Kevin and Ryan are back in the Fag Zone, and it's not as bad as you might expect. They talk about the pandemic that is pandemicizing the internet, and how to deal with it. They also talk about how they're going to get Milo back on the air, and why they don't want him back.
Transcript
Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. You can also explore and interact with the transcripts here.
00:01:06.000Only difference between normal shows and this Ryan's shitty apartment called the Fag Zone is that I'm in front of my desk and not behind my desk.
00:01:39.000And not only do I feel that I have the right to brag about our show not really being worse despite this pandemic, especially when juxtaposed with Samantha B, Seth Meyers, and all these other fucking talentless losers.
00:02:02.000Hey, Samantha, you want to know how to do that joke?
00:02:05.000Instead of taking seven minutes to chop the wood, just do it like twice and fail and then move on to the next thing and fail at like a dozen survivalist things that you're not good at.
00:02:18.000And that would be funny because we'd see you with a straight face conveying all this information that was legit, but doing a bad job at it in real life.
00:02:26.000That's how you do a fucking joke, you retard.
00:02:29.000Speaking of retarded jokes, Milo said I was canceled and convinced my tech guy to remove all my shows.
00:02:39.000I got to admit, when I woke up Saturday morning, I was pissed.
00:02:45.000And I didn't like that he went above my head.
00:03:29.000There's some pranks where you hear them and you go, you're just wasting people's time.
00:03:33.000Like when I listen to prank calls and they call some pizza place and the guy's like, hey, can you put triple pepperonis on this, but no cheese or whatever?
00:03:44.000And the guy's like, well, we don't make that kind of pizza.
00:03:47.000And I'm listening going, he's a hard-working dude at a shitty job.
00:05:34.000I had to answer like a million fucking texts.
00:05:41.000So today is kind of a serious show after dealing with that.
00:05:47.000I wanted to talk about the pandemic, how things have changed, how we should change.
00:05:53.000And I know I said I don't talk about the coronavirus, but I've just got too many people saying, where do we go from here, Gav?
00:06:02.000And so I would be remiss if I didn't say some important things I think that have to change and some important things that have changed and how we can fight this going forward.
00:06:14.000So I composed a little list here of some things.
00:06:19.000And I could have numbered them, I guess.
00:06:26.000The number one thing that we have to keep In the forefront of our minds, and it has to remain a defining part of our culture in America, is free speech.
00:06:38.000That is our greatest weapon in fighting all this.
00:06:41.000I saw today Chelsea Handler was talking about we shouldn't allow Trump to do these briefings because they're dangerous.
00:06:48.000There was some DNC staffer who, a Democratic congresswoman, who said she's been to The Hague to discuss war crimes because Trump has killed millions of people with his bad hydrocoraclean information.
00:07:06.000I guess she was still believing that woman who murdered her husband with the fish cleaner, and she's still convinced that's Trump.
00:10:20.000We didn't know until you were forced to go on strike.
00:10:23.000Maybe that's why teachers don't really strike because people will come up with a substitute.
00:10:27.000That reminds me of that theory we had the other day, Ryan, where we said, maybe these talk show hosts are doing such a shitty job on purpose because they're trying to justify their inflated budgets.
00:10:38.000And they're scared if they do something like this with the good quality audio and a green screen, then their bosses will say, let's pare down the studio and fire some people.
00:11:18.000He used to, at this old school, he would, they play baseball and he'd set up this thing.
00:11:24.000You're not allowed to have a real bat, but what they would do is they'd have these little plastic bats, wiffle bats, but they'd roll up newspaper like they're in prison, cut the top off, fill them full of newspaper, really densely wound newspaper, and then ductate the top back on.
00:11:55.000A lot more playing, a lot less fucking around.
00:11:58.000And I think we've also learned housewives.
00:12:01.000Housewives are very important to our society.
00:12:05.000We have these women that are leaving work.
00:12:08.000They're realizing how much they hated their stupid, shitty jobs where they were just keeping some other man's appointments or handling a social media page.
00:12:15.000And they're back with their kids, learning how much they love their kids and learning how fun it is to be a stay-at-home mom.
00:12:21.000Everyone talks about how stressful it is to work from home.
00:12:28.000I think that moms are learning that teaching their kids, seeing more of their kids, being with their kids is a lot more fun than they thought it would be.
00:12:37.000And I think as dads in a patriarchy, as a society, we're going, holy shit, my home is so much better with my wife there and not a nanny and an au pair and a maid and all these other sort of subcontractors.
00:12:50.000We've subcontracted out the housewife.
00:12:52.000And now that those little servants aren't coming back and the housewife is doing her job, we're realizing what an important job it is.
00:13:02.000And that brings us to families, strong families.
00:13:06.000We're learning now that we need strong families.
00:13:09.000This pandemic has brought families together, and we've realized that strong families are the backbone of any society.
00:13:17.000We've really got an anti-family culture going on in this country, and it's behind welfare.
00:13:50.000In Williamsburg, they're attacking Hasids just because they're brats with no dad who have no discipline, and the Hasidic Jews don't fight back.
00:13:58.000So I'm going to go hit the guy with the funny hat.
00:14:21.000If there's one message I could convey on this show, besides free speech and the Second Amendment, more American families, more Western families.
00:14:31.000That's of all races, but with Western values.
00:14:55.000I'm realizing in this pandemic that I focused a disproportionate amount of my attention onto Islam and terrorism and the threat of Muslim population.
00:15:07.000And though that is a threat, and we've seen it destroy Europe, it's a long way away from threatening us here.
00:15:12.000The real bona fide viable threat is clearly communism.
00:15:21.000The government is too big in China and can't act in time because Chinese communist governments are more concerned with their image than actually saving human lives.
00:15:33.000So when this started, they kept it under wraps because it makes them look bad.
00:15:37.000By the way, we should talk about this another show, but the head of the World Health Organization is a communist terrorist retard who doesn't know anything.
00:16:22.000If the government can handle anything, they should handle guarding our borders, security, military, police, that kind of thing.
00:16:28.000We don't need them meddling with our kids' heads, brainwashing them with Marxist claptrap, like my daughter being shown a picture of a happy 50s housewife as some sort of horrible thing.
00:16:39.000But yeah, we sounded nuts when we said close the borders now, and we don't sound so crazy anymore.
00:16:45.000While we're on the subject, the drug war.
00:16:51.000We can't be wasting our resources arresting people for cocaine.
00:16:54.000We need our cops handling important things.
00:16:57.000Let's just stop throwing guys in jail for selling pills, okay?
00:17:32.000And of course, rapists, pedophiles, we just kill pedophiles.
00:17:35.000Murderers, they've got to be, they can't be in with society.
00:17:38.000But I talk to prisoners on a daily basis and I say, what percentage of the people in there do you think deserve to be there that are incompatible with society?
00:18:09.000And we also, while we're rebuilding this economy, we need to respect entrepreneurs because these are the guys that are going to rebuild this.
00:18:16.000And we have to get away from this anti-business mentality.
00:18:20.000I remember seeing a 60 Minutes about Groupon, and the angle was very snarky.
00:18:27.000And they said, you know, you're known as being sort of ADHD, almost autistic.
00:20:19.000And it's another example why the government is bad news.
00:20:25.000Another thing we need to watch out for now is feminism.
00:20:31.000I think going forward, we've learned the power of the housewife.
00:20:34.000We've learned how great it is when women stay at home.
00:20:36.000We've learned how superfluous they are in the workforce and how incompetent many of them are, like the woman who went to The Hague to accuse Trump of war crimes.
00:20:46.000But I think feminism is very dangerous for this pandemic, and it could lead to more deaths.
00:22:50.000We might have riots in the streets soon.
00:22:52.000And when you fuel that fire with race, race, race, then it gets to the point where you have way more deaths from just riots than you would have from a pandemic.
00:23:14.000Also, they've discovered that along the ground, the contagion, the virus, tends to stay.
00:23:23.000It's almost like, you know, when you go to those clubs and there's dry ice and there's that smoke on the ground and it seems to stay there.
00:23:53.000And a lot of the CDC and other people are saying that footwear for men should be very, there's only few shoes or footwear that men can wear.
00:24:13.000So they're saying that men have to wear red wings.
00:24:16.000If it's cold out, then these go up high.
00:24:18.000There's no way the, and you'll notice the tongue on red wings is actually sealed to the whole boot there, so that tongue doesn't flap down.
00:24:25.000So this is totally waterproof and coronavirus proof up to the top.
00:24:31.000Also, Clark's Desert boots, men can wear.
00:24:44.000You can wear black Chuck Taylors if you're like 20 or below, but grown men like my age wearing black Chuck Taylors just looks fucking embarrassing.
00:25:36.000They're saying that alcohol is actually very helpful, but only some alcohol.
00:25:41.000So moving forward with this America, if we're going to survive, there are no IPAs.
00:25:47.000They're saying that there's something about the hoppiness of IPAs that can actually stimulate the virus and keep it in your system.
00:25:54.000A lot of doctors are saying that Budweiser is the only beer that should be available and all bars should have it.
00:26:02.000Similarly, they're saying that it's like a Clorox bleach wipe for your body, is hard liquor, but only bourbon.
00:26:14.000So, bars in the future, there's some I don't like here.
00:26:17.000I hate Jim Beam or Jack Daniels, but Woodford Reserve, is that there?
00:26:23.000Yeah, there's Woodford Reserve, Buffalo Trace, I forget the name of this thing, that one with the horsey on the top, Ballantines, the guy with the, it looks like a rabbi, Rip Van Winkle, that's allowed.
00:28:39.000They're touching the poles, and it can be incredibly dangerous, especially when you're listening to some gay music about how no one's got a man.
00:29:42.000Adults, something about pushing the knobs and not getting out there and homeschooling your kids or doing other things, adults cannot play video games anymore.
00:31:36.000You could secretly go, psup, psu, pew.
00:31:39.000And it gives the victims of bullies a fantasy world where he can pretend that he's not a fucking loser who gets wedgied every day and has his lunch money stolen.
00:33:31.000Also, doctors have been doing a lot of studies on sex and how sex transmits.
00:33:36.000And they've noticed there's something in male sperm that can cleanse a woman's throat and prevent, don't show any of that shit, dumbass, that can prevent the virus spreading.
00:34:28.000And they also say that kids should be outside playing as much as possible and shouldn't come in and surprise parents because that can jolt their system.
00:34:37.000And if parents are drinking and partying, a lot of these professionals are saying that the kids should go to bed early and not leave their rooms and definitely not knock on the door of the master bedroom.
00:34:56.000Yeah, this is the last thing I've noticed, by the way.
00:34:59.000Remember how we said that the virus seems to collect on the ground?
00:35:06.000That's why men can only wear those six types of shoes.
00:35:09.000But they're saying with women, high-heel shoes of the lady saw variety, they elevate the foot and it actually makes them much less likely to get it.
00:35:21.000And this goes with like thigh-high boots, any kind of, it has to have a stiletto heel, has to have a big heel.
00:35:28.000But they're also saying socks with high heels are really helpful in preventing it.
00:35:36.000So ladies, wives, while you're doing the dishes, while you're cooking and cleaning, while you're performing fellatio first thing in the morning, it's good to have socks with high heel shoes on.
00:35:46.000And this article is showing you the different ways to do it.
00:36:18.000Maybe you could wear Chuck Taylor's and some of the list of the men's shoes, like Rod Laver's with a nice sort of summer dress.
00:36:25.000But for the most part, socks and heels are the best way to go.
00:36:29.000And a lot of the doctors of the World Health Organization, not the Ethiopian retard who runs it, but actual doctors, say that the safest look for women moving forward in the entire future of America, I'm talking about decades and decades and decades, is the girls from the video legs by ZZ Top.
00:37:50.000But 80s sort of new wave and lingerie and garter belts with stilettos, with little socks, little frilly socks, cripples the disease, destroys it in its tracks.
00:38:03.000You know, the thing about the 1980s, too, no COVID-19.
00:40:14.000And that will spread the coronavirus too.
00:40:16.000Pissing in a urinal, I mean, sorry, pissing in a stall and being scared of homosexuals in the urinal is very, very bad for the virus.
00:40:26.000So I hope I've made all of this clear to you.
00:40:30.000Basically, in order to survive, we have to follow these, I don't know, 20 easy steps.
00:40:37.000And we need free speech, guns, no more fat people, homeschooling, housewives, no more welfare, more American families, closed borders, no more drug war, way less people in prison, almost abolish prison, federate the entrepreneur, shut down the government, abolish feminism, abolish Islam, stop talking about racism all the time, no more flip-flops, no more swim shirts.
00:41:01.000Women have to wear high-heel shoes all the time and look like they're in the 80s, no more talking on your phone, and basically just bourbon and Budweiser.
00:41:44.000Oh, it's a oil painting, a beautiful oil painting.
00:41:47.000But in the oil painting, his dad was ugly and bald and fat, and he had on his hockey jacket, like Montreal Canadians, and like a shirt like this.
00:41:55.000And he's wearing his hockey jacket in this oil painting.
00:42:00.000But, you know, my dad was always in my face, and I had the opposite of a derelict father.
00:42:07.000So one time I went over to Dale's, and he goes, hey, man, I can't hang out.
00:44:30.000She said there was an article, she brought it up in the car and told the kids to go along with it that they're banning alcohol sales in 10 days.
00:47:04.000It was like you see blacks talking about Jews in Crown Heights because we would slowly take over the gay bar until it was like half straight.
00:47:12.000And fun girls go to gay bars and there was better music and stuff.
00:47:16.000So we went to this one bar and I was, all the girls there looked like the accelerator video, the legs video.
00:47:22.000That was the trend at the time in the early aughts.
00:51:00.000Here, I was talking to my friend the other day.
00:51:01.000I tried to tell my subscribers, Censor TV about how you guys are hilarious and all.
00:51:06.000I got an automated message instantly telling me that typing out censor.tv and sending it privately to a friend where it can't be offensive to anyone in any way, shape, or form, or against their community guidelines.
00:51:51.000I'm currently writing a movie script, and two characters were discussing children.
00:51:54.000I realize your theory about deprenotation resulting in a boy would fit perfectly with what was happening in this scene.
00:51:59.000And it is the kind of thing My character would say as well.
00:52:01.000I'm seeking your permission to use this theory in my script, and if it ever gets made, I will ensure you receive proper credit for your contribution to the script.
00:52:08.000Yes, sir, you may use that, and I won't sue you.
00:52:20.000It's standing, this is how you make a boy.
00:52:22.000It's standing doggy with a deep plunge, and then after you jizz, you fall down on her like collapsing lawn furniture, and you let it sit for 30 seconds.
00:58:58.000Like that cop you saw the other day when the crackhead was screaming at 2 in the morning outside your place and the cops, what was he doing?
01:03:24.000I go, ladies and gentlemen, this is Ryan Katsu Rivera, a Japanese Puerto Rican who doesn't even fucking get this marriage proposal thing until it's almost completely over.
01:03:35.000watch ladies and gents turn turn turn do do do do Thank you.