Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S02E49

00:00:13.000 Oh, live from New York.

00:00:16.000 It's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McGuinness.

00:00:20.000 I'm undefined.

00:00:24.000 I'm just beginning.

00:00:27.000 The pens in my hand.

00:00:30.000 Ending on the staring at the you know, music is a very powerful thing.

00:00:42.000 And the fact that you like that song makes me hate you.

00:00:47.000 It brings that emotion.

00:00:49.000 And love is a powerful emotion.

00:00:50.000 Hate is just love in reverse.

00:00:52.000 So that song creates hate.

00:00:56.000 It makes me hate your fucking guts.

00:00:59.000 It makes you love me, though, because love is a hate.

00:01:01.000 No.

00:01:02.000 Love's the opposite of hate.

00:01:04.000 They're one and the same.

00:01:05.000 Nope.

00:01:07.000 You feel strongly.

00:01:08.000 They are literally the opposite.

00:01:09.000 I don't know how many times I have to say that.

00:01:11.000 You feel strongly.

00:01:11.000 And when I heard this song, I said, I bet Ryan likes that song.

00:01:15.000 And you start singing it.

00:01:16.000 Like, who the fuck is that?

00:01:18.000 How dare you even know who that is?

00:01:19.000 Natasha Bettingfield, she came out with a song called Turn the Page.

00:01:24.000 I forget, but it was a jam.

00:01:26.000 Oh, these words are my own.

00:01:28.000 Oh, let's put on that jam.

00:01:29.000 So that was just her shitty song.

00:01:30.000 Yeah.

00:01:31.000 Now let's hear her rock and see now you're getting it.

00:01:33.000 Natasha Bettingfield, these words.

00:01:36.000 And when she came out on the scene, you know, dudes was like, what?

00:01:40.000 This girl's not going to be able to do it.

00:01:41.000 Leave the scene.

00:01:42.000 She's new country?

00:01:42.000 What is it?

00:01:47.000 These words are mine.

00:01:48.000 She has an accent, so people are like, oh, man.

00:01:51.000 What's her accent?

00:01:53.000 British.

00:01:55.000 You are sub-gay.

00:02:03.000 You love sassy girl music.

00:02:05.000 You know what this music is for?

00:02:07.000 It's for women who got dumped, who are trying to get back on their feet.

00:02:10.000 And you're right there next to them going, come on, sisters, we can do it.

00:02:13.000 No, this is an artist.

00:02:14.000 Stella got her groove back.

00:02:16.000 She's talking about writing music.

00:02:17.000 She's like, I'm trying to write some stuff here.

00:02:19.000 You know, like, these words, they're mine.

00:02:21.000 It has nothing to do with love and waste bins full of paper.

00:02:24.000 I'm telling you, the girls who listen to this just got a sassy short haircut.

00:02:28.000 And they're like, I don't need him.

00:02:32.000 It's good.

00:02:34.000 I love you.

00:02:35.000 I love you.

00:02:37.000 This is why we need dads, guys.

00:02:39.000 Because when you don't have a dad, you listen to women's music and you probably like songs like, I'm a redneck woman.

00:02:47.000 I ain't no high class broad.

00:02:50.000 I'm a product of my raisin.

00:02:52.000 I say, hey, yeah, and yee-ha.

00:02:54.000 Right?

00:02:55.000 Is that a song?

00:02:56.000 Yeah, it's right up your alley.

00:02:57.000 Did you just make that up?

00:02:58.000 No, Redneck Woman.

00:03:00.000 Yeah, it's a classic Ryan song.

00:03:02.000 I am Woman, Hear Me Roar.

00:03:03.000 There's a lot of them.

00:03:05.000 I like, you know.

00:03:06.000 Feel like a woman.

00:03:08.000 Bamp, bam, bam, bang.

00:03:09.000 Oh, you love that too.

00:03:10.000 I bet if I ever introduced you to Brad Pitt, you'd go, so you're Brad Pitt.

00:03:15.000 That don't impress me much and walk away all sassy.

00:03:18.000 No, I wouldn't steal your bit.

00:03:19.000 That's your bit.

00:03:22.000 I didn't work on my hair very much today, did I?

00:03:24.000 Looks like you put a lot of work into it to make it look not so great.

00:03:28.000 I wanted it to look like the movie poster for a scary film about demons in the forest.

00:03:38.000 So let me get my notes here.

00:03:41.000 Note.

00:03:42.000 Notes.

00:03:43.000 We'll play you some walkover music.

00:03:47.000 I'm wearing a boxing shirt because we're going to talk about knockouts.

00:03:52.000 I've never knocked anyone out.

00:03:53.000 I've been knocked out.

00:03:55.000 And I'm kind of, I watch them with intense fascination.

00:03:58.000 And when we're watching a match, aren't we always sort of hoping for a knockout?

00:04:03.000 Right?

00:04:04.000 It's sort of like when you're walking down the street and you hear cars go, eh, you're kind of going, come on, I want to hear a bang.

00:04:11.000 I want to.

00:04:12.000 And when it's just a bunch of body shots and stuff, you go, that was interesting, but 12 rounds, meh, it's borderline affectionate if there's no knockout.

00:04:22.000 But the reason I played that song is to tell you some old news.

00:04:26.000 If you are, you have your finger on the pulse of weirdo funny culture, then you're familiar with Chad Goes Deep.

00:04:32.000 This show is not vice.

00:04:34.000 I'm 49 now.

00:04:36.000 I no longer break stories.

00:04:38.000 So the cool kids are very familiar with Chad Goes Deep.

00:04:42.000 But us old folks are just learning about them now.

00:04:45.000 And these are two party bros who live in LA and they regularly go to community hall meetings and suggest ridiculous shit just to annoy everyone.

00:04:57.000 And I think it's a great example of what a farce these are.

00:05:01.000 But before you go there, can you pull up, this just happened, the guys doing the Straight Pride Parade, they just called themselves racist by accident.

00:05:09.000 It's not on my notes.

00:05:10.000 I said it just came up.

00:05:11.000 Work with me here.

00:05:12.000 You know, I was saying earlier before we were on the air that when I work with Ryan, it feels like, was it Kathie Lee Giffords who got shot in the head?

00:05:20.000 And then they pulled her back up on stage and she's sort of like, hi, I hate guns.

00:05:28.000 And they go, see, even people who get shot hate guns.

00:05:31.000 And they're really rational.

00:05:33.000 But I feel like Ryan was in a brutal car accident and he has part of his head shaved with a big cesarean scar here.

00:05:38.000 And they said, he can never work again.

00:05:41.000 He's useless.

00:05:42.000 He's Terry Shaivo, but Japanese and Puerto Rican.

00:05:45.000 And I said, no, in the hospital.

00:05:48.000 And I said, he can still work a job.

00:05:49.000 And then I put him in a chair and he's like, hi.

00:05:52.000 Hi.

00:05:53.000 And I say, it's a new thing.

00:05:54.000 It just happened.

00:05:56.000 And then he's like, is it in my notes?

00:05:58.000 No, no, it's new.

00:05:59.000 Oh, okay.

00:06:00.000 Maybe it's in one of the tabs that's already opened.

00:06:02.000 No, no, no.

00:06:03.000 It's a new thing, buddy.

00:06:05.000 He's like, hey, I did it.

00:06:05.000 Come on.

00:06:08.000 But there's a commercial first.

00:06:10.000 Yep, so let the commercial play out.

00:06:12.000 I'll talk.

00:06:12.000 I'll keep them engaged.

00:06:14.000 And then you get the clip up.

00:06:16.000 I might have to talk for maybe five minutes.

00:06:18.000 And you might pull it up when the ad's still playing.

00:06:20.000 All right, this just happened.

00:06:23.000 I don't hear volume, though.

00:06:26.000 Classic lie guys.

00:06:29.000 Why is there no Volume, dude.

00:06:30.000 That's a great question.

00:06:32.000 And don't abbreviate things when you're fucking up.

00:06:35.000 Why wouldn't you just look at Twitter?

00:06:36.000 It's all over Twitter.

00:06:38.000 Shall I just send you the text?

00:06:39.000 Is that what's easiest for you?

00:06:42.000 Geez, we're not off to a great start here, are we?

00:06:46.000 Reddit would have been better than Google.

00:06:49.000 Here, let's get on.

00:06:50.000 Look how fast I am.

00:06:52.000 You're making yourself redundant, by the way.

00:06:57.000 So these are the guys doing the Straight Pride Parade.

00:07:01.000 And remember, I was talking last week about how they're obsessed with our typos.

00:07:07.000 They're so consumed that they'll find some typo.

00:07:10.000 Like, I think, what was it?

00:07:12.000 Some guy on Fox Morning said, and we just, we're into the color, sorry, the culture of the country.

00:07:18.000 And everyone went, oh, you slipped up.

00:07:20.000 You said color because you're racist.

00:07:22.000 No, they're similar sounding words.

00:07:25.000 So this is the latest hull of blue.

00:07:26.000 This is the latest victory for the left, where white supremacist admits, lets it slip, that he's racist.

00:07:34.000 Check this out.

00:07:35.000 You're going to turn right around and say, well, we've deserved it.

00:07:37.000 We haven't done anything.

00:07:39.000 We're a totally peaceful racist group.

00:07:47.000 He fucked up.

00:07:48.000 He's nervous.

00:07:49.000 Obviously, he's being called racist repeatedly.

00:07:52.000 And he, instead of saying non-racist, he accidentally said racist.

00:07:55.000 And that's a huge victory for them.

00:07:57.000 Look, yay!

00:07:59.000 We got our typo.

00:08:02.000 That's kind of a fun moment.

00:08:04.000 Yeah, it's humorous.

00:08:06.000 I like when they're able to laugh.

00:08:08.000 No, no, no.

00:08:09.000 It's all lefties laughing.

00:08:10.000 I know, but that's...

00:08:13.000 Just to get any sort of laugh from them at all.

00:08:16.000 But I'm even getting texts from people on the right going, oh, those guys were stupid anyway, that they fucked up really bad.

00:08:21.000 No, they didn't fuck up really bad.

00:08:23.000 It's just a stupid typo.

00:08:23.000 Yeah, what?

00:08:25.000 I probably would have laughed if I was there.

00:08:25.000 It's funny.

00:08:27.000 But this is clearly not a victory.

00:08:29.000 And okay, you want to play that game?

00:08:32.000 You want to talk gaffes?

00:08:34.000 Okay, then everyone has to live by this perfect Jesus image where you're not allowed to do anything.

00:08:39.000 Check out Joe Biden the other day.

00:08:42.000 I think it was yesterday actually, where he said, poor kids are just as bright and just as talented as white kids.

00:08:49.000 That is so bad.

00:08:54.000 That is so bad.

00:08:55.000 These students.

00:08:57.000 We should challenge students in these schools to have advanced placement programs in these schools.

00:09:01.000 We have this notion that somehow if you're poor, you cannot do it.

00:09:05.000 Poor kids are just as bright and just as talented as white kids.

00:09:10.000 Wealthy kids.

00:09:11.000 Black kids.

00:09:12.000 Uh-oh.

00:09:13.000 Okay.

00:09:14.000 So that's funny.

00:09:16.000 It's a gaffe.

00:09:17.000 But it's not a victory for the right.

00:09:19.000 Wait.

00:09:21.000 They're at the Asian and Latino coalition?

00:09:23.000 I didn't even know that existed.

00:09:24.000 That's me.

00:09:25.000 Oh, yeah.

00:09:26.000 I've never seen that before.

00:09:26.000 What the fuck?

00:09:28.000 Yeah.

00:09:29.000 You are an Asian and Latino coalition.

00:09:33.000 Asian and Latino collided and made you.

00:09:36.000 I should have been an Asian and Latino abortion.

00:09:38.000 I should have been an Asian and Latino abortion.

00:09:40.000 It's a very difficult abortion.

00:09:42.000 That's his second gaffe, by the way, where he recently said the DNC Democrats are more concerned with truth than facts.

00:09:52.000 Now, we're going to let those slide because we're not grammar Nazis.

00:09:56.000 But, Joe, if these keep piling up, like that guy said racist by accident once, the Fox News guy said color instead of culture once.

00:10:03.000 If you start getting to like George W. Bush levels of fucking up the English language, we're going to start calling you senile.

00:10:10.000 And that's kind of your Achilles heel.

00:10:12.000 Anyway, let's get back to Chad Goes Deep.

00:10:14.000 So these are two dudes that you know about if you're cool, but you don't if you're old like me.

00:10:19.000 And they're just fucking awesome human beings.

00:10:20.000 Chad Kroger and what is it?

00:10:23.000 JT Parr.

00:10:25.000 And they go to town hall meetings and they do things like this.

00:10:31.000 Fireworks, hot dogs, and Bud Heavies.

00:10:31.000 This happens.

00:10:33.000 Go back to the beginning, obviously.

00:10:36.000 Yeah, what up, Council?

00:10:38.000 My name is Chad Kroger.

00:10:40.000 As most of you already know, 4th of July is my favorite holiday.

00:10:43.000 Fireworks, hot dogs, and Bud Heavies.

00:10:48.000 Like everyone before, this 4th of July was epic.

00:10:50.000 And to paint a painting for you, I started the day by sinking a no rebuttal on the beer pong table with my girlfriend at 7 a.m.

00:10:58.000 In my blazing chat, just remember, just like we told you the last time you were here, and we do remember you here.

00:11:05.000 Make sure that it is about things coming before our council.

00:11:09.000 I think they're so bored that they tolerate this.

00:11:11.000 Yeah, absolutely.

00:11:12.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:11:13.000 You're going to get that.

00:11:14.000 We're going to get into it.

00:11:15.000 I'm just trying to paint the whole in my Blazing Eagle kimono.

00:11:22.000 Everyone should do that.

00:11:24.000 I've honestly been a different human ever since.

00:11:27.000 What's a Blazing Eagle kimono?

00:11:29.000 Blazing Eagle kimono?

00:11:30.000 I'm guessing it's a kimono with patriotic symbolism strewn about.

00:11:34.000 Earthquake happened, but I refused to let it shake me.

00:11:38.000 Pun.

00:11:39.000 It was the best day of my life, and the intimate things I said to my GF after cannot be shared.

00:11:45.000 Which brings me to a larger issue.

00:11:47.000 Why does the USA have so few party holidays?

00:11:50.000 It doesn't make sense.

00:11:52.000 I am ready to rage every day, so why does my country afford me so little opportunity?

00:11:57.000 Memorial Day is legit, but for doing SEAL team workouts.

00:12:00.000 Respect the troops.

00:12:02.000 Kellen tried to make flagships.

00:12:03.000 Nothing above him there.

00:12:04.000 Oh, he's scratching his arm.

00:12:06.000 What happened to us, Council?

00:12:07.000 America built the 4th of July holiday around raging, and I bet the founding fathers used to celebrate the 4th 47 times a year, one for each state.

00:12:18.000 That's why the Four Fathers threw tea in the harbor to make room for more kegs.

00:12:22.000 Are we getting there?

00:12:24.000 Yeah.

00:12:25.000 Have you heard of England?

00:12:26.000 This goes on and on.

00:12:27.000 Oh, wait, that's a pretty good one.

00:12:28.000 Have you heard of England?

00:12:29.000 Sorry, I cut it too soon.

00:12:30.000 He said that?

00:12:31.000 have you heard of England?

00:12:33.000 They have this queen there who celebrates They have this queen there who celebrates her birthday twice, once on her birthday in April, and again in June, because April in England is not conducive for tanning.

00:12:46.000 So I propose that we declare a second Independence Day on the 2nd of July, the day of the movie Independence Day, with Will Smith and Jeff Gubbloom came out.

00:13:00.000 The day President Bill Pullman said in one loud voice, We will not go quietly into the night, dudes.

00:13:07.000 Thank you.

00:13:08.000 Oh, I thought I was going to cut that short, but there's nowhere to cut.

00:13:12.000 And keep going, it gets better.

00:13:12.000 Yeah, that's perfect.

00:13:13.000 So that was Chad Kroger.

00:13:15.000 Then JT Parr gets on the mic.

00:13:19.000 Thank you.

00:13:20.000 And I recognize that from last night, or last time.

00:13:25.000 So please make sure that it has to do with the city.

00:13:28.000 We're all here.

00:13:30.000 Thank you.

00:13:31.000 My dogs.

00:13:33.000 I also want to say that I think Chad just killed it.

00:13:36.000 He's very right that we need another holiday badly, and it should most definitely be an extra 4th of July.

00:13:42.000 Not to overshare, but I lost my virginity on the 4th of July 10 days ago.

00:13:49.000 Chugg Kirkland vodka from the bottle and reminisced about a religious retreat from high school while we watched the fireworks.

00:13:56.000 She's the one.

00:13:58.000 There's nothing that I would change about her and I's enchanting adventures.

00:14:01.000 Those dudes are surf bros are very romantic, huh?

00:14:05.000 She's the one.

00:14:06.000 Always ready to get married.

00:14:07.000 I have a character that's similar to this, and he's very romantic.

00:14:09.000 There's something about a Chad that should be a bit more.

00:14:11.000 Hearing Chad tell his story about his rebuttal shop made me super stoked for his skill, but sad that I wasn't there.

00:14:17.000 I wish I had had more time on the fourth to split between Chad and my soulmate, Sally.

00:14:22.000 I hope you guys can create another holiday so regular hardworking citizens like me don't have to make these impossible choices.

00:14:29.000 I dream about a day where there's nothing...

00:14:31.000 Okay, so this goes on and on, but fast forward to the singing where he sings...

00:14:35.000 Natasha Hebadiah?

00:14:36.000 Beddingfield.

00:14:38.000 Natasha Beddingfield.

00:14:40.000 He sings our opening song.

00:14:42.000 So close you can by reaching for something in the distance.

00:14:48.000 So close you can almost taste it.

00:14:51.000 Release your inhibitions.

00:14:53.000 Feel the rain on your skin.

00:14:56.000 Everybody feel it for you.

00:15:00.000 Only you can let it in.

00:15:02.000 No one else, no one else can speak the words on your lips.

00:15:07.000 Trench yourself in words unspoken.

00:15:10.000 Live your life with arms wide open.

00:15:12.000 Today is where your book begins.

00:15:14.000 The rest is still unwritten.

00:15:17.000 Beautiful.

00:15:18.000 Beautiful.

00:15:19.000 Thank you.

00:15:20.000 So that was six minutes we can't get back.

00:15:23.000 I didn't think I didn't want to talk about that vigil anymore, but now I kind of want to.

00:15:28.000 I don't want to.

00:15:30.000 Well, just a reminder.

00:15:31.000 Wait, go back.

00:15:31.000 Sorry?

00:15:33.000 First Amendment allows them to do that.

00:15:35.000 Yeah, I want to hear what she said after six minutes.

00:15:38.000 That was six minutes we can't get back.

00:15:40.000 I didn't think I'd want to talk about that vigil anymore, but now I kind of want to.

00:15:45.000 I don't want to.

00:15:47.000 Well, just a reminder that First Amendment allows them to do that.

00:15:52.000 Free speech.

00:15:53.000 So there we are.

00:15:55.000 Look at all the fun things you could do with this.

00:15:57.000 Is that a slight diss on free speech?

00:15:59.000 Free speech does not include jokes?

00:16:01.000 Huh.

00:16:02.000 Just a reminder that you guys came up with this stupid amendment.

00:16:04.000 Interesting.

00:16:05.000 That leads me to Chad and JT.

00:16:07.000 There was a little contempt there.

00:16:09.000 Okay, so they were on Stern recently.

00:16:11.000 Stern just played what I just played, so I'm just copying Stern, but there is a little tidbit at the end.

00:16:15.000 Time or something.

00:16:17.000 You know, and like you're trying, you're being serious.

00:16:19.000 Yeah, I mean, even if she understands the First Amendment, she doesn't have to put them down.

00:16:26.000 Yeah, and if you don't respect like our methodology or even my singing, like what about our cause?

00:16:30.000 Like separate the two.

00:16:32.000 I don't think anyone would disagree that we need more holidays.

00:16:35.000 You know what I mean?

00:16:36.000 What's wrong with that?

00:16:39.000 So they don't break character.

00:16:41.000 Actually, I started getting into it.

00:16:43.000 Yeah.

00:16:43.000 Like, I started thinking, yeah, why just won July 4th?

00:16:48.000 Yeah.

00:16:48.000 Because there was the American Revolution, right?

00:16:52.000 There was the day the Constitution was signed.

00:16:54.000 That's probably different than...

00:16:57.000 I think we declared independence like 80 years before we were done the revolution.

00:17:02.000 Right.

00:17:03.000 I think it was like, well, we're done.

00:17:04.000 The British are out.

00:17:05.000 No, we're still, it's still, we're in the eye of the storm as far as the war goes.

00:17:09.000 Yeah, I know, but we're winning.

00:17:10.000 I mean, let's cut the shit.

00:17:12.000 So that should be two.

00:17:14.000 The end of the Civil War should be a biggie.

00:17:17.000 Right.

00:17:18.000 And what about the end of World War I, World War II?

00:17:21.000 Like, we have President's Day.

00:17:22.000 There's Secretary Day.

00:17:26.000 I agree with those guys.

00:17:27.000 Yeah, and then they got months for things, you know?

00:17:27.000 I'm not laughing.

00:17:30.000 Black History Month?

00:17:31.000 Yeah.

00:17:32.000 We can have holidays within things too.

00:17:34.000 Like, what about the end of the Civil War in Black History Month?

00:17:37.000 Yay.

00:17:38.000 Or Slavery Abolish Day.

00:17:40.000 Woo!

00:17:41.000 That's a big one.

00:17:41.000 Right.

00:17:42.000 We could have the day women got to vote.

00:17:44.000 I would be happy to stay at home and look after the kids that day.

00:17:47.000 My wife could go out and enjoy herself.

00:17:49.000 I'll be alone crying in my office with a bottle of Makersmark, screaming why in the mirror.

00:17:56.000 That sounds fun.

00:17:58.000 My friend made up a holiday called Steak and Blow Job Day, which appears at the exact opposite of Valentine's Day, because kind of like a girls' holiday, and then Steak and Blow Job Day.

00:18:07.000 And it's never happened for him, though.

00:18:09.000 No, I think he's done it.

00:18:10.000 I asked him.

00:18:12.000 Okay, thanks for being gross and we're changing the rating of the show.

00:18:17.000 I may have talked about this already, but speaking of free speech, this show is becoming like a free speech show.

00:18:26.000 I just called it free speech because I like free speech and thought we'd talk about tons of other stuff.

00:18:30.000 But it's amazing how often it's like today in free speech.

00:18:35.000 Boop-a-doop-boop-boop.

00:18:37.000 Do-do-do-do-do-do.

00:18:38.000 Dude, it's brutal.

00:18:39.000 Dude, it's brutal.

00:18:42.000 Bill Burr was going to be on Pat Dixon's show in New York.

00:18:45.000 And I had a brilliant idea that I pitched, which is Pat Dixon goes, we have a surprise guest, everyone.

00:18:52.000 Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Bill Burr.

00:18:54.000 And then Ryan comes out onto the stage and says, dude, you know, it's cool to be here.

00:19:01.000 You know, I just pretty much be Bill Burr, right?

00:19:04.000 Well, be Bill Burr, you dunce.

00:19:06.000 What would he say?

00:19:08.000 Ah, dude, it's like, have you been out there?

00:19:10.000 It's really hot.

00:19:11.000 It's like brutal.

00:19:13.000 What?

00:19:14.000 It's hot out there.

00:19:15.000 I don't know.

00:19:16.000 What's the use in being able to do impressions if you poop your pants every time someone says do one?

00:19:20.000 I have to think of some kind of bit, something for him to be.

00:19:23.000 Just say there was some fat lesbian outside who told him he couldn't smoke.

00:19:27.000 Yeah, this chick, she was out there.

00:19:28.000 She was like, she's like, hey, Bill, you can't smoke.

00:19:31.000 And I'm like, dude, whatever.

00:19:33.000 And she was brutal.

00:19:35.000 It's not good.

00:19:36.000 That was so bad.

00:19:37.000 I can't think like Bill Burr.

00:19:38.000 I could sound like him.

00:19:39.000 It's so easy to think like Bill Burr.

00:19:41.000 He's mad about some blue-collar thing, some lesbian telling him what to do, or some chicken-in-action movie was beating up a bunch of guys, or just repeat a bit you've heard him do.

00:19:51.000 Wow, I'm glad this didn't happen because you would have bombed.

00:19:54.000 It would have been Guitar Center all over again.

00:19:57.000 Imperial Guitar Center.

00:19:58.000 I knew you would correct me because you suck.

00:20:01.000 So anyway, my idea, which apparently wouldn't have worked, would be Ryan comes out and he does a big Bill Burr thing.

00:20:06.000 He'd have to be pre-written.

00:20:07.000 We'd have to hold his hand.

00:20:08.000 And then Pat wouldn't laugh and he'd go, you're not Bill Burr.

00:20:12.000 And he goes, yeah, I'm sorry.

00:20:15.000 He goes, get the fuck off my stage.

00:20:16.000 So Ryan leaves.

00:20:18.000 And then Pat goes, I'm really sorry about that, everyone.

00:20:20.000 And then this is the crucial part of my plan.

00:20:23.000 People in the audience would go, of course it's not fucking Bill Burr.

00:20:27.000 My life sucks.

00:20:28.000 I don't think fun ever happens to me.

00:20:31.000 I always hear about Louis C.K. doing surprise shows and stuff, but never with me.

00:20:36.000 Never with Andy Klegman.

00:20:39.000 Andy, you suck.

00:20:41.000 And your date sucks.

00:20:43.000 And she's never going to want to see you again.

00:20:44.000 And then, oh shit, it's Bill Burr.

00:20:47.000 Then actual Bill Burr comes in.

00:20:48.000 So what you did to the audience was they were here.

00:20:51.000 You brought him up and then you slammed them down.

00:20:54.000 Now they go from all the way down here to, whoa, it's Bill Burr.

00:20:58.000 That is a very considerate thing to put them through.

00:21:00.000 Yeah.

00:21:01.000 That would have been fun.

00:21:02.000 And then I texted all that to Pat, and he goes, I don't really know him, so I would suggest that.

00:21:07.000 And maybe eight seconds in, he go, Toad, Toad, do you mind if I just come on the stage?

00:21:11.000 I don't want to mess with all that.

00:21:12.000 Oh, dude, that sounds great.

00:21:13.000 I got a better idea.

00:21:14.000 I go up there, I do stand-up, and then I get the fuck out of here.

00:21:18.000 How's that sound?

00:21:19.000 I mean, is that weird?

00:21:20.000 It's just a weird idea.

00:21:22.000 Oh, yes, you're a pitcher.

00:21:23.000 You got a show that you're working on, too?

00:21:25.000 A development deal?

00:21:26.000 You want me to sign something for you?

00:21:28.000 So the movie's called The Hunt, and it's about people who live in the manor.

00:21:34.000 Can you imagine how pretentious you'd have to be to name your area the manor?

00:21:38.000 Hilar.

00:21:39.000 I live in Westchester, but actually the particular location I'm located in is the common palance for our district is the manor.

00:21:48.000 And people who live in the manor likely support Hillary and hate Trump and would treat any Trump neighbors like shit because they're fucking snobs.

00:21:58.000 Oops.

00:22:01.000 So a very interesting thing is going on here.

00:22:04.000 So the plot of the movie is some billionaires buy some land in like Eastern Europe or something, right?

00:22:10.000 And they dress it up like it's Arizona.

00:22:14.000 And then they get a bunch of rednecks, kidnap them, fly them out there, let them loose, and then they hunt them from sport, for sport.

00:22:22.000 And I thought it was just like a classist thing, like the rich versus the poor, but no, it's pretty specific.

00:22:29.000 It's rich liberals against poor Trump people.

00:22:35.000 Now, of course, they have to make it a chick.

00:22:37.000 Turn it up.

00:22:38.000 Oh, no, I didn't.

00:22:40.000 Most people know where they are.

00:22:43.000 Why most people?

00:22:44.000 You're in the glorious state of Arkansas, sweetheart.

00:22:47.000 Oh, no, please, no!

00:22:53.000 It's kind of gory for a trailer.

00:22:55.000 I don't want my six-year-old seeing that.

00:22:58.000 Well, this ain't Arkansas, so.

00:23:00.000 Everyone is lying.

00:23:00.000 Oh, they're in Hungary.

00:23:03.000 Your idea is incredible.

00:23:05.000 They can't argue with that.

00:23:07.000 We're going to do everything.

00:23:09.000 So this country belongs to us.

00:23:11.000 This is just business.

00:23:13.000 Hunting human beings for sport.

00:23:16.000 They're not human beings.

00:23:21.000 Those are all liberals.

00:23:23.000 Every year a bunch of elites kidnapped.

00:23:25.000 So yeah, you get the idea.

00:23:29.000 It's kind of annoying that a woman saves the day again.

00:23:32.000 Like, do you know how few women would be able to go and then jump over, grab the shotgun from the chick and go and not puke after?

00:23:41.000 Just be like, just killing some old people.

00:23:44.000 As I do.

00:23:45.000 Plus, those old people are probably relatively blue-collar.

00:23:49.000 Like, they're not going to sign up, spend a billion dollars to work at the local corner store.

00:23:53.000 Those are just random workers.

00:23:55.000 You just killed them.

00:23:56.000 That's always bothered me in movies too.

00:23:58.000 Like, even stormtroopers, I just see these guys breaking out of some spaceship and all the security guys for the bad guy getting killed.

00:24:05.000 I'm like, those guys are just doing their job.

00:24:07.000 Like, they're basically COs, corrections officers.

00:24:11.000 And they don't even know that you're innocent, Sylvester Stallone or whoever is escaping.

00:24:16.000 Anyway, so the specificity was not relayed earlier.

00:24:21.000 It's really coming out now.

00:24:22.000 And here's a quote.

00:24:23.000 So go to the Hollywood Reporter.

00:24:25.000 This is the part of the movie.

00:24:27.000 They say, did anyone see what our rat fucker in chief just did?

00:24:31.000 One character asks early in the screenplay for the hunt, a universal pictures thriller set to open September 27th.

00:24:36.000 Another responds, at least the hunt's coming up.

00:24:39.000 Nothing better than going out to the manor and slaughtering a dozen deplorables.

00:24:46.000 So why did you run away?

00:24:51.000 You were thirsty?

00:24:53.000 Yes.

00:24:55.000 So they say they're going to hunt deplorables and the rat fucker in chief?

00:24:58.000 I guess that implies you have a tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny penis.

00:25:06.000 Well, you're just going to split the rat in half if you're normal size.

00:25:08.000 You'd split the rat right in half.

00:25:10.000 You're just wearing a rat as a condom if you're normal size.

00:25:13.000 It'd be like a peepee uniform.

00:25:14.000 But if your penis was small enough to rape a rat, and I assume it wouldn't be consensual, you got bigger problems.

00:25:22.000 That's not even an insult.

00:25:24.000 Ha ha, your dick is so small you fuck a rat.

00:25:27.000 Sorry.

00:25:27.000 That's like saying to the elephant man, haha, you're not even hot.

00:25:31.000 Yeah.

00:25:32.000 Like you're brutally deformed if you can only have sex with rodents.

00:25:36.000 Yeah, it's just a gross thing to call somebody a rat effer.

00:25:40.000 But this is definitely the way liberals talk.

00:25:41.000 So the left is against this film because they think it glorifies gun violence.

00:25:49.000 And the right is against this film because they think it's kill deplorable porn.

00:25:55.000 And I like this film because my interpretation is that it's making fun of how sinister and sadistic, I was going to say masochistic, how sadistic modern day liberals are.

00:26:09.000 Like they're just over at what's his name's house?

00:26:12.000 Senator McCain, what was his name?

00:26:13.000 Mitch McConnell.

00:26:14.000 They're over at Mitch McConnell's house saying how they need to, they want to just stab him in the heart.

00:26:18.000 They're saying he's not going to get any sleep if those illegal immigrants can't sleep.

00:26:22.000 He's not getting the sleep.

00:26:23.000 And they want to stab him and kill him.

00:26:25.000 So I think it's a brilliant way to lampoon the leftist violent tendencies.

00:26:29.000 Right.

00:26:30.000 And how classist they are and how they're not about love and how hate does have a home here.

00:26:35.000 So I think it's a good movie.

00:26:36.000 But here's the beauty of art.

00:26:37.000 We're all entitled to our own personal interpretations.

00:26:41.000 So I take it to be that.

00:26:43.000 Liberals take it to that.

00:26:44.000 So don't censor it.

00:26:45.000 That's the beauty of art.

00:26:46.000 It's up to you.

00:26:49.000 And that's the problem with art too, is you say, I'm against this, and you end up hurting the people you're purporting to help.

00:26:55.000 For example, in Westchester right now, they are boycotting Equinox and SoulCycle because they found out the owner is a Trump supporter and he's having Trump fundraisers at his house.

00:27:07.000 Okay, rich white women, you do that in the manner.

00:27:11.000 You boycott Equinox.

00:27:12.000 Guess who loses their jobs?

00:27:14.000 All the black guys who help people train and lift weights and all the gay dudes who run SoulCycle.

00:27:20.000 They all lose their jobs and the rich white women get to Virtue Signal.

00:27:28.000 That's the way censoring works.

00:27:31.000 You know, that happened with Milk Bar.

00:27:34.000 Also, that's David Chang's thing.

00:27:36.000 MoMo Fuku.

00:27:38.000 Totally politically correct dude.

00:27:39.000 I've hung out with him a couple times.

00:27:41.000 He's the guy who invented putting women in the friend zone.

00:27:44.000 Oh, yeah.

00:27:45.000 Oh, that's okay.

00:27:46.000 I told you about that, right?

00:27:47.000 He's hitting on this model for a long time, and he realizes she's about to put him in the friend zone.

00:27:47.000 That's right, yeah.

00:27:52.000 So he turns the tables and he goes, can you help me find a good chick?

00:27:56.000 I don't know.

00:27:57.000 I feel like I should get in a relationship.

00:27:58.000 And she's like, clearly you want me.

00:28:02.000 And he's like, some girl like you, but a brunette and, you know, more into humor.

00:28:06.000 And she was just...

00:28:06.000 That's fun.

00:28:10.000 Oh, ch- Yeah.

00:28:13.000 Yeah, so Momofuku and Milk Bar.

00:28:17.000 That's what they do, the desserts at Milk Bar.

00:28:19.000 Wait, this is the exact same story.

00:28:21.000 What's the same guy he invested in?

00:28:21.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:28:23.000 A huge mama fuka and milk bar investor is hosting a Trump fundraiser, and people are...

00:28:28.000 Yeah, he invests in a lot of things, probably.

00:28:30.000 Right, so now everything he invests in has to be boycotted.

00:28:33.000 Yeah, I know somebody who watches the show.

00:28:36.000 Why do you think he doesn't go broke?

00:28:37.000 Do you think he's going to lose all his money if you don't go to, if Mama Fuco and Milk Bar and Equinox go under?

00:28:43.000 Do you think he loses tons of money?

00:28:44.000 He's good.

00:28:45.000 Okay?

00:28:46.000 A billion dollars?

00:28:47.000 That's a lot of money.

00:28:48.000 Yeah, look at all these comments here.

00:28:50.000 Somebody that watches the show and works peripherally with this.

00:28:53.000 Six million bucks, you get about $100,000 interest.

00:28:56.000 You usually make about 5%.

00:28:58.000 What's 5% of a billion?

00:29:01.000 500,000?

00:29:02.000 Are you doing that?

00:29:03.000 5% of a billion?

00:29:04.000 Here's how you do tough math questions, you stupid idiot.

00:29:07.000 You just put it in the actual URL bar.

00:29:10.000 What is 5% of a billion?

00:29:18.000 It's 50 million.

00:29:20.000 50 million.

00:29:22.000 Just on interest alone, he's making at least $50 million.

00:29:25.000 Do you know how hard it is to spend $50 million?

00:29:28.000 Like, oh, I'd fly first class.

00:29:31.000 You got your own jet.

00:29:31.000 That's all handled.

00:29:34.000 So petty.

00:29:36.000 Yeah, so there's this.

00:29:38.000 And by the way, the other thing the left doesn't understand is, okay, so we'll do that to you.

00:29:43.000 So we'll start boycotting your fundraisers.

00:29:46.000 Anyone who raises money for the DNC will boycott.

00:29:48.000 It's the same as Joe Biden.

00:29:50.000 Oh, you made a typo, you said racist.

00:29:52.000 All right, let's start analyzing Joe Biden's typos.

00:29:55.000 Oh, Brett Kavanaugh can't be the Supreme Court judge because some lady said she had rough sex 20 years ago or more?

00:30:02.000 Maybe it was 40 years ago?

00:30:04.000 35, whatever.

00:30:05.000 Okay.

00:30:06.000 Well, you're going to have to deal with random accusations that have no evidence.

00:30:09.000 Don't you get it?

00:30:10.000 Don't you get the dystopia you're creating for yourself?

00:30:13.000 What's this you're showing me?

00:30:14.000 These are all the comments on milk bar stuff.

00:30:17.000 The only people who will suffer from these boycotts are the employees.

00:30:21.000 Right.

00:30:22.000 You always hurt the people you purport to help when you play God.

00:30:25.000 That's what socialism is.

00:30:27.000 It's taking over and saying, I'll handle who gets food.

00:30:31.000 You know what happens when you do that?

00:30:32.000 Everybody starves.

00:30:34.000 And you know what happens when everybody starves?

00:30:36.000 There's riots in the streets like Venezuela.

00:30:38.000 And a lot of people get violent and a lot of people get punched and a lot of people get knocked out.

00:30:43.000 Let's now go to me in the green screen room and discuss knockouts.

00:30:47.000 I'm having trouble saying what I mean.

00:30:54.000 Here's a fun thought.

00:30:56.000 What if a South Paw, right?

00:30:58.000 Terrence Crawford, by the way, this is Terrence Crawford and Amir Khan, a fight that happened April 20th.

00:31:04.000 Terrence Crawford destroyed Amir Khan.

00:31:06.000 Makes me think that British people don't train well enough.

00:31:10.000 I think Amir Khan was in Miami, or is that a different fight before the fight?

00:31:14.000 But it's hot.

00:31:16.000 Terrence Crawford, I think he's a Midwesterner.

00:31:19.000 But Americans and especially Mexicans, they train in the heat.

00:31:24.000 I don't think these guys train in enough heat to know how to fight.

00:31:28.000 They're muscular, but soft.

00:31:29.000 Anyway, Terrence Crawford is an interesting boxer because he can switch stances.

00:31:33.000 You got to be careful when you switch stances, though, because there's a millisecond where you're just like this and you're standing like a normal dude.

00:31:33.000 And you never know.

00:31:39.000 That's easy to push over.

00:31:40.000 Mike Tyson is the only guy who could just have no stance.

00:31:43.000 It doesn't matter what he did.

00:31:45.000 He could come out in high heel shoes and kick your ass.

00:31:47.000 But anyway, here's my crazy notion.

00:31:49.000 I just came up with this.

00:31:51.000 So this is normal stance for a right-handed guy, right?

00:31:54.000 Why don't you make this your stance if you're a southpaw?

00:31:57.000 Now all of a sudden they're all staring at the right.

00:32:00.000 Right?

00:32:01.000 The right's your weak arm.

00:32:03.000 So their attention is here.

00:32:04.000 Now you have this super jab.

00:32:07.000 Your strong arm is your jab.

00:32:09.000 So all of a sudden, what's normally just like a poo, oh, boo, ah, it's just used for measuring distance is now.

00:32:18.000 And you can knock someone out.

00:32:20.000 Now, I've been in a, I've been in a normal amount of fights.

00:32:24.000 Like as a kid, high school punk rock in the 80s, hardcore was really violent for some reason.

00:32:29.000 Fighting was a daily Occurrence Nazi skinheads came to every single show and wanted to fight.

00:32:34.000 So, I don't know, maybe 20 fights.

00:32:36.000 I've never knocked anyone out in my life, and in the ring, I've never even come close.

00:32:41.000 I might have given someone a bloody nose.

00:32:43.000 Oh, I gave Copper Cab a bloody nose, but sparring, I may have given someone a bloody nose.

00:32:47.000 I've never ever, sparring, had someone go like, whoa.

00:32:52.000 The best I've ever gotten from a sparring partner is good.

00:32:55.000 Now, I think it might be because I go in the early mornings, and that's when people who are really into it go.

00:33:00.000 Maybe if I would go at 6 p.m. after school, I might get a normal person.

00:33:04.000 Any his.

00:33:05.000 I just wanted to play a bunch of knockouts because they're fun to look at.

00:33:12.000 What's the story behind this?

00:33:13.000 This is somewhere in like Indonesia or some super fancy place.

00:33:19.000 Do you remember?

00:33:22.000 What are you doing?

00:33:25.000 What is that?

00:33:26.000 That's me on my phone.

00:33:27.000 I don't know how the hell it's in there.

00:33:28.000 What is that?

00:33:30.000 Don't edit that out.

00:33:31.000 I want that in there.

00:33:32.000 I don't know what it is.

00:33:35.000 It's the web passing on you.

00:33:37.000 You're tooling around.

00:33:38.000 And I'm in the shot, too.

00:33:39.000 So this is from earlier today or something.

00:33:44.000 What a shit show so far.

00:33:46.000 I'm sorry.

00:33:47.000 So where is that?

00:33:48.000 Okay.

00:33:49.000 It just says Mortal Kombat.

00:33:51.000 I could look at the description.

00:33:53.000 I think it's where...

00:34:04.000 Maybe you're right.

00:34:04.000 Anyway, sorry, folks.

00:34:06.000 Not getting the information from the show as per usage.

00:34:09.000 Amateur Hour at the Apollo.

00:34:10.000 Okay, so this is some dude in his karate thing and his buddy.

00:34:14.000 It's like, hey, let's make a Mortal Kombat thing and just spar around.

00:34:19.000 We'll take it easy on each other, though.

00:34:20.000 Nothing too dramatic.

00:34:22.000 Does it have audio?

00:34:23.000 From what I see, it does not.

00:34:25.000 Okay, that's fine.

00:34:26.000 It's all about the knockouts.

00:34:26.000 That's fine.

00:34:28.000 It should, though.

00:34:31.000 Don't be overconfident, guys.

00:34:33.000 Please.

00:34:36.000 Ooh, he's got his socks on.

00:34:37.000 That's such a bad look.

00:34:40.000 Has he got a baseball hat on?

00:34:42.000 Or is that a mullet?

00:34:43.000 So they're doing some kicks.

00:34:45.000 Okay.

00:34:45.000 Oh, kicked, almost knocked him down.

00:34:47.000 Got him down.

00:34:48.000 All right, that's good.

00:34:49.000 He's got his confidence back up.

00:34:50.000 Ooh, trying to find the right place.

00:34:52.000 Ooh, doing those jumpy kicks that you do in high school.

00:34:54.000 Those are never effective.

00:34:56.000 Boom.

00:34:59.000 Oh, oh, oh.

00:35:00.000 Why did he drag him away?

00:35:02.000 He felt bad.

00:35:03.000 Yeah, that's a weird thing people do when you get knocked out.

00:35:06.000 They want to get you up and pick you up.

00:35:07.000 Leave the guy.

00:35:09.000 He's clearly disoriented.

00:35:11.000 That's really dangerous, though, because he's got, that's how you die.

00:35:14.000 You get a double concussion.

00:35:15.000 Your brain hits.

00:35:16.000 So you punch here, your brain hits the front, and then you hit the ground, and your brain hits another place that hits the back.

00:35:22.000 In this case, it was sort of like he got hit where bloop.

00:35:26.000 Well, he got it.

00:35:27.000 He got hit in the back of the head, so his brain goes to the back, and then he hits the ground, and his brain goes to the front.

00:35:33.000 That's bad.

00:35:34.000 I got knocked out once.

00:35:35.000 I did a pilot for a show called, what was it called again?

00:35:43.000 The Immersionist.

00:35:44.000 That was it.

00:35:45.000 And I fought this.

00:35:46.000 There was this gang, a biker gang in Orlando called the East Bay Rats.

00:35:53.000 And I was fighting the guy.

00:35:54.000 This huge hulking Asian dude.

00:35:56.000 Have you got it there?

00:35:57.000 I think so, yes.

00:36:00.000 Oh, you got the whole pilot is up?

00:36:02.000 That's the number.

00:36:05.000 Huh.

00:36:06.000 You know why?

00:36:07.000 This was back when Al Jazeera was Al Gore's thing, and it wasn't called Al Jazeera.

00:36:14.000 And it was all about the environment and stuff.

00:36:18.000 Was it called Al JaGora?

00:36:21.000 And you know why they didn't pick up this pilot?

00:36:23.000 Because they lost it.

00:36:25.000 They lost the paperwork.

00:36:28.000 That's a good reason.

00:36:30.000 I found that out about five years later.

00:36:34.000 So I remember he knocked me out.

00:36:36.000 I came to.

00:36:37.000 I didn't know.

00:36:40.000 I didn't know.

00:36:42.000 My kids' names were totally foreign to me.

00:36:42.000 I didn't know my kids' names.

00:36:44.000 Didn't know who they were.

00:36:45.000 I knew my wife's name.

00:36:46.000 When someone said it, I knew that name was important.

00:36:49.000 But I didn't know it was my wife.

00:36:50.000 I had no idea what I was doing in Oakland.

00:36:54.000 No clue.

00:36:55.000 And you know when someone punches you in the arm and you can feel like the fist shape for a little bit?

00:37:00.000 I could feel...

00:37:04.000 Just not showing the actual fight.

00:37:06.000 How long is this?

00:37:07.000 30 minutes long.

00:37:08.000 Oh, that thing's the actual fight.

00:37:10.000 Yeah.

00:37:11.000 I could feel the shape of my brain.

00:37:13.000 You know how it sort of comes down like a mullet?

00:37:15.000 I could feel the mullet.

00:37:17.000 I could feel the exact shape of it.

00:37:19.000 It was alarming, dude.

00:37:21.000 Being knocked out sucks.

00:37:23.000 In fact, I think one of the best, And look at him.

00:37:28.000 He knocked me out twice, too.

00:37:30.000 He got me the...

00:37:31.000 Not there, but...

00:37:34.000 Great form, McInnes.

00:37:36.000 And he's just going all out.

00:37:39.000 How does that make you feel watching it again?

00:37:40.000 Like a little...

00:37:42.000 I'm obviously disappointed in the fact that I'm staring at the ground the whole time, but at least I got the gumption.

00:37:47.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:37:48.000 But does it bring back memories of like, ow, I remember pain?

00:37:54.000 No, this wasn't traumatizing.

00:37:55.000 It was fun.

00:37:56.000 Oh, cool.

00:37:56.000 But the being knocked out part sucks.

00:37:59.000 Oh, they were yelling sissy lala at me.

00:38:02.000 Anyway, he gets a good punch in soon.

00:38:06.000 I think I had to stop.

00:38:07.000 Yeah, I had to stop there.

00:38:08.000 Now, again, have you ever seen a fight where someone gets knocked out and then they get up and they're fine and they win?

00:38:12.000 I don't think that's ever happened.

00:38:15.000 If you get knocked out once or even take a knee, stop the fight.

00:38:19.000 It's over.

00:38:20.000 Now, this was a pilot I was trying to sell.

00:38:24.000 So I said, I got to give him a good show.

00:38:27.000 And this is where he just goes bananas.

00:38:30.000 Plus, I'm not feeling very well with this.

00:38:35.000 And it's time for a knockout.

00:38:37.000 Oh, no.

00:38:38.000 Boom.

00:38:38.000 Oh, I see it.

00:38:40.000 And then boom.

00:38:40.000 Wow, that was a cool fall, though, dude.

00:38:42.000 That wasn't like that Asian girl's fall.

00:38:45.000 Look at that.

00:38:48.000 Oh, that's a metal post?

00:38:50.000 No, no, no, no.

00:38:51.000 Oh, geez.

00:38:51.000 It had padding on it.

00:38:54.000 But I had no clue what was going on after that.

00:38:56.000 And I think a big part of boxing, now that I'm better at it, Is I don't want to get knocked out.

00:38:56.000 Wow.

00:39:03.000 I remember this one guy, the gym, he says, you get hit as often as you allow yourself to get hit.

00:39:09.000 That's stressful, though.

00:39:10.000 It's like playing pool while someone throws bowling balls at you.

00:39:13.000 It's not relaxing, and it's a great workout because one two and a half minute round, you want to kill yourself.

00:39:19.000 Anyway, let's go back to the knockout.

00:39:20.000 Oh, you see that, mate?

00:39:21.000 See me there?

00:39:22.000 Yeah, that's no clue.

00:39:23.000 You know what was weird?

00:39:24.000 Remember that crazy rumor that Proud Boys were, that a Proud Boy killed a black girl, stabbed her to death?

00:39:32.000 And then all the Proud Boys were going to go to this bar in Oakland to celebrate the murder.

00:39:37.000 It's just as crazy as the rumor in Philly that they were going to celebrate a synagogue shooting.

00:39:42.000 These guys, in their version of events, they stabbed some random black girl, and it wasn't a Proud Boy, obviously.

00:39:47.000 It was a recidivist, lifelong career criminal, mentally ill dude.

00:39:53.000 And so they went to protest the celebration of her murder.

00:39:58.000 Isn't that bizarre?

00:40:01.000 Anyway, I remember when all that controversy was going on, people pulled up that clip and go, this is what happened the last time Gavin came to Oakland.

00:40:08.000 I bet you won't show his face again.

00:40:12.000 You mean when I got into the ring with an MMA fighter for a pilot?

00:40:16.000 What are you talking about?

00:40:17.000 Clown world, clown, clown world.

00:40:20.000 Anyway, let's get back to fun world with some knockouts.

00:40:24.000 Oh, these are always good.

00:40:25.000 The bully who won't leave the guy alone.

00:40:27.000 There's something in our psyche as men where this is our favorite thing in the world.

00:40:32.000 The walk softly carry a big stick thing where the guy just keeps pushing it and pushing it and pushing it.

00:40:36.000 And eventually the guy goes, just like that Tommy Robinson clip where he's like, look, Mike, leave me alone.

00:40:41.000 It's going to be one, two hits.

00:40:42.000 Me hitting you, you're hitting the ground.

00:40:43.000 Please don't, please don't.

00:40:44.000 And the guy goes, I will kill you.

00:40:46.000 And Tommy goes, God, I'm jealous of people who have delivered knockouts.

00:40:52.000 I wonder if I'll ever get to do it.

00:40:54.000 Probably not.

00:40:57.000 Looks like they're bugging him.

00:41:00.000 Hey, pussy, you wimp.

00:41:02.000 You gotta watch it, because sometimes you think someone's a wimp.

00:41:04.000 They've had it.

00:41:05.000 Oh, he kicks him in the knee.

00:41:07.000 Boom.

00:41:09.000 Oh!

00:41:10.000 Oh, shit.

00:41:11.000 Did you hear that?

00:41:12.000 Yeah, I did.

00:41:15.000 That's the turn popped him in the chin.

00:41:21.000 Oh!

00:41:22.000 He's still got his bag in his hand.

00:41:23.000 cracker.

00:41:24.000 That was a left hook.

00:41:24.000 Oh, y'all.

00:41:30.000 They're trying to get him up.

00:41:31.000 Leave him.

00:41:31.000 Trust me.

00:41:32.000 You don't know your wife's name.

00:41:34.000 You don't want to be picked up and carried anywhere.

00:41:37.000 Oh, yo!

00:41:38.000 Oh, yo!

00:41:41.000 You know what you're seeing right now?

00:41:43.000 You're seeing a guy who is never going to fuck with anyone ever again.

00:41:48.000 There's two types of men in the world.

00:41:49.000 Men who have been punched in the face and men who haven't been punched in the face.

00:41:52.000 Men who haven't been punched in the face have a shitty attitude and they think they're better than everyone and they're arrogant.

00:41:58.000 Men who have been punched in the face go, let me just first gauge, is this worth it?

00:42:02.000 Did you put my sister's life in jeopardy?

00:42:05.000 Did you hurt my mother?

00:42:07.000 Oh, you just spilled a pint?

00:42:09.000 All right.

00:42:09.000 Well, let's see if we can discuss it first before we come to blows.

00:42:13.000 Because blows blow.

00:42:17.000 What's this one now?

00:42:19.000 Oh, this is another good one with the bully.

00:42:23.000 You know, a reason we might like these, I see boobies.

00:42:23.000 Just pause.

00:42:28.000 A reason we might like these is because we like seeing a guy get knocked out, not because we're sadists, but because we watch it and we go, that guy's going to be better.

00:42:38.000 That guy's going to be a better person.

00:42:40.000 That guy's not going to fuck with people anymore.

00:42:42.000 Excuse my language.

00:42:44.000 Oh, by the way, another important thing.

00:42:46.000 I hate these salt life shirts and stickers you see on cars.

00:42:49.000 It looks like slut life.

00:42:52.000 See, you have some dad who's really into fishing and the back of his truck just says, slut life.

00:42:57.000 Awesome, dude.

00:42:58.000 Go out there and get some pussy.

00:43:00.000 Yeah, I'm divorced now.

00:43:02.000 I'm living my best slut life.

00:43:04.000 Bad luck, guys.

00:43:06.000 You don't want to say you want to hit me, bro?

00:43:10.000 Oh, hell.

00:43:10.000 Yeah.

00:43:13.000 Hold on.

00:43:14.000 Oh, shit.

00:43:16.000 That looked like a neck breaker.

00:43:19.000 Can we see that again?

00:43:22.000 And then you come, boom.

00:43:24.000 You know what happened there?

00:43:25.000 He had the two vectors.

00:43:26.000 He had the vector of him lunging in at 45 miles an hour, and then he had the fist coming at 50 miles an hour.

00:43:34.000 That's 95 miles an hour.

00:43:36.000 Cumulatively.

00:43:40.000 And then they're all freaking out after.

00:43:43.000 Have you ever knocked anyone out?

00:43:45.000 No, I don't believe so.

00:43:47.000 It's very, very rare.

00:43:49.000 Even in boxing, it's fairly rare.

00:43:51.000 Terrence Crawford didn't knock.

00:43:53.000 Did Terrence Crawford knock out Amir Khan that night?

00:43:56.000 Wait, is that the one where his ear was going blah, blah, blah, blah, blah?

00:43:59.000 No, that was that really muscular British guy.

00:44:04.000 How did that fight end?

00:44:08.000 Just go.

00:44:09.000 Dominates Khan.

00:44:10.000 Let me see, I got it.

00:44:11.000 These are the highlights, so I'm guessing the last one would be Thanks.

00:44:17.000 Great.

00:44:18.000 Why do you keep showing that number?

00:44:19.000 Look, he's just...

00:44:29.000 Terrence Crawford is...

00:44:32.000 He doesn't brag or do anything.

00:44:33.000 He's just like a quiet Indiana dude.

00:44:36.000 Works on the farm.

00:44:38.000 Yeah, I'll fight you.

00:44:40.000 Let's fight fair, though.

00:44:42.000 I'm not bragging.

00:44:43.000 There's no Muhammad Ali stuff with him.

00:44:49.000 Whoa.

00:44:52.000 He grabs his head to get a break.

00:44:54.000 Oh, right in the Queen's Onions.

00:44:58.000 I remember that controversy now.

00:45:00.000 Oh, that wasn't the onions.

00:45:01.000 No, it was not.

00:45:02.000 That's in a fine spot.

00:45:03.000 That's on your hip bone.

00:45:04.000 That's not all those arteries there, no?

00:45:07.000 Artery punch?

00:45:08.000 Artery schmartery.

00:45:09.000 When was the last time someone said, ow, my fucking arteries?

00:45:13.000 Ooh, I got hit right in the arteries.

00:45:15.000 My veins hurt.

00:45:17.000 So there was no knockout there.

00:45:18.000 No.

00:45:22.000 Now, I hate to waste everyone's time, and I'm tempted to do a jump cut, even though I'm against them.

00:45:28.000 But now I have to see the ear.

00:45:29.000 Anthony Joshua.

00:45:31.000 Anthony Joshua fight.

00:45:33.000 And it was a knockout.

00:45:36.000 And he got hit so hard.

00:45:38.000 Didn't we talk about it on the show?

00:45:40.000 The guy's ear becomes like a shirt.

00:45:44.000 Like this was his ear.

00:45:49.000 Do you know what I'm talking about?

00:45:50.000 Yeah, brutal slow motion of.

00:45:53.000 Oh, no, no.

00:45:54.000 Wait, who is he against?

00:45:55.000 Anthony Joshua?

00:45:55.000 Anthony Joshua and...

00:46:02.000 Who's the other guy?

00:46:03.000 Anthony Joshua?

00:46:04.000 It'll be recent.

00:46:05.000 I don't know.

00:46:06.000 Anthony Joshua, knockout.

00:46:07.000 I'm drawing a blank.

00:46:08.000 Oh, okay.

00:46:09.000 But we're not entertaining our viewers here.

00:46:12.000 It's just amazing what the human body can take.

00:46:15.000 Is this it?

00:46:18.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:46:20.000 Yes.

00:46:22.000 Are they going to show it at some point?

00:46:25.000 Wait a minute.

00:46:26.000 But Andy Rue is one.

00:46:30.000 Oh, will you stop showing a picture of yourself?

00:46:32.000 Anyway, forget it.

00:46:33.000 That's a waste of time.

00:46:34.000 You're never going to find it.

00:46:35.000 You're not good enough.

00:46:39.000 Let's go to the next one.

00:46:41.000 Let's give up on you as a person and not have goals.

00:46:44.000 If I was your dad, I would say, Ryan, don't try too hard.

00:46:48.000 Give up.

00:46:48.000 You don't have what it takes.

00:46:51.000 Don't keep fighting.

00:46:52.000 Oh, this is the one with the fat guy.

00:46:54.000 Ruiz was the fat guy, yeah.

00:46:57.000 He got knocked out, I think, in that fight.

00:46:59.000 Oh, remember I said you never come back from a knockout?

00:47:02.000 Yeah, I think I have the wrong fight.

00:47:04.000 Yep.

00:47:05.000 That was the guy who had the Snickers bar.

00:47:08.000 We'll find you the wobbly ear and we'll present it after this video.

00:47:11.000 Anyway, sorry.

00:47:12.000 Get back to fight.

00:47:14.000 The fight.

00:47:16.000 What's this one now?

00:47:17.000 Oh, this is a good one.

00:47:19.000 Actually, this isn't a good one.

00:47:20.000 I don't enjoy watching this, but the thing I was talking about earlier with the knockout and the knockout, there's nothing that makes me go, ah, yeah, more than when you see someone get knocked out and then hit their head on the way down.

00:47:30.000 And I don't know what is going on.

00:47:31.000 Is it feminism?

00:47:33.000 In the past five years, ladies just keep wanting to brawl and they keep wanting to get involved in very dangerous situations, including picking fights on a massive incline at a sports stadium.

00:47:48.000 No volume?

00:47:49.000 No.

00:47:50.000 Look at this.

00:47:51.000 Look, she's clearly drunk.

00:47:52.000 Stop it.

00:47:53.000 Oh, and then that woman throws water on her and she just, or Coca-Cola, probably, and she decides, I'm going to get involved.

00:47:59.000 Boom.

00:48:00.000 You got to zoom out a bit, dude.

00:48:00.000 Ah.

00:48:03.000 That is completely zoomed out.

00:48:04.000 So she comes...

00:48:04.000 Oh, really?

00:48:10.000 So she comes back to fight the woman who poured the drink on her, and wham, gets kicked in the head, and then boom.

00:48:15.000 Ah.

00:48:16.000 Yikes.

00:48:17.000 That hurts.

00:48:18.000 So I think what happened is she's like semi-conscience, semi-conscious after the kick, and she's kind of floating in the air, and then gets the double.

00:48:28.000 So she's like, what the?

00:48:29.000 And then ba-doom.

00:48:31.000 That's a bad one.

00:48:33.000 Conor McGregor wouldn't pick a fight at a sports stadium.

00:48:37.000 Like, what are you going to do?

00:48:38.000 The odds of you falling down that incredible incline and getting messed up on the way down are way too high.

00:48:45.000 What's this one now?

00:48:47.000 This one has sound.

00:48:49.000 I don't remember this one.

00:48:51.000 Oh, this is great.

00:48:52.000 Stop.

00:48:53.000 That, I believe, is the leader of Argentina.

00:48:58.000 He's an Argentinian right-wing politician that gets hassled by that.

00:49:01.000 Now, what happens in America when right-wing politicians get harassed, like Ted Cruz, or was it Mitch McConnell?

00:49:08.000 And then they had the head of the EPA.

00:49:10.000 They all just sort of get their stuff and walk away.

00:49:13.000 I don't want to cause a scene.

00:49:16.000 However, it's not the entire Western world that's cucked.

00:49:20.000 There's still some hope in the top of South America.

00:49:23.000 Check out this move.

00:49:25.000 Some socialist decides to give him shit.

00:49:27.000 Look, I'm sitting here with my press secretary.

00:49:30.000 We're trying to get some work done.

00:49:31.000 Leave us alone.

00:49:32.000 Fuck you.

00:49:32.000 You've ruined this country.

00:49:33.000 You're a disgrace.

00:49:35.000 I'm a disgrace.

00:49:36.000 I'm a disgrace.

00:49:38.000 I'm a disgrace?

00:49:39.000 Fuck you.

00:49:42.000 That was so light.

00:49:43.000 Those were the good old days.

00:49:45.000 Am I advocating violence?

00:49:47.000 No, not necessarily.

00:49:49.000 I'm advocating for men standing up for themselves.

00:49:52.000 We used to handle stuff.

00:49:53.000 We didn't always call the police and sue people.

00:49:56.000 Now, I obviously would never advocate for someone to go out and just start punching a random person.

00:50:02.000 But when someone is threatening you, putting you in danger, it's perfectly reasonable to fight back.

00:50:08.000 And we've been taught that even standing your ground is a bit aggressive.

00:50:11.000 In fact, on NBC, when that Covington Catholic school kid said, I wasn't doing anything, it's playing a drum in my face, and I just stood my ground.

00:50:19.000 And she goes, that's a bit aggressive, don't you think?

00:50:22.000 Are you trying to find the wobbly ear?

00:50:25.000 I've given up.

00:50:26.000 Yeah, you should give up because I can't even remember what fight it was.

00:50:31.000 All right.

00:50:32.000 Is that it?

00:50:32.000 Next one.

00:50:33.000 That's it.

00:50:34.000 Oh, man.

00:50:35.000 Way to go out in a blaze of glory.

00:50:35.000 I know.

00:50:37.000 Okay, well, when we come back, I will be showing you the wobbly ear, which is in the next five seconds.

00:50:43.000 Five, four, three, two, one.

00:50:47.000 Take it away, me.

00:50:48.000 Take it away, me.

00:51:01.000 I hate you again.

00:51:02.000 Because of that?

00:51:04.000 And you switched the songs.

00:51:05.000 That's not the opening song.

00:51:09.000 Oh, that's right.

00:51:14.000 That's clever, I guess.

00:51:18.000 So I was talking in that video we just shot about the ear, and I can't find it.

00:51:26.000 We got the ear.

00:51:27.000 No, I don't feel confident about this.

00:51:29.000 Oh, you don't know if this is the ear?

00:51:30.000 Like, I love Canelo and Amir Khan, Terrence Crawford, all those guys are in my wheelhouse.

00:51:36.000 I'm new to boxing.

00:51:39.000 But I watched this clip a few times now, and the clip I remember, and I feel like Canelo was involved.

00:51:47.000 I looked up Canelo and Daniel Jacobs, Danny Jacobs, and even then, well, the fight I saw, I didn't have a knockout.

00:51:53.000 But I remember the ear just...

00:51:56.000 No, that wasn't it.

00:51:57.000 No.

00:51:58.000 The clip I'm talking about, honestly, take a skin-colored t-shirt.

00:52:02.000 I can't remember.

00:52:03.000 I'm pretty sure the guy was white.

00:52:04.000 And just go like this, like shake your t-shirt.

00:52:07.000 That's what was going on with his ear.

00:52:08.000 It was like a silly string.

00:52:10.000 It was a piece of plasticine.

00:52:14.000 Like, it went.

00:52:15.000 This definitely was not it.

00:52:16.000 This was September of last year.

00:52:19.000 Oh, really?

00:52:19.000 This clip.

00:52:20.000 So definitely not.

00:52:21.000 Okay, so let's just watch that one.

00:52:22.000 Okay.

00:52:23.000 Amir Khan is a rich kid, and Canelo is a Mexican.

00:52:27.000 That Irish guy does not speak English.

00:52:29.000 Some people say he must come from like the Irish, the Irish who were drafted in the Mexican war.

00:52:35.000 Boom!

00:52:35.000 Look at that.

00:52:36.000 Now, watch him go down, too.

00:52:38.000 Good night, sweet cherry huts, coming forth to carry me home.

00:52:49.000 I have so many stupid theories about Canelo.

00:52:51.000 Want to hear the dumbest one?

00:52:53.000 Sure.

00:52:54.000 Irishmen are good fighters, but their Achilles heel is the heat.

00:52:59.000 They get too hot.

00:53:01.000 Otherwise, they're the best fighters in the world, except for Russians, I guess.

00:53:05.000 But if you're born in Mexico like Canelo is, and you train at some 110-degree gym your whole life, that's no longer your Achilles' heel.

00:53:16.000 So now you're just the perfect fighter.

00:53:18.000 And that is my amateur hour at the Apollo Boxing Theories.

00:53:23.000 Does that make you mad seeing Doom, the video game, being advertised on a boxing ring?

00:53:28.000 Not one iota.

00:53:29.000 Okay.

00:53:29.000 But I still think video games are a waste of time.

00:53:32.000 And by the way, I know a lot of you guys who watch the show play video games for five hours at a time.

00:53:37.000 I want you to know that you're losers.

00:53:39.000 Okay.

00:53:42.000 That includes Ryan.

00:53:43.000 Ouch.

00:53:44.000 Speaking of Ryan, I barely play vids.

00:53:46.000 Really?

00:53:46.000 Yep.

00:53:47.000 Well, then why do you wake up at noon?

00:53:50.000 Well, I'm not up playing video games.

00:53:52.000 I'm doing other things.

00:53:53.000 You don't have any work done.

00:53:53.000 What?

00:53:55.000 The history of punk has been, you've been working that for 9 million years.

00:54:00.000 That has to air now.

00:54:01.000 Devil's music, that's nowhere near done.

00:54:03.000 That's not true.

00:54:04.000 Did you get the ending with the tweets?

00:54:06.000 No.

00:54:08.000 But if you go to bed, if you wake up at noon, that means you went to bed at 4 a.m.

00:54:13.000 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12.

00:54:16.000 Drink a little bit.

00:54:16.000 Eight hours.

00:54:17.000 I watched the movie.

00:54:19.000 Okay.

00:54:20.000 Hell of a movie.

00:54:21.000 I watched.

00:54:22.000 Sorry, I'm late, boss.

00:54:23.000 I watched Star Wars seven times.

00:54:25.000 No, I went to the bar.

00:54:26.000 There was chili hot dog night.

00:54:28.000 Oh, that takes up a lot of time.

00:54:30.000 I didn't know that there was chili there.

00:54:32.000 I was there for a while.

00:54:33.000 Bartender hooked me up with a sorry I'm late, boss.

00:54:35.000 Last night at the bar, they had hot dogs.

00:54:38.000 Oh, hot dogs.

00:54:39.000 Those things that slow you down.

00:54:41.000 I stuck around at the charge.

00:54:42.000 I mean, time machine dogs?

00:54:44.000 Is that what you meant to say?

00:54:45.000 No.

00:54:45.000 So I came back at around one and then finished this movie.

00:54:48.000 Shut up.

00:54:50.000 Speaking of Ryan, here's some bad news for people like Ryan Katsu Rivera.

00:54:55.000 So Chase Bank had these Canadian cards, these Amazon wish cards, and they go, oh, these Canadians are a pain in the ass.

00:55:03.000 And the money, the translation, currency, and there's different laws over there.

00:55:08.000 This isn't profitable.

00:55:09.000 Fuck it.

00:55:10.000 And they cut up, not the card, the corporations.

00:55:14.000 So all these people in Canada go, wait, how do I pay you back if you don't exist?

00:55:18.000 And Chase Bank, who shut down the head of the Proud Boys, sorry, the chairman of the Proud Boys, Laura Loomer, Joe Biggs, they're shutting down conservative accounts everywhere, just say to Liberalville Socialist Canada, don't worry about it.

00:55:31.000 Wow.

00:55:32.000 They're just canceling debt.

00:55:34.000 This guy in the picture had about $1,700 in debt, but other guys had like six grand, seven grand that they were slowly paying back.

00:55:41.000 And when you cancel a card like that and say, fuck the debt, it's not the six grand they owed that you saved.

00:55:46.000 It's not like you're going to pay that tomorrow.

00:55:48.000 You're going to pay that over two years.

00:55:49.000 So it's more like eight grand.

00:55:51.000 Now, the reason I'm scared is because of boobs like Rivera here who are going to go, hey, you never know.

00:55:57.000 Maybe my debt will get canceled one day.

00:56:00.000 I'll just keep spending.

00:56:02.000 I don't think about that.

00:56:02.000 I'll just buy new shoes.

00:56:04.000 You're wearing new shoes right now.

00:56:06.000 You're wearing new shorts.

00:56:08.000 These are track pants.

00:56:09.000 New track pants.

00:56:10.000 You bought Adidas Designer track pants.

00:56:11.000 How many pairs of shoes do you have?

00:56:12.000 These were $25 after my 10% discount.

00:56:16.000 You should be on a payment plan trying to get out of your debt.

00:56:19.000 I could do that.

00:56:20.000 Sure.

00:56:21.000 Why don't you?

00:56:22.000 Do you think someone's going to magically pay off your debt?

00:56:24.000 Because I will tackle them and say no and throw the $12K in the sewer.

00:56:32.000 I'm just not too worried about it.

00:56:35.000 Why not?

00:56:36.000 And I don't know.

00:56:38.000 Like the way we were talking about vacation, and I said, all right, I'm going to be at Breezy, and then you're going to be at this place.

00:56:46.000 And then you go, well, I want to bring my lesbian friend Jill.

00:56:50.000 Oh, what?

00:56:51.000 Okay.

00:56:51.000 And then so I plan around that.

00:56:53.000 Okay, well, then I'll have to come back and I'll come back from Breezy, pick you up, and then we'll go down and we can shoot live from Breezy there.

00:56:59.000 Breezy Point is a place in Queens where cops go to retire where I'll be renting a house.

00:57:04.000 And then he comes back today and he goes, well, I think Jill can come after all.

00:57:09.000 She had cancelled.

00:57:10.000 What?

00:57:11.000 She cancelled?

00:57:12.000 Yeah, she can't afford it.

00:57:13.000 Oh, isn't she going on some big road trip?

00:57:16.000 Yeah, that's next week.

00:57:18.000 But she might not be able to do that because I can't go for that.

00:57:20.000 So she wanted gas money.

00:57:22.000 She could only afford one event.

00:57:24.000 Well, why didn't you settle that before I sat with my calendar for nine years?

00:57:29.000 I was going full steam ahead, and I didn't know that there was any uncertainty from her whatsoever.

00:57:35.000 And I don't know.

00:57:37.000 Why as a 49-year-old multi-millionaire beholden to some dumb lesbian who doesn't know what's up or down?

00:57:44.000 Well, that's not exactly true.

00:57:47.000 I guess that's some way to look at it.

00:57:49.000 That's a really despair way to look at it.

00:57:51.000 That's a despair way.

00:57:53.000 Brian just learned English three days ago.

00:57:53.000 Yeah.

00:57:56.000 Desperate wouldn't really work because that doesn't hold to me.

00:57:59.000 Despair is a noun.

00:58:01.000 So I was going to say that.

00:58:01.000 Yeah, I know.

00:58:02.000 That's a really despair way to look at it.

00:58:04.000 It's a really desperate way to think about it.

00:58:06.000 Negative, is that what you mean?

00:58:07.000 Cynical?

00:58:09.000 No, it's despair that you're expressing.

00:58:13.000 Like, woe is me on account of this.

00:58:13.000 What?

00:58:16.000 Woe is me.

00:58:17.000 No, I'm annoyed.

00:58:18.000 Yeah.

00:58:19.000 I'm annoyed that you're making your boss's vacation life and the schedule planning around some dumb cunt named Jill.

00:58:25.000 Well, don't call her that.

00:58:28.000 That's not very nice.

00:58:29.000 I wouldn't say Anything about you that's bad to you or behind your back.

00:58:32.000 I think you're a great guy.

00:58:34.000 I don't care.

00:58:34.000 And Jill is great.

00:58:36.000 Yeah, I don't care about Jill.

00:58:37.000 I don't want Jill.

00:58:38.000 I don't want the word Jill ever in these ears again if Jack Anna Hill is not involved.

00:58:44.000 Now, it gets worse, folks.

00:58:46.000 So he goes, actually, she can come, but if I pay for her.

00:58:50.000 See, my family goes to this place every year, and I just stay in the room with my grandparents.

00:58:54.000 But if Jill comes, I obviously can't stay in the room there.

00:58:57.000 But her friend has a house that she can stay in.

00:58:59.000 Oh, okay.

00:59:00.000 But he wants to charge.

00:59:01.000 But she can't afford it, so I would just pay.

00:59:04.000 $180 he's going to pay for her.

00:59:06.000 I go, don't do that.

00:59:08.000 You don't have $180.

00:59:10.000 It's all.

00:59:11.000 You're a free vacation with your family.

00:59:13.000 You're going to bond with your grandparents, see your deadbeat mom again, and whoever else shows up, some Puerto Rican cousins.

00:59:21.000 And then you're like, but then I'll also walk over to this house I'm paying for with a lesbian in it.

00:59:26.000 Well, the whole deal, why that would be worth it is then I get to come back and then work Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.

00:59:31.000 But you can do that anyway.

00:59:33.000 That's public transportation.

00:59:35.000 From Wildwood, New Jersey?

00:59:36.000 Yes, of course there is.

00:59:38.000 Well, I'm not doing that.

00:59:40.000 Why not?

00:59:40.000 It's four hours.

00:59:43.000 Unless it's a nice train or something.

00:59:46.000 Wow, look at you.

00:59:47.000 You get two weeks of vacation and I have to spend four hours in a bus for a three-day vacation to work.

00:59:53.000 Plan A, before all the Jill's stuff, was you being gone for like two weeks.

00:59:58.000 It was not.

00:59:59.000 Yes, you're off next week.

01:00:01.000 Yes, but that doesn't mean I do vacation stuff.

01:00:07.000 I would be not doing work.

01:00:08.000 I'm not going to be anywhere special, like any cool, breezy, no.

01:00:13.000 Yeah, but my original plan had you with a week off and then a week in Jersey with your family.

01:00:18.000 And you fucked all that up with a dumb Kakamame plan that now involves you circumcising your vacation and buying a lesbian a house.

01:00:27.000 This is Ryan's planning in a nutshell.

01:00:29.000 This is why I don't like seeing credit cards wipe off debt.

01:00:33.000 Anyway, do not, and I can't believe I have to micromanage your personal life.

01:00:37.000 Do not get a place for Jill.

01:00:39.000 Stay with your family the entire time in Wildwood.

01:00:42.000 I will do live from Breezy by myself, and then that Thursday we'll do the podcast.

01:00:48.000 That sounds good.

01:00:52.000 Also, brush your teeth, clean your room, literally clean your room, and try to go to bed before 4 a.m.

01:01:00.000 Okay.

01:01:00.000 Okay, and don't nap.

01:01:02.000 Don't go to bed at 7 and then wake up at 1 a.m. wondering why it's dark out like you're non-24, like a blind person.

01:01:10.000 Okay.

01:01:11.000 Did you get that?

01:01:12.000 Non-24.

01:01:13.000 Yeah.

01:01:14.000 It's a commercial about some sleeping pill that blind people have to take because they have your life.

01:01:19.000 I don't, I didn't never heard of that.

01:01:20.000 And it's, look it up.

01:01:21.000 It's like blind people have a life so shitty, it's almost like they're Ryan Katsu Rivera and they don't know what time it is.

01:01:29.000 So they'll just go, get up, go to bed, get up in these three hour, four hour, five hour, 20 hour intervals.

01:01:36.000 It's called non-24.

01:01:38.000 So they take a pill.

01:01:41.000 Why would you show the Google search and not go to a commercial?

01:01:45.000 Non-24.

01:01:46.000 Click videos.

01:01:48.000 You horrible human being.

01:01:52.000 Wait, what did you type in?

01:01:54.000 Blind people24.

01:01:55.000 And then, so it shows you.

01:01:56.000 Blind people24?

01:01:58.000 Non-24 is the only thing you need to know.

01:02:03.000 Oh my God.

01:02:04.000 It's amazing he's not 120 million in debt.

01:02:08.000 We asked Terry, can you talk a little bit about the challenges you face?

01:02:13.000 Very patronizing tone.

01:02:14.000 Blindness is not necessarily difficult.

01:02:17.000 What is difficult is the way blindness is viewed in society.

01:02:20.000 Blindness makes you talk like a robot.

01:02:22.000 98% of blind people are unemployed, and it is because society does not view us as capable people.

01:02:30.000 There's nothing to see here.

01:02:30.000 Why are you looking around?

01:02:32.000 It is much assumed that I will not be able to do those things because of my blindness.

01:02:38.000 But my blindness also is hindering me.

01:02:42.000 Sometimes it's my luck.

01:02:44.000 That was a waste of time.

01:02:45.000 Oh, before we go to the mailbag, I saw this flyer going around and I thought it was very interesting.

01:02:45.000 Let's.

01:02:50.000 It's Antifa suggesting that you come.

01:02:53.000 Joe Biggs is doing this thing on August 17th.

01:02:56.000 It's like a fight for freedom or something.

01:02:58.000 And he knows Antifa is going to come, and he's just going to stand there, no weapons, no LARPing, no nothing, and just say, we love America, we love free speech, as Antifa tries to kill him.

01:03:07.000 It's a very brave thing for him to do, but he's determined to show that our side isn't violent, their side is.

01:03:15.000 And the fact that he's an ex-Marine who almost died in Afghanistan probably makes it easier.

01:03:20.000 Wait, did you say ex-Marine?

01:03:22.000 I'm not even sure he was a Marine.

01:03:23.000 But he drove a Humvee and he flipped in the air with bombs.

01:03:25.000 And the guys almost died a million times.

01:03:28.000 But anyway, don't forget to disguise ourselves as Patriots, Trump supporters, wearing MAGA hats, USA flags, 3%ers, and convincing police.

01:03:35.000 A convincing police uniform is even better.

01:03:39.000 What the?

01:03:40.000 You're so dumb.

01:03:42.000 Here's what's going to happen, kids.

01:03:44.000 You're going to get arrested for violence, wearing your MAGA hat.

01:03:48.000 Your name will then be public record.

01:03:51.000 The autists on 4chan will look up your name.

01:03:54.000 They will find out your social media past.

01:03:57.000 They'll find out that you're Antifa, and you will be exposed as dressing up as a MAGA guy and committing acts of violence.

01:04:04.000 Henceforth, when people see violence coming from MAGA, they will say it's probably an Antifa guy.

01:04:10.000 They do that all the time.

01:04:12.000 So I hate to give tips to the other side, but this is one of the worst things you could do for your movement.

01:04:18.000 You're about to fuck up your life and your stupid gay movement.

01:04:25.000 All right, shall we go to the mailbag before we go?

01:04:28.000 Yes.

01:04:29.000 Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.

01:04:33.000 Let's turn our eyes together's mailbag.

01:04:39.000 Let me touch it.

01:04:41.000 You know, I like to temper the abuse towards you and keep it positive, trying to help you, like with your holiday and stuff.

01:04:47.000 Yeah, it all comes from a good place.

01:04:49.000 But then the mailbag comes up and it just puts it over the edge.

01:04:53.000 It's just that, like I had, you know, when you get a maker's and the bartender likes you because you tip well?

01:04:57.000 That was like a little shout out to me, by the way.

01:04:57.000 Yeah.

01:05:00.000 And he fills it to the very, very brim.

01:05:02.000 Until you're sort of like you have to reach down to sip it before you can bring it to your face.

01:05:06.000 I'm going to go get a maker's right after this.

01:05:08.000 Let me sip it.

01:05:10.000 So it's like that, the Ryan abuse.

01:05:13.000 And then the mailbag just has it spilling over the sides a little bit.

01:05:16.000 It's just that little extra drop.

01:05:17.000 The itty bitty change.

01:05:20.000 This is from Colin.

01:05:21.000 It says, make episodes downloadable.

01:05:23.000 Hey, Gav McGinnis and Rye Catsoup.

01:05:26.000 Longtime subscriber, second time emailer.

01:05:28.000 No one responded to my first mail.

01:05:30.000 Thanks a lot, shitheads.

01:05:31.000 But I digress.

01:05:31.000 I live in Brampton, Ontario.

01:05:33.000 I work in Burlington, Ontario, in which rush hour takes me about an hour to commute to and fro.

01:05:37.000 Can you absolute genii, please make the audio portion of all your episodes available for download subscribers?

01:05:44.000 I used to listen to Howard on Satellite to pass the time.

01:05:46.000 That's what I do.

01:05:47.000 I listen to Howard Stern, Tucker Carlson, Anthony Cumio.

01:05:51.000 And it's because I always feel like you should be improving your trade.

01:05:51.000 Nice.

01:05:56.000 So when I used to write more, I would be reading constantly.

01:06:00.000 Now that I'm talking all the time, I'm listening to talkers constantly.

01:06:03.000 And Howard Stern is fucking infuriating, but he's amassed such a great pack of guys that I can get over his brutally naive and elitist politics.

01:06:15.000 And Robin, I've grown to love her.

01:06:17.000 She really studies the course.

01:06:20.000 And then, of course, I like Ronnie Mund and the whack pack.

01:06:22.000 High-pitch Eric is a blessing from God.

01:06:25.000 Tucker is great at getting to the point.

01:06:28.000 And what's genius about him is his interviews are two and a half minutes, and he asks four questions.

01:06:33.000 And he'll come in with, it's almost like a limerick.

01:06:35.000 He's like, don't you think that people are making a big mistake here?

01:06:38.000 Have they always been making this mistake?

01:06:41.000 Well, I don't know what's going to happen.

01:06:43.000 What do you think is going to happen?

01:06:44.000 Okay, well, what are we going to do?

01:06:46.000 The end.

01:06:47.000 Boom.

01:06:48.000 So you never, even when there's a boring guest like that old professor who looks like Father Time, it's going to be over in a second anyway.

01:06:54.000 And then with Anthony Kumia, he's just great at tangents and rants.

01:06:58.000 And he doesn't need any notes.

01:07:00.000 Like he could just shoot the shit, get off at a tangent, that goes to happy days.

01:07:04.000 Next thing you know, he's talking about Archie Bunker, what's happening, and he's gone in a whole new thing.

01:07:09.000 I don't actually watch Joe Rogan.

01:07:12.000 It takes too long.

01:07:13.000 I don't have three hours to kill.

01:07:15.000 And I don't know how to pause a YouTube video because I'm basically a boomer.

01:07:19.000 Anyway, I'm a dipshit millennial who needs to be entertained at every moment of the day, and I demand you facilitate this.

01:07:25.000 I like being comfortable and accommodated.

01:07:28.000 Thanks in advance.

01:07:29.000 P.S. Ryan Stallone made me piss my britches.

01:07:31.000 Colin, what was your Stallone?

01:07:33.000 It really wasn't that good.

01:07:35.000 It was this.

01:07:37.000 It's not great at all.

01:07:39.000 It is funny.

01:07:40.000 Sometimes, yeah, an imitation, an impression is better if it's bad.

01:07:44.000 It's funnier.

01:07:45.000 And that's what you're trying to do, right?

01:07:47.000 It's not like you're trying to do a call and claim your Sylvester Sloan and cancel his con Ed.

01:07:53.000 Like, you're not trying to convince people per se.

01:07:55.000 The funniest thing is after the free speech rally I did an impression of Stephanie Hazen who was there with He was there.

01:07:55.000 trying to amuse them.

01:08:06.000 This kid Phil.

01:08:07.000 And we're just sitting around.

01:08:08.000 I'm like, hi, I'm from Texas.

01:08:11.000 And it's the funniest thing, and it's not accurate.

01:08:12.000 It sounds nothing like it, believe it or not.

01:08:14.000 It's kind of like when Dan Aykroyd was on SNL and he was the Chicago guy.

01:08:21.000 No, no, no.

01:08:22.000 He's a president.

01:08:22.000 And people were calling him about acid.

01:08:25.000 I think you can find it.

01:08:26.000 And it was maybe Nixon.

01:08:28.000 I think it was Nixon.

01:08:30.000 Dole?

01:08:30.000 Maybe Dole.

01:08:31.000 No, no, no, no, no.

01:08:32.000 It was a sitting president.

01:08:34.000 Dan Aykroyd, president, LSD.

01:08:38.000 And someone calls him and they're having a bad trip.

01:08:41.000 And he goes, just remember that you're a living organism who took a drug with the intention to get high.

01:08:47.000 And that's exactly what happened.

01:08:49.000 President Carter.

01:08:50.000 Carter.

01:08:51.000 And welcome to number 10 in the CBS radio series, Ask President Carter.

01:08:56.000 So what's cool about Dan Ackward is he didn't shave his mustache for SNL.

01:09:02.000 So he's playing all these characters who don't have a mustache, and he had a mustache on.

01:09:06.000 That is pretty good.

01:09:08.000 Turn it up.

01:09:12.000 Oh, that's Murphy.

01:09:13.000 Hello, Mrs. Horbath.

01:09:14.000 Hello, Mr. President.

01:09:16.000 How are you today?

01:09:17.000 Very fine.

01:09:18.000 Could you turn your radio down, please?

01:09:20.000 Oh, yes.

01:09:21.000 Mrs. Horbath, do you have a question for the president?

01:09:23.000 Yes, sir.

01:09:24.000 I'm an employee of the U.S. Postal Service in Kansas.

01:09:28.000 Last year, they installed an automated letter sorting system called the Marvex 3000 here in our branch.

01:09:34.000 But the system doesn't work too good.

01:09:34.000 Yes.

01:09:36.000 Letters keep getting clogged in the first-level sorting grid.

01:09:40.000 Is there anything that can be done about this?

01:09:43.000 Well, Mrs. Horbeth, Vice President Mondio and myself, were just talking about the Marvix 3000 this morning, as a matter of fact.

01:09:49.000 I do have a suggestion.

01:09:50.000 You know the caliper post on the first grid sliding armature?

01:09:53.000 Yes.

01:09:53.000 Okay, there's a three-digit setting there where the post and the armature meet.

01:09:56.000 Now, when the system was installed, the angle of cross-slide was put at a maximum setting of one.

01:10:00.000 If you reset it at the three-month, like it says in the assembly instructions, I think you'll solve any plugging problems in the machine.

01:10:05.000 Oh, thanks, Mr. President.

01:10:08.000 What is the joke here, that Jimmy Carter is super smart?

01:10:10.000 Because I never thought of him as smart.

01:10:12.000 I thought of him as a pussy.

01:10:13.000 It's just like, how would he know?

01:10:14.000 He's a dumb liberal pussy.

01:10:16.000 Yeah.

01:10:17.000 You know, the thing about that mustache thing is that, you know, Superman, Henry Cavill?

01:10:23.000 There was a big thing about that.

01:10:23.000 Yeah.

01:10:24.000 They had to CGI his fucking face.

01:10:26.000 Wow, it's hard to believe you're not Chinese because everything you say is an ancient Chinese secret.

01:10:31.000 Chinese secret.

01:10:33.000 That's the oldest story in the world.

01:10:34.000 I have to come up with a bumper for that.

01:10:37.000 Yeah, old news with Ryan Chong.

01:10:41.000 Ryan Katsu Katsu.

01:10:45.000 Oh, did you hear about they had to airbrush Superman's mustache and it didn't look good?

01:10:52.000 It was all over the news one year ago.

01:10:57.000 No, go back.

01:10:57.000 Let's see the LSD thing, though.

01:11:03.000 Looks like you've been doing your homework, Mr. President.

01:11:06.000 I'd like to taste the opportunity to say that none of these calls are safe.

01:11:10.000 You've just taken a heavy drug.

01:11:14.000 Thank you very much for calling, sir.

01:11:15.000 Please.

01:11:17.000 I think I better try to chalk him down.

01:11:17.000 This guy's in trouble.

01:11:19.000 Peter?

01:11:20.000 Go back, go back, go back.

01:11:22.000 All right, sir.

01:11:23.000 Thank you very much for calling.

01:11:25.000 Thank you for calling.

01:11:26.000 Thank you, stupid mother.

01:11:30.000 Thank you, Mr. President.

01:11:33.000 Our next call is Peter Elton of West Bargain, who I am told is 17 years of age.

01:11:40.000 Hello?

01:11:42.000 Hello, Peter.

01:11:43.000 Is this the president?

01:11:45.000 Yes, it is.

01:11:45.000 We have a question for the president.

01:11:48.000 I, uh, I took some acid.

01:11:52.000 I'm afraid to leave my apartment, and I can't wear any clothes.

01:11:57.000 And the ceiling is dripping.

01:11:58.000 And I. Well, thank you very much for calling, sir.

01:12:02.000 Please.

01:12:03.000 Well, now this guy's in trouble.

01:12:03.000 Just a minute.

01:12:04.000 I think I'm going to try to talk him down, Peter.

01:12:08.000 Peter, what did the acid look like?

01:12:11.000 They were these little orange pickles.

01:12:14.000 Were they barrel-shaped?

01:12:15.000 Uh, yes.

01:12:16.000 Okay, Rye, you did some orange sunshine, Peter.

01:12:23.000 How long ago did you take it, Peter?

01:12:26.000 I can't read my watch.

01:12:26.000 I don't know.

01:12:28.000 All right, Peter, now just listen.

01:12:29.000 Everything's going to be fine.

01:12:30.000 You're very high right now.

01:12:31.000 You'll probably be that way for about five more hours.

01:12:33.000 Try taking some vitamin B complex, vitamin C complex.

01:12:36.000 If you have a beer, go ahead and drink it.

01:12:38.000 Just remember, you're a living organism on this planet, and you're very safe.

01:12:41.000 You've just taken a heavy drug.

01:12:42.000 Now, just relax, stay inside, and listen to some music, okay?

01:12:46.000 Do you have any almond brothers?

01:12:49.000 Yeah, yeah, I do, sir.

01:12:51.000 Everything's okay, huh, Jimmy?

01:12:52.000 It sure is, Peter.

01:12:54.000 You know, I'm against drug use myself, but I'm not going to lay that on you right now.

01:12:56.000 Just mellow out the best you can.

01:12:59.000 Okay.

01:12:59.000 Whoa.

01:13:01.000 That's a really funny old school bit that doesn't drag on.

01:13:04.000 If you have a beer, feel get a drink.

01:13:05.000 I actually took that advice once when someone was bad tripping, and I remember saying, look, you took a drug to get high.

01:13:12.000 Now you're very high.

01:13:14.000 This is exactly what you set out to do.

01:13:16.000 And the other thing, good thing to say to people who are having bad trips is just wait it out, dude.

01:13:21.000 You're not going to go to hell.

01:13:22.000 Your head's not going to fall off.

01:13:24.000 I guess the drug didn't work out this time.

01:13:26.000 It's only going to be five hours.

01:13:27.000 People wait at ER for five hours.

01:13:29.000 They wait at the police station for five hours.

01:13:31.000 You're in the waiting room of the bad trip.

01:13:34.000 Just sit there and wait it out.

01:13:35.000 It's not going to go on forever.

01:13:37.000 But then you start getting paranoid because you heard about that guy who took eight hits and he was on acid for 10 years.

01:13:42.000 Maybe it will last forever.

01:13:43.000 That's the biggest fear is that the synapses are going to snap and you're going to be high for the rest of your life.

01:13:49.000 That happened to me once.

01:13:50.000 I was at a party.

01:13:51.000 I was at my buddy's house and there was this guy there who he was like, hi, everyone.

01:13:58.000 I was like, what the fuck's with you?

01:14:00.000 And he goes, and I go, are you an acid or something?

01:14:04.000 And then everyone with me goes, fuck, what the hell is going on in here?

01:14:08.000 This is a weird vibe.

01:14:09.000 And then he had grown a ponytail that was very small, like a dime-sized area from the very top of his head.

01:14:16.000 He'd grown this long.

01:14:18.000 That's disgusting.

01:14:19.000 And then he braided it so it hung down like this.

01:14:22.000 And then there was little beads there.

01:14:23.000 He's a bad person.

01:14:24.000 And I go, what the fuck is on your head?

01:14:26.000 And he goes, oh, look at this.

01:14:29.000 And he goes like that, and it makes a propeller.

01:14:32.000 And I go, I got to go with this.

01:14:34.000 Jesus Christ.

01:14:36.000 And then I leave the living room and then I see there's this mom on the stairs like this.

01:14:44.000 And I go, hey, Rupert, his name was Rupert Bottenberg.

01:14:48.000 You can ask him this.

01:14:50.000 I go, Rupert, come here.

01:14:51.000 There's a fucking old lady on the stairs bobbing up and down, and then you got a helicopter head.

01:14:55.000 And he goes, he did acid two years ago, and he's been on ACID ever since.

01:15:01.000 And he's been in mental institutions.

01:15:02.000 And his mother brought him here because we were friends with him three years ago.

01:15:06.000 And she was hoping him being around us might level him out.

01:15:10.000 And you're not helping.

01:15:12.000 I was like, thanks for telling me that I'm walking into a mental institution.

01:15:17.000 A rehab.

01:15:19.000 Anyway, we're out of time.

01:15:21.000 But we always end with a funny video.

01:15:23.000 And this just cheers me up.

01:15:25.000 I love people who love their jobs.

01:15:27.000 Thank you.

01:15:28.000 And this.

01:15:29.000 Oh.

01:15:30.000 I hate you.

01:15:31.000 I understand it.

01:15:32.000 I hate you because of that song.

01:15:34.000 The one that we're going out on very soon?

01:15:36.000 Yeah.

01:15:37.000 The song we're about to subject all our viewers to, which you got wrong halfway through the show.

01:15:42.000 Mistakes, Bobby mistakes.

01:15:45.000 All right.

01:15:46.000 So this guy is in Chicago.

01:15:48.000 I didn't know it could lightning in a snowstorm, but apparently it's very rare because this weatherman is thrilled to be a part of it.

01:15:56.000 Are you at the beginning?

01:15:58.000 Oh, yes.

01:15:59.000 Yes!

01:16:00.000 We got it, baby!

01:16:00.000 Yes!

01:16:02.000 We got it!

01:16:03.000 We got it!

01:16:04.000 Wow!

01:16:06.000 We got it!

01:16:07.000 Yes!

01:16:08.000 Listen to that!

01:16:10.000 Listen to that!

01:16:11.000 Thunder and lightning!

01:16:12.000 Oh, baby!

01:16:13.000 It's hard to listen to when you're screaming, sir.

01:16:19.000 Oh!

01:16:20.000 Again!

01:16:23.000 That's a twofer, baby!

01:16:25.000 Yes!

01:16:26.000 Scoops it up.

01:16:28.000 That's a twofer!

01:16:29.000 Twofer!

01:16:30.000 Twofer, baby!

01:16:31.000 Oh, my goodness!

01:16:32.000 Like the double rainbow guy.

01:16:33.000 Yes!

01:16:36.000 Yes!

01:16:36.000 Again!

01:16:38.000 You gotta be kidding me!

01:16:40.000 You gotta be kidding me!

01:16:42.000 Tarack!

01:16:44.000 He managed not to swear, too, which is impressive.

01:16:46.000 Oh, my God!

01:16:47.000 He's not a weather man.

01:16:48.000 He's like a weather coach.

01:16:49.000 Get him in there!

01:16:50.000 He's a weather fan.

01:16:52.000 And there's another one.

01:16:54.000 You've got to be kidding me.

01:17:02.000 Wow.

01:17:05.000 You can have your $500 million jackpot in Powerball or whatever the heck it was, but I'll take this, baby.

01:17:11.000 For four lightning strikes, four episodes of Thunder Snow.

01:17:15.000 I can hear Thunder.

01:17:16.000 Thunder.

01:17:17.000 So we had another one.

01:17:17.000 So we actually had some Thunderstruct.

01:17:20.000 I mean, this is just a total change.

01:17:22.000 Literally within an hour, we What's that?

01:17:26.000 That's my favorite one.

01:17:27.000 Oh, my God.

01:17:28.000 There we go.

01:17:28.000 That's number six.

01:17:29.000 This is just a total change.

01:17:31.000 Literally within an hour, we...

01:17:36.000 Oh, my God.

01:17:37.000 Dude, that's number six.

01:17:39.000 You got to be kidding me.

01:17:41.000 Dude, I'm telling you, this is Chicago.

01:17:44.000 Postel, this is Chicago all over again.

01:17:46.000 We're just sitting in the middle of it.

01:17:48.000 This guy's a sports announcer for snow.

01:17:51.000 If he got in trouble for that and they said, sorry, you can't act like that, or they told him not to be too enthusiastic or he'll be fired, I would say, get fired.

01:17:59.000 Get in trouble.

01:18:00.000 Be brave and never stop fighting.

01:18:06.000 Feel the rain on your skin.

01:18:09.000 No one else can feel it for you.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - August 13, 2019

S02E49 - KNOCKOUT

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