Kevin and Yusong are back with a brand new episode of Get Off My Lawn. This week's episode features a new segment called "Earth Warriors" where the guys talk about the band Om Om Om and all the things they believe in the earth. They also talk about their new album, "Clean Reggae For White People," which is out now.
Transcript
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00:00:40.000A shockingly corny band from the Netherlands who sing in all kinds of different languages and they believe in the Earth so much that they want you to believe also.
00:00:55.000Go back to the beginning of that video.
00:01:13.000There are no penalties or prison sentences if you watch this outside your home, in a tent, on an oil platform, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:01:21.000You may even stick it up your nose if you like.
00:01:24.000Hey, Europeans, I don't know what it is about you, but you're so profoundly uncool.
00:05:21.000And I regret poo-pooing them in the past.
00:05:25.000That guy, Tim Armstrong, I think pitching a fastball over 100 miles an hour and writing a lot of pop songs is an incredible gift that some don't have.
00:05:37.000I think I'm going to have to turn it up manually on the speaker, you shithead.
00:06:00.000That guy, the other guy in that video, not the singer, that's Lars Fredrickson, the guy with the fat head who does that All I Want to Do is fight.
00:06:09.000I suspect Tim Armstrong wrote them as a favor.
00:06:13.000You'll notice that when people are hanging around really good songwriters, they're really good songwriters and then they're not, when they're not hanging around them.
00:06:20.000Like Courtney Love got real good at writing songs when she was dating Kurt Cobain.
00:06:26.000Then when he blew his head off, the quality in the songs got a little bit worse.
00:14:56.000Maybe you have X amount of gas in the tank, and if you were to give Nikki Six all his awesome songs that he wrote, like Home, Sweet Home, or Coming Home, whatever that was, maybe that would save his gas, and then he'd still have another 12 super hits because he didn't spend it on those super hits.
00:15:14.000So he's obviously a talented songwriter.
00:15:16.000Then you could go back in time again and show him those 24 super hits.
00:16:22.000So every transaction has a bunch of different decimal places, and you have to round it up or down.
00:16:28.000So instead of rounding it up, they round it down and they get those little shavings, those penny shavings, and they add up, which is the plot of Superman 3.
00:16:36.000There are always fractions left over in big corporations, but they round it down to the lowest whole number.
00:16:44.000What am I supposed to do with half a cent, buy a third red mouse?
00:16:47.000You mean everybody loses those fractions?
00:17:12.000Anyway, if you recall, the way Office Space dealt with that is they said someone explains the shaving of the scent.
00:17:20.000They go, yeah, no, it was the same as it was in Superman 3.
00:17:25.000So they just quote Superman 3 in the movie Office Space, which, by the way, was written by Mike Judge, one of the greatest comedy writers of all time.
00:17:34.000You got to see that movie he did about working at a soda factory, or was it a beer factory?
00:17:40.000He talks about how you have to get home.
00:17:42.000If you want to have sex with your wife, you have to get home before she does the drawstring on her sweatpants when she comes home to change.
00:17:48.000And they see him racing to get home and someone talks to the guy for too long.
00:17:51.000And he finally gets in the door just as Kristen Wigg is like tying up the sweatpants and he's like, damn it!
00:18:00.000So yeah, it's a brilliant trick to get away with murder.
00:18:04.000You just say, yeah, I stole it from Superman 3.
00:18:09.000What do you want to do about it, bitch?
00:18:11.000So go to the very end of the notes because you making me barf reminded me of this vomit as a weapon.
00:18:18.000It's the fourth last link on our notes.
00:18:24.000This is a fight going on at some parking garage, and some woman comes up with a new weapon that snakes and a lot of reptiles have been using for a while.
00:18:33.000But this is the first time I've seen a human use it.
00:24:09.000The fascist woke tards are now attacking communist folk singer Woody Guthrie for the patriotic rhetoric in his classic anthem, This Land is Your Land.
00:24:16.000By the way, there's an asterisk on communist because he wasn't technically a member.
00:24:20.000An American Indian writer at Smithsonian Folklife admits the lyrics to This Land is Your Land shake me up like a soda can every time I hear them.
00:24:27.000As an activist folk musician and songwriter in Lula Wildes and recent label mate of Woody Guthrie on Smithsonian Folkways recordings, oh, I'm already tedioused to death.
00:24:38.000My social circles tend to worship Guthrie as the father of all musical protests.
00:24:42.000But as a native person, I believe This Land is Your Land falls flat.
00:24:47.000By critiquing This Land is Your Land, I don't mean to imply that Guthrie himself promoted conquest, but the song is indicative of American leftist role in native invisibility.
00:25:07.000Okay, this is one of my favorite paragraphs and why I brought it up.
00:25:11.000The overall piece is some 2,700 tedious and self-aggrandizing words long, one of those endless simpering essays that is three times longer than necessary because the writer is so terrified of saying something incorrect that the unfortunate reader is buried in all her ass covering.
00:25:31.000My Canadian accent peaked out there with buried.
00:25:34.000That is so true, and I'm sorry to be sexist, but I find it true of women's writing in particular, especially young women.
00:25:42.000When they write, holy crap, do they go on?
00:25:44.000Which brings me to the hot story of the day, according to Twitter Moments, which I think is a great place to go for the top stories.
00:25:58.000Because, like, you look at the top stories At CNN, and it's focused on politics and global policy and war.
00:26:05.000And you look at Fox News, and it's more like the GOP perspective.
00:26:09.000Although there is a lot of liberal perspective, believe it or not, on Fox News if you ever actually watch it.
00:31:16.000Shortly after they filed the report, so she did file a report, which is what you need to do.
00:31:21.000If someone is sexually assaults you, you need to file a report.
00:31:24.000Shortly after filing the report, Dion complained Callie and her mother, sorry, accompanied Callie and her mother to the courthouse for hearing.
00:31:31.000As they were sitting in the waiting area of the courtroom, Dion recalled Max's attorney approaching them.
00:31:35.000She began speaking, and her tone was condescending and aggressive.
00:31:39.000Yeah, she's defending a guy you accused of rape.
00:31:45.000We had 620,000 men die in the Civil War.
00:31:48.000Can you be uncomfortable for a little bit to stop rape?
00:31:53.000Asking Allie if she understood what the process would be like, she indicated it would be long and she would have to talk about the assault over and over.
00:32:37.000You don't get to whine about it and ruin his career because you were stupid enough to keep dating him.
00:32:42.000One of the other women in this, and this is the problem with Ryan having his teeth taken out, is I end up reading all this crap and learning.
00:32:49.000I've never been on the Daily Beast before.
00:34:04.000It's one of the last links on that More thing.
00:34:08.000There's a man who broke the story, and then a woman who just, I don't know, interviewed everyone in the world and got their take on it and wrote about it.
00:34:14.000But this guy, Marlo Stern, is a beta male, big fat loser, who's obviously a critic.
00:34:40.000Netflix's first blockbuster movie, the $90 million fantasy actioner Bright, is a steaming pile of orc shit, a nonsensical garbage pile featuring Ells, orcs, and a checked-out Will Smith.
00:35:03.000Chicane X, gangster stereotypes, worse than regrettable homies figurines.
00:35:08.000A trademark of its director, David Iyer, and a slow-motion shootout set to Bastille that'll make you want to go full Sam Neil on the final third of Event Horizon.
00:36:01.000To be offended by that is to assume that it's normal.
00:36:05.000You know, I want to take a timeout while we're making fun of total beta male losers like that Daily Beast guy because it reminded me of the Homeless Gavin video with that super awkward Asian dude.
00:36:16.000Not you, but the guy who's the most awkward kid.
00:36:20.000The levels of no testosterone we have in this country today are stultifying.
00:36:31.000What would it be like if you were an adult male and you never had any sort of boobies in your life or ever kissed a girl?
00:36:39.000What would happen is your heart would start gyrating in your chest and you go, oh, it's a horrible thing to happen to a man.
00:36:49.000It's like the sperm in his body starts going into his bloodstream and it makes him gyrate where even the biggest dork loser, fake European dude with his mom's wig on becomes intimidating.
00:37:02.000Even your friend who has an egghead and looks like a character from the Rugrats, even he is the fonts compared to you.
00:38:38.000Look, the way we deal with allergies is we give people a little bit of peanut dust and it builds up an immune system to peanuts.
00:38:45.000The way you deal with these guys who have never been near a chick, look, even this chick is like, I don't understand what's happening here.
00:38:51.000When you're around a guy like that, what you do is some woman will grow nipple hairs, take one of the nipple hairs out with tweezers, consensually, obviously, and then just put it on his leg and say, that's a nipple hair.
00:39:02.000And he will slowly become acclimated to the female species.
00:39:08.000Because this, this, we can't have this.
00:39:13.000We got to keep on fighting for all the little birds and all the trees.
00:40:11.000But he, there was a picture of a little chimpanzee dressed in a suit, and it was two people walking out of a fancy building holding its hands.
00:40:51.000So, and then the baby of Prince Harry the Ginger and that very, very, very white-looking black woman is obviously not going to look remotely black.
00:40:58.000So the idea that he meant, haha, look at this chimp is ridiculous.
00:41:08.000He may have been able to explain it, but it's the Roseanne Barr thing all over again where you're assuming the person meant to make a joke about an old chimp joke, which is like, when was the last time someone called a black person a chimp?
00:41:28.000Like, go comb through the worst racists in the world and find me these guys going, look at that monkey Obama running up a tree eating bananas.
00:42:30.000We also got notices from people who said, I was talking about how Norm McDonald is a perfect example of someone who just feels comfortable doing what he's doing.
00:43:51.000The 1996 Summer Olympic Games in Atlanta may have claimed more than one victim.
00:43:56.000Shortly after the incident, the FBI falsely accused Atlanta security guard Richard Jewell of the crime, then waited nearly a year to publicly clear his name.
00:44:06.000With us tonight to discuss his ordeal is Richard Jewell.
00:44:10.000Richard, thanks for coming on, Weekend Update.
00:44:13.000I assume it's about to get very awkward.
00:44:15.000That first part was Norm McDonald at its finest.
00:44:18.000So if you were going to show me, I guess you can't timestamp these NBC clips, but if you're going to show me him being awkward, you should have started now.
00:44:25.000Because that Norm McDonald was a man in his job doing exactly what he was supposed to do and not gesticulating or saying like as I gesticulate.
00:45:04.000Now, Richard, in the interest of full disclosure, I should point out that as a result of Tom Broca's on-air statement that you were in fact the bomber, our network, NBC, was forced to pay you the undisclosed sum of money.
00:45:34.000Yeah, but you're telling us, though, that this just happened to be one of those one in three or maybe one in 2.7 times that he got it wrong.
00:45:42.000Well, I guess I just got to believe you.
00:45:51.000This is a non-actor on a show live in front of a studio audience, pooping his panties, and Norm McDonald having to follow everything to the letter.
00:48:40.000However, then the thing that we give them money to do, come back with cool footage, happens, and we get to see awesome stuff like that, vampire?
00:49:32.000Wouldn't that be awesome if you were a billionaire and you just, as people walk in, there's this giant aquarium and you're always wearing white suits and you just go, hello, welcome.
00:49:42.000And there's that vampire squid just going behind you.
00:56:39.000It's like Mike Tyson says, everyone's got a plan until they get punched in the face.
00:56:43.000That's why, I don't want to sound like I'm endorsing bounce, especially when all my friends are on trial, but can't say enough about a good punch in the face.
00:56:50.000And, you know, you can just sort of, you know, this gay face?
00:56:53.000Well, there's never been punched in the face face.
00:56:56.000And when you talk to those guys, you can just tell when someone has a snarky attitude around you, you're like, yeah, I can tell.