This week Gavin and Ryan are joined by a special guest to talk about Johnny Appleseed and why he should go to prison. Also, we talk about the new Home Studios movie, Home: A Home Movie, and why you should never watch it if you don t already have a copy of it on Amazon Prime Video. Also, a new segment called "The Turgid Tattletale" is on the way, and it's about a guy named Brian Stetler, and he's not good at anything, which is why he's a terrible at anything else. And we also talk about how much we should all be paying attention to the fact that Home Studios is terrible at making movies, and how they suck at it, and what it means for the future of the industry. And, of course, there's a special treat for you! Get Off My Lawn Live! Thursday nights at 9/7c on YouTube, 9/8c, 9:30-11:30. Get off my lawn live! Get it? Get on my lawn! Subscribe to the podcast Get it on Vimeo. Subscribe on iTunes Subscribe on Podcoin Learn more about your ad choices. Rate/subscribe in Apple Podcasts! Like, comment and tell a friend about what's going on in your life. Send us your thoughts on this podcast and what you're listening to this podcast! and other things you think about it! We'll be listening to it on Anchor.fm/GetOffMyLawnLive and we'll be giving you a shoutout in next week on next week's episode of the podcast next Wednesday! Thanks for listening out for a chance to win a spot on the next episode of Get It On The Lawn Live? Subscribe and review it out on the pod is coming soon! Thank you for listening and shout it out to someone else's podcast out! Love ya, bye! Cheers, bye, bye. -Gavin, Caitie, Rory, Kristy, Kristen, Gave it out. Mike, Sarah, Matt, Ryan, and the crew at Vlogged Out! -Podcasts Anonymous, Mike, Ben & the gang at Vaynerdavie, -Tavion, -J.J. & the Crew at VSCOTTERY -VOCALYNNE - PODCAST
Transcript
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00:01:44.000There's this great YouTube interview I saw on the YouTube channel After Prison, where a guy was sentenced to 3.5 years for selling Disney tickets.
00:01:56.000He got fired and he couldn't afford the Disney trip, so he just sold the tickets, six tickets.
00:02:01.000But that was considered scalping, which is a felony, somehow.
00:05:01.000If you're this fucking retarded egg, Brian Stetler, or as Greg Gutfeld calls him, the turgid tattletale, are you saying that you love old-timey movies?
00:09:58.000And when you're setting up your little stupid home, right, the lighting's pretty good there, but can't you see, like go into a photo booth or whatever and see what you look like and realize, oh, that's ridiculous.
00:12:46.000And you know, he sat there just, there's probably a whole hierarchy.
00:12:50.000Like, you know how the KKK thinks like, I don't know exactly how it goes, but Jews, mulattoes, blacks, gays, like they have a whole hierarchy.
00:12:59.000This is his, this is the best book ever.
00:13:02.000This is probably like Black Lives Matter.
00:13:03.000It's probably the same as the KKK's hierarchy of value, but in the opposite.
00:13:09.000So this is probably like why Jews should win and so on down the line.
00:14:05.000Most ostentatious display of a fancy vacuum.
00:14:08.000This, of course, is the daughter of Zooey Tour, who was the helicopter driver for OJ when he was in the Bronco, and later decided that he was too machismo, so he removed his penis, made it into a vagina, and we've shown you that operation and how easy it is to do.
00:14:27.000Some of you could probably even do it at home.
00:14:29.000Jazz Jennings appears to have done it herself.
00:14:32.000Um, and then he had boobs put in, and he makes love to men.
00:14:36.000He also lectures me on how I've ruined my reputation, and she's not speaking to him.
00:14:43.000But, uh, yeah, that is, uh, I wouldn't say that's—you know who wrote this is, uh, is fucking broke when they think it's ostentatious to have a Dyson hand vacuum?
00:17:30.000Well, I shouldn't say I remember that to you, but I remember, before I was married, every time you'd go to a chick's house, it was like Dresden.
00:18:45.000The old days, if you won the Super Bowl, one of your fellow players would stand on his hands, and then he'd put his knees on your shoulder, and you would go... onto his butthole.
00:18:56.000But it was seen as gay, and they stopped doing it.
00:18:59.000So now they just slap each other on the butt and say, good game.
00:19:01.000Speaking of normal sex, if you're stuck at home with this disease, which we're not calling chink in pox, and we don't like when people do that, we call it COVID-19.
00:19:55.000And you can have, in your bedroom, you can have one of these old-timey lights that shines on the bed and really illuminates the fornication.
00:20:18.000You know, when I first started going blind, you know, when you're 40, you don't know this as a young man, but the second you turn 40, you can't read anymore without reading glasses.
00:20:26.000And an older gentleman, who was like 50, said, yeah, it sucks.
00:20:30.000I don't know why no one tells you that.
00:20:33.000But he goes, here, I'll give you a tip.
00:20:35.000Buy like, they're pretty expensive, they're like 20 bucks, but buy about 10 pairs of reading glasses and put them in every room in the house or you're going to spend the rest of your life looking for your reading glasses.
00:20:44.000And I did that and I cannot recommend it enough.
00:20:47.000But similarly, I would recommend you have a blue chew in every room in the house just in case the moment strikes and your lady friend says now and you're either not in the mood or you've had too much to drink or something else.
00:20:59.000Alright, should we finish these horrible home studios and pathetic television that's been going on?
00:21:07.000Look, I'm not bragging, but our show is 4% less good since this meltdown.
00:21:13.000Most shows are, I'd say, 78% less good, so that means that we're awesome.
00:23:12.000Starts with his growth, look at, wait, just look at his slumlord door.
00:23:16.000Now, just to, this isn't really his slumlord's fault.
00:23:21.000Ryan once was with a chick, and he gave her his jacket because she was cold and she was retarded and didn't have a jacket on in the winter.
00:23:28.000And then he got home and he went, uh-oh, I don't have my keys.
00:23:31.000And she didn't go, hmm, I'll check the pockets of the coat you gave me.
00:23:34.000So he checks both his pockets, all two of his pockets, and he goes, oh, well, I guess I don't have my keys.
00:23:42.000Broke his own door down, his steel door.
00:32:19.000I was on a Proud Boy chat recently, and we often show the drinks that we're having, and we're like, hey boys, have a swig for me, this is from England, yeah.
00:32:28.000And some guy, it's usually Maker's Mark Bud, normal stuff, and then some guy was like, ready to rip into this, and it was that.
00:33:55.000We're turning into an old couple of fags in the fag zone.
00:33:59.000He has sugar that he takes out of the box, because one time his sugar was gone faster than he thought, and he thought, hmm, I know what happened.
00:35:40.000People complain to me that the podcast isn't as involved and deep and long, kind of like my genitalia, anymore, and it's too quick, and then you've got these ads.
00:35:54.000You're complaining about something you're getting for free.
00:35:57.000If you can hear this, then it's free to you.
00:36:01.000When we do the paywall, there's no ads and we get in deep and we deep dive into something.
00:36:06.000This week we had Roger Stone on, deep dove into the JFK assassination because he can't talk about his imminent demise.
00:36:15.000We went through all the talk show hosts and how terrible their home shows are and how unfunny and talentless they are.
00:37:00.000And then I say, and right now my listeners get 20% off all orders, just go to jacbd.com, use promo code Gavin, and then Ryan goes, 20% off?