Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S02E89

00:00:13.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.

00:00:20.000 Neither is neither loose nor tight.

00:00:26.000 Neither is neither black nor white.

00:00:33.000 Chorus.

00:00:33.000 Is this song about a cat?

00:00:41.000 His chorus is so badass.

00:00:44.000 Yeah.

00:00:56.000 can't fight seether Can't fight seether I can't see her till I told her top comment now seether needs to make a song called Varooka Salt There's a band called Seether Can't fight the seether.

00:01:18.000 This is what I tell African Americans when a cop is fucking with you just seethe you can't fight the seether Just seethe you fucking yeah, I'll put my sandwich away officer.

00:01:32.000 Yep Are we good now?

00:01:35.000 Yep, all right.

00:01:37.000 Yep.

00:01:37.000 Yes, it won't happen again officer Hate his guts if you want hate him Don't sit there going fuck you.

00:01:45.000 I know why you're doing this.

00:01:46.000 I know how this works motherfucker Fuck you pig Why bother still got to get those felt things.

00:01:55.000 What about those sticky things you had with the Velcro?

00:01:59.000 Yeah, we could try that.

00:02:00.000 Let's try that.

00:02:02.000 That was Ruka Salt from Chicago.

00:02:04.000 That was a kind of a good thing.

00:02:06.000 I've heard a lot of feminists complain that indie rock included women in the 90s and you don't see that anymore.

00:02:10.000 And I think they have a point.

00:02:12.000 Luscious Jackson were pretty good.

00:02:15.000 That Portlandia chicks band, Sleeter Kinney.

00:02:19.000 And these were not affirmative action bands.

00:02:21.000 Like I would go see Sleeter Kinney and just watch those chicks fingers.

00:02:26.000 It was like watching Yingi Malmstein.

00:02:29.000 They were all over the place.

00:02:30.000 Really talented musicians.

00:02:33.000 L7, the Breeders.

00:02:35.000 There was a lot of really good chick bands.

00:02:37.000 Latigray, Tsunami Bomb.

00:02:40.000 Never heard of Tsunami Bomb.

00:02:42.000 They're pretty cool.

00:02:43.000 God, I'm so ripped these days.

00:02:44.000 Look how ripped I am.

00:02:46.000 That's pretty real.

00:02:47.000 I'm working out for an hour and a half every day for about a year, and my muscle mass has increased at least 1%.

00:02:54.000 This is one of the best by Tsunami Bomb.

00:02:57.000 What are they called?

00:02:58.000 Tsunami Bomb?

00:03:00.000 What the hell is it playing Cedar for again?

00:03:02.000 I don't know.

00:03:03.000 This is weird.

00:03:04.000 I don't know, Dickwit.

00:03:05.000 Yeah, true.

00:03:15.000 Really punk vocals?

00:03:18.000 boring like ugh That's crappy.

00:03:25.000 Reminds me of propagandy.

00:03:26.000 God, you have shitty taste in music.

00:03:29.000 I can't believe yesterday.

00:03:30.000 I still can't get over this, by the way, that you thought I was going to be handling the farts with my own anus yesterday.

00:03:35.000 Right.

00:03:37.000 I told my wife that, and she was laughing her head off.

00:03:40.000 See, sometimes I need an outside source to double confirm that you're insane.

00:03:45.000 Maybe.

00:03:46.000 I got a lot on my mind while doing the show.

00:03:49.000 Got a lot of things.

00:03:51.000 Oh, so you were lying.

00:03:52.000 No, while I was doing the clips, I was finding clips and you said, I hope you got a lot of good farts for me.

00:03:57.000 That was after.

00:03:58.000 We're not going to get in the same fight again.

00:03:59.000 Jesus.

00:04:03.000 Speaking of yesterday's farts and fartgate, so Eric Stalwell let one rip.

00:04:09.000 I think Donald Trump Jr. said that's the only cohesive thing that's come out of his body since the beginning of this campaign.

00:04:14.000 He better be done now because we killed Howard Dean for a scream.

00:04:20.000 And I just re-listened to it the other, like a second ago.

00:04:25.000 Oh, I sent it to you as a separate email.

00:04:26.000 And I'm listening to it going, we fried this guy for this?

00:04:31.000 And we're going to South Dakota and Oregon and Washington and Michigan.

00:04:36.000 And then we're going to Washington, D.C. to take back the White House.

00:04:39.000 Can you just pause?

00:04:40.000 Oh, I just ruined it.

00:04:42.000 Sorry.

00:04:43.000 When you're on a mic and a crowd is screaming like that, you hear, you don't know how loud you are.

00:04:48.000 So in his ears, he's like one voice in a huge chorus of screaming people.

00:04:54.000 Of course, the audio is directing the mic, so it just sounds like he's yelling at and everyone's being quiet.

00:04:59.000 That's deceiving in and of itself.

00:05:00.000 But go back to the yeah that I just ruined.

00:05:07.000 That yeah could have been 15% better.

00:05:10.000 Yeah like you can you read music?

00:05:18.000 No.

00:05:19.000 What would you say?

00:05:19.000 It was like an octave high?

00:05:21.000 I do it by ear.

00:05:23.000 It's about three notes too high.

00:05:25.000 Too sharp.

00:05:26.000 Three notes too sharp.

00:05:27.000 Yeah instead of yeah.

00:05:29.000 Yeah.

00:05:31.000 Yeah.

00:05:31.000 Or just like yeah.

00:05:33.000 Yeah.

00:05:34.000 Yeah.

00:05:34.000 So yeah wouldn't have ruined his career, but yeah does do you think it was the whole tirade?

00:05:42.000 What?

00:05:43.000 Because look there's some parts where he kind of goes a little wily.

00:05:46.000 And Texas and New York and we're going to South Dakota and Oregon and Washington and Michigan.

00:05:52.000 Maybe he listed one too many states.

00:05:55.000 He is going to all those states.

00:05:57.000 That was fine.

00:05:58.000 Yeah.

00:05:59.000 Shows he remembers all the states he's going to also.

00:06:02.000 Yeah, I don't remember them.

00:06:03.000 I can't remember a damn thing.

00:06:04.000 Sometimes I'll think a city's a state.

00:06:08.000 I want to catch up on the mailbag today.

00:06:10.000 And speaking of the mail bag, I'd like to talk about sexuality today.

00:06:16.000 So there's two themes.

00:06:17.000 This is the mailbag catch up and the sex show.

00:06:20.000 But before we get into that, I saw a great article on Summit.news about students who, why does this have to be a Class called Unplugging from Society or something.

00:06:33.000 This is 1-1.

00:06:36.000 Yes, it's very healthy that these kids didn't.

00:06:39.000 They gave away their cell phones for a complete week.

00:06:42.000 100%.

00:06:44.000 The phone stayed in the school.

00:06:46.000 You don't get it at night, never.

00:06:48.000 You have an alarm clock.

00:06:49.000 You have to find your way around with a map.

00:06:52.000 And they were freaking out after, well, just play the video.

00:06:59.000 Be happy to know they actually survived.

00:07:02.000 22 Adelphi University students made it a whole week without their cell phones.

00:07:06.000 As we first told you last week, it was part of a college course intended to break a powerful addiction.

00:07:11.000 CBS tutor's Carlin Gustoff went back today as the students reunited with their beloved phones.

00:07:17.000 It's old school in Jacob Dannenberg's dorm room.

00:07:21.000 A clock wakes him.

00:07:23.000 Handwritten notes remind him.

00:07:25.000 And what's this?

00:07:26.000 Is this something to keep track of time?

00:07:28.000 He's never heard of a watch before.

00:07:28.000 No, it's not.

00:07:32.000 It's called a wrist clock radio.

00:07:36.000 One week ago, handed over their smartphones.

00:07:39.000 I'm freaking out.

00:07:42.000 A bold experiment to recognize today's compulsive relationships with every present device.

00:07:48.000 At the gym today.

00:07:49.000 By the way, I did three rounds with Hydroman today.

00:07:52.000 Dang.

00:07:53.000 It's nine minutes.

00:07:55.000 And I did not fare badly at all.

00:07:57.000 Nice.

00:07:57.000 You know what I got him with a couple times?

00:08:00.000 Overhand right.

00:08:02.000 Plunge.

00:08:03.000 People don't expect it because you don't practice the overhand right on the bags.

00:08:06.000 No one's sitting on a bag going boink, boink, boink.

00:08:10.000 So you're all ready for these combinations.

00:08:12.000 And then when the flying piece of space shrapnel comes in, you bonk them.

00:08:17.000 I got him a few good ones, but boy, did he knock my noggin.

00:08:21.000 Did he say good job?

00:08:22.000 Yes.

00:08:23.000 Yeah.

00:08:24.000 That's my goal in boxing is to get to the point where my opponent does not say good.

00:08:30.000 That is my number one goal.

00:08:32.000 I'd also like to go four rounds without having AIDS.

00:08:34.000 At one point, oh, here's a good boxing tip.

00:08:37.000 At one point, I was dying so much in the second round that I was just going, screaming at him and then going, like a crazy chimpanzee.

00:08:48.000 And that actually helped me quite a bit because it was psycho.

00:08:52.000 Yeah.

00:08:53.000 Right?

00:08:53.000 And also, it made him laugh.

00:08:57.000 So he was laughing at a crazy person and I got in there a few times.

00:09:02.000 Nailed him.

00:09:03.000 God, that's a good jam.

00:09:05.000 Look up suicidal tendencies.

00:09:06.000 Psycho, psycho, psycho, psycho.

00:09:10.000 That's the only life for me.

00:09:11.000 A psycho is the way I want to be.

00:09:14.000 Turn around the corner and the corner never ends.

00:09:15.000 Then we scream out, scream, shout.

00:09:17.000 No, you can't begin.

00:09:18.000 Crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy.

00:09:22.000 No, that's not it.

00:09:24.000 It's on Join the Army, Suicidal Rock.

00:09:28.000 I want you to join.

00:09:30.000 I got a story to tell and listen up real well, pink.

00:09:34.000 It's called Psycho, though?

00:09:35.000 Or is it called Join the Army?

00:09:36.000 Crazy.

00:09:37.000 Maybe it's Join the Army.

00:09:42.000 Join the Army by Suicide Pennsylvania is one of the most underrated records.

00:09:47.000 It's one of those later records, like with Bad Brains and Quickness, where people go, no, I just like Band in DC.

00:09:52.000 I like old school.

00:09:54.000 You're like, yeah, you mean sucks at school?

00:09:56.000 They got better.

00:10:00.000 This is a different version of it.

00:10:02.000 Nah, you just ruined it.

00:10:07.000 You ruin everything, Ryan.

00:10:09.000 So anyway, I'm having a lot better relationships.

00:10:11.000 It's a stress-free environment.

00:10:13.000 No pressure about social media, said one of the students.

00:10:16.000 She also said that focus and concentration improved and that doing homework was 100% easier.

00:10:21.000 I got it done faster.

00:10:22.000 I was in the zone.

00:10:25.000 These phones are preventing us from reading.

00:10:27.000 And I was talking yesterday about a trick to get back into reading and to treat it like TV.

00:10:33.000 Like the other day, my wife's reading about Flea.

00:10:36.000 It's called Acid for the Children or something like that.

00:10:40.000 And I just picked it up and I read a chapter.

00:10:43.000 I probably won't read that anymore.

00:10:44.000 I get it.

00:10:44.000 Flea's not my cup of tea.

00:10:45.000 He's a little too much of a hippy-dippy guy.

00:10:48.000 So I had a taste of Flea's book.

00:10:50.000 Just like if I was channel surfing, I might watch a documentary about Flea for a second and go, oh yeah, the basis.

00:10:55.000 Yeah, that's fun.

00:10:56.000 That's a good way to relate it.

00:10:57.000 Yeah.

00:10:58.000 It's true.

00:10:58.000 So just don't feel like your teacher is leaning over you with a meter stick.

00:11:05.000 Be a dick when it comes to reading.

00:11:07.000 And eventually you'll get back into the subject and it'll totally change your life.

00:11:13.000 The fact that no one can focus, that my students can't sleep, they feel bad about themselves because of social media.

00:11:18.000 The list goes on and on.

00:11:19.000 She said, let's all try.

00:11:21.000 Look, I understand you can't quit.

00:11:22.000 I can't quit my phone because I got lawsuits, my friend's in prison.

00:11:27.000 I got lawyers calling me.

00:11:28.000 I'm trying to run a business.

00:11:30.000 But I'm going to try to look at it as little as possible.

00:11:37.000 Go poo without your phone.

00:11:39.000 Go to a bar and the bartender's talking to someone else.

00:11:43.000 You don't know anyone at the bar.

00:11:45.000 Just sit there.

00:11:46.000 Have a thought.

00:11:48.000 We're not having thoughts anymore.

00:11:50.000 In fact, one of the things I like about the gym is I can't be on my phone and I get out of my head for a few seconds and come up with great ideas.

00:12:00.000 Like, I want to do an instructional video on how to box, where after I explain to you how to do like a perfect uppercut, I get into the ring and the guy beats me up.

00:12:08.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:12:09.000 Yeah.

00:12:09.000 Because I hate instructional videos where they have like how to deal with a knife attack and the knife attacker is going and he's like.

00:12:20.000 Meanwhile, a knife attacker just goes in your side.

00:12:25.000 Oh, I'm so glad I remembered this.

00:12:27.000 I was thinking, that made me think of Jason Bourne, which I watched last night a little bit of, which rules.

00:12:32.000 I want to have a, my brother's going to come down for Christmas, and I want to have a whole Jason Bourne marathon.

00:12:36.000 Oh, Joe Rogan tweeted this.

00:12:38.000 I saw this.

00:12:39.000 That's what you want to do.

00:12:41.000 Bonk him on the head with a giant log.

00:12:44.000 And he will go down.

00:12:47.000 And then you crunch him with your giant log that has two ribbons on it.

00:12:53.000 What the fuck?

00:12:54.000 You skipped the first part where you take it out of your pocket.

00:12:57.000 Out of your holster.

00:12:58.000 Some guy wants to fight me?

00:12:59.000 Hold on, I'll Be right back.

00:13:01.000 You come back like Jesus.

00:13:02.000 Yeah, see that stuff.

00:13:05.000 You can't stab me.

00:13:08.000 Good.

00:13:08.000 Keep trying.

00:13:09.000 Any hissle.

00:13:10.000 I didn't talk about this movie before, but I meant to.

00:13:13.000 Dolomite.

00:13:15.000 What an incredible, perfect film this is.

00:13:20.000 And it ends with a new video drop we have to use.

00:13:25.000 It ends with, bitch, are you for real?

00:13:25.000 Okay.

00:13:29.000 Like, I think it's after the credits and everything.

00:13:31.000 It's just a very last-second clip.

00:13:33.000 This movie, forget about Eddie Murphy, who's wonderful in it.

00:13:37.000 Forget about Dolomite.

00:13:38.000 Forget about the stupid controversy of how much was he kidding?

00:13:41.000 Was he being sarcastic or no?

00:13:44.000 He was kidding.

00:13:46.000 He made incredible movies, but the big picture here, it's a movie about entrepreneurs.

00:13:51.000 It's a movie about a man who was determined to make a living for himself.

00:13:55.000 And he did it.

00:13:56.000 He noticed that authentic culture had mass appeal, even though it didn't have appeal in the mainstream.

00:14:02.000 So he sat with bums, got them drunk.

00:14:04.000 And back then, bums were doing this sort of precursor to rap, this sort of like rhyming insults like, I'm such a badass, I kick my own ass twice a day.

00:14:13.000 Tell him he's got 24 hours and 23 of them is up!

00:14:16.000 I'm proud of her.

00:14:17.000 For damn near two years, she's been bugging me about doing this.

00:14:21.000 Dad, make'em bad!

00:14:24.000 Yeah, like he didn't sanitize it.

00:14:26.000 He did true black ghetto culture before anyone else did, and he made a fortune.

00:14:31.000 He did wonderful, and he was bankrupt.

00:14:33.000 Look at that scene.

00:14:35.000 They had so much sex, the walls cave in.

00:14:40.000 It's so fucking good.

00:14:43.000 And I don't care how you feel.

00:14:44.000 You could be the most racist guy in the world.

00:14:46.000 And you will love this movie if you care about entrepreneurs.

00:14:49.000 Forget black culture, forget dolomite, forget all of that.

00:14:52.000 It's about being determined.

00:14:54.000 You know, we're losing our economic mojo in this day and age, and you have to understand that...

00:15:00.000 There we go.

00:15:02.000 He made me do it.

00:15:12.000 Bitch, are you for real?

00:15:15.000 There, there.

00:15:16.000 You have to isolate that.

00:15:18.000 Every time a woman does something that bothers us on this show, we have to cut to dolomite saying, bitch, are you for real?

00:15:28.000 Yeah, for every success I've had over the years, I've had 12 failures.

00:15:33.000 So I've got failed restaurants and shows and movies and stuff.

00:15:38.000 And then we'd have one that hits.

00:15:39.000 You know, we had How to Be a Man that hits.

00:15:41.000 We had the Traveling Hood of the, what was it?

00:15:45.000 The Brotherhood of the Traveling Rants.

00:15:48.000 Sold that at Aspen, whatever film festival.

00:15:53.000 The app that people can use, Swarm.

00:15:56.000 So lots of successes, made lots of money, especially in real estate, had tons and tons of failures.

00:16:02.000 The secret to the failures is you lose as little money as possible with the failure.

00:16:06.000 So you start small, so if it crashes, you haven't bet the family farm.

00:16:11.000 But failure is a huge part of success, and we're losing that.

00:16:15.000 We're even losing it in sports.

00:16:17.000 So I really would love you to watch this movie and focus on it economically.

00:16:22.000 I'm glad I remembered to mention that.

00:16:24.000 Okay, let's get to the theme of the show today, which is this bizarre world we're living in.

00:16:33.000 And I think I'll preface it with this theme that I keep coming back to, which is we've censored comedy.

00:16:41.000 Censored comedy.

00:16:42.000 We've censored the comedy.

00:16:44.000 No more curses.

00:16:45.000 No more bad language.

00:16:47.000 No more Archie Bunker.

00:16:49.000 We lose Archie Bunker.

00:16:50.000 What's next, Fred Flintstone?

00:16:52.000 He's gone.

00:16:53.000 Say goodbye to Barney.

00:16:54.000 No more dinos.

00:16:57.000 No more dinos.

00:16:58.000 No more dinosaur.

00:17:03.000 But, and I think it's because they can't defend themselves.

00:17:07.000 Children are fair game.

00:17:12.000 Yes, I'm for real.

00:17:14.000 And, you know, it's similar with Christians.

00:17:17.000 You can bash Christians on stage because they're not going to kill you.

00:17:21.000 But bash Islam or Judaism and your career is over.

00:17:25.000 So people don't go near those.

00:17:27.000 Similarly, you can call the proud boys a hate group and recommend that everyone gets fired and get them fired.

00:17:36.000 But you're not going to go near a bona fide hate group like, say, Aryan Nations because you know they'll get you.

00:17:42.000 So by the very nature of you being attacked, it shows that you're a civil person who doesn't deserve this scorn or else they wouldn't have the balls to do it.

00:17:51.000 They don't call El Chapo.

00:17:54.000 Huffington Post doesn't write long articles about the evils of El Chapo.

00:17:59.000 At least not before he was arrested and put in a cage.

00:18:01.000 Did you find those Velcro things?

00:18:04.000 They're in the utility area.

00:18:07.000 Let's go to the utility area.

00:18:08.000 We can take a break.

00:18:09.000 I'm utilizing.

00:18:12.000 So in this culture, now we have this sore thumb that sticks out.

00:18:19.000 These are 10 offensive fields.

00:18:21.000 All right?

00:18:22.000 You've got rid of all of them but one, and that's kid jokes.

00:18:27.000 Now, I don't hate kid jokes.

00:18:29.000 I'm not pushing for a world where we censor kid jokes.

00:18:32.000 But when you just have that one thing, it sticks out like a sore thumb.

00:18:37.000 And I've got a couple of examples of this.

00:18:40.000 this is one three.

00:18:41.000 Anthony Jesselnik was asked, uh, why are so many of your jokes?

00:18:56.000 She says, why are so many of Anthony Jeselnik's tweets about children and child porn and focused on sex with children or their genitalia?

00:19:04.000 And then he does another kid joke and says, right about what you know.

00:19:07.000 That's what I'm talking about.

00:19:10.000 That's the problem at hand.

00:19:11.000 Ah, shoot.

00:19:13.000 Yeah, and then also it would be fixed.

00:19:15.000 Wouldn't it be fixed to the fixed to the what?

00:19:20.000 Oh, I see what you're doing.

00:19:21.000 You're just doing that.

00:19:21.000 Okay.

00:19:22.000 Oh, don't get involved in my shit, dude.

00:19:24.000 All right.

00:19:26.000 I've built houses.

00:19:29.000 Okay.

00:19:31.000 And being good at it, if you will.

00:19:35.000 There.

00:19:37.000 What do you think of that?

00:19:38.000 Now it's sticking out on either side.

00:19:40.000 Have you got some scissors?

00:19:41.000 Scissors.

00:19:42.000 Some skeezers?

00:19:46.000 Isn't it cute how kids have to earn the right to use scissors?

00:19:50.000 And when they start out, they have those big safety scissors with the serrated edge.

00:19:54.000 And then slowly, as we trust them more and more, they earn the right to have scissors.

00:20:00.000 I remember when my daughter was about six, she finally earned the right to have scissors and she just went and chopped her bangs completely off.

00:20:09.000 So they were just like one centimeter long.

00:20:12.000 She looked like something to die anward.

00:20:15.000 Fuck, it was funny.

00:20:17.000 Then another time when she was even older than that, maybe eight, she had like a loose hair here and she went, oh, geez, I know.

00:20:23.000 And then she accidentally cut a hole in her head, like a huge quarter-sized chunk.

00:20:28.000 And she was crying, and my wife had to go talk to her.

00:20:31.000 And I sort of showed up and I go, what's the problem?

00:20:34.000 What's the problem there?

00:20:35.000 My wife's like, just don't worry about it.

00:20:36.000 I got it.

00:20:37.000 I got it.

00:20:37.000 That's true.

00:20:40.000 I love video drops.

00:20:41.000 Yeah, video drops are pretty dope.

00:20:43.000 And people keep trying to tell us we didn't invent them.

00:20:46.000 You.

00:20:49.000 That made so much sense.

00:20:51.000 You're the new Fred.

00:20:51.000 Holy shit.

00:20:53.000 See, this is what you got to focus on, Ryan.

00:20:55.000 Comedy, funny imitations.

00:20:57.000 Stop, like, philosophizing.

00:20:59.000 I got to do comedy imitations.

00:20:59.000 I know.

00:21:02.000 For too long, we've been on comedy limitations.

00:21:05.000 Ow, that was really dangerous.

00:21:06.000 And you knocked over my cacti.

00:21:08.000 No, I knocked over your cactus.

00:21:10.000 There's only one that's all.

00:21:12.000 You a smart dude, Mr. Garrison.

00:21:15.000 Or here's another example.

00:21:16.000 And again, I love these guys, although Ron Bennington rubs me the wrong way.

00:21:21.000 Ronnie B, I don't like a guy who's dying telling me how to live my life.

00:21:25.000 He's so obese.

00:21:28.000 So beast.

00:21:28.000 So obese.

00:21:29.000 I love Mr. Bennington.

00:21:31.000 But Creeps with Kids is a comedy tour going on right now with really funny dudes, Rich Voss, Jim Florentine.

00:21:40.000 What am I 10?

00:21:41.000 Do imitations of all those guys.

00:21:43.000 You know what?

00:21:44.000 Oh, wait.

00:21:45.000 Bob Kelly.

00:21:46.000 You take your fucking bandolier, dude.

00:21:46.000 You know what, dude?

00:21:48.000 You get your iPhone, dude.

00:21:51.000 Then you got, do you get Rich Voss?

00:21:53.000 All right, I like my sneakers, okay, folks.

00:21:56.000 And here's another thing.

00:21:57.000 Then you got, Ronnie Bennington.

00:21:59.000 You know, Ronnie B. Kind of does that abrupt Bilberris thing.

00:22:03.000 And then you got Florentine.

00:22:04.000 You know, what am I?

00:22:06.000 I don't use ketchup.

00:22:07.000 What am I five years old?

00:22:08.000 I could usually do it better, but I'd have to switch my.

00:22:11.000 Why is Rich Voss wearing?

00:22:12.000 Why is he a sneaker pimp at his age?

00:22:14.000 He's older than me.

00:22:15.000 I don't know.

00:22:15.000 And the little pork pie hats.

00:22:17.000 Yeah.

00:22:18.000 You know what grosses me out about Bobby Kelly?

00:22:19.000 I love the guy, by the way.

00:22:20.000 Love him like I'm gay for him.

00:22:22.000 But when he talks about you're eating chocolate cake and it's so good and then you start sweating and your feet swell up and you got to take your shoes off, I'm listening to it going, what?

00:22:34.000 When you eat, you start to, your feet swell up so much you have to remove your fucking shoes?

00:22:39.000 Stop eating.

00:22:40.000 What?

00:22:41.000 What are you talking about?

00:22:45.000 I've never had that food experience.

00:22:48.000 Yeah, nobody can relate.

00:22:49.000 I'm not shitting on this joke or any of their jokes, but their tour is called Creeps with Kids, which would be awesome if we had all 10 offensive things going on.

00:22:59.000 But because we only have this, we've got Anthony Jeselnik talking about genitalia, and then we have Creeps with Kids.

00:23:07.000 And it just, it makes me uneasy because it sticks out like a sore thumb.

00:23:12.000 And it's starting to, and I think because of this whole shit about don't have kids and the world's overpopulated, we're starting to evolve into an anti-kid culture where SNL and comedians can make disgusting pedophile jokes and it's the only offensive jokes they make.

00:23:28.000 And then you notice it in this sort of fake sympathy you get from celebrities about these children at the border.

00:23:34.000 They care more about children at the border than they care about their own kids.

00:23:39.000 Crazy, right?

00:23:40.000 Let me give you an example.

00:23:42.000 After that last shooting, I don't know what it was, there was like one kid in a high school day.

00:23:46.000 Santa Clarita?

00:23:47.000 Santa Clara.

00:23:49.000 Andy Richter, this is 1.5, put out this tweet where it's like they don't even look into whether the gun was legal or not.

00:23:56.000 They just go, we need, okay, that's enough.

00:23:59.000 We need to stop with these goddamn kids getting killed.

00:24:03.000 It's the first one in that thread.

00:24:04.000 Two more kids were shot to death in their school today, and a chorus of voices from the people who support those who profit from the proliferation of guns will go up today and say, don't politicize the tragedy, but it is political power that allows these tragedies to continue.

00:24:20.000 Nice.

00:24:21.000 Cheng Unger immediately did the same thing, too.

00:24:24.000 He's unbearable, but.

00:24:25.000 And then Sarah Tyre, who was the coach from my favorite show Strangers with Candy, she gets on there and won six.

00:24:34.000 And she says, don't you fucking dare call yourself pro-life and be against gun safety laws.

00:24:40.000 The terror we are inflicting on our children is child abuse.

00:24:44.000 Okay, the reason I bring those two up is they just got divorced.

00:24:48.000 They have a 12-year-old and an 18-year-old.

00:24:51.000 I think the 12-year-old was like 11 when they were divorced.

00:24:54.000 The damage that divorce does to a kid cripples a lot of shitty stuff.

00:25:00.000 Shitty education, a tough neighborhood.

00:25:04.000 None of those can compare with the devastation of divorce.

00:25:07.000 Those children are less likely to have fulfilling relationships.

00:25:10.000 They're much less likely to get married.

00:25:11.000 I've seen my generation, Generation X, decimated by divorce.

00:25:16.000 When I look up my old high school friends, only maybe half of them are married with kids because they're still traumatized by their parents' divorce.

00:25:23.000 And by the way, Andy and Sarah, those past two tweeters were married is my point.

00:25:28.000 They were together for 27 years.

00:25:31.000 So the 11-year-old goes, wait a minute, Andy and Sarah were happily married for 15 years, loving life, kissing each other on the lips, going on vacations, going to Venice, going on that gondola thing.

00:25:47.000 And then I came along and it all started to torpedo.

00:25:51.000 Me and my brother ruined my parents' love.

00:25:54.000 I'm a shit stain on my parents' relationship.

00:25:57.000 I wrecked love.

00:25:59.000 And she has to live With that.

00:26:00.000 So, why don't you fucking focus on your own children and your own family before going off on some uninformed tirade about guns that you know nothing about?

00:26:12.000 I don't know the details of that shooting, but I guarantee you the gun was, she was not meant to have it.

00:26:16.000 Okay, so we can increase the gun laws and say, no more handguns for little kids.

00:26:22.000 And guess what?

00:26:23.000 Kids are going to fucking get a hold of a gun.

00:26:27.000 All right.

00:26:28.000 I'll end my more kid weirdness with this bizarre commercial for transparenting.

00:26:37.000 This is 1-7.

00:26:38.000 Rye guy.

00:26:40.000 Ryan.

00:26:41.000 Ryan.

00:26:42.000 1-7.

00:26:42.000 This is a crazy situation.

00:26:45.000 Is that what he says?

00:26:46.000 No, something so crazy.

00:26:48.000 This is something crazy.

00:26:49.000 Is it something crazy?

00:26:50.000 Is it something crazy?

00:26:57.000 This is kind of a trick, by the way.

00:27:00.000 So if, just pause.

00:27:01.000 If you have a problem with this, then you have a problem with a mother loving her gay son and you look like an asshole.

00:27:06.000 Look, if your son's definitely off raging homosexual and he's an adult like that kid, probably 18, yeah, help him with his fucking makeup.

00:27:13.000 I don't give a shit.

00:27:17.000 But that's not really what's going on here.

00:27:19.000 This is a corporation pushing trans on you and the country.

00:27:24.000 Now, they're doing it because I notice young people are into trans, so they want to sell cola.

00:27:28.000 This is a sprite ad, by the way.

00:27:30.000 You won't see one sprite in this entire commercial.

00:27:32.000 And the reason they're doing that is because it's popular, but the reason I'm against it is because, look, I know there's going to be some faggotry at some point.

00:27:40.000 But when you push it and you normalize it, then someone who wouldn't normally go there ends up going there.

00:27:47.000 And they have a brutal suicide rate.

00:27:49.000 They have a brutal murder rate.

00:27:50.000 They have a brutal drug addiction rate.

00:27:52.000 They have a brutal STD rate.

00:27:54.000 It's not a fun place to be.

00:27:55.000 All right, dude, it's brutal.

00:27:57.000 Dude, they're killing themselves.

00:27:59.000 I have a better chance of living like flying my helicopter around.

00:28:02.000 Get it?

00:28:02.000 You literally do.

00:28:03.000 Yeah.

00:28:04.000 They have a higher suicide rate than Jews did in Germany in 1942.

00:28:08.000 And that was not a good place to be for a Jew in Germany in 1942.

00:28:13.000 So, you know, if it happens, it happens.

00:28:15.000 But when you push it, then you send someone into a zone that they...

00:28:22.000 I don't have a problem with people being Ching-Alings, but don't encourage it.

00:28:25.000 It's a dangerous life, the life of a biker.

00:28:27.000 Ooh, that smell.

00:28:30.000 I can't think of the Ching-Alings without thinking of Puerto Ricans in New York listening to the song, That Smell.

00:28:35.000 That's awesome.

00:28:36.000 Your mom probably knew Ching-Alings.

00:28:39.000 Ask your mom if she knew Chingalings.

00:28:41.000 She banged one and made me.

00:28:46.000 Yeah.

00:28:47.000 She's got knows them intimately.

00:28:50.000 Look at, he kind of looks sad.

00:28:52.000 Yeah, mom, I'm not gay.

00:28:54.000 Yes, you are, sweetheart.

00:28:55.000 Trust me.

00:28:56.000 She's just doing that.

00:28:57.000 Mom, I want to go to football practice.

00:28:59.000 You want to go to what practice?

00:29:00.000 No, you don't.

00:29:01.000 Come here with a corset.

00:29:02.000 You can go wherever you want after I'm done doing that.

00:29:03.000 Oh, wait a minute.

00:29:04.000 Is that a lesbian?

00:29:06.000 Okay, just pause.

00:29:07.000 All right, now that's fucked up.

00:29:09.000 I said I didn't mind if you helped with the makeup, but helping your daughter squish your tits, that's fucked up.

00:29:16.000 That looks exactly like my friend.

00:29:18.000 This is why I'm a turf.

00:29:19.000 I'm a trans-exclusionary radical feminist.

00:29:21.000 If you're a woman and you have boobs, boob it up, bitches.

00:29:25.000 Boob it up.

00:29:27.000 Let them shake around.

00:29:28.000 Let them dance.

00:29:29.000 Be really harsh.

00:29:30.000 You want to scissor someone?

00:29:31.000 You want a 69 with a broad?

00:29:33.000 Go bananas, but don't sever your breasts and suck the meat out because you want this.

00:29:40.000 What's so great about this?

00:29:41.000 It's not that wonderful.

00:29:43.000 I mean, it's pretty good.

00:29:46.000 I wish I had chest hair.

00:29:48.000 Fucking.

00:29:48.000 Yeah.

00:29:49.000 Look how ripped I am.

00:29:51.000 You kind of had abs there when you wouldn't, when you lean back a little bit.

00:29:55.000 Look at that.

00:29:55.000 Wait, but don't sit up too much because then the flabs start showing.

00:29:57.000 That looks like basically Wolverine.

00:29:59.000 Look at the side.

00:30:00.000 Basically Wolverine.

00:30:01.000 You're getting ripped.

00:30:02.000 I should write that on my Tinder profile.

00:30:04.000 Basically Wolverine.

00:30:06.000 Oh my God.

00:30:07.000 My brother showed me his profile and the woman that solicited him.

00:30:11.000 Pretty good, huh?

00:30:13.000 Hideous.

00:30:14.000 Oh, we are living.

00:30:15.000 I'm so glad I'm not a single male.

00:30:17.000 We are living in a time of just like disgusting.

00:30:21.000 And women bragging.

00:30:22.000 Like a guy at the gym told me, yeah, you'll meet a woman on Tinder and she'll just brag that she's fucked 60 guys.

00:30:28.000 That's totally normal.

00:30:31.000 Like the slut at the bar I was telling you about that fucked all the patrons and she was like, yeah, I did 16 guys in 20 days.

00:30:37.000 She's a very healthy 8, 30-year-old with money who doesn't do math.

00:30:43.000 She's just a woman who likes to fuck my dad.

00:30:47.000 I'm not really exaggerating.

00:30:48.000 I bet she would blow my dad.

00:30:50.000 Got to bring him over there.

00:30:51.000 No, he's married.

00:30:52.000 Hey, dad, you want a beach?

00:30:54.000 I mean, not me, but a chick.

00:30:56.000 I'll take a beer and a beach from my dad.

00:31:01.000 It says that on the sign.

00:31:02.000 Shots, $2.

00:31:03.000 BJ's free.

00:31:05.000 Sliders, $5.

00:31:06.000 It's kind of steep.

00:31:07.000 I mean, we have to buy the meat.

00:31:08.000 They're locally sourced.

00:31:10.000 And the blowjar.

00:31:11.000 You don't go broke from BJ's.

00:31:12.000 That's a t-shirt.

00:31:13.000 You don't go broke from BJs.

00:31:15.000 That's pretty good.

00:31:16.000 So there you go.

00:31:17.000 We hid your tits, lesbian.

00:31:20.000 I don't really mind this.

00:31:22.000 You're a homo and you got a relationship with your grandmother and you're going to a parade.

00:31:22.000 Whatever.

00:31:26.000 That's so weird.

00:31:26.000 Or whatever, homosexual man.

00:31:29.000 Not that we need any more holes in their logic, but it's like, you're fine however you are, but you're changing who you are.

00:31:35.000 Yeah, but that's who you are.

00:31:36.000 Okay.

00:31:37.000 That's who you are.

00:31:38.000 Yay.

00:31:39.000 Again, the kids.

00:31:41.000 Yay, kids hugging perverts.

00:31:46.000 Bye, I'm whatever I am.

00:31:49.000 Bye, son, daughter.

00:31:51.000 Bye, fag.

00:31:53.000 That was funny.

00:31:54.000 Grandmother said that.

00:31:55.000 See a fag.

00:31:56.000 And he goes, I'm sorry, what?

00:31:58.000 What?

00:31:59.000 What'd you just say?

00:32:00.000 I didn't say anything.

00:32:01.000 Whatever.

00:32:01.000 I just did your makeup.

00:32:02.000 I was waving.

00:32:03.000 Let it go.

00:32:04.000 Nana, did you just call me fag?

00:32:07.000 I don't want to know what that is.

00:32:08.000 You mean a British cigarette?

00:32:10.000 Like in a lovely way.

00:32:11.000 See, you don't know that word?

00:32:13.000 What are you talking about?

00:32:15.000 And then he continues down the stairs and he just hears, Faggot.

00:32:15.000 He goes, okay.

00:32:22.000 There it was again.

00:32:23.000 And the door slammed.

00:32:24.000 He did it again.

00:32:26.000 I did a what?

00:32:27.000 You're psycho.

00:32:28.000 You're paranoid.

00:32:30.000 Okay, I'm sorry.

00:32:32.000 Bye, Fang.

00:32:35.000 That'd be funny if his name was like Adam.

00:32:37.000 Fat.

00:32:37.000 Oh, he's like, bye, Pat.

00:32:39.000 What?

00:32:40.000 I said, bye, Adam.

00:32:42.000 I could have swear.

00:32:43.000 I heard an F. You said like Fatim.

00:32:46.000 No, I didn't.

00:32:46.000 Fag.

00:32:50.000 Okay, bye.

00:32:52.000 That'd be funny if the mom, too, the other mom, just turns back into the house and just goes, just steams her hands.

00:33:03.000 I like how, by the way, masculinity, male sex is just so disgusting.

00:33:08.000 Yet we're happy to promote any non-normal, heterosexual, masculine sex.

00:33:13.000 So there's toxic masculinity, but everything else is like, oh, suck it.

00:33:18.000 Get in there.

00:33:21.000 There goes my son, my only son.

00:33:23.000 This is the last day I will live on this planet.

00:33:25.000 I'm going to drive off cliff.

00:33:27.000 Goodbye, Muhammad.

00:33:29.000 Bye, dad.

00:33:30.000 And goodbye to Islam.

00:33:32.000 Hannah Ackbar!

00:33:33.000 Oh, shit.

00:33:39.000 That dad, we know, was not jazzed.

00:33:42.000 I thought he was waiting for a smile.

00:33:43.000 Yet another Arab man with a white beard who is watching his son go off to the gay parade, as Arab men are want to do.

00:33:50.000 Goodbye, my son.

00:33:52.000 Anyway, this brings us to a bigger picture about the sort of sexual depravity that's going on.

00:33:59.000 I think it might come from porn.

00:34:02.000 We're getting so lackadaisical, so apathetic about intimacy and sex and romance that we've turned ourselves into these depraved perverts that fuck dead people's ankles.

00:34:16.000 This is not a link.

00:34:18.000 I sent it to you as an email.

00:34:20.000 Do you want to buy this?

00:34:21.000 I'm selling them on eBay if you're interested.

00:34:23.000 The toes are very realistic.

00:34:25.000 Slightly used, well cleaned.

00:34:27.000 The way I clean it is I put a bleach wipe on a wooden spoon and I plunge it in there and swirl it around.

00:34:36.000 I really, I do a good job of cleaning.

00:34:38.000 How do you clean the jizz out?

00:34:40.000 Is there a hole on the other end?

00:34:41.000 Or it just sits there for centuries, turning into some sort of toxic brown liquid that could melt glass.

00:34:48.000 Those toes are really real looking.

00:34:50.000 Like that foot looks real to me.

00:34:52.000 Yeah.

00:34:53.000 Well, it's made from dipping toes into latex.

00:34:55.000 Yeah.

00:34:56.000 And then some Chinese person sits there making the veins blue.

00:34:59.000 But yeah, and the redness of the toes and the heel.

00:35:01.000 That's really too much work for that thing, I think.

00:35:04.000 What's the origin of this fantasy?

00:35:07.000 I like feet.

00:35:08.000 I'd like to fuck feet.

00:35:10.000 Okay, that I can sort of handle.

00:35:12.000 No, no, not in the toe area.

00:35:14.000 Right where if you were to cut her feet off, where that hole would be.

00:35:18.000 Oh, I get it.

00:35:19.000 That desire like nobody has.

00:35:20.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:35:21.000 You're the one guy.

00:35:22.000 I'm familiar with that.

00:35:23.000 You're the one person with that fetish.

00:35:25.000 The fetish is his name.

00:35:26.000 Andrew Saltzman.

00:35:29.000 And then once he got it.

00:35:30.000 So you have it?

00:35:31.000 All right.

00:35:31.000 Yes, I do.

00:35:32.000 We can break the molds.

00:35:33.000 Just break them.

00:35:34.000 We don't need these again.

00:35:35.000 Well, I'll save them in case he loses it or he doesn't have time to clean it.

00:35:38.000 All right.

00:35:39.000 So this brings me to the thing I've been trying to get to, this whole goddamn show, which is a show in Britain called Fatal Attraction.

00:35:47.000 It's going to blow your mind.

00:35:48.000 It's a dating show based on Foreskins and Pussy Lips.

00:35:53.000 It's not on a porn site.

00:35:55.000 This is on mainstream British television.

00:35:57.000 Now, I'm warning you, I know there's probably 13-year-olds who watch this show.

00:36:01.000 Parents, if you're watching this show, we're about to see a lot of nudity.

00:36:06.000 The reason I'm not sheepish about showing this nudity is it's not presented in a sexual way, which is kind of the problem.

00:36:12.000 Because we're desexualizing ourselves until we're just like cattle now, just boning.

00:36:21.000 But the nudity here is like in a changing room.

00:36:25.000 So I don't feel bad showing it.

00:36:27.000 If a 13-year-old sees it, that's, I guess, pretty bad.

00:36:30.000 But this is the kind of nudity you would see at the gym, at the pool, at the changing room.

00:36:36.000 There's no eroticism here.

00:36:38.000 Now, it's ironic that I'm saying that as a good thing as far as this show goes, because this is the problem.

00:36:45.000 We've stripped society of romance and love and fun and color.

00:36:49.000 Clown world is gray.

00:36:50.000 And in clown world, sex is just like...

00:36:56.000 I can't believe I am left here touting romance.

00:37:00.000 When I started Vice, I had no idea it would get to this.

00:37:04.000 I had no idea we'd be reviewing calm milkshakes and judging people by their foreskins.

00:37:09.000 Jesus Christ.

00:37:11.000 I might have said that exaggerating in 2004, and here we are.

00:37:15.000 Anyway, without further to do, I would like to present to you the strangest dating show that has ever been.

00:37:32.000 What's going on?

00:37:33.000 Yeah, welcome to Naked Attraction.

00:37:35.000 We have a fourth channel, Channel 4, now.

00:37:37.000 So Britain has four channels, BBC1, BBC2, BBC3.

00:37:40.000 And now there's channel 4.

00:37:42.000 And it's got all the dangerous, edgy stuff that's on late at night.

00:37:46.000 And we got a new dating show where you look at a woman's fanny, which means vagina over there, or a guy's prick, and you say, I like him, I don't like her.

00:37:57.000 What are they talking about?

00:37:59.000 Who dates someone based on genitalia?

00:38:02.000 I mean, if the labia, I guess, are like six inches long, that's kind of gross.

00:38:06.000 Or if a guy has a micro penis, I can see that being a problem, but that's very rare.

00:38:11.000 Genitalia is all pretty similar.

00:38:13.000 And guys don't really dump girls based on genitalia.

00:38:16.000 And I've heard of, I think I heard once in my entire life a girl say, yeah, I can't date this guy anymore.

00:38:21.000 His penis is too small.

00:38:23.000 But it doesn't really come up.

00:38:24.000 Penises are all basically the same.

00:38:25.000 And both things are kind of ugly.

00:38:28.000 It's based on attraction.

00:38:30.000 So this bizarre show has gays, lesbians, and straits looking at, starting from the ground up, looking at the genitalia, and then deciding who they want to date.

00:38:41.000 Warning, nudity coming.

00:38:44.000 Let's just check out some random episodes and see how much, how determined Britain is to ruin sex.

00:38:50.000 How are you feeling?

00:38:51.000 Really excited.

00:38:52.000 It's like Christmas, isn't it?

00:38:53.000 It's like all little men in boxes.

00:38:56.000 So just explain to me why you're keen to choose a date naked.

00:39:00.000 You see the trick they're doing here, right?

00:39:02.000 They want to show salacious pornography, but you're not allowed to do that on TV.

00:39:06.000 So they make it really clinical.

00:39:08.000 And like, why do you prefer foreskins to circumcised?

00:39:12.000 Oh, it's more lubricated.

00:39:14.000 Yes, fascinating.

00:39:15.000 Okay.

00:39:16.000 And then they'll have some little scientific tangent that says, people are attracted to feet because of nerve endings, and they try to make it all scientifically.

00:39:23.000 Meanwhile, the only place you can find these uncensored in America is on Pornhub.

00:39:29.000 Trying to find someone for who they are.

00:39:31.000 The only way you can find out is seeing them naked.

00:39:33.000 And I'm really happy about that.

00:39:34.000 I'm glad you said that.

00:39:36.000 Are you ready to see some Johnsons?

00:39:39.000 I'm so ready.

00:39:40.000 I'm so ready.

00:39:41.000 I love Johnson's.

00:39:42.000 I've got six complete boys.

00:39:47.000 I like looking at magazines of just penises.

00:39:51.000 I wish I was a urologist.

00:39:52.000 We are going to reveal them to you bit by bit.

00:39:56.000 Oh, yes.

00:39:57.000 Oh, yes.

00:39:58.000 Imagine sitting and watching this show at home.

00:40:00.000 Sorry, I can't go out.

00:40:01.000 watching penis show on physical attraction are you ready definitely ready can we see the bottom half of the bodies please I know.

00:40:12.000 I love it.

00:40:13.000 It's like Christmas.

00:40:14.000 I love looking at pricks.

00:40:17.000 So phony.

00:40:18.000 This is like when women say they love watching the Super Bowl because they love looking at men's buns.

00:40:24.000 Whoa.

00:40:28.000 Your foreskin's supposed to be closed around the edge of your penis.

00:40:32.000 If the head's peeking out, that's not right.

00:40:38.000 Penises.

00:40:39.000 So tell me, where your eye is being.

00:40:42.000 She's being such a phony.

00:40:43.000 Oh, look, I blurred myself.

00:40:44.000 Wow.

00:40:45.000 I like that one.

00:40:48.000 Pretty big.

00:40:49.000 Yeah.

00:40:49.000 Can you turn it up?

00:40:50.000 I can't hear.

00:40:51.000 Worried that maybe that's as far as it's going to get.

00:40:53.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:40:54.000 His hands are twitching.

00:40:55.000 No.

00:40:55.000 That means.

00:40:56.000 Oh, baby.

00:40:56.000 This is just the beginning.

00:40:58.000 Okay.

00:40:58.000 Yeah.

00:40:59.000 Who else do you want to look at?

00:41:00.000 I kind of want to go here.

00:41:01.000 Wait, what was your problem with that?

00:41:02.000 His foreskin wasn't big enough?

00:41:04.000 How do you feel about foreskin?

00:41:04.000 Yeah.

00:41:06.000 Oh, I had an ex-boyfriend who had a really long foreskin.

00:41:10.000 Every time he came, it kind of like bubbled up and it was like, but I couldn't take it.

00:41:16.000 Okay.

00:41:17.000 Pink.

00:41:17.000 What?

00:41:18.000 What kind of guy do you think is behind the willy?

00:41:20.000 He looks very caring.

00:41:22.000 I think he would be good at cooking or gardening.

00:41:25.000 Quite a bit of a piece of pain.

00:41:26.000 What a brutal insult.

00:41:28.000 A woman sees your penis and goes, you'll probably make a good little cook.

00:41:33.000 See, look, this is how they get scientific and they justify it all.

00:41:36.000 Smaller testicles have lower testosterone levels, which suppress a man's urge to mate and re-channels his brain activity towards nurturing and childcare.

00:41:45.000 So small balls might mean a bigger, better daddy.

00:41:51.000 That just made that whole episode worth it.

00:41:53.000 Small bowls might make dad a better man.

00:41:57.000 What did she say?

00:41:58.000 Dad of the year.

00:42:00.000 Less testosterone.

00:42:01.000 That's what we're going for in Britain here.

00:42:03.000 We want less testosterone, smaller balls.

00:42:06.000 If we can't cut them off, we can at least shrink them to little tiny chickpeas.

00:42:10.000 That's our ideal.

00:42:11.000 And then they'll be more nurturing, more loving, and we can get them in the kitchen making us sandwiches.

00:42:16.000 He's got better thighs than me.

00:42:18.000 I can see the quads nicely separated.

00:42:20.000 So are you into that kind of thing then?

00:42:22.000 You like a well-bit built.

00:42:24.000 It needs to be because it's like stamina in the bedroom, isn't it?

00:42:27.000 A good few hours.

00:42:27.000 Yeah.

00:42:28.000 So yeah.

00:42:29.000 A good few hours?

00:42:30.000 Yeah, well, you know, you get a UTI.

00:42:33.000 Now, Jesus.

00:42:35.000 They're very large.

00:42:36.000 We're all urologists now.

00:42:39.000 Okay, let's see a different one.

00:42:40.000 Why is it important to you?

00:42:41.000 Let's move on to the vaginas.

00:42:44.000 Now, they'll have straight men looking at vaginas, and they'll also have lesbians looking at vaginas.

00:42:52.000 I actually could see lesbians being more shallow than men when it comes to actual genitalia.

00:42:57.000 I don't think I've ever heard a man describe a woman's genitalia in a negative or positive way.

00:43:03.000 Well, maybe they've mentioned labia.

00:43:05.000 Again, it does not come up.

00:43:08.000 We're not that shallow as human beings, both sides.

00:43:11.000 Gays, I can't speak to gays.

00:43:14.000 I don't know.

00:43:15.000 Okay, this is pretty.

00:43:17.000 So that's a straight dude.

00:43:18.000 This is a straight dude looking at vaginas or penises?

00:43:22.000 Or penises?

00:43:25.000 What do men and women really find physically attractive?

00:43:28.000 Wow, this is fantastic.

00:43:30.000 And could picking a partner based solely on their natural beauty help us find the one?

00:43:36.000 I've never met anybody like this before and I don't know where to look.

00:43:40.000 Let's find out.

00:43:41.000 Why is everyone nude there?

00:43:43.000 Does the contestant have to get nude too?

00:43:46.000 This is the hardest decision of my life.

00:43:48.000 Oh my god.

00:43:49.000 Hardest decision of my life.

00:43:52.000 Every naked body has something to offer.

00:43:54.000 And as someone who's been cozy with Arthur and Martha, I appreciate the beauty and the best.

00:43:58.000 Aren't they ruining sex by making it so clinical?

00:44:01.000 Like, I'm not attracted to that woman at all, the way she talks about sex all the time.

00:44:05.000 You should blush if you're a lady when you talk about sex.

00:44:07.000 It can be totally fake, but at least pretend that you're not constantly dealing with penises all the time.

00:44:15.000 This is boring.

00:44:15.000 All right, jump ahead.

00:44:17.000 Oh, so she's a lesbian.

00:44:20.000 Oh, science, nerve-endings, greater sexual pleasure.

00:44:23.000 See?

00:44:24.000 It's not just gratuitous nudity.

00:44:26.000 It's a science show.

00:44:28.000 I've got a handful for you, Saf.

00:44:29.000 I'd say so.

00:44:30.000 That'd be fine, yeah.

00:44:31.000 Okay.

00:44:32.000 That'd be fine, yeah.

00:44:33.000 Yellow.

00:44:34.000 I wouldn't want a little rumpy pumpy with those.

00:44:36.000 Do you like a girl to have those proper sort of hips yet?

00:44:39.000 Really?

00:44:39.000 Yeah, I think it's just because it's womanly.

00:44:41.000 That's what you expect, I think.

00:44:43.000 Well, the hips don't lie.

00:44:44.000 A recent study shows women with bigger hips may be more sexually open.

00:44:49.000 Moving on.

00:44:50.000 Yeah, they don't have a choice.

00:44:53.000 It's called desperation.

00:44:54.000 The tattoos, very, very sexy.

00:44:57.000 Nice boobs again.

00:44:58.000 So are the hips sort of wide enough for you?

00:45:00.000 Oh, yeah.

00:45:02.000 I'm not buying this.

00:45:04.000 I'm not buying that lesbians care how wide your hips are.

00:45:08.000 Okay.

00:45:09.000 I mean, judging by the lesbians I've seen in New York, they're not very shallow people.

00:45:13.000 They let you get away with a lot.

00:45:14.000 To the girl that at the moment you find least physically attractive...

00:45:21.000 I'll take any of those.

00:45:22.000 You think that's gross, Ryan?

00:45:22.000 Let me know when you've made it.

00:45:24.000 No, that's mean.

00:45:26.000 Oh, I see.

00:45:27.000 Least attractive.

00:45:29.000 Okay.

00:45:30.000 Yeah.

00:45:31.000 It's going to have to be green.

00:45:33.000 Why, Sapphire?

00:45:35.000 Just a tiny bit curvier than I would normally go for, but still perfect boobs.

00:45:39.000 Okay, Saff.

00:45:40.000 We'd better see who you are saying goodbye to.

00:45:44.000 Show her.

00:45:45.000 This is Vicki.

00:45:49.000 She's 24 and she's a waitress from Manchester.

00:45:53.000 She'd be pretty, I knew it.

00:45:54.000 Vicky, come and join us.

00:45:57.000 Come and look at you.

00:45:59.000 Oh, look at her waddle onto the stage.

00:46:00.000 This is so cruel.

00:46:02.000 Again, the meanest, most sexist fraternity in the world would not do this.

00:46:08.000 Feminists, the matriarchy, the left is way more of a big, mean jock than we could ever be.

00:46:15.000 I'm actually brutally uncomfortable from this.

00:46:18.000 Go back.

00:46:18.000 What'd she say?

00:46:19.000 Let's see what she said.

00:46:20.000 That was really nice and it actually meant for really good.

00:46:24.000 Wait, go back.

00:46:25.000 They're so empowered.

00:46:26.000 Women have a self-esteem problem.

00:46:27.000 Too much self-esteem.

00:46:28.000 But she said, I thought I looked great and I did a great job being last.

00:46:31.000 Oh, you're great already.

00:46:32.000 It was quite nice having someone review my body.

00:46:35.000 They said I had a nice bump.

00:46:37.000 And it actually meant for really good.

00:46:40.000 It was quite fun.

00:46:42.000 A little bit crazy, but yeah, it was fun.

00:46:44.000 Where do they find these people?

00:46:46.000 Anyway, sorry, I just thought I would update you on what's going on in the UK and what happens when the left is left to their own devices.

00:46:54.000 You know what they do?

00:46:55.000 They ruin sex.

00:47:12.000 You know what I would do if I single and I like to check?

00:47:12.000 Go ahead.

00:47:14.000 What?

00:47:15.000 Show up at her door or her work or somewhere where she is with flowers and a box of chocolates.

00:47:21.000 Flowers, for sure.

00:47:22.000 I have a crush on you.

00:47:24.000 When was that last done?

00:47:26.000 I do that.

00:47:27.000 When I first started courting my wife, I made her a mixtape, like a cassette.

00:47:31.000 It was probably, this was 2001.

00:47:33.000 This was probably the last cassette ever made for a chick.

00:47:37.000 But it had a good set list.

00:47:39.000 They're bringing back Walkman.

00:47:41.000 Walkman's re-releasing, yeah.

00:47:41.000 Really?

00:47:42.000 But I think it has an MP3 angle to it, which is...

00:47:46.000 Yeah, but it could also play tapes.

00:47:48.000 Oh, really?

00:47:49.000 Huh.

00:47:49.000 Yeah.

00:47:50.000 That's fun.

00:47:52.000 All right, should we catch up on the mail bag after looking at a bunch of mail bags?

00:47:56.000 I'm sorry, by the way, 13-year-olds and parents, if you had to see that.

00:48:03.000 Wait a minute.

00:48:03.000 I don't want 13-year-olds looking at nudity.

00:48:05.000 Don't try to frame me saying I encourage.

00:48:08.000 Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.

00:48:12.000 Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.

00:48:18.000 Let me touch it.

00:48:20.000 Google Ads, important updates about the California Consumer Privacy Act.

00:48:25.000 Google, you kicked me off AdSense a long ass time ago.

00:48:29.000 It's funny, I keep getting these emails from PayPal and Instagram saying they're going to be changing things.

00:48:36.000 Yeah.

00:48:37.000 All right.

00:48:38.000 CK, Gavin, you're undermining your own show by yelling at Ryan.

00:48:42.000 Please settle your issues with him off air.

00:48:45.000 It is very stressful and unpleasant and mostly unfunny to have to listen to in the middle of your podcast.

00:48:52.000 Sounds like me yelling at my belligerent teenage son.

00:48:55.000 Total downer.

00:48:56.000 Sorry, but true, CLK.

00:48:58.000 Now you watch your mouth, CK.

00:49:00.000 Shut up, Ryan.

00:49:02.000 True.

00:49:04.000 I have Stockholm syndrome.

00:49:05.000 This is from Zach.

00:49:07.000 Hey, Gavin, I've been following you and your content before you're purged, blah, blah, blah.

00:49:11.000 I don't normally go out of my way to complain about things, but this was very much in my face.

00:49:15.000 I work for GameStop and found this article in the newest edition of the magazine they publish.

00:49:20.000 The whole article can be found online, but the picture attached is just more obvious racism.

00:49:25.000 According to Matthew Cato, it is in fact okay to consciously avoid hiring white males.

00:49:31.000 That's definitely where we are with the DNC.

00:49:34.000 If that isn't more racist, I don't know what is.

00:49:37.000 Wait, you mean if that isn't racist?

00:49:39.000 I need to share this with you, blah, blah, blah.

00:49:41.000 And then he sends a clip.

00:49:42.000 Brass Lion was created to tell stories you won't get from most studios because it's not set up like most studios.

00:49:48.000 Brass Lion wants to actively hire developers of color and other diverse backgrounds, consciously bucking the trend of male whiteness.

00:49:57.000 In a country that's 50% male and about 75% white.

00:50:02.000 Let's do that in Japan.

00:50:04.000 We are bucking the trend of male Japanese men.

00:50:08.000 We are trying to hire Sikhs in Tokyo.

00:50:12.000 Okay.

00:50:13.000 That poor Sikh has like 67 jobs.

00:50:16.000 So how does, on your headphones, how does this sound?

00:50:21.000 A lot quieter than before.

00:50:24.000 It was before it was like, now it's like, it's like, if that was, before was Howard Dean, what he did.

00:50:30.000 Yeah.

00:50:31.000 And now Velcro Howard Dean, he would, he would be in the race still.

00:50:34.000 Wait, you want to be president?

00:50:36.000 Well, yeah, I've been in politics a long time.

00:50:37.000 I'm a liberal Democrat.

00:50:41.000 How do you say yeah?

00:50:42.000 If I was super excited, I might go like, yeah.

00:50:44.000 Sorry.

00:50:46.000 Could have told you that a long time ago.

00:50:48.000 You say, yeah, weird.

00:50:49.000 And all world leaders have to say yeah, exactly like Lemmy would on stage.

00:50:55.000 So bye-bye.

00:50:58.000 I swear, mark my words.

00:51:00.000 In 10 years, you'll have guys farting on TV.

00:51:04.000 Now that'll be embarrassing.

00:51:07.000 Fart.

00:51:08.000 Fart.

00:51:09.000 If oh, fart.

00:51:11.000 Oh, fat.

00:51:11.000 It's fart.

00:51:13.000 Oh, oh.

00:51:14.000 Oh, that?

00:51:14.000 Yeah, yeah, no, they happen all the time.

00:51:16.000 They come out of your butt.

00:51:16.000 It's so fart.

00:51:19.000 Do it again?

00:51:24.000 That is beyond cute.

00:51:27.000 Oh, fart.

00:51:28.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:51:31.000 He is so serious.

00:51:33.000 I had lunch with him today.

00:51:35.000 And I said, do you reach Starstruck?

00:51:35.000 Nice.

00:51:39.000 No, the Mrs. was in the city.

00:51:42.000 And we went and had lunch.

00:51:43.000 And I told him that I was talking about that on the show.

00:51:45.000 And he's old now.

00:51:46.000 He's an old man.

00:51:48.000 It's a fart.

00:51:49.000 He's six.

00:51:50.000 You whippersnapper.

00:51:51.000 It's a fart, dude.

00:51:53.000 And I said, you want to see it?

00:51:54.000 And he goes, I don't want to see that.

00:51:56.000 Wow.

00:51:56.000 Yeah.

00:51:57.000 I don't watch my own stuff.

00:51:58.000 I don't like baby them.

00:51:59.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:52:00.000 I don't like babies.

00:52:01.000 It's like Gary Coleman said.

00:52:03.000 I don't like kids.

00:52:05.000 And being good at it, if you will.

00:52:07.000 Even when I was a kid, I didn't like kids.

00:52:09.000 I couldn't relate.

00:52:11.000 Arsenio.

00:52:12.000 Height-wise, you totally could relate.

00:52:13.000 Hey, guys, I thought you'd find it interesting that the creator of a popular superhero comic book says superhero culture is embarrassing.

00:52:20.000 Oh, I just can't.

00:52:22.000 Please don't send us porn on this site.

00:52:26.000 And then he ends with, I like your new sunglasses.

00:52:28.000 Watchman creator Alan Moore calls superhero culture embarrassing.

00:52:31.000 The continuing popularity of these movies to me suggests some kind of deliberate, self-imposed state of emotional arrest.

00:52:37.000 Thank you, sir.

00:52:39.000 Thank you.

00:52:40.000 Superheroes are for loser seven-year-olds, six-year-olds, not eight-year-olds.

00:52:48.000 If you're eight, you need to grow the fuck up.

00:52:51.000 If you're eight and you're into Spider-Man and you have a Spider-Man costume, you're a fucking loser.

00:52:56.000 It's for seven.

00:52:58.000 It's for seven and down.

00:53:00.000 And it's for seven-year-olds who feel like they're nothing.

00:53:04.000 And they want to imagine a world where no one knows that they secretly have super strength.

00:53:09.000 And you know what?

00:53:10.000 That's very healthy for a tiny little child.

00:53:13.000 That's a very healthy way to deal with a problem in your life.

00:53:17.000 It's not very healthy for a fucking 35-year-old.

00:53:21.000 He's a fag.

00:53:22.000 I wish he was a fag.

00:53:24.000 Fag's not an insult anymore.

00:53:26.000 Yeah, right.

00:53:27.000 Fags build chicken coops and make their own wine and stuff.

00:53:30.000 That's a shirt.

00:53:31.000 Yeah, and can do a flip.

00:53:35.000 A fag can do a flip off a cliff, a backflip, and land it perfectly.

00:53:39.000 You wish you could do that.

00:53:40.000 You wish you were a fag.

00:53:42.000 Yeah.

00:53:43.000 That was an insult back when men were super masculine.

00:53:46.000 Now it's like fags?

00:53:48.000 No, thank you.

00:53:49.000 Too many workouts, and they make too much shit.

00:53:52.000 They're always like building a business or something.

00:53:56.000 I'm more gay than a fag.

00:54:00.000 Actually, that last fag I didn't like.

00:54:01.000 That was a little too...

00:54:05.000 Yeah, I like it when it's ironic.

00:54:06.000 That last one was a little too comfortable.

00:54:09.000 I hereby withdraw that last use of the word fag.

00:54:12.000 We redact it.

00:54:13.000 We redact it, if you will.

00:54:15.000 Oh my God, this is so perfect.

00:54:16.000 Thank you, viewer who sent this letter.

00:54:18.000 He went on to discuss how these characters are meant for a 12 or 13-year-old audience.

00:54:23.000 A little high, but I get you.

00:54:24.000 And the strange turn things have taken with films geared toward adult crowds.

00:54:29.000 Thank you.

00:54:31.000 Emotional rest combined with a numbing condition of cultural stasis that can be witnessed in comics, movies, popular music, and indeed right across the cultural spectrum.

00:54:40.000 Well, I mean, my work is done here.

00:54:43.000 And the fact that one of the guys in the industry said that so awesome.

00:54:50.000 Alan Moore.

00:54:52.000 What is this now?

00:54:55.000 Sense of purpose correlated positively with white-collar jobs.

00:54:59.000 50 states of purpose, examining sense of purpose.

00:55:02.000 Dude, you can't just send me some really complicated study.

00:55:06.000 Nobody comes.

00:55:08.000 Just read all 30 pages of this, take in the study, and then discuss it on the show?

00:55:08.000 What am I going to do?

00:55:12.000 Thanks for the homework assignment, dad.

00:55:15.000 What are you, Mr. Hond?

00:55:17.000 There are pictures.

00:55:18.000 Do you know who Mr. Hand is?

00:55:21.000 Not from South Park, I'm guessing.

00:55:23.000 No.

00:55:23.000 Okay, but there is a Mr. Hand in South Park.

00:55:25.000 Let me see, Mr. Hand.

00:55:26.000 Have you not seen Fast Times at Ridgemount High?

00:55:28.000 Oh, you dick.

00:55:31.000 I saw it when I was like 14 and loved it.

00:55:33.000 Okay, good, good, good.

00:55:34.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:55:34.000 But I forget everything.

00:55:36.000 Jeff Bicoli wastes so much of Mr. Hand's time that on the night of prom, he shows up at his house and says, you've wasted approximately three hours of my time.

00:55:47.000 I'm going to get it back.

00:55:48.000 And he shows up.

00:55:49.000 It's great when he knocks on the door, too, because Jeff Spicoli thinks it's his brother.

00:55:52.000 And he goes, I do not hear you unless you knock.

00:55:56.000 Which is such a classic big brother thing.

00:55:59.000 I know I am a big brother.

00:56:01.000 We used to do that.

00:56:02.000 We were very strict about knocking.

00:56:04.000 In fact, to this day with my daughter's door, I'm always like, knock, knock, knock.

00:56:08.000 I know the rules.

00:56:09.000 When does he go to his house?

00:56:10.000 I don't think the clip's available, but here's a little Mr. Hand.

00:56:13.000 Think about it.

00:56:15.000 Cuba owned by a disorganized parliament over 4,000 miles away.

00:56:20.000 Cubans were in a constant...

00:56:26.000 His face alone distracts him.

00:56:29.000 Hey, Mr. Hand.

00:56:32.000 Cubans were in a constant state of revolt.

00:56:35.000 In 1904, the United States decided to throw a little weight around and who is it?

00:56:45.000 Mr. Pizza Guy.

00:56:47.000 Mr. Pizza Guy, sir.

00:56:47.000 Again?

00:56:51.000 She's so beautiful in that movie, isn't she?

00:56:54.000 Yeah, what's her name again?

00:56:55.000 Bay, over here.

00:56:57.000 Over here, dude.

00:56:59.000 Over here, dude.

00:57:07.000 All right, that's enough.

00:57:08.000 We could watch that all day.

00:57:09.000 Yeah, it was hypnotized just there.

00:57:11.000 Last episode, you were discussing how ridiculous the ads on Daily Mail are.

00:57:15.000 Well, do you remember Brendan Eich, the Mozilla CEO that was fired for donating to a supposedly homophobic charity?

00:57:22.000 You covered the firing on your own show on Compound.

00:57:24.000 Yes, I'm obsessed with that firing.

00:57:27.000 This guy donated to an allegedly homophobic charity.

00:57:30.000 We don't know the context.

00:57:32.000 Brendan Eyke, he isn't, but he could be a gay whose dad said, look, I don't want you to get married and I'm against this.

00:57:40.000 I know it goes against your religion, but could you just donate to this anti-gay charity or this pro-marriage charity as my last wish?

00:57:47.000 And Brendan was like, sure, dad.

00:57:49.000 Or I know plenty of gays that are against gay marriage.

00:57:51.000 Bruce LeBruce says, why are we trying to become straights?

00:57:54.000 We're gay.

00:57:55.000 So it could have been that.

00:57:56.000 You don't know the impetus.

00:57:58.000 You're not in his fucking head.

00:57:59.000 But this county couple, this horrible, shitty couple.

00:58:05.000 It's Bruce LeBruce.

00:58:06.000 Shut him down.

00:58:08.000 And then gloated about it years later, wondering how Brendan Ike's doing.

00:58:12.000 And Brendan Ike said, well, I'm unemployed, which is what you were going for.

00:58:17.000 Find the couple, the gays who shut down Brendan Ike.

00:58:20.000 They don't represent homosexuals.

00:58:22.000 Homosexuals are generally not political.

00:58:25.000 They're sort of like blue-collars in South Brooklyn, or blacks in Harlem.

00:58:32.000 They have bigger fish to fry than the nuances of the Huffington Post.

00:58:36.000 But there is a contingent of homosexuals, usually ugly.

00:58:40.000 They have trouble getting laid, which, as a gay, is shocking.

00:58:44.000 If you can't get laid and you're gay, you are a hideous fucking loser who's forced instincts.

00:58:50.000 And that's who these guys are.

00:58:53.000 And they got him fired and they keep antagonizing him.

00:58:57.000 Why don't you just look up guy who got Brendan Ike fired?

00:59:01.000 Okay.

00:59:04.000 He went on to create the Brave browser.

00:59:07.000 Yes, I think I have it on my doohickey down here.

00:59:10.000 He went on to create the Brave browser, which is the best browser I've ever used.

00:59:14.000 It has AdBlock built in and does a great job of getting around websites that will block you for using AdBlock.

00:59:19.000 It's also very fast.

00:59:21.000 All right.

00:59:22.000 So let me go.

00:59:24.000 I guess I have to download it.

00:59:26.000 I thought I already did.

00:59:28.000 I'm downloading it now, sir.

00:59:30.000 And then what we'll do is we'll go to Daily Mail.

00:59:34.000 Did you find the guy yet, Ryan?

00:59:35.000 Because I have another assignment for you.

00:59:37.000 And I know I'm not allowed to chastise you.

00:59:39.000 So we'll be very civil as we discuss this.

00:59:42.000 I'm looking for a name, a man and a woman.

00:59:46.000 All right, give up on that.

00:59:47.000 Download Brave and then go to dailymail.uk while I skip to the next letter and we'll come back.

00:59:57.000 This one's from Pete.

00:59:59.000 Gavin, did you know Jesse Hughes from EODM Equals a Death Metal is probably you?

01:00:06.000 I think he's a conservative, too.

01:00:07.000 Just wanted to point that out.

01:00:08.000 Epstein didn't kill himself.

01:00:09.000 Thank you, Pete.

01:00:11.000 Again, millennials talking to old people like they know what they are doing.

01:00:15.000 I know Jesse Hughes.

01:00:17.000 I hung out with him.

01:00:18.000 I interviewed him on my old show, wherein I talked to him about the security guards at Batta Clan.

01:00:25.000 And I said, he told me about some weird behavior.

01:00:29.000 And he said that they're usually really strict if you have a cigarette out back because they don't want people coming in the back.

01:00:33.000 But this time, the security guards went past him, opened up the back, looked down both alleys, and then went back in and didn't say a word to him.

01:00:42.000 So he noticed strange behavior.

01:00:44.000 He posited a theory that the security of Batta Clan were in on the attack.

01:00:48.000 And we know that Eagles of Death Metal were attacked by Islamists and they killed something like 89 people in horrible ways.

01:00:53.000 They cut off men's genitalia, stuffed it in their mouth.

01:00:56.000 They eviscerated pregnant women, pulled out the babies.

01:00:59.000 They tortured these people for about 20 minutes before the cops showed up.

01:01:04.000 Blood fucking everywhere.

01:01:07.000 Maybe it wasn't 20 minutes.

01:01:10.000 And just for having that theory, that credible theory, his career was devastated.

01:01:16.000 They totally crushed him for doing that.

01:01:20.000 Oh, I already had Brave, but now I have Brave Browser.

01:01:23.000 Maybe that's a newer one.

01:01:27.000 And there was like a big mural in LA that had all these great LA people that are rock stars like what's his name, Elliot Smith and all those dudes.

01:01:39.000 And they airbrushed him out of the mural for daring to criticize Islam.

01:01:45.000 Can you believe that shit?

01:01:47.000 And then I think they had a benefit a year later where YouTube played or something, and they wouldn't let Jesse be a part of it because he had dared to disparage Islam.

01:01:56.000 This is a guy who was shot at by terrorists, bullets whizzing past his head.

01:02:03.000 Oh, this is taking a long time here.

01:02:05.000 I'll have to do that another day.

01:02:08.000 Still downloading my Brave Over Here tool?

01:02:10.000 Did you ever find the couple?

01:02:13.000 No, I did the Brave thing, and now I'm back on it.

01:02:16.000 Who had Brendan Ike fired?

01:02:19.000 Seems like a lot of people internally came out.

01:02:22.000 And then I just click on images, and I scroll down images until I see a gay.

01:02:27.000 G. Why are you gay?

01:02:30.000 Oh, man.

01:02:31.000 Where is it?

01:02:31.000 I don't see any gays.

01:02:33.000 I know.

01:02:34.000 I think they got harassed.

01:02:35.000 Apparently, Brendan Ike was this genius coder that we lost because he donated to a charity.

01:02:41.000 And did you see that fucking Chick-fil-A has said they won't donate to companies that are perceived?

01:02:49.000 It's not anti-gay companies.

01:02:51.000 It's companies that are perceived that way.

01:02:53.000 Like I saw Rage Against the Machine had a big banner behind them that said Nazi lives don't matter.

01:03:00.000 Which sounds okay.

01:03:01.000 Like we did kill them in World War II, but it's like, wait a minute, what's your definition of a Nazi?

01:03:05.000 Like Kellyanne Conway?

01:03:07.000 Should she be shot in the head?

01:03:08.000 Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, any of those people I discussed yesterday in the conservative Civil War?

01:03:16.000 Oh, I think I may have found it.

01:03:17.000 We don't need y'all civil war.

01:03:20.000 I didn't find it.

01:03:21.000 You got to see these two.

01:03:22.000 I'm not going to give up this show until we find them.

01:03:24.000 They're really, really unattractive.

01:03:27.000 Are they from Mozilla?

01:03:29.000 No.

01:03:29.000 Or they're just an outraged couple.

01:03:31.000 Yeah.

01:03:33.000 Outraged couple.

01:03:34.000 Gay activist who had Brendan Icke fired?

01:03:40.000 Anyway, see if you can dig that up because it's very relevant.

01:03:43.000 You know, we keep talking about how this group sucks.

01:03:46.000 Like these, and I would actually include a lot of liberals in that.

01:03:49.000 There's a lot of sane liberals, but it's this shrill, loud 5%.

01:03:56.000 It's the 5% that make you hate the group.

01:03:59.000 5% of gays are annoying political assholes that want to make you bake a cake for them.

01:04:05.000 The rest are normal and aren't even political.

01:04:11.000 All right, this is going on and on forever.

01:04:13.000 All right, let's get back to the next letter while you still try to find those gays.

01:04:19.000 And we will be using the Brave browser.

01:04:21.000 Maybe we'll talk about that tomorrow.

01:04:22.000 Ooh, wait, wait.

01:04:24.000 As a gay couple who are unable to get married in California until recently, we are morally cannot support a foundation that would leave somebody with hateful views in power.

01:04:32.000 Why are you doing it as Dinesh D'Souza?

01:04:34.000 No, that is not Dinesh D'Souza.

01:04:36.000 This is Dinesh D'Souza.

01:04:37.000 You can't do it yet.

01:04:38.000 If I were to be a toad.

01:04:45.000 Yeah, his Indian accent is like 7%.

01:04:50.000 Yeah, that's exactly it, to be fair.

01:04:52.000 But look, this might be them.

01:04:55.000 So I've found their quote.

01:04:56.000 Now I must find them.

01:04:58.000 Yes.

01:04:58.000 You must find them.

01:04:59.000 Maybe there's a tweet.

01:05:00.000 Bring them to me.

01:05:02.000 Gay, gay couple tweet about Brendan Ike, and then I'll put in response.

01:05:13.000 Because he was like, yeah, I'm exactly where you wanted to me.

01:05:18.000 Dang it.

01:05:19.000 Oh, yeah, and it wasn't just the so those gays started it, but then everyone piled in on him.

01:05:24.000 Yeah, that's why it's hard to find.

01:05:25.000 It's literally like a hundred people.

01:05:26.000 Oh, I found him.

01:05:27.000 Uh-oh.

01:05:28.000 I got him.

01:05:30.000 Bay Area reporter.

01:05:34.000 Yeah.

01:05:35.000 So it was Rare Bits Michael Lintorn.

01:05:40.000 Oh, Catlin.

01:05:42.000 I was on the right track.

01:05:42.000 Michael Lintorn Catlin and his husband, Rare Bits CEO.

01:05:47.000 Oh, I assume they're competition.

01:05:49.000 What a coincidence that these gays actually stand to benefit financially from Brendan Eyeke being erased.

01:05:58.000 And it says, co-founder Hampton Lintorn Catlin were dismayed to learn that the new Mozilla CEO donated to the Proposition 8 campaign against same-sex marriage.

01:06:07.000 By the way, basically every black person in all of California voted against that.

01:06:15.000 But I don't see the gays getting up in arms against black Californians.

01:06:18.000 I'll send you this link.

01:06:21.000 I found it before you, which is a concern.

01:06:24.000 Ugh.

01:06:26.000 Such ugly fucking losers with such gross, weak clothes.

01:06:33.000 Look at the material of his sweatshirt and his weird, tired...

01:06:44.000 He's just so lazy.

01:06:46.000 He likes me, so.

01:06:48.000 Ah, well, it's easier than getting a girl.

01:06:50.000 He just blows me and stuff.

01:06:52.000 I manage to get sex down to like once a week, and I just get drunk first.

01:06:57.000 Anyway, those bastards dared to retweet him like it two years later and say, I wonder how he's doing.

01:07:01.000 Sorry, that's a long tangent for, I don't know.

01:07:06.000 What?

01:07:06.000 Gays are vindictive?

01:07:07.000 No, no, the 5% of gays.

01:07:09.000 95% of gays are good people.

01:07:13.000 Enjoyed this segment on the infighting on the right.

01:07:16.000 The only issue I have is that I don't consider a vast portion of the new right as conservative at all, especially if they consistently advocate for social media deplatforming of people they disagree with, but not extremists on the left.

01:07:28.000 I agree with you, sir, but I want to see the specifics.

01:07:31.000 Like, did Ben Shapiro say, I want Nick Fuentes removed from Twitter?

01:07:34.000 Or did he say, it's amazing that these guys are still on Twitter after denying the Holocaust or whatever.

01:07:40.000 Can I just say a brief thing about the Holocaust, Duke?

01:07:43.000 Yes.

01:07:44.000 Let's take the Nazis' best case scenario.

01:07:46.000 When I say Nazis, I mean it in the stupid liberal sense of like the modern Holocaust denier alt-right guy.

01:07:54.000 So his contention is it was not 6 million, it was 400,000, right?

01:07:58.000 By the way, 6 million is not a big slaughter when it comes to socialists and communists.

01:08:03.000 Holodomor, Stalin, Mao's got 80 million, 40 million with Stalin.

01:08:11.000 We've got some big numbers.

01:08:12.000 So 400,000 is very low.

01:08:14.000 But anyway, although I think Pol Pot was only 3,000, let's take your scenario where you're defending Nazis, which is a tough argument, folks.

01:08:25.000 That scenario still, oh, look, I'm doing this.

01:08:28.000 That scenario still has a democratically elected government picking up a religion of people and slaughtering them to the tune of hundreds of thousands.

01:08:41.000 Oh, I have heard another version, though, where they say, no, they weren't slaughtered on purpose.

01:08:45.000 They were starved to death because they couldn't bring them supplies.

01:08:48.000 To get to the bottom of that and become an expert would take a lot of work.

01:08:48.000 Whatever.

01:08:52.000 And why wouldn't you become an expert on the Great Leap Forward, the Maoist purges or the Stalinist purges?

01:08:59.000 It's history.

01:09:01.000 It is, but we get to a point where, you know, we've got to move forward.

01:09:07.000 Yeah, and also history is being rewritten in real time.

01:09:11.000 Right, yeah, there's 90,000 Christians killed a year by Islam.

01:09:15.000 This year, that will happen.

01:09:16.000 What's that?

01:09:17.000 250 a day?

01:09:19.000 And let's say every, you know, let's say somebody figures out exactly what happened back then.

01:09:25.000 I mean, how does that help now?

01:09:27.000 You know, there's plenty you could be paying attention.

01:09:31.000 You know, you go to you, when you're in Russia, they talk about the communist purges like, oh, yeah, yeah, I remember that.

01:09:36.000 Yeah, millions of people died.

01:09:39.000 Go to China, mouse statues everywhere.

01:09:41.000 Didn't he kill 80 million of you?

01:09:43.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:09:45.000 The trains ran on time, though.

01:09:46.000 Got to break some eggs to make a milkshake.

01:09:48.000 That's true.

01:09:50.000 I'm not saying that American Jews should treat the Holocaust the way Chinese and Russians do.

01:09:58.000 I'm just saying that these alt-right guys that say it wasn't so bad, even their version is really fucking bad.

01:10:04.000 All right.

01:10:06.000 What's the point in winning elections if these people co-opt the Trump movement, having previously been never Trump and called him alt-right, call for the deportation of Trump supporters?

01:10:16.000 If everything they stand for is indistinguishable from the left of 10 years ago, these people advocate for unbridled legal immigration to the point that conservatives will very soon have almost no chance to win elections for the foreseeable future, unless, of course, they move drastically to the left.

01:10:29.000 What's your stance on legal immigration?

01:10:31.000 Does it really matter if it's by the books?

01:10:33.000 Oh, this is the new argument that people are saying, where even legal immigration is out of control.

01:10:39.000 I'm fine with legal immigration.

01:10:41.000 I think America is already really fucking strict.

01:10:44.000 As someone who immigrated here, when you sort of poo-poo it and say that it's fine, I don't think you've tried it.

01:10:50.000 It's a fucking chore.

01:10:51.000 It cost me $10,000 to get my green card, and I had an H-1B visa.

01:10:55.000 I had to update that four times, going to an immigration lawyer every time.

01:10:58.000 By the way, I came here and I brought about 20 jobs and then those jobs ballooned to, well, today, thousands of jobs, but when I left, still hundreds of jobs.

01:11:07.000 So I was the perfect candidate for an immigrant to America.

01:11:10.000 And it was still a fucking whore to get in here.

01:11:14.000 If everyone had to go through that, it'd be a much better country.

01:11:18.000 Who's to even say if it's possible to make a change?

01:11:20.000 Do you think it matters if Europeans become a minority in the U.S.?

01:11:23.000 This is the whole demographic argument.

01:11:26.000 And I've made it clear, and things could change.

01:11:29.000 I mean, I have to be very careful how I speak here because everyone's combing through what I say with a fine-tooth comb.

01:11:38.000 Right now, the ideal is that we have visible minorities, all these different ethnic groups that come here, but they assimilate.

01:11:45.000 Now, if there's more Balkanization and those groups aren't assimilating, that changes the whole formula.

01:11:51.000 But as of, you know, 2019, for the most part, outside of like the Muslims in Somalia and a bunch of Chinatowns, it seems that immigrants, especially second generation, tend to be assimilating.

01:12:05.000 Now, I can see that changing.

01:12:07.000 In fact, we've seen a lot of radical Muslims be more radical than their parents, like the Sarnev brothers.

01:12:12.000 And we're seeing the children of Mexican immigrants be more unilingual than their parents were and less patriotic than their parents are, less likely to carry an American flag.

01:12:21.000 So that's a disturbing pattern.

01:12:23.000 But until that becomes the norm, I don't give a shit what race you are.

01:12:28.000 I'm about ideas, not skin color.

01:12:33.000 I heard you say you might consider yourself as more the Charlie Kirk.

01:12:36.000 This is probably not the case as far as I can sell.

01:12:38.000 And Nick himself was a fan of yours, blah, blah, blah.

01:12:40.000 He's talking about Nick Fuentes.

01:12:42.000 These people have no issue with you.

01:12:43.000 And there's clearly a growing network of acquaintances you share.

01:12:45.000 This is a weird thing that's going on, by the way, with these letters.

01:12:48.000 I'm getting really pushed to embrace Fuentes.

01:12:53.000 And it's reminding me of Charlottesville, where I was getting nagged on a daily basis that I have to go there.

01:12:59.000 And if I care about statues, I'll be there.

01:13:03.000 It's not racist, and it's not alt-right.

01:13:06.000 That's why I haven't asked you to go to the Joker to see the Joker with me more than twice.

01:13:10.000 I asked you twice.

01:13:11.000 You said, can't do it.

01:13:12.000 If I overhype it, then you're going to be like, you know what?

01:13:14.000 Fuck the Joker.

01:13:16.000 No, it's just suspicious.

01:13:16.000 I've heard enough of it.

01:13:18.000 Like the way I get, like, why do you want me to be a Nick fan?

01:13:22.000 I think Milo's going to have him on the show.

01:13:23.000 He'll have a chance to speak his mind.

01:13:26.000 We have free speech.

01:13:29.000 Take a look at the faces of the new right and think which one of them has supported you.

01:13:33.000 We don't want them to go away, and they don't have to be on board.

01:13:35.000 We want them to tell the truth and allow a big tent movement.

01:13:38.000 It would be awesome to have Nick on at some point with Milo.

01:13:40.000 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

01:13:42.000 Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick.

01:13:44.000 This is from Richard.

01:13:46.000 In the blind dating, flirty dancing video you ended the show with Tuesday, how did those two blind guys dance so perfectly queer?

01:13:53.000 I get it was choreographed, but that was too good for two fairies without sight.

01:13:57.000 I think you were so lost in the homosexuality you didn't realize they couldn't see.

01:14:00.000 I think you may be misunderstanding the term blind date, Richard.

01:14:06.000 Joe Swole, what's up, fellas?

01:14:09.000 This letter is like a million words long.

01:14:14.000 What's up, fellas?

01:14:15.000 Gavin, you talked a lot recently about how those on the right can no longer expect to receive justice in the end, especially the average working-class family man.

01:14:21.000 Yes.

01:14:22.000 And I'm noticing that juries are all 20-something women.

01:14:26.000 And sorry, but if you talk to any lawyer in criminal justice, he'll tell you that when he's choosing a jury, he goes for the lowest IQ possible because they tend to be the most malleable and the most easily influenced.

01:14:39.000 And those tend to be chicks, tend to be young single women.

01:14:42.000 The jury that put Max and John in jail were prison were, I don't even think they were New Yorkers.

01:14:48.000 I think they were Midwestern young girls probably interning at fucking Vanity Fair.

01:14:52.000 And they would just come in there with their little pantsuits and go, throw away the key.

01:14:58.000 Look at what happened to our boys.

01:14:59.000 We're under 10% justifying their actions.

01:15:01.000 Even had video evidence showing the truth.

01:15:03.000 Had a pretty sick defense team thanks to you and donations, but it didn't matter.

01:15:06.000 The media tried them in the court of public opinion.

01:15:08.000 Cuomo sick is lackey judge on them.

01:15:10.000 A travesty of justice has taken place.

01:15:12.000 They have, yeah, they had the sentence before they got those guys.

01:15:14.000 And the same with Dinesh D'Souza, and the same with Roger Stone, and the same with Nasla Bakuli Nasla, who did the Muhammad video.

01:15:20.000 They have the sentence ready, and they just work backwards.

01:15:24.000 It's called malicious persecution.

01:15:26.000 And it's becoming the norm in our courts, especially when someone is pro-Trump.

01:15:32.000 Blah, blah, blah.

01:15:33.000 So he's telling me stuff I know.

01:15:35.000 Media's providing them cover.

01:15:37.000 Where the fuck are the Republicans?

01:15:38.000 I agree with you.

01:15:40.000 Jeffrey Epstein didn't kill himself.

01:15:42.000 Yeah, okay.

01:15:42.000 I'm not going to read that.

01:15:43.000 It's just me.

01:15:44.000 That guy's just saying me.

01:15:46.000 Hey, Uncle G. This is from Dave.

01:15:48.000 Not sure if you heard Clavin's show from Monday.

01:15:51.000 How would I have time to listen to Andrew Clavin?

01:15:54.000 I can barely get through free speech get caught up on Biggs and Milo and Soph and then Tucker and everything.

01:16:04.000 He mentioned the Proud Boys fighting and said, it doesn't matter which street brawler wins because the street brawlers are always essentially fascist.

01:16:12.000 That is a fascist way of putting forward your political ideas.

01:16:17.000 Jesus Christ, Claven.

01:16:19.000 They weren't out there looking for a fight.

01:16:21.000 They were attacked.

01:16:22.000 The Proud Boys crime is they are the only ones, outside of maybe Patriot Prayer and few others, War vet guys, what are they called?

01:16:30.000 Red Elephants or whatever.

01:16:31.000 They're the only ones willing to fight back.

01:16:35.000 The key is back.

01:16:37.000 Antifa's different.

01:16:38.000 Antifa goes there and starts violence.

01:16:41.000 This is a pussy.

01:16:43.000 Andrew Clavin is a pussy who has never been in a fight, talking about street fights like he knows what he's talking about.

01:16:49.000 He might as well be talking about threesomes.

01:16:52.000 Fucking loser.

01:16:53.000 And having hair.

01:16:54.000 Having hair, yeah.

01:16:55.000 Why don't you tell us, why don't you do, Andrew, hey, Andrew Clavin, why don't you do a whole show on hair products?

01:17:01.000 That's about as helpful as you are when it comes to fascist street brawlers.

01:17:05.000 Imagine he emails you back.

01:17:06.000 Actually, I have a lot of pubes.

01:17:08.000 Get your nose out of a book, you cunt.

01:17:12.000 I don't give a shit about your club, but I do think it's weird that you and the Shapiro crew never address each other directly.

01:17:16.000 Instead, you say, oh, we should be on the same page, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

01:17:19.000 And he only mentions you tangentially as less horrible than Milo.

01:17:23.000 That was a Ben Shapiro quote.

01:17:25.000 Have you invited any of these guys on your show?

01:17:27.000 Yes, I had Michael J. Knowles on my show.

01:17:29.000 I've been on Crowder with Claven.

01:17:32.000 Have you invited, yeah, you should at least be able to defend yourself when it comes to this stuff or go on their show so you can launder your Nazi image?

01:17:39.000 I've heard some people ask you that Fuentes.

01:17:41.000 Jesus fucking Christ.

01:17:47.000 Shapiro dudes are actually influential and you guys need to work your situation out.

01:17:50.000 Blah, blah, blah.

01:17:51.000 No, those guys won't go near me.

01:17:53.000 I'm Nick Fuentes to Andrew Clavin.

01:17:56.000 I like you less than a friend and Amy Schumer is not even close to a six, you dumb shit.

01:18:00.000 And he signed it David Cross.

01:18:02.000 Okay.

01:18:04.000 This is like when Milo, when I was talking about a show with Milo, I said, okay, let me think about it.

01:18:10.000 I mean, can you use, because it has to pay for itself.

01:18:13.000 You're a very expensive guy, Milo.

01:18:15.000 So I'd need X amount of subscribers for it to turn a profit.

01:18:18.000 It's not a charity here.

01:18:20.000 But let me think about it and we'll see what happens.

01:18:22.000 And it has been very beneficial, by the way.

01:18:24.000 Milo's show more than pays for itself.

01:18:26.000 But then that night on Telegram and through email, I got, I'd say, about 70 emails from midnight to about 3 a.m. saying, you know, you should consider Milo getting a show.

01:18:40.000 And he's clearly sick his minions on me.

01:18:43.000 And that's clearly what's happening with Fuentes here.

01:18:46.000 It's so fucking obvious.

01:18:48.000 They're basically bots.

01:18:50.000 Bots.

01:18:51.000 Bots.

01:18:52.000 If I was to say I'm a toad.

01:18:54.000 Well, if I was to take a toad and I was to throw it into a lake and it swam.

01:18:59.000 Into a lake.

01:19:00.000 I'm working on it.

01:19:01.000 We're editing the Dinesh D'Souza, Michael Shermer debate, so we have all these Dinesh Dineshisms in our head.

01:19:07.000 Make sure you got my good side.

01:19:11.000 He talks like a foreign language person who is the best at English in the world.

01:19:16.000 Like he wins all kinds of prizes for perfect English.

01:19:21.000 I love Dinesh.

01:19:22.000 I'm not disparaging him.

01:19:23.000 This episode is going to rock.

01:19:23.000 No, he's awesome.

01:19:25.000 Gavin, thanks for the segment on the Civil War between the trad right and the new right.

01:19:28.000 I'm with you.

01:19:29.000 I think this is a distraction.

01:19:30.000 Not a good look.

01:19:31.000 Thank you.

01:19:32.000 We have bigger fish to fry.

01:19:34.000 The left.

01:19:35.000 Why can't everyone on the right just get along?

01:19:37.000 Rachel, that made me sexually attracted to you, Rachel.

01:19:42.000 That's how much of a feminist I am.

01:19:44.000 I get sexually turned on by a woman's intelligence.

01:19:48.000 That's true.

01:19:51.000 I love video drops.

01:19:52.000 Sold.

01:19:53.000 I'm officially sold.

01:19:55.000 Speaking.

01:19:57.000 How is that spooky?

01:20:00.000 I don't know where that man came from, but that's his opinion.

01:20:07.000 Okay, where are we here?

01:20:09.000 You guys are fags for watching the gayest video on the planet.

01:20:12.000 Touche.

01:20:16.000 Anthony Hervey, a black pro-Confederate flag activist author, killed in 2015 under strange circumstances.

01:20:24.000 Huh.

01:20:26.000 Why I Wave the Confederate Flag by Anthony Hervey.

01:20:30.000 Okay, that's nice.

01:20:32.000 Good to know.

01:20:34.000 Okay, this is the last.

01:20:35.000 Should this be the last one?

01:20:36.000 Yeah, probably.

01:20:38.000 Ben, this is from Ben.

01:20:40.000 I'll always say your first names, folks.

01:20:42.000 I don't want you to get fired for watching a show.

01:20:45.000 Lads, this message comes in a time of desperation.

01:20:48.000 Several nights ago, after an evening of bourbon drinking, which I can no longer do, I climbed in bed with my fiancé.

01:20:54.000 I tossed and turned all night, which brewed a bourbon shitstorm inside of my lower intestine.

01:20:59.000 Been there.

01:21:00.000 This shitstorm was so powerful, it escaped from my anal lips without a moment's notice.

01:21:06.000 Sounds like this guy literally shit the bed.

01:21:08.000 Sounding like it, yep.

01:21:11.000 I've shit the bed before.

01:21:13.000 Not a lot.

01:21:14.000 It is a disaster.

01:21:16.000 It is.

01:21:17.000 It was like less than a thimble of diarrhea.

01:21:20.000 Oh, my God.

01:21:21.000 But you have to freak out.

01:21:22.000 You have to freak out and start scrubbing away.

01:21:25.000 I would recommend if you get like a shard on your sheets and you're on vacation or something, sacrifice your toothbrush.

01:21:32.000 Get some soap on it.

01:21:32.000 Wow.

01:21:33.000 Rub it on the, and then rub it on the thing.

01:21:35.000 Put it in the toilet or in the sink in the hot water.

01:21:37.000 Rub, rub, rub.

01:21:38.000 You don't have a toothbrush anymore.

01:21:39.000 Okay, fine.

01:21:40.000 Shard on your sheets.

01:21:41.000 It's a portable brush.

01:21:41.000 Number one.

01:21:43.000 Number two, be sure to throw that in the garbage.

01:21:46.000 Say goodbye to that toothbrush forever.

01:21:47.000 Yeah.

01:21:48.000 Don't think about repurposing it.

01:21:51.000 The release was so cacophonous that it woke my fiancé and myself from a post-party slumber.

01:21:57.000 I know this because she broke out in laughter and was laughing so hard, the mattress began to bounce me as I sat in a curled ball of shame on my side of the mattress, shedding one single man tear.

01:22:08.000 Is it possible to mend the bond which has been broken?

01:22:11.000 How can I ever regain my strength, trust, and confidence in my beehole?

01:22:15.000 I have an idea.

01:22:16.000 I like you more than a friend, Ben.

01:22:17.000 Ben, there's no turning back.

01:22:19.000 Well, this is what you tell her.

01:22:20.000 What?

01:22:24.000 Yeah.

01:22:24.000 Just tell her, fart.

01:22:28.000 Now I have to watch that 300 times.

01:22:34.000 Let me fill you in on farts.

01:22:36.000 Isn't that, you created something that would say, it's a fart.

01:22:40.000 I miss babies.

01:22:41.000 I want to have another baby.

01:22:42.000 Is that you making yourself laugh, technically?

01:22:45.000 No.

01:22:46.000 Weird.

01:22:48.000 The show is over.

01:22:48.000 All right.

01:22:50.000 Sorry.

01:22:51.000 We had a fun time, but you'll be very happy to hear that I have a final video that perfectly sums up the theme of today's show, which is Love Your Body.

01:23:00.000 This is a bizarre European art group who wants children to be okay with touching themselves or something.

01:23:12.000 And so they've made a video on a shitty song that reminds me of, what are they called?

01:23:18.000 Extinction Rebellion.

01:23:20.000 Those weird art fags that jump around.

01:23:25.000 It reminds me of that.

01:23:27.000 it's kind of a good example of how depraved liberal society is and how they ruin everything they touch including sex.

01:23:43.000 Imagine these people talking about economics.

01:23:47.000 What should the capital gains tax be, guys?

01:23:49.000 How do you feel about the estate tax?

01:23:52.000 Turn it up.

01:23:53.000 What's she saying?

01:23:56.000 I love to play with my friends.

01:24:04.000 Don't forget to ask friends.

01:24:07.000 Sometimes we want to play by ourselves.

01:24:10.000 So just pause.

01:24:12.000 The message so far is it's fun to have sex with people, but you have to ask first.

01:24:19.000 And then it's okay to masturbate.

01:24:20.000 Who is this geared towards?

01:24:23.000 Hey, little kids, it's not okay to have sex with your friends.

01:24:26.000 No.

01:24:28.000 Don't have sex until your late Teens.

01:24:32.000 No sex before that.

01:24:34.000 I guess you can play with yourself, sure.

01:24:36.000 But we don't want to hear about it.

01:24:39.000 Keep it to yourself.

01:24:42.000 I just want to play by myself now.

01:24:45.000 She just wants to play by herself now.

01:24:47.000 Who's this for?

01:24:49.000 I respect that.

01:24:51.000 That's right.

01:24:53.000 Who doesn't respect that a woman wants to touch her vagina?

01:24:58.000 True.

01:25:03.000 Can't you imagine dating her?

01:25:06.000 I kill myself.

01:25:12.000 Would you like to come in?

01:25:13.000 Really?

01:25:14.000 Heaven yes.

01:25:16.000 Sure.

01:25:18.000 She's going into a vagina.

01:25:22.000 I haven't seen this far into it.

01:25:25.000 That man, giant black gay man, has a is a vagina.

01:25:30.000 Anyone can be a vagina in my world.

01:25:33.000 This video should be called Brexit.

01:25:38.000 Leave Europe now.

01:25:40.000 It's a lost cause.

01:25:42.000 What are they doing now?

01:25:44.000 Man, there's reflective linoleum in her vagina?

01:25:47.000 Yeah, say what you want about this video.

01:25:48.000 They nailed the interior vagina thing.

01:25:52.000 Are you trying to tell me that childbirth is wonderful?

01:25:55.000 Because you're the one killing the babies.

01:25:57.000 Turning in here.

01:25:59.000 Would you like to come in, too?

01:26:02.000 You don't have a vagina, dude.

01:26:04.000 I'm not ready yet.

01:26:06.000 Mm-hmm.

01:26:07.000 Whenever you're ready, baby, own your body.

01:26:11.000 This is a pedophile video.

01:26:14.000 Yeah, this is age play.

01:26:17.000 Like, it's not directed to 17-year-olds.

01:26:21.000 Maybe it's an acid video.

01:26:22.000 It's made for drugs.

01:26:23.000 To get people on drugs horny or something.

01:26:25.000 Or it's a parody of children videos?

01:26:28.000 Maybe.

01:26:29.000 Oh, God.

01:26:29.000 Imagine you were on Acid.

01:26:31.000 Watching this on Acid.

01:26:32.000 That would be the end of your life.

01:26:34.000 Or DMT.

01:26:40.000 What is that, the labia?

01:26:42.000 Yeah.

01:26:44.000 If you're interested in childbirth, become Catholic and get married.

01:26:48.000 Can we cleanse the palate after this?

01:26:50.000 No.

01:26:51.000 Oh.

01:26:53.000 Do you have a palate cleanser?

01:26:54.000 Yes.

01:26:54.000 It's just a picture, but it has something to do with a toad.

01:26:58.000 Okay.

01:27:00.000 What are they doing now?

01:27:01.000 Oh, it's almost working out in the vagina?

01:27:03.000 Hey, man, you're looking pretty ripped.

01:27:04.000 Yeah, I've been going into this old black guy's vagina that's in a fourth dimension, and he's got an awesome weight set in there.

01:27:10.000 But I'm mostly doing lats.

01:27:14.000 Europe, what have you done to yourself?

01:27:17.000 Maybe we need another World War.

01:27:19.000 This is the longest six-minute video ever.

01:27:20.000 This takes six minutes.

01:27:21.000 No, hey, it feels like...

01:27:24.000 I don't know, but of course there's Underarm here.

01:27:30.000 Is that a green screen?

01:27:31.000 Yeah.

01:27:32.000 Wait, is it?

01:27:33.000 Turn it up.

01:27:35.000 I don't think it is.

01:27:36.000 And when you leave, you'll have so much strength and so much.

01:27:41.000 This is AOC.

01:27:42.000 This is Rashida Tlaib.

01:27:45.000 This is Elhan Omar.

01:27:46.000 This is the world that they want America to become.

01:27:49.000 Hello, I was just in a black man's vagina.

01:27:52.000 Oh, you look buffed.

01:27:55.000 They have credits, too.

01:27:56.000 Is this a kid show?

01:27:58.000 I don't know.

01:27:59.000 Baby, love your body.

01:28:01.000 Franny Sosa.

01:28:02.000 That's the main one.

01:28:03.000 It can't be.

01:28:05.000 Well, it's definitely not directed to adults.

01:28:07.000 Yeah.

01:28:08.000 The school of no big deal.

01:28:10.000 I thought that would be a funny way to end the show, but you're right.

01:28:12.000 I feel dirty.

01:28:13.000 Yeah.

01:28:14.000 We need a palette cleanser.

01:28:15.000 Well, just like a toad jumps into a lake.

01:28:18.000 Wait a minute.

01:28:18.000 I got a good palette cleanser.

01:28:20.000 We'll show yours too.

01:28:21.000 Okay.

01:28:23.000 Should we go to yours first?

01:28:24.000 Yeah, it's a letter we got, or some guy was like, "Oh, you think...

01:28:32.000 Wait till you see this chick.

01:28:34.000 And then he sent me...

01:28:41.000 Sorry.

01:28:42.000 It is okay.

01:28:44.000 Maybe I will look here and I will put in Simmons.

01:28:50.000 Oh, here we go.

01:28:53.000 I'll forward it to you now.

01:28:55.000 Okay.

01:28:56.000 It's a palette cleanser.

01:28:58.000 It's a jolly fish.

01:29:00.000 You know what that's from?

01:29:02.000 That's a you and your wife inside joke.

01:29:03.000 That's the movie Rushmore.

01:29:05.000 Bill Murray sees this girl painting a jellyfish, and he goes, what's that?

01:29:09.000 And she goes, oh, it's a jolly fish.

01:29:14.000 And then my wife says that all the time, it's a jolly fish.

01:29:18.000 And then I watch the clip and she's like, oh, oh, that's a jellyfish.

01:29:21.000 Oh, is this it?

01:29:21.000 It's a jellyfish.

01:29:24.000 Yeah.

01:29:25.000 It's a jellyfish.

01:29:27.000 And my wife would convince me that it was, ah, it's a jolly fish.

01:29:32.000 The game and telephone is often better.

01:29:34.000 Yeah.

01:29:34.000 You know?

01:29:35.000 I like hers better than that.

01:29:37.000 So what do you got?

01:29:39.000 Oh, okay.

01:29:40.000 Well, a man makes little toad hats.

01:29:43.000 This toad keeps coming to his backyard, so he starts making some little hats for him.

01:29:47.000 And then just look at these little galleries.

01:29:49.000 There you go.

01:29:49.000 That's your idea of a palette cleanser?

01:29:52.000 Just look at them.

01:29:54.000 These have got a little lasso, a little cowboy.

01:29:57.000 All right.

01:29:58.000 So.

01:29:59.000 That's the worst palette cleanser ever.

01:30:01.000 You are a 75.

01:30:02.000 You know that old lady that was on the stairs that we accused of using derogatory terms to her son or grandson?

01:30:08.000 I'm the term that you're that woman.

01:30:10.000 No, no, you're the old lady.

01:30:11.000 Wow.

01:30:12.000 Oh, there was a little frog.

01:30:22.000 You've no idea.

01:30:23.000 You thought that was a palette cleanser?

01:30:24.000 I was dirtying the palette so that way yours is a palette cleanser.

01:30:24.000 No, no, no.

01:30:28.000 Oh, in that case, great job.

01:30:31.000 Yeah.

01:30:32.000 You did a really good job.

01:30:33.000 You made the palette way dirtier with that stupid fucking old lady shit.

01:30:36.000 Classic mix-up.

01:30:38.000 Excellent work.

01:30:38.000 Now I want to show you a real palette cleanser.

01:30:40.000 So we got a letter from a guy.

01:30:41.000 I didn't get it.

01:30:41.000 Jeff.

01:30:42.000 And he said, we were talking on an earlier episode about how hot Gene Simmons' daughter is.

01:30:42.000 I didn't get it.

01:30:47.000 And he goes, The Simmons girl has a gorgeous ass, but Bob Weir of The Grateful Dead, this might be another Jew, broad.

01:30:54.000 His daughter should give, I emailed this to you, Ryan.

01:30:57.000 His daughter should give all men a coconut smasher.

01:31:00.000 I didn't get it yet.

01:31:01.000 Really?

01:31:02.000 Yep.

01:31:03.000 Oh, man.

01:31:04.000 Ryan at Oh, okay.

01:31:06.000 different email.

01:31:07.000 Different email.

01:31:08.000 Oh, whoa, I'm seeing some smashers.

01:31:11.000 I'll say an 8.7.

01:31:12.000 Would love to hear you guys and Ryan's take.

01:31:15.000 So I see two pictures here.

01:31:17.000 Let's assume those tits are real.

01:31:19.000 Although, young girls are getting boob jobs, like 22 years old now, which is heartbreaking.

01:31:24.000 It's like a black guy getting a penis extension.

01:31:27.000 What are you doing?

01:31:29.000 You're going to have a fucking parking meter down there if you're not careful.

01:31:32.000 But let's assume those are real tits.

01:31:35.000 What do you think of that?

01:31:35.000 You know young people better than me, Ryan.

01:31:37.000 What do I say that is total?

01:31:39.000 No, no, no.

01:31:40.000 Do you think those tits are real?

01:31:41.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:31:42.000 She's what, 24?

01:31:42.000 Yeah.

01:31:44.000 They're being propped up.

01:31:45.000 She's not going to get fake tits at that age.

01:31:48.000 Please, God, tell me that girls in their 20s are not getting tons of boob jobs.

01:31:52.000 But then this next one.

01:31:54.000 What the fuck is that?

01:31:55.000 It's pretty cool.

01:31:56.000 That is something else.

01:31:58.000 Can we zoom in on her?

01:31:59.000 Yep.

01:32:00.000 I think Jubrods might be my new favorite brunette.

01:32:04.000 They're literally great, frankly.

01:32:07.000 They're literally great.

01:32:08.000 Isn't it funny how a man can make that?

01:32:11.000 Dude, what's in your dick?

01:32:12.000 Wait, that is weird.

01:32:13.000 Magic crystals?

01:32:17.000 Is your cum made of unicorn barf?

01:32:20.000 How did you do this?

01:32:23.000 This is going to sound gay, but can I suck your dick?

01:32:27.000 There's something magical about it.

01:32:29.000 Sorry, young people who watch the show.

01:32:30.000 I couldn't resist making that disgusting.

01:32:32.000 Or two older people.

01:32:33.000 So, Ryan, this is a part of the show where you Google image Bob Wise's daughter.

01:32:39.000 W-E-I-R.

01:32:39.000 Weird.

01:32:41.000 Sure is.

01:32:42.000 And then we image that, and then we go through it to cleanse the palate from all this disgusting.

01:32:46.000 What a disgusting show it's been.

01:32:50.000 We spent like an hour and a half inside of the left sex life, and I need a shower.

01:32:56.000 Yeah, we are gross.

01:32:57.000 I need to take my diarrhea toothbrush.

01:33:00.000 Look at those boobs.

01:33:01.000 Okay, so this is where you start getting serious, and you need to put a number on it.

01:33:09.000 Oh, wait.

01:33:09.000 I'm sorry.

01:33:10.000 It's way too zoomed in.

01:33:11.000 Those look kind of fake, dude.

01:33:13.000 Which would be silly.

01:33:14.000 The inner chest does look fake.

01:33:16.000 The outer area, no.

01:33:18.000 There's no reason why it would be.

01:33:20.000 Although maybe that's what fake boobs are trying to be.

01:33:22.000 Oh, I see.

01:33:23.000 You will.

01:33:24.000 Oh, my lord.

01:33:26.000 What a fucking smoke show.

01:33:29.000 She kind of knows it too.

01:33:30.000 She's like, yeah.

01:33:30.000 Yeah, I know.

01:33:31.000 I'm amazing.

01:33:32.000 You'll fit, but you know it.

01:33:35.000 The streets.

01:33:36.000 I'm going to give her.

01:33:38.000 The writer who sent in this discovery says 8.7.

01:33:43.000 Let's see that picture of her.

01:33:44.000 You got me covering her.

01:33:46.000 Wait.

01:33:46.000 Okay.

01:33:47.000 I'm trying to re-Google her.

01:33:49.000 Her name is Monet Weir.

01:33:54.000 I think, and I never say this.

01:33:56.000 This is groundbreaking.

01:33:58.000 You may want to mark this day in history.

01:33:59.000 What's the day?

01:34:01.000 November 20th, Wednesday, 2019.

01:34:04.000 Yes.

01:34:05.000 I'm going to say 9.

01:34:07.000 Wow.

01:34:09.000 I don't know.

01:34:10.000 Really?

01:34:11.000 Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop farting.

01:34:15.000 Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop farting.

01:34:29.000 All right, we couldn't get to this during the show.

01:34:31.000 We had to install Brave.

01:34:32.000 So we got DuckDuckGo as our fucking provider, our search engine.

01:34:38.000 We have Brave as our browser, Brave Browser, the new one by Brendan I. Now, I'm going to go to dailymail.uk, which is the worst.

01:34:45.000 It's idiocracy levels of ads.

01:34:50.000 Let's see what happens.

01:34:53.000 Wow.

01:34:55.000 Look how awesome that is.

01:34:57.000 Daily Mail wants us to show notifications.

01:35:00.000 Block.

01:35:01.000 There we go, dude.

01:35:02.000 Weird.

01:35:03.000 Thank you, viewer.

01:35:04.000 We officially switch.

01:35:06.000 We officially switch to Brave.

01:35:09.000 This is awesome.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - November 20, 2019

S02E89 - LOVE YOUR BODY

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