thing, and he's just been a New Yorker his whole life, even though he's my age.

01:17:13.000 And he hasn't been living in New York since he was a teenager.

01:17:17.000 It's a fake persona.

01:17:20.000 He's an LA guy, but he's always like, yo, I'm the Beastie Boys.

01:17:24.000 Fuck you, you fucking racist motherfucker.

01:17:27.000 I fucking hate those guys.

01:17:29.000 I'm from the fucking Bronx, yo.

01:17:33.000 It's not who you are, dude.

01:17:34.000 You're LA.

01:17:35.000 You're West Hollywood.

01:17:36.000 You're a straight fag.

01:17:38.000 But anyway, someone paid a bunch of money to have him say the bird, which is the bald eagle.

01:17:43.000 Which.

01:17:44.000 Gavin.

01:17:47.000 Gavin to the bird that is the bald eagle.

01:17:51.000 Which is the bald eagle, more on.

01:17:53.000 I know you're going through it.

01:17:55.000 All right.

01:17:57.000 Your guy, James, told me everything that's going on with you.

01:18:00.000 All right, I know you're fucking going through it.

01:18:03.000 I hope you're at peace.

01:18:05.000 All right.

01:18:07.000 I hope you know that you are loved.

01:18:09.000 You are loved.

01:18:09.000 He's got that insincere LA thing down, Pat.

01:18:13.000 That's classic LA.

01:18:15.000 I remember when I first started going there because I was pitching TV shows, people hug you and they go, oh my God, you look amazing.

01:18:24.000 And then you'd go, really?

01:18:27.000 And then you'd get back to the hotel and you'd go, what?

01:18:30.000 I look like shit.

01:18:31.000 What the fuck?

01:18:32.000 And you realize, oh, that's what they say to everyone.

01:18:35.000 I can't.

01:18:36.000 New Yorkers, when a New Yorker tells you you look amazing, you look in the mirror and you're looking at a supermodel.

01:18:41.000 You go, what the fuck?

01:18:42.000 Did I put cream on?

01:18:44.000 They're right.

01:18:45.000 I'm breathtaking.

01:18:47.000 Whenever I would go to California after like five, six days, I'm like, I got to get out.

01:18:51.000 I got to get out.

01:18:52.000 That hugging.

01:18:53.000 They're all flakes.

01:18:54.000 They all flake out.

01:18:55.000 It's so fake.

01:18:57.000 First of all, everything shuts down at 2 o'clock.

01:18:59.000 And then you got to go to house party.

01:19:01.000 It's all.

01:19:01.000 Oh, yeah.

01:19:02.000 Well, you want to get a beer at 2 p.m.

01:19:05.000 It's insane.

01:19:06.000 It's not happening.

01:19:08.000 One time we were so desperate for booze at 2 or 3 p.m., we called our buddy Andrew, and we go, hey, man, all the bars are not open yet.

01:19:17.000 Do you got any booze at your house?

01:19:18.000 And he was a New Yorker.

01:19:20.000 And he goes, I did.

01:19:21.000 And then I drank it.

01:19:22.000 What the fuck?

01:19:23.000 Like, why don't you come to my house and say, do you have any Coke?

01:19:26.000 Of course it's gone.

01:19:28.000 You think it's just sitting around?

01:19:30.000 He goes, there's a bottle in my house for maybe a day.

01:19:34.000 That's it.

01:19:36.000 You've been a fan of mine, and I appreciate that.

01:19:38.000 You like Copland and True Romance, both of which were fun.

01:19:43.000 No.

01:19:43.000 Fun experiences and great projects to be a part of.

01:19:46.000 But this is not about me.

01:19:48.000 This is about you.

01:19:49.000 Good.

01:19:49.000 All right.

01:19:50.000 While you're here, just know.

01:19:53.000 Okay, everybody loves you.

01:19:54.000 Everybody appreciates you.

01:19:55.000 That's also nice.

01:19:57.000 And everybody will always remember and appreciate you in the fondest fucking way, far beyond what you probably even could remember and comprehend.

01:20:06.000 All right.

01:20:08.000 So just know you are loved.

01:20:09.000 All right.

01:20:10.000 For you, James, your whole family, everybody that's going through this, for you guys the best.

01:20:15.000 All right.

01:20:16.000 So stay safe.

01:20:17.000 He had to pay money for Gavin.

01:20:20.000 Never, ever, ever, ever, ever stop fucking fighting.

01:20:25.000 All right.

01:20:25.000 I know you're a veteran, so you don't know how to stop fighting, but keep pushing for me.

01:20:29.000 Keep fucking fighting.

01:20:31.000 All right, you guys stay safe.

01:20:33.000 All right.

01:20:34.000 He's the worst.

01:20:36.000 He makes me racist against white people.

01:20:40.000 He makes me hate the Irish or whatever he is.

01:20:43.000 I believe he's Irish.

01:20:45.000 I think it's a safe bet to say.

01:20:47.000 Rapaport.

01:20:48.000 Isn't he Jewish?

01:20:49.000 Oh, yeah.

01:20:51.000 Eh.

01:20:53.000 That was gross.

01:20:54.000 That was so LA.

01:20:55.000 Actually, but a perfect cameo and a perfect way to segue into the callers.

01:20:59.000 Let's do the thanks for calling thing.

01:21:02.000 We're skipping the letters this episode.

01:21:07.000 You are on the air.

01:21:08.000 Mute up conversation.

01:21:10.000 This is a fucking loser.

01:21:12.000 You don't need to learn, share, listen, understand why.

01:21:15.000 Hey, why does everyone get two things?

01:21:17.000 You have one thing.

01:21:18.000 Thank you for calling.

01:21:19.000 It's great hearing from you.

01:21:21.000 Bye-bye.

01:21:21.000 All right, next call.

01:21:25.000 Is there a better shoe in the world?

01:21:27.000 I got my first pair of Chuck Taylors.

01:21:28.000 They were white high tops in 1983, and I slept with them on the pillow so I could look over at the incredible design.

01:21:37.000 But I was wearing red wings today, and for the past two days, and I love red wings, but my feet fucking hurt at the end of the day.

01:21:44.000 I have jogged in these.

01:21:45.000 I box in these.

01:21:47.000 And it's the perfect shoe.

01:21:49.000 It's so, and when you walk across grass early in the morning and there's dew on it, and you get your toes wet with other shoes, not these.

01:21:59.000 No dew can get through the rubber toes.

01:22:05.000 This is the most incredible shoe ever made.

01:22:07.000 Unfortunately, fucking hipster chicks, TikTokers have made them hot, so they're like 90 bucks now online.

01:22:16.000 But Hunter S. Thompson wore these.

01:22:19.000 It's the perfect shoe.

01:22:22.000 Look at the design.

01:22:27.000 Okay, I guess I'm drunk because that doesn't seem like an intelligent way to segue a call.

01:22:34.000 What do we got?

01:22:35.000 Let's see.

01:22:35.000 I think we have from San Bernardino.

01:22:39.000 Burdue!

01:22:41.000 Yo, Burdue, can you hear me?

01:22:44.000 Yeah, you sound like you're in 17 oranges made of aluminum.

01:22:47.000 Give me one second, sir.

01:22:50.000 Okay.

01:22:51.000 What's up, dude?

01:22:53.000 You are connected as the host.

01:22:55.000 Welcome, host.

01:22:57.000 You are now in the host room and can manage your callers from the College Studio web interface.

01:23:01.000 Thank you.

01:23:03.000 Sam Bernardino.

01:23:04.000 Hey, time for a yo.

01:23:06.000 What's going on?

01:23:08.000 Time for a yo.

01:23:09.000 Well, first of all, Chuck Taylors are fucking gay, dude.

01:23:12.000 Everybody in California that wears Chuck Taylors or want to be fucking black people, dude.

01:23:18.000 What?

01:23:19.000 First of all, Chuck Taylors are based on the basketball player, Chuck Taylor, from 1962.

01:23:25.000 So they've gone through a million different variations.

01:23:28.000 Maybe right now in your Californian town, it's for people who want to be black, I guess?

01:23:36.000 Yeah, well, what it is out here is all the black gangsters wear fucking Chuck Taylors.

01:23:41.000 What color?

01:23:42.000 So like the little like either black or white.

01:23:45.000 Because that's a big difference.

01:23:47.000 I don't think you can wear black Chuck Taylors over the age of 25.

01:23:51.000 Well, they call them the stars because on the high tops they have the circle with the star on it.

01:23:57.000 Yeah, you can't wear it.

01:23:58.000 You look like you're too Ramones.

01:24:00.000 It's too Ramonesy to be like a 30-year-old in black Chuck Taylors.

01:24:05.000 Yeah, well, I'm talking like everybody fucking wears them out here and it's fucking gay, dude.

01:24:09.000 You know what else is gay is not wearing flip-flops, dude.

01:24:12.000 Californians, we got to wear flip-flops.

01:24:14.000 Roads hotter than fucking nuts out here, dude.

01:24:16.000 We walk around flip-flops.

01:24:17.000 We fight in flip-flops.

01:24:19.000 We're not all L.A., dude.

01:24:20.000 You can't fight in flip-flops.

01:24:22.000 They fall off.

01:24:23.000 How the fuck do you fight in flip-flops?

01:24:26.000 Hey, Gavin, have you ever been punched in the face so hard you stepped out of your shoe?

01:24:30.000 I have about 14 times in my life, dude.

01:24:32.000 Yeah, I was this morning.

01:24:34.000 But I had, you know what?

01:24:36.000 I had high-top Chuck Taylors on, and my shoes stayed on.

01:24:41.000 They were tied up tight.

01:24:43.000 And it gave me the traction to retaliate.

01:24:45.000 Let me repeat that.

01:24:48.000 It gave me the traction to retaliate.

01:24:52.000 Hey, brother, but you know, the only time I wear shoes is when I think I'm going to go to jail that night.

01:24:57.000 But looking at 40, I don't do that shit no more.

01:24:58.000 But one last thing, before you hang up on me, thank you for calling out Joey Diaz.

01:25:03.000 You ever notice when he was on Joe Rogan, he'd always whisper like he's telling the story?

01:25:07.000 Like it's some fucking secret story?

01:25:09.000 He's talking to 65 million fucking people.

01:25:11.000 Bruce, we used to get this chick to suck my cock.

01:25:14.000 And that's the only way she could do up a mic.

01:25:17.000 I'd be like, suck my dick.

01:25:19.000 I'll give you some coke.

01:25:20.000 And then you could do up a mic.

01:25:23.000 He personifies the West Coast obsession with New Yorkers like they're some sort of fucking magical Tony Sopranos.

01:25:31.000 And they're not.

01:25:32.000 Thank you, brother.

01:25:32.000 I appreciate it.

01:25:33.000 All right.

01:25:33.000 Thanks for coming.

01:25:34.000 I appreciate that, dude.

01:25:35.000 Take a call.

01:25:36.000 Yo, when Bruce Lee came out, bro, it was like, I think 86, 87, 86.

01:25:43.000 And we had this dude around.

01:25:44.000 He was doing always doing karate, bro.

01:25:46.000 Yeah, he is.

01:25:47.000 He's right.

01:25:47.000 Stories are also lame.

01:25:48.000 We know this chick who used to put the arm of glasses like this, this pot, up a cunt.

01:25:56.000 Okay.

01:25:57.000 I wouldn't even remember that.

01:25:58.000 Where is she now?

01:25:59.000 You know, my biggest beef with him, of course, the reason I started a beef with him is because that big fat guy, what's his name?

01:26:05.000 Paulie Walnuts, Fatso McGee?

01:26:08.000 What's his name?

01:26:09.000 Oh, Ralphie Mae.

01:26:10.000 Ralphie Mae with his weird Uyghur accent.

01:26:13.000 He died of heroin opioid addiction.

01:26:17.000 He had kids.

01:26:19.000 He was a shitty dad.

01:26:21.000 His wife left him as women do when you're addicted to opioids.

01:26:26.000 He wasn't around for his kids.

01:26:28.000 And that's pretty shitty to begin with.

01:26:32.000 But maybe you take them fishing once a week when you get remotely clean.

01:26:36.000 But he didn't.

01:26:37.000 He kept ignoring his kids, getting drunker and drunker and higher and higher and deader and debtor until he died.

01:26:42.000 And I said, another fucking junkie bites of dust.

01:26:46.000 We're all talking about this comedy legend who died, but he was just another opioid addict who ignored his kids and took their father away.

01:26:56.000 I don't feel bad for him.

01:26:58.000 And then he fucking tweeted this thing to me where he was like, yo, not for nothing.

01:27:07.000 I hear you're a gentleman from people we got in common.

01:27:11.000 But if you keep disrespecting Malfi May, we're going to have a problem.

01:27:19.000 I think I tweeted something like, Tony Soprano doesn't tweet his imminent hits.

01:27:26.000 That's not how it works.

01:27:27.000 You don't want to leave a paper trail, you fucking fake gangster poser.

01:27:34.000 He's fucking Spanish, too.

01:27:40.000 He's not Italian.

01:27:40.000 I'm glad he was shot in that movie.

01:27:42.000 I can't believe I didn't even see him.

01:27:44.000 I looked at his head in that movie and didn't watch it getting blown off.

01:27:47.000 That's how bad that movie is.

01:27:50.000 You can see your enemies killed in a movie and go, what?

01:27:54.000 What's happening now?

01:27:57.000 We got Clay on the line.

01:28:01.000 This AC is thunderous.

01:28:02.000 It's way too loud.

01:28:05.000 It sounds like a storm outside.

01:28:07.000 Yeah.

01:28:08.000 It's blowing.

01:28:10.000 Calm down, AC.

01:28:11.000 Hey, Clay, you're on the line, bud.

01:28:14.000 Go ahead, Clay.

01:28:18.000 What's up, buddy?

01:28:19.000 Are you shy?

01:28:21.000 Oh, you're whispering like Coco?

01:28:22.000 Are you watching the show, maybe?

01:28:24.000 And then he talking?

01:28:31.000 He fell asleep.

01:28:32.000 Ryan, I hear sounds.

01:28:34.000 There he is.

01:28:35.000 You hear me?

01:28:35.000 Yeah.

01:28:37.000 Oh, sorry.

01:28:38.000 Hey, guys.

01:28:41.000 So I had a topic that is probably going to be like a million times more unpopular than the pit bull take that you guys were doing.

01:28:51.000 But Trump probably is going to run in 2024.

01:28:56.000 And I don't know how I feel about it because he had such a mixed presidential four years for me because I think the trade deals, he did a great job.

01:29:06.000 But on other stuff, like the border right now, he didn't do a great job.

01:29:11.000 Wow, what a great call.

01:29:13.000 What a great point.

01:29:14.000 What a great topic of discussion.

01:29:17.000 Let's jump to Maddie O'Dell.

01:29:20.000 Maddie, who do you want to run in 2024?

01:29:22.000 What's your dream utopia magical world where you're the king of earth?

01:29:29.000 I think Ron DeSantis has a great chance.

01:29:33.000 As what?

01:29:34.000 President?

01:29:34.000 President.

01:29:35.000 Who's VP?

01:29:36.000 That is a tough one.

01:29:39.000 Alrighty?

01:29:40.000 Tough one.

01:29:40.000 Like you said, a piece of white bread toast.

01:29:44.000 Caller, what's your utopia?

01:29:46.000 What's your paradise?

01:29:47.000 What's your heaven for 2024?

01:29:53.000 But I feel a little selfish to rip him out of Florida because he's doing a great job there.

01:29:58.000 Go to Santos.

01:30:00.000 Thanks, Ryan.

01:30:02.000 I'm still thinking about it.

01:30:04.000 And the hard part is, Trump, I feel like probably, like during the debates, when Trump is running, I was on the fence.

01:30:13.000 And then when he was rising in the polls, I thought, you know what?

01:30:17.000 He's like the wild card.

01:30:18.000 He's got the trade deal thing going on.

01:30:20.000 I think that's probably where he stood out.

01:30:23.000 Hey, hey, answer the question.

01:30:25.000 2024.

01:30:26.000 Who's your ideal president and vice president?

01:30:31.000 DeSantis is probably the president, and then vice president.

01:30:34.000 I haven't even thought too much about.

01:30:36.000 All right.

01:30:36.000 That's a great question.

01:30:37.000 Thanks for calling.

01:30:39.000 And I'm not trying to disrespect you by saying thanks for calling and hanging up on you.

01:30:42.000 I just want to clear the airwave so we can discuss this.

01:30:46.000 Where were we discussing this?

01:30:48.000 Was it at the bar?

01:30:49.000 At the White Bride?

01:30:50.000 Yeah.

01:30:50.000 No, that was on Kumi's show.

01:30:52.000 Oh.

01:30:53.000 So.

01:30:57.000 Trump is a lot older than he was four years ago.

01:31:00.000 He's going to be 78.

01:31:01.000 He's not running.

01:31:02.000 No way.

01:31:02.000 You don't think he's running?

01:31:03.000 No.

01:31:06.000 I'm kind of getting comfortable with the idea of Ron DeSantis as P, and the VP is a pence guy you've never heard of.

01:31:14.000 Right.

01:31:14.000 Like you said, a piece of white.

01:31:16.000 Like, what's his name?

01:31:17.000 Remember the guy who farted and fucked a spy?

01:31:19.000 A Jesus with no beard.

01:31:21.000 Eric Smalwell?

01:31:22.000 Eric Swalwell.

01:31:24.000 A right-wing Eric Swalwell.

01:31:26.000 Like Matt Goetz.

01:31:28.000 Right, that'd be pretty good.

01:31:30.000 What about DeSantis and Matt Goetz?

01:31:31.000 But I love Meesome Trump.

01:31:33.000 I'm kind of, I love him too.

01:31:35.000 He's the funnest president we've ever had.

01:31:38.000 He's not going to run.

01:31:39.000 Still is.

01:31:40.000 But A, he might not run.

01:31:41.000 He's going to be whoever is.

01:31:43.000 I have a few beefs, like the big tech centers, ship, the lack of a wall.

01:31:48.000 Like, I got a lot of beefs.

01:31:50.000 Well, he was trying as hard as to get the wall done.

01:31:54.000 Was he?

01:31:55.000 Didn't look like a lot of wall.

01:31:57.000 Talk to Ann Coulter about the wall.

01:31:59.000 And also, the election fraud.

01:32:03.000 Like, they kept the election fraud didn't happen overnight.

01:32:07.000 They had been slowly chipping away at our process for his entire fucking presidency.

01:32:14.000 And he was just like, what's going on now?

01:32:17.000 Without following the Constitution, without a democratic process, you changed the terms in this state and that state?

01:32:25.000 That's not good.

01:32:27.000 Why'd you let that happen?

01:32:29.000 So I got a lot of beef.

01:32:30.000 Because the states govern themselves.

01:32:33.000 It's not up to the federal government.

01:32:35.000 You know, when I loved him in 2016, part of it was like Johnny Roton is president.

01:32:42.000 And fuck you all.

01:32:46.000 We're wrecking the system.

01:32:47.000 Like when they would, you know, when the Rolling Stones would trash a hotel.

01:32:51.000 I didn't want Trump to trash America, but I wanted Trump to trash the White House.

01:32:57.000 And I liked that the sex pistols were in the White House.

01:33:00.000 But now, with critical race theory, 1619 project, trillion-dollar coins, $3.5 trillion Build Back Better plans, now it's not a matter of like, fuck this hotel.

01:33:16.000 Now it's like, I want hotels to exist in the future.

01:33:21.000 Like Nick Fuentes getting kicked off a flight makes me very uncomfortable.

01:33:27.000 The fact that the FBI is totally focused on people who criticize the state and oblivious to Antifa and jihadists and anyone else, that's discerning.

01:33:40.000 Disconcerting, I should say.

01:33:44.000 So I kind of wanted DeSantis in there.

01:33:49.000 Let me put it this way.

01:33:50.000 I would prefer DeSantis to Trump.

01:33:53.000 Yes, 100%.

01:33:55.000 Trump doesn't have a shot.

01:33:57.000 He can't run.

01:33:59.000 Trump was a different...

01:34:00.000 2016 was a different culture.

01:34:02.000 2016 was a Sex Pistols in 1977.

01:34:06.000 This is much more serious now.

01:34:08.000 This is Venezuela.

01:34:09.000 This is Cuba.

01:34:11.000 This is like we're about to lose this not just country.

01:34:14.000 This is face of the nation.

01:34:15.000 This culture.

01:34:15.000 Because America defines Western culture.

01:34:19.000 So if America's done, there's no West.

01:34:22.000 There's no Western Europe.

01:34:23.000 There's no nothing.

01:34:24.000 Communists don't have a place to escape to.

01:34:27.000 And I'm not sure Trump is up for that.

01:34:30.000 I'll tell you what I'm not totally adverse to is DeSantis as P and Donald Trump Jr. as VP.

01:34:38.000 But he doesn't, I mean, there's no history of him.

01:34:42.000 I know, I know, I know.

01:34:44.000 But the VP is a very important thing.

01:34:46.000 It's not a logical.

01:34:46.000 It's a logic thing.

01:34:47.000 I'm embarrassed.

01:34:47.000 It's not his bad.

01:34:48.000 But it exists as a theory.

01:34:53.000 And look, I don't like monarchies.

01:34:56.000 I don't like children becoming politicians.

01:35:00.000 I hated that Justin Trudeau was prime minister.

01:35:02.000 But it seems to work.

01:35:04.000 Maybe DeSantis and Dan Crenshaw.

01:35:08.000 Yeah, I like that too.

01:35:10.000 I like that too.

01:35:11.000 There's a lot of Mike Pencees in the wings that could be good milquetoast blank slates for Ron DeSantis.

01:35:23.000 White table.

01:35:24.000 That's what Kamala Harris was.

01:35:25.000 No one knew who she was.

01:35:26.000 She was just a brown woman who laughed a lot.

01:35:30.000 There's not one single person in America, I swear to God, I'm going to say this, out of 331 million, out of 80 million voters, there's not one voter in America who voted for Biden who could name one of Kamala Harris's policies.

01:35:46.000 And furthermore, who would be like, I love what she did with healthcare in fucking Missouri.

01:35:54.000 Like no one clicked a box going, Kamala Harris is my gal and I love the way she handled blah, blah, blah.

01:36:02.000 None of them.

01:36:05.000 When blacks voted for Obama, none of them were like, I got to hand it to Obama.

01:36:10.000 He really knows his gun control.

01:36:13.000 They were just like, I'm black, he's black, boop.

01:36:16.000 And that's got to be like a 99% average.

01:36:21.000 Anyway.

01:36:22.000 Yeah, and you also have to take into consideration that if Donald Trump...

01:36:27.000 Brian, that's green.

01:36:28.000 You look like you are a booger.

01:36:33.000 Jack Pesobic is a little green.

01:36:35.000 No, dude.

01:36:37.000 You've got to fix that.

01:36:38.000 That's ruining the whole bit.

01:36:40.000 No, he's a little green.

01:36:41.000 It's distracting.

01:36:41.000 It's slime.

01:36:42.000 You look like Shrek.

01:36:43.000 You look like a gorgeous Shrek.

01:36:45.000 Yeah, I'm.

01:36:46.000 What's my name again?

01:36:49.000 Yeah.

01:36:49.000 Pesob Shrek.

01:36:50.000 I'm leaving it till you correct that screen.

01:36:53.000 What is his name again?

01:36:54.000 I'm going to Shrek.

01:36:55.000 Jack Pessob Shrek.

01:36:57.000 There we go.

01:36:59.000 Maddie, you want to take a call?

01:37:01.000 Sure.

01:37:01.000 Oh, you disappeared.

01:37:02.000 No, go ahead.

01:37:04.000 Justin wants to talk about Howard Stern, Frank.

01:37:09.000 Howard Stern!

01:37:11.000 Hey, what's up, guys?

01:37:12.000 Hey, what's going on?

01:37:12.000 It's Maddie.

01:37:14.000 Hey, guys.

01:37:15.000 Just, Gavin, I heard you were listening to Howard again.

01:37:18.000 Gavin's actually not here right now.

01:37:21.000 So if you just wait a second.

01:37:23.000 He stepped off.

01:37:23.000 But you are talking to Jack Pesobshrek.

01:37:28.000 Jack Pesobcheck.

01:37:29.000 I invited him, you know, Robin.

01:37:31.000 Did you hear what Kumio said?

01:37:33.000 Kumio said about him yesterday, any chance?

01:37:35.000 About Howard Stern or Jack Pesobshrek?

01:37:38.000 I'm a Howard Stern.

01:37:39.000 Oh, but Howard Stern.

01:37:40.000 Oh, Gavin's back.

01:37:41.000 The whole like October thing that's going on?

01:37:45.000 No.

01:37:45.000 Cocktober.

01:37:47.000 This is about Howard Stern.

01:37:48.000 Gavin?

01:37:49.000 Thanks for calling, buddy.

01:37:51.000 All right, see you, man.

01:37:53.000 Thanks a lot.

01:37:54.000 October, Howard Stern.

01:37:55.000 No, we're not doing that.

01:37:57.000 But here's another thing with Ron DeSantis and all that stuff.

01:38:00.000 Okay, so Ron DeSantis and Matt Goetz win.

01:38:05.000 All right?

01:38:07.000 What's the first thing?

01:38:09.000 Secure the borders.

01:38:10.000 Yes.

01:38:11.000 Abolish critical race theory and any kind of left-wing propaganda in schools.

01:38:17.000 Yes.

01:38:20.000 Now what?

01:38:23.000 Stop this overspending.

01:38:25.000 Try to get the debt under control.

01:38:30.000 Deal with inflation.

01:38:31.000 Deal with abolish welfare, like get jobs going again, stop all the favors.

01:38:36.000 Get people off the government tape.

01:38:38.000 Basically, trivialize the squad.

01:38:46.000 Ilan Omar, AOC, they have to be devalued.

01:38:52.000 They have to be mocked.

01:38:54.000 They have to be ridiculed.

01:38:56.000 They can't have the power they have.

01:38:58.000 She's a big part of the Build Back Better thing.

01:39:02.000 AOC.

01:39:03.000 AOC.

01:39:06.000 And that's a major problem because it's $20,000 per American that she's just dancing around flaunting.

01:39:15.000 So just because we, here's one thing I learned about Trump in 2016.

01:39:19.000 Just because we win doesn't mean we won.

01:39:22.000 I remember Goad, like, this was, it was really fucking fun in 2016.

01:39:28.000 But in 2017, Jim Goad called me and he's like, can you believe we won?

01:39:34.000 Doesn't feel like it.

01:39:36.000 Well, that's the thing.

01:39:38.000 Nothing's going to drastically change overnight.

01:39:43.000 Because you need both sides of the aisle to accomplish stuff.

01:39:48.000 Yeah.

01:39:49.000 First of all, I mean...

01:39:50.000 So the other side of the aisle has to become remotely sane at some point.

01:39:55.000 Like, where are the sane liberals?

01:39:57.000 Where's the fucking Cornell West and the Dave Rubens in Congress?

01:40:02.000 In cinema, is the only sane liberal, and she's getting fucking accosted every time she wants to take a shit.

01:40:10.000 Not that women shit.

01:40:12.000 I meant P. All right, next caller.

01:40:19.000 I would like to say that Maddie got us a new CO2 cartridge tank for the keg.

01:40:26.000 The problem is it's so fucking new that it pours a beer in one second.

01:40:34.000 Talking about getting some head.

01:40:35.000 Can you get me a beer?

01:40:36.000 Absolutely.

01:40:37.000 Is that a...

01:40:38.000 Not too much to ask.

01:40:39.000 Too much to ask?

01:40:40.000 Absolutely.

01:40:41.000 We got a guy on the line talking about college.

01:40:44.000 Sure, yeah.

01:40:45.000 Talking about what?

01:40:46.000 College?

01:40:47.000 College.

01:40:48.000 College, baby.

01:40:49.000 Wasted time.

01:40:51.000 Trade school.

01:40:52.000 You're on the line, my man.

01:40:55.000 Don't fledge it up.

01:41:01.000 You should be, you should go to college if you're on the spectrum.

01:41:07.000 If you are a freak and you can understand chemistry, I never understood one fucking millisecond of chemistry.

01:41:17.000 Those weird hexagons with the thing, with the line that comes from them, and then the CE.

01:41:24.000 Dude, I was stupider than Ryan when it came to chemistry.

01:41:30.000 I actually looked into this.

01:41:32.000 Ryan's actually not stupid.

01:41:34.000 There's a lot of data and points to back this up, but that is funny, Gavin.

01:41:40.000 But no, he's actually a very smart guy.

01:41:42.000 Oh, I get it now.

01:41:43.000 Okay, I see you're Dr. Sobic.

01:41:44.000 Dude, your leather face is too distracting.

01:41:48.000 What are you talking about?

01:41:49.000 You're a tan mom, Pesobic.

01:41:52.000 No, I'm regular Pesobic.

01:41:53.000 No, you're fucking tan mom.

01:41:56.000 I got the voice down.

01:41:58.000 No, it's not working, dude.

01:42:02.000 You're fucking blacker than Wesley Snipes.

01:42:05.000 Thank you, sir.

01:42:05.000 Yo, what up?

01:42:06.000 I'm black tech Pesobic.

01:42:08.000 I'm Black Pesobic.

01:42:09.000 Black Pesobic works.

01:42:10.000 That's a character.

01:42:10.000 So, yo, listen.

01:42:12.000 Hey, yo, basically, the Russia leaks are...

01:42:15.000 They're not hot fire right now.

01:42:18.000 They're kind of...

01:42:18.000 We're sleeping on those.

01:42:21.000 You know, I enjoy your silly imitations, but I'm also furious that I've been begging you to get that shit together for three years.

01:42:31.000 And you finally did it.

01:42:33.000 That's true.

01:42:35.000 Well, it was impossible before.

01:42:36.000 But now you're leather.

01:42:38.000 I mean, there is a leather factor.

01:42:40.000 Do you do a Maddie Odell?

01:42:42.000 No, I would never do that.

01:42:43.000 Wait, is that going to kill you?

01:42:45.000 He would kill me, yeah.

01:42:46.000 He says he won't kill me, and then here's what happens.

01:42:49.000 And then he kills me.

01:42:50.000 I'm Jack Osopic.

01:42:52.000 Okay.

01:42:52.000 It's pretty good.

01:42:54.000 Gotta say.

01:42:55.000 Me?

01:42:57.000 This guy's...

01:42:57.000 Alright, fuck that guy.

01:42:58.000 I'm sorry, sir.

01:43:00.000 You were listening to the radio.

01:43:01.000 Ryan Costa Rica, this man says.

01:43:03.000 Oh, I like Costa Rica.

01:43:04.000 And Ryan.

01:43:05.000 Holy fucking shit, there's a bat right there.

01:43:07.000 Holy fucking shit, there's a bat.

01:43:08.000 Oh, yeah, that was scary.

01:43:11.000 I fucking love that story, man.

01:43:13.000 The Rolling Stones play satisfaction at every show.

01:43:16.000 Never stop with the stories.

01:43:17.000 That fucking story of your buddies throwing a scissor block at a car and you guys hiding in the street.

01:43:22.000 Fucking my favorite story of all time.

01:43:24.000 We don't speak anymore, by the way.

01:43:26.000 Me and Steve Durand.

01:43:32.000 He contributed to that Vanity Fair article, and I was like, that's okay.

01:43:36.000 He didn't say anything too bad.

01:43:37.000 But he goes, you know what?

01:43:38.000 I've always been about spreading peace, and you've been about spreading hate.

01:43:42.000 And I'm like, first of all, you haven't spread shit.

01:43:45.000 You played in Melissa Oftermar's band for an hour and a half.

01:43:49.000 No one asked you your opinions on anything.

01:43:51.000 And secondly, all this hate you're saying I spread was like, fight back.

01:43:56.000 If a tranny spits in your face, punch them or choke them.

01:44:00.000 And then he goes, Yeah, but you should have known that would be taken out of context.

01:44:05.000 I don't fucking care.

01:44:06.000 I'm not going to say, Don't choke a tranny who spits in your face because someone might just put the choke a tranny part out there.

01:44:13.000 Fuck that.

01:44:14.000 There's a great saying.

01:44:15.000 He said, I'm not responsible.

01:44:17.000 I mean, I'm responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.

01:44:21.000 Yeah.

01:44:21.000 Fuck off.

01:44:23.000 And of course, you know, every time you hear about a villain, you look him up and you go, oh, actually, you're pretty reasonable.

01:44:31.000 Absolutely true.

01:44:33.000 Well, look, my question was, how is the baby monster base doing?

01:44:38.000 Like, is it growing?

01:44:39.000 I remember you guys were up to like 25,000 at one point.

01:44:43.000 I'm going to be totally honest with you.

01:44:45.000 It's stagnant.

01:44:47.000 It has not budged from 25,000 in months.

01:44:52.000 I've tried to get so many friends to subscribe.

01:44:55.000 Some of the guys I work with go, we need to do a telethon with all of the contributors where we go like 48 hours and they all do a thing and try to get subs up.

01:45:07.000 And then I can't.

01:45:08.000 I mean, we've got to win the culture award.

01:45:10.000 I'm not good at business.

01:45:11.000 So my thing was like, maybe 25,000 is my number.

01:45:16.000 And no more than 25,000 people will ever be interested in what I have to say.

01:45:22.000 You know, when we did bites, Shane Smith noticed, the guy that was at the Deontay Welder fight, he's like, we can't seem to get beyond 10,000 copies in Montreal.

01:45:32.000 And I was like, well, I'm not changing.

01:45:34.000 I'm not getting any less weird.

01:45:36.000 And he goes, okay, I can work with that because he's such a great salesman.

01:45:39.000 So he goes, I'm going to have 10,000 copies in Montreal, Calgary, Winnipeg, Vancouver, Okta Yuktuk, and every Canadian city.

01:45:50.000 And then I'm going to break into the American market.

01:45:53.000 And 10,000 in every city in the world will be a lot of people.

01:45:58.000 Yeah.

01:45:58.000 So maybe that's, maybe, maybe I should try to get Shane Smith back.

01:46:03.000 Shane, if you're watching, are you interested in me rehiring you as my top salesman?

01:46:12.000 Please, please, please, please, please.

01:46:14.000 I hope he's watching.

01:46:16.000 He probably is.

01:46:17.000 Anyway, thanks for calling.

01:46:20.000 Thanks for calling.

01:46:22.000 What a good song that is.

01:46:24.000 It's pleasant.

01:46:25.000 What a great band.

01:46:27.000 We got Justin on the line in just one second.

01:46:31.000 Just in case.

01:46:33.000 In case what?

01:46:36.000 I have a buddy.

01:46:37.000 His name, I call him Snakeface.

01:46:38.000 I'm forgetting his real name now.

01:46:40.000 Ryan.

01:46:42.000 Ryan and Marcy in New Orleans.

01:46:44.000 And his dad was a successful cruise entertainer.

01:46:51.000 And he played the piano and he had a big club.

01:46:54.000 His name was Justin Case.

01:46:57.000 Justin?

01:46:58.000 Oh, I see.

01:46:59.000 Justin Town.

01:47:00.000 Justin Case.

01:47:01.000 And he would entertain you.

01:47:03.000 He wasn't a great dad.

01:47:05.000 Didn't pay a lot of attention to my buddy Snakeface, but he paid a lot of attention to old ladies on a cruise.

01:47:12.000 Thanks.

01:47:13.000 Sir, you're on the list.

01:47:14.000 A lot of tips.

01:47:17.000 Justin.

01:47:21.000 Not Justin Time.

01:47:22.000 But we never talk about your dad, Maddie.

01:47:24.000 Hello?

01:47:24.000 Oh, okay.

01:47:25.000 Hello?

01:47:27.000 Hello?

01:47:28.000 Hello?

01:47:29.000 Hello.

01:47:29.000 Justin.

01:47:31.000 Not Justin, dude.

01:47:32.000 Whatever your name is.

01:47:33.000 Anyway, whatever.

01:47:35.000 I got a bunch of freaks on TikTok to shout out their baby monsters.

01:47:38.000 I sent it to the mailbag, and Ryan's going back too.

01:47:41.000 Oh, okay, great.

01:47:42.000 Thank you very much.

01:47:42.000 I got a dude to say.

01:47:43.000 Wait, wait, I sent another one to this.

01:47:45.000 This dude, I got him to sing The Bird That Is the Bald Eagle.

01:47:48.000 You got what?

01:47:50.000 I got a dude to sing The Bird That Is the Bald Eagle while he plays guitar.

01:47:54.000 You sound black.

01:47:57.000 No, I'm James.

01:47:58.000 You're James?

01:48:00.000 No, I'm Latino.

01:48:02.000 Oh, you're Latino.

01:48:03.000 Where are you from?

01:48:05.000 I'm from Queens, but my parents are from Columbia.

01:48:08.000 You grew up in Queens?

01:48:10.000 Yeah.

01:48:11.000 And where are you now?

01:48:14.000 Miami.

01:48:15.000 Why'd you leave Queens for Miami?

01:48:19.000 My mom's job had moved, and we had a bunch of family there.

01:48:22.000 When did you leave Queens?

01:48:25.000 Like five years ago?

01:48:28.000 Courtesy?

01:48:28.000 You know that sandwich joint?

01:48:30.000 What's it called?

01:48:31.000 Ana Maria?

01:48:32.000 Anta Clary?

01:48:33.000 Anti.

01:48:36.000 No, I grew up close to the East New York.

01:48:39.000 What even?

01:48:40.000 That's not a nice part of town.

01:48:44.000 This is East New York.

01:48:46.000 I was eight, some jewelers got murdered.

01:48:48.000 What happened?

01:48:50.000 When I was eight, I was walking down Jamaica Avenue and some...

01:48:53.000 There was like a bunch of tape outside the jewelry store.

01:48:56.000 The one jewelry store we had there and the guy had gotten murdered like the night before.

01:49:00.000 I knew it.

01:49:01.000 Yeah.

01:49:02.000 It's not a nice place to grow up.

01:49:04.000 I'm glad your parents got you the fuck out of that shithole, which, by the way, is about a mile from where we are right now.

01:49:12.000 Nice.

01:49:13.000 All right.

01:49:13.000 Thanks, sir.

01:49:15.000 Wait.

01:49:15.000 What was the first three letters of your email?

01:49:19.000 Fade, Faye 2.

01:49:21.000 Oh, okay.

01:49:22.000 It's both.

01:49:23.000 It's one for the baby mattress and one for the bald eagle.

01:49:26.000 Gosh, okay.

01:49:28.000 All right, thanks for it.

01:49:29.000 Thanks for calling.

01:49:31.000 Thanks for calling, bud.

01:49:32.000 Thank you.

01:49:33.000 Yes, sir.

01:49:34.000 The bird which is the bald eagle.

01:49:36.000 Isn't it funny that that's become our entire identity?

01:49:40.000 The bird.

01:49:41.000 Which is the bald eagle.

01:49:42.000 The bird which is the bald eagle.

01:49:43.000 The thing I love about it, the reason it resonates is because it's someone full of shit.

01:49:49.000 Filonius doesn't give a fuck about George Floyd.

01:49:52.000 He doesn't give a fuck about...

01:49:54.000 Like if my brother was killed and there was an argument about, you know, endangered species, I would be out there furious going, we're talking about endangered species every day.

01:50:06.000 We've got the bald eagle.

01:50:08.000 We can't kill the bald eagle.

01:50:10.000 My brother was part of a group that is killed on a minutely basis.

01:50:17.000 And he's not on a list.

01:50:18.000 We are in a culture right now where animals have a higher fucking priority than human beings.

01:50:27.000 You can't kill a bird.

01:50:29.000 Oh, God Forbid, but you can shoot my brother in the head as opposed to the bird which is the ball.

01:50:38.000 Like, he's never even, he hasn't thought about George Floyd in 10 years.

01:50:44.000 He's thinking about him now as he counts that money.

01:50:47.000 Yep.

01:50:48.000 Hey, Flonius, I'm here in Detroit.

01:50:52.000 Okay, who this?

01:50:54.000 I'm with your brother.

01:50:55.000 I'm going to pay you $1 million if I can just squeeze this trigger and put a bullet through your brother's head.

01:51:04.000 Which brother is it?

01:51:06.000 George?

01:51:06.000 Who George?

01:51:07.000 George.

01:51:09.000 I don't even know how to brother.

01:51:10.000 George Floyd.

01:51:12.000 I'm Filonius Floyd.

01:51:14.000 Oh, George.

01:51:14.000 Oh, no, no, I know, George.

01:51:16.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:51:16.000 Shoot him.

01:51:17.000 All right.

01:51:17.000 You listening?

01:51:18.000 Yeah, I'm listening.

01:51:20.000 So is this like Western Union?

01:51:22.000 What happens?

01:51:23.000 How does it come over?

01:51:26.000 How does it get here?

01:51:28.000 Or his fucking cunt girlfriend, who's known as Mama.

01:51:32.000 When he was saying, help, Mama, he meant his girlfriend.

01:51:36.000 How about the $40 million she's raised?

01:51:40.000 That junkie loser Fentano bitch.

01:51:44.000 Hey, I can take the $40 million and bring George back.

01:51:49.000 I can put it in a revitalization machine.

01:51:52.000 Are you in?

01:51:54.000 Maybe later.

01:51:54.000 Let's just...

01:51:56.000 Hang on to this for a little bit.

01:51:56.000 You know what?

01:51:57.000 Let's invest it now.

01:51:58.000 And then later it'll be like 80 million.

01:52:02.000 And then George and I can have 40 after you revitalize them.

01:52:06.000 Oh, the machine only lasts for one year.

01:52:09.000 Okay, well, check back in with me in a year.

01:52:12.000 So I got a couple here.

01:52:15.000 These are all the ones we got.

01:52:16.000 I have a feeling he sent these in, and we already showed the ones he had.

01:52:20.000 I don't care about these.

01:52:23.000 Well, that one's funny.

01:52:25.000 Green hair.

01:52:26.000 The bird, which is the bald eagle.

01:52:30.000 What does that even mean?

01:52:31.000 That's a dude.

01:52:33.000 Oh, God.

01:52:34.000 That's a dude, bro.

01:52:35.000 That's a dude.

01:52:36.000 Remember the people we would bully in high school?

01:52:40.000 Like, you'd bully someone for having a mole on their earlobe.

01:52:44.000 Hey, fucking shit earring.

01:52:48.000 Now you have tits and green hair and high-heel shoes.

01:52:54.000 I remember that we, well, I went to the Earl of March High School in Canada, Ontario, and we were way out in the suburbs, but we were so far out in the suburbs that we're in the country.

01:53:05.000 And we were near an area called Carp.

01:53:08.000 And I guess named after the fish.

01:53:10.000 The Carpies were a weird group of rednecks.

01:53:13.000 They'd wear their ski jackets.

01:53:14.000 Downhill skiing in Canada is a redneck thing.

01:53:17.000 It's like hunting and fishing, I guess, in the South.

01:53:19.000 So they would have their ski jackets on and they'd have their hats.

01:53:22.000 They'd wear their baseball hats like you could blow them off their heads.

01:53:26.000 They were barely touching their heads, right on top of their heads.

01:53:31.000 And they'd wear their whatever fucking work boots and shit.

01:53:35.000 And they would come up to us, the punks, and they go, I'm going to shave your fucking head.

01:53:39.000 You need a haircut.

01:53:41.000 Meanwhile, our heads were shaved.

01:53:42.000 Like there was nothing to shave.

01:53:43.000 I didn't even understand what the fuck they were talking about.

01:53:45.000 So they were mad at us for being slightly alternative fashionistas.

01:53:51.000 We didn't have tits.

01:53:53.000 We did not insist they use pronouns.

01:53:57.000 Like, it's time to bring back some bullying.

01:54:01.000 We would bully each other.

01:54:04.000 One time I went up to Kim Gustafson and I pulled up her dress over her head and everyone saw her panties.

01:54:12.000 I don't know why I did it.

01:54:13.000 It was fucking stupid.

01:54:14.000 I'm embarrassed of it.

01:54:16.000 I was 14, 1984.

01:54:18.000 And then all my friends took me outside and beat me up.

01:54:23.000 Because that was a stupid, horrible thing to do.

01:54:28.000 There you go.

01:54:28.000 Handle.

01:54:29.000 Old school the next day, like nothing happened.

01:54:31.000 And I think I know why.

01:54:35.000 That's good.

01:54:36.000 And I think I know why.

01:54:38.000 Okay, let's hear you, Maddie.

01:54:40.000 And I think I know why.

01:54:43.000 That's what's funny.

01:54:44.000 It's all the why.

01:54:47.000 And I think I know why.

01:54:49.000 And I think I know why.

01:54:52.000 And I think I know why.

01:54:53.000 I believe it's three.

01:54:54.000 Let's hear.

01:54:55.000 And I think I know why.

01:54:57.000 Why?

01:54:58.000 Why?

01:54:59.000 The second one has a big emphasis.

01:55:02.000 And I know why.

01:55:03.000 And I think I know why.

01:55:06.000 It's not really one, two, three.

01:55:08.000 It's one, boom, three.

01:55:10.000 And it clips.

01:55:11.000 And then the third one is very subtle.

01:55:14.000 And I think I know why.

01:55:15.000 Oh, you cheater.

01:55:16.000 Fuck you.

01:55:17.000 What are you talking about?

01:55:18.000 You liar, you fucking 12-year-old at Harvard.

01:55:22.000 And I think I know why.

01:55:23.000 And I think I know why.

01:55:25.000 He gets a little grippy.

01:55:27.000 You added one.

01:55:27.000 It's only three.

01:55:29.000 And the second one is huge.

01:55:30.000 And I think I know why.

01:55:33.000 That was terrible.

01:55:34.000 And I think I know why.

01:55:35.000 Why?

01:55:36.000 And I think I know why.

01:55:37.000 Everything is on the second and the why.

01:55:40.000 And I think I know why.

01:55:41.000 Why?

01:55:42.000 I think that's true.

01:55:43.000 Like he really, all his eggs are in the second Y basket.

01:55:47.000 And I think I know why.

01:55:48.000 No way.

01:55:49.000 And I think I know why.

01:55:50.000 Yeah, he loves that second Y. And I think I know why.

01:55:55.000 And I think I know why.

01:55:58.000 That was good.

01:55:59.000 That was a good one.

01:56:00.000 Dude, that was one of the best ones.

01:56:01.000 I got to clip that.

01:56:02.000 And I think I know why.

01:56:04.000 Oh, now I'm too drunk.

01:56:05.000 It's soft in the front.

01:56:07.000 I know in my head the physics of it, but I can't.

01:56:12.000 I think I know why.

01:56:14.000 And then it's time to party.

01:56:15.000 After the why, he's like, ha.

01:56:20.000 It has a big old, great old time, white people suck.

01:56:24.000 And then the last one is just like, can people leave, please?

01:56:27.000 It's time to go.

01:56:28.000 You don't have to go home, but you got to go.

01:56:30.000 It was the last call of his why.

01:56:31.000 It was like, ha.

01:56:33.000 The front, the second one is like, because you know it gets so grumpy at the end, you want to hit the front end a little harder.

01:56:42.000 And I think I know why.

01:56:43.000 But the front is pretty soft.

01:56:45.000 It's all clapping.

01:56:47.000 It's like when you hear Van Halen's Panama, you want to play it hard, but he actually plays it pretty soft.

01:56:54.000 And I think I know Panama.

01:56:57.000 And I think I know Panama.

01:56:59.000 And I think I know why.

01:57:06.000 So he seduces us with his first wah.

01:57:10.000 And I think I know wah.

01:57:13.000 And you're like, oh, you're a friend?

01:57:15.000 And then he's like, motherfuckers, you think you own the planet?

01:57:22.000 You don't.

01:57:23.000 You're a racist.

01:57:24.000 And then we go, and then as you're walking in, he goes, I'm like, Tupac Rover.

01:57:33.000 You fucked up.

01:57:34.000 You fell into my trap.

01:57:37.000 You should watch Sesame Street more.

01:57:39.000 You should play this many times.

01:57:41.000 You should watch.

01:57:44.000 And I think I know why.

01:57:49.000 Oh, fuck.

01:57:50.000 We got Jimmy on the line.

01:57:53.000 Or Tony.

01:57:53.000 I'm sorry, Tony.

01:57:55.000 Jimmy on the Line is the name of our show from now on.

01:57:58.000 Get Off My Lawn is Dead.

01:58:00.000 It's now called Jimmy on the Line.

01:58:03.000 Hey, David, first time caller, longtime listener.

01:58:07.000 How are you?

01:58:08.000 Great.

01:58:08.000 How are you?

01:58:11.000 Hey, a couple of mind-blowing things.

01:58:14.000 I think the vaccine is spreading COVID.

01:58:19.000 The numbers don't make sense.

01:58:21.000 They're going up, even though 70% of the country has been vaccinated.

01:58:26.000 The deaths are going up.

01:58:28.000 So I think their whole goal is everyone's got to get COVID or 90% of the country.

01:58:34.000 Everyone I know has gotten vaccinated to the, all of a sudden their wife gets it or their kids get it like a month after they get the vaccine.

01:58:44.000 And that whole sloughing of the virus that Alex Jones mentioned months and months ago, I think that's what it is.

01:58:53.000 They were like, we just all got to get it.

01:58:55.000 And once we have herd immunity, we're good.

01:58:57.000 We're going to lose a few.

01:58:59.000 And then secondly, it'll never be Matt Gates with DeSantis because in any presidency in the history of the United States, they've never, VP and president never come from the same state.

01:59:13.000 I'm thinking more Tim Scott because we'll go for the black vote again, you know, capitulation.

01:59:18.000 The RMC will make the pick, you know.

01:59:20.000 And I'm thinking Noel, South Dakota, but I think they're like, we're never doing another woman governor like, you know, from a small state like they did with Sarah Pillan.

01:59:32.000 You know, the Alaska governor, you know, with McCain.

01:59:35.000 And so, anyways, those are a couple other points.

01:59:39.000 Okay, sorry, sorry.

01:59:40.000 Let me make something clear to you.

01:59:42.000 You get one thing.

01:59:44.000 So we are completely ignoring your second thing.

01:59:47.000 We're deleting it.

01:59:48.000 Okay, you can't.

01:59:49.000 We're going to delete it in post.

01:59:51.000 But the first thing was interesting.

01:59:53.000 And I think that, like, the antibodies say that you're better at fighting COVID, right, than the vaccine.

02:00:03.000 So isn't it in a bizarre way, and I'm thinking outside the box here, isn't it in a bizarre way, it's kind of good to pretend everyone is immune and get them the disease so they can get COVID?

02:00:18.000 Like, aren't we at the point now where it's good to have COVID?

02:00:23.000 Yeah.

02:00:24.000 Yeah.

02:00:25.000 No, it is.

02:00:26.000 So if the vaccine gives you COVID, isn't that good?

02:00:31.000 Yeah, exactly.

02:00:34.000 So that's crazy.

02:00:35.000 That's the game plan, but they didn't want to tell everyone that.

02:00:38.000 They're like, because it's not a vaccine.

02:00:40.000 A vaccine, we've gone through this.

02:00:41.000 Like, if you get the chickenpox vaccine, you don't get chicken pumps.

02:00:45.000 You get the mumps vaccine.

02:00:46.000 You don't get the mumps.

02:00:48.000 So wait a minute, caller.

02:00:50.000 You're saying here that the powers that be are actually trying to help us.

02:00:55.000 It's benevolent.

02:00:56.000 They're trying to give us COVID because that's the best thing you can do.

02:01:00.000 Because I'm convinced.

02:01:02.000 I tested negative, but after coming back from Vegas, I'm convinced I had COVID.

02:01:07.000 I'd never tasted a beer that tasted like Perrier before.

02:01:11.000 I'd never done a...

02:01:14.000 I ingested hot sauce.

02:01:16.000 It hurt my tongue, but that was it.

02:01:19.000 I'd never experienced that before in my 51 years of life.

02:01:23.000 And now I feel like a million bucks.

02:01:24.000 I'm convinced I had it.

02:01:26.000 I feel great.

02:01:27.000 I'm excited.

02:01:29.000 So wait a minute.

02:01:31.000 In your version of events, these evil globalists who control the world are helping us.

02:01:37.000 No, I'm not saying that they're evil.

02:01:40.000 I'm saying they can't tell us the truth.

02:01:42.000 They're like, if we tell everyone that we all need to get it, it's going to freak out.

02:01:46.000 Well, that's good.

02:01:46.000 That's benevolent.

02:01:48.000 They're helping us develop antibodies.

02:01:52.000 Yeah, no, exactly.

02:01:53.000 I don't think they want to kill off the earth.

02:01:56.000 I think the powers of D are trying to help.

02:01:59.000 I do think China leaked it out of a lab, and I do think we're in World War III.

02:02:03.000 We just don't know it yet.

02:02:04.000 It's like if you have like, your girlfriend got raped and got AIDS from the rapist, and you call the police, and they're like, what the hell happened?

02:02:13.000 She has AIDS, okay?

02:02:15.000 And you're like, yeah, it was this guy.

02:02:17.000 Here's the description.

02:02:18.000 And they're like, no, no, no, no.

02:02:19.000 We don't care who gave it to you.

02:02:24.000 We just want to give you an antidote to fix the AIDS.

02:02:28.000 And it's like, no, no, but we want the guy that did all this, raping, you know, caught.

02:02:33.000 We need him brought to justice.

02:02:34.000 No, no, no.

02:02:35.000 The media worldwide is afraid of China.

02:02:38.000 They're scared to death to be like, China leaked it from a lab because you're forced to go to World War III at that point because there's going to be ramifications.

02:02:51.000 And China's going to say, fuck you.

02:02:53.000 Let's just say Europe and North America said, you owe us $30 trillion for COVID, but leak.

02:02:58.000 They would just say, fuck you.

02:03:00.000 How do you get someone to pay that owes you a debt?

02:03:03.000 You have to arrest them or use military cars or something.

02:03:06.000 Dude, if I owed you $100 and you wrecked my kitchen, you broke a $100 chair in my kitchen, I would say, we're even.

02:03:15.000 And you can go fuck yourself.

02:03:19.000 Like, why don't we just say, I know we're in debt to you, but you're in debt to me now.

02:03:25.000 I don't understand why there is not a class action suit against China With all these countries, Italy, Germany, Britain, America, going, you fucked my entire world up.

02:03:37.000 I'm not paying you back until you pay me back.

02:03:41.000 China has 4% of our debt.

02:03:43.000 It's $1 trillion.

02:03:46.000 Almost $1.1.

02:03:48.000 I thought it was more than that.

02:03:49.000 I'm looking it up right now, Maddie.

02:03:52.000 We have a $28 trillion debt, and China owes us or owns $1.1 trillion of it.

02:03:58.000 So we owe ourselves all that money.

02:04:01.000 Trillion dollar coins.

02:04:02.000 Yeah, it's like that would pay for like a quarter of one of our COVID stimuluses if we said, yes, we're defaulting on that.

02:04:11.000 And then you've got to worry about what that would do to the capital markets and the stock market.

02:04:15.000 It would crash everything overnight.

02:04:17.000 Yeah.

02:04:18.000 So that's the same problem because now no one can trust us that we'll pay our debts because we might just say, you started COVID or COVID 2025.

02:04:27.000 So we don't owe you any money, Denmark.

02:04:30.000 Yeah, but they're never going to, like you said, there's never going to be a class action shoot.

02:04:33.000 No one's ever going to do anything because, you know, Trump handled China with stern actions and Biden is a pussy.

02:04:45.000 No doubt about it.

02:04:47.000 I mean, Trump right on his way out said, we're just going to cancel our debt and we're going to give them a debt, just like Gavin said.

02:04:54.000 And then a month later, he was out of office.

02:04:58.000 China knew they couldn't assassinate him or it'd be World War III, but they're like, we could release a pandemic on the world.

02:05:05.000 And that probably would get us in less trouble than assassinating Trump.

02:05:09.000 Let's just kill millions of people.

02:05:11.000 I've got to say, that's amazing.

02:05:13.000 We only owe China a trillion, and we're in debt.

02:05:18.000 The last time I checked in on the debt, it was $15, $16 trillion.

02:05:23.000 It's $28?

02:05:25.000 Yes.

02:05:27.000 And, you know, Democrats are trying to pass this $3.5 trillion bill, which has nothing to do with infrastructure, and then they have the infrastructure bill.

02:05:36.000 And so they want to add like $5 million to that, just 20% increase, like overnight with two bills.

02:05:44.000 No big deal.

02:05:45.000 It's just like George W. Bush and the whole history of the United States debt combined.

02:05:52.000 I mean, that's one thing about George W. Remember George W. Bush was like the crazy spending machine because he spent like $4 billion.

02:06:02.000 And they added up all the presidents before him.

02:06:05.000 And they go, no one can hold a candle to George W. Bush.

02:06:10.000 Clinton was considered, they always said he made money for America, but all he did was not spend as much as they thought he would.

02:06:19.000 And then after that, it just went kaboom.

02:06:25.000 Yeah.

02:06:26.000 Well, a contract with America was a big deal in 1994 with Newt Gingrich.

02:06:30.000 You know, he held Clinton hostage.

02:06:33.000 He was a lame duck, and Newt was like, we're not going to pass anything that doesn't balance the budget.

02:06:38.000 So they kind of, Clinton was kind of forced to drop spending or at least free spending.

02:06:44.000 And then he did raise taxes more than George H. Bush did.

02:06:48.000 And that's another interesting, you know who fucked the United States more than anyone?

02:06:52.000 Ross Perot.

02:06:53.000 Ross Perot, if he want to run, George H. Bush would have won a second term hands down.

02:07:00.000 But he stole like, look it up, like 13% of the Republicans away.

02:07:05.000 So it was like Clinton 39.

02:07:09.000 George Senior.

02:07:09.000 Do you think George Sr. is good for America?

02:07:13.000 Well, I'm just saying when Clinton got in, that's when the feminism took off.

02:07:17.000 Hillary Clinton, the Democrats got a stronghold.

02:07:21.000 That's when it all changed.

02:07:23.000 And if George H. Bush wins that election, Perot doesn't fuck it all up, then we would have had four more years of George H. Bush.

02:07:31.000 They wouldn't have got their stronghold.

02:07:33.000 Feminism wouldn't have took hold.

02:07:34.000 We would have been more like the 1980s than the 1960s.

02:07:41.000 And then the 1960s just ate everything up.

02:07:43.000 I don't want to brag, but I get the vibe from you talking that you use the same driver as Tiger Woods.

02:07:53.000 The Sim2.

02:07:56.000 And that's made by who?

02:07:59.000 I think it's Calawa.

02:08:03.000 Okay, the Sim2, the Sim X doesn't have the same flexibility as the Sim 2.

02:08:12.000 And I just bought a Sim 2 without...

02:08:15.000 Sorry, a Sim X I bought.

02:08:17.000 You sound like you have a Sim 2.

02:08:18.000 Am I correct?

02:08:20.000 You're correct, sir.

02:08:21.000 I don't know how you just knew that.

02:08:23.000 Now, I...

02:08:24.000 Yeah, well, 70% of the guys at my country club use a Sim2, though.

02:08:29.000 Okay, so here's what I've noticed.

02:08:31.000 Number one.

02:08:32.000 I had a massive problem with bending to the right.

02:08:36.000 Every time I hit it with my...

02:08:38.000 And I got the Sim Max, and it is an incredible club, and Tiger Woods is right to use it.

02:08:44.000 But what I was noticing is every, at the driving range, everything went to the far right.

02:08:50.000 Right?

02:08:51.000 As people politically tend to do.

02:08:54.000 You know what I did?

02:08:55.000 I moved the Sim Max over 10 inches from the ball.

02:09:01.000 So now I'm hitting it as it's sort of leaving my swing.

02:09:06.000 Guess what happened?

02:09:09.000 300 down the middle.

02:09:11.000 Okay, not 300, 200 yards, but down the fucking middle.

02:09:16.000 If you are bending right or bending left, go farther from the ball or closer to the ball.

02:09:24.000 And it's been a game changer.

02:09:26.000 Anyway, I have no idea who you are.

02:09:28.000 Thank you for calling in.

02:09:30.000 It's been inspiring.

02:09:32.000 The Sim to the Sim Max are fantastic drivers.

02:09:36.000 They look like salad bowls, really.

02:09:39.000 As long as you're not like, do that marathon.

02:09:42.000 Do that marathon, man.

02:09:43.000 You really got to do that marathon.

02:09:44.000 That's what you're talking about.

02:09:46.000 Thanks for calling.

02:09:46.000 Goodbye.

02:09:47.000 As long as you're not a simp, right?

02:09:49.000 I mean, because you know, we, and by the way, we do owe China a lot of money.

02:09:52.000 We do.

02:09:53.000 But, I mean, how much Chinese food do we buy?

02:09:55.000 We buy a lot, right?

02:09:56.000 So, I mean, I think it's pretty much kind of, it's even at this point, we can pretty much call the debt a squash at that point.

02:10:02.000 Oh, Nick Fuentes.

02:10:04.000 Yeah.

02:10:05.000 Say the bird which is the bald eagle.

02:10:08.000 The bird which is the bald eagle.

02:10:10.000 That's just great.

02:10:12.000 That's just great.

02:10:14.000 Nick is the first person on this show today who is not made of green leather.

02:10:22.000 Personally, I would never be made of green leather.

02:10:25.000 You know, you should have made prosthetic fingers that go out four inches longer than yours.

02:10:30.000 You're saying that he has long fingers.

02:10:32.000 Wait, what do you mean he?

02:10:33.000 I thought you were him.

02:10:34.000 Well, when you talk about me, I mean, it's definitely like a different person, right?

02:10:38.000 I mean, so there's that.

02:10:40.000 You know, that's pretty fun.

02:10:41.000 But, you know, overall, generally, my fingers are pretty wild.

02:10:44.000 I mean, they do bend backwards pretty wildly when I do make pontifications and things like that.

02:10:49.000 But honestly, yeah, my fingers are actually fairly normal if you really do look at the numbers.

02:10:54.000 And they're there.

02:10:54.000 You can look them up on your own mucking and walk you through that.

02:10:57.000 But yeah, sure, absolutely.

02:10:58.000 You know, that's fine.

02:11:00.000 Nick Fuentes exists because of me, and I'm very proud of my prodigy.

02:11:05.000 Anyway, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

02:11:55.000 What amazes he?

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - October 08, 2021

GOML LIVE #118 - WASTED AND ON COKE

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