Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #94

00:00:13.000 We're from New York!

00:00:14.000 It's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McKinnon!

00:00:18.000 Looking at the time with a magnifying glass!

00:00:43.000 That's the Sex Pistols.

00:00:45.000 That's Dave Grohl and Mick Jagger doing a song about the pandemic.

00:00:53.000 And they're clearly trying to be 70s punks.

00:00:55.000 I was just down the street at Anthony's studio and he introduced me to this jam.

00:01:02.000 And it's so clearly trying to be 70s punk.

00:01:09.000 Of course you have to have a breakdown like that.

00:01:30.000 What's his band?

00:01:32.000 Easy Sleazy.

00:01:34.000 No, that's the song, you shithead, piece of garbage, horrible person.

00:01:37.000 Well, he did a weird thing where usually the band name goes first, then a dash.

00:01:42.000 Kind of the universal format of songs.

00:01:46.000 They're changing all the rules.

00:01:47.000 Did he use the word gay, but in the traditional sense?

00:01:50.000 Who's channel is that?

00:01:53.000 Mick Jagger.

00:01:53.000 So this is Mick Jagger.

00:01:54.000 Before we get started, let's get started.

00:02:10.000 Notes from the ad guy.

00:02:12.000 Do not read this on air.

00:02:14.000 Hey guys, I hope you have a great show.

00:02:15.000 I'll send you pizzas.

00:02:17.000 My marriage is going really bad.

00:02:19.000 I am not speaking to my wife anymore at all.

00:02:24.000 We sleep in separate beds.

00:02:26.000 I'm concerned that we may be divorced soon and I may not be able to do this job anymore.

00:02:38.000 I've got something cool from the studio from Tactical Tim soon.

00:02:40.000 Blah, blah, blah.

00:02:41.000 Don't mention this, but Bubba's got ground beef out at the Wazoo, so I'm happy to send some this week.

00:02:46.000 He said he's going to send us a pizza.

00:02:49.000 I don't want a pizza.

00:02:52.000 Not at all?

00:02:53.000 Nope.

00:02:54.000 I kind of use a pizza every now and then.

00:02:55.000 You know what I don't want?

00:02:57.000 Anything.

00:02:59.000 That was too much of indecence.

00:03:00.000 I don't want anything.

00:03:01.000 Like I want, I actually, I kind of wanted the Defender, the new Range Rover, but I had a good look at it and it looks like a children's toy.

00:03:10.000 It was meant to be an homage to the original Defender that started this whole thing.

00:03:16.000 And, uh, you know, I had a good look at it.

00:03:19.000 And of course the photos are deceiving online.

00:03:23.000 Like you see that gray thing and you go, that looks awesome.

00:03:26.000 But the actual new Defender looks like that.

00:03:30.000 It looks like a fucking retarded, embarrassing cough drop.

00:03:33.000 Same thing with the Bronco.

00:03:37.000 They made it look so badass and I saw one in person and I was like, this is like... That's not what I asked for.

00:03:41.000 This is like sub Prius.

00:03:42.000 Dude, have you seen the Range Rover Convertible?

00:03:46.000 It's for not just babies, but handicapped babies.

00:03:51.000 It's not a children's toy, it's a handicapped baby's toy.

00:03:53.000 Looks like a Saab.

00:03:55.000 No, that's super cool.

00:03:56.000 Yeah, look at that one, the black one right next to me.

00:03:59.000 That one right there.

00:04:01.000 Like this is Range Rover sending you that picture.

00:04:05.000 So that's the best thing you've ever seen.

00:04:07.000 That's the best it gets.

00:04:08.000 I've seen it in person.

00:04:09.000 By the way, why isn't anyone in it?

00:04:11.000 That's how much it sucks.

00:04:15.000 Look at that.

00:04:16.000 Like that's, don't give me that.

00:04:18.000 That's probably 50 grand, 60 grand.

00:04:21.000 Don't give me that.

00:04:21.000 I don't want that.

00:04:23.000 And the Defender,

00:04:26.000 All tricked out, it's probably a hundred grand.

00:04:29.000 I do not want that in my life.

00:04:34.000 Try to look at a... Oh, here we go.

00:04:39.000 Anyway, our ad guy Vinny seems to be getting divorced.

00:04:42.000 Look at that.

00:04:42.000 Look at those edges, man.

00:04:44.000 It's a bummer, dude.

00:04:46.000 Looks like a scion.

00:04:47.000 Those ugly scions, remember those?

00:04:48.000 It looks like someone is a industrial design prodigy in industrial design school and he made a car.

00:04:57.000 This is his final project for school.

00:05:00.000 An actual working car.

00:05:02.000 Totally designed by him.

00:05:04.000 Based loosely on Range Rovers.

00:05:08.000 I don't like that.

00:05:09.000 I don't want it.

00:05:09.000 I hate it.

00:05:10.000 I'd rather have a $10,000 vintage Range Rover that at least has some fucking hard edges.

00:05:17.000 That's the funny thing about being old.

00:05:18.000 You don't want anything.

00:05:20.000 A Ferrari?

00:05:20.000 I would be so embarrassed if I had a red Ferrari in my driveway.

00:05:24.000 When Milo's husband, his black husband, came over to stay and his stupid car was in my driveway, I was embarrassed.

00:05:35.000 It's like a fucking Ferrari Tesla with like Iron Man themed reflective coating.

00:05:42.000 It's embarrassing.

00:05:48.000 Yeah, this one.

00:05:49.000 It almost looks cooler than the Defender.

00:05:52.000 Milo sent me a text recently and he's like, you've been late 11 out of 12 months.

00:05:57.000 Every month you're late for payment.

00:05:59.000 I can't go on like this.

00:06:02.000 And I go, no, you get paid every 30 days, dude.

00:06:05.000 That's our deal.

00:06:06.000 Oh, sorry, bye.

00:06:08.000 So you've been consistent, never mind.

00:06:09.000 You've been completely on time.

00:06:12.000 You call late, I call it on time.

00:06:14.000 It's every 30 days.

00:06:15.000 Yeah.

00:06:18.000 Yeah, I don't want- look how ugly that fucking car is!

00:06:21.000 And Range Rovers were known as, like, they're a piece of shit garbage car, but at least faggots like me can enjoy the aesthetics.

00:06:29.000 But not anymore.

00:06:32.000 Yeah, I felt- I didn't feel bad for the guy, but...

00:06:37.000 I saw Bronco he's like dude.

00:06:38.000 I got a new car.

00:06:38.000 He brought me out back And he was like check it out, and I was on the Bronco such a beautiful car Yeah, like Scott Campbell the tattoo artist he has an old like 1989 one and it's just a masterpiece yeah, and it drives like a big fat boat Beautiful car

00:06:58.000 Like it's one thing to take a Ford Taurus and make it into a piece of shit.

00:07:01.000 It was always a piece of shit.

00:07:03.000 But to destroy Broncos and Range Rovers and a Porsche.

00:07:07.000 Have you seen the Porsche SUV?

00:07:08.000 Yeah.

00:07:10.000 It looks like my mother's friend's vagina.

00:07:15.000 It's depressing.

00:07:17.000 And she's gone through menopause, she hasn't been fucked in about 11 years.

00:07:21.000 It looks like a pussy that hasn't been fucked in 11 years.

00:07:23.000 That's a bronco, okay, beautiful work of art.

00:07:25.000 It's gorgeous.

00:07:26.000 Fucking amazing.

00:07:27.000 It looks mean as fuck.

00:07:28.000 Oh my god, what a masterpiece!

00:07:32.000 What a masterpiece.

00:07:36.000 Yeah, it looks like shit.

00:07:36.000 What is that?

00:07:37.000 I don't want that.

00:07:39.000 Don't buy me that.

00:07:40.000 Hey, fans who like to send presents to the show, don't send me a Porsche SUV, please.

00:07:47.000 The Cayenne?

00:07:48.000 Yeah, the Cayenne.

00:07:49.000 Look at it.

00:07:49.000 What a whack-ass name.

00:07:52.000 It looks like a Mitsubishi Eclipse and a Subaru got together.

00:07:56.000 Well, that's the problem.

00:07:57.000 They all look the fucking same.

00:07:59.000 Yeah, the Eclipse was one of the most horrendous transformations of a car.

00:08:02.000 When I was a kid, every car was different.

00:08:05.000 Look at fucking Men in Black.

00:08:07.000 Yeah.

00:08:08.000 They were parked in front of my house in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.

00:08:10.000 I almost came.

00:08:12.000 With the Lincoln.

00:08:13.000 Because there was a Ford Galaxy and a fucking Lincoln and a 57 Chevy and all these cool old timey cars.

00:08:19.000 Yeah, those were great.

00:08:20.000 Of course our neighbors complained because they're yuppies.

00:08:24.000 And white people, rich white people are never happy.

00:08:28.000 Look at that masterpiece!

00:08:30.000 Hell yeah.

00:08:31.000 Holy shit.

00:08:34.000 I'm getting a Lincoln Continental.

00:08:37.000 Or look up a 1957 Ford Galaxy.

00:08:41.000 That's gotta be the most beautiful creature in existence.

00:08:46.000 I mean, fuck the year, but... Oh, well.

00:08:49.000 Well, that's not what I pictured.

00:08:51.000 Maybe go later?

00:08:52.000 Just look up Ford Galaxy.

00:08:53.000 You gotta say black.

00:08:55.000 Oh, there you go.

00:08:56.000 All cars should be black.

00:08:57.000 No, that's a little 250s.

00:09:00.000 Maybe go Ford Galaxy, like, 1970.

00:09:04.000 Like, I'm not... I love the big, bulbous, Cuban... Now we're talking.

00:09:11.000 Yeah, that's sick.

00:09:12.000 That's GTO levels.

00:09:13.000 Why are we watching porn on our show?

00:09:14.000 I thought we don't watch porn on this show.

00:09:17.000 Look at that thing.

00:09:19.000 What a masterpiece.

00:09:21.000 Or what's that one in the corner there?

00:09:24.000 Right here?

00:09:25.000 This green one?

00:09:26.000 No, no.

00:09:27.000 This one?

00:09:29.000 No, black.

00:09:30.000 All cars should be black.

00:09:32.000 Look at that thing!

00:09:35.000 Look at that thing!

00:09:37.000 I feel like my dad right now going, why make music after Annie Lennox?

00:09:43.000 After walking on broken glass with Annie Lennox.

00:09:48.000 What are you doing, dude?

00:09:49.000 We're looking at your stupid screen.

00:09:52.000 It's a GTO.

00:09:55.000 That's not a Ford Galaxy though.

00:09:57.000 Very similar.

00:09:58.000 No, that's way better.

00:10:00.000 GTO is trying to be a muscle car.

00:10:02.000 Ford Galaxy is a family car trying to get you from A to B. Oh really?

00:10:06.000 That was like just a standard vehicle.

00:10:08.000 Like I want to make out with it.

00:10:10.000 I feel like those weirdos who marry a roller coaster.

00:10:14.000 Look at that.

00:10:16.000 Why make a car again?

00:10:20.000 My dad is not here tonight, folks.

00:10:21.000 You'll be sorry to hear.

00:10:22.000 I'm not sorry to hear.

00:10:23.000 They're getting on my fucking nerves.

00:10:27.000 I'm driving my parents to the pub today.

00:10:29.000 And we take a turn.

00:10:31.000 I have to avoid a lot of my areas in the suburbs.

00:10:34.000 It's got a lot of traffic lights.

00:10:35.000 So I go like left down here, up this lane.

00:10:38.000 And I managed to skip a lot of lights just going through the burbs.

00:10:41.000 And my mother goes, this looks like a dead end.

00:10:48.000 It looks like it.

00:10:49.000 You think I'm driving down a dead end?

00:10:51.000 You think I don't know my own neighborhood?

00:10:53.000 I've lived in it four years.

00:10:55.000 For four years.

00:10:56.000 And then she goes, so my wife has a little like office nook off of the kitchen and it's got a bunch of pictures.

00:11:04.000 Mostly Indian shit.

00:11:05.000 She's really into Indian crap.

00:11:06.000 Powwows and this tribe and that tribe and stuff.

00:11:10.000 But it also has our kids.

00:11:12.000 That's my daughter, my oldest boy, and then my youngest boy.

00:11:14.000 The youngest boy's a little lower and we're moving soon.

00:11:18.000 So there's these bins piled up with some baskets.

00:11:21.000 Ho-Chunk Indians are big on baskets.

00:11:23.000 That's their thing.

00:11:24.000 Apaches, their thing was stabbing you in the eyes.

00:11:28.000 Ho-Chunks, their thing is baskets.

00:11:30.000 So we have a lot of baskets that her aunt made and her grandmother made and her great-grandmother made.

00:11:34.000 We have lots of baskets in the house.

00:11:36.000 So that's part of the pile up.

00:11:37.000 So it's piled up so high you can't see the portrait of my youngest boy.

00:11:42.000 This week.

00:11:44.000 And my mother goes, hey, could you not, wouldn't it make sense to move that one that says New York and then put the youngest boy up there?

00:11:54.000 And I go, uh, sure.

00:11:56.000 Eventually, yeah, sure.

00:11:59.000 But that's a little invasive, Mom.

00:12:01.000 Let's let my wife have her little area.

00:12:06.000 And she goes, all right, it just seems nice I could see all three children.

00:12:10.000 Which, by the way, they're not head over heels in love with.

00:12:14.000 Boomers are the first grandparents to not be that into their grandchildren.

00:12:19.000 They're more like, hey, yeah.

00:12:22.000 Like the days of making a dollhouse with believable shingles, and like a little bathtub, and maybe the bathtub works.

00:12:34.000 You can run a bath for one of the little people there.

00:12:37.000 And then making your grandson a go-kart.

00:12:42.000 They don't even do the fucking dishes.

00:12:45.000 So I go, yeah, she'll maybe get around to that eventually, but it's, and then my, my dad goes, Oh, don't say anything.

00:12:52.000 You'll be criticized.

00:12:54.000 I go, no, you're criticizing my wife by, uh, suggesting she move a fucking picture.

00:13:01.000 Cause it's behind a box.

00:13:03.000 Do I sound like an asshole right now?

00:13:07.000 No.

00:13:07.000 My youngest boy also made a tower.

00:13:09.000 This is big with the kids or at least when they have like a yuppie liberal mom.

00:13:15.000 Planks.

00:13:16.000 It's a little piece of wood this big and you stack them up and you make little sculptures.

00:13:23.000 Just out of planks.

00:13:24.000 It's like a northern European thing, like Forest Kindergarten.

00:13:27.000 So my boy, my youngest boy, makes a tower that's nine feet high.

00:13:30.000 He has to get up on a bench and stuff.

00:13:32.000 Thick.

00:13:33.000 Guess who goes careening into it?

00:13:35.000 Oh no.

00:13:36.000 When he gets home from the pub.

00:13:37.000 Oh no.

00:13:40.000 I'm gonna guess your dad.

00:13:49.000 Boys gonna like, get it.

00:13:52.000 Look at my parlor.

00:13:55.000 You can see it.

00:13:56.000 It's, you know, not easy to make when you're a little kid.

00:13:59.000 And, of course, when you see a sculpture like this, a bunch fell.

00:14:03.000 But eventually you got it together and, uh, you made the giantest tower in the world.

00:14:12.000 Oh, man.

00:14:13.000 That's an awesome fucking tower.

00:14:14.000 And how did you not see that, Dad?

00:14:18.000 It's taller than you.

00:14:19.000 Like, what did you think it was?

00:14:20.000 Just a piece of furniture?

00:14:24.000 Fucking guy.

00:14:28.000 Anyway, Bubba and Hank's Tactical Walls Johnny Apple CBD are here to stay.

00:14:34.000 Bubba and Hank's Tactical Walls and Johnny Apple CBD.

00:14:38.000 They're our sponsors.

00:14:38.000 They've been here since day one.

00:14:40.000 Patriot owned and operated.

00:14:42.000 All of our advertisers love America.

00:14:44.000 They love Western values.

00:14:46.000 Do me a personal favor and support them.

00:14:50.000 In other words, if you're ever going to buy any meat product, get it from Bub and Hank's.

00:14:56.000 If you're ever going to buy any CBD product, get it from Johnny Apple CBD.

00:15:00.000 And if you're ever going to buy any kind of gun mount system, or not just for your guns, for your baseball shit, any kind of way to organize your artillery.

00:15:09.000 Is that the correct pronunciation?

00:15:13.000 Artillery.

00:15:14.000 Whether it's sports or gun related, go to Tactical Walls.

00:15:19.000 If you want to give a kick-ass Father's Day gift, go to w... dot, dot, dot.

00:15:26.000 He's still doing it.

00:15:28.000 This is probably why his wife's divorcing him.

00:15:31.000 TacticalWalls.com.

00:15:33.000 Tim and the team at Tactical Walls will walk you through every step of the way to make sure you have the perfect setup.

00:15:38.000 Enter promo code Gavin and you get 50% off all orders.

00:15:42.000 Another kickass, and by the way, this is the level of craftsmanship over at Tactical Walls.

00:15:49.000 Look at this.

00:15:52.000 And look at the cool shelf.

00:15:53.000 Remember the shelf we had?

00:15:55.000 That barfed out Budweiser and Maker's Mark?

00:15:57.000 That guy just made it on a whim.

00:16:01.000 Another kick-ass Father's Day gift is Wagyu beef from Bubba and Hank's.

00:16:05.000 Call the number on the website.

00:16:06.000 Bubba and Hank's picked up the phone personally.

00:16:09.000 The ground beef is on sale and it is the best burger meat ever.

00:16:12.000 I will send you and the family some pounds of that.

00:16:15.000 I can't tell if this is the ad guy telling me that or... Yeah, is there parentheses?

00:16:19.000 Am I giving you that?

00:16:23.000 And then he puts in brackets, I'm happy to send two collars beef from Bubster just because.

00:16:27.000 And cover shipping like always.

00:16:28.000 So that's uh, he's talking about I guess the first two collars?

00:16:33.000 I guess let's put that in.

00:16:34.000 First two collars.

00:16:37.000 Like he didn't make that very clear.

00:16:39.000 Get Bubba and Hanks.

00:16:42.000 Right?

00:16:43.000 Sounded like it.

00:16:45.000 It's so weird, he's so descriptive when it comes to the domain name.

00:16:49.000 Yeah, great on domain names.

00:16:50.000 Not great on maintaining his marriage and explaining free giveaways.

00:16:54.000 Right.

00:16:56.000 Lastly, we've got to promote the $4.20 prize-backed giveaway from Johnny Apple CBD next week.

00:17:01.000 Johnny is giving us a ton of CBD to give away for $4.20, so stay tuned.

00:17:06.000 Gummies, tinctures, all that stuff.

00:17:08.000 JACBD.com.

00:17:10.000 Promo code GAVIN for 35% off orders on $4.20 and 20% off every other day.

00:17:18.000 I'm Gavin McInnes.

00:17:19.000 He adds in question marks.

00:17:21.000 I don't know what that means.

00:17:22.000 Thanks, Bub and Hanks.

00:17:23.000 Thanks, Tactical Tim.

00:17:25.000 Thanks, Johnny Apple.

00:17:26.000 We all like you more than a friend.

00:17:31.000 Okay.

00:17:32.000 Sounds fun.

00:17:35.000 They replaced the gummies graphic, which is pretty cool.

00:17:39.000 Now it's outside, tipping over, exposing the gummy.

00:17:43.000 Good to know.

00:17:45.000 All right, so let's start taking some calls.

00:17:47.000 I just did the Anthony Crumia Show.

00:17:50.000 That should be live, I mean, on the site.

00:17:51.000 It was live on the site.

00:17:53.000 Did you watch it live, Ryan?

00:17:54.000 I did not.

00:17:55.000 Why not?

00:17:56.000 I was doing some girlfriend-boyfriend chores.

00:17:59.000 We went- 69ing?

00:18:01.000 No, no.

00:18:03.000 Actually, yes.

00:18:04.000 Wouldn't that be funny?

00:18:05.000 You thought of 69ing as a chore?

00:18:07.000 I gotta 69 the girl.

00:18:08.000 Gotta go 69 again.

00:18:15.000 Guess who was the nine of this gang?

00:18:18.000 She's gonna blow me while I eat her out again, as I gotta do every Saturday.

00:18:23.000 I knew a woman, she was my babysitter's mother actually, and she goes, she's divorced.

00:18:28.000 Very fucking hot, like you'd want to fuck her right now.

00:18:31.000 Doesn't look old at all, but she's probably 40.

00:18:35.000 And her husband would schedule eating her pussy.

00:18:40.000 Saturdays at 11 p.m.

00:18:43.000 That's the... Is that why you were a little suspicious of him?

00:18:47.000 I told her.

00:18:48.000 The second she said that, I go, fag.

00:18:50.000 He's a fag.

00:18:51.000 He's a fag.

00:18:51.000 He's a fucking fag.

00:18:52.000 That's a fucking fag.

00:18:54.000 You're made of it.

00:18:59.000 Cleaning out toilets is something you schedule?

00:19:02.000 Right.

00:19:03.000 You don't go, yeah, I'd love to eat you out.

00:19:07.000 Just a little early is all.

00:19:09.000 Yeah, let's do Saturday at like 11 and then I can just drink all day and I'll eat your disgusting pussy.

00:19:18.000 I'm pretty grossed out by boners.

00:19:20.000 They're not my cup of tea.

00:19:22.000 I puke every time I see my own.

00:19:23.000 Yeah, if I don't masturbate in front of the mirror because I'll just projectile vomit and I won't be able to see myself anymore.

00:19:30.000 Comes in handy when you want to vomit.

00:19:34.000 But I feel like I'm not as disgusted by boners as gays are by pussies.

00:19:40.000 I am gay.

00:19:42.000 Like when I see a boner, like we see boners in porno, right?

00:19:46.000 And we're just like, all right, that's another guy's boner.

00:19:48.000 I'm going to pretend it's mine.

00:19:50.000 But gay, I guess gays don't see boners in porno.

00:19:54.000 They just see nothing but dicks.

00:19:56.000 Wait, did I say boners?

00:19:57.000 I mean, pussies.

00:19:59.000 So they never, like, it doesn't show up in a porno for them.

00:20:02.000 They just see buttholes and pussies.

00:20:04.000 So they're not as familiar with it as we are with boners.

00:20:08.000 Wait, that's a weird concept.

00:20:09.000 Gay guy could watch straight porn and just blur out what he doesn't want to see.

00:20:15.000 Look what we have for the desk, folks.

00:20:17.000 Just in case you've been hearing squeaking.

00:20:22.000 Homeboy's gonna, like, get it.

00:20:24.000 Not sure where to... Oh, we got callers.

00:20:29.000 Sorry.

00:20:29.000 Alright, let's talk to the callers.

00:20:32.000 Somebody says, shooting.

00:20:35.000 Hello?

00:20:35.000 Shooting!

00:20:36.000 Wagwan!

00:20:37.000 Can't hear you.

00:20:38.000 Can you hear me, man?

00:20:40.000 Hello?

00:20:41.000 Hello, Wagwan!

00:20:43.000 This could be my fault and I'm checking.

00:20:46.000 What's up?

00:20:47.000 Can you hear me?

00:20:48.000 Can't hear anything.

00:20:49.000 Here we go, okay.

00:20:50.000 Now, can you hear me?

00:20:51.000 Wagwan.

00:20:53.000 Yeah, now I can hear you, dude.

00:20:54.000 Ryan didn't have the microphone on?

00:20:55.000 What was going on there?

00:20:56.000 Correct.

00:20:57.000 Why not?

00:20:57.000 Oh, sorry.

00:20:58.000 I'm gay.

00:21:00.000 So what's up, dude?

00:21:03.000 Nothing, just got done weed whacking my lawn.

00:21:06.000 Whacking my lawn.

00:21:09.000 What kind of weed whacker you got?

00:21:11.000 I was just listening to AIU's take on that shooting.

00:21:18.000 Uh-huh.

00:21:20.000 What's the verdict?

00:21:22.000 Yeah, I just thought it was kinda interesting how the blacks can never seem to rile up a good victim for their cause, a good hero.

00:21:31.000 Sounds like they don't exist.

00:21:33.000 Well they do.

00:21:34.000 We talked about Craig.

00:21:36.000 Remember Craig James Robinson in Alabama or something?

00:21:40.000 A nice wonderful black man who was attacked by racist whites.

00:21:45.000 They went looking for n-words.

00:21:49.000 And they got one.

00:21:49.000 They beat him up.

00:21:50.000 They run him over.

00:21:52.000 And no one did anything about it media wise because it was in a red state.

00:21:58.000 So they thought fuck it.

00:21:59.000 I don't care about him.

00:22:02.000 Or could it be that the black community has a huge problem with violence and destroying other races and humiliating, racially humiliating Asians and whites and destroying our communities?

00:22:14.000 Yep.

00:22:15.000 But why not destroy our communities based on that guy?

00:22:20.000 Right.

00:22:20.000 There he is.

00:22:21.000 That's a good point.

00:22:22.000 When did that happen?

00:22:24.000 Look it up.

00:22:25.000 Ryan's got it up on the screen.

00:22:27.000 Yeah, his name is James Craig Anderson.

00:22:29.000 Sorry, I got the name wrong.

00:22:30.000 James Craig Anderson.

00:22:31.000 Perfect victim.

00:22:33.000 Not a crackhead.

00:22:34.000 Unlike George Floyd, he did not force his way into a pregnant woman's home by pushing a gun in her belly.

00:22:41.000 Unlike Deontay, he did not strangle a woman and try to rob her for $850.

00:22:47.000 This was just a mild-mannered, normal black dude minding his own business.

00:22:52.000 And he was murdered by racist whites.

00:22:54.000 And there was no riots.

00:22:57.000 Why not?

00:22:58.000 Okay, we have one.

00:23:00.000 Yeah, that's about it.

00:23:01.000 And it does, you know, it's like, it seems like they're rioting because of this reason or that reason, but there's two types of people, people that will riot and people that won't.

00:23:10.000 Yeah, this is the problem.

00:23:12.000 Anyway, thanks for calling.

00:23:13.000 This is the problem with the modern American culture is we're obsessed with assuming savages have a plan.

00:23:23.000 And when you see someone looting a Dollar Tree and burning down a McDonald's,

00:23:29.000 Don't try to figure out their manifesto.

00:23:33.000 There's nothing going on there of consequence.

00:23:34.000 Next caller.

00:23:36.000 Chadwick, Judge Dredd.

00:23:40.000 Yo, what's up, Rye Guy?

00:23:41.000 Hello.

00:23:43.000 Hello?

00:23:43.000 Hi.

00:23:44.000 Hey, long time caller, first time listener.

00:23:46.000 I wanted to know, do you guys have any links where we could send you stuff, like P.O.

00:23:52.000 Boxes?

00:23:53.000 I know maybe you don't want to just throw that out there considering, you know,

00:23:58.000 What some people might try to send you or whatever, but... What do you want to send us that's so great?

00:24:03.000 There was some stuff I wanted to send.

00:24:06.000 I wanted to send Ryan this Judge Dredd graphic novel.

00:24:10.000 And then there's I Make Leather Belts.

00:24:13.000 Gavin, you said that there's nothing you'd want.

00:24:17.000 What about stuff that you could give to your kids to make them think you're cooler?

00:24:23.000 To make them think you're cooler.

00:24:23.000 Like what?

00:24:26.000 I don't know, like I make punk leather belts and I have, uh, there's one that I made that's way too small, but it might fit like a 15 year old.

00:24:35.000 And then I wanted to make one for Ryan and I was going to make you a fancier one, but I need to get into stitching so I can get the more supple leather for the inside of the belt and whatnot.

00:24:46.000 Yeah.

00:24:47.000 Send me over.

00:24:48.000 I got to worry you have a GPS chip you're putting in my daughter's belt too.

00:24:52.000 That's pretty intricate, but yeah.

00:24:54.000 You can give it to whoever you want.

00:24:56.000 It's very small.

00:24:57.000 That's the only thing I could think of that it would fit.

00:25:00.000 Alright, thanks for calling.

00:25:01.000 DM me at nopeyupofficial.

00:25:03.000 This episode of Get On My Lawn is brought to you by tacticalwalls.com.

00:25:06.000 We are so fucked.

00:25:07.000 With Biden in office, you ask yourself, how can I keep my family really safe with this fucking Momo, Yahoo shit dick in office, especially with his ding dong supporters like mega dings.

00:25:18.000 Keep your family safe like I do with TacticalWalls.com.

00:25:21.000 Tactical Tim and the team at Tactical Walls have the tools to help you protect your home safely and discreetly.

00:25:29.000 And then he says, please show the Tactical Walls custom job Tactical Tim did for you during the live stream.

00:25:36.000 I guess he means, uh, that?

00:25:40.000 Right?

00:25:42.000 If you want to keep your home and your family safe, you need to go to TacticalWalls.com, enter promo code GAVIN, receive 15% off all orders, keep your family safe.

00:25:50.000 That's 15% off all orders and TacticalWalls.com customizes your personal home defense system with you and your family's protection.

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00:26:15.000 Let them know what you're trying to have made and they will build your perfect hidden home defense system.

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00:26:26.000 You need a tactical wall set up like I have.

00:26:29.000 Tactical Walls is a veteran owned and operated business and a proud supporter of Censored.TV, so show them some love.

00:26:36.000 TacticalWalls.com, promo code Gavin, 15% off all orders.

00:26:40.000 Thanks Tactical Wall and the team at Tactical Walls.

00:26:44.000 God bless small business.

00:26:46.000 God bless our listeners.

00:26:47.000 Thank you guys for sticking with us.

00:26:49.000 TacticalWalls.com, promo code Gavin, 50% off.

00:26:55.000 I know I fucked up a couple times there, but TimAtTacticalWalls.com.

00:26:59.000 TimAtTacticalWalls.com.

00:27:00.000 That's pretty tricky to say with the tactical balls.

00:27:02.000 Sounds like a cleft lip like rehab challenge.

00:27:06.000 It's almost as hard as Rural Juror.

00:27:09.000 Or Saturday Night Live.

00:27:10.000 You know, I was a writer at Saturday Night Live.

00:27:12.000 I watched Saturday Night Live.

00:27:15.000 I also insist people say Toronto.

00:27:18.000 Instead of Toronto?

00:27:19.000 People in Toronto say Toronto.

00:27:22.000 Oh, I see.

00:27:22.000 People in Toronto watch Star Night.

00:27:24.000 Toronto.

00:27:24.000 Don't say Toronto.

00:27:25.000 Don't say Star Night.

00:27:26.000 Toronto Berk.

00:27:27.000 It's Toronto.

00:27:28.000 It's Saturday Night Live.

00:27:29.000 Alright, let's get the next call.

00:27:32.000 Okay, caller number next.

00:27:36.000 It's probably bow ties.

00:27:37.000 They reveal a little too much.

00:27:40.000 Oh.

00:27:40.000 Hello, hello, hello.

00:27:42.000 It's weird that the bow tie makes like the bottom button look like it's about to explode too.

00:27:45.000 Well, the tie would hide it, shithead.

00:27:48.000 Right.

00:27:49.000 I'm actually pretty ripped.

00:27:50.000 It causes that.

00:27:52.000 That couldn't be any other reason but the bow tie.

00:27:54.000 I'm actually a fairly ripped dude these days.

00:27:56.000 I gotta color, I gotta... There you go.

00:28:01.000 You'd be surprised.

00:28:01.000 Color temperature.

00:28:02.000 Yes, you're on, sir.

00:28:05.000 Oh, okay.

00:28:05.000 Well, I was gonna simp out on Ryan and ask if I could send you some shit, but no, I'm not gonna do that now.

00:28:11.000 Oh, man.

00:28:13.000 Shit.

00:28:13.000 Yeah.

00:28:14.000 It's pretty cool, too.

00:28:14.000 What were you gonna send me?

00:28:17.000 But anyway, I've got, uh... I've got the lyrics.

00:28:21.000 We've covered it quite a bit on the show.

00:28:24.000 This better be good.

00:28:24.000 Gavin's on beat?

00:28:26.000 Okay, thanks for calling.

00:28:44.000 I'm done with that fucking thing.

00:28:47.000 The beauty of the letters is I can just delete them when they say shit like that subject I don't want to talk about.

00:28:52.000 Do you want to hear it?

00:28:54.000 Sure.

00:28:54.000 To hear beat?

00:29:03.000 No.

00:29:04.000 No.

00:29:05.000 Gavin's on beat?

00:29:06.000 Um, bweet.

00:29:06.000 It'd have to be bweet if he said beat.

00:29:08.000 No.

00:29:08.000 Gavin's alright and the show is pretty tight.

00:29:11.000 Yeah.

00:29:11.000 I once thought it was on point but it's alright.

00:29:15.000 Okay, waste of time, let's stop talking about this.

00:29:18.000 We did say we were done with it.

00:29:21.000 Alright, Chris.

00:29:24.000 You're on the line.

00:29:31.000 10w40 smells very strong.

00:29:32.000 Do they put scent in it?

00:29:34.000 I don't know, it smells like oil.

00:29:38.000 Uh, Chris, 972, you're on the line.

00:29:41.000 Hey guys.

00:29:42.000 Hey.

00:29:43.000 How's it going, Chris?

00:29:46.000 So, um, I taught Farhan and his sister Farben, the one that unfortunately killed his entire family.

00:29:55.000 Whoa!

00:29:56.000 How do we know you're not lying?

00:30:00.000 I mean, because I wrote to you.

00:30:03.000 Do you swear, stamped, on a... Do you swear, stamped, no erase, swallow the key?

00:30:08.000 I taught him in ninth grade.

00:30:11.000 I taught him and his sister.

00:30:14.000 I taught my son as well, and my son was in the sister's class.

00:30:19.000 And I had Farhan first period, and he was the class clown.

00:30:24.000 He was like a sweetheart.

00:30:28.000 And he did talk about the office, as weird as that is.

00:30:31.000 So, what exactly happened?

00:30:35.000 For people not familiar with the case.

00:30:39.000 The school that I taught at has a huge...

00:30:43.000 Indian population and the kids that he hung out with were all good kids and his sister, you know, had a full ride to NYU and, you know, he just seemed like a happy kid.

00:30:54.000 No, no, do a Wikipedia, do a Wikipedia on what happened with this poor boy, like for anyone, for people who don't know who Farhan is.

00:31:05.000 He, well, you know, he always was worried about his grades.

00:31:08.000 Hey, lady, stop!

00:31:10.000 Do like a who, what, when, where, why for people who don't know who Farhan is.

00:31:14.000 What happened?

00:31:15.000 Yeah.

00:31:15.000 If nobody knew anything of him.

00:31:18.000 Okay.

00:31:18.000 So Farhan and his brother apparently started getting extremely depressed and, um, they unfortunately, um, over Easter weekend decided to kill their entire family.

00:31:32.000 Um, grandmother, father, mother, his twin sister, the one that I taught,

00:31:37.000 What's U of T?

00:32:08.000 University of Texas at Austin.

00:32:10.000 Oh, okay.

00:32:10.000 So you guys were in Austin.

00:32:12.000 I thought you mentioned something about NYU.

00:32:13.000 Were they headed to NYU?

00:32:15.000 His twin sister had a full ride to NYU.

00:32:20.000 They had come home for the holiday and yeah, they decided, apparently they decided in February that they were going to wait a year to kill their family unless they got better.

00:32:32.000 And then, I don't know, they just decided to

00:32:35.000 to kill him that Easter weekend and it's just crazy because I would have never thought this kid they were they were just happy I mean that goes to show you that you know you never you never know but apparently it all started in ninth grade and you know he he was like one of my favorite students which really kills me and my you know and so is his sister but yeah they just

00:33:02.000 So when you say he's a funny guy, was he funny like, that was an okay joke?

00:33:10.000 Or was he funny like, Jesus, if we were friends and we were at a bar, I would consider that a high quality joke.

00:33:17.000 Yes, like, he was highly intellectual, and him and his little group of dudes, they used to always joke around, and I don't know, he like, loved Jacob Sartorius, which is some little YouTube video star, and we always used to pull it up during class.

00:33:35.000 And he would always make fun of Jacob Sartorius and him being a number one fan, and the whole class laughed about it.

00:33:41.000 And like, he was a well-liked kid.

00:33:44.000 It's just so frickin' crazy that

00:33:48.000 That, you know, you just up and commit familicide, or I think that's what it's called.

00:33:53.000 It's a word that's not used very often.

00:33:55.000 So, he wasn't a fuck-up.

00:33:58.000 He wasn't a junkie.

00:33:59.000 He wasn't constantly being arrested.

00:34:03.000 No, and apparently he tried, he was upset about the fact that his brother, his older brother, the one that he committed that act with,

00:34:11.000 He was able to get a gun so easily, so he was super pissed off about that, and he had like an 11-page manifesto that he put on Google Docs, of all places.

00:34:20.000 But, yeah, he was mad about that.

00:34:23.000 He also set up a GoFundMe to try to give away the money that he'd accrued over the years, and he was pissed off because that was a place where you asked for money, and he was mad about having to, nobody was, I don't know, there was something weird about GoFundMe that he wanted to donate his money away.

00:34:41.000 It's just, I don't know.

00:34:42.000 It's just insane.

00:34:44.000 Well, I think the sort of conclusion here is inevitable and it might be hard for you to stomach, but it's your fault.

00:34:54.000 Yeah, I figured it was as much my fault.

00:34:56.000 And I know that you're, you're drenched in guilt and you're probably calling the show going, what should I do?

00:35:00.000 I caused this.

00:35:01.000 And all I can suggest is that you kill your family and yourself.

00:35:08.000 Yeah.

00:35:08.000 And mine too.

00:35:09.000 And then I'll feel bad, because I was just kidding, but then you literally did it, so then I'll kill my family and myself.

00:35:16.000 And then hopefully Ryan will follow suit.

00:35:21.000 Yeah, it all comes back to Ryan.

00:35:22.000 That's what we ultimately want, right?

00:35:24.000 No, but seriously folks, I guess the moral of the story is that there's no rhyme or reason to this kind of mental illness.

00:35:30.000 I mean, we talk about guns and we think, oh, the office.

00:35:33.000 I mean, there was, uh, they were bitching recently on CNN about how, uh, the Christ, uh, church shooter cited the replacement theory.

00:35:43.000 And so did the, um, uh, what was he?

00:35:46.000 The, the, the fucking Texas guy.

00:35:51.000 Who cited the replacement theory, but those guys also cited one of them cited PewDiePie and then your guy cited the office like it's it's Mental illness.

00:36:02.000 It's the person's responsibility.

00:36:04.000 There's not there's no real solution to it.

00:36:06.000 I mean you're saying your student was adored Right, I'm sorry your student was adored I

00:36:16.000 Yes, totally.

00:36:17.000 I mean, he was really well liked and popular.

00:36:21.000 So the idea that we could have prevented this is like a normal instinct, but it's not rational.

00:36:26.000 No.

00:36:30.000 Anyway, so shout out to Rocket Chat.

00:36:32.000 Woo!

00:36:33.000 Okay.

00:36:34.000 Thanks for calling.

00:36:35.000 Thank you guys.

00:36:36.000 And if it happens with another student, well, we're going to start seeing a pattern there.

00:36:39.000 Maybe you should try changing your... Maybe her teaching techniques are all just about how easy suicide is.

00:36:46.000 Yeah, my class is called... So guys, welcome back to my class.

00:36:50.000 We're going to focus on inhaling so much helium you die today, and also how to hook up your car's exhaust to your bedroom.

00:37:00.000 Katie's dad.

00:37:01.000 248, you're on the line.

00:37:03.000 Hi.

00:37:03.000 Hi, Katie.

00:37:13.000 His dad?

00:37:15.000 Well, I don't mind if it's true, though.

00:37:20.000 I mean, if it's one thing to say people commit suicide all the time, that's depressing.

00:37:24.000 But I was there.

00:37:25.000 I was a teacher.

00:37:27.000 That's fucking interesting.

00:37:28.000 Women can't even get along on the phone.

00:37:31.000 They're not even on the same line.

00:37:33.000 They're having a catfight.

00:37:34.000 She's probably calling lunch.

00:37:36.000 Yeah, you bitch.

00:37:38.000 Where are you calling from, caller?

00:37:40.000 I was gonna lighten the mood a little.

00:37:42.000 Where are you calling from, caller?

00:37:44.000 Where are you calling from, caller?

00:37:46.000 Michigan.

00:37:47.000 So you're like 2,000 miles from that previous caller and you hate her fucking guts.

00:37:51.000 I don't hate her at all.

00:37:54.000 No, I feel terrible for her.

00:37:56.000 That's what you said.

00:37:56.000 You said she's depressing.

00:37:58.000 That's the most awful story I've ever heard.

00:37:59.000 You said she's depressing and her students kill themselves because they have no choice.

00:38:02.000 You did say that.

00:38:03.000 That's what you said.

00:38:05.000 We're not deaf.

00:38:06.000 I wanted to talk about dads, and you think your dad has the worst temper, and you have no idea.

00:38:14.000 My dad could beat your dad by like a trillion.

00:38:18.000 Good luck.

00:38:19.000 Good luck.

00:38:20.000 I'm giving you sanitized versions.

00:38:23.000 Let me hear what you got.

00:38:24.000 Do your worst.

00:38:25.000 I have, well I have, I have a couple stories, but I mean, they're not like, like actual, I've never actually, actually seen fists thrown, but I mean, what he's put me through as a child, it's, it was pretty, um, it was kind of scary, and um,

00:38:44.000 What's the word?

00:38:45.000 Traumatizing.

00:38:47.000 Okay, let me tell you what happened today.

00:38:49.000 So today he wants to, there's this drunk named Bill at my local pub and I call him unreliable.

00:38:58.000 And unreliable said, I'll fuck it.

00:39:01.000 He's got a Bronx accent.

00:39:02.000 I'll drive you fucking guys to the border.

00:39:04.000 Just give me like 800 bucks.

00:39:04.000 Don't worry about it.

00:39:06.000 And they go, all right, we're going to go with Bill.

00:39:09.000 And I go, okay.

00:39:10.000 And they go, can you drive us to the, I go, when do you want to go?

00:39:14.000 And he goes, what do you mean?

00:39:15.000 Do you mean to the pub where Bill is or to the border?

00:39:19.000 And I go, I mean to the border because I'm going to text Bill.

00:39:24.000 I told you already that it doesn't make sense to go to the pub on the off chance he's there.

00:39:28.000 I mean, there's 24 hours in a day.

00:39:30.000 What are the odds he's going to be there when you go?

00:39:32.000 And he goes, that's exactly, you already said that today.

00:39:36.000 And I go, yeah.

00:39:38.000 So it's a given that the pub is out.

00:39:40.000 And when I'm asking, when do you want to go?

00:39:41.000 I mean the border.

00:39:44.000 And he goes, no, it's not a Kevin!

00:39:46.000 And I go, you can't have it both ways.

00:39:48.000 You can't yell at me for asking if you want to go to the pub when I didn't mean that.

00:39:52.000 And then also say it's redundant.

00:39:54.000 Of course it doesn't mean the pub.

00:39:56.000 That's just like three hours ago.

00:39:59.000 So what do you got within the past three hours, lady?

00:40:02.000 All right, all right, fine, fine, fine.

00:40:04.000 I can't top that, okay?

00:40:04.000 You win.

00:40:05.000 But I can, okay.

00:40:07.000 Did you see the sculpture he destroyed last night?

00:40:11.000 Yeah, yeah, you can't top that.

00:40:12.000 But no, he molested us.

00:40:15.000 But yeah, you do win, though.

00:40:16.000 Okay.

00:40:17.000 Because that sounds like a bummer.

00:40:20.000 Okay.

00:40:21.000 So my dad, he has a temper, but he also is the most loving person in the whole entire world.

00:40:29.000 So, uh, he goes to this, uh, the same, uh, drugstore.

00:40:35.000 Not drugstore, but party store to get his lottery tickets.

00:40:38.000 Every, like he did this every day for, I don't even know how many years.

00:40:41.000 So I'm sitting in the car waiting for him to get out.

00:40:44.000 And there's a guy standing outside the door next to the garbage can outside the door, unwrapping a candy bar.

00:40:51.000 And he just throws the wrapper on the ground.

00:40:55.000 And I'm, and my dad gets in the car and he sees this.

00:40:59.000 He gets out of the car, he says, don't move.

00:41:02.000 He gets out of the car, and I'm like 10 or 11, and he grabs the guy's collar, pulls him down to the ground, picks up the wrapper, throws it in the garbage can, pushes the guy's face to the garbage can, and is screaming at him, telling him, throw your fucking wrapper in the fucking garbage can.

00:41:28.000 That's an awesome dude.

00:41:30.000 That's a wonderful man.

00:41:31.000 The guy could have had a gun or a knife.

00:41:35.000 And I'm this little girl sitting in the car watching this happen.

00:41:39.000 Your dad was hungover and or drunk.

00:41:42.000 But wait a minute.

00:41:43.000 Am I nuts or have you told this story on the show before?

00:41:48.000 I'm having deja vu.

00:41:49.000 I haven't told you this story on the show before.

00:41:50.000 Promise?

00:41:54.000 What?

00:41:54.000 Do you promise you never told that story before?

00:41:58.000 I swear to God!

00:41:59.000 Not to you!

00:42:00.000 I mean, I've told other people!

00:42:03.000 I can picture it so vividly in my head that I thought you'd already told it, but I can picture the garbage, the wrapper, everything.

00:42:12.000 I swear to God.

00:42:13.000 I mean, I've told this story to people, yes, but not you.

00:42:17.000 Your dad's like my dad.

00:42:19.000 He's one of the best people alive, a very moral human being.

00:42:22.000 Of course.

00:42:23.000 He does everything right, and he's fucking annoying.

00:42:26.000 Very passionate, but very scary.

00:42:29.000 Very, very, very scary.

00:42:31.000 The last story I'm going to tell you is this last one.

00:42:34.000 So I lived in Southfield, and I was moving to Nova.

00:42:39.000 And I was really nervous about it, and blah, blah, blah.

00:42:42.000 And so, my dad already lived in Novi.

00:42:44.000 My mom still lives in Soho.

00:42:46.000 So, I'm in Novi with my dad, and he's driving down the street, and all of a sudden, he lands on the brakes, pulls a U-turn, and goes over to the side of the road, and gets out of the car, and just starts running.

00:43:00.000 And I have no clue what's going on.

00:43:02.000 No clue what's happening.

00:43:04.000 No idea whatsoever.

00:43:06.000 Finally, like, I don't know, I mean, it felt like a year, but I think it was like five minutes later, he comes puffing the puffing back to the car.

00:43:15.000 Some kids were on the other side of this hill on the street throwing, like, apples.

00:43:24.000 And I didn't even see it, but he did.

00:43:26.000 And so, when he saw an apple flying out on the road, he did that and he left his small child in the car on the side of the road while he chased these kids over the hill to their homes.

00:43:42.000 So, when I start my first day at school in 6th grade, the fucking kid that did it was in my class.

00:43:51.000 No.

00:43:53.000 Um, you need to send us a picture of this guy.

00:43:55.000 He's our new mascot.

00:43:57.000 Yeah.

00:44:00.000 Yeah.

00:44:01.000 He's probably the greatest person that's ever lived on the planet.

00:44:04.000 And, but he will like, he snaps, then you're dead.

00:44:07.000 Like you're, like you're just done.

00:44:09.000 Like he's just... Please send us a picture of him.

00:44:11.000 Oh my God.

00:44:12.000 You can change his name.

00:44:13.000 We can call him like Artie Lemieux.

00:44:18.000 I will send you a picture.

00:44:19.000 And he actually, and this is the last thing I'm going to say about him, but he actually died three or four years ago?

00:44:25.000 Three or four?

00:44:27.000 On the golf course.

00:44:30.000 Thanks, God.

00:44:30.000 Thank you, God.

00:44:32.000 No, he's alive.

00:44:33.000 No, he's alive.

00:44:34.000 No, no, but he did.

00:44:35.000 He dropped his dad.

00:44:36.000 That was quick.

00:44:40.000 I thought you said he died.

00:44:41.000 Like, flatlined.

00:44:43.000 Oh, he did.

00:44:44.000 And he's back.

00:44:45.000 He did.

00:44:45.000 He died.

00:44:46.000 Yeah.

00:44:47.000 He did.

00:44:47.000 No, he was dead.

00:44:48.000 Okay, simmer down.

00:44:49.000 He's alive.

00:44:50.000 He's alive.

00:44:51.000 You can relax.

00:44:53.000 Get him to call into the show.

00:44:54.000 He's alive.

00:44:55.000 The only reason he's alive is because he was on the golf course when it happened because there was a fucking doctor in the hole behind him.

00:45:04.000 A what in the hole behind him?

00:45:05.000 A doctor.

00:45:06.000 Oh, a doctor.

00:45:07.000 A doctor.

00:45:07.000 Well, they say that.

00:45:08.000 They say that the toughest weeds die last.

00:45:12.000 All right, thanks for calling.

00:45:13.000 That was a great story.

00:45:14.000 What's your name again, Chris?

00:45:15.000 Katie.

00:45:17.000 Kate.

00:45:18.000 Kate.

00:45:18.000 We want to see pictures of your dad.

00:45:20.000 I can picture him, though, pretty good.

00:45:22.000 Slovak, kind of a wide face.

00:45:25.000 Comb over.

00:45:28.000 No, he does not have a comb over.

00:45:31.000 He actually has all of his hair, and he is a very handsome man, but I will send you a picture.

00:45:36.000 Okay, thanks.

00:45:37.000 Like you more than a friend.

00:45:38.000 Thanks for calling.

00:45:40.000 Can I get another one of these puppies?

00:45:42.000 Yeah.

00:45:43.000 You know what I want to do?

00:45:45.000 There should be a booze called Fireball Faggot.

00:45:51.000 So then you go to the bar, and you're like, can I have a shot of Fireball Faggot?

00:45:56.000 And the bartender goes, fuck you.

00:45:57.000 And you go, it's called Fireball Faggot.

00:46:03.000 You need to calm down.

00:46:04.000 My favorite thing with my parents is to bring them in a bar and I walk into my various locals, I have about four, and I go, this is my mommy and daddy.

00:46:16.000 So if anyone here has a problem with me, they're going to have to take it up with them.

00:46:24.000 And then I say, that's the guy that was bullying me, Dad.

00:46:28.000 Sometimes I don't get it, though.

00:46:29.000 It's very Pee Wee Herman nemesis.

00:46:31.000 Yeah, like Francis.

00:46:33.000 And I'll go up to the bartender and go, hey, do you know who my father is?

00:46:36.000 He's right there.

00:46:37.000 He's one of the top lawyers in New York.

00:46:39.000 So I'd like a Budweiser now, please.

00:46:42.000 Yesterday.

00:46:43.000 We got Steve, and he's on the line.

00:46:49.000 And by the way, I got the two winners and I will be contacting you after the show.

00:46:53.000 I'll also be caretacting you soon after.

00:46:57.000 Steve.

00:46:58.000 Hey guys, would you want some Marlboro cigarette after the show and get the Budweiser beer?

00:47:04.000 Yes!

00:47:07.000 Cool, me too!

00:47:09.000 Canadian making fun of Americans there, pal?

00:47:13.000 No, I was going for the Norwegian guys.

00:47:15.000 Oh, right, right, right.

00:47:17.000 Well, you should have said that joke with maybe another 400 meters.

00:47:22.000 Yeah, that's definitely what I needed.

00:47:24.000 So, G-Dog, so you are moving, right?

00:47:30.000 Yes.

00:47:33.000 Do you already have a place picked out and everything?

00:47:35.000 Possibly.

00:47:36.000 I like to be very elusive about these kind of things.

00:47:41.000 I understand, but I was the one who wrote you a letter a couple months ago about Reno and Carson City in Nevada.

00:47:49.000 Sorry, cannot move into an oven.

00:47:52.000 I appreciate it.

00:47:53.000 I love the people there.

00:47:55.000 I cannot live in a toaster oven.

00:47:59.000 No?

00:48:00.000 No, I cannot.

00:48:02.000 Speaking of things I don't want, like I saw Penn and Teller's house, Pennet, what's his name?

00:48:08.000 Penn Jillette?

00:48:09.000 I saw his house, and it's worth like, I don't know, 200 million dollars, and I was like, no thank you!

00:48:15.000 Don't want it.

00:48:16.000 I mean, I know you're a big ski guy, it's like, you got skiing year round, there's Lake Tahoe, there's Donner Lake, where I live, there's all these ATV trails and dirt bike trails and stuff, like,

00:48:31.000 That sounds cool.

00:48:32.000 I don't know, it's pretty nice out here.

00:48:33.000 Alright, what's up for our subscribers with my various moving ideas, but thank you for calling.

00:48:40.000 Yeah, Pendulet's house is kind of funky, and it's got like, you know, a guitar shaped pool and stuff, and I just, I look at that and I think 110 degrees.

00:48:50.000 Look at that.

00:48:51.000 Look at the dead flowers.

00:48:54.000 I do not want that.

00:48:56.000 Good news, Gavin.

00:48:58.000 We did a how to go fund me.

00:49:02.000 We raised $120 million.

00:49:04.000 No, it's probably not that.

00:49:05.000 It's probably like a $7 million house.

00:49:07.000 We raised $7 million and we got you Penn Jillette's house.

00:49:13.000 I am done.

00:49:13.000 With a Porsche SUV in the driveway.

00:49:22.000 I don't want that.

00:49:25.000 Look at it.

00:49:25.000 Look at his house.

00:49:26.000 Show his house.

00:49:28.000 This room looks comfy, but outside looks like a goof.

00:49:30.000 That's like a nice house in fucking Mount Vernon.

00:49:33.000 This is a goof town.

00:49:34.000 Do you want that?

00:49:36.000 I don't want that.

00:49:38.000 It's got like 32 bedrooms.

00:49:40.000 I don't want 32 bedrooms.

00:49:42.000 Even if I had them full, where do we eat?

00:49:45.000 This is what I don't get about big, huge mansions.

00:49:49.000 That's a great picture, by the way.

00:49:50.000 Whoa.

00:49:50.000 This one?

00:49:52.000 Well, sure, that'll do too.

00:49:53.000 Jesus.

00:49:54.000 That's goofy.

00:49:55.000 That's like a little city.

00:49:56.000 It looks like hell on earth.

00:49:58.000 And say you have 32 bedrooms, right?

00:50:00.000 And you fill them all.

00:50:01.000 How the fuck do you people talk?

00:50:03.000 You're just living in a hotel.

00:50:04.000 Like, book a hotel then.

00:50:07.000 And all, like, say, hey, we're gonna meet in Atlantic City August 3rd to August 6th.

00:50:15.000 And we'll go gamble together, whatever.

00:50:16.000 I get that.

00:50:17.000 That makes sense.

00:50:18.000 But at your own home?

00:50:19.000 Now your home is Atlantic City?

00:50:20.000 What are you doing?

00:50:22.000 What is that fucking cacophony of a home?

00:50:26.000 Go back to that aerial view.

00:50:29.000 It's in a desert.

00:50:30.000 It's a big stupid fucking home.

00:50:32.000 Look at that shit.

00:50:35.000 And so what you have dinner like this, I don't even get this when it goes back to like Downton Abbey and it's aristocrats.

00:50:41.000 So you all sat at the dinner table with 37 people there?

00:50:46.000 How do you have dinner with 37 people?

00:50:48.000 That's just dumb.

00:50:50.000 I don't like having dinner with more than like two couples.

00:50:55.000 Me and my wife, Anthony and Missy.

00:50:58.000 Got it.

00:50:59.000 Maybe we can get crazy and add like one more couple.

00:51:03.000 Maybe six people.

00:51:05.000 That's kind of crazy.

00:51:06.000 But I don't know why we're doing six.

00:51:11.000 Well now you're just at a restaurant.

00:51:11.000 32?

00:51:14.000 You just had a restaurant in your house.

00:51:16.000 I honestly do not fucking understand.

00:51:18.000 The only thing I can come up with is status.

00:51:22.000 So it's like having a, you know, a $300,000 car with like a gold interior with the drive shafts made of pure gold.

00:51:31.000 It's fucking retarded.

00:51:33.000 But other people go, Ooh, that's a fancy drive shaft.

00:51:38.000 That's all I can think of.

00:51:39.000 Because you can't enjoy a home with 32 bedrooms.

00:51:43.000 You cannot.

00:51:44.000 That's a fact.

00:51:46.000 What a dumb status symbol that is.

00:51:49.000 You're hideous, stupid ass.

00:51:50.000 Penn Jillette, you are so fucking tacky.

00:51:55.000 You could have an aneurysm on a toilet!

00:51:58.000 You never know.

00:51:58.000 I love how he's a big atheist, except when it comes to Islam.

00:52:05.000 Oh, really?

00:52:06.000 And then he gets a little more guarded.

00:52:09.000 He's open about it.

00:52:09.000 He goes, because I have a family, I don't want to put them in danger.

00:52:12.000 All right, well go fuck yourself then, faggot.

00:52:15.000 We must kill Pendulet.

00:52:17.000 He is half of the magic comedy duo.

00:52:22.000 I mean, I like Pendulet and I like his magic.

00:52:24.000 I think that's cool.

00:52:26.000 And I like their show where they try to figure out magic tricks.

00:52:30.000 I like that too.

00:52:31.000 But I'm sorry, man.

00:52:33.000 Vegas has got to go.

00:52:35.000 Blow it up.

00:52:37.000 Blow it up good.

00:52:39.000 Not that the previous caller was talking about Vegas, but you get what I'm saying.

00:52:43.000 Logan Relationships.

00:52:49.000 Hello?

00:52:51.000 Hello?

00:52:53.000 You have to turn the show down or something.

00:52:58.000 Hello?

00:52:59.000 Hello?

00:53:02.000 Hello?

00:53:04.000 Hello?

00:53:06.000 Hello?

00:53:09.000 Hello?

00:53:10.000 Hello?

00:53:11.000 Homeboy's gonna like... Homeboy's gonna like get hung up on.

00:53:17.000 Hello?

00:53:22.000 Well, we tried.

00:53:24.000 There's another thing about my dad.

00:53:26.000 So, um, the bartender, you know, the Jack with the, how'd you do in a Tullamore do.

00:53:30.000 And of course, so he's got this pinky like this, which my grandmother had.

00:53:35.000 And my penis had this too.

00:53:37.000 I had Peyronie's disease.

00:53:39.000 And so I had Zyaflex injected into my dick.

00:53:43.000 I took, I did a whole episode on this and it killed the calcium deposit, whatever it was.

00:53:48.000 And it straightened out my dick again.

00:53:50.000 Um, I think my grandmother got the same thing with her bent pinky.

00:53:54.000 So Jack goes, and my dad's like, I believe that's now done with medication.

00:54:01.000 I saw a quarterback, a Denver quarterback, forget his name, John Edwards or something, who's advertising it, and it's medication.

00:54:09.000 And I go, medication?

00:54:11.000 Like a pill or an injection?

00:54:13.000 I think you're talking about Zyaflex.

00:54:15.000 And he goes, and then he gets all pissed off, like an old chimp.

00:54:20.000 And he goes, medication!

00:54:24.000 And I go, first of all, calm down, old man.

00:54:27.000 Secondly, I think medication can include an injection.

00:54:33.000 What I think you're talking about is you don't need to go under the knife.

00:54:36.000 It's a needle.

00:54:38.000 Needle and a pill, they're both sort of considered medication.

00:54:42.000 He's like, it's a fucking pill!

00:54:44.000 And I go, you're positive it's a pill?

00:54:46.000 Because I think I've had it.

00:54:48.000 I didn't tell him I had Peyronie's.

00:54:49.000 Oh.

00:54:50.000 But, and he goes, well, an injection.

00:54:53.000 All I know is that it's not an incision.

00:54:56.000 It's not an operation.

00:54:58.000 That's what I'm saying, asshole!

00:55:02.000 So we're on the same page!

00:55:05.000 So maybe stop gritting your teeth when you're talking to me.

00:55:12.000 Okay!

00:55:13.000 Okay.

00:55:18.000 You gotta put the smile on and be like, I'm not being rude to my own father.

00:55:22.000 I am just saying.

00:55:23.000 Well, I'll be rude.

00:55:24.000 I've tried rude.

00:55:25.000 I've tried not rude.

00:55:26.000 The smile was like 32B.

00:55:28.000 I've done everything.

00:55:32.000 Sometimes I say, fuck you.

00:55:34.000 Sometimes I say, calm down.

00:55:35.000 Sometimes I say, I think you might be wrong.

00:55:37.000 Sometimes I say, that's not how it goes.

00:55:41.000 Is he trying to age you to his own point so you guys are just both the same age?

00:55:45.000 God damn it, man.

00:55:47.000 I will eat your ass!

00:55:49.000 That is funny.

00:55:50.000 I want, oh man.

00:55:51.000 And he drinks so much that it fills his stomach.

00:55:55.000 So his stomach only knows how to digest this.

00:56:00.000 Budweiser.

00:56:01.000 So my mom will make him like, this morning she made him bacon and egg and cheese on a piece of toast.

00:56:08.000 Now imagine you went to Ethiopia and you went up to some kid

00:56:13.000 Who had flies on his face and a distended belly.

00:56:16.000 And you're like, here, here's some whole wheat toast with some egg and cheese and a fuckin' pile of bacon.

00:56:24.000 He'd die!

00:56:26.000 He'd have one bite and go, oh, can we not start with rice, please?

00:56:29.000 For some reason I have an Indian accent here in Africa.

00:56:33.000 I usually eat the poopoo!

00:56:35.000 All over the place.

00:56:36.000 Can we just eat the poopoo?

00:56:37.000 To eat the poopoo!

00:56:40.000 Um, so he has that sandwich and then I see him and he's sitting by like the couch in the living room just going... Like having a bad acid trip.

00:56:50.000 Like he did too much coke or something.

00:56:51.000 In the sense that... It's because his body can't digest food.

00:56:57.000 Because it digests this.

00:57:00.000 That is fucking wild.

00:57:01.000 That's just like, I'm telling you these stories, these kooky stories about how annoying my parents are come from me being with them for about an hour and a half today.

00:57:11.000 I'm not going back!

00:57:13.000 These stories are not from fucking Tuesday.

00:57:15.000 These are fresh.

00:57:16.000 You're hearing Wednesday jams only.

00:57:18.000 You might have skipped a bunch.

00:57:20.000 I skipped a lot.

00:57:23.000 So this is only Wednesday complaints with the McInnes's.

00:57:27.000 Oh, so lucky.

00:57:28.000 That is a lucky bird.

00:57:29.000 That doesn't sound too lucky.

00:57:33.000 We got Matt Andrews in the line and we've both done this podcast.

00:57:37.000 Great, great guy.

00:57:38.000 He's in the music group.

00:57:41.000 What's up Matt?

00:57:43.000 What's up?

00:57:43.000 Okay.

00:57:44.000 So my, my question is for Gav.

00:57:46.000 So, uh, um,

00:57:49.000 Have you ever cried when listening to music, or do you think that's gay?

00:57:52.000 Because Ryan thinks I'm gay if I'm not crying when listening to music.

00:57:55.000 Yes, I do.

00:57:56.000 Yeah, in our latest music group meet, we were just listing songs that give us an emotional reaction, i.e.

00:58:02.000 cry.

00:58:03.000 And he's like, uh, I don't, I don't cry to music.

00:58:05.000 I never cry to music.

00:58:06.000 And I was like, well, he's like, I have depressing songs when girls make me feel stuff.

00:58:10.000 And I was like, okay, we need to flip.

00:58:12.000 I cry all the time to music.

00:58:14.000 All that around.

00:58:14.000 Yeah.

00:58:16.000 And we're bullying him because he needs to cry.

00:58:18.000 Thanks for calling by the way.

00:58:19.000 We're going to hang up on you now.

00:58:20.000 Any song about a dead dad is a cry fest.

00:58:24.000 For example, Billy Bragg's Tank Park Salute.

00:58:28.000 Kiss me goodnight and say my prayers.

00:58:31.000 Leave the light on the top of the stairs.

00:58:34.000 Daddy is it true that we all have to die?

00:58:40.000 Tear Jerk Alert?

00:58:42.000 I almost want my dad to die so I can be like- So you could feel that?

00:58:45.000 The guy with the dead dad.

00:58:46.000 Hey, my dad just died.

00:58:50.000 I might kill him.

00:58:51.000 Just to- I might just stab him, so then the next day, I'll clean it up.

00:58:55.000 Because you don't want to be the guy who murdered his dad.

00:58:58.000 But the guy whose dad just died, that's kind of a heavy dude.

00:59:00.000 Like, hey.

00:59:02.000 My dad just died.

00:59:03.000 We're all black.

00:59:05.000 I'm listening to Billy Bragg right now, actually.

00:59:07.000 Looking at black and white pics.

00:59:11.000 There he is.

00:59:12.000 Looks like Michael Douglas after falling down.

00:59:15.000 Billy Bragg with Down Syndrome.

00:59:42.000 I want my dad to die so bad so I can be the guy with the dead dad.

00:59:47.000 Like my buddy Steve when we went to Europe, he goes, don't you wish we could go back to the Biff Tech after four months of being in Europe and be the guys who have been in Europe for four months?

00:59:57.000 Actually, I'll be in Europe for four months, thanks.

01:00:02.000 Don't you wish we could just have been the guy who fucked Eva Mendes?

01:00:06.000 Without having done it?

01:00:07.000 I think I'll eat her out and fucking suck her tits and kiss her ass and slap her and fucking- I'll keep it a secret.

01:00:13.000 Rip the shit out of her from behind and then cum all over her legs.

01:00:16.000 Thanks.

01:00:17.000 To not tell a soul, I'll take it to my grave.

01:00:20.000 Yeah.

01:00:21.000 So that's a tearjerker.

01:00:22.000 Or another tearjerker is Mike Skinner, The Streets.

01:00:28.000 We never went to church.

01:00:31.000 And then he talks about his dad and how we have the same mannerisms.

01:00:37.000 Yeah, another dad song for me.

01:00:38.000 The one that I posted in the group was U2.

01:00:41.000 Sorry.

01:00:42.000 But he wrote a song for his dad.

01:00:43.000 His dad was an opera singer, Bono.

01:00:46.000 And he hits like an opera note and in Milan he like cries trying to... Oh my god, Ryan, that must be so hard on you imagining a life without your dad around.

01:00:55.000 Well, I... I see what you did there.

01:01:01.000 Well, I... It's because I can imagine.

01:01:01.000 What are you crying about?

01:01:05.000 Like, I've never lost... Literally, Ryan, shut up.

01:01:07.000 You don't have a job.

01:01:09.000 I, you know... I've never lost a leg, but I can imagine that stinks.

01:01:14.000 What is this, fucking Cowardly Lion?

01:01:16.000 What is that laugh?

01:01:18.000 This is a tearjerker, dude.

01:01:22.000 Nice teeth, British person.

01:01:24.000 I could write an equally sad song about my dad being alive.

01:01:53.000 We should have been friends, me and Mike.

01:01:55.000 We hung out a few times, we both loved each other, but... Saroosh and Bryce got in the way and...

01:02:02.000 Sad.

01:02:04.000 Sad turn of events.

01:02:05.000 Yeah dude, like you could be on, you'd be like the best guest on Rogan right now.

01:02:09.000 You'd be, uh, fucking Red Eye wouldn't be cancelled.

01:02:12.000 And this fucks up my life.

01:02:14.000 Cause, I feel like I'd be in the green room, and you just got off Rogan, and like Tim Dillon's there, like cause he's about to go film.

01:02:20.000 And he's like, I like that Ryan kid, he's really funny, like cause I kinda made him laugh, but he really wants to fuck me, so that's probably why he thinks I'm funny.

01:02:25.000 Well David Kast and our old friend, our old Ryan got a job with uh, Laura, uh, Ingram.

01:02:31.000 Hmm Ingram hair?

01:02:33.000 Lower Ingram hair.

01:02:34.000 That wasn't funny.

01:02:35.000 Here's a song We'll take some more calls in a sec, but there's here's a weird part that that made me cry once It's victims family and the song is D.O.G.

01:02:46.000 and

01:02:48.000 And there was a thing, this would be hard to convey to our viewers, but there was a thing in the 80s with hardcore where guys who were really talented didn't like just playing stupid songs.

01:03:00.000 So they would start like incorporating sort of prog rock into their songs.

01:03:05.000 Like Rhythm Pigs was another band like this.

01:03:08.000 Midwestern dudes usually.

01:03:11.000 And so they'd write these songs that were still hardcore, but they were so musically advanced.

01:03:15.000 And it was weird for us to hear because we were hearing, we're used to like minor threat garbage, right?

01:03:21.000 You know, the rhythm pigs.

01:03:23.000 But listen to this song.

01:03:27.000 It's become a hardcore, right?

01:03:44.000 Maybe skip ahead a bit because the breakdown is nuts.

01:03:49.000 There it is, so go back.

01:04:29.000 Hey, you want me to be honest?

01:04:31.000 My old roommate Aiden Gerdt cried to that part.

01:04:33.000 And I thought, that's really intense, man.

01:04:36.000 I'm gonna take on that story and just make it my life.

01:04:38.000 Oh, no you didn't.

01:04:39.000 Yeah.

01:04:41.000 You can do shit like that as long as you're honest and you tell people you're lying.

01:04:44.000 It's like after 9-11, I was, I rode over the Williamsburg Bridge.

01:04:44.000 Afterwards, yeah.

01:04:49.000 On the bridge, where the cars can only go.

01:04:51.000 You're not allowed to go on a bicycle.

01:04:52.000 But there was nothing, everything was shut.

01:04:55.000 And I saw a chip bag blowing.

01:04:57.000 And I overheard my wife on the phone going, and then I rode over the Williamsburg Bridge and I just, I saw this chip bag just sort of rocking back and forth in the wind.

01:05:08.000 And I'm sitting there going, no, you fucking whore.

01:05:13.000 Whoa.

01:05:14.000 You just stole my story.

01:05:16.000 There's no chance she like thought it was her story.

01:05:19.000 Like, pictured it so well.

01:05:20.000 No, Ryan, it was the day after.

01:05:21.000 Oh.

01:05:22.000 It was within 36 hours.

01:05:23.000 Oh, fuck.

01:05:25.000 Alright, let's take a couple calls, then fucking... By the way, about crying, like, that's not a typical song you cry to.

01:05:25.000 Yikes.

01:05:31.000 We got guys in the group so hardcore, they cried like metal songs.

01:05:36.000 Well, you could cry to a slow metal song.

01:05:38.000 No, like, fucking, like, terrifying, hardcore, there's nothing emotional or ballady about it.

01:05:44.000 No, I don't think you're allowed to do that.

01:05:46.000 Really?

01:05:47.000 You can only cry to a song if it's groundbreaking and slow and melodic.

01:05:53.000 That's what I, that's what I think.

01:05:54.000 I like the epic climbing.

01:05:56.000 And, or, involves a dead dad.

01:05:57.000 I don't know what the lyrics are, but it's definitely not crime music.

01:06:00.000 Oh my god, I can't wait till my dad dies and I can come on this show and be like, sorry I'm lit.

01:06:07.000 My dad passed today.

01:06:09.000 Like to this.

01:06:10.000 Yeah, that's tame.

01:06:15.000 You're not allowed to cry to that.

01:06:16.000 I'll tell him.

01:06:17.000 He's not going to be happy.

01:06:18.000 It's a fact.

01:06:18.000 He's the guy who makes our music for Censored.

01:06:20.000 I don't make the rules.

01:06:21.000 This is just a fact.

01:06:22.000 Brian.

01:06:25.000 Matt has a would you rather.

01:06:27.000 Okay.

01:06:29.000 Hey Gavin, Riceguy.

01:06:30.000 Hello.

01:06:31.000 What's up?

01:06:32.000 Would you rather have sex with Ryan once a year or live in China for the rest of your life?

01:06:46.000 Your straightness can die in Japan or you can die in China.

01:06:49.000 That's a tough one, man.

01:06:53.000 I would do the former, by the way.

01:06:55.000 Yeah but now you're... see here's something you have to add to this would you rather is your facility your personal liberty I guess it's invaded in both but like someone... sex is very intimate right and someone's making you do something like forget Ryan just say like Judy Bonaduce like someone's making you have an intimate act against your will so you're their slave but then

01:07:24.000 It's the- I guess the exact same is true living in a fucking disgusting shithole like China, which I lived in.

01:07:30.000 China is asshole!

01:07:32.000 And that's 365 days a year.

01:07:35.000 I guess I would fuck Ryan up his sweet little butt.

01:07:41.000 Great, I like your new sunglasses.

01:07:43.000 He's already ashamed of you.

01:07:45.000 I like your new sunglasses.

01:07:47.000 I'm ashamed of me too.

01:07:48.000 I mean, I'm trying to speed the show along.

01:07:50.000 It does feel long.

01:07:52.000 But like, if you're in China against your will, you're a slave 24 hours a day.

01:07:57.000 Aren't you embarrassed?

01:08:01.000 I was trying to sell Sebastian Maniscalco to Anthony Cumia today.

01:08:04.000 I've done that.

01:08:05.000 I've tried selling it to people.

01:08:06.000 It wasn't going well.

01:08:07.000 You know what's crazy is he's undeniably mathematically hilarious and my girlfriend did the same thing.

01:08:13.000 I was like, check him out.

01:08:14.000 Anthony, sorry to interrupt, but Anthony was talking about his grandmother making lasagna and I go, was she throwing them up the stairs?

01:08:20.000 And he's like, no, she would bring them to the... No, she wouldn't throw them up.

01:08:20.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:08:24.000 They would get dirty.

01:08:25.000 When there was ice in the drink that smelled like the freezer, would you throw it out?

01:08:30.000 And he's like, no, I would just pour it in the sink.

01:08:33.000 Right.

01:08:36.000 Just completely.

01:08:37.000 Yeah.

01:08:37.000 It's on our site.

01:08:38.000 You can look all this up.

01:08:39.000 But did you, did you tell him that that was Sebastian or you were just trying to, cause he's worked with a mime to get that movement down.

01:08:47.000 I think that's bullshit.

01:08:48.000 No, he did.

01:08:48.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:08:50.000 Why do you say, yeah, he did?

01:08:51.000 I know somebody who was like, yeah, that guy changed the mime.

01:08:54.000 A couple of other standups.

01:08:56.000 Oh, you know, someone who said it.

01:08:57.000 So yeah, this guy.

01:08:58.000 No, it's a great marketing thing.

01:09:00.000 I worked with a mime.

01:09:01.000 It's awesome.

01:09:02.000 He didn't work with a fucking mime.

01:09:04.000 Now you're farting into the mic.

01:09:06.000 Okay.

01:09:11.000 Why are farts so loud?

01:09:13.000 She's, anyway, my girlfriend was saying, she's like, this isn't funny.

01:09:16.000 But like, I'm like, you're smiling.

01:09:17.000 And she's like, it's not funny.

01:09:19.000 And then it kept happening.

01:09:21.000 He's like, so then he's over there throwing the thing.

01:09:21.000 Like he kept doing his thing.

01:09:24.000 What are you doing?

01:09:27.000 And she's bawling laughing now.

01:09:29.000 His content has substance too.

01:09:31.000 It's not like he's fucking Carrot Top or the Watermelon Dude.

01:09:35.000 Like he goes, who writes refuse?

01:09:38.000 Like I go to a restaurant, I go the salmon sucks, let's get out of here.

01:09:42.000 Are you really sitting there?

01:09:43.000 And then writes down that they didn't like the salmon.

01:09:47.000 You got time for that?

01:09:50.000 Yeah.

01:09:51.000 Who are these people?

01:09:55.000 And she's like, this isn't funny, but laughing about it.

01:09:57.000 And then she gave in, she was like, okay, he's fucking great.

01:10:00.000 But she was like, what's his shirt all about?

01:10:00.000 Well, that's what I was saying.

01:10:02.000 What I was saying to Sebastian, I mean, Sebastian, Anthony today on the show is Italians now define themselves by how close they are to the front row at Sebastian Menescalco concerts.

01:10:10.000 Oh shit, that's hilarious.

01:10:11.000 Sicilians, like in Italy, Sicilians are considered the lowest and Milan is the top.

01:10:16.000 The closer you are to Africa the worse you are coincidentally and in Maniscalco concerts it's like I have front row and fucking Tommy Bags at my gym is like yo I fucking uh I didn't have front row but my friend like my dad and his cousin were front row we were over here we couldn't get seats together but me and my cousin my brother were over here I'm like

01:10:16.000 Yes.

01:10:39.000 I don't give a fuck.

01:10:40.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:10:42.000 Where you were sitting when you saw Sebastian Maniscalco, but he's used to talking to other Italians, I guess.

01:10:46.000 That is such a thing, yeah.

01:10:48.000 Oh, okay.

01:10:49.000 Dude, we were right there.

01:10:50.000 Your brother was in the front row.

01:10:51.000 Oh, okay.

01:10:53.000 You couldn't sit in with him?

01:10:54.000 Because my cousin sat with his brother in the very front row.

01:10:59.000 And it was funny because the parking was pretty good, too.

01:11:03.000 Okay.

01:11:04.000 Sounds like you rule.

01:11:05.000 Calm down.

01:11:07.000 Fireside chat artist.

01:11:10.000 Or 509?

01:11:11.000 Uh, hello?

01:11:12.000 I wanna... I wanna draw you with my heels on.

01:11:16.000 Great, let's do it.

01:11:16.000 Yeah?

01:11:19.000 Uh, my question is your opinion on... It's like we're living in a shitty video game and we're the NPCs to

01:11:37.000 The leftists who are playing.

01:11:39.000 Great analogy, sir.

01:11:40.000 And when we do something that they don't agree with, they're like, uh, developers, can we cancel this NPC or can we change the code so they don't exist?

01:11:50.000 And when you say we, it's not just you and me.

01:11:53.000 It's cops.

01:11:55.000 It's Matt Gaetz.

01:11:57.000 It's Ron DeSantis.

01:11:58.000 It's everyone rational.

01:12:00.000 Like Rashida Tlaib said, get rid of the police.

01:12:02.000 They're shooting people.

01:12:05.000 Everyone remotely non-radical has to go.

01:12:08.000 Yeah.

01:12:12.000 Fucking A. Oh, the other thing I wanted to see what your opinion was, the whole insurrection bullshit.

01:12:20.000 I think the real insurrection was when Donald Trump came down the escalator because he basically was running as the common man.

01:12:32.000 And the common man, Trump, got into the Capitol when he was elected, and that was the real fucking insurrection.

01:12:40.000 Yeah, good point.

01:12:41.000 Good point.

01:12:42.000 Wow, you're good.

01:12:42.000 And maybe, I don't know.

01:12:44.000 Yeah, thanks for calling.

01:12:45.000 Good points from this guy.

01:12:47.000 Yeah.

01:12:49.000 Well, when you see the way they attack Matt Gaetz, he's fucking kids!

01:12:54.000 Or Ron DeSantis.

01:12:56.000 He made money off the pandemic!

01:12:58.000 Pay to play!

01:12:58.000 60 Minutes is on it!

01:13:02.000 The way they're attacking them so vociferously, and I forgot what that word means, please look it up.

01:13:08.000 With a V, right?

01:13:08.000 Vociferous?

01:13:09.000 Yeah.

01:13:11.000 Shows you that they're trying to make it crystal clear that no outsiders are ever getting near the fucking White House again.

01:13:19.000 And Ron DeSantis is considered an outsider.

01:13:24.000 Vociferous?

01:13:26.000 Yeah, that's what I meant.

01:13:30.000 They're making it crystal clear that no one's getting near, like, they, I don't think, they would definitely not accept fucking Bernie Sanders.

01:13:42.000 Who would they accept?

01:13:44.000 Not Mitt Romney.

01:13:47.000 Shit Romney.

01:13:49.000 Jeb Bush, I remember back before Trump in 2015, they were like, you know what, I'll give you Jeb.

01:13:55.000 Only you're seeing that?

01:13:56.000 This could be a way to screen.

01:13:58.000 I don't need to screen.

01:13:59.000 I'll just cut them off if they're boring.

01:14:00.000 Okay.

01:14:00.000 All right.

01:14:02.000 We're going to go to Justin.

01:14:04.000 Okay.

01:14:08.000 Hello.

01:14:08.000 Hey guys.

01:14:12.000 Hey guys.

01:14:12.000 How are you, man?

01:14:13.000 Good, man.

01:14:15.000 Hey, just wanted to ask your opinion about the last couple of weeks of Howard Stern and his obsession with the trans movement.

01:14:26.000 I don't know if you heard today, uh, today's show, how they were basically, like, waiting, like, just on standby for, like, some announcement on Good Morning America about some Bachelor contestant.

01:14:37.000 Just curious what your thoughts were about today's show and the last, like, couple weeks.

01:14:41.000 Thank you for calling, sir.

01:14:44.000 If you'll notice, with sexual predators recently, there's been a strange proclivity for Jews to be involved.

01:14:53.000 Larry David brought this up on SNL in his opening monologue.

01:14:58.000 He went, eh, couldn't help it, a lot of them are Jews.

01:15:03.000 So Harvey Weinstein is disgusting.

01:15:05.000 All these other predators are Jeffrey Epstein and all that stuff.

01:15:09.000 And I can't help but let that creep into my mind when I hear Howard Stern talking about

01:15:17.000 These young girl shows he loves.

01:15:19.000 He pretends it's for Beth, his trophy wife, but remember he had that girl on who was on some show that was called like The Kiss and she's like 17 and he's pretending it's a normal part of his normal show.

01:15:32.000 He's so big that he's getting George Clooney and Jennifer Aniston and like the Brad Pitt, top people in the world, and then

01:15:41.000 Julia Lemieux from The Kiss and you're like that they're not in the same league dude.

01:15:47.000 Why'd you get that 17 year old?

01:15:49.000 Oh because you have a boner because you want to fuck her and he's and he talks about the porn He likes a lot and it's always stepsister shit, which I find very disturbing occasionally I will look at red tube and I'm always

01:16:05.000 Disturbed by how much of it is like, stepdad walks in, like, do you want to fuck your stepdad?

01:16:12.000 So, the latest thing he's really into is Jazz Jennings.

01:16:17.000 No.

01:16:18.000 Now I have to concede, I'm obsessed with Gigi Gorgeous.

01:16:23.000 Uh, that's a dude with a dick who's married to a woman with a cunt.

01:16:28.000 And they both think that the other person is a different gender.

01:16:31.000 And Gigi Gorgeous goes to her OBGYN and asks what's wrong with her pussy, which has a penis in it.

01:16:38.000 On it.

01:16:39.000 And around it.

01:16:39.000 Is it?

01:16:40.000 Whatever you want to call it.

01:16:42.000 But is there adults?

01:16:44.000 And I have, I promise you, I have no intention of fucking either of them.

01:16:49.000 But like we've mentioned Jazz Jennings on the show, but to be obsessed with Jazz Jennings reeks of perversion to me.

01:16:57.000 And I don't want to say Jewish perversion, that's shallow, but

01:17:03.000 Howard Stern's obsession with young girls, particularly young trans girls, is deeply disturbing to me.

01:17:11.000 He's a fucking predator.

01:17:13.000 Let's cut the shit.

01:17:14.000 Look up Howard Stern and Jazz.

01:17:16.000 Jazz Jennings is a child.

01:17:18.000 This is a Canadian dude.

01:17:20.000 He's like 30.

01:17:20.000 That's Ryan meets me.

01:17:24.000 He's coming out for the last time.

01:17:26.000 This was posted a day before my birthday.

01:17:29.000 Wait, what's this?

01:17:30.000 So it's kind of a gift.

01:17:32.000 She's coming up for the last time.

01:17:34.000 Can't you hear the Canadian in him?

01:17:36.000 Oh yeah, a little bit.

01:17:38.000 This is like renewing your vows, but gayness?

01:17:40.000 You're not gay, dude.

01:17:40.000 Your wife's a chick.

01:17:57.000 You fuck her in her pussy.

01:17:58.000 You're Vince Neil.

01:18:00.000 I will be coming out.

01:18:01.000 You're Vince Neil with tits.

01:18:04.000 What?

01:18:05.000 What an exhausting, boring piece of shit.

01:18:12.000 But God bless her.

01:18:12.000 See, I think I've justified in being obsessed with this hot mess.

01:18:17.000 But yeah, Howard Stern and Jazz Jennings.

01:18:20.000 Look at Jazz Jennings.

01:18:22.000 We gotta start screencapping his shit.

01:18:23.000 You know what the story is with Jazz Jennings, by the way?

01:18:26.000 He and his brothers are like weird little fucking Armenian refugees that were adopted by this Jewish family.

01:18:36.000 Boy, a lot of Jew shit today.

01:18:41.000 And they turned one of them into a chick.

01:18:45.000 I wonder what the eat the poopoo dad would think of this.

01:18:49.000 Just like Charlize Theron, she adopted some African kids, and they're like, we are starving to death.

01:18:55.000 We don't want the children to eat the poopoo.

01:18:57.000 We will give the children to a Hollywood actor.

01:19:01.000 It will go great.

01:19:02.000 They will go to private school and wear cardigans and have their own, they don't know about iPhones.

01:19:10.000 They think that an Android is the best you can get.

01:19:14.000 And then they take him and he eats the fag fag.

01:19:19.000 She turned her boys into fags.

01:19:21.000 Damn.

01:19:22.000 Not exotic enough.

01:19:23.000 I wonder if the like Congolese guy with weird scars, you know, like self-inflicted burns.

01:19:32.000 He's like, I wonder where my warrior son is in America.

01:19:37.000 Maybe I can meet with him later and we can start a revolution and liberate the black army of America.

01:19:46.000 And then he tunes in, he's like, you go girl.

01:19:49.000 Absolutely.

01:19:52.000 Let me finish this fucking slut cone.

01:19:58.000 And take down my mermaid blonde wig and I'm in Sparta or whatever.

01:20:04.000 I like the idea that the dad is in denial.

01:20:07.000 It's like kids eat ice cream cones all the time in all sorts of ways.

01:20:11.000 I'm planting a seed in America.

01:20:14.000 My children are there.

01:20:15.000 My boys are there.

01:20:16.000 They have invaded with a Hollywood star.

01:20:19.000 They will get the money from the rich Charlize Theron.

01:20:23.000 And then we will have a revolution.

01:20:25.000 Sir, we have some weird news.

01:20:28.000 These are some pictures of the progress of... Yes, this is the plan.

01:20:32.000 Oh.

01:20:32.000 He's pretending to be a fag.

01:20:35.000 Okay.

01:20:35.000 Which is the best way to accrue wealth and power in Hollywood.

01:20:41.000 And then when I call on him...

01:20:43.000 The Shark King will emerge.

01:20:46.000 It seems like your son has earned the Emmy that Charlize Theron has on her mantle.

01:20:52.000 Yes, he is learning acting from his adopted mother, whose throat I will slit when I come to collect him.

01:21:00.000 And we will liberate Detroit, East New York, Baltimore, and South Side of Chicago.

01:21:08.000 Just saying it's very convincing.

01:21:12.000 He is very, very, very convincing.

01:21:14.000 Believe me, sometimes I get a bit sweaty when I look at how good he is at faking being a fag.

01:21:23.000 It's really nailing it.

01:21:25.000 Really, really nailing it.

01:21:27.000 Especially that pink sweatshirt with the heart on it.

01:21:32.000 Wow, he's good.

01:21:34.000 But you must have faith in the Wakanda!

01:21:40.000 Have faith in my boy.

01:21:41.000 Oh man.

01:21:42.000 When I call on him.

01:21:44.000 That one's a good one.

01:21:45.000 He puts down his strawberry knapsack.

01:21:49.000 He removes his princess gown.

01:21:54.000 And I shave off his cornrows.

01:21:56.000 He will be a real man.

01:21:58.000 And we will fight.

01:21:59.000 Who is going to pass down the lineage though?

01:22:02.000 We are getting concerned.

01:22:03.000 He is on the inside.

01:22:04.000 He's finding a woman.

01:22:05.000 Right.

01:22:06.000 In my tribe, we find a woman when we are eight years old.

01:22:09.000 Let's say... We fuck her and fuck her.

01:22:11.000 And then she gets her first menstruation after 32 fucks.

01:22:16.000 Usually by our fifth year of marriage, she starts being able to become pregnant.

01:22:20.000 And the first period is the first baby.

01:22:23.000 The first one is the... The first cut is the deepest.

01:22:26.000 Yes.

01:22:28.000 Hyman is gone at nine.

01:22:29.000 He knows all this.

01:22:33.000 You don't need to... Wait, Sean Penn?

01:22:35.000 He's with fucking Sean Penn?

01:22:37.000 Okay, maybe we have stretched the umbilical cord a little too far.

01:22:41.000 It is... I'm getting a little stressed out to be frank.

01:22:44.000 It's getting bad.

01:22:46.000 This is getting kind of... I am feeling anxiety for the revolution.

01:22:57.000 We got Jeremy.

01:22:58.000 His dad finally tracks him down.

01:23:00.000 He's like, Dad, you should try poo-poo.

01:23:01.000 It's really good.

01:23:03.000 It's pretty fucking good.

01:23:04.000 It's like chocolate.

01:23:06.000 But, uh... But poo-poo.

01:23:09.000 You're on the line.

01:23:10.000 I'm a huge poo-poo fan.

01:23:11.000 Jeremy.

01:23:13.000 Hello?

01:23:16.000 Hello?

01:23:17.000 Hello?

01:23:20.000 Angelina Jolie has a class war happening in her adopted kids.

01:23:23.000 What's up, dude?

01:23:25.000 Hey man, what's going on?

01:23:27.000 Good.

01:23:28.000 If you're going to the turd world to adopt kids, at least adopt attractive ones.

01:23:33.000 Yeah.

01:23:33.000 What's going on with that Somali forehead?

01:23:35.000 She looks like a brown light bulb.

01:23:39.000 She's pissed.

01:23:40.000 Go ahead, sir.

01:23:47.000 I don't think he thinks he's on the show.

01:23:48.000 Sir, you are on the line.

01:23:50.000 We just kept cutting you off.

01:23:51.000 I'm sorry, we talked about adat.

01:23:53.000 He hung up the phone.

01:23:56.000 My bad, sir.

01:23:59.000 252 is the first three numbers of your number.

01:24:07.000 You're on.

01:24:08.000 You're on, dude.

01:24:09.000 Let's do this.

01:24:10.000 Let's do it.

01:24:15.000 I am on the line.

01:24:19.000 You eat the poo-poo.

01:24:25.000 Go ahead.

01:24:26.000 Action face.

01:24:27.000 Shut up, fucking dogs.

01:24:29.000 Action face.

01:24:29.000 Hey, your guys' West African accent's on point.

01:24:32.000 I used to live in Ghana for a couple years and you guys got it dialed.

01:24:35.000 Wow, thanks.

01:24:37.000 Never been.

01:24:38.000 Yeah, you got it deep.

01:24:40.000 And you also look like a Nation of Islam guy in your bow tie.

01:24:43.000 I don't know if that's what you're going for, but it's great.

01:24:45.000 Yes, I am going for that.

01:24:47.000 Because the West Africa will merge with the Nation of Islam and we will all eat the white man.

01:24:55.000 It's true, it's true.

01:24:58.000 Get Brett out.

01:25:00.000 Hey man, I'm calling to clarify.

01:25:02.000 A few weeks ago you guys were talking about the N-word in the woodpile.

01:25:08.000 And it's a term that's used, the actual real tongue-in-cheek term is, looks like there's a little coal in the woodpile.

01:25:19.000 And that's referring to, like, let's say there's a white guy

01:25:24.000 Who has like, maybe like some, you know, bigger lips or like extra curly hair or a little melanated.

01:25:32.000 Your tongue in cheek way of saying like, Oh, back in the, it looks like, you know, a black guy fucked one of your relatives back in the day.

01:25:40.000 I know a lot of guys like that.

01:25:41.000 Yeah.

01:25:43.000 I know a guy like that who was a Nazi skinhead.

01:25:48.000 Yeah.

01:25:49.000 So you would say like, Oh, it looks like there's a little coal in the wood pile.

01:25:52.000 Okay.

01:25:54.000 That's what I'd say.

01:25:55.000 But what's the real origin?

01:25:56.000 Is it like slaves hiding in wood?

01:26:01.000 What's that?

01:26:02.000 What's the real origin of N in the woodpile?

01:26:05.000 Is it slaves hiding in wood piles, like, to avoid being detected?

01:26:09.000 Not that I care.

01:26:10.000 No, no, it's just another way of saying, like, hey, man, look like there's like a, like, you know, a nigger in the woodpile.

01:26:17.000 Looks like something got to your ancestors back in the day.

01:26:20.000 Ah.

01:26:23.000 What were you doing in Africa?

01:26:27.000 Why'd you live in Africa?

01:26:31.000 I was in Ghana.

01:26:33.000 I was a chef and bar, I guess, manager.

01:26:38.000 We got contracted to open up a big giant entertainment facility there in Accra in Ghana.

01:26:47.000 And so I lived there for a couple years developing that and got to know the culture.

01:26:53.000 Is there money there?

01:26:54.000 It's where I found out.

01:26:55.000 Where does the money come from?

01:26:56.000 Who's the money?

01:27:00.000 Well, I actually worked for the most affluent man in Ghana.

01:27:05.000 And it was a place called Citizen Kofi.

01:27:07.000 We worked for a guy named Kofi Amoah.

01:27:11.000 But all the money from, they found oil back in 07 there.

01:27:17.000 So who was liquidating the money?

01:27:20.000 It must have been Americans, right?

01:27:24.000 He was an Americanized Ghanaian guy.

01:27:27.000 Huh.

01:27:28.000 Wasn't Kofi that bad guy?

01:27:29.000 Remember Find Kofi?

01:27:31.000 Remember that war criminal, whatever?

01:27:33.000 And then the dude who was running the charity ended up like being a meth head and ran around naked?

01:27:41.000 No, but I remember Kofi Anon, he was the

01:27:46.000 Head of the UN for a while.

01:27:48.000 They name their, you get named after the days of the week.

01:27:51.000 So if you're, if you were born on Friday, your name's Kofi.

01:27:54.000 That's fucking retarded.

01:27:57.000 It is fucking retarded.

01:28:00.000 I'll tell you, that's where I learned how deep racism goes.

01:28:03.000 Like, I, like, you know, you're there, everybody's African, but everybody is so tribal that they all hate the fuck out of each other.

01:28:13.000 We're good to go.

01:28:34.000 Just negotiate all the racism there.

01:28:36.000 Hate is natural.

01:28:37.000 It's ridiculous.

01:28:38.000 Hate has a home here.

01:28:39.000 Alright, man.

01:28:40.000 Thanks for calling.

01:28:40.000 I wonder how they treated him, though.

01:28:42.000 Hate has a home here.

01:28:44.000 Are they mean to him?

01:28:45.000 They like him.

01:28:46.000 They do?

01:28:47.000 Because he is a hard-working white man.

01:28:49.000 This literally looks- He has the gargle.

01:28:51.000 This Ghana hotel looks like Penn Jillette's third wing of his house.

01:28:55.000 I don't want that.

01:28:56.000 Don't give me that.

01:28:59.000 I don't want anything.

01:29:01.000 Keep it away from me.

01:29:02.000 Do not get me a present.

01:29:04.000 That is gay.

01:29:05.000 I honestly cannot think.

01:29:06.000 I have money.

01:29:07.000 If I wanted a present, I'd go buy something.

01:29:09.000 I have not bought anything in a long, long time.

01:29:12.000 I bought this suit three years ago.

01:29:16.000 Same with this tie.

01:29:18.000 I bought this Jolt can years ago.

01:29:21.000 Emily got me this Sid Vicious.

01:29:23.000 A Japanese dude I'm friends with sent me this after we stayed in Japan.

01:29:28.000 The dude, Jay Howell, whatever from Bob's Burgers sent me this.

01:29:33.000 I bought this Juggalo doll 20 years ago.

01:29:37.000 My wife gave me this, please be a fart, 20 years ago.

01:29:42.000 My kids won this at the Simpsons thing in Nickelodeon Center.

01:29:47.000 My wife got me this for Father's Day.

01:29:49.000 Tactical Walls got me that.

01:29:51.000 This was sent to us as proud of your boy.

01:29:54.000 It's one of the two bells that we got.

01:29:58.000 These things I got at Anthropologie 20 years ago.

01:30:00.000 Here's a Polaroid of my wife and I on vacation in St.

01:30:04.000 Martin.

01:30:06.000 Probably 10 years ago.

01:30:08.000 When I bought my motorcycle, the guy gave me a duplicate of it.

01:30:12.000 Um, with that.

01:30:13.000 This I think I bought.

01:30:15.000 This is from V the 80s show.

01:30:18.000 I think I bought that myself.

01:30:20.000 I think David Cross bought me this Tesco V. That's a Reservoir Dogs guy.

01:30:26.000 Anthropology again.

01:30:27.000 No idea where this comes from.

01:30:30.000 It's Batman as Alfred E. Newman.

01:30:32.000 More garbage.

01:30:34.000 I made this toy with Vice.

01:30:39.000 Pee Wee Herman doll.

01:30:41.000 My mother-in-law bought it for my son.

01:30:42.000 Like, you understand what I'm saying?

01:30:44.000 I'm gonna cum.

01:30:49.000 I don't want shit.

01:30:50.000 You're so young, you still go, oh my god, a package.

01:30:53.000 Yeah.

01:30:54.000 I see a package, I want to just throw it in the garbage.

01:30:58.000 See what I'm saying?

01:30:59.000 All I like is Budweiser and I do like shoes, but even those stupid turduckens I bought, non-converse shoes start to change shape.

01:31:12.000 Like what shoes do the Beastie Boys love?

01:31:14.000 Those Gazelles?

01:31:15.000 Those Adidas Gazelles?

01:31:17.000 They do look cool on the first week, and then they start turning into ballerina slippers.

01:31:22.000 They start morphing.

01:31:24.000 And these fucking turduckens I have now,

01:31:27.000 Yeah, those things are fucking awesome the first week and then they turn into ballerina slippers.

01:31:33.000 But my stupid Nike, whatever they are, vintage Air Jordans, they're all like lumpy and shapeless now.

01:31:41.000 Chucks maintain their shape till they die and beyond.

01:31:46.000 So if you're an adult male and you're looking for shoes outside of red wings and wingtips,

01:31:55.000 Then, um, BAH BOOM!

01:31:57.000 Just get some white chucks.

01:32:00.000 White chucks and white fucks.

01:32:02.000 That's the secret to America's future.

01:32:05.000 757, you're on the line.

01:32:07.000 Says, thank you for my service.

01:32:08.000 Oi!

01:32:13.000 Oi!

01:32:21.000 I have emailed you a few times.

01:32:23.000 You've read my emails about my college completely falling to PC culture even though it's a confederate base originally but then turned into modern day military school.

01:32:40.000 Oh yeah.

01:32:43.000 Yeah?

01:32:43.000 As you recall.

01:32:44.000 Are you the college where the guy had to step down?

01:32:47.000 Right.

01:32:49.000 Correct.

01:32:50.000 Yeah, because the blacks there were saying, they make us do push-ups all the time, they're mean, they must be racist.

01:32:57.000 Yeah, it's gotten bad.

01:32:59.000 I mean, it's across all the branches now.

01:33:01.000 I mean, I just saw an article the other day, it was like talking about a National Guard, a black National Guardsman had to carry a heavy chain around his neck and he was saying that it was like cruel and unusual punishment, racism and stuff, but that's like typical.

01:33:17.000 Can I just interrupt you here?

01:33:20.000 Can I just interrupt you?

01:33:22.000 I resent this caricature that we, and when I say we, I guess I don't just mean white people, I mean like normal Americans, are like, well lookie here, we got a negro at our fuckin' school.

01:33:39.000 Let's get a big ass cha- and I'm sorry to do a southern accent, but it's part of the parody.

01:33:44.000 Let's get a big-ass chain on this... No, I mean, I was going to a southern school, it was, you know... Let's get a big-ass chain on this motherfucker!

01:33:51.000 And have him walk... That's it, boy!

01:33:54.000 Run around, boy!

01:33:56.000 Like, that's insulting to me!

01:33:58.000 That these people think that these people exist.

01:34:02.000 It's sort of like when I see a Black Lives Matter face mask at like, you know, not a radical left rally, but like at my local bar.

01:34:10.000 And I'm like, oh, so you're saying that I don't think Black Lives Matter?

01:34:13.000 Fuck you.

01:34:15.000 You just insulted me.

01:34:16.000 Yeah.

01:34:18.000 Yeah.

01:34:18.000 I tried to go to this bourbon bar the other day that my wife found because it was like bourbon and burgers.

01:34:23.000 And I was like, oh, that sounds sweet.

01:34:24.000 And they had like signs outside that was like,

01:34:28.000 We here believe that black lives matter.

01:34:30.000 Feminism is for everyone.

01:34:32.000 Science is science.

01:34:35.000 What was the other sign they had out there?

01:34:38.000 Love is real.

01:34:39.000 Kindness is everything.

01:34:41.000 Love is love.

01:34:43.000 No humans are illegal.

01:34:46.000 Imagine you went to a bar and it said out front, you better not want to fuck kids because we don't fuck kids in here.

01:34:53.000 And you're like, fuck you.

01:34:55.000 Is it called repeal?

01:34:59.000 Is the bar called Repeal?

01:35:01.000 The Speakeasy Burger Bourbon?

01:35:03.000 No, it's called The Oak.

01:35:05.000 And it was in like Durham, North Carolina.

01:35:07.000 And I also wanted to say, hey Gavin, if you end up settling somewhere in the North Carolina, Tennessee area, if you wanted to check out some cool Air Force stuff, I can get you on base on the low low, even though now we're having to go through all this extremism training and basically like if you have any type of strong patriotism towards the United States, well the United States is bad.

01:35:28.000 We had to go through like this whole day where we stood down where it was like talking about how any kind of political or, you know, patriotism is now considered extremist.

01:35:38.000 They actually mentioned Proud Boys several times.

01:35:40.000 No way!

01:35:42.000 Well they're doing a great job of weeding out extremists and that's what we saw in Fort Worth where the Muslim radical was unquestioned because no one wanted to offend him or get in trouble and then what did he, what did he kill?

01:35:58.000 14 people?

01:36:01.000 Yeah, I mean, he went on an absolute rampage and, like, he was already flagged for, like, getting, like, showing, like, signs of, like, extremism, and specifically, like, Muslim extremism, and they were just like, well, you know, like, he might have some trauma from, like, combat, but no, like, he was just like, oh, no, like, I totally think that we're fighting, like, a false war and I just need to just kill these people because, you know, whatever narrative is being pushed out, but, um,

01:36:28.000 Yeah, it's getting crazy, man.

01:36:29.000 Like, everybody's walking on eggshells.

01:36:31.000 Like, I'm in a fighter pilot community, and they're mostly, like, frat boys.

01:36:36.000 But, like, every time, like, we kind of have, like, a big week, like, I'm starting to see, like, majors and colonels, like, with their pronouns and their signature blocks and stuff, trying to, like, purchase things.

01:36:47.000 So you're a fighter pilot?

01:36:50.000 No, so I work with fighter pilots, and I'm, like, an intelligence guy.

01:36:57.000 And it's, it's like, we're kind of like, um, they kind of, like, accept us as one of their own, even though, like, we, we don't actually fly, but we, you know, we try to, like, give them the stuff they need to know so they don't get shot out of the sky.

01:37:09.000 But even though, like, the fighter pilot heritage is, like, very, like, fratty, everybody's not PCs, it's like a first name basis, everybody's got a call sign, so you either call them by their first name, you call them by, like, some nickname that they have, but it's starting to get to the point now where, like, they're, like, basically having to, like,

01:37:26.000 These guys, I mean, you think of like Tom, uh, yeah, Tom Cruise and like, uh, fucking Top Gun, like, how it's just like, you know, these cool guys are wearing like the Pit Viper glasses and everything, but nowadays it's just basically like, um, excuse me, like, I just want to make sure that I'm getting your pronouns correctly.

01:37:44.000 My dad just knows.

01:37:45.000 Like, dude, you're supposed to fucking kill people.

01:37:47.000 Like, why are you worried about this?

01:37:49.000 The way I survive

01:37:50.000 Roller coasters or any kind of ride with my kids if I feel like I'm in over my head is I pretend I'm a jet fighter pilot.

01:37:57.000 And I go... But that's just trying to hold on to the fucking roller coaster.

01:38:04.000 That's not like checking your coordinates and like going from an F3X42 to a 9XR2B.

01:38:11.000 You know your stuff.

01:38:14.000 Yeah, we, uh, we give them a lot of shit because, like, they always try to, like, put work on us, like, as, like, the Intel guys, but, like, they- the amount of workload and training they have to go through is absolutely insane.

01:38:24.000 Like, a lot of my college buddies, I've actually got a couple who are stationed at my base that are, uh, pilots now.

01:38:30.000 Like, the amount of stuff they have to memorize, like, I- I don't understand.

01:38:34.000 Like, I- I have to do a decent amount for my job, but these guys are, like, on a whole different level.

01:38:38.000 I mean, they're- The fucking pussy these guys must get.

01:38:41.000 I-

01:38:42.000 I feel sorry for their dicks.

01:38:44.000 Their dicks must look like Freddy's face.

01:38:47.000 Oh no, it's insane.

01:38:49.000 It's insane.

01:38:50.000 I mean, I'm happily married now.

01:38:51.000 I actually called back right before the pandemic hit.

01:38:56.000 I was called in hammered and I was talking about the poor man's Viagra and stuff.

01:39:02.000 Those guys must be so drenched in pussy.

01:39:05.000 How do they even stay married?

01:39:07.000 They must have a woman waiting to blow them even before the plane has stopped.

01:39:13.000 No, it's insane.

01:39:13.000 And then, like, I mean, the Air Force has been, like, putting in, like, extra incentives and stuff to keep them in, but, like, they're, like, pretty much, like, if the Air Force, for whatever reason, doesn't, like, give them, like, crazy buku dollars, like, the commercial, uh, you know, companies are, like, we'll give you, like, $200,000 to fly, like, fucking Spirit Airlines, so they're, like,

01:39:34.000 Well, I don't have to deal with all this, like, other bullshit, like, you know, like the military puts me through.

01:39:39.000 And then, like, I can just literally just fly a glorified bus and make, like, three times the money.

01:39:45.000 But, yeah, pilots are cool as shit.

01:39:47.000 Where do they, where do they fuck girls?

01:39:49.000 Where do they meet these girls?

01:39:50.000 Like, is there local bars off base?

01:39:52.000 Is that where they, like, an officer and a gentleman?

01:39:55.000 Literally anywhere.

01:39:56.000 I mean, it's people in the Air Force and people outside the Air Force.

01:40:00.000 I mean, they just walk around and they literally start off like, hey, I'm a pilot.

01:40:04.000 Pretty much just like they're drowning in it.

01:40:06.000 It's ridiculous, but they're all great guys.

01:40:10.000 They put up with a lot of stuff and they work their asses off and they get paid a lot of money for it, but I don't think there's been anyone else I've met through my very short stint in the military that are just really nice, down-to-earth dudes.

01:40:27.000 They're starting to just, the higher ups, you know, like don't say fuck cops, fuck the cops bosses.

01:40:33.000 It's the same way with the military.

01:40:34.000 It's like some of the bosses are starting to get into like the PC stuff.

01:40:39.000 Now before we hang up on you, I know this is a taboo question, but what percentage of the gentlemen you're speaking of who pilot these fighter jets are white males?

01:40:54.000 I would say the grand majority of them.

01:40:57.000 I mean, the ones that I've come across.

01:40:58.000 Let's get a percentage.

01:40:59.000 And now if you like break down whites to like Italians and like, you know, good old Southern boys.

01:41:05.000 No, no, that's all white.

01:41:06.000 That's all white.

01:41:07.000 Jews are white.

01:41:08.000 We have like a good amount of black guys too though.

01:41:10.000 What percentage are black?

01:41:12.000 Imagine he's like, we got a lot.

01:41:16.000 There's like three of them.

01:41:22.000 I would say it's roughly around like,

01:41:25.000 Two percent.

01:41:28.000 Maybe like one.

01:41:29.000 It depends on what aircraft they're flying and what brands they're in, but the Air Force is definitely a lot of white sellers.

01:41:36.000 Okay.

01:41:37.000 Nothing wrong with that.

01:41:38.000 What percentage Asian?

01:41:43.000 We actually have a decent amount of Asian dudes.

01:41:45.000 Actually, where I was going to school, the one I had talked about before,

01:41:50.000 We have a lot of Asian dudes, but we would actually commission people from other countries.

01:41:56.000 We would actually commission people from Taiwan.

01:41:58.000 What percentage Asian?

01:42:00.000 You said 1% black, what percent Asian?

01:42:07.000 What do you mean?

01:42:08.000 How do the fighter jet guys know?

01:42:11.000 Maybe 1%.

01:42:12.000 Okay, and then women?

01:42:18.000 I have met...

01:42:20.000 Probably four out of like 250 just at my base alone.

01:42:26.000 Okay, so we're below one.

01:42:29.000 Okay.

01:42:30.000 Interesting, man.

01:42:30.000 Thanks for calling.

01:42:32.000 Colorful, colorful call.

01:42:33.000 Yeah, for sure.

01:42:34.000 Hey, if you're in North Carolina, I can reach out to you.

01:42:37.000 I'll check you out, dude.

01:42:39.000 Why are you blowing me up, Ryan?

01:42:41.000 That wasn't the attention.

01:42:42.000 I saw King Kong and a bunch of other cool effects here.

01:42:45.000 Well, wouldn't that be funny if you got fired for that?

01:42:48.000 You just blew me up.

01:42:49.000 You're fired.

01:42:51.000 I accidentally blew up my boss.

01:42:53.000 What do you mean?

01:42:53.000 You killed him?

01:42:54.000 No, I do a video show and I did a green screen thing and I... I aimed guns at him.

01:42:59.000 I don't know if he was drunk, but he got really, really mad.

01:43:03.000 I did shoot him multiple times with different guns.

01:43:05.000 When I was at Sonny's Gas Station in Bridlewood, Ontario, outside of Kanata,

01:43:11.000 I did two shifts at the gas station because the other guy didn't show up.

01:43:15.000 And instead of writing eight hours in the timesheet, I wrote sixteen fucking hours!

01:43:22.000 Oh no.

01:43:23.000 And I got fired for putting fucking in the timesheet.

01:43:26.000 Yeah, that ain't good.

01:43:28.000 I like how you take their side.

01:43:30.000 Yeah, you fucked up bad.

01:43:31.000 Yeah, you did.

01:43:32.000 That's not cool.

01:43:34.000 Don't do that.

01:43:35.000 They're trying to record timesheets and they don't need the F word in there.

01:43:39.000 So, yeah, no.

01:43:41.000 There's no time and place for that.

01:43:44.000 Last call.

01:43:45.000 There's something about the fighter.

01:43:46.000 Last call for alcohol.

01:43:48.000 All right.

01:43:48.000 You don't have to go home, but you can't go here.

01:43:54.000 By the way, yeah, chains have been around for since the 1600s and black people have been around since people were invented.

01:44:02.000 And the only thing we can glean from the black person plus chains equals slavery.

01:44:07.000 It's quite sad.

01:44:12.000 Yeah.

01:44:13.000 DDP 445 as contributor, Mike.

01:44:18.000 Hey, what's up?

01:44:18.000 I've got a great contributor for you guys as Censored TV grows and becomes big conglomerate as it is.

01:44:26.000 This guy, EDP 445, he's a YouTube legend.

01:44:29.000 Check him out.

01:44:30.000 Okay.

01:44:31.000 You have a lot in common with him.

01:44:33.000 Thanks for calling.

01:44:34.000 Let's check out EDP 445.

01:44:36.000 Should we have him on the show?

01:44:38.000 I mean, sorry, as a contributor.

01:44:42.000 He looks like the guy from that Tina Fey show.

01:44:45.000 The gay guy.

01:44:46.000 You know, with the redhead who's...

01:44:58.000 And I fucking hate living in motherfucking apartments, you know what I mean?

01:45:02.000 I mean, nosy motherfuckers, you know?

01:45:07.000 If I'm not being fucked with and being interrupted, trying to knock out motherfucking cameos, trying to bullshit, you know what I mean?

01:45:14.000 Just trying to fucking lay down.

01:45:16.000 Get some fucking sleep.

01:45:18.000 There's nosy ass motherfuckers looking at me and shit out their fucking blinds and shit, you know what I mean?

01:45:24.000 Window all wide the fuck open and shit, you know?

01:45:27.000 And motherfuckers think they fucking slick, you know what I mean?

01:45:29.000 Well, window not wide open, but, you know, because that would give the purpose away of trying to be sneaky, right?

01:45:35.000 But, motherfuckers think that you don't fucking see them and shit.

01:45:38.000 Peeking out the Venetian blinds and shit, you know what I mean?

01:45:41.000 I love going to the fucking shooting range, my nigga.

01:45:44.000 I love getting the fuck out the house, working up on my craft, you know what I mean?

01:45:48.000 Bullshit and shooting the shit.

01:45:49.000 And every so often, you get these nosy-ass motherfuckers, man, they act like they never seen a fucking rifle case before, you know what I mean?

01:45:57.000 It's like, what the fuck are you looking at?

01:46:00.000 You know what I mean?

01:46:01.000 It's like... Yeah, dude, I know exactly what you mean.

01:46:04.000 Drives me nuts.

01:46:06.000 But I live in the suburbs.

01:46:08.000 In fact, I get ogled more in the suburbs probably because I'm well known in the suburbs.

01:46:13.000 In my neighborhood, but...

01:46:15.000 So how many, uh, subscribers does he have?

01:46:17.000 Well this, uh, let's see, oh, 2.23 million.

01:46:21.000 Geez.

01:46:22.000 Well if he's not cancelled, why would he come over to us?

01:46:25.000 Eat that pussy!

01:46:26.000 Maybe he is in danger of being cancelled.

01:46:29.000 Well maybe when he is cancelled he can come over and eat our pussy.

01:46:33.000 Mmm, what?

01:46:34.000 That's it.

01:46:36.000 Folks, thanks for tuning in.

01:46:37.000 That's two big shows today.

01:46:39.000 Fun shows.

01:46:40.000 We went over the time limit in both shows.

01:46:43.000 And in both cases, I want to tell you to get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

01:46:52.000 Sometimes the good ones will be the bad ones.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - April 18, 2021

GOML LIVE #94 - EASY SLEAZY

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