Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S02E181 - DAY OF CANADA [2020-07-01 - S02E181

00:01:11.000 That's a good garnish for a garnish collection.

00:01:15.000 So that's DOA, Death on Arrival, covering Bachmann Turner Overdrive, BTOs, taking care of business.

00:01:23.000 But in the BTO version, he goes, taking care of business, working overtime.

00:01:29.000 That's right.

00:01:30.000 He's got a little, that's right.

00:01:32.000 Then he goes, workout.

00:01:34.000 Oh, yeah.

00:01:36.000 Work out.

00:01:37.000 Just a soft suggestion.

00:01:38.000 Workout.

00:01:40.000 Happy day of Canada.

00:01:42.000 I don't like saying Canada today.

00:01:44.000 It's too hard to say Canada Day.

00:01:47.000 Day of Canada.

00:01:48.000 It's Day of Canada today.

00:01:50.000 We've got some special additions.

00:01:52.000 I've got my Quebecois drinking glasses.

00:01:56.000 Sous cum and but, which is a song by Plume La Traverse, which we'll be checking out.

00:02:04.000 Sous means drunk.

00:02:05.000 Sous Raid, which means completely wasted.

00:02:09.000 Chu maganet.

00:02:11.000 Chu being an abbreviation for je sui maganet, which means I'm very hungover.

00:02:16.000 And then ch finie, ch being an abbreviation for je sui fini.

00:02:21.000 I am fucking done.

00:02:23.000 And I also have my Quebecois license plate that says tabernac, which is the worst thing you can say in Quebec.

00:02:30.000 But it actually means tabernacle.

00:02:32.000 And I also have my Canadian beer, Budweiser.

00:02:36.000 Because this is all I ever drank in my entire life of drinking.

00:02:39.000 So it's Canadian to me.

00:02:43.000 What about most Canadian Gab?

00:02:45.000 You can't really find Canadian beer in America.

00:02:48.000 I don't know why.

00:02:49.000 This is my Poutine Snow Globe, which looks kind of dirty.

00:02:55.000 What's going on with this thing, man?

00:02:56.000 It's the gravy.

00:03:00.000 So you shake that up, and it just looks like hungover shit.

00:03:04.000 It looks like shit water.

00:03:05.000 Yeah, it looks like diarrhea water.

00:03:07.000 I mean, even close up, I'm not that impressed.

00:03:09.000 This has changed since I bought it.

00:03:12.000 It's gotten murky.

00:03:13.000 I guess I should have checked the pH balance.

00:03:16.000 That was too much of indecents.

00:03:18.000 God, I miss.

00:03:19.000 I gotta say, out of all the things I miss here on this day of Canada, I miss Poutin the most.

00:03:27.000 By the way, today's all Canada.

00:03:29.000 So if you don't care about the hat of the North, America's hat, then fuck you and turn off the show.

00:03:37.000 But what about the riots?

00:03:39.000 What about Chop?

00:03:40.000 What about Nancy Pelosi?

00:03:42.000 What about Biden's latest gaffe?

00:03:44.000 Fuck off.

00:03:47.000 Remember on 35th Street there was the White Castle?

00:03:52.000 There was.

00:03:52.000 It got shut down.

00:03:54.000 While you saw the TGMS, and I was going to get you Poutin because White Castle had Poutin.

00:03:59.000 I bet it sucked.

00:04:00.000 Probably, but.

00:04:00.000 There was a great poutine on 3rd Street, right by St. Mark's.

00:04:04.000 There was a Dutch place there that had Dutch fries, but they also thought might as well get some cheese curds sent in and make...

00:04:14.000 And they'd have perfect Poutin, just as good as Quebec.

00:04:17.000 Then guess what happened to that?

00:04:19.000 What?

00:04:20.000 3rd Avenue near St. Mark's?

00:04:22.000 Oh.

00:04:24.000 What happened?

00:04:27.000 It, uh, heroin.

00:04:29.000 Yeah, the store died of a heroin overdose.

00:04:32.000 It was injecting heroin into its own bricks.

00:04:36.000 No, it blowed up.

00:04:37.000 It blowed up good.

00:04:39.000 That's disgusting.

00:04:40.000 What is that?

00:04:41.000 KFC pretends.

00:04:46.000 Yeah, they had a bunch of Polaks in the East Village doing what Polaks do, which is what Russians do, which is, yes, I'll bid low on the contract.

00:04:56.000 Then I'll get the deposit for 10 grand.

00:04:57.000 Then I'll YouTube it and go buy the tools and then do the job that I've never done before.

00:05:04.000 And this time they were using sketchy natural gas inputs without proper licensed plumbers moving them around, filled up the entire fucking building with gas.

00:05:14.000 Kaboom!

00:05:16.000 A block in the East Village, including Drea DeMateo's apartment, blowed up.

00:05:21.000 Remember Drea DeMateo from The Sopranos?

00:05:23.000 Oh, yeah.

00:05:24.000 Yeah, that was Christopher's wife, girlfriend, whatever.

00:05:28.000 Every time we would see her in the East Village, we'd yell, tell Tony!

00:05:31.000 Because at the time, she was bugged.

00:05:34.000 And to be honest, I never really understood why they don't do that.

00:05:37.000 Get a Sharpie, right?

00:05:41.000 I'm wearing a wire.

00:05:42.000 The FBI is on to us.

00:05:44.000 And go, hi, Tony.

00:05:46.000 They shoved it on your head.

00:05:48.000 Wearing a...

00:05:51.000 What the fuck?

00:05:56.000 So yeah, let's look at some fucking Canadian tunes, eh?

00:05:59.000 Here on the big day of Canada.

00:06:01.000 Tab out of knack.

00:06:02.000 That was DOA celebrating BTO.

00:06:05.000 Now, BTO are from Winnipeg, which I'm going to show you the whole country in a second.

00:06:09.000 But Winnipeg fucking sucks, man.

00:06:12.000 Holy shit.

00:06:13.000 The only good thing about it is hunting.

00:06:15.000 And even then, you better get the right time of year or you're going to get eaten alive.

00:06:20.000 Oh, this is such a jam.

00:06:25.000 Guess how many days of the year these guys would tour?

00:06:29.000 380.

00:06:32.000 That's more than.

00:06:33.000 Yeah, that's how hardworking they were.

00:06:36.000 One time they ate a rat.

00:06:38.000 What?

00:06:39.000 They were on tour, and they had KFC, and a rat was going along the pipes, and it fell off into the deep fryer.

00:06:44.000 And as they were eating chicken, one of the chickens had a rat's tail.

00:06:49.000 You don't believe me?

00:06:50.000 You got to look that up?

00:06:51.000 Yeah.

00:06:52.000 Okay, look it up, bitch.

00:06:53.000 I believe you.

00:06:54.000 I just want to see it.

00:06:58.000 That's not uncommon in New York.

00:06:59.000 I'm sorry to talk about New York so much on our Day of Canada thing, but my fucking buddy who was just on vacation with a North Fork up in eastern Long Island, whatever it's called, he's biting into Chinese foodie gun in Crown Heights.

00:07:13.000 And he's like, those are very thin bones for a cow.

00:07:17.000 I'm eating beef.

00:07:18.000 And this is looking like a tiny, tiny rib cage.

00:07:21.000 And he googled it, and there it was.

00:07:23.000 There was the rat's rib cage.

00:07:25.000 So he called them.

00:07:25.000 I think I've told this on the show before.

00:07:27.000 He called them and said, hey, I just thought you should know with his lover Puddlian accent.

00:07:32.000 Shot you should know.

00:07:34.000 You done put his, every time he says a letter D, I was like, Tim, dude, you got to find synonyms for all your D words because I'm getting a headache every time you go, so what are you going to do?

00:07:47.000 And he goes, I called them up and said, what are you doing?

00:07:49.000 You sent me a rat.

00:07:51.000 And so they came by, like, ding dong.

00:07:54.000 Five minutes later, I said, we need the food back.

00:07:57.000 We need the food back.

00:07:58.000 We give you a discount.

00:08:00.000 You need the food back, huh?

00:08:02.000 You mean the evidence?

00:08:03.000 And ever since he told me that story, which was not long ago, maybe like six months ago, I'm always like, I haven't eaten Chinese food in so long.

00:08:12.000 I told you I found a live trap in Chinatown.

00:08:15.000 For sale.

00:08:16.000 Like plenty of large live traps in Chinatown.

00:08:20.000 Do the match.

00:08:22.000 They're not known for their catch and release animal ethics.

00:08:27.000 Anyway, did you find the meeting?

00:08:29.000 I think no, couldn't find the meeting.

00:08:30.000 B-B-A-O, K-F-C, rat.

00:08:35.000 Seems easy to me.

00:08:41.000 What the f- I think I broke the internet.

00:08:43.000 Oh.

00:08:45.000 That's a new one.

00:08:49.000 Oh, fried rat was chicken.

00:08:51.000 Okay, that's a totally different story.

00:08:53.000 Maybe I gotta type the whole turner overdrive.

00:08:55.000 Whatever.

00:08:56.000 Anyway.

00:08:57.000 So go back to the opening song, though.

00:08:59.000 Because it's such a cool video.

00:09:01.000 And this jacket is very, very hard to find now.

00:09:05.000 I actually got this in Madison, Wisconsin, and pooped my pants.

00:09:08.000 Oh, wow.

00:09:09.000 Look, BTO are in it.

00:09:10.000 Huh.

00:09:26.000 See, this is interesting too.

00:09:27.000 A friend of mine, Mark, a Canadian from Perth, pointed this out.

00:09:30.000 He goes, see, Britain is sedentary.

00:09:32.000 They don't move around.

00:09:34.000 They stay in their living rooms because it's raining out and they're not pioneers.

00:09:38.000 So that's why they have songs like, Satan laughing spreads his wings.

00:09:44.000 Oh, Lord, yeah.

00:09:45.000 And fairies wear boots and you gotta, because it's like J.R. Tolkien imagination stuff.

00:09:51.000 By the way, DOA from Vancouver, down the road, about three days of driving, also toured 380 days a year.

00:10:01.000 380 degrees a year.

00:10:04.000 There you go, corporations.

00:10:07.000 It's those acronym band names.

00:10:09.000 Three name acronym bands.

00:10:13.000 They were the first hardcore band.

00:10:14.000 I mean, they were trying to be punk.

00:10:16.000 I think they were trying to be like the clash a little bit, but they were actually hardcore.

00:10:20.000 And they actually invented the word hardcore when it comes to music.

00:10:23.000 So Minor Threat, all those dudes, they learned the term hardcore and the music from DOA.

00:10:30.000 That's how heavily they were touring.

00:10:31.000 They're in DC with Minor Threat.

00:10:38.000 That must have been like 82.

00:10:41.000 Anyway, so they're covering Bachman Turner Overdrive, a fucking amazing Canadian band from Winnipeg.

00:10:48.000 They did Let It Ride, which don't play Let It Ride.

00:10:51.000 I don't like that song.

00:10:52.000 But for the weekend, I just can't wait.

00:10:56.000 Now that goes back to what I was saying about, so Britain is all about imagination and Satan laughing and J.R. Tolkien and Hobbits.

00:11:05.000 And then these guys are about busting my ass during the week.

00:11:08.000 And like, this is why Bruce Springsteen is so popular in North America.

00:11:12.000 this continent is just about work and being a pioneer and building a country.

00:11:28.000 Who split as a nation?

00:11:29.000 It's the working class and the non-working class.

00:11:33.000 Or I should say the working class and everyone who respects the working class, and the non-working class and everyone who disrespects the working class.

00:11:43.000 Wait, no, that doesn't make sense.

00:11:45.000 It's the working class and everyone who respects the working class.

00:11:47.000 Like me and Tucker are not working class, but we side with them.

00:11:50.000 Trump is not working class, but he sides with them.

00:11:52.000 And then the non-working class.

00:11:55.000 That's it.

00:11:56.000 Two groups.

00:11:59.000 Some kind of stinks, too.

00:12:15.000 Oh, you missed the best part.

00:12:16.000 Oh.

00:12:34.000 These guys in Washington who worked at the GM plant there.

00:12:38.000 And they would leave for Florida on Friday after their shift at 5 and show up at work Monday morning at 9 a.m.

00:12:48.000 So they would, they would, the car would just, I think it's 16 hours.

00:12:52.000 No.

00:12:52.000 Wait a minute.

00:12:53.000 Look up how much, this is, this is Oshawa to Miami.

00:13:00.000 Oshawa, let's see.

00:13:01.000 Oshawa, Ontario to Miami.

00:13:03.000 It's got to be like 24 hours.

00:13:06.000 You got limited time.

00:13:08.000 So wait, you wouldn't get there till Saturday at 5 p.m.

00:13:14.000 Show what you're doing.

00:13:18.000 Oh, I hate when it does that shit.

00:13:21.000 Open maps?

00:13:23.000 Let's see, uh, Miami.

00:13:27.000 Florida.

00:13:28.000 Maybe it wasn't Miami.

00:13:31.000 I just knew back then, Florida was just like Florida.

00:13:36.000 22 hours.

00:13:37.000 That's not bad.

00:13:38.000 Yeah, it's real bad.

00:13:39.000 Ever driven 22 hours?

00:13:41.000 Think so?

00:13:43.000 You start seeing Fred Flintson on the road going, hello?

00:13:47.000 So they would drive all night.

00:13:49.000 So that's Saturday at 5 p.m.

00:13:51.000 Wait a minute, wait a minute.

00:13:52.000 Go back to a map of Florida.

00:13:53.000 This story can't be right.

00:13:58.000 Don't just zoom in on what's there, shitlips.

00:14:02.000 No, that's zooming out.

00:14:05.000 Okay, take it easy.

00:14:06.000 Take it easy.

00:14:09.000 Is there anything worth a damn that Canadians would want to check out?

00:14:12.000 Like, they wouldn't go to Jacksonville.

00:14:15.000 Maybe Orlando.

00:14:16.000 No, no.

00:14:17.000 What's that?

00:14:19.000 Daytona Beach, maybe?

00:14:21.000 Yeah, that's a good one.

00:14:22.000 Yeah, let's go with Daytona Beach.

00:14:24.000 So change your Miami to Daytona Beach.

00:14:33.000 It's going to be the same.

00:14:33.000 It's going to be like 20 hours.

00:14:35.000 Yeah, it's just deduct, you know, like three hours.

00:14:39.000 Yeah.

00:14:39.000 Okay, 18 hours.

00:14:40.000 So you leave Friday.

00:14:40.000 But wait a minute.

00:14:41.000 Say you get off early at 3, right?

00:14:44.000 So Saturday at 3, you're probably there on the best case scenario, Saturday at noon.

00:14:50.000 You have to leave Sunday morning.

00:14:55.000 So two-thirds of your weekend was driving.

00:14:58.000 Terrible.

00:14:59.000 Maybe they're just fucking idiots.

00:15:01.000 I used to think they were badass partiers.

00:15:03.000 Now I think they're morons.

00:15:04.000 We had a Florida near Oshawa called Sandbanks that we went to every year.

00:15:11.000 Sandbanks was fun.

00:15:12.000 I lost my virginity there.

00:15:13.000 Well, sort of.

00:15:14.000 She was number two.

00:15:16.000 Look up Sandbanks.

00:15:18.000 Am I allowed to go to Canada?

00:15:21.000 Good question.

00:15:22.000 Do I have to go into quarantine?

00:15:24.000 I haven't seen my parents since Christmas.

00:15:29.000 Sandbanks Provincial Park.

00:15:31.000 It's fucking fun, eh?

00:15:33.000 We used to go there.

00:15:36.000 It was so weird.

00:15:37.000 It's just a normal beach, but it's got a lot of dunes.

00:15:39.000 And we would go there and stare at the back of someone's head really, really intense.

00:15:45.000 Me and my buddy Cheese, Paul McCarthy.

00:15:47.000 And we would just stare at the back of someone's head.

00:15:49.000 And then they would inevitably go and see who was staring at me.

00:15:55.000 No way.

00:15:55.000 It was a weird trick.

00:15:56.000 We did it a hundred times.

00:15:57.000 It was like magic.

00:15:59.000 Or another thing we'd do is we'd see some like, Cheese was like a very white dude, skinny little redhead.

00:16:05.000 And we'd go, every time we saw like an old black guy or something or an Indian woman, we'd go, Cheese!

00:16:11.000 Paul!

00:16:14.000 It was very funny.

00:16:15.000 He had to be there.

00:16:18.000 The third funny game we would do at Sandbanks, which I'm not very proud of, is the kids would be making sandcastles along the beach.

00:16:25.000 And we would be walking, talking, and seeing their sandcastle there.

00:16:30.000 And I would just walk with like Paul Toddy, who just died.

00:16:34.000 And we'd be walking down the beach going, no, I got in there and I was scared.

00:16:38.000 I didn't know what to do.

00:16:39.000 And then we would walk through their sandcastle.

00:16:43.000 By the way, we're 16-year-olds.

00:16:44.000 We're not 34-year-olds at this point.

00:16:46.000 So we're kind of, we're barely like five years older than the kids we're fucking with.

00:16:50.000 So I don't think that's the end of the world.

00:16:51.000 But we would just walk through their sandcastle and go, so, and then I felt like that I, you know, nothing was going on with her.

00:16:58.000 But I was at this point where I was like, what is going on?

00:17:01.000 And then we'd look back on the sandcastle we just destroyed and go, oh shit, sorry, kid.

00:17:05.000 Anyway, and then just keep walking.

00:17:08.000 That's pretty fucking.

00:17:12.000 Oh, those are the days.

00:17:13.000 It's not like this.

00:17:15.000 Two fucking grown beaches are fucking.

00:17:20.000 I find that funny.

00:17:21.000 Yeah, it is very funny.

00:17:22.000 The guy would throw all the wood oof.

00:17:26.000 Such a shitty move.

00:17:27.000 There's no reason to do it.

00:17:29.000 Look at him.

00:17:30.000 He's drunk.

00:17:32.000 Hitting it with a pillow.

00:17:35.000 Like, your job isn't done there yet.

00:17:37.000 Look, there you go.

00:17:38.000 Boom.

00:17:39.000 I hate sand.

00:17:41.000 Especially when it's sculpted out of shit.

00:17:44.000 That's like that video we showed the other day where he goes, you a figure!

00:17:48.000 Yeah, it's no need.

00:17:49.000 Calling a pedophile because he has a skateboard and he's my age.

00:17:53.000 No need.

00:17:54.000 Speaking of Canadian rock, the guess who and their hit, American Woman.

00:18:01.000 We're also of the BTO era.

00:18:04.000 Now, this song's really cool because it's got an acoustic version at the beginning.

00:18:08.000 Play the beginning.

00:18:14.000 I teach air guitar, by the way, to kids.

00:18:19.000 You want to keep the left hand moving as though you know what a chord is.

00:18:26.000 Occasionally, you want to be a child.

00:18:27.000 American woman gonna mess your mind.

00:18:31.000 American woman, she gonna mess your mind.

00:18:35.000 Party Day of Canada!

00:18:37.000 She's gonna mess your mind.

00:18:40.000 American woman gonna mess your mind.

00:18:43.000 That's like Friday.

00:18:45.000 What's that?

00:18:46.000 You heard me?

00:18:47.000 No, not the first part.

00:18:49.000 How no?

00:18:50.000 The mix in this is a lot louder than freaking July 4th.

00:18:53.000 We won't be here.

00:18:54.000 True, I've been trying to, So that's not happening.

00:19:04.000 But a bunch of the nearest fireworks.

00:19:06.000 There's no fireworks in my little suburb.

00:19:09.000 I don't know.

00:19:11.000 Unless you write Black Lives Matter on them, and then there is a July 4th.

00:19:15.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:19:16.000 Let's just put up a let's just start writing Black Lives Matter on everything we want to do.

00:19:20.000 I'm going to carry around a Black Lives Matter sign.

00:19:22.000 And when someone goes, sir, you can't be here, I'll be like.

00:19:28.000 Go back, go back, go back.

00:19:29.000 Boo!

00:19:37.000 What's that boo?

00:19:40.000 Like an electric tom?

00:19:43.000 Some weird zoo-zoo machine coming up.

00:19:45.000 Boo!

00:19:46.000 Morgan from outer space?

00:19:52.000 that's a real like a oddly distorted guitar American woman stay away from me American woman mama let me be I'll come a hanging around You know, we used to do like on Day of Canada.

00:20:11.000 We'd go to, we were in Ottawa, right?

00:20:12.000 And she'd go to Hull, which was just over the border.

00:20:15.000 Ottawa's on the border of Quebec, and uh, and I'll show you the map, don't worry, of Quebec and Ontario.

00:20:21.000 And if the beer was cheaper there, you could drink when you were 18 as opposed to 20, wait, 19.

00:20:29.000 Quebec was 18, Ontario was 19.

00:20:32.000 So we'd go there, but we'd dress up like fucking lunatics.

00:20:36.000 And this guy, Andrew Geddes, he like we dress up like monsters.

00:20:40.000 I don't mean we'd dress up a little, but it was like a rave.

00:20:42.000 Like we'd have a maple leaf this big on our head and stuff and Canadian flags and like ski boots that were impossible to walk in.

00:20:50.000 We'd be boiling alive on July 1st in ski boots, like the stupidest fucking costumes imaginable.

00:20:56.000 And one time Andrew Geddes dressed up as a little sailor boy.

00:21:00.000 He was very small, right?

00:21:02.000 So he had on knee-high white socks, deck shoes.

00:21:06.000 He had a blue sailor suit with the tie here, like the bow with the thing on the back, just like the blue bell boy or whatever that is on some sort of kid.

00:21:18.000 Yeah, maybe cracker jack kind of vibe.

00:21:20.000 And then he had on a little sailor hat.

00:21:22.000 Yeah, that's what he looked like.

00:21:24.000 But with short sleeves and tiny shorts.

00:21:27.000 And he was like shorter than you, if that's even possible to live outside of a circus exhibit.

00:21:34.000 And it was funny, right?

00:21:36.000 And it made a good part of our entourage, but we're all dressed up like fucking drunken idiots with mullets and wrapper on sunglasses and stuff.

00:21:44.000 And he's our little sailor boy.

00:21:46.000 It made sense in the group as the A-team, right?

00:21:50.000 Like it was almost like the Avengers or something.

00:21:53.000 But then, you know, it's mobbed.

00:21:56.000 Ottawa and Hull are mobbed on July 1st.

00:21:59.000 And after waiting in line, by the way, we wait in line.

00:22:02.000 All the bodegas in Quebec are called dépaneurs.

00:22:06.000 All the depanuers are packed.

00:22:08.000 So you wait in line and then you go through the beer fridge and you come with the line.

00:22:11.000 So we'd hang on the beer fridge, just cooling out, drinking, stealing beers, drinking and stealing at the same time, sitting on a bunch of fucking two-foursisty.

00:22:21.000 And then we had a good buzz and it had about three kink cans and we're starting to get hypothermia, we would pick up some beer and leave.

00:22:31.000 Anyway, you can imagine there's a lot of hullabaloo, including the time Peter Zabo went up to some dude and was like, what's up, man?

00:22:39.000 He's got a cigarette in his mouth.

00:22:40.000 What the fuck, dude?

00:22:42.000 And Peter, by the way, didn't dress up with us for some reason.

00:22:45.000 He was a preppy and he'd have on like polo and stuff.

00:22:48.000 It bothered me, to be quite honest, but whatever.

00:22:51.000 In the grand scheme of things, it looked kind of funny to have freak, freak, freak, freak, normal preppy guy, rich kid, freak, freak, freak.

00:22:58.000 So he, it was also a shit show.

00:23:00.000 The guy was a bull in a China shop.

00:23:01.000 So it was funny that he was the preppy of the gang.

00:23:04.000 But with a cigarette hanging in his mouth, he goes up to this guy and he's like, what's up, dude?

00:23:08.000 And he grabs him.

00:23:09.000 And he's a big, huge beast of a man, Peter Zabo.

00:23:13.000 And he knocked the guy down in the hugging.

00:23:17.000 And we have no, he'd never seen the guy before.

00:23:19.000 What are you doing?

00:23:20.000 You want to know a major detail with this story?

00:23:23.000 The guy had a fucking baby backpack.

00:23:26.000 Oh, no.

00:23:27.000 Like the little baby had his hands on his little shoulders.

00:23:30.000 So when Pete knocked him down, the baby fell out of the backpack.

00:23:33.000 Oh, my gosh.

00:23:36.000 And we all went, oh, shit, and just ran.

00:23:41.000 Pete's on his own.

00:23:42.000 You're going to jail for murdering a baby, you fucking drunken idiot.

00:23:45.000 Hope you didn't.

00:23:46.000 They are retarded, and in some ways, they're geniuses.

00:23:53.000 That's a perfect place for that.

00:23:55.000 Here's a pet peeve of mine, by the way.

00:23:56.000 I went to this pro-Canada thing.

00:24:00.000 Get to know Canada when we went on vacation in Niagara Falls, which was a weird choice of vacation.

00:24:04.000 My kids hate our vacations.

00:24:06.000 We go to like Colonial Williamsburg, Niagara Falls, Krass's Dial House.

00:24:12.000 It's never anything fun for them.

00:24:14.000 We go to like the Legoland or Legal.

00:24:17.000 Where we just were, a weird motel in North Fork called the Cliffside Resorts with just mulattos and fat white chicks that they fuck.

00:24:28.000 Terrible.

00:24:28.000 I don't know, because it's rich people who own the condos and then poor people who rent them.

00:24:32.000 So it's a strange combination.

00:24:33.000 But these two mulatto dudes were playing with a beach.

00:24:37.000 So their fat chick girlfriends were just sitting looking at their phones with their cellulite on their lawn chairs after they had sat in the water just holding hands with them like this, staring at each other.

00:24:47.000 And then the two, they were twins, by the way.

00:24:50.000 These, what are you supposed to say?

00:24:53.000 Half white people of color?

00:24:55.000 What's the new word for mulatto?

00:24:57.000 So it was longer.

00:24:58.000 Mixed doesn't do it.

00:24:59.000 You're mixed.

00:25:02.000 So I'm just going to say mulatto.

00:25:04.000 Guess what they were doing?

00:25:06.000 They're in the pool.

00:25:07.000 They've inflated a beach ball.

00:25:09.000 That's okay, I guess.

00:25:10.000 And they're going like this.

00:25:14.000 Maybe three feet apart.

00:25:15.000 Boop bop, boop bop, boop bop boop, boop bop.

00:25:21.000 Sometimes they'd go boop and they'd almost miss it.

00:25:24.000 That's scary.

00:25:25.000 And they would laugh then.

00:25:28.000 That's funny.

00:25:28.000 I almost didn't hit the beach ball three feet back to you.

00:25:34.000 At least Puerto Ricans go boogie boarding.

00:25:36.000 Yeah.

00:25:37.000 Believe me.

00:25:39.000 The more I learn about the world, the more I realize Puerto Ricans are not at the bottom of the barrel.

00:25:43.000 Oh, not even close.

00:25:44.000 They're at least third.

00:25:45.000 What do you think about this?

00:25:46.000 I bought this.

00:25:48.000 I'm already annoyed and I don't know what it is.

00:25:51.000 You bring it to the beach, and you blow it up with just air.

00:25:59.000 I don't know why they're not showing the fucking product.

00:26:02.000 Like, in use.

00:26:03.000 Wow, what a pathetic marketing.

00:26:07.000 They're not showing the product, Ryan.

00:26:09.000 Because it sucks.

00:26:10.000 No.

00:26:10.000 It's like a stool softener, they just show people having a good day, they don't show them shitting on the streets.

00:26:15.000 They don't show the shit just oozing out of their butthole.

00:26:18.000 That's a good theory.

00:26:20.000 Yeah, I'm gonna be this guy at the beach and then you lounge, man.

00:26:29.000 I think I'll make some friends at the beach like that too.

00:26:30.000 They'll be like, what's that?

00:26:31.000 You can do more work than a lawn chair.

00:26:33.000 Yeah, you burn some calories.

00:26:35.000 Oh, yeah, buy inefficient products because you can burn some calories.

00:26:40.000 Play these eyes by the guess who.

00:26:42.000 What was that you're showing with the gun?

00:26:44.000 At Niagara Falls, they have the history thing.

00:26:47.000 At Niagara Falls, they have the history.

00:26:49.000 That you were talking about?

00:26:50.000 Oh, that's a really cool thing to check out.

00:26:52.000 That's fascinating.

00:26:53.000 Problem is, though, when you have three kids, you want to sit there and read every single one of those.

00:26:59.000 Niagara Black.

00:27:00.000 Plus, we have to have the black history of Niagara.

00:27:03.000 The three black guys who were there.

00:27:07.000 Yep.

00:27:08.000 So that's where you went?

00:27:09.000 Yep.

00:27:10.000 Nice.

00:27:10.000 That's where we saw that stupid, shitty Scottish thing on, it was all about the history of Scotland.

00:27:16.000 And it was so fucking crap.

00:27:19.000 They yelled out a few poems.

00:27:21.000 They talked about St. Andrew.

00:27:24.000 And that was it.

00:27:26.000 And I thought, here's what you do, fuckheads.

00:27:29.000 You show, you just steal this from the internet.

00:27:32.000 You can steal from Wikipedia all of the inconsistencies with the movie Braveheart.

00:27:37.000 Like the love interest at the time would have been four years old.

00:27:40.000 That's fun.

00:27:42.000 The guy who betrayed him, Robert the Bruce, didn't really betray him.

00:27:46.000 That was a different time.

00:27:48.000 That kind of shit.

00:27:50.000 He was at the same time as Robert the Bruce, but the argument for Robert the Bruce's betrayal was that it was a tenacious move that helped forward him to a point where he could run Scotland.

00:28:02.000 By the way, the English tried to give Scotland Scotland, and they fucked it up.

00:28:07.000 And then they said, okay, well, get a committee and come up with the king.

00:28:10.000 And then they said, England, can you help us?

00:28:11.000 There's some culpability with Scotland there.

00:28:13.000 But anyway, sorry, tangent here.

00:28:15.000 So I'm in Niagara Falls, and that was a different visit.

00:28:19.000 No, I guess it was the same visit.

00:28:22.000 No, the museum you just showed me was Colonial Williamsburg, wasn't it?

00:28:25.000 No, no, no.

00:28:26.000 Okay, it looks like a museum in Colonial Williamsburg.

00:28:28.000 I've never been, I don't think I've been to that museum you showed.

00:28:31.000 But at this pro-Canada thing, they said, hey, Canada.

00:28:37.000 And they did a bunch of dances and they were dressed like this or whatever.

00:28:40.000 And then they said, hey, and it had some bunch of songs.

00:28:43.000 And the songs were like, you like Miley Silas?

00:28:45.000 Miley Cyrus?

00:28:46.000 Well, guess what?

00:28:46.000 Her producer is Canadian.

00:28:49.000 And it was all this like super American stuff like fucking, what's the most American thing in the world right now?

00:28:57.000 Kanye West.

00:28:58.000 Yeah, Justin Bieber.

00:28:59.000 Kanye West?

00:29:00.000 Well, Justin Bieber's from Canada, right?

00:29:01.000 His stylist is from Winnipeg.

00:29:03.000 And Justin Bieber is from Canada.

00:29:04.000 And it was all this really popular American.

00:29:06.000 The godfather, the boom, my godfreeder.

00:29:09.000 The godfather, the word father actually comes from the Canadian for fatter.

00:29:14.000 And it was like, I don't, I don't, and I remember this in high school.

00:29:18.000 They'd say, define Canadian culture.

00:29:20.000 And you were supposed to write things like, well, I'm not Elvis Presley.

00:29:23.000 This is the analogy I always use.

00:29:25.000 This episode is going to be a little repetitious because I'm drunk and I've talked about Canada many times.

00:29:32.000 I call it the Elvis' brother syndrome.

00:29:34.000 If you said to Elvis' brother, who are you?

00:29:37.000 He would say, well, I'm not the Pelvis guy and I'm not Mr. Rock and Roll and I don't have blue suede shoes and I don't have a hound dog and I'm not Mr. Karate.

00:29:51.000 And you're like, yeah, yeah, I don't give a fuck.

00:29:52.000 I know who Elvis is.

00:29:53.000 Who are you?

00:29:55.000 And so so much of Canada's identity when they get questioned is to say what isn't American.

00:30:01.000 And I think that's their obsession with diversity because they think that America is KKK town.

00:30:06.000 So they're going, we'll be the opposite of KKK.

00:30:08.000 Unfortunately, that's based on the assumption that America is KKK.

00:30:12.000 Whoops.

00:30:13.000 So yeah, this whole play was like all these American things, but we have fucking cool stuff.

00:30:20.000 Like Stomp and Tom.

00:30:25.000 No, like let's jump to Quebec here.

00:30:27.000 I'm jumping down a few.

00:30:28.000 Plume la Traverse, which means feather of the traveler.

00:30:33.000 And he was a, he was a, hold on, he was a hippie in the early 70s in Quebec, which is all French.

00:30:40.000 He barely spoke English.

00:30:41.000 But he was such a raunchy hippie.

00:30:43.000 He was kind of punk rock.

00:30:44.000 Now, punk rock, when it first began in like 76, was just, you could look like that.

00:30:51.000 You didn't have a blue mohawk.

00:30:52.000 You'd have pajamas and rubber boots.

00:30:54.000 Frank Zappa was kind of punk rock.

00:30:57.000 It was kind of pre-punk punk.

00:30:59.000 And this was Plum.

00:31:01.000 And there's nothing remotely American about this song, Bobby Pin.

00:31:04.000 So it's a Bobby Pin like you put in your hair, but it's about a woman he calls Bobby Pin.

00:31:10.000 How about singing Bobby Pin?

00:31:12.000 Okay, fine.

00:31:13.000 I'll try it.

00:31:13.000 I didn't sing that for two years.

00:31:16.000 I'll try it, just for you and for everybody here tonight.

00:31:19.000 Okay, and all over Canada.

00:31:22.000 Okay.

00:31:24.000 That's notable.

00:31:26.000 He's doing an English accent, and there was some animosity there.

00:31:30.000 It's sort of like blacks and whites.

00:31:31.000 So that's sort of like a black guy saying, yo, all right, I'm going to do this song, and I'll do it for all of America.

00:31:38.000 Let's do it for the South.

00:31:40.000 Oh, I see.

00:31:41.000 So he's sort of like, here you go, white people.

00:31:46.000 And his song is from Bobby Finn for his mother and his father and his La Pan.

00:31:52.000 Is that Geraldo Virevera?

00:31:54.000 No, that's Peter Servinsky.

00:31:58.000 What the fuck's his name?

00:31:59.000 Stravinsky.

00:32:00.000 He was a Peter Kizinskeko.

00:32:03.000 Kizinskeko?

00:32:05.000 Nope.

00:32:06.000 Look at that.

00:32:09.000 Peter Kwinski?

00:32:10.000 Kaczynski?

00:32:10.000 Kizinski.

00:32:12.000 That's what it says.

00:32:13.000 Yeah, he used to...

00:32:16.000 In Canada, you have free government-funded radio and TV, just like the BBC in Britain.

00:32:23.000 And I used to set Grawalski?

00:32:25.000 Peter Growalski?

00:32:27.000 I used to set my alarm to him because I would get so fucking mad that I would shoot out of bed in a rage.

00:32:34.000 So like I would turn, my alarm would come on and it would be like, the term refers to duct work.

00:32:42.000 So it was named duct tape, but we call it duct tape today.

00:32:47.000 We're going to talk about why we call it duct tape.

00:32:51.000 And it was such a great example of what the kind of radio you get when you can't be fired.

00:32:59.000 A whole segment on duct tape versus duct tape.

00:33:06.000 What was his name?

00:33:32.000 This song is so good that it's like sans parents couched on la cuisine.

00:33:40.000 El utilise la perfume terre bantain.

00:33:43.000 Her perfume was paint thinner, and her parents slept in the kitchen.

00:33:47.000 bobby pin Her daddy works in Ontario.

00:33:57.000 Her mother flies to the rock show.

00:34:00.000 Who's that?

00:34:02.000 Bobby Pin!

00:34:07.000 He's adding English.

00:34:10.000 Okay, now I'm worried you guys think I'm full of shit and Canadian music sucks because you don't get Plume La Traverse.

00:34:16.000 I thought that was pretty cool.

00:34:19.000 Like, that's not easy.

00:34:20.000 He was a really weird kind of poet, dude.

00:34:21.000 Look up another Plume La Traverse.

00:34:26.000 He was like a drunken hippie poet guy that no one outside of Quebec got.

00:34:32.000 That's the thing about Quebec.

00:34:33.000 It's sort of like Glasgow in that it's such esoteric culture that it couldn't translate anywhere else.

00:34:44.000 This is 85, I believe.

00:34:50.000 I don't know how to go 70s.

00:34:53.000 Oh, recount.

00:34:55.000 Wait, go back up there.

00:34:57.000 What's that one?

00:34:58.000 This one, you now we're cooking with gas.

00:35:10.000 Oh, succumb.

00:35:13.000 Drunk as a boot.

00:35:16.000 I'm sitting at the bar, not far from the bar.

00:35:20.000 I look at the black label dance See, they've had their own powerfully nationalistic folk scene.

00:35:49.000 That's the funny thing about Quebec, too, that they're kind of PC hippies, but they're fierce nationalists.

00:35:55.000 I mean, when Jacques Perizot realized that they had failed to separate in, I think, 92, he said in French, who's responsible for this?

00:36:05.000 We all know.

00:36:06.000 The English and the fucking immigrants, because he was wasted.

00:36:10.000 And they have a thing called pure lane there, means pure wool.

00:36:14.000 And they only want you if you're French.

00:36:16.000 You can be black.

00:36:17.000 It's not about that.

00:36:17.000 It's not racial.

00:36:19.000 Which is why I found it so weird to come here and see everything was about race because I grew up where everything was about language.

00:36:28.000 But the new sort of nationalist Quebecois are the cowboy fringe.

00:36:38.000 The fringe cowboys.

00:36:39.000 And it's kind of a double meaning because it means cowboys with the fringe on their jacket, but fringe also means what it means in English, which is like on the fringe.

00:36:47.000 So they're saying like we're the cowboy, the edgy cowboys, I guess, the troll cowboys.

00:36:53.000 But they're a really popular band that is incredibly talented that is only possible in Quebec.

00:37:00.000 They have zero following outside of Quebec.

00:37:02.000 And meanwhile, they're millionaires.

00:37:03.000 They're huge.

00:37:05.000 But look up Shooting Stars.

00:37:08.000 The link was broken.

00:37:09.000 Shooting stars.

00:37:10.000 Which link?

00:37:11.000 Is it Cowboys?

00:37:14.000 Mabel Sophie, I want to see Les Etoiles Philante, which means Etoiles are stars.

00:37:20.000 Philante's shooting stars.

00:37:28.000 Welcome to the me listening to my favorite song show.

00:37:32.000 it's off the record The songs have such a huge progression, too.

00:37:43.000 Like they get, they're kind of like the Quebecois pogues because it gets more and more intense sometimes.

00:37:48.000 Day of Canada, Steve.

00:37:57.000 You can buy this album and you still enjoy it.

00:38:12.000 I enjoy Latin maths.

00:38:14.000 I like that and the last one.

00:38:15.000 Plume de la Traverse.

00:38:21.000 Jump ahead about a minute.

00:38:22.000 No way ahead.

00:38:31.000 I guess this doesn't have the progression to crescendo I wanted.

00:38:35.000 I think this is their first album.

00:38:36.000 They're big.

00:38:38.000 And even if we know that everything is done Okay, look up the one before this, Mabel Sophie.

00:38:48.000 My daughter's name is Sophie, and I was determined to learn this on piano.

00:38:52.000 That's the kind of thing you say you're going to do, and you'll never fucking do it.

00:38:56.000 I didn't do it.

00:38:57.000 But it has this great opening where it's like, It's good when you have friends over just to have this song in the background.

00:39:13.000 To carry all the weight of destiny So they have two singers.

00:39:22.000 sometimes they have a female singer they're big band So it's about a woman looking at a crying baby.

00:39:39.000 I may tear up.

00:39:41.000 I'm warning you.

00:39:44.000 You know how you see a crying baby and they're fucking hysterical?

00:39:47.000 And you think, for something like, for me to react that way, the entire human race would have to be obliterated and Jesus would have to be proven not to exist or something.

00:39:57.000 Like, Jesus Christ, take it easy, baby.

00:40:00.000 So she says, stop.

00:40:03.000 Arrête de proté tout le pois de destin surtend d'eau.

00:40:08.000 Je séré uncour la démais même si il fait pas poubeau.

00:40:12.000 Stop wearing all the weight of fate.

00:40:15.000 But it's better in French because it says tout les pois de destin.

00:40:18.000 She says all the pounds of destiny on your back.

00:40:23.000 It'll be.

00:40:25.000 I'll be there again tomorrow, even if the weather is not better.

00:40:30.000 Even if it doesn't fais both.

00:40:34.000 So even if even if tomorrow is a bad day, we're all still going to be here.

00:40:39.000 It's okay, Sophie.

00:40:41.000 Stop crying.

00:40:43.000 Isn't that beautiful?

00:40:44.000 It's very nice.

00:40:51.000 Some things are very much better without translation.

00:40:55.000 Oh, thanks.

00:40:56.000 Yeah.

00:40:56.000 I know what you mean, because there's this Japanese song that I like.

00:41:00.000 You read the words and you're like, that sucks.

00:41:02.000 The words are brilliant.

00:41:04.000 She's carrying all the pounds of destiny on her back.

00:41:08.000 And you don't have to.

00:41:10.000 Stop crying.

00:41:12.000 I'm still going to be here tomorrow.

00:41:14.000 And it's also kind of a parody or a double look at the way we see babies crying and we feel the stress.

00:41:22.000 Because we go, oh my God, you're fucking hysterical.

00:41:24.000 You must be being stabbed.

00:41:28.000 There must be a gang outside coming in here to murder you.

00:41:31.000 And you realize, no, they're just slightly hungry.

00:41:33.000 Yeah.

00:41:34.000 Yeah.

00:41:34.000 Stop crying.

00:41:42.000 What the fuck was I thinking?

00:41:43.000 I'm going to learn this on piano?

00:41:44.000 I don't play the piano.

00:41:47.000 I thought I'll just learn these chords and the lyrics and play them at some party we have.

00:41:51.000 That's fucking vain, by the way.

00:41:53.000 Excuse me, everyone.

00:41:55.000 I've been working on a song about my crying baby daughter.

00:41:58.000 And if everyone could put down their drinks and come to the piano room.

00:42:01.000 We had a piano room.

00:42:02.000 And did you just picture everybody like first they're drinking?

00:42:05.000 and they're just like, "What?" And then you play and then they're like, Souton tour.

00:42:25.000 I'm looking at the woman who helps my wife do Pilates.

00:42:29.000 Il va être le rencor du mer.

00:42:33.000 Même s'il ne fait pas beau.

00:42:37.000 Holy shit, no wonder I didn't learn it.

00:42:41.000 I'm not a fag.

00:42:42.000 The why of things.

00:42:46.000 I'm getting nervous now, actually, to be frank.

00:42:49.000 I won't show you my favorite band from Canada.

00:42:51.000 Do not, do not, do not.

00:42:53.000 Sloan Underwhelmed.

00:42:54.000 We also had a good indie rock scene.

00:42:59.000 They were from Halifax, I believe.

00:43:05.000 She was underwhelmed.

00:43:07.000 If that's a word, I know it's not, cause I looked it up.

00:43:14.000 That's one of the skills that I learned in my school.

00:43:22.000 I was overwhelmed and I'm sure of that one'Cause I learned it back in days too old When I was young She said you was funny, I said you are funny She said thank you and I said never mind Got you over the right Isn't that a great line?

00:43:49.000 She told me affection had two F's, especially when you're dealing with me.

00:43:54.000 What are you looking at?

00:43:55.000 I want to add this to my songs.

00:44:03.000 And then there was from Edmonton SNFU, great hardcore scene in Canada.

00:44:09.000 Mr. Chai Pig, Chinese guy, and his hockey composer buddies.

00:44:19.000 And they had a hit Cannibal Cafe.

00:44:21.000 Cannibal Cafe is Edmonton now, which is sort of like Winnipeg, but not as harsh.

00:44:29.000 I don't have any Winnipeg.

00:44:30.000 Oh, guess who are Winnipeg?

00:44:33.000 This is just a picture.

00:44:36.000 but it starts up very slow with the cafe We never opened for them, unfortunately, I don't think.

00:44:49.000 But it was the same time frame.

00:44:53.000 But this one, Nazi skinheads were everywhere.

00:44:55.000 And they hated SNFU because the singer was a chink.

00:45:00.000 So they would come to our shows.

00:45:02.000 We would book them.

00:45:03.000 was a club.

00:45:05.000 Oh, turn it up.

00:45:14.000 I didn't listen to a hardcore at the time, but to me right now it sounds like soft pop.

00:45:17.000 I didn't listen to a hardcore at the time, but to me right now it sounds like soft pop.

00:45:47.000 I didn't listen to a hardcore at the time, but to me right now it sounds like soft pop.

00:46:06.000 Anyway, the Cannibal Cafe, won't you come to the only place where you can be the special of the day?

00:46:13.000 Anyway, these skinheads would show up at shows, and Chai Pig, who has a great song he did called Dad, My Hair and Me, because his dad, it's not on my list, his dad hated that he was a punk chink.

00:46:27.000 I think he's since gone crazy.

00:46:30.000 And his dad terrorized him for it.

00:46:33.000 Every punk kid went through that.

00:46:35.000 Their dad hating their hair.

00:46:37.000 My Dad, My Hair, and Me by Who?

00:46:38.000 Dad, My Hair and Me by Chai Pig.

00:46:44.000 No, you're rice balls, dude.

00:46:47.000 You know, Dad, My Hair and Me.

00:46:49.000 And it's CHI.

00:46:54.000 Oh, so he had his own pig.

00:46:55.000 I mean, he had his own band after SNFU.

00:47:03.000 So this is 90.

00:47:04.000 Probably about six years after the last summer.

00:47:09.000 So anyway, Skinheads would just pause for a sec.

00:47:11.000 Skinheads would show up at these shows ready to kill him for being Asian.

00:47:14.000 Because the funny thing about Nazi skinheads in Canada, which whole other show was a phenomenon generated by the government, where just like the SPLC, in their quest to find hate, they actually fomented hate and created a Nazi skinhead scene.

00:47:28.000 Unfortunately, the Nazi skinheads in Canada had no Jews, blacks, anyone to deal with.

00:47:32.000 So they would attack...

00:47:36.000 I hope not.

00:47:38.000 They would attack like the randomly half-Asian singer of a band from fucking Edmonton.

00:47:45.000 Oh, he doesn't look like he's doing so good.

00:47:47.000 That's not doing great.

00:47:49.000 unless that's bad pits come and you're gay So the crazy thing was, so we'd be at this tiny club about that big, and he was just ready to throw down.

00:48:07.000 That's a thing people don't get, and we'll get to that in our hosier section, is that Canadians will fight at any time.

00:48:13.000 And I believe it's hockey related.

00:48:15.000 They're very polite, they're very kind, but fighting is not a big deal.

00:48:19.000 That might be why I'm so banned.

00:48:21.000 It's a cultural difference.

00:48:23.000 I seem violent because I'm ready for a fight.

00:48:27.000 In fact, I have to go boxing because there's no real-life fights in America.

00:48:31.000 Whereas in Canada, it happens every time someone burns your new fucking shirt with a dart.

00:48:37.000 Anyway, that's very interesting.

00:48:38.000 Okay, last song before I...

00:48:45.000 Yeah.

00:48:46.000 I'll come.

00:48:46.000 Because I got better lips today.

00:48:53.000 Awesome.

00:48:54.000 So, here we are in the fucking airport.

00:48:57.000 The flackin'Tim Hortons right behind him.

00:48:59.000 Ummm...

00:49:00.000 No, I just gotta...

00:49:05.000 Okay, so we'll take a break.

00:49:07.000 Good time out.

00:49:08.000 Good time out.

00:49:10.000 Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

00:49:11.000 Okay.

00:49:16.000 It's not good.

00:49:17.000 I saw there's a documentary on him.

00:49:19.000 I'm hoping he's just troubled.

00:49:21.000 Like, I might do that with Guinness Foam.

00:49:24.000 What's this one now?

00:49:25.000 Boy, I'm old.

00:49:29.000 He became an old white redneck?

00:49:42.000 Pretty good.

00:49:43.000 Okay.

00:49:44.000 Before we leave the song section and I take you to my wonderful homeland, just to be clear here, my parents are Scottish.

00:49:51.000 They moved to England right before I was born.

00:49:55.000 I was born in Hitchin, right near Tommy Robinson.

00:49:58.000 Lived there for five years.

00:50:00.000 We moved to Canada in 1975 to Ottawa, Ontario.

00:50:04.000 And then I moved out of the house when I was 18 in 1988, moved to Montreal.

00:50:09.000 Left Montreal in 99, moved to New York.

00:50:12.000 And I've been there ever since.

00:50:15.000 So I feel an allegiance to Scotland, to England, to Canada.

00:50:20.000 But within Canada, moving from Ontario to Quebec is a much bigger move than England to Canada or Canada to America.

00:50:29.000 So I would argue I've lived in England.

00:50:33.000 Scotland we went to every summer, right?

00:50:36.000 So I feel allegiance to England, Scotland, Ontario and Quebec.

00:50:40.000 I feel that those are two, they're in the same country, but they're so fucking different.

00:50:45.000 And then America, of course, which is not very New York.

00:50:48.000 New York is not very American.

00:50:51.000 Anyway, boring.

00:50:53.000 So Canada also has a big sort of a country scene, which probably looks like American mimicry.

00:51:02.000 And in many ways it is, but that's ignoring Calgary and Canada's deep-seated cowboy culture.

00:51:10.000 I mean, the Calgary Stampede is one of the biggest rodeos in the world.

00:51:14.000 Now, Stompin' Tom is an East Coast nigga, but he's still beautifully Canadian.

00:51:23.000 And I was kind of reluctant to show this because I'm avoiding anything that looks like you're trying to be American, but Stompin' Tom may have a cowboy hat, and he may sound like he's ripping off country songs, but he's also, because I'm not denying those things, he's also intrinsically Canadian.

00:51:40.000 So this is Big Joe Muffara.

00:51:45.000 50 mile radius of the city of Ottawa.

00:51:49.000 Here's a story that takes us back to about 120 years ago when a French Canadian lived up that way.

00:51:55.000 He made himself a legend in his own time.

00:51:58.000 He got buried under a tombstone for a while until a fellow named Stompin' Tom went up that way and heard a few of the tall, tall tales and wrote a song about Big Joe Muffraw.

00:52:10.000 Hey, hey, hey, ho!

00:52:15.000 The best man in Ottawa was Muffarawa Dole.

00:52:18.000 Muffarawado.

00:52:21.000 Big Joe Mufferaw battled in the Manawa on away from Ottawa just one day.

00:52:26.000 Hey, hey!

00:52:28.000 On the river Ottawa, the best man we ever saw was Big Joe Mufferaw.

00:52:31.000 The old folks say Come and listen and not tell you what the old folks say.

00:52:38.000 Can you get me another Canadian beer?

00:52:39.000 sure Mumpara Joe.

00:52:57.000 You see, Big Joe used to get real wet from cracking down timber and working up a sweat.

00:53:03.000 And everyone will tell you round Carlton's waste, the Mississippi drip off of Big Joe's face.

00:53:09.000 You hear that?

00:53:10.000 Big Joe's face.

00:53:11.000 He get kind of wet from working all day and digging up a sweat because he would, you know, he would drink a lot.

00:53:18.000 And he would sweat.

00:53:19.000 And the Mississippi started from Big Joe's face.

00:53:22.000 Oh, damn.

00:53:23.000 He sweat that much.

00:53:23.000 Yeah.

00:53:25.000 He would be drinking booze, too.

00:53:31.000 There was a fire that started around Smith Falls, and he drowned out the fire with five spitballs.

00:53:37.000 Damn.

00:53:38.000 What are you doing?

00:53:39.000 Smith Falls.

00:53:40.000 You're showing us your computer, you fucking tard.

00:53:43.000 Just get back to the song.

00:53:44.000 Is there a Smith Falls fire?

00:53:45.000 Is that real?

00:53:49.000 Let me see this video, please.

00:53:55.000 The path he wore became the Rideau Canal.

00:53:59.000 That's how many times he walked back and forth to see that gal.

00:54:02.000 The path he wore became the Rideau Canal.

00:54:06.000 Make it small like it was.

00:54:07.000 Big Joe Moppa paddled in the Mattawa all the way from Ottawa in just one day.

00:54:12.000 Hey, hey!

00:54:13.000 On the river Ottawa, the best man I ever saw was Big Joe Moppa, all the old folks say.

00:54:18.000 Come and listen and I'll tell you what the old folks say.

00:54:22.000 You see, Big Joe put out a forest fire halfway between Renfrew and Ol'Arnspire.

00:54:28.000 A forest fire he put out?

00:54:29.000 He was 50 miles away down around Smith Falls, but he drowned out the fire with five spitballs.

00:54:35.000 Oh, so the fire was not in Smith Falls.

00:54:37.000 He was in Smith Balls.

00:54:38.000 It was over by Earnprior.

00:54:48.000 Most of these are not true, by the way.

00:54:49.000 He jumped in the Calaboge lake real fast.

00:54:51.000 He swam both ways to get a cross-eyed bass.

00:54:54.000 Lay threw it on the ground and said a canny death.

00:54:56.000 So he covered it over with Mount St. Pat.

00:54:59.000 He did not cover it over a fish and create Mount St. Pat.

00:55:03.000 That's not true.

00:55:08.000 Stomping Tom was also a compulsive liar.

00:55:09.000 Displaced.

00:55:17.000 No one can drink a bucket of gin.

00:55:20.000 And to beat the living tar to 39 men, you'd have to be Charlie Sarone or Angelina Jolie or even Lena Dunham or someone.

00:55:28.000 There's no way this quote-unquote Big Joe Muffara drank a bucket of gin.

00:55:35.000 Anyway, let's hear him out.

00:55:36.000 All the way from Ottawa.

00:55:54.000 This one day.

00:55:56.000 Hey, hey.

00:55:57.000 On the river Ottawa.

00:55:58.000 The best spammy ever since Big Bole Muffler.

00:56:01.000 The old folks say Come and listen and not tell me what the old folks say.

00:56:06.000 This ain't Nepi, Nepai, oh, the best man on Ottawa with Mupperado.

00:56:12.000 Mupparado.

00:56:14.000 So he's from St. John.

00:56:16.000 Now he had some problems with Stompin' Tom.

00:56:19.000 He's canceled postpartum.

00:56:22.000 Is he dead?

00:56:24.000 No, he's still going.

00:56:26.000 Fuck, age 77.

00:56:27.000 He not bananas about the immigrants.

00:56:30.000 Worried about diluting Canada's culture, which seemed like a stupid thing to say until Toronto happened.

00:56:36.000 And then we went, oh shit, I guess Stomp and Tom was right.

00:56:40.000 You can ruin a country with demographics and too much sympathy.

00:56:44.000 But I feel like we've talked about this country so much on Day of Canada that I'm getting confusing here.

00:56:52.000 You've heard about bands from Winnipeg, Edmonton, St. John's, Halifax, Vancouver, Montreal.

00:56:57.000 Where's where?

00:56:58.000 So let me take you to the country of Canada and just give you a dummy's guide to the second largest country in the world after Russia.

00:57:09.000 Thank you.

00:57:14.000 How's it going, eh?

00:57:15.000 I thought I'd take this time to give you a little tour of the old fucking Canada.

00:57:19.000 The great white north.

00:57:21.000 And you're going to have to excuse the swearing, not just in this segment or on this show, but in general for coming for me.

00:57:27.000 But the culture of Canada is Scotch-Irish.

00:57:30.000 The people who couldn't handle the cold, they went south to America.

00:57:35.000 The Scots, the Irish, they didn't have a problem with the wet and the cold, so they stayed up there.

00:57:39.000 And you'll notice the accent, even the A. The A is a Scottish thing.

00:57:44.000 What's going on?

00:57:45.000 A?

00:57:46.000 So part of that is the bad words.

00:57:49.000 Like in upstate New York, in the book How the Scots Invented the Modern World right there, Arthur Herman, we hear about things that were called like Hunt Creek and Shit Mountain and fuck hill.

00:58:03.000 Thomas Sowell claims that this sort of ghetto culture, this low-grade, rude, over-the-top, offensive culture, is actually the freed slaves mimicking the Scotch-Irish.

00:58:16.000 Anyway, let's start with the East Coast, shall we?

00:58:19.000 Wait, wait, before we do, one thing you have to understand here is this is all shit.

00:58:24.000 Even like this high is a nightmare of bugs.

00:58:32.000 The spring is like an hour and a half.

00:58:36.000 The winter is unfathomable.

00:58:39.000 Like so fucking cold.

00:58:42.000 Well, we'll get to Winnipeg in a second.

00:58:44.000 But So the only thing you can do is skidoo and hunt.

00:58:46.000 And if you don't do that, you lead a miserable life.

00:58:49.000 So if you look at a topographical map of Canada at night, you see that no one really lives much more than like 40 miles from the border.

00:59:00.000 Okay, so sticking close to the border, let's go over to the east coast.

00:59:06.000 We basically don't have a lot here.

00:59:08.000 This is Trailer Park Boys.

00:59:09.000 Trailer Park Boys is in Halifax, right?

00:59:12.000 This is St. John's.

00:59:13.000 St. John's, this was all Scots who settled this.

00:59:17.000 And this was big for cod fishing and everything.

00:59:20.000 And they were successful fishermen.

00:59:21.000 It was a relatively lucrative province, Newfoundland and Labrador.

00:59:27.000 St. John's is actually in New Brunswick, like with Halifax.

00:59:31.000 But the cod just died.

00:59:33.000 I heard the same thing happen in Canada recently.

00:59:35.000 That was the end of that entire part of the world.

00:59:38.000 This part of the world is extremely poor.

00:59:41.000 And lots of welfare.

00:59:43.000 When you call up something about government stuff, someone over here, some newfield, Newfoundland, we used to call them newfies.

00:59:50.000 It was like newfield jokes.

00:59:51.000 They were stupid, I guess.

00:59:53.000 Everyone's so stupid now, though, that they don't do that anymore.

00:59:56.000 We used to do newfield jokes.

00:59:57.000 Americans would do Polak jokes.

00:59:58.000 They don't do that anymore.

00:59:59.000 We've been out stupided.

01:00:01.000 Anyway, so this is poor.

01:00:04.000 And the interesting thing about Halifax is it's pretty black.

01:00:09.000 Lots of racial tension there.

01:00:11.000 My buddy got beat up for wearing a Jamaican sort of a wristband thing.

01:00:14.000 But Halifax was the end of the Underground Railroad that the slaves took.

01:00:21.000 So the slaves went out here, ended up in Halifax.

01:00:25.000 There was even a town called Africaville.

01:00:28.000 It's gone now.

01:00:29.000 And this place is a fun place to visit when you're older.

01:00:33.000 Check out the bars.

01:00:34.000 The people are great, really talkative, which must be the Scotch-Irish thing.

01:00:37.000 But as a young person or someone watching this show, if you have kids and stuff, you're probably not going to want to go here.

01:00:42.000 This probably isn't for you.

01:00:43.000 So I would just erase this entire half or this entire portion of the country.

01:00:48.000 Now we get back to the only French province in the country, Quebec.

01:00:53.000 Everyone here speaks French.

01:00:55.000 Here in Quebec City, they don't speak fucking English.

01:00:58.000 The only people that speak English are here in Ottawa.

01:01:01.000 I mean, sorry, Montreal.

01:01:02.000 Ottawa is actually in Ontario, but it's right on the border, so it looks, it's hard to see.

01:01:07.000 And by the way, speaking of nightmares, this is livable.

01:01:10.000 Laval has a few English in it.

01:01:13.000 Montreal is pretty bilingual.

01:01:15.000 As soon as you get up to like here, it's hell.

01:01:20.000 So we only really managed to eke out this much.

01:01:22.000 This is about an hour from the border.

01:01:24.000 Montreal.

01:01:25.000 Sorry, this is about an hour.

01:01:26.000 So you go another hour north and you're in the tundra.

01:01:30.000 But Montreal is heaven.

01:01:32.000 It's kind of too late to go there now because it gets so fucking hot and humid.

01:01:35.000 It's like Florida.

01:01:36.000 But in the spring, the women there are stunning because the French originally sent priests to go down there, missionaries.

01:01:46.000 And they said, hey, Indians, you need to worship Catholicism.

01:01:48.000 This is a guy named Jesus Christ.

01:01:49.000 And they went, sure.

01:01:51.000 Ripped their throats out, ate their hearts, ripped off their fingernails, put wood splints underneath their fingernails just to torture them, killed them all, ate them, cut them up, had fun with them.

01:02:02.000 So then the French sent the military, and the military did a good job.

01:02:06.000 They just said, accept Catholicism or die.

01:02:09.000 It was a jihadist movement, really.

01:02:10.000 And it worked, and they established a French colony.

01:02:14.000 But there was no chicks.

01:02:15.000 So King Louis XIV had these women called Les Fides de Roi, the woman of the king.

01:02:20.000 And he thought it was just like all the garbage, all the trash.

01:02:23.000 But they were so uptight back then, it was actually all the brassy brads, like the Joan Rivers and the Eva Mendez and the Sarah Silvermans.

01:02:31.000 So the kind of fun, sexy chicks.

01:02:33.000 Then they started fucking the Indians.

01:02:36.000 So you have French prostitutes and sluts and funny chicks with like the native Indian thing.

01:02:44.000 So you get this kind of a face.

01:02:45.000 Like, I can't really see my face right now, but I imagine I look super hot.

01:02:50.000 Big full lips, slightly oriental eyes, long black hair, tits.

01:02:57.000 Whenever we would have bands stay with us at our house in Montreal, they would say, I'd say, what do you guys want to do?

01:03:03.000 Anything.

01:03:03.000 And they'd always say, we want to get king cans, usually bud, I'm afraid, and sit on the stoop and just look at chicks.

01:03:11.000 Okay.

01:03:11.000 I do that all day anyway.

01:03:13.000 We're in.

01:03:14.000 Sitting on the corner watching all the girls go by.

01:03:18.000 All right.

01:03:19.000 So Montreal is basically, if we're talking about visiting, Quebec City is good if you've got some money.

01:03:26.000 I'd say if you're like 34 and up and you're already in a relationship, you and your significant other, your newlywed wife, should go to Quebec City.

01:03:36.000 Even in the winter, it's super cool because it's not that cold.

01:03:40.000 You're right on the water there and there's like toboggan hills and they have this bonhom de Nege guy, a big snowman who walks around and there's an ice hotel, hotel made completely out of ice.

01:03:49.000 It's cool stuff to see, but it's not a young man's game.

01:03:52.000 None of this, none of this.

01:03:53.000 So basically, by the way, we've only done Halifax as a town, which I don't really recommend.

01:03:57.000 Quebec City, sort of if you're old.

01:03:59.000 As far as our viewers go, Montreal is the only town I've recommended so far.

01:04:02.000 If you zoom out, Canada is really just Montreal, Toronto, and Vancouver, as far as what you want to check out.

01:04:12.000 That's the only places you should get a plane ticket to.

01:04:15.000 Anyway, go back a little closer.

01:04:18.000 So Ottawa, don't check that out.

01:04:20.000 That's where I lived the most of my life.

01:04:21.000 I moved there in 74, left in 88.

01:04:24.000 And it's a government town.

01:04:26.000 But because Pierre Trudeau, Justin Trudeau's father, demanded that everyone be bilingual, it's all French people.

01:04:34.000 Because bilingual means I speak French without an accent and some English.

01:04:38.000 It doesn't mean I speak English and perfect French, but with a bit of an accent.

01:04:42.000 You have to have perfect French to be in the government.

01:04:44.000 I don't know why.

01:04:46.000 But there's only one French province.

01:04:48.000 We just finished it in a second.

01:04:50.000 So everyone in this town is boring.

01:04:52.000 But I got laid a lot in Ottawa because the women are still les fit de roi genetically.

01:04:58.000 So you actually do pretty good with pussy in Ottawa, surprisingly, there's almost nothing going on.

01:05:02.000 In fact, I think one of the reasons I'm so incredibly fun is because it was such a funless town.

01:05:08.000 We invented fun.

01:05:10.000 Like Tuesday nights was Nepean Sports Plex night, where we'd go in our pajamas to the sportsplex and jump off stuff.

01:05:18.000 We changed into bathing suits, jump off the fourth tower, these big diving towers until we got kicked out.

01:05:23.000 And we always had to bring party crackers.

01:05:25.000 Dumb rules like that.

01:05:26.000 Kind of the same kind of culture that started the Proud Boys.

01:05:32.000 So yeah, that's enough of Ottawa.

01:05:33.000 Fun parks, though.

01:05:34.000 Great lakes.

01:05:35.000 Great places to hang.

01:05:36.000 Like Ottawa, Montreal here with these lakes and Ottawa, the little small lakes around there in the Gatineau Mountains.

01:05:45.000 You just like, it was so fun.

01:05:47.000 You would just sit in a lawn chair in the water with a six-pack floating next to you and just piss.

01:05:54.000 You wouldn't have to get up.

01:05:55.000 You wouldn't even know you were peeing after a while.

01:05:58.000 Maybe that's why I wet the bed.

01:06:00.000 Sorry, maybe that's why I wet the bed present tense.

01:06:03.000 All right, so zoom out a bit.

01:06:06.000 Now there's nothing going on except Toronto, which is here.

01:06:09.000 This is about four hours away.

01:06:11.000 Montreal is about six hours from New York City.

01:06:13.000 Ottawa is inconveniently located because of highways because no one wants to go there from America.

01:06:18.000 So it's like eight hours, nine hours.

01:06:20.000 Toronto is a good 12 hours from New York City, but four hours from Ottawa.

01:06:25.000 Toronto is the most diverse city in the world, and it fucking blows chunks, I'm afraid.

01:06:30.000 And the women have zero fi de roi in them, so there's zero sex going on in Toronto.

01:06:34.000 Not a ton of partying, not a lot of...

01:06:48.000 You got to understand that Toronto was just a tiny little town like Albany in the 70s.

01:06:55.000 But the French decided they wanted to separate.

01:06:58.000 So they blew up a building and started killing people.

01:07:00.000 They were called the FLQ, the Front de Libération de Québec, the Quebec Liberation Front.

01:07:06.000 And when they started killing people in the early 70s, all the English of Montreal, mostly Jews, in other words, all the money, left Montreal, left Quebec devastated, and made Toronto, which was Albany, into New York City overnight.

01:07:23.000 So culturally, they got whiplash.

01:07:26.000 And the men regressed into this form, superhoser as fuck.

01:07:30.000 And the women were like, I'm a raver.

01:07:33.000 I'm sex in the city.

01:07:34.000 I'm Metropolitan.

01:07:35.000 I'm the Dolly Parton in 9 to 5.

01:07:38.000 I'm a working gal.

01:07:39.000 It's just been a complete mess.

01:07:41.000 I don't know, man.

01:07:42.000 Getting late in Toronto is a chore.

01:07:44.000 You should see my friends show me their swipes, like on their dating apps.

01:07:48.000 And it's like 25% hideous trannies, like your dad wearing makeup level trannies.

01:07:57.000 All right, now we zoom out, and there's nothing.

01:08:01.000 There's just tiny little towns forever.

01:08:04.000 Go back to the normal look of the map.

01:08:08.000 Right.

01:08:09.000 All right, so we've done Montreal, no, not Ottawa, forget Ottawa.

01:08:12.000 We've done Montreal and Toronto, and now you want to go to the next town.

01:08:17.000 It takes four fucking days of driving to get out of Ontario.

01:08:23.000 Zoom out.

01:08:25.000 Way out.

01:08:27.000 So you're driving from here.

01:08:30.000 This is all Ontario.

01:08:31.000 This goes on for infinity.

01:08:34.000 If you're a young man here, by the time you get to here, Alberta, which is Winnipeg, you have white hairs in your beard.

01:08:43.000 Winnipeg blows, I'm afraid.

01:08:47.000 Winnipeg is so fucking cold that when you meet people from Winnipeg, you go like this.

01:08:52.000 Hey, man.

01:08:54.000 It's like meeting a Vietnam vet who was in the shit.

01:08:57.000 Like you want them to talk about it, but they're probably not going to want to talk about it.

01:09:00.000 Mosquitoes there that you could put your dog on and he'd ride off into the sunset, like the never-ending story.

01:09:05.000 Now, one cool thing about Winnipeg is the northern lights.

01:09:12.000 Dude, this is one of my favorite things about Canada.

01:09:14.000 You know how I was saying all this is shit, all the high-up stuff?

01:09:17.000 It is, but we would tree plant up here in northern Ontario and northern Quebec, all up here, the top, basically.

01:09:24.000 And you go out of your tent to take a piss at two in the morning, and it's like God has these undulating shower curtains that are infinity tall.

01:09:35.000 Like they take up the universe.

01:09:37.000 I think it helped lead me to deism because you just think, this is not a shooting star.

01:09:45.000 This is not a solar eclipse.

01:09:46.000 This is the entire universe as you know it, undulating, multicolored rainbow shower curtains with like sprinkles and sparkles.

01:09:57.000 It's fucking crazy.

01:09:58.000 I've seen it about three times, maybe four times in my life, always in the north.

01:10:03.000 And fuck, man, I'm so happy I've seen them live.

01:10:06.000 The internet can get pretty close, but when something takes up the universe, it has an impact.

01:10:13.000 So you'll never go to Winnipeg.

01:10:15.000 I went there hunting a few times.

01:10:17.000 It was super cool.

01:10:19.000 But again, the mosquitoes almost murdered us.

01:10:22.000 Saskatchewan, you're never going to go there.

01:10:24.000 You have no interest in Regina or Saskatoon?

01:10:27.000 No one does.

01:10:28.000 Alberta is very interesting.

01:10:30.000 Alberta has a Texas in it called Calgary.

01:10:33.000 There's a Calgary Stampede, which is a rodeo.

01:10:35.000 They got tons of oil.

01:10:36.000 They carry around guns.

01:10:38.000 Same with Edmonton.

01:10:39.000 Very right-wing.

01:10:40.000 They used to have a thriving economy when this guy, Ralph Klein, ran the show.

01:10:44.000 He was probably the best guy that has ever existed in the world of politics.

01:10:48.000 I would happily blow his corpse right now.

01:10:51.000 One time he was on TV and some bum goes, hey man, can I have, as he's being filmed, he just reaches his pocket, grabs a change and goes, get a job, throws him the change.

01:11:00.000 And he shut the government down.

01:11:01.000 He said, you're not getting involved in oil production.

01:11:04.000 We're not paying these stupid taxes.

01:11:05.000 And it just, it started thriving.

01:11:08.000 Last time I was in Calgary was sort of the peak of this, and it was like being in Zurich.

01:11:12.000 Now the leftist government has gotten involved, taxed the oil to death, and now it is Detroit.

01:11:18.000 Thanks, guys.

01:11:19.000 Edmonton is very similar.

01:11:21.000 I don't know why, but the weather in Edmonton isn't bad.

01:11:25.000 Like, compared to Winnipeg, which is closer to the border, Winnipeg is a fucking tundra.

01:11:31.000 Edmonton doesn't seem so bad, and Calgary's just fine.

01:11:34.000 And this is, you talk to these guys, and they're rednecks.

01:11:37.000 They're not even hosers.

01:11:38.000 Hosers are Canadian rednecks.

01:11:40.000 These hosers are rednecks.

01:11:42.000 And then Edmonton is a little more metropolitan, but similar.

01:11:45.000 This would be Dallas, I guess.

01:11:46.000 And this would be like Paloma, Texas, or something.

01:11:51.000 This has a West Edmonton Mall, the biggest mall in the world.

01:11:53.000 That's kind of freaky to check out because it's like a city that's a mall.

01:11:56.000 There's even like a theme park in it.

01:12:00.000 And I mean roller coasters and everything.

01:12:03.000 But whatever.

01:12:03.000 Unless you're really into malls, you're probably not going to go there.

01:12:06.000 So Calgary, I used to not recommend it, but yeah, just sort of like Quebec City.

01:12:10.000 If you're a couple and you're 35, you're newlyweds, it might be a real trip to check out Calgary.

01:12:16.000 Especially the Stampede.

01:12:17.000 Okay, now we zoom out again.

01:12:21.000 And nothing, nothing, nothing, except for Vancouver.

01:12:24.000 And actually, I said the North sucks.

01:12:26.000 It's so temperate here that Northern BC gets pretty nice too, even up here.

01:12:31.000 They really say A a lot up in British Columbia, Prince George.

01:12:35.000 So that's worth checking out if you're a nature buff.

01:12:37.000 But zoom in here.

01:12:40.000 More, more, more.

01:12:42.000 Now, of course, you have this sort of Pacific Northwest bullshit with Seattle being two hours away.

01:12:48.000 Vancouver also has a huge problem with junkies.

01:12:51.000 A death a day.

01:12:52.000 So it's totally normal just to be walking over a dead body as you're walking around Gastown in Vancouver.

01:13:00.000 Indians, too.

01:13:02.000 Indians are like bad news in Vancouver, man.

01:13:05.000 They're obviously drunk all the time, but they also want to fight you.

01:13:08.000 And you'll notice when you go into a bar in Vancouver, a beautiful Native, not a Native American, I believe they're called First Nations up there, will start flirting with you.

01:13:16.000 And you're like, wow, you're like a tall Asian with olive skin and you're super into me.

01:13:21.000 No, she's trying to pick a fight.

01:13:23.000 She's trying to get her boyfriend to beat you up because it turns her on.

01:13:26.000 So if an Indian girl comes up to you at a bar in Vancouver, go, ha ha, okay, alrighty, I'm actually over here.

01:13:31.000 So, but I appreciate the compliment and thank you very much.

01:13:35.000 Okay.

01:13:37.000 So Vancouver is a fun, hippy-dippy town.

01:13:40.000 Lots of potheads watching TV in the day, but cool mountain bike trails and great places to swim and hang out at.

01:13:46.000 But you know what's really stunning?

01:13:48.000 And this is, and Vancouver is super fun to party into.

01:13:51.000 Although they have, when I was there, they had a really early curfew, but you could get around it by joining some dumb yachting club for $10.

01:13:58.000 And now you're a member, right?

01:13:59.000 But go west, young man.

01:14:03.000 Maybe zoom out.

01:14:04.000 Vancouver Island, Victoria.

01:14:07.000 No, not Nanaimo.

01:14:08.000 Here, Zoom out.

01:14:11.000 It's just across.

01:14:12.000 Yeah, there we go.

01:14:12.000 Victoria.

01:14:13.000 These seem really far away.

01:14:15.000 It's like an hour ferry.

01:14:18.000 They're very close.

01:14:19.000 Victoria is fucking stunning.

01:14:22.000 It's sort of like Florida, like a hippie-dippy town, but not political the way Berkeley would be.

01:14:28.000 But everyone goes to the dock to watch the sunset every single night.

01:14:31.000 Beautiful sunset.

01:14:33.000 Stunning.

01:14:34.000 Very quaint little town.

01:14:37.000 When I was there, there was no crime, but definitely worth checking out if you're going on a trip.

01:14:41.000 So this is not exactly a road trip kind of a country.

01:14:44.000 You do not want to go from end to end.

01:14:47.000 I think if you want to visit it and you're young, zoom out now.

01:14:50.000 I think of one separate trip could be Vancouver and Vancouver Island, Victoria.

01:14:57.000 That's one trip.

01:14:59.000 Calgary, if you're an old couple of newlyweds that appreciate cowboy stuff, you want to see it in a weird context?

01:15:04.000 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

01:15:07.000 uh Maybe if you have friends there or something.

01:15:12.000 It's just like a very clean New York.

01:15:16.000 And without black people.

01:15:18.000 Oh, no.

01:15:18.000 Actually, there's plenty of black people.

01:15:21.000 And then Montreal is a yes.

01:15:23.000 Quebec City, the same argument that Calgary has if you're old newlyweds.

01:15:27.000 And then I wouldn't bother with any of this.

01:15:30.000 It's not worth your time.

01:15:32.000 That's Canada.

01:15:43.000 So yeah, Stompin Thompson is from St. John's.

01:15:46.000 He is dead.

01:15:47.000 He died in 2013, 77, at the age of 77.

01:15:51.000 I was wrong.

01:15:52.000 But I'm sure the cowboy hat is confusing.

01:16:00.000 But I'm not going to explain it to you.

01:16:02.000 Okay.

01:16:04.000 I mean, on the one hand, we're ensconced in American culture.

01:16:07.000 On the other, we helped create it.

01:16:11.000 The funny thing about America, Canada that I love is it's new.

01:16:15.000 Got its national anthem in, what, 1980?

01:16:20.000 It got its flag in 69.

01:16:23.000 All this stuff you talk about, we can't really claim the War of 1812 where we burn the White House to the ground.

01:16:28.000 That was Britain.

01:16:30.000 Dude, we're not going to the mailbag for a fucking Coons Age.

01:16:33.000 I got a lot of shit to talk about.

01:16:33.000 I don't know.

01:16:35.000 But Stomp and Tom, that was the guy we just saw.

01:16:37.000 He's a very Ontarian guy, despite being from the East Coast.

01:16:43.000 So there were these awards you would get in Canada called Junos.

01:16:46.000 That was like the Grammys of Canada.

01:16:49.000 And Stompin' Tom won six, and then he noticed that people like Justin Bieber, well, not Justin Bieber, this is the 70s, sorry.

01:16:55.000 He noticed all these turncoats were, all these people who moved to America were winning all these Junos.

01:17:02.000 And he's like, either you compete in America with the Grammys or you compete in Canada for the Junos.

01:17:09.000 You can't have it both ways.

01:17:10.000 You left this country.

01:17:12.000 Oh, is that him packing up his Junos?

01:17:14.000 Cool.

01:17:14.000 Yeah.

01:17:15.000 All right, so you keep showing that while I read that.

01:17:17.000 So he sent them all back to the Junos.

01:17:20.000 By the way, he never took that hat off, including when he met the Queen.

01:17:23.000 Damn.

01:17:24.000 And the only way that Buckingham Palace could justify it was they said, it's like a religion, I guess.

01:17:29.000 Gentlemen, I am returning here with the six Juno Awards that I once felt honored to have received and which I am no longer proud to have in my possession.

01:17:38.000 As far as I'm concerned, wait, I can't believe I'm not doing his voice.

01:17:41.000 As far as I'm concerned, you can give them to the border jumpers who didn't receive an award this year, and maybe you can have them presented by Charlie Pride.

01:17:49.000 I don't quite get what he's saying with that.

01:17:51.000 I think he's saying like all your racial pandering and you choose the one black guy probably who does country music.

01:17:58.000 I feel that the Junos should be For people who are living in Canada, whose main base of business operations is in Canada, who are working toward the recognition of Canadian talent in this country, and who are trying to further the export of such talent from this country to the world with a view to proudly showing off what this country can contribute to the world market.

01:18:19.000 Until the Academy appears to comply more closely with aspirations of this kind, I will no longer stand for any nominations nor will I accept any award given.

01:18:28.000 Very truly yours, Stomp and Tom.

01:18:32.000 The thing is that they are taking opportunities away from the people who choose to be proud to live in this country and to do their work here.

01:18:40.000 Disillusioned, Connors walked away from the spotlight.

01:18:44.000 And that was the end of him.

01:18:45.000 He died on his farm in Aaron, Ontario, northwest of Toronto.

01:18:50.000 Frick.

01:18:52.000 So the thing I love about Canada is even when there's rich, there's nouveau riche.

01:18:57.000 And in Britain, I was always disturbed by this East London guy going, you know, you don't expect people like me to be at a party like this.

01:19:04.000 I was like, why?

01:19:05.000 Because your accent.

01:19:06.000 So you have an East London accent.

01:19:08.000 You don't belong at a party with rich people.

01:19:10.000 That's fucking gross.

01:19:11.000 Because the thing I loved about when I moved to Canada is we moved, I moved there with a big onslaught of Indians.

01:19:19.000 Rajif was a common name in my class.

01:19:22.000 But they all, and I was British, so I was into like fucking soccer and shit.

01:19:27.000 And instantly, we assimilated hockey shirts, fucking guess who, disco sucks, hockey, how's it going, A?

01:19:36.000 Maggie Longclaus is pregnant.

01:19:38.000 Me and Rajiv lost our accents in about six months.

01:19:40.000 We were happy to be there.

01:19:42.000 And it's a classless country in many ways.

01:19:46.000 And I mean that in the best way possible.

01:19:48.000 And not only do we not look down at our southerners, our rednecks, our hosers, but we fucking love them.

01:19:55.000 And you'll hear like Stephen Harper, he had a hoser accent.

01:19:58.000 He'd be like, hey, how's it going, eh?

01:19:59.000 All right, fuck.

01:20:00.000 So today we're going to be, I don't know, just doing them with a bunch of taxes shit.

01:20:05.000 I was down.

01:20:06.000 I said this on Brotherhood of the Traveling Rants.

01:20:09.000 I was down in fucking America there with that black dude in the White House talking to fucking Obama socks, whatever his name is.

01:20:15.000 And we talked about all kinds of shit.

01:20:18.000 That's how everyone talks.

01:20:20.000 And there's been attempts at snobbery in Canada, but it's always laughable.

01:20:26.000 So I'd like to take a little time out to celebrate, there he is, fucking Stephen Harper, witness, bruh.

01:20:34.000 He was our greatest prime minister.

01:20:37.000 I think it is important before people vote that they understand the true size and importance of this issue.

01:20:43.000 The federal liberals are, as you know, planning to do what the Ontario Liberals want to do provincially.

01:20:50.000 By the way, not just on the pension plan.

01:20:52.000 We'll get to some of the other things in a moment.

01:20:54.000 His intelligence compared to Justin Trudeau is alarming.

01:20:59.000 Disturbing.

01:21:01.000 Imagine just him and Justin and Stephen Harper with questions like, what's the population of Britain?

01:21:08.000 How many people died in the Vietnam War?

01:21:13.000 What is an aglet?

01:21:14.000 Just playing, oh my God.

01:21:16.000 Stephen Harper and Justin Trudeau playing Trivial Pursuit would be amazing.

01:21:22.000 There are many answers to that question, and all of them are right.

01:21:25.000 This is from today.

01:21:26.000 If firing up the barbecue or heading outside with the kids, this is a chance to reflect on where we are as a country.

01:21:31.000 Hate that word.

01:21:36.000 Thanks, Justin.

01:21:37.000 But throughout this pandemic, we've been there for one another.

01:21:40.000 Because that's what it means to be Canadian.

01:21:42.000 We're neighbors helping neighbors.

01:21:44.000 Small businesses, men and women, protecting the most vulnerable.

01:21:51.000 Doctors and nurses keeping our families healthy.

01:21:55.000 My friends, Canada's success is because of its people.

01:21:59.000 People like you.

01:22:00.000 People who strive to live up to our shared values of peace, equality, and compassion.

01:22:05.000 People who believe in the strength of our diversity.

01:22:08.000 And people who know that it's only together that we can build a better country.

01:22:12.000 These aren't words.

01:22:15.000 Fucking safe place.

01:22:16.000 Pussy alphabet soup.

01:22:18.000 Someone stuffed alphabet soup up a woman's vagina and she's excreting it out of his mouth.

01:22:25.000 Did he see his fight again?

01:22:27.000 Larry Fryers fought last night from Puerto Rican named Braza.

01:22:32.000 Larry Fryers?

01:22:33.000 No, not Larry Fryers.

01:22:34.000 That's the guy from our gym.

01:22:36.000 But Justin Trudeau fought a guy, and I'm reluctant to concede.

01:22:42.000 I think he did pretty well.

01:22:44.000 Huh.

01:22:46.000 What are you looking at?

01:22:47.000 Boxing shit for brains.

01:22:51.000 Staggering.

01:22:52.000 Well, as his dad said, just watch me.

01:22:57.000 Trudeau pounded his opponent with a series of haymakers.

01:23:01.000 Oh my god, my mother's lost her temper.

01:23:04.000 Look at the flailing.

01:23:10.000 This is like a Kim Jong-un fight.

01:23:12.000 Do you think he threw blood casting in his nostrils or gone?

01:23:16.000 He definitely threw the fight.

01:23:18.000 Did you see his party's windmill?

01:23:23.000 Wait, I want to see the actual fight, though.

01:23:25.000 Go Justin Trudeau boxing or something.

01:23:28.000 I hate you.

01:23:30.000 I hate you.

01:23:34.000 Okay.

01:23:35.000 Mikey McDonald's and Justin Trudeau full fight.

01:23:37.000 There's another one.

01:23:39.000 But there's the most views.

01:23:41.000 The other one had the most views.

01:23:42.000 Let's look.

01:23:43.000 Okay, go back.

01:23:43.000 Patrick Brazo with wait.

01:23:52.000 Patrick Brazzo appears to be about 92 years old.

01:23:56.000 Mikey McDonald.

01:24:00.000 Okay, I don't want to see him fight my great-grandfather.

01:24:03.000 It's the other one.

01:24:05.000 Otto Ontario fuck.

01:24:08.000 That's the fight we just saw.

01:24:10.000 Yeah, this is the full one.

01:24:12.000 Patrick Brazzo.

01:24:14.000 I mean, he's a big guy.

01:24:16.000 How he got a great reach.

01:24:19.000 Oh my god.

01:24:21.000 He moves like a sissy.

01:24:23.000 He moves like a sissy.

01:24:26.000 How do you wear shorts like a sissy?

01:24:31.000 This is a girl fight.

01:24:33.000 He looks like a girl.

01:24:33.000 Cat fight.

01:24:35.000 I'm actually getting pointy because pretending to be chicks who are fighting over me.

01:24:42.000 Every men and Tia Carrera both want my car.

01:24:49.000 You're hugging him out in eight seconds into the first round?

01:24:49.000 What?

01:24:53.000 I need a break.

01:24:54.000 Oh, my God.

01:24:55.000 This is unbelievable.

01:24:58.000 I don't think he trained at all.

01:25:02.000 This is celebrity.

01:25:03.000 It's literally sled defense.

01:25:12.000 No, I don't think there's going to be any knockouts.

01:25:14.000 So is this a novelty event?

01:25:15.000 I think he was doing this.

01:25:17.000 Oh my God.

01:25:18.000 I remember being kind of impressed that he was willing to fight on a public stage like that.

01:25:18.000 I had remembered it.

01:25:23.000 I guess I've never seen it before.

01:25:28.000 Oh my God.

01:25:30.000 My wife and my mom have had enough of each other.

01:25:35.000 Mom, calm down.

01:25:37.000 Blobs, chill out.

01:25:40.000 She made a vodka joke.

01:25:41.000 It's okay.

01:25:42.000 She's not calling you an alcoholic.

01:25:45.000 They're both slightly shaped too.

01:25:46.000 Looks like their gas tanks are empty.

01:25:49.000 All right.

01:25:50.000 This is a very long app on Day of Canada.

01:25:53.000 It's probably going to be late, right?

01:25:57.000 I'll try to make some I'm trying to work some magic.

01:26:00.000 Let's, um, that's him?

01:26:01.000 That's him.

01:26:02.000 I said he was a separatist when he was a kid.

01:26:04.000 By kid, I mean 20-year-old private school kid.

01:26:07.000 A separatist from masculinity?

01:26:11.000 Nothing on the cheerleader.

01:26:13.000 Rich Montrealers are the worst.

01:26:15.000 All right, so let me define opposers for you.

01:26:18.000 These are our quote-unquote lower-class people, and America loves them.

01:26:23.000 And this is, I mean, sorry, Canada loves them.

01:26:26.000 This is one thing I resent about America is how much they hate Southerners and rednecks when these are the people who, I don't know, you should be hanging out with every day.

01:26:35.000 Like in Canada, we see these people on a daily basis.

01:26:38.000 So let's start with Out for a Rip.

01:26:42.000 This is Canada in a nutshell.

01:26:45.000 And this is why I hate when the Beastie Boys shit on Fight for Your Right.

01:26:51.000 And they say, oh, that was just a phase.

01:26:53.000 We were making fun of jocks.

01:26:54.000 No, you were being your trashy self.

01:26:55.000 And that's an important part of everyone's self.

01:26:58.000 And it's an important part of everyone's country.

01:27:02.000 Cheers, boys.

01:27:02.000 Sorry about the bud.

01:27:11.000 I'm from the great white north, right?

01:27:13.000 Like up above the state, yeah.

01:27:15.000 The big left, like 17 million views.

01:27:18.000 We're like above that.

01:27:19.000 Fucking north, I guess.

01:27:20.000 The big patch of trees where everybody's bored to death.

01:27:23.000 We're just chilling up here.

01:27:25.000 Sipping syrup, playing hockey.

01:27:26.000 Before we learn to walk, we can cross-check properly.

01:27:29.000 Dance rock and flat jackets, chainsaws, we operate them, right?

01:27:33.000 We do, bud.

01:27:34.000 We caught our weight in firewood.

01:27:36.000 Every 20 minutes or so, small grape.

01:27:38.000 And if the leaves make the playoffs, I'll fucking jump in the lake.

01:27:41.000 Fucking buddy comes over to my place the other night.

01:27:44.000 He's like, wanna go out for a rip?

01:27:45.000 And I was like, fucking hurry.

01:27:47.000 Y'all.

01:27:47.000 So we hop in the truck and hit the mud.

01:27:50.000 And I was like, oh, fuck yeah, bud.

01:27:53.000 This is Prowboys in a nutshell, too.

01:27:56.000 This is the white supremacist threat that is getting everyone banned from normal society.

01:28:02.000 Just out for rip.

01:28:04.000 Tato gun.

01:28:05.000 Just out for rip are you mud.

01:28:08.000 Just out for rip.

01:28:11.000 Just out for rip are you mutton.

01:28:14.000 Just out for rap.

01:28:15.000 I come from the man to the polite.

01:28:17.000 Where shit's covered in ice.

01:28:19.000 And when I'm down in the states, they're like, you're too fucking nice.

01:28:22.000 Like, yeah, we got matters.

01:28:23.000 But fucking buddies still fight and fucking swear and fucking drink all night.

01:28:28.000 Like this one time.

01:28:29.000 Me and fucking buddy are out hoping to dart and fucking buddy burns a hole in my coat.

01:28:33.000 And I was like, fuck bud.

01:28:35.000 Cause the coat was pretty new, right?

01:28:37.000 And he's like, fuck you.

01:28:38.000 So I put his head in the snowbank.

01:28:40.000 Just started fucking feeding him.

01:28:42.000 Like, fucking boom, boom, boom.

01:28:42.000 There ain't left.

01:28:44.000 Yuck, ya, ya.

01:28:46.000 And he's like, okay, okay, fuck, chill out, shit.

01:28:48.000 So I pulled him under the snow and we went out for a rest.

01:28:51.000 Yeah.

01:28:54.000 That's great.

01:28:55.000 Yeah.

01:28:56.000 That sums it up.

01:28:58.000 I'm polite to you, but if you burn a hole in my coat with a dart, then I'm going to fucking start feeding you until you've had enough.

01:29:07.000 Let's go to the trailer.

01:29:08.000 So that's, I guess that's Northern Ontario.

01:29:10.000 Let's go to the trailer park, boys, over in Halifax.

01:29:12.000 And because you've seen the map, you know where Halifax is now, right?

01:29:15.000 Fucking Ricky.

01:29:16.000 I've never express myself sometimes when I need to be properly different.

01:29:20.000 Fuck.

01:29:21.000 number one we're on probation which is no big deal but you know i don't really want to go back to jail and number two or three or whatever number we're on you know he's getting all frustrated and I don't care.

01:29:38.000 Just remember, Leahy, what comes around is all around.

01:29:41.000 Don't you mean what's all around comes around, Ricky?

01:29:44.000 It's pretty effed up if you can't leave our daughter with my father for half an hour.

01:29:47.000 Well, it's pretty effed up if the last time Ray took care of Trinity, she came home all effed up.

01:29:51.000 She had a few effing drinks.

01:29:53.000 Leahy, knock, knock.

01:29:54.000 Who's there, Rick?

01:29:56.000 Mr. Stupid-y Head, that's fucking pissing me off right now.

01:29:59.000 Thinks he's the captain of the shitliner, and by the way, your fish sticks suck, so fuck off.

01:30:05.000 Best knock-knock joke I've ever heard.

01:30:07.000 What the fuck are you looking at, huh?

01:30:08.000 Don't fucking stare at me.

01:30:09.000 Leave my cat along.

01:30:10.000 Don't fucking stare at me.

01:30:11.000 He's gonna give us homemade hot dogs when I finish putting the signs up.

01:30:14.000 Why don't we give you some homemade fuck-offs right now?

01:30:16.000 Wait, don't make me big school words.

01:30:17.000 Just use normal people words and I'll understand what you're talking about.

01:30:20.000 Hey, Sam, knock, knock.

01:30:22.000 Who's there?

01:30:22.000 Get the fuck off the stage, you idiot.

01:30:24.000 Spongebob.

01:30:27.000 I'm gonna start stealing those knock-knock jokes.

01:30:29.000 Yeah.

01:30:30.000 Mr. Denial and Error, probably say knock-knock.

01:30:32.000 He'd say, who's there?

01:30:33.000 And you'd say, you fucking idiot, tell you to fuck off.

01:30:35.000 Look, little prodigus.

01:30:35.000 That's what I'd do.

01:30:37.000 This piranha wreck.

01:30:38.000 That's what I said, Prodigus.

01:30:40.000 But the other thing is, it's a catch-23 situation.

01:30:43.000 It's not a ladybug, it's a cannabillar.

01:30:45.000 Same as some of those sweet and powered chicken things.

01:30:48.000 And getting caught masturbating sucks.

01:30:49.000 Like, I got caught masturbating in jail seven or eight times, and it really sucks.

01:30:53.000 Make like a tree and fuck off.

01:30:55.000 But you make my words.

01:30:56.000 I'm going to get my grade 10.

01:30:57.000 It's hobby ports.

01:30:59.000 That's trailer park, boys.

01:31:01.000 Fucking hash drivers.

01:31:02.000 And we love our Southerners.

01:31:04.000 We love our rednecks.

01:31:05.000 We love our hosers.

01:31:06.000 I wish America loved their fucking Southerners.

01:31:09.000 Fubar.

01:31:10.000 That's Calgary.

01:31:12.000 Fubar is an incredible movie.

01:31:13.000 Fubar too, I'm not a huge fan of.

01:31:15.000 Wait, go back to the bar.

01:31:16.000 This is time coded for a reason there, bud.

01:31:18.000 This is a mockumentary about hosers in Calgary.

01:31:24.000 That's where my wedding.

01:31:25.000 Give her.

01:31:25.000 You just, you go out and you give her.

01:31:27.000 Like, you work hard.

01:31:28.000 That's what's that.

01:31:29.000 Is that a plan?

01:31:30.000 Yeah, that's a plan right there.

01:31:32.000 We used to party a lot, but not so much anymore.

01:31:35.000 Whatever, whenever we do get together, it's fucking awesome.

01:31:38.000 Whoa.

01:31:39.000 He he he.

01:31:40.000 He he he.

01:31:42.000 Gee, I...

01:31:45.000 Gee, I...

01:31:46.000 I want...

01:31:48.000 I want some blood.

01:31:51.000 I want some blood.

01:31:56.000 I couldn't fucking babysit my fucking giant nut all day.

01:32:00.000 You know, just fucking sit there and watch it and hope it doesn't fucking roll.

01:32:05.000 You could die, do you understand?

01:32:07.000 You could die!

01:32:08.000 AHHHHHHHHH!

01:32:22.000 Look at those underwear.

01:32:23.000 They look translucent.

01:32:28.000 So the Diener is a big part of that.

01:32:30.000 What was the other guy's name?

01:32:31.000 It's funny meeting those guys too Because I met those I love that movie We wrote about it in Vice And I partied with those guys And they were You know They were Drama guys They're awesome dudes Don't get me wrong But they're not as Trashy as that Go to the

01:32:50.000 dinner Right below that This is Dave He built a cottage Out east of just I don't fucking care Like I ain't alone I'm part of like 39 and a half million Fucking people All together So You know Drinking my Canadian beer It's half owned by Americans Pilsner?

01:33:15.000 No Fuck off This is from fucking Leftbridge Yeah they sold out About 10 years ago Well I don't fucking care I got 36 more to finish And The better half The water parts from America Well we got the water Oh fuck It says you're made Leftbridge by unions Coors Coors

01:33:49.000 I don't know.

01:33:49.000 I buy grapes from fucking Indochina and blueberries from Mexico even though I'm in a blueberry patch.

01:33:57.000 Well, it don't matter.

01:33:58.000 Like, Pilsner's German anyway.

01:34:00.000 All right.

01:34:07.000 Let's fucking end it with some...

01:34:10.000 Before we get to the mailbag, my two favorite hosers, starting with my new favorite hoser, Larry Enticer.

01:34:15.000 Just gonna send it.

01:34:20.000 Gonna be a good day.

01:34:24.000 Just gonna send it.

01:34:26.000 He's wearing a Canadian tuxedo.

01:34:30.000 Y'all thought wrong.

01:34:32.000 I'm just gonna keep on sending it.

01:34:33.000 Let's crack this baby open.

01:34:35.000 He is between the ages of 14 and 70.

01:34:39.000 No, that's not fair.

01:34:42.000 14 and 60?

01:34:44.000 55.

01:34:47.000 He's between the ages of 14 and 55.

01:34:49.000 Just gonna send it.

01:34:53.000 Nothing better than waking up with a half-decent chick beside you in the morning than waking up with a fresh cold beer and fresh layer of snow on the ET.

01:35:02.000 I'll take waking up with a half-decent-looking chick beside me.

01:35:09.000 Gonna be a good day.

01:35:10.000 I'll tell you about that time I woke up super horny.

01:35:12.000 And then you had, like, imagined...

01:35:14.000 And I was like, God, I guess I'm gonna beat off.

01:35:16.000 Jesus.

01:35:17.000 Wish I had some six next to me.

01:35:19.000 And then I looked to my right.

01:35:20.000 I brought this girl next door, six Jewish girl home, and had forgotten.

01:35:27.000 I was like the kid in Animal House.

01:35:30.000 Thanks, God!

01:35:31.000 Did you fucking send her?

01:35:32.000 I just fucking sended it.

01:35:37.000 I don't have any beer.

01:35:38.000 They don't have beers, man.

01:35:39.000 Going for 16 feet, but that's just from takeoff to landing.

01:35:43.000 That's just a number, I'm going way past 16.

01:35:45.000 Tell you I'm a freak.

01:35:47.000 Here we go, 69.

01:35:54.000 Fuck.

01:35:55.000 Oop.

01:35:55.000 Bit of an impact there.

01:35:57.000 Ooh, that'll knock the wind out of you.

01:35:59.000 Did you send it?

01:36:05.000 He puts his hand down.

01:36:08.000 Piece of shit, you hear me?

01:36:11.000 Okay, that's enough of that.

01:36:12.000 I'll show a fuck.

01:36:13.000 And then of course, Pug Life, you got to throw in there at the end, fuck.

01:36:18.000 His nice little trailer.

01:36:19.000 I'll have him on my old show.

01:36:21.000 Great fucking guy.

01:36:22.000 Great fucking guy.

01:36:24.000 There's so much Scottish culture in this.

01:36:26.000 Like this could be the Gorbals.

01:36:28.000 Oh.

01:36:29.000 Wow.

01:36:30.000 Oh, shit.

01:36:31.000 Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.

01:36:34.000 Hey, yo.

01:36:35.000 Jesus.

01:36:36.000 Oh my lord.

01:36:37.000 Ju oh, Dukes of Hazzard, just gonna send it.

01:36:41.000 No.

01:36:42.000 Oh no, I didn't turn it.

01:36:45.000 Your jumps have to stay intact, guys.

01:36:47.000 There you go.

01:36:50.000 Greetings.

01:36:51.000 God, that looks so fun.

01:36:51.000 You're good.

01:36:54.000 No!

01:36:55.000 No!

01:36:57.000 I love when the jump attacks them.

01:37:00.000 Great, what was that?

01:37:01.000 Nice, that was a good landing.

01:37:04.000 Oh.

01:37:07.000 Remember the guy who was racing around the, around the old airbags?

01:37:16.000 Remember the property?

01:37:18.000 He wiped out and knocked himself out?

01:37:19.000 And they give him a pillow?

01:37:22.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:37:23.000 We had that on the show.

01:37:25.000 Give him a fucking pillow.

01:37:26.000 Yeah, he needs a pillow.

01:37:27.000 That's what I need when I have a Look at that perfect landing.

01:37:29.000 Beautiful.

01:37:33.000 I can't get one, you can't shoot me up right.

01:37:36.000 Oh, he got him in the dank.

01:37:41.000 Yeah, he's the antler.

01:37:41.000 Dude, this is my adolescence.

01:37:43.000 At the Earl of March High School in Canada.

01:37:46.000 Oh, shit!

01:37:49.000 State Park.

01:37:53.000 it's these kids' go-karts they get that they add a real motor to.

01:38:01.000 Nice landing, dude.

01:38:03.000 That was beautiful.

01:38:06.000 All right, let's, Jesus, we've gone way over.

01:38:08.000 This episode is probably not going to air until the early 2021s.

01:38:11.000 Let's go to the fucking mailbag, Estee.

01:38:14.000 Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.

01:38:18.000 Let's turn our fries together.

01:38:24.000 Let me touch.

01:38:26.000 Just gonna send it.

01:38:30.000 Oh, we're having email troubles.

01:38:33.000 Are you online?

01:38:35.000 I think so.

01:38:36.000 I got a lot of the warning signals there, eh?

01:38:39.000 Am I on...

01:38:42.000 Yeah, that's showing up, right?

01:38:44.000 Anarchy ends.

01:38:45.000 Seattle police to clear out chop.

01:38:47.000 A lot of un-Canadian news going on.

01:38:49.000 All right, so here's my idea.

01:38:51.000 Fuck.

01:38:53.000 I'm just going to focus on Canadian news.

01:38:56.000 Maury?

01:39:00.000 Maury?

01:39:06.000 My email is saying, can you enter the password for gavin at crtv.com?

01:39:10.000 I'm afraid I can't because I got fired.

01:39:14.000 So that email's done.

01:39:15.000 I'm going to have to give you a cancel on that there, guy.

01:39:18.000 Okay, this is from Chris.

01:39:20.000 Gavin, I just wanted to, I just watched a video of your pal Ezra Levant and his crew trying to film the jerk-offs at Toronto City Hall.

01:39:27.000 It's insane how psychotic and violent the left have become.

01:39:30.000 I'm at the point where if you support the left, whether you're family or friend, I don't care if it's my fucking grandmother, if you can support this behavior in any way whatsoever, you're either a complete piece of shit or a complete fucking retard.

01:39:42.000 Either way, I'm done with you.

01:39:44.000 The Civil War has started, my friend, even in Canada.

01:39:46.000 When this shit really kicks off, I hope the Proud Boys can occupy a nice little chunk of land and start the new country, Proudville, where you will, of course, be president and Ryan will be the mayor of Fagtown.

01:39:57.000 I don't see that.

01:39:58.000 I will move there in a heartbeat.

01:39:59.000 Oh, Ezra, okay.

01:40:00.000 Here's a link to the video in case you haven't seen it.

01:40:03.000 Fuck.

01:40:04.000 You're going to go in Ottawa.

01:40:06.000 Just pods.

01:40:08.000 In Ottawa, in the Ottawa Valley, we end every sentence with fuck.

01:40:13.000 Like, oh, you got a poutine snow globe.

01:40:15.000 Fuck.

01:40:17.000 Hey, Ryan has terminal cancer.

01:40:19.000 Fuck.

01:40:20.000 So it's looking like he's got, like, I think two weeks to live.

01:40:25.000 You don't even hear yourself saying it.

01:40:29.000 Nothing happened, fuck.

01:40:31.000 I didn't mean my go!

01:40:34.000 What would you like us to do?

01:40:36.000 F ⁇ off my lads.

01:40:37.000 That's what I like.

01:40:38.000 We've got another gender.

01:40:39.000 Touch my fucking elder.

01:40:41.000 Your elder?

01:40:41.000 Touch my elder.

01:40:42.000 What are you doing is causing a disturbance with everybody here?

01:40:45.000 I need to ask you to leave, okay?

01:40:48.000 What's your act?

01:40:50.000 I don't get what you're doing.

01:40:50.000 I need to ask you to leave.

01:40:52.000 That's a cop, by the way.

01:40:53.000 What is that now?

01:40:54.000 Just a screaming card?

01:40:57.000 This is a Toronto thing.

01:40:58.000 Remember the Faith Goldie had a...

01:41:06.000 Poor Menzies, look at him.

01:41:07.000 That is not true.

01:41:08.000 We need to know it.

01:41:12.000 Pretty good, fuck.

01:41:15.000 Rebel news getting shattered by the SJ dubs.

01:41:18.000 Damn.

01:41:19.000 All right, so here's what I'm going to do there, Rygai.

01:41:23.000 And you can use this when you get back to the fag zone at home.

01:41:27.000 You put in Canada in the subject of the mail archives, right?

01:41:32.000 Right, right.

01:41:33.000 Now, you're going to get a million of today's notes, obviously, because that's got Canada on it.

01:41:37.000 So you whip through down all those.

01:41:39.000 And then you start getting letters.

01:41:41.000 I got Food Day Canada.

01:41:43.000 So I got Nick.

01:41:45.000 Nick is right below Chris there.

01:41:47.000 Oh, I got Nick.

01:41:48.000 Kids allowance is good parenting.

01:41:49.000 There you go.

01:41:50.000 So do you think giving kids an allowance is good?

01:41:52.000 My parents received a $150 government check.

01:41:56.000 He spells check C-H-E-Q-U-E fuck.

01:41:59.000 As some sort of kids benefit every month.

01:42:02.000 They would gift my sister and me the check as our allowance.

01:42:05.000 This probably lasted until I was 14.

01:42:08.000 $150 a month?

01:42:10.000 Hang on a sec, eh?

01:42:11.000 Let's fucking do the math.

01:42:14.000 $150 divided by four is $37.5 a week.

01:42:23.000 That's tragic.

01:42:24.000 No way.

01:42:25.000 A little kid getting that.

01:42:27.000 Whenever I do a bunch of bets with my son back when he was like 10, and at the batting cage we go to, there's like a little tiny circle that the ball comes out of.

01:42:37.000 And I said, if you can whip a ball into that and it goes in the circle, I'll give you his 100 bucks.

01:42:43.000 And maybe on the fourth visit, he fucking pulled it off.

01:42:45.000 So he gave him 100 bucks.

01:42:46.000 Guess what he did with it?

01:42:48.000 What's that?

01:42:48.000 He just fucking bought him his friend's fries at the local diner after school.

01:42:53.000 Like, it's not like he needed it, right?

01:42:55.000 If you're buying your friends' fries, you're doing okay.

01:42:58.000 Oh, that's a handy little metric.

01:43:00.000 So age 11, $9.40.

01:43:04.000 And this guy is getting 37 bucks.

01:43:06.000 That's per week, though.

01:43:08.000 Yeah, 37 is per week.

01:43:10.000 Oh, okay.

01:43:10.000 Yeah.

01:43:11.000 What was that?

01:43:11.000 That was per week?

01:43:12.000 Yep.

01:43:13.000 Yeah, it's $150 a month, dude.

01:43:17.000 So that's fucking ridiculous.

01:43:19.000 That's the great thing about the internet, too.

01:43:21.000 You shitty parents can look up what the norm is and realize how far you've gone.

01:43:25.000 Okay, here's a letter from my mom.

01:43:27.000 Fuck.

01:43:30.000 Ready for this one?

01:43:31.000 Yeah.

01:43:32.000 Why is she sending letters to the mailbag?

01:43:35.000 What's the name on there?

01:43:38.000 This was sent to Gavin at free speech.tv, which I don't own anymore.

01:43:43.000 So you don't have to see this.

01:43:44.000 Anyway, from Gavin's mother, much love mom.

01:43:49.000 This is how it goes.

01:43:50.000 The city that fun never entered.

01:43:52.000 Lethargy by the Rideau.

01:43:54.000 Everything canceled town, etc.

01:43:57.000 I guess she's coming up with synonyms for Ottawa.

01:44:00.000 You guys sound as if you're fun and having fun and keep it up.

01:44:04.000 Glad the kids are enjoying themselves.

01:44:06.000 Your brother's been here for three weeks with some ventures, a couple days.

01:44:09.000 Who can blame him?

01:44:10.000 Blah, blah, blah.

01:44:11.000 It's Canada Day tomorrow.

01:44:13.000 And Ray, who's dying, wants us to host an afternoon with his pub friends.

01:44:18.000 Your brother took that in hand too and has hamburgers, hot dogs, fireworks, chairs, all organized for the limited number.

01:44:23.000 I'm not sure I should be reading this.

01:44:27.000 Anyway, should be a good time.

01:44:28.000 Canada under Trudeau, Turdo, actually, she pronounces it.

01:44:33.000 I should be doing a Scottish accent.

01:44:34.000 Canada under Turdo is the usual nothing.

01:44:38.000 The only good thing about him is that he is inept and stayed out the way of others as they may have persuaded him to abandon his Tiddlywinks game.

01:44:47.000 Much love, mom.

01:44:48.000 Okay, sorry, that letter sucked.

01:44:50.000 But we're focusing on Canada ones.

01:44:56.000 Hey, Gavinator and Sir Fry Rye.

01:44:59.000 No mention of Fagtown, right?

01:45:01.000 That's good because that place doesn't exist.

01:45:02.000 They're just perpetuating a fictitious thing there.

01:45:06.000 Question, if YouTube BLM protests, I see thousands of videos, tons of stuffs.

01:45:11.000 I can't find any video or photo proof of these hospitals overrun with the sick and dying.

01:45:16.000 Even the Spanish flu had tons of photos of the hospitals, eh?

01:45:19.000 There's literally nothing out there I can find unless I'm a little downsy and just missed it.

01:45:24.000 I just find this very strange.

01:45:26.000 Wouldn't you think that CNN would send a cameraman and a reporter to the hospital and all the fancy gear and videotape the carnage?

01:45:32.000 Fuck?

01:45:33.000 I would do that.

01:45:34.000 They do that all the time with famines, wars, accidents.

01:45:38.000 Just find this funny.

01:45:39.000 Stay safe, boys.

01:45:40.000 All the best.

01:45:43.000 Happy 4th of July from Canada, eh?

01:45:45.000 And that's from the Wolfman.

01:45:47.000 Nothing wrong with that.

01:45:50.000 You know what?

01:45:50.000 That background annoying noise on that clip is actually growing on me, and now I like it better.

01:45:59.000 Nothing wrong with that.

01:46:02.000 It's sandwiched between a bunch of notes.

01:46:03.000 Okay, this is from Prince Edward Island.

01:46:06.000 Fuck.

01:46:06.000 Right?

01:46:07.000 I don't even half see that.

01:46:10.000 It's from Brian.

01:46:11.000 Oh, I see.

01:46:13.000 The subject is argument for all the fucking mutts who want statues removed.

01:46:17.000 Check it out.

01:46:17.000 This is not some gay shit.

01:46:20.000 Hey, Gavin Ryan.

01:46:21.000 So over the weekend, I went out to the beach up here in PEI, Canada.

01:46:24.000 I met this guy who was in favor of removing the John A. McDonald statue, recently defaced with red paint.

01:46:30.000 When he finished his rehearsed lines from whatever liberal hive mine he's connected to, I posed the question, hey, if that's your logic, should we remove the pyramids built by slave labor?

01:46:40.000 Or how about we topple the Coliseum?

01:46:43.000 I mean, it was used to murder slaves by forcing them to fight and feeding them to lions and shit.

01:46:48.000 This guy just ignored my question and changed the subject.

01:46:51.000 I let it go and moved on.

01:46:52.000 I tried later to post the same question to Reddit on our political discussion and our political opinions.

01:46:59.000 Both were promptly removed by moderators.

01:47:01.000 So here I am sharing my thoughts with some of the last people on the internet who seem to actually see this fuckassery for what it is.

01:47:08.000 I'll post my full draft post at the bottom since it's so damn reading.

01:47:12.000 Sorry, so damn, so damning Redditors cannot see.

01:47:15.000 Peace out from PEI Canada.

01:47:18.000 And then he's got his thing.

01:47:22.000 But it's just the same thing that he just said.

01:47:26.000 My personal opinion is that this is all stupid and misguided.

01:47:29.000 We should not tear down history.

01:47:30.000 Please help me understand how this logic of tearing statues does not extend to some of the examples I listed.

01:47:35.000 Believe me, there are thousands of years of human history with more examples, like all of Greek Roman history.

01:47:39.000 I'm not even including Islamic statues and monuments.

01:47:41.000 Maybe we should just nuke them all.

01:47:42.000 I just picked the biggest ones.

01:47:43.000 In my opinion, I am open-minded.

01:47:46.000 Just looking if I could understand.

01:47:53.000 Okay.

01:47:55.000 Last letter.

01:47:56.000 It's called Invade Shirt.

01:47:59.000 Gavin, there's nothing in Greenland.

01:48:02.000 No, dude, there's a lot of fucking nutrients.

01:48:04.000 There's a lot of natural resources.

01:48:07.000 There's a lot of shit.

01:48:08.000 We need to take it.

01:48:10.000 Gavin, there's nothing in Greenland.

01:48:11.000 Fuck Greenland.

01:48:12.000 We need to take Canada now.

01:48:14.000 Their defenses are down.

01:48:16.000 We need to secure their resources to fuel our future growth.

01:48:20.000 We should not invade Greenland.

01:48:22.000 We should take Canada now.

01:48:24.000 Thank you for reading.

01:48:27.000 All right.

01:48:29.000 This extra long Canada, sorry, Day of Canada episode is coming to a close.

01:48:33.000 We've got two final videos.

01:48:35.000 I think we should do the cop first, eh?

01:48:38.000 All right, let me just go ahead and get it.

01:48:39.000 I should have done the whole fucking episode in a Canadian accent.

01:48:43.000 I swear to God, when I come back and visit my friends in the Ottawa Valley, I have trouble understanding them.

01:48:48.000 They're like, fucking, look at Mr. New York rolling up here like fucking Bill the Butcher.

01:48:55.000 And I go, I'm sorry, I don't understand you.

01:48:58.000 What?

01:49:04.000 What?

01:49:04.000 What is she?

01:49:05.000 four eight I'm trying to bring it up to myself.

01:49:30.000 I'm trying to get you saved for the medium.

01:49:32.000 premium rubble everyone here you can take a chill pill and see the drugs and get to know me if you will I'm real.

01:49:41.000 I'm real.

01:49:41.000 I'm real, so chill.

01:49:43.000 I get important to catch those drugs deals.

01:49:45.000 Everything that works, I get a safe rider after You think your life doesn't matter.

01:49:53.000 People wanna chop me up and serve me on a platter.

01:49:56.000 Being like another means you gotta.

01:50:00.000 I am 100% agree in love and equality and want never to feel free and feel like they could come to me without saying all the stuff.

01:50:08.000 I hate this.

01:50:08.000 It's the worst thing.

01:50:09.000 It's the worst.

01:50:10.000 It's like women in the police force is a bummer.

01:50:12.000 Midget in the police force is a bummer.

01:50:14.000 Police kowtowing to rap culture and trying to seem down with the kids.

01:50:18.000 Women rappers is boring.

01:50:20.000 Women rappers sucks.

01:50:21.000 And whole people ass licking.

01:50:23.000 Someone who doesn't normally rap rapping, like a butcher or a fucking parking meter guy.

01:50:28.000 I got your meats and I live down the street.

01:50:32.000 Fucking.

01:50:33.000 I'm an old lady and I like to rap a lot.

01:50:36.000 I broke my hip, but I can still get jiggy.

01:50:39.000 Fuck you.

01:50:40.000 Yeah.

01:50:42.000 This is a better one to end on.

01:50:44.000 This man in Canada who's on his way home and he should be left alone.

01:50:50.000 He's had a rough day.

01:50:51.000 He's dealt with a lot of bullshit, filled a lot of fucking forms.

01:50:54.000 He's had enough.

01:50:55.000 And now he hears his son was caught smoking pots.

01:50:58.000 He's got to deal with that.

01:50:59.000 I don't need you.

01:51:00.000 I need this shit.

01:51:00.000 Move it.

01:51:01.000 Move it.

01:51:04.000 What the?

01:51:07.000 Are you serious?

01:51:11.000 Why is newspaper as his weapon?

01:51:13.000 This is proof, by the way, that birds are dinosaurs, especially Canada geese.

01:51:20.000 And your jackets are too fucking expensive.

01:51:24.000 They don't have any claws, dude.

01:51:26.000 Just grab its neck and twist.

01:51:28.000 They got like paddle feet.

01:51:31.000 Like those webbed.

01:51:32.000 Wait, why is his bag down there?

01:51:34.000 Has he already been through this and ran away?

01:51:36.000 Oh, he's coming back to get his bag.

01:51:38.000 This is fight two.

01:51:40.000 Did he throw his bag at them?

01:51:43.000 Look at your slutty boots.

01:51:45.000 A little dirty.

01:51:45.000 See, that's the beauty of Ottawa.

01:51:46.000 You get some blood.

01:51:48.000 Oh, shit.

01:51:50.000 No, I'm going to intend that he didn't get him.

01:51:55.000 Wow.

01:51:57.000 Get fired.

01:51:58.000 Get in trouble.

01:51:58.000 Be brave.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - July 01, 2020

S02E181 - DAY OF CANADA [2020-07-01 - S02E181 - DAY OF CANADA]

Episode Stats

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Transcript