Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S03E107

00:00:28.000 Subscriber sent that in.

00:00:30.000 The band is called Every Time I Die 2014.

00:00:33.000 That was called Decaying with the Boys.

00:00:36.000 Fun video.

00:00:37.000 There's penises in it.

00:00:38.000 Nudity.

00:00:40.000 There's a sloth doing cocaine in this video, which I'm sure is not legal.

00:00:45.000 I want a pet sloth.

00:00:47.000 Me too.

00:00:48.000 Are you allowed to have a sloth?

00:00:51.000 I don't know.

00:00:52.000 Look at that up.

00:00:53.000 Look at that up.

00:00:55.000 We have a lot to cover today.

00:00:57.000 Lots of news.

00:00:58.000 Lots of stuff going down.

00:01:00.000 That's the opening song.

00:01:01.000 The book of the day is Tiffany Table Manners for Teenagers.

00:01:09.000 Quite a few states.

00:01:12.000 I bet Florida's one of them.

00:01:13.000 They're easy to take care of, right?

00:01:14.000 You don't have to walk them.

00:01:16.000 They move like an inch a month.

00:01:18.000 Just have a sloth hanging around.

00:01:21.000 Slog.

00:01:24.000 Yeah, you should know your table manners.

00:01:26.000 You should know the rules before you break them.

00:01:29.000 Don't put your elbows on the table.

00:01:32.000 No TV.

00:01:34.000 And this isn't in that book because it's all about tablecloths and everything.

00:01:37.000 But in real life, when you go to a restaurant, don't put your fucking napkin on the plate.

00:01:42.000 You're turning your meal into a garbage site.

00:01:45.000 And people just go, no, I help in the waitress.

00:01:47.000 Oh, really?

00:01:47.000 Do you help the sanitation people in your community too?

00:01:50.000 That goes under the plate.

00:01:52.000 Here's another thing that's been pissing me off, by the way, when I go to a restaurant.

00:01:56.000 So who had the eggs benedict and the silver dollar pancake?

00:02:00.000 Like, I got to reorder my food because the guy bringing it isn't the same as the waitress.

00:02:05.000 So then you have to know everyone's order too.

00:02:09.000 Oh, the BLT, that's my wife.

00:02:11.000 Yeah.

00:02:11.000 No, no, I'm the eggs bandit.

00:02:12.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:02:14.000 Fucking learn my order, bitch.

00:02:16.000 And yeah.

00:02:19.000 When people put their napkin on their plate, they're turning their plate into a garbage site.

00:02:22.000 And I always say to people, would you, if you're having a cigarette and you're having fish, would you put the cigarette out on the eye of the fish?

00:02:27.000 No?

00:02:28.000 Okay.

00:02:28.000 You don't do that because that's gross.

00:02:30.000 That's garbage.

00:02:31.000 Don't put your fucking napkins there.

00:02:33.000 Please.

00:02:35.000 And here's another tip.

00:02:36.000 Don't tell people how much that infuriates you because then they tease you and they start rubbing their napkin all over the plate to enrage you.

00:02:48.000 You don't let people know your weaknesses.

00:02:52.000 They do this.

00:02:55.000 No, that's not the same.

00:02:57.000 Okay.

00:03:00.000 Let's just dive into it, shall we?

00:03:02.000 Well, let's start with this weekend.

00:03:04.000 I went to Mystic, Connecticut.

00:03:05.000 I sent you a separate email for that.

00:03:08.000 My wife wanted to go to Mystic for Mother's Day.

00:03:12.000 Okay, whatever.

00:03:14.000 All weekend I was singing, you know, that song Saturday in the Park.

00:03:18.000 Saturday.

00:03:20.000 But I was singing whatever mommy wants, mommy gets feeling like the 4th of July.

00:03:28.000 It was a very chick weekend.

00:03:30.000 She watched Mystic Pizza when we got back.

00:03:34.000 The kids were bored, but I thought it was cool.

00:03:37.000 I didn't know this.

00:03:39.000 We did a bunch of tours, talking tours.

00:03:42.000 And we're on this whaling boat and I go, I would rather do anything than be in a whaling boat for four years.

00:03:50.000 That's the bridge.

00:03:52.000 I forget the name of the bridge, but the cement blocks that lift it are exactly the same weight as the bridge.

00:03:58.000 So you could just pick up the bridge.

00:04:01.000 It weighs like 200 tons.

00:04:02.000 Just push it.

00:04:03.000 It just has to be knocked off balance.

00:04:05.000 So you could hand crank that bridge just because it's so perfectly balanced.

00:04:13.000 But yeah, you're on this tiny little boat for four years at a time.

00:04:18.000 Four years.

00:04:20.000 That's one of them.

00:04:21.000 I think that's the only wooden whaling boat in America.

00:04:26.000 Maybe in the world.

00:04:29.000 That's where they fucking lived.

00:04:31.000 No.

00:04:33.000 Can I stay ashore and just clean people's shit?

00:04:37.000 I'll express dogs' anal glands.

00:04:40.000 That's a movie?

00:04:42.000 Click on that.

00:04:44.000 How is that a movie?

00:04:46.000 Oh, no, it's just playing them as slides.

00:04:49.000 Okay.

00:04:49.000 That's a fire boat.

00:04:50.000 That boat was made in Staten Island in 1860, and it fought, it was at World Trade Center on September 11th, putting up the fires.

00:05:00.000 Wow.

00:05:01.000 But then the guy explained it to me.

00:05:02.000 He goes, no, no, no.

00:05:04.000 We lived in a racist society back then.

00:05:06.000 And if you were like Polynesian or black or Asian or any race, fucking Irish, Catholic, the future was not looking good for you.

00:05:18.000 You couldn't get promoted.

00:05:20.000 But these whaling boats were meritocracies.

00:05:22.000 So if you were good, you'd go up to captain and captains made serious money.

00:05:27.000 That's a bird.

00:05:30.000 You're showing your email.

00:05:32.000 And then I was like, oh, okay, now I get it.

00:05:35.000 And they were very diverse, these boats.

00:05:38.000 But fuck, even then, like, you'd go two months without seeing a whale.

00:05:42.000 What are you doing all day?

00:05:44.000 Swabbing the deck?

00:05:46.000 Okay, it's swabbed.

00:05:47.000 Move on.

00:05:53.000 I was going to play this song, Dress Cool by Paul Schaefer and the David Letterman band.

00:06:00.000 Very talented musicians doesn't mean you can write a good song.

00:06:04.000 This song sucks balls.

00:06:09.000 And I guess it's a joke song?

00:06:11.000 It's going to be in your head all day.

00:06:18.000 Why am I playing this?

00:06:20.000 I don't know, on such a busy show?

00:06:33.000 I don't know why I chose that.

00:06:35.000 I guess because Ryan was playing It's Raining Men the other day.

00:06:38.000 Yeah.

00:06:38.000 Wait, is that Paul Schaefer?

00:06:39.000 Paul Schaefer wrote that song, yeah.

00:06:41.000 Oh, he wrote it, but that's not him.

00:06:42.000 Yes, that is him.

00:06:43.000 Oh, did it?

00:06:43.000 That's what.

00:06:44.000 Oh, okay.

00:06:44.000 He looked good with hair.

00:06:46.000 Everyone looks better with hair.

00:06:47.000 But is that fake hair?

00:06:49.000 You know what my friend Tim said?

00:06:50.000 He goes, you know, if you get divorced, you do all right on the dating sites because you have hair.

00:06:56.000 That's all they care about at our age is hair.

00:07:00.000 I just killed a fucking fly.

00:07:02.000 Damn.

00:07:03.000 Like a sloth.

00:07:04.000 You know how you do it?

00:07:05.000 I learned this tree planting.

00:07:06.000 You sort of suck the air up around it and it gets pulled in and then you snatch it.

00:07:11.000 Wow.

00:07:14.000 Yeah, Raining Man was Paul Schaefer.

00:07:16.000 Let's pull that up.

00:07:18.000 Ugly little Canadian Jew.

00:07:21.000 Is he gay?

00:07:22.000 No, I don't think so.

00:07:24.000 He does dream of a world where men fall from the sky, though.

00:07:31.000 I'm going to go out.

00:07:32.000 I'm going to let myself get absolutely soaking wet.

00:07:35.000 That means she wants to be come on.

00:07:37.000 Just about.

00:07:38.000 Or, yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess so.

00:07:40.000 Just horny, fat black woman who want cocks.

00:07:49.000 Have you ever had sex with a woman that fat?

00:07:51.000 No.

00:07:55.000 No, not that.

00:07:58.000 Boy, women dressed great in the 80s, didn't they?

00:08:00.000 I love colored tights.

00:08:02.000 That's pretty cool.

00:08:06.000 The only problem was the short hair, like Pat Benatar was pushing.

00:08:11.000 And then that reminded me of this video, Bad Girls, that was ruined by a fat bitch.

00:08:17.000 And girl.

00:08:19.000 Music sucked back then.

00:08:22.000 Like, compare this to MIA's Bad Girls.

00:08:26.000 Boring disco beats.

00:08:28.000 Toot, toot, beep, beep.

00:08:30.000 They're just on Coke.

00:08:32.000 Everyone's standards are low because they're high on cocaine.

00:08:36.000 And you just have to have a chorus.

00:08:37.000 Bad girls, and everyone's dancing on the dance floor, having a great time.

00:08:41.000 I can't understate how much cocaine changed the 80s.

00:08:49.000 Like the production, you look at places like Tower Records, that was all fueled by cocaine.

00:08:55.000 All the crazy stories, all the slutting around.

00:08:57.000 Everyone in this video is high on cocaine.

00:09:00.000 Everyone in Star Wars was high on cocaine.

00:09:03.000 It was everywhere.

00:09:04.000 She's out of her fucking mind right now.

00:09:09.000 And that's why you don't have a problem with that giant fat cow.

00:09:12.000 Because you're like, oh, fuck her.

00:09:13.000 Won't be able to get it up, but.

00:09:17.000 This song is a non-song.

00:09:20.000 Why is that tub there?

00:09:24.000 Speaking of fat cows.

00:09:24.000 You know, she speaks German, right?

00:09:26.000 Who does?

00:09:26.000 Donna Summers?

00:09:28.000 Really?

00:09:28.000 Yep.

00:09:29.000 Did she?

00:09:30.000 Really well.

00:09:31.000 Really?

00:09:32.000 Yeah.

00:09:33.000 It's amazing.

00:09:39.000 No, she would say, beeps clapped.

00:09:59.000 She's not like bullshitting either, where she's like, learned how to say that.

00:10:13.000 I think she's the one, but she's a super bitch, and you're not allowed to look her in the eyes if you work on a set with her.

00:10:19.000 That sounds about right.

00:10:20.000 And she's not black.

00:10:22.000 Really?

00:10:23.000 Yeah, I know someone who got fired for saying she was black.

00:10:27.000 It was a dude, I think a gay guy.

00:10:29.000 And he's like, yeah, well, you know, as a black person, you know, because he was black.

00:10:33.000 And they were just talking.

00:10:34.000 And he's like, yeah, well, black people like us are blah, blah, blah.

00:10:37.000 And the next day he was like, oh.

00:10:40.000 Do not look her in the eyes.

00:10:41.000 Do not call her black.

00:10:42.000 Okay.

00:10:43.000 You're a German dude.

00:10:46.000 Play MIA's Bad Girls, though.

00:10:48.000 Just briefly.

00:10:49.000 That's 1.6.

00:10:52.000 Music's just better.

00:10:59.000 And with the power of video, you can make a shithole like the Middle East look cool.

00:11:05.000 Yeah, I'd love to hang out there in 120-degree heat.

00:11:09.000 Wouldn't that be great?

00:11:11.000 You know, just cooking by a bunch of cinder blocks.

00:11:21.000 Check out this fat bitch, though, 1-5.

00:11:24.000 Very attractive.

00:11:25.000 I don't know why.

00:11:27.000 Like, the first time I saw this, I was like, what a fucking tub.

00:11:29.000 Why is she normalizing obesity?

00:11:31.000 And then I noticed I had a boner.

00:11:45.000 How do you feel, Ryan?

00:11:47.000 So far, so bad.

00:11:56.000 I mean, she's not ugly.

00:11:57.000 She's very pretty.

00:11:58.000 Right.

00:11:59.000 But I haven't assessed the whole body yet.

00:12:02.000 Decent feet.

00:12:10.000 She's way too fat.

00:12:12.000 Yeah, but you know what that is?

00:12:13.000 She's hygienic.

00:12:14.000 Often it's the obesity brings on a poor hygiene that I've...

00:12:18.000 That's what's unattractive.

00:12:20.000 But we're also seeing her in a video with white.

00:12:22.000 Whoa.

00:12:23.000 Yeah, it looks pretty good.

00:12:24.000 Those are some thunderous thighs.

00:12:27.000 She looks so good in high heels, though.

00:12:29.000 In bed.

00:12:31.000 All right, I'm getting a little pervy here.

00:12:34.000 Let's start the show, shall we?

00:12:36.000 That's enough rock and roll.

00:12:39.000 We watched the Canelo fight on the weekend.

00:12:42.000 I fell asleep because I was drinking too much.

00:12:45.000 But did you know this, Ryan?

00:12:46.000 I was watching with my daughter.

00:12:47.000 She's getting into boxing now.

00:12:49.000 And I had my cheat box, and we had shitty internet and Mystic.

00:12:55.000 So it kept pausing, and it would pause for like 30 seconds.

00:12:58.000 And guess what we did during those 30 seconds?

00:13:02.000 We played your music.

00:13:06.000 Take it from the top, take it from the top.

00:13:09.000 It was making my daughter laugh her head off.

00:13:11.000 Okay, but what about I can't, what was that line you say where you go, can't give you my love if I can't take your word?

00:13:17.000 Right.

00:13:18.000 Yeah, taking all the time that I can afford.

00:13:20.000 And I'm not too sure about your commitment.

00:13:23.000 And I'm not too sure about...

00:13:25.000 My daughter was laughing her head off in.

00:13:27.000 He's Bruno Mars.

00:13:29.000 Is that good?

00:13:30.000 No.

00:13:32.000 She was mocking you.

00:13:33.000 But he's successful.

00:13:34.000 Yes, yes, he is successful.

00:13:36.000 So is Donna Summers.

00:13:37.000 Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.

00:13:40.000 So is the Michael Scott of China, the loser billionaire.

00:13:44.000 Correct.

00:13:46.000 He's very successful.

00:13:47.000 Oh, man.

00:13:48.000 I have other songs, okay?

00:13:49.000 Take it from the top, take it from the top.

00:13:51.000 My nope yup beats are dopes.

00:13:52.000 Me, my wife, and my daughter were singing your song all weekend.

00:13:56.000 That's amazing and funny.

00:13:58.000 You know, I'll go YouTube live stream, and people will pay me like $20 to play it.

00:14:02.000 And you can't not play it.

00:14:04.000 You're a dick if you don't play that song.

00:14:06.000 So I do it sometimes.

00:14:08.000 Don't you go on Instagram Live and play to like seven people for three hours?

00:14:12.000 No, I play to seven people on YouTube now because I have super chats.

00:14:16.000 So they'll tell me to play things.

00:14:18.000 What an audience.

00:14:19.000 Seven people.

00:14:20.000 What an audience.

00:14:20.000 See, when you were played in a cafe, it'd only be like seven people there.

00:14:24.000 But now with the internet, you have access to seven billion.

00:14:27.000 And so your audience goes up to...

00:14:28.000 No, it doesn't.

00:14:29.000 It stays at seven.

00:14:30.000 It does stay rather low.

00:14:32.000 But you did do something talented this weekend that we're not making fun of.

00:14:37.000 You did a...

00:14:38.000 Should I say that?

00:14:39.000 Yeah.

00:14:40.000 Donald Biden.

00:14:42.000 Just gonna say.

00:14:43.000 I've been nagging this fucking guy to do faces because it's his only talent.

00:14:52.000 And it's just like the lagging.

00:14:54.000 It's months and months with him.

00:14:57.000 Like, how is that list coming along of black people killed by the cops?

00:15:02.000 It's coming along along.

00:15:02.000 Did you work on it in the past?

00:15:04.000 Not this weekend.

00:15:05.000 Not this weekend.

00:15:05.000 No, because I was pretty busy.

00:15:07.000 Pretty busy.

00:15:08.000 Not going to lie.

00:15:10.000 While Ryan digs that up, we'll check out the newspaper today.

00:15:14.000 A nine was shot with 45 in Times Square.

00:15:21.000 They shot a toddler.

00:15:22.000 We got a lot of dead kids on today's show.

00:15:24.000 Dang.

00:15:26.000 But yeah, is this the guy?

00:15:31.000 The suspected Times Square gun was aiming for his brother when he shot three innocent bystanders, and the sibling later dropped the dime on him.

00:15:38.000 I think that's the bad guy there who's African-American, believe it or not.

00:15:42.000 And Jesus, the woman who was shot is one of the most attractive shooting victims I've ever seen.

00:15:50.000 Her name is Wendy Magrinat.

00:15:55.000 And she was there with her toddler celebrating Mother's Day.

00:15:58.000 I don't know where her husband is.

00:15:59.000 I guess he's not around.

00:16:00.000 I don't know why you dumped her.

00:16:03.000 Look at that.

00:16:04.000 Where's dad?

00:16:06.000 Not being good enough somewhere?

00:16:08.000 Yeah.

00:16:09.000 What's going on, dude?

00:16:11.000 Or maybe he is there?

00:16:12.000 She said no one would help.

00:16:13.000 Wait, is that him there with the polo?

00:16:15.000 Zoom out.

00:16:15.000 There's a person kissing her, yeah.

00:16:18.000 But.

00:16:20.000 Okay, good.

00:16:20.000 So there is a man in her life.

00:16:22.000 What a foxasaurus rex.

00:16:25.000 They shot a kid.

00:16:27.000 And then this woman was like...

00:16:29.000 Oh my lord.

00:16:30.000 This woman was like, yeah, I was screaming for help.

00:16:34.000 I was bleeding out.

00:16:35.000 And everyone was just filming me.

00:16:37.000 What the fuck?

00:16:38.000 Oh, whoa, a woman dying.

00:16:40.000 This is going to be huge on my Instagram page.

00:16:43.000 Oh, look, I got her last breath.

00:16:45.000 What the fuck is going on with this society?

00:16:48.000 Get your phone.

00:16:49.000 I see so many people now, especially African Americans, just walking around with their phone in their hand at all times.

00:16:55.000 Getting in fights, getting in arguments.

00:16:57.000 It's becoming an appendage.

00:17:01.000 Anyway, let's see here.

00:17:04.000 Oh yeah, police running in to danger.

00:17:08.000 You see everyone screaming, running away, some filming, and then the cops going right into the danger, grabbing the kid and rushing him out.

00:17:17.000 Times Square is back, y'all.

00:17:22.000 I gotta say, that toddler is kind of a badass now.

00:17:27.000 Yeah.

00:17:29.000 Didn't cry?

00:17:30.000 Well, also, when he's in kindergarten, they're gonna be like, I have a tractor.

00:17:35.000 Oh, yeah?

00:17:37.000 I was shot in New York City.

00:17:42.000 Right there.

00:17:43.000 Bullet went in there.

00:17:43.000 Came out there.

00:17:45.000 What were you saying?

00:17:46.000 You have a fucking tractor?

00:17:47.000 Was that?

00:17:48.000 Nothing.

00:17:49.000 It's stupid.

00:17:49.000 It's just a, it's like a battery charged John Deere thing, plastic.

00:17:54.000 Oh.

00:17:56.000 Yeah.

00:17:58.000 I'm not going back to New York City.

00:17:59.000 I'll throw that much, fuck.

00:18:03.000 There was another badass baby I had here later on.

00:18:07.000 We'll have to jump ahead here.

00:18:12.000 Yeah, 4-3.

00:18:17.000 Today in child badasses.

00:18:22.000 4-3, Ryan.

00:18:24.000 How are we doing?

00:18:27.000 No, that's not it.

00:18:28.000 Is it?

00:18:31.000 Oh, yeah, sorry.

00:18:32.000 Go back there.

00:18:32.000 That's the Hoolie gang.

00:18:34.000 See, I'm jumping ahead here.

00:18:36.000 We're going to get into this later, but Asian attacks are not up.

00:18:40.000 Attacks are up.

00:18:42.000 And New York City's on fucking fire.

00:18:45.000 Scroll down, though.

00:18:47.000 Yeah, that kid.

00:18:49.000 He's dead now because of a shootout with the Hoolies.

00:18:52.000 I never heard of the Hoolies before today.

00:18:55.000 But still, that kid's kind of a badass, isn't he?

00:18:58.000 I mean, you can't really be a badass when you're dead.

00:19:01.000 Well, you're cooler than any other kid.

00:19:04.000 World War IV.

00:19:08.000 World War IV.

00:19:10.000 This is a cool, badass baby.

00:19:16.000 Oh, yeah.

00:19:16.000 Three-month-old baby son is a human shield.

00:19:20.000 So, you know, they'll be in the playground with the other kids, and he'll just be like, yeah, my dad used me as a human shield.

00:19:27.000 I got fucking shot.

00:19:28.000 What were you doing?

00:19:29.000 I'm just playing.

00:19:31.000 I have a stick.

00:19:32.000 Stick.

00:19:33.000 I fucking...

00:19:34.000 Or did he die?

00:19:35.000 Oh, yeah, the baby died.

00:19:37.000 All right, I don't like this joke anymore.

00:19:40.000 Get back to Donald Biden.

00:19:43.000 There's the badass baby.

00:19:45.000 I don't fuck around.

00:19:47.000 I'd so rather not be a badass, to be honest.

00:19:50.000 Just with gay toys.

00:19:52.000 And no.

00:19:54.000 You know, my dad, if he stuck around, would he have used me as a human shield?

00:19:57.000 Uh, yes.

00:19:58.000 There's nothing wrong with that.

00:20:00.000 Okay, let's see Donald Biden.

00:20:01.000 That's finally up.

00:20:02.000 Donald Biden.

00:20:03.000 This is announcing Ryan's new talent.

00:20:09.000 Flatten the curve.

00:20:10.000 We've been doing a full volumes of talent as well.

00:20:14.000 We've been trying to flatten the curve.

00:20:15.000 We've been doing a great job.

00:20:17.000 Giving out 1.000 vaccine.

00:20:20.000 Not 1.

00:20:22.000 1.2 million vaccines so far.

00:20:25.000 And with the new stimulus check, you're going to be able to buy a Gubati, Bugatti, whatever the car.

00:20:30.000 It doesn't matter what the car.

00:20:31.000 Listen, you got to put the mask on, man.

00:20:33.000 You got to flatten the curve.

00:20:35.000 That's what we got to do.

00:20:36.000 We got to get together.

00:20:38.000 Okay?

00:20:39.000 And it's not about the numbers of the Bugattis, the Gubagatis, Lady Gagi.

00:20:47.000 I don't know what that was.

00:20:49.000 I was having a lot of fun with that face.

00:20:50.000 I had sent, my friend was like, my mom loves Trump.

00:20:53.000 Can you say happy Mother's Day?

00:20:56.000 So I did that video and that came out pretty good.

00:20:59.000 She was a firefighter and a cop.

00:21:01.000 They said, Roxanne, her name's Roxanne.

00:21:03.000 You don't have to put on the red light, but when the red and the blue lights were flashing, there you were.

00:21:09.000 Oh, one of the shows.

00:21:10.000 Did you do it with that Snapchat face?

00:21:12.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:21:13.000 So who else can you do now with that?

00:21:14.000 Can you do like Bill Burr and other guys, or is it limited?

00:21:18.000 It's limited.

00:21:19.000 Fuck.

00:21:19.000 I know.

00:21:21.000 That's gay.

00:21:22.000 It really is gay.

00:21:23.000 Also in the news, this weekend, Elon Musk was on SNL, and it was terrible.

00:21:31.000 That show sucks.

00:21:32.000 So many balls.

00:21:33.000 Luis E.K. summed it up beautifully.

00:21:36.000 Just do the sketches.

00:21:37.000 That's all.

00:21:38.000 Just make it a sketch show.

00:21:39.000 The sketches are good because these actors are talented people for the most part.

00:21:45.000 But so let me just show you two things.

00:21:48.000 Scroll down here and I'll show you how good it is when they just do a sketch.

00:21:52.000 This is Pete Davidson's character, Chad.

00:21:55.000 I don't really get it.

00:21:57.000 Do you?

00:21:59.000 No.

00:21:59.000 He's just like a surfer dummy.

00:22:02.000 She gets it, yeah.

00:22:02.000 Who's like, hey, what's up?

00:22:04.000 Hi.

00:22:04.000 It's obviously not very challenging to do, but go ahead.

00:22:08.000 Oh, this is going to lag.

00:22:11.000 I came as soon as I could.

00:22:13.000 What's the situation on Mars?

00:22:14.000 A solar storm, biggest we've ever seen.

00:22:16.000 It caused significant damage to the colony.

00:22:18.000 And the lack support systems are down.

00:22:20.000 Look at our air, sir.

00:22:22.000 The oxygen is dropping fast.

00:22:24.000 There's a backup O2 circulator outside the habitat.

00:22:26.000 One of them just needs to turn it on.

00:22:28.000 The radiation levels outside are too high.

00:22:30.000 It would be a suicide mission.

00:22:32.000 Sir, one of the columnists has volunteered.

00:22:33.000 He's on Mars now.

00:22:36.000 So there are still heroes in this world.

00:22:38.000 Hello, who am I speaking to?

00:22:44.000 Chad.

00:22:46.000 How is that funny?

00:22:47.000 I don't know.

00:22:48.000 Chad?

00:22:49.000 I think he's a reoccurring character.

00:22:51.000 He is.

00:22:51.000 I don't get it.

00:22:52.000 He's just like a tuned-out millennial.

00:22:55.000 Okay.

00:22:56.000 Okay.

00:22:56.000 What?

00:22:57.000 I'm in charge of the whole Mars colonization project.

00:23:00.000 Oh, congrats.

00:23:01.000 Chad, I want to make sure you understand that you won't survive this mission.

00:23:04.000 Okay.

00:23:04.000 To save your fellow colonists, you'll have to make the ultimate sacrifice.

00:23:09.000 Sack.

00:23:10.000 Chad, this is Mitchum with Ground Command.

00:23:12.000 Make your way to the airlock and begin exit procedures.

00:23:16.000 Okay.

00:23:17.000 Anyway, this goes on.

00:23:19.000 Miley Cyrus is in it.

00:23:20.000 He dies.

00:23:21.000 He doesn't care.

00:23:22.000 Really funny.

00:23:23.000 You know, Jim Norton has a new guy he does called Doug Bell.

00:23:28.000 Yes, he does.

00:23:29.000 And I'm so fucking happy I finally get it because I love Jim Norton.

00:23:32.000 You get it?

00:23:34.000 And Chip Chipperson, he's in my presentation I'm working on called Things I Don't Get.

00:23:38.000 We'll probably do that tomorrow.

00:23:40.000 But I was like, Anthony's laughing.

00:23:42.000 Everyone's laughing.

00:23:43.000 Everyone loves Chip.

00:23:44.000 And I'm just like, I would hate to do Chip Chipperson's show.

00:23:49.000 And it's, you know, those drawings that have the dots on them.

00:23:52.000 And then if you look closely, they say, relax your eyes.

00:23:55.000 And you see like a penguin on a horse.

00:23:57.000 I've never seen anything in those.

00:23:58.000 It drives me nuts.

00:23:59.000 And my dad, I think I'm too creative, so I see too much.

00:24:03.000 But my dad is like artless and he's not very creative.

00:24:08.000 So he just looks at me.

00:24:09.000 He's like, oh, that's a penguin on a horse.

00:24:11.000 And I'm like, where?

00:24:13.000 Where?

00:24:14.000 He's like, right here, you've got to relax your eyes.

00:24:16.000 Look through the picture.

00:24:19.000 What does that mean?

00:24:20.000 Look through the picture.

00:24:22.000 So fucking annoying.

00:24:23.000 And I felt the exact same way about Chip Chipperson.

00:24:26.000 And then I saw he's got a new guy now, Doug Bell, this washed up comedian who had a show on CMT called Ring My Bell.

00:24:36.000 And then he had a self-harming episode and has been out of commission since the 90s.

00:24:42.000 But now he's back and he's trying to get people on his podcast.

00:24:47.000 There's definitely some OP Hughes in this guy.

00:24:52.000 There's some, I don't know, Rich Voss, like any comedian that didn't ever really make it.

00:24:58.000 Takes himself super seriously, thinks what he's saying is interesting, thinks he has fans.

00:25:09.000 Bellheads.

00:25:10.000 Bellheads.

00:25:11.000 Bellheads.

00:25:13.000 Doug Bell.

00:25:15.000 Doug Wayne McBell.

00:25:17.000 Dude, it's kind of arty-ish.

00:25:18.000 Bell Bell.

00:25:21.000 Yeah.

00:25:21.000 I just kind of tonight I just decided to like, I just took a chill pill, man.

00:25:28.000 I'm like, it's been going so hard.

00:25:30.000 You know, it's been crazy.

00:25:32.000 It's just like coming up with ideas and like stuff.

00:25:37.000 But good news, man.

00:25:39.000 Tomorrow, now the press office is just starting to roll in.

00:25:43.000 Like, I got a paid interview tomorrow.

00:25:47.000 I'm getting paid.

00:25:48.000 Paid interview.

00:25:49.000 To be on.

00:25:50.000 You said the paid interviews are starting to roll in.

00:25:53.000 Carl to Kelly.

00:25:55.000 Carl to Kelly in Tampa Radio.

00:25:59.000 I got like some Buku Tampa stories, man.

00:26:02.000 I remember years ago, it's funny.

00:26:04.000 I was doing a show in Tampa, and Warren Sapp was, and someone's like, Warren Sapp is here.

00:26:16.000 So I'm on stage.

00:26:17.000 I'm like, I'm like, I hear this, I'm like, forget it.

00:26:20.000 And I start going, like, Warren is a sap.

00:26:22.000 I mean, I probably said that like eight times.

00:26:24.000 Warren is a sap.

00:26:26.000 But I don't think he might have left already by that point, or he might not have, he might not have been in the showroom, but like at the bar outside, whatever.

00:26:36.000 Like, I don't know.

00:26:37.000 But I didn't see him.

00:26:38.000 But it's like just funny stories like that, like crazy.

00:26:42.000 I got a bunch of Tampa stories.

00:26:48.000 So the paid interviews are starting to come in, man.

00:26:51.000 Called the Callie Tomorrow.

00:26:53.000 And I just was just get ring my bell back on.

00:26:57.000 I mean, it's get ring my bell back on.

00:27:00.000 He wants the show to come back on the air.

00:27:06.000 That is a real guy.

00:27:07.000 That was the end of it.

00:27:08.000 He just abruptly ends up.

00:27:09.000 Yeah, he always does that.

00:27:11.000 He always has these great celebrity stories.

00:27:13.000 I got so many stories.

00:27:14.000 And then they hear them.

00:27:15.000 One of them was he was in Miami and Snoop Dogg walked by.

00:27:20.000 And he looked at me, going, hey, Snoop.

00:27:23.000 And then Snoop went like that.

00:27:25.000 So stories like that.

00:27:27.000 My God.

00:27:29.000 It's so fucking bad.

00:27:30.000 I cannot get enough of him.

00:27:32.000 It's a real guy.

00:27:32.000 Like, he's probably drawing from some comic who...

00:27:35.000 Like, there's a lot of comics that do comedy, but they don't comedian.

00:27:39.000 I don't mean to peel back the curtain, but I did speak with Jim about this person.

00:27:43.000 It's a person.

00:27:44.000 Should I say who it's based on?

00:27:45.000 I don't think so.

00:27:46.000 But I want to know.

00:27:47.000 It's not based on a comedian.

00:27:48.000 It's based on some guy he met who had just survived depression.

00:27:52.000 Oh.

00:27:53.000 And yeah.

00:27:55.000 And giving updates to me.

00:27:56.000 They made him into a coach.

00:27:57.000 As if they care.

00:27:59.000 But yeah, quality humor.

00:28:01.000 SNL is not quality humor.

00:28:03.000 Look at this cowboy sketch.

00:28:05.000 1-8.

00:28:07.000 This is why SNL blows chunks.

00:28:10.000 Look at where they look.

00:28:12.000 It's so fucking awkward.

00:28:16.000 Can you turn your CCs off, dickweed?

00:28:22.000 Okay, so that's okay, right?

00:28:23.000 That's not too awkward.

00:28:27.000 Look, look, stop.

00:28:28.000 Look at these guys.

00:28:30.000 Everyone's looking off into the horizon.

00:28:33.000 I've never seen any place like that.

00:28:36.000 No one does that.

00:28:37.000 And every line you could remember.

00:28:39.000 We came as soon as we could.

00:28:41.000 This is the Infuriating.

00:28:42.000 You can't remember that?

00:28:43.000 They're all from The Groundlings, which is an improv comedy club.

00:28:49.000 So just tell them roughly what's going on.

00:28:52.000 What beats to hit.

00:28:54.000 And they are the best in the country at making up shit on the spot.

00:28:59.000 But Lauren Michaels will not let them get one word wrong.

00:29:03.000 They are retarded, and in some ways, they're geniuses.

00:29:08.000 Let's see it.

00:29:09.000 Damn it, the Pearl River gang came through town.

00:29:13.000 They shot Earl.

00:29:14.000 I'm fine.

00:29:15.000 It's just a scratch.

00:29:17.000 That gang is out of control, and we gotta do something.

00:29:20.000 What's with his eyes?

00:29:21.000 Well, he's always holding up in them foothills outside of Santa Fe.

00:29:25.000 I reckon we go give him a taste of the middle.

00:29:28.000 Elon's reading his card now.

00:29:30.000 The black guy's card, because he has to see when he's coming in.

00:29:36.000 Why aren't you looking at the guys you're talking to?

00:29:56.000 Oh my God, there goes the genius talking about tunnels.

00:30:00.000 Tunnels?

00:30:02.000 LeRon, I thought you was the electric horse guy.

00:30:05.000 Yeah, isn't that yours plugged in outside?

00:30:10.000 What?

00:30:11.000 Just stop, stop, stop.

00:30:13.000 Why would there be a Tesla back then?

00:30:15.000 What is an electric horse?

00:30:18.000 Yeah, he's like the wild.

00:30:19.000 It's not a joke.

00:30:19.000 It's not a thing.

00:30:21.000 A joke is an exaggeration of the truth.

00:30:24.000 So the tunneling thing sort of makes sense.

00:30:26.000 But an electric horse?

00:30:28.000 What the fuck?

00:30:32.000 Speaking of what the fuck, check out this guy's shirt.

00:30:35.000 2-1.

00:30:36.000 He's making a good point about capitalism.

00:30:39.000 But I don't know who told Chef Andrew Gruhl to wear a nude turtleneck mock, sweater chemise.

00:30:49.000 What the fuck is that?

00:30:51.000 We're also vilified on things like Twitter and social sites for being, oh, well, you just need to pay your employees more.

00:30:56.000 You're a horrible employer.

00:30:57.000 I mean, I took a ton of that abuse after that tweet.

00:30:59.000 But the fact of the matter is, is that at what point do we continue to increase the wages and then perhaps have to shut down because we can't afford to do so?

00:31:07.000 Well, let's find out, shall we?

00:31:09.000 Dishwashers are making $21 an hour right now.

00:31:11.000 Are you closing restaurants?

00:31:13.000 No, they're not.

00:31:14.000 You aren't.

00:31:16.000 With millions of low-wage workers now having an option to not return to their shitty job, businesses are being forced to improve their labor contracts.

00:31:26.000 Several companies in Python.

00:31:28.000 Aren't these people all the same, these fucking Marxists?

00:31:30.000 You can just tell that that guy has never run a business, not even a lemonade stand.

00:31:35.000 You can just tell.

00:31:37.000 He's Googled it is what he's done.

00:31:39.000 And no, dishwashers are paid under the table.

00:31:43.000 They're not getting paid $21 an hour, you fucking boob.

00:31:47.000 Anyway, I just wanted to bring that up because that guy's shirt was really bothering me.

00:31:52.000 Big weekend for fighting.

00:31:54.000 Unfortunately, I missed it.

00:31:57.000 We had...

00:32:00.000 I don't like Jake Paul, obviously.

00:32:02.000 I'm a human male.

00:32:04.000 But this was pretty cool.

00:32:07.000 He's having a showdown with Floyd Mayweather, and they're doing the shit talking thing that generates interest in ticket sales.

00:32:14.000 And then he goes, gotcha hat, and runs away with Floyd's.

00:32:20.000 Let me call it.

00:32:22.000 Let's make it happen.

00:32:22.000 Come on over one night.

00:32:23.000 Got your hat.

00:32:28.000 Now his name on Twitter is Gotcha Hat.

00:32:30.000 Yeah, we did go over this already.

00:32:32.000 Oh, we did?

00:32:32.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:32:33.000 Whoa, that's embarrassing.

00:32:34.000 But you know what we didn't go into?

00:32:37.000 Floyd Mayweather just got hair recently.

00:32:41.000 He did, did you know that?

00:32:42.000 Yeah, he was bald, and now he just got hair.

00:32:46.000 Is it long blonde hair?

00:32:48.000 It's not, but he just went through that, so maybe that's why the hair thing kind of stings a little more.

00:32:54.000 Yeah, okay, so now I it's I can be forgiven for oh, I'm showing me.

00:32:59.000 What the fuck?

00:33:01.000 Yeah, so um let's see more pics.

00:33:04.000 So, but but his head is shaved, so he got hair, and he just wants it to be stubble.

00:33:10.000 I suppose that doesn't make a lot of sense.

00:33:13.000 Maybe it's that stubble look he's going for.

00:33:15.000 He's an imbecile.

00:33:17.000 Yeah, look, look at that.

00:33:17.000 Now it's hair.

00:33:19.000 Weird.

00:33:20.000 Yeah, and the beard, too, wasn't his, or wasn't naturally occurring.

00:33:25.000 What adorned.

00:33:27.000 So maybe he knew that and he was like, let me take your hat.

00:33:29.000 Now that you got hair.

00:33:30.000 Did we discuss the gotcha tattoo?

00:33:33.000 Nope.

00:33:33.000 That's two three.

00:33:38.000 Gotcha.

00:33:43.000 Isn't it beautiful?

00:33:47.000 I mean, he's a fucking boob, but at least he's doing boob well.

00:33:52.000 Gotcha.

00:33:53.000 It is great.

00:33:56.000 Mexicans were brawling 2-5.

00:33:58.000 Once again, the best fights at these Mexican fights are the Mexicans in the audience kicking the shit out of each other.

00:34:10.000 I wonder what the fight was about.

00:34:15.000 What could it possibly be about?

00:34:17.000 Tamale recipe?

00:34:18.000 That's stupid.

00:34:20.000 Yeah.

00:34:21.000 All I can think of at these things, it must be someone walking by and spilling beer on someone.

00:34:26.000 Oh, maybe a...

00:34:27.000 Like, everyone's filming it.

00:34:29.000 It could be a soccer jersey thing.

00:34:32.000 Do they have that?

00:34:33.000 Do they have soccer hooligans in Mexico?

00:34:35.000 Oh, my God.

00:34:37.000 Yeah, they love...

00:34:38.000 Do they care about soccer over there?

00:34:39.000 I know, but do they have, like, in Britain, you have their firms, right?

00:34:44.000 And they war.

00:34:45.000 And they do war?

00:34:47.000 Right.

00:34:48.000 Don't answer anything ever.

00:34:50.000 You don't know anything.

00:34:51.000 I know they take it super serios.

00:34:57.000 What's 2-6?

00:34:59.000 I think after the fight, some dude I've never heard of said, I want to fight you, Canelo.

00:35:02.000 And Canelo got, oh, that.

00:35:03.000 Here's the actual fight, the knockout.

00:35:08.000 Don't you hate his gloves?

00:35:09.000 Boop.

00:35:11.000 Boop.

00:35:16.000 He's out.

00:35:19.000 Oh, I forgot there was something so gay that night.

00:35:24.000 This guy, I'll have to mail it to your...

00:35:27.000 He faked a head injury.

00:35:32.000 It was so embarrassing.

00:35:34.000 It was like WWE level bullshit.

00:35:39.000 Ryan.

00:35:42.000 Sorry, folks.

00:35:43.000 I got to send this to Ryan.

00:35:44.000 I forgot.

00:35:47.000 Aguilera.

00:35:48.000 Aguilera.

00:35:50.000 Not Christine Aguilera, but this guy.

00:35:53.000 He was just, I just emailed it to you.

00:35:54.000 He was tie-tie.

00:35:56.000 He was tired.

00:35:57.000 So he pretended that a punch to the back of the head, which wasn't a punch to the back of the head, really hurt him.

00:36:03.000 And he fell down.

00:36:04.000 And you could tell it was bullshit even before the replay because as he was lying down going, ow, he was also going, panting like he just sprinted around the block.

00:36:14.000 So you're clearly just exhausted and you're looking for an out.

00:36:17.000 And so you pretended you got hit in the back of the head.

00:36:20.000 And we saw, then you see in Slow-Mo, it hits his back first.

00:36:25.000 Sergio, you hate to say he's faking it.

00:36:28.000 Look at that.

00:36:29.000 But what say you after watching that skimming look?

00:36:38.000 Owl?

00:36:39.000 Look at this.

00:36:41.000 This is embarrassing.

00:36:44.000 Like, this is bad for the sport.

00:36:46.000 If this starts becoming a thing, it's my least favorite thing about basketball and soccer is the fake injuries.

00:36:53.000 Look at this.

00:36:55.000 Now it hurts more?

00:36:57.000 Is it like getting kicked in the balls where you don't feel it at first?

00:37:03.000 Look at that.

00:37:03.000 It doesn't really touch the back of his head.

00:37:15.000 And you can see, look how long it takes Sanchez to go coverage the back of his head.

00:37:20.000 What?

00:37:21.000 What a pussy.

00:37:23.000 But yeah, go to 2-6.

00:37:26.000 Canelo's famous for not speaking any English.

00:37:28.000 And then someone calls him out.

00:37:29.000 He's like, get the fuck out of here.

00:37:30.000 Okay, not 2-6, 2-7.

00:37:34.000 Get the fuck out of here.

00:37:35.000 Get the fuck out of here.

00:37:39.000 Wait a minute.

00:37:41.000 Okay, a lot of people have before nobody.

00:37:46.000 Who are you fighting?

00:37:47.000 Who you fight?

00:37:48.000 Who are you playing?

00:38:12.000 What should he do?

00:38:14.000 What?

00:38:15.000 I was waiting for it.

00:38:16.000 What should he do, Canelo?

00:38:18.000 Get the fuck out of here.

00:38:19.000 Push.

00:38:20.000 You don't fight anyone.

00:38:22.000 Get the fuck out of here.

00:38:24.000 It's like a kid who learned a bad word and doesn't know what it means.

00:38:28.000 Get the fuck out of here.

00:38:30.000 This isn't related to anything.

00:38:32.000 Did I already talk about Mystic?

00:38:34.000 Yeah.

00:38:36.000 But then, did we start the show again?

00:38:40.000 No.

00:38:41.000 So, Mystic is in this show.

00:38:44.000 Yes, but now...

00:38:46.000 Why do I ever ask you anything?

00:38:48.000 No, yes.

00:38:48.000 It definitely is yes, but I didn't doubt it until you doubted it.

00:38:52.000 Well, I went to Mystic this weekend, and I can't tell you if I already talked to you about it.

00:38:56.000 Let's see this.

00:38:57.000 Look at this fucking thing in Galloway, Ireland.

00:39:00.000 They're pushing for people in wheelchairs to get seats.

00:39:04.000 What?

00:39:05.000 Click on that picture.

00:39:10.000 What in the fuck is going on?

00:39:15.000 What the hell?

00:39:16.000 I have some news for you, people of Galway.

00:39:20.000 Wheelchair, the second part of that word has the word chair in it.

00:39:24.000 They're in a seat.

00:39:27.000 This is one of the weirdest things I've ever seen.

00:39:30.000 We need more.

00:39:31.000 What does she say?

00:39:32.000 I requested Galway City to introduce a number of these wheelchair accessible seats around Galway.

00:39:39.000 What are you talking about?

00:39:44.000 People in wheelchairs need to be able to sit down.

00:39:47.000 That's the last thing.

00:39:48.000 That's the only thing they don't need is to be able to sit down.

00:39:52.000 Maybe this guy could use it.

00:39:54.000 If there's one thing that's not a problem, it's fucking being able to sit down when you're paralyzed.

00:40:01.000 Now I'm freaked out about Mystic.

00:40:04.000 It's in there.

00:40:05.000 You know why?

00:40:06.000 Why?

00:40:06.000 Because the restart happened talking about the manners and the book, and I was right off the boot.

00:40:13.000 But why did I bring up Mystic so early?

00:40:16.000 Anyway, sorry.

00:40:17.000 Bad show.

00:40:18.000 Bad show.

00:40:19.000 Antifa, let's do the Antifa intro.

00:40:22.000 Okay.

00:40:25.000 Let's just rip through this shit fast.

00:40:40.000 So they're still destroying Portland, but they've been ramping things up, and now they're pulling guns on people.

00:40:44.000 2-9.

00:40:47.000 That's a new one.

00:40:49.000 Maybe you'll have to scroll down.

00:40:54.000 So Ted Wheeler is like, this is unacceptable.

00:40:57.000 Ted, you brought this on yourself.

00:41:00.000 So now they have people getting out of their cars because Portland residents are sick of this shit.

00:41:05.000 I talked to them.

00:41:06.000 They're moving.

00:41:07.000 They're all moving over the river to Washington.

00:41:09.000 But now you have people getting out of their car with a gun and then Antifa pointing a gun and they both have a standoff.

00:41:18.000 By the way, you don't pull out a gun unless you're going to shoot.

00:41:21.000 You say, calm down, calm down.

00:41:23.000 You make it clear you have one.

00:41:24.000 But when you go like this, it's time to shoot.

00:41:29.000 And what are they doing?

00:41:30.000 What is the problem now?

00:41:31.000 Racism in Portland?

00:41:34.000 You got a video of it?

00:41:36.000 You're not going to be able to do this, Ryan.

00:41:38.000 Don't give yourself challenges at all.

00:41:41.000 I saw a gun thing.

00:41:42.000 Yeah, there's been plenty of them.

00:41:43.000 And I don't have confidence you'll get the right one.

00:41:46.000 If you click on that first tweet, it should come up in the thread.

00:41:56.000 All right.

00:41:56.000 See, this is why we're going slow.

00:41:59.000 You just have to take my word for it.

00:42:00.000 Sorry, folks.

00:42:02.000 And we mentioned this already, didn't we?

00:42:04.000 That Black Hammer is run by Gazzi Koto.

00:42:07.000 Now, if you recall, Gazzikoto, he's the guy, Aquava, y'all.

00:42:12.000 That's him.

00:42:13.000 I think he was booted out of Black Lives Matter for being flamboyantly gay.

00:42:18.000 So he started his own thing where it's more like psycho, joker, gay, very camp revolutionaries.

00:42:29.000 And I don't know how much of him is kidding.

00:42:32.000 It's Charlie Kaufman because I had him on my show, my old show, and we were fighting, and he told me I can't say a cuava, y'all.

00:42:40.000 And it was, and I was calling him lazy and saying, maybe your problems are not the white man.

00:42:44.000 You just have to fucking work.

00:42:46.000 And after the fight, we were off air and he goes, how was that?

00:42:51.000 Was that good?

00:42:55.000 If you want this interview to continue, you can't say you're hooked.

00:42:58.000 No.

00:42:59.000 Okay, can I push a button that says it?

00:43:03.000 No.

00:43:05.000 Okay.

00:43:05.000 No.

00:43:06.000 We'll play by your rules.

00:43:07.000 Look, I can see right through his ears.

00:43:09.000 Let's start it off.

00:43:13.000 Do you want to start with a question or can Matt start with a question?

00:43:16.000 What would you be most?

00:43:17.000 You can look that up another time.

00:43:18.000 It's a debate, right?

00:43:20.000 But look how long this intro is.

00:43:30.000 He had to have hired them.

00:43:33.000 What do you mean?

00:43:34.000 He hired them.

00:43:35.000 Why?

00:43:36.000 They're not friends with him.

00:43:37.000 They don't hang out.

00:43:38.000 They don't listen to him.

00:43:39.000 They don't take him seriously.

00:43:39.000 He's all in Colorado.

00:43:53.000 I heard you had some not-so-nice things to say about me.

00:43:57.000 I heard you had some nice things to say about my hammers.

00:44:03.000 I heard you had some not-so-nice things to say about my hammers.

00:44:07.000 He's a mental patient.

00:44:09.000 But this has all been a joke up till now.

00:44:12.000 He's raised half a million dollars.

00:44:15.000 So the hustle is working.

00:44:17.000 That's the clown world we live in.

00:44:20.000 And for those of you not familiar with him, he's the reason Proud Boy say Uhuru.

00:44:28.000 There they are.

00:44:29.000 Uhuru.

00:44:30.000 And we got it from this video.

00:44:32.000 Look at 3-4.

00:44:39.000 Akwaba, y'all.

00:44:40.000 So I was just chilling outside by the sun because I can do that because I'm black.

00:44:44.000 And then White Jesus came to me.

00:44:46.000 White Jesus was like, Gazi.

00:44:47.000 I said, what, white Jesus?

00:44:48.000 And he was like, you need to train male Saxons.

00:44:50.000 I said, why, white Jesus?

00:44:51.000 He was like, because just like dogs, they need training.

00:44:53.000 I said, okay, I'll do it.

00:44:55.000 So now I'm going to show you these well-trained male Saxons, toilet complexion individuals, okay?

00:45:01.000 Disciples of white Jesus, okay?

00:45:04.000 Wait, toilet bowl complexion?

00:45:05.000 But what's the complexion of the stuff that goes in the toilet bowl?

00:45:09.000 Wait, so he makes a bunch of white people say, you're going to give reparations now or we're going to steal it.

00:45:16.000 So it's white people saying, if white people have to give reparations, there's Gazi right there.

00:45:21.000 You're white.

00:45:22.000 Give him the money now.

00:45:23.000 He's talking to me saying, he's going to come and get my money to give to Gazzi.

00:45:27.000 Well, let's cut out the middleman.

00:45:29.000 You go hand it to him right now.

00:45:31.000 You know you're white, right?

00:45:32.000 So go farther ahead.

00:45:34.000 There's that, she's pathetic.

00:45:36.000 The lesbians are sad.

00:45:38.000 They're all like white oppressors, blah, blah, blah.

00:45:40.000 Because Every freedom that I have and have taken for granted for my entire life has been made possible by wealth that my ancestors stole.

00:45:48.000 Uhuru!

00:45:50.000 Good.

00:45:51.000 Uhuru.

00:45:52.000 Uhuru.

00:45:53.000 There it is.

00:45:53.000 Okay, she's boring, not her.

00:45:54.000 That was a classic clip.

00:45:55.000 What's your name is?

00:45:56.000 Jackson.

00:45:57.000 What your name is?

00:45:58.000 I like the other guy, though.

00:45:59.000 This guy.

00:46:00.000 Yeah, that guy's the best.

00:46:01.000 He thinks he's black.

00:46:03.000 What's your name is again?

00:46:04.000 Jackson.

00:46:04.000 Uhuru Jackson.

00:46:06.000 Uhuru.

00:46:07.000 What's up, Yohuru?

00:46:08.000 Yohuru.

00:46:10.000 Y'all, he's Uhuru.

00:46:11.000 Uhuru?

00:46:12.000 Yohuru.

00:46:12.000 Where you from?

00:46:13.000 Seattle.

00:46:15.000 He raised around all nothing but African people, y'all.

00:46:18.000 So he don't know nothing about being white.

00:46:19.000 He don't like white people.

00:46:20.000 Ain't that right?

00:46:21.000 All white people owe reparations, though.

00:46:24.000 Absolutely.

00:46:26.000 Oh, oh, weapo-weapon, though.

00:46:28.000 Maybe he's right.

00:46:29.000 He really isn't pretending.

00:46:32.000 I'll tell you what.

00:46:33.000 Oh, wow.

00:46:34.000 He's forced.

00:46:35.000 He's so black, he's force gum.

00:46:36.000 All white people owe a white shit.

00:46:40.000 All white people are owed a box of chocolates.

00:46:45.000 Right.

00:46:45.000 That's true.

00:46:46.000 And what's your name is?

00:46:47.000 Prince.

00:46:48.000 Uhuru, Prince.

00:46:48.000 Uhuru.

00:46:49.000 Now, why are you up for reparations?

00:46:51.000 Because as a white person, I sit on the pedestal of colonialism and slavery that built not only the wealth of this country, but the whole European world.

00:47:01.000 Therefore, all white people owe reparations, and we're coming to get it.

00:47:05.000 Uhuru, you better tell it.

00:47:07.000 Yeah, we're coming to get it.

00:47:08.000 Uhuru.

00:47:09.000 Coming to get it.

00:47:11.000 Come over.

00:47:11.000 This guy's something else, too.

00:47:13.000 Where is he today?

00:47:14.000 What's your name is?

00:47:15.000 Jesse.

00:47:16.000 Jesse.

00:47:16.000 Yo me reparations.

00:47:18.000 Correct.

00:47:18.000 And I want it.

00:47:19.000 When do I want it?

00:47:20.000 Now.

00:47:20.000 When do I want it?

00:47:21.000 Now.

00:47:22.000 And you gonna get it for me?

00:47:23.000 Yes, indeed.

00:47:24.000 All right.

00:47:24.000 Why your reparations?

00:47:26.000 Because every opportunity and amenity I have has been at the expense of my black and brown brothers and sisters around the world.

00:47:35.000 Everything in this country is soaked, saturated with the blood of slavery, genocide.

00:47:40.000 Even the times that I've had to scrape for dollars in my life, they still bared the face of the slave master, genocidal maniac.

00:47:46.000 And I know full well that even the homeless white man on the street corner is going to, he's going to get more head nods and ham sandwiches than the black man across the street.

00:47:54.000 So every white person, no matter how little you got or think you got, enough, enough, enough.

00:47:59.000 I just cringed real hard at Seattle.

00:48:01.000 Seattle.

00:48:03.000 When did black people in Seattle get the black accent?

00:48:07.000 Because it wasn't there in the 70s and 80s.

00:48:09.000 And then all of a sudden, you listen to KEXP in the mornings now, they've blackified it.

00:48:14.000 And it drives me nuts because I used to love John in the Morning on KEXP.

00:48:17.000 And now it's some dude, some Somalian who was born and raised in Seattle.

00:48:21.000 And he's all like, yo, what's up?

00:48:23.000 Welcome back, KXP.

00:48:26.000 And he plays like shitty garbage 90s rap because that's what he grew up with.

00:48:31.000 Yo, that was Trap Call Quest.

00:48:33.000 Good morning.

00:48:34.000 Fuck.

00:48:35.000 All right, that's bringing us to racism.

00:48:38.000 Let's talk about racism.

00:48:39.000 Yeah, let's do it.

00:48:41.000 Let's talk about racism.

00:48:46.000 Those racist guys.

00:48:50.000 Let's start out with a positive.

00:48:51.000 We got to go really start rushing through these, Rygai.

00:48:54.000 Azealia Banks is my spirit animal.

00:48:56.000 We'll start with a positive example of black empowerment.

00:49:00.000 She's fucking based.

00:49:01.000 I'm really pissed off at all these disgusting bourgeoisie liberal nutbags who think forcing their culture of politically correct, sterilized, identity-obsessed, neutered, tranny paradise all over every American is the way forward.

00:49:13.000 I'm annoyed at the fact that we're being governed by a bunch of limp dick vegan hackers on LSD and modafinil.

00:49:21.000 I fucking hate AOC and her Adderall indulgence.

00:49:24.000 She has single-handedly ruined New York City and totally spearheaded this pussy-ass, militant, liberal, techno-feudalist shit we're dealing with right now.

00:49:32.000 Fucking stupid, squeaky bitch.

00:49:35.000 Her and the nappy-headed jihadi bitch, Ilhan Omar, are stupid idealists.

00:49:42.000 Perfect.

00:49:43.000 You're on the network.

00:49:44.000 And yes, Adderall.

00:49:46.000 That's what is going on with AOC, I'm convinced.

00:49:51.000 That's why she has the bug eyes.

00:49:53.000 That's why she talks faster than she thinks.

00:49:56.000 She's high.

00:49:57.000 And why is she on Adderall?

00:50:00.000 Because she's in over her head.

00:50:02.000 Like, what if you had to teach a class in history starting tomorrow?

00:50:06.000 You'd stay up all night, you'd do Adderall, you'd study your dick off, and you'd be nervous the whole time someone called your bluff and asked you what the difference between Attila the Hun is and Genghis Khan.

00:50:20.000 And here we have, this is an interesting moment where Black Lives Matter, a peek behind the Iron Curtain, if you will, where here she is admitting that her magazine is like Mao's little red book.

00:50:34.000 Just to be clear here, folks, Mao murdered 80 million people.

00:50:41.000 That number is always underreported.

00:50:44.000 It's not 40.

00:50:45.000 It's not 60.

00:50:46.000 It's 80 million.

00:50:48.000 More than 10 times Hitler.

00:50:51.000 He's a bad man.

00:50:54.000 Talk about genocidal maniacs on the money.

00:50:57.000 He is a genocidal maniac.

00:51:00.000 He is the biggest villain in world history.

00:51:04.000 No one comes close.

00:51:06.000 Stalin, nope.

00:51:08.000 Stalin was what, 40?

00:51:11.000 Hitler, nope.

00:51:12.000 This is the winner of the mass murder awards.

00:51:15.000 So never, ever reference him as an inspiring revolutionary.

00:51:21.000 Unless, of course, you're in Black Lives Matter.

00:51:23.000 Go back.

00:51:24.000 What does she say?

00:51:25.000 I was at the Art Publications table today, and I was speaking to this young person from Arizona who's trying to fight SB 1070.

00:51:33.000 And he grabbed a book and he said, it's like Mal's Red Book.

00:51:37.000 And I was like, man, that's what I was thinking.

00:51:41.000 And it was just really cool to hear him make that connection.

00:51:43.000 I was at the Art Publications file.

00:51:45.000 Do you think she'd get mad if you were like, wow, I love your Texas earrings?

00:51:49.000 Those are really cool.

00:51:52.000 Also in the racism news, a teacher was fired on a Zoom call for saying this horrible, horrible lie.

00:51:58.000 George Floyd would still be Alive if he had complied with the police and sidled into their car.

00:52:04.000 So teachers are getting fired for saying facts now.

00:52:07.000 Well, you know what?

00:52:07.000 No, she's wrong because he would be dead of an overdose still.

00:52:11.000 So actually, she's feeding into the level.

00:52:13.000 Well, he would have lived if he didn't eat his fentanyl and if he complied with police.

00:52:19.000 And by the way, no, she's still right because the police don't want you eating drugs.

00:52:24.000 So complying with police includes not eating fentanyl.

00:52:27.000 Good point.

00:52:27.000 Scroll down.

00:52:30.000 So she's out of a job in Alaska.

00:52:34.000 Alaska's red as hell.

00:52:36.000 There's not a lot of jobs in Alaska, I'd imagine.

00:52:38.000 Wow.

00:52:39.000 Have they got it there?

00:52:42.000 They make up.

00:52:43.000 Black people make up 13% of the population.

00:52:47.000 So that is a disproportionate number, but it's a fact.

00:52:52.000 Don't think.

00:52:53.000 When the cops run up on break.

00:53:49.000 Junior Man with the son and the military base.

00:53:53.000 There's a black man and a black son.

00:53:56.000 And chat and the soldiers on the military base.

00:54:01.000 And this last, there was one, just a few couple of pages.

00:54:05.000 By the way, that's enough.

00:54:06.000 I agree with her.

00:54:08.000 But what is teaching now?

00:54:09.000 You just shoot the shit?

00:54:11.000 Like, this show is more informative than her class.

00:54:14.000 And I'm not trying to educate anyone.

00:54:16.000 You just sit there and you just shoot the shit.

00:54:19.000 Like, we have visual aids, and we're referencing actual studies and showing footage.

00:54:24.000 She's just sitting there talking like you would on the phone.

00:54:29.000 That's interesting, right?

00:54:30.000 There's no presentation of.

00:54:32.000 That sounded like every phone call I have with my mom.

00:54:34.000 Right.

00:54:35.000 And she's right.

00:54:36.000 She's also right, but that's also not a teaching format.

00:54:39.000 Yeah, I'm not signing up here to listen to a podcast.

00:54:42.000 To listen to a fucking podcast.

00:54:44.000 True.

00:54:45.000 So, you know what I keep screaming on this show that Asians getting stabbed is not a pattern?

00:54:50.000 3-8.

00:54:51.000 Here we have a couple of Asians get knived.

00:54:57.000 Where is this now?

00:54:58.000 Is this in Seattle, San Francisco?

00:55:00.000 So he just comes up, poof, and then stabs her in the arm.

00:55:10.000 And then this guy, he pulls her down.

00:55:13.000 That's actually a good move.

00:55:14.000 That's a good Samaritan right there who pulled her down.

00:55:16.000 She's down.

00:55:17.000 Leave her alone.

00:55:18.000 You got her.

00:55:18.000 Get her out of the way.

00:55:20.000 I'm not sure I would sink to do that.

00:55:22.000 Throw a bleeding old lady to the ground.

00:55:26.000 For her own good, yeah.

00:55:27.000 Don't worry, I'm here.

00:55:28.000 Plop.

00:55:31.000 So, yeah.

00:55:35.000 He was reported in Washington Post.

00:55:36.000 Go to 4-1.

00:55:39.000 He was reported as white.

00:55:41.000 Out of here.

00:55:46.000 What the fuck?

00:55:47.000 Hey, David Beard.

00:55:48.000 You're an executive editor at National Geographic.

00:55:50.000 You're an alum of Washington Post and Boston Globe and AP.

00:55:53.000 Why did you identify Patrick Thompson as white?

00:55:58.000 He was a black man.

00:55:59.000 That guy immediately changed his write-up to not include his job.

00:56:07.000 Here's what I always find fascinating about these things.

00:56:10.000 Why did you want him to be white?

00:56:13.000 I don't think I'll ever crack that.

00:56:16.000 This burning desire for the perp to be white.

00:56:19.000 They want it to be true so bad.

00:56:21.000 In fact, when they see blacks, they say it's fake.

00:56:26.000 They're actors.

00:56:27.000 Go to 3.9.

00:56:32.000 Ah, poop.

00:56:34.000 Can we search for it?

00:56:35.000 What are we looking for?

00:56:38.000 Well, it was a woman saying, I'm not buying all this black on Asian violence.

00:56:43.000 It seems clear to me that these are paid actors who have been paid to further a racist narrative.

00:56:51.000 Hey, I got a good news and some bad news.

00:56:53.000 Oh, I got you an acting gig.

00:56:55.000 Oh, fun.

00:56:56.000 You have to stab an old woman with an actual knife.

00:57:00.000 No, I'm not doing that.

00:57:04.000 Here's a real one.

00:57:05.000 Let's look at Leslie Jones, 4-0, running through the streets, bashing people with hammers so hard that her own shoes come off.

00:57:23.000 Boom.

00:57:24.000 Fuck you.

00:57:25.000 Boom.

00:57:28.000 There's no volume to it?

00:57:30.000 I don't think so.

00:57:31.000 Wait, there is.

00:57:32.000 Look, there goes her shoe.

00:57:36.000 Oh, because they're saying it's Leslie Jones.

00:57:38.000 Yes.

00:57:46.000 So why are those Asians prey?

00:57:48.000 Because of COVID?

00:57:49.000 Because of Trump's comments on COVID?

00:57:50.000 No.

00:57:51.000 Because she knows that she could probably take them and they're probably not going to fight back.

00:57:55.000 Yeah.

00:57:56.000 They're more abundant.

00:57:57.000 You know, you really do see way more Asians out here than anything.

00:58:00.000 Or there's like South Manhattan, tons of Asians.

00:58:05.000 Well, here is one case of a guy, 4-2, who was going, a white guy on a stabbing spree.

00:58:13.000 Oh, wait.

00:58:14.000 No.

00:58:15.000 No, he was wearing a mask to imitate a white man allegedly committing dozens of berkelies throughout L.A. He was arrested by Beverly Hills Police, quickly bailed out.

00:58:25.000 Now, what I don't get about this is, does he believe that white people Get away with crimes more.

00:58:33.000 So he's like, he believes that Eddie Murphy sketch, Black Like Me.

00:58:36.000 Well, yeah, yeah.

00:58:37.000 He went into the bank thinking they were just going to give him the money.

00:58:40.000 And when he realized that doesn't happen, he was like, let me steal it.

00:58:43.000 He said, give me $10,000.

00:58:44.000 I'm white.

00:58:44.000 Yeah, just take it.

00:58:46.000 Go ahead.

00:58:46.000 Take it.

00:58:47.000 Here's a video of someone fighting back about this massive crime spree.

00:58:55.000 Oh, no, that's the we were.

00:58:57.000 Well, we'll pull up that article.

00:58:59.000 That's the Hoolies, right?

00:59:00.000 Yeah.

00:59:01.000 What was that again?

00:59:02.000 43.

00:59:05.000 43.

00:59:07.000 Yeah.

00:59:08.000 So you can just scroll.

00:59:10.000 This is what's really going on in New York.

00:59:12.000 Rampant fucking crime.

00:59:15.000 Almost exclusively black on black.

00:59:17.000 There's plenty of black on Asian, plenty of black on white, just rival gangs.

00:59:23.000 This is in Bedstey in Bushwick, which is just east of Hipstertown.

00:59:29.000 In fact, Bedford Avenue goes right into that area.

00:59:33.000 It's a few blocks away.

00:59:34.000 So the hipsters might be getting a little crime visit.

00:59:39.000 I mean, it's definitely spreading up into the burbs.

00:59:41.000 So it must be all over Williamsburg, Brooklyn, too.

00:59:44.000 And I bet you're going to see a lot of Hasidim, Hasidim being attacked.

00:59:48.000 Jews, Orthodox Jews getting attacked.

00:59:51.000 Why?

00:59:52.000 Because they're there.

00:59:54.000 Half of these shootings are turf things where someone was on a Hooli street.

01:00:00.000 Anyway, go to 4-5.

01:00:02.000 It's fun to see shop clerks fight back.

01:00:06.000 Because they have to get the word out that they're not victims.

01:00:27.000 Why did that end so soon?

01:00:29.000 Dear people who videotape catastrophes, can you just hold the record a little longer, please?

01:00:37.000 Holy shit.

01:00:39.000 That was four major blows to the head.

01:00:44.000 Here's a great video of a cop.

01:00:46.000 Oh, what's?

01:00:47.000 What, you got more?

01:00:53.000 See, they want to fight until they're dead.

01:00:56.000 Just go.

01:00:58.000 You've lost.

01:01:04.000 No one to fold them.

01:01:06.000 Hmm.

01:01:08.000 Check out this video of, you know, we always talk about how cops are in danger and no one gives a shit about them anymore because of some bullshit narrative.

01:01:15.000 And they always say things like, couldn't you just shot the gun out of his hand?

01:01:18.000 Or couldn't you have done a warning shot?

01:01:20.000 This is how fast shit goes down when you're a cop and someone could be shooting you at any given moment.

01:01:31.000 Suspect.

01:01:32.000 Wow.

01:01:33.000 I mean, it's almost like boxing where you have to give me a slow motion replay.

01:01:37.000 Look at that.

01:01:44.000 Shut!

01:01:50.000 Shut!

01:01:52.000 Did you?

01:01:53.000 I don't even...

01:01:54.000 I don't know how you could grab your...

01:01:56.000 Like, unholster your weapon that quick.

01:01:57.000 Apparently, I guess the grabs.

01:01:59.000 I don't know anything about guns, but there's something with the Glock where if you hold the barrel, it can't recoil or something.

01:02:04.000 I don't know.

01:02:04.000 Oh, oh, I see.

01:02:05.000 It can't cycle the bullet.

01:02:07.000 Because the top part of the gun slides.

01:02:11.000 So maybe you could stop it from firing another shot.

01:02:14.000 Oh, my God.

01:02:15.000 I don't know if that's what he did, though.

01:02:16.000 I don't know if he had a good enough move on there.

01:02:20.000 I thought this was a bizarre story, speaking of racism.

01:02:24.000 And this foster care worker adopts a child who...

01:02:32.000 Why didn't anyone want this little kid?

01:02:35.000 Well, she was aged out of the system.

01:02:37.000 What?

01:02:38.000 You mean she's an adult?

01:02:40.000 What does aged out of the system mean?

01:02:43.000 You mean she grew up?

01:02:44.000 She's fucking 19.

01:02:46.000 I moved out of the house when I was 18.

01:02:49.000 Can I have been adopted?

01:02:50.000 You were cycled out of the household.

01:02:51.000 Who adopts an adult?

01:02:54.000 What a stupid, dumb, feel-good story.

01:02:59.000 And if you're just scrolling fast enough, you just go, oh, that's nice.

01:03:02.000 She's got a home.

01:03:02.000 Wait a minute, wait a minute.

01:03:03.000 Stop.

01:03:04.000 19?

01:03:05.000 Get a job, bitch.

01:03:08.000 You could be a mom now.

01:03:10.000 You don't need to be adopted by some white guilt fucking liberal moron who thinks she's saving the day.

01:03:18.000 Speaking of women doing saying stupid shit because they love black people so much, look at this picture of a tweet.

01:03:30.000 I love my sons more than life.

01:03:32.000 This was replying to Jill Filopovic.

01:03:35.000 I've been on TV with Jill before.

01:03:37.000 She's an incredibly attractive feminist who has thrown her life into the toilet.

01:03:43.000 She spent like five years in Africa working with poor kids and stuff.

01:03:49.000 So her life's been a complete waste.

01:03:51.000 She just gets out there and talks about how great abortions are and how you don't have to get married and you shouldn't have a man and you should devote your life to helping starving people in Africa, which is like going to the beach and cleaning a few grains of sand.

01:04:04.000 She's not good at arguing.

01:04:06.000 I ate her alive the few times we debated.

01:04:08.000 It wasn't pretty.

01:04:10.000 And it's just yet another beautiful young woman who's thrown her life away, flushed her ovaries down the drain, and she's going to regret it forever.

01:04:18.000 But anyway.

01:04:19.000 Oh, there we are.

01:04:23.000 Oh, is this the famous fucking feminist moment?

01:04:28.000 No.

01:04:31.000 That's not working.

01:04:32.000 You look cracked.

01:04:35.000 She f ⁇ ed phrase, but was it empty?

01:04:38.000 The latest front in the on men.

01:04:40.000 Fatherhood is trivialized and single motherhood is put on a pedestal because it's bad for America.

01:04:46.000 And I used to think women were too stupid to understand this, but let's treat them like grown-ups and say sexism in 2014 is a myth, and we're going to have to get back to what matters, and what matters is fatherhood.

01:05:00.000 Okay, so you're saying that alimony is totally skewed because men end up paying more of it, although women earn a lot more money now than when the laws and the rules were kind of set in place.

01:05:11.000 40% of women are breadwinners in America, in American households.

01:05:16.000 90% of the alimony payments are by men to women.

01:05:19.000 The numbers don't add up, and women should be able to do the same math that men can do.

01:05:25.000 I'm trying to make Joe mad, by the way.

01:05:27.000 I think you're noticed.

01:05:29.000 Women are 40% of breadwinners in American households because of so many single mothers.

01:05:34.000 You have a lot of women that were never married in the first place when they have children.

01:05:37.000 And they choose that lifestyle, and that's child abuse.

01:05:40.000 They don't have anyone to pay those alimony payments to.

01:05:42.000 Alimony payments are gender neutral.

01:05:44.000 Plenty of women pay alimony payments to the moment.

01:05:46.000 Listen to her stats.

01:05:48.000 Plenty of women.

01:05:50.000 That's some hard numbers.

01:05:52.000 Yeah, there's lots of women paying child support to single dads.

01:05:55.000 That's a thing.

01:05:57.000 I don't know why you're smiling so hard.

01:05:58.000 She made a great point.

01:06:00.000 No.

01:06:01.000 Madonna lost $76 million on the guy rising.

01:06:04.000 Plenty of women.

01:06:05.000 Madonna, for example.

01:06:09.000 Did she give the technologies a heads up?

01:06:12.000 Classic, typical American woman, Madonna, who has like an entourage of black kids she bought in Africa.

01:06:19.000 You know, that kind of chick.

01:06:21.000 Look, the alimony concept was invented when it was the known of cooking a spaghetti the whole life.

01:06:26.000 And then she gets a bench.

01:06:27.000 She goes, I made spaghetti for you guys my whole life.

01:06:29.000 And now I don't have the skills.

01:06:32.000 But now I'm going to talk about that.

01:06:35.000 Gav.

01:06:36.000 But go back to that tweet.

01:06:37.000 I thought it was interesting.

01:06:38.000 So that's Jill.

01:06:39.000 So Jill is, this is part of her conversation.

01:06:42.000 Love my sons more than life, but if I could go back in time, I would never have had children.

01:06:46.000 It completely takes over your life and focus, and I could have done so many worthwhile things.

01:06:51.000 I feel like I've reached the last part of my life never having achieved anything.

01:06:55.000 You notice how much grammar and spelling I had to fix while I was reading that.

01:07:00.000 And then Senator Fritz McCorkendale says, what achievement would have fulfilled you?

01:07:05.000 Of course, I asked not to judge.

01:07:09.000 Women are so scared of confrontation that they have to give everything caveats and bows and frills.

01:07:14.000 But because I struggle with this set of thoughts myself, I made career-limiting decisions when I decided to have kids.

01:07:19.000 But would my career have been great without?

01:07:21.000 Would a great career matter?

01:07:22.000 To whom?

01:07:23.000 Me?

01:07:23.000 My obed?

01:07:24.000 And I was saying this to the kids on the weekend.

01:07:26.000 I was like, here's what your grandfather accomplished.

01:07:29.000 Here's what my father accomplished.

01:07:30.000 Here's what I've accomplished in my life.

01:07:33.000 And I go, it's trivial.

01:07:36.000 It's not even in the same universe as what your mother's done.

01:07:38.000 Your mother made three perfect humans, three wonderful kids, and they'll go on and they'll have kids.

01:07:44.000 You want to talk about an impact?

01:07:46.000 That's millions of people, ostensibly, in the future.

01:07:50.000 So this is what Mother's Day is all about, is this incredible gift.

01:07:55.000 And then this stupid bitch, I would have finished law school.

01:07:57.000 Then I could have joined the Innocence Project and hopefully worked to free the black men that I know today are in prisons in the South for crimes they didn't do.

01:08:07.000 I have a long list and regrets.

01:08:11.000 This is what I've been thinking about all week, by the way.

01:08:15.000 All right, so the narrative is that America's racist, right?

01:08:18.000 And that's why they go, she's the first American Indian senator or she's the first black woman on the moon and all this kind of shit.

01:08:27.000 Why do they say that?

01:08:28.000 Because the given is that there's systemic racism everywhere and this black girl wants to be an astronaut and we're like, you ain't going to the moon, Negra.

01:08:40.000 Go make a cake, bitch.

01:08:42.000 You don't belong on no moon.

01:08:44.000 And she's like, if only I could show them.

01:08:46.000 Like that intern I had at Vice, who I found a crumpled up post-it note in the intern desk and it said, I would have her take out the garbage and stuff.

01:08:53.000 Like all interns, I give them shitty jobs and they slowly get more and more responsibility.

01:08:57.000 Because when I started the company, I had to take out the garbage.

01:09:00.000 We didn't start day one with a fucking maid.

01:09:02.000 So I'm showing you that no matter what the job is, it starts with shitty stuff.

01:09:07.000 Anyway, obvious lesson.

01:09:08.000 And she wrote, why do they keep giving me these mundane jobs?

01:09:13.000 Surely 400 years of history has shown them that I'm capable of so much more.

01:09:22.000 So that's the narrative, right?

01:09:24.000 Ridiculous concept.

01:09:26.000 And they also say, like, a black girl who was raised with rich white parents and went to a great school, she's still black.

01:09:35.000 Because when she walks down the street, people go, get out of here, you black bitch, or whatever.

01:09:42.000 I'm at the point now where I'm like, no, you're not black.

01:09:47.000 Because I don't accept that there's systemic racism and America's racist.

01:09:51.000 So I don't give a shit about the first black woman on the moon.

01:09:53.000 It's just a person on the moon.

01:09:56.000 Now, there is ghetto blacks who have, you know, black culture and fried chicken and, you know, Carabin de Parade, whatever, freak Nick, all that stuff.

01:10:07.000 That's a black person, right?

01:10:09.000 But Kamala Harris is half Jamaican, half Indian.

01:10:14.000 Her formative years were spent in Montreal, next to me, in Westmount, which is all Jewish and white.

01:10:20.000 It's basically the Upper East Side of Montreal.

01:10:23.000 Is she black?

01:10:25.000 Like, for example, if you get chicken in the hood from a deli, they serve it with pepper and salt and ketchup.

01:10:32.000 She doesn't know that.

01:10:34.000 She knows nothing of black recipes and black music.

01:10:38.000 She thinks that she was listening to Tupac when she was in college.

01:10:42.000 He was like 17 at the time.

01:10:44.000 That's true.

01:10:46.000 And this goes back to what Ryan was saying.

01:10:51.000 Ryan, Milo.

01:10:53.000 He was like, you speak about Mexicans.

01:10:55.000 You speak a Spanish language.

01:10:57.000 You speak a European language.

01:10:58.000 You're not an oppressed minority.

01:11:01.000 You're a conquistador.

01:11:02.000 You're white.

01:11:03.000 You stole Mexico from the Aztecs.

01:11:08.000 Jews are white.

01:11:11.000 Indians, they're from the Caucasus Mountains, but they're white people.

01:11:16.000 Look at Indian Joker face.

01:11:18.000 He looks like a white guy.

01:11:21.000 Mexicans, okay, when they're little tiny ones with the little carts and the sombreros and the little blankets, okay, maybe they're Hispanic.

01:11:33.000 And you know, black people who grew up in a black community and all that, and they have that black experience, okay, they're black, right?

01:11:39.000 The Aztecs, I'll call Mexican.

01:11:41.000 But when you're like six foot tall, white-looking dude, like Vincente Fox, the president of Mexico for I think 10 years, how is he a race?

01:11:50.000 How is he not white?

01:11:52.000 Is he a Hispanic?

01:11:54.000 Is that a Hispanic?

01:11:57.000 So I'm at the point now where I don't believe in most of these minorities.

01:12:07.000 I don't see them as non-whites.

01:12:10.000 If you grow up in a white community, you're white.

01:12:12.000 What's black about you?

01:12:13.000 What the fuck is black about Kamala Harris?

01:12:15.000 What is black about Corey Booker?

01:12:17.000 He fakes a black accent.

01:12:19.000 It's embarrassing.

01:12:20.000 Or the dude from Rage Against the Machine.

01:12:23.000 He says, well, I'm black because I get called the N-word a lot.

01:12:25.000 First of all, I don't believe you.

01:12:27.000 Secondly, every time I get examples of this, they go, oh yeah, they call me the N-word.

01:12:32.000 And then you find out it was when we were eight years old.

01:12:35.000 Dude, if you had a big mole on the tip of your nose when you're eight, you'd be known as shit nose.

01:12:40.000 Kids are cruel.

01:12:41.000 They'll go for anything.

01:12:43.000 You have a foreskin and all the other kids are circumcised, you're going to be known as foreskin.

01:12:47.000 That's just the way it is.

01:12:48.000 So it's not really a good example of the oppression that you suffered for your race.

01:12:54.000 So I think there's like minorities in this country.

01:12:58.000 I mean, our Asians, they're not oppressed.

01:13:01.000 They're the most successful ethnic group here.

01:13:04.000 They are abused when it comes to their grades.

01:13:06.000 They get docked when they try to apply to special schools and colleges because they're too good.

01:13:11.000 So they have to be handicapped.

01:13:12.000 That's fucked up.

01:13:15.000 But once you absolve yourself of this myth of systemic racism, the whole world starts looking real different.

01:13:26.000 And the way people go, like, I'm not white, and you find that they're Colombian or some shit, no, you're white.

01:13:31.000 There's very few races that could justifiably talk about oppression in this country.

01:13:38.000 And I think it's just the short little Mexicans.

01:13:42.000 Maybe.

01:13:43.000 I don't know what they're complaining about.

01:13:44.000 They weren't here for any of the bad stuff.

01:13:46.000 So they just showed up and then said, we're oppressed.

01:13:50.000 No.

01:13:51.000 And then there's blacks, lower, middle class, and poor blacks, which is blacks are 14% of the population.

01:13:59.000 But when you're talking about like, you get rid of all the Kamala Harrises and the rich ones and the ones who grew up with fucking Rage Against Machine Guy, they're like 10% of the population.

01:14:12.000 So I'm only willing to listen to 10% of the population when they talk about being victims of racism.

01:14:19.000 And even then, I'm pretty dubious.

01:14:22.000 But the fact that we let everyone else, Lebanese people jump in and talk about how they're oppressed, or some chick who was giving me shit the other day, North African, no.

01:14:32.000 Arabs are white.

01:14:34.000 Jews are white.

01:14:35.000 Indians are white.

01:14:37.000 Rich blacks are white.

01:14:40.000 If you grew up in a white neighborhood, you're white.

01:14:45.000 Anyway.

01:14:47.000 So go back.

01:14:47.000 Oh yeah.

01:14:49.000 So that woman is saying, I wish I didn't have kids because I want to get all these black men out of jail based on the assumption that black men are being thrown in prison just because of their race.

01:14:58.000 That's insane.

01:15:02.000 All right.

01:15:05.000 Let's do COVID tomorrow and some more pet Biden.

01:15:12.000 Yeah, let's jump over to the mailbag, shall we?

01:15:33.000 Hey, Gavin, I'm a woman in my 30s.

01:15:36.000 I'm entering my 30s soon, so she's 29.

01:15:38.000 Can you do a brief segment on 30s women's fashion?

01:15:41.000 I've read that women in their 30s should no longer wear dresses above the knees, leather jackets, etc.

01:15:46.000 I'm another housewife who listens to your show from California.

01:15:49.000 Thanks, Alyssa.

01:15:52.000 All right, well, let's break it down here.

01:15:54.000 All women should wear heels three times a week.

01:15:58.000 That goes from the age of 18 to 60?

01:16:06.000 I think you can wear a skirt above the knee, but not much above the knee.

01:16:11.000 And the leather jacket is okay in certain things, certain times.

01:16:16.000 You definitely can't wear knee-high socks or have pigtails.

01:16:23.000 That's not acceptable.

01:16:24.000 And the tattoos, I mean, here's the rule for women.

01:16:29.000 You can have this much tattoo on your body, a small apple amount.

01:16:34.000 Now, if you want to spread that out to a bunch of little tiny ones all over the place, fine, as long as they cumulatively don't make more than that.

01:16:43.000 And if you want to have one, okay, but you used up all your tattoo-ness in this.

01:16:47.000 But when women are splotchy with tattoos, God, it looks bad.

01:16:51.000 The whole tattoo thing was invented by sailors to show that they're tough, and they've been all over the world, including Polynesia, where they discovered tattoos.

01:16:59.000 When you do it, you're a tough sailor now.

01:17:02.000 And your body is a temple.

01:17:05.000 Don't desecrate it.

01:17:06.000 That's why you have to have fruity drinks.

01:17:08.000 Because it's not normal for you to drink the gasoline that we drink, which is bourbon.

01:17:13.000 You have to trick your body and Trojan horse it with a funny drink.

01:17:17.000 But maybe I should call my wife.

01:17:20.000 How about that?

01:17:35.000 She never answers her fucking phone.

01:17:46.000 You know, because women don't have pockets, so their phones never...

01:17:50.000 Hi, Drinky.

01:17:52.000 That's too bad.

01:17:55.000 So yeah, I'm not an expert, but you could still be sexy.

01:17:58.000 You just have to be classy.

01:17:59.000 You know what I always thought was Weird about Fox News, it was always the exact same kind of dress they all had.

01:18:04.000 It was that monochromatic, sleeveless, low-cut, not low-cut, but scoop-neck, tight dress that went just above the knees.

01:18:11.000 Every single woman, no one would ever have like a shawl or like a Vivian Westwood dress or something.

01:18:19.000 Yeah, look at that.

01:18:20.000 They're all dressed exactly the same.

01:18:27.000 Yeah, sorry, I didn't do a very good job of that.

01:18:29.000 I put, included that letter because I thought I had a bunch of really smart things to say.

01:18:32.000 But outside of pigtails and knee-high socks, I think anything goes.

01:18:39.000 Please don't get short hair, though, ladies.

01:18:42.000 These women, when they become soccer moms, they just give up and they have fucking crocs and flip-flops.

01:18:48.000 It's so disgusting.

01:18:52.000 Dipshit and dumb fuck.

01:18:55.000 I guess I'm probably dip shit and you're probably dumb fuck.

01:18:59.000 Well, no, the order's usually you then me.

01:19:01.000 So I'm the second one of the.

01:19:03.000 So I think you're dip shit.

01:19:05.000 I'm dumb fuck.

01:19:05.000 That's what I just said.

01:19:08.000 In the recent episode, Intoxicated Effort, not only did you fuck up the Miha reference, but at 5830, you tell your story about Ernie Hudson telling a black child he is God.

01:19:19.000 The Ghostbusters, they are almost destroyed by Gozer for answering no to the question, are you a god?

01:19:26.000 It's a reference to the movie you asked him to quote, dumbass.

01:19:30.000 I expect more from this show.

01:19:38.000 Sir, you're wrong.

01:19:41.000 Okay?

01:19:41.000 He is not a Ghostbusters nerd.

01:19:44.000 He was talking to a little kid, and I can tell that he was not referencing it because I was there.

01:19:51.000 You see, you fucking millennials talk to Generation X like you're smarter than us.

01:19:57.000 Turn it up.

01:19:58.000 Or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension.

01:20:01.000 Hello, I'm doing.

01:20:02.000 Thanks very much, Ray.

01:20:04.000 Are you a god?

01:20:11.000 No, he was not referencing that scene.

01:20:14.000 You dip shit.

01:20:15.000 But he does say something in this movie about the god thing.

01:20:18.000 Yeah, that's not what he was getting at.

01:20:21.000 He was saying you are a god.

01:20:22.000 He was trying to inspire the kid and telling him he's a badass.

01:20:26.000 Here's a good letter.

01:20:29.000 Dear G-Dog and Ryga, I'm a big fan of the show.

01:20:32.000 Don't say my name.

01:20:33.000 I'm a police officer in Nashville, Tennessee.

01:20:35.000 One thing you might not be aware of in reference to the crime wave going on right now is that juvenile crime has been an epidemic for years.

01:20:42.000 Okay, here we go.

01:20:43.000 Hey.

01:20:45.000 Hey, Ms. Chico.

01:20:46.000 Yeah, I got a letter from some woman who's she's turning 30 soon, and she wants to know what she can't wear now that she's in her 30s.

01:20:55.000 She said leather jackets and short skirts are out.

01:20:59.000 Uh 30s?

01:21:01.000 Yeah.

01:21:02.000 30s is the new 20s.

01:21:04.000 She can wear whatever she wants.

01:21:06.000 What about like thigh-high socks?

01:21:09.000 She's turning 30.

01:21:11.000 Yes.

01:21:12.000 Absolutely.

01:21:13.000 Really?

01:21:14.000 I think so, yeah.

01:21:14.000 Yeah, like 40s when you start feeling like an idiot.

01:21:19.000 No pigtails.

01:21:22.000 Never pigtails.

01:21:23.000 Oh, past 10.

01:21:25.000 Okay, so it's basically total and utter freedom, thigh-high boots with stiletto heels, fucking leather jacket, mini skirt.

01:21:34.000 That's all fine.

01:21:35.000 Oh, yeah.

01:21:36.000 You gotta live it up.

01:21:37.000 30s is when women reach their peak beauty at 33.

01:21:42.000 Really?

01:21:43.000 Yeah, that was my most beautiful.

01:21:46.000 Okay, thank you.

01:21:47.000 Bye.

01:21:49.000 Aren't you supposed to be like, no, you're most beautiful as always?

01:21:52.000 Oh, yeah.

01:21:53.000 You fucked up.

01:21:54.000 Yikes.

01:21:55.000 A blowjob just lost its wings.

01:21:59.000 Every time you fart around your wife, a blowjob loses its wings.

01:22:03.000 Oh, that goes through my head at least once a week.

01:22:06.000 You know what I've been doing?

01:22:09.000 You put your fingers and your thumb just on that cusp of your anal lips.

01:22:16.000 Yes, you told everybody that.

01:22:17.000 Open it up and just...

01:22:19.000 Correct.

01:22:21.000 Still stinks.

01:22:23.000 But it's not going to wake her up.

01:22:24.000 Right.

01:22:26.000 Okay, sorry.

01:22:28.000 One thing you might not be aware of in reference to the crime wave going on right now is that juvenile crime has been an epidemic for years before all of this riot, lax law crap.

01:22:38.000 The reason is that if you are under 18, you can pretty much commit any crime but murder and get away with it.

01:22:45.000 I have had many cases where we arrested juveniles for major crimes just for them to be released from Juvie and sent home within 12 hours, and the charges dropped.

01:22:54.000 For example, we had three juveniles steal a car, steal guns, and go around the city robbing people at gunpoint.

01:23:01.000 We chased and apprehended all three individuals, one of which was over 18.

01:23:06.000 We charged them with multiple aggravated robberies, stealing a car, and reckless endangerment.

01:23:11.000 Once we brought them to juvie slash jail, I found out the next day that the two juveniles were charged only with joyriding, which later was dropped.

01:23:21.000 And the adult got charged with all the charges.

01:23:24.000 This is very common with juveniles, and they know this.

01:23:27.000 On top of this, once they turn 18, all prior convictions are dropped off their record.

01:23:32.000 The reason is that judges think rehabilitation is more important than incarceration.

01:23:36.000 This is why juvenile crime is so bad in major cities.

01:23:40.000 Love the show.

01:23:40.000 And then he says circles are strokes.

01:23:43.000 So that goes back to that woman who said, I wish I didn't have babies so I could free black men from jail.

01:23:47.000 The implication being that they don't belong in there.

01:23:52.000 You know, with the drug war, many don't belong in there.

01:23:55.000 But when you hear about someone who's in prison for a marijuana cigarette, that's because that's the only thing they could get them on.

01:24:03.000 It's like al Capone and tax evasion.

01:24:09.000 So I'm kind of of two minds about it.

01:24:10.000 Like a lot of these guys are just bad shitheads, but I don't think people should be in prison for gun charges, and I don't think they should be in prison for drugs.

01:24:20.000 The drug war should just be abolished, and that will end crime.

01:24:24.000 I also know of a few guys who got wrapped up in domestics, and it was just their stupidity Dating a crazy bitch.

01:24:32.000 So, what percentage of people deserve to be there then?

01:24:35.000 I don't know.

01:24:36.000 That's a tough, that's a whole show right there.

01:24:38.000 I have talked to a lot of ex-cons, and they usually tell me that 5% of the prisoners are incompatible with society.

01:24:49.000 What's your take on releasing all those prisoners?

01:24:51.000 California gonna release like 20,000 prisoners that were gonna be on death row or something?

01:24:57.000 Or they're lifers, right?

01:24:59.000 California releases prisoners.

01:25:01.000 Yeah.

01:25:01.000 How about they release Max and John?

01:25:03.000 That would be nice.

01:25:04.000 Good point.

01:25:04.000 Yeah, if it was fair, it'd be nice.

01:25:09.000 How about all the January 6th riders, including Ethan Nordine, and Joe Biggs, who are in solitary confinement, being kept in the hole like they stabbed another fucking prisoner?

01:25:23.000 They're being treated like terrorists.

01:25:26.000 Actually, they treat terrorists better.

01:25:30.000 Includes 20,000 inmates who are serving life sentences with the possibility of parole.

01:25:36.000 More than 10,000 inmates convicted of a second serious but non-violent offense under the six three strikes law will be eligible for release.

01:25:44.000 Well, I do think that we have over-incarceration here.

01:25:47.000 It's kind of a tricky subject in my brain.

01:25:49.000 I'm too hungover to solve complicated questions.

01:25:52.000 Let's just show some funny videos.

01:26:07.000 I'm going to do a bunch of final videos today.

01:26:11.000 Check out this cool shark boat submarine jet ski thing.

01:26:19.000 Isn't that awesome?

01:26:20.000 I remember dreaming about this when I was a kid.

01:26:23.000 I wanted it to be invented so badly.

01:26:26.000 I think I'd even draw it sometimes.

01:26:28.000 And it was a shark like this.

01:26:30.000 Wait, is that not being pulled by anything?

01:26:32.000 Nope.

01:26:33.000 Oh, wow.

01:26:34.000 It's a fucking shark machine.

01:26:35.000 That's amazing.

01:26:36.000 Yeah, click on his hot hole Instagram feed.

01:26:39.000 He films what it looks like on the inside.

01:26:42.000 Yeah, click on that one.

01:26:45.000 Who unfortunately has dreads?

01:26:48.000 That's inside the tank?

01:26:49.000 Yeah, no, the video.

01:26:50.000 Dumbass.

01:26:55.000 That's playing really well.

01:26:56.000 What the fuck?

01:26:59.000 Oh, there we go.

01:27:03.000 It goes fast, too.

01:27:05.000 Dude.

01:27:06.000 So you rip around, then you dive.

01:27:09.000 Now, this is in shitty, like, lake water, but if...

01:27:12.000 Imagining clear water.

01:27:13.000 Wow.

01:27:14.000 Then you go ripping up high, you go down low.

01:27:19.000 What could be more fun?

01:27:21.000 Wait, he has it open?

01:27:24.000 Got in the convertible setting.

01:27:26.000 That's not.

01:27:27.000 I got the last the hatch laugh face emoji.

01:27:30.000 Here, now he's got it closed.

01:27:34.000 What?

01:27:35.000 What?

01:27:35.000 Where did you get this?

01:27:37.000 I want that.

01:27:38.000 Aren't you the opposite of embarrassed?

01:27:42.000 Can I have- hey man, sorry to saw your Instagram feed.

01:27:45.000 Can I have that?

01:27:50.000 Me, I want, I want, I want.

01:27:53.000 Can you give me that?

01:27:54.000 Okay, also in cool news, the navy can fly.

01:28:00.000 I didn't know this had been invented.

01:28:02.000 You just rip around.

01:28:03.000 I assumed he was on some sort of crane.

01:28:05.000 No, he's just ripping around with his fucking hand jets.

01:28:14.000 Let me get back over here.

01:28:18.000 Hey, guys.

01:28:19.000 He's the green goblin.

01:28:22.000 How's it going?

01:28:24.000 Hi, I saw you on the World of Engineering.

01:28:27.000 You were in that Navy jetpack.

01:28:30.000 Can I have that?

01:28:34.000 How do you think this is being filmed?

01:28:38.000 Oh, yeah.

01:28:40.000 There's no attachment there, right?

01:28:43.000 A drone.

01:28:44.000 Right, a drone.

01:28:45.000 But is somebody flying this perfectly perfectly to follow you.

01:28:50.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:28:51.000 Yeah.

01:28:52.000 It's fucking...

01:28:54.000 That rules.

01:28:56.000 Just going around New York City getting shot at.

01:28:59.000 Yeah, for sure.

01:29:01.000 I thought this was cool.

01:29:02.000 Some footage of England from the year 1420.

01:29:07.000 This was a sword fight between two knights for the Battle of Trafalgar.

01:29:17.000 Turn it up?

01:29:18.000 Just an SFW?

01:29:19.000 Where's my thing at?

01:29:20.000 Where do you want to?

01:29:26.000 I'll show you a slate.

01:29:28.000 I think it's like Northern England.

01:29:30.000 Here, here's your machete here.

01:29:33.000 We're going to label this nuts.

01:29:35.000 See, his adrenaline is going...

01:29:36.000 No, no, it's fine.

01:29:37.000 His adrenaline's going so hard that his hands slippy.

01:29:42.000 His hands are all sweaty.

01:29:43.000 Oh, now I'm fucked.

01:29:46.000 Wait, the other guy's holding his hand weird.

01:29:48.000 I think he's cut.

01:29:51.000 They're just having a sword fight.

01:29:54.000 That doesn't happen anymore.

01:29:56.000 It does in England.

01:29:58.000 No guns.

01:29:58.000 Thank God there's no guns allowed.

01:30:00.000 Yeah.

01:30:02.000 That's more brutal than guns in many ways.

01:30:06.000 You see it with the Pakistanis all the time in London.

01:30:09.000 Full on, like seven people with a sword.

01:30:15.000 Those punches aren't landing.

01:30:23.000 I think they're both weak from blood loss.

01:30:26.000 That was fun.

01:30:27.000 And here's another cruel video.

01:30:32.000 56.

01:30:33.000 I'm sorry, God, but I enjoy watching this.

01:30:36.000 I don't know why, and I feel really bad about it.

01:30:38.000 It's a balcony in Malibu where the owner had begged.

01:30:41.000 He said, this is a six-person maximum on this balcony.

01:30:45.000 Stop having big parties here, you asshole renter.

01:30:49.000 It's going to collapse.

01:30:51.000 And they thought, we want to see the sunset.

01:30:55.000 Oh, my God.

01:30:56.000 Isn't that unchristian of me to enjoy?

01:30:59.000 Is that that Self-hating white thing in my DNA?

01:31:02.000 If you are just reveling at the glory of God's gravity, no, okay, then yes, it's bad.

01:31:10.000 I enjoy seeing Malibu puppies almost die.

01:31:14.000 Then, correct?

01:31:15.000 That's bad.

01:31:16.000 Bad.

01:31:17.000 How do you feel?

01:31:18.000 Am I alone?

01:31:19.000 No, you're not alone.

01:31:20.000 I'm a flawed person, and I think this is fun to look at.

01:31:23.000 Yeah.

01:31:23.000 But why do I feel this like hat?

01:31:31.000 That's not a good thing.

01:31:34.000 And I often talk in the show about it.

01:31:36.000 What is it with white people where we hate ourselves and we want each other to suffer?

01:31:40.000 Here I am doing it.

01:31:41.000 Right.

01:31:42.000 Like, I should be going, oh, my fellow white people, they're in trouble.

01:31:45.000 But I'm going, fucking fall, bitches.

01:31:49.000 Yeah.

01:31:50.000 Maybe it's a competitive nature of people.

01:31:54.000 I'm not happy about it.

01:31:55.000 And then my last three videos all involve sprinkles.

01:31:59.000 These are people who are not just funny, but especially funny, magically funny.

01:32:04.000 And the first is blue-collar sprinkles.

01:32:08.000 Want to say to the school teacher that said I wouldn't turn out to be any more than a construction worker and alcoholic?

01:32:14.000 Man, fuck you, those are lucky kids.

01:32:24.000 And then my favorite guy, he's my new favorite guy, Gay Sprinkles, I call him.

01:32:29.000 58.

01:32:30.000 I mean, you can go on his YouTube page and it's all gold.

01:32:34.000 This one is not the best example.

01:32:37.000 It's just very weird.

01:32:40.000 When your ginger fluid friend gets more attention from street guys than you.

01:32:43.000 Hi, Freckle.

01:32:46.000 Freckle.

01:32:47.000 What are you doing?

01:32:49.000 Messaging this hot guy on Facebook Messenger.

01:32:53.000 Oh my god, that's that guy from the bar the other night that was talking to you.

01:33:01.000 He's in the military.

01:33:03.000 He's gay?

01:33:04.000 Mm-mm.

01:33:05.000 He has a girlfriend.

01:33:07.000 How do all these hot straight guys get interested in you?

01:33:10.000 That doesn't happen to me.

01:33:11.000 You're a gay guy.

01:33:13.000 So are you?

01:33:17.000 I'm gender fluid.

01:33:22.000 Nip slip.

01:33:25.000 What's up?

01:33:27.000 I don't know.

01:33:28.000 Is it?

01:33:31.000 Do these guys know you want to top them?

01:33:35.000 I top them all.

01:33:38.000 It's so bizarre, but go to his page.

01:33:40.000 I remember this guy.

01:33:41.000 Yeah.

01:33:42.000 Who isn't the makeup guy?

01:33:44.000 Yeah.

01:33:44.000 So go to all his videos.

01:33:47.000 Look at this.

01:33:48.000 Look at Eric the entrepreneur.

01:33:50.000 So fucking weird.

01:33:53.000 A lot of drama happening with Darlaze and Eric.

01:33:56.000 Oh, no, that's not what I meant.

01:33:59.000 Hey, go back.

01:34:00.000 Where is it now?

01:34:02.000 The guy in the...

01:34:03.000 TNC update?

01:34:04.000 It's the guy in the car wearing way too much makeup.

01:34:08.000 Fuck.

01:34:08.000 Where is it now?

01:34:12.000 I thought...

01:34:13.000 Are you sure you clicked on Eric the Entrepreneur?

01:34:15.000 Eric the Emperor.

01:34:16.000 Yeah.

01:34:16.000 That's...

01:34:17.000 No, it...

01:34:20.000 I finished.

01:34:21.000 Oh, it's a compilation.

01:34:22.000 Somebody who likes everybody that done about it.

01:34:26.000 I finished my opera job.

01:34:35.000 I finish.

01:34:36.000 Wait, go, keep going.

01:34:37.000 There's one where he's covered in makeup.

01:34:40.000 No, no, it might be in that same compilation.

01:34:45.000 For so long, I have Otox wore off the salon.

01:34:48.000 That looks really convincing.

01:34:50.000 That's the one.

01:34:50.000 Look at that one.

01:34:51.000 See you at the salon.

01:34:52.000 Maybe, or maybe I see you at a new business I'm starting by myself, which is also a salon, but only for skin treatment.

01:34:59.000 I don't know what they call that, but I'm going to look it up.

01:35:01.000 Love you guys.

01:35:03.000 I'm just waking up, just seeing all this mess about Eric and him maybe wanting to leave the salon.

01:35:17.000 You know, this is something that people go through a lot.

01:35:19.000 He wants to go start an independent venture.

01:35:24.000 And I mean, he wouldn't do well at that, but we love him at the salon.

01:35:28.000 Anyway, he's just fucking awesome, that guy.

01:35:31.000 Is he a gay guy?

01:35:32.000 Or does he just play most of those characters really well?

01:35:38.000 This is him just...

01:35:40.000 I legit, like, I'm going to be honest with you.

01:35:42.000 Okay, yeah.

01:35:45.000 I thought it was just like, because he did the Southern Dad, and it was so good.

01:35:50.000 Yeah, it's so convincing that you're like, well, you're just a straight dad, but it's funny.

01:35:55.000 I tried to get my wife to give me crystals.

01:35:58.000 I said, give me 10 of the chicks, the crystal chicks, and then give me five of just those regular crystals with the steam bun.

01:36:07.000 She comes home, says, I got you food.

01:36:11.000 She got me Wendy's, y'all.

01:36:14.000 What am I supposed to do with a double quarter pounder?

01:36:19.000 Not even quarter pounder.

01:36:20.000 That's McDonald's.

01:36:21.000 What am I supposed to do with a bacon?

01:36:23.000 Okay, that's...

01:36:23.000 That's a burger.

01:36:25.000 Check him out.

01:36:25.000 He's awesome.

01:36:26.000 And then finally, just some random teenager doing a perfectly crafted bit.

01:36:35.000 Hey, Dad, I was just wondering if you wanted to go outside and toss around the...

01:36:41.000 Hey, Dad, I was just wondering if you wanted to go outside and play some catch.

01:36:46.000 You got this.

01:36:47.000 You got this.

01:36:52.000 Sorry, bit.

01:36:54.000 Sorry, buddy.

01:36:54.000 I'm just really busy right now.

01:36:58.000 I'd love to, buddy.

01:36:59.000 Sorry, but I'm just really busy right now.

01:37:05.000 Hey, Danos.

01:37:11.000 That's awesome.

01:37:12.000 Wow.

01:37:15.000 We've got a fun show for you tomorrow.

01:37:17.000 We're going to put together a list of things I don't get, which includes sewing machines and, of course, Chip Chipperson.

01:37:26.000 And yeah, I think today's takeaway is Once you come to terms with the fact that systemic racism doesn't exist, the whole facade just starts crumbling.

01:37:41.000 The whole lie about white people oppressing non-whites and anti-Semitism on the rise and Asians are getting murdered and we have to free all these black men from prison because they were put there by racism.

01:37:55.000 All of this mountain of bullshit just goes.

01:38:00.000 And we realize there are some people who can argue that they're oppressed.

01:38:04.000 At least they have sort of a case.

01:38:06.000 But it's only this many people.

01:38:08.000 Way over there.

01:38:09.000 Maybe like 8% of the population can even have a leg to stand on.

01:38:15.000 The rest of us are doing fine.

01:38:20.000 And at least have the opportunity to do fine.

01:38:23.000 Now, we have a socialist asshole retard for a president who's working hard to destroy the country, but we're not there yet.

01:38:32.000 And the beauty of freeing yourself from the shackles of oppression is it's all in your head.

01:38:38.000 You know what's holding you back?

01:38:40.000 You.

01:38:41.000 Get up off the couch.

01:38:43.000 Clear your room.

01:38:45.000 And start busting your ass because for now at least, this still is an incredible country where if you work hard, you bust your ass every day, you will succeed.

01:38:56.000 I know you will.

01:38:57.000 You're smart enough to watch this show, so you must have something going on.

01:39:01.000 And in the interim, of course, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - May 10, 2021

S03E107 - WHAT SYSTEMIC RACISM

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