Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #41

00:00:32.000 Oh, I from New York.

00:00:35.000 Get off my lawn Where it is Get off my lawn you Thank you.

00:00:45.000 Can you hear me?

00:00:47.000 That's a good jam he wrote for us.

00:00:52.000 That could be a band.

00:00:53.000 We could start a band up again.

00:00:55.000 Actually, I'm not doing that.

00:00:56.000 I did a band 80s hardcore.

00:00:58.000 We were a hardcore cover band that covered 80s hardcore.

00:01:02.000 It was exhausting, man.

00:01:03.000 That hardcore is a young man's game.

00:01:05.000 Welcome to the show.

00:01:06.000 Welcome to Get Off My Lawn.

00:01:08.000 It is our Thursday live presentation here from Ryan's apartment.

00:01:14.000 And I got to say, we are doing a much better job of retaining the merit of this show than Trevor Noah and Samantha B and all of these high-paid celebs who are turning out to be talentless hacks.

00:01:33.000 Holy shit, do their shows suck.

00:01:34.000 And if you go to censored.tv and check out yesterday's episode, you can see us go through them all.

00:01:40.000 Samantha B did a seven-minute joke where she's showing you how to survive in the forest and chop wood, but she can't chop wood very well because women don't have that much upper body strength.

00:01:50.000 So she has a lot of trouble chopping wood.

00:01:53.000 That's the whole joke.

00:01:54.000 And it goes on and on as she tries to hit log after log.

00:01:58.000 I don't even really get it.

00:02:00.000 Did you think that we thought you were strong enough to chop wood?

00:02:03.000 She's like five feet tall.

00:02:07.000 Anyway, this first half hour will be free.

00:02:09.000 We'll put it up on YouTube.

00:02:11.000 And that's why we have sponsors.

00:02:13.000 And then we'll go behind the paywall, continue our discussion, and take some calls starting at 10.

00:02:20.000 By the way, this is the only show where we have sponsors, this free half hour.

00:02:26.000 And the audio, it's on the audio podcast.

00:02:28.000 But censored.tv, I'm not reading these things.

00:02:30.000 But anyway, thank you for the mug.

00:02:33.000 Red Pill Living.

00:02:35.000 It says Gavin on it.

00:02:36.000 It says the Great Awakening, premium quality coffee.

00:02:38.000 We haven't gotten any of it yet.

00:02:40.000 things in the supply chain are slow here on this, uh, at this time, why don't you, This entire episode is sponsored by Red Pill Living.

00:02:52.000 Right now, my listeners get 15% off all orders.

00:02:56.000 It's a coffee place mostly, but they've got other stuff.

00:02:59.000 You have to use a promo code Gavin15.

00:03:03.000 Look at that.

00:03:04.000 Look at that variety.

00:03:05.000 Carbon Shield 60 olive oil.

00:03:09.000 They've got CBD and tinctures, right?

00:03:15.000 They have great coffee and supplements to boost your immune system.

00:03:17.000 Go to redpillliving.com.

00:03:20.000 Promo code Gavin15.

00:03:21.000 You get 15% off all orders.

00:03:23.000 Support free speech and support Patriot-owned businesses.

00:03:28.000 Why would you drink any other coffee?

00:03:32.000 If you have an opportunity to buy something that supports the First Amendment, then you should buy that, right?

00:03:39.000 And by the way, you know how I was talking earlier in the week about how I resent that you have all these rich chics in the Middle East who are getting all our oil money because they happen to be on that particular piece of sand?

00:03:52.000 I feel the same way about these countries in Central America.

00:03:56.000 Like, would they be able to make the coffee if we didn't go in there and show them how to use those beans?

00:04:02.000 At least they don't drive cars just on two wheels.

00:04:05.000 You know that thing they do in the Middle East?

00:04:08.000 Anyway, today's a special app.

00:04:10.000 Oh, look, my t-shirt is somewhat transparent.

00:04:14.000 I drove into the city last night.

00:04:16.000 I checked out all my old haunts, and I wanted to see how abandoned it is.

00:04:22.000 And it is.

00:04:23.000 It is, I would say, like when we first went there, remember last week we went down and we were interviewing people and whatever.

00:04:31.000 No, we weren't interviewing people, although I thought that would be a good idea.

00:04:34.000 Get a broomstick.

00:04:36.000 Tape the mic to the end and do streeters like this.

00:04:40.000 Oh, you can't hear me say that.

00:04:41.000 Do streeters really far away.

00:04:43.000 Don't make that a Zeke Heil fuckers.

00:04:46.000 So we're going to, this hour, I guess, we're going to go through a quick tour of New York.

00:04:53.000 We started in Queens.

00:04:54.000 Queens is not that...

00:05:00.000 There's the foreskin down there.

00:05:02.000 Wall Street is the foreskin.

00:05:04.000 This is Lower Manhattan.

00:05:06.000 Not a lot's happening down here.

00:05:08.000 If you're in finance, this is where you go.

00:05:10.000 There's some tourists down here.

00:05:11.000 There's a 9-11 memorial too soon.

00:05:15.000 But that's not a lot happening.

00:05:16.000 And it's ironic, too, because when they built City Hall, which is about there, the back of it doesn't look that nice.

00:05:22.000 It's the front of it that's really grandiose.

00:05:24.000 And that's because they figured, well, New York's never going to be bigger than this because this was all farmland.

00:05:30.000 And they thought this will be the sort of edge of the city.

00:05:32.000 So let's make the front.

00:05:34.000 And then now it's the nothing part of the city.

00:05:36.000 So here we get Tribeca.

00:05:38.000 And that's like Robert De Niro, Soho, expensive fashion places.

00:05:42.000 And then we move over to the Lower East Side.

00:05:45.000 East Village, that's more punky and hipster-y.

00:05:48.000 This hipsters over here, too, in Greenpoint and Williamsburg.

00:05:52.000 But these hipsters are young and sexy and rich.

00:05:55.000 If you're a hipster in the Lower East Side, East Village, you're kind of like a weirdo for life.

00:06:00.000 Like that's where I should be if I didn't have, you know, kids and a wife.

00:06:05.000 This is sort of where you go to be a weirdo for life.

00:06:08.000 So these are very different.

00:06:10.000 And this Williamsburg, the hipster area, was a total shithole when I moved there in the 90s and we brought vice there because it was cheap.

00:06:19.000 And now it's actually more expensive than here.

00:06:22.000 In fact, when we opened up a restaurant over here, it was cheaper to open it in the East Village than it was in Williamsburg.

00:06:28.000 Now, Greenpoint is Polish.

00:06:33.000 That's where we're going to start this whole thing.

00:06:34.000 And it's funny because everyone talks about gentrification, and I think I am responsible for gentrifying Williamsburg via Vice.

00:06:41.000 Same thing with the hipsters.

00:06:43.000 That was the do's and don'ts.

00:06:43.000 That was us.

00:06:45.000 But the reason this area was so easy to gentrify is because it was empty.

00:06:50.000 This was all warehouses.

00:06:51.000 There used to be a lot of manufacturing here.

00:06:53.000 The ports there would get supplies and there was factories working through the night.

00:06:58.000 Then manufacturing died and this was all empty warehouses.

00:07:01.000 So there'd be a lot of crackheads hanging around.

00:07:05.000 So artists would move in because they needed the space for the lofts.

00:07:08.000 So this was easy to gentrify.

00:07:09.000 Greenpoint's never going to gentrify.

00:07:12.000 Stop buying expensive apartments there.

00:07:14.000 The Pole acts are never going to go.

00:07:16.000 Similarly, East Williamsburg, well, that's still sort of Williamsburg, but you're getting sort of black and Puerto Rican and Dominican here.

00:07:24.000 These people are third generation.

00:07:26.000 They're not moving.

00:07:27.000 They don't know any other culture.

00:07:28.000 Like they, a lot of these people have never been to Manhattan.

00:07:32.000 I guarantee you, no one here has ever been to the Empire State Building inside.

00:07:37.000 Like they're very parochial.

00:07:40.000 Anyway, so let's start out our tour with the Polish part of Greenpoint, which is where I first moved when I moved to New York.

00:07:49.000 Greenpoint, Brooklyn?

00:07:50.000 This is the first place I lived when I moved here.

00:07:54.000 $700 a month they paid.

00:07:56.000 And it's basically all Polish.

00:07:59.000 And after being here for a while, I started seeing these people every day, these drunk Polaks, and it got depressing.

00:08:05.000 And even though I was only paying $700 a month, I thought, I'm not getting the New York experience.

00:08:10.000 I'm essentially in Poland.

00:08:12.000 So I got the hell out of here.

00:08:14.000 And I think I moved to the Lower East Side or Williamsburg.

00:08:18.000 I hopped around.

00:08:18.000 I don't remember.

00:08:19.000 Basically, in New York, you can't get laid if you don't live.

00:08:23.000 This is probably, there's a dude saying, what's up?

00:08:25.000 This was probably the busiest place we saw in the whole of the city.

00:08:30.000 Hi, me.

00:08:31.000 Getting some wrinkles there, Gav.

00:08:35.000 I didn't realize this because this was our first stop.

00:08:37.000 But this area is usually, you know, packed with people, but there were still quite a few here.

00:08:43.000 So this is surprising.

00:08:46.000 It's like having a shitty car in LA.

00:08:46.000 Manhattan.

00:08:49.000 So I cheaped it out here in Greenpoint and Williamsburg, which back then was cheap.

00:08:53.000 And then I said, I got to find a lady to settle down with.

00:08:57.000 So I went to Manhattan, lived in the Lower East Side, and got a wife.

00:09:03.000 Just pause for a sec.

00:09:04.000 I don't know if I made that clear because I interrupted myself.

00:09:07.000 In LA, you have to have a nice car to get laid.

00:09:10.000 Or at least I hear you can just have a Prius now.

00:09:12.000 But back when I was, you know, in the early aughts, you'd meet a girl at a bar and then you go, let's go.

00:09:19.000 And she saw you have a decent car.

00:09:20.000 And they would talk about cars.

00:09:21.000 Like, yeah, he's got a sub, but it's like, it's a 1989.

00:09:25.000 It's a piece of shit.

00:09:26.000 And you would never hear that in New York.

00:09:28.000 But in New York, if you said, hey, let's go home.

00:09:30.000 And she's like, okay, where do you live?

00:09:32.000 I live in Greenpoint.

00:09:34.000 Oh, so I got to get in a taxi.

00:09:35.000 Find one that will go to Brooklyn.

00:09:37.000 A lot of them wouldn't do that back then in the early aughts and the 90s.

00:09:40.000 So I got to sit in a taxi with you for like 20 minutes.

00:09:44.000 No, thank you.

00:09:46.000 So it was very hard to get laid.

00:09:48.000 But if you lived in the East Village and you said, let's go home, where do you live?

00:09:51.000 Upstairs.

00:09:52.000 Well, kaboom.

00:09:57.000 Well, the good thing about living in this neighborhood is you were never worried about your girlfriend getting attacked because these guys don't have a lot of gumption.

00:10:04.000 But I remember seeing one of them was puking in a dumpster and then the other one was staring at him laughing.

00:10:10.000 And I just thought, I got to get out of here.

00:10:13.000 Here, one detail.

00:10:14.000 That woman, go back.

00:10:16.000 That woman, she was so shit-faced she couldn't get up.

00:10:19.000 And you see this all the time.

00:10:21.000 This really bourgeois woman walking her dog, like this rich young hipster.

00:10:25.000 Greenpoint wasn't a hipster when I was there.

00:10:28.000 Later, the Williamsburg thing spread, but not the way that people say it would.

00:10:33.000 It leaked.

00:10:34.000 It dripped.

00:10:35.000 But anyway, she comes up and you can see her talking like, is she okay?

00:10:39.000 What's going on?

00:10:41.000 What do you think is going on?

00:10:43.000 A bunch of drunks are shit-faced.

00:10:46.000 It's that simple.

00:10:47.000 It's like one time I was in St. Mark's.

00:10:49.000 Here, go forward on the map a bit.

00:10:51.000 St. Mark's.

00:10:52.000 So where is that?

00:10:53.000 Little, little, little, little, little, little, little.

00:10:56.000 St. Mark's.

00:10:57.000 Does that say 9th Street?

00:10:58.000 So I was around here.

00:11:00.000 Oh, no.

00:11:01.000 It was closer to NYU, though.

00:11:03.000 So I was around, let's say, here.

00:11:05.000 And this bum just goes, oh, hits his knees and then falls face first.

00:11:12.000 And I was walking by a bus shelter and I saw him.

00:11:14.000 I was just like, you piece of shit.

00:11:16.000 And then he gets up and his nose is bleeding and he ripped his jeans a little bit.

00:11:21.000 And these NYU kids, just like the lady I just talked about, are on the phone calling 911.

00:11:25.000 And I go, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

00:11:27.000 He doesn't want to go to the hospital for a nosebleed.

00:11:30.000 He's a drunk piece of shit and he fell because he's wasted.

00:11:33.000 Don't intervene.

00:11:35.000 There's nothing to be done here.

00:11:37.000 And he goes, he's right.

00:11:38.000 I am a piece of shit.

00:11:40.000 I don't want to go to the hospital.

00:11:42.000 And then he just walked away.

00:11:45.000 You have to, in New York City, you have to recognize that you're in a shithole.

00:11:50.000 Like rats fight for pizza in New York City.

00:11:56.000 All right.

00:11:56.000 Oh, it's time for our, no, it's not.

00:11:58.000 Let's go to a funner part.

00:11:58.000 Okay.

00:12:00.000 So now I drove from Greenpoint, right?

00:12:04.000 And now I'm driving into Williamsburg.

00:12:06.000 This is Williamsburg here.

00:12:08.000 And by the way, if you're visiting New York City, I highly recommend you fucking get on the L-train and get off at Bedford and just walk around.

00:12:16.000 It's a very colorful neighborhood.

00:12:17.000 They all hate my guts, even though I'm the man who created it.

00:12:22.000 But they don't know who you are.

00:12:23.000 And it's got more dense bars and places to check out than the Lower East Side and East Village.

00:12:28.000 I've heard someone describe it as it's like the East Village in the 80s without the junkies and the crime.

00:12:32.000 That's really what it is.

00:12:34.000 So that's a fun trip.

00:12:35.000 Anyway, we're just on the edge of it right here in this very important clip.

00:12:42.000 This is where I was in a taxi cab with my wife, and I farted one of those farts of Burns Rain Elips, and I knew it was going to smell unbelievable, but so bad that it didn't smell like poo-poo.

00:12:55.000 It just was disgusting.

00:12:57.000 And my wife, who was my girlfriend at the time, said to the cab driver, do you smell that?

00:13:02.000 And he says, Yes, I do.

00:13:05.000 There is a lot of manufacturing in this neighborhood.

00:13:09.000 This is back before it had become gentrified.

00:13:12.000 There's a lot of manufacturing in this neighborhood, and you're probably smelling maybe someone manufacturing plastic, the smell of burning plastic.

00:13:20.000 And they were both having like an in-depth discussion about my fart.

00:13:27.000 By the way, that takes balls to let one rip in a taxicab with a girl you're courting and know that it will not be seen as a fart.

00:13:36.000 I'm not even sure I did that on purpose.

00:13:41.000 And by the way, these areas we're going into now are usually totally crammed.

00:13:46.000 Williamsburg is like Chinatown now.

00:13:53.000 We're here at 75 North Forth, which was where Vice was after we went bankrupt.

00:13:58.000 That door right there.

00:14:00.000 People always say that Vice was started with the welfare grant, and it's not a real company.

00:14:06.000 It was created by the government or whatever.

00:14:09.000 Okay, that's a whole other argument that I've gotten into a million times.

00:14:12.000 But what about after we went bankrupt and we were about a million dollars in debt and we had to go to the Triple Five Souls storage room and work from there and build the company back up from scratch, just like America after the Civil War.

00:14:28.000 And it was fun because we'd be up there and we'd see these Hasidic Jews in minivans picking up these prostitutes who basically lived there and they were fucking vile.

00:14:39.000 The prostitutes, like one ski boot on, one sneaker, lipstick all over their face.

00:14:46.000 And God, truckers would solicit them too after a long drive.

00:14:49.000 I guess you want a cheap DJ.

00:14:52.000 But they would write all over our stairway.

00:14:54.000 I miss you so much, sweetie.

00:14:56.000 Mommy's coming home soon.

00:14:57.000 I guess I had their kids taken away from being crack kids.

00:15:00.000 And if you miss her so much, if you love her, why don't you give up crack for a second?

00:15:05.000 There's the guy with the white flag.

00:15:07.000 I wonder what that says.

00:15:09.000 Can I turn this around?

00:15:13.000 And yeah, Williamsburg is totally, not totally deserted, but it's operating at about 1%.

00:15:22.000 I love you.

00:15:22.000 Keep on going, his sign says.

00:15:25.000 Thanks, man.

00:15:26.000 That's the sweetest thing anyone in Williamsburg has ever said to me.

00:15:29.000 It's funny how the younger the area, the more populated it is.

00:15:37.000 Speaking of Johnny Apple's CBD, we use CBD at my gym, and it's a topical cream that we used for our workout action.

00:15:47.000 I'm not clearly not going to the gym anymore.

00:15:49.000 You know what I did today?

00:15:50.000 I bought Peloton shoes.

00:15:52.000 I'm going to ride my wife's Peloton like a baby.

00:15:56.000 I'm going to be taking spin classes.

00:15:59.000 Isn't that embarrassing?

00:16:02.000 They don't seem to care.

00:16:05.000 Are you working out?

00:16:07.000 No.

00:16:08.000 I've been making a lot of food though.

00:16:11.000 What about Johnny Apple CBD, the website behind me?

00:16:14.000 So if you go to johnnyapple.com or jacbd.com and you use the promo code GAVIN, you get 20% off all orders.

00:16:26.000 And that's the gummies.

00:16:27.000 That's the tincture.

00:16:28.000 That's the CBD topical.

00:16:31.000 Incredible variety at this place, and they really take the edge off of your anxiety in these anxious times.

00:16:40.000 All right, we should get back to the tour of New York.

00:16:42.000 Are you enjoying this?

00:16:43.000 Is this fun?

00:16:44.000 I mean, doesn't everyone want to see what New York looks like?

00:16:46.000 And believe me, we're going to go to the Westside Highway.

00:16:49.000 We're going to go to that big boat.

00:16:52.000 What's it called?

00:16:53.000 The Comfort?

00:16:54.000 USNS Comfort.

00:16:56.000 And Radio City Music Hall, Fox News.

00:17:00.000 All of those areas are much more deserted than these hipster enclaves.

00:17:04.000 I guess young people think they can't get it.

00:17:09.000 Okay, here we are.

00:17:10.000 My kidne Williams.

00:17:12.000 Hipster Capital of the World.

00:17:14.000 Okay, fine.

00:17:15.000 Now, I do, I know I look at that guy's hair.

00:17:18.000 It's not a hat.

00:17:21.000 See, when I created hipsters, it was like a thing.

00:17:23.000 It was like an offshoot of punk.

00:17:25.000 And it was skinny white jeans, Ryan McGinley, army coats, skateboards, track bikes, MP3s, old vintage Nike shirts and stuff like that.

00:17:34.000 Then it went gay.

00:17:36.000 It actually split after I left it alone and let it run its course.

00:17:41.000 It split into metrosexuals like this guy who might not even be gay and then like biker type looks with like big beards and tons of tattoos and leather vests.

00:17:52.000 Anyway, this street is usually fucking jammed.

00:17:55.000 So I know I said Williamsburg is more populated than it should be, and I guess it is, but you have to understand, like New York is unique, and I think I say this in the video.

00:18:05.000 It is the busiest city I've ever been in.

00:18:07.000 When I go back to Montreal and I'm walking around, I just go, where the fuck is everyone?

00:18:12.000 So maybe you're just seeing what looks like your town, but you got to understand how unbelievably overpopulated this city is.

00:18:20.000 Capital of the world.

00:18:22.000 There's a guy with funny hair.

00:18:25.000 This is usually packed like Chinatown.

00:18:29.000 Not anymore, though.

00:18:30.000 Line for Whole Foods.

00:18:31.000 Everyone's got their masks on.

00:18:33.000 Oh, there's a lineup for Whole Foods.

00:18:35.000 They're waiting to go in one at a time.

00:18:38.000 It's so expensive here now.

00:18:40.000 Only Asians can live here.

00:18:41.000 Oh, that guy must be an Antifa.

00:18:44.000 Everything's boarded up.

00:18:48.000 When I came here first in 1999, you couldn't even get a bank machine.

00:18:55.000 And I'll tell you what, you better watch yourself.

00:18:57.000 These Puerto Rican kids would run around.

00:18:59.000 One of them knocked my friend out with a golf club.

00:19:01.000 And a driver came up behind him, smashed him in the head, knocked him clean out.

00:19:06.000 I remember when North 7th, you wouldn't go past North 7th.

00:19:10.000 There was like the Dominicans on the south side, the Puerto Ricans on the north side.

00:19:16.000 And then it got Polish as you got farther down here.

00:19:18.000 Wow, this is...

00:19:21.000 I guess this looks normal to people in normal cities, but New York City is usually jammed.

00:19:27.000 New York City is a very good one.

00:19:34.000 Okay, now we're going to cross the bridge and go over into the city where it gets busy.

00:19:41.000 Leaving Brooklyn, oy Vey, it says.

00:19:44.000 And we are going into Manhattan from Hipster.

00:19:49.000 Clay Williamsburg, Brooklyn.

00:19:51.000 Doesn't matter which side you go on.

00:19:53.000 Hipster's taking their one-track bikes over the top.

00:19:57.000 And then you get to see New York Sette.

00:20:01.000 Remember one time I was in a taxi right here with my old man.

00:20:04.000 He was visiting me.

00:20:05.000 Look at that.

00:20:07.000 New York Sette.

00:20:10.000 It's weird driving on this part because it's hardly enough for two cars.

00:20:17.000 But yeah, this bridge took about seven years to build and has been under construction for about half a century.

00:20:23.000 And we're above the East River.

00:20:26.000 You can see the projects there.

00:20:28.000 You can thank Robert Moses for those.

00:20:31.000 Third generation welfare living in there.

00:20:34.000 Having a cozy time.

00:20:35.000 You can see uptown the Chrysler Building and the Empire State Building built within a year and a half of each other during the Great Depression.

00:20:44.000 No less.

00:20:45.000 So we've been through worse, Hadgrader.

00:20:48.000 You'll also notice the roads in Brooklyn are not that different from the roads in Iraq.

00:20:55.000 I don't know where all our tax money goes.

00:20:57.000 I have a feeling it goes to these folks in the PJs, as they're called.

00:21:03.000 I'm a big fan of the fashion here on Torines to carry.

00:21:11.000 Rock-a-wear and such, but my wife doesn't wear, refuses to wear Rockaware and those Timberland high-heeled boots with stiletto heels.

00:21:22.000 Okay?

00:21:23.000 I wouldn't want you to say okay, so now we are in the city.

00:21:28.000 We're in the East Village where everything New York-y you hear about the classic New York City and what you see at the beginning of this show is the East Village.

00:21:36.000 That's where, I mean, hip-hop came from the Bronx, but as far as punk and the fashion and the whole concept of like the cool New Yorker, this is where they're from.

00:21:48.000 Why are my noob senses tingling?

00:21:51.000 This is his nude senses?

00:21:55.000 No, my two sons call each other noobs all the time.

00:21:59.000 And he said, what is it about sitting next to you?

00:22:02.000 Why are my noob senses tingling?

00:22:06.000 Street.

00:22:07.000 Nice to be nice Coyetis.

00:22:09.000 Pretty darn empty.

00:22:10.000 There's the infamous Katz's Deli.

00:22:13.000 No one around.

00:22:14.000 Oh my God, the Mercury Lounge.

00:22:16.000 Look at that.

00:22:17.000 I want to go to Mercury Lounge.

00:22:20.000 Barf Snippets are playing at Mercury Lounge.

00:22:22.000 I know the bassist.

00:22:24.000 Mercury Lounge is officially shut down.

00:22:27.000 Remember, the strokes told me I wasn't allowed to go there anymore because I made fun of them.

00:22:32.000 And they run this town.

00:22:37.000 Keep going.

00:22:38.000 This is Ludlow Street.

00:22:40.000 This is the street I met my wife on.

00:22:43.000 I met my wife a lot here.

00:22:45.000 It's kind of embarrassing.

00:22:46.000 It sounds like one of those guys who was super duper fat and then he lost the weight and looks normal now and he got married and you go, oh, it's a normal guy and his wife.

00:22:54.000 But he's actually so thrilled that he has a normal girl for the first time in his life that he talks about his wife all the time.

00:23:01.000 Like the way people talk about their dogs all the time and tell you about their likes and dislikes.

00:23:06.000 I sound like an ex-fat guy.

00:23:11.000 This used to be a junkie hellhole and now look at it.

00:23:14.000 Fancy hotels.

00:23:17.000 Oh, by the way, for those of you familiar with my book, Death of Cool, this is where I fought Ryan McGinley.

00:23:21.000 McGinley, right there.

00:23:23.000 That's where I drove a giant hole into his face with my rings.

00:23:28.000 Fish is gone.

00:23:32.000 Oh, it's sweet chick now.

00:23:34.000 Was that where it was?

00:23:38.000 So pause.

00:23:39.000 That's my old house.

00:23:40.000 174 Ludlow Street.

00:23:42.000 And on the roof is where I watched two planes crash into the World Trade Center.

00:23:46.000 And I hate to recognize that the terrorists are Muslim.

00:23:50.000 That feels racist.

00:23:51.000 But they were Muslim.

00:23:54.000 And by the way, speaking of racist terms, can we stop calling it chink and pox, please?

00:24:00.000 That is brutally offensive.

00:24:04.000 Ludlow Street, Hipster Central.

00:24:08.000 Actually, more like decrepit hipsters.

00:24:15.000 Here we are.

00:24:17.000 Going down First Avenue.

00:24:19.000 Uh-oh, we're low on fuel.

00:24:20.000 First Avenue.

00:24:22.000 Okay, come on, Potts.

00:24:23.000 Anyone who knows New York City, this is, so we're just north of Houston now.

00:24:27.000 We were in the Lower East Side on Ludlow.

00:24:29.000 This is the East Village.

00:24:31.000 This is fucking nuts.

00:24:33.000 New York City, East Village.

00:24:35.000 Look at that.

00:24:35.000 One, two, three.

00:24:40.000 Who are these people on city bikes, by the way?

00:24:42.000 Do they live in the East Village?

00:24:46.000 You know, another thing with the East Village that's changed drastically is NYU students have taken over this neighborhood, and it's not junkies anymore.

00:24:54.000 And all the students have gone home.

00:24:56.000 So Greenpoint is a lot more residential, and Williamsburg is a lot more residential than the East Village.

00:25:02.000 All the East Village, you know, hardcore lifers, they got pushed out a long time ago by students.

00:25:11.000 Defines the East Village.

00:25:13.000 This is where the sort of New York cool was born.

00:25:18.000 Andy Warhol, Sex Pistols, New York dolls.

00:25:21.000 Oh, there's people lining up to go into key food.

00:25:30.000 This is surprisingly busy.

00:25:39.000 That's 4th Street, First and A. I used to have a restaurant down there.

00:25:44.000 Mom, you bought me Shoh Leon.

00:25:50.000 My wife got food poisoning from a smoothie shop here, and she called them and said, I've been sick for two days from one of your smoothies.

00:25:57.000 And the woman said, okay, thank you very much, and hung up.

00:26:01.000 Wow, look at this.

00:26:04.000 That's where, oh, Niagara's gone?

00:26:06.000 Geez.

00:26:07.000 Tompkins Square Park, that's where the squatters fought the cops.

00:26:11.000 Doc Holidays, this is where everyone congregated on New Year's Eve.

00:26:15.000 And during the 2000s.

00:26:16.000 Kind of embarrassed of that mistake.

00:26:18.000 I meant 9-11.

00:26:20.000 I called 9-11 New Year's Eve.

00:26:22.000 But we were all gathered at Doc Holidays and all these spots after 9-11 coming together.

00:26:26.000 But we're not allowed to come together for this crisis.

00:26:30.000 And during the 2004 blackout, it was hopping with people having a good time.

00:26:35.000 Not so many people having a good time now.

00:26:37.000 East Village is closed for business.

00:26:42.000 Okay, I'm going to give you one more before we go behind the paywall, and that is basically the top of the West Side Highway.

00:26:53.000 Look at that.

00:26:55.000 Beautiful sensor.

00:26:56.000 We're here on the West Side Highway where a bunch of people, I think eight, were killed by these terrorists.

00:27:02.000 Look at the quality of that sunset.

00:27:07.000 You can go see that hospital boat that's next to the attractor just for the south people that are walking out.

00:27:17.000 You can see the West Side Highway is pretty empty.

00:27:25.000 All right.

00:27:27.000 That went by really fast.

00:27:27.000 Time to go.

00:27:30.000 The last sponsor read is our favorite Bet DSI.

00:27:35.000 If you want to gamble on COVID-19, go to betdsi.com, promo code Gavin.

00:27:39.000 I didn't know you could bet on the pandemic there.

00:27:42.000 If you want to bet on what asshole the Dems are going to try and run against Trump, go to betdsi.com, promo code Gavin.

00:27:50.000 What the copy here is trying to tell you is that you don't have to just bet on sports.

00:27:54.000 You can bet on almost anything.

00:27:57.000 Celebrities, major events, news events, where they're headed.

00:28:04.000 So go to betdsi.com right now.

00:28:07.000 Use promo code Gavin.

00:28:08.000 And when you sign up and make a deposit at BetDSI, I'm matching your deposit 120%.

00:28:15.000 So you put in 100 bucks, and I guess I put in 120 bucks.

00:28:22.000 And we're going to be doing that up to $600.

00:28:25.000 So go to betdsi.com.

00:28:27.000 You have to use promo code Gavin to start winning with me.

00:28:31.000 That's betdsi.com.

00:28:33.000 Promo code Gavin.

00:28:36.000 I think this would be a great time for you to get heavily involved in gambling because you're bored and it's a good time to start blowing your money on shit for a laugh.

00:28:48.000 No, but it does make everything you're doing much more interesting.

00:28:51.000 And you obviously can't watch sports.

00:28:52.000 So go to Bet Day Aside to see what you can bet on because they're getting very creative with it.

00:28:57.000 All right.

00:28:58.000 So we're leaving the free zone.

00:29:00.000 Get fired.

00:29:01.000 Get in trouble.

00:29:02.000 Be brave and never stop fighting.

00:29:05.000 But subscribers, stick around.

00:29:07.000 We've got a lot more to do.

00:29:08.000 We've got a lot more to do.

00:29:23.000 Cool.

00:29:24.000 We're away from those fucking cheapskates.

00:29:28.000 All right, let's go by.

00:29:33.000 I mean, the only people that are bored by this are people who live in Manhattan, right?

00:29:37.000 And I don't think that's probably a fraction of a percent of our subs.

00:29:43.000 That's the ship.

00:29:44.000 You can't really see it.

00:29:45.000 See, that's.

00:29:46.000 So there's an I sent you an article about this, Ryan, in the notes.

00:29:50.000 So you could see, wait, go back to the picnic.

00:29:53.000 You could see the X there.

00:29:55.000 That's the Red Cross thing.

00:30:00.000 I think the reason that they had to put up this mesh netting is because too many New Yorkers were violating the six feet by crowding around this thing to take pictures of it.

00:30:16.000 That's the new N-word.

00:30:20.000 So they put up this mesh netting, and even as I was there, you could see people sort of standing up on this thing and trying to get their cameras above or in a hole to take a picture of this boat, which I never really got to see.

00:30:32.000 All right, go ahead.

00:30:35.000 But these are people standing up on the cement trying to get pictures of it.

00:30:40.000 It seems smaller than the Intrepid, but that's probably just the glimpse I got.

00:30:47.000 Let's see if we can catch it.

00:30:56.000 It's impossible to see.

00:30:57.000 Oh, you sort of see it there.

00:31:01.000 There, you can see the Red Cross thing in the doodle.

00:31:07.000 Did you hear that?

00:31:08.000 I got chastised by a cop who was standing on the street.

00:31:12.000 Oh, you can't go to that article easily now because you're using that computer.

00:31:17.000 Yeah.

00:31:18.000 I got to come in there.

00:31:22.000 What are you doing?

00:31:26.000 This is another problem with female cops.

00:31:28.000 Like, when there's a major problem and they have to wrestle someone to the ground, they suck.

00:31:31.000 But even that, duh, you gotta put your phone down while driving.

00:31:35.000 She sounds like a babysitter.

00:31:38.000 You want a cop going, hey, put your phone down, sir.

00:31:42.000 That's illegal.

00:31:43.000 Hey, you want to get a fine?

00:31:46.000 And I go, oh, shit.

00:31:48.000 Instead, when I heard that, I just went, what?

00:31:49.000 Does a babysitter mad at me?

00:31:51.000 Yeah, that's what we just saw one second ago.

00:31:58.000 Well, those are all different views, but the first few pictures were where we were.

00:32:03.000 Okay, let's get to Times Square.

00:32:05.000 Oh, not Nova.

00:32:06.000 Times Square?

00:32:07.000 Where else do you see a huge M ⁇ M?

00:32:10.000 Yeah, Noah's.

00:32:11.000 Woo!

00:32:12.000 I mean, it's my youngest son.

00:32:12.000 Nowhere.

00:32:15.000 My wife said, is this Times Square are we here?

00:32:18.000 And I go, yeah, where else do you see a giant M ⁇ M?

00:32:22.000 It's definitely more abandoned than it was when we were here shooting.

00:32:29.000 Still no parking.

00:32:30.000 There's cops on horseback up to their own tricks.

00:32:37.000 By the way, you childless people who are on the fence, don't you see what's going on?

00:32:41.000 You have constant cuteness in the background.

00:32:44.000 That's not just on a drive, that's in your house, running around, making funny sounds, coming up with stupid games.

00:32:50.000 That's life when you have kids.

00:32:53.000 It's like gremlins, but without the water or the sunlight.

00:32:57.000 I don't see any tourists hanging around.

00:33:00.000 We're right by the stairs where we used to do man on the streeters.

00:33:08.000 I guess those are tourists who got stuck here.

00:33:12.000 Are those people who live here?

00:33:14.000 Look at that.

00:33:16.000 Times Square ain't got nothing in it.

00:33:18.000 I should probably pull over and film something.

00:33:22.000 I stick new filter.

00:33:25.000 Rentally ill people abound?

00:33:27.000 This is so cool.

00:33:31.000 So much TV.

00:33:36.000 Whoa.

00:33:37.000 Josie, look.

00:33:38.000 Yeah, it should put a show.

00:33:40.000 Wow, if we show one three stopped mine fringe.

00:33:49.000 Oh my god.

00:33:52.000 Here we have this.

00:33:57.000 Here we have in time square.

00:34:01.000 I'm just watching the middle of the road.

00:34:04.000 Times Square at 7:30 on a Thursday night.

00:34:11.000 Wow.

00:34:14.000 This is really once in the time experience.

00:34:21.000 The only people you see are people taking pictures of abandoned time squared.

00:34:29.000 Speaky.

00:34:30.000 Speaky.

00:34:34.000 Back up this way.

00:34:35.000 Back up.

00:34:36.000 Sure.

00:34:39.000 You will just go drive by up to Central Park.

00:34:42.000 Maybe on the well, it's close anyway.

00:34:44.000 It's dusk.

00:34:45.000 So here we got Radio City Music Hall coming up.

00:34:48.000 This is also where Fox News is.

00:34:50.000 Just pause for a second here.

00:34:52.000 To be clear, this is Avenue of the Americas, 6th Avenue.

00:34:55.000 It's one over from 5th Avenue where Prada and Gucci and all that shit is.

00:34:58.000 And if you keep going up this road, obviously you hit Central Park, as you just saw on the map.

00:35:04.000 But that's Fox News right there through the awning.

00:35:08.000 These streets, this kind of makes the whole thing worth it.

00:35:11.000 These streets would be so packed at this time of day that people would be walking on the road and risking getting hit by a car because you couldn't traverse here.

00:35:21.000 It was just, it was crotch to butt traffic, human foot traffic.

00:35:26.000 Same with this street here.

00:35:28.000 These streets look like a rock concert usually.

00:35:31.000 And that is from 7 a.m. till probably 9 p.m.

00:35:37.000 I mean, a lot of New Yorkers finish work at 8.

00:35:39.000 That's not a very 9 to 5 city.

00:35:41.000 So for 12 hours, these streets are impenetrable.

00:35:46.000 And even after 10, 11, 12, you have tourists going to British pubs, you know, like Irish tourists going to the Irish pubs because they're staying at these hotels while their wives go to a Broadway show.

00:35:56.000 It's absolutely fucking rammed.

00:35:58.000 So if you're not familiar with the city, this might not look as shocking to you as it should.

00:36:04.000 And there's like a person a block.

00:36:08.000 Wait, wait, wait.

00:36:09.000 There's a Chick-fil-A there now?

00:36:13.000 Go back.

00:36:15.000 That's not the usual Chick-fil-A we'd go to when we were at Compound, is it?

00:36:20.000 There's another Chick-fil-A.

00:36:20.000 Oh, cool.

00:36:23.000 Will we ever get to go to it?

00:36:26.000 After the apocalypse, I find out there's two Chick-fil-As.

00:36:26.000 Great.

00:36:30.000 There's like a person a block.

00:36:33.000 What does dynamite say?

00:36:35.000 Dynamite?

00:36:36.000 Dynamite!

00:36:38.000 Just E-M-T-M.

00:36:40.000 In the background, you hear the eldest boy saying to the youngest boy, what does various characters from Brawl Stars say?

00:36:47.000 Like, El Primo has begun or something.

00:36:50.000 I'm just explaining the context of the banter.

00:36:52.000 It's very important.

00:36:54.000 There's Fox News, isn't it?

00:36:56.000 Just pause, pause.

00:36:56.000 Yep.

00:36:57.000 Go back, quack.

00:36:58.000 That's a trip.

00:37:00.000 So, Fox News, by the way, has not lost any quality.

00:37:04.000 Unlike Seth Meyers and all that shit, Tucker must be doing it from his home studio.

00:37:09.000 It looks exactly the same as his studio in New York.

00:37:12.000 I think he already had it built.

00:37:14.000 Hannity, I believe, has already built himself a studio.

00:37:17.000 He's out on Long Island, I think.

00:37:20.000 And his studio looks fantastic, too.

00:37:22.000 So not only are the plebes like me and Mark Dice and Joey Salads and Tim Poole and all these guys who do lo-fi two-person shows, kicking ass and taking names, but Fox News, who was always very frugal.

00:37:40.000 John Oliver has 14 people.

00:37:42.000 Greg Guttfeld, I think, has two people writing for the Greg Guttfeld show.

00:37:50.000 So we're learning who is genuinely talented and who can do this on a shoestring and who is just totally pumped up and fake.

00:37:59.000 And all those talk show hosts that everyone watches every night, the Jimmy Kimmel, the Jimmy Felon, the Seth Meyers, the Samantha B, the Trevor Noah, where we've just learned, Conan O'Brien, that they're all totally fucking useless.

00:38:14.000 Yep, I think.

00:38:16.000 And then there's Radio City.

00:38:18.000 What does Frank say?

00:38:23.000 What does Gene say?

00:38:28.000 That's it.

00:38:29.000 That's it.

00:38:29.000 Wait, go back and just pause it there.

00:38:34.000 Look at that.

00:38:35.000 Not one person in front of Radio City Music Hall.

00:38:38.000 That's where you go to see David Letterman or you used to go see David Letterman.

00:38:42.000 That's where you see Saturday Night Live.

00:38:45.000 That's the hotspot.

00:38:48.000 And it's abandoned.

00:38:51.000 Crazy shit.

00:38:52.000 All right, let's put up the number to take some calls.

00:38:54.000 I have other stuff I want to talk about.

00:38:56.000 Oh, yeah.

00:38:57.000 Before we take the calls, Someone bumped into Gary in Manhattan, and he doesn't watch the show.

00:39:05.000 I don't think he has a computer, but he said that Ryan and I were discussing his sausages.

00:39:11.000 And what did he say, Ryan?

00:39:13.000 Cut to you on the camera.

00:39:15.000 Oh, yeah, let me set that back up.

00:39:17.000 Let's see here.

00:39:20.000 What about the Easter present?

00:39:22.000 Yeah, he said we went through all the cans he'd given us.

00:39:25.000 By the way, if you're not familiar with the show, Gary is a decrepit bum who reads mail or tries to read mail.

00:39:33.000 And he brought food to our studio in the city.

00:39:35.000 We're not at the city.

00:39:36.000 We're at Ryan's apartment.

00:39:38.000 And when we were going to get equipment, we stumbled upon it.

00:39:41.000 It's still here, actually.

00:39:42.000 No.

00:39:44.000 I don't go over there.

00:39:46.000 I probably should.

00:39:47.000 I was thinking about filming some stuff.

00:39:49.000 Well, my wife said, what's the expiry date?

00:39:52.000 What's an expiry date?

00:39:53.000 Cans have...

00:39:57.000 Expiration date.

00:39:59.000 And I never, I forgot that cans have expiration date.

00:40:01.000 I'm not really a can.

00:40:02.000 I don't really use cans.

00:40:04.000 Best if used by August 26, 2021.

00:40:07.000 So despite this looking like it's from the 50s, it is new.

00:40:11.000 I think.

00:40:13.000 Hey, look.

00:40:15.000 What?

00:40:16.000 I'm over here.

00:40:18.000 You look terrible.

00:40:18.000 You got to turn that light on.

00:40:20.000 Oh, yeah.

00:40:21.000 And you're coming in and out of focus.

00:40:24.000 This is right after I made fun of all those people for not being professional.

00:40:24.000 Shit.

00:40:28.000 But the reason I'm doing this is because you do a much better Gary than me.

00:40:31.000 And we've got to get you on the show more.

00:40:33.000 Your impressions are a big part of this show.

00:40:35.000 It's your only talent.

00:40:36.000 Oh, yeah.

00:40:37.000 I have a new one.

00:40:39.000 It's Joe the Tiger King plus.

00:40:44.000 I can't see you.

00:40:46.000 Oh, it's Joe the Tiger King and Trump.

00:40:48.000 Remember that meme?

00:40:50.000 Yeah, it was both of them.

00:40:50.000 Well, there's two memes.

00:40:51.000 There's one where they make Trump into Tiger King, and there's another where they make Tiger King into Trump.

00:40:56.000 Oh, I didn't see that one.

00:40:56.000 Oh, really?

00:40:58.000 Where he's like the president?

00:40:59.000 He's wearing like a nice suit.

00:41:00.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:41:01.000 I was thinking about if we dress up Gary a nice suit, but he comes up to me.

00:41:04.000 He's like, hey, hey, let me talk to you for a second.

00:41:06.000 And I was like, all right.

00:41:08.000 Wait a minute, wait a minute.

00:41:09.000 We've got too much going on at once.

00:41:10.000 And take your fucking hat off.

00:41:11.000 You're so vain.

00:41:12.000 It's distracting.

00:41:13.000 We can't see your face.

00:41:14.000 And you put on a bill that goes and covers your face.

00:41:18.000 Jeez.

00:41:19.000 Put it backwards.

00:41:20.000 Yeah, put it.

00:41:21.000 I don't give a fuck.

00:41:23.000 Anyway, look at you primping.

00:41:26.000 No, this is my ear can.

00:41:27.000 I know, but after you put that on, you went like...

00:41:32.000 You're like fucking Mariah Carey.

00:41:35.000 But I can't sing that good, but I could do great impressions.

00:41:38.000 Okay, so do Gary first.

00:41:39.000 So the guy talked to Gary.

00:41:41.000 He was wondering how we're doing.

00:41:43.000 Hey, I'm going to get you Easter present because you've been good to me or whatever.

00:41:49.000 And that's about it.

00:41:52.000 Ryan, Ryan, Ryan, tune in.

00:41:53.000 Someone said Gavin and Ryan were talking about your shit, and you gave them sausages.

00:41:58.000 And then what did Gary say to that?

00:42:00.000 Oh, the sausages.

00:42:01.000 Wow, that was a chore.

00:42:04.000 Oh, I mean, I just made this up.

00:42:07.000 I just said that they're joke sausages.

00:42:10.000 Oh, that was a joke?

00:42:11.000 That was a joke, yeah.

00:42:13.000 Oh, I thought he really said that.

00:42:15.000 No, no, no, no, no.

00:42:16.000 I told you that he said that these are just...

00:42:23.000 Can I do the Joe?

00:42:24.000 Yeah, do the joke that I thought is so unfunny, I just assumed it was real.

00:42:27.000 No, not the joke.

00:42:28.000 The Joe.

00:42:29.000 The Tiger King.

00:42:30.000 Oh, okay.

00:42:32.000 Anyways, the story Ryan told me was that this guy bumped into Gary and Gary said, oh, they weren't supposed to eat those.

00:42:37.000 Those are metaphorical.

00:42:39.000 That was just a gesture.

00:42:40.000 Yeah, because he wants to bang me is the joke.

00:42:42.000 It's like.

00:42:43.000 It's like penises.

00:42:44.000 God, you suck.

00:42:46.000 That wasn't food.

00:42:46.000 That's a metaphor.

00:42:48.000 I forgot how it went.

00:42:48.000 Something.

00:42:50.000 But Tiger King, Trump.

00:42:51.000 Dude, if you're going to do that joke, it has to be wiener's.

00:42:54.000 No one says like, hey, you want to suck my sausage?

00:42:57.000 Italian people do.

00:42:58.000 I've heard that plant too much.

00:43:01.000 Oh, too much.

00:43:02.000 Frankly.

00:43:03.000 Okay, anyway, Tiger King and Trump, please.

00:43:05.000 So, Carol Baskins, frankly, she's a bad woman.

00:43:09.000 Okay, we don't like Carol Baskins.

00:43:11.000 Okay.

00:43:12.000 She steals tigers.

00:43:14.000 She doesn't rescue the tigers.

00:43:15.000 She hates the tigers.

00:43:17.000 I take care, frankly, of the tigers.

00:43:20.000 Okay, the great tigers.

00:43:22.000 Isn't that awesome?

00:43:23.000 That's really good.

00:43:24.000 I love that.

00:43:24.000 You're really been able to stop.

00:43:27.000 Other important news that I, we're having a, I'm doing a Reddit AMA tomorrow, but it's on the Discord, which is like a thing.

00:43:37.000 I'm a real expert when it comes to Reddit and Discord.

00:43:40.000 I think Discord is like an app within Reddit somehow, or is it a totally separate thing?

00:43:45.000 It's a separate thing.

00:43:48.000 Okay.

00:43:48.000 But anyway, so Discord is like completely, totally unrelated to Reddit?

00:43:54.000 Right.

00:43:55.000 I had no idea.

00:43:56.000 Anyway, there's a Gavin McInnis Discord.

00:43:58.000 It's got about a thousand members.

00:44:00.000 I don't know.

00:44:01.000 And if you go to links, go to censored.tv right now.

00:44:08.000 Ryan.

00:44:09.000 Oh, okay.

00:44:12.000 Well, even if I wasn't talking to you, you should go.

00:44:14.000 Oh, he's talking about a website.

00:44:15.000 I should probably go.

00:44:16.000 I'm trying to get the call in.

00:44:17.000 So go to links.

00:44:19.000 Okay, that's all the way to the left.

00:44:21.000 And then you see Discord right there.

00:44:21.000 Links.

00:44:23.000 That's awesome.

00:44:23.000 So if you click on that, it'll hook you up with an invitation.

00:44:29.000 Oh.

00:44:30.000 And then you can try to join.

00:44:32.000 I think they had tried to screen you, right, because of Antifa and all that shit.

00:44:34.000 Inventing that.

00:44:35.000 And then tomorrow at 2 p.m., I'll be answering your questions for God knows how long.

00:44:39.000 I hope they can filter them because there's so much crap in there.

00:44:44.000 I think I get a few questions a lot.

00:44:47.000 I think I might write like a long response for the main ones I know are coming, so I have that ready.

00:44:55.000 Are you coming over here or are you doing it at your house?

00:44:59.000 I guess I could do it anywhere.

00:45:00.000 No, I'll do it here.

00:45:01.000 I like the keyboard on my computer here better.

00:45:03.000 What time are you thinking?

00:45:04.000 So that's tomorrow, Friday at 2 p.m.

00:45:07.000 2 p.m.

00:45:07.000 Every p.m.

00:45:08.000 Be there.

00:45:09.000 2 p.m.

00:45:11.000 All right, setting up the call in the studio.

00:45:13.000 Just need about a minute.

00:45:16.000 What else did I want to say?

00:45:18.000 Gary's sausages.

00:45:19.000 So your stupid joke made it to my notes.

00:45:23.000 We haven't been talking about coronavirus.

00:45:23.000 Oh, yeah.

00:45:27.000 And that's because I don't know that much about it.

00:45:29.000 And I'm not going to sit here and tell you stuff you don't know.

00:45:31.000 So I only say facts that I'm positive about.

00:45:33.000 One thing we've heard about is there's a cure, apparently.

00:45:38.000 They want you to hydrate with chlorine.

00:45:41.000 So, if you have a pool or something, you probably have chlorine, put that into a mug, drink that down.

00:45:48.000 Also, if you see chlorine pucks in a urinal, you want to squeeze those into a mug like this from Red Pill Living.

00:45:57.000 And if you hydrate with chlorine, you can cure the thing.

00:46:02.000 Another tip we have is people have been walking around really lonely and sad.

00:46:08.000 And if you see someone like that and they don't have loved ones with them, it means they're alone in their apartment, go up, give them a hug.

00:46:15.000 Just say, hey, we're all in this together.

00:46:18.000 Give them a kiss.

00:46:19.000 If they don't recoil after the kiss, maybe just sort of go, hey, man, we're all in this together.

00:46:24.000 And then just sort of go, And girls like it when you touch their hair.

00:46:32.000 So run your fingers up the back of her hair and be like, That just reminded me, by the way, why I hate short hair so much.

00:46:41.000 I dated a girl in the 80s called Krista Sands Regret.

00:46:47.000 I think she was an Indian.

00:46:49.000 I've always had a fetish for Indians.

00:46:52.000 But sons regret, S-A-N-S regret, means without regret.

00:46:57.000 So this fucking Indian had a weird French name that is without regret.

00:47:02.000 That must be an Indian trying to do French.

00:47:04.000 I don't fucking know.

00:47:05.000 But anyway, she was like a skater punk chick, and she'd shaved her head all here, but it was long on the top, like really long on the top.

00:47:12.000 But when I would make out with her, my hand would go up the back of her, and I'd just feel this.

00:47:17.000 I felt me.

00:47:20.000 I felt spiky, stubbly manhair.

00:47:24.000 So ladies, we know you think you look pretty when you have like kooky bangs and you have a spunky do.

00:47:31.000 And you do at a certain angle, it's believable.

00:47:33.000 But when we're fucking you from behind and we look down and we see a 10-year-old or we're touching the back of your head and we feel some skater kid, that's rape.

00:47:43.000 You're raping me by switching out a chick with a boy.

00:47:48.000 And if you don't want to do time, then you should probably stop doing that.

00:47:52.000 It's not chlorine, it's chloroquil.

00:47:56.000 Oh, this guy probably wants you drinking fish cleaner.

00:48:00.000 No, you shouldn't do that.

00:48:02.000 That actually killed a guy.

00:48:03.000 We're getting a lot of negatives out of you and what you can't do.

00:48:06.000 I don't like no.

00:48:08.000 I'm not supposed to touch anybody.

00:48:10.000 You're not supposed to touch anybody.

00:48:13.000 Shut up, Rufio.

00:48:15.000 All right, does anyone care enough to call us?

00:48:17.000 They do.

00:48:18.000 We have Jim calling it up YouTube.

00:48:23.000 My brother, first caller, do I get a prize or what?

00:48:27.000 Come on.

00:48:28.000 Oh shit, we don't have a giveaway today.

00:48:31.000 Fuck's sakes.

00:48:32.000 First time I ever get in first haul.

00:48:35.000 I like to watch it occurs for me.

00:48:38.000 My ex used to like that.

00:48:42.000 She wanted to watch me fuck a stranger.

00:48:45.000 And just watching you watch Ryan, I'm really clear.

00:48:50.000 I like to watch you watch Ryan when he's doing impressions.

00:48:54.000 Is that gay?

00:48:56.000 Uh, yeah.

00:48:56.000 Am I gay?

00:48:57.000 Did you say...

00:49:00.000 Yeah, you're gay.

00:49:02.000 Did you say chinkinpox?

00:49:05.000 Yeah, we're really trying to stop people saying that.

00:49:08.000 We think it has racist connotations, and it's best just to say COVID-19.

00:49:15.000 Chinkinpox is something that I, you know, I don't care if this thing gets cured, but if I can wipe out the word chinkinpox and have people stop saying chinkinpox, I will be happy.

00:49:27.000 Because in many ways, chinkenpox is more damaging to the country than the actual virus.

00:49:35.000 I think CNN is more damaging to the country than coronavirus or chinkenpox or whatever.

00:49:42.000 Dude, I need help, man.

00:49:44.000 Who is going to have a class action lawsuit against YouTube from all of us young dweebs, noobs, these small YouTube channels that are getting censored, man?

00:49:58.000 Listen, I cannot be married in the comments section of a YouTube channel that I don't have, dude.

00:50:06.000 She's very Canadian guy.

00:50:08.000 Didn't I bet you $100 you're not getting married?

00:50:11.000 Well, I mean, it's a work in progress, but dude, we wanted to be married in the comments section.

00:50:17.000 This is a sticking point for her.

00:50:19.000 So I don't get it, dude.

00:50:21.000 Maybe I'll be able to get a little bit more.

00:50:22.000 I hope we can help out in the future.

00:50:25.000 Have you guys noticed when you wear these masks with glasses, they fog up?

00:50:30.000 Apparently, they're ineffectual, too, unless it's a perfect seal everywhere.

00:50:34.000 Like, I feel like some air is getting in here.

00:50:36.000 Probably not.

00:50:37.000 Somebody talking about Gary cooking.

00:50:40.000 What's up?

00:50:41.000 How's it going?

00:50:42.000 What's up?

00:50:44.000 So, didn't Ryan used to have like a cooking show at one point?

00:50:50.000 I produce cooking with comics.

00:50:52.000 Larry's cooking with comics.

00:50:53.000 Put your face on the screen this entire time.

00:50:55.000 It's complex.

00:50:57.000 Okay.

00:50:58.000 Do you think you could host Gary as one of your cooking buddies?

00:51:03.000 Oh, my.

00:51:12.000 That guy fucking reeks.

00:51:17.000 And we have to sanitize the desk after.

00:51:21.000 The idea of getting involved in a kitchen scenario with food and touching, like his nails are about an inch long.

00:51:27.000 Yeah.

00:51:28.000 You could just do it there.

00:51:28.000 That's fine.

00:51:31.000 No, I don't want to do it at my house.

00:51:32.000 Thank you.

00:51:33.000 All right.

00:51:34.000 Thanks for calling.

00:51:35.000 Brian, from now on, when I go like this, it means cut the call.

00:51:39.000 Okay.

00:51:41.000 Cody.

00:51:45.000 Yeah, what's up, guys?

00:51:46.000 What's the dude?

00:51:46.000 What's up, Cody?

00:51:49.000 So I noticed you guys talk about the specification of men.

00:51:53.000 Yes.

00:51:56.000 Very difficult specification.

00:51:59.000 Exactly.

00:52:00.000 So since 1900, the infant mortality rate has dropped 99% up to 2000.

00:52:09.000 So I noticed in that 100 years, it's dropped 99%.

00:52:12.000 So basically, all the weak infants, all the weak babies aren't dying.

00:52:18.000 So basically, what we have is people that should have died, they're still alive now.

00:52:24.000 And, you know, politics is downstream from culture, like Breitbart says.

00:52:28.000 So basically, my thought is, since we have more surviving children, we're getting more pussies.

00:52:38.000 I don't know if I support your theory.

00:52:39.000 You're forgetting two world wars that wiped out a lot of fucking brave men.

00:52:46.000 And you're forgetting that a lot of that infant mortality rate was from polio and other diseases that don't necessarily only affect pussies.

00:52:57.000 I think that it was the discovery of penicillin that led to such a drastic reduction in the mortality rate.

00:53:06.000 Well, what I'm saying is we're saving more people, right?

00:53:08.000 We have more vaccines.

00:53:10.000 Granted, the world wars, yeah, but more people are surviving.

00:53:16.000 That's why I made this gesture that Ryan is not paying attention to.

00:53:19.000 Sorry, sorry.

00:53:20.000 But thank you for calling.

00:53:21.000 I think it has more to do with antibiotics and stuff like that.

00:53:24.000 They're definitely more pussies.

00:53:26.000 I think it also has to do with affluence.

00:53:28.000 You know, they say we're having less babies, but so are Mexicans, believe it or not.

00:53:32.000 In Mexico, the country, they're having less babies than they did the generation previous and the generation before that because they have more money.

00:53:39.000 And when people are more affluent, they are more likely to have less kids.

00:53:44.000 I guess I could have just said less likely to have kids.

00:53:47.000 Next go.

00:53:48.000 What are you doing petering around there, by the way, when I'm doing my cool gesture?

00:53:52.000 Oh, I can't see it sometimes because I'm looking around.

00:53:54.000 I'm trying to set up some sound drops here.

00:53:58.000 And then also trying to get the webcam on here so that way I can...

00:54:01.000 There's a reason, but it's...

00:54:06.000 But maybe if you're going to be boring, wipe my neck with the knife.

00:54:10.000 I'd be able to recognize it.

00:54:11.000 Jackson, maybe I'll just whip it.

00:54:13.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:54:14.000 Yeah, hit it into the wall.

00:54:15.000 I'll return it back to you, but I won't throw it back.

00:54:16.000 I'll hand it back.

00:54:17.000 But you throw it at me.

00:54:18.000 That would be a good initiation to a game.

00:54:20.000 Because this is a leatherman, so it's very bottom-heavy.

00:54:20.000 Holy shit.

00:54:24.000 So the odds of the knife going into you are low.

00:54:26.000 However, in that one in 30 times, it does go in, it's got a lot of action.

00:54:32.000 So it's going to go in.

00:54:32.000 So much weight.

00:54:34.000 It's like a kid.

00:54:34.000 It's going to go in like an inch.

00:54:36.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:54:36.000 And if it gets you in the wrong spot, right in the pituitary glands or whatever, you're the Stephen Hawking of the gang.

00:54:44.000 It'll be a disaster.

00:54:45.000 Jackson talking about Burger King.

00:54:48.000 Yo, what's up, niggas?

00:54:49.000 How are you guys?

00:54:50.000 I guess this question's for both of you.

00:54:52.000 Who do you think is better, Corn or Slipknot?

00:54:55.000 I like you more than a friend.

00:54:56.000 I want to fuck you with my new sunglasses.

00:54:59.000 Thank you for calling.

00:55:01.000 Corn.

00:55:02.000 I fucking hate both those bands.

00:55:04.000 I hate anyone who likes either of those bands.

00:55:07.000 In fact, our favorite joke in the early aughts was, what kind of music do you like?

00:55:12.000 Oh, early Janes, late chains, peppers and rage.

00:55:16.000 And that's Ryan's record collection right there.

00:55:18.000 Let me fuck you with my heels on, yeah.

00:55:21.000 So I'll leave that to Ryan because I'm not familiar with either band.

00:55:24.000 I would never listen to any of those.

00:55:27.000 Remember, wait a minute.

00:55:28.000 I remember Corn.

00:55:29.000 So there was an awesome band called Sepultura who did, they went down to the Amazon jungle and recorded with actual Aboriginals.

00:55:38.000 And they recorded an album called Roots.

00:55:42.000 Roots!

00:55:43.000 Bloody Roots!

00:55:45.000 And the Aboriginals are on the album, like, and playing bongos and stuff.

00:55:51.000 And a lot of their, they're using their Aboriginal language.

00:55:55.000 So they're like, speaking their crazy language on the album.

00:56:02.000 And it's a work of art.

00:56:03.000 It should be in the Smithsonian.

00:56:05.000 Then Corn heard that, and I think Corn started just going, ripping off Sepultura's thing, but you're ripping off an Aboriginal language.

00:56:15.000 They weren't just babbling.

00:56:16.000 I thought that they were ripping off like Beavis from Beavis and Butthead.

00:56:20.000 Shut up, Bob.

00:56:23.000 This is such a cool, advanced idea for an album.

00:56:26.000 Well, Sepultura are, what, Argentinian or something?

00:56:31.000 Oh, I think Sepultura is an actual thing beyond the band, so I have to.

00:56:35.000 Wait, that wasn't them?

00:56:37.000 Bloody Roots, here we go.

00:56:39.000 Roots!

00:56:41.000 Bloody Roots!

00:56:46.000 If you don't know why this is different from Corn and Slipknot, then there's something wrong with you.

00:56:54.000 Oh they're from Brazil Anyway, you get the idea.

00:57:05.000 Then they have the Hookabaka Bookabaka guy going.

00:57:08.000 All right.

00:57:08.000 It was between Corn and Slayer or Layer?

00:57:10.000 Slipknot.

00:57:11.000 Corn Slipknot.

00:57:12.000 Oh, Corn, easily.

00:57:13.000 So shitty Ryan and his shitty music says shitty corn are the best.

00:57:17.000 Yes.

00:57:18.000 And I don't listen to him a lot, but they got some hits.

00:57:20.000 Calling about Gavin's book, Green Hills.

00:57:23.000 Hey, Gavin, hey, Ryan.

00:57:24.000 Hope you guys are staying healthy and away from the COVID.

00:57:27.000 I got a quick question for you, Gav.

00:57:29.000 I started a business eight years ago in Canada.

00:57:32.000 It took off pretty good, but now I had to lay everybody off.

00:57:35.000 So my game plan was I was going to write a book after 10 years, so now I'm starting to do it because it's a little bit of a niche market.

00:57:40.000 I got some funny stories with work.

00:57:42.000 So I read your book in quarantine, and it was awesome.

00:57:46.000 It's just cool.

00:57:47.000 And just wanted to ask you how you got started on it.

00:57:52.000 Did you start writing the chapters one through the whole book?

00:57:54.000 Or did you just start writing your stories and just piecing it together after that?

00:57:58.000 I think it's best to go in chronological order.

00:58:00.000 So page one, you start writing page one right away.

00:58:04.000 And then, because you're going to say, it's like I told you with the Aboriginals with Sepultura.

00:58:09.000 They make that, and then even, you know, you're saying that 50 pages in.

00:58:14.000 Here, I'm glad you called because this is important advice.

00:58:17.000 The hardest part about writing a book is just the sheer work of it all.

00:58:23.000 It's like if you had to line your entire floor with toothpicks and they all had to be touching and perfectly Parallel, it wouldn't really matter, you know, if there was a mistake here and there or what kind of toothpicks you use.

00:58:36.000 The actual getting on your hands and knees and gluing down the toothpicks is 90% of it.

00:58:40.000 So, you got to get it out.

00:58:41.000 And for that, I recommend Adderall.

00:58:44.000 Stephen King would use Coke.

00:58:46.000 I find Coke is a little too uppy-down.

00:58:48.000 So, Adderall gets it out, right?

00:58:51.000 And then you have a couple whiskeys to give it balls.

00:58:54.000 You'll notice that you're like, I don't want to be judged this way, and people might perceive it this way if I write that.

00:59:00.000 And then when you've had like a whiskey and a half, you're just like, well, this is what happened, and fuck you if you can't take a joke.

00:59:06.000 So, whiskey gives it balls, right?

00:59:08.000 And then that's one pass.

00:59:12.000 Now smoke a dube.

00:59:15.000 And pot makes it funny.

00:59:17.000 So go back through it.

00:59:18.000 Or maybe as you're writing, you could also have one little dube.

00:59:21.000 Don't go crazy with any of this.

00:59:22.000 When I say Adderall, I mean a quarter of a pill.

00:59:25.000 When I say whiskey, I'm talking about one and a half.

00:59:27.000 When I say pot, I'm talking about like, especially with modern pot, more like and then throw it away.

00:59:33.000 So Adderall gets it out.

00:59:34.000 Whiskey gives it balls.

00:59:35.000 Pot makes it funny.

00:59:36.000 It's up to you, the order that you do that in.

00:59:39.000 Obviously, you have to start with Adderall, but it's up to you whether this is all at once or if it's separate passes.

00:59:45.000 Then the morning after you have a coffee, you're fresh, you've had breakfast.

00:59:51.000 Now you go back over what you wrote yesterday and take out all the shit.

00:59:55.000 And one of the best places you can get writing advice is Charles Murray's book, The Curmudgeon's Guide to Getting Ahead.

01:00:02.000 And his big message in that book with writing is kill your darlings.

01:00:06.000 I know you love this little quip.

01:00:08.000 I know you love this little anecdote.

01:00:10.000 If it can possibly be cut from the book without hurting the story, then cut it from the book.

01:00:15.000 You've got to circumcise your stories.

01:00:17.000 You've got to cut out all the extraneous banter because that's when the reader's mind is going to start wandering.

01:00:24.000 And the other last piece of advice I give is you really got to cut out a large piece of time for yourself.

01:00:30.000 Because once you start getting into the rhythm, you can do a good three hours of writing a day.

01:00:35.000 And three hours could be 4,000 words.

01:00:38.000 A book is only 80,000 words.

01:00:40.000 That's why I'm doing that now, right?

01:00:41.000 Because I have to lay everybody off from work.

01:00:43.000 And I don't see this settling up anytime soon, to be honest with you, and getting back to the grind.

01:00:48.000 So now I know it's kind of all the time in the world, right?

01:00:50.000 Yeah, yeah, I think you can write a book in a month.

01:00:52.000 I mean, it's in that.

01:00:54.000 Definitely three months.

01:00:56.000 But the hardest part I find is if I write an article, I have to read it three or four times to see where I'm getting bored or where it's losing its vitriol, its exuberance.

01:01:11.000 And that's easy.

01:01:12.000 I can read 800 words 10 times in a row, no problem.

01:01:15.000 But when your book is getting towards the end and it's like 60,000, 70,000 words, you have to keep rereading all that?

01:01:21.000 Holy fucking Lord.

01:01:23.000 That is a bitch.

01:01:26.000 So how long did it take you to write the death to cool?

01:01:28.000 How long when you pumped that out?

01:01:30.000 You know, my wife really helped because she brought in her mother-in-law.

01:01:34.000 And if my wife's just dealing with the kids alone, I start to feel guilty and then it distracts me.

01:01:39.000 But when I knew the mother-in-law was there picking up the slack and giving my wife a break, I think I was done in two and a half months.

01:01:49.000 But it was 100% done.

01:01:52.000 It's not a lucrative endeavor anymore.

01:01:54.000 So don't get your hopes up about getting any money.

01:01:57.000 It's not a lucrative endeavor anymore.

01:01:59.000 So don't expect any payment.

01:02:02.000 Oh, no, no.

01:02:02.000 I'm just doing this.

01:02:03.000 Just like I said.

01:02:04.000 I do hoarding cleanup.

01:02:05.000 So the stuff I've seen in eight years of work doing it's just crazy.

01:02:08.000 Wait, are you the guy that drives the sanitation truck, the Canadian dude?

01:02:13.000 No, no, that's not me.

01:02:14.000 No, no, no.

01:02:15.000 I'm a smaller version of DASP.

01:02:18.000 But no, like I said, I had 13 employees up until a couple days ago.

01:02:23.000 But yeah, no, it was going good.

01:02:25.000 But then the well, if it's any consolation, the people you fired, a lot of them were dicks.

01:02:34.000 And that's something that, and thanks for coming, by the way.

01:02:37.000 That's something we have to notice in this whole epidemic as we go through this together.

01:02:42.000 A lot of first responders are dicks.

01:02:46.000 A lot of these nurses that are helping, a lot of the doctors, the ones you see with the lines here, some of them are really good people working hard.

01:02:55.000 Some of them are assholes.

01:02:57.000 And a lot of them are racist.

01:02:59.000 In fact, that's where I got the word chinkenpox is from first responders.

01:03:06.000 We got Nate talking about martial law.

01:03:12.000 Hey, what's up, guys?

01:03:15.000 Hey, so I am just recently hired as a cop in one of my out here in Washington State.

01:03:22.000 And Jay and Lee, the stupid governor, said that we could, departments could enforce martial law.

01:03:29.000 And I am a person who is a constitutionalist.

01:03:33.000 And I just wanted to hear what your thoughts were about cops enforcing martial law.

01:03:38.000 Do you think that's worldly for me?

01:03:41.000 If that's something I had to do, is it something that I should maybe think about quitting for or just do it and proceed?

01:03:48.000 Anyway, thanks, guys.

01:03:51.000 Don't do it.

01:03:52.000 You know, in Virginia, when they were talking about the governor, Governor Blackface, as Tucker calls him, said they were going to confiscate the guns, the local police said, yeah, no, we're not doing that.

01:04:03.000 We're constitutionalists.

01:04:04.000 And if someone tells us to go door to door confiscating guns, we're just not showing up for work that day.

01:04:09.000 So I know I say get fired, get in trouble.

01:04:12.000 A cop losing his pension is $4 million.

01:04:17.000 So I don't think you should barge into the station and quit.

01:04:20.000 I just think you should just do your job badly when it's time for martial law.

01:04:25.000 Okay, go to 36 Elmer Crescent and kick down that door.

01:04:30.000 Okay, I'm on it.

01:04:31.000 Then like, go get a donut.

01:04:32.000 Fuck.

01:04:33.000 Just leave.

01:04:34.000 Just go somewhere else.

01:04:36.000 Just be a half-assed fascist, which is a half-ascist?

01:04:43.000 Jay City's calling about New York City bridges.

01:04:46.000 It's your boy.

01:04:48.000 Hey, guys.

01:04:49.000 Hey, my name is Jezy.

01:04:52.000 Hi, Gav.

01:04:53.000 Hi, Ryan.

01:04:54.000 Hey, I'm calling you guys because, you know, Gavin, I really liked that first part of the show where you were driving around New York.

01:05:02.000 Oh, good.

01:05:03.000 I was worried it was more.

01:05:05.000 Well, the reason I'm saying that is because I actually am a New York City bridge inspector, but I very rarely step foot in New York.

01:05:13.000 The reason that your bridges suck so bad is because there's no way to build the bridges in New York.

01:05:18.000 They build them all over the country, and then they bring them in, ship them in, put them together.

01:05:25.000 And, I mean, I've been as far as Nevada inspecting pieces for the bridges in NYC.

01:05:32.000 So you're obviously not talking about the Brooklyn Bridge because the Brooklyn Bridge was built there.

01:05:38.000 Well, yeah, buddy, I wasn't alive in fucking 1812.

01:05:43.000 So when was the Williamsburg Bridge built?

01:05:47.000 Oh, man, do you know how many bridges there are in New York City?

01:05:51.000 I don't know when that one was built, but what they're doing right now is they're trying to rehabilitate the entire city to where all the bridges are going to last 100 years, which is, you know, that's pretty bold.

01:06:04.000 It's going to take many, many years for that to happen.

01:06:06.000 But I mean, right now I'm in New Hampshire inspecting on New York City bridge pieces.

01:06:12.000 That's nuts.

01:06:13.000 Wow.

01:06:14.000 Yeah, I've been in New York, Tennessee, Ohio, Nevada, Illinois.

01:06:22.000 I've actually been in Chicago, been in Indiana, been in North Carolina.

01:06:29.000 What do you think of the Tappan Z Bridge, or as Cuomo calls it, the Andrew Cuomo Bridge?

01:06:36.000 Well, I can tell you the Tappan Z Bridge was a disaster from the start.

01:06:41.000 And I actually never worked on the Tappan Z, but it's a big talk among a bunch of inspectors because we're third party and we're hired by the DOTs or whatever entity from we have inspection and engineering firms and we're hired to go all over.

01:06:59.000 So we all talk to each other.

01:07:01.000 And the Tappan Z bridge is like, it's gone down in history.

01:07:04.000 It's going to go down in history.

01:07:05.000 Wait a minute.

01:07:06.000 I'm sorry to interrupt, but when we talk about Tappan Z, are we talking about the old one or the one they just finished like six months ago?

01:07:13.000 The brand new one.

01:07:14.000 Okay.

01:07:14.000 Big old piece of shit.

01:07:16.000 Well, I'll be dipped.

01:07:17.000 It's fucking horrible, dude.

01:07:20.000 The new Tappan Z bridge has so many problems with it that you don't know about.

01:07:24.000 I could get fired for this.

01:07:26.000 But, you know, I guess you say.

01:07:28.000 No, no, no one knows who you are.

01:07:31.000 That one's a big nightmare.

01:07:33.000 Wait a minute.

01:07:34.000 I'm sorry.

01:07:35.000 What kind of problem does it have that I should know about it?

01:07:39.000 Should I drive on it?

01:07:41.000 Absolutely.

01:07:42.000 You can drive on it.

01:07:43.000 That's a non-fracture critical material bridge.

01:07:46.000 So that means that there's a ton of redundancy built into the bridge.

01:07:50.000 So even if there's a ton of failures and stuff, it's just going to be constantly inspected, constantly rebuilt.

01:07:57.000 And it's going to, you know, they'll just do a little piece by piece.

01:08:01.000 And, you know, it's never going to fail.

01:08:03.000 Don't worry about it.

01:08:04.000 You guys can drive on it.

01:08:05.000 Any bridge in that city, you can drive on and it'll be fine.

01:08:08.000 But it costs so much money for your city to build these bridges.

01:08:12.000 And guess what?

01:08:13.000 None of the people that inspect your bridges and make sure all you guys are safe, none of us are from fucking New York City.

01:08:19.000 Yeah, I've got that part.

01:08:21.000 So do you think this redundancy is built in?

01:08:24.000 Do you think the government wants shitty bridges?

01:08:27.000 So the lowest have to be built.

01:08:28.000 No, no, no, no.

01:08:30.000 When I say redundancy, I mean if there's a failure, it's not going to be catastrophic.

01:08:34.000 No, I understand that.

01:08:35.000 I just like, why does the bridge suck so bad?

01:08:37.000 Because the Williamsburg Bridge, the entire time I lived there, which was like 15 years, it was constantly, there was constantly construction on it.

01:08:44.000 And I looked up and I saw it was built in seven years.

01:08:47.000 And I'm like, you built a bridge in seven years and you've been repairing it for 30?

01:08:52.000 Bro, there was probably seven years of planning before that that they completely just fucked up.

01:08:58.000 I mean, they fuck every it's it's what it is is the engineers are people that shouldn't be there.

01:09:05.000 The the fabricators and the inspection and stuff, that's usually done right.

01:09:12.000 But what happens is engineers get pressure to accept things that they shouldn't accept.

01:09:19.000 Why?

01:09:22.000 Because whoever is actually paying for the bridge, like whatever entity is actually, you know, issuing the money for the bridge, they will pressure engineers into accepting things that they shouldn't accept.

01:09:36.000 And engineers, I don't know if you've ever worked as an engineer.

01:09:39.000 That's what I used to do.

01:09:40.000 Now I'm an inspector, but you have timelines, you got bosses pressuring you.

01:09:47.000 And sometimes they don't know what they're doing too.

01:09:49.000 Like they've never been in a shop where dudes are welding.

01:09:52.000 Like I started out as a welder.

01:09:54.000 And, you know, if you don't know the shop, if you're the engineer that's in control of the job and you don't know the shop, you don't know the shop environment and what it's like, you have no idea.

01:10:05.000 Sometimes an inspector will be bringing something up like, dude, this is not, this isn't good.

01:10:09.000 Like this is going to cause you problems later on down the road.

01:10:12.000 And they're like, oh, well, you know, it'll be okay.

01:10:14.000 Somebody else.

01:10:15.000 And then what I think what their mindset is, somebody else will deal with this later.

01:10:19.000 And that's what you're looking at right now.

01:10:20.000 So that's just tax money.

01:10:22.000 You might as well just be throwing your tax money into the fucking niche.

01:10:25.000 That is true of so many businesses.

01:10:27.000 I saw this great Tower Records documentary called This Too Shall Pass, I believe.

01:10:32.000 And the secret to their success was every top brass CEO guy used to build shelves at the record stores and sell records, and they slowly worked their way up.

01:10:43.000 So every rich CEO, every executive had intimate knowledge of the bottom.

01:10:49.000 And I think that's the only way to build a successful business.

01:10:53.000 That's honestly the way it should be.

01:10:54.000 I mean, I started out, I swept forward to the machine shop, became a welder, weld shop supervisor, certified welding inspector, welding engineer.

01:11:03.000 And then I got into engineering and saw how fucked up everything was.

01:11:05.000 And I was like, you know what?

01:11:06.000 I'm just going to go back and be an inspector.

01:11:09.000 Cool.

01:11:09.000 All right.

01:11:10.000 Look, we're out of time with this call, but that was fascinating.

01:11:12.000 Good to know.

01:11:14.000 We got Curtis McVay, Podesta emails and stuff.

01:11:21.000 Hey, how are you?

01:11:22.000 Good.

01:11:24.000 So just wondering, I know this is a couple of years old, but I wonder if you guys went down the same rabbit hole that I'm Going down right now with like the Podesta and Clinton emails that leaked, and there's like FBI code words like hot dog and pizza referring to young girls and young boys.

01:11:41.000 And it involves Marina Abramovic, who is a known witch and Satan myth, and they apparently do witchcraft ceremonies with Clintons.

01:11:50.000 And then it ties all in with the comic pizza and Pizzagate and all that.

01:11:55.000 So anyways, I was just wondering what your opinion was on that whole chick.

01:11:59.000 Yeah, I don't know.

01:12:00.000 I'm too lazy to pursue it, really.

01:12:02.000 I looked into a little bit and I saw that Marina Abramovic chick and they have like ceremonies with her body.

01:12:09.000 And the vibe I got from watching her was that these are, you know, politics is Hollywood for ugly people.

01:12:14.000 And these are boring, ugly people with money who want to be part of something that's exciting.

01:12:19.000 So she's like this exciting, dangerous artist.

01:12:22.000 And they go, I want to go to one of her, what are they called again?

01:12:26.000 Like hate rituals or something?

01:12:30.000 Oh, spirit cooking.

01:12:32.000 Spirit cooking.

01:12:32.000 I want to go to a spirit cooking and then I can be all cool.

01:12:35.000 It's nerds trying to be cool and getting invited to the in-crowd of the art world.

01:12:40.000 And then I looked into Comet Pizza a little bit.

01:12:43.000 I never really found any hard evidence.

01:12:46.000 And yeah, the Podesta emails, I don't know.

01:12:49.000 And I talked to people like really involved, like Laura Loomer and Cassandra Fairbanks and Mike Cernovich.

01:12:54.000 And I go, are they molesting children there?

01:12:58.000 And I think all of them recently said, we don't know.

01:13:02.000 Could be really bad.

01:13:03.000 And I just thought, all right, well, I don't have the energy.

01:13:06.000 It's like Laura with the Vegas shooting.

01:13:08.000 She went down there and investigated for weeks and weeks.

01:13:12.000 And we still never got the whole story.

01:13:16.000 So I kind of gave up, but I'm open-minded.

01:13:18.000 I like conspiracy theories because it's really just curious people trying to find out if someone's doing some dark shit.

01:13:27.000 If you ever have free time, a documentary I'd recommend you watch is called Who Took Johnny.

01:13:33.000 It's a story of Johnny Gosh.

01:13:34.000 He was a young boy who was abducted on his mail room back in the 70s.

01:13:38.000 And he was their first boy ever featured on a milk carton.

01:13:42.000 And so anyways, the documentary is all about who took him, all this and that.

01:13:46.000 But then later on in the story, they arrest this guy for pedophilia.

01:13:50.000 His name was Paul Bonacci.

01:13:52.000 And you can watch all of his deposition tapes on YouTube where he confesses to abducting Johnny Gosh.

01:13:58.000 And he knew about birthmarks on his body that were never released to the press.

01:14:02.000 So he knew a bunch of stuff.

01:14:04.000 And he was talking about, you know, a bunch of people high up in government flying them both to like the White House and secret sex surgeries with elite people in Hollywood and in government.

01:14:14.000 So I'd recommend watching that favorite.

01:14:17.000 I don't rely on documentaries too much for information, too.

01:14:20.000 I don't know how many truthers have told me to check out a documentary.

01:14:22.000 Let me ask you something.

01:14:23.000 Are you gay?

01:14:25.000 Yeah, I called you last week.

01:14:27.000 I was the one that admitted that maybe gays have mental illness.

01:14:31.000 Why are you gay?

01:14:34.000 Beats the hell out of me.

01:14:36.000 Ask my mom and dad.

01:14:37.000 Were you touched as a kid?

01:14:40.000 You know, I don't think so, but then, you know, maybe I was and maybe I'm, you know, suppressing it.

01:14:46.000 And maybe I need hypnotherapy to bring it up.

01:14:48.000 I don't know.

01:14:49.000 Because I wonder why you have this inclination to do so much research about child molestation.

01:14:56.000 I have a lot of free time.

01:14:57.000 I'm not working too much right now.

01:15:00.000 Okay.

01:15:00.000 Well, tell you what.

01:15:02.000 If you find any solid evidence about Comet Pizza or any of that, we would love to see it here on the show and get to the bottom of it.

01:15:09.000 I just, I haven't seen anything concrete yet.

01:15:13.000 I'll send you guys an email for sure.

01:15:15.000 All right, buddy.

01:15:16.000 Thanks a lot for calling.

01:15:19.000 Okay.

01:15:22.000 Is it gay that somebody's following up here, following?

01:15:28.000 That sounded like Faith Goldie.

01:15:30.000 Somebody's following up here, Govin.

01:15:32.000 She has lost her Canadian accent.

01:15:34.000 That's crazy, Govin.

01:15:35.000 I think, maybe I shouldn't be saying this publicly, but I think she went to a speech therapist.

01:15:39.000 Oh, that sucks.

01:15:40.000 No, it doesn't suck.

01:15:41.000 I told her that.

01:15:42.000 I said, look, you're a fucking amazing orator.

01:15:46.000 I saw you.

01:15:46.000 We did a speech together in Toronto, and she just off the cuff, just fucking nailed it and was hilarious.

01:15:53.000 I honestly thought she could be the next prime minister.

01:15:56.000 But I said, as far as the national stage, or sorry, international stage, right?

01:16:00.000 If it's Canada, you got to lose that fucking accent.

01:16:03.000 It's really distracting.

01:16:04.000 You sound like you're in Fargo.

01:16:05.000 What kind of accent do I have in?

01:16:07.000 I really do.

01:16:08.000 Hey, fuck, what's going on?

01:16:10.000 Faith Goldie here, having a dart, just fucking talking about politics and fucking Justin Trudeau.

01:16:16.000 He's such a fucking pussy, eh?

01:16:19.000 Russell's asking, is it gay?

01:16:23.000 What's up, Brussels?

01:16:23.000 Yo, what's up, bad?

01:16:25.000 Why are you gay?

01:16:28.000 Hello?

01:16:29.000 Hello.

01:16:31.000 Okay, can you hear me?

01:16:32.000 Yeah, it's Mark Norman.

01:16:33.000 Ryan, can't you make your face part of this show?

01:16:35.000 People are just looking at me standing here with a microphone like a mute comic.

01:16:39.000 It's not easy, but I can try.

01:16:42.000 So or not.

01:16:44.000 Go ahead.

01:16:45.000 Go ahead, call her.

01:16:47.000 All right, so is it gay?

01:16:49.000 We know that gay sex is gay because a male penis inserts a male butt.

01:16:55.000 Yes.

01:16:56.000 But is it gay in regards to pegging, when a female pegs a man?

01:17:03.000 Yes, it is gay.

01:17:05.000 Dan Savage pushed this for a long time and said it's not gay.

01:17:09.000 It's just a type of having sex.

01:17:11.000 You should find it alarming when it happens.

01:17:14.000 You can try it once with a small one.

01:17:17.000 Wow, that James.

01:17:19.000 But generally, you should find it alarming to have done to you.

01:17:24.000 And I said, Dan Savage keeps saying that it's not gay, but he's full of shit.

01:17:28.000 He's just trying to recruit straits.

01:17:30.000 And then Dan Savage in a column conceded that I was right, and he was just fucking around trying to make straits into fags.

01:17:38.000 Why?

01:17:38.000 Are you getting pegged by your misses?

01:17:41.000 Nope, far from it.

01:17:43.000 Nope.

01:17:44.000 That's funny that you mentioned try with a smaller one because when I first got on Reddit, one of the first pages I somehow came across was Sex Over 30.

01:17:54.000 And this woman posted about trying pegging with her man.

01:17:58.000 And, oh, it was a grotesque story that I just, it was scarring.

01:18:03.000 It was like it was written by Chuck Polynuck or something, right?

01:18:06.000 Just a lot of fluids.

01:18:08.000 You should try different stuff.

01:18:10.000 I mean, look, maybe you should try it to see if you like it.

01:18:13.000 But generally, I find that when women are doing, like, I don't like being massaged, and I don't like the idea.

01:18:20.000 Like, one time this chick tied me up, this is like 100 years ago, tied me up and put an ice cube all over my body.

01:18:25.000 And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no.

01:18:27.000 That's the canvas trying to do stuff to the painter.

01:18:30.000 You go over there.

01:18:30.000 You're the canvas.

01:18:31.000 I'll do the painting.

01:18:32.000 Thank you.

01:18:33.000 You're not pegging me.

01:18:34.000 Actually, you know what I did about a year ago?

01:18:37.000 I said to my wife, can you try giving me a reach around?

01:18:40.000 I want to see what that feels like.

01:18:42.000 That might be a position that we do.

01:18:44.000 And then I tried it for like 10 seconds.

01:18:46.000 I was like, nip, nip, nip, nip, nip, nip, nip.

01:18:48.000 It is a disaster.

01:18:49.000 We're not doing that.

01:18:52.000 I'm not a big massage fan.

01:18:54.000 That is insanity.

01:18:56.000 If someone is going like this, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

01:19:00.000 It's insane.

01:19:05.000 All right.

01:19:05.000 Thanks for calling, but pegging is gay.

01:19:08.000 Yeah.

01:19:08.000 You fuck.

01:19:09.000 Do you like getting a massage, Ryan?

01:19:11.000 Yes.

01:19:12.000 You're a chick.

01:19:15.000 Oh, my God.

01:19:16.000 We got a stay-at-home mom.

01:19:19.000 If I could click her.

01:19:21.000 I want to get back to.

01:19:22.000 Hi, Gavin.

01:19:23.000 Hi, stay-at-home mom.

01:19:26.000 Hey, Gavin.

01:19:26.000 Hey, Rye guy.

01:19:28.000 No, Padre.

01:19:29.000 I got my shirt in today.

01:19:30.000 Truly appreciate it.

01:19:32.000 The clown world.

01:19:33.000 Oh, great.

01:19:34.000 How many kids do you have?

01:19:37.000 Unfortunately, I only have one.

01:19:39.000 By the time we were going to have more, I ended up having a pretty bad stomach disease, and it just doesn't lend well to having more kids.

01:19:47.000 But we really did want to have a lot.

01:19:50.000 But there's always blacks to adopt.

01:19:54.000 Okay, see, I said adopt, but my husband was like, listen, I don't want other people's problems.

01:20:00.000 And I understand.

01:20:02.000 I really do.

01:20:03.000 Okay, so listen, I listen and watch you while I'm working out and doing my chores.

01:20:09.000 What's your workout?

01:20:09.000 Peloton?

01:20:12.000 Hell no.

01:20:12.000 Well, no, no.

01:20:14.000 I do, we have a workout, a gym at the house.

01:20:18.000 And so we have a punching bag.

01:20:19.000 I love hitting the punching bag while you're talking.

01:20:23.000 Or Larry, I love watching that show.

01:20:29.000 I also have a weighted hula hoop.

01:20:31.000 I'm a girl.

01:20:31.000 I like doing it.

01:20:33.000 And I use a lot of my own body weight.

01:20:36.000 However, the other day you're talking about your daughter's homework in the 50s ad.

01:20:42.000 And I was like, I just had to call you about this because I like to think of myself as a 50s housewife.

01:20:51.000 I enjoy doing chores.

01:20:53.000 I enjoy keeping my house clean and my family happy.

01:20:58.000 I do a lot of volunteering at my son's school.

01:21:02.000 And so this year I decided that as the media is pushing stay-at-home moms, we're losers, we're nothing, I decided that I was going to start going to my son's school and showing them the other side, the perspective from my side of how great it is.

01:21:19.000 And, you know, this is what you should want to do.

01:21:22.000 And guys, work hard so you can have a woman that stays home.

01:21:26.000 And women, when you stay at home, this isn't eating bonbons and Peggy Bundy.

01:21:31.000 This is you're making lunches and breakfast and dinner every day.

01:21:35.000 You're cleaning nonstop.

01:21:38.000 And can I just interrupt you?

01:21:39.000 You're cleaning your own house.

01:21:42.000 There's this sort of slave thing that I was brainwashed with when I was a young man, that you're cooking and go make some, cook them some fucking eggs, woman, like they have in that movie Once for Warriors, and you've got to scrub the floors.

01:21:54.000 If you're scrubbing your own floors and then you look down and you go, wow, the floors are spotless in my bathroom that I put my makeup on in or whatever.

01:22:04.000 I have a clean bathroom now because of me.

01:22:07.000 It's like having like your own cleaning your room, as Jordan Peter would say, satisfaction.

01:22:13.000 And let me tell you, my clean, it takes me 10 minutes to clean this house top to bottom because when you do it every day, it's nothing.

01:22:22.000 And like you just wake up and you just start working.

01:22:25.000 And I also have a garden.

01:22:27.000 I have chickens.

01:22:28.000 So I do a lot of stuff outside, inside.

01:22:31.000 And when you were talking about your daughter and the 50s ad and how she should answer it, I said, you know what?

01:22:38.000 Like I go to my son's school and I show them that it is really great to be a stay-at-home parent.

01:22:44.000 But I do want to tell you the demographic, it's crazy that the white girls, they want to do it.

01:22:52.000 They're like, that's great.

01:22:53.000 I love it.

01:22:54.000 The white boys tend to make fun of me.

01:22:57.000 Like one kid was like, yeah, well, at least my mom works.

01:23:01.000 And my son and I had a nasty story.

01:23:02.000 And I bet her job is so stimulating.

01:23:05.000 She's an oncologist and she's in the lab and she's curing cancer and she's coming up with new antibodies for antidepressants or something for some sort of super antibacterial drug.

01:23:21.000 No, she's doing bullshit fucking Excel spreadsheets, getting everyone's meetings, working on their social media, totally useless fucking garbage.

01:23:30.000 It really is.

01:23:31.000 And I'm over here teaching my son about politics and taxes and saving money and working.

01:23:40.000 And I feel so much better as you can be a yes ma'am to them or subservient to them.

01:23:50.000 And it feels really good.

01:23:52.000 So like keep pushing the stay-at-home moms.

01:23:54.000 It is awesome.

01:23:56.000 And I also have a trash bin thought.

01:24:01.000 My husband once told me, and I do this, Jen, make a genuine and I said, listen, I'm not your bitch.

01:24:09.000 I'm not your restaurant.

01:24:10.000 I'm not going to just make a menu for you so you can go through and pick through what you want.

01:24:15.000 But let me tell you, it's excellent.

01:24:18.000 I decided to do it.

01:24:19.000 Now when the guys say, I don't know what I want to eat, they just go to the genuine they open it up and they find a picture and they're like, and then that's what they get.

01:24:29.000 And we list our meals at least 10 meals.

01:24:33.000 So every day they know what they're going to get so they can look forward to coming home to it.

01:24:38.000 This is the life.

01:24:40.000 That's awesome.

01:24:41.000 So you're making one meal.

01:24:42.000 It's not like one boy gets lasagna, the other kid gets nachos, and the other kid gets spaghetti.

01:24:49.000 They all sort of go, let's do spaghetti tonight.

01:24:51.000 And then it's spaghetti night.

01:24:54.000 Yes.

01:24:55.000 And I've made my son's food.

01:24:58.000 I never bought store food for him when he was a baby.

01:25:01.000 I made it from scratch.

01:25:02.000 And so he's not a ticky eater at all.

01:25:05.000 He eats everything.

01:25:08.000 And if you just start him off eating everything, they'll eventually just keep eating everything.

01:25:13.000 I mean, anything I put in front of him, he'll eat.

01:25:16.000 And I just tell him all the time, listen, women aren't like me.

01:25:20.000 And it's your catch.

01:25:22.000 You're going to have money because we have a business.

01:25:24.000 We started a business so that in the future he has something.

01:25:28.000 If he wants it, he can go to college.

01:25:30.000 He can have his own life.

01:25:31.000 But we started a business so that in the future he had something to fall back on.

01:25:35.000 And I think that's what I'm saying.

01:25:37.000 You being a cam girl?

01:25:40.000 You know, far from it.

01:25:41.000 We have a pool cleaning and repair business.

01:25:44.000 Right.

01:25:44.000 Don't say too much or Antifa will attack you.

01:25:48.000 You know, one thing I wanted to say is that I think with all this homeschooling and being at home, I feel like teachers are scared that we're realizing how little we need them.

01:25:59.000 I mean, my daughter's homework, her math homework is a computer program where it gives you the question, and if you put in the wrong answer, it says, nope, try again.

01:26:07.000 And then eventually it says, yep.

01:26:09.000 So it's a robot teaching her math.

01:26:12.000 I did it together with her.

01:26:13.000 And we can grind this out in like two hours.

01:26:16.000 And I was thinking the other day, why don't we just have, we all homeschool, just like we're doing now.

01:26:21.000 You grind it out two to three hours with computer programs.

01:26:24.000 We don't even need teachers.

01:26:26.000 And then kids go play all day.

01:26:28.000 Right now they're sitting in that stupid desk from 9 to 3.20.

01:26:33.000 And let me tell you, it is a prison.

01:26:36.000 Since the school shootings, the schools really care about who's coming in the school, but they don't care about the people inside the school.

01:26:43.000 Let me tell you, I'm a little under five foot.

01:26:47.000 I volunteer all the time at my son's school.

01:26:50.000 And after I volunteered for a week in the culinary program, now these kids see me all the time because I'm always bringing food to the school.

01:26:59.000 I'm always at all the dances, all the activities.

01:27:03.000 The first couple months of school, I'd given them 50 hours of my own time.

01:27:07.000 So these kids have seen me.

01:27:10.000 And I volunteered for a week and they started bullying me.

01:27:13.000 They started like the black girls were checking me with their shoulders and trying to fight me.

01:27:19.000 And I was like, listen, I told the school about it.

01:27:22.000 They did nothing.

01:27:24.000 Wait, why were they trying to check you?

01:27:27.000 Because I would say, hey, like I'd call them out for lying.

01:27:31.000 They'd skip the class.

01:27:33.000 And I'd tell the teacher, like, hey, what's this kid skipping class for?

01:27:37.000 She's like, it's not my problem.

01:27:39.000 If they skip, they skip.

01:27:40.000 And I'll just give them a zero.

01:27:42.000 And I'm thinking, but it is your problem because if my son is walking in the hallway and this bad kid's walking in the hallway that wants to pick a fight with my kid, then you don't care?

01:27:54.000 She's like, it's not my problem.

01:27:55.000 I was like, what city is this city, if you don't mind?

01:27:59.000 What general area?

01:28:01.000 We're in the northwest panhandle of Florida.

01:28:06.000 So St. Tiger King, where he got taken from, I'm close to that area.

01:28:13.000 And so the schools only care about people coming in, but not within the kids inside.

01:28:19.000 There's a seventh grader that's pregnant.

01:28:22.000 And also there's 17-year-old boys in the same class with 10-year-old girls.

01:28:28.000 Wait, wait, wait.

01:28:28.000 And there's nothing.

01:28:30.000 Wait a minute.

01:28:31.000 Is she black?

01:28:32.000 Yes.

01:28:33.000 Seventh grade, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven.

01:28:36.000 What is she, 12 years old?

01:28:40.000 Yes.

01:28:40.000 The pregnant girl?

01:28:41.000 Yes.

01:28:42.000 Yes.

01:28:43.000 Can you believe it?

01:28:44.000 Holy shit.

01:28:45.000 But then it pisses me off that you have like a 17-year-old boy in the same class with a 10-year-old girl, and there's nothing that the school is going to do about it.

01:28:56.000 They don't care.

01:28:57.000 But that's like rape.

01:28:58.000 The age of consent has got to be at least 13, 14.

01:29:03.000 Well, I'm talking about education-wise, they're in the same class.

01:29:07.000 Yes, the 12-year-old that's pregnant, that's wild.

01:29:11.000 And so I'm taking my son out of the school system.

01:29:14.000 We're homeschooling.

01:29:16.000 I don't even want the school to get my son's grades because he does really well.

01:29:22.000 He's in seventh grade, but he's doing ninth grade math.

01:29:26.000 And next year, he'll be doing 11th grade math.

01:29:29.000 And I said, you know what?

01:29:29.000 The school doesn't deserve you in all that you can deserve.

01:29:33.000 And by the way, he doesn't bet you anything that he's not pregnant.

01:29:38.000 No.

01:29:39.000 And he loves his mom.

01:29:40.000 He loves hanging out with me.

01:29:43.000 He's so respectful.

01:29:45.000 He would never say anything disrespectful.

01:29:47.000 And I do think it's because he's an only child and he's around a lot of adults.

01:29:53.000 But I think it's also because he's smart.

01:29:55.000 He's like, listen, I don't want to be like those kids.

01:29:58.000 He's tired of being around the kids.

01:30:00.000 He's ready to be homeschooled.

01:30:02.000 He doesn't care about.

01:30:03.000 That's enlightening.

01:30:04.000 I'm impressed that you went to the school to volunteer.

01:30:06.000 Look, we're out of time on this call, but that was fascinating.

01:30:09.000 Thanks for calling.

01:30:13.000 Kate.

01:30:14.000 She doesn't get to say goodbye.

01:30:15.000 By the way, one little thing to add to that story.

01:30:17.000 I was in the car yesterday when we're doing that New York stuff, and I said to my daughter, so what did you end up writing for that housewife thing?

01:30:25.000 And she goes, what?

01:30:26.000 And I go, I said you can do the right answer, which is that that woman was happy, or you can do the answer that will get you the correct response, which is she's a slave and she hates her life.

01:30:36.000 And I told her, you can write whatever you want.

01:30:38.000 It's up to you which path you choose.

01:30:40.000 And she goes, I don't remember.

01:30:42.000 And I said, we were working on this two days ago.

01:30:45.000 How can you not remember?

01:30:47.000 And then my wife says, maybe she doesn't want to tell you.

01:30:49.000 And I realize, wow.

01:30:50.000 So not only are you brainwashing my daughter with your feminist bullshit, but you've made her scared to talk to her father about it.

01:31:00.000 That's how fucking evil these re-education camps are.

01:31:05.000 Brian, why do you ignore your stupid, hideous, roofy old Pan-Man face?

01:31:10.000 Because it shares the screen with the important stuff.

01:31:13.000 We got Joe Biggs on the line.

01:31:17.000 Oh, yeah.

01:31:21.000 What's up, dog?

01:31:23.000 What up?

01:31:24.000 What it be like?

01:31:28.000 How is it working out for you there, this chinkin' pox?

01:31:30.000 Oh, fuck, I said.

01:31:31.000 You did it.

01:31:33.000 What'd you say?

01:31:34.000 How is this working out the quarantine?

01:31:36.000 How are you handling it?

01:31:37.000 Did you say chinkin' pox?

01:31:39.000 I did, and I'm really sorry about that.

01:31:41.000 I feel terrible.

01:31:42.000 No, that's amazing.

01:31:43.000 That's so much better than Shanghai Shivers that I came up with.

01:31:47.000 Shanghai.

01:31:52.000 What's on your mind?

01:31:53.000 I'm kind of jealous of that.

01:31:54.000 I'm kind of jealous of that one.

01:31:56.000 I kind of wish I came up with that one.

01:31:57.000 That one's really fucking good.

01:31:59.000 Well, I actually stole it.

01:32:01.000 It's from Carmen DeFabio.

01:32:02.000 He gets credit from the Creepy Corner.

01:32:04.000 Carmen DeFabio Creepy Corner made it up.

01:32:07.000 I like that one.

01:32:08.000 That one's really good.

01:32:09.000 That's definitely like top three.

01:32:15.000 What can we do you for, sir?

01:32:18.000 What's going on, guys?

01:32:19.000 I mean, shit, we're out here.

01:32:21.000 I'm stuck down here in Florida, man.

01:32:23.000 The fucking governor finally shut it down.

01:32:25.000 And it's like 90 degrees outside.

01:32:27.000 I mean, it's a virus.

01:32:30.000 Viruses don't thrive in heat.

01:32:32.000 Bacteria does.

01:32:33.000 It's not even a living thing.

01:32:34.000 It just has the ability to stay going on certain surfaces.

01:32:38.000 And I can tell you down here, the surfaces are pretty fucking toasty.

01:32:42.000 So, you know.

01:32:45.000 Well, we're having a great time.

01:32:46.000 I mean, Ryan's a hermit, and I don't even think he likes fucking chicks because I see pussy get thrown at him, and he's just like, oh, I got to go do my taxes.

01:32:56.000 Well, that's because the Asian lady at the restaurant throwing a cat at his face.

01:33:02.000 Make more soup.

01:33:03.000 Make more soup.

01:33:06.000 I got chickens to not touch.

01:33:08.000 If you throw actual pussy at him and go straight onto his walk.

01:33:14.000 And then I don't have to commute to the city anymore.

01:33:17.000 We built the studio in his living room.

01:33:19.000 So I'm pretty happy.

01:33:20.000 I get to see my kids more.

01:33:22.000 You know, I'm glad that we have a lot of room at home.

01:33:25.000 This is turning out great.

01:33:26.000 I kind of don't want it to end.

01:33:29.000 Yeah, it's really not that bad of a thing.

01:33:31.000 I mean, it's interesting because, you know, the people who stayed home all the time now want to go out.

01:33:38.000 But I understand why they want to go out now because all the idiots and retards are stuck at home.

01:33:42.000 So the people who normally stay at home to avoid the retards want to go out and experience the world finally without idiots running around everywhere, you know, bumping into their dicks, you know, taking selfies and falling in the fucking fountains.

01:33:56.000 You know, it gives people an opportunity to finally just go see the earth uninhibited by, you know, retardiveness.

01:34:04.000 But now we can't do it.

01:34:05.000 So it's just kind of one of those weird things, you know.

01:34:09.000 I turn my backyard at my house.

01:34:10.000 I have a nice piece of property in Florida.

01:34:12.000 I turn my backyard into a campground.

01:34:14.000 So I built a fire pit and put up a 10-man tent.

01:34:17.000 And then I got some of the guys coming up next week.

01:34:20.000 And we're all just going to cancel my backyard since we can't do shit.

01:34:23.000 What about your daughter?

01:34:24.000 Are you getting to see her?

01:34:27.000 Only on FaceTime because I can't travel to North Carolina now.

01:34:30.000 They close down the border.

01:34:31.000 We can't travel inside or outside of the state.

01:34:34.000 That sucks.

01:34:36.000 Yeah, so right now I'm dependent upon FaceTime.

01:34:40.000 Well, I got buddies who own bars who are saying, come by, we're having a sneaky meeting.

01:34:45.000 And part of me goes, yeah, I'm there.

01:34:48.000 And then another part of me goes, wait, is that a sin?

01:34:50.000 Am I fucking making this virus worse?

01:34:52.000 I don't know anymore.

01:34:54.000 I mean, that's happening everywhere.

01:34:56.000 People are having big parties.

01:34:58.000 It's kind of like the Prohibition.

01:34:59.000 Everyone's secretly, you know, throwing these underground parties and having bands.

01:35:03.000 My buddy sent me a video of a place a few miles away from me near the beach where everyone was out playing music and stuff and out on the beach dancing around.

01:35:11.000 So it's happening.

01:35:13.000 I'm at the point now where just fucking give it to me.

01:35:13.000 Yeah, go ahead.

01:35:16.000 I can take it.

01:35:17.000 I've had AIDS.

01:35:21.000 Hey, Joe, you've been doing a lot of good content out there.

01:35:24.000 You've been putting stuff like almost every day.

01:35:26.000 Yeah, thanks for all this content.

01:35:28.000 It really helps.

01:35:28.000 Yeah, I put out a video earlier today, and I'm uploading one right now.

01:35:32.000 Ooh, what is it about?

01:35:34.000 Sneak peek?

01:35:35.000 This one, the one I did earlier, I did a cool episode with Vince and the Red Elephants just talking about the whole hysteria and then how it's really nice to be able to like, you know, for a lot of these guys, like, you know, that work a lot to be able to actually spend time at home with their family and really talked about the positive side of that.

01:35:51.000 And then I'm adding these little short sketch comedy videos into my videos as like little extra add-on things.

01:35:58.000 So I did that video and then I'm doing a cooking video right now that's going up.

01:36:03.000 It's a Mexican dish I made called Wetbacks.

01:36:07.000 Nice.

01:36:09.000 Usually Wetback up here in the Northeast is just jizzing on your wife's back after you pull out.

01:36:14.000 Jesus.

01:36:17.000 That was inappropriate.

01:36:20.000 I thought that was just called a good old American sex right there.

01:36:23.000 I think it's called Superman.

01:36:25.000 You know that Soldier Boy song?

01:36:27.000 I think Superman is talking about that because it's like a cape.

01:36:30.000 You're giving her a cape.

01:36:34.000 You might be looking into a little too much, but hey, I'll go with it.

01:36:37.000 All right, we got to get to our next caller.

01:36:40.000 Is that all you got?

01:36:41.000 Yeah, I just wanted to see her and shoot the shit with you guys for a second.

01:36:44.000 All right, let's do a Skype call maybe Monday.

01:36:49.000 Yeah, let's do it.

01:36:50.000 All right, man.

01:36:51.000 Cheers.

01:36:53.000 Joe Biggs.

01:36:54.000 Can you get me a beer, please, Asian boy?

01:36:57.000 If I can pee.

01:36:59.000 You want to read a letter way to do that?

01:37:01.000 No, get to the next caller, fuck for brains.

01:37:05.000 You got up and said, I said, get to the next caller, which could solve all the problems.

01:37:10.000 And you go, I got a pee, but then you run to the fridge to get the beer.

01:37:16.000 You know what?

01:37:17.000 You act like a pill head.

01:37:21.000 If I found a big thing of Xanax or something in your bathroom, I would go, oh, shit.

01:37:28.000 Oh, I get it now.

01:37:30.000 That's what was going on.

01:37:32.000 So get the next car then.

01:37:34.000 go take a fucking piss.

01:37:35.000 All right.

01:37:36.000 Husband thinks Gavin's right about everything.

01:37:39.000 Oh my god.

01:37:43.000 Hello.

01:37:45.000 Hi.

01:37:50.000 Go piss, Ryan.

01:37:52.000 Oh.

01:37:55.000 What can I do for you?

01:37:57.000 I was learning how your wife deals with every thought that you have, even if she might not think that you're right.

01:38:05.000 How my wife feels about my thoughts, my beliefs?

01:38:10.000 Even if they're not right.

01:38:11.000 Or if she doesn't think they're right.

01:38:13.000 Oh, she thinks most of them are wrong.

01:38:15.000 For example, the housewife thing.

01:38:17.000 My parents, too, are really mad about that.

01:38:20.000 Oh, my God.

01:38:22.000 I keep saying stay-at-home dads.

01:38:24.000 I mean, sorry, stay-at-home moms have a great life, and most women don't belong in the workforce.

01:38:28.000 That pisses off my dad, pisses off my mom, and pisses off my wife.

01:38:33.000 And she keeps saying, I'm going to be going back to work soon.

01:38:36.000 And I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.

01:38:38.000 So like the whole Corona thing has like been a whole like eye-opening thing for us.

01:38:45.000 I've always worked.

01:38:46.000 He's always worked.

01:38:47.000 We've had to work.

01:38:48.000 We have five kids, so there's no choice.

01:38:51.000 But now I'm not working.

01:38:53.000 And I almost feel like he's like, oh, see, we can do it.

01:38:58.000 And I'm like, but we can't.

01:39:01.000 And I feel like he looks for you for advice for everything.

01:39:07.000 Well, is it really impossible to have five kids and one redwinner?

01:39:11.000 I mean, it's just groceries at the end of the day.

01:39:15.000 Okay.

01:39:16.000 So for instance, since like the whole corona thing has happened, which has been what, I want to say two and a half weeks since this affected me, my work, I'm a dental assistant.

01:39:25.000 So as soon as we got shut down is when I stopped working.

01:39:29.000 I think we sent like $350 of groceries in the beginning to stock up, which with five kids, there is no stocking up.

01:39:37.000 It's just, it's fucking, it's not realistic.

01:39:40.000 It's every day they want something else.

01:39:44.000 But I feel like he's trying to push me to think otherwise.

01:39:48.000 Yeah.

01:39:50.000 Just do it.

01:39:51.000 I mean, every time someone talks about bills, there's vacations and all this superfluous shit.

01:39:57.000 I grew up middle class, right, in Canada.

01:40:00.000 My mom didn't work until I was older.

01:40:03.000 And we had one car.

01:40:05.000 We very rarely got babysitters.

01:40:07.000 We had a shitty- Black and white.

01:40:10.000 We have one car, and we have a very rare babysitter.

01:40:14.000 And do your youngest go to daycare?

01:40:17.000 Nope.

01:40:18.000 So what happens with them when you're dental working?

01:40:22.000 So my husband is a janitor for the middle school, which our eighth grader goes to.

01:40:27.000 So he's a janitor, and he takes care of the baby until 2 o'clock.

01:40:33.000 And then my mother-in-law takes care of him for like an hour and a half until I get home from work.

01:40:38.000 And I've worked for where I've worked for so long that I've been able to change my hours.

01:40:44.000 So every day I am out by 3.30, 4 o'clock.

01:40:48.000 But janitors make pretty good pay.

01:40:52.000 Well, to an extent.

01:40:54.000 Where are you?

01:40:55.000 What city are you in?

01:40:56.000 Or near?

01:40:57.000 We live in North Andover in Massachusetts.

01:41:01.000 Okay.

01:41:01.000 That's north of Boston?

01:41:04.000 Yeah.

01:41:05.000 So he makes about like almost 20 an hour, not even.

01:41:11.000 I don't know.

01:41:11.000 I mean, I feel like people can, but it sounds like you don't have a shitty situation.

01:41:15.000 Like it's what, how old are your kids, roughly?

01:41:20.000 So we have my oldest is going to be our freshman.

01:41:23.000 And then we have Olivia, the only girl we have, she'll be 10, April 22nd.

01:41:30.000 And then we have Julian, who is 8.

01:41:33.000 And then we have Joshua, who is 7.

01:41:36.000 And then we have the baby, who is 12 months, 13 months.

01:41:41.000 Okay, so the only problem, because the other kids are at school all day anyway, it doesn't really matter.

01:41:45.000 And so the only problem is...

01:41:48.000 The baby's not getting mommy love for a few hours in the day.

01:41:52.000 I don't know.

01:41:53.000 It seems like you kind of figured out a system there that works where the baby's getting plenty of love and the kids aren't being deprived of a mom.

01:42:01.000 True.

01:42:02.000 It's more the less of like, do you want to go away for the summer for even like even at a beach house or even something like we can't afford a lot.

01:42:12.000 We are super on the poor line in my mind, but he would rather me be home.

01:42:19.000 Well, I think you can give it a try, but it doesn't sound like when I talk about women in the workforce, I'm talking about a woman like in New York City, they'll not, they won't see their kids.

01:42:29.000 They won't even be able to put their kids to bed at 8 p.m.

01:42:32.000 Sometimes.

01:42:33.000 And often these hardworking Manhattan moms will see their kids for, at best, an hour a day, Monday to Thursday.

01:42:41.000 And you go, all right, well, that's just like as often as divorced couples see their kids.

01:42:46.000 But if you're home at four, it sounds like you got it under control.

01:42:51.000 A fucking woman boss.

01:42:54.000 All right, thanks for calling.

01:42:56.000 You want to hit the mailbag?

01:42:57.000 And I'm jealous of you for having five kids.

01:43:00.000 There's just a couple that came in pretty recently.

01:43:02.000 And by the way, it's mailbag at censored.tv.

01:43:06.000 Ryan, I have maybe 600 letters here.

01:43:09.000 Oh.

01:43:09.000 Okay.

01:43:10.000 We don't have room for mailbag on Thursdays.

01:43:15.000 I could do an hour and a half show of mailbag.

01:43:18.000 Holy poop.

01:43:20.000 Somebody thinks I'm hanging out.

01:43:21.000 Why are we out of calls?

01:43:22.000 I'm not.

01:43:23.000 No.

01:43:24.000 Well, let's go through the fucking calls then.

01:43:26.000 All right.

01:43:26.000 Pillhead?

01:43:27.000 From now on, you're just a pill head to me.

01:43:30.000 I work with a pill head.

01:43:31.000 The fact that you don't actually do pills is irrelevant.

01:43:36.000 Who's there?

01:43:36.000 Eric.

01:43:38.000 Hello.

01:43:41.000 Hey, Gap.

01:43:42.000 What's up, dog?

01:43:43.000 Yeah, I've been watching, I can't stop watching Windy City Heat stuff, big three podcast and all.

01:43:49.000 And I don't know if you talked about it before, but how did you get, how did you become William Randolph Hearst?

01:43:55.000 That was introduced, Wendy City Heat was introduced to me, the Perry Project, In 2002, David Cross got a VHS tape from Jimmy Kimmel, who was the producer.

01:44:06.000 I became fucking obsessed.

01:44:09.000 Obsessed.

01:44:10.000 I don't think it's the greatest movie in the world.

01:44:12.000 I think it's the greatest thing in the world.

01:44:14.000 I can't believe it's for free on YouTube.

01:44:17.000 I remember once I said to Kimmel, hey man, I keep giving these out as gifts.

01:44:22.000 Can you send me just like a box of them?

01:44:23.000 I know you lost a fortune on it.

01:44:24.000 You must have boxes and boxes of them.

01:44:26.000 He goes, I don't have shit.

01:44:27.000 How do you think I give them as gifts?

01:44:29.000 I go on Amazon and buy them and just change the scent address.

01:44:34.000 And so I got to know, I knew Kimmel.

01:44:39.000 I don't know how I knew Kimmel.

01:44:40.000 I guess I knew him through Vice.

01:44:42.000 So when I would go to LA, I would meet Don Barris, sorry, Tony Barbieri, because he's the head writer on Kimmel.

01:44:49.000 And like I get there and I met that stupid studio that Kimmel has.

01:44:54.000 And I'm like, hey, Jimmy, what's up?

01:44:55.000 And then he's like, this is Tony Barbieri.

01:44:57.000 And I was like, holy fuck, I'm meeting Mole and I'm meeting the British guy.

01:45:05.000 And then he introduced me to Don and I put them on the cover of Vice.

01:45:09.000 That was it.

01:45:10.000 For the shitty issue.

01:45:14.000 I forget the prank issue, the lie issue.

01:45:16.000 I forget what the theme of that particular vice was.

01:45:18.000 I think it was about lies.

01:45:20.000 And then Don Barris is the Wizard of Oz.

01:45:24.000 So when you show up, he gives you an identity.

01:45:27.000 He names you.

01:45:28.000 David Cross is David Brinkley, because Perry's never heard of David Brinkley.

01:45:32.000 And so he tells you your script.

01:45:34.000 He tells you your role.

01:45:36.000 He says what your background is, where you come from.

01:45:38.000 And then he unleashes you into the Perry Project.

01:45:42.000 Now, there's been infiltrators who aren't invited to the Perry Project.

01:45:45.000 Like I think, who's that redhead who was on Happy Days, Richie Cunningham?

01:45:51.000 I think his son infiltrated the Perry Project without Don's permission.

01:45:56.000 And that's fucked up because Don runs that world.

01:46:00.000 That's his kingdom.

01:46:01.000 Think of it as like a giant train set with little people on it.

01:46:04.000 He's the guy putting the people there and having the little crossing.

01:46:08.000 You can just walk onto someone's train set.

01:46:11.000 So I got into it through them.

01:46:14.000 And Don Barris is the one who told me that I'm William Randolph Hearst and what my background is.

01:46:22.000 That's awesome.

01:46:25.000 You talked to Kimmel.

01:46:27.000 Pardon me?

01:46:28.000 When's the last time you talked to Kimmel?

01:46:30.000 Have you stayed in touch with him?

01:46:32.000 I pulled over in my car maybe two years ago because I heard Wendy the Slow Adult on Howard Stern call Jimball Kimball.

01:46:43.000 She can't say Jimmy Kimball.

01:46:45.000 She called him unprofessional.

01:46:47.000 And that's Perry's big thing, right?

01:46:49.000 If you want to set him off, you just call him unprofessional.

01:46:52.000 And so I pulled over in my car and I hadn't emailed him in a long time.

01:46:55.000 And I said, Wendy the Slow Adult, Wendy the Retard, just called you unprofessional.

01:47:02.000 The circle has closed.

01:47:05.000 We have sealed the universe now.

01:47:07.000 And he laughed or something.

01:47:09.000 But that's the last time.

01:47:10.000 You know, with this Trump shit, you can't talk to those people.

01:47:14.000 They're done.

01:47:15.000 Trump derangement syndrome has polluted that entire community.

01:47:19.000 Patton Oswalt, Patton Oswalt read my entire book when I asked him for advice on whether it was good or not.

01:47:26.000 He read the whole thing cover to cover, gave me all these tips, and he thinks I'm fucking David Duke now.

01:47:32.000 And I haven't changed.

01:47:33.000 They all changed.

01:47:37.000 Yeah, Mole does pretty funny.

01:47:40.000 He plays that Jake Bird character where he goes, he started like Michael Jackson trial.

01:47:44.000 Yeah.

01:47:44.000 And he goes to Trump rallies, and it's pretty funny.

01:47:46.000 I mean, he's making fun of Trump people, but it's good shit.

01:47:50.000 Yeah, he's awesome.

01:47:51.000 He's a great guy, but he has TDS a little too.

01:47:56.000 He said to me, he goes, it's good to have at least one girl when you have kids because boys will show you things and they'll draw a piece of shit and they'll go, hey, dad, that's you.

01:48:08.000 And then your girl will draw like a unicorn with rainbows and glitter everywhere and go, here, dad, that's how much I love you.

01:48:15.000 He goes, you need that once in a while because just boys are jerks.

01:48:18.000 Anyway, thanks for calling, dude.

01:48:21.000 Tony Barbieri.

01:48:22.000 Haven't thought of him in a long time.

01:48:23.000 Very, very ugly guy.

01:48:26.000 Awesome, dude, but just really unappealing to look at.

01:48:31.000 Um, Johnny, Christmas wrap.

01:48:35.000 This is one of my least favorite subjects, Johnny.

01:48:38.000 I'm glad we're running out of time.

01:48:40.000 We have 10 minutes on the card, yeah.

01:48:41.000 A lot of people went away for like an hour.

01:48:43.000 This guy's been on for an hour.

01:48:44.000 Okay.

01:48:45.000 Hey, Johnny, I know it's been a while, but you're on, bud.

01:48:50.000 Me?

01:48:51.000 Yes.

01:48:53.000 I didn't say anything about a Christmas song.

01:48:55.000 I just had a quick question for you.

01:48:56.000 Would you rather eat Gary's hot dogs or fuck, what's it, Lupe from my 600-pound fat?

01:49:04.000 You ugly.

01:49:06.000 Wow, that's a good one, dude.

01:49:10.000 That is a good one.

01:49:11.000 Because I'm thinking with the sausages, you could really cook the living shit out of them.

01:49:17.000 Yeah.

01:49:17.000 Like till they're almost carbon.

01:49:19.000 And then just like eating burnt toast, right?

01:49:22.000 You can't.

01:49:23.000 Can you get sick from a sausage that you've basically turned into carbon?

01:49:27.000 Or can it still be gangrenous?

01:49:27.000 I don't know.

01:49:29.000 I don't know.

01:49:32.000 You can eat it however you want.

01:49:33.000 Yeah, I understand.

01:49:35.000 I'm just thinking, can I still get sick if I overcook it?

01:49:38.000 But then as far as lupe goes, you could probably just find a fold, right?

01:49:43.000 And it's still a woman.

01:49:46.000 And that would be an experience.

01:49:47.000 Like when people talk about 600-pound life, you go, you know, I fucked one of those.

01:49:52.000 And they go, what?

01:49:53.000 How?

01:49:54.000 And you go, I just found a fold.

01:49:55.000 I did it.

01:49:56.000 Was that or eat a rotten sausage from a bum?

01:49:58.000 Yeah, I'm going to go with lupe.

01:50:01.000 What?

01:50:01.000 Damn.

01:50:03.000 I didn't see that coming.

01:50:05.000 Why?

01:50:05.000 I'll call it first and stuff.

01:50:09.000 It's still a woman.

01:50:11.000 But you can really cook the shit of that meat.

01:50:13.000 I don't know.

01:50:15.000 Can I make one more point?

01:50:16.000 Like, I told my wife once, I said, if Oprah wants to fuck me, I'm fucking her.

01:50:21.000 I don't care what you think about that because the story would be amazing.

01:50:25.000 And the story of having fucked a 650-pound person, I mean, That's like next time you're bored at a bar, you just go, Hey, everyone, I fucked a 650-pound woman in one of her cracks.

01:50:39.000 How would you actually get it done?

01:50:41.000 Like, would you be pushing rope, or would you be able to get hard?

01:50:44.000 Pushing rope.

01:50:45.000 Um, I think I could just jerk off next to her, not looking at her, and then just like turn around and just start thrusting.

01:50:52.000 If I wasn't wasted, I bet I could find a way, or I could go to Blue Chew if you weren't one of our sponsors.

01:50:58.000 Yes, that's what I was getting at.

01:51:01.000 Were you?

01:51:02.000 Well, because that's pretty.

01:51:03.000 Hey, I have one more, one more thing.

01:51:04.000 Unrelated.

01:51:05.000 Unrelated.

01:51:06.000 Can I also say that you, bar nun, make up exactly how I feel about fucking pets, regardless whether it's a dog or a cat?

01:51:06.000 Okay.

01:51:15.000 100%, I share the exact same feelings as you.

01:51:19.000 I was just looking at no feelings.

01:51:20.000 I was looking at my dog today.

01:51:21.000 I had to take him for a walk, right?

01:51:23.000 And the way I take him for a walk, he's always stopping and yanking me because he wants to sniff some fucking shit.

01:51:30.000 And I'm thinking, who's walking who here?

01:51:32.000 Am I your butler?

01:51:33.000 Like, I take you around and I stop while you sniff.

01:51:37.000 To walk around the block takes like 25 fucking minutes.

01:51:41.000 And I'm picking up his shit.

01:51:42.000 And then as we're walking back to the house, I'm looking at him and I'm just thinking, you shit and piss in my home regularly.

01:51:50.000 He hasn't done it in a while, but imagine like someone comes to your house and you turn around, you're walking towards the dining room and you look in the living room and they're just there like, oh, sorry, dude.

01:52:02.000 Just fucking having a huge brown log in your living room.

01:52:06.000 You'd kill that person.

01:52:08.000 The last thing you'd do is invite them back, but when dogs shit and piss in your house, you fucking clean it up and say, don't do that again, doggie.

01:52:18.000 But here's an interesting point to add to that.

01:52:20.000 A lot of liberals don't want kids because I don't want to clean up after a kid.

01:52:23.000 I don't want to have to take care of a kid.

01:52:25.000 But then at the same time, they'll fucking take a dog out, put it in a stroller, pick its shit up after it.

01:52:29.000 And you look at these bras walking with these fucking shit bags in their hands.

01:52:33.000 And I'm like, way to go.

01:52:34.000 Yeah.

01:52:36.000 By the way, with diapers, sometimes it's diarrhea and you got to do some scooping with some wet wipes.

01:52:42.000 But usually with kids, it's just a bunch of little rabbit turds.

01:52:45.000 You roll it up into the diaper, throw it.

01:52:46.000 It takes nothing.

01:52:47.000 With a dog, you got to get the bag.

01:52:50.000 Then you have to touch the shit and scrape it out of the grass.

01:52:54.000 Then turn it and you can inevitably smell it.

01:52:56.000 Then you got to go put it in your garbage.

01:52:58.000 It's way grosser cleaning up dog shit than cleaning up your beautiful little angel's poop.

01:53:04.000 100%.

01:53:05.000 Thanks for your child.

01:53:06.000 Thanks for calling, buddy.

01:53:07.000 I can't wait till my fucking dog dies.

01:53:09.000 I'm going to stifle a smile because I don't want my kids to cry.

01:53:12.000 But, oh my God, sometimes we'll put him, he'll be in the doggy whatever hotel while we go on vacation or whatever.

01:53:20.000 And we'll have maybe a couple days before or after where we didn't get to pick him up in time.

01:53:26.000 And I'm just like, walking around my house, no barking at the fucking postman.

01:53:30.000 I have to admit, though, because of Antifa and all these lunatics who want to kill me, it is nice having this alarm that goes anytime someone goes remotely near our house 24 hours a day.

01:53:40.000 So I do appreciate the alarm, but fuck.

01:53:45.000 I wish I got a German Shepherd or something that's cool looking that you can wrestle with.

01:53:52.000 I have a fucking Havanese.

01:53:57.000 Positively ain't that straight.

01:54:01.000 I remember before I got it, too, one of the Knights of Columbus guys, an electrician from Brooklyn, who was Waxy Gordon's grandson, by the way.

01:54:09.000 Vaxie Gordon?

01:54:11.000 He said, okay, so you get this dog, and I'm not telling you not to get it, but you're walking your dog at night, and then you bump into a fellow knight, and he looks down.

01:54:20.000 Now, how do you feel?

01:54:22.000 And I was, I'm in that crazy scenario he brought up.

01:54:26.000 I bump into people with that fucking dog.

01:54:28.000 I just mean to go, it's my daughter's dog.

01:54:31.000 It's my daughter's dog.

01:54:33.000 This is my daughter's dog.

01:54:35.000 I'm walking it as a favor.

01:54:38.000 He's a fag.

01:54:40.000 The dog.

01:54:41.000 The dog's a fag.

01:54:43.000 Just doing the thing.

01:54:45.000 What was the point of that one?

01:54:47.000 I don't know.

01:54:48.000 All right.

01:54:48.000 Got Brian on the line talking about doomsday purpose.

01:54:51.000 Go ahead, dear Broy.

01:54:54.000 Hey, Gavin.

01:54:55.000 I've just been watching you for like the past three, four days just absolutely roast people on 90 Day Fiancé and on the 600-pound life show.

01:55:07.000 And I think this doomsday preppers show I've been watching on Netflix, I think it would be hilarious to watch you just roast these hillbillies with their mail-order brides and their crazy prepping.

01:55:19.000 I just think it'd be hilarious to watch you do that.

01:55:21.000 So just wanted to throw it out there as like a suggestion.

01:55:24.000 Okay, we'll give it a whirl.

01:55:26.000 And by the way, thanks for calling.

01:55:29.000 We've been going over the subscribers' responses to Ryan and I watching shows, movies and stuff.

01:55:37.000 And yes, we're going to make that a new show.

01:55:40.000 And I don't know when exactly they'll air, but there's so many shows and movies I want to watch with commentary.

01:55:47.000 Actual good movies too, like With Nail and I, my favorite film.

01:55:51.000 My favorite films are Husbands and Wives by Woody Allen, With Nail and I, and Animal House.

01:55:57.000 And it would be fun to go through those and actually enjoy a movie for a change.

01:56:02.000 But yeah, I'm happy to put this on the list.

01:56:06.000 I kind of don't get what they're prepping for.

01:56:08.000 And this, by the way, includes my friends.

01:56:11.000 Like, is it a Mad Max thing?

01:56:12.000 Did I tell you the other day?

01:56:13.000 I don't know if I mentioned this on the show.

01:56:14.000 I was making fun of Anthony Kumia for having 500 rounds.

01:56:20.000 And the guy I told, the proud boy who did all those weekends at Rikers, he goes, 500 rounds?

01:56:27.000 I have 100,000.

01:56:29.000 And he goes, my dad, his dad's a retired detective.

01:56:31.000 My dad's probably got 300,000.

01:56:33.000 Holy smokes.

01:56:35.000 So what is this scenario?

01:56:37.000 Like, how many people have you?

01:56:39.000 You get to kill forever.

01:56:40.000 Say you have 300,000 bullets, right?

01:56:42.000 And you're running low on bullets.

01:56:43.000 You're down to 20,000.

01:56:45.000 So you have shot 280,000 times.

01:56:51.000 even if you're a bad shot, does that mean you've killed, what, like 900 people?

01:56:56.000 900 dead poachers and people who are trying to...

01:57:02.000 We're getting up to like Auschwitz levels.

01:57:04.000 There's just mountains of bodies, what, around your house?

01:57:08.000 Do you also have a forklift to go and fucking dump them a little farther away for the stench?

01:57:13.000 Like, even Mad Max in all three Mad Max movies, he probably killed a total of like 50 guys.

01:57:22.000 He didn't even kill that retard in the Thunderdome.

01:57:26.000 Oh, that's what you and I should be for Halloween.

01:57:29.000 I'll be Master.

01:57:32.000 I know you're smarter than me, but you are retarded.

01:57:35.000 Yeah, so but how do I what do I do?

01:57:36.000 Get on your shoulders?

01:57:37.000 No, I get on your shoulders.

01:57:38.000 I'm master on the midget.

01:57:40.000 That'll hurt.

01:57:40.000 My back is terrible.

01:57:42.000 I was going to say, I don't know about my favorite movie.

01:57:45.000 Why can't we see you while you talk?

01:57:47.000 My favorite movie.

01:57:49.000 Wait, what?

01:57:50.000 My favorite movie.

01:57:52.000 Ryan's favorite movie.

01:57:53.000 It's probably Dora the Explorer.

01:57:55.000 No, my favorite movie of somebody else's is Anthony saying his favorite movie is the beginning half of American History X. Right.

01:58:04.000 Just the beginning.

01:58:05.000 Yeah.

01:58:06.000 Way to totally kill the rhythm of the show by repeating someone else's joke and taking way too long.

01:58:13.000 Why do you have to crop it like that?

01:58:14.000 Just show yourself.

01:58:16.000 I'm trying.

01:58:18.000 Hello.

01:58:18.000 Why don't you just do this the entire time?

01:58:20.000 Just be, I can't, because if I switch the screen, you want to see what happens?

01:58:24.000 Terrible.

01:58:24.000 You'll show people's phone numbers.

01:58:26.000 Oh, yeah.

01:58:26.000 So just cut that for a second, take the next call, and then come back to that.

01:58:32.000 It shouldn't be that complicated.

01:58:34.000 And then no sound drops.

01:58:35.000 All right, we've got it.

01:58:36.000 No one wants your fucking sound drops during a call.

01:58:39.000 Alan.

01:58:44.000 For Christ's sakes, Alan!

01:58:46.000 Oh, for fuck's sake, Alan!

01:58:49.000 Right on, right on.

01:58:50.000 I couldn't really hear much, but I absolutely agree with the Gavin.

01:58:53.000 You guys have nice and expressive faces.

01:58:56.000 It would be great if both of you were displayed.

01:58:59.000 Because I get a lot, especially Ryan, Ryan has such a pretty expressive face, you know?

01:59:03.000 So anyway, coming from, I mean, from, I'm somebody who came from Romania, and I saw the dirtiest, I mean, the darkest time in Romania and socialism.

01:59:14.000 Oh, Romania sucks.

01:59:16.000 Yes, yes.

01:59:18.000 Romanians and Romania.

01:59:19.000 Romania and Romanians, you know, not too far behind.

01:59:24.000 Didn't you guys invent gypsies?

01:59:27.000 The worst people on earth?

01:59:30.000 No, we didn't invent them.

01:59:31.000 But by the way, their music is worth twice more than the most terrible reputation if they had it.

01:59:40.000 Their music more than compensates.

01:59:43.000 I don't believe you, but we'll give it a try.

01:59:46.000 Romania Gypsy music?

01:59:49.000 Let me guess it's all like that.

01:59:52.000 Oh, no, it's not circus music.

01:59:53.000 Oh, no, no.

01:59:54.000 It's jazz music as if it was interpreted by Egyptians or something, you know?

01:59:58.000 It's beautiful.

01:59:59.000 It's very deep.

02:00:01.000 We have music that's really low that we say you can cut your veins to.

02:00:05.000 Or music to just bring you on ecstasy to ecstatic levels.

02:00:11.000 If you're at a funeral, for example.

02:00:13.000 To ecstatic levels.

02:00:14.000 If you're at a funeral or something.

02:00:15.000 You have a very expressive face.

02:00:18.000 You talk like a guy who just did a line.

02:00:22.000 No, I've never done that.

02:00:24.000 She'd send Voynique.

02:00:25.000 Basically, so I wanted...

02:00:27.000 Shit's in Voinik.

02:00:28.000 Iubirea ma primeşter verecire.

02:00:34.000 I can't quite understand that, but I appreciate your effort, Ryan.

02:00:38.000 Hey, you know, so there's a question to make this very, very short.

02:00:41.000 I noticed have, the word have in English.

02:00:44.000 Romanians tend to pronounce it hyav.

02:00:47.000 I have.

02:00:48.000 French, have.

02:00:50.000 They don't even say Filipinos, like I have to go to a superstore to buy food for to eat.

02:00:55.000 But I'd like to get that the southern thing to have.

02:01:01.000 How do southerners, like hiav?

02:01:04.000 How would you write it?

02:01:04.000 I have.

02:01:05.000 I have.

02:01:06.000 They get the H in there.

02:01:08.000 I have.

02:01:09.000 I'm Larry the Cable Guy.

02:01:10.000 I have it.

02:01:11.000 Have it.

02:01:12.000 I noticed the woman caller.

02:01:14.000 She went a bit earlier.

02:01:17.000 She had like the high of.

02:01:18.000 I high.

02:01:19.000 So beautiful.

02:01:20.000 They take that this time.

02:01:21.000 Anyway, you're right.

02:01:23.000 There's two.

02:01:24.000 There's like have, like, I have it.

02:01:26.000 And then there's a hey of it with a Y in it.

02:01:29.000 Right.

02:01:30.000 Right.

02:01:31.000 Hey, by the way, Romanians don't have the word challenge.

02:01:34.000 In Romanian, that's my favorite word in the whole world.

02:01:38.000 And the word challenge.

02:01:39.000 We don't have that word.

02:01:40.000 So what would I be?

02:01:42.000 Mentally what?

02:01:43.000 In your language?

02:01:45.000 Retarded.

02:01:46.000 Oh, a mentally provocative.

02:01:51.000 A mental provocation.

02:01:52.000 All right.

02:01:53.000 Thanks for calling, dude.

02:01:54.000 We're running out of space on the hard drive here.

02:01:56.000 I'm afraid we got to go.

02:01:57.000 Yeah.

02:01:58.000 We are out of time.

02:01:59.000 I'd love to talk to everyone, and we can talk tomorrow Friday at 2 p.m.

02:02:05.000 ET, meaning Eastern time, New York City time, although we're not in New York City.

02:02:10.000 I don't think we're going to get back on Monday.

02:02:12.000 I think our building is still closed.

02:02:14.000 We're still coming in, too.

02:02:15.000 Let's holler at.

02:02:16.000 Thanks, Joshua.

02:02:16.000 Thanks, Eric.

02:02:17.000 Thanks, Christine.

02:02:18.000 Thanks, Jordan.

02:02:19.000 Thanks, Tona.

02:02:19.000 Let's do the chick.

02:02:21.000 Not because of the Tona Perv, but because I want to support women watching this show.

02:02:26.000 Hi, Christine Marie.

02:02:27.000 What's up, Christine?

02:02:30.000 Hi, what's going on?

02:02:31.000 It's hi.

02:02:32.000 Have you hay of you?

02:02:34.000 How do you hay of?

02:02:35.000 That makes me think of the hot chicken eastbound and down.

02:02:38.000 That's exactly what it made me think of.

02:02:39.000 Hayev.

02:02:41.000 Well, I'm from Texas, so I would know what I'm talking about, yeah.

02:02:44.000 Hillsy.

02:02:45.000 Hey, you got it right with that accent, that chick from the hunt.

02:02:49.000 She did not have a southern accent.

02:02:51.000 It was wrong, and I always get so pissed off at people that try to, you know, fake the accent.

02:02:57.000 Now, I really have a slow, like, I don't know, a soft little lilt to me, but only want to get drunk.

02:03:04.000 Word up, girl.

02:03:05.000 Word up.

02:03:07.000 Shoot it.

02:03:08.000 So I wanted to tell you something, and I'm sorry to interrupt you, but I think that Constant Wu in the movie, Hustlers, had a total crush on J-Lo.

02:03:08.000 So, yeah.

02:03:20.000 And you didn't notice it.

02:03:21.000 Ryan did.

02:03:22.000 But I noticed it.

02:03:24.000 She was hot for her the whole time.

02:03:26.000 I mean, the volume was off.

02:03:27.000 Hold on, hold on.

02:03:28.000 Do you mean Constance Wu, the actual actress, was attracted to the actual actress.

02:03:34.000 Y'all were trying to say that, you know, that she might or she might not, and Ryan said something about it, but I think she really did in the movie.

02:03:42.000 So we're not, are we talking about the characters or the actress?

02:03:46.000 My bad.

02:03:46.000 Yes.

02:03:47.000 I don't remember their names because it was on off, and I was listening to you.

02:03:50.000 Can you answer this fucking question?

02:03:52.000 So you mean the characters?

02:03:53.000 Yes, the actress.

02:03:54.000 No, the characters.

02:03:56.000 Oh, I see.

02:03:56.000 My bad.

02:03:58.000 Really?

02:03:58.000 You think she was a Les?

02:03:59.000 Yes.

02:04:00.000 I think she was probably bi.

02:04:02.000 There's too much like emotional dependence on each other for them to be sure.

02:04:05.000 Exactly.

02:04:06.000 So, yes, it was an abusive relationship.

02:04:08.000 Well, this is something we could look up because these were real characters.

02:04:12.000 Oh, definitely.

02:04:12.000 I mean, real people.

02:04:14.000 She was definitely had some, you know, idolatry plus crush plus whatever, sexuality.

02:04:21.000 I mean, it's a really sexual business.

02:04:23.000 Hello?

02:04:24.000 Yeah.

02:04:24.000 Oh, my God.

02:04:25.000 I can't believe I just said that.

02:04:26.000 Hello.

02:04:28.000 Hello.

02:04:30.000 I'm also a teacher, so I'm teaching during this time.

02:04:33.000 This is crazy as shit, man.

02:04:36.000 My wife has really stepped up to the plate, and she does, she's got a little classroom, and they have a little schedule.

02:04:41.000 I come in and help with the math.

02:04:43.000 That's basically it.

02:04:44.000 And there's chore hours and there's physical education hours.

02:04:48.000 And I don't know, this seems way better than school.

02:04:51.000 No offense.

02:04:51.000 She is a badass because I have three kids and they're older.

02:04:55.000 I mean, 18, 15, and 11.

02:04:58.000 But my youngest one, 11-year-old, she's all for school.

02:05:01.000 She loves it.

02:05:02.000 She doesn't want to be in normal school.

02:05:04.000 She gets her shit done.

02:05:05.000 Wham, bam.

02:05:06.000 I have my job.

02:05:07.000 I teach Spanish.

02:05:08.000 I emailed you a long time ago about wearing my clown world shirt, you know, for superhero day.

02:05:15.000 Anyway, whatever.

02:05:17.000 So, but yeah, it's easier for us teachers.

02:05:21.000 The whole focus of my district is relax, no stress.

02:05:25.000 The kids are going through a lot, but you also have to have this rigor.

02:05:28.000 But listen, they're grading on like a zero to four scale.

02:05:33.000 It's not even normal grades anymore.

02:05:35.000 When did this start?

02:05:36.000 Oh, my God.

02:05:37.000 I don't want to get in trouble.

02:05:40.000 But yeah, at least where I'm from, yeah, it's because it's online, so you can't really quantify their skills anymore.

02:05:49.000 It's crazy as fuck.

02:05:51.000 And this is the first time.

02:05:52.000 I think my kids' school is just passing everyone.

02:05:54.000 And they're just ignoring this entire time.

02:05:57.000 And it's almost like a fresh slate next year.

02:06:01.000 Yeah, totally.

02:06:02.000 100% is a fresh slate.

02:06:04.000 100%.

02:06:05.000 I tell my kids, my children, I'm like, this is the longest, most badass summer you'll ever have.

02:06:09.000 I mean, this is Gen Zero's 9-11.

02:06:12.000 I hate to say it.

02:06:13.000 I'm so sorry.

02:06:14.000 Please forgive me.

02:06:14.000 But it's the only milestone that they're going to really put in their heads.

02:06:19.000 No?

02:06:19.000 No, I think there's many arguments that it's bigger than 9-11.

02:06:23.000 I mean, the death toll at 9-11 was 3,000.

02:06:25.000 I was right there in the eye of the storm, and it was only fucked up for about two weeks.

02:06:31.000 And really, that was like five days you had to show like a con ed bill to get back to your apartment because the areas were walled off, and there was tanks on House and Street and stuff.

02:06:42.000 But then it was back to normal fairly quickly.

02:06:45.000 This is, I mean, I don't want to say compared to World War II because we had millions of deaths.

02:06:50.000 But as far as like people looking back and grandchildren asking you about stuff, they're going to ask you about 9-11.

02:06:58.000 They're going to ask you about this.

02:07:00.000 They're not going to ask you about the blackout.

02:07:04.000 They're not going to ask you about Obama.

02:07:05.000 They're going to ask you about 9-11 and this.

02:07:08.000 Yep, totally.

02:07:10.000 It's insane, right?

02:07:12.000 It's crazy.

02:07:13.000 Are you going to have any more kids?

02:07:15.000 No, no, no, that's a whole nother discussion.

02:07:17.000 But anyway, zero through four is how we're grading it.

02:07:21.000 So can I tell you really quickly?

02:07:22.000 I know that you've got to go, and I'm sure you're tired.

02:07:29.000 That means that if I get nothing online, then you've got to give them a zero.

02:07:32.000 This is public school, remember.

02:07:34.000 And one means below average, like, ugh, they're maybe trying, but.

02:07:40.000 And then a two is like getting there, like kindergarten.

02:07:43.000 I swear to God, it's kindergarten scores.

02:07:45.000 And then three is there.

02:07:47.000 And then four is above average.

02:07:49.000 It literally is based on kindergarten.

02:07:52.000 If your kids went through public school and kindergarten, that's exactly where we're at right now.

02:07:56.000 And what grade are you teaching?

02:07:58.000 Ninth grade Spanish.

02:08:00.000 Wow.

02:08:02.000 Que jolienda, coño.

02:08:05.000 Yeah, Ryan, your accent sucks ass.

02:08:08.000 Do you have an accent in Spanish?

02:08:10.000 I do not have an accent.

02:08:12.000 Actually, I am the white Latina amongst my coworkers, so I'm very proud.

02:08:18.000 Thank you very much.

02:08:19.000 I'm just kidding.

02:08:20.000 That's okay.

02:08:21.000 How do you say in Spanish?

02:08:23.000 How do you say, I was considering making a sandwich, but regretfully, I will not be.

02:08:30.000 Estada considered the sandwich, but I guess that's right.

02:08:39.000 Yeah.

02:08:39.000 Sounds like a very bulky language.

02:08:41.000 I got my sentence out in no time.

02:08:43.000 But French is too, though.

02:08:46.000 Yes.

02:08:46.000 All Latin languages.

02:08:48.000 All right.

02:08:49.000 Thanks for calling, lady.

02:08:50.000 It was cool talking to so many broads today.

02:08:54.000 Broads.

02:08:55.000 Broads.

02:08:56.000 Fucking broads.

02:08:57.000 What am I?

02:08:58.000 Five.

02:08:58.000 What am I?

02:08:59.000 Five?

02:09:00.000 I don't watch fucking Star Wars.

02:09:01.000 What am I going to have to catch up on my Fridays?

02:09:03.000 What am I?

02:09:03.000 Five?

02:09:06.000 Who is that one?

02:09:06.000 Good afternoon, guys.

02:09:09.000 Jim Florentine.

02:09:10.000 Jim Florentine.

02:09:11.000 All right, folks, that's it.

02:09:13.000 We'll be back on Monday.

02:09:15.000 Is Milo doing his show?

02:09:17.000 I don't know what the state of the Studes is.

02:09:20.000 The Studes.

02:09:21.000 The Studes, barely.

02:09:23.000 He might be.

02:09:24.000 We don't know.

02:09:25.000 We'll find out.

02:09:26.000 You can add that to your questions tomorrow, Friday at 2.

02:09:28.000 And then we'll be back on Monday.

02:09:29.000 We're going to shoot a bunch of shit.

02:09:31.000 And the content is going to keep going up in quality.

02:09:35.000 The only problem with this new show is that I have to stand the whole time.

02:09:39.000 And my heels hurt.

02:09:42.000 And it's less relaxing for me.

02:09:44.000 But as far as what you get, I don't think we have much of a change here, right?

02:09:48.000 No, it looks the same, smells the same.

02:09:51.000 All right, I'll see you tomorrow, Friday at 2 on the Discord or on Monday.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - April 03, 2020

GOML LIVE #41 - GUIDED TOUR OF NYC

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