Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #39

00:00:13.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Rock with Kevin McTinnis.

00:00:20.000 Get Off My Rock with Kevin McTinnis.

00:00:32.000 It's enough of that music.

00:00:34.000 That music doesn't inspire.

00:00:35.000 That's kind of punk.

00:00:37.000 That's some punk we had made for the show.

00:00:39.000 70s punk.

00:00:40.000 And we're going through an incredible time right now where people need solace.

00:00:48.000 They need support.

00:00:49.000 They need to imagine.

00:00:54.000 And that's why Ryan and I are here to help you tonight on this special edition of GOML Live.

00:01:08.000 Imagine there's no heaven.

00:01:13.000 It's easy if you try.

00:01:18.000 No hell below us above a sonly sky.

00:01:29.000 Imagine all the people living for imagine there's no country.

00:01:46.000 Oh, sorry.

00:01:49.000 It sees this isn't hard to do.

00:01:55.000 Nothing to kill or die for and no religion too.

00:02:04.000 I hate this so much.

00:02:05.000 Imagine all the people living life in peace.

00:02:16.000 You might say I'm a dreamer.

00:02:20.000 But I'm not the only one.

00:02:23.000 I hope someday you'll join us and the world will imagine no possessions.

00:02:34.000 I wonder if you can.

00:02:38.000 No need for greed or hunger.

00:02:41.000 Wait, who needs hunger?

00:02:44.000 That's a good point.

00:02:46.000 Uh huh.

00:02:47.000 I wonder if A brotherhood of man.

00:02:53.000 Imagine all the people.

00:02:56.000 Like the ethnic twist.

00:02:58.000 Sharing all the world.

00:03:02.000 You together now.

00:03:04.000 You might say I'm a dreamer.

00:03:09.000 But I'm not the only one.

00:03:13.000 I hope someday you'll join us.

00:03:20.000 And the world will live as one.

00:03:27.000 There.

00:03:29.000 So you can do that without being cringe.

00:03:32.000 You're welcome for that.

00:03:35.000 I hope that made you sort of, I hope that gave you pause and made you think, huh?

00:03:41.000 You know what?

00:03:43.000 I'm being greedy here.

00:03:45.000 I like, I'm going to.

00:03:47.000 It's weird that you find solace in a communist anthem where no one has any possessions and there's no God or religion.

00:03:55.000 Yeah, that's called China.

00:03:57.000 China.

00:03:58.000 China's what got us into this mess in the first place.

00:04:01.000 That's racist.

00:04:05.000 Don't call it Chinese food.

00:04:06.000 Call it food.

00:04:07.000 But before we start the show, I would like to thank my sponsor, Red Pill Red.

00:04:12.000 This is a very long show we have today.

00:04:14.000 And not Red Pill Red.

00:04:17.000 Sorry.

00:04:17.000 I was reading Red Pill Read.

00:04:19.000 Red Pill.

00:04:21.000 But we're only going to make the first half hour free, but I think it's going to go longer than two hours.

00:04:27.000 But hold on a second.

00:04:31.000 Oh, I thought we were done singing that song.

00:04:36.000 I Googled the Great Awakening because I was feeling philosophical and I found a new coffee.

00:04:42.000 It's called The Great Awakening from RedpillLiving.com.

00:04:50.000 I ordered the Great Awakening coffee from redpillliving.com.

00:04:54.000 Unbelievable coffee.

00:04:56.000 I had a Great Awakening.

00:04:58.000 You need to keep shopping at redpellliving.com.

00:05:01.000 Keep shopping at redpillliving.com.

00:05:06.000 See, this is the beauty of being in quarantine.

00:05:08.000 You don't have to go out and buy this stuff.

00:05:10.000 I've heard some gossip from insiders at the National Guard that they're going to be, they were told to pack for 30 days.

00:05:18.000 So they may be quarantining everyone in the entire country for two weeks, but they have enough food for 30 days in case it becomes 30 days.

00:05:27.000 And they're not announcing this until all the homes are guarded to prevent looting.

00:05:33.000 So they'll be stationing militia everywhere in every little town.

00:05:38.000 So when they announce that they're cutting off everything, including grocery stores, we won't kill each other.

00:05:49.000 So I also bought the, this is a lie.

00:05:52.000 I haven't bought the Red Pill Living Wild Herb Essential Oil yet to see if it boosts my immunity, but I'm sure it will.

00:06:00.000 And I know I said I bought Great Awakening Coffee.

00:06:03.000 We're yet to do that.

00:06:04.000 This is the first day we've had this client, and I'm looking forward to it.

00:06:08.000 I think they're somehow linked to Johnny Apple CBD.

00:06:11.000 I'm not sure, but we've been enjoying Cavefe coffee, and I assume Great Awakening Coffee from Red Pill will be equally fantastic.

00:06:20.000 So when you go there, use the promo code Gavin15, and you get 15% off all purchases.

00:06:28.000 That's 15% off.

00:06:29.000 Just use promo code Gavin15 at redpillliving.com.

00:06:34.000 Gavin15, blah, blah, blah.

00:06:36.000 I fucking hate the way these reads are written.

00:06:38.000 He's got me repeating redpillliving.com like 50 times.

00:06:42.000 I'm not doing that.

00:06:44.000 I see something cool in here.

00:06:45.000 They like from all different countries.

00:06:46.000 Italy, France, Costa Rica, Colombia.

00:06:50.000 Oh, that's a trip.

00:06:51.000 That's pretty crazy.

00:06:52.000 There's a lot of them.

00:06:53.000 Yeah, you can try the different.

00:06:54.000 We should order one from every country and then we'll give reviews on each one.

00:06:58.000 That makes a hell of a lot more sense than pretending that I bought tons and I love it and I feel awakened.

00:07:03.000 True that.

00:07:05.000 Hey, ad guy who gets his clients, don't write this shit for me anymore, okay?

00:07:09.000 Just tell me the who, what, when, where, why about the thing and then I'll talk about it and send me a free sample and I'll try it like you did with the beef.

00:07:16.000 But I'm not pretending that I do this shit.

00:07:20.000 Mother Nature's hella pissed.

00:07:23.000 He's back.

00:07:25.000 Let's check out that Gail Godot thing.

00:07:29.000 She is a fucking smokeshow.

00:07:32.000 But here's the thing celebrities need to understand about themselves.

00:07:35.000 Back in the 40s and 50s, after World War II, celebrities were actually exceptional, exceptional, exceptional people.

00:07:44.000 That's why Ronald Reagan was such a great president, because movie stars were actually fantastic people.

00:07:50.000 Now it's just the prettiest girl or boy from your fucking annoying drama club in high school.

00:07:58.000 In other words, losers.

00:07:59.000 That's why the men are so short, because they couldn't play sports, so they got involved in drama, and there was some gays there who couldn't, you know, butch themselves up enough to sound normal.

00:08:10.000 And then there was gays like Tom Cruise who were able to do it, but still, a midget.

00:08:14.000 And then the pretty girls are just like Elizabeth Banks, who's, you know, look at Charlie's Angels.

00:08:19.000 She's a failure when she tries to do things on her own.

00:08:22.000 But as Ezra Levant points out, they've been reading these scripts for so long that they think they're wise.

00:08:30.000 And then they start talking because they believe the character in the movie, like Vin Diesel.

00:08:37.000 When I did How to Be a Man, it was the same studio that had just done a movie for Vin Diesel.

00:08:41.000 And people who worked at the studio told me he'd show up as a character.

00:08:45.000 Like he'd get off his bike, take off his helmet, throw it to his buddy, go sit down, put his feet up on the desk, and like, I need my check.

00:08:52.000 And they go, we wire you your money every time.

00:08:56.000 We don't have check.

00:08:57.000 I mean, I can print out a check, I guess.

00:08:59.000 And he'd leave with his check.

00:09:02.000 Van Diesel is the perfect celebrity.

00:09:06.000 He's also the sexiest thumb in the history of hands.

00:09:12.000 What a hot thumb.

00:09:14.000 Hot thumb!

00:09:15.000 Howling on the streets!

00:09:17.000 I want to suck and taste you.

00:09:20.000 Actual lyric from Hot Boys by Pete Townsend.

00:09:25.000 Which we can play once we're off the paywall.

00:09:27.000 Yeah, don't ban me, YouTube, for saying that.

00:09:29.000 Robots have been banning me like crazy.

00:09:31.000 I'm suspended from YouTube for seven days.

00:09:34.000 And YouTube says it's just, it's the robots.

00:09:38.000 Twitter is doing this too.

00:09:41.000 Once China attacks the world with far more effectiveness than ISIS could ever dream of, big tech's first solution is let's get Chinese robots to infiltrate our tech and ban all the people that are conservative and also start rumors that it was started in America and also shit on Trump.

00:10:03.000 China is asshole!

00:10:04.000 The president of the country.

00:10:06.000 That sounds like a good solution to me.

00:10:08.000 And it's also a great way to ban conservatives.

00:10:11.000 You say, sorry, dude, we couldn't come to work and the robots had to do it.

00:10:16.000 Michelle Malkin called them out on this.

00:10:19.000 But I don't really care.

00:10:20.000 I don't care if I get banned from YouTube.

00:10:22.000 I don't care about all this danger, even if it is 30 days with the National Guard.

00:10:27.000 I've already built this pirate ship that you can't fire me from.

00:10:31.000 I've already been ostracized in my community, had my car vandalized, signs on my lawn, banners on the highway calling me a Nazi.

00:10:39.000 So what are you going to fucking do?

00:10:41.000 Come at me, bro.

00:10:42.000 I was talking to Anthony about our ammunition, and I was counting my gigantic fucking 30-odd 6 shells today.

00:10:50.000 And I've got packs and packs of it.

00:10:52.000 I won't say how much I have, but say you only had 20.

00:10:55.000 A 30-odd 6, I told you this, right?

00:10:58.000 I shot a rabbit with it once, and the rabbit was gone.

00:11:02.000 It left this dimension.

00:11:05.000 It wasn't like it had a bullet hole.

00:11:06.000 It was just, poof.

00:11:08.000 It was just fur.

00:11:09.000 So if you shoot someone in the head with this, with my, with my rifle, they're just going to have like a hole in their head.

00:11:15.000 Like you can't have a wake.

00:11:17.000 So say I use 10 of these bullets.

00:11:20.000 I guess we're in such an intense state, right, that the bodies are going to stay outside because no one's doing any collecting, right?

00:11:27.000 That's why they came to my house because they were starving because there was no food, which is a fucking ridiculous sentiment.

00:11:33.000 I just need bread.

00:11:35.000 Yeah, there's no bread.

00:11:36.000 You have to come and try to kill me to get bread.

00:11:38.000 Bull shit.

00:11:39.000 What is this?

00:11:41.000 Cormack McCarthy's The Road?

00:11:42.000 Anyway, so say I use like five bullets and kill five intruders.

00:11:49.000 There's five dead bodies in front of my house?

00:11:52.000 Yeah.

00:11:53.000 A lot of clean.

00:11:54.000 Like I was talking to guys that say, yeah, I'm saving my AR-15 for when shit gets really crazy.

00:11:58.000 I just have buckshot and my shotgun, and then my handgun just has 22s.

00:12:03.000 So you'll just be like injuring people for the first little while.

00:12:07.000 And then the buckshot, the same thing, just like putting some holes in their ass.

00:12:11.000 So they run away.

00:12:12.000 Then the AR-15 is when I really start murdering people.

00:12:15.000 So how many cadavers are in front of your house at this point?

00:12:19.000 Like blood is your whole front lawn is blood.

00:12:22.000 Your whole driveway is the bloody angle.

00:12:25.000 Just leave.

00:12:26.000 Just go somewhere else.

00:12:30.000 So I don't think you need like 100 bullets.

00:12:37.000 Speaking of the bloody angle, we were there yesterday.

00:12:41.000 We walked outside the office.

00:12:42.000 And non-subscribers won't know this, but we did a tour of Chinatown.

00:12:46.000 And sorry, of Times Square.

00:12:48.000 And then we took my car.

00:12:50.000 We've been driving to work because the trains are not safe.

00:12:54.000 No one's on them.

00:12:55.000 In fact, I think this might be the end of our studio shows.

00:12:59.000 I think I might be shooting From home next week, which is weird because we won't have the TriCaster, we won't be able to cut to things.

00:13:06.000 And I saw Stephen Colbert doing his show from his balcony on YouTube.

00:13:10.000 It's not in the notes, but God, it sucked.

00:13:14.000 It really stripped bare what these shows are.

00:13:17.000 It's 14 people busting their ass to send in 40 jokes.

00:13:23.000 And then a guy reads the jokes with his eyebrows going, what?

00:13:27.000 And then pretending he's making it up as he goes, but you can tell he's just reading.

00:13:31.000 Look at that.

00:13:33.000 This is really what talk shows are when they have writers.

00:13:38.000 You're not going to show the video, Ryan?

00:13:40.000 Oh, they didn't have one on that site.

00:13:42.000 Well, you might want to go to a site called YouTube.

00:13:45.000 By the way, folks who watched yesterday's episode, you may have noticed that it changed three times.

00:13:50.000 That's because Ryan kept forgetting shit we had shot, which I don't understand because we went to like four or five locations and he forgot two of them twice.

00:14:02.000 Can you fucking believe that?

00:14:04.000 I said, where's the thing where we're on the stairs of Times Square?

00:14:08.000 And he goes, oh, sorry.

00:14:09.000 Adds a bit.

00:14:10.000 And I go, no, no, that's when we were by the Homeless Woman with the Dreads.

00:14:13.000 Where's where we were by the stairs?

00:14:15.000 Oh, you're going to have to put this back on manual focus.

00:14:18.000 Oh, damn.

00:14:19.000 And he goes, oh, yeah, that too.

00:14:22.000 So yesterday's show was uploaded thrice.

00:14:26.000 Anyway, Times Square wasn't as abandoned as people say it is, but it's pretty abandoned.

00:14:32.000 I mean, that guy to my right, sitting down, is a brutally homeless man whose entire back is black.

00:14:39.000 Even though he's wearing...

00:14:43.000 It hit the sack.

00:14:44.000 He's a fucking bum and he's whack.

00:14:49.000 His back is black because that's where he sleeps.

00:14:52.000 He's wearing a beige, beige attire.

00:14:54.000 It's construction workers, bums.

00:14:56.000 We went to the Bloody Angle, which I just mentioned, in Chinatown.

00:15:01.000 Site.

00:15:03.000 A lot of deaths were there in the gangs of New York days.

00:15:06.000 There it is.

00:15:08.000 I've never seen that thing not be mobbed.

00:15:12.000 Doyer Street, I think it's called.

00:15:13.000 The post office is on it.

00:15:16.000 And then we went down to the war memorial and we drove through the West Village.

00:15:20.000 It's a fun thing to do.

00:15:22.000 I recommend you, if you live anywhere near Manhattan, just put the family in the car and go toot around, especially if the National Guard's going to be saying we can't leave our homes and roads are closed down.

00:15:33.000 But anyway, that's what I was talking about.

00:15:34.000 Look at Stevens Colbert reading from an iPad teleprompter.

00:15:39.000 There are some officials who agree with each other, like California Guardian.

00:15:42.000 I don't think you play too much of that because YouTube is just a little sample of that audio.

00:15:48.000 Pretty bad.

00:15:48.000 I can't.

00:15:49.000 Maybe I'll still be suspended from YouTube.

00:15:51.000 But you get the idea.

00:15:52.000 You can look it up yourself.

00:15:54.000 And are we playing the His nose is red.

00:15:58.000 And we'll get to that.

00:15:59.000 And because, just like on SNL, when they talk to people like this, what?

00:16:06.000 We're not going to be there on Friday.

00:16:08.000 And I think it's kind of nuts that so many people are fighting back.

00:16:12.000 Are you sure that that's what we want to do?

00:16:14.000 And you're like, what the fuck's the matter with your eyes?

00:16:16.000 It's the same with Colbert.

00:16:18.000 He's reading his teleprompter like that, and he looks like he's touched.

00:16:22.000 He looks like he ain't right in the head.

00:16:26.000 So I don't want to do that.

00:16:28.000 I don't want to sit on my balcony, on my porch.

00:16:32.000 So what I was thinking, though, Ryan, you could come to my house and we could just watch movies.

00:16:38.000 And the way that we would be able to show them without getting busted is we broadcast them on ourselves.

00:16:44.000 Sure, sure.

00:16:45.000 You know, so now we're not stealing the movie and uploading it.

00:16:50.000 It's art.

00:16:51.000 It's like built-in commentary.

00:16:53.000 Yeah, and we could cover so much of the screen that it would be more like that robot theater thing.

00:16:59.000 Mystery Science Theater.

00:17:00.000 Mystery Science Theater, but they were just a little shadow on the bottom.

00:17:02.000 We'll be the majority of the fucking thing.

00:17:04.000 More so than Beavis and Butthead as well.

00:17:06.000 Yeah, maybe you can send in some ideas of movies we should watch.

00:17:09.000 I was thinking Hustlers, we've already done.

00:17:11.000 I'm giving that away.

00:17:15.000 Cats, Charlie's Angels.

00:17:20.000 What was the other one I wanted to do?

00:17:22.000 Hustlers, Cats, Charlie's Angels.

00:17:25.000 Well, then there's a badass one, but I don't think we want to watch Mandy.

00:17:28.000 No, no, no, no.

00:17:29.000 We don't want to watch a good movie.

00:17:30.000 That's not funny.

00:17:31.000 I don't think you mentioned that.

00:17:32.000 Then we'll just be sit there captivated.

00:17:34.000 Whoa.

00:17:35.000 I thought I had four in mind.

00:17:37.000 Hustlers, Charlie's Angels.

00:17:39.000 I already had part one and part two.

00:17:41.000 No, no, no.

00:17:43.000 Anyway, we'll figure that out.

00:17:44.000 Maybe we'll break into the studio on Thursday and come back here.

00:17:49.000 Bet DSI 15 minutes in.

00:17:52.000 Is it?

00:17:53.000 Or is it Blue Chew?

00:17:55.000 Is it Blue Chew?

00:17:56.000 Oh, I'm sorry.

00:17:56.000 Yeah.

00:17:57.000 Blue Chew.

00:17:58.000 Blue Chew Red Pill.

00:17:59.000 Blue Chew.

00:18:01.000 Blue Chew has been our sponsor since the beginning.

00:18:04.000 And thank you to these guys.

00:18:06.000 This is sort of how you build a pirate ship is you have loyal sponsors who support you.

00:18:11.000 Blue Chew is essentially what Viagra is.

00:18:15.000 It's everything like that, but without the exorbitant costs.

00:18:19.000 You can go onto the site.

00:18:20.000 You should show the site.

00:18:22.000 You can go onto the site and a medical professional will talk to you and decide if you're eligible.

00:18:27.000 And then they will send it to you in a very discreet package.

00:18:30.000 Now, if you use the promo code Gavin, you get 15% off.

00:18:34.000 You also get free delivery.

00:18:37.000 I don't understand why you wouldn't do this.

00:18:39.000 No, wait a minute.

00:18:40.000 You pay for delivery for shipping and the pills are free.

00:18:43.000 That's all you pay is the shipping.

00:18:44.000 Yes.

00:18:45.000 All you pay is the shipping.

00:18:47.000 So shouldn't you just have it safe?

00:18:50.000 Even if you're not Mr. Flaccid, shouldn't you just be prepared for that?

00:18:54.000 It's like having a generator.

00:18:56.000 And if there's one thing we've learned from coronavirus, it's that you should have a generator for your home.

00:19:00.000 You have to be prepared.

00:19:02.000 Are you prepared?

00:19:04.000 I don't care if you're married, single, dating, in a relationship.

00:19:08.000 For that special time, you have to be ready to rock.

00:19:12.000 Now, you partiers who are going out till all hours, you need it more than anyone else.

00:19:17.000 So please go to bluechew.com, use promo code Gavin, get a fantastic rebate.

00:19:24.000 You get a shipment free, but you have to pay for the shipping.

00:19:28.000 So you get the actual Blue Chew free.

00:19:30.000 And then you're safe.

00:19:32.000 Maybe you don't use it for six months.

00:19:35.000 I haven't used my generator in years, but it's there.

00:19:39.000 It's hard to get hard when there's widespread panic.

00:19:42.000 And we need to procreate so that way humanity doesn't die off.

00:19:48.000 That's an angle I had not thought of.

00:19:50.000 A bloody angle.

00:19:52.000 Also, before we get to Gail Godot, is it Gal Godot or Gail?

00:19:57.000 I think it's Gale.

00:19:58.000 Gal.

00:19:59.000 What kind of name is Gal?

00:20:00.000 It's just like dude.

00:20:00.000 I don't know.

00:20:02.000 Dude Rivera.

00:20:03.000 That's like being named Bum.

00:20:05.000 You're a bum, Charlie.

00:20:06.000 None of the gals like you.

00:20:08.000 You're on a one-way ticket to Palocalle.

00:20:11.000 Guy Pierce.

00:20:12.000 That guy's named Guy.

00:20:13.000 Oh, yeah.

00:20:14.000 Guy Pierce and Gal.

00:20:15.000 Guys and gals.

00:20:17.000 They have a podcast they're doing, Guy and Gal.

00:20:21.000 Actually, when I saw this video we're about to watch, I thought a friend of mine was saying, oh, don't you miss Kumeo and Mindy Kaling?

00:20:30.000 But yeah, they would be perfect for this.

00:20:32.000 I'm surprised they're not in it, but I think it's all gals pals.

00:20:36.000 But anyway, before we get to that, also in Censored.tv news, Copper Cab is determined to fight Alex Jones.

00:20:44.000 And he's already in training for it.

00:20:46.000 Now, I don't think Alex Jones has agreed to do this yet, but I know Alex.

00:20:49.000 And he would happily fight anyone at any time.

00:20:51.000 Yes, he would.

00:20:52.000 In fact, he often begs me to punch him three times so he can punch me once.

00:20:57.000 And punching him feels like punching a radiator.

00:21:00.000 It hurts like hell.

00:21:03.000 And when he punches you, it feels like the SWAT team is using a battering ram to open your front door.

00:21:08.000 It fucking kills.

00:21:10.000 What does punching Copper Cab feel like?

00:21:13.000 That is also very unique.

00:21:15.000 I fought a lot of guys, a lot of big guys.

00:21:18.000 And one of my top sparring partners at the gym, Tommy Fatso, I fight him.

00:21:24.000 And even though he's got like, he doesn't have a six back, he's got like a belly.

00:21:29.000 Still, when you punch it, you feel like you're hitting something solid.

00:21:33.000 But, oh my God, punching Copper Cab, I said it before.

00:21:38.000 It's like a shower curtain.

00:21:39.000 Like you just go through flab.

00:21:40.000 I think he must have lost a ton of weight recently because nothing stops you.

00:21:45.000 And his punches are so slow.

00:21:48.000 I didn't know that he was such a shitty fighter when he originally pitched this fight to me.

00:21:53.000 So I was pretty nervous.

00:21:56.000 Like when I spar at the gym, I get the shit kicked out of me on a regular basis.

00:22:00.000 And they're all smaller than Copper Cab.

00:22:02.000 Copper Cab's a big boy.

00:22:03.000 So I thought, uh-oh, here we go.

00:22:05.000 And it was pathetic.

00:22:08.000 It was so easy to skip, to deke out his punches.

00:22:17.000 So that is Copper Cab fighting Alex Jones.

00:22:20.000 We don't know when that's going to happen, but we're very excited about it.

00:22:23.000 And then also Milo, this isn't in the future, this is in the past.

00:22:26.000 He did a debate special, the Democratic Debates that no one watched because it's two angry old men screaming at each other.

00:22:34.000 He did that with Uncle Tony.

00:22:35.000 That's Uncle Tony, right?

00:22:36.000 Uncle Tony Redpill.

00:22:38.000 Uncle Tony Redpill.

00:22:39.000 Ironic that Red Pill's our main sponsor of this show.

00:22:41.000 You're going to go downtown and get your butt cheeks divided.

00:22:44.000 I wrote that.

00:22:44.000 Remember that?

00:22:45.000 He was at the He Would Not Divide Us thing.

00:22:47.000 Oh, yeah.

00:22:48.000 He got the viral video with him and Greek Tony.

00:22:51.000 Greg the Greek.

00:22:53.000 Yeah.

00:22:54.000 I thought they were, those two were inseparable.

00:22:55.000 Eh, they kind of, No.

00:23:00.000 Yeah, it happens.

00:23:01.000 No!

00:23:02.000 It happens.

00:23:03.000 No, it happens with Trump derangement syndrome, but they both love Trump.

00:23:07.000 They probably argued over whose mom's sauce was better.

00:23:10.000 Ah, they're not friends no more.

00:23:11.000 That hurts.

00:23:13.000 That makes me sad.

00:23:14.000 That really does.

00:23:15.000 Yeah.

00:23:16.000 I think they're good.

00:23:17.000 No, they're not good.

00:23:18.000 They're not good, are they?

00:23:19.000 No, those guys were inseparable.

00:23:22.000 Now they're separating their butt cheeks.

00:23:26.000 All right, so let's finally get to this.

00:23:28.000 Oh, then we got Biggs was doing the whole episode on coronavirus.

00:23:32.000 Soph does an entire thing about conspiracies.

00:23:35.000 And John Miranda does a whole show about how, like, not a whole show, but about how Republicans can't get the Latino vote.

00:23:43.000 He chastises them for not getting Latino, but he says it's easy.

00:23:46.000 It should be easy.

00:23:47.000 Just focus on their Catholicism.

00:23:50.000 Hey, guys, we're pro-life, and we don't like Drag Queen Story Hour.

00:23:54.000 Join us.

00:23:56.000 And Gary's mailbag, of course, was a gem.

00:23:58.000 Gary's mailbag, you shot one without me today.

00:24:00.000 Yeah, it went pretty good.

00:24:00.000 Yes.

00:24:01.000 I'm looking forward to seeing that.

00:24:03.000 Yes.

00:24:04.000 How'd you guys get along?

00:24:05.000 Great.

00:24:06.000 I understand he brought you some grain?

00:24:08.000 Yeah, I got to bring it to my house.

00:24:08.000 Yeah.

00:24:10.000 Don't forget.

00:24:12.000 It's over there.

00:24:12.000 Just throw it in the garbage, dude.

00:24:14.000 I can't.

00:24:14.000 That's really mean.

00:24:15.000 No, it's not.

00:24:16.000 He hauled it all the way from, I don't even know where.

00:24:18.000 I don't know how.

00:24:18.000 When a bum gives you a bag of grain.

00:24:21.000 That's like right out of Jack and the Beanstalk.

00:24:24.000 Yeah, it does sound very fairy.

00:24:25.000 It's going to grow 600 feet high and have a giant in it.

00:24:28.000 But here's the thing.

00:24:29.000 He doesn't know anything about what's going on right now.

00:24:32.000 He's like, wow.

00:24:32.000 He doesn't notice.

00:24:33.000 I guess he thinks every day is Sunday.

00:24:35.000 Oh, he doesn't watch the news, right?

00:24:36.000 So he just thinks, oh, that streets are deserted.

00:24:39.000 So this is a sign.

00:24:42.000 He's bringing me sustainable dry goods in a time when I need it the most, and he doesn't know why that's important.

00:24:42.000 That's why it's a sign.

00:24:47.000 So I'm going to keep it.

00:24:49.000 You know, if God was going to communicate with someone, it should be someone who's a little touched.

00:24:55.000 Touched, yes.

00:24:56.000 Like Stephen Colbert.

00:24:59.000 All right, let's get to this.

00:25:01.000 We're finally ready.

00:25:02.000 Hey, YouTube, are you going to fuck me for this?

00:25:04.000 Is this some sort of, does CBS own this?

00:25:08.000 Okay.

00:25:10.000 Her forehead's a little large.

00:25:13.000 Ladies, if your forehead is more than a four and it's like a five head or a six head, get some bangs.

00:25:19.000 The Lord made provisions for that.

00:25:23.000 Don't you think that's like an inch too much?

00:25:26.000 I think so.

00:25:28.000 You know, in Korea, they see a small forehead as very ugly.

00:25:35.000 Like if a girl meets a guy and his forehead's like this, it's over.

00:25:38.000 That sucks.

00:25:39.000 So she'd be hot in Korea.

00:25:41.000 And believe me, she's hot here.

00:25:43.000 But that's just a minor complaint.

00:25:45.000 And here's another thing.

00:25:46.000 Wait, let me say one more thing.

00:25:48.000 You know, Canadians, and I love my people, I'm Canadian, but Canadians can be very corny.

00:25:54.000 And when you're watching a show that's Canadian, you're just like, something's kind of off.

00:25:58.000 The lighting is kind of wrong.

00:26:00.000 There's something, I'm sorry, but kind of uncool about my people, Canadians.

00:26:06.000 And yeah, sorry.

00:26:07.000 Our country's a tenth the size of yours as far as finances and population.

00:26:11.000 Sometimes our shit looks a little half-assed and cheap, and not wearing sunglasses.

00:26:18.000 Did you see Trudeau getting his coat before this before the press conference?

00:26:23.000 No.

00:26:24.000 Okay, I'll show you that.

00:26:26.000 It sucks.

00:26:27.000 Israel is twice that corniness.

00:26:31.000 Like on Halloween, or is it no, Purim, right?

00:26:35.000 Which is the Jewish Halloween.

00:26:37.000 In Israel, I was there at the time, and you're looking at costumes going, a cowboy?

00:26:43.000 You're just a cowboy?

00:26:45.000 Like, they don't get culture.

00:26:48.000 There's no humor in their costumes.

00:26:50.000 That's probably American Purim, or is that Jerusalem?

00:26:55.000 Yeah, look, someone has a cowboy hat on, and someone's a surgeon.

00:26:58.000 The Hasids doing it is kind of different.

00:27:00.000 I'm talking about normal mainstream Orthodox Jews in Israel dressing up for their Halloween.

00:27:08.000 And they just, it's super fucking corny.

00:27:11.000 And they're still into rave music and stuff.

00:27:13.000 I love my Israelis.

00:27:14.000 Don't get me wrong.

00:27:16.000 But that, I'm just trying to explain the Gal Gadot thing where she doesn't get how unbelievably cheesy it is to get a bunch of celebrities together.

00:27:26.000 So she's coming at it from a cornball angle because she comes from a country that's uncool.

00:27:31.000 I'm sorry, Israel.

00:27:32.000 You're not cool.

00:27:33.000 Not a lot of countries are cool if it's any constellation.

00:27:37.000 But the rest of the people in the video are coming at it from a people give a shit about us and think that we have something important to say.

00:27:45.000 So it's two different angles.

00:27:46.000 I just thought I should explain that.

00:27:49.000 In self-quarantine, and I gotta say, these past few days got me feeling a bit philosophical.

00:27:59.000 Why are Israeli Jews so much hotter than American Jews?

00:28:03.000 It affected the entire world.

00:28:06.000 Everyone.

00:28:08.000 I had no idea.

00:28:09.000 Who you are, where you're from.

00:28:12.000 Black, white.

00:28:17.000 And I saw, I ran into this video of this Italian guy playing the trumpet in his balcony.

00:28:25.000 Yeah, that wasn't corny.

00:28:26.000 To all the other people who were locked inside their homes.

00:28:30.000 You'll notice, by the way, the trumpet guy was doing it not knowing he was filmed and doing it to his fellow, to the people in the surrounding buildings.

00:28:38.000 Gal and her friends have to do this staring at their fucking phones.

00:28:42.000 Me, me, me.

00:28:46.000 Something so powerful and pure.

00:28:51.000 And I thought I can do something powerful in this.

00:28:55.000 Imagine how powerful and pure her pussy is.

00:29:00.000 It probably gobbles your phallus.

00:29:04.000 It's going to get me kicked out.

00:29:05.000 How would it do that?

00:29:07.000 Well, it would be late.

00:29:17.000 You think it actually moves?

00:29:19.000 Yeah.

00:29:20.000 That seems crazy.

00:29:21.000 That seems crazy and a bunch of people.

00:29:21.000 Grips it.

00:29:23.000 Yeah, imagine a horse barfing in reverse.

00:29:26.000 With no teeth, hopefully.

00:29:27.000 Yeah, a toothless horse barfing in reverse is what it's like to bone this gal.

00:29:32.000 Can we stop hearing this?

00:29:34.000 Oh, here we go.

00:29:35.000 Oh, heaven.

00:29:37.000 It's easy if you don't.

00:29:39.000 You're dead to me, Kristen Wigg.

00:29:42.000 No hell.

00:29:43.000 I had to look this guy up.

00:29:45.000 He's a model.

00:29:46.000 He's a male model.

00:29:47.000 Really?

00:29:48.000 Yeah.

00:29:49.000 Average guys anonymous?

00:29:49.000 For what?

00:29:53.000 He models people's buttholes.

00:29:56.000 And this guy is some British rapper no one's heard of.

00:30:00.000 That was a little bad.

00:30:02.000 I'm sorry.

00:30:02.000 That's here.

00:30:07.000 That's what I was trying to channel when I did it.

00:30:10.000 It seems like he's missing teeth.

00:30:13.000 Bobazon Liska.

00:30:18.000 What is a working-class jacket to Carhart?

00:30:21.000 Imagine all the people.

00:30:24.000 Who is that?

00:30:25.000 That's, I think, a model too.

00:30:26.000 No, he's an actor.

00:30:27.000 He was in Sonic the Hedgehog.

00:30:30.000 Oh, gross.

00:30:31.000 Main character.

00:30:32.000 I hate celebrities' nostrils.

00:30:34.000 I did not notice that.

00:30:34.000 Oh, wow.

00:30:35.000 They're so prominent.

00:30:37.000 You know, because their features have to emote.

00:30:39.000 So they have like these lips and these nostrils and these eyeballs and these cowcatcher chins.

00:30:44.000 Told me it's almost a parody of facial features.

00:30:47.000 Yeah, it's too much.

00:30:48.000 It's like someone is drawing with a crayon and they're really pushing down hard.

00:30:55.000 Oh.

00:30:56.000 What happened?

00:30:57.000 I double-clicked.

00:30:59.000 Hey, guys.

00:31:00.000 Hi, gal.

00:31:01.000 You hear me?

00:31:02.000 Oh, yeah.

00:31:03.000 All the people for today.

00:31:12.000 You hear me?

00:31:16.000 Pause.

00:31:16.000 Yeah.

00:31:17.000 So, Sarah has this thing.

00:31:18.000 I'm a little cute little girl.

00:31:21.000 It's almost like Adam Carollo's, no, Adam Sandler's little woo-hoo-goo guy.

00:31:26.000 You do that back.

00:31:26.000 What is that?

00:31:30.000 And Sarah has this, like, I'm just like a little stone girl in overalls and Chuck Taylor's jellyfish.

00:31:36.000 Just trying to get through the day, making fun of Jesus and making cum jokes about Christians.

00:31:42.000 Don't mind me.

00:31:43.000 That's why she was so perfect in that cartoon where she was the princess.

00:31:50.000 You know that movie?

00:31:51.000 Wreck-It Ralph.

00:31:52.000 Oh, okay, gotcha.

00:31:53.000 She was just a little silly princess.

00:31:55.000 And then she realizes she can't sing, so she does this faux, humble, like, I can't really do the high parts, so I'll exaggerate it.

00:32:04.000 Comic relief.

00:32:10.000 Who the fuck is this?

00:32:12.000 Is this someone's kid?

00:32:14.000 Who is this guy?

00:32:15.000 I mean, technically it has to be.

00:32:16.000 Is this like a snowboarder?

00:32:20.000 Sure.

00:32:20.000 I could buy that.

00:32:21.000 It's some random...

00:32:26.000 Yeah, that's a little brother.

00:32:28.000 Yeah.

00:32:29.000 I don't know.

00:32:29.000 Wow.

00:32:30.000 Those kids, my son's, my oldest boy's 11.

00:32:33.000 I'm going to start having these fucking twats in my kitchen soon.

00:32:36.000 You usually know who people are, too, so I was kind of looking forward to you telling me who this was.

00:32:39.000 I don't, I have no fucking clue who that little snowboarding pothead is, but he sure loves himself.

00:32:45.000 No countries, yeah.

00:32:51.000 Oh my God, I can listen that a thousand times.

00:32:54.000 Imagine there is no countries, yeah.

00:32:58.000 It is.

00:33:03.000 No countries, yeah.

00:33:05.000 He's Ray Charles meets fucking Nina Simone.

00:33:08.000 Oh, man.

00:33:09.000 What a fucking retime.

00:33:10.000 The left can't do any song thing like complications.

00:33:14.000 They're so unaware.

00:33:15.000 They are so self-unaware.

00:33:18.000 Like that.

00:33:19.000 This is a fight song.

00:33:20.000 This is a fight.

00:33:23.000 Which, of course, was Elizabeth Banks.

00:33:26.000 This one's for Hillary.

00:33:27.000 Boop, boop, boop, ba-doop, bop, boop, boop, boop, boop, ba-doop.

00:33:31.000 I'm a big wave on an ocean.

00:33:36.000 Like I was saying I were.

00:33:38.000 And it's this.

00:33:39.000 I can start an explosion.

00:33:40.000 Just like Sarah Silverman did the comic relief.

00:33:43.000 He's like, I can start an explosion.

00:33:45.000 I have the douche chilling.

00:33:47.000 I'm douche chilling myself.

00:33:48.000 I have, like, I could show you.

00:33:50.000 They're on my arm.

00:33:51.000 Wait, I got no autofocus, but just trust me.

00:33:53.000 Whatever.

00:33:54.000 Then there's this fucking nostril festival.

00:33:57.000 Who the fuck are you?

00:33:59.000 Jimmy Fallon.

00:34:00.000 Nothing to kill.

00:34:02.000 It isn't hard to die.

00:34:03.000 Oh, it's Jimmy Fallon.

00:34:04.000 Playing it safe.

00:34:04.000 Yeah.

00:34:06.000 I saw he was in it.

00:34:07.000 I read he was in it, and I thought he must have had himself pulled out when he saw the final result.

00:34:15.000 It isn't hard to do.

00:34:18.000 Nothing to kill or die for.

00:34:22.000 Nothing like to kill or die for.

00:34:27.000 Meanwhile, we've heard this song with the most perfect production in the world.

00:34:33.000 So they're giving us this shit version of a song that we've all heard a million times done perfectly by one of the greatest musicians of all time.

00:34:41.000 Like, here, how about this?

00:34:42.000 Nothing to kill or die for, you guys.

00:34:48.000 Nothing to kill or die for.

00:34:52.000 You suck.

00:34:53.000 I'm going to add every one of their segments on this.

00:34:55.000 Why did Moby fuck you?

00:34:58.000 And then who's this?

00:34:59.000 Is that Zendaya next or Zoe Kravitz or someone?

00:35:02.000 Nothing to kill or die for.

00:35:04.000 Or die for.

00:35:05.000 This is my favorite one.

00:35:06.000 I don't know.

00:35:07.000 Anorligento.

00:35:12.000 What is this?

00:35:13.000 AMSR or whatever?

00:35:17.000 Anorligento.

00:35:21.000 This really.

00:35:22.000 Hey, when Gal sends you, you don't have to do it.

00:35:28.000 It's not like, hey, this is going to raise a lot of money for kids with severe face burns.

00:35:32.000 Oh, shit.

00:35:33.000 Okay, I'll do it.

00:35:34.000 Hi, imagine all the people.

00:35:37.000 This is just a random, idiotic act of kindness from some cornball Israeli chick, and it's not raising any money.

00:35:49.000 Like Kumail and his ugly girlfriend have this podcast out, and it's a temporary podcast, and they're sending all the money from their podcast to charity.

00:36:02.000 I'd be stunned if they raised a thousand bucks.

00:36:05.000 You got plenty of money in the bank there, Mr. Ript.

00:36:10.000 Why don't you, your girlfriend and her big nose, both of your big noses, just donate a thousand bucks?

00:36:17.000 No, because we'd rather showboat and make it about us.

00:36:22.000 Fuck, that guy is a turd.

00:36:23.000 Look at his eyebrows.

00:36:24.000 Yeah, it's always like, huh?

00:36:26.000 What the...

00:36:28.000 Should we finish the video on this side or should we...

00:36:34.000 Meaning we're going to kill ourselves.

00:36:36.000 Oh.

00:36:40.000 To get back to Red Pill, it's a coffee company.

00:36:44.000 It's a coffee company, but it's a way of life.

00:36:48.000 We're yet to sample their wares.

00:36:49.000 They just started with us today, but we're very excited about this.

00:36:53.000 I think I'm going to start going by country.

00:36:56.000 Not decaf, but I want to try Italian, French.

00:37:00.000 You know what we should do?

00:37:01.000 You know what would be great for them?

00:37:02.000 Do a taste test?

00:37:03.000 A little taste test.

00:37:04.000 That's better than sitting there lying saying, I just bought it and it was awesome.

00:37:08.000 It'd be cool to do a taste test.

00:37:09.000 Which one do you like the best and see which one it is?

00:37:10.000 Do a reveal.

00:37:11.000 We'll do like a little competition.

00:37:12.000 Now, that's fun.

00:37:13.000 That is fun.

00:37:14.000 That's fun.

00:37:16.000 But we'll pre-record it.

00:37:18.000 You know why?

00:37:19.000 I don't like having coffee after noon.

00:37:19.000 Why?

00:37:21.000 Oh, that's true.

00:37:22.000 Yes.

00:37:24.000 I can have coffee all day.

00:37:24.000 I do.

00:37:25.000 One of my rules.

00:37:28.000 Dude, I found some Adderall today in my medicine cabinet.

00:37:31.000 This is the perfect time for Adderall.

00:37:33.000 My daughter was having trouble with her homework, which was fucking hard.

00:37:38.000 Which subject?

00:37:40.000 Oh, algebra?

00:37:41.000 She's 13.

00:37:42.000 It was like 10x plus 3y equals 16.

00:37:48.000 And then 4y equals 10x, then in brackets, 2 plus 3y, end a bracket.

00:37:57.000 That's all I'm telling you.

00:37:59.000 So you have to sort of isolate y in one of the equations and then plug it into the other equation to get one of the variables and then use that answer to go back to the original equation, get the other variable.

00:38:10.000 I got it wrong like twice and the fucking paperwork.

00:38:14.000 I mean, I had like 16 pages.

00:38:18.000 I'm not exaggerating.

00:38:19.000 I had eight pages and I write small.

00:38:23.000 I go, this is fucking hard.

00:38:26.000 But the blue pill got me through it.

00:38:29.000 Then I put my, my son has these baseballs that he has signed, got them up on the wall, mounted.

00:38:36.000 I got him this case for all his baseballs.

00:38:38.000 He's got, oh, there we go.

00:38:41.000 And I said, this made me so fucking mad.

00:38:45.000 And thank God I'm not taking testosterone anymore because it would have punched a hole through a wall.

00:38:48.000 I said, put the name of the person on the ball.

00:38:53.000 He goes, no, I can't.

00:38:54.000 I can't wreck the ball.

00:38:55.000 No, shithead.

00:38:56.000 No, you have to.

00:38:57.000 Write it on a post-it note part, the sticky part, super small, like Ahmed Rosario, right?

00:39:05.000 Then you cut that out and just stick it on the back.

00:39:07.000 Post-it note glue is very ungluey.

00:39:11.000 And he goes, No, I can remember them all.

00:39:13.000 And I go, Really?

00:39:14.000 He had forgotten at least three of those fuckers.

00:39:17.000 Yeah, and you have to know to identify it for.

00:39:19.000 Yeah, like they see the one in the middle with no signature, New York Mets Foundation.

00:39:23.000 That's a Granderson home run.

00:39:25.000 But the one with the top middle there, with no signature on it.

00:39:31.000 Okay, yeah, yeah.

00:39:32.000 Right.

00:39:32.000 Or the Rawlings.

00:39:33.000 But the one next to it with that fat looking D and then the F, I go, who's this?

00:39:39.000 And he goes, I don't know.

00:39:41.000 And I go, you know what, buddy?

00:39:44.000 I don't mind when you do things that are wrong or you make mistakes.

00:39:49.000 That's life.

00:39:50.000 But it's when I predict the mistake and then the mistake is made that I get pissed off.

00:39:55.000 And I knew this was going to happen.

00:39:57.000 You told me to ignore, you ignored my advice and now we're stuck and we don't know who the fuck this is.

00:40:02.000 I hate when people that can't do that, they can't admit that the advice is there and then they wind up doing something wrong anyway.

00:40:10.000 One of these days, Alice, to the moon.

00:40:14.000 But anyway, here's something, a little strange side note here.

00:40:18.000 So I took a picture of that ball.

00:40:20.000 I sent it to Don Camilla, Anthony Camilla's sister.

00:40:25.000 I put it on Parlor where I have about 23,000 followers.

00:40:28.000 Then I put it on Telegram where I only have 9,000 followers.

00:40:32.000 Don Camilla put it on her Facebook page and she got it immediately, John Franco.

00:40:38.000 Telegram had nothing for me and I only got a few comments.

00:40:43.000 Telegram also solved it in Seconds Flat with like nine comments.

00:40:50.000 Or no, no, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

00:40:52.000 22 comments.

00:40:54.000 So Telegram has a third of the followers, yet it seems way more effective.

00:41:01.000 And I prefer Parlor.

00:41:02.000 It's more aesthetic.

00:41:03.000 It's more user-friendly.

00:41:05.000 So that's, I'm going to, I know the guy who runs Parlor.

00:41:08.000 I'm going to ask him about that.

00:41:09.000 We did a cool interview with him.

00:41:10.000 He knows nothing about social media.

00:41:13.000 Celebrity.

00:41:14.000 Yeah.

00:41:14.000 Pop culture.

00:41:15.000 Nothing about social media.

00:41:17.000 As he runs a social media.

00:41:18.000 So back to redpillliving.com.

00:41:18.000 All right.

00:41:20.000 We're going to do a taste test with them, and we'd like you to do the same.

00:41:24.000 Please check them out.

00:41:25.000 Please support them.

00:41:27.000 They are a new sponsor here.

00:41:28.000 And when you support our sponsors, you're supporting free speech.

00:41:32.000 So use promo code Gavin15 and try this coffee.

00:41:38.000 Give it a whirl.

00:41:39.000 They've got the beans, as Mocha Joe would say.

00:41:42.000 They've got the beans.

00:41:44.000 This is where Larry David gets his beans for, what's his Latte Larry's.

00:41:51.000 Fucking curb your enthusiasm.

00:41:52.000 Don't sleep on it.

00:41:53.000 It keeps getting better every year.

00:41:55.000 This new season is so good.

00:41:56.000 It's like the Sopranos where I'm like, don't end, don't end, don't end.

00:42:01.000 I don't want to look at the time because I cherish every moment of it.

00:42:05.000 You fuck it up, Mocha Joe.

00:42:07.000 The Mocha Joe.

00:42:08.000 Oh, yeah, that's one thing annoying, though.

00:42:10.000 His best friend, what's his name?

00:42:12.000 J.B. Smoove.

00:42:13.000 J.B. Smooth.

00:42:14.000 You know how old Jewish billionaires love hanging out with ghetto blacks and just eating licorice and shooting the shit?

00:42:20.000 You know how that happens all the time?

00:42:21.000 I'm not familiar with that, but I'm not a rich man.

00:42:23.000 I'm not familiar with that trend.

00:42:25.000 Is that big?

00:42:26.000 Does Bloomberg live with fucking EZE?

00:42:30.000 Is that a thing?

00:42:31.000 That'd be pretty cool.

00:42:32.000 No, it's not a thing.

00:42:35.000 But it looks good on you.

00:42:36.000 And he's got a Puerto Rican woman's necklace, which you pointed out.

00:42:39.000 Well, that really pissed me off, too.

00:42:40.000 Maybe JB Smooth is a wigger.

00:42:44.000 Oh.

00:42:45.000 Well, dude, he drives around RVs.

00:42:48.000 He's dressed like, I mean, like a...

00:42:58.000 That's a Puerto Rican girl thing to do.

00:43:00.000 That's a Hispanic female thing.

00:43:02.000 It's not what men do.

00:43:03.000 It's sort of like when, what's his name?

00:43:06.000 Isn't he also named Smooth?

00:43:07.000 No, Sway.

00:43:08.000 Sway from MTV would have his dreads up in a big thing.

00:43:11.000 And I'm watching going, dude, that's what African and Jamaican women do.

00:43:16.000 Women.

00:43:18.000 Or when Krusty Punks will have their tattoo here, like dudes will have a goatee of Maori tribe here.

00:43:25.000 And I'm looking at them going, that's what a Maori wife wears to show that she's married to a man.

00:43:33.000 He doesn't do it anymore.

00:43:34.000 I think you heard me making fun of him.

00:43:36.000 I think he wears just a beanie now.

00:43:38.000 No, this is his current look.

00:43:40.000 I know.

00:43:40.000 He's got the beanie, not the thing.

00:43:42.000 No, but there was a while there we would have a you'd have all these dreads in this big Dr. Zeus hat, which is a fucking female thing to do.

00:43:52.000 It looked so stupid.

00:43:54.000 No, that's not it.

00:43:56.000 It was like Marge Simpson-sized.

00:44:00.000 Anyway, so that's the end of that.

00:44:03.000 We've already ended the episode.

00:44:05.000 Oh, it's done?

00:44:06.000 Well, we ended the free episode.

00:44:06.000 We cut it off?

00:44:08.000 Oh, okay.

00:44:08.000 So we didn't do the get fired and the.

00:44:10.000 Yeah, I guess get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting, throw the papers.

00:44:15.000 Whatever.

00:44:16.000 I like the idea of cutting the static.

00:44:20.000 But I also called JB Smooth a wigger.

00:44:22.000 That might get me banned.

00:44:24.000 I'm not.

00:44:24.000 Fuck.

00:44:25.000 I'm done giving a shit about Facebook.

00:44:27.000 I mean, YouTube.

00:44:29.000 All right, let's finish this imagine thing.

00:44:33.000 I know relief.

00:44:37.000 Imagine all.

00:44:38.000 Oh, this is Saya.

00:44:39.000 Or what's her name, Maya?

00:44:42.000 Saya, yeah.

00:44:42.000 I think it is Saya.

00:44:44.000 Or Sia?

00:44:46.000 Did she do two?

00:44:47.000 Yeah.

00:44:48.000 Oh.

00:44:49.000 She nailed it, but you can't do that.

00:44:52.000 Imagine all the people.

00:44:56.000 But it's not a gospel song.

00:44:58.000 It's a groovy, hippie Beatles song.

00:45:01.000 It's not like, oh, yeah, yeah.

00:45:07.000 That's like me soloing on Ben on the Run if I had the opportunity to cover it.

00:45:10.000 It's like, no, it's not.

00:45:13.000 What's like showing off?

00:45:13.000 Showing off.

00:45:15.000 Living for today.

00:45:21.000 Shut up.

00:45:26.000 That's Linda Carter wearing lots of makeup.

00:45:30.000 Her lips are still falling off.

00:45:35.000 You look pretty unsure yourself.

00:45:37.000 Amy Carter or something?

00:45:39.000 Something like that.

00:45:39.000 No.

00:45:39.000 She was Superman's.

00:45:41.000 She was Lois Lane in the new Superman.

00:45:42.000 Yeah, she was in every fucking movie in the world for a while.

00:45:46.000 The Arrival and Hustler.

00:45:46.000 Is that the one?

00:45:49.000 Oh.

00:45:50.000 American Hustle or whatever.

00:45:51.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:45:53.000 There was a while there where you just see her in every single fucking movie.

00:45:53.000 She had a moment.

00:45:56.000 I don't think celebrities should exist.

00:45:57.000 Just get actors from theater school.

00:46:00.000 It pulls me out of it.

00:46:01.000 That was so, what was so great about 1917.

00:46:03.000 The only time I got pulled out of it was when I saw fucking Cumber Buttstain, Cumber Benedict Cumberstain pop up and go, you're not going back there.

00:46:12.000 Why are you reading your phone at work?

00:46:13.000 Your phone should be off.

00:46:15.000 Kale says, can't call in, but the reason there's a JB Smooth in Curb is because of Larry Charles.

00:46:20.000 He looked out at the right place, right time, became a writer for Seinfeld, really great writer, decent director, whatever.

00:46:26.000 But he's obsessed with blacks and being cool to liberals, and he writes, produces, directs on Curbs too.

00:46:31.000 Ah, so Larry Charles is one of those black-loving Jewish sycophants.

00:46:37.000 He wants to be down.

00:46:38.000 And that's fine, but hang out with them.

00:46:41.000 This is what pisses me off about people who ask like blacks.

00:46:45.000 You want to ask like blacks?

00:46:47.000 They're in the Bronx.

00:46:49.000 Go.

00:46:50.000 Be merry.

00:46:51.000 Go to black clubs.

00:46:53.000 Come to my boxing gym.

00:46:55.000 Speak to blacks.

00:46:57.000 They'd love to have you.

00:46:58.000 They're a very sociable demographic.

00:47:01.000 No, I'd rather like them from afar.

00:47:03.000 Why are you looking at Billy Crystal?

00:47:04.000 He's so bad with that.

00:47:06.000 He goes out in his stand-up and he's like, you know, in New Orleans, and he does this in the press.

00:47:12.000 He's really bad at that.

00:47:14.000 Yeah, I guess he has it too.

00:47:16.000 He has that character he does that's like, Jazz Joe.

00:47:20.000 Yeah.

00:47:21.000 And I don't know.

00:47:22.000 Maybe his fans love it, but it's so fucking gay when he comes out there and he's like, yeah, I want to go to New Orleans.

00:47:31.000 I just love them Jazzy Blues.

00:47:34.000 You know what I'm talking about?

00:47:35.000 We got to dig him up now.

00:47:36.000 Oh, the Billy Crystal?

00:47:38.000 Yeah.

00:47:39.000 You dig it?

00:47:40.000 You did you could.

00:47:41.000 Oh, yeah.

00:47:42.000 That's it.

00:47:43.000 You clearly have never spoken to Negroes.

00:47:45.000 They don't talk like that.

00:47:48.000 I think I've seen him in Blackface doing it.

00:47:50.000 He definitely was in Blackface when he was Sammy Davis Jr.

00:47:53.000 Oh, yes.

00:47:56.000 But like, the character he's doing, I don't think he ever met.

00:48:03.000 I think it's going to be a little hard to find, but.

00:48:06.000 No, just find the name of the character.

00:48:09.000 Didn't you also say you were going to show me something?

00:48:12.000 Oh, Justin Trudeau.

00:48:15.000 Yep.

00:48:16.000 He was doing this press conference.

00:48:17.000 No, no, no.

00:48:18.000 I want to see Billy Crystal first.

00:48:20.000 Let me see.

00:48:20.000 All right.

00:48:22.000 Billy Crystal Jazz.

00:48:23.000 Just look up.

00:48:24.000 Why do I got to tell you how to fucking Google shit?

00:48:26.000 I put black impressions.

00:48:27.000 No, his fans aren't going to call him that.

00:48:32.000 This one keeps coming up.

00:48:34.000 Jazzman Hurricane Katrina.

00:48:35.000 Yeah, there we go.

00:48:36.000 Yeah, this is it.

00:48:38.000 Jazzman.

00:48:38.000 I think he did Jazzman for the whole time.

00:48:45.000 Now, during the war, the funeral business was sad, but steady.

00:48:50.000 I was 16 when I marched down the street when my dad come home from the war.

00:48:55.000 My dad come home from the war.

00:48:57.000 The American flag draped his car.

00:48:59.000 dad was one of the oldest symbols.

00:49:10.000 Oh, that's the only time the taps was ever played on the clarinet.

00:49:13.000 And it was her mother.

00:49:15.000 I was waiting for the cemetery.

00:49:17.000 And every time I would stretch by the street, right, I would see this beautiful girl.

00:49:21.000 Beautiful.

00:49:22.000 Sweet looking dress on the porch, and she would smile.

00:49:24.000 Oh, my God.

00:49:25.000 This is a real douche chill episode.

00:49:28.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:49:29.000 Her name was Marjorie Green.

00:49:31.000 I think I want to see video.

00:49:33.000 Look up Billy Crystal Jazzman.

00:49:36.000 HBO Sundays.

00:49:38.000 700 Sundays.

00:49:39.000 I remember watching it.

00:49:40.000 I got it right here.

00:49:42.000 Let me see.

00:49:44.000 I was an old jazz man.

00:49:49.000 First times an audience has heard me say came the first American comedian to perform in the then Soviet Union.

00:49:57.000 Oh, there we go.

00:49:58.000 There we go.

00:49:59.000 There we go.

00:50:02.000 Can you dig that?

00:50:03.000 I knew that you could.

00:50:05.000 Yeah.

00:50:06.000 Life has just been for this.

00:50:08.000 Can you dig that?

00:50:10.000 I'm going to do a Larry Barnes.

00:50:12.000 Vice versa.

00:50:13.000 Vice.

00:50:13.000 Burst.

00:50:14.000 That was a fight in the parking lot.

00:50:15.000 I'm going to wear a blackface and do Larry Barnes.

00:50:18.000 It'll be my character fighting Larry.

00:50:20.000 And I won't give him any of the proceeds.

00:50:21.000 And he'll just be watching TV one day and they'll all be on HBO going, that's a fight in the parking lot.

00:50:27.000 You were dope.

00:50:29.000 The whole front row took a shower.

00:50:31.000 Motherfucker.

00:50:35.000 Amy asked.

00:50:36.000 Someday we'll join you and the world.

00:50:42.000 I'll join you.

00:50:43.000 Who are you?

00:50:43.000 Where are you?

00:50:45.000 Galaxy Doe's black friend.

00:50:47.000 Who's joining me here?

00:50:48.000 Yeah.

00:50:49.000 Imagine no possessions.

00:50:53.000 Ugh, that guy's dead to me.

00:50:55.000 Like all of these, I'm getting hot.

00:50:57.000 Who is that?

00:50:58.000 It's getting stuffy in here.

00:51:00.000 We're showing so much cringe.

00:51:01.000 Douchiness heats.

00:51:04.000 It's a heating element.

00:51:05.000 It's getting hot.

00:51:06.000 Hot douche.

00:51:09.000 I wonder if he has to be able to get it.

00:51:11.000 Oh, Chris O'Dowd.

00:51:12.000 I fucking hate that guy.

00:51:14.000 I had an argument with him on Twitter once because I go, I'm watching bridesmaids and there's an Irish cop like with an accent in a small town.

00:51:21.000 You need to be a citizen to become a cop.

00:51:24.000 How did you...

00:51:30.000 Yeah, because there's plenty of Hispanics with accents who were born here.

00:51:35.000 What are you talking about?

00:51:37.000 I wonder if you care.

00:51:41.000 No need for greed.

00:51:43.000 Thank you, Will Farrell, for ruining stepbrothers for us forever.

00:51:48.000 Will Farrell's dead to me now.

00:51:50.000 I used to like Christian Wig a bit.

00:51:52.000 I used to obviously like Will Farrell.

00:51:54.000 Now they're both corpses on my front lawn with 30 odd six shells lying on the ground.

00:51:59.000 He killed Ron Burgundy, for us.

00:52:01.000 I never liked Ron Burgundy.

00:52:03.000 Me neither.

00:52:04.000 Of course, I didn't.

00:52:05.000 You're making fun of like 80s newscasters.

00:52:07.000 No one ever looked up to them.

00:52:08.000 So it's a dumb target.

00:52:10.000 It's like that movie, The Folk movie, that they did, the Waiting for Guffman guys did.

00:52:17.000 Like, I like making fun of people who are in drama and they think they're going to be movie stars.

00:52:21.000 That's a good target.

00:52:22.000 But like geriatric folk heroes or best in show when they're making fun of, you don't have to find all these, the dog show people.

00:52:29.000 Yeah, they're sad, lonely people who overgroom their dogs.

00:52:32.000 I don't enjoy laughing at them.

00:52:38.000 Oh, of course, Mark Rufflo's the worst.

00:52:41.000 Brotherhood of man.

00:52:44.000 Do you think you think he nailed it?

00:52:46.000 Yeah, but look at his smile.

00:52:48.000 That's what really makes me puke.

00:52:50.000 And hunger.

00:52:52.000 Brotherhood of man.

00:52:56.000 It looks like he has Lego glasses on, too.

00:52:58.000 Like, why are his glasses even douchey?

00:53:02.000 He is wonderful.

00:53:04.000 I've hated him since when I lived upstate in the Catskills.

00:53:07.000 He lived nearby.

00:53:08.000 And he pushed everyone to stop fracking, which worked.

00:53:12.000 They didn't frack.

00:53:13.000 They didn't jeopardize his water table.

00:53:15.000 And the potential for jobs in the Catskills went right down the toilet thanks to this fuck.

00:53:21.000 And people were left with welfare, opioids, and going to Afghanistan.

00:53:25.000 Thanks, Mark.

00:53:26.000 Thanks for fighting for a possible water table infection.

00:53:32.000 The good of man.

00:53:35.000 Sharing all the way.

00:53:38.000 Nora Simone?

00:53:38.000 What's her name?

00:53:40.000 Nora Jones?

00:53:41.000 Nora Jones.

00:53:41.000 Oh, okay.

00:53:43.000 You're a stupid dog.

00:53:47.000 They say that I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

00:53:52.000 What the fuck is that?

00:53:54.000 I don't know what anything happened.

00:53:57.000 What are you?

00:53:58.000 Someday.

00:53:59.000 Maya, you need to get up before everyone else at five in the morning and start spending two hours on makeup.

00:54:08.000 She has gone down the tubes.

00:54:12.000 Join us.

00:54:13.000 She's a fighter.

00:54:15.000 And the world will be home.

00:54:16.000 Look, Jews have horns.

00:54:18.000 Oh, wow.

00:54:19.000 I told you.

00:54:20.000 Started with Moses.

00:54:20.000 Weird.

00:54:22.000 We'll be as one.

00:54:22.000 No one listened.

00:54:25.000 Hey, guys.

00:54:31.000 I think we should do that with everybody we know.

00:54:34.000 Has that been done already?

00:54:36.000 Why don't we do a different song, though, like Back in Black?

00:54:39.000 Because I'm back in Black.

00:54:41.000 I hit the sack.

00:54:43.000 No need to get me back.

00:54:45.000 I've got nine lives.

00:54:47.000 Cat's eyes.

00:54:48.000 Oh, that's a perfect song.

00:54:49.000 Because then you go, hey, hey, hey, hey.

00:54:53.000 You do that part that has no words.

00:54:55.000 Yeah.

00:54:56.000 The hey, hey, hey, hey part.

00:54:58.000 Let's do that.

00:54:58.000 Let's get...

00:55:00.000 That's a good...

00:55:03.000 We'll get all our celebrity friends.

00:55:05.000 Wait, do we know that many people?

00:55:08.000 To do back in black.

00:55:09.000 Oh, yeah.

00:55:10.000 I'm back in black.

00:55:12.000 Do we make it sound like the thing?

00:55:14.000 Nope.

00:55:15.000 I'm back in back.

00:55:16.000 I hit the set.

00:55:18.000 Some people can.

00:55:20.000 You want to see this?

00:55:21.000 Yeah.

00:55:21.000 It's douchey.

00:55:23.000 I love your little beard there, Justin.

00:55:25.000 I'm going to go grab my coat and I'll be right back.

00:55:27.000 Oh, there we go.

00:55:28.000 I'm supposed to model healthy behavior.

00:55:30.000 I'm going to go grab my coat and I'll be right back.

00:55:34.000 It's not even snowing.

00:55:37.000 Oh, my God.

00:55:37.000 What a fucking pussy.

00:55:39.000 This happens.

00:55:41.000 He goes to get his coat.

00:55:44.000 He can't be chilly for four minutes?

00:55:48.000 Modeling good behavior is.

00:55:50.000 It's nice and sunny, but a little brisk.

00:55:52.000 A little cold.

00:55:55.000 Dude.

00:55:57.000 That guy is such a pussy that I feel gay because I want to stick my dick in him.

00:56:03.000 That's way more complicated than what I think about him, but I guess I understand.

00:56:07.000 Justin Chudeau is such a pussy that when I look at him, I go, because I want to eat him out.

00:56:14.000 I want to lick his face till he comes.

00:56:16.000 He's so effeminate that I could bone him and I think I'd be straighter after that.

00:56:21.000 Way to ruin my jokes.

00:56:24.000 Matthew McConaughey, speaking of douche, this is a little off topic, but he too.

00:56:29.000 Remember what he said when his Instagram when he started?

00:56:32.000 I want to have a dialogue.

00:56:33.000 I'm just not sure I want to have a conversation, but you got to have a conversation to have a dialogue.

00:56:38.000 McConaughey here, just want to say in these crazy times that we're in with the coronavirus, let's take care of ourselves and each other.

00:56:48.000 Let's not go to the lowest common denominator and get paranoid.

00:56:51.000 Let's do our due diligence, take the precautions we need to take care of ourselves.

00:56:56.000 Who the fuck is asking Matthew McConaughey for advice?

00:56:59.000 We're dependent on each other than we ever have been.

00:57:03.000 But we have an enemy in the coronavirus that is faceless, that is raceless, sexless, nonsense.

00:57:12.000 Did you notice Gal Godot said this too?

00:57:12.000 Just pause.

00:57:15.000 They have to make it about fucking race all the time.

00:57:18.000 They were doing that with Trump.

00:57:20.000 Like they won't shut up about the fucking Chinese virus and how Chinese people have had dozens of reports of bias.

00:57:34.000 Dude, if someone with a mustache started a global pandemic, I would understand people yelling from their car, nice mustache, dick, and them calling it the mustache virus.

00:57:43.000 I'd be sitting at home going, thanks, mustache asshole.

00:57:48.000 Fuck.

00:57:49.000 You made the rest of us look like dicks.

00:57:51.000 Another one coming in and says, I gets mine is what it says.

00:57:55.000 Okay, now that's even gayer.

00:57:57.000 You have a woman's necklace that talks about how much cock you got.

00:58:00.000 Sorry, Jeremy, you idiot.

00:58:03.000 Thanks for writing in, though.

00:58:06.000 They always do this self-effacing thing where they're like, we kind of have to work together here a little bit.

00:58:11.000 You know what I mean?

00:58:12.000 Just a smidge.

00:58:16.000 And it's an enemy that we all agree.

00:58:19.000 We're going to beat.

00:58:20.000 We want to beat, and we're going to beat them.

00:58:22.000 Okay.

00:58:22.000 All right.

00:58:23.000 So in this time when people are going to move on, the economy is going to be in shambles for who knows how long.

00:58:29.000 Just pause.

00:58:31.000 This is in high school when I was dumping a girl.

00:58:34.000 This is how I would explain.

00:58:35.000 This would be the bullshit yarn that you deserve someone better than me, all right?

00:58:41.000 You're at a point now in your life where you're out there, you're striving, you're so fucking smart.

00:58:46.000 Your photography is incredible.

00:58:49.000 And I feel like I'm holding you back because I'm muddled up in my head and I'm going through some things that I don't even quite understand myself.

00:58:58.000 So, I'm gonna be fucking other chicks that are hotter than you, and you need to get the fuck out of my life.

00:59:06.000 And I'll be your friend.

00:59:07.000 I'll be there with you.

00:59:08.000 I want to see you do better.

00:59:09.000 Because I do care about you.

00:59:10.000 You and I are still going to be best friends.

00:59:12.000 Just not.

00:59:13.000 Just the sex thing is hurting you.

00:59:17.000 So I'm taking it out of the equation.

00:59:19.000 There's a green light on the other side of this red light that we're in right now.

00:59:23.000 Yeah, it's Matthew McConaughey dumping me.

00:59:27.000 Wait, what are you talking about?

00:59:28.000 So you don't, I can't stay here anymore?

00:59:31.000 What are you talking about?

00:59:33.000 No, you gotta go.

00:59:35.000 That green light is going to be built upon the values that we can enact right now.

00:59:41.000 No, no, I don't want to go in the green light.

00:59:42.000 I want to stay with you, Matt.

00:59:44.000 I want to stay in the red light.

00:59:46.000 Red light, red light.

00:59:47.000 I love you.

00:59:48.000 Kindness, accountability, resilience, respect.

00:59:52.000 Yeah, let's do that together.

00:59:54.000 Courage.

00:59:55.000 Okay, I want to be brave with you by my side.

00:59:58.000 We practice those things right now.

01:00:01.000 Yes, I will practice them.

01:00:03.000 When we get out of this, this virus, this time, might be the one time that brings us all together.

01:00:08.000 Why are you calling our relationship a virus?

01:00:11.000 And why do we have to separate to come back together later?

01:00:14.000 Why separate at all?

01:00:16.000 I want to be with you.

01:00:18.000 Buys us like we have not been in a long time.

01:00:22.000 So, we have been kind of disappointed.

01:00:24.000 Let's see if we can make some lemonade out of this lemon that we're in the middle of.

01:00:27.000 Trying to red light to me.

01:00:28.000 Hey, I guess I'll pack up my shit.

01:00:29.000 Just keep living.

01:00:30.000 Okay, I'm going to keep living.

01:00:33.000 We are getting back together?

01:00:34.000 I think that's what he meant by the.

01:00:37.000 That's banging.

01:00:38.000 Come on.

01:00:39.000 So get your shit out of here.

01:00:40.000 I got a girl coming in from Japan, and I'm very excited about it, but you are bringing me down.

01:00:48.000 Apparently, he talks like the beaver from Winnie the Pooh.

01:00:51.000 I kind of noticed that too.

01:00:53.000 His S's are sounds like a cardinal is chirping every time he says S's.

01:00:57.000 I'm not a five-year-old, so I'm not familiar with the beaver from Winnie the Pooh.

01:01:01.000 I'm sure he's awesome.

01:01:02.000 He whistles every time he talks.

01:01:05.000 Let's find him.

01:01:06.000 Oh, that's such gross.

01:01:11.000 That's a gopher.

01:01:13.000 Do you know what a beaver is?

01:01:15.000 I was just thinking.

01:01:18.000 What about?

01:01:19.000 I know about that.

01:01:22.000 He sounds like a high school kid dumping a chick who's stupid.

01:01:26.000 All right.

01:01:29.000 There's been a lot of Corona songs out on the streets.

01:01:34.000 I don't know how they put this together so fast, but this gentleman has a Corona bona.

01:01:40.000 This is, what's his name?

01:01:42.000 Little Covid?

01:01:43.000 Little COVID, Corona.

01:01:46.000 Bibes, so sunny.

01:01:48.000 How are you feeling?

01:01:51.000 Is she British?

01:01:55.000 Did he have his hand down the front of his pants?

01:01:57.000 I've seen black guys in Brooklyn do that.

01:01:58.000 Pisses me off.

01:01:59.000 Is it the Al Bundy?

01:02:05.000 So they can stay on YouTube.

01:02:08.000 Yeah, what?

01:02:10.000 Is that the disease that gives your butt cheeks eyes?

01:02:12.000 Dirty gal, you give me a kiss.

01:02:27.000 Give me a corona bona.

01:02:29.000 I guarantee you that guy is British or Canadian and white.

01:02:32.000 And that's why he's covered up 100% of his body, including his hands, because he wants you to think he's Jamaican.

01:02:37.000 Ah.

01:02:38.000 Yeah.

01:02:42.000 Alright, that song sucks.

01:02:44.000 How about Dwayne Black?

01:02:46.000 What's his Corona bona?

01:02:48.000 Oh my god, I actually I got a corona bona during that song.

01:02:52.000 Yes.

01:02:55.000 You as well.

01:02:56.000 You as well.

01:02:57.000 Did you time save this on purpose?

01:02:59.000 No?

01:03:00.000 Oh.

01:03:01.000 The latest on the novel Coronavirus.

01:03:03.000 The government's.

01:03:04.000 You don't have to show all this.

01:03:05.000 What are you doing?

01:03:06.000 Beer grabbing?

01:03:07.000 I guess this is What?

01:03:09.000 What?

01:03:11.000 Ill, ill, ill, ill I just be ill, ill, ill I feelin'shit when I'm sober Ain't got a pill, pill, pill I feelin'shit like Corona I just be ill, ill, ill You bring the peanut whiskey over?

01:03:26.000 Yeah, there's no more good.

01:03:27.000 That might go be peanuts whiskey.

01:03:30.000 The fun.

01:03:31.000 I couldn't want anything less.

01:03:34.000 I hate scotch.

01:03:36.000 I don't think it's scotch.

01:03:38.000 I know, but peanut and then way down the line is peanut whiskey.

01:03:44.000 Wait, I can't really hear this song.

01:03:45.000 When I hit it, feel like when I go out back.

01:03:46.000 When I pull up, you don't want to come back.

01:03:48.000 Little bitty, try to give a contact.

01:03:50.000 I said a word, but I never called back.

01:03:52.000 I'm sick as I don't need a contract.

01:03:53.000 When I come up, you better fall back.

01:03:55.000 Because I'ma think she like a boss at.

01:03:57.000 When you see you, don't know where your boss at.

01:03:59.000 No one's in the end of the day.

01:04:00.000 I don't want to be careful.

01:04:02.000 Everyone's not going to be able to leave.

01:04:04.000 Everyone's in the house, play a game.

01:04:06.000 The world's in the world's in the world.

01:04:08.000 Is there a place to go?

01:04:09.000 Where are you going?

01:04:11.000 The world's in the world.

01:04:12.000 I'm going to take a deep breath.

01:04:14.000 If you're If you're trying to be a badass and saying I'll fuck you up and you're Chinese and you're saying I'm responsible for this, that is pretty badass.

01:04:23.000 Yeah.

01:04:23.000 Like NWA could only really shoot up parts of South Central and kill maybe 18 people.

01:04:30.000 Chinese have killed thousands of people.

01:04:33.000 And it is a Chinese disease of difficulty.

01:04:36.000 You want to own that and be like, yeah, we're China, bitch.

01:04:39.000 You know what happened in Wuhan?

01:04:41.000 We kept it silent for how long?

01:04:43.000 I wrote it down here.

01:04:45.000 Seven months?

01:04:47.000 Where is it now?

01:04:50.000 Seven months they kept it under wrap.

01:04:52.000 Yeah, seven weeks.

01:04:53.000 Sorry.

01:04:53.000 They kept it under wrap for seven weeks.

01:04:55.000 And while they did that, five million people left.

01:04:59.000 So you couldn't have spread it any better.

01:05:01.000 Yo, for seven weeks, I fucked up people who...

01:05:08.000 Yeah, 1-7.

01:05:09.000 They arrested people for talking about a brutal kind of a pneumonia that was spreading around.

01:05:16.000 Police in central China's Wuhan arrested eight people spreading rumors about a local outbreak of unidentifiable pneumonia on January 2nd.

01:05:25.000 Yo, you tried to complain about it.

01:05:27.000 We fucked you up.

01:05:28.000 And then we sent out 5 million people.

01:05:30.000 You are a badass.

01:05:31.000 And I have to admit, this was kind of a coming to Jesus moment for me when I realized I'd spent so much time.

01:05:39.000 I did bitch about China quite a bit.

01:05:41.000 But I spent so much time bitching about ISIS and jihad and radical Islam.

01:05:46.000 And these guys are so much more dangerous.

01:05:48.000 Communism is so much more dangerous than Islam.

01:05:52.000 And that's what brought us this shit.

01:05:54.000 China is asshole!

01:05:56.000 And by the way, I want them to bring manufacturing back here, obviously, for pharmaceuticals and airplane parts and everything else that's important to our lives and children's toys.

01:06:05.000 But it's not as simple as China's making them.

01:06:07.000 A lot of these companies in China making the pharmaceuticals are American companies or German companies or French companies.

01:06:14.000 They're just using China as their home base.

01:06:17.000 So we've really tangled a web here we have to unravel.

01:06:20.000 But as John Kinsman said from prison, at least this will raise awareness about it.

01:06:26.000 I saw Senk younger, Chink Younger.

01:06:29.000 Isn't it funny that his name is Chink and he married a Chinese woman?

01:06:33.000 Did he?

01:06:33.000 Oh, snap.

01:06:34.000 But he was like, was it 18, 18?

01:06:40.000 Yeah, my kids are Chinese because my wife is from Taiwan.

01:06:45.000 Taiwan isn't really China, my friend.

01:06:49.000 So they're seen as very different countries.

01:06:51.000 One's capitalist and one is communist.

01:06:55.000 But he goes, my wife's from Taiwan, so my kids are half Chinese because they're racist assholes like Trump.

01:07:01.000 Their classmates are already blaming them for the virus and asking if they eat bats.

01:07:07.000 My nine-year-old son came home and asked me if it was true.

01:07:09.000 It's heartbreaking.

01:07:11.000 Chinese people eat bats.

01:07:13.000 Your son, by the way, who doesn't look Chinese, they look like my kids.

01:07:16.000 They look part Asian.

01:07:19.000 That was a funny joke I was doing today, by the way, with my daughter.

01:07:21.000 She kept fucking up, like a minus number divided by another minus number becomes a plus.

01:07:27.000 And then a plus and a minus becomes a minus.

01:07:30.000 And then a plus and a plus becomes a plus, whether you multiply them or divide them.

01:07:34.000 You have to remember that.

01:07:35.000 And I was like, think of it this way.

01:07:37.000 I'm white.

01:07:38.000 I married an Indian and made you, who is hideous.

01:07:42.000 So a negative and a positive got together and they made a negative.

01:07:47.000 If I married a white woman, you would be beautiful.

01:07:50.000 A negative and a negative would make a positive.

01:07:52.000 Similarly, or sorry, a positive and a positive would make a positive.

01:07:55.000 Similarly, if mom married an Indian, you'd still be beautiful.

01:07:59.000 A negative and a negative make a positive.

01:08:02.000 You see how simple it is?

01:08:04.000 If you have any doubts, just look in the mirror.

01:08:06.000 I can hear my wife in the other room saying, what is he saying?

01:08:10.000 Don't listen to him.

01:08:11.000 She turns kind of.

01:08:12.000 Dude, don't listen.

01:08:14.000 I said, look in the mirror.

01:08:16.000 And when you feel that feeling like you're going to barf, that should remind you that you're a negative because a positive and a negative got together.

01:08:26.000 Anyway, so yeah, the fact that someone asked your kids if they eat bats, that's not that unusual.

01:08:34.000 If you were Scottish and someone asked your Scottish kids if they eat haggis, which is a bloated sheep stomach, that's not unusual.

01:08:41.000 And it's not that rare, by the way.

01:08:44.000 Yes, it's rare for Chinese to eat bats, but Chinese people eat rats in America.

01:08:49.000 Go to Chinatown in New York City and you will see live traps this big in Chinatown on Canal Street.

01:08:59.000 Live traps this big.

01:09:01.000 I've photographed it myself.

01:09:03.000 Now, they're not known for their catch and release programs, and there's no real squirrels lurking around Chinatown.

01:09:10.000 So that is to catch rats and not kill them.

01:09:13.000 They don't want them dead.

01:09:15.000 They want to keep them fresh so they can pop them in their mouths.

01:09:19.000 So the fact that someone dared ask your son if he eats bats.

01:09:24.000 And also, in a global pandemic, the country of origin is going to get some beef.

01:09:30.000 And people that also originate loosely with that country are also going to get harassed.

01:09:36.000 After Braveheart came out, English kids in Scotland were getting the shit beaten out of them.

01:09:43.000 I'm not saying, obviously, anyone deserves it.

01:09:47.000 But he got the facts all wrong.

01:09:50.000 Well, yeah.

01:09:51.000 It's also like that thing yesterday where that woman was saying, there have been dozens of examples of bias.

01:09:57.000 I'm more worried about the economy going back to the Great Depression because a bunch of lazy communists, a bunch of parents, a bunch of fucking immoral communists prosecuted people who brought this up, ignored it for seven weeks, and let 5 million of their citizens spread.

01:09:57.000 Yeah, I don't know.

01:10:19.000 Like a Batman villain.

01:10:24.000 Oh yeah, so even his school is bullshit.

01:10:26.000 His story is bullshit.

01:10:27.000 All right.

01:10:28.000 Let's keep hearing these songs, though.

01:10:30.000 G-Mac Cash.

01:10:33.000 Don't we have any Lils?

01:10:35.000 I want a Lil.

01:10:40.000 Is that a metaphor?

01:10:40.000 The camera rolling?

01:10:45.000 Just play your fucking song.

01:10:48.000 hate rap.

01:10:49.000 *coughing*

01:10:56.000 Move, bitch.

01:10:57.000 You got coronavirus.

01:10:58.000 Oh, shit.

01:11:00.000 You got coronavirus You can tell this guy reads a lot of books I ain't finna take a trip with this coronavirus Ooh, bitch, you got coronavirus Ooh, shit, you got coronavirus We ain't finna do shit with this coronavirus I ain't finna take a trip with this coronavirus I'ma chill at the crib cause I'm safe here I ain't even bout to drink me a corona beer I'm bout to stay at the crib for about a year And I ain't coming back out into this shit She's going to hand it to them.

01:11:26.000 It's pretty impressive that they got this song recorded, produced, mixed, and shot a video.

01:11:33.000 That's really well done.

01:11:36.000 The lighting is beautiful.

01:11:38.000 Yeah, the video is probably the hardest part.

01:11:43.000 You can bang this song out in a couple hours.

01:11:50.000 All right, Pretty good, G-Mac.

01:11:52.000 Although, your lyrics you do.

01:11:54.000 Oh, this guy, Tom McDonald.

01:11:56.000 People keep sending me.

01:11:57.000 Have you checked this guy out?

01:11:58.000 He's pretty fucking badass.

01:11:59.000 He's right up your alley.

01:12:01.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:12:02.000 Someone with 13 balding ponytails is not up my alley.

01:12:05.000 The piercings.

01:12:09.000 The fuck's on his neck?

01:12:12.000 Just pause.

01:12:25.000 This whole thing about the only way to eat is to be violent.

01:12:29.000 So people are going to be starving to death?

01:12:31.000 And they're going to come to my house to get my beans?

01:12:34.000 What?

01:12:35.000 What the fuck are you talking about?

01:12:41.000 Maybe in two years of a quarantine.

01:12:45.000 And by the way, I was at Costco today and the shelves are jam-packed.

01:12:51.000 Yeah, they restocked.

01:12:52.000 I heard it from a lot of people.

01:12:53.000 Everything is back to normal, you dummies, with your whole house filled with fucking toilet paper?

01:12:59.000 What were you thinking?

01:13:01.000 Toilet paper?

01:13:02.000 How much diarrhea do you have?

01:13:08.000 Rely on the science.

01:13:09.000 This is that scientific numerical rap that was so big in the early 90s and fucking late 90s.

01:13:18.000 It's a ghost now.

01:13:20.000 We're in this together.

01:13:22.000 They're closing all the stores now.

01:13:24.000 We're heading for shelter.

01:13:27.000 Whatever.

01:13:27.000 It's the same as the last one, right?

01:13:29.000 That's fine.

01:13:30.000 Whatever.

01:13:31.000 What's D1?

01:13:32.000 Corona Clap.

01:13:33.000 This is the last one we got here.

01:13:34.000 I think that's when you get an STD during the Corona.

01:13:37.000 Oh, no.

01:13:38.000 It's not.

01:13:39.000 Rapper D1.

01:13:40.000 Yo, I'm a rapper.

01:13:42.000 Do these guys make any money?

01:13:43.000 Like, what's D1's annual salary?

01:13:47.000 I don't know.

01:13:48.000 What does he take home?

01:13:50.000 Remember TI in that song Rubber Band Man?

01:13:53.000 He's like, I'm worth a couple hundred grand.

01:13:55.000 You're like, oh, so like a kindergarten teacher.

01:13:58.000 Oh, no.

01:13:59.000 Corona.

01:14:00.000 He wants love.

01:14:03.000 Where Italy at?

01:14:05.000 USA at?

01:14:06.000 Canada, China.

01:14:08.000 We'll play that.

01:14:09.000 We're here.

01:14:11.000 We're in Manhattan.

01:14:12.000 Money making Manhattan.

01:14:14.000 Last day ever, maybe.

01:14:18.000 But that corona make it hard for a player to breathe.

01:14:22.000 Don't wash your hands.

01:14:22.000 You might catch it.

01:14:25.000 Wash your hands.

01:14:26.000 You know what the common theme is?

01:14:28.000 Is that left or right or red or blue, we're all in this together?

01:14:31.000 That's what everybody's been saying.

01:14:33.000 I didn't know that.

01:14:33.000 Thanks.

01:14:34.000 But it sounds like everybody on my right-wing memes, they're like, this is gonna, the globalists are defeated from this.

01:14:41.000 But it kind of sounds like if there is an agenda, it's pushing.

01:14:44.000 Maybe the left is losing in this battle.

01:14:46.000 So they're like, we're all in this together, guys.

01:14:48.000 And the right's like, finally, those globalists get told to fuck off.

01:14:51.000 And those of us with ammunition who know how to use guns and who have been stockpiling food for years already be in this together?

01:14:59.000 Can you pretend?

01:15:00.000 No.

01:15:01.000 We're not sharing the cure with you.

01:15:03.000 You know, Styx Hexenhammer also made a song called My Corona.

01:15:13.000 i like sticks but this is as good as No, thank you.

01:15:28.000 Last one, Jojo.

01:15:33.000 My daughter was here for Halloween, and I'm so out of touch, I couldn't tell if she was being sarcastic or not.

01:15:37.000 At the end of the night, she's like, yeah, I was kidding.

01:15:40.000 No, this is 2-2.

01:15:41.000 Oh.

01:15:43.000 Tutu.

01:15:44.000 I never thought Corona could be such a nasty bitch.

01:15:51.000 But now that she's here, boy, all I want is for you to use time and sense.

01:15:57.000 Stay in.

01:15:58.000 Just pause.

01:16:01.000 This is exactly like the Gal Godot thing where you just say a bunch of platitudes that I know.

01:16:06.000 You're younger than me, bitch.

01:16:08.000 Stop telling me how to live my life.

01:16:09.000 For humanity, I'm dead ass.

01:16:13.000 Uh-uh.

01:16:14.000 About that, but we will survive.

01:16:16.000 So you don't learn how to cook now and practice good hygiene.

01:16:22.000 I know you're bored and want to fuck around, but not on me.

01:16:27.000 Tell me why your act is so confused when the CDC laid it out for you.

01:16:27.000 Uh-uh.

01:16:34.000 Come on, I know you're not done.

01:16:37.000 Good night.

01:16:40.000 Go behind my back and hit the box.

01:16:42.000 Okay, that's enough.

01:16:42.000 Jojo.

01:16:43.000 This is based on JoJo's song that you wrote.

01:16:45.000 But is it JoJo Silwa?

01:16:47.000 No, that's a different one.

01:16:48.000 Oh, this is just JoJo.

01:16:50.000 Just JoJo.

01:16:50.000 Just Jojo.

01:16:51.000 You got to start on the morning.

01:16:52.000 Welcome back to the show, Just Jojo, where we investigate all things JoJo.

01:16:58.000 We drink two cups of music.

01:16:59.000 But speaking of not sharing the cure with you, it sounds like we have one.

01:17:02.000 It's chlorine or something?

01:17:04.000 2-0.

01:17:06.000 They found whatever treats malaria has worked on coronavirus.

01:17:12.000 Let's hear that.

01:17:16.000 Blaze TV.

01:17:17.000 That sounds cool.

01:17:17.000 I'd love to be on Blaze TV.

01:17:18.000 So what I'm here to report is based on a well-controlled, peer-reviewed clinical study out of the South of Prince by the most eminent infectious disease specialist in the world, Didier Raoult, MDPHD.

01:17:36.000 He enrolled 40 patients, which showed a 100% cure rate after taking two generic drugs, hydroxychloroquine and azithromycin.

01:17:48.000 100% cure rate against coronavirus within six days.

01:17:54.000 The disease was released yesterday morning on my Twitter account, ReganoESQ, and also on COVIDTrial.io and was recently accepted into the International Journal of Anti-Systems.

01:18:07.000 We're not all in this together.

01:18:10.000 We are in contact with hospitals across the world around the world.

01:18:14.000 If he's not on our side, we are all in this together.

01:18:19.000 So, what is it that you have?

01:18:23.000 What's a gasoline can, Glenn?

01:18:26.000 Do we have to have a burn the styles?

01:18:28.000 It needs to paint.

01:18:30.000 Oh, does he paint?

01:18:32.000 I didn't know this till now.

01:18:34.000 Yes, he's a painter.

01:18:36.000 What can't that man do?

01:18:42.000 Wait, go back.

01:18:42.000 For 50 years.

01:18:43.000 Is he a cheater?

01:18:44.000 Needs to open this up.

01:18:48.000 The one in the background, that's not a projection, is it?

01:18:53.000 No.

01:18:54.000 The picture?

01:18:55.000 Not that I'm looking at that.

01:18:57.000 No, the one next to gasoline, I thought was a projection.

01:18:59.000 Oh, I see.

01:19:00.000 And so the reason that that, normally that's projected onto the canvas, and he just traces the projection.

01:19:06.000 But even that's hard, by the way.

01:19:07.000 Yeah.

01:19:08.000 I assumed I'd be able to do that.

01:19:09.000 You know that John Lennon painting?

01:19:11.000 Oh, yeah.

01:19:12.000 I thought I would just, I got a projector.

01:19:14.000 I go, I'll just project it.

01:19:15.000 I don't know.

01:19:15.000 I'll just fucking trace it.

01:19:16.000 And I started, and it did not look very good, believe it or not.

01:19:19.000 Sounds like Tim's room.

01:19:20.000 I had someone in China.

01:19:22.000 China.

01:19:23.000 Make it.

01:19:23.000 China.

01:19:24.000 All right.

01:19:28.000 Someone posted a picture of Costco today.

01:19:28.000 Oh, wait.

01:19:31.000 2-1.

01:19:33.000 Somebody says food is back.

01:19:37.000 Yeah.

01:19:38.000 That's what the grocery stores look like today, you fucking retards.

01:19:42.000 But wait, go back to Glenn Beck.

01:19:44.000 We should finish that.

01:19:45.000 I can't believe we're talking about his paintings and if he cheated when someone has cured a global pandemic.

01:19:51.000 And I'm like, I bet he cheats on his oil paintings.

01:19:56.000 What I'm here to report.

01:19:57.000 No, go right back.

01:19:58.000 And can it be mass?

01:19:59.000 Say the president needs to open this up.

01:20:01.000 What is the next step?

01:20:03.000 Do you have the finished product and can it be mass produced?

01:20:07.000 The finished product are generic drugs that have been around for over 50 years.

01:20:15.000 So hydroxychloroquine is an anti-malarial drug that was developed in response to American soldiers coming back from World War II in the Far East that had contracted malaria.

01:20:27.000 It has a high-quality safety profile and has never come off the market since about 1955.

01:20:38.000 Sounds like we're done here, folks.

01:20:40.000 Pretty cool.

01:20:41.000 Maybe we won't be shooting next week's shows from my house.

01:20:45.000 Or people on your lawn.

01:20:47.000 Or shooting people on my lawn.

01:20:51.000 Like the guys at the gun store were just like taking boxes and boxes.

01:20:55.000 Like honestly, usually a case of bullets is like 20.

01:21:03.000 And they'd have this much.

01:21:04.000 So 20, 40, 60, 80, 100.

01:21:07.000 You have 230 odd six shells.

01:21:11.000 That's 200 holes in people this big.

01:21:15.000 Maybe they think it's the last time they'll ever go shot.

01:21:17.000 Like, you're going to be killing droves.

01:21:21.000 I'm still not done, by the way.

01:21:22.000 I know we're going way into the call time, but this is a special app.

01:21:26.000 This might be the last from the studio.

01:21:28.000 We're in a global pandemic.

01:21:29.000 If we're going to have a long app, it's this app.

01:21:32.000 We will be doing calls, don't worry.

01:21:33.000 Although I'm fucking bummed route of beer.

01:21:36.000 Although I have beer at my house.

01:21:36.000 Yeah.

01:21:38.000 There's a warm one.

01:21:40.000 Do you want that?

01:21:41.000 You want to split it?

01:21:42.000 Why is there a warm one?

01:21:44.000 It's just out of the fridge.

01:21:46.000 How long?

01:21:47.000 Oh, I don't know.

01:21:49.000 We could put ice on it?

01:21:51.000 Ice and beer.

01:21:52.000 Ice on it.

01:21:53.000 Maybe an ice on it?

01:21:54.000 What an ice on it?

01:21:55.000 So, alright.

01:21:57.000 Trump Trump.

01:22:06.000 Remember Trump.

01:22:07.000 Patient Zero in New York is from Iran.

01:22:10.000 I just saw this 2-3.

01:22:14.000 The patient, a woman in her late 30s, contracted the virus while traveling abroad in Iran.

01:22:20.000 Wait, aren't all women abroad when they're traveling?

01:22:23.000 That's what I'm saying.

01:22:24.000 This is a redundant article.

01:22:26.000 And is currently isolated in her home, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo said in a statement.

01:22:31.000 So as they sit and call Trump racist for calling it a Chinese disease, he tried to prevent this by banning flights in from Iran.

01:22:41.000 Let's not have Iranians coming in here.

01:22:43.000 It's not safe.

01:22:44.000 Now, he didn't say that for a virus, but viruses are included when you say, I don't want those people coming in here.

01:22:52.000 And don't deny for a second that that ban was about Iran.

01:22:57.000 Remember 2-4, Washington Post?

01:23:00.000 Call it an Iran ban.

01:23:03.000 Call Trump's travel ban what it is.

01:23:08.000 Get a lot of ads.

01:23:11.000 Are you on Brave?

01:23:12.000 Yep.

01:23:13.000 Call, dude, you have it cropped, so it's hard to read.

01:23:16.000 Call Trump's travel ban what it is.

01:23:18.000 An Iran ban.

01:23:22.000 Hmm.

01:23:22.000 It looks like if these activist judges weren't changing Trump's laws and getting in his way, we wouldn't have this fucking problem in the first place.

01:23:31.000 It's disappointing.

01:23:32.000 Jason Reslan.

01:23:36.000 Fucking Muslims telling us how to conduct ourselves.

01:23:41.000 So yesterday we had that annoying Hispanic woman saying, why do you call it the Chinese virus?

01:23:46.000 It's so racist.

01:23:47.000 There's been dozens of cases of people, of Asians reporting being uncomfortable as the entire world is thrown up, turned upside down.

01:23:56.000 But then they had this woman from OAN, One American Network, 2.5.

01:24:02.000 And, you know, I hate the media shitting on him, but this woman is kissing his ass a little too much.

01:24:10.000 I would rely on that.

01:24:13.000 Yeah, I would rely on that.

01:24:17.000 Mr. President, thank you.

01:24:20.000 Thank you.

01:24:21.000 Mr. President, thank you.

01:24:23.000 I have two questions.

01:24:24.000 Do you consider the term Chinese?

01:24:28.000 Very good.

01:24:29.000 Thank you very much.

01:24:31.000 Thank you very much.

01:24:32.000 Do you consider the term Chinese food because it's food that originates in China or not?

01:24:39.000 It's a loaded question, but from the other end.

01:24:41.000 You know what I mean?

01:24:42.000 It's a loaded ass-kissing question.

01:24:47.000 On that note, major left-wing news media, even in this room, have teamed up with Chinese Communist Party narratives, and they're claiming you are racist for making these claims about Chinese parts.

01:24:58.000 Is it alarming that major media players just oppose you are consistently siding with foreign state propaganda, Islamic radicals, and left-wing games and cartels?

01:25:08.000 And they work right here at the White House with direct access to you and your team.

01:25:13.000 It amazes me when I read the things that I read.

01:25:16.000 It amazes me when I read the Wall Street Journal, which is always so negative.

01:25:21.000 It amazes me when I read the New York Times is not even, I don't, I barely read it.

01:25:25.000 You know, we don't distribute it in the White House anymore, and the same thing with the Washington Post.

01:25:30.000 I know this is a cliche, but can he not take an orange foundation thing and just get the little bit of pink around the eyes?

01:25:37.000 Under the eyes?

01:25:38.000 Just to make it, I know I'm not the first person to say this, but just to make it more consistent.

01:25:43.000 Might be a look.

01:25:44.000 But as Howard Stern pointed out today, I've never seen anyone in the world with that look ever.

01:25:50.000 It might be to make the eyes pop because look at those little those eyes pop more.

01:25:50.000 Yeah.

01:25:54.000 Well, the eyes, I was watching a news conference earlier today at my house, and we have high-def television.

01:26:01.000 The eyes were popping.

01:26:04.000 They were popping.

01:26:05.000 The eyes have it.

01:26:06.000 The eyes have it.

01:26:08.000 Larry's got the beans.

01:26:10.000 Larry's got the beans.

01:26:11.000 Fuck, he's got the beans.

01:26:14.000 Some people out there in the world, they really don't know the truth.

01:26:17.000 They don't know what it is.

01:26:19.000 They use different slogans and different concepts for me almost every week, trying to catch something.

01:26:26.000 Last week it was all chaos.

01:26:28.000 You see me, there's no chaos.

01:26:29.000 I have no chaos.

01:26:30.000 I'm the one telling everybody to be calm.

01:26:32.000 There's no chaos at the White House.

01:26:34.000 We have unbelievable professionals.

01:26:36.000 It's really, I mean, I think I came up with a term.

01:26:39.000 I hope I came up with a term, but it is fake news.

01:26:41.000 It's more than fake news.

01:26:42.000 It's corrupt news.

01:26:43.000 Okay, that's enough.

01:26:44.000 They write stories.

01:26:44.000 I also airdropped you a much funnier video where he says, you guys are sitting too close.

01:26:51.000 I think we found another way to do this.

01:26:52.000 He said, actually, I think we're going to get rid of you.

01:26:54.000 He should get rid of that woman who was chastising him.

01:26:57.000 Remember that woman who was like, why are you calling it that?

01:27:00.000 Like, fuck off, school marm.

01:27:03.000 I don't know if they're sitting like you people are sitting.

01:27:06.000 You're actually sitting too close.

01:27:08.000 You should, really, we should probably get rid of about another 75-80% of you.

01:27:12.000 I'll have just two or three that I like in this room.

01:27:15.000 I think that's a great way of doing it.

01:27:16.000 We just need a new way of doing it.

01:27:18.000 You're actually much too close.

01:27:20.000 You two, you should leave immediately.

01:27:24.000 You should leave immediately.

01:27:29.000 Wow, that's cold.

01:27:30.000 Can you say that like him?

01:27:32.000 You could leave.

01:27:33.000 I think we found another way to do this.

01:27:35.000 He's like kind of smiling.

01:27:37.000 He's having fun.

01:27:37.000 Yeah.

01:27:38.000 That's what I love about him.

01:27:39.000 That's why I don't get why comedians hate him so much.

01:27:42.000 The guy's having fun.

01:27:43.000 There's no stick up the man's eyes.

01:27:44.000 Like, we're all freaking out.

01:27:45.000 The whole world is in an uproar, and he's making funny jokes.

01:27:48.000 Like, we should get rid of you immediately.

01:27:51.000 75% of you, there's a lot of you too close.

01:27:54.000 Matter of fact, you guys should go home immediately.

01:27:57.000 Immediately.

01:27:58.000 Damn, that's funny.

01:28:00.000 It's such a great word to end a joke with.

01:28:05.000 Immediately.

01:28:06.000 Just leave.

01:28:07.000 Shut the fuck up and leave.

01:28:10.000 Leave immediately.

01:28:10.000 Immediately.

01:28:12.000 Just leave.

01:28:13.000 Just go somewhere else.

01:28:16.000 That's when she realizes I'm not getting any fucking cracks.

01:28:19.000 I'm going to have to start throwing my voice down the hall and around.

01:28:22.000 Sort of like when you're doing tons of Coke and your buddy and you're dumb the bag and your buddy goes, holy fuck, I found another bag.

01:28:28.000 I forgot I bought two bags.

01:28:29.000 And you're like, oh, thank God.

01:28:31.000 And he goes, yeah, I got it right.

01:28:33.000 Just kidding.

01:28:36.000 And you're like, oh.

01:28:38.000 It's like you killed me.

01:28:39.000 Make it say yes.

01:28:41.000 Mike.

01:28:42.000 Oh, wait, that's me.

01:28:45.000 All right, one more here, two, six.

01:28:47.000 More reporters calling him racist.

01:28:50.000 I don't remember this clip.

01:28:51.000 What is this again?

01:28:55.000 You did say a few days ago, though, you did have a sense that this was a pandemic, it was coming.

01:29:00.000 So why was the United States not prepared with more testing and testing?

01:29:04.000 We were very prepared.

01:29:05.000 The only thing we weren't prepared for was the media.

01:29:08.000 The media has not treated it fairly.

01:29:10.000 I'll tell you how prepared I was.

01:29:12.000 I called for a ban from people coming in from China long before anybody thought it was.

01:29:19.000 In fact, it was your network.

01:29:21.000 I believe they call me a racist because I did that.

01:29:25.000 It was many of the people in the room, they call me racist and other words because I did that, because I went so early.

01:29:31.000 So when you say we weren't prepared, had I let these tens of thousands of people come in from China a day, we would have had something right now that would have been, you wouldn't have even recognized it compared to where we are.

01:29:44.000 How many people have passed away?

01:29:46.000 How many people have died?

01:29:46.000 See, by the way, as of this moment.

01:29:48.000 The teleprompter thing.

01:29:50.000 Like the way Stephen Colbert was reading that teleprompter.

01:29:53.000 Who else was reading today?

01:29:55.000 Oh, that JoJo chick and some other people?

01:29:58.000 Yeah, the people that sang.

01:29:59.000 No, they didn't.

01:29:59.000 No.

01:30:00.000 They just look so awkward reading.

01:30:02.000 And then you see Trump and he's just always winging it.

01:30:04.000 Not always, but often winging it.

01:30:07.000 It's like you're hearing from a human being, maybe a human president for the first time ever.

01:30:12.000 Never stump them.

01:30:13.000 Unstump him.

01:30:14.000 You can say a few days ago, though, you did have a sense that this was a pandemic.

01:30:18.000 It doesn't pick up where I left off.

01:30:20.000 I was the first one to do the ban.

01:30:21.000 Now other countries are following what I did.

01:30:24.000 You know, remember we were talking yesterday about the movie, sorry, the Amazon Prime show Hunters by Jordan Peel?

01:30:32.000 Yes.

01:30:32.000 Or is it the same producers as Jordan Peale?

01:30:35.000 Or is it Jordan Peel?

01:30:36.000 I can find that out.

01:30:37.000 I don't care.

01:30:39.000 It's linked to Jordan Peel.

01:30:41.000 But we were laughing yesterday saying we like the show Hunters.

01:30:41.000 It sure is.

01:30:45.000 Executive producer, yeah.

01:30:46.000 Because it represents the ridiculous cartoon brain of the left and how they think we're secret Nazis, just like the fucking handmaid's tale.

01:30:58.000 We don't like women.

01:30:59.000 We want women to be lying in a room somewhere.

01:31:02.000 Just inseminate them and then make babies.

01:31:04.000 No, we want to fuck them.

01:31:06.000 We want to 69 our wives.

01:31:10.000 why wouldn't you want that?

01:31:11.000 Why wouldn't you want a cordial relationship with the person you're fucking?

01:31:16.000 Anyway, the same with hunters.

01:31:19.000 Yeah, we're all secret Nazis that secretly want to shoot our sons dead in the head.

01:31:23.000 And then Kareem Abdul-Jabbar says exactly what I said.

01:31:27.000 Trump's coronavirus response similar to unrepentant Nazis in Hunters.

01:31:32.000 So he is watching Hunters.

01:31:35.000 And he's going nailed it.

01:31:37.000 Got it.

01:31:38.000 Go down to his quote there.

01:31:39.000 What did he say?

01:31:41.000 This show is not far-fetched.

01:31:44.000 If you follow the Trump administration's blame the black guy rhetoric, what?

01:31:49.000 And foot-dragging behavior in response to coronavirus pandemic, the scenes from White House pressers remind of the gleefully unrepentant Nazis and Hunters.

01:32:01.000 Because for almost two months, Trump, like a sneering Bond supervillain, you're actually mocking your own ridiculous beliefs in your own quote.

01:32:09.000 Yeah.

01:32:10.000 Like an unrealistic fiction.

01:32:11.000 You watch James Bond and Hunters for your political reference points, allowed the virus to spread, knowing that poor communities and people of color would pay the greatest cost.

01:32:22.000 That's not true.

01:32:24.000 It's rich white men that at least in New Rochelle was all rich Jewish lawyers.

01:32:28.000 Economically and health wise, it wasn't until it started affecting the Mar-a-Lago crowd and their businesses and therefore his reelection chances that the president, And then when it started affecting Mar-a-Lago people, the rich, then he, like, that's just made-up shit.

01:32:52.000 Very lazy fan fiction.

01:32:54.000 Based on a true story, kind of maybe-ish.

01:32:58.000 Wouldn't it suck, though, if you were like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar or Cat Stevens or even Talib Quali, where you got named a Muslim thing or you got into Muslim culture when it was cool?

01:33:08.000 And it was cool.

01:33:10.000 Back in the 70s, the nation of Islam, the little bow ties, I'm Gavin X. I'm actually Muhammad Gavin Malcolm Muhammad Shabazz X. And I'm a Muslim.

01:33:24.000 I even have a tattoo on my arm.

01:33:26.000 It says, arm your desires.

01:33:28.000 I think it's the word desire in Arabic with an M16 because I was like, fucking, this is like 19, I don't know, 92.

01:33:36.000 And I was like, fucking Arab world's got to fight.

01:33:39.000 Fucking fight for what they believe in, man.

01:33:43.000 Arab.

01:33:44.000 Yeah, Muhammad.

01:33:46.000 Elijah, Muhammad.

01:33:48.000 We heard it in public enemy songs.

01:33:49.000 Farrakhan's a prophet that I think you ought to listen to.

01:33:52.000 Yeah, I'm listening to him.

01:33:55.000 We fell for that shit.

01:33:57.000 I think you ought to listen to.

01:33:58.000 And then all of a sudden we're like, wait, you fuck kids?

01:34:02.000 And then there's 9-11, and then we find out about the pedophilia and the nine-year-old wives, and then the marrying the first cousins until there's major inbreeding problems.

01:34:12.000 And then you're stuck with a name like Talib and Karim and whatever the fuck Cat Steven's stupid name is.

01:34:18.000 Statistically, there's nothing wrong with the name Talib.

01:34:22.000 Philadelphia has high statistics tenistically.

01:34:26.000 Tenistically.

01:34:28.000 Wow, that's a stretch.

01:34:32.000 Okay, we're running.

01:34:33.000 Okay, I think we're finally almost ready to take calls.

01:34:35.000 Let's just dip into the mailbag.

01:34:36.000 By the way, the mailbag is in a drought.

01:34:39.000 Yeah.

01:34:39.000 There was a time there, like a week ago, where we were getting 30, 40 a day.

01:34:46.000 I think it's because people aren't as busy.

01:34:48.000 And if you want something done, ask a busy person.

01:34:50.000 I remember back in Vice days, I'd ask Jimmy Kimmel to do something like, hey, we're doing the cartoon issue.

01:34:54.000 Can you do a comics page?

01:34:56.000 And boom, I'd have it in like five hours, even though he was shooting a show that day.

01:35:02.000 But I think because people are sitting on their ass all day, they're too lazy to write fucking letters, which is good because we can catch up on them.

01:35:08.000 But today, I only got and got good at it, if you will, one letter.

01:35:18.000 That's a new one.

01:35:21.000 Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.

01:35:25.000 Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.

01:35:31.000 Let me touch it.

01:35:33.000 Wait a minute.

01:35:33.000 This is weird.

01:35:35.000 Since starting the show, we've got about six.

01:35:38.000 We just got another one.

01:35:40.000 All right, let's read this one from Chris.

01:35:43.000 Turn on the phones, asshole.

01:35:45.000 Relax.

01:35:46.000 We'll get to you.

01:35:49.000 This is from a guy named Dill.

01:35:51.000 Hey guys, do you ever see this clip from Hunters?

01:35:53.000 It's damn funny.

01:35:54.000 This came in three minutes ago.

01:35:56.000 Dill, okay?

01:35:58.000 It's on YouTube.

01:35:59.000 That's good.

01:36:02.000 Welcome back to the world's most popular game show.

01:36:09.000 Okay, folks, you know how this goes.

01:36:11.000 Let's put two minutes on the clock.

01:36:13.000 I actually love the show, but I've never actually seen it.

01:36:17.000 This is probably based on my fucking video, 10 Things I Hate About the Jews, where everyone just assumes that that was real.

01:36:25.000 Why does everyone hate the Jews?

01:36:28.000 Yes, Mel.

01:36:29.000 Because they're cheap.

01:36:33.000 50 points!

01:36:34.000 Joints!

01:36:38.000 Show me they control the media!

01:36:42.000 How about because they killed Jesus?

01:36:45.000 I'd say killing a Messiah is a pretty Jewy thing to do.

01:36:48.000 Are any of these untrue?

01:36:50.000 Oh!

01:36:51.000 Lightning round!

01:36:52.000 Double the money!

01:36:54.000 Because they start all the wars in the world.

01:36:57.000 Oh, this was Mel Gibson?

01:36:58.000 ...the world's financial institutions leading all non-Juice to inevitable financial ruin while benefiting only themselves.

01:37:05.000 Because they used to kill Christian children and use their blood to bake their weird Passover bread?

01:37:10.000 No, I haven't heard.

01:37:12.000 I'm not familiar with that one.

01:37:14.000 Because you know.

01:37:15.000 Is that Brooks Brothers?

01:37:17.000 Yeah.

01:37:18.000 It is Brooks Brothers?

01:37:19.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:37:20.000 Tell by the roll of the shoulder.

01:37:22.000 I think.

01:37:22.000 I don't want to be an idiot.

01:37:23.000 Get that wrong.

01:37:24.000 Because they run Hollywood.

01:37:27.000 Because, like, can they get over this Holocaust thing already?

01:37:30.000 Yeah.

01:37:31.000 Move on, Jews because they're rapists.

01:37:34.000 Ponzi schemers.

01:37:36.000 Globalists.

01:37:38.000 Because they're Jews.

01:37:42.000 This is insane.

01:37:44.000 This is pretty over the top.

01:37:46.000 This could easily be made by America First.

01:37:50.000 If Nick Fuentes made this, I'd go, holy shit, he's got good production.

01:37:50.000 Easily.

01:37:54.000 We should deep fake it.

01:37:56.000 If Nick Fuentes made this, I would not flinch for one second, but I would watch it and go, where the fuck did he get the budget?

01:38:03.000 And he did an incredible job.

01:38:06.000 Like that riser that the host is on, the Carpenters?

01:38:10.000 This is a parody of the left.

01:38:12.000 This is a parody of the paranoia of anti-Semitism that they think we think like this.

01:38:20.000 But you said the first three were real.

01:38:22.000 The first three were pretty normal, and I've seen a million Jews say those things.

01:38:26.000 But like, they maybe a disproportionate number of people in finance are Jewish.

01:38:32.000 They have a high IQ.

01:38:33.000 They tend to be disproportionately represented in medicine, too.

01:38:36.000 And real estate, they love the real estate.

01:38:38.000 It's the hard jobs the smart people tend to do good at.

01:38:41.000 But this like making everyone else suffer so they can only benefit themselves.

01:38:49.000 You don't hear that that often.

01:38:51.000 Wow, the fucking emails are pouring in now.

01:38:54.000 Jeez, Louise.

01:39:00.000 Okay, this guy's saying we should give Tom a chance.

01:39:03.000 Watch Tom McDonald's straight white mail.

01:39:05.000 Am I supposed to be able to get over this guy's fucking hair anytime soon?

01:39:10.000 Straight white.

01:39:12.000 Why don't you just click on that fucking letter, Ryan?

01:39:14.000 You're getting them too.

01:39:16.000 That one I don't see in our shared email.

01:39:18.000 You didn't skip any?

01:39:20.000 This one just arrived literally 30 seconds ago.

01:39:25.000 Straight white male.

01:39:26.000 Hate myself.

01:39:27.000 Mad that my skin so pale.

01:39:28.000 Got white privilege, so I cannot fail.

01:39:30.000 The world told me I'm evil spell.

01:39:32.000 I break the law, but I escaped the jail.

01:39:34.000 My diet only mayonnaise and kale.

01:39:36.000 I went to school and I pay my taxes.

01:39:38.000 I used to grammar.

01:39:38.000 I'm bad as hell.

01:39:40.000 I'm not a Nazi.

01:39:41.000 I like black people.

01:39:42.000 Black Jesus, black Santa, black coffee.

01:39:44.000 I'm not a racist.

01:39:45.000 I like Hispanics and Negroes and natives and Asians.

01:39:47.000 Black power says I'm the problem.

01:39:49.000 Girl power says I'm the issue.

01:39:51.000 Gay rights think I'm trying to stop them.

01:39:52.000 I'll let y'all chip and I'll get you some tissues.

01:39:54.000 Y'all look at the bottom of the business.

01:39:56.000 Yeah, it's not bad.

01:39:56.000 Okay.

01:39:57.000 It's too pristine.

01:39:59.000 It's the same thing as McLemore, but on the opposite end of it, it sounds too bubblegummy.

01:40:05.000 Ryan has the worst taste in music on earth, so please disregard anything he says.

01:40:10.000 Just the mix of it.

01:40:13.000 Garrett, this is from Garrett.

01:40:14.000 Hey, guys, saw Ryan in one of his Instagram stories a while back listening to Periphery.

01:40:19.000 These guys are my favorite band.

01:40:20.000 Was wondering if Ryan ever showed you them and your take on them.

01:40:23.000 They rule.

01:40:24.000 Periphery?

01:40:25.000 I already hate the name.

01:40:26.000 Was it Prague Rock?

01:40:27.000 Kind of.

01:40:28.000 Kind of like metal, Allison Chains, Prague.

01:40:31.000 Yes.

01:40:32.000 How did I know that?

01:40:33.000 But this song nods to kind of more classic metal.

01:40:38.000 This song nods to kind of the end.

01:40:47.000 Oh, good.

01:40:48.000 Alien Ant Farm and Mr. Bungle had a baby.

01:40:51.000 No, there's no ant farm.

01:40:55.000 Maybe the vocals.

01:40:56.000 Oh, gross.

01:40:57.000 That's enough.

01:41:02.000 Here's one from Dustin.

01:41:03.000 Nobody's emailing you because we're all freaking out about the government making everybody go inside.

01:41:07.000 Yeah, where you have email.

01:41:10.000 Everywhere we look, people are talking about this being in our homes for up to a month.

01:41:14.000 Nobody knows this is bullshit.

01:41:15.000 What?

01:41:16.000 Everywhere, look, people are talking about being in our homes for up to a month, but nobody knows.

01:41:24.000 Learn English, Dustin.

01:41:27.000 Are you smoking fucking angel, Dustin?

01:41:30.000 Eric wants to know our opinion on Oasis.

01:41:33.000 Great band.

01:41:36.000 Some guy named Clint wants me to know I'm a faggot.

01:41:38.000 That's mean.

01:41:40.000 This guy's called First.

01:41:42.000 Felt bad about your empty mailbag.

01:41:43.000 Hope this helps, Zach.

01:41:46.000 Thank you so much.

01:41:48.000 This is from Bruce.

01:41:49.000 Gav, I just want to see your thoughts on lazy fat people who don't want to admit their work ethic is the problem when it comes to fitness.

01:41:54.000 Seems that their equality hands around the world and everyone is the same mentality, works only when it's convenient for them.

01:42:03.000 Left, all of us are the same.

01:42:05.000 We can do anything we want.

01:42:06.000 We have the same abilities.

01:42:08.000 Also, the left, your personal truth is specific to you.

01:42:11.000 More on the left.

01:42:12.000 Everybody is different and we can't all lose weight.

01:42:15.000 You know, I was going through my daughter's homework and one of the things was, if someone is about to, I don't know, ingest dangerous amount of carbs or something like that, it was like health, what might be the reason for that?

01:42:28.000 And I was like, write Lizzo.

01:42:30.000 And she goes, no.

01:42:31.000 And I go, okay, you want to get an A?

01:42:33.000 Say lack of food education.

01:42:36.000 Say corporate fast food, making fast food addictive, all of these different ways that the fat person isn't culpable.

01:42:44.000 Depression bullying.

01:42:45.000 But honey, you need to, yeah, bullying.

01:42:47.000 Put that at the top.

01:42:49.000 But fuck an A. Get fired.

01:42:52.000 Get in trouble.

01:42:53.000 McKinnis, don't quit.

01:42:54.000 We get fired.

01:42:55.000 Just tell the truth.

01:42:57.000 Body positivity is why this woman is eating herself to death.

01:43:03.000 Wow, they're really pouring in now.

01:43:04.000 I can't keep up.

01:43:07.000 This should mean less calls.

01:43:10.000 Let me fuck you with my heels on.

01:43:11.000 I'm going to see if I can...

01:43:18.000 Now there's like 50.

01:43:20.000 Oh, yeah.

01:43:22.000 Christopher?

01:43:23.000 Let's see if we can just speed through them like crazy.

01:43:25.000 I'm going to start with Phil at the bottom and then go up.

01:43:29.000 Phil at the okay.

01:43:31.000 Phil, we need more 600 pound life commentary.

01:43:35.000 Bruce, I've registered GML.tv, 40 seconds for all you all, blah, blah, blah.

01:43:40.000 Thanks.

01:43:40.000 Katie, hey, Gab, my boyfriend has been imitating some Indian doctor who says, did daddy not drink enough water?

01:43:47.000 And he can't remember the story behind it.

01:43:48.000 Can you retell the story so I can be in on the joke?

01:43:50.000 Yes, I can do that for you, Katie.

01:43:53.000 So my buddy upstate, when I lived upstate, he had a bar we used to all go to.

01:44:02.000 And I was up in Eldred in the Catskills, which is north of Port Jervis.

01:44:07.000 You want to puke?

01:44:07.000 Pee.

01:44:08.000 Yeah.

01:44:12.000 So weak to have to pee.

01:44:16.000 And so his son was, everyone has Lyme disease in upstate New York, just like Ryan, who got it in upstate New York.

01:44:26.000 And it fucking cripples you.

01:44:28.000 It controls your bones.

01:44:30.000 And it was breaking his heart because his son was named Baron or something.

01:44:35.000 And he was like, we're about to move Baron speed, Dad, fast forward.

01:44:40.000 And then he would run super fast.

01:44:42.000 And then over the next couple of days, he had Lyme disease.

01:44:47.000 The boy did.

01:44:47.000 He took the antibiotics.

01:44:49.000 They work 90% of the time.

01:44:50.000 Sometimes they don't kill the Lyme and you have to take more antibiotics.

01:44:54.000 So his son took the antibiotics.

01:44:57.000 He's doing okay for a while.

01:44:57.000 Then he started to get fucked up again.

01:44:59.000 And it makes you sort of contort.

01:45:02.000 It's like multiple sclerosis.

01:45:04.000 So his kid was playing and he was like, dad, I can't go barren speed.

01:45:10.000 His son was about six or seven.

01:45:12.000 And he's like, I can't move barren fast.

01:45:14.000 And he was trying to run.

01:45:15.000 He was running slowly.

01:45:16.000 And he goes, oh, he's fucking still got Lyme.

01:45:19.000 So he goes to the local doctor, who's an Indian guy.

01:45:23.000 And he goes, yeah, my son took antibiotics for Lyme, but they didn't take, so we'll need some more to cure it.

01:45:29.000 And he goes, well, hold on, buddy.

01:45:30.000 Let's do a little, to do some tests and see what's going on, my friend.

01:45:34.000 He's like, okay, you can do some tests, whatever the fuck.

01:45:38.000 So he does some tests.

01:45:38.000 He goes, so what was he doing?

01:45:40.000 When did you notice this?

01:45:41.000 And he goes, well, I was at the park and he wasn't running as fast as he could.

01:45:49.000 And I realized then that he was acting exactly the same way he does when he has Lyme.

01:45:54.000 Did he have anything to drink today, my friend?

01:45:58.000 And he goes, I don't know.

01:46:01.000 Yeah, he had something to drink earlier.

01:46:03.000 Did he have anything at the park?

01:46:06.000 And he goes, I think, I don't really remember.

01:46:11.000 And he goes, are we getting a little dehydrated today, Daddy?

01:46:18.000 And he said, when he fucking said that, I was so mad that I almost did that throat grab thing you do and just fucking threw him out of the goddamn window so I'm not sure I'm getting the quote exactly perfect but then every time I saw him for about a year I would see him and I'd go are we getting a little dehydrated today daddy someone actually made a t-shirt of it but

01:46:47.000 Yeah, his son did have Lyme disease.

01:46:51.000 It was not dehydration.

01:46:53.000 Thank you, Seamgem Partek.

01:46:55.000 He's not a Delavoper, is he?

01:46:58.000 Oh, my gosh.

01:46:59.000 Oh, look at the emails are piling in.

01:47:02.000 I've had enough.

01:47:03.000 We should get to calls, right?

01:47:04.000 Yes, buddy.

01:47:05.000 When do we do the final video?

01:47:07.000 That's after the calls?

01:47:09.000 Yeah.

01:47:10.000 All right.

01:47:11.000 Let me fuck you with my heels on.

01:47:16.000 Let me fuck you with my heels on.

01:47:18.000 People mad that I say I wanna instead of let me.

01:47:22.000 Nice problems, kids.

01:47:24.000 Michael from Los Angeles.

01:47:26.000 Hey, Mike.

01:47:29.000 Hello, Gavin.

01:47:30.000 Hello, Ryan.

01:47:31.000 Can y'all hear me all right?

01:47:31.000 Hello.

01:47:34.000 Yes.

01:47:35.000 Yeah.

01:47:35.000 Yeah, I wanted to...

01:47:38.000 I just think that what everything is portrayed between the blacks and Hispanics don't get along, it's false.

01:47:45.000 I want...

01:47:47.000 If Ryan can pull up real quick on YouTube for you guys to see us, just look up, Ryan, Ross Kemp, Los Angeles, to show Gavin real quick.

01:47:55.000 It's at minute 20 and second number 40.

01:47:59.000 That's what I grew up on and I just want you to see that love of that.

01:48:03.000 You know, like, what's going on?

01:48:05.000 And then I have another comment after that if Gavin will allow it.

01:48:09.000 Okay, it sounds like you're trying to trick us and you're gonna show some blacks and Hispanics fighting.

01:48:15.000 Absolutely not.

01:48:17.000 I would not do that.

01:48:18.000 I think you guys are wrong.

01:48:19.000 Gavin, please pay attention.

01:48:21.000 Okay.

01:48:22.000 Let's watch the video.

01:48:24.000 The man wants us to watch.

01:48:26.000 Minute 40.

01:48:27.000 I got it.

01:48:27.000 So you want to run one more thing by him before we do that or after?

01:48:33.000 Minute 20, second 40, please.

01:48:35.000 Oh, no, I got you.

01:48:36.000 I got you.

01:48:37.000 Okay.

01:48:37.000 Let's see what he's got.

01:48:38.000 Okay.

01:48:40.000 To the stars.

01:48:43.000 it's also infamous for being the gang capital of the world last year there was a gang related murder every other day and last month February 2000 there were just under 2,000 violent crimes committed for generations the bloods and the crypts have fought for control of the streets here but it would appear there's been a change in the balance of power the latino gangs are on the rise and i've come here to meet them how

01:49:13.000 How long do we have to watch this for, dude?

01:49:15.000 My second comment real quick was on Hunters.

01:49:21.000 Since you made me subscribe to Amazon Prime, you're promoting the Hunters.

01:49:25.000 Wait, why did you make us watch that?

01:49:27.000 You made us watch some fucking documentary where he says that the Bloods and the Crips are losing to Hispanic gangs, and then we don't see any divulgence, discovery, whatever?

01:49:40.000 It was Ross.

01:49:43.000 It was Ross Kemp like...

01:49:44.000 los angeles minute 20 second 40.

01:49:47.000 it was a 43 minute video i sent it to um minute 20 second to ryan on his dm minute 20 minute 40 minute 20 it was minute 20 on second number 40 mark minute 20 second 40 you just say 20 40 no minute number 20.

01:50:06.000 i was breaking you guys are good at math so i said minute number 20 on the 40 second mark gotcha okay i've never heard anybody say it like that before that's my bad you mean 20 20 33 yeah that's what i mean okay sorry i'm slow minute i'm slow you're 12 you said hispanic minute minute 20 i gotcha second number quaranta okay Exactly.

01:50:36.000 If they're gang members and these are hard people, tough people, why don't they want to speak to us?

01:50:36.000 Why is that?

01:50:42.000 Well, the last guy who did what I'm doing got killed for it.

01:50:46.000 So.

01:50:46.000 You don't think they could touch you?

01:50:49.000 No, I don't.

01:50:51.000 I'm much higher than that.

01:50:53.000 Thanks for this fucking call.

01:50:55.000 What a great call.

01:50:57.000 Thanks for calling.

01:50:59.000 Thank you so much.

01:51:00.000 Goodbye.

01:51:01.000 Jesus Christ, what a fucking waste of time.

01:51:04.000 Minute 20 on the second 40, and then some fucking gangster documentary from the 90s saying that I can get killed.

01:51:13.000 What the fuck?

01:51:15.000 He's had some good calls in the past, but that was a bad mirror.

01:51:17.000 Stop hogging up the calls, too.

01:51:20.000 You call in every fucking week to say the same shit.

01:51:23.000 You're like the Bobo of GOML.

01:51:27.000 Fuck.

01:51:31.000 Reading the letters was way better.

01:51:33.000 Just leave.

01:51:34.000 Just go somewhere else.

01:51:35.000 And fucking parsing through this guy's shitty fucking videos.

01:51:39.000 Okay, I'll wait after you find that on minute 40, second 20 of the 20 second mark that's after minute 20.

01:51:50.000 Go ahead, sir.

01:51:51.000 Steven, you're on the line.

01:51:53.000 Oh, hey, yeah, this is a circumcision Steve.

01:51:56.000 I called him like a really long time ago.

01:51:58.000 I don't know if you remember.

01:52:00.000 Okay.

01:52:01.000 I don't give a shit, but what?

01:52:04.000 I figured you said it.

01:52:05.000 I love the show.

01:52:06.000 But no, I wanted to talk about circumcision.

01:52:08.000 I just wanted to say something.

01:52:11.000 Thanks for the intro.

01:52:12.000 Great setup.

01:52:13.000 We're ready now.

01:52:15.000 You need to check out Eric Clopper's show.

01:52:18.000 Hello?

01:52:20.000 Okay.

01:52:20.000 Eric Clopper.

01:52:22.000 Eric Clopper.

01:52:23.000 Look up Eric Clopper.

01:52:26.000 It's like two hours.

01:52:26.000 He has a play.

01:52:27.000 It's called Sex and Circumcision, an American Love Story.

01:52:31.000 So I'm really nervous.

01:52:32.000 I watch the show every day.

01:52:34.000 And, dude, it's like fucking insane.

01:52:37.000 He exposes the whole medical industry on like all the, basically like everything, every lie that they tell about circumcision, like that, like it prevents STDs and like it prevents AIDS and all this shit.

01:52:52.000 Like he exposes all of that.

01:52:53.000 And dude, it's fucking insane.

01:52:56.000 It's like the best fucking thing you'll ever watch in your entire life.

01:52:58.000 All right.

01:52:59.000 Thanks for calling.

01:52:59.000 Well, check it out.

01:53:02.000 Yeah, I was talking to a couple recently who's having a baby.

01:53:05.000 Our buddy, our fat buddy, Yona, who's Jewish, by the way, in D.C. And I said, are you going to circumcise the boy?

01:53:14.000 And the pregnant wife, I stayed at their house when I was last in D.C. And she goes, yeah, I mean, I kind of wanted to.

01:53:20.000 And I go, why?

01:53:21.000 And she goes, I don't know.

01:53:22.000 Like my brother, my father's are.

01:53:24.000 It's kind of, I don't know, it just seems like what you do.

01:53:27.000 And I said, how does your husband feel about that?

01:53:29.000 Sort of biding my time, right?

01:53:31.000 Before I go nuts on them.

01:53:32.000 I don't want to become like a vegan who tells everyone how to live their lives.

01:53:36.000 So you try to be inquisitive at first.

01:53:39.000 And then she goes, yeah, but Yona just said no.

01:53:42.000 And then he comes out of the bedroom, in the living room, and he goes, yeah, we're not doing that.

01:53:46.000 And she was like, oh, okay.

01:53:48.000 Dropped it like that.

01:53:50.000 That's how deep these things go.

01:53:51.000 It's that easy to get rid of fucking circumcision.

01:53:54.000 Just tell your wife now, and she'll be like, what?

01:53:56.000 I don't have a dick, so I don't know.

01:53:56.000 Oh, okay.

01:53:58.000 It's kind of your lane.

01:54:00.000 It's like racism.

01:54:02.000 It's like the thinnest little sliver.

01:54:04.000 I lived in Quebec where everyone was French versus English.

01:54:07.000 It's us versus them.

01:54:09.000 If you're black and you're French, you're on the French side.

01:54:11.000 If you're black and you're English, you're on the English side.

01:54:14.000 So as soon as language became a big deal, everyone forgot about race.

01:54:21.000 You forgot about race.

01:54:22.000 You forgot about race because you didn't know the time when you were politically scientific.

01:54:27.000 Not bad.

01:54:27.000 Thanks.

01:54:28.000 We got James.

01:54:30.000 What's up, James?

01:54:32.000 Hey, how are you?

01:54:34.000 Good, how are you?

01:54:37.000 I'm okay.

01:54:38.000 I'm calling from Australia.

01:54:40.000 I want to know shit, Sherlock.

01:54:41.000 The industrialization and the effects on men that this has had.

01:54:47.000 So, and also like wrap the transsexual issues in with that.

01:54:52.000 Go on.

01:54:54.000 Okay, so you know, like in the late 90s, there was a really big world recession and all that kind of thing.

01:55:00.000 And we had this thing in Australia called like the long-term unemployed, which were people that were unemployed for five or more years.

01:55:08.000 And they were nearly all men.

01:55:11.000 And one of the sort of little secrets not many people know about that is that 50% of those men never worked again.

01:55:18.000 Like they never worked again.

01:55:22.000 And I thought it was interesting.

01:55:23.000 We have these things in Australia called men's sheds.

01:55:26.000 Do you know what they are?

01:55:27.000 Do you have them in the US?

01:55:28.000 Wait, before we get to that, what percentage of this group would you say was Aboriginal?

01:55:35.000 That's a whole nother topic.

01:55:37.000 But no, it's true.

01:55:38.000 Like a fucking lot of these guys, these guys, they're not old guys at the time.

01:55:43.000 They were like in the 20s and 30s.

01:55:45.000 They were a long-term unemployed and they never worked again.

01:55:48.000 And a lot of them, they got divorced, they committed suicide, they, you know, were alcoholics.

01:55:54.000 They died early.

01:55:56.000 And so, no, they're not Aboriginals.

01:56:00.000 A lot of Aboriginals don't actually ever work.

01:56:02.000 But anyway, we'll move past that.

01:56:05.000 So they joined these groups called men's sheds.

01:56:08.000 And every local council has a men's shed.

01:56:11.000 And it's where these old guys go to, you know, do like municipal gardening and shit like that.

01:56:17.000 Or they fix park benches and it gives their life some purpose.

01:56:20.000 Like it's probably a better way than drinking yourself to death.

01:56:25.000 But they're kind of like looked down upon, like they're a kind of daggy institution.

01:56:29.000 You know, you make fun of somebody, you go join a men's shed.

01:56:31.000 Ha ha ha.

01:56:34.000 You're filling your time by doing crafts and helping society and bonding with other men.

01:56:39.000 Ha ha, loser.

01:56:42.000 But my point is that you never see any transsexuals trying to join a men's shed.

01:56:48.000 They're always trying to get into some like private club or something like that.

01:56:53.000 They're never actually trying to do something that a man would actually do, like a real man.

01:56:58.000 They have no idea what men are like.

01:57:01.000 They don't know what it means to feel like you're unable to support your family.

01:57:06.000 It's sort of like the black thing where these sycophants pretend that they love blacks, but they don't ever hang out with them.

01:57:06.000 Yeah, you're right.

01:57:14.000 And similarly, these trans lesbians pretend that they love men, but they don't ever want to hang out with them or do their stuff.

01:57:20.000 They just like it as this sort of ethereal fashion thing that exists out there in the clouds, but they never actually pursue it.

01:57:27.000 It's sort of like goths.

01:57:29.000 You know, gots talk about a fashion and sorry, goths talk about how death and I want to die.

01:57:34.000 And okay, go fucking kill yourself then if you're so into death.

01:57:39.000 Or like, or work at a morgue or be a gravedigger.

01:57:44.000 Right.

01:57:45.000 You know, or in the cemetery.

01:57:46.000 That's like the cramp song.

01:57:47.000 You ain't no punk, you punk.

01:57:50.000 You want to talk about the real junk?

01:57:53.000 If you ever said you're a man, I'm a garbage man.

01:57:57.000 If you're so punk, be a garbage man.

01:57:59.000 So if you're so into that thing, why don't you have any actual...

01:58:09.000 It's all people serving them things.

01:58:12.000 All right, thanks for calling.

01:58:15.000 Yeah, Menshed seems pretty damn cool.

01:58:17.000 Seems awesome.

01:58:18.000 That'd be great for a solution to a serious problem.

01:58:20.000 For veterans, too, because my grandfather vets, yeah.

01:58:23.000 They need to do something.

01:58:24.000 Plus, it's hard to have a functioning workshop with all those tools.

01:58:28.000 In Brooklyn, they had a thing in Williamsburg where carpenters would pay a monthly, just like we work, but it was this awesome, huge, open carpentry place that carpenters would rent.

01:58:38.000 And you had like drill presses and all these crazy saws and those fucking things that can make bed posts.

01:58:45.000 That rules.

01:58:47.000 We got Megan on the line.

01:58:48.000 Megan?

01:58:49.000 Megan?

01:58:50.000 Check alert.

01:58:50.000 Mogan.

01:58:54.000 Hi.

01:58:57.000 I'm actually the one who emailed you to rate me and you gave me a seven.

01:59:03.000 That's pretty good.

01:59:04.000 Remember that, yeah.

01:59:06.000 You can't be mad at a seven.

01:59:09.000 I'm not mad.

01:59:10.000 I'm just disappointed, but it's okay.

01:59:13.000 What do you think you are?

01:59:16.000 I think I'm a 7.8.

01:59:19.000 Well, we were basing on the aesthetics only.

01:59:22.000 The rating system includes more than that.

01:59:25.000 Do you think you're a 7.8 to look at?

01:59:28.000 Yeah.

01:59:29.000 Where do you live?

01:59:32.000 In Connecticut.

01:59:35.000 Up high in Connecticut?

01:59:38.000 No, I live right on the beach in New Haven County.

01:59:41.000 On the beach, man.

01:59:48.000 With a stroke tank?

01:59:50.000 I'm out.

01:59:52.000 It's okay.

01:59:53.000 It's okay.

01:59:54.000 Even Gavin said yesterday, minus all the wealth and fame and awesomeness, you're down to like, you lose like two points.

02:00:01.000 Men lose a lot.

02:00:01.000 No, men do.

02:00:02.000 Oh.

02:00:03.000 Anyway, sorry, go ahead.

02:00:04.000 What's your question?

02:00:06.000 Oh, no, I was just, I had wanted to say, like, about you, because you wanted to get that shirt done, the let me fuck you with my heels.

02:00:18.000 Let me fuck you with my heels on, yeah.

02:00:21.000 And, like, I'm not good with Photoshop or anything, but I did have an idea that you could, you know, the logo for the Rocky Horror Picture Show with Frank Insherter on the lips?

02:00:34.000 Yeah.

02:00:35.000 Yeah, like, what if you took that, put Gavin's head on Tim Curry's body, then you put him on top of the censored.tv logo instead of the lips, and then you did, like, a red roses background on it.

02:00:55.000 Hmm.

02:00:56.000 That's pretty good.

02:00:57.000 I wonder if Rocky Hoare would sue us.

02:01:01.000 No, Richard O'Brien doesn't really care.

02:01:04.000 How do you know?

02:01:05.000 I'm him.

02:01:06.000 I mean, because like, no, because like if you look at any of his interviews that he's done, he really doesn't care about that.

02:01:16.000 I mean, you probably have to care what, like, because Fox, you know, I think owns them.

02:01:22.000 So that would probably be the problem.

02:01:25.000 I saw Rocky Horror play.

02:01:26.000 I went with David Cross to make fun of it at a small town theater.

02:01:30.000 And I realized this, I don't want to do this because I'm ruining everyone's fun by laughing at it all.

02:01:35.000 But they weren't singing.

02:01:38.000 They weren't singing any of the songs the way they are on the album, which made me think that there's some sort of copyright thing where a theater is not allowed to do the song the same way.

02:01:48.000 No, that is not.

02:01:50.000 That's not it at all.

02:01:51.000 The Rocky Horror experience is completely different from watching the movie.

02:01:59.000 Like when you go see the play, you're supposed to throw the rice and the toilet paper.

02:02:05.000 And I mean, most theaters don't let you do that anymore.

02:02:07.000 I think the Chelsea theater in New York still lets you do stuff like that.

02:02:13.000 Yep, I saw it there.

02:02:14.000 I'm kind of embarrassed to come out of the closet as a Rocky horror head.

02:02:19.000 When in Rome.

02:02:21.000 In Chelsea Delta Theater.

02:02:24.000 It's really cool, but they don't sing it like on the album or on the movie just because they add all these other lines to it to make it.

02:02:38.000 I know, but it's not the same song.

02:02:39.000 It's like where the album would go, why don't you come up to the lab and see what's on the slab?

02:02:47.000 Then the player will be like, why don't you come up to the lab?

02:02:50.000 It's like a Dylan coming up and see what is on the slab.

02:02:53.000 And you're like, no, that's not how it goes.

02:02:57.000 Oh, that's kind of weird.

02:02:59.000 I never noticed that.

02:03:01.000 I see you shiver with anticipation.

02:03:07.000 Oh my gosh, when you did that the other day, I was like, no!

02:03:11.000 Dang it.

02:03:17.000 Gotta say it, man.

02:03:18.000 Okay.

02:03:25.000 Patience!

02:03:26.000 What made me in the way?

02:03:29.000 It's not really to blame.

02:03:32.000 So I remove the cause.

02:03:36.000 Not are you.

02:03:37.000 The symptom.

02:03:39.000 Thanks for calling.

02:03:42.000 Who's next?

02:03:43.000 We got Sade.

02:03:46.000 Oh, that it.

02:03:47.000 What's that song?

02:03:48.000 Smooth Operator.

02:03:52.000 Doesn't she have no, you're giving me the sweetest taboo.

02:03:55.000 Oh, yeah.

02:03:56.000 That's why.

02:03:57.000 You love is King.

02:03:58.000 Sade, you sound like a dude.

02:03:59.000 Yeah, girl name.

02:04:01.000 Yeah, it's Cade.

02:04:03.000 Oh.

02:04:04.000 Bummer.

02:04:05.000 We thought we were going to talk to a hot black British.

02:04:09.000 I was just calling him to see if you guys have heard of the show Love is Blind.

02:04:13.000 It's a new Netflix reality show, like The Bachelor, Bachelorette.

02:04:18.000 Yep.

02:04:20.000 We should probably watch it more and discuss it on the show.

02:04:20.000 It's awesome.

02:04:23.000 I've only seen one episode.

02:04:24.000 Howard Stern is obsessed with it, and so is my wife.

02:04:27.000 That's a good sign.

02:04:29.000 So what I would suggest, you have to watch episode eight of the first season.

02:04:34.000 It builds up to a white guy going to meet his black girlfriend's dad.

02:04:41.000 And there is this huge buildup as to, oh, this black dad, he really doesn't want his daughter dating a white guy, and like her friends don't want it.

02:04:50.000 And he's got to go meet everybody.

02:04:52.000 And there's this huge buildup, and the dad's not approving.

02:04:56.000 And I was just wondering, you know, watching it was kind of mind-blowing, thinking about what it would be like if the races were reversed.

02:05:04.000 I don't know what the problem for me would be as a white dad.

02:05:07.000 Like, I wouldn't like it either, but if the races were reversed, I don't know what it would be like.

02:05:15.000 Well, it's also the type of black dude.

02:05:17.000 Like, if your daughter is marrying fucking Mike Jackson and he has a do-rag on and his pants hanging below his ass, you're like, this is not going to end well.

02:05:27.000 But if he's like, hi, what's going on?

02:05:29.000 I'm a black guy.

02:05:30.000 Then, you know.

02:05:32.000 It's the most boring white dude you could have ever imagined.

02:05:36.000 I mean, he legitimately sucks, and you can tell the dad realizes that when he meets him.

02:05:42.000 This guy's stupid little t-shirt with the buttons on it.

02:05:47.000 Why are you wearing sweatpants in a light?

02:05:48.000 He wears green.

02:05:50.000 Why is he wearing green?

02:05:53.000 This faux hawk?

02:05:54.000 You don't like the faux?

02:05:56.000 You know, that t-shirt he's wearing in this clip is you dress a baby.

02:06:01.000 He dresses like a baby, like a mother who adores her newborn.

02:06:06.000 Okay, thanks for the tip, man.

02:06:08.000 There's actually also a scene where he was in a hip-hop band as a high schooler, and he does his rap for her mom.

02:06:16.000 Oh, also pretty awful.

02:06:19.000 I believe that's episode seven.

02:06:20.000 I believe you rule.

02:06:22.000 Thank you for the call.

02:06:24.000 Yeah, we got to make that our show.

02:06:26.000 I don't know why I don't watch it more.

02:06:28.000 But did you just click out of that?

02:06:29.000 I want to watch.

02:06:30.000 Let's see some of it.

02:06:31.000 Okay.

02:06:32.000 Episode seven is when does the rap.

02:06:35.000 Do we want rap?

02:06:36.000 Well, I want to see the dad.

02:06:38.000 Okay, this is where he told us to start episode eight.

02:06:41.000 That's not when the dad is in there.

02:06:43.000 Are you sure?

02:06:44.000 That's when the lead up is.

02:06:45.000 Like, that's when the lead up starts.

02:06:46.000 Oh, I want to see the dad.

02:06:48.000 How do you know?

02:06:49.000 Because I scrolled through it.

02:06:51.000 But he said episode 8 is when they meet the dad.

02:06:55.000 He said episode 8 is when they start the lead up to the whole.

02:06:58.000 Wouldn't that be hilarious if you have this white dad like me and the white girl shows up with the black boyfriend?

02:07:07.000 And I'm just like, well, well, well.

02:07:10.000 Look ye here.

02:07:12.000 Look what the cat dragged in.

02:07:14.000 A piece of fucking black licorice.

02:07:18.000 If he just So this is me when the daughter brings home the black guy on the first date.

02:07:18.000 shit.

02:07:33.000 Sopranos, I hate this shit.

02:07:36.000 I hate this fucking shit.

02:07:42.000 Hey, what's up?

02:07:43.000 My name is Terrell.

02:07:44.000 I love your daughter.

02:07:44.000 She's great.

02:07:45.000 Not anymore.

02:07:46.000 I hate this fucking shit.

02:07:49.000 Yeah, the thing is, of course, you wouldn't care if it's an upstanding citizen type person, but the thing is the black culture, which, you know, they kind of, what do they call it?

02:08:00.000 Make something seem cooler.

02:08:03.000 Shut up, Brian.

02:08:04.000 I know a guy whose daughter's dating a black guy, a black Hispanic guy, and he's like, I don't like him.

02:08:10.000 His mom delivers Uber Eats, but I don't want to go crazy with this or she's going to fall madly in love with him because the more your dad hates someone.

02:08:21.000 And I said, dude, this is very simple.

02:08:22.000 If he's a piece of shit, you just go, hey, Jen, when is Marcus coming by again?

02:08:29.000 He's a lot of fun.

02:08:31.000 Hey, Marcus.

02:08:32.000 Just love him to death and he's gone.

02:08:35.000 Now, you know, this is one of the oldest symbols.

02:08:38.000 They glorify lowlives, is what I'm saying.

02:08:40.000 Which is unfortunate.

02:08:43.000 We have on the line.

02:08:45.000 But you're not finding us the dad.

02:08:47.000 Oh, yeah.

02:08:49.000 All right, so I got.

02:08:52.000 They're still leaving up.

02:08:56.000 No doubts, no nervousness, nothing.

02:09:00.000 I have no doubts about wanting to marry you.

02:09:05.000 How are you feeling right now?

02:09:07.000 You seem like a stable guy, but I'm not sexually attracting you.

02:09:10.000 Right now, I mean, I feel.

02:09:12.000 Where is it?

02:09:12.000 I feel.

02:09:17.000 Uh-oh, she feels, and we'll never know.

02:09:19.000 We're not going to spoil it.

02:09:21.000 I feel.

02:09:22.000 Well, we can take a call while I look for it.

02:09:24.000 Devoid of lust.

02:09:26.000 Bruce.

02:09:27.000 Look how fat I'm getting on this fucking talk about Discord.

02:09:31.000 My shirt is bursting at the seams.

02:09:34.000 I can't even see my belt.

02:09:36.000 It's down there.

02:09:37.000 Gavin.

02:09:38.000 What's up, dog?

02:09:39.000 What up, bro?

02:09:40.000 First time, long time, man.

02:09:41.000 Nice to talk to you.

02:09:43.000 Yeah.

02:09:45.000 I just want to tell you, like, I've seen you at, you know, you were at CPAC and I've heard you make statements here and there.

02:09:51.000 Listen, man, there's a lot of people that really do subscribe to Sensor TV.

02:09:56.000 We love you.

02:09:56.000 We're young.

02:09:58.000 We're excited.

02:09:58.000 You know what I mean?

02:09:59.000 Don't Get so down on yourself.

02:10:01.000 And there's an entire community of people that talk regularly that are on the younger side of the spectrum that are in this chat server called Discord.

02:10:09.000 We talk all the time.

02:10:11.000 We're regular-ass people that just love what you stand for, and then also conservative values.

02:10:17.000 So, what I'm trying to say is there's hope for the future generation, and don't get so down on yourself or your network or whatever other bullshit that's going on with the SBLC or other morons at CPAC.

02:10:32.000 We're like the fan club for Gavin, if I was to say.

02:10:38.000 Okay, yeah, great.

02:10:40.000 Maybe I misportrayed myself.

02:10:42.000 I wasn't down on censored TV or anything.

02:10:44.000 I just was annoyed by all these people demanding selfies at CPAC and not subscribing.

02:10:51.000 It's just a waste of my time.

02:10:52.000 Like, you're obviously not a real, you're not genuinely interested if you don't fucking subscribe.

02:10:58.000 You just want to put me on your Facebook page.

02:11:00.000 I am the only pay.

02:11:02.000 I'm just going to ask it was an extended olive branch.

02:11:05.000 We'd love for you to come to the Discord sometime and say what's up.

02:11:09.000 You don't have to hang forever, but it would be fun.

02:11:11.000 It's on censored.tv.

02:11:13.000 I mean, just to come in and be like, hey, guys, what's up?

02:11:16.000 And then leave.

02:11:17.000 I'm sure Ryan could hook it up.

02:11:18.000 Also, Ryan, send me to fucking movies, dude.

02:11:21.000 Give me the clip.

02:11:21.000 Oh, that's you.

02:11:22.000 I got to send him the clip.

02:11:24.000 I just did an AMA on it a second ago.

02:11:24.000 Okay, I'll go on the Discord.

02:11:27.000 On Reddit or Discord?

02:11:29.000 Discord.

02:11:30.000 I don't remember the AMA there.

02:11:30.000 Huh.

02:11:33.000 Yeah, I did a call-in.

02:11:35.000 Oh, that might have been a while ago.

02:11:37.000 But anyway, man.

02:11:37.000 I don't remember.

02:11:38.000 It was a week ago.

02:11:39.000 It was a week ago.

02:11:41.000 Yeah, you know, you sound like a hell of a fan.

02:11:44.000 No, I am.

02:11:44.000 Thanks, guys.

02:11:45.000 We believe you.

02:11:46.000 Fuck you with my heels on.

02:11:48.000 Thanks, guys.

02:11:49.000 Can I say it too?

02:11:50.000 The fuck you with the heels on?

02:11:51.000 Let's start saying that to people like, fuck you with my heels on.

02:11:54.000 Okay, that's good.

02:11:55.000 Yeah.

02:11:56.000 You know what?

02:11:56.000 I don't give a shit about you.

02:11:57.000 Fuck you with my heels on.

02:12:00.000 There's a theory about that in the mailbag.

02:12:03.000 What?

02:12:04.000 Here.

02:12:05.000 That about the heels on.

02:12:06.000 I'll find it.

02:12:07.000 But I also found the dad.

02:12:08.000 So we're juggling over here.

02:12:11.000 My dad's not racing or anything.

02:12:13.000 He just hates one particular race.

02:12:14.000 He doesn't take a lot of shit.

02:12:16.000 He doesn't take a lot of shit.

02:12:16.000 He's used to being the boss.

02:12:17.000 He's used to calling the shots.

02:12:19.000 He's very racist.

02:12:20.000 He's also racist.

02:12:21.000 Right.

02:12:22.000 But he's a great man.

02:12:23.000 Yeah.

02:12:23.000 With Lauren, I know that she's never lived with a man before.

02:12:27.000 Never.

02:12:28.000 And never introduced a man to her parents.

02:12:31.000 I'm so honored that I'm that guy.

02:12:31.000 He's the worst.

02:12:34.000 This is big stuff here, man.

02:12:35.000 This ain't no easy thing here.

02:12:38.000 This is big stuff.

02:12:41.000 He's a music producer.

02:12:42.000 Would you consider getting a race change?

02:12:43.000 I want to scare you not like that.

02:12:45.000 It's not my intent.

02:12:46.000 I want to know you.

02:12:47.000 Yeah.

02:12:48.000 Absolutely.

02:12:49.000 But I'm brutally honest.

02:12:51.000 Anybody who knows me would tell you I have no problem speaking my mind.

02:12:55.000 I got through life like that.

02:12:56.000 You look stupid.

02:12:58.000 Do you hate white people?

02:12:59.000 I guess it's simple and the shortcut to say you're a white guy, she's a black woman.

02:13:03.000 Let's talk about that.

02:13:07.000 How do you feel about being in the room for the black people?

02:13:10.000 I'm not a fan.

02:13:13.000 Wouldn't it be funny if the white guy was racist?

02:13:16.000 And he's like, your daughter's incredibly hot, but I'm not big on the ends.

02:13:22.000 And then the guy was like, they get on your nerves.

02:13:25.000 And he's like, yeah, they make up weird words.

02:13:29.000 I don't ask.

02:13:30.000 It's ask.

02:13:31.000 And he was like, so you uncomfortable around black people?

02:13:34.000 Yeah.

02:13:35.000 Like, I hate that they're COVID.

02:13:37.000 I'm uncomfortable around you.

02:13:38.000 And he's like, guess what?

02:13:39.000 I'm uncomfortable around you.

02:13:41.000 And he was like, okay, I don't like being in a room with white people.

02:13:46.000 Okay.

02:13:46.000 And then they look at each other, and then the black dad just goes, my nigga.

02:13:52.000 And they just bond on their mutual racism.

02:13:56.000 I don't like black people.

02:13:57.000 You don't like white people.

02:13:58.000 It's like agree to disagree.

02:13:59.000 It's a Yankees Red Sox thing.

02:14:02.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:14:03.000 You love the Mets?

02:14:04.000 I love the Yankees.

02:14:05.000 Sounds like we playing baseball here, motherfucker.

02:14:08.000 See you at the game.

02:14:09.000 Young boy got there.

02:14:10.000 Maybe that's a hell of a question, but it's real.

02:14:10.000 Of course.

02:14:12.000 Yeah, absolutely.

02:14:16.000 You let black people get away with anything.

02:14:18.000 We had a serious relationship prior to meeting Lauren.

02:14:22.000 We dated for five years.

02:14:24.000 Okay.

02:14:24.000 And she was a black Hebrew-Israelite.

02:14:27.000 So I found myself in that type of situation all the time.

02:14:30.000 I hate Jews.

02:14:31.000 You know, I think black people were the real Jewish.

02:14:35.000 I think the Holocaust was a joke.

02:14:37.000 I kiss boots.

02:14:38.000 Do you have boots?

02:14:39.000 You're wearing derbies?

02:14:40.000 That's not going to work?

02:14:41.000 No, no, that's not the guy I'm doing.

02:14:42.000 I'm making him a radical black activist.

02:14:45.000 Right.

02:14:45.000 Well, he wouldn't kiss boots.

02:14:47.000 Oh, that's the other guys that do it.

02:14:49.000 True relationship where people have issues.

02:14:51.000 Well, that's not everything, but it's certainly going to play a factor of how you live in the world.

02:14:55.000 Yeah.

02:14:56.000 World's most boring racist fight.

02:14:59.000 Yeah.

02:14:59.000 Most amazing woman I've ever met.

02:15:01.000 I fell in love with her without ever having seen her.

02:15:04.000 I love her for who she is.

02:15:06.000 And I'm not even mad that she's black.

02:15:08.000 I'm not going to be a JK to be with her.

02:15:10.000 You know, when I saw she was black, I wasn't even disappointed.

02:15:13.000 I don't judge you about anything other than how you treat her.

02:15:16.000 JK, Delaney.

02:15:17.000 You suck because you're white.

02:15:19.000 And I'm on TV right now.

02:15:21.000 So I'm obviously going to make up a bunch of bullshit about how I like open and frank discussions.

02:15:28.000 And then later, I'm going to try to sabotage the shit out of this motherfucking relationship.

02:15:36.000 Yeah, that's probably going to be a lot of fun.

02:15:38.000 Of course, he's not on TV.

02:15:40.000 I don't see no wife, motherfucker, with my girl.

02:15:44.000 That's funny.

02:15:45.000 All right.

02:15:46.000 Yeah, we got to get into that show.

02:15:47.000 We got Marty talking about what's really important.

02:15:50.000 More Jew talk.

02:15:51.000 Go ahead.

02:15:52.000 Oh, great.

02:15:53.000 Just kidding.

02:15:54.000 I don't know.

02:15:55.000 Did I say a goddamn thing about Jew talk?

02:15:58.000 Did I really?

02:15:59.000 No, we're sorry, Marty.

02:16:01.000 Yeah, are you?

02:16:02.000 Are you really?

02:16:03.000 I'm not sure.

02:16:04.000 Not so much.

02:16:05.000 This sounds like merch from Revenge of the Cis on Every Night from 7 o'clock.

02:16:10.000 I'll have you know, sir, that I have a disease that isn't corona, but it's a regular disease that also sucks.

02:16:18.000 It's called, I don't know what it's called, it's a throat thing.

02:16:21.000 Okay, okay.

02:16:23.000 I usually sound like a 14-year-old prepubescent boy.

02:16:26.000 Can we get to the question at some point?

02:16:29.000 Question?

02:16:30.000 I'm here to tell you what's really important, my man.

02:16:34.000 Okay.

02:16:36.000 All right.

02:16:37.000 Mikey!

02:16:41.000 Are you?

02:16:42.000 What?

02:16:44.000 Are you ready?

02:16:46.000 Yeah.

02:16:47.000 This is creepy.

02:16:50.000 Did that guy just call me a creep?

02:16:52.000 No, I said this is creepy.

02:16:54.000 We're running out of patience here.

02:16:56.000 No, you're right.

02:16:56.000 It is creepy.

02:16:58.000 Music.

02:17:00.000 We need super bands again.

02:17:02.000 We need super bands back.

02:17:06.000 You know?

02:17:07.000 You mean like power groups where it's like Jimmy Page and Anthony Keatus and fucking transcendent.

02:17:16.000 This is what's going on.

02:17:17.000 Fuck what you were thinking.

02:17:19.000 This is what's going on.

02:17:21.000 You know?

02:17:21.000 And you don't understand it because it's gobbledygook, but you still freaking sit there and look at it, you know?

02:17:30.000 No, I don't know.

02:17:31.000 Do you mean like we need big rock bands like Queen or those super groups where it was guys from individual bands making a new band?

02:17:39.000 All of that, all of that and more.

02:17:42.000 It ended sometime in the early 80s, and then it still had enough steam, you know, to get almost up to the 90s.

02:17:50.000 The 90s, by the way, was shit.

02:17:53.000 Do you remember somebody made a movie called The Year Punk Broke?

02:17:59.000 Yes, Sonic Youth put that together.

02:18:03.000 I was in my 20s in the 90s, so I do manage to harken back to those days.

02:18:09.000 I've never seen that movie.

02:18:10.000 Have you seen it?

02:18:13.000 We got to go to.

02:18:15.000 Thank you for calling.

02:18:16.000 You referenced the movie that was.

02:18:17.000 It was fantastic talking to you.

02:18:18.000 Great points made.

02:18:20.000 But honestly, the supergroup thing, do you think he was inspired by the family?

02:18:22.000 No, I don't think he knew.

02:18:23.000 We never heard if he met us.

02:18:24.000 You don't even know what a supergroup is.

02:18:26.000 Live Aid?

02:18:26.000 Yes, I do.

02:18:27.000 It's not a supergroup.

02:18:28.000 No, no, no, but We Are the World.

02:18:30.000 We Are the World's not a Supergroup.

02:18:32.000 A super group is like that band that had Radioactive.

02:18:37.000 It's a Radioactive.

02:18:40.000 Okay, that I don't know.

02:18:41.000 That was like, or that band, The Traveling Wilbury's, is a super group because it has Bob Dylan, Roy Orbison, Tom Petty.

02:18:49.000 The band.

02:18:50.000 No, the band became famous after they went solo, you shithead.

02:18:55.000 Oh.

02:18:56.000 Chickenfoot.

02:18:58.000 Fuck off.

02:18:59.000 Look, it's got Sammy Hagar, Joe Satriani, and James Miller.

02:19:02.000 So do you.

02:19:03.000 You have Sammy Hagar.

02:19:04.000 No, I don't.

02:19:05.000 All right, next call.

02:19:06.000 Kelly Reese, we can hear you.

02:19:08.000 Hi, Kelly.

02:19:10.000 Hello.

02:19:11.000 How you doing?

02:19:13.000 Kelly, let me ask you, as a woman who watches this show, do you find it to be sexist?

02:19:19.000 Like all the raiding girls and stuff, does it ever sort of bum you out?

02:19:24.000 No, I don't think it bums me out.

02:19:26.000 Not at all.

02:19:26.000 I don't think so.

02:19:28.000 Did you grow up with brothers?

02:19:30.000 I did, actually.

02:19:31.000 I grew up with twin brothers, but I also grew up with sisters, too.

02:19:35.000 No, I mean black.

02:19:36.000 Did you grow up in a black neighborhood?

02:19:40.000 I did not grow up in a black neighborhood.

02:19:44.000 All right, what's your question?

02:19:46.000 Okay, so I actually am living just outside of Seattle, so very liberal and very right out, you know, with the coronavirus, the mecca of everything, which kind of sucks.

02:20:02.000 Wait, what's the mecca?

02:20:03.000 You're from the mecca of coronavirus?

02:20:05.000 I thought we were in New York.

02:20:08.000 No, it's kind of, if you look at the map of everything, that's where it kind of started, supposedly, from what I know.

02:20:15.000 Okay.

02:20:17.000 Yes.

02:20:18.000 So, but my question is, with the whole Trump giving this whole thing with the $1,000 to everybody, my understanding, that's what's happening.

02:20:34.000 I don't agree with him giving it to everybody.

02:20:39.000 I think it should go to only people that are affected with either the virus or out of work because of it.

02:20:49.000 I'm not out of work because I work in health care and I'm still working and making money.

02:20:54.000 I think it should go to people that are actually out of work or affected.

02:20:58.000 And I want to find out what your thoughts are on that.

02:21:00.000 Well, I think the problem is quantifying all this would become so incredibly expensive that they would never be able to do it.

02:21:09.000 To sit there and have a board that decides which out of the 331 million people should get it and shouldn't is too hard.

02:21:16.000 I think the much easier way to handle it would be a tax break.

02:21:20.000 Let's delay the IRS filings.

02:21:23.000 Let's delay our taxes until, I don't know, July, August, and then make the $1,000 some sort of tax payment discount.

02:21:33.000 So if you're going to owe $12,000, you only owe $11,000 that particular year.

02:21:39.000 That sounds more reasonable.

02:21:41.000 And then it would be proportional to how many people there.

02:21:44.000 But this fucking Andrew Yang shit with giving a check, it was literally in the movie Idiocracy, where Wang Bang, Mountain Dew, Melonhead, whatever his name was.

02:21:54.000 Camacho.

02:21:55.000 Camacho gave everyone a million dollars.

02:21:58.000 It doesn't sound smart.

02:22:01.000 Well, the mortgage.

02:22:03.000 You heard about the mortgage thing, right?

02:22:04.000 Cuomo said.

02:22:05.000 Yeah, I did.

02:22:06.000 For 90 days, mortgage payments are waived.

02:22:10.000 Well, what's going to happen, too, is all these people are going to say, I'm not paying my rent.

02:22:14.000 Whether they can or they can't, every poor person is going to say, I can't pay my rent.

02:22:19.000 Landlords are going to get fucked.

02:22:20.000 They can't pay off their mortgage.

02:22:22.000 And then their mortgage is often sold to some bank.

02:22:26.000 Your mortgage isn't like some guy waiting for the check.

02:22:29.000 That's a whole other mortgage.

02:22:31.000 We're still doing mortgage bundling.

02:22:34.000 So yeah, it sounds like a mess.

02:22:36.000 How are you doing?

02:22:38.000 I'm doing fine.

02:22:40.000 I personally am doing fine because I'm still working.

02:22:43.000 I'm in health care.

02:22:44.000 And so for me, it's great.

02:22:48.000 I'm living off of this because I have to.

02:22:51.000 Are you dealing with sick patients?

02:22:54.000 What was that?

02:22:55.000 Are you dealing with sick patients?

02:22:59.000 I am not in, like, I work in insurance.

02:23:03.000 So I don't have to work with patients, unfortunately.

02:23:08.000 But I still have to work.

02:23:11.000 But, you know, I feel for the people that are not working, you know, and so I think that that's where I feel where that money should go to the people that are not working.

02:23:28.000 And that's why I don't want to have to take it.

02:23:31.000 A couple of people are kicking ass.

02:23:33.000 I bought a bottle of bourbon yesterday, which goes against my Lent rules, but I talked to God and he said, just don't overdo it.

02:23:39.000 Have a couple every couple days.

02:23:41.000 But the liquor store guy said his sales are up 30%.

02:23:47.000 Certain things are probably doing great, yeah.

02:23:50.000 Oh, yeah.

02:23:51.000 No, we went to get some vodka today, and all the big vodka was gone, but the little vodka was there.

02:23:58.000 Little vodka.

02:24:00.000 Let's go home to mommy.

02:24:01.000 Little tiny vodka.

02:24:04.000 All right.

02:24:04.000 Well, thanks for calling.

02:24:06.000 It was nice meeting you.

02:24:08.000 Yeah, but you know, waitresses and restaurants that, you know.

02:24:11.000 Waitresses, not so much.

02:24:12.000 Not so much.

02:24:13.000 Not so much.

02:24:14.000 These people can't.

02:24:14.000 They can't sit down.

02:24:17.000 Restaurants closed.

02:24:18.000 Mike is talking about what we all want to talk about, the toilet paper.

02:24:23.000 Oh, fuck.

02:24:24.000 What's up, Dods?

02:24:25.000 What up?

02:24:26.000 Yo, dude, Thod.

02:24:29.000 So you were talking earlier about how Costco's stocked up and everything.

02:24:34.000 I, too, am from Washington, the hub of the coronavirus, I guess.

02:24:42.000 And yeah, Costco's cleaned out of fucking toilet paper, eggs, milk, all kinds of shit.

02:24:49.000 When were you last there?

02:24:50.000 And today.

02:24:55.000 Well, it's going to be good tomorrow.

02:24:58.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:24:59.000 But what sucks about it is I'm running low on toilet paper.

02:25:03.000 And I was like laughing at everybody because they're like fucking, oh, yeah, we're going to stock up on toilet paper.

02:25:09.000 I was like, you fucking idiots.

02:25:10.000 And then now I need toilet paper.

02:25:12.000 And they're like, well, you should have stocked up on it.

02:25:14.000 And then I'm thinking, why the fuck were you stocking up on it in the first place?

02:25:19.000 You're fucking ruining it for like the normal people.

02:25:22.000 How many roles are you down to?

02:25:25.000 I'm down to probably about four.

02:25:28.000 So that's a lot of roles.

02:25:29.000 That's a lot of roles, dude.

02:25:31.000 How much diarrhea do you get?

02:25:32.000 Are you alone?

02:25:33.000 How many people in your house?

02:25:34.000 Family of five, maybe?

02:25:36.000 Dude, dude, I'm like every person that calls in.

02:25:39.000 I'm an alcoholic.

02:25:41.000 So I shit probably like five times a day.

02:25:44.000 I'm assuming.

02:25:46.000 Okay.

02:25:47.000 I'm going to say this as a one-time offer, and I don't want to have to do this again, but I am going to contribute to this problem.

02:25:57.000 When you run out of toilet paper, you can Skype in to this show, a video Skype, put your anus up against your shitty anus, up against the webcam or whatever you use to do video chats, and then I will go up and I will lick the screen, lick my camera, and that will clean your asshole.

02:26:17.000 I will do this four or five times.

02:26:19.000 That's all I can do.

02:26:22.000 And that's going to be my contribution to this crisis.

02:26:25.000 Just doing the thing?

02:26:26.000 Well, you know, honestly, I thought about it, and I can honestly, I've wiped my ass with a McDonald's bag before, so I was kind of like, yeah, there's plenty of things that you can wipe your ass with.

02:26:39.000 Dude, I have a suggestion.

02:26:42.000 Do you want to?

02:26:43.000 Yeah.

02:26:44.000 You crumple up a piece of paper 100 times and it turns into like a beautiful like a silk kind of like a cotton thing.

02:26:44.000 You know what you should do?

02:26:54.000 And run it underwater.

02:26:56.000 Because why not?

02:26:58.000 Yeah, what if you wet paper and then dry it?

02:27:01.000 We'll try that.

02:27:02.000 I got another suggestion, too.

02:27:03.000 I'm going to join.

02:27:04.000 You got a Biffy?

02:27:05.000 Gabby?

02:27:06.000 Biffy.com.

02:27:07.000 I'm actually using one paper.

02:27:09.000 I'm actually getting a Biffy on the way.

02:27:11.000 Because it rules.

02:27:11.000 Yeah, that's awesome.

02:27:13.000 Also, this is a little thing, a little sneaker peek or whatever, a hack.

02:27:20.000 You get one wipe Charlie's from Dollar Shave Club.

02:27:23.000 That is not a sponsor, and I don't advocate them, but that's what I got.

02:27:27.000 Those OneWipe Charlie's sponsor.

02:27:31.000 Okay, thank you for calling.

02:27:31.000 Maybe.

02:27:32.000 Thank you for calling.

02:27:35.000 Do you put those things that they're going to do?

02:27:37.000 Are you sure they're flushable?

02:27:38.000 It says they're flushable.

02:27:39.000 They disintegrate real easy.

02:27:41.000 Because like while I was wiping off the desk after Gary was here.

02:27:41.000 I don't know.

02:27:44.000 I've heard about London, England, having these sewer, these toilet blog, whatever they're called.

02:27:50.000 They're wet wipes.

02:27:51.000 I don't know if they're as thin.

02:27:52.000 Because those are like baby wipe wet wipes.

02:27:54.000 This says they're flushable.

02:27:56.000 Does it on the thing?

02:27:59.000 Let's mix this up with some mail bags.

02:28:01.000 Okay.

02:28:02.000 So, Angelo, just hold on the line for a second, all right?

02:28:05.000 Jesus Christ, we have like a hundred.

02:28:08.000 Oh, geez.

02:28:10.000 Should we hit the Brian?

02:28:12.000 Gavin, I've been dating my girlfriend for four months now.

02:28:14.000 I love her.

02:28:15.000 She loves me.

02:28:16.000 We have told each other as much.

02:28:17.000 However, I know getting engaged at this stage would be a bit ridiculous.

02:28:19.000 We're both 25.

02:28:20.000 I've read your book.

02:28:21.000 I remember you describing when you first saw your wife.

02:28:23.000 I don't recall you mentioning how old you were.

02:28:26.000 My wife and I had a pretty unromantic dating thing.

02:28:29.000 I was quite popular at the time.

02:28:31.000 We broke up about 10 times.

02:28:34.000 I was not a reliable guy, but I just couldn't get her out of my mind, and I kept going back to her.

02:28:39.000 Then I just realized, this is the one.

02:28:41.000 It's like God has decided.

02:28:45.000 How long you dated pre-engagement?

02:28:47.000 So I met her in 2001.

02:28:49.000 We got married in 2005.

02:28:51.000 That was way too long.

02:28:52.000 It was a total waste of time.

02:28:54.000 I shouldn't have been fucking those other girls.

02:28:56.000 I shouldn't have been breaking up with her or she shouldn't have been breaking up with me.

02:29:00.000 And we should have just started fucking the day we met.

02:29:03.000 Like making babies.

02:29:04.000 Because I met her at 29.

02:29:07.000 And I didn't put a fucking bun in the oven until she was like 32.

02:29:11.000 33.

02:29:12.000 Hello.

02:29:14.000 Anyway, when did you realize that you loved her?

02:29:16.000 And when did you know that she was the woman you were going to marry?

02:29:18.000 Just fucking marry her, dude.

02:29:20.000 Now that's how guys talk to one another.

02:29:22.000 If you have any doubts, just live with her for six months.

02:29:26.000 And if you haven't had a drag-out, drop-down, super fight where you wanted to kill her mother for making her, then fucking do it.

02:29:36.000 That's true.

02:29:37.000 I don't understand why we need to party so much.

02:29:42.000 Dear Gavin in the short bloke, walk past this with my son.

02:29:45.000 This came in one minute ago, Ryan, from Mark.

02:29:49.000 It looks British.

02:29:51.000 Walked past this with my son, who often watches your show over my shoulder.

02:29:54.000 We laughed for about eight hours after seeing this.

02:29:57.000 Location of Terrence's new venture, Watford.

02:30:00.000 Just set out of London.

02:30:02.000 Symbols.

02:30:03.000 Oh, my.

02:30:04.000 Hand empowered tools.

02:30:08.000 You misspoke.

02:30:09.000 It's S-Y-M-B-O-W-S.

02:30:12.000 How old is that store?

02:30:15.000 How old is that store?

02:30:16.000 And is it one of the oldest in the neighborhood?

02:30:20.000 Those look rustic.

02:30:22.000 This is from Jared.

02:30:23.000 I found Mikey in a kid's book.

02:30:25.000 One day, Mary Manatee gave birth to a baby.

02:30:28.000 He weighed 65 pounds.

02:30:29.000 His name was Mikey.

02:30:31.000 That's such a retarded email that I kind of liked it.

02:30:34.000 Did you see that one?

02:30:35.000 Yeah, yeah, I got it right here.

02:30:36.000 Okay.

02:30:37.000 Bring back Miles.

02:30:38.000 Miles.

02:30:39.000 One day, Mary Manatee gave birth to a big baby.

02:30:44.000 He weighed 65 pounds.

02:30:46.000 His name was Mikey.

02:30:50.000 Mikey!

02:30:51.000 Your turn.

02:30:53.000 Mikey!

02:30:56.000 Mikey!

02:30:58.000 Wow, I'm glad we read that letter.

02:31:01.000 Mikey changes lives.

02:31:03.000 Lisa says you are transgendered.

02:31:05.000 That's not true.

02:31:06.000 Who, me?

02:31:07.000 No, me.

02:31:08.000 Oh.

02:31:09.000 You didn't sound too happy about that.

02:31:10.000 Chris, we both have a beer now.

02:31:12.000 Okay, these letters are not really very deep.

02:31:12.000 Cool.

02:31:15.000 Who would win a drunken fight?

02:31:16.000 A Glaswegian, a Canuck, or a Pikey?

02:31:19.000 It's a Pikey?

02:31:20.000 A Paky?

02:31:21.000 No, a Pikey.

02:31:23.000 I think it's that like Irish Traveler, isn't it?

02:31:26.000 I mean, not Irish Traveler.

02:31:27.000 Yeah, like Brad Pitt played one in the movie.

02:31:35.000 Yeah, I'm going to say an Irish Traveler.

02:31:36.000 I mean, they get the shit beaten out of them from the day they're born.

02:31:40.000 Pikey are the best fighters, and then a Glaswegian, and then a Canuck.

02:31:45.000 Canucks fight too nice because of hockey.

02:31:48.000 They're too fair.

02:31:51.000 Jesus, look at all these letters.

02:31:53.000 All right, let's take another call.

02:31:54.000 All right, we got you on the line.

02:31:56.000 And hello.

02:31:58.000 And hello to Andrew.

02:31:59.000 Hey, good.

02:32:01.000 Hey, everybody.

02:32:02.000 So I was actually the guy who sent you in the 95.5 Pareto distribution stuff.

02:32:07.000 Oh, 95.

02:32:09.000 The what?

02:32:11.000 Yeah, the 95.5, 90.10.

02:32:13.000 Oh, right, right.

02:32:14.000 Yeah, so on the charting the coronavirus, I kept being bothered with this probably since about a month ago, and everybody shows the actuals, right?

02:32:26.000 You're not supposed to show the actuals.

02:32:28.000 You're supposed to show the scale or the rate of change as it goes up.

02:32:32.000 And then you can see the graph tapering off.

02:32:35.000 But the media always shows the actuals so that it looks like it's an exponential rise.

02:32:39.000 It looks like it keeps doubling.

02:32:41.000 But that's not how you do statistics like that.

02:32:43.000 You do it with a log graph.

02:32:46.000 And you can see the rate of recovery, the rate of infection, and everything kind of meeting a common limit.

02:32:52.000 So it's like it's been since day one, we've had it.

02:32:56.000 And they said, well, the Chinese underreport and overreport, or they are munging the data.

02:33:02.000 I say, yeah, but with this type of analysis, you can't buck a trend, especially when that trend shows up the same way in other countries.

02:33:10.000 So I was, you know, since day one, this has been a hash.

02:33:13.000 So you're saying that it's been tapering off since day one.

02:33:18.000 It's not bad?

02:33:20.000 Well, the rate of growth is tapering off, right?

02:33:23.000 So say...

02:33:30.000 Oh, I didn't see them because I paused the TV.

02:33:32.000 Does your last name start with a V?

02:33:34.000 Is your last name start with a V?

02:33:36.000 Okay, gotcha.

02:33:37.000 Okay, so we got your graphs.

02:33:37.000 Yeah, we got a bunch of people.

02:33:38.000 Okay, so those graphs we just showed that look like a whale's back are really what's going on here.

02:33:43.000 It's tapering.

02:33:45.000 Yes, but they only show you the front.

02:33:48.000 And the reason why we do that is because if one person goes out and infects two people, right, then those people go out and infect two people, okay?

02:33:56.000 That's what, that is a rate of infection, but it's starting to be like those, that one person is now not infecting two people, they're infecting 1.5.

02:34:06.000 I see.

02:34:07.000 Or they're infecting 1.3.

02:34:09.000 And now it's down.

02:34:10.000 And as soon as it gets to be infecting one to one, this starts going away.

02:34:15.000 Just like the flu, just like SARS, just like everything else.

02:34:19.000 It's a very common disease trend.

02:34:20.000 And if you put it up against the flu virus, it's the same trend.

02:34:25.000 Well, thank you very much for your call.

02:34:27.000 That's an informative discussion.

02:34:29.000 And the fact that we have a cure now with this chlorine and igalola that we use for malaria means that maybe we will be in the studio next week.

02:34:38.000 Maybe people won't have to watch us watch movies.

02:34:41.000 Watch him or watch you.

02:34:43.000 Dude, he has some quality emails, this Angelo.

02:34:45.000 Can I search this smart guy?

02:34:47.000 He also did the 95.5, like you said.

02:34:49.000 By the way, this is a piece of paper I've been rubbing and crumpling for, you've been seeing me do it.

02:34:55.000 This is perfect butt paper, right?

02:34:57.000 Pots of water?

02:34:58.000 No.

02:34:59.000 You want to add water for the experiment?

02:35:00.000 I want to add water.

02:35:01.000 Just to see if it gets it softer.

02:35:03.000 What?

02:35:03.000 It's fine.

02:35:04.000 So it's kind of holy.

02:35:06.000 You might get a bit of shit on your finger.

02:35:08.000 You could fold this, wipe your ass.

02:35:10.000 I wouldn't put it in the toilet.

02:35:12.000 You have to put it in a garbage bag or something.

02:35:14.000 But there you go.

02:35:15.000 If you've got paper, you've got toilet paper.

02:35:19.000 And we were right that China sucks.

02:35:21.000 We said that at the beginning of the month.

02:35:23.000 And we were right to say this is not a big deal.

02:35:25.000 Everyone's overreacting.

02:35:27.000 One quick question.

02:35:28.000 Change the name of the show to the always-right show.

02:35:33.000 Do we want to start hand-picking?

02:35:35.000 Is this card still recording?

02:35:36.000 No.

02:35:37.000 So the last end of the episode is going to visually take a little hit, but audio is going to be great and fun.

02:35:43.000 Because we have to pull it from the actual stream.

02:35:46.000 Shouldn't we have a card with more room?

02:35:49.000 Yeah, we should.

02:35:50.000 So shouldn't that card have been empty when we put it in?

02:35:52.000 It was totally emptied.

02:35:54.000 Totally emptied.

02:35:57.000 It's a gig a minute.

02:35:59.000 Okay.

02:36:00.000 That's a lot.

02:36:01.000 A gig a minute?

02:36:02.000 Yeah.

02:36:04.000 We shoot an MOV.

02:36:05.000 So this show is like coming up on three hours.

02:36:09.000 180 gigs?

02:36:10.000 Something like that.

02:36:11.000 Woo!

02:36:12.000 Something like that.

02:36:14.000 you know what?

02:36:14.000 It squashed it down to about maybe like 150 or 90.

02:36:20.000 That's so crazy.

02:36:21.000 It's crazy.

02:36:23.000 Let's see.

02:36:24.000 Asking about your beard.

02:36:25.000 James Pants.

02:36:27.000 One quick question.

02:36:28.000 Bill Maher.

02:36:30.000 Big Titty Social.

02:36:31.000 Calling about NASCAR.

02:36:33.000 Yeah, just put the fucking guy on.

02:36:35.000 We got a lot.

02:36:36.000 Do we still want to know?

02:36:37.000 No, just keep taking calls.

02:36:39.000 Everyone's locked up here.

02:36:42.000 It's me.

02:36:43.000 Hello.

02:36:45.000 You puked?

02:36:46.000 Hello?

02:36:47.000 Hi.

02:36:48.000 Did you puke?

02:36:49.000 Hi.

02:36:50.000 Did you barf?

02:36:53.000 What?

02:36:54.000 Me?

02:36:54.000 Yeah.

02:36:55.000 No?

02:36:56.000 Did you fart?

02:36:58.000 No?

02:36:59.000 I thought you said it's me.

02:37:00.000 I puked.

02:37:04.000 No, I got excited.

02:37:06.000 Oh, okay.

02:37:07.000 So you puked.

02:37:08.000 Oh, okay.

02:37:10.000 How are you?

02:37:11.000 How are you doing?

02:37:11.000 Good.

02:37:13.000 Good.

02:37:14.000 So I just had a quick question.

02:37:18.000 I didn't know if you had any tips on how to make my boyfriend realize that wearing open-toed shoes is very pathetic.

02:37:26.000 You ugly.

02:37:30.000 So we're talking about flip-flops or something worse?

02:37:33.000 Like flip-flops, slide-ons, really just anything he can wear that doesn't require socks.

02:37:40.000 And where are you?

02:37:41.000 What state?

02:37:43.000 I'm in Kansas, so it's cold right now.

02:37:47.000 So it's fucking cold out fucking.

02:37:50.000 Yeah, no, it's quiet for him.

02:37:50.000 It's quiet.

02:37:54.000 Let's start with stepping on them repeatedly.

02:37:58.000 Okay.

02:37:59.000 Just by accident.

02:38:00.000 And maybe you could wear high heels and just be like, oh, Jesus, I'm sorry.

02:38:06.000 And always apologize every time you do it.

02:38:09.000 Make that a habit of stepping on his feet when he's wearing them with your high heels on.

02:38:15.000 And I want to step on your toes with my high heels on.

02:38:18.000 Let me poke you with my heels.

02:38:20.000 And then maybe there's a way you could get shit on his toes.

02:38:25.000 Like if you had some sort of a long stick and you could get some shit on the stick and then at the taco place or something, you could just sort of touch it there.

02:38:36.000 And then later just go, what is that?

02:38:39.000 What is that?

02:38:41.000 And then he's like, I don't know.

02:38:42.000 Oh my God, I got shit on my toes.

02:38:44.000 And you're like, I hate this fucking shit.

02:38:46.000 And then you're like, why are your toes out in the first place?

02:38:51.000 You ugly.

02:38:52.000 Well, I ask him that all the time, and he doesn't understand the problem with it.

02:38:57.000 We don't want to see your fucking toes.

02:39:00.000 Wait, what are you going to do?

02:39:01.000 Okay, here's my third idea.

02:39:03.000 Hire a friend to come and not beat him up, but get into a kerfuffle.

02:39:09.000 Not like a guy who's going to knock him out, but have like a friend dress up as a homeless man and put dirt on his face and be like, what's going on?

02:39:17.000 I want to give your girl a hug.

02:39:20.000 And then he'll be like, get away from her, dude.

02:39:22.000 And then he gets in a dumb, kind of a silly, homeless, mentally ill wrestle.

02:39:27.000 And inevitably, of course, your boyfriend will lose his shoes.

02:39:30.000 And then you go, how are you supposed to protect me when you got your shoes flying around all over the fucking plane?

02:39:38.000 Exactly.

02:39:39.000 And then you can go back over the week and go, you keep complaining when I step on them by accident.

02:39:44.000 You got shit on them at the taco place.

02:39:47.000 And then when we wrestled that homeless dude, or when you did, your shoes went flying everywhere.

02:39:52.000 I don't feel safe.

02:39:55.000 Right.

02:39:56.000 I need someone to depend on.

02:39:58.000 And I can't do that when his shoes are slipping off all the time.

02:40:01.000 If you were hired to make me mad, you couldn't be doing a better job because I'm getting fucking pissed at this guy.

02:40:09.000 Nothing wrong with that.

02:40:10.000 I appreciate the support, Gavin.

02:40:13.000 It's ridiculous.

02:40:14.000 And men's toes, they have little hairs on them.

02:40:18.000 No one wants to see your fucking toes.

02:40:21.000 We barely want to see girls' toes.

02:40:25.000 Right.

02:40:26.000 Like if I'm going to be able to see little pieces of glass all around the house.

02:40:32.000 Smart.

02:40:33.000 All right.

02:40:34.000 Thanks for calling.

02:40:35.000 Later.

02:40:39.000 My met sucks.

02:40:41.000 Oh, no.

02:40:42.000 Look at that.

02:40:43.000 Don't spread the pinky toe around.

02:40:45.000 Jesus.

02:40:45.000 Get in.

02:40:47.000 Mike.

02:40:48.000 Get into that.

02:40:49.000 Don't do that.

02:40:50.000 Mikey.

02:40:52.000 Rand.

02:40:53.000 Come on, man.

02:40:54.000 Mikey.

02:40:55.000 Let's enjoy our toes.

02:40:56.000 Dude, fucking call Mikey.

02:40:59.000 Ooh.

02:40:59.000 Ew.

02:41:01.000 It's quiet.

02:41:02.000 Yeah, no, it's quiet for him.

02:41:04.000 What are you doing?

02:41:05.000 If you can...

02:41:07.000 *Cough*

02:41:12.000 Okay, we got Josh asking about Gavin's beard.

02:41:12.000 Who's next?

02:41:17.000 Yes, Gavin.

02:41:19.000 I had a question about your beard.

02:41:20.000 Why do you want to ask questions about my wife?

02:41:22.000 That's my private life.

02:41:25.000 Oh, Lord.

02:41:27.000 I wanted to know how you trimmed your beard.

02:41:32.000 Oh, good question.

02:41:36.000 I have these clippers.

02:41:38.000 What the fuck are they called?

02:41:39.000 I wish I had it.

02:41:40.000 Actually, no, we have one here in the studio.

02:41:42.000 Yeah.

02:41:43.000 Can you get it?

02:41:44.000 Sure.

02:41:48.000 Let me fuck you with my hair.

02:41:49.000 So what I do is I have a setting on it, like the beard setting, and I sort of like sort of tear at it without getting too crazy.

02:41:59.000 Wait, do you have the hip on it?

02:42:01.000 So it's a Philips Norelco Go styler.

02:42:06.000 So this one I do, I always go like this, and I get the neck.

02:42:10.000 You got to go like this with your other hand, or you'll get those little fucking hairs.

02:42:14.000 Look at the little fucking hairs in your t-shirt.

02:42:18.000 But this, it's got the little setting on it, right?

02:42:21.000 And then what I like to do with this setting is just sort of scrape down where it's near the ear and make that even go bald.

02:42:30.000 Sometimes you go up if you really want to play hardball.

02:42:34.000 And I try to keep it away from the beard, the main chin zone, so I don't want to lose that fake chin.

02:42:40.000 And then as I get closer to this part, I'll be a little more like zip, zip, zip.

02:42:45.000 And then I get the mustache out of the way and we'll be like zip, zip.

02:42:49.000 Once you get in this zone, you want to be real careful not to make any mistakes.

02:42:52.000 And the beauty of having this guard on is you can't do anything too crazy.

02:42:58.000 Phillips?

02:42:59.000 Okay, and what is your ratio with your chin hair versus your cheek hair?

02:43:05.000 Well, what I want to do, the same way I have a fade here that goes from nothing up, I want this to go from nothing down.

02:43:17.000 So the fade should be both ways.

02:43:21.000 Yes, okay.

02:43:23.000 I may have made some mistakes there because I was filming on awesome.

02:43:32.000 Thanks, man.

02:43:33.000 You're welcome.

02:43:34.000 Jake, Jake, I made it.

02:43:36.000 Love you, buddy.

02:43:37.000 Love you, too.

02:43:38.000 Bye, guys.

02:43:40.000 Ryan couldn't hang up because he was on the ones and twos.

02:43:44.000 You know, Tom Ford had a piece of advice to make you look like you have more of a drawline?

02:43:49.000 Stop, you.

02:43:49.000 What?

02:43:50.000 You keep this.

02:43:51.000 Everything from here to here.

02:43:53.000 That's what gives you a more pronounced drawling.

02:43:54.000 You keep this?

02:43:58.000 I just shaved my whole damn face.

02:44:01.000 Crazy, right?

02:44:02.000 I just shaved my whole damn care.

02:44:06.000 I didn't see that one coming.

02:44:08.000 James, talking about pants.

02:44:11.000 Hey, Gavin, I would have fucked you about you, Jordan.

02:44:14.000 Look, look, I got a very difficult situation here.

02:44:18.000 I can't find pants that I like.

02:44:19.000 Even these jeans, they're too wide at the bottom.

02:44:24.000 And then I have these J. Crew pants that are too tight.

02:44:27.000 They're like skinny fucking jeans.

02:44:29.000 I can't find a happy medium.

02:44:31.000 I've been looking for pants that fit for, I don't know, my whole life.

02:44:35.000 Well, I'll be dipped in shit.

02:44:36.000 Dude, I got a problem.

02:44:38.000 So I was 240 in December, and I'm down to 210.

02:44:42.000 I've lost 30 pounds.

02:44:44.000 By the way, dude, you got to do something about that belly.

02:44:47.000 Those buttons on your shirt, there's creeping.

02:44:50.000 The whole episode, they just look like they're struggling.

02:44:53.000 Okay, first of all, I was like, fuck, dude.

02:44:56.000 This is after four or five beers.

02:44:59.000 Secondly, I weigh 200 pounds, my friend.

02:45:03.000 How dare you?

02:45:04.000 So you're calling up a skinny little waist.

02:45:08.000 I fucked up.

02:45:09.000 But what do you do when you've lost like 30 pounds and you're still losing weight?

02:45:13.000 Oh, I see what he's doing.

02:45:14.000 This is a former fat guy trying to fat shame you because now he's skinny.

02:45:17.000 So he feels.

02:45:18.000 Yeah.

02:45:19.000 I'm still skinny, dude.

02:45:22.000 Good.

02:45:23.000 Are you still losing weight?

02:45:24.000 It sucks because you've got to buy a whole new wardrobe, I guess.

02:45:26.000 Yeah.

02:45:27.000 Yeah, dude.

02:45:28.000 That's what I'm trying to do.

02:45:29.000 That's what I'm calling you.

02:45:30.000 I want a fashion advice because part of me wants to buy the elastic waist shit, but I don't really care about brands or whatever.

02:45:40.000 I'm not like, you guys are into Carhartt.

02:45:42.000 I'm into Dickie's, which is like the Walmart version of Carhartt.

02:45:46.000 But in terms of still style, though, is elastic waist power?

02:45:51.000 No, yeah, you can't do elastic waist.

02:45:52.000 My buddy Chris Lombardi used to run Matador Records, and he was a real yo-yo, as they said on Curb You Enthusiasm.

02:46:00.000 And he would go from fucking 280 to 190.

02:46:07.000 So what he had was a series of pants, and that included suits.

02:46:11.000 He had fat Chris suits.

02:46:13.000 He had skinny Chris suits.

02:46:15.000 I got to buy all new shirts now because my neck is fucking, I don't know what's going on here.

02:46:20.000 I like to think it's because I'm getting so ripped.

02:46:23.000 My neck is huge, but I got to buy all new shirts.

02:46:27.000 I got a tip for you.

02:46:28.000 You can ask Crowder about it.

02:46:30.000 I don't know how often you talk to fucking Steve Crowder, but I wouldn't give you advice unless someone you knew and respected.

02:46:37.000 Starting strength with Mark Ripito.

02:46:40.000 Steven Crowder had him on like three or four times or whatever, and also the Art of Manliness guy had him on.

02:46:46.000 I did it for a while, and then before I went to a four-year university and just got a huge beer gut, I got jacked.

02:46:53.000 I'm telling you, you'd be...

02:46:55.000 You're trying to get muscle.

02:46:56.000 You're not trying to...

02:46:58.000 Well, you're...

02:47:04.000 I got a trainer.

02:47:05.000 I was doing great.

02:47:06.000 I've been locked in my house, and I just drank a bunch of beers.

02:47:10.000 We're very sensitive.

02:47:11.000 I was getting fucking ripped.

02:47:13.000 I'll tell you something about pants and temporary fatness, which Gavin is talking about.

02:47:17.000 There's a thing on Tailored Pants called the after-dinner split.

02:47:21.000 So literally, after you eat dinner, the pants, they have a little split because you do get fatter after you eat and drink.

02:47:28.000 All right, that's enough.

02:47:29.000 It's real.

02:47:30.000 Thank you for calling.

02:47:31.000 These calls are getting a little too friendly.

02:47:35.000 Don, oh, we're done with calls?

02:47:37.000 No, but.

02:47:38.000 Don, one quick question.

02:47:40.000 Make it cooked on, you son of a bitch.

02:47:43.000 Gabon!

02:47:45.000 Maza!

02:47:48.000 Mikey!

02:47:50.000 Best name for the corona pandemic.

02:47:52.000 Is it the Chinese virus, Kung Flu, or the Holoc?

02:48:00.000 How dare you!

02:48:01.000 I would avoid the Holocoff at all costs.

02:48:05.000 I would say Kung Flu amongst your friends and the Chinese virus amongst everyone else, including Chinese people who are politically correct and getting pissed off.

02:48:17.000 You know, you wear your MAGA hat when you go out to the parade with your kids.

02:48:23.000 You get fired.

02:48:24.000 You get in trouble.

02:48:26.000 It's like even Indians.

02:48:27.000 Like, I call them Indians.

02:48:28.000 And I remember I was with my wife's cousin and she was like, it's actually native.

02:48:32.000 And I'm supposed to go, ooh, you are native.

02:48:34.000 So I better use the word.

02:48:35.000 I said, I use Indian.

02:48:37.000 Thank you very much.

02:48:38.000 We can argue about this or we can move on, but I'm not fucking saying Native.

02:48:43.000 It's so gay.

02:48:44.000 And you can't say the Holocaust because this is actually happening.

02:48:48.000 Oh, that's going in the Get As ruined fucking sizzle reel.

02:48:54.000 The Vic Berger.

02:48:56.000 All right, next call.

02:48:57.000 Bill Maher.

02:48:58.000 Question by Chris.

02:49:00.000 Okay.

02:49:01.000 You, what up, guys?

02:49:03.000 I should have asked about Gavin's beard.

02:49:06.000 But yeah, Gavin, you said before you launched Free Speech that you were going to put up a video of you drunk on Bill Maher.

02:49:14.000 Just curious if you were still going to do that, I guess.

02:49:17.000 I mean, I have the VHS tape somewhere, it's so embarrassing that it's it's a low point in my life.

02:49:23.000 Like, I yeah, yeah, yeah, I kind of understood still pretty interested.

02:49:29.000 I can't get it out of my mind.

02:49:30.000 Okay, I did tell you how it went, right?

02:49:34.000 Uh, the gist, but I mean, I don't want to take up too much time in the call, but um yeah, also just one thing.

02:49:41.000 You don't have to talk about it now, but in the future, if you just want to say if you think the coronavirus thing is going to affect Trump's future election.

02:49:50.000 No, not at all.

02:49:51.000 Thank you for calling.

02:49:53.000 It's going to go, we're going to be done with this in two months.

02:49:58.000 The economy is going to rebound like a motherfucker.

02:50:02.000 Holy shit, it's going to be a slingshot.

02:50:06.000 And by the time November rolls around, everyone is going to be rolling around in dough, and that will lead to his massive landslide.

02:50:15.000 If this was some sort of globalist ploy, which I doubt, but if it was to ruin Trump, you started way too early, dude.

02:50:23.000 We had a caller talking about the whale back where we're going, but.

02:50:32.000 Listen to them talk.

02:50:37.000 But we saw that whaleback coming, and it's clear that even by July, things are going to be cooking.

02:50:45.000 August, oh, my God.

02:50:46.000 August, I think, is going to be the boom.

02:50:49.000 And then September, October, Jesus fucking Christ, you're going to have gold boots on.

02:50:55.000 Bullshit.

02:50:59.000 How are you drinking that peanut butter whiskey?

02:51:02.000 Because it's around.

02:51:03.000 If you had a cup of cum, I'd go, well, it's got a lot of protein.

02:51:07.000 As long as it's not too warm.

02:51:09.000 It's like peanut butter whiskey.

02:51:12.000 It's on the rocks.

02:51:18.000 Tyler, you're online.

02:51:20.000 Hey, what's up?

02:51:21.000 How you doing?

02:51:22.000 Thank you to John who got this for us, by the way.

02:51:24.000 Thanks.

02:51:26.000 Gavin, what's up?

02:51:27.000 Hey, man.

02:51:29.000 Hey, all right.

02:51:30.000 So I got a quick story, and it's going to lead into a question for you.

02:51:34.000 Hoi, hey.

02:51:35.000 We don't give a damn.

02:51:37.000 All right, so here we go.

02:51:38.000 So basically, I worked for a libertarian group on campus, and we were just fucking, you know, spreading some information on communism and genocide, et cetera, et cetera.

02:51:50.000 And we had some dude that came up, dude, and he was like, you know, fighting for socialism.

02:51:57.000 And then at some point in the argument, I called him man, and he took off his jacket, and he had fucking tits along with facial hair.

02:52:05.000 So I was like, I just looked at him and I was like, what the fuck, dude?

02:52:09.000 Like, you have facial hair.

02:52:12.000 Wait a minute, wait a minute.

02:52:14.000 What kind of tits?

02:52:15.000 Because I see men with tits at Grey Wolf Lodge all the time.

02:52:19.000 Were they man boobs or ladies' tits?

02:52:22.000 No, these were lady tits.

02:52:24.000 They're big difference.

02:52:25.000 Big difference.

02:52:26.000 Yes.

02:52:26.000 So it was a chick who was taking male hormones.

02:52:30.000 Or maybe a male who was taking chick hormones, you know?

02:52:35.000 Yeah.

02:52:36.000 Yeah, but he wouldn't grow facial hair then.

02:52:41.000 All right, fair enough, fair enough.

02:52:42.000 He had facial hair, and this is my question.

02:52:45.000 I said to him, I was like, you know, he corrected me on his pronoun, and I was like, dude, you have facial hair.

02:52:52.000 Like, don't sit here and talk to me about your tits.

02:52:55.000 And, you know, he eventually walked away.

02:52:57.000 Like, how do you combat that?

02:53:00.000 How do you speak to somebody that has tits and facial hair?

02:53:02.000 I feel like I'm a doad.

02:53:04.000 You laugh your head off.

02:53:07.000 You go, look at this clown with his tits and his beard, trying to tell me how to live the perfect life.

02:53:13.000 Who the fuck are you, dude?

02:53:15.000 Don't fall for the like tranny N-word shit, but just go, look in the mirror.

02:53:20.000 Look at this clown.

02:53:21.000 Why am I listening to this fucking lunatic?

02:53:24.000 Have some fun.

02:53:25.000 Enjoy yourself.

02:53:27.000 Of course.

02:53:28.000 All right.

02:53:29.000 And one more thing.

02:53:30.000 One more thing.

02:53:31.000 The whole let me fuck you with my heels on and I want to fuck you with my heels on.

02:53:36.000 I don't give a fuck what you say.

02:53:38.000 It's your fucking show.

02:53:40.000 You say what you want to say.

02:53:41.000 I personally, to my friends, I say, I want to fuck you with my heels on.

02:53:45.000 Let me fuck you with my heels on.

02:53:47.000 Yeah.

02:53:47.000 Thank you very much for having our back for getting the ladies saw lyrics wrong.

02:53:51.000 I appreciate that.

02:53:53.000 And I agree with him.

02:53:55.000 Yeah, what sounds better?

02:53:57.000 It sort of goes with, there's a couple things, and I wouldn't push them to you as news if it was important, but there's a couple stories in my life where I don't want to know if I'm wrong.

02:54:09.000 Like this is, I don't want to sound like I'm not a reliable source, but a story like a bear took a shit and threw it at a kid and it knocked the kid out.

02:54:18.000 Like that kind of story.

02:54:19.000 I have a couple of those in my repertoire.

02:54:21.000 I can't think of them right now, but I don't want them researched.

02:54:25.000 I don't want to know if they're false.

02:54:26.000 And I feel the same way with that Lady Saw lyric.

02:54:30.000 It's like the Irish say, never let the truth get in the way of a good story.

02:54:33.000 Right.

02:54:35.000 We got Jonathan calling about NASCAR.

02:54:37.000 Yoho, January Goo.

02:54:40.000 What's up, guys?

02:54:43.000 I'm not actually calling about NASCAR, even though I do live in a small town with a NASCAR track, but I'll call him out Nate Ober.

02:54:49.000 Have you guys heard anything about it?

02:54:50.000 Yeah, whatever happened to Nate Ober.

02:54:52.000 I don't know what happened to Nate.

02:54:54.000 He's still watching the show.

02:54:55.000 I don't think he's watching the show anymore.

02:54:58.000 He's not watching it.

02:55:00.000 Wait, what's your name impression, sir?

02:55:01.000 That was actually pretty good.

02:55:02.000 Let's hear your Nate.

02:55:05.000 I'm a Nate Ober, and I have my just some Swiss cheese on him.

02:55:11.000 That's deep cut.

02:55:12.000 He loves his food.

02:55:13.000 Deep cut, yeah.

02:55:15.000 You really know your Nate.

02:55:16.000 He does.

02:55:17.000 Nate rules.

02:55:18.000 Our gothic friends.

02:55:19.000 Last I heard, he texted me back, and he didn't have his phone for a while, but he said he was coming to New York, and he wants to have a drink with me, and I would definitely do that.

02:55:31.000 Look at the other Nate Ober.

02:55:33.000 could they be more diametrically opposite?

02:55:36.000 Nate Ober's the opposite of everyone in the world.

02:55:39.000 But has he been putting up videos?

02:55:41.000 Let's see his most recent video.

02:55:42.000 All right.

02:55:43.000 I don't want to disappoint myself.

02:55:44.000 Thanks for calling.

02:55:45.000 Thanks for calling, sir.

02:55:46.000 Indeed.

02:55:48.000 Let me see.

02:55:50.000 Five months ago, man.

02:55:51.000 Five months ago?

02:55:53.000 And look, when we discovered him, he was on all the time.

02:55:59.000 Yes.

02:56:00.000 Look, everything was six months ago.

02:56:01.000 Like, it was rare that you'd have to go a month.

02:56:04.000 Can we try to decipher that?

02:56:05.000 Like, remember this?

02:56:06.000 Like, what did this mean?

02:56:08.000 No, no, no, no.

02:56:09.000 Fuck, that's because he learned it.

02:56:10.000 I'm on YouTube, where if I do anything wrong, I'm way fatter back then.

02:56:14.000 Yeah, you were.

02:56:14.000 So I'd like to present to you, ladies and gentlemen, classic film for now as a kid, Star Wars.

02:56:22.000 No, actually, I'm bringing it up.

02:56:23.000 Sir, can you please hang up?

02:56:26.000 Because I have to use the audio from the computer.

02:56:28.000 This is one of the things that I'm talking about.

02:56:29.000 No, go to his most recent post.

02:56:31.000 Okay.

02:56:31.000 It's not great.

02:56:32.000 I know.

02:56:33.000 I don't care.

02:56:34.000 All right.

02:56:35.000 It's a bass loop for four seconds.

02:56:38.000 Really?

02:56:40.000 And actually, there's no sound to it.

02:56:42.000 There's no sound.

02:56:43.000 No.

02:56:43.000 That implies that Nate has lost his mind and he's at a mental institution.

02:56:49.000 Heavily medicated because I threatened someone's dog.

02:56:56.000 Threatened to kill their dog with a hammer and everyone took it way too seriously.

02:56:59.000 This looks juicy.

02:57:01.000 Alright, Vava.

02:57:03.000 Baba.

02:57:04.000 Omaka.

02:57:05.000 Baba.

02:57:06.000 I tried to Skype him.

02:57:08.000 Not cool enough to talk to Uber Commandant Uber.

02:57:16.000 I'll do it.

02:57:16.000 Oh, you're real.

02:57:17.000 It just hurts.

02:57:20.000 I'm not afraid of the clown.

02:57:24.000 I'm going to shoot a photo.

02:57:27.000 This is the Ober dance.

02:57:33.000 You cropped his head here, shithead.

02:57:35.000 *music*

02:57:45.000 I want to go to the strip club of just Nate Obers.

02:57:48.000 Yeah, I would love that.

02:57:49.000 Can I...

02:57:54.000 So it's just him, like little, dancing on your desk.

02:57:59.000 I know somebody that knew him.

02:58:01.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:58:02.000 The one that's helping me with my Lyme disease, Kieran.

02:58:05.000 What do you mean, helping you?

02:58:06.000 You got tested, you took the antibiotics, and then you just dropped the ball and went to Brooks Brothers and spent all your money on pants.

02:58:13.000 No, those pants were cheap.

02:58:15.000 The jacket really was a little pricey.

02:58:17.000 Anyway, let's wrap it up here.

02:58:18.000 We got any more calls?

02:58:20.000 We got a couple, but I also have Nate Ober's Skype name.

02:58:24.000 I'm willing to give it a shot.

02:58:26.000 Calling about the guy that was sitting in front of the Land reporter because one of the people that was talking about his face is priceless.

02:58:32.000 What?

02:58:33.000 Yeah, so if you really want a good laugh, watch this little piece of shit sitting in front of that reporter that asked Trump if he thought Chinese food was racist.

02:58:43.000 And watch his face.

02:58:45.000 Oh, he's that little cuck that's had his ass beat his whole life.

02:58:50.000 And his only friend is his liberal little justice warriors.

02:58:55.000 And you can see the contempt on his face.

02:58:59.000 It is hysterical.

02:59:01.000 Okay, that's 2-5, video 2-5.

02:59:05.000 Thank you.

02:59:06.000 Thanks for calling.

02:59:07.000 I don't remember him being too expressive.

02:59:10.000 Me neither, but I would rely.

02:59:14.000 I would rely on that.

02:59:19.000 Mr. President, thank you.

02:59:21.000 Mr. President, thank you.

02:59:22.000 I have two questions.

02:59:23.000 Do you consider the term Chinese?

02:59:25.000 OAN.

02:59:26.000 Yes, sir.

02:59:27.000 Very good.

02:59:28.000 Thank you very much.

02:59:31.000 Yeah, dripping with contempt.

02:59:32.000 Is Chinese food racist because it's food that originates in China or it has Chinese food?

02:59:38.000 No, I don't think it's racist.

02:59:39.000 I don't think it's racist at all.

02:59:41.000 On that note, Major Left-Wing teamed up.

02:59:45.000 These people see themselves as freedom riders.

02:59:48.000 I was there in the trenches speaking truth to power.

02:59:54.000 How is gay a visible thing?

02:59:55.000 I don't find him as annoying as our caller did, though.

02:59:59.000 That guy's gay.

03:00:00.000 We've had much more effusive reactions from people.

03:00:04.000 Jesus, there's a lot of calls.

03:00:06.000 We went from a drought to a flood, three hours not cutting it.

03:00:12.000 Gary, United States Air Force retired or veteran, I'm supposed to push the pound key.

03:00:16.000 Hold on.

03:00:18.000 All right, sorry.

03:00:20.000 Listen, Gavin, Mr. McGinnis, I was drafted and joined the Air Force and fought the Vietnam War from Germany.

03:00:31.000 The grunts I partied with in Germany called us Zoomies.

03:00:38.000 Wait, how old are you?

03:00:38.000 Why?

03:00:41.000 68.

03:00:43.000 Sound great.

03:00:43.000 You sound like you're in good health.

03:00:47.000 Yeah, I'm okay.

03:00:48.000 Retired IBEW.

03:00:52.000 You're not like that Indian with the Covenant Catholic schoolboys who got kicked out of the fucking Vietnam for not repairing fridges well enough.

03:01:03.000 No, well, they didn't like me very much.

03:01:06.000 They didn't have a pot test back then, so nothing but hash over there, but I was into it pretty heavy, and they tried to get me a lot.

03:01:18.000 Really?

03:01:19.000 They didn't like smoking hash.

03:01:21.000 I would think if you're running 60,000 deaths in Vietnam from American soldiers, you let them do whatever the fuck they want.

03:01:31.000 Well, like I say, they didn't have a test.

03:01:35.000 It was pretty crazy.

03:01:37.000 You couldn't do it nowadays.

03:01:40.000 There was heroin people on base, too, and they had drug tests.

03:01:45.000 Everybody had a random come up with your Social Security number.

03:01:49.000 And if you got tested, you got tested.

03:01:53.000 And what happened to the junkies when they got tested positive?

03:01:58.000 You know, I'm not sure.

03:01:59.000 They just kind of disappeared.

03:02:01.000 Were you 173rd airborne?

03:02:04.000 You never hear about them again.

03:02:05.000 You weren't 173rd airborne by any slim chance, were you?

03:02:10.000 No, I was in the communication squadron in Bitburg, Germany.

03:02:14.000 Oh, okay.

03:02:14.000 My grandfather was in Mainz, Germany.

03:02:17.000 So I figured, I guess Germany is a big place.

03:02:19.000 So you never went to Vietnam.

03:02:20.000 You were fighting it from Germany?

03:02:22.000 Yeah, well, keeping up the effort.

03:02:26.000 When you get draft, when you join.

03:02:28.000 I'm not trying to trivialize your service, by the way.

03:02:31.000 I'm just curious.

03:02:34.000 Once you're in, you don't get a pick where you go.

03:02:36.000 I could have went to Vietnam.

03:02:38.000 I didn't know.

03:02:39.000 When they drafted me, I was thinking, oh, man, Canada or Vietnam.

03:02:46.000 And I went and talked to the Air Force recruiter and the Navy recruiter because I figured you got to bed at least.

03:02:55.000 And they called me.

03:02:59.000 They said, no, we're all booked up for about six months because of the draft.

03:03:03.000 And I get the draft notice and I was 38 and I was supposed to report in two weeks.

03:03:10.000 And the Air Force recruiter called me and said, we had a guy drop out.

03:03:16.000 Would you like to take his place?

03:03:17.000 And I go, yeah.

03:03:18.000 And he goes, tomorrow.

03:03:19.000 And I went, okay.

03:03:21.000 And so that's how it happened.

03:03:24.000 Gotcha.

03:03:25.000 I'm no hero.

03:03:26.000 I was seriously thinking Canada.

03:03:28.000 I didn't know Carter was going to let everybody come back.

03:03:33.000 All right.

03:03:33.000 Well, what's your question?

03:03:36.000 I just wanted to tell you, zoomies, not pussies.

03:03:41.000 Oh.

03:03:42.000 Okay.

03:03:43.000 What were we talking about, pussies?

03:03:45.000 Well, he said you asked him the Marines are jarheads and Army's grunts.

03:03:52.000 You know, I got to tell you, I never called them grunts to their face.

03:03:56.000 That was with my other Air Force buds, but they all called us Zoomies.

03:04:01.000 And why were you Zoomies?

03:04:03.000 I don't know.

03:04:04.000 Air Force planes, I don't know.

03:04:06.000 Zoomies.

03:04:07.000 Oh, okay, yeah.

03:04:08.000 You know, you do have a trace of George Takai in your voice.

03:04:12.000 Oh, my.

03:04:15.000 You know, you have a bit of George Takai and a bit of Jell-O Biafra.

03:04:20.000 I don't know.

03:04:22.000 And a little Tom Ford.

03:04:26.000 But thank you for your service, and thank you for your call, right?

03:04:29.000 Yep.

03:04:30.000 Spirit.

03:04:30.000 Spirit Taurus and Led Zeppelin Stairway to Heaven.

03:04:37.000 The intro to Stairway to Heaven, the guitar part.

03:04:39.000 Spirit used to tour with Led Zeppelin, and they ripped him off.

03:04:46.000 They ripped off Randy California's song.

03:04:49.000 He's the guitar player from Spirit.

03:04:51.000 Gotcha.

03:04:52.000 And they ripped off Burt Janch.

03:04:54.000 That whole, dude.

03:05:02.000 I totally got that mistake.

03:05:03.000 There's no way he'd be in the 173rd Airborne if he was in Air Force.

03:05:07.000 That's only Army.

03:05:08.000 Okay, we got August Friends Difficulty with.

03:05:12.000 The Army has an airborne?

03:05:13.000 Yeah.

03:05:14.000 I never got paratroopers.

03:05:15.000 Like the Navy has an Air Force, and then the Air Force has an Air Force, and then the Air Force has an Army, and the Army has a fucking Navy.

03:05:24.000 I don't specialize in.

03:05:25.000 Guys.

03:05:26.000 But they're all over.

03:05:27.000 America.

03:05:28.000 From now on, Air Force handles all planes, all flying things as Air Force.

03:05:34.000 I don't care if they land on a boat, where they land, that's Air Force.

03:05:37.000 Any boat shit, all right?

03:05:40.000 If you're on the water, that's Navy.

03:05:42.000 Starting today, all Navy.

03:05:45.000 I don't care.

03:05:46.000 Marines and Army.

03:05:47.000 Marines are Army.

03:05:49.000 If you run on your feet, now you're Army.

03:05:53.000 The Marines are the top of the Army, green berets, all that.

03:05:55.000 So it's a different.

03:05:56.000 All feet stuff, that's Army.

03:05:59.000 All planes, Air Force, all boats, Navy.

03:06:01.000 From now on, I've got enough of this shit.

03:06:03.000 Navy SEALs are Marines.

03:06:06.000 Navy SEALs, they swim, so they're Navy.

03:06:10.000 What happens when they go on land?

03:06:11.000 Are they all automatically Army?

03:06:13.000 A Navy guy is on land for a little bit.

03:06:16.000 That's fine.

03:06:16.000 Okay, but wait.

03:06:17.000 But for how long?

03:06:18.000 You don't have to become fish.

03:06:21.000 Oh, okay, okay, I got you.

03:06:24.000 The reason they don't do that is because they do different drill and routines and they have different names for stuff.

03:06:29.000 Ryan, I just fixed the entire military for the entire country.

03:06:35.000 August, friends difficulty with a friend.

03:06:38.000 Did we already say that?

03:06:41.000 Hey.

03:06:41.000 August?

03:06:42.000 Hey, I'm here.

03:06:44.000 Hey, so first of all, Gavin, I think I got to you when I was way too fucking young, and I'm still pretty young, so thanks for forming my views.

03:06:51.000 It's pretty cool.

03:06:52.000 Second of all, I got a friend who recently kind of just came out as trans, and I don't know how to feel about that, because I still got a one at the beginning of my age, if that's anything.

03:07:08.000 It's not called it for trans.

03:07:10.000 It's called going under.

03:07:13.000 Yeah, it's called telling the world that you're kind of suicidal.

03:07:18.000 But so he is, everyone's referring to him as this female name, female pronouns.

03:07:25.000 And I just kind of like do it because I don't want to get a shitstorm thrown at me.

03:07:30.000 But what do you recommend?

03:07:31.000 Do you think I should be honest?

03:07:32.000 It's like my closest friend out of nowhere.

03:07:36.000 That's a tough one.

03:07:37.000 Well, how do you feel about trans?

03:07:39.000 Like, does pronouns bother you?

03:07:42.000 Well, I'm basically in the same boat as you.

03:07:44.000 I'm fairly not convinced for the most part.

03:07:49.000 But it's a situation where, again, like whatever makes him happier, but also there's something, there's a little bit of a primal, like, ooh, this is wrong type of thing.

03:08:00.000 You know what I mean?

03:08:01.000 Yeah.

03:08:02.000 How about this?

03:08:03.000 Like, when Jordan Peterson refuses to use pronouns, he's saying, I'm a professor.

03:08:07.000 Oh, Jordan Peterson.

03:08:09.000 I'm a professor at a school, and I deal with students every day.

03:08:13.000 I'm not going to sit here playing that stupid game.

03:08:15.000 That's ridiculous.

03:08:16.000 So across the board, I'm not doing that.

03:08:18.000 Now, if Ryan lost his mind and said, I'm Eddie now.

03:08:21.000 I'm Italian.

03:08:23.000 I might just to sort of grease the wheels, be like, okay, hi, Eddie.

03:08:26.000 I don't know, for a little while until it started to bother me.

03:08:29.000 But obviously This person is mentally ill, so you might want to just appease them for a little bit.

03:08:34.000 But if it starts getting on your nerves, then just fucking stop.

03:08:37.000 This is about you and you having a good life.

03:08:41.000 So if this guy, if being friends with this guy is good for you, then maybe appease him for a little bit until it bothers you.

03:08:48.000 It's not like you're a hypocrite or a piece of shit if you appease one trans lunatic.

03:08:54.000 But as far as across the board for the rest of your life, no, I'm not pretending.

03:08:59.000 And if he ever asks you, look, do you believe that I've switched genders?

03:09:03.000 I think then you got to be honest and be like, look, dude, I call you she because it seems to appease your mental illness, but I don't believe this shit for a second.

03:09:15.000 Yeah, and another thing that's kind of come of it, just quickly, sorry, thank you for humoring me.

03:09:19.000 But another thing that's come of it is sort of like, because I'm pretending with this, every little thing that he does that bugs me comes out as like, I want to fucking slaughter you.

03:09:28.000 So I get super angry at nothing.

03:09:31.000 It's a great time.

03:09:32.000 Yeah, because you resent that he's making you play this stupid game.

03:09:36.000 Yeah, no.

03:09:37.000 Well, that's what I meant when I said whatever makes you happy, you know?

03:09:41.000 if this resentment is building up, then just say, I can't do it anymore.

03:09:44.000 Fucking.

03:09:45.000 Don't do it.

03:09:51.000 There's literally no tips.

03:09:53.000 I can see your bulge, dude.

03:09:54.000 Tuck it in.

03:09:55.000 This pretending that you're a chick is brittle.

03:09:57.000 Dude, duct tape is like $2.99.

03:10:02.000 Is there any...

03:10:02.000 Riddle.

03:10:05.000 Thanks for calling.

03:10:06.000 You can answer that satisfactorily.

03:10:08.000 Yeah, like, what do chicks do?

03:10:10.000 Chicks love that Netflix show, Love is Blind.

03:10:14.000 Chicks love shows about home improvement, like, no, building, like, fancy houses and stuff.

03:10:21.000 Chicks love reading Vanity Fair.

03:10:23.000 They love reading Domino magazine.

03:10:26.000 What the hell is that?

03:10:26.000 Okay.

03:10:27.000 It's like an interior design magazine.

03:10:30.000 My wife loves it.

03:10:31.000 They love looking at, like, my wife will have like 10 magazines of just interiors of homes.

03:10:37.000 Okay.

03:10:37.000 Yeah.

03:10:38.000 Because you like decorating and it's a natural thing for a woman to nest.

03:10:41.000 They're essentially birds.

03:10:43.000 Oh, because that's where they're spending.

03:10:44.000 That's their workplace.

03:10:46.000 Yeah.

03:10:47.000 And that's their job.

03:10:48.000 Right.

03:10:49.000 Like, if your house looks like shit, no one says, hey, dude, what the fuck?

03:10:53.000 They go, what's with your wife?

03:10:54.000 This place, the wallpaper's peeling off.

03:10:57.000 Like, I sweep this floor here once every quarter, quarterly.

03:11:03.000 And I just did it today, by the way.

03:11:04.000 It's good to know.

03:11:05.000 It's good to know.

03:11:06.000 But this is the studio.

03:11:07.000 Right.

03:11:08.000 All right, next call.

03:11:11.000 Ziggy, what the F is science?

03:11:14.000 That's a workplace.

03:11:15.000 I can hear you.

03:11:16.000 Gavin.

03:11:17.000 Yeah.

03:11:19.000 Dude, can you explain science to me at all?

03:11:22.000 Because it does not make any sense.

03:11:23.000 Like, you ever read some of the stuff they're studying and like molecular cells and like, it's like, how do you know?

03:11:30.000 You know what I mean?

03:11:31.000 Like, how do we not know these people are just like bullshitting us?

03:11:36.000 You mean scientists?

03:11:38.000 Yeah, and like space and shit.

03:11:40.000 And like, Neptune's made out of phosphorus.

03:11:43.000 Like, how do you know that?

03:11:46.000 Yeah, I know how you feel.

03:11:47.000 I feel that way too, but flat earther?

03:11:50.000 No, definitely not a flat earther.

03:11:52.000 I don't fucking know.

03:11:54.000 They talk about molecules and atoms, and they say, actually, the universe, a black hole, would eat itself and everything in the universe and then barf it out six billion times its size.

03:12:06.000 And you're like, meh, that's just like a thing you thought of.

03:12:09.000 Yeah, have you seen that?

03:12:10.000 Like, where are you getting this shit from?

03:12:12.000 It doesn't make any sense to me.

03:12:14.000 And they talked about like medicine on like a cellular level.

03:12:14.000 Yeah.

03:12:17.000 Like it goes, diffuses through the cell membrane.

03:12:20.000 Like, what do you have?

03:12:22.000 How do you take it?

03:12:23.000 It probably does.

03:12:24.000 It probably does.

03:12:26.000 That's a good theory.

03:12:27.000 I was saying this to my kids today, teaching them that science is gay.

03:12:31.000 And I said, I was reading about this article, and it said a local doctor was saying, and make sure you go outside.

03:12:38.000 It's very healthy to get a breath of fresh air.

03:12:41.000 And I was like, says who?

03:12:42.000 How is the air outside better than the air in my house?

03:12:45.000 What's so great about it?

03:12:46.000 Now, I understand you go outside and you walk around, you get some exercise, and we all know exercise is good.

03:12:51.000 That's a good theory that's been tested and true.

03:12:53.000 We see fat cells dying.

03:12:55.000 But this like fresh air says who?

03:12:59.000 You want to know what it is?

03:13:00.000 Everyone pretends like they know what the fuck is going on, but we don't, Gavin.

03:13:00.000 What?

03:13:04.000 No one knows what anything is.

03:13:06.000 I agree with you.

03:13:07.000 Yeah.

03:13:08.000 Thanks for calling.

03:13:08.000 Good point.

03:13:12.000 I didn't try to disparage him with the flat earth thing, too.

03:13:14.000 I thought the earth was flat for a little while, too.

03:13:16.000 How long did you think the earth was flat?

03:13:18.000 Me?

03:13:18.000 Yes.

03:13:19.000 Zero seconds?

03:13:20.000 Oh, shut the fuck up.

03:13:22.000 Ryan, I want to talk about Gavin's doodles.

03:13:26.000 Hey, Gavin.

03:13:27.000 So my girlfriend, we watch you every week.

03:13:30.000 She sees you drawing.

03:13:31.000 She wants to see you post the doodles.

03:13:34.000 And also, what happened to my favorite show, Free Speech?

03:13:37.000 Thank you.

03:13:37.000 I'm hanging up.

03:13:38.000 Okay.

03:13:39.000 Free speech cost me so much fucking money.

03:13:43.000 And I don't know if it worked.

03:13:45.000 I mean, I'll do more interviews like the Maddie O'Dell one.

03:13:48.000 I want to do one with this guy who just got out of Rikers, who was at that fight of the night of my talk, Jeff.

03:13:55.000 I'll get around to that soon.

03:13:57.000 But the whole like paying a liberal $10,000, sometimes more, to come and talk to a conservative, I don't know.

03:14:06.000 I mean, we still are banned in Australia, banned in UK.

03:14:12.000 If you want to see my drawings, do you want to switch this to auto?

03:14:16.000 Sure.

03:14:16.000 Jor.

03:14:17.000 Jor.

03:14:18.000 Or I could post them on the end.

03:14:19.000 No, no, no, no, no.

03:14:20.000 Twitter and Instagram.

03:14:21.000 Switch it to auto.

03:14:22.000 I'll take pictures of them.

03:14:23.000 Oh, you're going to zoom in?

03:14:29.000 Thank you.

03:14:33.000 This is what I'm working on right now as we speak.

03:14:38.000 This guy with like a lot of antlers and mazes coming out of him.

03:14:46.000 And then I also made this tiger, which I'm not very happy with.

03:14:54.000 And then this alien with his funny ear.

03:14:57.000 And then a very long penis.

03:15:02.000 And then I made this this guy is sort of like a superhero kind of guy walking.

03:15:10.000 And then this guy had penis ears.

03:15:12.000 I was not thinking at all when I was drawing these.

03:15:15.000 And then this guy, he's just like an ugly guy with weird balding hair.

03:15:21.000 And then he has black tar shooting out of his boots.

03:15:23.000 Then I was trying to draw the boots symmetrically, which is very challenging, making them both exactly the same.

03:15:29.000 And then I just wrote the word crazy.

03:15:35.000 Yeah, zero thought goes into these.

03:15:39.000 All right.

03:15:40.000 Should we wrap it up soon?

03:15:41.000 Let's wrap it up.

03:15:42.000 Let's wrap it up.

03:15:43.000 Let's fucking wrap it up.

03:15:44.000 Crazy Dinash thinks he's a doad.

03:15:47.000 Let's do three more calls.

03:15:49.000 All right, Max and Philly, the part that the corona.

03:15:56.000 Max, you son of a bitch.

03:16:03.000 Max!

03:16:04.000 You're on the goddamn phone?

03:16:05.000 Max from South Philly?

03:16:06.000 Yes.

03:16:07.000 No, Max from North Philly.

03:16:10.000 Yeah, bastard.

03:16:10.000 I'm sorry.

03:16:11.000 Good.

03:16:13.000 So, the coronavirus is really getting me down.

03:16:17.000 I've been cooped up in my apartment for the last four days, and I was just thinking about the party they threw after Victory in Japan Day.

03:16:29.000 You know, the famous photo with like the sailor kissing the lady in the Times Square.

03:16:37.000 So you think we're going to throw a big-ass party after this is all over?

03:16:41.000 Oh, my God.

03:16:42.000 We're going to get so fucking wasted.

03:16:44.000 You know, they tried to make that into a rape thing?

03:16:46.000 And that woman had a whole career saying, calm down, everyone.

03:16:50.000 But anyway, we're going to do that.

03:16:54.000 But what city are you in?

03:16:57.000 South Philly?

03:16:58.000 I am not in South Philly.

03:17:00.000 I'm in Minneapolis.

03:17:01.000 Liar.

03:17:02.000 Oh, Minneapolis is fun.

03:17:03.000 This is the Minneapolis Police.

03:17:06.000 You know that song, The Replacements?

03:17:10.000 No, I'm not as into music as you are, but that's all right.

03:17:14.000 Check out Kids Don't Follow by The Replacements.

03:17:17.000 It's such a great Minneapolis anthem.

03:17:19.000 This is the Minneapolis Police.

03:17:22.000 Just go home.

03:17:23.000 There won't be any trouble.

03:17:25.000 Party's over.

03:17:28.000 We could end the show with this.

03:17:30.000 So, yeah, I think it's going to be a fucking party, dude.

03:17:33.000 Just chill.

03:17:34.000 Try to catch up on books.

03:17:36.000 Read books.

03:17:37.000 Yeah, yeah.

03:17:38.000 I'm reading the Gulag Archipelago.

03:17:41.000 Oh, that's a doozy.

03:17:43.000 Me too.

03:17:46.000 Three volumes, man.

03:17:47.000 What an incredible writer, huh?

03:17:51.000 Yeah.

03:17:51.000 I mean, you definitely can't be a socialist after reading that book.

03:17:57.000 I just got his book of speeches, too.

03:17:59.000 I was talking about it on the show about saving the West.

03:18:01.000 A warning to the West, I think it's called.

03:18:06.000 I'll have to check that out, too.

03:18:07.000 Yeah, it's just a.

03:18:09.000 All right, thanks for calling.

03:18:11.000 I got one more thing.

03:18:12.000 Okay, one more thing.

03:18:13.000 You have a pen and your suggestion box ready.

03:18:17.000 Yep.

03:18:18.000 And I'd just like you to be better.

03:18:21.000 Be better.

03:18:24.000 Thank you.

03:18:25.000 Thank you.

03:18:26.000 Did you see that Never Trumper, what's his name, told Melania Trump to get infected?

03:18:33.000 No.

03:18:35.000 Yeah, look it up.

03:18:36.000 Oh, I have to, it's on the notes?

03:18:38.000 Yeah, she said something like, you know, you have to stay in your homes and try to be careful.

03:18:44.000 And then Dick Wilson?

03:18:46.000 Rick Wilson, yeah.

03:18:48.000 Instead of saying, you know, be better.

03:18:51.000 No, what was her thing?

03:18:53.000 Get.

03:18:54.000 Be better.

03:18:55.000 No, no, Michelle Obama and Oprah said, be better, be better.

03:19:01.000 But she had one, too.

03:19:03.000 Oh.

03:19:03.000 What was her motto?

03:19:05.000 I don't remember that.

03:19:06.000 It was like, be best.

03:19:09.000 Was it?

03:19:09.000 Something like that.

03:19:10.000 Be best.

03:19:11.000 Be best.

03:19:11.000 And then he goes, get infected.

03:19:15.000 Be inactive.

03:19:16.000 Be infected.

03:19:17.000 Yeah.

03:19:18.000 Dick Wilson.

03:19:20.000 Of course, he'll stay on Twitter.

03:19:21.000 That's okay.

03:19:22.000 You can hope that the first lady gets an incredibly dangerous disease.

03:19:28.000 Well, it's not incredibly dangerous.

03:19:30.000 It's not that dangerous.

03:19:30.000 They just shut the entire country down over it.

03:19:34.000 All right.

03:19:34.000 I said three more calls.

03:19:36.000 What was that?

03:19:36.000 That was the first of three.

03:19:38.000 This is James.

03:19:40.000 Yames.

03:19:41.000 Black people.

03:19:44.000 This isn't James.

03:19:44.000 This is Dalton.

03:19:46.000 That's what I meant.

03:19:48.000 Yeah.

03:19:48.000 All right.

03:19:49.000 Anyways, yeah, so I found out fucking black people wash their chicken before it's cooked.

03:19:56.000 What the fuck is that about?

03:19:57.000 Sounds hygienic and great.

03:19:59.000 Wait, don't we do that?

03:20:01.000 Dude, bacteria gets fucking killed off when you cook your chicken.

03:20:06.000 You pull it out of the package, you fucking cut it up, and you cook it.

03:20:10.000 They wash their chicken.

03:20:12.000 What the fuck is that about?

03:20:13.000 I've never heard that.

03:20:14.000 Also, look it up.

03:20:16.000 That's weird.

03:20:17.000 Also, Gavin, fucking Kimmy Gustafson.

03:20:21.000 Kimmy.

03:20:23.000 Big Kimmy.

03:20:25.000 Yeah.

03:20:26.000 Yeah.

03:20:27.000 Fucking, I went to school with her fucking kids, buddy.

03:20:29.000 Me and the boys are cracking up when you mentioned that.

03:20:33.000 We're cracking the fuck up.

03:20:35.000 I fucking went to school with all of her kids.

03:20:40.000 I feel terrible that I mentioned her real name.

03:20:42.000 I hope this doesn't blow up in her face.

03:20:43.000 I mean, she's had a very terrible life, and she really neglected those kids.

03:20:48.000 Those kids seem like wonderful.

03:20:49.000 Are they well-adjusted, good kids?

03:20:53.000 Yeah, most of them.

03:20:54.000 Most of them, except for one.

03:20:56.000 So four to five?

03:20:57.000 Most of them.

03:20:58.000 Yeah, pretty good, I guess.

03:21:00.000 So there's five of them, right?

03:21:02.000 Yeah, but she had one when she was like fucking 40-something, like back in 2014.

03:21:08.000 She had a baby.

03:21:10.000 And of course, that was taken by CAS.

03:21:13.000 Oh, my Lord.

03:21:15.000 Where are you in Ottawa?

03:21:18.000 I'm in Stittsville.

03:21:18.000 Yeah, dude.

03:21:19.000 I'm like fucking 10 minutes away from full.

03:21:22.000 That takes me back, eh?

03:21:24.000 Is the Stittsville flea market still going strong?

03:21:28.000 They fucking shut that down Because they said that they were going to build this giant building and whatever, but they never built it, so it just got shut down.

03:21:28.000 You know what?

03:21:35.000 Fucking eminent domain, classic government move.

03:21:38.000 When I was a kid, we'd go there and get like a switchblade comb and mad magazines and fucking googly eye x-ray specs and all kinds of cool shit.

03:21:47.000 A Motley crew mirror.

03:21:49.000 Holy fuck.

03:21:52.000 Oh, yeah.

03:21:53.000 Also, Jim Fannin, fucking Claudette getting married in the YouTube comment section.

03:21:59.000 I want to hear more about that.

03:22:00.000 Let's delve into that.

03:22:02.000 I want to see something on that.

03:22:03.000 He got banned from YouTube.

03:22:05.000 He's banned from YouTube, eh?

03:22:07.000 Oh, no.

03:22:10.000 Fucking 10 years.

03:22:12.000 Fucking 10 years he's been on there, eh?

03:22:14.000 Fucking drinking two fours, smoking darts.

03:22:17.000 That's all fucking gone now.

03:22:18.000 No more just for fucking showing any kind of interest in this show.

03:22:21.000 But let's be honest.

03:22:23.000 There's no way he's fucking getting married to that chick, eh?

03:22:26.000 Fuck that.

03:22:28.000 Fucking total joke.

03:22:31.000 I know.

03:22:32.000 Probably not.

03:22:32.000 It's fucking, it's probably him.

03:22:34.000 It's probably just him.

03:22:36.000 Yeah.

03:22:37.000 Well, thanks for tuning in, fuck.

03:22:37.000 All right.

03:22:39.000 And drink a fucking blue for me, eh?

03:22:43.000 Next time you grab a 2-4.

03:22:45.000 Oh, bud, fucking, you know, I will, bud.

03:22:48.000 Igav.

03:22:48.000 Fucking take care.

03:22:49.000 Oh, bud, one more thing.

03:22:51.000 Okay, one more fucking squeezing one in at the last minute, eh?

03:22:55.000 I know you love it, buddy, just for you.

03:22:57.000 Listen up.

03:22:58.000 I grew up, my dad taught me this.

03:23:00.000 Every man should be able, physically able, to defend his family from a psychopath attacking them in an elevator.

03:23:08.000 Should be able to defend your family as a man.

03:23:10.000 That's one, that's number one rule as a man.

03:23:13.000 Yeah, and that's a great argument against obesity, right?

03:23:16.000 Because say you're like fucking 380 pounds, you're not going to be able to defend your family.

03:23:25.000 You're going to get all worn out after two punches and shit.

03:23:29.000 Exactly, buddy.

03:23:31.000 All right.

03:23:32.000 Fuck you with my heels on, boys.

03:23:33.000 Take care.

03:23:34.000 Fuck you with my heels on, fuck.

03:23:36.000 Growing up in Stittsville and Ottawa, they're very close together.

03:23:39.000 But we just would punctuate everything with fuck.

03:23:42.000 Like, just be going, fuck.

03:23:47.000 Fuck.

03:23:49.000 Steadsville Carp Road Flea Market, fuck.

03:23:55.000 You just like make the stitch and then you just go like throwing a frisbee.

03:24:04.000 It just means like I just did a thing.

03:24:06.000 Taking a shit.

03:24:08.000 It's like putting a period out in action.

03:24:10.000 It's like the way homos use like.

03:24:10.000 Yeah.

03:24:13.000 Are you sure you're in Canada there?

03:24:16.000 Spitsville's Karp Road flea market.

03:24:16.000 Yep.

03:24:19.000 So it's not around anymore?

03:24:21.000 If it's on a website, that means it must have still been around recently.

03:24:26.000 God, when I was a kid, that was like going to heaven.

03:24:29.000 A Motley Crew Mirror.

03:24:31.000 We didn't realize they were used for Coke.

03:24:35.000 All right, one last call.

03:24:37.000 One last call.

03:24:40.000 Now, Marty's called before.

03:24:41.000 He's calling to clarify.

03:24:44.000 What a waste of a good last call.

03:24:47.000 Last call for calls.

03:24:49.000 Waste.

03:24:51.000 Indeed.

03:24:53.000 My wife informed me when I came back in the room that I sounded like an asshole and went to bed without giving me my offer of a customary goodnight kiss.

03:25:04.000 I can't actually remember what I did assholesh, but I'm sure I was probably an asshole, so I retract any asshole.

03:25:16.000 We forgive you.

03:25:17.000 We were wrong.

03:25:19.000 You were right.

03:25:20.000 Please let your wife know that she's wrong to withhold affection.

03:25:23.000 You deserve a gigantic Corona smooch.

03:25:26.000 Oh, good.

03:25:27.000 On the lips.

03:25:28.000 You did nothing.

03:25:29.000 Anyway, the supergroup thing.

03:25:29.000 I need Owen Benjamin on drums.

03:25:31.000 I need Nick Fuentes on keyboard and...

03:25:34.000 And I need Owen Benjamin to coach Nick Fuentez on keyboard.

03:25:38.000 I need Alex Jones on rhythm guitar.

03:25:42.000 I know it sounds a little weird, but I think we can make it work.

03:25:46.000 And I need Ryan to teach me how to play guitar.

03:25:51.000 And then you and Ryan sing.

03:25:56.000 Sold.

03:25:57.000 We could do like a Lincoln Park thing where one guy's a rapper, the other guy's a screamer.

03:25:57.000 Go ahead.

03:26:03.000 Hell yeah.

03:26:04.000 Fuck yeah.

03:26:05.000 Shut up what I'm talking to yo.

03:26:08.000 And I'll be like, yo.

03:26:09.000 Everyone's on vacuum vocal.

03:26:11.000 Like everyone involved.

03:26:13.000 All right.

03:26:14.000 Sounds good.

03:26:14.000 Thanks for calling.

03:26:15.000 It's a great ending to the show.

03:26:17.000 It's super band.

03:26:18.000 I get it.

03:26:19.000 So we don't know what's happening next week.

03:26:20.000 We'll definitely give you a show.

03:26:22.000 It might be from my basement.

03:26:24.000 We might still be allowed to sneak into the studio.

03:26:27.000 Let's see what the government tells us we're allowed to do.

03:26:30.000 But in the interim, get fired.

03:26:36.000 Get in trouble.

03:26:37.000 Be brave.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - March 20, 2020

GOML LIVE #39 - LAST SHOW FROM NYC?

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