Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #33

00:00:13.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes!

00:00:34.000 Sorry I'm late, dawg.

00:00:37.000 My chair's stuck.

00:00:40.000 Um...

00:00:42.000 Yeah, I don't got notes.

00:00:43.000 I ain't organized.

00:00:45.000 I've been running around like a chicken with his head cut off.

00:00:48.000 Just running, running, blood spurting everywhere, making weird gestures, joining the circus, and living for approximately 2.8 years before eventually toppling down dead.

00:01:01.000 That's a true story, you know.

00:01:03.000 That a chicken that survived 2.8 years?

00:01:05.000 Yeah.

00:01:08.000 Googling.

00:01:09.000 There was some attraction at some circus thing.

00:01:12.000 And, uh, there was like the bearded lady and the two headed snake.

00:01:17.000 And one of the things was a chicken with his head cut off and he was doing fine.

00:01:21.000 The no headed chicken?

00:01:22.000 The no headed chicken.

00:01:23.000 Mike, his name was?

00:01:24.000 Mike.

00:01:26.000 Mike, you're acting like the headless chicken that is your namesake.

00:01:30.000 How long did he live for?

00:01:31.000 18 months.

00:01:32.000 What did I say?

00:01:33.000 20 years?

00:01:34.000 All right.

00:01:34.000 I was off.

00:01:34.000 1.5 years.

00:01:38.000 Fame.

00:01:39.000 Fame!

00:01:40.000 I wanna live forever!

00:01:43.000 Wait, Fame, I wanna- I wanna learn how to- Oh my god, that song's about Mike.

00:01:46.000 Fame, I wanna live for 18 months.

00:01:47.000 I wanna live forever.

00:01:48.000 I wanna learn how to fly.

00:01:50.000 Holy shit.

00:01:53.000 The people who made the movie Fame are fucking geniuses.

00:01:57.000 They're chicken lovers.

00:01:58.000 Or, more specifically, genie-i.

00:02:01.000 Um, we've got a lot to cover today.

00:02:03.000 The reason I'm late is I've been dealing with all this most recent gossip.

00:02:07.000 We're banned!

00:02:10.000 We might be banned from YouTube.

00:02:11.000 You might not be seeing this on YouTube because I might not have a YouTube channel.

00:02:15.000 So who am I talking to?

00:02:16.000 I guess the people behind the paywall at censored.tv, which you cannot say!

00:02:21.000 You cannot say censored.tv on Instagram.

00:02:26.000 You can't say it in private DMs.

00:02:29.000 Hey man, did you hear about censored.tv, which I hate?

00:02:33.000 Those guys are jerks.

00:02:34.000 I'm glad they're banned.

00:02:36.000 Send?

00:02:36.000 Nope.

00:02:37.000 It won't send.

00:02:41.000 They tried to, um, I got some screenshots.

00:02:43.000 I don't want to show them.

00:02:44.000 I can't see you.

00:02:46.000 I don't want to show the screenshots because it gives away people's identities.

00:02:49.000 Oh, I love the way you make the word identities fun.

00:02:52.000 Yes.

00:02:54.000 Someone with a vocabulary of 140 should not be coming up with fun names.

00:03:00.000 Why don't you just stick to words?

00:03:02.000 Identities.

00:03:03.000 There we go.

00:03:05.000 But yeah, they would send me a thing where they can't, you know, you could put your website in the bio and you try to put censor TV and it says you're a Nazi or something.

00:03:14.000 Yeah, you're a Nazi.

00:03:17.000 You could put Pornhub or, you know.

00:03:18.000 Pornhub's fine.

00:03:20.000 Ryan had his personal Facebook shut down today, which is like pictures of his little Puerto Rican-Japanese siblings and cousins.

00:03:31.000 Not necessarily in that order.

00:03:32.000 Some are Japanese, some are Puerto Rican.

00:03:34.000 And some aren't cousins.

00:03:38.000 Who else?

00:03:38.000 Oh yeah, we have this Serbian dude who does our tech.

00:03:41.000 Which is not easy with censored.tv because everyone's trying to shut it down.

00:03:45.000 So everything is on 340 levels of encryption.

00:03:48.000 And he's like, I'm not sure what, I appreciate you make a news show, right?

00:03:52.000 News, you like a podcast?

00:03:54.000 I don't really understand, but I have just been kicked off of Facebook.

00:03:59.000 So I have to explain to my boss why I can no longer administrate the Facebook.

00:04:04.000 Like what they're really doing here is they're saying, I don't just want you to not have a voice.

00:04:08.000 I don't want you to have any friends.

00:04:10.000 Like Max Hare,

00:04:12.000 The proud boy who's in prison and governor for the next four years.

00:04:16.000 He's dating this girl and she's not political.

00:04:19.000 They met shortly before he went to prison, but she says, I think I'm going to stick by this guy.

00:04:23.000 She works at a nail salon that they start Antifa radical leftists have been harassing her mother, her father, her.

00:04:30.000 She's like 21 and the nail salon.

00:04:34.000 They don't want Max to have a girlfriend.

00:04:36.000 The fact that he's in prison for four years is not good enough.

00:04:39.000 Do you understand?

00:04:40.000 This is really what's going on here.

00:04:43.000 Ron Coleman, the lawyer that's helping me sue the SPLC, summed it up perfectly.

00:04:48.000 They're Bolsheviks.

00:04:49.000 They only care about power.

00:04:51.000 And people who care about power are insatiable.

00:04:54.000 Like ISIS, they're never satisfied.

00:04:57.000 So get the guy in prison.

00:04:59.000 That's nothing.

00:05:00.000 I want to make sure he doesn't have a love in his life.

00:05:04.000 Oh, that's good.

00:05:07.000 Anyway, we got these shirts.

00:05:11.000 I'm not really liking them.

00:05:13.000 What?

00:05:15.000 First of all, they're too fucking small.

00:05:19.000 Look at this.

00:05:19.000 This is a large, right?

00:05:22.000 Mine fits perf.

00:05:24.000 Yeah, you're a midge.

00:05:25.000 Mine's a small.

00:05:27.000 Okay, this is my large.

00:05:29.000 Well, you're putting it over a trench or a pea coat.

00:05:35.000 Does that look like it fits?

00:05:37.000 That's over your trench coat.

00:05:41.000 Now you're stretching this out, now you're making me look fat.

00:05:43.000 Look how hard it is to get on your body.

00:05:46.000 Yet again, you're wearing multiple layers of clothing.

00:05:48.000 A shirt's supposed to go under those things.

00:05:50.000 You know what's perfect?

00:05:51.000 Earlier I said you don't have a vocabulary.

00:05:53.000 Correct.

00:05:54.000 So don't make funny words.

00:05:55.000 And then you called a pea coat a trench coat.

00:05:58.000 But fund it up by saying a trench.

00:06:00.000 And then I said a pea.

00:06:01.000 Because I'm so positive that's a trench coat, I'm gonna call it a trench.

00:06:04.000 And then I said a pea.

00:06:05.000 To abbreviate a coat means you're familiar with it.

00:06:09.000 And you're bored.

00:06:12.000 So you think it's the coat?

00:06:15.000 Um, well mine fits perfect and you can get these at censored.tv.

00:06:20.000 Don't say that, we'll be banned.

00:06:22.000 What did you, didn't you get a notice on your Facebook that you were promoting hate?

00:06:27.000 Yeah, some crap like that.

00:06:29.000 And what was the hate?

00:06:29.000 You were saying like, hate's awesome.

00:06:31.000 Hey everyone, we're having a hate convention on Thursday.

00:06:35.000 It says as follows.

00:06:38.000 Um... Yeah, I broke the policies.

00:06:41.000 The following.

00:06:42.000 Support for a violent or criminal organization or group, credible threats of harm to others, or the promotion of self-destructive behavior, targeting other individuals, hate speech, singling out people based on race, ethnicity, national origin... Did you do all of those, or they're saying this is the rough... No, this is just basically we don't like you.

00:07:01.000 God, look at my nips these days.

00:07:03.000 They're like pencil erasers.

00:07:05.000 You got three of them.

00:07:08.000 Finally a good joke.

00:07:09.000 Thanks.

00:07:11.000 I like these shirts but they kind of, without explanation or context, it kind of looks like a Nambla shirt.

00:07:20.000 They can see your head is the full size.

00:07:22.000 Huh.

00:07:25.000 So yeah, that's what's going on today, and I got all kinds of goss about it.

00:07:29.000 You know what was funny?

00:07:30.000 Gateway Pundit wrote an article about it, Cassandra Fairbanks wrote it up, and it was banned because it had censored.tv in the title.

00:07:41.000 Wow, wow.

00:07:42.000 But I got, there's weird shit going on.

00:07:44.000 This isn't as simple as

00:07:46.000 As it sounds, for example.

00:07:49.000 Still on Twitter.

00:07:58.000 Apparently we got reported by some Bernie groups and similar types of people.

00:08:04.000 One of the initial reports mentioned that they couldn't believe censored.tv was allowed to operate in public venues like Facebook.

00:08:11.000 These bands have been passed to Facebook PR team and there's a note that has been logged for law enforcement.

00:08:17.000 Logged, meaning it's not deleted, they've saved everything.

00:08:23.000 It doesn't mean they've sent it, but that they've kept all of the content and comments in case law enforcement wants it later.

00:08:30.000 Apparently we don't belong on the internet, let alone Facebook.

00:08:34.000 But it's definitely coordinated.

00:08:36.000 There was actually only one content-related report for our pages until yesterday.

00:08:40.000 Then there were lots of them that came in all last night at once.

00:08:45.000 This is right after Trump's State of the Union, right?

00:08:48.000 Or no, that was two nights ago.

00:08:49.000 Yeah, it was after his little victory lap speech.

00:08:53.000 Right.

00:08:54.000 That's the timing, I see.

00:08:55.000 They waited for our name banning, our name change.

00:08:59.000 Banning censored TV is a lot easier than banning freespeech.tv.

00:09:06.000 And then some insider insider insiders said if Gavin

00:09:11.000 Says he is distancing himself from some groups Facebook might consider a reinstatement.

00:09:18.000 Distancing myself.

00:09:19.000 Yeah, we tried that.

00:09:22.000 It didn't work.

00:09:22.000 Two men still went to prison.

00:09:24.000 Although I was happy to get that letter from John where he said, dude, don't, don't freak out.

00:09:30.000 Um, yes, they used everything you've ever said in our trial, but if they didn't, it would have been a MAGA hat.

00:09:37.000 And he brought up a good point.

00:09:38.000 He said, you know, they had those big banners that were, that were put all over New York.

00:09:42.000 And one of them had, uh, um, Max as a smiling and said, smiling in the face of tyranny.

00:09:49.000 And then Cuomo really freaked out and made Max a CMC, I believe it's called.

00:09:55.000 What the fuck does that mean again?

00:09:57.000 There's some things my brain just cannot remember.

00:10:02.000 And one of them is this acronym, probably because, yeah, here it is.

00:10:06.000 A CMC, Close Monitoring Case.

00:10:13.000 I can never remember that.

00:10:15.000 Close monitoring case.

00:10:17.000 It's like the guy in the Kansas City Chiefs that went to New Rochelle High.

00:10:22.000 I can never remember him.

00:10:24.000 Already getting screenshots from your little shirt debacle.

00:10:29.000 Quasimodo.

00:10:32.000 They made John a CMC right after.

00:10:35.000 Really?

00:10:35.000 Yeah.

00:10:36.000 Oh wow.

00:10:37.000 So John with the Black Wife is basically, CMC means when they move you from prison to prison, you have like your own, this is another word I always forget.

00:10:48.000 And you, of course, will never be able to help me.

00:10:50.000 No way.

00:10:51.000 But when a president travels in a bunch of different cars, it's not a convoy, it's a thing-a-ma-doodle.

00:10:58.000 A motorcade.

00:10:59.000 Yes!

00:10:59.000 Motorcade.

00:11:00.000 Wow!

00:11:01.000 Ryan is on his game tonight!

00:11:03.000 That's right, an MC.

00:11:06.000 So they have to travel in an MC.

00:11:12.000 And that's John and Max now.

00:11:14.000 And obviously John had no banners.

00:11:16.000 So the banners don't really matter.

00:11:17.000 In other words, the impetus, the justification is all bullshit.

00:11:22.000 It's all lies.

00:11:24.000 This is what we have to understand about Clown World.

00:11:27.000 They're lying to us.

00:11:29.000 Did you know that there's a Nazi threat in this country that's as bad as ISIS?

00:11:35.000 The FBI, according to my alma mater vice.com, just announced that the FBI has declared that ISIS is just as serious of a threat as white nationalism.

00:11:50.000 Why are you fucking blogging on social media when you should be looking up the article I'm talking about?

00:11:56.000 Putting out a tweet.

00:11:57.000 Why are you putting out a tweet?

00:12:02.000 For the video, comments, and also letting people know that we're live.

00:12:06.000 Okay, the latter makes a little more sense.

00:12:11.000 Yeah, that's the real threat in this country.

00:12:14.000 ISIS, jihadism, the real threat, what's really killing us are Nazis.

00:12:21.000 Jesus H fucking Christ.

00:12:27.000 Sorry folks.

00:12:29.000 Lull in the show, lull in the show, lull in the show, lull in the show, lull in the show, lull in the show, lull in the show, FBI, ISIS, white nationalism, vice.

00:12:46.000 Why is that so hard?

00:12:47.000 I got other articles that aren't by your alpha modder.

00:12:52.000 Alpha Mater.

00:12:53.000 Yes.

00:12:54.000 Alma Mater.

00:12:55.000 Alma Mater.

00:12:56.000 FBI considers white supremacist groups as much of a threat as ISIS.

00:13:02.000 And what the fuck is the picture they use?

00:13:06.000 Bunch of guys with confederate flags.

00:13:07.000 I don't know what the black and white ones are, but I've never seen those before.

00:13:13.000 Yeah, they keep going back to Charlottesville, of course.

00:13:16.000 So,

00:13:18.000 From what I gather, the big risk of white supremacy is the base and Atomwaffen.

00:13:28.000 When Andy Ngo doxes Antifa, he doesn't really dox them, he just publishes their publicly available mugshot and says, this was the one who was throwing bricks at cars.

00:13:40.000 So the criticism for him for doing that is, quote unquote, and this is going to sound radical, but radical is mainstream now.

00:13:50.000 Andy Ngo is providing kill lists for Adam Woffin.

00:13:55.000 So this Nazi mafia sees, I guess, these mugshots and they just put it on a list and they go, that's the guy I'm going to kill next.

00:14:05.000 I'm going to kill that guy.

00:14:06.000 Which if that was true, I kind of get your point.

00:14:10.000 That is as bad as jihadists.

00:14:13.000 But then you look them up and it's a fucking joke.

00:14:19.000 We talked about this this week because I had never heard of them before.

00:14:22.000 You look them up and you go, oh, the New York Times is like, there was this death and it was associated with them.

00:14:27.000 There was that death and it was associated with them.

00:14:30.000 There was this death and it was associated with them.

00:14:31.000 And you go, fuck, that sounds bad.

00:14:33.000 A lot of deaths associated with these guys.

00:14:35.000 There it is.

00:14:35.000 Look at the opening paragraph.

00:14:39.000 When two Florida men, the name came up.

00:14:42.000 When the roommate he did not shoot was sentenced to five years, the name came up.

00:14:44.000 When his arrest was made, the name came up.

00:14:47.000 Wow, it sounds like we have a problem on our hands with Atomwaffen.

00:14:52.000 And then you look at those cases and it's like, oh, one of them was some psychotic Muslim who killed someone in Atomwaffen because he said they were Nazis, which I believe they are.

00:15:03.000 Um, the other was, the other two deaths were like, uh, some guy killed his girlfriend's parents cause she said, don't date him.

00:15:10.000 He's a Nazi psycho.

00:15:12.000 That's Muslim.

00:15:13.000 So it's basically like this tiny group of a handful of psycho kids who have deaths associated with them that are not really white supremacy.

00:15:24.000 And that's fucking like three or four or five.

00:15:27.000 Meanwhile, 20 black men killed by other black men in this drug war, 130 opioid overdoses a day, and if you want to get into mass shootings, which we should get into in a second, white nationalists?

00:15:45.000 That's something I actually want to really examine because I think I've been too generous in the past with that term.

00:15:51.000 But anyway, then you look up the base, and you go, okay, that sounds terrible.

00:15:55.000 Apparently the base is some, oh, it's an English translation of Al-Qaeda.

00:16:02.000 And you go, fuck.

00:16:04.000 Like, I consider I'm wrong sometimes, believe it or not.

00:16:06.000 So when I hear about this new group that's planning to take over America with a giant race war, I go, shit, that's bad.

00:16:15.000 And then you look at them, look at these clowns.

00:16:17.000 Look at these little kids, same as Atomwaffen.

00:16:21.000 And what does it say?

00:16:22.000 Alleged members of white supremacy group, the base charged with plotting to kill Antifa couple.

00:16:27.000 And then you find out, actually, no.

00:16:30.000 It's a CIA operative who gets on these chats trying to find the bad guys.

00:16:37.000 And then he says, blah, blah, blah, we should kill them, the Jews, blah, blah, blah, the Negroes, whatever.

00:16:42.000 We need to fight for whatever.

00:16:44.000 And then some kids go, yeah, that sounds cool.

00:16:47.000 Why don't we fucking kill them?

00:16:49.000 And the next thing you know,

00:16:51.000 You allegedly caught these fucking white supremacists.

00:16:55.000 Again, tiny handful of freaks.

00:16:57.000 But they take these weird little totally irrelevant groups slash events and they make it into a pattern.

00:17:06.000 And now it's the new ISIS.

00:17:11.000 And that's okay if it's the Huffington Post and the Daily Beast saying stupid shit like that.

00:17:15.000 But when it's the FBI, like remember that guy?

00:17:18.000 I was an FBI double agent.

00:17:21.000 And he said, he literally conflated the two.

00:17:24.000 He said, uh, I was on a hit list and, uh,

00:17:30.000 Look up FBI double agent, Proud Boys, Adam Woffin.

00:17:35.000 I think he was on the Daily Beast.

00:17:38.000 And he said, I was doxxed after I said blah blah blah.

00:17:42.000 I don't know what the fuck he said.

00:17:45.000 And then I got scared I'd be on a list.

00:17:47.000 A list that could include, you know, psychotic groups coming to kill me like Adam Woffin or Proud Boys.

00:17:55.000 You go, no, no, no, no, no.

00:17:57.000 The Proud Boys is the Elks Lodge.

00:17:59.000 Yes, they've been involved in violence, but it's violence defending themselves when they get attacked by lunatics.

00:18:06.000 How many times did they attack Mark Bray's Antifa handbook book readings?

00:18:11.000 Zero times.

00:18:11.000 They don't go looking for trouble.

00:18:14.000 Their motto is fuck around and find out.

00:18:17.000 You're not finding it, are you?

00:18:19.000 No, I know who you're talking about, too.

00:18:20.000 It's that brown, smiley dude.

00:18:23.000 Ready?

00:18:26.000 Let's have a race.

00:18:29.000 I'm going to go FBI, double agent, Proud Boys.

00:18:35.000 Let's do that.

00:18:36.000 What do we got?

00:18:39.000 Searching, searching, it's wondering.

00:18:44.000 Robert Hansen comes up.

00:18:48.000 Andy Ngo.

00:18:48.000 Here we go.

00:18:49.000 Naveed Jamali.

00:18:50.000 How long did that take me?

00:18:52.000 How long did that take me?

00:18:54.000 A couple seconds.

00:18:54.000 Very fast.

00:18:55.000 Very fast.

00:18:57.000 Newsweek.

00:18:58.000 Andy Ngo says Antifa far left are as violent as white nationalism.

00:19:04.000 Far right.

00:19:06.000 Sorry, sorry.

00:19:07.000 I'm saying this headline very poorly.

00:19:11.000 This is someone criticizing Andy Ngo.

00:19:13.000 Andy Ngo says Antifa slash far left are as violent as white nationalism slash far right.

00:19:19.000 Here's why I disagree.

00:19:22.000 Opinion.

00:19:22.000 This guy is Naveed Jamali.

00:19:24.000 Wait, you still are unable to fucking locate this?

00:19:28.000 You spell that?

00:19:30.000 No.

00:19:31.000 Um, so he goes, I was notified that my information in the, and that of my spouse, our minor children, my parents and siblings were listed on a target website.

00:19:41.000 And here's where he gets weird.

00:19:43.000 Associated with the likes of Atomwaffen.

00:19:49.000 So not Atomwaffen, not those little kids I showed you earlier, but just the likes of that.

00:19:54.000 I was on sites associated with that.

00:19:56.000 What the fuck does that mean?

00:19:59.000 Not only was being on the list shocking, blah, blah, blah, filed police reports.

00:20:04.000 And then he squeezes in a sentence later, as a result, I am so terrified that even today, I do not wish to use my name for a very real, real fear of reprisal by groups such as the Proud Boys.

00:20:20.000 Dude, you're still fucking tangled over your sweatpants?

00:20:25.000 Newsweek, Andy No says Antifa.

00:20:28.000 Just go into the search bar and write Andy No says Antifa and then Newsweek.

00:20:45.000 I typed it in.

00:20:48.000 So this is a new one.

00:20:50.000 I can find something in a matter of seconds, and then I start discussing it, and you still have no fucking clue what's going on.

00:21:01.000 Are you using Brave?

00:21:03.000 Nope.

00:21:04.000 Naveed Jamali.

00:21:04.000 Uh, yes.

00:21:05.000 I'm using Brave and DuckDuckGo.

00:21:07.000 Okay, because I got them.

00:21:10.000 Yeah, you got them, but you don't have the Newsweek article we're discussing!

00:21:14.000 Look what I typed in.

00:21:14.000 I'm going to zoom in on it.

00:21:15.000 Andy No says Antifa far left are as violent as white nationalism.

00:21:21.000 You said Antida.

00:21:27.000 Wow.

00:21:29.000 Welcome home.

00:21:32.000 Anyway, that.

00:21:34.000 Shitshow overrode the story that I'm talking about.

00:21:39.000 But he says, by the likes of Atomwaffen, which sounds terrible because it is, though it's only seven guys.

00:21:48.000 And then he conflates that with Proud Boys and then has a picture of Proud Boys.

00:21:53.000 This is ironically why we're banned from Instagram, because right now, by me just sort of clarifying these common misconceptions, I'm glorifying hate and extremism and violence.

00:22:08.000 Which is why you cannot show this anywhere.

00:22:13.000 Goddammit, that took you a long-ass fucking time.

00:22:20.000 I gave Ryan a raise today, if you can believe that.

00:22:24.000 Yes.

00:22:25.000 I gave him a raise.

00:22:26.000 I said, let's give you $200 more a paycheck.

00:22:30.000 But no more, let's not do any more invoicing, like, oh, I went on this trip, I'm gonna send you, you know, invoice you 200 bucks.

00:22:39.000 This was Ryan's takeaway.

00:22:41.000 Oh, wait a minute.

00:22:43.000 If I work like every single weekend, and I go on trips every week, I won't, I'll be down.

00:22:51.000 I'll actually do less.

00:22:53.000 I'll make less money than I would if I'd invoiced for those.

00:22:56.000 And I had to explain to him that not every single week do we go on a trip.

00:23:03.000 No, not a trip.

00:23:04.000 But we just got two new shows.

00:23:06.000 Both of them being shot here.

00:23:08.000 And I figure that's gonna be a me thing.

00:23:10.000 I have to edit them and shoot them.

00:23:13.000 So that's, you know.

00:23:15.000 If it's every other week, it's a hundred dollars per day.

00:23:17.000 It's whatever.

00:23:18.000 I'm just, I was just asking what days do you need me?

00:23:21.000 No, you literally didn't understand that if you had a bad week, like say we go to CPAC and AFPAC and all that stuff, and you work your ass off and you work Saturday and Sunday, you could have invoiced that for more, but that's just that particular week.

00:23:33.000 You don't seem to understand there's 52 of those.

00:23:36.000 No, yeah.

00:23:36.000 Right.

00:23:37.000 So, but the two new shows are a big thing too, because that's going to be... No, they're EZPs.

00:23:41.000 Okay.

00:23:43.000 One is just Larry Barnes with a green screen talking about various fights.

00:23:47.000 And then Gary's mailbag is just one long shot.

00:23:53.000 What's the editing there?

00:23:55.000 Just in case, you know, just in case we do an ambitious Larry Barnes thing where I'm cutting up stuff like a normal green screen.

00:24:04.000 Anyway.

00:24:06.000 So that's what pisses me off about this bullshit rumor that white nationalism is everywhere and Nazis are everywhere.

00:24:12.000 They're not fucking anywhere.

00:24:13.000 And if you tell anyone saying that, they go, yeah, I know.

00:24:17.000 But you tell the left that and they go, you're fucking insane.

00:24:21.000 They're a major threat.

00:24:23.000 What about Charlottesville?

00:24:25.000 They always say that.

00:24:26.000 Now we've done this video a million times, but

00:24:29.000 I want to change it a bit.

00:24:31.000 So we what did we work out?

00:24:33.000 We went through the past 10 years of mass shootings because the reason people need to be censored is they will lead to online radicalization and there will be

00:24:48.000 A mass shooting.

00:24:50.000 So it starts out, it's a nice innocent boy, your son, your 18 year old son, and then he watches something like this and he hears all the hate we spew, and then he goes and gets a gun and shoots up a synagogue or a black church or something.

00:25:03.000 That's the mentality, which sounds fucking insane, obviously.

00:25:09.000 But that's a mainstream belief.

00:25:12.000 So we thought, okay, let's go to the very end of that crazy equation and look at mass shootings, right?

00:25:17.000 And we found in the past 10 years, it's been about 14.

00:25:22.000 And Antifa responsible for one of them.

00:25:25.000 That's 10 dead in Ohio, was it?

00:25:28.000 Radical Islam, that's crystal clear.

00:25:30.000 Four shootings, 84 dead.

00:25:32.000 Mental illness, of course, dominates the charts.

00:25:35.000 But, you know the problem with mental illness?

00:25:40.000 If you talk about it on the news, you have to criticize pharmaceutical companies, like Dylan Roof and, what's his name?

00:25:46.000 Adam, what's that guy with the crazy eyes?

00:25:48.000 Adam Lanza?

00:25:49.000 Adam Lanza.

00:25:51.000 If you start talking about that on the news, you lose all your pharmaceutical advertisers.

00:25:55.000 And that's not good for business.

00:25:56.000 Which is another great thing about censored.tv, by the way.

00:25:58.000 We don't have to worry about pharmaceuticals.

00:26:00.000 Oh shit, I forgot to mention our sponsor.

00:26:03.000 Our pharmaceutical.

00:26:05.000 Most of these kids who do these mass shootings are on CBD, but you won't hear that on censored.tv.

00:26:13.000 So the radical Islam category here, there's no controversy.

00:26:17.000 You know all these cases.

00:26:18.000 It's San Bernardino.

00:26:20.000 It's the Pulse shooting.

00:26:21.000 Of course, I didn't include 9-11.

00:26:23.000 That'd be a few decimal places on the biggest one.

00:26:27.000 But the white supremacy

00:26:31.000 Wait, I want to have a new look at so we got three three shootings 42 dead four shootings 84 dead and again I'm sorry to repeat myself, but Muslims are 1% of the population.

00:26:42.000 We're told white supremacists lurk around every corner So you should already even by your crazy stats be concerned that 1% is doing

00:26:50.000 Only twice as much damage.

00:26:52.000 Wait, twice as much damage as what, 40%?

00:26:56.000 But let's re- let's re-look at these.

00:26:59.000 Can we re-look at those three white supremacy things?

00:27:03.000 11, 9, and what was the other one?

00:27:04.000 2?

00:27:05.000 11, 9, and 9.

00:27:05.000 No.

00:27:10.000 Wait, 11, 22, and 9.

00:27:12.000 11, 22, and 9.

00:27:13.000 Okay, so what are the white supremacy shootings?

00:27:15.000 Okay, El Paso.

00:27:17.000 El Paso.

00:27:17.000 That's the 22.

00:27:20.000 Yeah.

00:27:21.000 Um, I'm not really, I'm changing my mind about this.

00:27:24.000 Weren't his politics like totally not aligned with the right at all?

00:27:28.000 It was pretty lefty.

00:27:29.000 And are we out of articles here?

00:27:31.000 Aren't you logged into New York Times?

00:27:33.000 No, this is it.

00:27:33.000 Oh, okay.

00:27:34.000 That's the full article.

00:27:35.000 But it says you have three articles left.

00:27:38.000 No.

00:27:39.000 Anyway, this guy was against immigration.

00:27:42.000 Lots of Mexicans are against immigration.

00:27:45.000 I've seen studies that show 30% of American Hispanics who are citizens and are middle class are against illegal immigration.

00:27:57.000 So it's not really a white supremacy thing.

00:28:00.000 And most people against immigration are against Bosnians, Chechnians, all kinds of Eastern Europeans coming in here.

00:28:12.000 They don't get that specific, really.

00:28:14.000 Pat Buchanan said, who would assimilate better, a thousand Zulus or a thousand Englishmen?

00:28:19.000 But outside of that, it's not a common argument you hear.

00:28:25.000 Like Ann Coulter says, stop everything.

00:28:27.000 I don't care where they're from.

00:28:29.000 I don't care if they're PhDs from England.

00:28:32.000 So to call a shooting about immigration a perfect example of white supremacy, I'm crossing it off the list.

00:28:41.000 So what was that?

00:28:42.000 That was, what number was that?

00:28:44.000 That was 22 of them.

00:28:46.000 Okay.

00:28:46.000 22 killed.

00:28:46.000 22.

00:28:47.000 This one would be 11 at the synagogue shooting.

00:28:51.000 Again, white supremacy?

00:28:56.000 I mean, aren't Jews white?

00:28:58.000 We had the black Hebrew Israelites.

00:29:01.000 Right now, there is a massive scourge of black people attacking Jews.

00:29:07.000 Actually, we just had black people attacking this Chinese woman with a mask on because she must have the disease, the Wuhan virus, the Corona beer virus, which I've always said was a virus.

00:29:21.000 It's a disgusting beer.

00:29:22.000 It tastes like wet cardboard.

00:29:25.000 Um, yeah, no one is talking about this at all in New York.

00:29:29.000 Go back to the front, the top.

00:29:31.000 I'm trying to see if there's a video.

00:29:33.000 Yeah, but let me see the title.

00:29:35.000 Oh, uh, coronavirus hate attack.

00:29:37.000 Woman in face mask allegedly assaulted by man who calls her- Man.

00:29:40.000 It was not a man.

00:29:41.000 It was like five black teenagers.

00:29:44.000 Man.

00:29:47.000 Equaling one man.

00:29:47.000 It was a youth.

00:29:49.000 Oh, got the video.

00:29:52.000 This wouldn't even be that much of a story if it didn't have the video.

00:29:55.000 Warning people at home.

00:29:56.000 Oh, look at that man.

00:30:09.000 Don't touch me.

00:30:10.000 Alright, you can start for non-touching by not hitting me.

00:30:13.000 Don't, uh, don't touch someone you don't want to be touched.

00:30:16.000 Maybe it is just one guy.

00:30:18.000 Has he got a knife?

00:30:19.000 No, you can see someone else coming around the corner.

00:30:20.000 Yeah.

00:30:21.000 They all seem to be armed.

00:30:23.000 Oh my god, this woman has a disease.

00:30:25.000 Let me start stabbing and punching her.

00:30:27.000 Don't come around here no more!

00:30:28.000 Um... But, uh...

00:30:34.000 Yeah, so there's a massive problem with black on Jew violence in New York, which is horrible.

00:30:42.000 The media is even more horrible at reporting it accurately.

00:30:46.000 In fact, they say that the black Hebrew Israelites are sort of, what's the word they use, manifesting white supremacy somehow.

00:30:56.000 It's an example of white supremacy.

00:31:00.000 Anti-Semitism isn't blacks versus Jews.

00:31:02.000 Saying so hurts us all.

00:31:04.000 What?

00:31:05.000 Well, no one's saying the concept is that, but as far as the past six months goes in New York, it seems to be a predominantly black problem.

00:31:13.000 We have black teenagers in Williamsburg.

00:31:15.000 This is going to get us kicked off YouTube.

00:31:17.000 I'm trying to be as factual as possible.

00:31:20.000 Um, and then we have the two shootings, the black Hebrew Israelite shootings.

00:31:23.000 Anyway, my point of all of that is, is, uh, to say is,

00:31:28.000 Anti-Semitism, which I'm against.

00:31:30.000 I'm a Semite.

00:31:31.000 No, I'm not a Semite.

00:31:31.000 I'm a Zionist.

00:31:33.000 Pro-Semite Zionist.

00:31:34.000 I love Israel.

00:31:36.000 I love my Jays.

00:31:38.000 But is anti-Semitism white supremacy?

00:31:43.000 It's certainly not when it comes to the black Hebrew Israelites.

00:31:46.000 It's certainly not when it comes to these black teenagers attacking Hasidim in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.

00:31:51.000 Certainly not in any of these clips.

00:31:52.000 So, no, you can't have that either.

00:31:58.000 You hear me?

00:31:59.000 So what do we got now?

00:32:01.000 We got 22, 11, and 9?

00:32:03.000 Yeah, what we have left for the 9... Hold on, go back, go back.

00:32:05.000 So what was the 22?

00:32:06.000 22 was the first one, what was that?

00:32:10.000 The first one was the...

00:32:17.000 11 dead for the synagogue.

00:32:19.000 Uh, 11 dead for the synagogue.

00:32:20.000 I don't want to come across as I'm trivializing any of these, by the way.

00:32:23.000 They're all fucking horrific.

00:32:25.000 22 lives lost at El Paso.

00:32:28.000 El Paso.

00:32:29.000 So that was immigration.

00:32:30.000 Yes.

00:32:31.000 And then, uh, Dylan Roof church massacre.

00:32:33.000 And I believe, what isn't that?

00:32:35.000 Uh, yeah, I'm sorry.

00:32:38.000 Remaining one.

00:32:40.000 I'm done.

00:32:42.000 This is not necessarily indicative of white supremacy.

00:32:48.000 This is a lunatic.

00:32:50.000 Look at his fucking face.

00:32:53.000 Now, I'm sorry to bring Michelle Malkin into this analogy, but I have to.

00:32:58.000 Michelle Malkin, if she was to be called a conservative, she is, uh, I would say she's far right.

00:33:05.000 In fact, she hates most of the conservative movement, hence her new book, Conservative Inc.

00:33:11.000 Um,

00:33:13.000 If you were to sit to, to allege that she's a conservative, you would have to prove it.

00:33:19.000 You would go through maybe this many bestselling books and article after article, after speech, after speech.

00:33:28.000 She has a canon.

00:33:30.000 She has a legacy.

00:33:32.000 She's well-known in that community.

00:33:34.000 She's had back and forth.

00:33:35.000 She's had debates.

00:33:36.000 We have her on censored.tv arguing with, uh, Michael Eric Dyson, wasn't it?

00:33:41.000 Yep.

00:33:42.000 Who was wearing an African, uh, garb.

00:33:46.000 No, no, no.

00:33:46.000 He was wearing a suit.

00:33:47.000 Um, it is Roland Martin that was wearing the, was wearing African.

00:33:52.000 Yes.

00:33:53.000 Remember when Michael Eric Dyson was like fucking with me.

00:33:59.000 Cause I'm a teenager with a little bit of gold and a pager.

00:34:05.000 Motherfucker got it bad.

00:34:06.000 Cause I'm Brown.

00:34:09.000 Yeah, I'm familiar with NWA.

00:34:10.000 They have two arguments on that album, dude.

00:34:14.000 One is, why are cops fucking with me?

00:34:17.000 The other is, I never should have been let out the penitentiary.

00:34:20.000 Yeah.

00:34:21.000 One of them is I kill cops.

00:34:22.000 One of them is I'm not just cops.

00:34:24.000 He talked, they talk about killing motherfuckers everywhere they go.

00:34:28.000 And then secondly, why are there cops everywhere?

00:34:31.000 It's like, I'm just a murderer who never should have been let out of the penitentiary.

00:34:36.000 And now I'm the bad guy.

00:34:38.000 Anyway, sorry.

00:34:39.000 The reason I bring up Michelle is to say,

00:34:43.000 Dylan Roof as a white supremacist?

00:34:46.000 Really?

00:34:47.000 Like, were people tuning in to what Dylan Roof has to say?

00:34:50.000 Yes, he said stupid racist shit in his dumb manifesto.

00:34:55.000 Yes, he was carrying a Confederate flag in a picture.

00:34:57.000 He's also carrying a Gold's Gym flag.

00:35:01.000 I put him on the same plateau?

00:35:06.000 Same pedestal?

00:35:08.000 Panel?

00:35:08.000 Same category group?

00:35:10.000 As Adam Lanza.

00:35:12.000 Come on, be honest with yourself.

00:35:15.000 Is Dylann Roof a white supremacist or is he a crazy supremacist?

00:35:19.000 So, I mean, I kind of want to redo that whole video because I'm done with those three.

00:35:25.000 I'm totally open to the threat of white nationalism and I'm totally open to you cutting accounts of people on social media if there's an imminent race war.

00:35:38.000 That sounds right to me.

00:35:40.000 Good, do that.

00:35:42.000 But not only is there not an imminent race war, there is an imminent racism.

00:35:47.000 You're making it up.

00:35:50.000 And I can't quite figure out why.

00:35:53.000 Like, I know with climate change, it makes sense to say, uh-oh, there's global warming, we're all gonna die, because you get money when you say that.

00:36:01.000 But do you get money when you say white supremacists are the real problem?

00:36:06.000 Maybe because there's more of them?

00:36:07.000 I mean, Muslims are only 1% of the population.

00:36:09.000 When you say jihadists are an issue,

00:36:14.000 It doesn't really pay the bills.

00:36:16.000 There's that chart of whiteness becoming more reported than ever before.

00:36:19.000 Oh, that's a tough one to find.

00:36:20.000 I'll give you a blow job if you can remember that one.

00:36:22.000 Ooh, searching.

00:36:24.000 Incentive town!

00:36:26.000 Do we do CBD yet or no?

00:36:29.000 No, I'm about to do it now.

00:36:30.000 Go to JACBD.com.

00:36:34.000 Johnny Apple CBD.

00:36:35.000 You see, it's a pun.

00:36:37.000 Johnny Apple seed, Johnny Apple CBD.

00:36:40.000 You will not get high.

00:36:42.000 But everything else wonderful about this particular gift from God is present in Johnny Apple CBD.

00:36:52.000 We've got the tincture.

00:36:54.000 We've got the gummies.

00:36:57.000 We've got the cookies.

00:36:59.000 We've got the topical.

00:37:00.000 Everyone in my gym uses a topical.

00:37:03.000 I did weights today.

00:37:04.000 I just did weight training and I'm starting to feel the burn right now.

00:37:08.000 Tomorrow is going to be AIDS and I'm going to CBD it up.

00:37:13.000 So I can spar.

00:37:14.000 ICBD every morning with my coffee.

00:37:16.000 I fucking, I gotta be honest, I hate sparring.

00:37:21.000 Like today, my buddy Huey was like, I fucking got in it with Tommy, man.

00:37:26.000 We were brawling.

00:37:28.000 We were brawling.

00:37:28.000 It was crazy.

00:37:30.000 Coach Vinci said, stop, stop, stop.

00:37:32.000 After the fourth round.

00:37:34.000 Like he makes it sound like it was two dudes jamming like.

00:37:37.000 You were in a fight.

00:37:43.000 That's terrible.

00:37:44.000 It's not fucking.

00:37:45.000 It's not like, I had her ankles like this.

00:37:48.000 It was fucking crazy, dude.

00:37:51.000 No, it's like, like the punches fucking hurt.

00:37:56.000 Even with the headgear is bullshit.

00:37:57.000 By the way, the headgear only prevents you from getting cut with stitches and stuff like on a glove.

00:38:03.000 You know what I mean?

00:38:04.000 It's still the same impact.

00:38:06.000 And I've noticed after I spar, I'll touch my forehead and my forehead kills.

00:38:12.000 Which brings us to our new show, fighting with Larry Burns.

00:38:15.000 We did, he did such a great job on reporting, uh, on his, uh, fight with, with Felix Trinidad.

00:38:23.000 I'm just going to make him go through the greatest fights of all time.

00:38:27.000 Apparently there was this guy named Merle Haggard who was a big deal.

00:38:31.000 Do you know about this?

00:38:32.000 I hear your little joke that you tell every time you go there.

00:38:35.000 Well, couldn't you have gone with it and said, I think his name is Marvin Hagler?

00:38:39.000 Have you ever heard of a straight man?

00:38:41.000 I thought it was Merle Haggard.

00:38:43.000 Wow.

00:38:44.000 So you thought Marvin Hagler's name was, well then how did you know what my joke was?

00:38:48.000 Cause I thought it was the other name.

00:38:56.000 Do I get some sort of Special Olympics gold medal for working with you?

00:38:59.000 Copper cap.

00:39:01.000 I think you could write it off in your taxes.

00:39:02.000 Yeah, shouldn't the government be paying me to hire you?

00:39:06.000 You give the guy a raise?

00:39:07.000 Um, what if I work every day, all day?

00:39:11.000 Then it's not a raise.

00:39:12.000 Uh, yeah, I guess technically that would be fucked up.

00:39:17.000 That looked like a nice... Anyway, so we'll get Larry to go through that.

00:39:19.000 You know what would be funny too?

00:39:21.000 We'll have him do like a Tyson fight that's 30 seconds and that episode will be 30 seconds on.

00:39:27.000 Wow.

00:39:27.000 And then other fights that are 15 rounds will be whatever it is, an hour.

00:39:31.000 Also, another new show, even though we're banned, and by the way, peace, Gary's Mailbag.

00:39:38.000 Yes.

00:39:39.000 Where a gentleman who surrounds the studio on a regular basis and is not

00:39:46.000 Not your average beauty.

00:39:48.000 He's like a nine.

00:39:50.000 Eats Fritos and goes through our mailbag.

00:39:53.000 I gotta give it to you.

00:39:54.000 That was, there's magic there.

00:39:57.000 Yeah.

00:39:57.000 There's magic.

00:39:57.000 You don't understand how much of a genius I am.

00:40:00.000 What's that box?

00:40:02.000 That's a Fritos box.

00:40:03.000 Oh, this isn't the show.

00:40:04.000 This is like before when I'm giving him the Fritos.

00:40:08.000 That's all you get.

00:40:12.000 He gets some Fritos and some money and he reads the mailbag.

00:40:14.000 I'm there, too, to help guide him because he doesn't have a ton to offer as far as life advice, as you can imagine.

00:40:20.000 What are you talking about?

00:40:22.000 Wait, let's hear some of this.

00:40:24.000 Let me hear.

00:40:26.000 The spitting.

00:40:27.000 Let me hear.

00:40:29.000 Turn it up.

00:40:30.000 I have to read out everything.

00:40:34.000 All right.

00:40:36.000 This is behind the scenes.

00:40:37.000 Jesus Christ.

00:40:40.000 Well, so yeah.

00:40:41.000 So yeah.

00:40:42.000 It's worth the $10 alone.

00:40:46.000 Those, oh, and by the way, for him, he reads the letters, but when he reads it's, it's very slow.

00:40:53.000 And he seems to have a lot of trouble with, with words like, uh, gratitude.

00:40:56.000 So, uh.

00:40:58.000 He's methodical.

00:40:59.000 Yeah.

00:41:00.000 He's no, he's phonetic.

00:41:02.000 Ah.

00:41:03.000 Um, well he's both.

00:41:05.000 And so what we would appreciate if you would send into the show video letters.

00:41:12.000 Now, I know some of you are worried about being associated with those because you get banned just for whispering the word censored.tv in your head.

00:41:22.000 But we'd like you to send in these video ads and then we can show them to him.

00:41:27.000 And please do a horizontal next time, lady.

00:41:30.000 Then we can show them to him and then he'll respond accordingly.

00:41:34.000 That'll be much easier for him than reading.

00:41:36.000 Is that one you want to do?

00:41:37.000 Yeah, we got two in already.

00:41:39.000 Okay.

00:41:41.000 So, Gary will answer this.

00:41:46.000 Hi, Gavin and Ryan.

00:41:48.000 I guess this is your female demographic.

00:41:50.000 I'm a 35-year-old happily married mother of three, and I have some advice for all the men that want to have more sex with their wives.

00:41:58.000 Especially, Gavin, as you might know, women have a hard time after having a baby getting back into things.

00:42:03.000 It's really simple advice.

00:42:05.000 It's a TV show called Outlander, and it's super sexy romance.

00:42:11.000 Pretty much geared at women, but men seem to like it too.

00:42:13.000 But trust me, get her interested in this show.

00:42:16.000 It takes a couple episodes to get into, but it will not fail you.

00:42:19.000 It's done wonders for me, all my friends that I know love it.

00:42:23.000 Which leads me to my next point.

00:42:24.000 There's no female romance movies anymore.

00:42:28.000 This is one that's great.

00:42:30.000 And it also has Scottish history, which might be good for Gavin.

00:42:33.000 It might annoy you as well if it's not totally accurate.

00:42:36.000 I don't know.

00:42:36.000 But you might like it.

00:42:37.000 Anyway, give it a try.

00:42:38.000 Thanks.

00:42:39.000 Where is she?

00:42:39.000 Love you guys.

00:42:39.000 Bye.

00:42:41.000 In her closet, she's hiding from her kids.

00:42:43.000 Yeah.

00:42:43.000 She's in the closet.

00:42:45.000 Have you ever seen Outlander?

00:42:47.000 No, no.

00:42:48.000 We can't show it or this will be banned.

00:42:50.000 Oh, yes, yes, yes.

00:42:51.000 We should check it out.

00:42:52.000 Anyway, you get the idea.

00:42:53.000 There's more if you... Okay, what's this guy got to say?

00:42:57.000 Let's see.

00:42:58.000 Big old beardy guy.

00:43:01.000 What's up, G-Dog?

00:43:03.000 Yo, what's up?

00:43:03.000 Ryan from South Carolina.

00:43:05.000 Just wanted to send you a message saying thank you for everything you do.

00:43:05.000 No, I'm not.

00:43:10.000 It's just fucking awesome to have a show that I can go to that is not ashamed of being masculine and promoting masculinity and proving that the West is the best.

00:43:23.000 Wait, is he in a kindergarten?

00:43:27.000 Look at the background.

00:43:29.000 He's got some FFJJ in it.

00:43:32.000 Get that in here for Gary.

00:43:34.000 I've been teaching these kids for fucking 20 years now.

00:43:38.000 Most of them are pussies.

00:43:40.000 Most of my pre-k class doesn't know what the fuck time it is.

00:43:46.000 Thank you.

00:43:47.000 Uhuru.

00:43:49.000 And I like you more than a friend.

00:43:50.000 Right on.

00:43:52.000 Solid.

00:43:52.000 But those, maybe, folks, maybe I should have been clear.

00:43:56.000 I appreciate both those letters and we will, we will, after the paywall, get more involved in showing shit like Outlander and decide if it's sexy enough for us.

00:44:09.000 But we want to direct it to Gary.

00:44:12.000 So I guess you don't know Gary yet, right?

00:44:15.000 They don't know that yet.

00:44:15.000 No, that announcement came within the episode and it was impossible for them to have known that.

00:44:19.000 But correct.

00:44:20.000 You know, we get people get in the habit of it.

00:44:22.000 By the way, this is this just came in.

00:44:26.000 They tried to send sensor dot TV and then look at the two little exclamation points in red.

00:44:33.000 Operation could not be completed.

00:44:34.000 Look at that.

00:44:35.000 Yeah, that's what we talked about.

00:44:36.000 Yeah, but to seeing it in a DM, I thought that was kind of... You can't DM it to your friend.

00:44:41.000 That's... I wasn't lying.

00:44:43.000 Until you see it, you're like, nah, maybe some, like one person have seen that, but wowee.

00:44:49.000 Yeah, I know what you mean.

00:44:52.000 We forgot to promote Cavefe, our favorite coffee that we drink here every day at the studio.

00:44:59.000 It's...

00:45:01.000 Hello?

00:45:02.000 It's delicious.

00:45:03.000 Right.

00:45:03.000 Why don't you pull up the website or... I'll get the bags.

00:45:07.000 No, we don't really need the bags.

00:45:08.000 Just pull up the website so people can see where to go.

00:45:10.000 Because we're almost done here.

00:45:13.000 C-O-V-F-E.

00:45:14.000 We're about to go behind the paywall and take some calls.

00:45:16.000 Yeah.

00:45:19.000 That's gonna be fun.

00:45:20.000 And I'm gonna take some mail in front of the paywall.

00:45:24.000 Because a lot of you cheapskates at my gym, Hydro Man if you're listening, don't listen, don't pay for the show, or even ask me for a free code at the gym, so they don't know, they haven't heard letters in a while.

00:45:42.000 So that's CVEFE, C-O-V-E-F-E-F-E-N.

00:45:48.000 C-O-V-F-E-F-E.

00:45:49.000 C-O-V-F-E-F-E.

00:45:50.000 What's the URL?

00:45:52.000 Uh, the URL is doyoucafefe.com, but if you... Well, show it!

00:45:56.000 But if you search, uh, Cafefe Coffee, you will find it.

00:46:00.000 Oh, you will.

00:46:01.000 So we drink that every day.

00:46:03.000 It's the official sponsor of this.

00:46:05.000 Uh-oh, my application's not responding.

00:46:07.000 That's actually good, because it gives us some time for you to find a little song that we play before we answer the mail.

00:46:15.000 Oh, you mean this one?

00:46:17.000 No, I don't want that.

00:46:18.000 Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.

00:46:22.000 Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.

00:46:28.000 Let me touch it.

00:46:33.000 This is from Senator Doug Jones.

00:46:35.000 I am turning to you, Gavin.

00:46:37.000 Last night, I voted to convict Donald Trump on both charges brought against him by the House.

00:46:41.000 This was far from an easy decision.

00:46:43.000 My vote was not made based on part of the law.

00:46:46.000 Yeah, I signed up to the DNC's junk mail to see what the enemies are up to.

00:46:52.000 And I can't unsubscribe.

00:46:54.000 There's no unsubscribe button.

00:46:57.000 And like, if you no longer wish to receive emails from the DNC, submit this form to unsubscribe.

00:47:03.000 And then you go there and you have to log in and update your, I don't remember any of this shit.

00:47:10.000 So I deeply regret, um, subscribing to the DNC.

00:47:14.000 Cause it's like three fucking emails a day, which I know it doesn't sound like a lot, but they add up.

00:47:20.000 And it's, it's always like, Hey Gavin, I'm Barack Obama.

00:47:23.000 And you go, Oh shit.

00:47:24.000 Finally, he responds.

00:47:27.000 Um, all right, let's get down to the nitty gritty here.

00:47:29.000 You ready?

00:47:31.000 Stupid rally idea.

00:47:32.000 Uh, this week we were talking with the stupidest rallies of clown world, basically since Trump was elected.

00:47:41.000 We, we, we went through 10 going to Tucker Carlson's house to say that, uh, you don't want any borders, any wall, any USA at all.

00:47:48.000 So going to Tucker Carlson's house to say no USA at all is pretty good.

00:47:54.000 Um,

00:47:56.000 Assuming that a We the People rally to celebrate the Constitution was actually celebrating a synagogue shooting was a doozy.

00:48:03.000 Pretending that Proud Boys were going to celebrate the knife murder of Nia Wilson, that was a doozy.

00:48:12.000 But for me personally, I think the most ridiculous protest of this epoch was

00:48:22.000 Going to Mike Pence's house, work for peace, W-E-R-K, it's a homosexual dancing man who shakes his tiny ass like anyone's looking at it.

00:48:33.000 Twerking involves a big fat black ass.

00:48:36.000 When you're a little white Jewish guy and you're twerking, that's not the point.

00:48:41.000 You're missing it.

00:48:42.000 It's like being in a wheelchair and crunking.

00:48:46.000 You're not, you're not doing it right.

00:48:48.000 But anyway, this guy was outraged that a Muslim man killed, whatever, 40 people.

00:48:55.000 How many was it?

00:48:56.000 The Pulse nightclub?

00:48:57.000 Pulse nightclub.

00:48:58.000 49 and then some place say 50.

00:49:01.000 49 or 50 people murdered dead.

00:49:02.000 Almost a hundred shot.

00:49:04.000 Well, that's gonna get us kicked off YouTube.

00:49:08.000 Wait, that's on YouTube.

00:49:10.000 But that will get us kicked off.

00:49:13.000 Rogan doesn't even do it.

00:49:14.000 He doesn't even make out with dudes?

00:49:16.000 What a pussy.

00:49:21.000 50 people dead, and this guy, this twerker, he decides, well, we have a homophobia problem.

00:49:31.000 When a Muslim kills gays, does your first mind go, America has a homophobia problem?

00:49:37.000 Or do you go, maybe Islam does?

00:49:40.000 Maybe it's a jihadi thing.

00:49:43.000 And so he decides instead of, I'm going to start dancing and showing people that it's great to be gay.

00:49:49.000 Wait a minute.

00:49:50.000 Is he Muslim?

00:49:53.000 Is his background?

00:49:53.000 No, it's Jewish.

00:49:54.000 Jewish.

00:49:55.000 That's Israeli.

00:49:56.000 Um, so I'm going to show the, these homophobes that they're wrong about dancing.

00:50:04.000 First of all, that guy didn't go to that nightclub because he didn't like gays dancing.

00:50:07.000 He went there because he didn't like gays and he knew they'd likely be the gay nightclub.

00:50:12.000 So this is why I think this is the stupidest demonstration there is.

00:50:18.000 It wasn't about your dancing.

00:50:19.000 It was about your sexuality and you got the wrong guys.

00:50:22.000 It was jihadists who don't like your homosexuality.

00:50:25.000 So if you want to do what you're doing, be gay and maybe dance, but even you don't even have to dance.

00:50:30.000 Just be like gay and go to mosques.

00:50:34.000 Go to Dearborn, Michigan, go to Islamberg, and just go twerk there.

00:50:41.000 But instead, they look at the Pulse nightclub shooting and they blame Mike Pence?

00:50:48.000 So then they go and dance and this Jewish guy shakes his tiny ass in front of Mike Pence's house.

00:50:55.000 And when asked why, they talk about how we just show that there's a space for us to control our bodies and to show that we have ownership of who we are and we will always exist.

00:51:06.000 What?

00:51:07.000 Sounds like Donald Sutherland in Animal House.

00:51:10.000 Stoned.

00:51:12.000 Work for Peace.

00:51:13.000 If you can find an interview with that guy, it's stunning.

00:51:17.000 Anyway, this is from Dan McMillan.

00:51:22.000 Please don't use my last name on the show as I work in law.

00:51:25.000 Oh, and we're live.

00:51:29.000 Just kidding.

00:51:30.000 Made up that name.

00:51:31.000 Really?

00:51:31.000 Oh, nice.

00:51:32.000 Yes, Ryan.

00:51:34.000 Hey G-Dog and Ryguy, the show and the channel are great, blah blah blah.

00:51:37.000 Your discussion of ridiculous protests from Tuesday got me thinking about a funny sketch or living art project idea.

00:51:43.000 One group is having a rally for everything and there's a counter-protest group of protest of everything people.

00:51:49.000 Boy, this is why cops shouldn't get involved in sketch comedy.

00:51:54.000 One group is having a quote-unquote rally for everything.

00:51:58.000 And there is a counter protest group of protest of everything.

00:52:02.000 That's not proper grammar, dude.

00:52:07.000 The rally for everything guys are happy and explain they mostly support good things, but they want to be inclusive of everything, literally everything.

00:52:15.000 The protesters are cantankerous and have the fuck everything attitude often displayed by uniformed leftists.

00:52:22.000 I imagine the rally leader and counter protest leader in a back and forth argument like this.

00:52:27.000 Why am I reading this shitty pitch?

00:52:30.000 You hate everything?

00:52:31.000 You're protesting against puppies and ice cream?

00:52:33.000 You guys are rallying for wet socks and eating cold french fries.

00:52:36.000 You hate rainbows.

00:52:37.000 You like tornadoes.

00:52:38.000 Eventually devolving into, well, you were supporting Nazis.

00:52:41.000 Well, you were protesting against Islam, Christianity, and atheism.

00:52:44.000 You like genocide.

00:52:45.000 You dislike ending genocide.

00:52:47.000 You get the picture.

00:52:48.000 Maybe it's a stupid idea, but it gave me a chuckle.

00:52:50.000 Chuckle.

00:52:50.000 Give up the hard work.

00:52:51.000 I think the funniest thing about that whole pitch was me pronouncing chuckle, chupple.

00:52:56.000 Yes, you did.

00:52:57.000 I thought he might have typed it that way.

00:53:00.000 But you know what's funny about your joke here, which is not great, by the way, Joey?

00:53:04.000 Oops.

00:53:11.000 This is where we're at.

00:53:13.000 Like with anti-fascist, they go, if you are not anti-fascist, then you're pro-fascist.

00:53:20.000 It's very simple.

00:53:22.000 It's in the name.

00:53:23.000 So to be against anti-fascism is to be for fascism.

00:53:28.000 So if you are not pro-life, you're against life.

00:53:33.000 By that logic.

00:53:37.000 Uh, okay.

00:53:38.000 You know what?

00:53:39.000 I've marked some special letters with a blue flag.

00:53:44.000 Ready for this one?

00:53:45.000 It's the flower of life.

00:53:47.000 It's one of the oldest symbols in the world.

00:53:51.000 That's how my youngest boy talks.

00:53:53.000 I'm all bogus.

00:53:55.000 Now you know this is one of the oldest symbols.

00:53:57.000 Look at this one.

00:54:02.000 You turn around!

00:54:04.000 We just got that from somebody.

00:54:06.000 That's great.

00:54:07.000 They made it for us.

00:54:08.000 I don't think anything- Hey, turn around!

00:54:10.000 I can't.

00:54:11.000 It's not clearly saying turn around.

00:54:13.000 I'm not sure anything can compete with Otis Simbo's.

00:54:16.000 You think it's that good?

00:54:17.000 Yeah.

00:54:17.000 What about this?

00:54:18.000 Wait, when was the, when was, what's the first recorded- Simbo?

00:54:24.000 Moment a Sambo existed.

00:54:27.000 Like maybe it was ancient Greece.

00:54:30.000 First Sambo ever.

00:54:31.000 You'd have to look up Sambo on Wikipedia maybe and look up origins.

00:54:35.000 When was Sambo?

00:54:36.000 Well, technically Sambo the martial art.

00:54:39.000 No, thanks for helping.

00:54:41.000 Thanks for helping Ryan.

00:54:42.000 Maybe I should just do it.

00:54:43.000 Black America web.

00:54:45.000 This is probably good.

00:54:47.000 So what you do is you look up Sambo.

00:54:50.000 The racial term Sambo first came to prominence in modern American culture with the publishing of Harriet Beecher Stowe's anti-slavery book, Uncle Tom's Cabin.

00:54:58.000 However, the origin of the term reaches back to the 1700s, according to some scholars, and there's even evidence that the name is a variation of a West African name as well.

00:55:06.000 But it sounds like, to be realistic, the Otis Sambo is in Uncle Tom's Cabin.

00:55:14.000 In literature, sure, yes.

00:55:16.000 But the Otis Simbo... The symbols!

00:55:20.000 What did he just say?

00:55:21.000 The cymbals.

00:55:22.000 The cymbals!

00:55:23.000 This is good.

00:55:25.000 You're getting like Fred levels.

00:55:26.000 Now you know this is one of the oldest cymbals.

00:55:32.000 I don't like the butt shake.

00:55:36.000 Dear Gavin and Ryan.

00:55:39.000 Now this may or may not be a letter that I sent to Gary for Gary's Mailbag, our new hit show, but, uh, I'm going to answer it because believe it or not, Gary does not do a phenomenal job.

00:55:52.000 Dear Gavin and Ryan, my husband and I have been married for three years with a total of seven years together, if counting our years dating.

00:55:57.000 In our dating life, we had a healthy and very active sex life.

00:56:00.000 Once we got married, I got pregnant with our first kid and he didn't touch me for nine months.

00:56:08.000 Now, if she's turgid and ready to pop, I get not wanting to do it because you don't want the dick, like, going, right by the baby's head.

00:56:19.000 And even if that's not what's going to happen, you don't even want to think about it.

00:56:24.000 So I understand, like, when she's really showing, but nine months?

00:56:30.000 Women aren't showing for four months?

00:56:36.000 After giving birth, our sex life came back for a bit, but went away again these last six to eight months.

00:56:42.000 I'm currently pregnant again with our second kid, and the dry spell is worse than ever.

00:56:45.000 My sex drive is normally high, but abnormally high during pregnancy.

00:56:50.000 I've tried coming on to him and being sexy, but he's not interested.

00:56:53.000 Being rejected several times a week is really getting to me.

00:56:56.000 He jokes about watching porn, but when I ask him in all seriousness, he says he isn't watching it.

00:57:04.000 I've tried to approach the situation lightly, but I'm hesitant to really dig in to find the problem, as I don't want to feel pushy or needy.

00:57:12.000 That's fair.

00:57:13.000 Last night I jokingly said, oh, I watch porn every night and rather than bugger my wife, even though she wants it all the time.

00:57:20.000 After he made a joke about heading home to watch porn.

00:57:23.000 I don't know if porn is the problem or if he has something medically going on.

00:57:26.000 He says he's very much attracted to me, even pregnant, but I'm not feeling it.

00:57:30.000 Do you have any advice on appropriately approaching this subject that there might be a problem, porn, medically or otherwise?

00:57:36.000 Sincerely, Jennifer.

00:57:38.000 Jen.

00:57:38.000 Oops, I keep saying these actual names.

00:57:43.000 I should not be drinking during this show.

00:57:46.000 Speaking of which, you got a fucking brewski there, brah?

00:57:50.000 Fucking... I brought in a fucking 12-er, fuck.

00:57:54.000 You should see what Ryan's wearing, by the way.

00:57:55.000 He's got a Carhartt jacket, a V-neck t-shirt tucked into dress slacks, bright red socks, and then brown dress shoes.

00:58:09.000 So what's his job?

00:58:11.000 Why don't you show a wide of what you're wearing?

00:58:15.000 Why are you wide?

00:58:18.000 But put your foot on my desk.

00:58:24.000 Well, maybe you young people like that.

00:58:26.000 This is cool.

00:58:27.000 I got the Red Sox idea from you.

00:58:28.000 Yeah, with a suit that has red accents.

00:58:34.000 Lady, he's lying.

00:58:37.000 He's watching tons of porn.

00:58:40.000 In fact, he's having an affair.

00:58:44.000 Is it that different?

00:58:46.000 Fucking a computer?

00:58:47.000 No.

00:58:48.000 I mean, they say emotional affairs are even worse when you like flirt with someone at work or something and you talk, you'd like, right?

00:58:58.000 Isn't porn an emotional affair?

00:59:02.000 So he's pretending he's not.

00:59:03.000 The reason it's coming up in your jokes, by the way, is because you inherently know I'm right.

00:59:09.000 So.

00:59:12.000 What do you do?

00:59:12.000 You're not going to divorce him, obviously, but it's like, it's exactly like any other addiction.

00:59:17.000 Like say he was an alcoholic and you caught him opening up the fuse box and taking a sip of a flask and putting it away.

00:59:25.000 Dude, I know a guy like that.

00:59:27.000 Oddly specific.

00:59:28.000 No, I know a guy like that's why I brought it up.

00:59:31.000 Huh.

00:59:32.000 My buddy's friend's sister, anyway it gets involved, but her husband was a sipper.

00:59:43.000 Do you know about this?

00:59:44.000 They just, uh-huh, they go hit the bottle?

00:59:46.000 They don't sit there and go go go go go, but they stash bottles all over the house

00:59:51.000 And they have their bars, and so they'll nip down, do a shot, then they'll open the fuse box, chug this, put that away, go down, oh, I better check the furnace, and then there's a bottle there.

01:00:00.000 They're making a Long Island iced tea on their stomach?

01:00:02.000 They have an Easter egg on it.

01:00:05.000 They have an Easter egg hunt of booze in their house.

01:00:08.000 And this guy was getting so bad.

01:00:10.000 He fucking hit his head on the sort of side, what do you call that?

01:00:15.000 That's on the baseboard.

01:00:17.000 Hit his head on the baseboard so hard, it opened up, he passed out.

01:00:20.000 There's a puddle, he showed me a picture on his phone.

01:00:22.000 There was a puddle of blood, which looks black when you see real blood.

01:00:27.000 I hate puddles of blood.

01:00:28.000 I can deal with most blood, puddles suck.

01:00:30.000 Puddles of blood are black.

01:00:32.000 Puddles of blood are bad.

01:00:33.000 They're just like,

01:00:34.000 Take blood, then go into Photoshop, then go into levels, take out the white, pump up the black, pump up the contrast, then hit save.

01:00:47.000 That sounds like somebody who just worked real hard on a really great Photoshop.

01:00:51.000 I'm very happy with it, actually.

01:00:53.000 I've been in Photoshop for the past two days.

01:00:56.000 And that advice I used to spend, that was my job.

01:00:59.000 There's literally nothing.

01:01:00.000 I designed vice for decades.

01:01:03.000 Good point.

01:01:03.000 Aren't you going to show my incredible work of art?

01:01:06.000 I'm looking for it, yes.

01:01:07.000 I emailed it to you.

01:01:08.000 Yes, you did.

01:01:08.000 Why don't you go to all your inboxes rather than focus on one type of inbox?

01:01:12.000 I got it.

01:01:13.000 I got it.

01:01:14.000 Eh?

01:01:16.000 Oh no, I'm only on mine.

01:01:18.000 Just to narrow it down.

01:01:19.000 But dude, I got, I got a lot of, oof, you know, just so many.

01:01:26.000 What were we talking about?

01:01:27.000 Oh my God, my arm just looked like Jason Moura's in that Super Bowl ad where he takes off his muscular arm.

01:01:34.000 Before I listed, I lifted nine million pounds today.

01:01:38.000 Here we go.

01:01:38.000 There it is.

01:01:43.000 Very nice.

01:01:45.000 What a masterpiece.

01:01:45.000 That looks like a, like a colorful cartoon cast of characters.

01:01:50.000 Uh, what a cavalcade.

01:01:52.000 I had to, you know, Milo's suit was cut off.

01:01:54.000 Oh shit.

01:01:55.000 I got to fix that a bit.

01:01:56.000 You see his white shirt isn't perfect.

01:01:59.000 And then Biggs, his gun was cropped.

01:02:00.000 So I had to design the head of his gun.

01:02:04.000 In Photoshop.

01:02:05.000 Oh, wow.

01:02:06.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:02:07.000 And then Laura wouldn't give me a fucking picture.

01:02:11.000 Chicks go, I'd rather do a photo shoot.

01:02:13.000 Just like with with Copper Cab, he sent me about 40 in one minute.

01:02:18.000 Anyway, so yeah, this guy is fucking lying to you.

01:02:24.000 Now the question is, what's the punishment?

01:02:28.000 That's tricky.

01:02:29.000 Like stop watching porn or

01:02:33.000 I would say put him in the doghouse.

01:02:35.000 I can't believe I'm betraying my gender and I might get kicked out of the National Male Society for this, but I would say, I mean, I've been put in the doghouse for much less.

01:02:44.000 You're jeopardizing your marriage by being addicted to porn.

01:02:47.000 And that guy with the blood puddle, he went to rehab.

01:02:50.000 I don't, I don't think she ever got over it because they have kids together.

01:02:55.000 So his kids were in jeopardy when he was that fucking shit faced.

01:02:59.000 Um,

01:03:01.000 I think, uh, I think you should not let him sleep in the same bed as you, uh, for three days.

01:03:07.000 And, and here's the key.

01:03:09.000 Tell him that this is about your porn addiction.

01:03:13.000 What?

01:03:14.000 Don't even, don't even watch porn.

01:03:17.000 I would put all your eggs in that basket and just, cause even if on the one in 50 chance, he's not addicted to porn, he'll be like, wow, shit is so bad.

01:03:26.000 She thinks I'm addicted to porn.

01:03:30.000 Good point.

01:03:30.000 Oh my god, I feel kind of weird about that.

01:03:33.000 Well, I feel like a snitch.

01:03:36.000 I don't feel good.

01:03:40.000 You know the problem with porn too?

01:03:42.000 What?

01:03:43.000 There was too much of indecence.

01:03:46.000 You didn't hear that?

01:03:48.000 I heard it.

01:03:51.000 I'm trying to find a really good one I got.

01:03:53.000 Oh, there's a great one from a heterosexual priest saying don't give up on Catholicism.

01:03:58.000 But I found this chick who is in a relationship with this guy.

01:04:06.000 What's flagged, right?

01:04:12.000 I flagged it.

01:04:15.000 Now I can't fucking find it, yo.

01:04:17.000 Why don't you talk for a while, Ryan?

01:04:19.000 All right.

01:04:21.000 Why don't we talk about Johnny Apple CBD?

01:04:24.000 If you go to JACBD.com, I forgot to mention how important it is that you use the promo code GAVIN.

01:04:33.000 Yes, GAVIN gets you 20% off, I believe.

01:04:38.000 If you could aim the mic towards your mouth a little more.

01:04:41.000 Okay, I'll try to aim the mic to my mouth a little more.

01:04:44.000 You know what I did?

01:04:45.000 I put it in scent.

01:04:46.000 So yeah, go to JACBD.com.

01:04:48.000 Use the promo code Gavin.

01:04:49.000 We have gummies, tincture.

01:04:51.000 Vaporizers.

01:04:53.000 Oh my god.

01:04:54.000 You know what?

01:04:54.000 It's easier to say what we don't have.

01:04:57.000 Topicals.

01:04:58.000 Oh wait, they do have topicals.

01:05:01.000 Cartridges for your vapor pens.

01:05:03.000 You got isolates and waxes.

01:05:05.000 Now, I've not looked into this.

01:05:06.000 Let's give a little peek.

01:05:08.000 I remember I sent her the poster for Get Out.

01:05:11.000 Found it!

01:05:12.000 Nice.

01:05:13.000 Subject line?

01:05:14.000 Okay, this is from Stephanie Lemieux.

01:05:17.000 Okay, that's a little rough for me.

01:05:19.000 And remember, I am always changing the names, but it is a French name.

01:05:23.000 Okay, you ready for this?

01:05:24.000 Okay.

01:05:26.000 And then we're gonna kill the live show, free show, and we're gonna go to calls.

01:05:32.000 Do I need to follow along?

01:05:33.000 Any links?

01:05:35.000 No.

01:05:36.000 Okay.

01:05:37.000 I'm very glad I found this.

01:05:40.000 Dear Gavin Ryguy, which I don't like.

01:05:44.000 Yeah, what do I have to do with any of this?

01:05:45.000 You're my sidekick.

01:05:46.000 No one says, Dear Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon.

01:05:49.000 Dear Johnny and Ed.

01:05:50.000 That's true.

01:05:52.000 You're taking over my show.

01:05:53.000 No.

01:05:54.000 You're stealing my thunder.

01:05:55.000 Look at the shirt proportions.

01:05:57.000 I'm a little guy.

01:05:57.000 Yeah, why are you even on it?

01:05:59.000 I don't know.

01:06:00.000 If you had a Johnny Carson shirt, it would just be Johnny Carson.

01:06:04.000 You guys doing anything?

01:06:06.000 At least I'm not Andy Richter.

01:06:09.000 No one's worse than Andy Richter.

01:06:10.000 Dude, Hodge told me he likes Andy Richter.

01:06:12.000 I was like, I don't think we're friends anymore.

01:06:14.000 Hodge is done.

01:06:17.000 Right?

01:06:17.000 I mean, dude, I'm sure he's a nice guy.

01:06:19.000 I was watching Strangers with Candy and I saw his wife standing next to a giant sign that said divorce.

01:06:26.000 Wow.

01:06:27.000 And I thought, God, I wish I was on Twitter and I could just send this to him.

01:06:31.000 You can use the sensor dot TV.

01:06:32.000 Oh, okay.

01:06:34.000 How dare you?

01:06:36.000 Now, she played a lesbian coach on Strangers with Candy, and this is 20 years ago, way before she even met Andy Richter.

01:06:48.000 But I just wish that I could shit on him.

01:06:52.000 I'm sending it to you now.

01:06:53.000 Okay.

01:06:55.000 Because he won't shut up about morality and families and Trump has the kids and cages.

01:07:02.000 Like, yeah, you let your marriage go down the fucking toilet, and now your kids have 50% of the parents they used to have.

01:07:09.000 So maybe don't.

01:07:10.000 This is what's amazing about comedians, and I'm sorry, but even dead comedians like Stephen Brody Stevens, this is not a very popular opinion.

01:07:18.000 I love Stephen.

01:07:19.000 He was a great comedian, funny guy, but he sat there telling us all day how to live and love, and this is what's important to make your day go great.

01:07:26.000 Be positive!

01:07:27.000 Positive push!

01:07:28.000 Be positive!

01:07:29.000 Yes!

01:07:30.000 Why are you telling me how to live my life?

01:07:32.000 You're dead and you killed yourself.

01:07:35.000 Or Gary Goleman, another guy.

01:07:37.000 Here's some tips on how to be a great comedian.

01:07:40.000 You're not really that popular and you almost killed yourself too.

01:07:44.000 You went to a loony bin for depression.

01:07:47.000 Like all these comedians have these shitty lives.

01:07:50.000 If they have kids, they have like one.

01:07:52.000 Outside of Jim Gaffigan.

01:07:54.000 And Jim Gaffigan doesn't preach to you and tell you how to live your life.

01:07:57.000 So when you see comedians telling you how to live your life and saying, this is all you have to do.

01:08:01.000 You have to stay positive and write these jokes and do this with your life.

01:08:05.000 And this has to be the way that the country is run.

01:08:08.000 And this is what we have to do with healthcare.

01:08:10.000 They're really just sort of pep talking themselves because they're on the verge of depression.

01:08:15.000 Still nothing.

01:08:16.000 Oh, I fucking hate that.

01:08:18.000 It just takes forevskies.

01:08:20.000 It is so frustrating.

01:08:22.000 I like being able to at least yell at the computer when it's not doing something.

01:08:27.000 Usually I'm the one fucking things up, but this computer shit is... Maybe when you get it, when we do show this on the show, folks, you can do a screen grab, and next time he says something stupid about families, you can send him this.

01:08:37.000 Just to hurt him.

01:08:38.000 And being good at it, if you will.

01:08:40.000 Alright, this is a fun letter, my favorite letter of the week.

01:08:49.000 I can't believe... Shakira, Shakira!

01:08:52.000 People aren't already... You know there's a sound attributed to that, right?

01:08:59.000 No, I think that's a joke.

01:09:00.000 No, no, no, no.

01:09:02.000 That there's a sound.

01:09:03.000 Oh, I got the Richter by the way.

01:09:05.000 And I thought it was very... I think they were adding a terrorist sound.

01:09:09.000 No, no, during the performance it does that too.

01:09:11.000 No, that's because the Lebanese, right?

01:09:14.000 They go...

01:09:16.000 There's a sound- Well, all Arabs do that.

01:09:17.000 But can you scooch that over away from me?

01:09:20.000 I go full screen?

01:09:21.000 Yeah.

01:09:22.000 Now, folks at home, please crop this and hold onto it the next time Andy Richter is annoying.

01:09:27.000 You know, I met Andy Richter once and I was doing coke at a Comedy Central after party.

01:09:33.000 Really?

01:09:34.000 And he had a tracksuit on, an Adidas tracksuit.

01:09:36.000 And I was like, you want to do a little hooch?

01:09:38.000 A little cooch-ma-gooch?

01:09:40.000 And he's like, what?

01:09:41.000 And I go, you want to hee-haw up the zim-zam?

01:09:46.000 And he's like, what are you talking about?

01:09:48.000 I said, do you want to do a pump of cocaine in your nose, sir?

01:09:51.000 To get high, it's a drug.

01:09:52.000 To get in your sinuses and absorb into your bloodstream.

01:09:55.000 He goes, oh no, no, no.

01:09:56.000 And I go, not a coke guy?

01:09:57.000 He goes, I've never tried it.

01:10:01.000 You never tried coke?

01:10:03.000 That's a bummer.

01:10:04.000 This is not long ago, by the way.

01:10:06.000 Why are you gay?

01:10:07.000 We were all adult men.

01:10:10.000 He's a fag!

01:10:13.000 Maybe that's why his marriage fell apart.

01:10:18.000 I've been talking to a friend via Facebook and I think he likes me.

01:10:22.000 Congratulations lady, this sounds fun.

01:10:25.000 Mostly we banter about politics and philosophy, but I noticed him asking a lot of personal questions as of late.

01:10:31.000 We live in the same city.

01:10:32.000 I wasn't very mindful about pursuing him.

01:10:35.000 Well, the recent information he exposed about himself really turned me off.

01:10:40.000 Why should it?

01:10:41.000 You're getting along great with this guy.

01:10:43.000 Politics is cool.

01:10:45.000 Philosophy.

01:10:46.000 You sound like you two are totally compatible.

01:10:49.000 Homeboy's gonna like, get it.

01:10:53.000 Jesus, she is fucking alarmingly attractive.

01:10:56.000 Really?

01:10:57.000 Yeah.

01:10:58.000 She looks like Bambi.

01:11:00.000 The brain is a piece of fucking dog shit.

01:11:06.000 Yeah.

01:11:07.000 As a man, you can't deny that.

01:11:08.000 It's kind of like shockingly attractive.

01:11:12.000 It's terrible.

01:11:13.000 It turns me off.

01:11:14.000 I think if you really wanted to marry her, you should drug her, take her to China, have her voice box removed, and then don't learn sign.

01:11:24.000 That sounds like just like a regular Chinese tradition.

01:11:27.000 Just go be Chinese.

01:11:28.000 There's probably a whole town that does that.

01:11:30.000 Anyway,

01:11:32.000 Uh, he told me he broke up, and by the way, I have no problem with air quotes anymore.

01:11:38.000 They're too efficient.

01:11:39.000 I'm not taking it back.

01:11:41.000 I think it was my parents that brainwashed me into hating them.

01:11:43.000 They work.

01:11:44.000 I love air quotes.

01:11:45.000 Anyway, he tells me he broke up years ago with his long-term partner.

01:11:50.000 That's fine.

01:11:50.000 They lived in a tiny downtown studio apartment.

01:11:53.000 Okay.

01:11:54.000 I'm not sure why, but as of recent, he decides to take action to move out and onward from that relationship.

01:12:01.000 All right.

01:12:02.000 He's white.

01:12:04.000 She's Japanese.

01:12:08.000 No offense, Ryan, but that's kind of a bad sign.

01:12:10.000 I forgot it was Japanese until you said it.

01:12:14.000 You were like fucking nips.

01:12:15.000 Fucking jabbing.

01:12:16.000 We should have nuked you three times.

01:12:18.000 Wait a second.

01:12:19.000 Wait.

01:12:20.000 That's why there's no mirrors at your house.

01:12:23.000 By the way, the studio apartment is a typical no bedroom, 400 square foot hole in the wall with the rent being $1,300 monthly.

01:12:32.000 That's got to be New York City.

01:12:33.000 Did I mention he's 36?

01:12:35.000 Oh!

01:12:36.000 So his ex was actually the one that moved out from that place and now he needs a roommate to pay half the rent.

01:12:45.000 Goodbye.

01:12:47.000 Bye-bye.

01:12:49.000 Home to mommy.

01:12:50.000 Mother Nature's hella pissed.

01:12:53.000 Bye-bye.

01:12:55.000 Go home.

01:12:57.000 No need for you.

01:12:58.000 No need.

01:13:00.000 If you're 35 and you live in a city that's so expensive that there are $1,300 a month apartments and it's no bedrooms, just a studio,

01:13:12.000 Then you're a fucking loser, or a drunk, or a partier, or you're in a band, or you're some sort of struggling artist, or maybe you're some sort of weird fucking charity dude who's like trying to do the new Live Aid.

01:13:23.000 I could see that.

01:13:24.000 That could be kind of cool.

01:13:25.000 Like, I'm going to live on nothing.

01:13:27.000 I want to save the world.

01:13:30.000 Some dude like that?

01:13:31.000 Like a billionaire lark for a vlog?

01:13:34.000 Like a Casey Neistat?

01:13:36.000 There's like seven people.

01:13:38.000 Seven scenarios where this is acceptable, but no.

01:13:41.000 If you have a $1,300 a month studio and you get a roommate who has to sleep on the couch, you're dealing with a fucking loser.

01:13:50.000 Dump him.

01:13:50.000 And by the way, I've been shit poor.

01:13:53.000 I only got a $1,300 a month apartment when I could afford it.

01:13:59.000 Before that, I lived with other people.

01:14:03.000 With the Otis Simbos.

01:14:07.000 Now you know this is one of the oldest symbols.

01:14:10.000 So his ex was actually the one that moved out from that place.

01:14:13.000 Oh sorry, now he needs a roommate.

01:14:15.000 He's posting ads on Craigslist.

01:14:17.000 I'm already raising eyebrows while he types me this story.

01:14:20.000 Suddenly, he brags about getting a call from his Instagram famous.

01:14:26.000 And successful 49-year-old clothing designer friend who recently divorced his wife.

01:14:32.000 Sounds like a total badass.

01:14:33.000 Imagine being 49 and being focused on being Instagram famous.

01:14:40.000 He was also telling me how this guy was willing to throw down extra money for drinks when they meet in person to sign the lease.

01:14:46.000 Holy shit, what a badass!

01:14:49.000 Did you hear that?

01:14:52.000 So the guy showed up to sign the lease, which means he's sleeping on the couch.

01:14:55.000 Someone's sleeping on a couch.

01:14:56.000 They're in a room like our studio.

01:14:58.000 This is, we're me and him, but this is our home.

01:15:02.000 And, uh, after he signs the lease, they go out, maybe have like, what, four beers?

01:15:07.000 And the other guy goes, it's on him.

01:15:09.000 It's on me.

01:15:09.000 Yeah.

01:15:10.000 Wait, what are you talking about?

01:15:11.000 This is $36.

01:15:15.000 No, to me, it's not.

01:15:17.000 To me, it's $3.6.

01:15:17.000 Because I'm a decimal place richer than anyone has ever thought of.

01:15:23.000 It's quiet.

01:15:24.000 Yeah, no, it's quiet for him.

01:15:26.000 Yuck, she says.

01:15:27.000 I quickly put on my detective brain and start asking him obvious questions like, how a supposedly successful 49-year-old businessman can only afford $650 a month?

01:15:38.000 That's a pretty good question.

01:15:40.000 I don't think I've ever paid... No, I did pay $650 a month, but like...

01:15:44.000 In 1990.

01:15:44.000 In Canada.

01:15:50.000 A divorce will ruin a guy, but not like that.

01:15:53.000 That's true.

01:15:54.000 He clearly has no credit.

01:15:56.000 And to not even have a bedroom?

01:15:58.000 As far as I'm concerned, they are both fucking losers.

01:16:01.000 And he's asking too much rent to be sleeping in one space together.

01:16:05.000 Also, does the word faggot come to mind?

01:16:07.000 Am I being too harsh?

01:16:09.000 Love you more than a friend.

01:16:10.000 He's a fag.

01:16:11.000 Female name.

01:16:12.000 Yeah, ladies.

01:16:13.000 Here's the deal.

01:16:15.000 Here's my advice to ladies.

01:16:16.000 I mean, look at him.

01:16:17.000 He's pimpin'.

01:16:19.000 When you're a young girl, when you're 13, 14, you start having sexual thoughts, save it.

01:16:25.000 Your chastity is valuable.

01:16:27.000 You're a Ferrari.

01:16:29.000 To throw that away is for a Ferrari to throw its engine away.

01:16:33.000 It's, it's, I'm sorry, but in many ways it's your worth.

01:16:37.000 That's why being known as a slut is denigrating.

01:16:40.000 That's why guys can't be insulted by the insult slut.

01:16:44.000 So save that little jar of coins you have and don't spend it.

01:16:51.000 Now you don't have to only dole it out to your married husband, although everyone I know who's done that turned out quite happy.

01:16:59.000 But if you're going to dole it out, dole it out in very small portions to people who earn it.

01:17:05.000 Like when you're going to open up your pussy, be like, is this a good investment?

01:17:09.000 Is this worth it?

01:17:10.000 Is it affordable?

01:17:11.000 Do I want it?

01:17:14.000 Does he deserve it?

01:17:15.000 Stuff like that.

01:17:17.000 Um,

01:17:19.000 And then when you get to be like comfortable with sex, let's say 20, then you can be maybe doled out a little more, but 20 to 25, I'm going to say are your party years.

01:17:31.000 You can try out relationships, see what you like, see if you like hippie guys, see if you like tough guys, whatever.

01:17:37.000 See what you're most fulfilled at.

01:17:40.000 They've always said you're happiest when you're surrounded by people that are, that allow you to be the most yourself.

01:17:47.000 So I would say you experiment with like four or five boyfriends.

01:17:51.000 This is not a very Catholic thing for me to say, but whatever.

01:17:55.000 And if you notice that you like tough guys or you like pussies, then you start at 25.

01:18:01.000 All right, now it's serious.

01:18:05.000 No more fucking losers, no more comedians, no more photographers, no more DJs, no more artists, no more sharing a room guy.

01:18:17.000 And then you have some time.

01:18:18.000 I hope it takes two years to find the one.

01:18:22.000 Then get a ring on it and start making sure, making it clear you need a ring on it.

01:18:28.000 And then just fucking spread those legs and make those babies.

01:18:32.000 And being good at it, if you will.

01:18:34.000 And get five.

01:18:36.000 One is for losers, two is for fags, three is a bare minimum.

01:18:41.000 Four, you're cooler than me.

01:18:43.000 Five, that's, you're perfect.

01:18:46.000 You made it.

01:18:49.000 All right.

01:18:51.000 We've done Johnny Apple CBD, we did Cavefe.

01:18:54.000 Speaking of real jobs.

01:18:56.000 Speaking of real jobs, I just did a bump of coke.

01:18:59.000 And that's my job!

01:19:00.000 Another thing that we missed out from the Trump speech is that he's gonna put free vocational schools in, he wants to put, he wants to do this, in high schools.

01:19:12.000 Free vocational training to learn a trade in high schools.

01:19:19.000 You just, did you, are you, are you just right now,

01:19:25.000 Did you just?

01:19:26.000 Oh my God, that is embarrassing.

01:19:28.000 I have never done that on the show before.

01:19:29.000 I know you did, but I don't think you should say it.

01:19:33.000 Yeah, I'm not going to say it.

01:19:35.000 I am going to need a serviette at some point.

01:19:41.000 Wow.

01:19:43.000 That is really, really embarrassing.

01:19:50.000 It's also gay that you made me do that.

01:19:54.000 I didn't, Trump did.

01:19:55.000 So Trump's decided to bring trades back to America.

01:19:58.000 Yeah.

01:19:59.000 And maybe we don't all need a $250,000 degree in speech pathology.

01:20:09.000 Maybe I need at least one degree in speech pathology.

01:20:12.000 All right, we're done.

01:20:15.000 We are now going to go to the phones.

01:20:18.000 And I'd like to say to the folks who are getting this podcast free,

01:20:23.000 If you were seeing this on YouTube, I'm stunned, stunned that I'm still alive.

01:20:29.000 But I don't give a fuck if I get kicked off because, oh look.

01:20:34.000 Only one of those matters now.

01:20:35.000 This is gone.

01:20:36.000 Yes.

01:20:36.000 And this will probably be gone by the time you see this.

01:20:38.000 And you probably won't even see this.

01:20:39.000 Right.

01:20:41.000 But fuck it.

01:20:41.000 You have to be who you are.

01:20:42.000 I mean, don't be egregiously offensive and don't pick on people who don't deserve it, but

01:20:49.000 If it's who you are and you feel like you're being honest with yourself, then yeah.

01:20:54.000 Get fired.

01:20:55.000 Get in trouble.

01:20:56.000 Be brave.

01:20:57.000 And never stop fighting.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - February 08, 2020

GOML LIVE #33 | BANNED

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