On this week's episode, the brother and sister duo of the are joined by special guest and friend of the show, David Cross. The boys talk about their relationship with alcohol, sex, and movies.
Transcript
Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. You can also explore and interact with the transcripts here.
00:06:09.000you have nerve endings on your penis well i'm not gonna convert two lesbians that i don't know what you're gonna make out they're gonna i knew that david cross's sister they don't and her wife would use men as human dildos right they would just take them home use them and then say get out of here they don't even like cook up they don't know what they're doing they don't even show them get them wasted onto cues two shots listen to music and then have some crazy When did you last get laid?
00:11:36.000I didn't get bit by a mosquito and I had shorts on.
00:11:38.000I bet it was one of those little bugs that sort of bothers you, those little fly things, the tiny, tiny ones that people just assume are mosquitoes, but they're not and they don't bite.
00:20:33.000And then, so now it's late, you know, and because it took two hours to do this whole food, ice cream, bullcrap, it's now like late, so they don't want to drive home, so they fall asleep there.
00:20:43.000I pass out there, and then we wake up sometime in the morning.
00:23:24.000So in the country, and she got a sound system and everything, like amps.
00:23:28.000And they're like, hey, Gavin, want some fucking whiskey?
00:23:32.000Yeah, these guys were just playing a show.
00:23:37.000And all my friends were there, surprise, surprise.
00:23:39.000Oh, he's got a Generation X. So anyway, as she's running around dealing with all this and the surprise, they made me go somewhere else while they set it all up.
00:23:49.000So when I came back, Jamie goes to my wife, hey, M, M, do you have any hair product?
00:24:54.000And I thought, this tiny sliver of paper says a lot.
00:25:00.000And I thought, let's go through every little part, every element of this useless sliver of junk mail and learn about the incredibleness that is Western man.
00:25:14.000So please join me as I deeply analyze a random piece of garbage on my bathroom floor.
00:25:21.000You're a big fan, so you're like a big fan, so you're like a big fan.
00:25:27.000Don't know much about the French I took.
00:25:31.000Don't know much about the stuff in books.
00:25:45.000Now, sometimes if I have a very old house and the toilet gets backed up, and sometimes I go ka chunk, chunk, chunk, and as I was going ka chunk, a big thing of toilet water with little fake traces of poo-poo and pee-pee are on the floor.
00:26:01.000Now, I could get in with a mop and take care of that, and then I got a shitty mop and blah, blah, blah.
00:26:06.000So, what I tend to do when this happens is I go and I get the New York Post and I just put it down on the pile.
00:26:12.000This cheap newsprint is incredibly absorbent and just sucks it all up.
00:26:17.000And then I pick it up and throw it in recycling.
00:26:22.000But occasionally, it'll sort of stick.
00:26:26.000So, as I ripped it up this time, a tiny sliver of, I guess, what appears to be junk mail, like a coupon thing, a tiny sliver was stuck on the ground.
00:26:38.000And I thought, I bet if I pick this up, and I guess it is kind of poopy-peepee, I bet if I pick this up and analyze everything I can out of it, we'll see incredible inventions by Western man.
00:26:53.000Because you know how I say, I'm a proud Western chauvinist.
00:26:56.000I refuse to apologize for creating the modern world.
00:27:11.000There's no wonder being taught because so many white males are responsible for this stuff that they don't want to spend too much time on it.
00:27:17.000So they're like, yeah, let's focus on some beautiful mud hut tribesmen in Papua New Guinea made.
00:27:47.000And they can take the rain, unlike your mud hut.
00:27:49.000And by the way, I stole this from a comedian, but he was talking about how you see these African women with the carrying the water on their heads for 30 miles a day.
00:27:57.000Why just move your shitty, disgusting mud hut closer to the river?
00:28:37.000There should be kids lining up with an architect or a construction foreman explaining how they lay the cement, explaining why it has to be so big, explaining the formula for the number of floors and what the foundation has to be.
00:28:49.000That would be fascinating, and kids would get so much out of that.
00:28:53.000I remember actually, there was a building, I think it was in Williamsburg.
00:28:57.000It was either in Brooklyn or nearby over the Williamsburg Bridge, where they had built too many floors and there wasn't a sufficient foundation.
00:29:04.000So the city said this is dangerous and they had to remove floors.
00:29:08.000They're talking about doing it to a high-rise right off Central Park right now.
00:29:12.000One of those crazy, insane ones that have just sprouted up.
00:29:24.000Like, why doesn't, why don't they have, every school should have a timeline that goes down the hallway of the school, and it has Romans, and then, you know, the Dark Ages, and then we have the American Revolution, and we see where Braveheart goes, and we see where Bill the Butcher goes, and there's little cards for them.
00:29:43.000And it's like the whole length of the school is one big timeline.
00:29:47.000So then when you're thinking, when was the English fighting the Scots?
00:30:00.000They just teach a bunch of bullshit about how racist we were.
00:30:02.000My daughter has to see, watch hidden figures.
00:30:04.000And every time I look over her shoulder, I see black people being lynched and fires in Alabama with a black couple going, yes, we did some shitty things.
00:30:51.000So he invented Coca-Cola, but it was seen back then as for medicinal purposes.
00:30:57.000And for those of you who are not familiar with the way, the reason I pronounced it that way is because I was at a strip club in 2001 with my friend Trevor and my favorite kind of stripper, a Puerto Rican single mom with pendulous breasts and unfortunate tattoos.
00:31:13.000You don't want them to be healthy looking or you'd think, oh, their poor father.
00:31:16.000They have to be a little battered, a little haggard.
00:31:19.000And so she has black socks in her clear stripper shoes.
00:31:25.000And it was so gross and weird that it was hot.
00:34:18.000I'm going to take the head of NASA and send him around the world thanking Arabs for all the hard work they did with mathematics and science, which enabled us to go to the moon.
00:34:42.000So Jim Goad, our own beef squad's Jim Goad, wrote a great article about this 10 years ago now, geese, called Planet Islam.
00:34:51.000And he says, most of us have heard that the Arab world bequeathed its numerical system and the concept of zero to the West, but the truth is that the Arabs acquired all that from the ancient Indians, meaning from India, not feathers.
00:35:06.000And although it's true that Muslim scholars preserved many remaining scraps of antiquities literature while most of Europe was flailing about in the Dark Ages, it's also been established that much of the academic work performed during the so-called Islamic Golden Age was done by Christians and Jews working under Muslim domination.
00:35:27.000So, India gets the zero, but it's Judeo-Christians who made the mathematics we know today, the numbers we know today.
00:35:34.000By the way, I was having an argument with a guy about this, and he said, okay, well, it was still the Arabs, you know.
00:35:42.000And I said, wait, so you're saying slavery is good?
00:35:45.000And he goes, well, it accomplished a lot.
00:35:47.000Okay, so when we had slaves picking the cotton, that was good.
00:35:50.000And he said, well, you know, it built America.
00:35:54.000The balance sheet was zero after the Civil War.
00:35:57.000If you build up a restaurant and then it's burnt to the ground and it's just ashes, and then you come back a few years later and there's a restaurant there, you can't say, I built that.
00:37:38.000That just reminded me in advice whenever we didn't have an ad and I had a space for it, I would make up fake ads.
00:37:43.000And I made up ads from the Singapore Board of Tourism that just said fuck Wrigley's and had a big stick of gum because chewing gum's illegal there.
00:37:54.000Before being refined into the rectangle we all recognize, it was launched into America's shops in the late 1970s.
00:38:02.000While 15 years later, it still baffled George Bush Sr.
00:38:07.000They always got to get a little dig in.
00:40:21.000That was my nickname, by the way, when I was gay, because I would take such a thrashing in the bathhouses.
00:40:31.000The paper, the Chinese paper was that sort of ricey paper, and it wasn't able to be mass-produced.
00:40:37.000To mass-produce paper, and it's ironic that I'm talking about this because the reason I use the New York Post is because it's so throwaway and cheap, flimsy, that it's absorbent.
00:42:33.000So at the same time, this guy in Germany, Frederich Gottlieb Keller, came up with the idea of using wood pulp to make wood.
00:42:45.000And then, same day, same time, this guy in Nova Scotia, Charles Fennerty, and it says, in those days, paper was made from pulped rags, cotton, and other plant fibers, a technique used for nearly 2,000 years.
00:43:01.000See, they always got to give it to the Chinese.
00:43:02.000They always have to give it to the other group.
00:43:05.000Demand for paper was outstripping the supply of rags, and Europe started cutting down their shipments of cotton to North America.
00:43:11.000Imagine all the slaves we'd still need if we're still using cotton.
00:43:14.000By the way, during slavery, black unemployment was at 0%.
00:43:19.000Fennerty had learned that trees have fibers too.
00:43:22.000Through discussions with the naturalist Titus Smith, doesn't that mean you're a nudist if you're a naturalist?
00:43:26.000That was the joke I did for Tiva Boots.
00:43:29.000At the age of 17, this is in 1838, he began his experiments of making paper from wood.
00:43:35.000By 1844, he had perfected the process, including bleaching the pulp to a white color.
00:43:42.000In a letter written by a family member circa 1915, it is mentioned that Charles Fernandez had shown a crude sample of his paper to a friend named Charles Hamilton in 1840, a relative of his future wife.
00:43:58.000Can some of you hacks in Wiki take out the extraneous sentences, please?
00:44:04.000On 26th of October, 1844, Charles Franny took a sample of his paper to Halifax's top newspaper, The Acadian Recorder, where he had written a letter on his newly invented paper saying, and then they go on and talk about how important this invention can be.
00:48:11.000And that's called what you see is what you get publishing.
00:48:14.000So that really, because I was in publishing back in the early 90s when you didn't really have Quark Express and this What You See is What You Get Publishing.
00:48:24.000So you would print strips of a column, print them out, literally glue them to a big sheet, and you'd make almost like a collage.
00:48:34.000You would make your newspaper page with glue.
00:49:57.000I know guys, actually the guy who was with me when she said medicinal purposes, Trevor Simser, his dad was one of the guys that would be at the paper plant putting the R sheet, the big, because they make it out of steel.
00:50:10.000They take your page, make it out of steel, and that would become like a giant circular stamp.
00:50:15.000So he would make the R thing and wrap it around the roller and the G thing.
00:50:19.000They're dealing with like these big sheets of tin because it would be about eight pages on one thing and then they would cut and fold it, right?
00:50:26.000He lost his career during the time I was doing.
00:51:18.000But the problem with Quark is it had a bit of trouble with pictures.
00:51:22.000So you'd see your page, and the picture would sort of be there, but it was really just a placeholder, and then it would have to find the picture when it came time to print.
00:51:29.000So it would be, it wouldn't, it wouldn't have so much data.
00:51:33.000Because like a magazine could be like two gigs these days.
00:51:37.000And moving two gigs around takes forever.
00:51:39.000Anyway, he fell asleep at the wheel around 2000 and was replaced by Adobe InDesign, which is what everyone uses now.
00:52:31.000But that is just a small portion of a piece of garbage on my bathroom floor.
00:52:38.000And behind that little tiny sliver, this useless little piece of paper, we have an entire universe of incredible accomplishments, these entrepreneurs busting their ass.
00:57:38.000In Manhattan, you know, there's Occupy All-Day City Hall, Washington Square Park, Frederick Douglass Circle, Triton Park, let's go down here to, oh, 2.30 a.m.
00:57:46.000Saturday morning, Morningside Park, the Wimkickens Nights Jog.
01:01:37.000Dude, if that was my house, I would be like, make sure you get this on camera, that when you come to my house, you get your head blown off.
01:01:44.000And you know what I was thinking when I was watching this?
01:01:47.000Would love to see how he got his money.
01:01:48.000They just think he got his money from a magic fountain.
01:01:52.000Meanwhile, they have had maybe two shitty jobs that they were always late for.
01:01:56.000And you know that he busted his ass with some like real estate thing with time shares and then taking that money to invest in flipping properties and then getting that money to do a hedge fund and like 12-hour days.
01:02:10.000You know, people think maybe rich British people, maybe rich Europeans have a lot of old money, but America are all nouveau riche.
01:02:49.000We're forgetting about all our anti-gun stuff.
01:02:53.000America would probably be going, and if they weren't smashing anything, of course, I think America would go, I think Joe Biden would probably be winning.
01:03:06.000A decades-long renovation returns a Midwestern Palazzo to its original glory.
01:03:11.000When attorneys Mark and Patsy McCloskey bought their home in February 1988, it was the color of cigarette ashes, still dirty from the days when St. Louis lay under a blanket of coal smoke.
01:07:39.000Psobic, who was filming the man's speech, was blocked by members of Antifa from filming the event, all of which caught live on Periscope.
01:07:44.000The situation escalated when a blackhead Antifa insurgent, that's asshole eyes, wearing a pair of red ski goggles, by Skommet, whom I refer to as goggles, identified Psobek and accused him of founding the alt-light.
01:09:11.000Idiot the fuck out of you out of your car because you're afraid your car is going to get picture taken and then people are going to know your license.
01:10:00.000That chick was, you notice in the last two clips that we showed, and there's one I could think of too, which were like some short Latina woman swats away the guy's bullhorn, the black guy's bullhorn.
01:10:12.000She's the one who actually tries to attack Jack the most.
01:10:26.000It's sort of like you just keep pushing and pushing and pushing, trying to get slapped, trying to get something.
01:10:31.000And then they get it and they go, like, like if you were to punch that girl who was grabbing that sign, she would scream, have a heart attack, go police.
01:12:22.000But the takeaway here is that cops are just mulling down random innocent people who are just minding their own business trying to kill you.
01:17:44.000And it has a thing where if I lose the keys, that's a little chip, and I could locate it and ring my keys, or I could ring my phone if I click it.
01:20:04.000Also, a BLM protest was held in that same park two hours earlier, yet this is being scrubbed.
01:20:09.000No connection has been made between this protest and the murders.
01:20:12.000Neil Bassu, the Assistant Commissioner of the London Metropolitan Police, in charge of the investigation, has previously publicly stated he's a supporter of BLM.
01:20:18.000By the way, I saw a soccer match on when I was at the pub, and they're putting in the crowd sounds.
01:21:10.000And then, so I guess the original was, be better, head.
01:21:14.000I swear to God that you are dear and precious and take care of his heart from their franks, the franks of harem, and stay like the first English, each one and everyone and everyone.
01:24:01.000They put the asylum seekers in a hotel room.
01:24:03.000He was in a hotel room and he was all cooped up in there and there wasn't sunlight and he hated it in there.
01:24:10.000Go to, it's our fault his hotel sucked.
01:24:17.000So this guy, so apart from the inconvenience, having a lie, live in a decent hotel at taxpayers' expense, the inconvenience, this is again, Tommy on Parlor.
01:24:25.000Tommy's blowing up on Parlor, by the way.
01:25:42.000Can you believe the losers we've been dealing with on this show?
01:25:44.000I showed you a little slip of garbage and all the awesomeness behind it and how we could be focused on that as a nation, especially in school, especially in K through 12.
01:26:51.000You know, there's no way that all of these refugees are, you know, evil stabber folks, but the fact that they don't address that problem accurately leaves you to think that when you see somebody in the streets that looks like the people that have been stabbing everybody, because they're not addressing that problem, you're just kind of forced to be like, you know, I don't trust you.
01:27:13.000Well, maybe they're doing it with blacks in America, too.
01:27:15.000You know, they're not catching the bad guys.