Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S02E149 - THE PANDEMIC IS OVER [2020-04-13 - S02E149

00:00:56.000 I am drunk.

00:00:57.000 Not a normal kind of drunk.

00:00:58.000 I'm a drunk where you're so hungover.

00:01:01.000 Burn!

00:01:01.000 I call for a supernatural heat wave straight out of hell.

00:01:07.000 So this is going to be a tough job you're not going to enjoy it.

00:01:11.000 I'm not going to enjoy it.

00:01:12.000 This is important for both of us.

00:01:14.000 Let's just treat it like we're landing a board.

00:01:18.000 You were bitten by a bot fly and it has its larvae in your head and we have to squeeze out that larva.

00:01:26.000 Larvae?

00:01:27.000 Larvae?

00:01:28.000 With tweezers.

00:01:30.000 You know how you get a bot fly out of your head?

00:01:33.000 You cover that with Vaseline.

00:01:37.000 This is in my hit book, Death of Cool, where the guy was looking at my place, looking after my place in Costa Rica, got bitten by a bot fly and didn't care.

00:01:46.000 Didn't bother him.

00:01:48.000 And I go, as I explained in the book, I go, Robert, you have an insect that is breeding.

00:01:55.000 It's being born.

00:01:56.000 It's going to come out of your head and fly away.

00:01:59.000 You'll be the mother.

00:02:01.000 You will be the mother of this fucking thing.

00:02:04.000 He's like, ah, eh.

00:02:05.000 So he tried a bunch of remedies.

00:02:07.000 I talked to a farmer there because cows get them all the time.

00:02:10.000 It's a fly that lays its eggs in your skin.

00:02:13.000 And if you go on YouTube, you can see people pulling them out.

00:02:17.000 Oh my God, they're the most disgusting thing in the universe.

00:02:19.000 I can't believe I chose this while hungover.

00:02:25.000 And so the local farmers told me that what they do is they rub Vaseline on the area and then the larvae can't breathe.

00:02:33.000 So it comes out.

00:02:34.000 And when it came out, it was fluorescent pink with dark black hairs sticking out of it.

00:02:42.000 And so he did that.

00:02:43.000 He woke up the next morning.

00:02:44.000 It was hanging out of his head, dead, suffocated.

00:02:47.000 And he just sort of went, pulled it out.

00:02:50.000 Oh, I can't look at that.

00:02:51.000 Was there a huge hole?

00:02:53.000 Yeah.

00:02:53.000 It's a very big larvae.

00:02:57.000 Oh, my Lord in heaven above.

00:02:58.000 Stop watching.

00:02:59.000 I've seen that before.

00:03:02.000 But he just pulled it out and he dropped it on the shower and just let it be.

00:03:06.000 Anyway, that was a hit song, COVID-19, by these evangelical priests who say they're going to use their incredible powers to stop the pandemic.

00:03:22.000 Well, I've got some good news for you.

00:03:23.000 It worked.

00:03:25.000 It's over.

00:03:26.000 We're done.

00:03:27.000 Fuck this.

00:03:28.000 I can't convince my wife to let my kids have play dates yet, but I would happily let them play with their friends.

00:03:34.000 Maybe not like a fucking huge party, but they're select friends.

00:03:38.000 They're fine with it.

00:03:39.000 You know what I did yesterday?

00:03:40.000 I started going to bars.

00:03:42.000 I know dudes who own bars.

00:03:44.000 I went to them.

00:03:45.000 We stayed six feet apart.

00:03:47.000 I don't care anymore.

00:03:47.000 I don't know why.

00:03:48.000 I was shaking hands.

00:03:49.000 Fucking.

00:03:50.000 I'm done.

00:03:51.000 And guess what else, Ryan?

00:03:52.000 I don't know if I announced this to you yet.

00:03:54.000 We're going to Manhattan tomorrow.

00:03:56.000 I talked to the landlord.

00:03:57.000 He said it's illegal for him to not let me go.

00:04:01.000 I pay rent.

00:04:01.000 That's my property.

00:04:03.000 So we won't have a security guy.

00:04:05.000 If you're thinking of killing us, by the way, this is your...

00:04:14.000 But I'm sick of this standing in front of a fucking green screen.

00:04:17.000 I want my desk back.

00:04:19.000 I want my city back.

00:04:21.000 And my city's back.

00:04:22.000 This is over.

00:04:22.000 This is done.

00:04:23.000 If you're old, you should probably maybe still quarantine.

00:04:27.000 I don't really give a shit.

00:04:34.000 Speaking of makers, Mark, I was riding my bike with my kid the other day.

00:04:40.000 And it was getting late.

00:04:41.000 It was like 5.36.

00:04:43.000 I thought, liquor stores are going to close soon.

00:04:46.000 It's Saturday.

00:04:47.000 But I don't want to not ride my bike with my little kid, especially because he just discovered how much he loves riding a bike.

00:04:55.000 He goes, dad, I get so much wind.

00:04:57.000 Meaning, like when he goes fast, it's windy.

00:04:59.000 And he got really good at it.

00:05:00.000 In just like a week, he's zipping around, going on trails.

00:05:04.000 And so I go, I call Ryan.

00:05:06.000 I go, Ryan, can you go downstairs because you live above a liquor store?

00:05:14.000 You could, if you don't want to go downstairs, you could just take a sledgehammer and smash through the floor and go get some.

00:05:21.000 But anyway, can you pick me up a bottle?

00:05:24.000 And then I'll just buy it off you, you know, later tonight.

00:05:26.000 I show up later on after riding my bike with my kid.

00:05:30.000 And it's probably 7 p.m.

00:05:33.000 Ryan's asleep.

00:05:36.000 I felt ugly.

00:05:37.000 I felt gay.

00:05:39.000 He naps.

00:05:40.000 I don't know if you know this about him, but he regularly naps.

00:05:43.000 I haven't taken a nap.

00:05:44.000 I've passed out from drinking too much, but I haven't taken a nap in centuries.

00:05:49.000 Even if I stay up all night, I'll just stay up that day and maybe crash at like 10 p.m.

00:05:55.000 But you were napping.

00:05:56.000 Can we see your stupid, hideous, dumb.

00:05:58.000 regenerates you and then when you wake up and you're like...

00:06:02.000 That's how you feel when you greet the world.

00:06:04.000 Let's see your stupid face so people can know why I hate you.

00:06:08.000 Adjust your bangs.

00:06:09.000 Yeah, I need to.

00:06:10.000 Tease your bangs a little bit.

00:06:11.000 Yeah.

00:06:12.000 Go like that.

00:06:14.000 Tease the sides of your hair.

00:06:17.000 So you were asleep.

00:06:19.000 And then it gets worse, gentlemen.

00:06:21.000 I had a Lyme scene crash.

00:06:23.000 It gets worse.

00:06:24.000 So I go, what the fuck are you doing?

00:06:27.000 Did you get the liquor?

00:06:28.000 And he goes, oh, no.

00:06:30.000 They're open until 9.

00:06:33.000 What was I doing?

00:06:34.000 And I go, where do you get that from?

00:06:36.000 And he goes, Oh, it says on their website.

00:06:39.000 Yeah.

00:06:40.000 Shithead.

00:06:41.000 Has it occurred to you that people are not following their normal hours?

00:06:46.000 Um, the change of hours have been on the cigar.

00:06:50.000 I just did that.

00:06:51.000 It's a little thing.

00:06:53.000 Is that a joke?

00:06:54.000 No, it's fun.

00:06:56.000 Spicy.

00:06:58.000 So he's following the Google whatever hours.

00:07:01.000 No one is following those hours.

00:07:02.000 Go to any store and they have a piece of paper that says Saturdays we close at six.

00:07:06.000 Mondays, we're closed for this time.

00:07:08.000 Depending on the level of boomer, the cigar shop, that deli, they have adjusted them.

00:07:17.000 What?

00:07:18.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:07:19.000 No, they have on Google, but not with papers.

00:07:22.000 I think wine tasters and a couple others have not made it to the Google thing, but the cigar shop, they changed it as per their new hours per coronavirus per.

00:07:33.000 Shut up.

00:07:34.000 I asked you to do me a favor and you fucked me up AS.

00:07:37.000 And you didn't get it from the other liquor store, which was open?

00:07:42.000 Who?

00:07:44.000 Are you going to puke?

00:07:46.000 Please don't.

00:07:46.000 Oh, that went down the wrong pipe.

00:07:48.000 Oh my God.

00:07:48.000 Oh.

00:07:49.000 Whew, that's why it's important to be an alcoholic during pandemics because I just poured alcohol into my lungs.

00:07:56.000 That's good.

00:07:57.000 They're getting cleaned out right now like a bleach wipe.

00:08:01.000 The other song I was thinking of choosing for that intro is Kevin James.

00:08:06.000 I just discovered his YouTube.

00:08:07.000 I love Kevin James.

00:08:09.000 I think King of Queens is one of the most underrated shows.

00:08:11.000 Yes, it was a mainstream comedy hit.

00:08:15.000 But it's written like Louis C.K. I remember before Patton Oswald had Trump derangement syndrome, I almost had him coming over to our side, and I said, feel the force, Luke.

00:08:28.000 Every time he'd get on some argument on Twitter with someone about free speech or someone that was offended, I would go, I would just DM him, feel the force around you, Patton.

00:08:39.000 You're coming to our side.

00:08:42.000 And he goes, yeah, and now they're making fun of me for being on King of Queens.

00:08:46.000 And I go, that doesn't make sense.

00:08:49.000 That show was fucking hilarious.

00:08:51.000 Anyone who's watching it and thinks it sucks or makes fun of you for being on it is wrong.

00:08:57.000 It's so well written that I asked my fucking, back when I was pitching TV, I asked my TV guys, what the fuck's going on with King of Queens?

00:09:05.000 How is it so good?

00:09:07.000 And they go, yeah, they have very high quality writers that shouldn't have to write for sitcoms, but they're on their third marriage.

00:09:14.000 They need the alimony, so they just fucking do it and write this masterpiece.

00:09:17.000 But just to show you how fantastic Kevin James is, during a pandemic, I don't know how he did this with his lighting.

00:09:24.000 He must have the best After Effects people on earth.

00:09:27.000 He added himself into a Starsborn.

00:09:30.000 Thank you to the viewer who sent this in, by the way.

00:09:34.000 He's the sound.

00:09:35.000 How did he do that, Ryan?

00:09:37.000 That looks like it was actually created.

00:09:39.000 That's not a green screen behind him.

00:09:40.000 Like, those are guys behind him.

00:09:42.000 Oh.

00:09:44.000 No, those are not.

00:09:45.000 He didn't.

00:09:46.000 It's a pandemic.

00:09:47.000 He just put this out.

00:09:50.000 Those are guys behind him.

00:09:52.000 I don't think so.

00:09:55.000 So you think in the movie there's just a shot of two guys standing there?

00:09:59.000 They've zoomed in on some.

00:10:00.000 Look how blurry they are.

00:10:01.000 Maybe they just zoomed in on a segment?

00:10:04.000 I've never seen this movie.

00:10:05.000 I'm not a chick.

00:10:10.000 Turn it up.

00:10:12.000 Now he's trying to encourage Lady Gaga to get up there.

00:10:16.000 can do this.

00:10:17.000 In all the good times I find myself longing for change.

00:10:26.000 But she doesn't have the courage.

00:10:30.000 So Kevin is going to have to go.

00:10:39.000 Tell me something more.

00:10:43.000 How did he do this?

00:10:45.000 That shot was amazing.

00:10:48.000 That was pretty good.

00:10:49.000 I'm falling in all the good things.

00:10:55.000 I think he just paid some After Effects genius, like, five grand.

00:10:59.000 For change.

00:11:01.000 And in the bad times I fear myself.

00:11:07.000 I'm off the deep end.

00:11:10.000 Watch as I dive in.

00:11:13.000 Cover my feet.

00:11:15.000 Kevin James has that John Belushi thing where you just look at his face and you smile.

00:11:19.000 Thank you.

00:11:21.000 Thank you.

00:11:23.000 In the shadow.

00:11:31.000 Wait, come on.

00:11:32.000 That is epic.

00:11:34.000 That is epic.

00:11:35.000 In the shallow.

00:11:45.000 How do you get Lady Gaga out of the audio?

00:11:50.000 It's just Bradley Cooper and him.

00:11:52.000 I guess you get the instrumental and then you blend it with his singing parts.

00:11:56.000 Yeah, but I think Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper are both singing this part together.

00:12:01.000 Maybe he talked to the producers and got the individual track.

00:12:04.000 Maybe, right?

00:12:07.000 I love that he loves the Mets.

00:12:11.000 And now he goes back to doing sound.

00:12:22.000 Got it, kid.

00:12:25.000 I gotta say, this is the only boner I've ever had from Lady Gaga.

00:12:29.000 I hate the way it's just said.

00:12:31.000 Lady Gaga.

00:12:32.000 Lady Gaga.

00:12:36.000 But have you noticed that, by the way, besides her in this movie, gorgeous woman, young, sexy, voluptuous, incredibly talented, obviously phenomenally wealthy.

00:12:48.000 Nothing.

00:12:50.000 Zilch.

00:12:52.000 Do you feel that way?

00:12:54.000 I'm too used to her.

00:12:57.000 But here's why I think she's a little special here.

00:12:59.000 She looks a lot like Scarlett Johansson right there.

00:13:02.000 She looks normal.

00:13:03.000 I just like that she looks normal.

00:13:04.000 Maybe it's because she's such like a fag hag slut that you're just like, eh, you're garbage.

00:13:09.000 You ruined yourself.

00:13:10.000 Right.

00:13:10.000 Yeah.

00:13:11.000 But I feel the same way about Katy Perry.

00:13:12.000 She's a beautiful woman.

00:13:14.000 I should have a boner.

00:13:15.000 And I just look down and my dick's like, sorry, no, thank you.

00:13:18.000 Like, I honestly, this is going to sound crazy.

00:13:20.000 I don't think I could get it up for Lady Gaga or Katy Perry.

00:13:25.000 I would need Blue Chew.

00:13:28.000 Oh, you got to see the Time Machine Diaries too.

00:13:30.000 That's really good stuff.

00:13:31.000 Also in the music news, the Strokes finally put an album out.

00:13:37.000 I know them.

00:13:38.000 We were neighbors upstate.

00:13:39.000 David Cross bought a bunch of land upstate, and I built a house on it.

00:13:44.000 And then Albert Hammond, the Strokes were big David Cross fans.

00:13:47.000 So Albert came and he moved just down the block.

00:13:50.000 And it was a little fucking hipster enclave.

00:13:53.000 Just find the Strokes new album.

00:13:54.000 It's not in the notes.

00:13:56.000 And I texted him on Friday and go, dude, this is a fucking masterpiece.

00:14:01.000 You know, most bands have four or five good albums in them.

00:14:05.000 And the Strokes got cut short by heroin, Albert Hammond's heroin addiction.

00:14:10.000 It's called The New Abnormal.

00:14:12.000 And he admits freely.

00:14:13.000 In fact, I think he said, hey guys, sorry I wrecked the band.

00:14:16.000 Which, what do you say to that?

00:14:18.000 Okay.

00:14:20.000 But same thing with the Sex Bistles, by the way.

00:14:22.000 They had Never Mind the Bollocks, and then Sid ruined everything with his fucking heroin.

00:14:26.000 That was the end of that.

00:14:28.000 But this album is such high quality, and I thought it would be a good opportunity to discuss this band.

00:14:40.000 Such a unique sound.

00:14:44.000 It's like Bob Marley.

00:14:45.000 It just sounds so simple when you hear it.

00:14:48.000 You feel like you've heard it before.

00:14:50.000 This whole album sounds like The Greatest Hits.

00:14:55.000 The Bass Camp picture there.

00:15:04.000 First song is making me sound pretty gay.

00:15:06.000 That's Basquiat?

00:15:07.000 The painting is Basquiat, yes.

00:15:10.000 Now show footage of the strokes while I talk.

00:15:13.000 And you can look up this album on your own, The New Abnormal.

00:15:16.000 But it reminded me of my history with the strokes.

00:15:19.000 They came out in the early aughts.

00:15:22.000 And you have to understand that at that time, guitars were considered over.

00:15:27.000 Rock had been dead for a long time.

00:15:31.000 It was all rave and EMD and massive attack, you know, and tricky and all this shit.

00:15:38.000 They said they'd had a funeral for the guitar.

00:15:42.000 So to start a rock band was unheard of.

00:15:45.000 And like the rap and dance music was so big that when these guys came out, people went, what the fuck are those wood things in their hands with the strings?

00:15:54.000 And I remember dudes in New York would make fun of them because they were all rich kids.

00:15:59.000 And what's his name?

00:16:00.000 Julian's dad, the singer, he ran a Ford modeling agency.

00:16:04.000 And me and my buddy Trevor were like, what the fuck?

00:16:07.000 I'm not making fun of someone because they're rich and their dad runs a modeling agency.

00:16:11.000 What the fuck?

00:16:12.000 That's awesome.

00:16:13.000 You're rich and young in New York City.

00:16:15.000 Congratulations.

00:16:16.000 That's really cool.

00:16:19.000 Ha ha, your dad runs a modeling agency, really?

00:16:21.000 What does your dad do?

00:16:24.000 How fucking cool is that?

00:16:27.000 I assume you have tens just hanging around the house like cats on furniture.

00:16:32.000 You know how you can tell this is like from the early aughts?

00:16:35.000 How?

00:16:36.000 Because the, well, like the quality.

00:16:39.000 They were around for the time for the quality to still be kind of shitty.

00:16:42.000 I think from this point on, there's no way that you would tell something's dated.

00:16:46.000 Well, back then, you wouldn't have a camera on your phone.

00:16:48.000 You had your phone, and then you had a digital camera, like the elf, in another pocket.

00:16:53.000 Yeah.

00:16:55.000 Sony handy cam or whatever?

00:16:59.000 There's Albert.

00:17:02.000 So one time when Vice was bankrupt, we came to New York and we were part of kind of this Bernie Madoff type of thing.

00:17:11.000 This guy who bought us didn't really have the millions he was spending.

00:17:14.000 Anyway, we're stuck in a warehouse in Brooklyn and we have no money.

00:17:17.000 And so I started freelance writing.

00:17:19.000 And I would write for NME in Britain and The Face and a bunch of British magazines because I needed the scratch, dude.

00:17:27.000 So NME goes, you know, the strokes.

00:17:29.000 Can you go, they're playing at Cleveland, a show in Cleveland.

00:17:33.000 You know, that's where the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is.

00:17:35.000 Can you go down there?

00:17:36.000 So I go down there.

00:17:37.000 Cleveland is, I apologize if we have any Cleveland viewers, but it's the worst.

00:17:42.000 I can't believe people have to live in that fucking city.

00:17:45.000 Cleveland does not rock.

00:17:46.000 So I go to meet them, and they go, yeah, we're really tired, man.

00:17:51.000 Let's meet like in about eight hours.

00:17:54.000 So I go, what?

00:17:56.000 But our appointment's now.

00:17:57.000 And they go, yeah, we can't meet until like an hour before the show.

00:18:00.000 Oh, for fuck.

00:18:01.000 So fucking.

00:18:03.000 So I go to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, which is ridiculous, by the way.

00:18:06.000 It's just like pants.

00:18:08.000 Like, here's Bono's shirt that he wore on tour.

00:18:12.000 And you can see a picture of him wearing this shirt.

00:18:14.000 That's nice.

00:18:15.000 What am I in his fucking closet now?

00:18:17.000 Here's Prince's pants.

00:18:19.000 Oh, wow.

00:18:20.000 Here's Prince's guitar.

00:18:22.000 Ooh, what?

00:18:24.000 Can I play it?

00:18:25.000 Why are you showing me this?

00:18:27.000 So I got so fucking drunk.

00:18:32.000 It was brutal.

00:18:33.000 Like, I had a tape recorder, and everyone hates the sound of their own voice, but you got to hear the sound of your own voice drunk.

00:18:40.000 It is enough to send you to AA.

00:18:43.000 So I'm interviewing them, and I can hear it on the tape later where I'm just like, so you got, everyone's free now, and being like, like, what do you guys think?

00:18:54.000 And they go, that's a great question, Gavin.

00:18:56.000 You should ask that again.

00:18:57.000 And they're just fucking with me because I'm pie-faced, pie-eyed.

00:18:57.000 Which one was that?

00:19:02.000 So then we get, it's time for the show.

00:19:04.000 I go, all right, I've done my interview.

00:19:06.000 And then they play the show and I'm backstage because I know the drummer.

00:19:11.000 I'm at Mercury Lounge.

00:19:13.000 Mercury Lounge factors into this story.

00:19:15.000 So I get up on stage and I'm standing on the stage with them.

00:19:20.000 And they're like, what the fuck?

00:19:23.000 And I'm just like, nah, this is good, man.

00:19:23.000 What are you doing?

00:19:26.000 And then I sit down on the stage like a chick.

00:19:30.000 And then guess what happens?

00:19:32.000 I fucking fall asleep on the stage.

00:19:37.000 There's probably like 5,000 people at this concert.

00:19:37.000 They're having it.

00:19:40.000 And I'm not like off to the side.

00:19:42.000 I'm on the stage asleep.

00:19:45.000 So then they're done the show and they like kick me as they're walking out.

00:19:48.000 And I go, oh, that was awesome, man.

00:19:51.000 And go with them to their fucking backstage, whatever, green room thing.

00:19:56.000 And then proceed to fall asleep there too.

00:19:58.000 And eventually some bouncer just picks me up, some security guy, and I'm still recording.

00:20:04.000 And I can hear on the tape, or maybe a press record, I go, get your hands off of me.

00:20:11.000 My left arm's all numb.

00:20:13.000 I got my hair blown out.

00:20:16.000 And I'm hearing this on the tape going, oh, Jesus.

00:20:18.000 I think I had seen myself in the mirror and I had bedhead from like sleeping on the floor.

00:20:23.000 My arm was numb because it was numb from sleeping on it.

00:20:27.000 So I listen to this tape and I go, oh, shit, this is really bad.

00:20:33.000 None of these questions are in English.

00:20:36.000 And half of them is me yelling at a bouncer telling him to get his hands off of me.

00:20:41.000 So I just invented an entire story.

00:20:44.000 I talked about hanging out with the strokes and we went here and oh, this was fun.

00:20:48.000 Invented it.

00:20:49.000 It was pretty complimentary, by the way.

00:20:51.000 I don't know, well, we'll get to how mad they were, but then I send it into an EME and they go, that's so wrong.

00:20:56.000 It's all wrong.

00:20:57.000 But what happened with Fabrizio?

00:20:59.000 Why isn't he mentioned?

00:21:00.000 Oh, that's the drummer, I guess.

00:21:03.000 Fabrizio Moretti.

00:21:05.000 I forget his last name.

00:21:06.000 Italian name.

00:21:07.000 So I just write him in.

00:21:08.000 I go, and then Fabrizio had to peace out early because he had a groupie.

00:21:12.000 Meanwhile, he was dating Drew Barrymore at the time.

00:21:15.000 So I made him have sex with someone he didn't have sex with.

00:21:19.000 So I see Nick.

00:21:22.000 It is unethical.

00:21:23.000 Yeah.

00:21:24.000 Well, also, but my side of it was, who cares?

00:21:27.000 It's just a fucking stupid music article.

00:21:31.000 Like, I'm not, who cares if I said you fucking shot up?

00:21:34.000 This is all fake anyway.

00:21:35.000 It's just a dumb game.

00:21:36.000 It's just really a music video.

00:21:38.000 So anyway, Nick, I think he's the guitarist.

00:21:41.000 Maybe that's him.

00:21:42.000 Oh, and then I said the other guy, one of the guys has Lyme disease.

00:21:45.000 And he does, but that's a secret.

00:21:48.000 And I said, oh, he wasn't around because his Lyme was so bad.

00:21:50.000 He had to sleep.

00:21:52.000 Oh, my God.

00:21:53.000 So the next time I see him, he goes, I'm at the Mercury Lounge.

00:21:57.000 I'm literally at the Mercury Lounge.

00:22:00.000 And I see Nick and he goes, you got a lot of nerve showing your fucking face around here.

00:22:03.000 I guess that's their club.

00:22:05.000 Because they play there a bunch, they think they own it.

00:22:08.000 And I go, I had just had like a shot and I felt like fighting and it was just the perfect time for a confrontation.

00:22:14.000 I said, what the?

00:22:15.000 I laughed in his face.

00:22:16.000 I go, what the fuck are you going to do, Nick?

00:22:17.000 Do you think you're the mafia?

00:22:19.000 You think you run New York City?

00:22:20.000 You fucking loser.

00:22:22.000 And then he, then I saw him again that night, I think, and it was by a fruit stand.

00:22:26.000 He was like, Gavin McKinnis is a fucking asshole.

00:22:29.000 And he like grabbed an orange off a fruit stand and threw it at me or something.

00:22:32.000 Anyway, we ended up getting over it and I apologized and we it was all water under the bridge.

00:22:41.000 But they were playing a show for Levi's.

00:22:44.000 This is probably 2000 maybe, 2001.

00:22:48.000 And Outcast had just played the rap band and Andre 3000 was standing next to me and we were watching the show and I was watching Andre 3000 because I saw a penny drop and I saw him discover rock live right before my eyes.

00:23:08.000 He was like this.

00:23:10.000 And then when they're like, that had never occurred to him that to make like jangly classic Rolling Stones hipster rock.

00:23:19.000 He'd never heard it before.

00:23:21.000 And guess what happened right after that?

00:23:23.000 He quit Outcast and he released Heya.

00:23:26.000 So I saw Heiya being born in his head.

00:23:32.000 And then I remember I interviewed Albert a couple years later and he was a total fucking drug addict.

00:23:39.000 Great guy, but a total fucking drug addict.

00:23:42.000 Always surrounded by models.

00:23:43.000 All the guys in that band could just fuck whoever they want.

00:23:45.000 I don't know why Fabrizio chose Drew Barrymore, the coolest and prettiest four in America.

00:23:53.000 Oh shit, that's it?

00:23:54.000 Is that it?

00:23:55.000 No, that's 2011.

00:23:55.000 Yeah.

00:23:56.000 Oh, no.

00:23:57.000 Fuck.

00:23:58.000 Way to go, Ryan.

00:23:59.000 What year was it again?

00:24:00.000 2000.

00:24:01.000 Oh, I see.

00:24:02.000 Yeah.

00:24:05.000 And he was like, hey, I couldn't tell if he was on heroin or MDMA because he took his shoes off and he kept like rubbing his toes into the carpet.

00:24:13.000 Is that a heroin thing?

00:24:14.000 He had an appetite, though.

00:24:16.000 We ate steak.

00:24:17.000 So that implies that he's not on heroin.

00:24:19.000 Anyway, my final story with them is Albert and I had the same lawn guy.

00:24:28.000 Can we go back to their new album?

00:24:30.000 People can hear that in the background.

00:24:32.000 And Albert Hammond Jr., the basis for the strokes, taught me what tits are about inadvertently.

00:24:40.000 And I'll explain it to you now.

00:24:41.000 Jim Goad and I always talked about this.

00:24:43.000 We're not tit guys.

00:24:44.000 We're ass guys.

00:24:45.000 And we're always like, what do you do with tits?

00:24:47.000 I don't get tits.

00:24:48.000 You lick them?

00:24:50.000 Girls don't really want their nipples licked.

00:24:52.000 I guess you can fuck them.

00:24:53.000 But I never really got tits.

00:24:56.000 And so Scott comes by, the lawn dude, Scott Halleck.

00:25:01.000 And I go, how's Albert's place looking?

00:25:04.000 Because he just built a studio and all this stuff.

00:25:06.000 He goes, looks great.

00:25:07.000 And I hear he's got a new girlfriend hanging around.

00:25:10.000 And Scott goes, yeah.

00:25:11.000 And I go, she must be, I mean, I've never not seen him with the 10, so she just must be a fucking smoke show.

00:25:17.000 Can't wait to meet her.

00:25:18.000 And he goes, meh.

00:25:21.000 And I go, what do you mean?

00:25:22.000 And he goes, not my cup of tea.

00:25:25.000 And I go, what's your problem now, Scott?

00:25:28.000 And he goes, she has no tits.

00:25:30.000 And I'm a tit guy.

00:25:32.000 And I go, oh, good.

00:25:32.000 I get to finally meet one of you people.

00:25:34.000 I go, what is your big deal?

00:25:36.000 What's tits anyway?

00:25:37.000 Like, do you lick them?

00:25:38.000 And he goes, no.

00:25:39.000 Look, I'm 6'5.

00:25:41.000 I weigh 300 pounds.

00:25:42.000 If I'm with someone without tits, it's just like too small.

00:25:46.000 And when you fuck a woman with big tits, they go concentric, woman, woman, womb.

00:25:52.000 And I was like, thank you.

00:25:55.000 I finally get tits.

00:25:58.000 It's a visual thing.

00:25:59.000 You don't play with them per se.

00:26:01.000 You just, they're there.

00:26:04.000 That's it.

00:26:05.000 They're there.

00:26:08.000 Anyway, that's all my stories about the strokes.

00:26:12.000 Fucking Carol Baskins told me to tell you those fucking stories.

00:26:15.000 I went way too goddamn fucking low.

00:26:17.000 She doesn't like the strokes.

00:26:19.000 She thinks they're one of the best bands out there.

00:26:21.000 Wait.

00:26:23.000 Worst bands.

00:26:23.000 Worst.

00:26:25.000 I was doing home repairs this weekend and I was the Tiger King for like nine hours.

00:26:29.000 Just every time something went wrong with my project, I was the screen has got all pushed in so I had to take the slats off the door and re-staple the screen and then put them back.

00:26:37.000 And I was like, every time something broke, I go, fucking Carol Baskins.

00:26:41.000 Fucking bitch.

00:26:42.000 Every time I hit my thumb with a hammer, Carol fucking Baskins.

00:26:45.000 Ow!

00:26:47.000 Fucking bitch.

00:26:49.000 She's a bad woman.

00:26:51.000 And then I was like, I'm going to a fucking bar.

00:26:54.000 And I went to my locals, which all are boarded up.

00:26:57.000 They all look empty.

00:26:58.000 And I know the owners usually.

00:27:00.000 When you're my age, you tend to know the owners of the bars.

00:27:03.000 And I called them and I was like, you're not open, are you?

00:27:08.000 And they go, yeah, come on in the back.

00:27:10.000 And you couldn't see from the outside, but there they was.

00:27:13.000 And these guys have been going to bars the whole time.

00:27:15.000 You know what the fine is, by the way, if they get caught?

00:27:18.000 $20,000.

00:27:22.000 Isn't that a little excessive?

00:27:24.000 This fucking pandemic, I know I try to avoid talking about it, but it is so gay.

00:27:29.000 16,000 deaths.

00:27:31.000 Big fucking deal.

00:27:33.000 That's a strokes concert.

00:27:36.000 We had that with that band Great White, remember?

00:27:38.000 What are you doing right now, Ryan?

00:27:39.000 Dropping myself the karaoke vids.

00:27:42.000 Oh, yeah.

00:27:43.000 But I got to say, going to a bar, I almost had an orgasm.

00:27:49.000 We were telling jokes, laughing, bitching about women, talking about on the TV.

00:27:54.000 We see this, there was some documentary about Turkey, and they're showing all these Middle Eastern billionaires.

00:28:00.000 And I'm just like, why the fuck did we tell them that there's oil in the sand?

00:28:04.000 They never would have been able to get it out.

00:28:06.000 We should have said we were just cleaning the dirt and we're getting that gross oil gunk out and then sell them gas for the, but not that they need gas.

00:28:14.000 And then as I'm saying that, the guy on the video is riding a camel.

00:28:18.000 And I'm like, this is fucking high quality.

00:28:20.000 This is fun.

00:28:22.000 Going to a bar has nothing to do with drinking.

00:28:24.000 It has to do with men and camaraderie.

00:28:27.000 And I'm amazed that this cunt Chrissy tried to get me kicked out of my local bar.

00:28:32.000 It's an old man bar.

00:28:34.000 No one in the bar is under 70 years old.

00:28:36.000 And she thinks that they're going to side with her.

00:28:38.000 She looks like the lesbian from Orange is the New Black.

00:28:42.000 What the fuck do you think?

00:28:43.000 Do I go to vegan cafes and tell people to ban other customers?

00:28:48.000 No, you're fucking place, women.

00:28:50.000 This is my new problem, by the way.

00:28:51.000 And I brought this up at the bar.

00:28:53.000 It was very cathartic to release.

00:28:54.000 Women, the old days used to be someone touched your sister's ass and the brother and the dad and everyone around her would go kill the person.

00:29:04.000 Not kill, but you know what I mean.

00:29:05.000 She wouldn't do anything.

00:29:06.000 She'd go, oh my God, that was terrible.

00:29:08.000 Now, the girl's going, what the fuck, bitch?

00:29:10.000 What you want to do, nigga?

00:29:12.000 You want to fucking front?

00:29:13.000 I'll take you out, motherfucker.

00:29:15.000 And then she just gets sucked.

00:29:17.000 And I saw this video.

00:29:18.000 This girl was getting, maybe you can find it actually.

00:29:21.000 It was on Public Freakout Reddit Shoplift.

00:29:24.000 Look up Shoplifting.

00:29:25.000 It's some black guy, and he's working security at a CVS, and he has to hold this woman down.

00:29:32.000 She's like, you can't detain me.

00:29:33.000 Fuck off.

00:29:34.000 Spoiled brat.

00:29:35.000 She thinks she can take him, too.

00:29:36.000 Like, it hasn't occurred to her that she can overpower him.

00:29:42.000 Let me see that?

00:29:43.000 Oh, you want to see it?

00:29:44.000 No, that's not it.

00:29:44.000 Okay.

00:29:45.000 She's inside the CVS wrestling with a CVS.

00:29:49.000 I don't know if it's a CVS, but anyway, they don't really have to see the video.

00:29:53.000 And so feminism is ruining women.

00:29:55.000 And so this woman is trying to bite him and punch him and thinks she can take him.

00:29:59.000 And he's like, he's from fucking Africa.

00:30:00.000 Okay?

00:30:01.000 You think you're tough now?

00:30:03.000 Come to Africa.

00:30:04.000 You know the song, Afrikan Boy?

00:30:07.000 No, don't look it up by CVS.

00:30:09.000 I don't know the name of the drugstore.

00:30:11.000 Look up Shoplifter.

00:30:14.000 Didn't I say that?

00:30:20.000 Lady freaks out after caught shoplifting.

00:30:22.000 That it is.

00:30:23.000 That it is?

00:30:25.000 Yes, I think so.

00:30:28.000 Let us look and see.

00:30:30.000 Yeah, this is it.

00:30:30.000 This is it.

00:30:32.000 We're going to call the police and deal with this the right way.

00:30:32.000 I'm not going to let go.

00:30:35.000 That's not the right way.

00:30:37.000 By the way, when I said you think you're tough now, come to Africa.

00:30:39.000 I was quoting the rapper African Boy.

00:30:42.000 You're not going to go anywhere.

00:30:43.000 We're going to call the police.

00:30:44.000 Yeah, you know, I'll have to see you when you assault someone.

00:30:47.000 You'll go to fucking jail.

00:30:49.000 Good, good.

00:30:52.000 Yeah.

00:30:52.000 We'll see, okay?

00:30:53.000 Okay, so this, scroll forward a little bit.

00:30:54.000 So I've already explained why feminism has ruined hers, right?

00:30:58.000 First of all, women didn't really shoplift before feminism.

00:31:02.000 But if this was, you know, a generation ago, she'd just go, oh, great, I'm caught.

00:31:05.000 How embarrassing.

00:31:06.000 Not, I'm going to take out this black security guard.

00:31:08.000 Couldn't you just let go and leave?

00:31:10.000 And here's her purse.

00:31:15.000 This bitch is why you're not kicking me.

00:31:18.000 This bitch.

00:31:18.000 She didn't say you raped me in the parking lot.

00:31:20.000 He hurt me in the parking lot.

00:31:22.000 He threw me and hurt my arm.

00:31:22.000 Oh, yeah.

00:31:24.000 Okay, go forward a little bit because there's this woman in the video, and I was talking about her in the bar yesterday, who just thinks she is the mother of Earth.

00:31:34.000 Like, what is all this?

00:31:35.000 I keep having these women come up to me, too.

00:31:37.000 Like, remember I told you about in Disneyland where this woman goes, yeah, actually, the buses, you want to wait here, and then the buses, they come every 10 minutes, but yeah, the last bus is at five.

00:31:45.000 And then I looked it up later.

00:31:46.000 She was wrong.

00:31:47.000 But like, why are you fucking...

00:31:54.000 And this fucking stranger woman comes over and she goes, yeah, if you lose your social security card, it's a real hassle to get.

00:32:02.000 So I wouldn't carry that around your wallet.

00:32:04.000 I hear that too.

00:32:05.000 Thanks for the tip, bitch.

00:32:07.000 From women.

00:32:08.000 And by the way, it's really easy to replace your social security card.

00:32:11.000 Yeah, I did it.

00:32:12.000 You just go, I lost three.

00:32:14.000 You just go to the place super early so you don't have to wait too long and they send you one in the mail.

00:32:18.000 All right.

00:32:20.000 This is the bitch I'm talking about.

00:32:21.000 Not the one in the blue.

00:32:25.000 Look at her.

00:32:27.000 I'm telling you.

00:32:29.000 I'm telling you, she's monitoring the whole thing.

00:32:33.000 All right, I'll handle this.

00:32:35.000 I'm the boss of the world.

00:32:37.000 Look, don't!

00:32:38.000 He's still smaller than you!

00:32:40.000 I'm not good enough.

00:32:42.000 Look, don't!

00:32:43.000 She's smaller than you!

00:32:45.000 Don't bite him either!

00:32:48.000 Stop it!

00:32:49.000 Just pause.

00:32:49.000 Don't hear that?

00:32:51.000 Stop!

00:32:52.000 Remember, she's smaller than you.

00:32:52.000 Stop!

00:32:55.000 And don't bite him either!

00:32:57.000 Where the fuck are you, lady?

00:32:59.000 Get out of here.

00:33:02.000 Oh, really?

00:33:04.000 Don't you hit her!

00:33:05.000 Stop it!

00:33:06.000 Don't you hit her!

00:33:07.000 He's still smaller than you!

00:33:09.000 I'm not hitting her!

00:33:10.000 I'm hitting myself!

00:33:12.000 Stop it!

00:33:14.000 Don't bite him either!

00:33:16.000 Stop it!

00:33:18.000 You're getting filmed, ma'am, and everybody is pointing at me.

00:33:22.000 She's literally wagging her finger.

00:33:23.000 Does she even work there?

00:33:24.000 No!

00:33:29.000 Oh, no!

00:33:31.000 Stop it!

00:33:33.000 Look at her smug face.

00:33:34.000 Yeah, look, that's the uniform they wear.

00:33:36.000 They wear blue poles.

00:33:37.000 She's got purple sleeves.

00:33:38.000 She's just some cunt who's going to tell you how to live your life.

00:33:41.000 Look at her.

00:33:42.000 Her smug chin up.

00:33:43.000 Arms crossed.

00:33:45.000 What have we done to women?

00:33:46.000 He's like, go ahead, continue.

00:33:47.000 But we've turned them all into school marms and bitches.

00:33:51.000 If you guys have business, please go ahead and do your business.

00:33:55.000 Okay.

00:33:56.000 She's a normal woman from the olden days.

00:33:59.000 Watch your mouth.

00:34:00.000 Watch your mouth.

00:34:01.000 What?

00:34:02.000 Watch your mouth.

00:34:06.000 There's a physical.

00:34:07.000 And he's even looking at her like, what the deal?

00:34:10.000 Yeah.

00:34:11.000 Did you give birth to us?

00:34:14.000 Okay.

00:34:15.000 Let's go now.

00:34:17.000 Yeah, Tony is recording for no purposes.

00:34:18.000 We'll see where they're getting, okay?

00:34:23.000 The police all consent to your job.

00:34:23.000 Yeah.

00:34:26.000 I heard people say, "We can't." Anyway, the cops show up.

00:34:32.000 Come here.

00:34:34.000 This is a good lesson, by the way, people.

00:34:36.000 Listen.

00:34:38.000 No fucking around.

00:34:41.000 If you turn around on me, it's going to be bad for you.

00:34:43.000 You face the other way.

00:34:44.000 Got it?

00:34:44.000 Don't move.

00:34:45.000 Put your feet together.

00:34:48.000 Feet together.

00:34:49.000 Face away from me.

00:34:50.000 It's going to be bad for you.

00:34:50.000 You turn around on me.

00:34:51.000 Just handles it in a second.

00:34:54.000 You can tell this guy's dealt with these crazy bitches eight million times.

00:34:58.000 All right.

00:34:59.000 Let's get into the show.

00:35:00.000 Shall we begin the show?

00:35:02.000 I told you every single stroke story I know.

00:35:07.000 You don't care, but you will after you hear the album because it's really good.

00:35:13.000 God, can you stop sending me this polyamorous couple that we covered on the show?

00:35:20.000 I've really had enough.

00:35:22.000 I've gotten about 100 posts and emails and messages about this goddamn couple.

00:35:30.000 What did I do?

00:35:30.000 Number 23?

00:35:31.000 Yeah, 23.

00:35:34.000 So do you have the episode that we did it?

00:35:37.000 Yes.

00:35:37.000 Pull that up.

00:35:39.000 So there's the guy.

00:35:40.000 Remember him?

00:35:41.000 He was the one who went, yay!

00:35:43.000 And we obviously could tell from the start that this was bullshit.

00:35:46.000 Look, two Gavs.

00:35:49.000 They're in a relationship with five people, and I'm in a relationship with myself.

00:35:53.000 You could tell he's going to do something.

00:35:55.000 Look at his face.

00:35:56.000 Yeah.

00:35:57.000 So only two of us are actual as Rat Boy.

00:36:02.000 Yeah.

00:36:03.000 ...tually any good at open communication.

00:36:05.000 It helps if you know the person.

00:36:07.000 Okay, go.

00:36:09.000 An example, seeing her with Ethan.

00:36:11.000 Here, go forward to the guy who did the crime.

00:36:14.000 There he is.

00:36:15.000 Her and Chris was a bitch.

00:36:19.000 So I think Rat Boy impregnated her, right?

00:36:22.000 Oh, yeah.

00:36:23.000 And then this guy must have hated that fact that he was looking after this baby.

00:36:26.000 Look at, I fucking hate my life.

00:36:31.000 So that guy beat the shit out of the baby.

00:36:34.000 Almost killed it.

00:36:36.000 It was hospitalized in intensive care.

00:36:38.000 I actually have footage of the baby, not the baby beaten, but if you go to 2-4-4.

00:36:45.000 And you grab a fucking 2-4.

00:36:47.000 Now, you know, you tell us that everyone's the same and we have to be more open-minded.

00:36:53.000 And, you know, monogamy is a thing of the past.

00:36:56.000 And all us traditionalists are wrong.

00:36:57.000 We have new ideas now.

00:36:59.000 It's the year 2020.

00:37:01.000 Wake up, get woke.

00:37:03.000 Don't make fun of nerds.

00:37:04.000 Nerds are tough.

00:37:05.000 Fat people aren't out of shape.

00:37:07.000 They're just big bone.

00:37:08.000 They're different.

00:37:09.000 Don't have a problem with refugees.

00:37:12.000 All cultures are the same.

00:37:14.000 And just trust us.

00:37:15.000 We want to smash the patriarchy because we have something better to replace it with.

00:37:15.000 We know what we're doing.

00:37:20.000 And what do they do?

00:37:21.000 Jeopardize the safety of newborns.

00:37:24.000 What a piece of shark.

00:37:24.000 Great.

00:37:25.000 Trust your fucking instincts is the moral of that story.

00:37:32.000 Another thing people keep sending me, fucking Carol Baskins.

00:37:37.000 One, two.

00:37:39.000 Bill Maher is in big shit because he said, yeah, it's from China.

00:37:45.000 It can call it the China virus.

00:37:47.000 We do that with all our diseases.

00:37:47.000 I know.

00:37:49.000 And look how mad.

00:37:50.000 Well, first you can just play it.

00:37:51.000 I assume everyone's seen this by now, right?

00:37:53.000 Finally, new rule.

00:37:54.000 You can't yell at someone for breaking a rule you just made up.

00:37:58.000 Scientists, yes, scientists who are generally pretty liberal, have this delivery so bad.

00:38:04.000 They've been after the places they came from for a very long time.

00:38:08.000 Zika is from the Zika forest.

00:38:11.000 Ebola from the Ebola River.

00:38:13.000 Hantavirus, the Hantan River.

00:38:16.000 There's the West Nile virus and guinea worm and Rocky Mountain spotted fever and of course the Spanish flu.

00:38:24.000 MERS stands for Middle Eastern, right?

00:38:29.000 It's such a simple point.

00:38:31.000 So benign, right?

00:38:34.000 But look at the reactions.

00:38:37.000 Wait.

00:38:42.000 Wait, finally came out of his woodwork.

00:38:46.000 See, I haven't checked this in a while, but there's a lot of people saying, I don't have time for this racist bullshit.

00:38:51.000 Look, go up, wait.

00:38:52.000 We should blame China.

00:38:53.000 Bill Marun Loads or No, no, that's not it.

00:38:55.000 The Diamond Silk, of course, are going to be cool.

00:38:58.000 See if you can find people Freaking out.

00:39:02.000 Probably on that video and the reactions to it.

00:39:06.000 Thank you.

00:39:11.000 Only thing, well, these are people agreeing.

00:39:12.000 These are all positive.

00:39:13.000 See, while I talk, see if you can find it.

00:39:15.000 But when I first dug up that Twitter moment, it was all these people furious with him about what a racist piece of shit he is.

00:39:21.000 And you'll notice, by the way, whenever they hurl this accusation, it's never based on facts.

00:39:26.000 It's always just, I'm so sick of this racist piece of shit.

00:39:28.000 The end.

00:39:29.000 And they always say that, too.

00:39:30.000 That's the new phrase, racist piece of shit.

00:39:32.000 And they don't have to explain why we should just make this one virus not be linked to its origin.

00:39:40.000 Why are these people so quick to kiss the ass of foreign superpowers like China?

00:39:46.000 Or you look at Al Jazeera, right?

00:39:48.000 Remember I showed his name the other day?

00:39:50.000 Muhammad Sheikh Malik Banin Barin bin Min Laden bin Omamed bin Mina.

00:39:56.000 They pay millions of dollars to propagate this, you know, Islamophobia myth and say that, oh, America is so racist towards Muslims.

00:40:05.000 They are just exactly like China.

00:40:07.000 And you have these fucking cucks at AJ Plus, these comedians, so happy to kiss their ass and propagate their propaganda.

00:40:14.000 It's downright embarrassing.

00:40:15.000 That's, again, a common theme with this show is I don't mind that we have enemies.

00:40:19.000 I don't mind that people are together.

00:40:21.000 I don't mind that China, I assumed a communist country was going to fuck with us.

00:40:25.000 I just hate how easy it is to make people do their bidding.

00:40:30.000 Like all these people defending China.

00:40:32.000 Bill Margo's on a despicably racist.

00:40:32.000 Oh, there we go.

00:40:36.000 First of all, China's not a race, but okay.

00:40:41.000 Says he has every right to call it the Chinese virus.

00:40:44.000 Now, this really baffled me because I honestly, like, sometimes I get the left and I understand why they're pissed off, but I disagree.

00:40:52.000 But this one I did not get at all.

00:40:56.000 No, these are all pro, dude.

00:40:58.000 Maybe next time I do this, what's this?

00:41:01.000 Go up or go up?

00:41:02.000 Linda Sarsur.

00:41:03.000 Bilmar has been a racist, misogynist Islamophobe for years, and all of a sudden everyone was like, that's Linda Sarseur.

00:41:10.000 Wow.

00:41:11.000 You know, I know what their problem is, too.

00:41:13.000 They kept bringing this up.

00:41:14.000 He had Sam Harris on the show.

00:41:16.000 And Bilma is a Jew and he's pro-Israel.

00:41:18.000 He's a Zionist, so he hates Islam in Palestine.

00:41:21.000 So when Sam Harris starts bitching about religion, he likes to focus on Islam.

00:41:26.000 Yeah.

00:41:27.000 And that means he's racist, so that's why he'll never be in The Last Good Book.

00:41:31.000 What's Best Kalb got to say?

00:41:32.000 A lot of people plying on Bill Maher, but he's really one of my favorite.

00:41:35.000 Oh.

00:41:35.000 Up and leaving comedians.

00:41:38.000 Up and leaving.

00:41:39.000 Oh, I get it because he's such a loser.

00:41:41.000 You know what's funny about the rights?

00:41:43.000 Let's see what Eugene.

00:41:44.000 This guy is unbearable.

00:41:45.000 Bill Maher once used the N-word and now calls the coronavirus the Chinese virus, even after Asian Americans have been beaten on the streets.

00:41:55.000 Well, the H1N1 swine flu came from factory farms in America.

00:41:59.000 Nobody calls it the American pig flu or demand we stop eating pork and chickens.

00:42:04.000 So we shouldn't stop eating bats, Eugene?

00:42:06.000 Is that what you're trying to say?

00:42:08.000 Bill Maher's a racist, misogynist, Islamophobic shithead.

00:42:12.000 Fuck him.

00:42:13.000 But you know how the right, oh, this is my favorite thing.

00:42:14.000 If he says one thing in the richest racism, what?

00:42:18.000 Like, if you say one thing, if you're on the left correctly, the right will embrace you.

00:42:22.000 Like, in Coulter, it was like, oh, this is great.

00:42:25.000 You're not doomed forever and ever and ever in the eyes of the right.

00:42:29.000 Rich white guy serves up blazing hot take about why it's cool to keep doing the racist shit that rich white guys already do without consequence.

00:42:39.000 How ironic that she's being racist.

00:42:43.000 Here's another interesting story on racism.

00:42:48.000 Go to 1.8.

00:42:49.000 This is the police were trying to enforce safe distancing.

00:42:55.000 And Sean King is all about how this pandemic is hurting black people more.

00:43:01.000 Why is that an example of racism?

00:43:03.000 Well, you see, because of racism, blacks are forced to live in close quarters, unlike Ryan, who gets a whole mansion to himself, no?

00:43:12.000 And that means they can't practice social distancing.

00:43:15.000 They just can't.

00:43:16.000 In the projects, you just can't.

00:43:18.000 You can't stay in your apartment because of racism.

00:43:21.000 Okay, well, can we check in on one of these ghettos you're talking about, Sean?

00:43:24.000 Hoopsite.

00:43:28.000 I've never been to Hoopsite.

00:43:29.000 Look at them hacking all precious Jews.

00:43:29.000 I bet it's fun.

00:43:31.000 So then the police jeopardize their own safety and go, I guess I'll stand in between these guys.

00:43:39.000 I guess eventually they realize, look at that.

00:43:42.000 This is not, by the way, from today.

00:43:44.000 After I announced this is over.

00:43:46.000 This is like last week.

00:43:47.000 Look at them.

00:43:53.000 They're good.

00:43:56.000 Look at that.

00:43:58.000 This is exactly what I was saying about the way that police are treated in New York.

00:44:01.000 I don't know if this is New York, but that's the way they're treated here.

00:44:06.000 So go to 2-0.

00:44:09.000 So the health dude, whatever he's called, the health minister, says we have a problem with the black community.

00:44:15.000 It's spreading way too fast there, disproportionately fast.

00:44:18.000 So do it for your sister.

00:44:20.000 Do it for Big Mama.

00:44:21.000 And now he's in trouble because he called out blacks.

00:44:25.000 And that's racist.

00:44:28.000 What?

00:44:31.000 I have a quick question for you.

00:44:32.000 You said that African Americans and Latinos should avoid alcohol.

00:44:38.000 I have a quick question for you.

00:44:39.000 You said that African Americans and Latinos should avoid alcohol, drugs, and tobacco.

00:44:45.000 You also said do it for your Mueller, do it for Big Mama and Pop Pop.

00:44:49.000 There are some people already on.

00:44:50.000 She should pause.

00:44:51.000 There's some people online that are already on.

00:44:53.000 What would you say she is out of 10?

00:44:56.000 I don't see a she there.

00:44:58.000 I mean, is there somebody in the background, in the locker?

00:45:01.000 I want to save like one and two for Tarana Burke, but I guess that's a 2.9.

00:45:07.000 Oh, I saw a Tarana Burke that looks like Tarana Burke with smooth skin.

00:45:11.000 And I was like, so if Tarana Burke's a one, you know, I think she's only like a 1.2.

00:45:18.000 This is a 2.9.

00:45:19.000 Anyway, go ahead.

00:45:20.000 ...by that language and the idea that you're saying behaviors might be leading to these high death rates.

00:45:26.000 Could you talk about whether or not people could you, I guess, have a response to See the video we just showed, lady?

00:45:31.000 Well, I use that language because that's the language.

00:45:34.000 I've been meeting with the NAACP, with the National Medical Association, with others.

00:45:39.000 I actually talked with Derek.

00:45:42.000 We are so petrified of racism that black people are tripping over themselves to prove that they're not racist.

00:45:48.000 I meet with the NAACP.

00:45:50.000 I'm not racist.

00:45:51.000 Look, I even got the skin.

00:45:52.000 My me is black.

00:45:54.000 Some of my best me's are black.

00:45:57.000 Johnson, multiple times this week, the head of the NAACP, and we need targeted outreach to the African-American community.

00:46:04.000 And I use the language that is used in my skin lisp.

00:46:09.000 I have a Puerto Rican brother-in-law.

00:46:12.000 Oh, my.

00:46:13.000 Blacks are saying I have a lot of people that's farther down the ladder than black.

00:46:18.000 Don't go away.

00:46:19.000 Just touch yourself.

00:46:21.000 Just fucking pull on your skin.

00:46:22.000 You don't have to find a Puerto Rican brother-in-law.

00:46:25.000 Jesus Christ.

00:46:26.000 Call my granddaddy granddaddy.

00:46:29.000 I have relatives who call their grandparents big mama.

00:46:34.000 So that was not meant to be offensive.

00:46:35.000 That's the language that we use and that I use.

00:46:38.000 And we need to continue to target our outreach to those communities.

00:46:43.000 I wish Trump just stepped in.

00:46:44.000 You know what's going on here?

00:46:46.000 If something is bad for blacks, it's racist.

00:46:49.000 And I said this on the other show.

00:46:51.000 If you went through the city, say you were the city comp, sorry, city controller.

00:46:56.000 Don't call it comp troller.

00:46:58.000 Yes, it's spelled comp troller, but it's pronounced controller.

00:47:02.000 So say you're the city controller and you go, what the hell?

00:47:05.000 I'm going through these invoices.

00:47:07.000 You guys, no one is paying any of their parking tickets.

00:47:10.000 From now on, anytime you do give a parking ticket and you see that they already have fines, just tow the car.

00:47:17.000 We got to clean this out.

00:47:18.000 This is crazy, man.

00:47:20.000 We have no authority.

00:47:21.000 Not that I like parking tickets.

00:47:22.000 It's just an analogy.

00:47:23.000 Relax.

00:47:24.000 And so they started doing that.

00:47:27.000 If the result of that was a lot of black people having their cars towed, then that would be a racist law.

00:47:35.000 This is the logic of the left.

00:47:38.000 So the other day, when they said we're going to increase the amount of officers in the subway, well, that would lead to more blacks getting arrested.

00:47:48.000 No one looks into why, by the way.

00:47:50.000 Like, aren't they committing more crimes?

00:47:53.000 So having more police presence in the subway is racist.

00:47:58.000 Do you get it?

00:47:59.000 So sickle cell anemia is racist because it disproportionately hurts blacks.

00:48:06.000 A disease can be racist in this new modern logic.

00:48:10.000 I guess snow, isn't snow racist?

00:48:13.000 Do blacks tolerate cold less well than, say, Norwegians and Swedes?

00:48:19.000 Doesn't that make cold racist?

00:48:22.000 Yeah.

00:48:24.000 Another group, by the way, who is not practicing social distancing is Hasidic Jews.

00:48:28.000 They did not take a beat.

00:48:31.000 They did not take a one-second timeout.

00:48:33.000 There has been zero difference in the Hasidic Jewish community in Brooklyn.

00:48:37.000 They are having weddings.

00:48:39.000 They're having parties.

00:48:40.000 They're just hanging out.

00:48:42.000 Look at this.

00:48:45.000 Hi.

00:48:48.000 I've never not lived around Hasids my entire adult life.

00:48:52.000 And I'm just fascinated by how unassimilated a group can be.

00:48:56.000 They all look like they're...

00:48:59.000 They all look shady.

00:49:00.000 They're unassimilation.

00:49:01.000 Like they're all up to no good.

00:49:02.000 They just look suspicious.

00:49:04.000 What the hell is this?

00:49:06.000 Why are they just standing in the street?

00:49:09.000 That's like the busiest neighborhood.

00:49:10.000 Like, take COVID and the cops out of the equation.

00:49:12.000 That's the busiest neighborhood I've ever seen.

00:49:18.000 So I guess the cops just sit there with their sirens going?

00:49:32.000 Did you read my book, by the way?

00:49:34.000 No, not overnight.

00:49:36.000 Since you suggested it to me last night.

00:49:39.000 Because there's a scene in it when there was a blackout in New York and we were naked dancing in the fountains and the cops showed up and we turned the fountain off.

00:49:47.000 I can't remember what happened with the fountain, but anyway, we stopped the music and we went, oh shit, we're going to get arrested.

00:49:52.000 And the cop stands parked there and we're all like, uh-oh, here we go.

00:49:56.000 Kind of exactly like this.

00:49:58.000 And then on the loudspeaker, you know what he did?

00:50:00.000 He goes, start spreading the news.

00:50:07.000 We turn the music back on and we're spraying beer on each other.

00:50:10.000 That's amazing.

00:50:11.000 One of the greatest nights of my life.

00:50:12.000 I'll read your book.

00:50:18.000 Also in the Corona news, I know I said I wouldn't do Corona news.

00:50:21.000 This isn't really Corona news.

00:50:23.000 Like, I'm not sitting here telling you what the long-term effects and where the curve is and all that shit.

00:50:28.000 This is just dumb stories.

00:50:29.000 It's taken over the news, so I can't not mention shit.

00:50:32.000 But do you remember this adorable story about a guy who met a girl on a roof, 1-3, dating by drone?

00:50:43.000 And he wrote his phone number on a drone and flew it over to her.

00:50:47.000 Isn't that adorable?

00:50:49.000 If something seems too cute to be true, it is likely not.

00:50:53.000 Hi, I'm just a friend.

00:50:58.000 Don't worry, there's plenty of them.

00:50:59.000 1-4?

00:51:01.000 Oh, it's so adorable.

00:51:04.000 And they had dinner together, but apart.

00:51:07.000 So she had her little dinner on the rooftop, and he had his little dinner on the rooftop.

00:51:11.000 Oh my God, then they did go on a date, and he was in a ball the whole time.

00:51:16.000 Isn't that adorable?

00:51:18.000 Isn't that the cutest thing you've ever seen?

00:51:23.000 And now they're in love.

00:51:24.000 You know, you can't stop love.

00:51:27.000 Love always finds a way.

00:51:29.000 As Karis once said, love's gonna get you, sucker.

00:51:32.000 Let's watch the video.

00:51:34.000 Oh, saw this girl dancing.

00:51:38.000 I needed to say hi to her, so I waved out on the balcony.

00:51:41.000 She waved back.

00:51:43.000 I grabbed my tape, pen, drone, and paper.

00:51:45.000 Wait a minute.

00:51:46.000 That's a $1,500 drone.

00:51:48.000 You just flew that?

00:51:49.000 Flirting is normally daunting for me.

00:51:51.000 Aren't you worried you weren't going to get it back?

00:51:52.000 I was in my apartment for a week now.

00:51:53.000 I was craving some social interaction.

00:51:55.000 2020 has been off to a terrible start, but I still needed to shoot my shot.

00:52:00.000 She picked up my drone, and I guess it worked, because I got a text from her an hour later.

00:52:04.000 Like for part two.

00:52:05.000 I still can't believe this happened the other day.

00:52:07.000 Now it's time for part two.

00:52:08.000 I asked her.

00:52:09.000 Yeah, you were dancing on the roof.

00:52:10.000 Why wouldn't you just dance in your living room, you lying bitch?

00:52:12.000 I needed to freshen up.

00:52:13.000 So I shaved, brushed, flossed, and did a couple push-ups.

00:52:16.000 The barbershop is closed.

00:52:18.000 So go to 1-7.

00:52:20.000 What an annoying dickweed.

00:52:24.000 Others wondered how.

00:52:28.000 Yeah, Katz and Cohen were both working on rooftop photography projects that week and followed each other on Instagram previous to this meetup.

00:52:38.000 You don't say.

00:52:40.000 Cohen said that since posting his first video, he's seen massive increase in TikTok followers, going from around 15,000 to 600,000.

00:52:45.000 His photography recently featured in New York magazine.

00:52:48.000 And every time he gets interviewed, he has these lapses of memory where he goes, I don't really remember exactly what happened.

00:52:54.000 It was kind of weird.

00:52:55.000 It's just a hustle.

00:52:56.000 They increased their followers on Instagram.

00:52:58.000 And because they're both photographers, that translates to money.

00:53:02.000 So look at that.

00:53:03.000 Cover of New York magazine.

00:53:05.000 Fuck, this goes back to what I was saying about how easily we are to dupe.

00:53:10.000 It's so easy to fuck with us and trick us and have AJ Plus and George Soros make us dance like little marionettes.

00:53:17.000 It's embarrassing.

00:53:18.000 Fucking, China has a communist terrorist as the head of the World Health Organization and nobody noticed.

00:53:24.000 We've got that Tennessee Valley company that handles electricity for the government, getting it from the dams to various clients.

00:53:32.000 He makes $8 million a year.

00:53:34.000 Like, how are these hustles so easy to pull off?

00:53:38.000 It's fucking embarrassing.

00:53:39.000 We're always going to have enemies, but I just don't like it when our enemies can just snap their fingers and we start dancing.

00:53:50.000 Okay, I think we're almost ready for the mailbag, you guys.

00:53:58.000 We should check in on Nate Ober.

00:54:00.000 Yeah, we should check in on Nate Ober.

00:54:03.000 He was doing self-quarantine way before any of us even knew it was a thing.

00:54:08.000 I'm Ada Broughtwurst.

00:54:09.000 I'm dancing to Mustercraft.

00:54:12.000 I'm going to be reviewing various white foundations from Sephora today.

00:54:19.000 Malik Panak.

00:54:23.000 Are we bagging?

00:54:24.000 Yeah.

00:54:25.000 Carol begging.

00:54:26.000 Ryan shut up.

00:54:28.000 You don't have a death.

00:54:31.000 Let's turn the priest again.

00:54:36.000 Let me touch you.

00:54:38.000 How long have we been talking for?

00:54:40.000 It's been 56 minutes.

00:54:43.000 Good.

00:54:44.000 That means we have a little bit of time to do this mailbag.

00:54:47.000 This is from Brody.

00:54:48.000 Hey, Bro.

00:54:49.000 Dude, your name sucks, by the way.

00:54:52.000 You know that, right?

00:54:53.000 That's a really unfortunate name.

00:54:56.000 Hey, boys, just a quick realization that today, do you think under any form of questioning, a member of the left would not forgive German police, German people currently in Germany for their grandparents causing World War II and the Holocaust?

00:55:07.000 I think they would be forgiven instantly.

00:55:10.000 But try to form a question in which they would forgive any colonizing Western nation just for exploring and bringing up their advanced, or bringing their advanced ways to anywhere new in history.

00:55:20.000 Not the instant brushoff of the first group.

00:55:23.000 Germans in America or just average patriots can only be seen as the product of evil doings in the past.

00:55:29.000 Maybe this is not a new way of thinking about their insanity, but it is to me.

00:55:32.000 Could spark a good debate if they were not retarded.

00:55:35.000 You guys are the cheapest bang for anyone's buck.

00:55:37.000 And the maniac loves you guys.

00:55:38.000 I don't know what the maniac is.

00:55:39.000 That reminds me, by the way, of Ami Horowitz.

00:55:41.000 He's my buddy, my fellow Jew, my chosen brother.

00:55:46.000 Go to 1.6.

00:55:47.000 Ami is still working his ass off doing streeters.

00:55:50.000 I don't know.

00:55:51.000 When I do streeters, I can't get black people.

00:55:53.000 It's really rare to get black people.

00:55:56.000 But he has no problem doing it.

00:55:58.000 Anyway, he did a video for Prague or you where he said, would you, well, I'll just let it speak for itself.

00:56:07.000 I'm Ami Horowitz.

00:56:08.000 I'm here in the East Village.

00:56:10.000 We know the president is not exactly popular here.

00:56:13.000 How unpopular is Amy?

00:56:13.000 Also pretty bad name.

00:56:15.000 How unpopular is Amy?

00:56:20.000 Would you go for this dude?

00:56:22.000 Because that guy has a sticker that says assassinate the motherfucker already.

00:56:27.000 Do you know why they hate him so much?

00:56:30.000 Because he's racist and he hates gays.

00:56:34.000 Where did that fucking come from?

00:56:36.000 I guess because he said we want to close the border, so that means he hates all Mexicans.

00:56:40.000 And if you hate Mexicans, you probably hate blacks.

00:56:42.000 And if you hate blacks and Mexicans, well, you probably hate gays and trans.

00:56:45.000 I think that's their logic.

00:56:48.000 Coronavirus lasts longer and is more severe, but the president guarantees to lose the election.

00:56:55.000 That's a hard question.

00:56:58.000 So that's a hard question.

00:57:00.000 Just pause.

00:57:01.000 Remember how I was saying Americans would rather die than be seen as racist?

00:57:05.000 They would now rather die than allow someone who is rumored to be racist.

00:57:12.000 It's no longer about racism anymore.

00:57:14.000 It's about the implication that you might be.

00:57:16.000 That's now just as bad.

00:57:21.000 I don't know.

00:57:23.000 That's a hard choice to make.

00:57:24.000 Sorry, guys.

00:57:25.000 I would go for the longer virus.

00:57:27.000 Okay.

00:57:28.000 So just pause.

00:57:28.000 We've had 16,000 deaths, right, in probably two months.

00:57:33.000 So what are we now?

00:57:35.000 April?

00:57:36.000 May, June, July, August, September, October, November.

00:57:39.000 So it seems to be about 8,000 a month that die.

00:57:42.000 That's seven, 56,000 people dead.

00:57:46.000 You would like 56,000 people to die because you think Trump might be racist.

00:57:52.000 You would like to see Trump's face.

00:58:08.000 Okay, go ahead.

00:58:12.000 Even if he was racist, what policies does he have that you hate?

00:58:18.000 You know what I mean?

00:58:19.000 Does it kill Lyndon Johnson say the N-word every second?

00:58:19.000 Right.

00:58:23.000 I think he called his driver the N-word.

00:58:26.000 Wow.

00:58:26.000 I think he's Lyndon Johnson said something to his driver like, You can work as hard as you want.

00:58:31.000 You'll always be a fucking nigger.

00:58:33.000 Was he black?

00:58:34.000 Yeah.

00:58:35.000 No, he was a Chinese woman.

00:58:36.000 Well, I thought that would have been.

00:58:37.000 That's funny.

00:58:39.000 No matter what, yeah.

00:58:40.000 Would you make that deal?

00:58:42.000 Sure.

00:58:43.000 Sure.

00:58:44.000 I would.

00:58:45.000 Yep.

00:58:46.000 Yep.

00:58:46.000 Yeah.

00:58:47.000 Frankly, yes.

00:58:51.000 These are socialists.

00:58:52.000 Everyone in the Lowry's side, he's in the New York City's village Lowry's side.

00:58:56.000 They're all socialists.

00:58:56.000 And socialists do not have a problem with genocide.

00:58:59.000 I saw a video the other day of an old Chinese man getting the shit beaten out of him because he criticized Mao and he was in Beijing or something.

00:59:10.000 And these are all old Chinese guys, so they would remember the Cultural Revolution where 80 million people were murdered by a brutal dictator.

00:59:20.000 But don't talk shit on him.

00:59:22.000 The trains ran on time.

00:59:25.000 Absolutely.

00:59:26.000 Do you take that deal?

00:59:27.000 I would.

00:59:28.000 Let the coronavirus be more severe.

00:59:30.000 I'm not sure how the he himself got it, but he's more dangerous to the American people.

00:59:35.000 Give me more danger to the American people.

00:59:37.000 Give me an example of how.

00:59:39.000 Just pause.

00:59:42.000 I don't know what's happening.

00:59:44.000 I just lost my mouse or some shit.

00:59:47.000 Give me a specific.

00:59:48.000 Here's one example I can think of.

00:59:50.000 He said if you're trans, you can't be in the military.

00:59:53.000 Okay.

00:59:54.000 So that would suck if you're trans and you want to be in the military.

00:59:59.000 That's a thing, but I didn't know you were so passionate about military service and soldiers' rights.

01:00:05.000 I don't see you talking about the VA.

01:00:07.000 That's my problem with all this fake concern is it's not consistent.

01:00:12.000 So you're really into the military?

01:00:13.000 Are you?

01:00:14.000 Okay.

01:00:16.000 Absolutely.

01:00:17.000 More dangerous than the coronavirus?

01:00:18.000 Absolutely.

01:00:19.000 In what me?

01:00:21.000 Is there a number where you say, okay, I wouldn't make that deal?

01:00:24.000 Like a million deaths?

01:00:25.000 I would still make that deal.

01:00:26.000 Still make that death.

01:00:28.000 Is there a number of coronavirus deaths where you would say, I would change my position?

01:00:34.000 No, same with you?

01:00:34.000 No.

01:00:35.000 No?

01:00:36.000 What's the number?

01:00:36.000 Absolutely not.

01:00:38.000 Absolutely no.

01:00:39.000 Okay, pause.

01:00:40.000 No, I think he's stopped.

01:00:41.000 I'm going to risk you losing your mouse again.

01:00:42.000 This is a very important thing to do to Muslims.

01:00:46.000 This is a very important thing to do to liberals.

01:00:48.000 And I do this all the time.

01:00:50.000 Get them to name a number.

01:00:52.000 Socialism doesn't do well with numbers.

01:00:55.000 And so they have brainwashed all of their followers to never get specific.

01:00:59.000 So if you say to them, well, you're okay with open borders?

01:01:02.000 Yes.

01:01:05.000 There's like 30 million illegals here.

01:01:07.000 You probably say 14, whatever.

01:01:08.000 Let's just say 20.

01:01:09.000 When is too many illegals?

01:01:11.000 And they go, I don't think there is.

01:01:12.000 I mean, there's the Arizona desert and stuff.

01:01:14.000 They could go there.

01:01:15.000 Okay, so how about 200 million people?

01:01:18.000 Our population is 331 million.

01:01:20.000 How about adding 200 million illegals?

01:01:22.000 And they go, yeah, fine.

01:01:24.000 300 million?

01:01:25.000 Yeah, that's fine.

01:01:25.000 Should we double?

01:01:26.000 Fine.

01:01:27.000 Like, you can go up to 7 billion if you want.

01:01:29.000 And they'll go, yeah, sure.

01:01:30.000 I've done this with funding too.

01:01:32.000 They'll go, we need to pay our teachers better, more money.

01:01:35.000 Children are our future.

01:01:37.000 And I go, okay, I think we're up to like 50 grand per student per year is what we spend.

01:01:44.000 That seems like a lot, doesn't it?

01:01:46.000 No, it should be more.

01:01:48.000 Okay.

01:01:49.000 When should we cap it?

01:01:50.000 What if we're spending like 100 grand per student?

01:01:54.000 More.

01:01:56.000 A million dollars a student?

01:01:59.000 Yeah.

01:02:01.000 Well, you're a fucking retard.

01:02:03.000 You think you live in adventure land, adventure time land.

01:02:08.000 You're living in a cartoon.

01:02:09.000 Like these people are happy to...

01:02:16.000 So you just wiped out your entire community to get revenge on a guy you don't like because he's not Obama, because he's not a cool black guy.

01:02:25.000 While the majority of the people I came across would rather let people die than see Trump get re-elected, thankfully, it wasn't everyone.

01:02:33.000 I wouldn't want a longer coronavirus to guarantee Trump's not elected.

01:02:37.000 That's not right.

01:02:38.000 Oh, a sane person.

01:02:39.000 Rather have this over quicker?

01:02:41.000 A sane gay.

01:02:43.000 Not just because of a feeling you don't like somebody.

01:02:45.000 Oh, a sane gay man.

01:02:47.000 I mean, you wreaking havoc on the whole world because of one person.

01:02:51.000 Yeah.

01:02:51.000 That's not good.

01:02:52.000 You got to have a bit of soul.

01:02:53.000 You feel me?

01:02:55.000 That's what I'm screaming.

01:02:57.000 Find that black guy from our video drops.

01:03:01.000 See what I'm saying?

01:03:01.000 Oh.

01:03:02.000 See what I'm saying?

01:03:03.000 You should have had that ready.

01:03:05.000 We just clicked out of a video that you requested.

01:03:10.000 So anyway, that was a thought-provoking letter there.

01:03:12.000 Broad Undercover Froggy.

01:03:17.000 Going through old content and came across this gem.

01:03:20.000 Had to snapshot it.

01:03:21.000 Big love from Long On.

01:03:22.000 Thanks for keeping me sane, guys.

01:03:25.000 And he sent a picture from one of my Rebel videos where if you recall the bit here is these fat girls would duplicate model shoots.

01:03:37.000 Oh, they duplicated all right.

01:03:39.000 And my point was, this is meaner than jocks.

01:03:43.000 Like the most sexist frat you can imagine.

01:03:46.000 Hey, hey, you fat, ugly bitch.

01:03:48.000 Dress up like this so we can see how ridiculous you'd look.

01:03:51.000 Like, I guess they're just, they have too much self-esteem.

01:03:55.000 So they think we don't see a disgusting fat pig when we look at that.

01:03:58.000 We see like, we're stunned that she's so much prettier than the supermodel.

01:04:02.000 No, the supermodel's more attractive, dumbass.

01:04:05.000 Like, do it to me.

01:04:07.000 I might as well pose.

01:04:08.000 Remember there was that one, that fat Mexican who would dress up like Disney princesses to show you that fat women can be beautiful too?

01:04:16.000 I think that was Trisha Paytas.

01:04:18.000 She did it too, actually.

01:04:18.000 No.

01:04:19.000 This has happened more than once.

01:04:21.000 The one I'm thinking of is Mexican.

01:04:23.000 And so they'd have like Snow White, who's a fucking beautiful cartoon.

01:04:26.000 That's her job.

01:04:27.000 And then she would dress up as Snow White, just this big blimp Snow White.

01:04:31.000 And you're looking at it going, yeah, this is really mean because it really showcases how unattractive you are.

01:04:38.000 Was it this lady?

01:04:41.000 I don't see her around very much these days.

01:04:43.000 Let me see.

01:04:46.000 Hey, Lovelies.

01:04:46.000 Today I'm doing a Q ⁇ A video because it has been a very long video.

01:04:50.000 No, but this is someone else doing it, I believe.

01:04:52.000 I think I remember this one.

01:04:55.000 No, she doesn't get dressed in anything.

01:04:57.000 Trisha Paytas does, and it's pretty gross.

01:04:59.000 Gavin, with the world's largest hissy fit still among us, Did you notice that we successfully predicted that China's a shithole and their eating habits are disgusting?

01:05:15.000 Did you notice we successfully predicted Trump would win?

01:05:18.000 You know how many people laughed at me when I said Trump is going to win the election?

01:05:21.000 Do you know how many texts I got from Greg Guttfeld at Fox News going, your boy just fucked himself.

01:05:26.000 Party's over, my friend.

01:05:28.000 I have maybe 10 spread out a month apart of Greg saying, you're done, buddy.

01:05:35.000 Bye-bye.

01:05:36.000 Dana Lash, not Dana Lash, Kennedy at Fox Business bet me $100 on the air that he wouldn't win.

01:05:48.000 See what I'm saying?

01:05:49.000 See what I'm saying?

01:05:50.000 With the world's largest history fits no longer, how has the Libertarian Party not gained any traction?

01:05:55.000 The Libertarian Party and other third-party options seem to just be asleep at the wheel.

01:06:00.000 Who even is the Libertarian candidate?

01:06:02.000 I like your new sunglasses.

01:06:03.000 China is an ass-hoe.

01:06:04.000 China is an ass-hoe.

01:06:07.000 Dave Smith, I just texted him the other day.

01:06:10.000 He did a really good explanation on what happened to the Libertarian Party.

01:06:13.000 It sounds like it's all on Gary Johnson's shoulders.

01:06:16.000 Gary was a fucking uninformed pothead who didn't study for his questionnaires, didn't know where Aleppo was.

01:06:24.000 You know what the two things that killed the Libertarian Party?

01:06:26.000 One was Gary Johnson going, what's Aleppo?

01:06:30.000 And I know plenty of you guys at home don't know where Aleppo is or why it's relevant.

01:06:34.000 That's because it's not your job.

01:06:36.000 If you're running for president, you should know about Syria and conflict in the Middle East, and you should be familiar with fucking Aleppo.

01:06:44.000 Okay?

01:06:46.000 And the second one was right when libertarianism was really on fire.

01:06:51.000 I would say that was 2015.

01:06:53.000 And they had a big conference and some fat, stupid, shithead nerd took off all his clothes.

01:07:01.000 He was a candidate for some shit, I don't know.

01:07:03.000 Took off all his clothes and danced on stage in his underwear.

01:07:07.000 And that, I think what the general public, what they took away from that was, we don't want mainstream acceptance.

01:07:13.000 We want to stay on the fringes.

01:07:14.000 And I think the mainstream America went, okay, fine.

01:07:18.000 Why?

01:07:19.000 Stay on the fringes.

01:07:20.000 It's like the Sex Pistols.

01:07:21.000 When they started getting popular, they said, fuck this.

01:07:25.000 Yeah, this was the moment.

01:07:26.000 I guess the video is not available anymore.

01:07:28.000 That's it.

01:07:29.000 This and Gary Johnson not knowing what Aleppo is was the end of libertarians forever.

01:07:34.000 And it was self-sabotage.

01:07:36.000 Richard Spencer did it with the alt-right.

01:07:38.000 The alt-right in 2016 wasn't that crazy.

01:07:43.000 They weren't really that anti-Semitic.

01:07:44.000 They weren't really racist.

01:07:46.000 Alt-right back then just meant alternative right, like me, like Lauren Southern, like fucking Faith Goldie.

01:07:52.000 It just meant conservatives with tattoos who drink and they were black, white, Jewish.

01:07:57.000 And then Richard Spencer self-sabotaged and he said, hail Trump, H-A-I-L, but you're clearly aware that it sounds a lot like the Hitler one.

01:08:09.000 And then people, he, I think he held his fist up, people started Zeke Heiling at that.

01:08:13.000 And that was the end of that.

01:08:15.000 That's when they went off the Charlottesville cliff and they became fucking weirdos.

01:08:19.000 So, you know, punk rockers do this when they don't want to sell out.

01:08:23.000 And you see it all throughout history.

01:08:25.000 And libertarians left mainstream America on purpose because they wanted to remain a cool indie band.

01:08:32.000 Okay, fine.

01:08:34.000 Permission granted.

01:08:37.000 Adam asks, rate my wife, G-Dog and Rye Guy.

01:08:40.000 My wife is a bigger fan of G-O-ML than I. Please rate her.

01:08:44.000 In the event I would die in a plane crash, please consider courting her.

01:08:48.000 She's a smoking, freckle-faced, Basque, British mutt.

01:08:51.000 That's not really a mutt.

01:08:53.000 Basque are just Spanish.

01:08:55.000 That's white.

01:08:56.000 And British people are, it's called a white person.

01:09:00.000 Of course, I consider her a day ruiner.

01:09:05.000 This picture, what do you think, Ryan?

01:09:09.000 That's like mid-8s.

01:09:12.000 That seems a little mean.

01:09:14.000 Really?

01:09:15.000 Yeah.

01:09:16.000 I don't like throwing around nine, but I'm going to go with 8.6.

01:09:21.000 Yeah, mid-8s.

01:09:23.000 Now there's...

01:09:23.000 Okay.

01:09:25.000 Now this is interesting, because this is way down.

01:09:29.000 Is that the same?

01:09:30.000 Same girl.

01:09:31.000 So I'm going to sink to 6.99.

01:09:36.000 Yeah, that's about right.

01:09:38.000 Okay, let's say...

01:09:42.000 The closest you can get to 7 without being 7.

01:09:45.000 Next.

01:09:47.000 Are there any other pictures of her?

01:09:48.000 There's one of them together.

01:09:52.000 Okay, now we're back up again.

01:09:55.000 Good jawline.

01:09:56.000 Now I'm up to like 7.7?

01:10:00.000 Wait, have we not seen her eyes once?

01:10:03.000 We saw them sort of in the first one.

01:10:06.000 Oh, yeah.

01:10:07.000 Just kind of Asian-y.

01:10:09.000 So let's average all those out.

01:10:11.000 We had a 8.6, a 7.7, a 6.99.

01:10:16.000 So I think we're at 7.5.

01:10:18.000 Does he want us to reflect?

01:10:19.000 That doesn't feel right.

01:10:20.000 That made me feel dirty.

01:10:21.000 What, with the 7.5?

01:10:23.000 Yeah.

01:10:23.000 Yeah, 7.

01:10:25.000 7.8.

01:10:26.000 7.85.

01:10:28.000 That's cool.

01:10:28.000 7.85.

01:10:29.000 And then he, by the way, also in Luddy talks about hair product and stuff and how he got such gorgeous hair.

01:10:35.000 Dude, you told me to fuck your wife, and then you sent me pictures of your hair.

01:10:40.000 He looks like the documentary for the Ronda Rousey shit.

01:10:43.000 That's the Ronda Rousey guy.

01:10:45.000 Oh my God, we saw this documentary last night.

01:10:47.000 I think we should do a from the bunker of it.

01:10:51.000 It's a documentary about Ronda Rousey that is so fucking bad.

01:10:55.000 And it's clearly done by her trainer, who is a hunk.

01:11:00.000 And hunks, like hot chicks, are retarded.

01:11:04.000 So, you know, he's never, you don't have to stay at home and study when you're gorgeous.

01:11:09.000 So you end up being fucking stupid.

01:11:10.000 You'll notice this with black guys who have blue eyes.

01:11:13.000 They're all brain dead because they've been getting blown since junior high non-stop.

01:11:18.000 Or green eyes.

01:11:19.000 Black guys with green eyes are all retarded.

01:11:21.000 And it's the same with hunks in general, right?

01:11:23.000 So this guy's like this gorgeous.

01:11:25.000 Remember his weird undershirt he was wearing?

01:11:28.000 Yeah.

01:11:30.000 Rhonda's mother is hideous.

01:11:32.000 Really, I didn't talk until I was six.

01:11:33.000 I would say things.

01:11:34.000 I don't know what I meant, but her trainer's clip.

01:11:38.000 Yeah, there he is.

01:11:40.000 Clearly banging her, and he's clearly in love with himself.

01:11:44.000 Look at his fucking.

01:11:45.000 What is this stitching?

01:11:47.000 What is that like a Zoro pirate cloak?

01:11:51.000 The fuck is he wearing?

01:11:52.000 Looks like moccasins.

01:11:53.000 Look at his sexy eyes.

01:11:55.000 So, Rhonda, do you feel that your training sort of ramped up when I took over as your trainer?

01:12:03.000 So, would you buy just for men?

01:12:05.000 Really?

01:12:06.000 I didn't talk until I was six.

01:12:07.000 I would say things.

01:12:10.000 Is she a little downsy?

01:12:12.000 Well, she's been kicked in the head a few times.

01:12:14.000 I don't think you can kick downsy.

01:12:16.000 She got pulverized so bad in her last fight, it ended her career.

01:12:20.000 Oh, she's in shit now, by the way, for saying, yeah, the wrestling, it's just like it's pretend fighting.

01:12:26.000 Does anyone think it's real?

01:12:29.000 What the fuck?

01:12:30.000 You don't think Hulk Hogan was beating the shit out of the fucking Undertaker?

01:12:35.000 It's entertainment.

01:12:37.000 I remember that in that movie, Hannah and her sisters, the professor boyfriend's been watching TV all day, and she comes home and she's like, hi, how you doing?

01:12:46.000 And he goes, I've just been watching wrestling all day.

01:12:46.000 How was your day?

01:12:49.000 Can you imagine the IQ of someone who enjoys this?

01:12:55.000 Meanwhile, that's all my friends.

01:12:57.000 This is from John.

01:12:58.000 Your movie, How to Be a Man, doesn't cover this.

01:13:00.000 Could you please chime in?

01:13:02.000 PJW has a great video about soy face, i.e.

01:13:05.000 big open-mouth smiles on men.

01:13:07.000 Since watching, I've been paying close attention to how men smile.

01:13:09.000 I'm starting to think men cannot open their mouth when smiling.

01:13:12.000 Your thoughts.

01:13:14.000 Yeah, my movie came out before this was a trend.

01:13:17.000 But I don't think you should smile in photos in general.

01:13:21.000 Because you're not happy, so it's insincere.

01:13:24.000 Now, this is a still from a movie where he was acting.

01:13:27.000 But if someone wants to take a picture, you go, okay.

01:13:30.000 Like even with my family, I'll just be like, here we are, we're at the thing.

01:13:34.000 God, have you fucking seen this show Lego Masters?

01:13:38.000 I watch it with my kids.

01:13:39.000 The fake laughing on that show is excruciating.

01:13:44.000 Like at one episode, all these kids come out and the kids are going to judge your Lego.

01:13:48.000 And as the kids are coming out, all the contestants are going, oh my God.

01:13:55.000 They're called kids.

01:13:57.000 Chill the fuck out.

01:14:00.000 But yeah, what is the impetus for this soy face?

01:14:05.000 I don't know.

01:14:06.000 That's the guy from Star Trek.

01:14:09.000 That looks like our censored TV banner with all the guests screaming.

01:14:12.000 Yeah.

01:14:13.000 It's like that's a screaming face.

01:14:15.000 This is really the quintessential version of it.

01:14:18.000 I think it's like it's okay that I'm a fucking loser and I'm happy to be me, but I don't really know what it means.

01:14:26.000 I guess it means I'm enjoying not having testosterone.

01:14:29.000 You got me.

01:14:30.000 But yeah, pull up Lego Masters just for a second, if you will.

01:14:35.000 Lego Masters.

01:14:36.000 He deserves an Emmy in fucking.

01:14:40.000 By the way, as I'm going through this mail, I'm skipping over like a dozen people sending me that fucking polyamorous couple.

01:14:48.000 Yes, got it.

01:14:50.000 There's a couple of goodies here.

01:14:52.000 Just anyone.

01:14:54.000 Okay, a terrible tumble.

01:14:56.000 Oh, I don't think that's a good thing.

01:14:57.000 Why bother?

01:14:59.000 Maybe I'll go.

01:15:01.000 Just say, I understand that you're kidding.

01:15:03.000 I get the joke.

01:15:05.000 We're moving!

01:15:08.000 Ficky and buried?

01:15:10.000 No, that's a 6-foot-two Glaswegian.

01:15:14.000 The guy she's next to is not short.

01:15:17.000 Cinderella lost her shoe and breaks into a thousand pieces.

01:15:20.000 We didn't have as many fairytale stories to tell as we hoped to, and now we've lost another one.

01:15:24.000 This is devastating.

01:15:26.000 They had a big bump.

01:15:27.000 I don't remember how it was put together.

01:15:28.000 Look, look, my son asked me, what would you do if Sam became president?

01:15:33.000 I would want the coronavirus to continue.

01:15:35.000 Maybe scroll ahead.

01:15:35.000 Maybe you can find them riffing.

01:15:37.000 That's obviously a sad moment.

01:15:40.000 Oh, my God.

01:15:41.000 Oh, my goodness.

01:15:44.000 Anyway, Will looks really invested in that.

01:15:47.000 He's the executive producer.

01:15:48.000 It's his show.

01:15:49.000 He's responsible for the fake laughing.

01:15:55.000 Look, they'll laugh their heads off at that.

01:15:56.000 Yeah.

01:16:00.000 Look at that.

01:16:01.000 Why would you react like that?

01:16:02.000 You go, oh, cool.

01:16:03.000 You got the robot from the stars, a little round guy.

01:16:06.000 Impressive.

01:16:07.000 I've never seen it in real life.

01:16:08.000 I love the physics of it.

01:16:12.000 Oh, you got someone wearing a C-3PO suit.

01:16:14.000 That's cool.

01:16:14.000 When you guys presented the birthday cake to me yesterday, I didn't laugh and smile like that.

01:16:20.000 I just went like this.

01:16:22.000 I was like.

01:16:24.000 Yeah, that's normal.

01:16:25.000 Show your face, though, Ryan.

01:16:26.000 You just showed me your face.

01:16:27.000 I'm showing indoors.

01:16:28.000 People pay $10 a month to see faces.

01:16:31.000 I was like this.

01:16:32.000 They came out and I was like, it was Ryan's birthday recently.

01:16:35.000 We baked him a cake.

01:16:37.000 We had a little party at the house, Easter dinner.

01:16:38.000 Ryan came over.

01:16:40.000 We wore suits.

01:16:41.000 Yeah, pretty badass.

01:16:43.000 Did tons of blow and Adderall and got hammered.

01:16:46.000 And then some karaoke.

01:16:47.000 You want to see that?

01:16:48.000 That's why I'm drinking, actually, is because I'm in that kind of hangover where you have sharp broken glass panes in your head.

01:16:54.000 Harry the dog that bit you.

01:16:56.000 Harry the dog that bit you.

01:17:03.000 Faggot.

01:17:05.000 You turn into your dad with the grapevine.

01:17:10.000 I have you doing sweet transvestite too.

01:17:16.000 This looks great, though.

01:17:20.000 I'm not in love with you, Faggot.

01:17:24.000 All right, that's enough of that.

01:17:27.000 That's enough.

01:17:29.000 Remember I told you the only thing worse than the sound of your own voice is the sound of your own voice drunk?

01:17:34.000 Well, the only thing worse than that is a video of yourself drunk being a steaming homosexual.

01:17:41.000 You would get mad because we weren't looking at you singing.

01:17:43.000 Oh, I forgot about that.

01:17:45.000 Yeah, I was always like, eyes, guys, eyes.

01:17:47.000 I just fucking spilled my heart out.

01:17:49.000 Yeah, well, that was obviously not singing.

01:17:51.000 I know, I know.

01:17:51.000 But you got another one?

01:17:52.000 I'm horrified, but I also...

01:17:57.000 No, no, no, I won't.

01:18:02.000 I'm going to see if this is the transvestite one.

01:18:06.000 It is.

01:18:07.000 Okay, I got to send it to myself.

01:18:09.000 Something got interrupted before.

01:18:10.000 Oh, man, that latest picture of Gary, I died.

01:18:12.000 That's the funniest thing I've seen in a long time.

01:18:13.000 I have no idea what the fuck he's talking about.

01:18:16.000 Oh, it's the drawing, right?

01:18:18.000 What?

01:18:19.000 The drawing with him licking the thing like somebody drew it.

01:18:22.000 I didn't see that.

01:18:23.000 Oh.

01:18:23.000 Was that on the Gavin Reddit or something?

01:18:25.000 Yeah, I think it's Jake Woody or something.

01:18:26.000 It's from Chester.

01:18:29.000 Hey, fellas.

01:18:30.000 If Roger Stone, Proud Boys, and Mercedes, the porn star, are on a hit list, shouldn't you be concerned about being in enemy territory?

01:18:37.000 New York.

01:18:38.000 If you crack some wackadoo in the street, won't they drop the hammer on you?

01:18:42.000 I know you don't want to move because of your daughter, but if you're slammed for prison, I guess, for four years, your daughter won't have a dad.

01:18:52.000 The election is coming up, and they want to shut down cool conservatives.

01:18:55.000 Take Rygai and lay low in a red state until after the election.

01:19:00.000 Just something to think about if you haven't already.

01:19:02.000 Respectfully, that's a pretty good point, dude.

01:19:06.000 I gotta say.

01:19:06.000 Just lay low for a little bit?

01:19:07.000 Yeah, I'm pushing it, but because Darien, Connecticut is only like an hour from New York.

01:19:16.000 We could still do the show, and it's red.

01:19:22.000 I always get confused what's red and blue.

01:19:25.000 Especially when I've been drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle.

01:19:28.000 Lookie.

01:19:30.000 Oh, that sucks.

01:19:31.000 I hated that.

01:19:31.000 And I don't like that kind of line art.

01:19:34.000 The vector art?

01:19:35.000 iPad vector art.

01:19:36.000 I thought it was pretty cool.

01:19:38.000 Dear Gavin, a proper drunk should rise in the morning to a half, no more, bottle of champagne.

01:19:44.000 Who are you, Winston Churchill?

01:19:46.000 I'm drinking a bottle of champagne.

01:19:48.000 You see this?

01:19:49.000 Yeah.

01:19:50.000 None of your shitty Budweiser, unless it's original European version.

01:19:53.000 No.

01:19:54.000 Next is work with a couple of bottles of the finest wines known to humanity around 11 a.m.

01:19:59.000 This is, he's just listing Winston Churchill's drinking schedule.

01:20:03.000 You could have a line with this if required.

01:20:05.000 Next, the rest of the afternoon fall with the pub and then home.

01:20:07.000 Yeah, that's pretty much my life.

01:20:10.000 By the way, in Costa Rica, and I'm sure this is true of most of Central America, you do a bump like a cigarette.

01:20:17.000 Like I remember before the guy who had the bot fly larva was this surfer named Jason.

01:20:22.000 He used to look after a place.

01:20:23.000 And I would be like lounging around.

01:20:25.000 I'm on vacation, right?

01:20:26.000 But he's still running construction projects and stuff.

01:20:28.000 And he would come in and, hey, man, what's going on?

01:20:31.000 Just park his motorbike, just, oh, shit.

01:20:37.000 And then just like pour himself a shot and get back on his bike.

01:20:42.000 Or sometimes I'd have this kid mow the lawn.

01:20:44.000 He was like 21.

01:20:45.000 And I'd just find little bags of, I'd often find a bag of Coke, like an empty bag of Coke.

01:20:50.000 What do you just do with there?

01:20:51.000 I heard in Colombia that everyone just has a gram in their purse, and it's not even illegal if it's a gram.

01:20:59.000 I think that's the way it was in fucking America, dude.

01:21:03.000 Back when cocaine was in Coca-Cola.

01:21:07.000 It's funny how I'm talking about cocaine so much.

01:21:09.000 I wonder what spurred that.

01:21:12.000 Justin Jones.

01:21:14.000 Here is one you will enjoy.

01:21:16.000 Naughty Boys.

01:21:17.000 Much love from Wales.

01:21:18.000 By the way, Welshman, did you see fucking the new Dr. Doodle?

01:21:24.000 It is so unbelievably bad.

01:21:26.000 Ryan and I might have to watch it.

01:21:28.000 By the way, if you're a film company and you see that Ryan and I chose one of your movies, you're in trouble.

01:21:36.000 He's doing a Welsh accent in officials force tensions, right?

01:21:41.000 Sorry.

01:21:41.000 Okay, that's not that interesting, dude.

01:21:44.000 Pull up Dr. Doodle.

01:21:45.000 So you get Robert Downey Jr., right?

01:21:47.000 Robert Denny Jr. to do Dr. Doolittle, and you want that guy to be talking to animals.

01:21:53.000 Ryan, you do a good Robert Downey Jr.

01:21:55.000 Talk to Animals.

01:21:57.000 It's my understanding that you're a sheep.

01:22:00.000 That's pretty cool.

01:22:02.000 Keep up the sheeping.

01:22:03.000 But he goes, actually, I'm going to do my own voice for this movie.

01:22:07.000 I'm going to be a Welshman.

01:22:09.000 I could probably find it.

01:22:10.000 What, that weird province like in the bottom of England where they're all minors and shit?

01:22:15.000 M-I-N-E-R-S?

01:22:19.000 You might as well be fucking Scottish.

01:22:21.000 Oh, no, you didn't.

01:22:30.000 Oh, my God!

01:22:33.000 Just clearing the way.

01:22:35.000 Just do nothing to me.

01:22:40.000 I like the Welsh accent, but having Robert Denny Jr., it's really hard accent to do.

01:22:45.000 can't do it.

01:22:46.000 Yoshi, now, there may be an initial release of wind.

01:22:54.000 Is that its asshole?

01:23:00.000 I actually stopped watching the movie around to this point.

01:23:02.000 It's all right.

01:23:02.000 Nobody heard that.

01:23:04.000 Nothing to be ashamed of.

01:23:06.000 We all do it.

01:23:08.000 Octopus.

01:23:12.000 Okay, come back.

01:23:13.000 What did I miss?

01:23:14.000 Oh, my God!

01:23:16.000 This is a big one.

01:23:17.000 We're in the home stretch now.

01:23:19.000 Get behind me.

01:23:20.000 I'm with you, Doc.

01:23:21.000 Behind me.

01:23:22.000 Behind me.

01:23:23.000 And not only is he Welsh the whole movie, but he does this little sheepish, quiet little bird voice.

01:23:29.000 Fucking sucked.

01:23:32.000 Fucked.

01:23:35.000 Go ahead.

01:23:36.000 Just eat him.

01:23:37.000 Just eat him.

01:23:39.000 I like when a movie's so bad that you're watching the characters just like just fucking eye them.

01:23:46.000 Well, this is from Dave.

01:23:48.000 He's asking if this is a 10, and he's including a photograph of Phoebe Cates in what appears to be Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

01:23:57.000 And here on Get Off My Lawn, we tend to avoid the number 10.

01:24:02.000 It seems like you're out of options after you start throwing her on a 10.

01:24:07.000 You're calling something perfect.

01:24:08.000 Can anything be perfect?

01:24:10.000 Yes.

01:24:11.000 Phoebe Cates in Fast Times at Ridgemont High is perfect.

01:24:15.000 She is a 10.

01:24:17.000 And that scene where she comes out of the pool and that dude is beating off to her is burned like a branding iron in every all-American boy's head.

01:24:27.000 You got to pull it up now.

01:24:28.000 Why wouldn't you be pulling that up while I'm talking about it?

01:24:33.000 See, this is what I was saying with Ryan's stupidity.

01:24:35.000 I'm no longer mad.

01:24:36.000 Now I'm just like, isn't this amazing that I could talk about a movie clip that is synonymous with all males in the world?

01:24:44.000 And he's just like, doo-doo-doo.

01:24:46.000 I Wonder if I could ever see that clip.

01:24:50.000 What a fuck.

01:24:50.000 What is their ethnicity?

01:24:52.000 Is that Italian something?

01:24:53.000 Like when I was into hardcore and stuff, we'd hear about a band and we'd go, where are they from?

01:24:58.000 That's the first question.

01:24:58.000 It kind of grounds you.

01:24:59.000 Gorilla Biscuits.

01:25:00.000 Oh, they're from New York City.

01:25:01.000 Okay, I'll put them in that box.

01:25:03.000 I don't know why.

01:25:04.000 I don't think kids do it today because music is so transportable.

01:25:10.000 But back when I was young, it was all about where the band's from.

01:25:13.000 And when I see hot chicks, I'm like, what's going on with her ethnicity?

01:25:16.000 Like, oh, she's Irish and her great-grandfather was Japanese.

01:25:20.000 Oh, okay, got it.

01:25:21.000 I don't know why we do that.

01:25:22.000 We're going to go make some more?

01:25:26.000 Okay, gays, come on.

01:25:27.000 How are you not...

01:25:31.000 Hi, Brad.

01:25:32.000 You know how cute I always thought you were.

01:25:35.000 Thank you.

01:25:39.000 Yeah.

01:25:40.000 Malkin is a fucking smoke show in person, too.

01:25:43.000 She looks like Michelle friggin' Malkin.

01:25:48.000 Her mouth is so big, and when she smiles, it goes up like the Joker.

01:25:51.000 *music*

01:25:56.000 This is not exactly a hard-hitting news show today, is it?

01:26:00.000 And then you see her tits, which are ridiculous.

01:26:05.000 Oh, they show them in the movie?

01:26:06.000 Yeah.

01:26:08.000 Kevin Klein's married to her.

01:26:10.000 He's probably watched this clip a hundred times.

01:26:12.000 He probably watches it to get it up now.

01:26:15.000 You know who else I think might be at 10?

01:26:17.000 We were watching this movie last night while we were doing karaoke.

01:26:19.000 I think The Chicken Animal House.

01:26:22.000 She's a little bit annoying in the movie where she does this sort of bouncy walk.

01:26:26.000 But her little freckles, I mean, she's just, it looks like God sort of went, hey guys, you want to see me really rock it?

01:26:36.000 Watch this.

01:26:42.000 Rrrr.

01:26:43.000 you.

01:26:43.000 Thank you.

01:26:44.000 I've been spelling Toga wrong my entire life.

01:26:48.000 Is it T-O-G-A?

01:26:49.000 It is T-O-G-A.

01:26:50.000 Oh.

01:26:51.000 Togue paragraph.

01:26:52.000 Oh my God.

01:26:52.000 The scene right after this where Flounder comes in and they whip a beer bottle.

01:26:58.000 There it is.

01:26:58.000 Go back.

01:26:59.000 Go back.

01:26:59.000 Just stop, stop, stop.

01:27:01.000 So this movie was done pretty spontaneously.

01:27:03.000 No college would let them do it.

01:27:05.000 They finally found one in Ohio.

01:27:06.000 And like everything is real.

01:27:08.000 This was their National Lampoon's first crazy movie.

01:27:11.000 And they whip a fucking beer bottle at these two.

01:27:14.000 That would have put, if it hit their faces, they would both be in the hospital.

01:27:19.000 They got Jacob deGrom to whip this beer you're about to see.

01:27:26.000 That came real close.

01:27:27.000 It hit her.

01:27:27.000 It bounced off her hair.

01:27:29.000 Blounder.

01:27:33.000 Blounder.

01:27:35.000 This is going to be great.

01:27:38.000 Wait, let's find the chinky in here.

01:27:42.000 She didn't want to come to this party.

01:27:45.000 Yeah, no, she didn't want to go to this party.

01:27:47.000 I don't know why.

01:27:48.000 What the fuck was her problem?

01:27:50.000 What a bitch.

01:27:51.000 My boyfriend's having a huge party at his frat that's going to be super fun with tons of people and booze.

01:27:55.000 No, thank you.

01:27:57.000 I'm 85.

01:27:58.000 That's not her?

01:27:59.000 No, this is a totally different scene.

01:28:01.000 Animal House is a collection of independent shorts that's a genius named Doug Kenney strung together into a movie.

01:28:08.000 But you can pluck out any of those shorts and they would win a film festival.

01:28:12.000 And they're all standalone.

01:28:14.000 Will you fucking find this bitch before I stab you?

01:28:17.000 What's her name?

01:28:18.000 She's the main chick in the movie.

01:28:19.000 Allie.

01:28:20.000 We were talking about her last night.

01:28:22.000 Allie Sheetino.

01:28:24.000 Not the toga, the trailer.

01:28:26.000 She'll be in the trailer.

01:28:27.000 No, no.

01:28:28.000 Keep going.

01:28:28.000 Cafeteria.

01:28:29.000 No, no, no.

01:28:32.000 You mind if we dance?

01:28:34.000 No, she's not in that.

01:28:37.000 Have you not seen this movie?

01:28:38.000 No.

01:28:40.000 That makes me so fucking mad.

01:28:43.000 Now we're into other shit.

01:28:44.000 Okay, now we're wasting everyone's time.

01:28:45.000 All right, I'm going to...

01:28:51.000 She's still super hot.

01:28:52.000 She was in Indiana Jones, too.

01:28:54.000 That was so stupid.

01:28:54.000 She was the fucking...

01:29:05.000 What?

01:29:05.000 Karen Allen from Animal House.

01:29:08.000 There she is.

01:29:09.000 Karen Allen?

01:29:10.000 It's a picture.

01:29:11.000 Katie?

01:29:12.000 Yeah.

01:29:14.000 Wow.

01:29:16.000 Just go Katie Animal House.

01:29:19.000 Hey, gays.

01:29:21.000 If you wonder what we see in women and why we're so obsessed with them, hit videos, genius of arts.

01:29:27.000 You want to see her moving?

01:29:29.000 Yeah, of course I want to see her moving.

01:29:30.000 That's a big part of beauty.

01:29:31.000 She's so spunky in this movie.

01:29:35.000 Oh, that's when she fucks me.

01:29:36.000 Is there not a...

01:29:46.000 I'm not fucking Google, dude.

01:29:47.000 You're Animal House, Katie?

01:29:49.000 Yeah, you spelled Katie wrong.

01:29:51.000 K-A-T-Y, you fucking bronze Katie.

01:29:55.000 Everyone.

01:29:56.000 Oh, that helped.

01:29:59.000 There she is.

01:30:00.000 Oh, great.

01:30:02.000 All right, I'm about to give up.

01:30:04.000 You have one more.

01:30:04.000 That's the guy who wrote it, by the way.

01:30:05.000 Go down.

01:30:07.000 Stork?

01:30:08.000 That's Doug Kenney.

01:30:09.000 This guy right here.

01:30:10.000 Yeah, and you know what he did?

01:30:12.000 He wrote Caddyshack too, and it got really bad reviews when it came out, so he killed himself.

01:30:17.000 He jumped off a cliff, drove an ATV off a cliff in Costa Rica, which there was probably a lot of Coke going on.

01:30:24.000 And when you do a lot of Coke, you have big ups and big downs.

01:30:26.000 All right, this show's getting boring.

01:30:28.000 Let's fucking Sydney Vieira.

01:30:35.000 All right, this is our last letter.

01:30:37.000 This better be fucking good.

01:30:39.000 And it says, Ryan, make Gavin watch this.

01:30:42.000 This better not be some two-hour documentary about pedophilia in the deep state and the CIA having satanic rituals where they rape kids and 5Gs are giving us rape.

01:30:56.000 Oh, this is the most ancient meme on earth, dude.

01:30:59.000 This is like two weeks old.

01:31:06.000 By the way, when Ryan saw this, he said, did that guy get fired?

01:31:09.000 Dude, it's Africa.

01:31:10.000 You could eat a baby and not get fired.

01:31:13.000 If you don't eat a baby, you'll get fired.

01:31:15.000 Fired for not eating babies.

01:31:17.000 There's a perfectly good baby with good juju that you could make yourself immune to the sida.

01:31:22.000 You are a whist.

01:31:24.000 Why are you not eating baby?

01:31:27.000 Why are you okay?

01:31:28.000 I want to end this show with women in the workforce.

01:31:34.000 This is 3-3.

01:31:36.000 And I really like Conan O'Brien is his forty.

01:31:41.000 By the way, I'm a member of Harvard Lampoon.

01:31:43.000 It's a secret society of incredibly funny people.

01:31:48.000 And we have rituals and we meet in Boston at the fucking Lampoon Castle.

01:31:53.000 And Conan was probably the most successful member of this secret club.

01:31:59.000 I can't tell you what we do.

01:32:03.000 In fact, I think in their secret clubhouse, I'm not allowed to tell you this, there's a fireplace with tiles.

01:32:09.000 And if you pull out one of the tiles, it's upside down.

01:32:12.000 And on the back, Conan has written, this tile is upside down.

01:32:16.000 Isn't that an interesting little secret piece of gossip?

01:32:18.000 Here's another secret thing.

01:32:21.000 They have a room where they would fuck chicks.

01:32:23.000 And there's a sort of a sculpture of a skull on the wall.

01:32:27.000 And you can open up the eyes and look in and watch people fuck.

01:32:30.000 This is back in the 70s when everyone was fun.

01:32:33.000 I told you about my school paper.

01:32:35.000 I went to Carleton University, and our school paper was called The Charlatan.

01:32:39.000 And I was the cartoonist there.

01:32:40.000 That was my original vocation, cartooning.

01:32:43.000 And Marvin Glass was the head of the Canadian Communist Party.

01:32:46.000 He was also a professor at our school.

01:32:48.000 And he burnt his fucking office down.

01:32:50.000 And he's a chain smoker.

01:32:52.000 So I did a cartoon of him having like a Bolshevik and a Stalinist, and they're fighting on his desk, little action figures, like little tiny army men.

01:33:01.000 And meanwhile, in the background, there's an overflowing ashtray.

01:33:04.000 And they go, you can't show this.

01:33:07.000 It implies that Marvin started the fire, and that's not known yet.

01:33:11.000 I'm like, it's just a fucking cartoon, dude.

01:33:12.000 We're called the charlatan.

01:33:14.000 That means the trickster.

01:33:15.000 No, you can't do it.

01:33:16.000 Okay, so then I resubmitted my drawing and it was an ashtray with cigarettes on it.

01:33:21.000 Yeah, that again, you're implicating Professor Glass.

01:33:24.000 You know what my final fucking drawing was?

01:33:27.000 A match with a flame.

01:33:29.000 That's it.

01:33:30.000 So you're reading an article about fire.

01:33:32.000 In case you're not familiar with fire, you fucking Lud-Eyed Caveman, here's a drawing of what fire is, a black and white drawing.

01:33:38.000 So anyway, I was pissed off.

01:33:39.000 I ended up quitting.

01:33:41.000 But I was going through their archives, and back in the 70s, it was so fucking over the top, like beyond vice.

01:33:48.000 The editor's photo was a cock where he had put, he had broken the arms off of glasses, and he put the glasses on his cock.

01:33:59.000 So his pubes were the afro, and the cock was his nose.

01:34:03.000 That was the editor's photo.

01:34:07.000 That's pre-political correctness.

01:34:09.000 What a paradise it must have been.

01:34:10.000 Anyway, sorry, that's a long tangent to say that Conan, my favorite stuff that he does, he's a genuinely funny person.

01:34:17.000 And him just walking around talking to people and being a dick is much funnier than his stupid talk show.

01:34:24.000 What are you doing right now?

01:34:26.000 I'm looking at a menu for a place called Simpson.

01:34:29.000 Just pause.

01:34:30.000 So the joke is he's getting rid of non-essential employees and he's making fun of the people at his show who don't work.

01:34:35.000 But I'm watching this from a sexist perspective and I'm seeing, like, why isn't she at home?

01:34:42.000 Why isn't she married?

01:34:43.000 Why doesn't she have kids?

01:34:44.000 Why are these ovaries right here drying up and becoming dust in the wind?

01:34:50.000 Why?

01:34:51.000 Well, she's empowered and she wants to get out there and change the world and make her mark.

01:34:57.000 I guess I understand that.

01:34:59.000 Isn't there nothing more impactful than creating human life and shaping human life?

01:35:04.000 What if you had five kids and they all have five kids?

01:35:07.000 That's a hell of a fucking impact.

01:35:09.000 But I mean, I guess if you want to be an oncologist and cure cancer, I kind of understand.

01:35:13.000 Let's see what you do.

01:35:14.000 Let's see what you have forgiven, forgone breeding for.

01:35:19.000 What would you come up with, sweetie?

01:35:21.000 Simple things.

01:35:22.000 What is it for?

01:35:22.000 It's a sandwich and pie shop.

01:35:24.000 Okay, is this something that I asked for?

01:35:26.000 Nope.

01:35:27.000 Is this for me?

01:35:28.000 Nope.

01:35:29.000 So this is a sandwich that would be for you?

01:35:32.000 Just pause.

01:35:33.000 Why do people, when they get money, get assistance?

01:35:37.000 Like, how hard is it to fucking pay a bill or order yourself a fucking lunch?

01:35:43.000 How hard is it to grab a sandwich?

01:35:45.000 Why do you need an assistant?

01:35:50.000 Maybe because you don't have a wife.

01:35:51.000 Yeah, it's a pie.

01:35:52.000 You want to buy a pie.

01:35:54.000 You want to buy a pie for yourself.

01:35:56.000 So as I'm looking for who's non-essential, I come across you and your For the most part, most of their jobs are extraneous busybody jobs.

01:36:13.000 What are you doing now, busybody?

01:36:15.000 I found the video of more karaoke.

01:36:19.000 It's only an hour later.

01:36:20.000 It's not like we've moved on.

01:36:22.000 What are your duties?

01:36:24.000 My duties are to help you and assist you in your life.

01:36:30.000 Seriously.

01:36:31.000 This is Tim.

01:36:32.000 By the way, if you're Conan O'Brien, you have a business manager.

01:36:35.000 He handles all your contracts.

01:36:37.000 You have an accountant who pays all your bills.

01:36:40.000 You have lawyers who go through all your shit, make sure you're not getting sued.

01:36:43.000 The business manager checks your daily balance.

01:36:47.000 If he bought like 700 pairs of leather pants, his business manager would go, what's going on with the leather pants, dude?

01:36:52.000 You just spent fucking $7,000.

01:36:54.000 That's insane.

01:36:55.000 So he already has everyone.

01:36:57.000 So this woman is only like calling the car repair guy and finding out when his Land Rover is ready.

01:37:05.000 You can't do that?

01:37:08.000 To assist me in my life.

01:37:09.000 In your work and personal life.

01:37:11.000 Would you say that you are essential personnel?

01:37:14.000 No, I wouldn't say I'm.

01:37:17.000 Sona.

01:37:19.000 Okay.

01:37:19.000 What's the deal here?

01:37:20.000 Are you doing a crossword puzzle at your desk?

01:37:23.000 No.

01:37:24.000 This is your handwriting?

01:37:26.000 Yes.

01:37:26.000 And this is a crossword puzzle.

01:37:28.000 And it was sitting on your desk.

01:37:29.000 So you were doing a crossword puzzle on your desk?

01:37:32.000 You can't lie in front of the camera.

01:37:34.000 You can't lie.

01:37:34.000 Then yes, I was.

01:37:37.000 Okay.

01:37:38.000 What are you stuck on?

01:37:41.000 What's the word?

01:37:42.000 Give us the thing you can.

01:37:43.000 Just tell us which one it is.

01:37:44.000 If I say it in the middle of the morning.

01:37:46.000 how long does a crossword puzzle take?

01:37:48.000 Don't they take like two hours?

01:37:51.000 Yeah, they take a while.

01:37:52.000 Let's say you're good.

01:37:53.000 They've got to take an hour.

01:37:54.000 And then she's got an hour for lunch to eat a pie.

01:37:56.000 The fuck are we doing?

01:37:58.000 What are we doing?

01:37:58.000 Like, what are you doing, ladies?

01:38:00.000 Go home, make babies, shape lives.

01:38:03.000 You have a magical gift.

01:38:05.000 You're a fucking wizard.

01:38:08.000 You not making babies is the exact same as Superman saying, I'm going to focus on journalism and my career as Clark Kent, the bumbling newsman.

01:38:19.000 I'm never going to fly.

01:38:20.000 I'm not going to crush a piece of coal and make it into a diamond.

01:38:23.000 I'm going to remain Clark Kent, the newsman.

01:38:27.000 That's a waste of a magic power.

01:38:30.000 Get fired.

01:38:31.000 Get in trouble.

01:38:32.000 Be brave.

01:38:34.000 And never stop fighting.

01:38:36.000 Play the karaoke clip.

01:38:37.000 And see what's on the slab.

01:38:41.000 I see you shove and baby rain is not the blame.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - April 13, 2020

S02E149 - THE PANDEMIC IS OVER [2020-04-13 - S02E149 - THE PANDEMIC IS OVER]

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