Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - July 23, 2020


GOML LIVE #57 - JOHNNY DEPP CAN'T ACT


Episode Stats

Length

31 minutes

Words per Minute

165.08818

Word Count

5,148

Sentence Count

529

Misogynist Sentences

21

Hate Speech Sentences

24


Summary

Gavin McInnes talks about farting in front yards and how it's not as bad as you think it is. He also talks about how he accidentally pooped his pants in front of his wife and how he handled it.


Transcript

00:00:08.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes!
00:00:38.000 No longer a nervous wreck.
00:00:41.000 Now my tears are gone.
00:00:44.000 They're gone, gone, gone.
00:00:45.000 Pooped my pants just about an hour ago.
00:00:48.000 Sounds like you pooped your pants three seconds ago.
00:00:50.000 Nope.
00:00:51.000 But I'll tell you what, I was a lot more cautious.
00:00:53.000 And I don't know if you know what this says.
00:00:55.000 This is a sculpture my wife got me when we were dating, before we were husband and wife, and it says here, please be a fart.
00:01:03.000 Isn't that funny?
00:01:04.000 Yeah.
00:01:04.000 And I was talking to her today, and I had kind of a chortling toot.
00:01:08.000 Like a... And I kind of ignored it, as one does.
00:01:15.000 And then I'm talking to her in the kitchen, and I go, I think I pooped my pants.
00:01:20.000 And so I pull down, I undo my pants, I lower my drawers, and I see fucking yellow bile.
00:01:27.000 And I was like, yep!
00:01:29.000 And the beauty of three kids and 21 years of marriage is I might as well have said I have a stye in my eye.
00:01:35.000 Or like, I think I left my hat at the baseball game.
00:01:37.000 Remember when you said when you fired a blowjob loses its wings?
00:01:40.000 What happens when you shit yourself?
00:01:43.000 I know this is crazy, but it's not as bad.
00:01:46.000 Wow.
00:01:47.000 That's so weird.
00:01:47.000 Yeah.
00:01:48.000 They feel it's like pity.
00:01:49.000 You get a pity blowjob for that.
00:01:51.000 Oh, that was a perfect.
00:01:53.000 Um, no, it's like when you're in bed and you're with your wife and you're just like, it means like, I don't give a shit what you think of me.
00:02:02.000 And when you have an accident and you poo your pants with a wet fart and this
00:02:07.000 You're not lucky.
00:02:09.000 It's more like... It's not bad.
00:02:11.000 I don't know why.
00:02:12.000 I can't really explain it.
00:02:14.000 Farting is like wetting the bed.
00:02:16.000 But before we talk about important matters of the heart or the fart, we want to give a shout out to our homeboys, Johnny Apple CBD.
00:02:24.000 This episode is brought to you by Johnny Apple CBD.
00:02:27.000 Johnny Apple CBD is my CBD because they support free speech and they love America.
00:02:32.000 Isn't it funny how I called this site freespeech.tv and got sued and wasn't allowed to say that?
00:02:38.000 So now we're censored?
00:02:40.000 Crazy.
00:02:41.000 Right now, my listeners get 20% off all Johnny Apple CBD products with promo code Gavin.
00:02:45.000 Go to JACBD.com, promo code Gavin.
00:02:48.000 Feel great and support Patriot-owned business.
00:02:51.000 JACBD.com, promo code Gavin.
00:02:53.000 And again, the stuff they have.
00:02:57.000 You have the gummies.
00:02:58.000 If you have the gummies with coffee, you don't have the edge.
00:03:02.000 You can have the gummies before bed.
00:03:03.000 You sleep a lot better.
00:03:04.000 The tincture also takes the edge off coffee.
00:03:07.000 Pot has a lot of good stuff besides the THC.
00:03:10.000 This has all the good stuff.
00:03:12.000 And I don't know why this works, but the topicals, when you're sore from working out, which I haven't been doing because it's, as the New York Post described, hell week.
00:03:23.000 It thunderstormed today, so it's 73 degrees in the city right now.
00:03:28.000 But, uh, today was brutal!
00:03:32.000 It's like you walk out the door and you're in someone's mouth.
00:03:36.000 You're in their cheeks.
00:03:36.000 You Puerto Ricans probably love this shit.
00:03:39.000 It's pretty cool.
00:03:40.000 Pretty awesome, right?
00:03:41.000 That's why you're wearing a sweatshirt.
00:03:42.000 Yeah, I don't mind it.
00:03:43.000 I like it.
00:03:47.000 You like going on a bike ride today in the sweltering sun?
00:03:50.000 Yes.
00:03:52.000 Why?
00:03:53.000 Feels good.
00:03:53.000 You're like Jim Goad.
00:03:55.000 Feels like you're alive.
00:03:59.000 No, it feels like you're wet.
00:04:00.000 That's why all these countries along the equator haven't done anything, because it's too hot to accomplish anything.
00:04:08.000 I just got back from my son's baseball game.
00:04:10.000 It got rained out.
00:04:13.000 I had to jump in my car and drive to the city.
00:04:15.000 I don't like the city.
00:04:16.000 I'm scared here now, to be honest.
00:04:19.000 A, because I've been portrayed as Satan.
00:04:22.000 So if anyone who's remotely politically active sees me, they're going to stab me.
00:04:26.000 Like I was watching the Portland riots and I was thinking, if I just showed up there in a Fred Perry and was like, Hey everyone, let's try to take it down a notch.
00:04:35.000 Trump's got a lot of good qualities.
00:04:37.000 I wouldn't just be murdered.
00:04:39.000 I would be like ripped apart.
00:04:41.000 It would be like the Benghazi murder where they dragged him along the streets.
00:04:44.000 Like I would just be a torso.
00:04:47.000 Yeah, that is weird to think about, but that's true.
00:04:48.000 They'd rip out, like, chunks of my hair until there was, like, bald patches.
00:04:53.000 They'd stab me, punch me.
00:04:55.000 My face would be like that.
00:04:56.000 They'd be kicking my unconscious body.
00:04:59.000 Like, it would be fucking dark.
00:05:01.000 I'd be shocked.
00:05:01.000 It'd be like a scene from Natural Born Killers when there's heads on the pipe.
00:05:05.000 Remember that?
00:05:07.000 No.
00:05:08.000 You like shitty movies.
00:05:10.000 I don't.
00:05:11.000 It's a famous thing.
00:05:15.000 So yeah, I'm not comfortable.
00:05:16.000 I mean, we park in the parking garage, and I gotta admit, my haunches are up when I walk around this city.
00:05:24.000 But anyway, before that, I went to this bar, and something super weird happened.
00:05:33.000 You ready for this?
00:05:35.000 You know when you fuck a chick back when you're single and you're like, man, and she's sort of, it's just not there.
00:05:45.000 There's times when the opposite is true.
00:05:47.000 Like I remember this girl I had zero in common with.
00:05:50.000 I thought she was an imbecile.
00:05:52.000 And when we kissed, fireworks, dude, it was crazy.
00:05:58.000 I don't even know if she felt the same way, but all I know is I would kiss her and almost die.
00:06:04.000 It was Criss Angel.
00:06:07.000 Wait, that circle is in the actual video or did you add that?
00:06:10.000 That's in the actual video.
00:06:12.000 Of course, those who are not familiar with the show, that was Criss Angel claiming that he went off a ramp, for some strange reason, went through explosives and then landed in that cage that was suspended, hanging off a helicopter.
00:06:33.000 He doesn't explain why he had a seatbelt on, how he got out of the car, which has a roof, and then, like, he opened the door and then went in, was it locked?
00:06:43.000 So I, like, with magic, you're supposed to be saying something.
00:06:48.000 Like, I can make this pen disappear.
00:06:51.000 Whoops, I'm magic.
00:06:52.000 So the subtext is, I guess I just made the atoms vanish?
00:06:57.000 So I guess he's saying I separated my molecules, left the car, and then went into a thing.
00:07:02.000 The helmet and the clothes also, I don't know.
00:07:05.000 Like, he should be nude in the jail thing.
00:07:08.000 In the cage.
00:07:10.000 Don't you think?
00:07:11.000 To get out all of his clothes?
00:07:12.000 Yeah.
00:07:12.000 Yeah.
00:07:13.000 And bald.
00:07:15.000 And backwards.
00:07:16.000 And backwards.
00:07:17.000 His butt should be his dick and he should have a dick where his butt is.
00:07:21.000 Anyway, this is weird.
00:07:23.000 So then later on at the bar, maybe like a week later, you see that same girl.
00:07:28.000 She's a little pudgy.
00:07:30.000 And you see her with this guy.
00:07:32.000 He's usually Hispanic, let's be honest.
00:07:35.000 and uh they're having a great time and you're sort of part of you is like oh good okay so she's doing okay but then part of you is sort of going oh all righty so i guess we didn't work out and you're moving on all righty meanwhile it didn't work shit so i saw that today at my local with a dude
00:07:55.000 I had a dude, ex-cop.
00:07:58.000 We got along pretty good, but not great.
00:08:01.000 Then he said we should go riding, and we went riding a couple times.
00:08:04.000 And then the dates sort of spaced out a little more.
00:08:08.000 And he was at my party, but he was only there for a short amount of time.
00:08:11.000 And then today I see him at our bar with a new boyfriend.
00:08:17.000 Unreal.
00:08:18.000 And it's that guy who's the EMT who thinks he's a biker and has all the patches on his leather vest.
00:08:22.000 I don't know if you know who I'm talking about.
00:08:24.000 And he walks with a weird sort of a gait like this.
00:08:26.000 I think so.
00:08:27.000 He's a dud.
00:08:29.000 And I was like, wow, this happens in the straight world!
00:08:33.000 I'm having a fat chick experience as a 50 year old man with a dude.
00:08:38.000 It hurts even more because you're like, dude, I don't even get to bang you.
00:08:40.000 It's just like the endless date part.
00:08:43.000 It doesn't hurt.
00:08:43.000 No, it's just awkward because now this is a guy I've had like
00:08:50.000 Five times you've probably been to this bar, and we've sat together and drank a beer.
00:08:55.000 He's sitting with his new friend!
00:08:59.000 And coincidentally, that particular time, Jack was busy and he was drunk from playing golf with those guys, so they were a thing, and then there was Al, who's kind of mentally ill.
00:09:08.000 So I was kind of alone, just looking at infomercials.
00:09:11.000 Like on the TV screen.
00:09:12.000 Oh man, that's sad.
00:09:13.000 I feel bad for you.
00:09:15.000 Not sitting with them.
00:09:16.000 You know what I mean?
00:09:17.000 Yeah.
00:09:17.000 Like if you showed up with your friend, I would go, oh, Ryan's here, and I would walk over and make fun of you or something.
00:09:23.000 But I can't do that because he's on a date.
00:09:27.000 Oh, that's so weird.
00:09:30.000 So it's one thing for a male relationship not to work out, but for the guy...
00:09:36.000 To move on and then rub it in your fucking face!
00:09:41.000 No, but to be at the same location, it's so bizarre.
00:09:46.000 That is very weird.
00:09:47.000 I think that as a married man, you still have these sort of instincts, these monogamous instincts.
00:09:54.000 And they have nowhere to go.
00:09:55.000 So you end up shunned by a dude.
00:09:59.000 Or there was that chick at the liquor store that I thought that was very, very friendly.
00:10:04.000 This is actually an episode of King of Queens, where he thinks the waitress likes him.
00:10:08.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:10:09.000 And she's super friendly, and she was from Canada, too.
00:10:11.000 And I'd be like, well, it's cold out, but not cold for us.
00:10:15.000 Canadian t-shirt weather.
00:10:18.000 Ooh, I'm hot.
00:10:19.000 Yeah, I'll just get an anchor's mark.
00:10:21.000 Thank you.
00:10:23.000 She already knows what you want.
00:10:24.000 And then I would see her talking to other people and also being friendly and I'd sort of be like, oh, fucking whore.
00:10:30.000 How dare you!
00:10:31.000 You're anyone's dog for a bone.
00:10:35.000 Just because he has money and wants... We're obviously not about to elope.
00:10:40.000 She's probably married.
00:10:42.000 But you just, like, you have the same instincts you've always had, but they have nowhere to go, so you're like, my friend is cheating on me with a new friend, and the woman at the liquor store is my girlfriend.
00:10:52.000 That sounds sad and awkward.
00:10:54.000 This sounds very gay.
00:10:55.000 It's just weird.
00:10:58.000 I got a burrito made today.
00:11:01.000 It's a Jew one-on-one kind of burrito experience.
00:11:05.000 A Jew one-on-one?
00:11:06.000 So you sit there with an Orthodox?
00:11:08.000 Do you want avocado or what?
00:11:10.000 I actually went to a Hasidic Jew Mexican restaurant once with Ron Coleman, yeah.
00:11:15.000 It's all kosher.
00:11:16.000 That's pretty cool.
00:11:17.000 It was weird.
00:11:18.000 No dairy, no sour cream.
00:11:20.000 Ah, that's a bummer though.
00:11:21.000 Anyway, sorry, go ahead.
00:11:22.000 So I see him down the street because I get
00:11:27.000 Some other stuff and I see him again, and I just even him I give him a nod to hey What's up guy who made my burrito so you were in a thick level of awkwardness when you're in a bar
00:11:37.000 Does that kind of make you want to leave?
00:11:38.000 Because you can't go up to him after a certain... Well, I was lucky because I had the kids' baseball game.
00:11:43.000 Oh.
00:11:43.000 So... Gotta go!
00:11:44.000 You gotta announce it.
00:11:46.000 He could also say, oh, you're having a drink here.
00:11:47.000 Why didn't you call me?
00:11:49.000 And I could say, oh, you have some free time.
00:11:51.000 Because we had said, let's get a beer.
00:11:52.000 Did you say hey?
00:11:54.000 Oh, yeah.
00:11:54.000 He said, hey, how you doing?
00:11:55.000 I saw him at my party.
00:11:56.000 Uh-huh.
00:11:56.000 He said, how you doing?
00:11:57.000 Good to see you.
00:11:58.000 I was like, oh, hey.
00:12:00.000 So you got a new best pal.
00:12:02.000 Maybe he saw you at the party talking to other people and being more friendly with them.
00:12:07.000 No, I think he'd already broken up with me.
00:12:09.000 The other thing, too, is you think that you dumped someone, but sometimes they dumped you.
00:12:13.000 And you didn't know it.
00:12:14.000 Yeah.
00:12:15.000 Because he's at his party.
00:12:16.000 He's like, oh, my dog is really sick.
00:12:18.000 I got to put him down on Monday.
00:12:19.000 So I want to be with him.
00:12:20.000 I was like, dude, it's Saturday.
00:12:22.000 And now I think he's just making excuses.
00:12:25.000 It's terrible.
00:12:26.000 That's terrible.
00:12:27.000 That's terrible.
00:12:31.000 Dhar Mann owns Live Glam Makeup.
00:12:33.000 That's right.
00:12:35.000 So... A friend pointed out also, due to his eyebrows, suspiciously nice eyebrows, maybe he's the gay kid in the video.
00:12:43.000 Wasn't that his wife and his kid?
00:12:45.000 Yeah, well...
00:12:46.000 You know, Middle Easterners, whatever he is, they're a little too intense, aren't they?
00:12:53.000 What do you mean?
00:12:54.000 Like the nose is out there and the nostrils are in your face, then there's the stubble and the fucking eyebrows.
00:13:01.000 It's a lot of face.
00:13:02.000 It's kind of like a parody of a human face.
00:13:04.000 Yeah, it's like a drawing of a face where someone spent too much time on it.
00:13:07.000 I feel like we've said all of this before.
00:13:10.000 One of the things I like about being white is we're just like a nose, some eyes, a little mouth.
00:13:15.000 Yeah.
00:13:15.000 Like your face is way too much.
00:13:17.000 You got like 340 teeth, some big jungle nose.
00:13:24.000 It's TMI.
00:13:28.000 You have like four faces.
00:13:29.000 It's a lot of teeth.
00:13:31.000 And that's why you do so well at Halloween.
00:13:33.000 Because I just put white makeup on you and people shit bricks.
00:13:37.000 Because they're like, what is this fucked up weird 32 faces in one face?
00:13:43.000 Like, show your face.
00:13:44.000 I can't.
00:13:45.000 You've got like 90 races.
00:13:47.000 You're like Fred Armisen.
00:13:48.000 Like, what is that nose?
00:13:49.000 It looks like the back of a car.
00:13:52.000 Like a bumper?
00:13:53.000 No, like everything.
00:13:54.000 The entire back of a car.
00:13:57.000 And then those teeth.
00:13:59.000 It looks like a teeth sample catalog, where here's the different, here's the 340 teeth you can have.
00:14:06.000 Tell me, just show me some of the ones you like.
00:14:08.000 And they're like, no, these are all in one face.
00:14:10.000 I guess they do look rather bizarre.
00:14:12.000 And I don't even know what color- what color is this?
00:14:15.000 It's not really tan, is it?
00:14:16.000 It's like chink pink.
00:14:18.000 Chink- yeah, it is pink-chink-ish.
00:14:20.000 It's not yellow.
00:14:21.000 Just say what I said, but reverse the words.
00:14:23.000 ExpressVPN, by the way, has saved our ass.
00:14:26.000 Because, as you know, there's a- there's a war against, um, free speech, but also me, and anyone who associates with me, anyone who serves me groceries.
00:14:35.000 In fact,
00:14:37.000 Like I joked about serving groceries, but a guy who fixed my computer in my little town got a boycott and he went bankrupt.
00:14:43.000 That's right.
00:14:44.000 This is before COVID or anything.
00:14:45.000 Great guy.
00:14:46.000 So I have leprosy, don't touch me.
00:14:49.000 But Virgin, I believe, and Sky in New Zealand and Britain had shut us down, and parts of Australia.
00:14:57.000 So even though you were a subscriber, you could not watch the videos.
00:15:01.000 I think you could if you were somewhere else at an internet cafe, but if you were at like a Virgin provider,
00:15:07.000 You couldn't watch the show you had paid to see.
00:15:09.000 Behind a paywall.
00:15:12.000 What the fuck is that?
00:15:13.000 You should be able to see everything but kiddie porn.
00:15:16.000 Like, you can watch the most... Like, if you're a Nazi and you sign up for some anti-Semitic, like, Holocaust show, fine.
00:15:22.000 It's none of my beeswax.
00:15:25.000 Anyway, that's probably not the best analogy.
00:15:27.000 But ExpressVPN, since people have signed up for it, has saved their ass and they can watch the show.
00:15:31.000 Which, by the way, is not a racist or even a far-right show.
00:15:34.000 But it has been deemed as such because we're pro-Trump and pro-cop and that's against the DNC.
00:15:43.000 We use ExpressVPN.com slash Gavin because ExpressVPN.com is the best.
00:15:48.000 We're living in George Willis 1984.
00:15:50.000 We're being watched.
00:15:51.000 When you do, when you sign up for ExpressVPN, your searches are totally private.
00:16:00.000 But right now your internet provider can still see every single website you've ever visited.
00:16:05.000 Clearing the browser history does not work.
00:16:07.000 Incognito mode does not work.
00:16:09.000 Protect your online activity today with the VPN rated number one by CNET and Wired.
00:16:14.000 Visit my exclusive link expressvpn.com slash Gavin and usually when we say this that there's a code you could often just put a slash and the name and it's the same thing.
00:16:27.000 You get three months free with your one-year package expressvpn.com slash Gavin protect your privacy and we used to think that's just for pedophiles right or someone who wants to murder their wife but we're at a point now where you're getting cancelled you are getting cancelled I like to play this game with people where
00:16:48.000 I say, it doesn't work with my phone, obviously, because my contacts are kind of edgy, but I go, pick up your phone, go through your recent calls, and I bet the person or a near relative, a mom, a wife, a son, has had some cancel moment where they did something wrong and someone mistook what they said for the N-word, and they're fucked.
00:17:10.000 It is a disaster.
00:17:11.000 By the way, to cheer you up, I know you just got broken up with, and I didn't get you anything physical for your birthday.
00:17:17.000 I got broken up with a chick I didn't want to fuck anymore, by the way.
00:17:22.000 This is pretty intense.
00:17:24.000 I don't know if we can... No, we definitely can't... I would not read this in the air.
00:17:29.000 What about the audacity of him coming to my bar after we break up?
00:17:34.000 This, my friend, is a very special thing.
00:17:37.000 Now, somebody that I know... Hold that.
00:17:42.000 That is the flag.
00:17:44.000 That was behind President Donald Trump while he was making the Mount Rushmore speech.
00:17:50.000 No fucking way.
00:17:51.000 Yeah.
00:17:52.000 It's a piece of history.
00:17:52.000 That was an amazing speech.
00:17:54.000 Pull it up.
00:17:55.000 It's an amazing... Was there only one flag or was this one of many?
00:17:58.000 Not to dilute the gift, thank you very much.
00:17:58.000 There was one of many.
00:18:01.000 Of course.
00:18:01.000 Are you not allowed to say who this is?
00:18:02.000 No, no.
00:18:03.000 It's because we're... because exactly what you just said.
00:18:07.000 Thanks, stranger.
00:18:09.000 But yeah, it's...
00:18:10.000 Oh, so it's one of these.
00:18:11.000 That's right.
00:18:12.000 Oh, that's fucking cool.
00:18:13.000 That's crazy, right?
00:18:14.000 Thanks.
00:18:16.000 So, I mean, I did nothing but pass it on to you.
00:18:17.000 Now, Michelle Malkin is the flag expert.
00:18:19.000 She knows all the rules.
00:18:21.000 Is it bad for me to put this in front of my house?
00:18:24.000 On my flagpole?
00:18:25.000 I would ask her.
00:18:27.000 Like, should this go somewhere special?
00:18:29.000 Isn't it supposed to be in a diamond shape?
00:18:31.000 I think that's if it's a soldier's... I said to her once, can I put a...
00:18:37.000 American flag sticker on my laptop and she goes, I don't think so.
00:18:41.000 I mean, you're going to be putting coffee on that.
00:18:42.000 It's going to get dirty.
00:18:43.000 Anything where the flag gets desecrated, you don't want to do.
00:18:46.000 Then I checked out her Twitter profile in it.
00:18:49.000 She has a motherfucking American flag as her laptop sticker.
00:18:53.000 Wow.
00:18:54.000 And I just said, well, maybe it came from experience, like from experience.
00:18:59.000 I regret it.
00:18:59.000 No, the time zones are years off.
00:19:02.000 You know what we love about Trump?
00:19:03.000 The more shit he gets in, the less cautious he is.
00:19:05.000 Like you beat a dog, and it either starts to go rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
00:19:26.000 Like, I think just yesterday.
00:19:28.000 Maybe it was even today.
00:19:29.000 Biden called him a racist.
00:19:32.000 And he goes, I've done more for black people than anyone.
00:19:36.000 And you think, are you going to say Martin Luther King?
00:19:40.000 And he goes above Martin Luther King.
00:19:42.000 And he goes, maybe perhaps Abraham Lincoln.
00:19:45.000 I've done more for black people than anyone.
00:19:47.000 Yeah.
00:19:48.000 Why do you gotta stay so hydrated?
00:19:50.000 Are we doing the Mudder Rucker fucking thing?
00:19:53.000 Tough Mudder?
00:19:53.000 Tough Mudder.
00:19:54.000 Like, we're not in Arizona, dude.
00:19:56.000 It's raining outside.
00:19:57.000 It's 70 degrees.
00:19:59.000 Maybe because I sweat.
00:20:00.000 Why are you so hydrated?
00:20:01.000 I sweat a lot because I went out into the bike sun.
00:20:05.000 You went into the bike sun.
00:20:06.000 Nice.
00:20:08.000 Why are you wearing a sweatshirt if you're sweating?
00:20:10.000 I know this isn't what you want, and I'm sorry.
00:20:15.000 So Dhar Mann owns Live Glam?
00:20:17.000 Yeah.
00:20:18.000 And by the way, this.
00:20:20.000 Somebody made that.
00:20:22.000 That's nice.
00:20:23.000 That sucks.
00:20:25.000 My son is on the cover of a magazine?
00:20:27.000 You did that!
00:20:27.000 That looks like your garbage Photoshop.
00:20:30.000 I did not.
00:20:31.000 I thought it was pretty funny.
00:20:32.000 I went to see Natalie Gomez last night.
00:20:36.000 She was our girl, our friend, fighting in Vegas.
00:20:42.000 She lost, but it looked great to me.
00:20:44.000 I'm not good with boxing.
00:20:46.000 Like, I see them in there, unless there's a knockout, I just go, no, sorry, I'm fucking up.
00:20:50.000 Gonzalez.
00:20:51.000 Okay.
00:20:51.000 Boxer.
00:20:53.000 Yeah, she had a big fight in Vegas.
00:20:55.000 They went eight rounds?
00:20:57.000 Okay, you win!
00:20:59.000 There it is!
00:20:59.000 Oh, good, it's up.
00:21:00.000 That's my girl in the green.
00:21:05.000 This Mexican, this Montreal chick, though... I mean, these people are just... ninjas.
00:21:14.000 Like, Natalie works at Home Depot.
00:21:16.000 She's got two kids.
00:21:17.000 She can only train maybe a couple hours a day.
00:21:19.000 Sorry, not good enough.
00:21:21.000 You need to train about five hours a day when you're at this level.
00:21:24.000 But she got clipped a few times, and I guess she lost.
00:21:33.000 I was at the bar, some guys from my gym said, let's go watch Natalie.
00:21:36.000 So I go, OK.
00:21:38.000 One of them goes, I don't know.
00:21:41.000 He's a beast.
00:21:41.000 He looks like he's just a monster, right?
00:21:44.000 And I had an epiphany about him.
00:21:46.000 Tommy, we call him.
00:21:47.000 I call him Tommy Fatso.
00:21:52.000 He's a huge hulking dude who boxes so he looks like a murderer and he intimidates people.
00:21:57.000 So to counter that, he's super nice, but he's too nice.
00:22:02.000 And I go, Tommy, because he was talking to that dud at my party who always asked, who kept asking, what do you do for a living?
00:22:09.000 I'm telling you folks, anyone who talks about their job or asks you about your job is a dud.
00:22:16.000 It's like the same as astrology.
00:22:17.000 Just get the hell out of there.
00:22:19.000 Because you're having... It's leisure!
00:22:22.000 Do you want to know what I paid in tax last year?
00:22:24.000 Should we talk about property tax and capital gains?
00:22:26.000 And other unfun shit that I do in the daytime?
00:22:29.000 It's quiet, yeah.
00:22:30.000 No, it's quiet for him.
00:22:32.000 Anyway, Tommy must have given him 40 minutes of his time.
00:22:35.000 I was like, you were talking to the worst guy at this entire party.
00:22:38.000 And it's a very high quality party as far as dudes go.
00:22:41.000 There was only two duds.
00:22:42.000 And he is a great, I talked to him for a while about movies.
00:22:44.000 He's a high quality guy.
00:22:45.000 High quality.
00:22:46.000 High quality.
00:22:46.000 Great stories.
00:22:47.000 Grew up in Brooklyn.
00:22:48.000 Uh, great fight stories about South Brooklyn.
00:22:52.000 Anyway, I go, you lost your dick.
00:22:56.000 You're so determined not to be a dick that your dick's gone.
00:23:01.000 And I gotta put your dick, I gotta put the dick back in you.
00:23:05.000 I don't know if it's from behind how I'm gonna get it in there.
00:23:08.000 This sounds very gay.
00:23:10.000 We gotta get the dick back in you.
00:23:13.000 Cause you're wasting your life.
00:23:15.000 Anyway, he goes, uh, Tommy Fatso, who's a giant, who I've fought a hundred times and it's, he uses maybe 1% of his strength and I'm, I have AIDS by the end.
00:23:28.000 Um, and he goes, uh, I don't know.
00:23:30.000 There's a lot of like hooligans there at that bar.
00:23:33.000 I go, dude, it's a cop bar.
00:23:35.000 We'll be with cops.
00:23:36.000 What's going to happen?
00:23:37.000 You're going to get stabbed?
00:23:39.000 So he doesn't come.
00:23:40.000 And then the guy who set up the night, Shug, guess what happened to him?
00:23:47.000 Oh, man.
00:24:10.000 Luckily, I was with the awesome cop dude who had great stories.
00:24:14.000 Dude, our neighborhood... Well, I should say the neighborhood my bar is in.
00:24:18.000 I mean, my gym.
00:24:20.000 There was a shooting last night.
00:24:22.000 Two nights ago, there was a hammer attack.
00:24:24.000 This is in New Rochelle.
00:24:25.000 There was a hammer attack.
00:24:27.000 While the guy was getting pounded with a hammer, another dude was standing with his gun sideways going, step back, step back.
00:24:33.000 What?
00:24:34.000 You're gonna let this happen.
00:24:35.000 Made sure there was no one interrupting the hammer attack.
00:24:40.000 No news.
00:24:41.000 They'd rather show you some moms in Portland singing Kumbaya.
00:24:46.000 Dude, New York is on fire.
00:24:48.000 What was there the other day?
00:24:50.000 In the past nine days, there's been 114 shot.
00:24:54.000 Something like that.
00:24:54.000 Yeah.
00:24:56.000 I forgot it was a tweet that I saw because I don't know if you can get those figures.
00:25:00.000 That's like 10 shootings a day that connected.
00:25:16.000 Over July 4th.
00:25:18.000 Yeah, that's nothing.
00:25:19.000 It's gotten way worse since then.
00:25:21.000 July 4th was 100 years ago.
00:25:22.000 40 people shot and killed, did it say, or shot?
00:25:28.000 40 people were shot and three killed.
00:25:29.000 That's nothing.
00:25:30.000 Yeah, it got worse.
00:25:31.000 That's tiddlywinks.
00:25:32.000 Tiddlywinks.
00:25:34.000 Early July?
00:25:40.000 Also in the news, I forgot the number of these, but Michael Graves, ex-Misfits frontman, not Danzig, has been cancelled.
00:25:50.000 And I saw this article by Christian Long.
00:25:53.000 Now, remember Justin Long?
00:25:55.000 He's in a bunch of movies.
00:25:57.000 He was, I think he was the Mac guy when there was the Mac and PC commercials.
00:26:02.000 Yeah.
00:26:03.000 Now, when I did commercials with Rooster, we had an ad agency and Rooster Worldwide, we were called.
00:26:09.000 We hired Christian Long.
00:26:11.000 Not Justin Long, but his brother Christian Long.
00:26:13.000 Is that the same?
00:26:14.000 This better not be the same Christian Long.
00:26:17.000 Anyway, he writes that Michael Graves, what's the article say?
00:26:24.000 Misfits alum Michael Graves ripped for joining Proud Boys hate group and supporting Donald Trump.
00:26:30.000 And then he goes, Proud Boys are known for their white nationalist, anti-Muslim and anti-Semitic rhetoric memes.
00:26:39.000 He had memes at the end.
00:26:41.000 Now this is what the SPLC says.
00:26:43.000 They go, they share Nazi memes.
00:26:45.000 They just mean spicy jokes.
00:26:48.000 So they dare to share rude jokes and maintain affiliations with known extremists.
00:26:55.000 I don't, what does that mean?
00:26:57.000 Like you maintain an affiliation with David Duke?
00:27:00.000 How do you maintain an affiliation?
00:27:04.000 Members of the group have previously appeared alongside other hate groups at extremist gatherings, namely Unite the Right rally in Charlottesville, North Carolina back in 2017.
00:27:13.000 Yes, there were three dudes there.
00:27:15.000 They were all kicked out.
00:27:17.000 They didn't know what the fuck it was.
00:27:19.000 Lots of people didn't.
00:27:20.000 And by the way, Unite the Right was initially pitched as a Save the Statues rally.
00:27:27.000 And people said, I don't know, this taking out statues thing, it could lead to trouble.
00:27:31.000 That's not looking so crazy now, is it?
00:27:34.000 Now, I believe it's a lie, and I think, um... I think, uh...
00:27:42.000 They pretended it was about statues, but they ultimately had a Nazi plan with Jews Will Not Replace Us and the tiki torches and all that.
00:27:50.000 But I believe it was a Fed move.
00:27:54.000 I think they said, let's suck in everyone remotely right wing into this rally, pretend it's about statues, turn it into a Nazi thing.
00:28:03.000 Hopefully someone like Heather Heyer will die and a bunch of people will get arrested.
00:28:06.000 We'll have the cops not do anything and we can just turn, just push everyone
00:28:11.000 On the sort of right off a Nazi cliff.
00:28:15.000 That's what I believe happened.
00:28:17.000 The guy behind it, Jason Kessler, told me personally that he's not alt-right.
00:28:21.000 He lied.
00:28:23.000 And I called him out on my show for that.
00:28:27.000 And he was an Occupy Wall Street guy.
00:28:29.000 He voted for Obama.
00:28:31.000 I don't really buy that he went violently right-wing in a few years.
00:28:37.000 I think he's a fed.
00:28:39.000 And it was always funny at Proud Boy meetups when we'd suspect guys were feds, because we don't sit there burning crosses and stuff.
00:28:46.000 We read from Pat Buchanan's Death of the West.
00:28:49.000 We air our gripes.
00:28:51.000 It's exactly like Knights of Columbus meetings.
00:28:53.000 I can't tell you about, but you could probably guess.
00:28:55.000 There's nothing drastic going on.
00:28:57.000 And we always joke that the feds who show up will probably report to their boss and go, yeah, it's a lot deeper than I thought.
00:29:03.000 I'm going to have to stay around.
00:29:06.000 Like you just drink beers with cool dudes once a month and make fart jokes.
00:29:11.000 So it's probably the greatest gig, especially if you're like infiltrating the pagans or the hell's angels or the Mongols.
00:29:17.000 And you know, at any moment, someone's going to find out and pop a cap in your head, pop a cap in your head.
00:29:24.000 What was that?
00:29:26.000 I can't believe I just said, pop a cap in your head.
00:29:29.000 Yeah.
00:29:30.000 I'm 50.
00:29:30.000 That was old.
00:29:31.000 This is the oldest thing.
00:29:33.000 I shit my pants two hours ago and I said, pop a cap in your head.
00:29:38.000 We might be able to talk to Mike McHale.
00:29:40.000 Is it McHale or Michael Graves?
00:29:43.000 Uh, yeah, we should have him on the show.
00:29:45.000 You don't mean tonight, do you?
00:29:47.000 Uh, let me see.
00:29:48.000 Let's not complicate the show.
00:29:49.000 Okay.
00:29:52.000 So post roll, we're about to go behind the paywall now.
00:29:57.000 Post roll, we're going to plug the Blades movie, Real Awakening, at realawakening.com.
00:30:03.000 This episode was brought to you by Blades, the movie from realawakening.com.
00:30:07.000 Check out the comedy Blades at realawakening.com.
00:30:11.000 These guys support censored.tv, so we support them.
00:30:14.000 realawakening.com.
00:30:15.000 Check out the movie Blades.
00:30:18.000 What's the URL to see that?
00:30:21.000 Reelawakening.com slash blades.
00:30:24.000 And reel is R-E-E-L.
00:30:25.000 Yes.
00:30:26.000 Like a movie reel.
00:30:28.000 Bonk.
00:30:29.000 In the nuts.
00:30:31.000 Good deek.
00:30:33.000 Oh no, he's getting it.
00:30:37.000 And then when we do the callers, which will be at 10 p.m., two pairs of Heshey socks.
00:30:45.000 Go to Hesheware.com, promo code Gavin, 20% off.
00:30:48.000 And then the second caller also gets two pairs of fucking socks.
00:30:52.000 Can you believe that?
00:30:54.000 All right.
00:30:56.000 We're going to look at some funny videos, including Johnny Depp doing a bad zombie dance.
00:31:01.000 But you can't see it, because you don't pay.
00:31:04.000 Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
00:31:09.000 Now I have to go get them.