S02E126 - MAILBAG CATCHUP 2 [2020-02-18 - S02E126 - MAILBAG CATCHUP 2]
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 9 minutes
Words per Minute
155.31863
Summary
On this episode of Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes, Gav talks about his first time with a girl named Big Kimmy, and how he almost killed her. Also, he talks about the time he went to a swamp and got a boner on a leaf.
Transcript
00:00:13.000
Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
00:00:35.000
I saw you leaving that's good music to listen to by yourself, this Mordocoil like a kangaroo staring
00:01:09.000
You know, when their other big hit is on the floating shapeless ocean.
00:01:19.000
I mean, if you look up this mortal coil, it'll be the first thing that comes up.
00:01:44.000
And I got a boner and I went over to the swamp and I started.
00:02:04.000
Anyways, good band, this Mortal Coil, British Band.
00:02:09.000
I was having sex with Stephanie Alcock was her name, unfortunately.
00:02:14.000
And I did, this is back when it was like my first or second time, and it wasn't going in.
00:02:20.000
It was going in between her legs and into the dirt.
00:02:27.000
And my foreskin had like twigs in it the next day.
00:02:33.000
And she found out that she was on my list of girls that I've done it with, which was not a very big list back then.
00:02:39.000
And she goes, I want to get my name off that fucking list.
00:04:31.000
I can't believe you make fun of my hair, but it was awesome.
00:04:37.000
Look, I've got the sides are dyed black, and then the top is blonde.
00:04:50.000
This is from Big Kimmy, the girl I lost my virginity to.
00:04:52.000
Gav, I've really enjoyed our four years together, and I do mean together.
00:04:57.000
I hope you enjoyed eating my pussy and fucking my brains out.
00:05:01.000
Even though you're moving out next year, we're still going to get together because I think I'm addicted to you.
00:05:05.000
I hope I made your first time memorable for those kinky notes you wrote me.
00:05:13.000
Keep the magic in your penis and always keep in touch.
00:05:23.000
She decided to pursue a career in crack cocaine.
00:05:28.000
In Oshawa, Ontario, they would make all the crack for Toronto because the local cops didn't recognize the smell.
00:05:36.000
You can't make crack in bulk in a big city because cops will suss it out.
00:05:43.000
And so they would make crack in Oshawa, which was a GM town outside of Toronto.
00:05:49.000
And then, because there's crack everywhere, people started doing crack.
00:05:53.000
And I think this is, my theory with her is sex is better on crack and speed and stuff.
00:06:04.000
And she went to crack because it made her sex better.
00:06:08.000
Sort of like Indians, like American Indians, First Nations in Canada.
00:06:12.000
They'll do crack, but I don't think it's for the crack.
00:06:21.000
Yeah, and she was so libidinous that she made five kids from like 19 to 24.
00:06:28.000
And then abandoned the whole family, All her children to pursue crack.
00:06:36.000
Welcome to day two of the catching up on the mailbag.
00:06:40.000
I hope you don't mind that we're doing two days of mail.
00:06:45.000
I think these letters are really good and it's a great way to have variety in a show.
00:07:46.000
If they're impure and evil, then they must be punished.
00:07:49.000
If, on the other hand, they're simply misled or naïve or unsophisticated, then I point out to them the right way.
00:08:13.000
I recently unearthed because that is an interesting Twilight Zone, and it reminded me of what modern journalism has become, which is just tattletale culture.
00:08:25.000
Not getting the news, not informing people, not discovering things, but just ratting people out.
00:08:31.000
And the best example of this are these hate watch losers like Andy Campbell at Huffington Post, Will Summer, what's his name?
00:08:45.000
All these guys that just like hunt proud boys and are obsessed with proud boys.
00:08:50.000
Like, why don't you make your own thing and stop worrying about other people?
00:08:53.000
And if you're against hate, why don't you give a shit about the black Hebrew Israelites or jihadism or homophobia?
00:08:59.000
And I actually confronted Will Summer at Roger Stone's trial and I said, hey, I'm just curious why you only focus on white people when it comes to hate, especially white males.
00:09:09.000
Like you don't seem to care about anyone else hating.
00:09:13.000
And he goes, well, every reporter has their beat, you know?
00:09:19.000
And I said, fucking like, fuck you with my heels on.
00:09:30.000
And then he just sort of trotted off like a pussy.
00:09:32.000
But the culture thing I'm talking about is Jacob Wohl, who's mad woke in a good way, has been accruing evidence that Will Summer is a, nope, that's not it.
00:10:09.000
Yeah, yeah, I'm on there, but there's three different things.
00:10:12.000
You can go to IGTV, which is their little like.
00:10:21.000
I don't understand why it's on my thing and not your thing.
00:10:34.000
Because a lot of these tattletales are more than just tattletales.
00:10:38.000
They are feds who are sent in to disrupt, disarm Trump.
00:10:44.000
That's the real beef with Proud Boys, is that they are making Trump look appealing.
00:10:53.000
I suspect that what you're really asking is is No.
00:11:07.000
Why is something appearing on mine and not yours?
00:11:15.000
You know, it reminds me of when Ezra Levant was in Britain covering Tommy Robinson's trial.
00:11:22.000
And they said, oh, he took a picture of Tommy in the hallway of the old Bailey, the oldest court in the land.
00:11:32.000
Now, you're not allowed to use your phones in court, and technically, you could argue that using them in...
00:12:02.000
Yeah, because I have nothing to bounce it off of.
00:12:05.000
Because you don't know who Jacob Wall is because you're incurious.
00:12:12.000
I was a media professional who writes hit piece after hit piece about myself, Laura Loomer.
00:12:18.000
I recently unearthed an article about Will Summer from 2007 called Blogger Unearths Pro-Moroccan Propaganda Campaign.
00:12:29.000
And it shows Will Summer posted overseas someplace with a tough book, you know, one of those old laptops from 2007, writing blog posts.
00:12:39.000
You know, Will went to Georgetown, an infamous spook school.
00:12:54.000
It's not everybody that just goes to Georgetown, lives in D.C., makes a living inexplicably well.
00:13:00.000
Mysteriously writes about pro-Moroccan propaganda campaigns in 2007.
00:13:13.000
Like, our side is full of fake fucking plants, like the base.
00:13:21.000
Look, there's a group called The Base run by a CIA analyst.
00:13:26.000
Meanwhile, their side is just openly full of hate.
00:13:36.000
We are fucking up against some shit here, boys.
00:13:45.000
The fake face shit, like the Ezra Levant thing, is fucking comedy gold.
00:13:51.000
Yeah, I like when we have guests on with weird mouths.
00:13:59.000
Dude, this is the same guy just sending me emails like we're friends.
00:14:03.000
That's one of the reasons, too, this email clogs up so much because there's people just going, hey man, have you ever tried Diet Pepsi?
00:14:20.000
And now you're telling me I'm gonna have Michael J. Fox hands?
00:14:23.000
You need to gargle a 10-gallon cock if this is true.
00:14:31.000
That's not how you measure ding-dong, by the way.
00:14:38.000
It reminded me of a Seinfeld episode in which he says 95% of the population is undateable.
00:14:54.000
Owen, what percentage of people would you say are good looking?
00:15:10.000
Basically, what you're saying is 95% of the population is undatable.
00:15:23.000
That's the line definitely written by Larry David.
00:15:26.000
And then he has George Costanza, who is Larry David, look at the guy and go, hmm, yeah, pretty smart guy.
00:15:41.000
This is one of the, the 95% thing is one of the oldest symbos in the history of civilization.
00:15:49.000
I really feel like this 95 thing is a message from God.
00:15:52.000
Now, you know, this is one of the oldest symbols.
00:16:03.000
It could be a message from God where he says, look, I'm handling it, nature nurture, and I got you 95%.
00:16:09.000
But if I handled 100%, this would just be a Sims game and you'd be robots.
00:16:45.000
You say, I know I kind of took a deep breath there.
00:16:48.000
Two minutes later, holy fuck, Ryan, never speak when I'm talking about something.
00:16:53.000
Two minutes later, I say, Jesus Christ, did you think that was funny?
00:16:56.000
You say, two minutes later, I say, tabarnak, are you fucking breathing again?
00:17:18.000
So with all this being written, shit or get off the pot, Ryan.
00:17:29.000
I still love you more than a friend, but you may simply be friend zone of this.
00:17:40.000
It's, I like you more than a friend, and I like your new sunglasses.
00:17:48.000
You know, he's got a lot to say, but frankly, he's a fool.
00:17:56.000
Do you think I'm too hard on Ryan, Mr. President?
00:18:02.000
But, you know, when you make mistakes, somebody's got to call you out.
00:18:06.000
You know, Nancy Pelosi recently said that you shouldn't have gotten involved in the Roger Stone case.
00:18:32.000
Well, if you want me to tell you the truth, I'm going to pardon him when the election is over.
00:18:38.000
So he's only going to be in there for a little bit.
00:18:42.000
I'm going to grow this beard out until he's free.
00:18:45.000
Oh, that's why you have that weird mustache, that weird Chinese mustache.
00:19:10.000
Tuesday's show, Jim Carrey is an asshole, was the best show you have ever put together.
00:19:16.000
I experienced, in this order, happiness, sadness, anger, and disgust.
00:19:22.000
And thank you for using the Oxford comma there, sir.
00:19:32.000
Been a subscriber since almost the beginning, and this was your best work.
00:19:38.000
Also, I loathe when people email to give you show suggestions, so I guess I'm an asshole.
00:19:43.000
But would you guys consider doing a history of English rock show?
00:19:47.000
Curious why the music from different cities took on such different sounds, even though geographically they're fairly close and all the people are presumably English.
00:19:54.000
I'm curious enough to watch, but not curious enough to look it up for myself.
00:19:57.000
Figured a Scottish punk rocker would have an interesting take on the subject.
00:20:03.000
That's why you have a different accent every 10 miles.
00:20:07.000
Because all of the ambitious ones came to America or were killed in World War II.
00:20:14.000
So you're left with people who don't feel like moving around much.
00:20:19.000
And that's why Welsh sounds like a whole different language than Scottish or English.
00:20:25.000
Now, they're also very good at music, and that's because the weather sucks.
00:20:34.000
So up until then, you'd be like, Someone wrote in a letter, maybe we'll get to it today, where they said, actually, Jim Carrey is really funny.
00:20:49.000
I mean, you might not agree with him politically, but if you check out his Instagram or something and his sketches, his sketches suck shit.
00:21:21.000
Look at the stupid scribbling with the yellow and the green.
00:22:14.000
I seen your bit on Jim Carrey and think you missed the biggest points of why he's a douche.
00:22:20.000
One, on the Andy Kaufman Netflix docs you refer to, it was discussed that Jim Carrey had a fully kitted out actress trailer, which he never used once as he was in the character of Andy Kaufman.
00:22:31.000
He totally pissed off the rest of the cast and the director.
00:22:35.000
Two, Jerry Lawler, the wrestler that befriended the real Andy Kaufman, said Jim was a fucking complete asshole and stayed in character when Andy was such a nice and kind man.
00:22:46.000
I think Jerry might have hit Jim Carrey on the set, but I can't find the link.
00:22:52.000
He's like, oh, the studios didn't want people to think I'm an asshole.
00:22:55.000
No, they didn't want people to know you're an asshole.
00:23:00.000
Andy Kaufman was one of the nicest, coolest guys ever.
00:23:08.000
Even Lawler in that documentary was like, he wasn't like that.
00:23:18.000
Jim Carrey was one of the guests on Norm McDonald's talk show on Netflix.
00:23:21.000
On a number of occasions, he corrected Norm when referring to him as he.
00:23:40.000
Because everyone thinks he's such a great comedic actor.
00:23:43.000
He's just doing all the TV characters he's seen.
00:23:53.000
I found the clip, but I think we can do better on actual Netflix because there's shows there in HD.
00:23:59.000
And there's only one clip, and I don't know if it's the one.
00:24:19.000
Have you ever made love to a camera, literally?
00:24:50.000
Jim recognizes that Norm is much funnier than him.
00:24:55.000
So he's like, rather than compete head-to-head, I'm just going to go right off the edge.
00:25:13.000
It is the greatest drink that you can put in your body.
00:25:54.000
Wondering, after all you've done in your career and in your life, is there anything still left on your bucket list?
00:26:27.000
We'd swing on a swing set and roast marshmallows and tell ghost stories by the campfire.
00:26:35.000
But I'd have a few wrinkles and a few lines and seen a few things, done some stuff.
00:26:53.000
And if I were a lot younger, I would marry you.
00:26:58.000
The REM song Man on the Moon, I assume, isn't your taste?
00:27:01.000
Although I heard some good gossip about Michael Stipe.
00:27:11.000
And every time he's at a show, there's like a five-foot radius around him.
00:27:19.000
The REM song Man on the Moon, Jim Carrey, refused to be in the video for as the character of Andy was no longer being played.
00:27:33.000
Oh, so he's in character for as long as the movie is.
00:27:36.000
And then when the movie's done shooting, that Andy Kaufman's dead.
00:27:41.000
And so when they go, hey, Jim, can you be in this movie?
00:27:57.000
Daniel Day-Lewis does this shit too, where he's a gimp in my left foot, and the PAs have to carry him like from his wheelchair and shit.
00:28:11.000
Like Jeremy Piven gives me the heebie-jeebies, but I love hating him.
00:28:19.000
I hate Common, the rapper intellectual who's a retard.
00:28:30.000
You don't laugh at him like you want to stab him.
00:28:38.000
I want to lower him really slowly into a volcano.
00:29:19.000
You know, everyone has to play this stupid game?
00:29:26.000
I'm sorry, folks, for wasting so much of your time on this fucking horrible shit stain.
00:29:36.000
And we started this show with this mortal coil, and the mortal coil is your body.
00:29:41.000
When you die, you say you're leaving this mortal coil.
00:29:47.000
In this link, Sasha Baron Cohen, Jim Carrey, and several other Hollywood actors sat around while Sasha reminisces on how upset he was when Trump won the election.
00:29:59.000
He passionately describes his distaste and upset while Jim smiles and nods with an asshole smug face.
00:30:08.000
And then in the end, I was so angry, I felt I actually have to channel that into some characters who could sit with some of those people.
00:30:19.000
You know, because I wanted to sit with those people who were his friends.
00:30:24.000
You know, and that was actually what you sometimes do through other artistic means.
00:30:29.000
I was like, it was strange because I come out of a period of doing a bunch of movies.
00:30:33.000
I'm like, I have to go back to this old style of comedy that's difficult for me to do, but I have to do it because I'm so upset.
00:30:42.000
Why does everyone worship Sasha Baron Cohen so much?
00:30:48.000
The dictator was a total flop because it sucked.
00:30:52.000
Then he had that soccer hooligan thing where he was so mad at the singer of Oasis that he built a whole show on The Boys Grimsby, Brothers Grimsby.
00:31:04.000
It's actually a great movie to show your 10-year-old boy.
00:31:12.000
The Alley G movie sucked and didn't go anywhere.
00:31:25.000
He's super Jewy and he's into Israel and he's a Zionist.
00:31:31.000
There's no possible president who could be more pro-Israel and pro-Jew than Donald Trump.
00:31:44.000
I mean, I showed him going to be upset about this.
00:31:47.000
I said to him, okay, I'm not doing any publicity because I just had to get it out of my system.
00:31:53.000
I'm curious about sitting with the various people.
00:32:05.000
I mean, the difference of kind of his show had people being duped, and it showed how dumb conservatives are.
00:32:14.000
Like, this guy wants to show you how to get kids in a classroom, in a kindergarten classroom, to use a machine gun or something.
00:32:24.000
No, you left out the part where you told, you were an Israeli and you were talking to some southern Politician about gun use in Israel.
00:32:35.000
There are rockets coming over that wall on a daily basis.
00:32:41.000
Maybe it's, I went to one town that was right bordering Gaza, and it was a fucking absolute war zone.
00:32:48.000
The kids' schools were, what the hell was the name of this town?
00:32:55.000
And the kids' school, the kindergarten, looked like a bunker.
00:33:00.000
And the bus stops had cement this thick, so they doubled as bomb shelters.
00:33:05.000
To throw away a bubblegum wrapper in a trash was like, plop, bruh, because they were putting bombs in garbages.
00:33:13.000
So the garbages have cement all around them and these big iron tops.
00:33:19.000
Maybe those kids, if there's bullets coming in the window, maybe they should have guns.
00:33:23.000
But Sasha twisted it and he made that into dumb right-wing conservatives want little kids to have guns.
00:33:30.000
And then other times he was, oh, then he got McCain or someone to sign a jug that was used in waterboarding.
00:33:40.000
And you're watching it going, yeah, this guy's a vet who asked him to sign it.
00:33:51.000
This is a very weird thing to do, but I'm going to be benevolent to a soldier, and I'm going to.
00:33:59.000
Oh, I think it was what we did in Desert Storm.
00:34:03.000
I never thought of it as having a favorite war.
00:34:08.000
I loved being Secretary of Defense, especially in wartime.
00:34:16.000
You can just spot them a mile away now, can't you?
00:34:22.000
And they want to tell you how to live your life.
00:34:26.000
Well, I suppose Dumb and Dumb is still one of my favorites, but it is forever tainted now that I learned how much of a fag he has become.
00:34:46.000
This is the guy, the gandrepreneur who was arrested for fraud, I believe.
00:34:54.000
And told us that you shouldn't laugh at crippled kids.
00:35:13.000
James, since it's Mother's Day, we're thinking about going to Disneyland.
00:35:31.000
When are you thinking of breezing by Disneyland?
00:35:41.000
We're going to go downstairs to Disneyland from 4 to 7 p.m., even though we have to buy a day pass.
00:35:53.000
Like, he creates these bizarre worlds that couldn't possibly exist, like the crippled adopted kid.
00:36:10.000
Why would I want to spend Mother's Day with you?
00:36:21.000
That's all you're going to get out of me, alright?
00:36:24.000
I am definitely not spending Mother's Day with you.
00:36:58.000
So this guy made some money being a gonjrepreneur, and now he pays actors to act out his terrible fucking little sketches.
00:37:06.000
Hey, I just dropped Kevin off at his mom's house, so I'm free.
00:37:18.000
I thought it would be nice and my son for Mother's Day.
00:37:22.000
Did you guys forget that you had a divorce or something, man?
00:37:29.000
Because I know that we're divorced, but you see.
00:37:45.000
But he is fighting the stereotype that blacks overact.
00:37:58.000
So I'm going to make you some chitlins and grits.
00:38:11.000
White people don't use enough spice, right, little man?
00:38:36.000
One time I was at the airport at JFK and it was Thanksgiving and there was this black customs guy and we're all walking by him with our bags and goes, Thanksgiving.
00:38:55.000
He was just for like an hour as people walked by.
00:39:30.000
Have you noticed, by the way, like in the previous one, the adopting couple was black and they were the wonderful, good people.
00:39:43.000
And then in this one, the guy's like, I'm not going to Disneyland.
00:39:47.000
And I'm going to go hang out with my black friend.
00:39:50.000
I'm too busy doing the right thing, helping people.
00:39:56.000
Not the size, but like there's no movement in there.
00:40:09.000
There's like, there's like no contour in there.
00:40:17.000
If I was in an art class and I was a teacher, I'd go, okay, that's just finish up the ears and we're good to go.
00:40:24.000
It looks like that imbecile who was arrested for fraud and tries to tell people lessons that make no sense.
00:40:30.000
But yeah, finish the ears and we're good to go.
00:40:49.000
Again, I hope they're going to Disneyland like the next day because it's dinner time.
00:41:11.000
I know that it's yours and your mom's favorite place.
00:41:20.000
They just took him out of a tomb and said, watch this.
00:41:22.000
If we put car battery up his ass, it makes it look like he's alive.
00:42:09.000
I'm talking about my son growing up knowing how to treat women.
00:42:15.000
You see, the reason I spend time with my ex-wife is because regardless of our differences, she is still my son's mother.
00:42:24.000
And the way I treat her will impact the way he treats her.
00:42:34.000
Shortly after I died, I realized that I can still be a father to my son if I'm propped up accordingly and I face him.
00:42:43.000
If I am weakened at Bernie's over to his house, people use sticks to make me smile and they lean me up against a chair.
00:42:54.000
And there's no smell at all because I'm embalmed.
00:42:58.000
The makers of Gorilla Glue are kind enough to whip up a special settler's formula.
00:43:05.000
And if I want him to be a good man, this guy could afford to circumcise his message a little bit here.
00:43:26.000
The thing I don't get about guys who are friends with their ex-wife is, so you drop off your son.
00:43:33.000
I met this guy who said he dropped his son and he had a bottle of wine with his wife, his ex-wife.
00:43:37.000
Now, you know each other's bodies perfectly in and out.
00:43:46.000
Like if when I was single, I'd meet an ex-girlfriend.
00:43:52.000
Now, if we're in the same home and we just had a bottle of wine.
00:44:05.000
Let's go back to this and just jump to the end and hear his message.
00:44:52.000
I mean, I think it is open till like midnight or 1 a.m.
00:44:58.000
Maybe it's Florida in the summer and the heat is just unbearable in the day.
00:45:06.000
Whatever could be in this door was open so I just kind of figured out a way.
00:45:14.000
Hey, Alice, I'm just doing what the black guy told me to do.
00:45:30.000
You don't have to put your hands behind your back anymore.
00:45:45.000
I got you a bag that you can put a present in sometime.
00:46:02.000
Did you go to Disneyland, buy three hats, and then come back?
00:46:18.000
I'm a complete imbecile who can flip on a dime.
00:46:27.000
And I realize the way I treat you is so important for what kind of man Kevin.
00:46:42.000
Wait, is Dharman going to come in at the end and tell us what we just heard 90 times?
00:46:56.000
Why you should always set a good example for your child.
00:47:01.000
And remember, we're not just telling stories, we're changing lives.
00:47:05.000
And when you share my videos, you're helping to change lives.
00:47:13.000
I appreciate you, and I'll see you in the next video.
00:47:33.000
I don't know if I should believe that, but it says people watching.
00:47:38.000
Let me refresh and see if it says something good.
00:47:44.000
And by the way, yeah, you should be civil with your ex-wife.
00:47:50.000
Like, what if you found out your wife was having an affair for five years?
00:48:06.000
I would never fuck you with my heels on, and I have no interest in riding on your ding-dong.
00:50:02.000
And then he went, left the remones, he started doing radio.
00:50:08.000
I go to university in Bradford second year, and I'm really regretting it, mate.
00:50:12.000
Anyways, the uni I go to has an LGBTQ plus group.
00:50:17.000
Today, they sat up a table with some posts of these fucking lesbians who were the first gay people to get married in Northern Ireland.
00:50:28.000
Problem is that being in Bradford, the uni I go to has just a few Muslim students and they are pissed.
00:50:35.000
You know, Islam and the radical left, we should just put them in a room and close the door.
00:50:44.000
The cats eat the rats and the rats eat the cats and we sell the skins for free.
00:50:48.000
Let the rat eats the cat and the cats eats the rat.
00:51:00.000
Problem is that being in Bradford, universities, a few Muslims there are pissed, a few of them started to attack this LGBT group today and was ripping up their posters, screaming at them, etc.
00:51:08.000
The gay group has caused problems at events that students, non-Muslim students, have tried to have.
00:51:13.000
They never caused problems for the events Muslim students have organized.
00:51:17.000
Muslim students put up posters all the time at my uni, never an issue.
00:51:23.000
I'm not a fan of these Muslims, but I'm a fan of freedom of speech.
00:51:26.000
I try to stick to my principles regarding freedom of speech, even for my enemies, as I think it's important in making a case for freedom of speech when it comes up.
00:51:34.000
My question is, do I make a point of sticking up and protecting the rights of this LGBT group to have these posters at the uni in the future?
00:51:45.000
Or should I sit back with some popcorn and watch these gay lefties realize how uncivil Islam really is?
00:51:50.000
I would like to try and stick to my principles, but the cunt in me wants to see these gay lefties get to taste their own medicine by the very group they jump to protect.
00:51:58.000
I do know that in the past, two of these gays, lesbians of course, have gone to anti-Tommy protests when he was running for MEP position.
00:52:11.000
And I remember seeing one of them post on Facebook how this was proof that Britain and slash Brexit is racist.
00:52:19.000
Should I try my bit proving a point of free speech or should I let them learn the hard way?
00:52:24.000
P.S. I can't make up my mind whether a fringe with a bob haircut is a good look or outdated.
00:52:34.000
But I've always wanted to go for the Chrissy Hine look.
00:52:39.000
Well, boy, they really throw a wrench in the works at the 11th hour there, right?
00:52:52.000
You know, Chrissy Hind taught Sid Vicious how to play the bass?
00:53:01.000
And as she was heading the car, I go, thanks for teaching Sid to play the bass.
00:53:17.000
So to answer your question, ma'am, I think a Chrissy Hind hairdo is a great look.
00:53:23.000
I wish it was a tiny bit longer, but yeah, she is so fucking hot.
00:53:45.000
So to answer your question, you know the motto of this show, get fired, get in trouble.
00:53:51.000
So I would recommend you find a happy medium between defending LGBT and stirring up the pot.
00:54:05.000
Tell the gays that the Muslims are doing something.
00:54:09.000
Sort of like we talk about when there's someone on a plane acting hysterical.
00:54:16.000
So they won't even let you stand up and get a drink.
00:54:22.000
Get them madder and madder and madder until they start to go crazy.
00:54:33.000
I heard something about the memes for a max thing, by the way.
00:54:52.000
So if you want it to get to them, you can like if you, that Dolly Parton meme, you know, where it's like Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter.
00:55:02.000
Why aren't you showing yourself while you blather?
00:55:04.000
I'm looking for this meme just to show you an example.
00:55:11.000
So that, I think that is technically too many images.
00:55:30.000
What about that guy who sent the meme coffee table book?
00:55:36.000
But if you want to send a letter and send a meme and a page or whatever.
00:55:40.000
But for now, folks, don't send more than four memes.
00:55:55.000
Our boys in blue put our boys in prison in prison.
00:56:06.000
Gavin and Ryan, not sure if my meme postcard will make it past the prison censors.
00:56:11.000
Sent a couple screenshots more about me trolling being racially fluid.
00:56:14.000
Best way to fight insanity is trolling with greater insanity.
00:56:29.000
They have you intern and see if you're fun to work with.
00:56:33.000
And then you start getting opportunities to do more and more and more.
00:56:43.000
And then, of course, what you should be doing if you're a man is getting a trade.
00:56:51.000
I know a guy who installs HVAC systems, like designs them, doesn't actually literally put them in.
00:56:58.000
He just designs them and then maintains them, makes sure they work.
00:57:03.000
He's got his electricity license for high voltage, low voltage.
00:57:06.000
The guy is, you could push him out of an airplane and he'd land somewhere and have a job in an hour.
00:57:15.000
I also know a plastic surgeon who's fucking broke.
00:57:18.000
Because if you're not in Beverly Hills, people don't really get plastic surgery that's.
00:57:27.000
Thank you for your service in the war against freedom and masculinity.
00:57:35.000
I'm a cisgendered heterosexual male inflicted and suffering from toxic masculinity.
00:57:44.000
I know it might sound like something you get at an auto parts store, but I assure you, it's my legit identity.
00:57:49.000
Although I was born a peckerwood, white trash, when I get profiled and harassed for being a motorcycle enthusiast, I identify as a black man in America.
00:57:56.000
But until I get murdered in cold blood, when I completely comply with all the officers the way Philando Castile was, I will not complete the transition.
00:58:04.000
If this happens, I have a brother from work that said he will apply blackface to my corpse to complete the transition.
00:58:14.000
You gentlemen are on the right side of history and are living legends.
00:58:33.000
I'm not sure Fight the Police State is going to make it, though.
00:58:50.000
I think a good segment for the show would be to have Ryan approach the black Hebrew Israelites with two smoke show once-a-year black playmate hot sisters.
00:58:58.000
Then tell the black Hebrew Israelites, the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice.
00:59:01.000
Then proceed to switch back and forth, making out with both of them.
00:59:04.000
Kind of what you did with Milo in Florida without being gay.
00:59:07.000
Not sure how much longer I'll be on paid leave from work.
00:59:09.000
If you want to fly me out to do it, I might be better for the role, being a white guy that's covered in tattoos.
00:59:15.000
Mountains of debt, but I paid for a year membership to Free Speech TV.
01:00:08.000
Hey, I gather you watch the Super Bowl, and this is essentially an ancient Chinese secret, but can I remark on this ad spot for a new show where grown-ups do nothing but build Legos?
01:00:31.000
I think the competitors get stoned to death with Lego.
01:00:40.000
Lego Masters is really about people who are really passionate about building Lego.
01:01:02.000
I can't believe they play with Lego, especially the Puerto Rican father and son team.
01:01:07.000
I like to spend time with my dad and we make things.
01:01:11.000
Ever heard of going to a bar and having a fucking beer?
01:01:14.000
But the truth is, if they're smart, I got an account set up in the Caymans and I can make it happen.
01:01:25.000
Did you ever play Black, I mean Jack Black with him?
01:01:41.000
I said, dealer, I'm just curious, when did you first have people calling you Mr. Grump?
01:01:48.000
Or something like, how'd you get the nickname Mr. Grump?
01:01:51.000
And he would get really pissed off and we'd go, hit me, Mr. Grump.
01:01:56.000
And that didn't sound as funny when I recreated it, but it was really funny.
01:02:18.000
But for people with stuffed noses, you have that...
01:02:29.000
So you're there at the table playing Blackjack doing Coke.
01:02:41.000
You know, we've had a lot of celebrity guests recently, and I am shocked at how bad all their teeth are.
01:03:16.000
You know society has arrived at peak perpetual adolescence when grown-ups tune in to watch other grown-ups play with color blocks without a child in sight.
01:03:33.000
Hey, Gavin, just saw the clip of the titsucker where you discussed said video where the news crews were attacked getting into someone else's business.
01:03:44.000
Here's a clip of my late grandfather, Larry, and Uncle Cal and expose, and the expose the local news tried to run on them.
01:03:51.000
Oh, he's talking about that guy who fought the journalist after getting in trouble for sucking the tit.
01:03:57.000
So what he's discussing, in case you're not familiar with this, is there was some girl filmed a guy in front of his own news clothing store, and there's a woman who appears homeless, and he sucks on her tit.
01:04:13.000
But a news crew decided to go there and investigate, so he attacked them, punched at them, and shoved them and stuff, as one would do.
01:04:20.000
They're trying to ruin his reputation for something that was none of his goddamn business, fucking Puritans.
01:04:26.000
Anyway, this reader is saying a similar thing happened to my grandfather.
01:04:33.000
His brokerage with five offices and 45 salespersons is by far the largest.
01:04:38.000
But Dietz, a self-proclaimed millionaire, dominates more than just real estate.
01:04:43.000
During the past decade, Dietz has had a grip on the criminal justice system in Nuego County.
01:04:48.000
A TB13 investigation found that Dietz has spun an uncanny web of influence.
01:04:53.000
Judges, prosecutors, and police have been compromised through gifts, favors, and business deals.
01:04:58.000
The officials profit from Dietz's wealth, he benefits through their power and prestige of office.
01:05:04.000
The apparent loser is criminal justice in Nuego County.
01:05:09.000
A TV13 news crew found that out the hard way in trying to interview Dietz outside a Nuego restaurant.
01:05:49.000
How badass would it be if you just knocked out the news guy?
01:06:03.000
Turned his face into like a monster jump scare face.
01:06:20.000
Talk to Mr. D. Put your foot behind him and trip him.
01:06:23.000
We'd like to ask you, did you buy off public officials, sir?
01:06:39.000
See, what these news crews don't seem to get is you're trying to ruin a man's life.
01:06:53.000
Mr. Dietz, can you tell me about some of the Las Vegas trips that you've taken public officials on with you and paid their way?
01:07:07.000
Four days later, the same TV-13 news crew was assaulted by a car driven by Cal Dietz.
01:07:34.000
The Nuego County Prosecutor has not yet determined whether criminal charges will be filed against Dietz in the apparent auto assault.
01:07:42.000
There were several other attempts by Dietz to stop this special report.
01:07:45.000
Dietz threatened journalist Alan Higbee, who assisted TV13 with research.
01:07:50.000
One instance occurred when Higbee and his wife were walking down a Muskegon sidewalk.
01:07:55.000
Positioned his car so that it blocked the sidewalk and leaned out the window of his car and asked me if I was paid up.
01:08:05.000
I asked him what he meant and he said, are you paid up?
01:08:13.000
And he looked at my wife and said, your life insurance.
01:08:17.000
And then looked back at me and he said, are you paid up?
01:08:22.000
And then he said, because you're going to need it, this is going to be the end for you.
01:08:27.000
This special 10-part series took several months to produce.
01:08:32.000
If you look in the book of names, that's Santa's book.
01:08:40.000
Mr. Dietz, how do you respond to being on Santa's naughty list?
01:08:46.000
So, Tattletale Journalism has been around for a while, I guess.
01:08:49.000
And don't pick a fight with someone if you're not ready to get your ass fucking beat.
01:08:54.000
Because the propensity for crime is much lower, statistically, than it ever has been.
01:09:05.000
Why am I just seeing your mouth and nothing else?
01:09:10.000
Oh, because your tech guy, statistically, messes up a lot more than the propensity for crime.
01:09:18.000
But weren't you looking at the monitor when you did that?
01:09:26.000
Well, it looks like Ryan is closely following the motto that ends our show because he just got fired.