S02E33 - JONAS BROS
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
146.37129
Summary
Puerto Rico and Japan are two of the most important islands in the world, and they are both part of the United States of America. Today, we talk about their contributions to music and culture, and the ways we treated them.
Transcript
00:00:50.000
That was the Jonas Brothers, a really good band that has great music and deserves unlimited respect.
00:00:59.000
And people who criticize the Jonas Brothers don't know what they're talking about.
00:01:25.000
I love all of those sort of Prague rock metal bands.
00:01:30.000
And yeah, a lot of the stuff I would used to call single mother music isn't that.
00:01:44.000
How about the two greatest islands in the world, Puerto Rico and Japan?
00:01:54.000
Puerto Rico is part of America, and, you know, Trump could have done a lot more after the hurricane there to protect them, to help them.
00:02:12.000
Beautiful, beautiful island of wondrous treats and incredible stars.
00:02:18.000
I mean, I think J-Lo is from Puerto Rico and Cardi B sure sounds like she is.
00:02:26.000
And yeah, you know, sometimes we criticize New York Ricans because they're so disproportionately on welfare and in subsidized housing, which I assume you can see there.
00:02:40.000
But one thing people don't know about Puerto Ricans is in the 50s, the government pushed a sterilization plan and focused on Puerto Rican women and offered them money, I think it was $10,000, to sterilize themselves.
00:02:56.000
And they figured that would save money on welfare.
00:03:03.000
So if you notice that there's the Puerto Rican Day parade and New York Ricans proudly saying that they're not Puerto Rican, I mean, sorry, that they're not American and they seem to want to be a very distinct group.
00:03:16.000
And I know I've been guilty of criticizing Puerto Ricans for that.
00:03:20.000
But one has to take into account their history.
00:03:28.000
They had ethnic cleansing in New York City in the 50s.
00:03:52.000
You know, we sided with the far right at the beginning.
00:03:58.000
Hitler was considered an ally at the very beginning.
00:04:05.000
I mean, I think I saw an old picture of Queen Elizabeth Ziegheiling or Princess Margaret or some monarch.
00:04:18.000
It wasn't until the very end of the war that everyone realized what Hitler was doing and everyone hated him.
00:04:24.000
But Japan did it as a strategic move to help dominate Asia.
00:04:33.000
Maybe, you know, by helping Stalin out, we helped communism too much.
00:04:37.000
And we are maybe partly responsible for the fact that China can almost overpower us.
00:04:49.000
Southeast Asia doesn't seem to be producing anything.
00:04:56.000
And I think it's time to move on from the way we treated them.
00:04:59.000
And speaking of the way we treated the Puerto Ricans, you know, we had internment camps in America where the Japanese were separated from their families.
00:05:10.000
So again, and this is half a century ago, we have to take history into account.
00:05:15.000
And, you know, this is going to sound kind of crazy, but has anyone else, I guess besides Radical Islam, had the balls to attack us and start a war like Pearl Harbor?
00:05:26.000
I mean, I'm obviously against Pearl Harbor as an American, but you have to concede that was a pretty brave move and totally unprecedented up until then.
00:05:36.000
I mean, sure, the British were attacking us, but they were there.
00:05:46.000
So I just want to say that Japan and Puerto Rico are wonderful.
00:05:51.000
And those two islands, if they were to combine and make a person, and that person in Japanese Puerto Rican, would be a wonderful person who has great taste in music.
00:06:05.000
That's pretty much all I got to say about that.
00:06:09.000
I don't know how I'm going to do a whole show like this.
00:06:13.000
I guess it's worth announcing that Ryan is back.
00:06:50.000
I guess we can get to some different stuff today.
00:06:54.000
Ryan would rather we focus on his contributions over the years and the fans' reaction to him being fired.
00:07:03.000
I know I said a lot about the reasons he was fired.
00:07:07.000
He was in a very tumultuous relationship, and I was very frustrated that I recommended ending the relationship very early in the game.
00:07:18.000
Ryan, despite many calls to police almost every time they got together.
00:07:23.000
No, I'm exaggerating, but you know what I mean.
00:07:25.000
More than he kept going back with her, and we didn't have an engineer one day because he went to jail.
00:07:53.000
No, to your credit, though, one can't get fired without you firing them.
00:07:58.000
So you actually, you helped me take your advice.
00:08:38.000
You have to kick some in the mouth and then throw it in the throat.
00:08:48.000
I love the smell at the office, in the studio, in my mouth.
00:08:56.000
I would not hand that to you thinking that you would spit and cough and do weird.
00:09:13.000
Okay, let's have a look at the mailbag, and I'll let Ryan decide, obviously, what letters we read.
00:09:39.000
Usually I have these all ready to go, but all right.
00:09:48.000
Now that he's back, let's take a look at Polly's Pluto from Mailback.
00:10:01.000
Yeah, just to, you know, just a little different.
00:10:06.000
Because I could use the support, and I do appreciate it that you would greenlight that intro.
00:10:13.000
Yes, I'd greenlight everything that you're saying and totally support you.
00:10:39.000
Uh, Let's read some letters that we got to the show that are probably pretty good.
00:11:09.000
I don't think you're stupid, and I'm happy to have you back.
00:11:22.000
Hey, Gavin, I understand your aggression towards this mobile phone playing rice ball.
00:11:33.000
He can grow from this and maybe even grow some facial hair on this yellow chromosome overflow face.
00:11:47.000
Christine, Gavin, I have a massive girl crush on you, even though you don't wash your hair with shampoo.
00:11:55.000
He got cuckheld by a fame whore, and you know what your dick does to you with women over 7.5?
00:12:03.000
Please, fuckface, give him the old second chance, poor Favour.
00:12:06.000
I just want to say that a lot of the times you're going to hear excessive swearing, and I'm realizing that a lot of it is Canadians.
00:12:14.000
Canadians, Brits, and Australians swear like crazy, and Americans don't, especially Southern Americans.
00:12:25.000
From a ninth grade Spanish teacher that throws your shtick all the time for my students to marinate.
00:12:30.000
I do get a few who raise an eyebrow and chuckle.
00:12:48.000
Well, he could have said you should bring him back on the show.
00:13:11.000
Gavin, as someone in my 40s, I find you're constant yelling at Ryan and putting him in his place for his baffling idiocy and infuriating competence tremendously satisfying.
00:13:21.000
It's how I wish I could treat every millennial designer intern I've ever had to work with.
00:13:34.000
I don't want to hear what some dumb boomer thinks about the wage gap.
00:13:40.000
That means you're going to have to bring back Ryan also.
00:13:49.000
I think we're getting lost in the weeds, though, but the sentiment.
00:13:56.000
In Love You Like a Son, Love His Father, mostly because I don't have one.
00:14:01.000
Maybe his father could have made sure he went to school.
00:14:09.000
Gavin, I know you are the boss, and a lot probably happened behind the scenes, but on behalf of your loyal base, we want Ryan.
00:14:18.000
If this happens to be read, please know that I've followed your work for years and I've always enjoyed you.
00:14:23.000
However, since Ryan came along, I fucking crave the content.
00:14:26.000
GML and the podcast apps have all been so enjoyable for the last year.
00:14:31.000
If Ryan really is as much of a retard as you claim, doesn't he deserve another chance?
00:14:40.000
Just to be clear, that it was about his 10th chance.
00:14:57.000
I stopped listening to others and completely just relied on yours.
00:15:02.000
I know he's a shithead sometimes, but he needs you.
00:15:10.000
Gavin, without Ryan, there are no checks and balances for your low IQ geriatric ramblings.
00:15:23.000
You know, and I don't want anything to be obscured here.
00:15:29.000
Also, I've always wanted to ask you where you come up with your ideas.
00:15:38.000
As one 48-year-old coffin dodger to another, you need to bring him back.
00:15:42.000
The combination of you two together is funnier than just you on your own or you and that random drone you stuck in on Thursday.
00:16:03.000
And I have no problem with the fact that you bought new shoes, even though you're deeply in debt because your finances are none of my business.
00:16:10.000
Well, that raise that we're shop away is keep on shopping.
00:16:28.000
Last thing I want to do is stink up the joint with my mistakes and stuff like that.
00:16:42.000
CR, I've been involved in making videocasts for three years now.
00:16:47.000
I knew from day one that Ryan would disappoint you.
00:16:53.000
I do live in Austin, so I'm used to being around a bunch of lefties.
00:16:55.000
Trust me, you won't have to yell at me like I was a retarded Asian baba buoy.
00:16:59.000
I make a video and audio cast called Emergency Exit, which I've been making for three years.
00:17:07.000
I travel the country to compete in facial hairstyling.
00:17:20.000
It's a long shot, but I'm willing to quit my espresso machine technician job, move to New York City, and get started in a new city.
00:17:28.000
Even more important, I'm dedicated and a real hard worker.
00:17:30.000
I also don't fear wearing a red MAGA hat in Austin.
00:17:35.000
I was sort of doxxed for messing with Che-loving cocksuckers complaining about gentrification.
00:17:40.000
Anyway, please consider me if you're looking for a real producer.
00:17:43.000
And then he says he includes a video with this resume.
00:18:30.000
Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I would think that maybe the people at home might want to see the screen.
00:18:37.000
He's playing closing time and the opening of a podcast.
00:18:49.000
So he didn't shit on my vaping, probably because he's a vapist himself.
00:18:59.000
You have to, like, replace the coils and you have to, like, build the coils and worry about ohms and stuff.
00:19:10.000
But the show doesn't start until about 7 minutes.
00:19:12.000
But is it seen as a status thing to have a bigger vape?
00:19:25.000
It's super practical, it's a little bit of, It's not for clouds.
00:19:37.000
So he's just playing clips and reacting to them.
00:19:56.000
I wrote the show, which is quite a show we have.
00:20:02.000
Well, why don't I tell you guys about what's going on today?
00:20:05.000
On today's program, it's the first of three episodes on speech.
00:20:14.000
So that's three years of that he could replace me as a grown man and mustache and whiskey.
00:20:25.000
The implication there would be that he would maintain my facial hair, I think.
00:20:38.000
But your discipline, on the other hand, sometimes is a little uncouth.
00:20:55.000
You also told me that you want to show a video of a fanmate called Morning Private Ryan or something.
00:21:08.000
I do appreciate you and your message, but at the same time, if you fire and or abandon Ryan, I do not...
00:21:22.000
You'd give him life advice as a father figure, but when rubber hit road, he ends up as another trampled underfoot.
00:21:31.000
Ryan is retarded, but is a good addition to the show.
00:21:34.000
It's interesting that he spelled addition wrong right after calling someone retarded.
00:22:18.000
I'm noticing a lot of repetition with these points.
00:22:29.000
By the way, see the headlines from this liberal shithole?
00:22:35.000
I hope we see some action up north against Wheeler.
00:22:47.000
Antifa made a bad move beating the crap out of a small Gajan.
00:23:03.000
Give the kid Ryan a scare for a bit and then give him another chance.
00:23:06.000
He deserves one, plus you need that diversity higher.
00:23:14.000
This is a long one that doesn't really mention Ryan, but he does say that he had a receding hairline.
00:23:29.000
And then he thought, what am I going to do now?
00:23:34.000
Sorry, I'm paraphrasing a long letter, but he goes, I stopped washing it.
00:23:41.000
Went for my first haircut in six months since I started letting it grow back out.
00:23:45.000
And the chip kept saying how thick and full my hair was.
00:23:48.000
So he's telling me that I'm right to tell people not to use shampoo or conditioner.
00:24:00.000
Still jerking off now and then, but just sticking to memories.
00:24:06.000
I got more confidence, more energy, more purpose.
00:24:10.000
I run ultramarathons, but all that stuff has changed now.
00:24:15.000
I feel more motivation to go out and meet women.
00:24:17.000
Not that I've ever really struggled there either.
00:24:18.000
My point is, quitting porn has benefits for guys who don't suck.
00:24:22.000
Even if you aren't a basement dwelling beta loser, you should still quit porn and stop washing your hair.
00:24:28.000
I'm leaving out a lot of swear words in these letters because it's getting excessive.
00:24:33.000
Men's feet should only be illegal to display in public.
00:24:43.000
Would you hire him back if he quit fucking off and being so retarded?
00:24:47.000
I'm noticing the word retard is used quite a bit in these letters.
00:24:59.000
And people do things, sometimes they leave a mouse on the screen.
00:25:25.000
Anyway, keep up the good work, bud, but fuck you for getting rid of Ryan.
00:25:44.000
Can I have Ryan's job since he doesn't want it anymore?
00:25:46.000
And then he sends a second email that says, that was a joke.
00:25:51.000
The comedic chemistry between you two is great.
00:25:54.000
Now I'd like to cut to a video that a fan made about Ryan.
00:26:08.000
Oh, you mentioned pulling it up earlier, and I guess you didn't.
00:26:18.000
Dave Cast is here training our new producer, Ryan Katsu Rivera.
00:26:21.000
Okay, so this was supposed to be a anniversary video since it's coming up on my one-year anniversary working with you and for you.
00:26:36.000
No, this is made by one of the guys from the sub.
00:26:47.000
Dave Cast is here training our new producer, Ryan Ketsu Rivera.
00:27:52.000
When I say last one, it's because I'm looking at my notes.
00:28:10.000
Yes, I remember the good times like they were yesterday.
00:28:24.000
I've been doing that for years, trying to teach people.
00:28:28.000
My hand's always touching my head like a magneto.
00:29:01.000
Actually, the fu dude, I'm making very difficult you.