Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S02E123 - JIM CARREY IS AN ASSHOLE [2020-02-11 - S02E123

00:00:05.000 Dope boy or rapple, she want a dope boy or rapper.

00:00:09.000 She got a dope boy or rapper or rapper.

00:00:14.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.

00:00:21.000 In my city, these bitches backwards.

00:00:23.000 They want a dope boy or rapper.

00:00:25.000 She want a dope dope boy rapper.

00:00:32.000 That was Casper TNG featuring Fresh.

00:00:37.000 And they bring to light a common conundrum with ladies when they're trying to find Mr. Wright.

00:00:42.000 Do you want a dope boy?

00:00:44.000 A man who sells various drugs, marijuana, molly, heroin, Coke.

00:00:53.000 Or do you want a rapper?

00:00:56.000 Or do you want a dope boy who is a rapper?

00:01:00.000 Now, this is from Toronto, which is North America's most diverse city.

00:01:04.000 And I think when you watch this video, it's pretty clear that diversity is a strength.

00:01:10.000 I mean, look at the culture in Canada.

00:01:12.000 And I know you Americans don't care about Canada, but let me make something clear.

00:01:16.000 Ezra Levant says he loves going to England because it's like a time machine, a dystopia time machine where he can see what Canada will be like in five years.

00:01:28.000 Well, Canada is what America will be if Bernie wins, if AOC and the Goon Squad get their way.

00:01:39.000 If any of these radical leftists win, this is what they will be turning America into.

00:01:44.000 A fucking shithole where terrorists are rewarded $10.5 million and the police come to your house, or sorry, demand you come to their building, their office, if you dare write a book that criticizes the president.

00:02:04.000 That's Canadian culture today, and that's where we're headed.

00:02:10.000 Of course, that'll be people questioning the book on Bernie, not the book on Trump.

00:02:18.000 But yeah, I want to show you what is going on with the fucking garbage culture in Canada, in Toronto specifically, before we get to the more juicy stuff.

00:02:30.000 I also have a very important segment where I talk about how much Jim Carrey is a fucking asshole piece of shit.

00:02:38.000 But let's just start with the dirt because it relates to that song.

00:02:42.000 So that was Casper.

00:02:43.000 She's down with the six, number six IX.

00:02:48.000 She's quite successful, apparently, selling merch.

00:02:52.000 So this is some girl who's from a shitty part of Toronto, dominating the culture down there, showing you, this is showing you the decay of Toronto.

00:03:00.000 This is what the most diverse city.

00:03:02.000 Okay, you got to be fast.

00:03:02.000 Look, stop.

00:03:04.000 So she's testing the diamonds on her Rolex and her ring and her whatever.

00:03:11.000 I mean, that Rolex is probably worth $100,000.

00:03:14.000 So she must be spending all her drug money on this retarded jewelry.

00:03:18.000 But look at the kid she's with.

00:03:20.000 This is the new Toronto.

00:03:26.000 That's Debbie.

00:03:30.000 Focus.

00:03:31.000 Focus.

00:03:33.000 I can't see it.

00:03:35.000 Wait, wait.

00:03:37.000 Oh, I got it.

00:03:38.000 I lost it.

00:03:40.000 99% of looking at that watch was blurry.

00:03:43.000 Whoa, Debbie is blossoming.

00:03:46.000 She's even got diamonds on her sweatshirt, yo.

00:03:50.000 It's coming soon.

00:03:54.000 We didn't see the guy.

00:03:55.000 Maybe we'll see the guy in this next clip.

00:03:57.000 So that's her merch banging.

00:04:01.000 The next clip is an interview with Debbie on Everyone Toronto.

00:04:06.000 This is where we're headed, folks.

00:04:08.000 You're looking into Bernie Sanders America.

00:04:11.000 Debbie, what's good, man?

00:04:12.000 I'm all here, fam.

00:04:14.000 Yo, respect for sitting down with me.

00:04:15.000 This is Big Tings, man.

00:04:16.000 Big Tings.

00:04:17.000 How you doing, yo?

00:04:18.000 Like, what's good?

00:04:19.000 I'm blessed.

00:04:19.000 You know, I'm living life.

00:04:21.000 For real, yo, for real.

00:04:21.000 For real, yo.

00:04:22.000 So, yo, like, tell me what's going on with you lately, man.

00:04:25.000 Like, so you got the merch now?

00:04:26.000 Yo, your channel rapping.

00:04:28.000 See, you guys have little stuff, yo.

00:04:30.000 Yep.

00:04:30.000 Yo, that's already now.

00:04:32.000 I don't understand you.

00:04:35.000 Is that English?

00:04:36.000 Get some little jewelry in there.

00:04:38.000 That's what I wanted you to see.

00:04:39.000 Can you go back?

00:04:40.000 She's speaking English, by the way.

00:04:44.000 There we go.

00:04:45.000 Welcome to Bernie's America.

00:04:47.000 Is it like Takashi 6-2 or something?

00:04:51.000 Look at his fucking face.

00:04:53.000 It's like Jim Norton playing a character of a douche.

00:04:56.000 Nice work, dude.

00:04:57.000 Did you fall asleep at a party?

00:05:03.000 People say it's a shots down to Yeddie Noble.

00:05:06.000 Clear one again, are you dumb?

00:05:08.000 Shots down to Eddie Nobel.

00:05:11.000 Like, what's going on?

00:05:12.000 What's going on?

00:05:12.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:05:13.000 I'm making big moves.

00:05:14.000 Like, I'm playing around with this stuff here.

00:05:17.000 For real.

00:05:18.000 For real.

00:05:18.000 Give it two years, I'll be in LA.

00:05:20.000 Trust me.

00:05:21.000 Yo, you're going to be your ears black.

00:05:21.000 For real.

00:05:26.000 Oh, they are.

00:05:26.000 For real.

00:05:27.000 Because she must have dyed her hair black for this interview and then didn't clean them.

00:05:31.000 Oh, my God.

00:05:33.000 Verna and stuff in top five and stuff.

00:05:35.000 Who's got time for that?

00:05:37.000 It's like Jamaican hoser black.

00:05:40.000 That's the same with the British East London accent.

00:05:43.000 That's been dominated by Jamaican.

00:05:45.000 They say Gyals and Waguan.

00:05:47.000 These guys say Waguan.

00:05:48.000 Damn, fam.

00:05:49.000 So weird.

00:05:50.000 I have the block tatted.

00:05:51.000 I got in the block.

00:05:52.000 I saw that.

00:05:52.000 Yeah, no, I saw that.

00:05:53.000 Yo, I saw that.

00:05:54.000 Varney Drive.

00:05:55.000 What do you think about the whole TJ thing when he came down?

00:05:55.000 That's the street.

00:05:58.000 Hey, Waguan!

00:06:00.000 Fire!

00:06:01.000 Fun!

00:06:02.000 What?

00:06:03.000 What?

00:06:03.000 Them TG's got you!

00:06:04.000 Fun!

00:06:05.000 Fire, you fucking goof!

00:06:06.000 Shout out to them New York niggas that want to come check in with me.

00:06:09.000 And like, you know what I mean, man?

00:06:10.000 Oh, if I caught Lil' TJ, it would have been a different situation.

00:06:14.000 For real.

00:06:15.000 Yo.

00:06:17.000 I hate little TJ.

00:06:18.000 For real.

00:06:19.000 Oh, actually, that brings us to our last link.

00:06:22.000 She thinks Lil TJ is a stupid bitch.

00:06:25.000 Did you know that?

00:06:27.000 I did, yes.

00:06:28.000 I'm glad you're caught up because I have been wanting to speak about this for a while.

00:06:31.000 The most diverse city in North America.

00:06:34.000 I actually think Little Technology.

00:06:35.000 Starring There's Her Tattoo of Her Street.

00:06:38.000 Verna Drive.

00:06:40.000 I think it's in Scarborough.

00:06:49.000 This is your daughter.

00:06:51.000 if you live in Canada.

00:06:58.000 Notice you say niggas a lot.

00:07:00.000 You didn't see that before in Canada, even with blacks.

00:07:02.000 The Bitch ass nigga, bro.

00:07:18.000 That was a Grand Theft Auto.

00:07:20.000 Look, that's a simulator.

00:07:21.000 That's a CGI.

00:07:24.000 From Grand Theft Auto.

00:07:26.000 That nigga suck a dick.

00:07:28.000 He ain't not shit.

00:07:29.000 He a fake click.

00:07:31.000 He don't got shit.

00:07:32.000 Ain't no paperwork.

00:07:34.000 She doesn't have a $200,000 watch.

00:07:36.000 Or a toothbrush.

00:07:38.000 At least he has a toothbrush.

00:07:41.000 I want to meet her parents.

00:07:42.000 Hi.

00:07:43.000 We're just watching your daughter on doing one of her videos that little TJ is a stupid bitch.

00:07:49.000 You failed.

00:07:51.000 You failed.

00:07:53.000 We told you you had one job.

00:07:54.000 Keep her off the pole.

00:07:55.000 Well, apparently you have two jobs.

00:07:57.000 Keep her out of the ghetto rap.

00:08:00.000 Go to the link above that.

00:08:03.000 That's an argument for pro-choice.

00:08:05.000 No, it is not.

00:08:07.000 We don't want her dead.

00:08:08.000 We want her saved.

00:08:09.000 No, no, just not alive.

00:08:11.000 Oh, so she dead.

00:08:12.000 This is people approaching her.

00:08:16.000 Oh, Shay, you're going to try to fight me?

00:08:18.000 Yeah, that's me, yo, no cap.

00:08:20.000 That's you, that's you, that's you.

00:08:24.000 Fight him!

00:08:25.000 It's going to be a fight.

00:08:29.000 She's got a very quasi-motal fighting.

00:08:31.000 Yes.

00:08:32.000 An Igor-ish demeanor.

00:08:34.000 Got a hunchback in Notre Dame.

00:08:37.000 Ring the bells.

00:08:42.000 This is Toronto.

00:08:42.000 This is the city of diversity.

00:08:44.000 How's it working out?

00:08:44.000 *laughter*

00:08:52.000 All right.

00:08:53.000 And then finally, we have the link above that.

00:08:56.000 Of course.

00:08:56.000 Where she met her match in parking lot.

00:08:59.000 This is why you failed.

00:09:01.000 Oh, no.

00:09:02.000 This is her.

00:09:02.000 Sorry, that's a different one where she's on the train.

00:09:05.000 She likes fighting.

00:09:06.000 Yeah, she'll throw down.

00:09:09.000 She's confronting a rival rapper.

00:09:13.000 This is your daughter in Toronto.

00:09:28.000 What's she wearing?

00:09:30.000 Preppy clothes?

00:09:31.000 It's weird when, like, black kids would wear preppy clothes to sort of look white.

00:09:35.000 Like when Wu-Tang clan would wear Helly Hansen fishing gear.

00:09:38.000 But then white kids would start wearing it.

00:09:40.000 So you see a white kid wearing like deep waders and a Helly Hansen jacket and you go, yeah, you must be going fishing.

00:09:46.000 Turn it up.

00:09:49.000 All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right.

00:09:50.000 She's saying, I've told you, I just got off work.

00:09:53.000 I don't want to deal with you.

00:09:54.000 I deal with it every single day.

00:09:55.000 I do this for this, Bron.

00:09:57.000 Don't piss me off, or this is what's going to happen to you.

00:10:00.000 Do you understand me?

00:10:01.000 Do you understand me?

00:10:03.000 Okay, but I don't know.

00:10:04.000 Anyway, so that looks fun.

00:10:07.000 And it reminds me of yesterday we talked about Ezra Levant had sent us a video, and I forgot to get to it.

00:10:15.000 Can I blame you for that?

00:10:17.000 Nope.

00:10:20.000 Couldn't you say, hey, Gav, didn't you say you're going to get to Ezra's video?

00:10:23.000 It's not in the notes.

00:10:24.000 You've got to find it.

00:10:29.000 I could have.

00:10:30.000 I really kicked myself for that, to be honest.

00:10:33.000 Wait, so I said, can I blame you for that?

00:10:36.000 And then you said, nope.

00:10:37.000 And then you said, I kicked myself.

00:10:39.000 Meaning, yes, I can blame you for that.

00:10:41.000 I facetiously.

00:10:42.000 Let me give the build up here.

00:10:44.000 Omar Katter is a fucking terrorist who's not just one successful terrorist.

00:10:49.000 And when I say successful, I mean he's murdered American soldiers.

00:10:52.000 He's blown up shit.

00:10:54.000 He's a very, very bad man.

00:10:56.000 But Canada felt so bad that he was in Guantanamo Bay that after his successful mission as a terrorist and doing his time, they gave him 10 million bucks.

00:11:07.000 And Ezra Levant, whose life is really devoted to fighting government corruption and jihadist terrorism, which Omar Katter personifies both.

00:11:18.000 So imagine Ezra's shock and surprise when he gets off a flight and learns that one of his co-co-passengers?

00:11:28.000 Co-passenger was Omar Katter.

00:11:32.000 Why the fuck is he allowed to fly?

00:11:35.000 Turn it up.

00:11:37.000 Can I have a word?

00:11:39.000 Can I talk to you for a minute?

00:11:41.000 Do you take a selfie together?

00:11:44.000 Look at his smile.

00:11:46.000 Can I ask you a couple questions?

00:11:49.000 How did you get on the plane?

00:11:50.000 I thought you were on the no-fly list.

00:11:52.000 See, this is exactly what we figured would happen.

00:11:54.000 Why don't we go ahead and walk away from these things?

00:11:55.000 But why don't we see that?

00:11:57.000 Look at these white women frolicking around him.

00:12:00.000 Toxic.

00:12:01.000 Well, that is a toxic thing that is hurtful.

00:12:04.000 Like, there's Muslim women, I understand that, but these white women that want to be part of this terrorist's life and help shuttle him from thing to thing.

00:12:14.000 That I found profoundly disturbing.

00:12:16.000 I don't really mind the Muslim woman doing that.

00:12:18.000 You're already part of that death cult.

00:12:21.000 But white women going, let's get involved in this, in exonerating this guy.

00:12:29.000 But aren't you on the no-fly list?

00:12:33.000 Is there security for me or for him?

00:12:36.000 For filming a person when that's really not an okay thing to do.

00:12:39.000 So please bring them to the screen here.

00:12:40.000 What do you mean?

00:12:41.000 Can I ask it why you won't have access to some of the money you got?

00:12:49.000 Senior officer, he's harassing us.

00:12:51.000 He's not harassing anybody.

00:12:52.000 That's a convicted al-Qaeda terrorist right there who just flew on an airplane.

00:12:57.000 Okay, sir.

00:12:58.000 Well, he's in idols.

00:12:59.000 So they probably think he's some nut that's just harassing a random Arab for no reason.

00:13:05.000 Excuse me, sir.

00:13:06.000 Well, it's assault.

00:13:07.000 Keep your hands off me.

00:13:09.000 I want to get Ezra on the show today.

00:13:11.000 See if you can dig him up.

00:13:13.000 I'm trusting you to do that one thing.

00:13:15.000 Okay.

00:13:16.000 Why have you fucked up 900 times?

00:13:18.000 Get me Ezra Levant today or you're fired.

00:13:21.000 Deal.

00:13:22.000 Because we're not.

00:13:23.000 Deal.

00:13:23.000 You can handle this assignment?

00:13:25.000 Ezra is gotten already, man.

00:13:28.000 Where have you stashed the rest of the time?

00:13:30.000 That's simply contact him.

00:13:32.000 I think he's doing Blaze today.

00:13:34.000 The ones who fired me.

00:13:35.000 The ones who took me from Rebel and then fired me.

00:13:38.000 This is an airport.

00:13:38.000 There's a public place.

00:13:40.000 Exactly.

00:13:40.000 That's why I'm filming.

00:13:42.000 See, Ezra knows the law.

00:13:44.000 That man blinded a medic and murdered an American soldier that was trying to rescue him and help him.

00:13:53.000 That's a terrorist.

00:13:53.000 Bring him in peacefully as a POW and get him medical aid, which he got.

00:13:59.000 flown to one of the finest hospitals in the country in the world what happened to cool cops like just Just stand back, cop.

00:14:14.000 When Mike Tyson beat up Don King, all the cops that were there just sort of like, oh, I don't see anything.

00:14:20.000 You can't let a terrorist be uncomfortable.

00:14:24.000 Look, they get physical with him here.

00:14:30.000 Look at all these women.

00:14:31.000 He's got more groupies than Vince Neal.

00:14:36.000 Terrorism trumps close to getting a civil lawsuit for assault and battery.

00:14:44.000 Don't jaywalk, sir.

00:14:47.000 Well, what they mean is we're going to get you inside.

00:14:52.000 You're going to arrest me from crossing the street here.

00:14:56.000 Don't jaywalk.

00:14:59.000 What are you stepping on me?

00:15:00.000 What are you stepping on me for?

00:15:03.000 Stopping.

00:15:05.000 What job is that?

00:15:06.000 Keeping the public safe.

00:15:08.000 Whose safety was in breach there?

00:15:10.000 You should have asked him, do you know who Omar Katter is?

00:15:14.000 So anyway, Canadians aren't that outraged by this.

00:15:17.000 The American public couldn't care less.

00:15:20.000 But imagine if you're a vet who lost friends over there to Omar Katter's exact group, the exact team he's on.

00:15:30.000 Not just Radical Jihadists, but that particular division where there was lots of Canadian soldiers.

00:15:35.000 And I saw this rant on Faith Goldie's feed.

00:15:38.000 This is the second link down.

00:15:41.000 Where she videotaped some guy named McKenzie.

00:15:44.000 This is the second link down.

00:15:45.000 So you go to the top and you count two.

00:15:50.000 Oh, yeah.

00:15:50.000 My name is Jeremy McKenzie.

00:15:52.000 I'm a Canadian Forces Afghanistan combat veteran.

00:15:54.000 I deployed the 2nd Battalion Royal Canadian Regiment in 2007 to fight these people, actually, to fight Omar Cotter's extended family.

00:16:01.000 They're all participate.

00:16:03.000 They love the Taliban, which he was a member of.

00:16:05.000 And I absolutely detest and abhor the fact that they would even call him such a thing as a child soldier.

00:16:11.000 Calling him a soldier at all is an insult to the Waffen-SS, let alone me.

00:16:15.000 These are not people that wear uniforms.

00:16:17.000 These are not people that obey things like the rules of war or the Geneva Conventions.

00:16:21.000 They use women and children as human shields.

00:16:23.000 They burn people with acid for not reading the right magic books.

00:16:26.000 They're horrendous.

00:16:28.000 They're monstrous human beings.

00:16:29.000 They were raping children.

00:16:31.000 They didn't care.

00:16:31.000 They would blow up as many of their own civilians as they would to us.

00:16:35.000 It didn't matter at all.

00:16:36.000 And now Canada is leaving $150 million on the table meant for veterans because, well, we just don't have the time for them.

00:16:41.000 Well, the government spends more money since 1870 than any other government in Canadian history.

00:16:48.000 And in this environment, no, we just don't have enough money.

00:16:50.000 But we will make Omar Cotter, the Taliban terrorist, a multimillionaire.

00:16:54.000 And we're going to tell everybody that's got a problem with that to leave the building and leave the premises, including me, including other Canadian forces veterans.

00:17:00.000 And I have to be here to say this because many of the people from my platoon that were killed by Omar Cotter's little club aren't here to say that anymore.

00:17:08.000 They're all dead.

00:17:09.000 Chris Dannix isn't here anymore.

00:17:11.000 Sergeant Donny Lucas isn't here anymore.

00:17:13.000 So that's why I'm here, because this is outrageous.

00:17:16.000 This is a travesty.

00:17:17.000 And I'm sick of staying home and staying on the couch and watching everybody just not say anything because this is wrong.

00:17:23.000 This is not what Canada stands for.

00:17:25.000 It's not the country that I signed up to fight for.

00:17:27.000 And it is certainly not the country that those men and women died for when I was over there fighting against him and his family and his friends.

00:17:34.000 So I guess I'm the bad guy now.

00:17:36.000 If that's how it's going to be, then that's how it's going to be.

00:17:41.000 Did you cry?

00:17:43.000 Like a little bitch?

00:17:44.000 I got pissed.

00:17:45.000 I almost got cry-pissed.

00:17:48.000 You pissed out of your eyes?

00:17:51.000 I'm pissed too from my eye parts.

00:17:54.000 No, I almost angry cried.

00:17:56.000 Were you doing the brow furrowing?

00:17:58.000 That's the only way I cry.

00:17:59.000 Brow furrowed, tears come down.

00:18:00.000 Oh, my God.

00:18:01.000 Veterans Day?

00:18:02.000 When they talked to Vietnam vets, were you a hero?

00:18:05.000 No, but I fought with some.

00:18:09.000 Yeah, I get destroyed pretty easily with war stuff.

00:18:12.000 Let's talk to that guy, McKenzie, because I want to hear from the people.

00:18:19.000 Like, I'm offended as a Canadian, as an American, as a Westerner, as someone who is aware of the threat of jihad, but my rage couldn't hold a candle to someone who was actually there.

00:18:30.000 So I want to hear more from this guy.

00:18:32.000 Let's get them on the line.

00:18:33.000 Let's get them on the line.

00:18:41.000 Mackenzie, are you there?

00:18:42.000 Yes, sir.

00:18:43.000 How are you?

00:18:44.000 I'm good.

00:18:44.000 How are you doing?

00:18:45.000 How's it going, eh?

00:18:46.000 Not too bad, eh?

00:18:48.000 Fucking look at McKenzie showing up here with a 2-4 under his arm, fucking slamming back blues like there's no tomorrow, fuck.

00:18:57.000 But he's on a tear.

00:18:59.000 We were just watching you this fucking freak out about Omar Katter.

00:19:05.000 I don't know why you're so mad.

00:19:06.000 He's a child.

00:19:07.000 He was a child soldier.

00:19:10.000 Yeah, you run into a lot of that, even though I think the UN's definition of child soldier is 14 and under.

00:19:15.000 So that doesn't really count.

00:19:17.000 How old was he?

00:19:18.000 He was 15 when I'm 16.

00:19:20.000 Right.

00:19:21.000 So I don't really know how that works.

00:19:23.000 He's also the Taliban.

00:19:25.000 You know, soldiers, Taliban, bit of a stretch, I would say.

00:19:29.000 It's kind of an insult to soldiers everywhere, I would say.

00:19:33.000 Well, this whole thing has been an insult to soldiers everywhere, especially Canadian soldiers who are out there dying.

00:19:39.000 You've lost friends over there.

00:19:41.000 Yeah.

00:19:42.000 Way few, unfortunately.

00:19:44.000 And this is one of the murderers.

00:19:46.000 What did he do?

00:19:47.000 He knocked out a guy's eye.

00:19:49.000 Why don't you explain to our viewers who Omar Katter is?

00:19:52.000 So he was detained in 2002 by United States Special Forces.

00:19:56.000 They were doing a raid on a compound he was in.

00:19:58.000 They don't typically do that for nobodies, you know.

00:20:01.000 They didn't just stumble upon these people.

00:20:04.000 And, you know, typically in their fashion, when they approached the compound, the women and children left.

00:20:11.000 They were ordered to leave.

00:20:13.000 So Omar did not go with them.

00:20:15.000 Right, because he's not a child.

00:20:16.000 Yeah, that's what they did with us, too.

00:20:18.000 I saw kids older than him, 16, 17, walk out with the women and children before we would go in there.

00:20:24.000 And then they shot the interpreters.

00:20:25.000 So they bombed the village or wherever the little compound they were in.

00:20:28.000 They moved in.

00:20:29.000 He plays dead, so then he lobs a grenade at the guys, and he kills Sergeant Christopher Speer, one of your guys, and he blinded another guy, I think a Marine Corps Sergeant Lane Morris.

00:20:40.000 Yep.

00:20:40.000 You know, minimum.

00:20:42.000 Never mind, he's on video wiring an entire living room full of Italian anti-tank mines, smiling happily.

00:20:48.000 Look at me, daddy.

00:20:49.000 Am I good boy?

00:20:50.000 And it's, you know, where did those go?

00:20:52.000 To the sky?

00:20:53.000 They didn't get donated to Goodwill.

00:20:54.000 No.

00:20:54.000 No, they didn't get recycled.

00:20:56.000 Those blue, you know what I mean?

00:20:57.000 Those got used somewhere.

00:20:58.000 Right.

00:20:59.000 And how many more, you know, kids' dads didn't come home from that?

00:21:02.000 And now he's walking around doing a speaking tour.

00:21:04.000 And the medic he attacked had to deal with the local medicine for his eye.

00:21:11.000 Omar Katter also had problems with his chest and eye.

00:21:14.000 He had tons of injuries.

00:21:15.000 So we airlifted him to a German hospital, I believe, to make sure he got the finest care imaginable.

00:21:22.000 Yeah.

00:21:23.000 Yeah, that's how racist we are.

00:21:24.000 You know what I mean?

00:21:25.000 They could just let him die, right?

00:21:26.000 But, you know, that's actually what, because that's what soldiers actually do.

00:21:29.000 It's like, you know, the kind of the battlefield code kind of thing.

00:21:32.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:21:34.000 You just, you know what I mean?

00:21:35.000 Okay, you're out, you're down.

00:21:36.000 Fair enough.

00:21:36.000 That's how it's supposed to be.

00:21:37.000 The Taliban doesn't do that.

00:21:39.000 It's also not cool for us to use women and kids as human shields or terrorize the population into obeying our commands or we behead them or take their children, et cetera.

00:21:49.000 Yeah, that's a great point.

00:21:50.000 If you're a real soldier, then you would deal with real soldier medics.

00:21:54.000 The fact that we flew you with a helicopter somewhere means you're obviously some sort of political politician.

00:22:01.000 You're some sort of public figure almost.

00:22:04.000 Yeah, and it's strange that, you know, I learned last night, I guess I knew this, but I've forgotten, but Kretien bailed out his father from being arrested or detained or something for terror charges in the 90s.

00:22:16.000 So like, how far, how much of the Liberal Party is, you know, how high is the Cotter family in the Liberal Party?

00:22:23.000 What is this?

00:22:24.000 This is a strange connection, two prime ministers now are bailing out people personally?

00:22:28.000 That's kind of weird.

00:22:29.000 I don't know.

00:22:30.000 Well, so we're getting closer to today.

00:22:33.000 And the next stage in the story after Guantanamo Bay is Justin Trudeau awards him $10.5 million for the inconvenience of being detained.

00:22:43.000 Yeah.

00:22:44.000 Yeah, the poor kid, the poor baby.

00:22:46.000 You know, like, why were you there in the first place, dude?

00:22:48.000 How did you get there?

00:22:49.000 And some of the reporters were like, did you, what do you think of, wanted to ask?

00:22:53.000 Of course, there's not approved questions, want to ask him, what do you think about your father now?

00:22:57.000 You know, where was your mother?

00:22:58.000 Why did she try and get you out of that situation?

00:23:01.000 And if she didn't, why wasn't she charged with child abuse?

00:23:04.000 Well, his father trained him, right?

00:23:06.000 Yeah, well, yeah.

00:23:07.000 They're all al-Qaeda operatives and sympathizers.

00:23:11.000 And one of them is related to the bin Laden family.

00:23:13.000 I think one of their sisters is married to the Joshua Boyle character that also Trudeau had a weird interest in smoothing things over for that guy.

00:23:23.000 Let me catch up the viewers.

00:23:23.000 Stop, stop.

00:23:25.000 Omar Katter's sister dated that dude that just has the beard here who took his family backpacking on Al-Qaeda territory where, of course, they get kidnapped and she gets raped.

00:23:36.000 And I think they lose a child over there.

00:23:39.000 I mean, it was almost like Death by Cop, Raped by Taliban, where they walked right into it.

00:23:44.000 And Joshua Boyle's very friendly with Justin Trudeau.

00:23:47.000 So you're right.

00:23:48.000 This is sounding very suspicious.

00:23:50.000 Yeah, Osama bin Laden was friends with his father, Ahmed Khadr, and his sister, I think Zanab is her name, who's married to Joshua Boyle.

00:24:00.000 Who then married someone else?

00:24:01.000 Like, yeah, and basically took this woman on a terror tour.

00:24:04.000 Yeah, there's this weirdness there, you know, and they're trying to trot him out.

00:24:08.000 Like, oh, he was just a child.

00:24:09.000 I don't think I've ever heard him apologize.

00:24:11.000 You know, if I was really sorry, this is what I would be doing.

00:24:14.000 Okay, if I'm a reformed child soldier, oh, the horror, I can't believe I was tricked into this.

00:24:18.000 I would have spent the rest of my life probably going across the tour denouncing radical Islamic terrorism.

00:24:24.000 Yep.

00:24:24.000 And things like the Taliban and Al-Qaeda.

00:24:26.000 And like, look, I was a kid and my family brainwashed me into this crazy ideology that told me to subjugate all the women and cut the heads off of all everybody else.

00:24:34.000 Don't do it.

00:24:35.000 Here's the signs.

00:24:36.000 He's not doing that.

00:24:37.000 So he doesn't seem very sorry to me.

00:24:39.000 And when people approach him for legitimate questions about his, but he gives them smug responses.

00:24:44.000 Like he said to Ezra, would you want a selfie?

00:24:46.000 Oh, man.

00:24:47.000 Wow.

00:24:48.000 This guy is not sorry at all.

00:24:49.000 He's playing everybody.

00:24:50.000 He's eating out of his hand.

00:24:51.000 He's laughing at us.

00:24:52.000 You think he could have given that widow a penny?

00:24:55.000 Right.

00:24:56.000 From the selfie.

00:24:57.000 Even if he decided to say, I'll keep $2 million and then I'll give the rest to those people.

00:25:02.000 He didn't do that either.

00:25:03.000 Even that's shitty, but we'd appreciate that.

00:25:06.000 So I think the worst case scenario here is that radical Islam is embedded in the Canadian government.

00:25:12.000 And the reason that's relevant to Americans is because we are following in the same footsteps with all this sycophantic love we have for care.

00:25:20.000 That's the worst case scenario.

00:25:22.000 But even the best case scenario as far as our safety is still pretty bad.

00:25:25.000 That's that Trudeau and the Canadian government likes to fraternize with terrorists as kind of a fuck you to guys like you and me.

00:25:34.000 It's hard to not think that that's the way it is sometimes.

00:25:37.000 It feels that way.

00:25:38.000 Because it's so easy to just not do the things they're doing.

00:25:42.000 You know, like the frightened guys in court, they told Brock Blascuk that time, oh, you're asking for more than we're willing to give right now.

00:25:48.000 And it's like, oh, wait, you spent billions of dollars on things like abortions in Haiti and investments in India, and you just threw $10 million at women's rights in Ethiopia.

00:25:58.000 This has nothing to do with Canadians Or what's going on back here, man?

00:26:02.000 People are hurting here, and you're giving away more money than any government since 1870.

00:26:06.000 There's not enough money for veterans.

00:26:08.000 They just left $150 million on the table.

00:26:10.000 But they do things all the time, like you sent $140 million something to China for coal plants while shutting down our coal plants.

00:26:16.000 It's just, you know, it's like, are you trying to destroy the country?

00:26:19.000 Because that's what I would be doing.

00:26:20.000 You're doing a great job.

00:26:22.000 Yeah, it's like it's on purpose.

00:26:24.000 How do you control your rage?

00:26:26.000 I don't.

00:26:28.000 Your walls, your drywall must look like Swiss cheese.

00:26:32.000 There must be fist holes in every room in the house.

00:26:35.000 No comment.

00:26:37.000 You've got to get a drywall specialist just waiting outside with his little speckle bucket.

00:26:41.000 I'm getting really good at it replacing drywall.

00:26:44.000 All right, man.

00:26:45.000 Well, thanks for coming on the show.

00:26:46.000 I hope you know that us expats down here south of the border are just as mad as you.

00:26:52.000 Thanks a lot.

00:26:52.000 And if I become a political terrorist, please take me in.

00:26:55.000 I have nowhere else to go.

00:26:56.000 Political refugee.

00:26:58.000 Coming up.

00:27:00.000 Thanks, guys.

00:27:01.000 Thanks, man.

00:27:01.000 Thank you.

00:27:02.000 Thanks, dude.

00:27:03.000 She want a dope boy or a rapper.

00:27:05.000 She got a dope boy and a rapper.

00:27:08.000 In my city, these bitches backwards.

00:27:10.000 They want a dope boy or a rapper.

00:27:13.000 Who would you rather have as a boyfriend?

00:27:15.000 Personally, a dope boy that is a rapper would be probably the best.

00:27:19.000 No, that's not the ultimatum.

00:27:20.000 A dope boy or a rapper?

00:27:22.000 I don't want to pick.

00:27:23.000 I want both.

00:27:24.000 Yeah, you're not a chick.

00:27:26.000 Girls always say that with ultimatums.

00:27:27.000 When men get ultimatums, they choose one.

00:27:30.000 God, I saw this show.

00:27:31.000 I talked about this, right?

00:27:32.000 Where the female host, it's a male and a female hosting some celebrity show, and she's 1% black, so she's their token black.

00:27:39.000 And they said, what would you rather do?

00:27:42.000 Have dinner with Albert Einstein or go surfing with Barack Obama?

00:27:46.000 And she goes, I'd rather go surfing with Michelle Obama.

00:27:51.000 And everyone's like, yay, that's not the game.

00:27:56.000 I'd rather go surfing with Sid Vicious.

00:27:59.000 That you didn't get asked that.

00:28:02.000 Right.

00:28:02.000 So again, that's what women do when they get ultimatums.

00:28:06.000 Would you rather be buried alive or drown?

00:28:09.000 Neither.

00:28:10.000 I think it's buried alive or head chopped off.

00:28:13.000 No, it's buried alive or drowned.

00:28:14.000 Drown easily.

00:28:15.000 Everybody picks drowned.

00:28:16.000 No, that's not true.

00:28:19.000 Who's been buried?

00:28:21.000 Who said buried alive that you know?

00:28:22.000 Who's been buried alive?

00:28:24.000 Nobody says buried alive.

00:28:26.000 Lots of people say buried alive.

00:28:31.000 You fixed your food after that.

00:28:33.000 I would like to get a...

00:28:40.000 Choose one.

00:28:41.000 I would get a rapper, but hopefully he would be a boy.

00:28:45.000 No, he's not going to be a good.

00:28:46.000 And he's dope.

00:28:47.000 He's not going to be a good rapper, so you're not going to make any money.

00:28:50.000 There's going to be no excitement there, just him working on his dumb rhymes and doing like a show a month.

00:28:55.000 A dope boy is going to have tons of money.

00:28:57.000 He's going to buy you tons of presents.

00:28:58.000 And then right when you're thinking this relationship isn't working out, he's going to get arrested and vanish.

00:29:02.000 No, that's what I don't want.

00:29:04.000 I'm a ride or die chick, and I want him to be around.

00:29:07.000 And I don't want to come home one day.

00:29:09.000 We're not talking about having a baby.

00:29:11.000 This is when you're young.

00:29:12.000 I might.

00:29:12.000 Oh, okay.

00:29:13.000 So this is a thoroughway relationship.

00:29:14.000 Yeah, give me the dope boy.

00:29:15.000 Take a dope boy.

00:29:16.000 You get free Coke?

00:29:18.000 Yeah.

00:29:18.000 You know, we were talking about Rush Limbaugh the other day, and they said that I said he did make fun of Michael J. Fox, and they go, yeah, but he kind of had it coming.

00:29:26.000 What do you mean?

00:29:28.000 Well, he would not take his medication before he did his commercials, so he was full spazzing out.

00:29:33.000 And a lot of people who have Parkinson's got it from doing too much Coke.

00:29:39.000 And we are seeing a lot of, like Billy Conley, we're seeing a lot of celebrities who were in the Coke world in the 80s shaking a lot.

00:29:46.000 Interesting.

00:29:47.000 Which, when I heard that, I went, oh, that's fucked up.

00:29:48.000 What a dick.

00:29:49.000 And then I thought very quickly, all the Coke I've done in my life flashed through my eyes, just like brick, brick, brick, brick, brick.

00:29:55.000 And I went, I'm getting Parkinson's.

00:29:58.000 Good to know.

00:29:59.000 Good to know.

00:30:02.000 Speaking of which, we left, we didn't cover a part of Debbie discussing the N-word.

00:30:08.000 Someone pointed out that, because I said it's curious hearing Canadians use that word, but she is explaining it on her show.

00:30:17.000 But yeah, speaking of like the hood and thing, you know, some certain people, they like, like, yo, Debbie's the N-word, Debbie used the, like that, like, talk to me about that.

00:30:26.000 See, I didn't go up with white people, though.

00:30:29.000 It's like, I go up with all black people my whole life.

00:30:31.000 And you have black ears, yeah.

00:30:33.000 And they don't come to me.

00:30:35.000 A lot of multiracial.

00:30:36.000 A lot of diversity.

00:30:37.000 I've never had a problem with that.

00:30:38.000 I don't care if it's black, yellow, purple, green.

00:30:40.000 You have black ears and yellow teeth and pink skin.

00:30:43.000 It's a whole different thing.

00:30:44.000 I agree.

00:30:45.000 And I feel like this.

00:30:46.000 Black people want people to stop saying it.

00:30:50.000 But if black people keep saying it, they're just making it look like it's okay for people to say out here.

00:30:57.000 You know what I mean?

00:30:58.000 I hear that.

00:31:02.000 You can tell that's an Indian guy.

00:31:04.000 Right?

00:31:05.000 I don't know why you can tell.

00:31:08.000 Oh, we're getting a call.

00:31:09.000 We have communique.

00:31:11.000 So let me just set up the.

00:31:13.000 You correctly did your job for once in your life?

00:31:16.000 Yes, we have a guest on, and you might recognize the person who I'm speaking of.

00:31:22.000 Okay.

00:31:23.000 Because we just showed a video.

00:31:25.000 Just answer the fucking Skype call.

00:31:27.000 Hello?

00:31:27.000 Who is there?

00:31:32.000 That's Ezra Levant?

00:31:35.000 You talk to him.

00:31:36.000 He's your guest.

00:31:38.000 Ezra, are you there?

00:31:39.000 Yes, Gavin.

00:31:40.000 How are you?

00:31:41.000 Oh, okay.

00:31:42.000 I like this sort of foo man chew mustache you got going on.

00:31:46.000 Yeah.

00:31:47.000 Well, let's get to business here.

00:31:48.000 I mean, Omar Catter, he's a vicious, basically a dog human.

00:31:55.000 And I just was trying to ask him a couple of questions.

00:31:58.000 My teeth are a little more jagged than normal.

00:32:01.000 I've been cutting my teeth.

00:32:02.000 Yeah, what the hell?

00:32:03.000 What have you been chewing?

00:32:04.000 Rocks?

00:32:05.000 Well, what the fuck is in your teeth?

00:32:12.000 What is that?

00:32:13.000 What are those things?

00:32:15.000 One's a little crooked, but the rest of them are fine.

00:32:18.000 Listen, they look like a white picket fence upside down.

00:32:20.000 Omar Catter is a bad man.

00:32:22.000 They look like someone broke a light bulb in your mouth.

00:32:25.000 This is my Steve Bouchevi impression.

00:32:27.000 I thought your wife was a dentist, Ezra.

00:32:29.000 Yeah, well, I don't, you know, don't shit where you eat.

00:32:33.000 you look like you've been eating frozen shit or concrete.

00:32:37.000 Well, let me put it to you this way, Gavin.

00:32:39.000 Now, Omar Katter's been on the loose like a rabid animal, and you know, I'm fine with him being unleashed, but why is he at a plane with me?

00:32:47.000 And then I was getting battered in an assault.

00:32:49.000 I'm sorry, Ezra, we're gonna have to continue this interview another time.

00:32:52.000 Your teeth are way too distracting.

00:32:54.000 Wait, what do you think about this?

00:32:57.000 It's cold.

00:32:58.000 Yeah, bye.

00:32:59.000 Okay.

00:33:01.000 That was weird.

00:33:02.000 Well, I gotta hand it to you.

00:33:03.000 You did get him.

00:33:04.000 And get good at it, if you will.

00:33:06.000 And you were good at getting Ezra on the line, if you will.

00:33:10.000 He didn't deliver.

00:33:11.000 That's his fault.

00:33:13.000 I've never noticed his fucking teeth.

00:33:17.000 He was so disgusting.

00:33:18.000 He's going through some hardships, perhaps.

00:33:20.000 Okay, I've got some other stuff planned.

00:33:27.000 You don't think his teeth were that bad, though, right?

00:33:29.000 They were fucking weird.

00:33:30.000 They look like curtains.

00:33:31.000 Like they went, I, They look like they were cut out with those kindergarten scissors that are serrated.

00:33:40.000 They have the lines in it.

00:33:43.000 I didn't realize that his teeth were so fucking disgusting.

00:33:47.000 I mean, he looks like he could just bite through a football.

00:33:51.000 He has a career.

00:33:51.000 Why doesn't he have dental included?

00:33:54.000 Now, that's something, you know.

00:33:56.000 No, but why would his family let his teeth get to that point?

00:33:59.000 I mean, I had teeth removed and braces and stuff when I was younger.

00:34:03.000 Oh, teeth removed, yeah, yeah.

00:34:04.000 Because my parents cared.

00:34:05.000 My kid just finished his braces.

00:34:08.000 Like, Ezra's parents clearly never loved him.

00:34:12.000 Maybe he said he didn't want braces and they listened to him, and that's a lesson that he's learned.

00:34:16.000 Yeah, that's important to listen to your kids when you're talking about dental care.

00:34:21.000 It is a disaster.

00:34:25.000 All right, I saw this article that David Brooks wrote, and it's called the War on the Family.

00:34:31.000 It's called The Death of the Nuclear Family, and how stupid the nuclear family is.

00:34:36.000 Oh.

00:34:37.000 Now, the weird thing about it is they use a picture of a black kid as the visual, and they show two black parents, which black Americans are not really famous for the nuclear family.

00:34:49.000 I mean, they definitely had a very good divorce rate back in the 60s before we drowned the moms with welfare.

00:34:56.000 But when you think in the nuclear family, you don't really think about a black family.

00:35:01.000 It's a very different history.

00:35:02.000 They were struggling through civil rights back then.

00:35:06.000 You think of a white family, but they have to be politically correct.

00:35:09.000 So in order to appease everyone, they end up obfuscating what they're trying to say, and it becomes confusing.

00:35:14.000 But anyway, David Brooks is trying to say that divorce is perfectly natural and a wonderful thing to do.

00:35:22.000 Okay, let's check out the article.

00:35:26.000 A detached nuclear family is an intense set of relationships among, say, four people.

00:35:31.000 My family's five.

00:35:33.000 If one relationship breaks, there are no shock absorbers.

00:35:37.000 What do you mean, one relationship, like me and my daughter?

00:35:40.000 He means the parents, I guess.

00:35:43.000 In a nuclear family, the end of marriage means the end of the family as it was previously understood.

00:35:49.000 Yeah, that's the deal.

00:35:51.000 That's why it's great, because it's so important.

00:35:55.000 If you have the greatest quarterback of all, quarterback Tom Brady, severely destroys his knee in an accident, that's him over and millions of dollars down the drain.

00:36:08.000 That's why it's such a tragedy if that great quarterback who was improving the world and selling all those tickets and making everyone so happy.

00:36:17.000 That's why it's such a catastrophe if he were to break his knee and fuck up his leg.

00:36:21.000 And it would be even more catastrophic if he did that on purpose.

00:36:27.000 So that's why you don't have sports stars risking their lives doing horse jumping or that sort of cliff jumping thing where you're a flying squirrel before you release your parachute.

00:36:39.000 Because they don't want to jeopardize their career because they know they're important.

00:36:43.000 So that's why, say, you wouldn't have an affair with, say, one of your research interns.

00:36:51.000 The second great strength of extended families is their socializing force.

00:36:56.000 Multiple adults teach children right from wrong, how to behave towards others, how to be kind.

00:37:01.000 Over the course of the 18th and 19th centuries, industrialization and cultural change began to threaten traditional ways of life.

00:37:07.000 Many people in Britain and the United States doubled down on the extended family in order to create a moral haven in a heartless world.

00:37:16.000 According to Ruggles, the prevalence of extended families living together roughly doubled from 1750 to 1900, and this way of life was more common than at any time before or since.

00:37:24.000 So, according to David Brooks, the beauty of divorce is you now have two dads and two moms, a multitude of adults teaching you how, well, the difference between right or wrong.

00:37:38.000 No, you don't have two dads.

00:37:40.000 You have two half-dads that sort of compromise a dad.

00:37:46.000 So you have one dad this week, and then the next weekend you go to your biological dad, and then the next summer you go to this dad, and the next, and you're never really establishing a solid relationship.

00:37:56.000 It's back and forth, back and forth.

00:37:57.000 Plus, when the dad gets the boys and the girls, he wants them to be happy.

00:38:02.000 So he spoils them, and they don't have that same bond.

00:38:05.000 They don't have that same discipline.

00:38:07.000 And that's assuming that both sides get remarried.

00:38:10.000 You often have this scenario where it's a single mom raising the kids and then the dad with his new wife.

00:38:16.000 Then he has new kids.

00:38:17.000 Then the kids come over and they see their stepsiblings and they're depressed.

00:38:21.000 And this mom resents them because the kids represent his old life.

00:38:24.000 Ugh.

00:38:26.000 And by the way, when they're with her, they don't have a dad at all.

00:38:30.000 So who is David Brooks?

00:38:31.000 Go back to that tweet.

00:38:34.000 I like the reaction to it.

00:38:35.000 I was very happy that he got called out so quickly.

00:38:39.000 What are you doing?

00:38:40.000 Let's take a look at him first.

00:38:41.000 No, you don't do that.

00:38:42.000 You click on the fucking tweet.

00:38:45.000 You made your wife convert to Judaism.

00:38:48.000 This is true.

00:38:49.000 And change her name before divorcing her to marry your millennial research assistant, LOL.

00:38:57.000 And someone says feminism destroyed the American family.

00:39:00.000 Disney movies, blah, blah, blah.

00:39:02.000 Keep going down.

00:39:03.000 Media, there's all these different culprits saying that the.

00:39:07.000 And these are all people, by the way, who grew up without the nuclear family saying, I miss it.

00:39:12.000 I wish I had it.

00:39:13.000 Sounds like bullshit.

00:39:14.000 I think they have a picture of him and his wife.

00:39:16.000 Keep going?

00:39:17.000 No, keep going.

00:39:19.000 Yeah, there we go.

00:39:20.000 That's disgusting old decrepit.

00:39:25.000 Ezra toothed David Brooks and his 20-something or maybe early 30s research assistant that he turfed his wife for.

00:39:34.000 And he's here to tell you how awesome divorce is.

00:39:37.000 Look, you can lie to yourself, David Brooks, but don't fucking impose your bullshit on us and pretend there's some sort of philosophical moral basis behind it.

00:39:48.000 Ugh.

00:39:50.000 Look at that.

00:39:51.000 What a fucking pig.

00:39:53.000 Wayne.

00:39:54.000 What?

00:39:55.000 Let's get some context.

00:39:55.000 What the hell?

00:39:57.000 Amen, brother.

00:39:58.000 We could save America if we shifted the family unit to the old guy, second young wife and her lover model.

00:40:04.000 Whoa.

00:40:05.000 Oh, what a pig.

00:40:08.000 That guy's having a great time.

00:40:10.000 See, it's moral.

00:40:10.000 Yeah.

00:40:11.000 He's there to tell us about morality.

00:40:14.000 Anyway, it sort of got me in a K-hole about children in peril because you'll notice whenever these people discuss these things, you can tell that their real concern is themselves and not the children.

00:40:25.000 So they lie and they say, oh, children get more support.

00:40:28.000 This is what it's like to be a child of divorce.

00:40:35.000 You're in a fucking hole.

00:40:37.000 You're stuck deep down in a hole.

00:40:40.000 And no one can figure out how no one can get you out.

00:40:43.000 Sometimes the only person that can get you out is one of your siblings, your brother.

00:40:50.000 So your brother gets down there.

00:40:51.000 He puts on a light and he reaches down to the bunk below and says, hey, buddy, are you okay?

00:40:58.000 Look, I know dad's not around anymore, but I'm here to help you up.

00:41:03.000 And then we get the boy back.

00:41:06.000 They eventually recover from divorce.

00:41:08.000 They find a new life.

00:41:10.000 They might have a stepdad.

00:41:12.000 And everyone thanks the sibling for saving the day.

00:41:17.000 Of course, there are other times when the kids are almost completely lost.

00:41:26.000 And we worry that they'll never recover.

00:41:29.000 So some divorces are worse than others.

00:41:31.000 And some recoveries are slower than others.

00:41:33.000 You're going along in a marriage.

00:41:34.000 Things are going pretty good.

00:41:36.000 You trust everyone.

00:41:37.000 You feel safe.

00:41:39.000 And then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, you didn't know about the affair.

00:41:42.000 You didn't know about the research assistant.

00:41:44.000 You didn't know about the slut lesbian bisexual with the model lover who was sucking your dad's dick.

00:41:51.000 And then your whole world gets rocked and you literally go off a cliff.

00:42:00.000 Don't worry, everyone's okay.

00:42:02.000 I wouldn't be showing this if kids died.

00:42:04.000 What is those particles?

00:42:05.000 I guess.

00:42:06.000 No, what are you doing?

00:42:07.000 Why would you go away from that?

00:42:11.000 Can you zoom out?

00:42:12.000 We can't see the bus driver.

00:42:15.000 He stays in there for the longest time and he grabs his phone.

00:42:18.000 I've been noticing this in moments of chaos.

00:42:22.000 People are grabbing their phones.

00:42:24.000 It's like grabbing your teddy bear.

00:42:26.000 Like, remember that guy on the plane when that woman behind him was freaking out?

00:42:29.000 He kept grabbing his phone?

00:42:30.000 Or I see people who are being told by air marshals to get off the plane and they keep looking at their phone.

00:42:36.000 I saw a guy today.

00:42:37.000 He was in a tornado in his car and he grabbed his phone.

00:42:41.000 What are you going to do?

00:42:42.000 Call the cops?

00:42:44.000 We'll be right there, sir.

00:42:45.000 So this guy, turn up.

00:42:48.000 The audio, I think, has a high-pitched frequency.

00:42:49.000 It might be unbearable.

00:42:52.000 Yeah.

00:42:55.000 So he's telling everyone to get out the bus.

00:42:57.000 And then another adult has to come in and go, hey, old-timer, turn off the fucking engine.

00:43:02.000 By the way, are you confident that he did everything he could to not flip the bus?

00:43:07.000 Like, he seemed to sort of give up and go right through that barrier.

00:43:11.000 I feel like he could have steadied the ship a bit after getting hit.

00:43:16.000 I mean, if you were trying to avoid damage to the bus, I'm afraid that ship, you sailed into a much bigger problem at Titanic.

00:43:26.000 Anyway, he gets out.

00:43:27.000 So those kids are all okay, and they survive the divorce.

00:43:32.000 But there's times when the mom fucks up, she gets, does drugs, she loses custody, she never sees her kid again.

00:43:40.000 And I've seen it happen.

00:43:41.000 I've never actually seen it happen to a woman.

00:43:42.000 I'm trying to segue to my next thing.

00:43:44.000 But I have seen a lot of men lose custody.

00:43:47.000 There's this one guy I know.

00:43:50.000 I'll try not to give too many details, but he lost his, he fucked up a few times as far as play dates and shit when he was supposed to meet his son.

00:43:59.000 And eventually he signed some papers that his ex-wife gave him.

00:44:06.000 And he was just trying to appease her, but he didn't really realize he was signing away the rights to ever see his son again.

00:44:10.000 Then the stepfather adopted him.

00:44:12.000 He never saw his fucking son again.

00:44:15.000 They've been together for six or seven years.

00:44:18.000 That's Johnny's age.

00:44:20.000 I would never see Johnny again.

00:44:23.000 It's almost like your kid died.

00:44:25.000 Now, I'm about to show you something, speaking of dead kids.

00:44:30.000 Before I show you porn or some decapitated person, I say warning, warning, look away, look away.

00:44:37.000 This is worse than that.

00:44:39.000 So if you want to scroll forward, I would highly recommend it.

00:44:42.000 Japan has created an AI where the mothers of dead children can see their children again.

00:44:52.000 This is the worst thing I've ever seen in my life.

00:44:58.000 And we're about to show it to you.

00:45:00.000 So skip ahead if you don't have an iron stomach and a steel chin.

00:45:07.000 *sad*

00:45:31.000 I wonder if there's sensors on her hands where she feels hair and stuff.

00:45:36.000 Or pressure, at least.

00:45:38.000 There must be, right?

00:45:38.000 Or she wouldn't have gloves on.

00:45:39.000 Maybe, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:45:44.000 God.

00:45:44.000 I'm good.

00:45:54.000 Oh, my God.

00:46:00.000 Oh, fuck, that's intense.

00:46:06.000 Wow.

00:46:07.000 Okay, that's enough for that.

00:46:10.000 Allergies getting bad.

00:46:12.000 Do they show her after?

00:46:17.000 What's this?

00:46:18.000 What did you think of that?

00:46:23.000 Oh, my God, it keeps going.

00:46:27.000 Oh, my God.

00:46:28.000 This is hell.

00:46:30.000 This is Beyond Black Mirror.

00:46:34.000 Oh, my God.

00:46:36.000 That is very dark.

00:46:37.000 Are they going to show her at the end?

00:46:40.000 Oh, my God.

00:46:43.000 This is the spookiest thing I've ever fucking seen.

00:46:46.000 Can we just see her take her mask off?

00:46:48.000 Do they show that?

00:46:51.000 I don't think.

00:46:52.000 Oh, no.

00:46:52.000 Oh, my God.

00:46:53.000 Flies away Yeah Jesus.

00:47:04.000 Well, you know, the difference between that and your relationship is your dad doesn't care.

00:47:10.000 I don't want to put that headset.

00:47:13.000 He actually lives in New York.

00:47:15.000 I could call him if I'm missing him.

00:47:18.000 Or if he is dead, I wouldn't care.

00:47:22.000 It would not be so crazy.

00:47:23.000 I think he is.

00:47:24.000 If he passed away, there's nothing wrong with that.

00:47:27.000 Nothing wrong with that.

00:47:28.000 He comes in here pretty often, too, so it's like...

00:47:32.000 Speaking of which, let's check out the mailbag.

00:47:39.000 That, though.

00:47:40.000 What?

00:47:41.000 We're talking about your dad.

00:47:43.000 Right.

00:47:43.000 Oh, so this.

00:47:45.000 Okay.

00:47:46.000 Right, shut up.

00:47:48.000 You don't have a dad.

00:47:50.000 Let's turn our eyes together.

00:47:56.000 Let me touch it.

00:47:58.000 By the way, anyone who thinks the nuclear family isn't important and kids are just as happy with their grandparents and their uncles being raised by a mishmash of misfit toys might want to check out Ryan's teeth.

00:48:14.000 This is from The Rock.

00:48:16.000 Rocco.

00:48:17.000 The Rock.

00:48:18.000 Disney level hottie Instagram model.

00:48:20.000 I have a girl from Gavin to Pursue.

00:48:20.000 What's going on, fellas?

00:48:24.000 Stefania Ferrario.

00:48:26.000 At Free Speech, right?

00:48:29.000 Not at Sauce.

00:48:30.000 Okay.

00:48:31.000 I got the model.

00:48:32.000 Stefania Model.

00:48:36.000 And that's Stefan Ferrari.

00:48:37.000 Oh, I've been sent her a few times.

00:48:40.000 I think she's Australian.

00:48:43.000 Yeah, my problem, I love her build.

00:48:46.000 She's the perfect amount of fat.

00:48:47.000 Again, ladies, we don't want you to be anorexic.

00:48:50.000 We just don't want you to be morbidly obese.

00:48:53.000 Like, look at her.

00:48:54.000 She's fine.

00:48:55.000 We love her big fat ass.

00:48:58.000 But I don't like the short hair.

00:49:01.000 Whoa!

00:49:03.000 I like calves.

00:49:04.000 Aren't calves nice when they're bum-sized?

00:49:06.000 Ooh, she looks like a Barbie doll.

00:49:08.000 Yeah, that is a fucking looker, my friend.

00:49:11.000 It looks like those Rosie the Riveter type that like the exaggerated.

00:49:14.000 Imagine she grew her hair halfway down her back.

00:49:16.000 How much hotter she'd be?

00:49:17.000 Maybe she's got long hair somewhere.

00:49:18.000 Oh, no, no, it's all far.

00:49:21.000 Look at that.

00:49:24.000 Fucking.

00:49:25.000 It's fucking.

00:49:26.000 She's like a fucking whoa.

00:49:30.000 Do that one with the high-heeled shoes where she's pulling her skirt up with the lamp.

00:49:33.000 Oh.

00:49:34.000 Yeah, the one with her.

00:49:36.000 Wow.

00:49:39.000 That is something else.

00:49:41.000 But imagine just picture long black hair.

00:49:43.000 If she was a brunette.

00:49:45.000 That would be so much better.

00:49:46.000 Photoshop it.

00:49:47.000 Oh, look, she's a brunette right here with long hair.

00:49:50.000 See?

00:49:51.000 See what I'm screaming?

00:49:54.000 I'm always right.

00:49:55.000 Thank you for that.

00:49:58.000 What is Disney level?

00:50:00.000 Oh, I see.

00:50:01.000 Because she looks sort of like Bambi in some shots.

00:50:04.000 Tony Roo.

00:50:06.000 Oh, we don't say last names.

00:50:08.000 Hey, what the hell is wrong with Facebook?

00:50:09.000 I clicked the image thinking I would see a horrific scene.

00:50:12.000 Nope, just pro-America content.

00:50:14.000 Apparently, the American flag is violent of graphic or graphic.

00:50:20.000 Look at that.

00:50:22.000 Florida for Warriors.

00:50:23.000 And then he clicks on it, and it's...

00:50:28.000 Yeah, there's two images.

00:50:29.000 Here's the second one.

00:50:30.000 Did you show the other one?

00:50:33.000 That's what he was banned from seeing.

00:50:35.000 This is why you don't step on the flag.

00:50:36.000 This is why you stand for the national anthem.

00:50:38.000 This is why we don't erase history.

00:50:40.000 You're not a black, white, yellow, or brown.

00:50:42.000 You're an American.

00:50:43.000 Start acting like it.

00:50:47.000 Don't show me that.

00:50:54.000 Anthony got his Gavin and Lil Ryan shirt today, wore to the new NH primary.

00:50:58.000 Loved it.

00:50:59.000 I don't care.

00:51:00.000 That's the guy that sent the meme book.

00:51:01.000 Yep.

00:51:02.000 He said Max will get it Saturday.

00:51:04.000 Cool.

00:51:05.000 So showthejusticeforliberty.com.

00:51:08.000 What's that at now?

00:51:09.000 Let's see.

00:51:12.000 I hope it's at 10,000.

00:51:13.000 I haven't checked it.

00:51:14.000 Oh, wow.

00:51:15.000 Almost.

00:51:15.000 Ooh.

00:51:16.000 97.27.

00:51:18.000 So John's appeal has already gone in.

00:51:20.000 They said, fuck no.

00:51:22.000 Max's appeal started.

00:51:23.000 He asked for bail while they go through the appeal.

00:51:25.000 They said, fuck no.

00:51:27.000 Really?

00:51:28.000 And we need more money, and this is coming at the perfect time just to stave off the lions.

00:51:36.000 So, yeah, justiceforliberty.com.

00:51:40.000 You know what we should do?

00:51:41.000 At the end of every show, Ryan, you put up Trigger Tommy's jail thing, John Kinsman's, Max Hare's, and then Justice for Liberty.

00:51:52.000 Okay?

00:51:53.000 Yep, writing it down right now.

00:51:58.000 This is from Max.

00:51:59.000 Oh, good.

00:52:00.000 This is right on brand.

00:52:01.000 Dumb bitch doesn't like playing with her kids.

00:52:02.000 Hey, guys, love what you're doing.

00:52:03.000 I recently stumbled across an article that I think you might find interesting.

00:52:06.000 It's called, Here's Why I Don't Play With My Kids, and That's Okay.

00:52:09.000 You'll notice everything's okay that they do.

00:52:13.000 That's okay.

00:52:16.000 It's by this single mom, possibly a ball, boomer-angry woman liberal, that hates playing with her kids.

00:52:21.000 Yeah, I know.

00:52:22.000 The lengths this broad goes to justifying not bonding with her own children is unbelievable.

00:52:27.000 Like you more than a friend.

00:52:29.000 She knows I don't play with my kids by Cheyenne Bell.

00:52:35.000 I want to see what Cheyenne Bell looks like.

00:52:40.000 Because the picture they use is an Asian woman, but Cheyenne Bell appears to be a black woman.

00:52:50.000 Is that her?

00:52:52.000 No.

00:52:52.000 I found a Cheyenne Bell who's So this sort of goes back to that other one where they showed the black nuclear family.

00:53:05.000 Now they have a negligent mom, and they show Asians.

00:53:09.000 Meanwhile, it's written by a black woman.

00:53:12.000 So she doesn't play with her kids.

00:53:13.000 Oh, wait, wait, wait.

00:53:14.000 Does she go by CD Bell?

00:53:16.000 I don't know.

00:53:16.000 How the fuck would I know?

00:53:18.000 Why would you ask me that?

00:53:19.000 Because while you were looking, did you see anything?

00:53:21.000 Okay, no.

00:53:23.000 It's possible.

00:53:24.000 No, she's too old to have kids.

00:53:26.000 One, I want to foster their creativity.

00:53:29.000 Sure, you know the way you do that?

00:53:32.000 You start working with something on, you play Lego with them for an hour.

00:53:35.000 Now that inspires them to play for three hours, you know, over the course of a few days.

00:53:42.000 But you have to get them into the zone.

00:53:43.000 You have to show them what Lego is and how you can make a plane and shit.

00:53:47.000 I want them to learn how to entertain themselves.

00:53:50.000 That's the same as one, you fucking idiot.

00:53:53.000 Number three, my job is to provide and protect.

00:53:56.000 I'm a single mom of two young kids.

00:53:57.000 My job is to provide for my and protect my children.

00:54:00.000 That includes working.

00:54:02.000 This means I have very little time to play.

00:54:05.000 Even when I was a stay-at-home mom and did not need to worry about an income, my job was not to play with kids.

00:54:10.000 My job was to take care of them.

00:54:12.000 But also the house, the bills, the grocery shopping and cleaning and my husband.

00:54:16.000 Managing.

00:54:17.000 You lazy fucking bitch.

00:54:21.000 Okay, here's a, this is brutal.

00:54:24.000 Number four, it stresses me out.

00:54:26.000 I'm going to be really honest with you.

00:54:27.000 I'm really terrible when it comes to pretend play.

00:54:29.000 I always have been.

00:54:29.000 As a child, I rarely played house or with dolls.

00:54:31.000 So do other shit.

00:54:32.000 Play Uno.

00:54:34.000 As a teen, I took drama all through high school and hated every minute because I was a terrible actress.

00:54:38.000 So playing pretend anything, that pretend playing pretend anything is like 2% of playing with your kids.

00:54:47.000 Every time I've tried to find myself stressed, blah, blah, blah.

00:54:50.000 And now number five, our culture has it wrong.

00:54:53.000 That's your headline, bitch.

00:54:56.000 It's unfair to moms.

00:54:58.000 I've never understood why American moms believe that we should spend all kinds of time entertaining our children.

00:55:02.000 This was never how it was meant to be.

00:55:04.000 How about that it's fun?

00:55:08.000 I want to see this Cheyenne Bell.

00:55:10.000 We don't give a damn.

00:55:13.000 Oh, they have her Instagram?

00:55:17.000 The baby ch- That's the baby chick.

00:55:19.000 Facebook?

00:55:20.000 She's written one article.

00:55:22.000 This is her whole article.

00:55:25.000 Shane is an attorney, writer, speaker, and blogger with a slight obsession of her home decor.

00:55:29.000 Shane's blog's Sense and Serendipity.

00:55:31.000 Okay, let's look this up.

00:55:33.000 So she has time for a blog.

00:55:37.000 But she doesn't have time.

00:55:42.000 Hi, my name is Divine.

00:55:43.000 No?

00:55:44.000 There's more than one Sense and Serendipity thing.

00:55:47.000 There she goes.

00:55:48.000 Serendipity blog.

00:55:51.000 Oh, she's white.

00:55:52.000 Yeah.

00:55:53.000 Hey, y'all.

00:55:54.000 Welcome.

00:55:55.000 Look at me.

00:55:56.000 Here's some recipes.

00:55:59.000 Here's how I like to make a bed.

00:56:01.000 About me.

00:56:02.000 Sense and serendipity blog.

00:56:04.000 There's nothing serendipitous about a long, nonsensical handle.

00:56:10.000 Sorry, bitch.

00:56:12.000 Wow, you really nailed her.

00:56:13.000 Yep.

00:56:14.000 Parenthood.

00:56:15.000 I actually hope she doesn't hear that because I don't want to crush her.

00:56:19.000 Oh my God.

00:56:20.000 Adoption Awareness Month.

00:56:21.000 Are children's burdens or blessings?

00:56:25.000 What a fucking bitch.

00:56:29.000 Did you know a femmeur is a thing?

00:56:31.000 What's that?

00:56:32.000 It's probably a female entrepreneur.

00:56:37.000 Okay, this is from a guy named Max.

00:56:43.000 Hey guys, I recently got dumped by my girl who I saw a long and happy future with.

00:56:46.000 I'm still very much in love with her and everything, and I do, I don't look reminds me of her.

00:56:49.000 How do I either get over faster or try to win her back?

00:56:51.000 Like you're more than a friend.

00:56:52.000 Great last letter.

00:56:55.000 If you were going to get her back, the only way that's going to happen is if you don't try to get her back.

00:57:01.000 Making her mixtapes, being in her life, saying, okay, just one last thing before I leave you alone.

00:57:07.000 I felt like at Thanksgiving, your parents really liked me.

00:57:11.000 Don't.

00:57:12.000 Stop it.

00:57:12.000 It makes you look pathetic.

00:57:14.000 The second a girl says she kissed someone or she needs a break or any kind of indication like that, you get up and walk out of the room.

00:57:24.000 And then you don't answer your phone.

00:57:26.000 That's it.

00:57:27.000 The worst thing you can do is go, but please, or hey, what if we only saw each other once?

00:57:32.000 Now fucking shut up with that.

00:57:34.000 No negotiation, okay?

00:57:37.000 The second that she comes up with some sort of dumping thing, including dumping you, get the fuck out of here, don't answer.

00:57:45.000 Don't speak to her for at least two months.

00:57:48.000 And she will realize that she made a mistake.

00:57:52.000 The worst thing you could do is appease her.

00:57:54.000 If she calls you crying, I don't know what I've done.

00:57:56.000 Let her suffer for two months.

00:57:59.000 If she goes around fucking everyone, well, then you were blessed because she was about to cheat on you.

00:58:03.000 You turn her up.

00:58:06.000 But the most important thing you can do now that you're a single man and you're going to wait at least two months to check in on her is fuck fives.

00:58:16.000 Fuck as many fives as you can.

00:58:18.000 Big fat pigs, girls with short hair, girls missing an arm.

00:58:24.000 You want to get back in the swing, get your momentum going again, remember who you are.

00:58:30.000 And being good at it, if you will.

00:58:31.000 Realize that she's not the only sexual outlet for your life anymore.

00:58:35.000 Fuck at least five fives.

00:58:38.000 25.

00:58:39.000 Five times five.

00:58:40.000 And then in two months, maybe send her a meme.

00:58:46.000 Make sure you don't get seen fucking fives.

00:58:49.000 Meet them like outside.

00:58:51.000 Say, my girlfriend and I are just breaking up and she's acting kind of crazy.

00:58:54.000 I'll meet you outside and we'll get the Uber.

00:58:56.000 Because if she sees me leave with you, she'll go ballistic.

00:58:58.000 You might even attack you.

00:58:59.000 Right.

00:59:01.000 But if you're with an eight, just be like, oh, hi, everyone.

00:59:04.000 I guess me and my new girlfriend that's an eight will sit over there.

00:59:10.000 Right, honey?

00:59:12.000 So she'll hear about that and that'll make her crazy.

00:59:15.000 But yeah, in two months, send her a meme.

00:59:17.000 If she doesn't respond to the meme, don't do anything.

00:59:19.000 If she sends you 5 million memes and says, let's meet, be like, I can't then.

00:59:22.000 Maybe then.

00:59:24.000 That's the only way you're going to get back in.

00:59:26.000 I'm not sure why you're trying to get back in.

00:59:28.000 As my friend Pat Bannister said in Ottawa after Rosanna Saracino dumped me, he held me by my jacket and said, It's over.

00:59:37.000 It's over.

00:59:48.000 Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

00:59:56.000 It Just run through a motherfucker's face.

01:00:04.000 Over and over and over and over.

01:00:06.000 Run through a motherfucker's face.

01:00:08.000 And as he was saying that, each it's over was a knife in my chest.

01:00:14.000 It was like getting hit with a baseball bat.

01:00:18.000 And that's how many it took.

01:00:20.000 And it was fucking over.

01:00:21.000 And I'm glad it was.

01:00:24.000 Oh, righty that.

01:00:26.000 Oh, great.

01:00:27.000 You have a Jim Carrey on your soundboard.

01:00:30.000 Yes.

01:00:31.000 That's like saying you have a pube in your soup.

01:00:34.000 I no longer have soup if that's the case, because I'm not eating.

01:00:36.000 All right, let's end it with a funny video.

01:00:38.000 We didn't.

01:00:39.000 Did we talk about Jim?

01:00:41.000 Oh, shit.

01:00:42.000 We didn't talk about Jim.

01:00:44.000 Isn't that an Eminem song?

01:00:46.000 Y'all didn't talk about Jim.

01:00:47.000 And you come in please when you do with a bad D and you do with a B. I don't.

01:00:50.000 You didn't talk about dude.

01:00:51.000 It went down with a D. You know that rap song?

01:00:55.000 Anyway, I fucking hate Jim Carrey.

01:00:57.000 I meant to get to this before the mailbag, but let's get into how much Jim Carrey sucks.

01:01:02.000 I meant to get to this before the mailbag, but let's get into how much Jim Carrey sucks.

01:01:15.000 Yeah.

01:01:16.000 Jim Carrey is a fucking douche.

01:01:19.000 He's a wiener.

01:01:20.000 He's a murderer.

01:01:22.000 He ruins people's lives.

01:01:23.000 He makes working with him a living hell.

01:01:26.000 Jim Carrey is an asshole.

01:01:29.000 Fuck, I hate this guy.

01:01:30.000 Let's start at the beginning when he murdered his girlfriend.

01:01:33.000 He was with a woman who has the weirdest name I've ever seen, Catheriona.

01:01:38.000 Catheriona White.

01:01:40.000 And he gave her herpes, lied to her, said, I don't know where you got those, you fucking slut.

01:01:45.000 What are you doing?

01:01:46.000 Very abusive guy.

01:01:48.000 She lived in perpetual fear, but he strung her along for years and years, fucking other people.

01:01:53.000 I'm probably going to marry you one day.

01:01:54.000 And then, nah, get lost, twat.

01:01:59.000 So she fucking ended her life.

01:02:02.000 This is how you know someone's a piece of shit, when someone commits suicide after being with him.

01:02:08.000 Secondly, he's, to work with him, he's a fucking scene hog douchebag nightmare.

01:02:16.000 Like Lemony Snicket is a good example of this.

01:02:18.000 I know some people that worked on that film.

01:02:20.000 And he would take, it was two little kids, right?

01:02:24.000 Well, a baby, two kids and a baby.

01:02:28.000 He would see that they had good lines, so he would steal their lines.

01:02:33.000 So he'd have the setup.

01:02:34.000 The kid would get the punchline, and then he'd go, no, no, no, I'm taking the punchline.

01:02:38.000 So that poor girl right there, he did a scene with her that took 80 takes.

01:02:44.000 That's all day.

01:02:45.000 She's sitting there being yelled at by Jim Carrey as she steals his line.

01:02:49.000 There was some funny blond chick with big lips that said, working with Jim Carrey is like getting raped all day and then having to say thank you at the end.

01:02:58.000 You know what he did to that other boy?

01:03:01.000 This was one of the most big budget films ever made.

01:03:04.000 It lost a fucking fortune, hundreds of millions.

01:03:07.000 But they had a whole set.

01:03:08.000 They built a lake.

01:03:08.000 They did all kinds of stuff.

01:03:09.000 And they had an on-set group that would build cool shit.

01:03:13.000 And they built a bike for the boy.

01:03:15.000 And it had like firecrackers on the sides and fucking lights and made sounds.

01:03:20.000 It was like a Peewee's Playhouse kind of super rocket, awesome bike, badass digital readouts and shit, which for an 11-year-old is fucking heaven on earth.

01:03:29.000 So he doesn't really, Jim Carrey doesn't talk to anyone, especially those kids.

01:03:32.000 But he sees the boy and the boy goes, hey, did you see that bike they made me?

01:03:37.000 And Jim Carrey looks at it and he goes, come here.

01:03:40.000 Come here.

01:03:41.000 Oh, look, he has to have all the roles, too.

01:03:43.000 That's another sign of a fucking douche, where they have to be every character.

01:03:46.000 That's what they were making fun of in the movie Tropic Thunder.

01:03:50.000 Anyway, he says, come here, kid.

01:03:51.000 Takes me to his BMW, custom-made BMW, gets in.

01:03:55.000 Hello, Jim.

01:03:56.000 The console says.

01:03:58.000 Shows him the stereo, opens a trunk, shows him the speakers.

01:04:01.000 He goes, now that's a fucking vehicle.

01:04:04.000 Close it and drives away.

01:04:05.000 Ha ha, 11-year-old.

01:04:07.000 My $200,000 car is better than your bicycle.

01:04:11.000 What a fucking cunt he is.

01:04:14.000 And I was reminded of this when I saw him appear on Colbert, where he decided to come out with a New Orleans fucking jazz bam.

01:04:25.000 Ba-ba-da-ba-ba-da-da!

01:04:28.000 Folks, my first guest tonight is the star of Sonic the Hedgehog and Showtime's Kidding, and now the co-author of the forthcoming novel Memoirs and Misinformation.

01:04:39.000 Oh, I have another thing to say about him.

01:04:41.000 I didn't send you the link for this, Ryan, but remember there was a thing, a movie that came out about when he played Andy Kaufman, and it was like the making of the Andy Kaufman movie.

01:04:51.000 And the subtext was, he got so into character that he became a complete asshole and nightmare to work with.

01:04:59.000 And it was just Incredible how good he was at being a piece of shit.

01:05:04.000 Yeah, because he's a piece of shit.

01:05:06.000 He was not acting.

01:05:08.000 Look at him.

01:05:11.000 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

01:05:12.000 My name is Jim Carrey, and how are you this evening?

01:05:14.000 Alrighty, then.

01:05:16.000 Finding out you have something special in it gets a reaction.

01:05:19.000 You mean funny faces?

01:05:20.000 I got attention and love.

01:05:23.000 I watched the stars fall silent from me.

01:05:27.000 Andy Kaufman came in to turn reality on its head.

01:05:31.000 Andy Kaufman, one of the most wonderful people ever.

01:05:34.000 Andy Kaufman cared less about making his audience laugh than keeping them confused.

01:05:39.000 Keep in my mind.

01:05:41.000 When I heard I had the part, I was looking at the ocean, and that's the moment when Andy came back to make his movie.

01:05:48.000 Hello.

01:05:51.000 What happened after was out of my control.

01:05:55.000 You see what's going on here?

01:05:57.000 Out of my control.

01:05:58.000 Andy subsumed my personality.

01:06:01.000 He possessed me.

01:06:02.000 I became Andy.

01:06:03.000 No, Andy Kaufman wasn't a dick.

01:06:06.000 He wasn't an asshole.

01:06:07.000 Play it, sorry.

01:06:09.000 And this crazy melodrama started happening all over the place.

01:06:16.000 Jimmy said they came down hard.

01:06:18.000 Who's they?

01:06:19.000 Universal didn't want the footage we took behind the scenes to surface so that people wouldn't think I was an asshole.

01:06:26.000 Andy, help him.

01:06:27.000 Give me a chance to make a movie.

01:06:28.000 I don't need to make a movie.

01:06:29.000 I don't need to make a movie.

01:06:31.000 I was thinking, how far should I take this?

01:06:34.000 That's not what Andy Kaufman was about.

01:06:36.000 He wasn't a nightmare drunk who everyone hated.

01:06:40.000 This is a made-up phenomenon.

01:06:42.000 Hey, you know how Andy Kaufman was a fucking dick that everyone hated?

01:06:45.000 No?

01:06:46.000 Well, that's why I was a fucking dick on the site.

01:06:49.000 I was becoming him on the set, sorry.

01:06:53.000 No?

01:06:54.000 So you step through the door not knowing what's on the other side.

01:06:57.000 Look, and then he plays it down like he's a victim of this possession.

01:07:01.000 I was just along for the ride.

01:07:03.000 I couldn't believe it.

01:07:08.000 I know him as well as I can know him.

01:07:09.000 But who do you know?

01:07:12.000 even when they're right in front of you.

01:07:14.000 *Groans*

01:07:21.000 He's like every solipsistic awards speech crammed into one annoying fucking face.

01:07:30.000 Yeah.

01:07:32.000 The producers didn't want people to find out you're a fucking asshole.

01:07:37.000 They didn't want people to think you're an asshole.

01:07:39.000 They didn't want people to know you're an asshole.

01:07:41.000 Oh, this one was a beaut.

01:07:42.000 Remember?

01:07:42.000 What's it?

01:07:43.000 Emma Woods?

01:07:44.000 Emma Stone.

01:07:45.000 This one is so...

01:07:50.000 Because it's like watching someone in outer space.

01:07:53.000 It's interplanetary cringe.

01:07:54.000 If I were a lot younger, I would marry you.

01:08:00.000 She wouldn't be available for you.

01:08:02.000 Chubby little freckle-faced kids.

01:08:05.000 We'd laugh all day long and go camping and play Yahtzee and tell ghost stories by the fire.

01:08:13.000 Ghost stories by the fire?

01:08:15.000 No one does that.

01:08:16.000 Sex.

01:08:17.000 They did that in the 50s in Boy Scouts.

01:08:19.000 Couples don't tell ghost stories by fires.

01:08:23.000 And every day.

01:08:24.000 Just pause.

01:08:25.000 You know that Truman show movie?

01:08:27.000 That's what he is.

01:08:29.000 Like, he's talking like a TV show.

01:08:31.000 He thinks that young couples, when they're dating, tell ghost stories by the fire.

01:08:35.000 That only exists in television.

01:08:37.000 And even then, it's only in the 50s, you fucking tard.

01:08:41.000 Thank God that I was the appropriate age for you.

01:08:47.000 He's just a victim of love.

01:08:50.000 I'm not hitting on you, by the way.

01:08:51.000 I'm too old.

01:08:52.000 I have lines on my face, sometimes a little gray in my beard.

01:08:57.000 And it takes me a lot longer to pee than it used to.

01:09:00.000 These are the only discernible signs of aging that I can find so far.

01:09:08.000 Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how I felt.

01:09:12.000 I think you're pretty special.

01:09:13.000 Why?

01:09:14.000 Why do you want Emma Stone to know how you felt?

01:09:18.000 You're as shitty as that clown we had on the other day who thinks Emma Stone is coming to him in hallucinations in order to convey the second coming of Christ.

01:09:29.000 And no, I'm not exaggerating.

01:09:30.000 That's how bad you are, my friend.

01:09:34.000 Did he just end that with, I love you?

01:09:37.000 Oh, we got to see that.

01:09:42.000 That's all.

01:09:48.000 Wait, wait.

01:09:49.000 He has spit in his mouth.

01:09:52.000 He has spit in his fucking mouth.

01:10:00.000 Emma Stone, that's how wet Emma Stone's pussy is watching this.

01:10:04.000 Look at it.

01:10:09.000 He's got strands of fucking disgusting shit in his mouth.

01:10:13.000 Anyway, believe it or not, that's not the worst.

01:10:15.000 worst is, ladies and gentlemen, it's me!

01:10:26.000 Yes, it's Jim Carrey.

01:10:30.000 Okay, I feel like here he's thinking, this is retarded.

01:10:34.000 What have I done?

01:10:35.000 Look, he can't get the confetti out.

01:10:36.000 Oh, there it is.

01:10:38.000 Finally, I got it out.

01:10:40.000 Jake, pause.

01:10:43.000 Am I nuts?

01:10:44.000 Or do you get the feeling that right here he's sort of going, wait a minute, this is a huge mistake that I'm coming across as a total megalomaniac douche.

01:10:53.000 I thought this would just be a fun thing, but it's like, Jim, it's the gym show.

01:10:58.000 Now I'm embarrassed.

01:10:59.000 I should have just walked out and sat down and pretended I was a normal human being.

01:11:04.000 Like the conceit here is that they are all fucking thrilled to see him, so he might as well exaggerate it.

01:11:13.000 Like if it was Jesus or someone or Andy Kaufman, we thought he was dead for all these years and he's back.

01:11:18.000 Wouldn't this be a great, this would be a very suitable entrance for someone we were all convinced had been dead for the past 30 years.

01:11:27.000 Not some guy we just saw yesterday crying and spitting out, I thought you am a water.

01:11:34.000 Emma Stone.

01:11:37.000 Hey, you guys get chips too.

01:11:43.000 What is your character?

01:11:46.000 Are you playing Jim Carrey?

01:11:49.000 Or you're Mr. Nolins?

01:11:51.000 You're Mr. Jambalaya Shrimp?

01:11:54.000 Are you from the Bayou?

01:11:55.000 What are you saying to us?

01:11:58.000 Oh, look how excited we are to see Jim Carey.

01:12:04.000 Like, what a waste of fucking time.

01:12:06.000 They only have, you know, five minutes with a guest.

01:12:09.000 This is now, what, I gotta reschedule my whole show now?

01:12:12.000 Can we cut to a commercial during this shit?

01:12:15.000 Hey.

01:12:18.000 Those fucking sycophants are clapping sincerely, unfortunately.

01:12:22.000 Hey, hey, whoa!

01:12:24.000 Is it even Mardi Gras right now?

01:12:27.000 When this happened?

01:12:30.000 Like, okay, here's another thing.

01:12:32.000 Here's another conceivable way that that would be reasonable.

01:12:37.000 I would accept this if there had been a shooting at Mardi Gras and they were going to cancel Mardi Gras that year in Memoriam and the locals were against it.

01:12:47.000 They said, we have to move on.

01:12:48.000 We have to keep fighting.

01:12:49.000 And then, like, two days before Mardi Gras, he comes out saying, they'll never get us down.

01:12:56.000 We'll keep fighting.

01:12:56.000 We're not going to live in fear.

01:12:59.000 So, being dead for 20 years or a mass shooting would justify this.

01:13:04.000 Being a fucking asshole doesn't justify it.

01:13:08.000 This is ridiculous.

01:13:09.000 But it's about to get worse because he's about to open his mouth and we're about to see his fucking personality.

01:13:18.000 Oh, perfect timing.

01:13:21.000 Look at his stupid boots.

01:13:23.000 God, I hate his guts.

01:13:25.000 He's from my hometown of Ottawa.

01:13:27.000 I could have killed him in his grave when I was a baby.

01:13:33.000 Can you hear that?

01:13:35.000 He really is the Truman Show.

01:13:36.000 He has no human personality.

01:13:38.000 He's just a compilation of movies and TV shows and characters.

01:13:45.000 He's not a person.

01:13:46.000 He's an asshole.

01:13:51.000 I'd rather see anyone in that band sit down.

01:13:53.000 Wow.

01:13:54.000 Oh, my goodness.

01:13:55.000 Jean-Baptiste.

01:13:57.000 And the Stephen Colbert.

01:14:00.000 Second Punchline Dancers.

01:14:02.000 Yes.

01:14:03.000 Oh.

01:14:03.000 Wow.

01:14:04.000 This is so lovely to have you here.

01:14:05.000 So good to be here, friendly.

01:14:08.000 Oh, my God.

01:14:11.000 So wonderful to be here.

01:14:12.000 I love you so much, and you've done such an incredible job.

01:14:16.000 And your heart and your head are so beautifully involved with all that's going on.

01:14:22.000 And I respect it, and I appreciate it.

01:14:25.000 Thank you so much.

01:14:26.000 That means the world to me.

01:14:27.000 Do you think you're the fucking Messiah?

01:14:30.000 Why are you blessing people?

01:14:32.000 Did he just cure Stephen Colbert of his brain tumor?

01:14:35.000 The fuck are you doing?

01:14:36.000 Are you going to turn some water into wine now, douchebag?

01:14:39.000 It means a world to me to hear that from you.

01:14:41.000 Absolutely.

01:14:41.000 Thank you so much.

01:14:42.000 That is beyond anything that we rehearsed.

01:14:45.000 Thank you very much.

01:14:46.000 No, it is not.

01:14:47.000 It is kind of outside, but it's important to me that I say that.

01:14:51.000 How do you feel?

01:14:52.000 This reminds me of Matthew McConaughey, too, in his Instagram, where he goes, I want to have a dialogue, but I'm not.

01:14:57.000 I'm not wanting to have a monologue, but I guess we've got to have a dialogue to have the monologue.

01:15:01.000 I'm not just so sure I'm ready to do that yet.

01:15:02.000 Ready to be me, ready to show y'all what I'm about, and I want to learn what you're about, too, at the same time.

01:15:09.000 So here we go on this journey.

01:15:11.000 It's that kind of megalomania where you've never had checks and balances.

01:15:14.000 And maybe being in New York, we get told to fuck off every 20 minutes.

01:15:18.000 You're kept very grounded.

01:15:20.000 But Jesus Lord, this guy is off at a tangent.

01:15:24.000 Nobody likes you, Jim.

01:15:26.000 You see the world right now?

01:15:28.000 Do you feel I feel some dread sometimes, and then I come out here and I feel better with these people to share.

01:15:33.000 I think, you know, this is the thing that provides the balance, isn't it?

01:15:37.000 You know?

01:15:38.000 Being with the people?

01:15:39.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:15:40.000 It gives us a break from these preppers.

01:15:43.000 I got depressed, and then I go into a room of ass liquors and I feel pretty good about myself.

01:15:49.000 Flatulence.

01:15:51.000 That is.

01:15:51.000 Wait, go back, go back.

01:15:52.000 He used a big word that I guarantee he's never used before or after.

01:15:56.000 Bag of is the thing that provides the balance, isn't it?

01:16:01.000 You know?

01:16:02.000 I mean, people.

01:16:03.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:16:04.000 It gives us a break from the obstreperous, bloviating bag of flatulence.

01:16:10.000 Jim Carry says obstreperous all the time.

01:16:13.000 Is trying to take the shiny city on the hill and turn it into a Dutch oven.

01:16:20.000 We don't have to pull the covers over our head and breathe deeply the ambrosia of evil.

01:16:26.000 I think we can just come here and have a good time.

01:16:31.000 Look at them clapping.

01:16:33.000 I don't know if I can take much more of this.

01:16:39.000 Did you ever see the masks of comedy and tragedy?

01:16:43.000 Yeah, yeah, sure.

01:16:44.000 You've seen that?

01:16:45.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:16:47.000 It's more like guns.

01:16:48.000 It's like that.

01:16:49.000 You get the face wrong.

01:16:50.000 I'll do the face.

01:16:51.000 kind of the face guy.

01:16:57.000 That's not how the guy smiles.

01:16:59.000 Actually, the t-shirt.

01:17:01.000 That's nice.

01:17:02.000 Yeah.

01:17:03.000 That's nice.

01:17:05.000 Can we see that again?

01:17:06.000 That's nice.

01:17:09.000 That's nice.

01:17:10.000 Yeah.

01:17:14.000 The real truth of it is that both those masks are tragedy.

01:17:17.000 Oh.

01:17:18.000 And this one is just in total denial.

01:17:23.000 Oh, really?

01:17:26.000 So that's enough.

01:17:27.000 I can't take that anymore.

01:17:28.000 We're all in total denial.

01:17:30.000 The fact that we like Trump means that we're fucking idiots, retard losers who don't know that Jim Carrey is the one we should be following because he is the Messiah.

01:17:40.000 No, Jim, you're not the Messiah.

01:17:41.000 You're an asshole.

01:17:43.000 All right.

01:17:53.000 You recording me?

01:17:54.000 We're way over time here.

01:17:56.000 Yes, too much covered.

01:17:57.000 Too much stuff.

01:17:59.000 Too busy of a show.

01:18:01.000 But we've had some intense pessimism in this show.

01:18:04.000 We said that not only is Canada over and flushed down the toilet, but we are on the precipice, on the cliff edge, heading the same way if we let these radical lefties win.

01:18:17.000 Then we talked about the death of the family.

01:18:19.000 We showed a bunch of children being jeopardized.

01:18:21.000 We showed Jim Carrey and his dead girlfriend.

01:18:24.000 We showed David Brooks and his divorced, dumped wife and his dumb slut girlfriend.

01:18:31.000 Ezra's gross teeth.

01:18:32.000 We saw Ezra's gross teeth.

01:18:34.000 So you could feel kind of bad about that, but we like to take things from a comical angle and enjoy the absurdity of them, hence focusing on Debbie so much.

01:18:42.000 And I think what I want you to take away from today's show is there's two ways of going through life.

01:18:48.000 And you can either be optimistic and see the fun in everything and see how it's a joke, or you can just focus on the negative and bask in that negativity and suffer.

01:18:59.000 We're of the former group.

01:19:01.000 And if you aren't sure whether to join the optimists or the pessimists, well, we have a video that should help you decide.

01:19:09.000 Music playing a grief ritual for the state of our planet Hey, boy.

01:19:29.000 Here you go.

01:19:32.000 How funny would it be if someone just threw a doggy treat on that yellow blanket?

01:19:36.000 There you go, boy.

01:19:38.000 Get fired.

01:19:39.000 Get in trouble.

01:19:40.000 Be brave.

01:19:41.000 and never stop fighting.

01:19:43.000 *music*

01:19:56.000 And my clothes are all red like Santa.

01:19:58.000 Say I'm young beans, but it's really uncasper.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - February 11, 2020

S02E123 - JIM CARREY IS AN ASSHOLE [2020-02-11 - S02E123 - JIM CARREY IS AN ASSHOLE]

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