It's Easter Sunday, which means it's time for the Easter egg. This week, we have a special treat for you: a call-in about a guy named Johnny Appleseed and his company Johnny Apple CBD. Plus, we get to see Home Studios for the first time ever, and it's not a good one.
Transcript
Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. You can also explore and interact with the transcripts here.
00:01:23.000We do not take calls from non-subscribers.
00:01:27.000But before we even start that, I want to talk to you about Johnny Appleseed, J-A-B-C-D.
00:01:36.000Not to be confused, by the way, with Johnny Appleseed action or something.
00:01:44.000There's this great YouTube interview I saw on the YouTube channel After Prison, where a guy was sentenced to 3.5 years for selling Disney tickets.
00:01:56.000He got fired and he couldn't afford the Disney trip, so he just sold the tickets, six tickets.
00:02:01.000But that was considered scalping, which is a felony somehow.
00:02:05.000So he got six felonies, three and a half years.
00:02:08.000So anyway, when he came out, he started this company also called Johnny Appleseed.
00:02:13.000Well, this company is not called Johnny Appleseed.
00:05:01.000If you're this fucking retarded egg, Brian Stetler, or as Greg Gutfeld calls him, the turgid tattletale, are you saying that you love old-timey movies?
00:09:58.000And when you're setting up your little stupid home, right, the lighting's pretty good there, but can't you see, like go into a photo booth or whatever and see what you look like and realize, oh, that's ridiculous, Kristen.
00:12:50.000Like, you know how the KKK thinks like, I don't know exactly how it goes, but Jews, mulattoes, blacks, gays, like they have a whole hierarchy.
00:12:59.000This is his, this is the best book ever.
00:13:02.000This is probably like Black Lives Matter.
00:13:03.000It's probably the same as the KKK's hierarchy of value, but in the opposite.
00:13:09.000So this is probably like why, why Jews should win and so on down the line.
00:13:16.000Why women matter, why the black vote is better than the white vote.
00:14:05.000Most ostentatious display of a fancy vacuum.
00:14:08.000This, of course, is the daughter of Zoe Tour, who was the helicopter driver for OJ when he was in the Bronco and later decided that he was too machismo.
00:14:21.000So he removed his penis, made it into a vagina.
00:14:24.000And we've shown you that operation and how easy it is to do.
00:14:27.000Some of you could probably even do it at home.
00:14:29.000Jazz Jennings appears to have done it herself.
00:14:32.000And then he had boobs put in and he makes love to men.
00:14:36.000He also lectures me on how I've ruined my reputation.
00:14:43.000But yeah, that is, I wouldn't say that's, you know who wrote this is fucking broke when they think it's ostentatious to have a Dyson hand vacuum.
00:17:30.000Well, I shouldn't say remember that to you, but I remember before I was married, every time you'd go to a chick's house, it was like Dresden.
00:17:37.000It was just, there was a mound of clothes on the ground that were clean.
00:18:45.000The old days when they, if you won the Super Bowl, one of your fellow players would stand on his hands and then he'd put his knees on your shoulder and you would go onto his butthole.
00:18:56.000But it was seen as gay and they stopped doing it.
00:18:59.000So now they just slap each other on the butt and say, good game.
00:19:01.000Speaking of normal sex, if you're stuck at home with this disease, which we're not calling chink inpox, and we don't like when people do that, we call it COVID-19.
00:19:11.000We don't call it kung flu, you might want to go to bluechew.com.
00:19:16.000And I think a lot of people are drinking a lot.
00:19:18.000They're having a bit of trouble with the erections when they get wasted, but their wife's ready to go, and that's a waste.
00:19:26.000So you should have Blue Chew on the go.
00:19:29.000Use promo Code Gavin, and my listeners get their first blue chew order free.
00:19:36.000Vinny, the ad guy here, wants me to say that you can burn calories the old-fashioned way, not old-fashioned way, but old-fashioned way.
00:19:44.000So, I guess by old-fashioned, he means like flappers and silly mustaches and double-breasted suits.
00:19:55.000And you can have in your bedroom, you can have one of these old-timey lights that shines on the bed and really illuminates the fornication.
00:20:18.000You know, when I first started going blind, you know, when you're 40, you don't know this as a young man, but the second you turn 40, you can't read anymore without reading glasses.
00:20:26.000And an older gentleman who was like 50 said, yeah, it sucks.
00:20:37.000But buy about 10 pairs of reading glasses and put them in every room in the house, or you're going to spend the rest of your life looking for your reading glasses.
00:20:44.000And I did that, and I cannot recommend it enough.
00:20:47.000But similarly, I would recommend you have a blue chew in every room in the house, just in case the moment strikes and your lady friend says now, and you're either not in the mood or you've had too much to drink or something else.
00:23:16.000Now, just to, this isn't really his slumlord's fault.
00:23:21.000Ryan once was with the chick, and he gave her his jacket because she was cold and she was retarded and didn't have a jacket on in the winter.
00:38:44.000But meanwhile, this is the Gavin show.
00:38:50.000Ryan, if you explain another joke of mine, I am going to fucking impale you on that broom from the ass up to the mouth and then spin you around like I'm roasting a pig, but instead I'll be taking a shit on you.
00:39:12.000Did you ever hear a broom pole that went up your ass and came out your mouth?
00:39:16.000When you were took off a day of school, when you got back into the class, did they let you know that the class was quieter and more behaved without you?
00:39:44.000It was third and fourth because I peed on the desk in front of my girlfriend Zakia.
00:39:50.000For the record, folks, Ryan went to school in the Bronx, where a giant black woman were his teachers, and there was no checks and balances, which is not unlike the Bronx of today, of course.
00:40:01.000And the punishment for bad boys was to take them to a room with a bed in it and not rape them, but similarly, something similar, they would sit on them.
00:44:10.000New York hardcore dudes, like sick of it all, they are surprisingly funny.
00:44:14.000Even Paul Scheer of Sheer Terror, who won't shut up about the Proud Boys and how he doesn't support them at their shows and they're racist and blah, blah, blah.
00:44:28.000And Paul Shear, I remember seeing him Zeke hiling out front of handsome Dick Manitobas, which I got was funny and I got the joke and he was just trying to be offensive.
00:44:37.000But for that same person to be a total prima donna about offensive behavior is just fucking ridiculous.
00:44:44.000But anyway, while checking out Bob Menery, he turned me on to these guys, Nelk Boys, which is a Canadian and two Americans who now that school is on Zoom, it's too time consuming to say, all right, class, we're doing this at four o'clock, but I need to verify all of you first.
00:45:04.000So email me, blah, blah, blah, and then I'll make sure you're actually in the class.
00:49:02.000So he's going to probably stay in there for a year.
00:49:05.000In fact, Canadians are talking about not opening up Canada again to business until 2021, which is starting some conspiracy theories that people are trying to introduce communism.
00:49:16.000But holy shit, we should be very careful.
00:49:19.000And I know you Americans are bored of Canada, but this is us in five years if we let AOC and her friends have any more power.
00:54:32.000Do you remember last when Gordy Howe's birthday was and the whole streets were alive with hockey sticks and people screaming for Gordy Howe?
00:55:19.000No, this, like, I know this sounds, I hate when leftists talk about white trash and stuff, and it sounds like people are human garbage, and it reminds me of the way Stalin and Mao sees the populace as just like things that can be swept away.
00:55:34.000And maybe I am a snob, but the word trash just keeps popping into my head every time she opens her garbage mouth.
00:56:06.000Yeah, this is the one that is all over the place that everyone's talking about where she's just schooling us on Corona and entertaining us and just being garbage.
00:57:22.000Maybe it's maybe it's like because I live near the Bronx and I see the sucker punches every day and running guys' pockets after they're passed out and the arson and rape and fucking punching cops in the head.
00:57:39.000I'll never forget when I went to Jamaica when that shit hit the fan after my talk.
00:57:43.000And I came back and I had like two weeks of New York posts and they were all piled up in my front door and I read, I just sort of flipped through them all and it was just Bronx, Bronx, Bronx, Bronx, Bronx on fire, Bronx robbery, Bronx rape, Bronx arson, Bronx kids, fucking raping and beating the shit out of an old lady.
00:58:16.000Some chick did an excellent job of recreating this piece of trash.
00:58:19.000White women, middle-class white women, fucking adore Cardi B. And they memorize all her songs, they buy all the records, the reason she's rich.
01:00:48.000It's always a great thing to me because that just drives me to go even more for people to make them feel good when they're having a bad day.
01:00:55.000We spoke to DJ IMARKES himself, who told us that while this isn't his first clever remix to go viral, coronavirus remix has already hit number one in iTunes in a number of different countries.
01:01:05.000And much like the actual virus, his remix spread at an alarming rate.
01:01:09.000The song was inspired by a video that Cardi B posted on Instagram in response to the recent.
01:01:13.000Are they talking about a cancer cure right now?
01:03:56.000Howard Stern was talking about it, where she goes, I don't need to shave my legs or do shit like that, because I suck a mean dick, right, baby?
01:04:47.000video the guy uh his name is Bucky Boyd you look it up on YouTube it's called uh oh wait give me one second hold on a sec go back go back are you in uh west palm beach or something you're you're on the beach fishing for sharks no i mean uh i'm in st. Lucy right now man oh nice so you can do that all the way up to port st. Lucie is that like the whole coast of Florida you can you can uh fish for sharks on the beach um I'm
01:05:18.000pretty sure you're supposed to have a license for it, but dude, I live on a private beach, so no one really messes with me, you know?
01:06:14.000Let me tell you an idea I had on the show.
01:06:16.000And when I was last in Florida, I was there for spring training for the Mets.
01:06:21.000And I noticed that when you catch a giant fish, they just make a mold of it, and then they throw the fish away, and they make you a recreation of your fish.
01:06:31.000And it's all just based on the honor system, right?
01:06:35.000There's no like this guy who comes in and checks it.
01:06:39.000So let's start a fraudulent, because some of these marlins will sell for $10,000.
01:06:45.000So let's make a fraudulent company that just pretends you caught a 20-foot shark and we'll make you a shark.
01:06:53.000And then you, you know, we could Photoshop a picture of you holding it with a hook.
01:06:56.000And then when people start to suss it up, we move to the next town in Florida.
01:10:30.000And it's all amateurs, like, fucking amateurs.
01:10:34.000Some dudes in New York will go down to North Carolina and get a bunch of fights in with just like these random dudes who are drunk half the time.
01:12:54.000Another thing you can do is get like the hair club for men, whatever they're called, suits, and then take them to a tailor and you can have them fucking men?
01:13:29.000Gavin, I think you need to realize that when people fetishize Cardi B, these white liberal women, it really represents what you say about the North loving or hating blacks in theory and loving them in practice, and the South loving them in theory, but hating them in practice.
01:13:43.000I think the dichotomy between her and someone like Idris Elba, they really, that's how they see Cardi B, that's how they really see black people, whereas they see Idris Elba as like this novelty and a well-spoken one.
01:13:54.000But I think the reason that you see them mind her so much is because that's genuinely how racist they really are.
01:14:26.000You know, Milo and Chadwick were insulting our fans and saying that we should remove the unsubscribe button when they did that stupid prank where they said I was fired.
01:14:36.000And he goes, we have to do it because Gavin's fans are so stupid that they'll immediately take it seriously and unsubscribe.
01:14:45.000But I'm totally open to the concept of having stupid viewers, but the quality of the letters we get and the quality of the calls we get, when I compare that to YouTube comments or the people who call into Opi and Anthony, I think it is a disproportionately high level of intelligence with our viewers.
01:15:06.000Like the calls, okay, the guys that was wasted sent us to a shitty video, but it did end up being pretty funny when he got knocked out.
01:15:12.000And then the other calls, how many times have I said good point tonight?
01:16:17.000I just was wondering if you've talked to Mercedes Carrera since your last show, because I saw that she and her boyfriend were arrested for sexual abuse and was wondering if you had any like juicy gossip.
01:16:32.000Yeah, I got lots of juicy gossip about that.
01:16:35.000Her ex-husband is a psychoevangelical dude who brainwashed the kid, basically, not unlike Mia Pharaoh and Woody Allen, and said, they practice pornography.
01:16:47.000I don't think he said specifically, you're getting raped, but he said, you're brought into this world of pornography.
01:16:53.000So she calls the, so then he calls the cops when she's there.
01:21:19.000Okay, so I have a question about the current and coming state of conservatism.
01:21:28.000So as the right has started to shift more left over the last few years and they're like accepting homosexuality, immigration, abortion, do you think like these young traditional groups like American Identity Movement and the Groiper Movement have a chance to shift the right to where it came from?
01:21:45.000Or do you think because the left is just all powerful and the right is becoming more left that they'll just be totally disavowed in the future?
01:21:52.000No, I think America First is doing a great job.
01:21:56.000And I used to, I was wary of them at first because I've seen so many fucking Nazis walk in my front door like Jason Kessler and say, no, no, I'm cool.
01:22:05.000And then it turns out they're not and they're lying and it's a trap and so many fucking feds.
01:22:09.000So I kept my distance for a long time.
01:22:11.000But then I thought, all right, you're against Israel, Israel getting money, right?
01:25:06.000Well, Gavin, I was hoping to restore your faith in the American housewife.
01:25:12.000I'm not trying to brag or anything, but it just so happens that I'm everything just about that you think that you say a girl should be.
01:25:20.000Yeah, you don't have to restore my faith in housewives.
01:25:22.000I've always been pro-housewife to a fault.
01:25:28.000Well, I guess I'm talking about the ones that you complain about, like the women in the workforce and oh no, people just, well, that's true.
01:25:40.000Well, anyway, I'm a homeschool mom, and I got married very young, 20 years old, and I maintained my chastity, like you say, a good girl should do.
01:26:16.000So I think the perfect way to get him married is, now you're going to see some problems with this, but I've already got all those figured out.
01:26:24.000So in exchange for you paying off his $12,000 debt, you will gain complete control of his love life.
01:27:13.000I already rifled through all the chicks in his Rolodex, and I chose that Texas chick with the blonde hair who got accused of being an ethot, but she's just like a political activist on the right.
01:27:58.000I mean, I've handed him so many bitches, so many hot chicks that are MAGA and everything.
01:28:04.000And he's just like, oh, yeah, I had to answer the phone, and then I noticed that there was a pigeon flying outside, and I tried to catch it, but they're so fast, and they go up, high, high, high, high.
01:29:38.000I don't know if you've been watching the show much, but we don't like when mom and dad get involved because you're saying ruin your relationship with your parents forever.
01:30:26.000No, Unit 731 was the Japanese Imperial Army, their scientific bioweapons experimentation unit.
01:30:34.000And I was just calling to think, do you think that China absorbed a lot of those scientists?
01:30:40.000And is that why they're so interested in bioweapons and biowarfare nowadays?
01:30:44.000I mean, that's why I don't talk about coronavirus much on the show because it's out of my league.
01:30:49.000But I'm trying to get Jim Goad to do a show on this network because he's a total expert on shit like that.
01:30:56.000And he was telling me about Japan, you know, having these ceramic bombs of fleas that had syphilis that they were dropping on China and their own population just as an experiment.
01:31:08.000So the number of government experiments where they've just massacred thousands of people by giving them these diseases is not uncommon.
01:31:17.000I mean, the fucking smallpox blankets thing is a myth.
01:31:21.000That was just a general suggesting it.
01:31:23.000And another general said, no, we probably end up getting it.
01:31:30.000My gut instinct with this, and I'm not an expert, but my gut instinct is they were developing plague-like viruses and working with them, not to cure people, but to hurt people.
01:31:43.000And which is a dumb thing to do, which is why we didn't do the smallpox thing.
01:31:47.000And someone got it on their fucking hands or something.
01:31:50.000They went to the wet market, and that's where it spread.
01:31:55.000I don't think it was from a bat at the wet market.
01:31:58.000And that's another reason why we need stronger borders and we need to be more skeptical of China and their incompetence.
01:34:01.000And the fact that Anna turned down the money and thought that I was some cabillionaire, lady, we've got almost 16,000 subscribers paying $10 a month.
01:34:10.000The thought that you think there's this secret funder, this Soros guy who's controlling the behind the curtains just shows that she's fucking broke and thinks five grand is an insurmountable amount of money.
01:34:25.000Anybody think you actually sit there and watch David Pachman's show and hang on the line to see if you can get online with him just to say, oh, you should watch Censor.tv?
01:34:37.000If I have free time, I want to catch up on our shows, Biggs, Milo.
01:34:55.000Maybe if I wanted to see a liberal just to get annoyed and see what they're talking about, I might go to Rachel Madow or Chris Hayes or someone like that, but I'm not going to fiddle around with some fucking boring liberal YouTuber who thinks everyone's a Nazi.
01:35:11.000But I'm talking to you here on a YouTube video.
01:35:29.000A lot of the people they would say they were going to get, I went, oh, fuck.
01:35:32.000I mean, I guess I did ask you to go get me liberals, but a lot of these people I want to fucking fight if we ever get within four feet of each other.
01:35:40.000Who was the other one I was super bummed about?
01:38:02.000The comment, I voted for Obama twice, and I've voted for Hillary Clinton.
01:38:09.000I'll definitely be voting for Trump this go-round, most of it on the strength of how horribly they represented you and how unfair all of these media outlets were to you.
01:38:23.000I've known about you since you were on Compound, and I'm pretty familiar with your career.
01:38:28.000And I've never heard you say anything remotely as grotesque as the things that got attributed to you.
01:38:34.000You're constantly taken out of context, and the bullshit gets repeated over and over.
01:38:39.000And it's a really shitty situation, but for any rational, relatively intelligent person watching it happen, it makes who's the good guy and the bad guy crystal clear.
01:38:52.000And the thing that annoys me about that framing thing, too, is Tucker Carlson said this when they found some quote where he said, like, I make my maids and servants serve me on a gold tray or some very obvious joke.
01:39:05.000And he goes, look, I'm on TV for an hour a night.
01:39:07.000I mean, if you're curious about me, I'm right there.
01:39:10.000And as far as me being like this horrible white supremacist ogre, go to YouTube.
01:39:14.000Like, there's 9 billion videos of me ranting about shit.
01:39:19.000You're not going to find one where you go, the goddamn Negro came over here to pick cotton.
01:39:25.000And now he's stuck in our hair like a crow.
01:40:22.000Is when I had feds in my house, I had the DA in my house.
01:40:25.000I had my lawyers saying they're trying to make you the leader of the gang, and they're going to use this gang definition to throw those guys in prison.
01:40:55.000He looked like he was in pretty decent spirits.
01:40:57.000And his stuff on the JFK conspiracy really got me going again on that.
01:41:04.000And I was looking at all like a bunch of material that's out there.
01:41:08.000I got his book because it did seem really interesting, all the dots that he was connecting there.
01:41:14.000One of the things I did was I remember this old episode of this conspiracy theory, Jesse Ventura.
01:41:21.000And one of the weird things about that show was you can get season one, you can get season three, but season two is not available anywhere.
01:42:20.000There's a couple other episodes in that season, too.
01:42:22.000The one about Plum Island, where supposedly that's where they developed Lyme disease and put it in ticks, and then that's when it got across the Long Island Sound to Lyme, Connecticut.
01:42:32.000There's a couple other episodes in there that seem a little controversial, but I don't know why the whole season is just gone.
01:42:40.000Break a Gizza record and contact Jesse Ventura.
01:42:44.000Yeah, I was talking with Tucker Carlson about this a while ago, and I said, you know, even three years ago, if I'd say, Alex Jones, what will he think of next?
01:42:56.000I mean, I always liked him, but I just thought he was way out there.
01:43:00.000Roger Stone with his JFK stuff, I was like, okay, whatever, dude.
01:43:04.000It was three different groups at the same time.
01:44:16.000So, my question is: what advice do you have to someone who wants kids but is fucking terrified because of all the unknown variables and complete change of lifestyle?
01:44:59.000Same with going up to a girl, talking to her.
01:45:02.000Sometimes I find if you're really freaked out in a situation like even a fight, say you're going to get into a fist fight, you leave your body and you float up about 20 feet above your body and you go, now you're just playing a video game and you go, go fight him.
01:45:16.000And now this empty shell has to go in and start fighting some dude.
01:45:21.000And then you're like, wow, it looks like I might be winning this one.
01:46:22.000I have a YouTube channel, and I've noticed that ever since this quarantine started, me and a bunch of other smaller conservative YouTube channels have started to disappear off people's feeds.
01:46:36.000Do you think that's weird considering what's going on with Corona?
01:46:41.000And how would you suggest that we get around that?
01:47:13.000If you started a censored.tv right now, how the fuck are you going to advertise it?
01:47:19.000How are you going to get enough people to make it monetizable?
01:47:22.000And as far as YouTube goes, I don't know.
01:47:24.000I mean, I think the secret is to focus on new and different platforms like that Nick Fuentes thing and DLive, whatever that is, Telegram, Parlor, This Discord is cool, Reddit.
01:47:39.000We just have to keep moving, keep mobilizing because we're at war.
01:47:44.000This is a culture war that went from an ethereal concept five years ago where it's like, they kind of gay and we're kind of awesome and that's lame to like friends in prison.
01:49:25.000Isn't it weird how two brothers have the same terrible idea to massacre themselves?
01:49:30.000Like, you'd think if your brother goes, hey, I'm going to start to fuck my face up and make myself into a freak and have a big chin implant and look like a weird lion model.
01:51:45.000Yeah, so I've never heard you talking about hanging about in like Queensbridge or hanging out in like the hood of New York or nothing like that.
01:51:51.000So how does Gavin end up with Nas making a phone app?
01:52:29.000It was an app where when people come into your store, they have to use your Wi-Fi.
01:52:36.000But as soon as you sign up to it, we now know everything you do in the store.
01:52:40.000So we would provide the retailer with these really in-depth graphs of like everyone was looking at hats the whole time they're in your store.
01:52:48.000No one ever even goes to the shoe section.
01:52:50.000So he could go, I should just drop the shoes and have more hats.
01:53:12.000He had some rant once in a song, and thanks for calling, by the way, about how we need to start working with black-owned businesses and we should drive on black-owned highways and use black trucking companies and black manufacturers and black restaurant suppliers.
01:54:25.000And one thing I did learn very recently, though, was I used to have my foreskin back because your foreskin naturally recedes when you get an erection.
01:54:33.000So then I would have to get lube or something if she wasn't wet enough to get in there, right?
01:54:38.000And then I was like, wait a minute, push the foreskin forward, get it to the door, and then you just push and the foreskin goes back and the penis is in.
01:54:50.000I didn't know, I didn't think of that till like two years ago.
01:54:53.000But yeah, quitting porn is the blue chew.
01:56:47.000It was weird after I left the strange ways they would sort of, my spirit would haunt the brand, and they tried to do my humor, and they tried to do do's and don'ts.
01:57:03.000I don't know who told him he's funny, but he said, You're wearing combat trousers and a techno shirt, implying that combat trousers you should be hunting or something.
01:57:14.000And he goes, Those two things together make no sense.
01:58:11.000So I got a buddy who's got involved with that about six months ago.
01:58:16.000Me and my friends have been trying to convince him to get out of it forever, but the more we bring him valid points and try and get him out of it, the more he doubles down on it.
01:58:25.000Basically, our point is he's wasting his time fucking probably 20, 30 hours a week making $50 a month.
01:58:33.000We're just trying to get him out of it.
01:58:35.000His reasons to be in it are really genuine.
01:58:38.000He just wants to get his wife home to take care of his kid.
01:58:46.000Why didn't he just work at McDonald's?
01:58:48.000That pays a lot better than $50 a month.
01:58:51.000Well, see, he's a technician for a cat.
01:58:55.000He works like 80 hours a week between farming and that he makes like $100,000 a year.
01:59:04.000So he's got a really good job, but he's trying to do this to get his wife home to take care of his kid.
01:59:10.000But really, we're just trying to convince him to go home and be like a, you know, be a mechanic, like pay him to do oil changes and shit, make actual money for his time.
01:59:21.000So, well, my question is, how do we convince him to get out of this?