Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - October 12, 2020


S03E23 - GAVIN IS UNSTOPPABLE [2020-10-12 - S03E23 - GAVIN IS UNSTOPPABLE]


Episode Stats

Length

1 hour and 19 minutes

Words per Minute

125.686066

Word Count

9,969

Sentence Count

1,103

Misogynist Sentences

48

Hate Speech Sentences

78


Summary

Demon Vid Angola is a rapper from Manchester by way of Angola. He's a wannabe hip hop artist, and he's got a song called "Angola Is a Bitch" which is about the country he grew up in.


Transcript

00:00:13.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McKinnon.
00:00:29.000 Demon Vid Angola again, my friend.
00:00:33.000 Demon Vid Angola again.
00:00:36.000 No, Africano Free.
00:00:38.000 Neither will be.
00:00:40.000 Well, go on.
00:00:41.000 Welcome back to get up, Mylan.
00:00:42.000 You know, we got Baba closing in us.
00:00:45.000 That was Naza, Angolan man.
00:00:48.000 Not to be confused with the Austrian rapper Naza.
00:00:52.000 This man Naza is from Manchester by way of Angola.
00:00:58.000 And a lot of his songs are whining about Angola.
00:01:00.000 Dude, I hate these fucking immigrants, no, in immigrates who come to a country and then go, that was so fucked up where I was.
00:01:10.000 Yeah, you're welcome.
00:01:12.000 Let's go grab a curry and a pint.
00:01:14.000 You know, there was a Civil War.
00:01:16.000 Yeah, I know.
00:01:16.000 Africa's a fucking shithole.
00:01:18.000 It sucked before we got there.
00:01:19.000 It sucked when we were there.
00:01:20.000 And it sucked after we left.
00:01:22.000 That's why you're a refugee, Penis Birth.
00:01:26.000 Penis birth?
00:01:28.000 Penis birth.
00:01:29.000 Penis birth.
00:01:33.000 But like, that's like, that's a thing that blacks do.
00:01:36.000 In fact, I think it's a way that immigrants assimilate in Britain because they have this white guilt problem.
00:01:43.000 So when immigrants show up there, they go, oh, oh, my Lord, it must have been so horrible where you were.
00:01:49.000 And it must be horrible here, too.
00:01:51.000 You poor thing.
00:01:53.000 I remember there was some sort of asylum-seeking refugee dial house in Essex where Crass are from.
00:02:00.000 And the guy was talking about how he was raped and it was horrible and everyone was pining over him.
00:02:05.000 And Penny Rimbeau of Crass fame just snaps.
00:02:11.000 He says to the guy, you can't own pain.
00:02:17.000 Which is so true.
00:02:18.000 But yeah, Linton Quasi Johnson comes here and his first hit song is England is a bitch, bitch, bitch.
00:02:26.000 There's no hisscape in it.
00:02:30.000 All these all white band happily making the music from England is a bitch, bitch.
00:02:36.000 There's no hisscape in it.
00:02:38.000 Well, no, do the one where you can see him.
00:02:41.000 Yeah.
00:02:42.000 When we just come to London town, me used to work pandy underground.
00:02:50.000 But working pandy underground, you don't get fino your way around.
00:02:57.000 England is a bitch.
00:02:59.000 Do you hear that?
00:03:00.000 They got him a job.
00:03:02.000 Jamaica declares independence in 1969.
00:03:04.000 He comes over in like 75.
00:03:06.000 He goes, wow, that sucks after you guys left.
00:03:08.000 Can I come to your house?
00:03:08.000 Can I move back in with you, mom and dad?
00:03:11.000 They get him a job on the underground.
00:03:13.000 And he goes, I would get lost when I worked on the underground.
00:03:16.000 This country is a fucking bitch.
00:03:19.000 Why don't you go back to Jamaica then, dude?
00:03:23.000 England is a bitch.
00:03:25.000 There is no escape.
00:03:28.000 Of course, I love Linton Quasi Johnson and listened to him for days.
00:03:30.000 But that became a hit song after a bunch of white people got together and added beats.
00:03:35.000 And like, play the first version of that you're going to play.
00:03:40.000 England is a bitch, bitch, bitch.
00:03:46.000 Dub machines, white engineers in there.
00:03:49.000 Hey, I'll put an echo on it.
00:03:50.000 Let's make a dub.
00:03:51.000 England is a bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch.
00:03:55.000 On keyboards, Derek McLean and drums.
00:03:58.000 Friggin' Brett McGillicuddy.
00:04:01.000 Brett McGillicuddy.
00:04:02.000 At least Mudabaruka stays in Jamaica and loves it there and doesn't move to other countries and then say they suck.
00:04:07.000 And Mudabaruka was very aware of Nazar's problems in the Congo.
00:04:12.000 Play that one.
00:04:13.000 Mudabaruka Angola.
00:04:15.000 Sorry, Angola.
00:04:16.000 Nazar's originally Angolan.
00:04:19.000 I don't fault Lynn Quasi Johnson and Nazar actually for doing this kind of whining because they're told to.
00:04:24.000 It's encouraged.
00:04:25.000 Just like the Proud Boys when they were in Halifax and there was some African immigrant going, why are you gay?
00:04:32.000 You eat the poo-poo.
00:04:34.000 That flag is a symbol of oppression.
00:04:37.000 And he was talking about the traditional British Dominion flag that had a Union jack on it.
00:04:42.000 And I'm listening to him going, wait a minute, you're African.
00:04:44.000 You have a thick accent.
00:04:46.000 You clearly just got here.
00:04:47.000 And you're telling Canadians that their original flag is a symbol of genocide.
00:04:50.000 And then I realized, oh, he's doing what he's told.
00:04:54.000 He's assimilating.
00:04:55.000 All the activists next to him call it a flag of death.
00:04:59.000 Okay, I will hate that white man too.
00:05:01.000 I want to be part of the group here.
00:05:03.000 And we seem ethnomasochism hating white people seems to be the order of the day.
00:05:08.000 Nothing wrong with that.
00:05:15.000 No, go to the very beginning of this song.
00:05:16.000 It's really good.
00:05:19.000 Them invade Angola again.
00:05:35.000 Is it white man country?
00:05:36.000 No?
00:05:37.000 What's the song?
00:05:38.000 I don't know.
00:05:38.000 Them invade Angola again.
00:05:46.000 Invade Angola again.
00:05:48.000 Oh, it's with an eye.
00:05:50.000 At this very minute, nowhere below the equator in Africa is safe from the racist ruthlessness of the apartheid administration, which has proved over and over its determination to launch military.
00:06:00.000 Why did you find that?
00:06:02.000 How are you spelling Angola?
00:06:05.000 I did spell it right.
00:06:06.000 Wait, yeah, Angola.
00:06:09.000 So, but how'd you fuck this up?
00:06:12.000 Anyway, just play it.
00:06:35.000 Is it the Portuguese doing this?
00:06:42.000 I promise never to invade Angola again.
00:06:44.000 I promise.
00:06:44.000 You can have it.
00:06:46.000 We have too much shit already.
00:06:47.000 I wish we could unload Puerto Rico.
00:06:51.000 Anyway, so that was Nazar.
00:06:53.000 We'll be hearing more of him later on the show.
00:06:56.000 We have a very special show for you today, but I don't want to ruin the surprise.
00:06:59.000 So let's just jump right into this.
00:07:01.000 I've been thinking about how, you know, back in the 80s, everyone was cool with each other.
00:07:06.000 They tell rude jokes, and it was funny.
00:07:08.000 And there was mutual respect within the rude jokes.
00:07:12.000 Everyone was having a laugh.
00:07:14.000 And now to be black is this like, it's heavier than being paraplegic or something.
00:07:19.000 It's just like, oh my God, I'm black.
00:07:22.000 And like when they walk into a room, everyone goes, oh, there's one of the things that everyone's talking about that they're burning down Portland for.
00:07:29.000 One of these, their horrible lives.
00:07:33.000 And it's kind of like the white people keep oppressing this poor, helpless black man.
00:07:36.000 If I was black, I'd go, yeah, I'm fine.
00:07:38.000 I'm fine.
00:07:39.000 Okay?
00:07:40.000 I'm not constantly oppressed by some racist's whim.
00:07:44.000 I can stand up for myself.
00:07:45.000 You don't need to cry on the streets for me and start all kinds of programs to help me get back on my feet.
00:07:53.000 And back in the good old days, here's a story.
00:07:56.000 There's a guy living in the slums and in the hood in South Central.
00:08:00.000 And it's getting dangerous.
00:08:02.000 And South Central was very dangerous.
00:08:04.000 In fact, it's kind of weird how after MS-13 started killing everyone, especially blacks, and there was ethnic massacres going on there.
00:08:12.000 Ethnic cleansing.
00:08:14.000 But it seems now that it's homo homogenous culture, South Central is basically just Mexican now, not black.
00:08:23.000 It's calmed down.
00:08:25.000 So the diversity wasn't good for them.
00:08:27.000 Anyway, guy in South Central, his aunt notices there's a killing.
00:08:33.000 He's being raised by his aunt.
00:08:35.000 No, his mother, sorry.
00:08:36.000 But his aunt is rich.
00:08:38.000 And so he goes, his mother goes, you know what?
00:08:42.000 I'm going to send you to a much nicer place.
00:08:44.000 And it's this fish out of water that's pretty funny because he's like a ghetto hood guy and he's with some black nerd and a cardigan.
00:08:52.000 Hello, I'm a, I dance like this.
00:08:55.000 And that's amusing.
00:08:57.000 And it's called the Fresh Prince of Bel Air.
00:08:59.000 It was a funny show.
00:09:00.000 Remember the beginning?
00:09:01.000 Ah, the taxi cab, the taxi driver, do the Bel Air intro.
00:09:05.000 Oh shit, the taxi cab driver reeks.
00:09:08.000 And I'm a rapper and I play basketball.
00:09:09.000 But someone wasn't happening in my neighborhood.
00:09:12.000 It was real.
00:09:13.000 I'm little kid.
00:09:14.000 My mom got scared.
00:09:16.000 Hey.
00:09:18.000 I'm that dude with the big chains.
00:09:22.000 What's his name?
00:09:23.000 Now this is a story, y'all.
00:09:25.000 Jazzy Jeff is his buddy.
00:09:34.000 Silly, goofy.
00:09:36.000 Look, crime.
00:09:38.000 Hey, you stop doing the crime.
00:09:39.000 It's just an F-word out.
00:09:41.000 I'm just doing playing basketball, having a gay old time.
00:09:46.000 And when things are going crazy in my neighborhood, whoa, I do a funny trick and then I rolled around and doodly boop, bop, doop, boop, bop.
00:09:53.000 Then I hit some gangsters.
00:09:56.000 Hey, they started shoving me around and spinning me around like a top, but I was spinning.
00:10:00.000 And my mom said, that's dangerous.
00:10:02.000 You better go.
00:10:05.000 And I put my things.
00:10:06.000 Slick Rick was the guy I was thinking of.
00:10:08.000 And he put my stuff away and gave me a plane ticket.
00:10:11.000 And then it was time for me to get lost.
00:10:13.000 Maybe he was in New York City.
00:10:15.000 And that's how I ended up in.
00:10:32.000 Silly.
00:10:33.000 No drama.
00:10:34.000 Yeah, he lived in a dangerous neighborhood.
00:10:36.000 So did our parents.
00:10:37.000 Everyone's dad I know grew up in a dangerous neighborhood, especially in New York.
00:10:41.000 Every baseball dad living in the affluent suburbs has a dad from the Bronx.
00:10:47.000 Seriously, almost every single one grew up in Queens or the Bronx.
00:10:50.000 And it was fucking dangerous back then in the 60s and 70s.
00:10:54.000 So goofy, right?
00:10:56.000 They're remaking Bel Air.
00:10:59.000 But this time they're not trivializing.
00:11:02.000 So some dude makes a random version of his update to the show.
00:11:07.000 Will Smith sees it, starts crying his eyes out, and now they're making it.
00:11:12.000 And I think it's such a great example of how everything has to be so fucking serious now.
00:11:20.000 See, for some reason, you think this is a game.
00:11:22.000 This is not a game, Will.
00:11:25.000 This is like an SNL sketch.
00:11:27.000 Look at you.
00:11:28.000 The new Bel Air.
00:11:29.000 Look at you.
00:11:34.000 The only reason why you're not in jail is because Uncle Phil called in a favor.
00:11:40.000 Phil.
00:11:42.000 Is that like Chester the Molester, Uncle Phil?
00:11:45.000 Isn't that what...
00:11:46.000 Is he better than Joe Biden, Uncle Smell?
00:11:51.000 It's the same fucking thing.
00:11:58.000 You're stupid.
00:12:01.000 Don't punched a gangster.
00:12:06.000 Cop showed up.
00:12:09.000 Found it.
00:12:10.000 It's an illegal gun.
00:12:11.000 A gun on the streets.
00:12:14.000 To protect yourself?
00:12:16.000 Yeah.
00:12:17.000 I've done my best, Will.
00:12:20.000 It's time for a change.
00:12:21.000 Listen to the fucking...
00:12:23.000 It's time for change.
00:12:25.000 Uncle Phil.
00:12:26.000 Believe.
00:12:27.000 You need to display Uncle Phil.
00:12:29.000 It's a second chance, Will.
00:12:31.000 Don't waste it.
00:12:33.000 I thought this is an SNL joke.
00:12:37.000 Or how you take something like Pee-Wee's Big Adventure and you make it into a horror movie using music and re-editing.
00:12:41.000 This is funny.
00:12:44.000 Like, if this was meant to be a joke, I would want to meet this guy and be like, he's in the top five funniest people in the world.
00:12:49.000 I want to meet him.
00:12:51.000 Lonely Island presents to clean up your messes.
00:12:56.000 That's Jay Farrow, basically.
00:12:58.000 So Will, Lonely Island is your idea of the funniest people in the world.
00:13:02.000 they make all the digital shorts like this.
00:13:10.000 He doesn't know what spoons are.
00:13:12.000 Yeah, he's like, We don't got no spoons.
00:13:14.000 Look at this shiny.
00:13:14.000 We eat using that hollowed-out cockroach.
00:13:19.000 He's from the streets of Philadelphia.
00:13:21.000 Will needs discipline.
00:13:22.000 Just a little time.
00:13:24.000 Just a little time and a little love.
00:13:25.000 We are.
00:13:26.000 Are you gonna make the chicken crossing the road into a black biopic about racism and pain?
00:13:31.000 You're not welcome, Will.
00:13:32.000 This is fake.
00:13:33.000 Wherever you're from, this is fake.
00:13:34.000 You didn't do anything to earn this.
00:13:35.000 I never had nothing.
00:13:37.000 My life ain't a sitcom, I guess.
00:13:38.000 I don't even feel like I belong here.
00:13:40.000 Just give it some time.
00:13:42.000 Everything happens for a reason.
00:13:43.000 So you see what I mean?
00:13:45.000 Like, all this bullshit is just ruining everything.
00:13:48.000 This constant whining.
00:13:50.000 It all comes back to England is a bitch.
00:13:52.000 Bitch.
00:13:53.000 Bitch.
00:13:54.000 Hey, so what part of time you staying in?
00:13:56.000 Believe.
00:13:57.000 They got you out there?
00:13:58.000 All right, Philly.
00:13:59.000 You see that weird wheezing?
00:14:00.000 Is that you breathing?
00:14:02.000 I hear like...
00:14:05.000 How's everything going up, Bel Air?
00:14:08.000 I just make the team.
00:14:09.000 I'm so proud of you.
00:14:10.000 Anyway.
00:14:11.000 Oh, that's.
00:14:12.000 I'm so glad you're here.
00:14:13.000 I need to take you shopping.
00:14:14.000 Rodeo Drive.
00:14:16.000 Oh, my gosh.
00:14:23.000 You know what's an empowering song about how you can go to Bel Air and do well for yourself?
00:14:27.000 Yeah, it's a nice neighborhood.
00:14:29.000 Look at Corey Booker.
00:14:30.000 He went basically grew up in the same hood, but in New Jersey.
00:14:39.000 I had to move.
00:14:42.000 Anyway, that's enough of that.
00:14:43.000 Damn, I had to move, man.
00:14:46.000 It's crazy.
00:14:48.000 Someone sent in this video and they called it Koon on Koon violence, which is really disappointing.
00:14:53.000 But I think it shows you how serious the hood is and how we all have to cry about someone who is forced to live there, who never had nothing, and was just trying to get an education.
00:15:03.000 But just a few rotten apples in the hood make all these other wonderful people who are just trying to get an education feel safe.
00:15:12.000 It's just one or two bad eggs.
00:15:18.000 Let's see this.
00:15:19.000 Oh, but stop, stop.
00:15:20.000 I should warn you, NSFW.
00:15:23.000 This whole episode is remarkably NSFW.
00:15:26.000 So don't watch this with your kids in the room.
00:15:29.000 If you're sensitive about animal abuse, you're about to see why the Coon on Coon joke is offensive and was sent over.
00:15:36.000 We're about to see a raccoon get abused.
00:15:39.000 This is like Milo and the pig thing.
00:15:41.000 So look away.
00:15:42.000 And you might want to just jump to the mailbag if you're sensitive because this episode gets really bad.
00:15:48.000 Like if I wasn't me, I would call me and ask me to tone it down a notch, please.
00:15:57.000 You ran it over it!
00:15:58.000 You ran over it!
00:16:00.000 Yo.
00:16:02.000 This is worth it.
00:16:05.000 Oh, buddy.
00:16:07.000 What the fuck?
00:16:10.000 What is going on?
00:16:13.000 Jeez.
00:16:14.000 It's actually the ethical thing to do.
00:16:16.000 Well, not in the body.
00:16:18.000 No, well, wherever.
00:16:19.000 It's got to go.
00:16:20.000 Its spine's broken.
00:16:23.000 So the tail is twitching post-mortem, but I don't think they know that.
00:16:27.000 So they're just...
00:16:28.000 Jeez.
00:16:31.000 Wow.
00:16:32.000 So this is where the kid from Bel Air, the kid in Bel Air came from.
00:16:39.000 It's a fucking shithole of fatherless children with no sense of morality.
00:16:44.000 They're not immoral.
00:16:45.000 They're amoral.
00:16:46.000 I wouldn't have the stomach to do that.
00:16:48.000 You know, the Coon joke reminds me of Cocoon.
00:16:52.000 Do you remember Cocoon?
00:16:54.000 Oh, that brilliant screenplay.
00:16:57.000 It's the book.
00:16:58.000 I can't tell if it's a book or a screenplay.
00:17:00.000 I think it's maybe a book that a man wrote after he was being abused for many, many years.
00:17:06.000 Let's say 20 years.
00:17:08.000 And it's a movie called There's Something Wrong with the Johnsons.
00:17:13.000 And a reader sent it in, as I'm probably going to mention soon.
00:17:16.000 But when I was watching, I thought, this is the perfect kind of thing Atheism is Unstoppable should cover.
00:17:22.000 I could totally see Kangaroo Jack covering this movie.
00:17:27.000 In fact, I wonder what it would be like if we were to cover this movie.
00:18:24.000 Okay, so this is a director named Ari Astor.
00:18:28.000 Jewish guy, looks like a Jewish guy.
00:18:30.000 And he just, well, he didn't just do a movie.
00:18:32.000 He did a movie in 2011 called What's Wrong with the Johnsons.
00:18:37.000 Now, a reader just sent this to us after we were talking about how bleeps tend to overact in films.
00:18:43.000 We don't know if that's because of the demographics, or if it's because they're encouraged to, or because that's the culture, but it seems to be a pattern.
00:18:54.000 And I hope this isn't coming across as racist.
00:18:58.000 And I notice a pattern.
00:19:00.000 That's what racism is, right?
00:19:02.000 Noticing that a group tends to do something a certain way.
00:19:05.000 And I'm sure some of the best black actors in the world are black.
00:19:09.000 But bleeps tend to overact.
00:19:12.000 And so this movie is really confusing to me because it's called What's Wrong with the Johnsons, and thank you to the reader who sent it in.
00:19:19.000 But it's also one of the worst films I've ever seen with the most intense overacting I've ever seen in my life.
00:19:29.000 Now, The strangest part of this is Ari Astor is a really talented director.
00:19:36.000 He did Midsummer, which is arguably the best film of the past five years.
00:19:41.000 I mean, I'm exaggerating, but you know what I'm saying.
00:19:44.000 It's a really, really good film.
00:19:47.000 It happens in, I think, Sweden.
00:19:49.000 It's about these Nordic cults.
00:19:51.000 It's a horror movie.
00:19:52.000 Innocent kids go there.
00:19:54.000 And spoiler alert, everyone dies.
00:19:58.000 So the fact that he made this movie, which is, I mean, I haven't watched the entire thing second by second.
00:20:04.000 I'm about to do that with you now.
00:20:06.000 But the fact that he made this a few years before, maybe seven years before, it's the room.
00:20:14.000 How do you go from making the room to an incredible film?
00:20:19.000 I don't know.
00:20:20.000 So let's start it here.
00:20:23.000 All right.
00:20:26.000 This did really well at Sundance, which also confuses me.
00:20:30.000 I mean, they're supposed to have sun standards.
00:20:32.000 Okay, so we're NSFW.
00:20:34.000 We're starting with a young bleep bleeping his bleep.
00:20:37.000 All right, shoes on, Mr. Wait, don't.
00:20:39.000 Jeez, look, I'm cleaning it.
00:20:42.000 Okay.
00:20:44.000 Cleaning?
00:20:44.000 What was he cleaning?
00:20:46.000 He's got a facecloth on his hand?
00:20:48.000 How are we doing in there, buddy?
00:20:51.000 I'm sorry I just barged in like that for your personal space.
00:20:55.000 Shouldn't have.
00:20:57.000 Okay, so this movie's starting out pretty reasonable.
00:21:00.000 It's a normal suburban middle-class black couple family.
00:21:04.000 And the father's walked in, and that's going to happen.
00:21:08.000 And he's embarrassed.
00:21:09.000 I tend to knock on my kids' doors.
00:21:11.000 But nothing untowards so far.
00:21:13.000 I should warn you, though, this movie gets very, very intense, I'm told.
00:21:18.000 And you might not want to watch it.
00:21:19.000 You definitely don't want to watch it around kids.
00:21:23.000 Can I come in for it?
00:21:24.000 And one thing, are you sure the volume isn't too loud on this speaker there, Rygai?
00:21:29.000 Because isn't that going to bounce back in the editing?
00:21:31.000 Like, echo through my mic or something?
00:21:34.000 I'm starting to get technical on this show, but do you have the gain loud?
00:21:37.000 Because I don't like gain.
00:21:40.000 Okay.
00:21:41.000 It's gainless.
00:21:42.000 Yeah, gain's a bad habit.
00:21:48.000 Isaiah, is it okay if I come in?
00:21:50.000 Yeah.
00:21:52.000 Yes, then?
00:21:53.000 Come in?
00:21:55.000 Yeah.
00:22:04.000 I'm predicting a lot of incense here.
00:22:06.000 Not looking forward to it.
00:22:10.000 I didn't see anything.
00:22:14.000 Listen, get up.
00:22:21.000 What you were just doing, which I had no right to interrupt without knocking, and I'm sorry.
00:22:27.000 All right, bye.
00:22:29.000 But what you were doing was completely natural.
00:22:34.000 And normal and to be expected.
00:22:37.000 And I just wanted to come in.
00:22:38.000 Not to make it weird, but just to make sure you weren't feeling strange.
00:22:43.000 I'm good.
00:22:44.000 Bye.
00:22:45.000 There's nothing to feel strange about.
00:22:47.000 Something that everybody does.
00:22:49.000 And everyone's entitled to that.
00:22:51.000 Do you do it?
00:22:56.000 Well, everybody does.
00:22:58.000 So you do do it then.
00:23:02.000 I mean, it's common.
00:23:04.000 Yeah.
00:23:04.000 It's something that's natural to do for all people.
00:23:08.000 And all people deserve.
00:23:09.000 You're kind of overevexplaining this, you're not?
00:23:11.000 And that's where I crossed the line.
00:23:13.000 So I'm sorry if this is weird, but I just wanted to make sure you weren't feeling ugly.
00:23:20.000 All right, so far, we're not seeing that much overacting.
00:23:22.000 This seems pretty reasonable.
00:23:23.000 And I think the fact that the father's overexplaining himself is part of the confusion.
00:23:28.000 It's part of the film.
00:23:29.000 You're supposed to be uncomfortable right now.
00:23:31.000 So, so far, I'm not confused by the fact that the man who did this also did Midsommer.
00:23:39.000 Like, this was ugly.
00:23:41.000 And hide it under the rug and let it become something taboo between us.
00:23:46.000 By the way, there was a big controversy with this film because woke leftists decided that a white director, Jewish, I assume, can't take the, he can't co-opt the culture of bleeps.
00:24:02.000 So bleeps are mad, liberals are mad, everyone's really mad.
00:24:05.000 You know what taboo is?
00:24:07.000 Yes.
00:24:08.000 Well, now it won't be.
00:24:10.000 Because we talked about it.
00:24:12.000 And it's out in the open.
00:24:14.000 Okay.
00:24:17.000 I am sorry if this is weird.
00:24:19.000 This is not.
00:24:21.000 Oh, good.
00:24:22.000 It shouldn't be.
00:24:25.000 That was weird.
00:24:26.000 Well, I'll leave you to it then.
00:24:32.000 There's nothing to leave me to, Dad.
00:24:34.000 What am I going to do?
00:24:35.000 Get back to work?
00:24:39.000 I love you.
00:24:42.000 I love you back.
00:24:43.000 What?
00:24:44.000 You love my back?
00:24:59.000 Alrighty then.
00:25:04.000 So this boy appears to be masturbating, pleasuring himself to a picture of his dad.
00:25:08.000 Boy, the content on censored.tv is sure different than CR-TV, huh?
00:25:13.000 We seem to have gone at a...
00:25:16.000 not a 45 degree angle, but a 387 degree angle.
00:25:21.000 Woo, woo, woo, woo.
00:25:24.000 I hope this doesn't get as horrible as I think it's going to get.
00:25:28.000 But clearly we have a son who's lusting his father.
00:25:30.000 And I got to say, that's probably not very common.
00:25:34.000 I haven't researched the data, but I'm guessing, actually, can I just be myself?
00:25:39.000 I'm done with this stupid imitation.
00:25:42.000 That can't be a thing.
00:25:44.000 How many times has that happen?
00:25:45.000 It's sort of like with rape, where they go, no, sorry, abortion, where they go, what if the dad rapes the girl?
00:25:53.000 Should she have to keep the baby?
00:25:55.000 You go, well, that's a strong argument for abortion, but should it really be the crux of Your entire movement.
00:26:01.000 Like, I looked it up and I found one case.
00:26:04.000 They were bleeps, by the way.
00:26:05.000 I found one case of a father impregnating his daughter in America, maybe in Costa Rica or somewhere, some other shithole country.
00:26:12.000 It happens more often, but like the left has this ability to look at these bizarre, one in a billion things and make it their whole lives.
00:26:21.000 And in this case, they've made it their whole movie.
00:26:25.000 And if we could try mom's hands on the big man's shoulder.
00:26:28.000 All right.
00:26:29.000 Oh, that's just lovely.
00:26:30.000 And if we could all just look straight ahead, please.
00:26:33.000 Wonderful.
00:26:34.000 And we're a happy little family with a great big smile.
00:26:41.000 Fantastic.
00:26:42.000 And how about a smile from dad this time?
00:26:45.000 Was I not smiling?
00:26:46.000 Oh, were you a...
00:26:47.000 Sorry.
00:26:48.000 I thought I was.
00:26:49.000 Then let's just have another big one, please.
00:26:52.000 There we go.
00:26:53.000 Love you.
00:26:54.000 What the fuck is going on?
00:26:55.000 Okay, looking good.
00:26:56.000 I think I know what happened to this kid.
00:27:01.000 And it happens a lot.
00:27:02.000 Okay, so this guy was trying not to get a boner.
00:27:05.000 Here's what happened.
00:27:07.000 He had sore balls, right?
00:27:09.000 And when you have sore balls, it's usually from drinking too much coffee and drinking too much booze, and you get majorly dehydrated.
00:27:17.000 When you're incredibly dehydrated, your balls ache.
00:27:20.000 And if your balls ache, same with when you have a headache, drink some water.
00:27:23.000 It should help.
00:27:25.000 So anyway, he goes to the doctor, and the doctor doesn't want to get sued.
00:27:30.000 So in America, they sort of overcompensate.
00:27:32.000 He should have just said, drink some water, bye.
00:27:34.000 But he said, okay, I don't want this guy to have testicular cancer.
00:27:37.000 So I'm going to check for bumps.
00:27:38.000 So the way they check for bumps is an ultrasound, just like how they see a baby in a pregnant stomach.
00:27:43.000 So they put warm gel on his balls, right?
00:27:46.000 And then they have this sort of ultrasound thing that kind of vibrates.
00:27:49.000 So he has warm gel in his nuts, and he has the ultrasound thing going, feeling quite nice.
00:27:58.000 And he goes, I'm going to get a boner.
00:28:01.000 I'm sitting here in this doctor's office.
00:28:03.000 I'm going to get a bone.
00:28:04.000 I don't want to call my doctor on the bone phone.
00:28:06.000 I want to hang up.
00:28:07.000 So what you do when that happens is you imagine your dad naked being attacked by dogs.
00:28:14.000 Alley G uses, he says, my nan on the bog, my nan on the bog, which is him imagining his grandmother having an explosive diarrhea on the toilet.
00:28:22.000 And that also helps bring it down.
00:28:24.000 So he does that a lot, right, to not get a boner.
00:28:27.000 The next thing you know, he sees his dad nude near a dog, and ironically enough, it becomes Pavlovian.
00:28:35.000 And now seeing his dad triggers boner feelings.
00:28:39.000 That's, I'm guessing, this is just a theory.
00:28:42.000 I'm guessing that's what happened to this guy.
00:28:45.000 And now if I could just get a big smile from the two happy families.
00:28:48.000 Stanley!
00:28:49.000 Sorry?
00:28:50.000 Today we're one happy family.
00:28:54.000 Got a little crowded all of a sudden.
00:28:56.000 This is the way I like it.
00:28:58.000 You see my tough links?
00:29:00.000 Yeah, we can see that was no problem.
00:29:02.000 You think?
00:29:03.000 Because I could turn more toward the kid.
00:29:04.000 He doesn't look very happy.
00:29:08.000 Do we always say cheese?
00:29:10.000 You say cheese, you can say tonkey.
00:29:22.000 I gotta show this movie to my dad.
00:29:24.000 Hey, dad, I have a great movie for us to watch.
00:29:26.000 We can bond.
00:29:28.000 You know, remember the old days when I used to rape you?
00:29:34.000 Holy shit.
00:29:34.000 What kind of mind comes up with a movie like this?
00:29:38.000 And what you're gonna screenplay.
00:29:40.000 Oh, yeah, cool.
00:29:41.000 What's it about?
00:29:42.000 A sex relationship with a father and his son.
00:29:44.000 Oh my god, I've heard of that.
00:29:45.000 It happens very, very, very occasionally.
00:29:47.000 Incest, you know, the father molesting the son.
00:29:49.000 Yeah, that's horrible.
00:29:50.000 What is it, a gay that adopted?
00:29:52.000 Oh, no, no, no, sorry.
00:29:53.000 Maybe you're misunderstanding.
00:29:54.000 I mean a boy raping his dad.
00:29:58.000 What?
00:30:00.000 What?
00:30:02.000 Wouldn't the dad just beat the living shit out of the sun?
00:30:07.000 I mean, maybe it's a major hole in the plot.
00:30:10.000 The dad would have to be paraplegic.
00:30:15.000 Is me talking while the movie's going gonna be a problem?
00:30:18.000 When we do our kangaroo editing?
00:30:20.000 I know this is.
00:30:21.000 Where'd my hand come from?
00:30:22.000 What the fuck?
00:30:28.000 The other subtext here is when you're relaxing at a party having fun and everyone seems cool.
00:30:32.000 No, it's possible that the son could be raping the dad.
00:30:36.000 You never know.
00:30:38.000 Always be dubious of that.
00:30:40.000 When you see a dad not smiling and you see his adult son grab his buns.
00:30:44.000 Uh-oh, what's she gonna see?
00:30:48.000 Is this another raping?
00:30:50.000 What are we gonna see?
00:30:53.000 Oh no.
00:30:54.000 Well, NSFW, skip forward.
00:30:56.000 You're probably not gonna want to see this.
00:30:57.000 I know I don't.
00:31:00.000 Do we just...
00:31:07.000 My dad sits there crying?
00:31:11.000 He's not resisting.
00:31:14.000 Oh, why is he not resisting?
00:31:17.000 Why would this bleep stand there while another bleep bleeped him?
00:31:24.000 And why were you standing there?
00:31:25.000 Maybe it's because I'm Scottish, but none of the thing...
00:31:28.000 Like, if I tell my dad to pass me a pencil and he doesn't want to, he won't even say fuck off.
00:31:34.000 He'll just stare straight ahead.
00:31:36.000 Like, well, dad, I asked for a pencil.
00:31:37.000 And he might just look at me and then look away.
00:31:43.000 One time, my dad pulled up to a gas station and he said, get out and fill the car with gas.
00:31:52.000 And I said, honey, why do I have to fill the car?
00:31:56.000 And he went, oh, right, that's it.
00:31:59.000 Shall I help set the table?
00:32:01.000 I'm sorry to lose my kangaroo face, but he got out and pumped the gas.
00:32:05.000 And while I was in the passenger seat, I was sitting there going, oh boy, I'm in big fucking trouble.
00:32:12.000 Why didn't I get out and pump the gas?
00:32:15.000 Shit.
00:32:17.000 So he's an author.
00:32:18.000 He writes poems.
00:32:20.000 You know, you write about what you know.
00:32:22.000 So a lot of your poems should be about my son raping me.
00:32:28.000 Rape blows.
00:32:29.000 Rape beeps.
00:32:31.000 Blow rapes.
00:32:34.000 How do people sit and watch this?
00:32:36.000 Why are we sitting and watching this?
00:32:40.000 Against my body.
00:32:41.000 Oh, so he's writing about it.
00:32:44.000 I must first condemn myself.
00:32:46.000 Uh, yeah.
00:32:47.000 Yeah?
00:32:48.000 Yeah, you should.
00:32:52.000 Condemn yourself?
00:32:53.000 You should beat the living shit out of yourself.
00:32:56.000 Dad?
00:32:56.000 Oh no, here comes my son to brape me again.
00:33:00.000 My dad is 76.
00:33:03.000 I wouldn't fight him in the ring.
00:33:06.000 I might fight him in the ring with headgear and stuff, but as far as a street brawl, he'd kick me in the balls, headbutt me, I'd be dead.
00:33:15.000 Just close your computer, turn it off.
00:33:22.000 Hey, Pop.
00:33:23.000 Time for Din Dins.
00:33:30.000 Oh, that was close.
00:33:32.000 Son almost saw me almost tell on him.
00:33:36.000 What is going on in this sickos?
00:33:39.000 I think Ari Aster is a weirdo.
00:33:42.000 It's hot.
00:33:45.000 And you know what's funny?
00:33:46.000 I thought Midsummer was one of the weirdest films I've ever seen.
00:33:49.000 Little did I know that seven or eight years previous, he had churned out the Sun Raping His Dad dramatic.
00:33:57.000 What would you call this horror?
00:33:59.000 Drama horror?
00:34:00.000 You know these aren't for me, Dad.
00:34:01.000 You turn it up?
00:34:02.000 I got them for you.
00:34:07.000 I'll have one.
00:34:08.000 Well, they're dad's, so you're gonna have to ask him first.
00:34:15.000 Pass the potatoes, please.
00:34:17.000 Cute.
00:34:25.000 So, is he married now?
00:34:26.000 Are we back in time, forward in time?
00:34:28.000 Later.
00:34:29.000 Where's his wife?
00:34:30.000 Thank you, honey.
00:34:31.000 Why do you still live with your family?
00:34:35.000 Thank you.
00:34:39.000 You know, that line in the film where he goes, first of all, I must condemn myself.
00:34:44.000 Dude, it's ironic that you're writing a screenplay because you just wrote down the most gigantic hole in the plot.
00:34:52.000 I could drive a convoy of 18.
00:34:55.000 We got a great big con boy coming on down the road.
00:34:58.000 I could drive a convoy of 18 wheelers through that hole in the plot.
00:35:04.000 I must condemn myself.
00:35:05.000 Maybe you could talk about you must condemn yourself if your son was like getting into drugs and you didn't punish him enough and then he got into heroin and now he's dead and you could have nipped it in the bud if you had punished him more.
00:35:17.000 That would be good.
00:35:19.000 I can believe that.
00:35:20.000 My kids ran away.
00:35:22.000 I wasn't home for weeks.
00:35:23.000 I was always at work.
00:35:24.000 I'm a workaholic.
00:35:25.000 I must condemn myself.
00:35:26.000 Gotcha.
00:35:27.000 Your son having sex with you because he lusts you?
00:35:31.000 First of all, I've never heard of that before in my life.
00:35:34.000 But secondly, I mean, you'd, the first time anything happened, you'd go, what the hell?
00:35:40.000 What the fuck's the matter with you?
00:35:42.000 And then you'd send him to like a mental institution or something.
00:35:44.000 You wouldn't.
00:35:47.000 You would not lie in your back going.
00:35:55.000 What the fuck?
00:35:57.000 People have temptations.
00:35:58.000 They do things like eat jujubes when they're on a diet.
00:36:04.000 They don't lie there and go, I shouldn't let my son rape me so much.
00:36:09.000 I got to get it together.
00:36:10.000 New Year's resolution.
00:36:11.000 No more letting my son rape me.
00:36:17.000 Oh, he doesn't like them holding hands.
00:36:19.000 Biscuits?
00:36:21.000 Sure.
00:36:22.000 Like, maybe it's conceivable that a five-year-old misdirected would think he's going to marry his mommy one day and he thinks he loves her because he doesn't get the difference between like mommy love and love love.
00:36:35.000 But that's not a horror drama.
00:36:37.000 Coon man.
00:36:38.000 Oh, he spelled it cocoon.
00:36:42.000 Cocoon man.
00:36:44.000 So he's written a screenplay.
00:36:46.000 This movie's moving along pretty fast.
00:36:49.000 I'm glad because I was worried this is going to be a stupid idea for a show.
00:36:54.000 And am I really mocking Atheism is Unstoppable at this point?
00:36:58.000 Or am I just putting a kangaroo costume on to watch a sick, twisted horror drama porn?
00:37:06.000 Wait, who's it for?
00:37:08.000 Joan.
00:37:09.000 Forgive me.
00:37:10.000 Oh, he's going to go kill himself?
00:37:12.000 Probably should have done that a while ago.
00:37:19.000 Go drive off a cliff, dude.
00:37:22.000 Yeah, call me non-Christian and unfeeling.
00:37:27.000 If you are so fucking weak that your deranged sociopath son is able to use you as a sex puppet, I think it's time to drive off a cliff.
00:37:40.000 I mean, you're doing everyone a service.
00:37:42.000 Don't leave a screenplay under your daughter's pillow.
00:37:44.000 Call the cops.
00:37:46.000 Get that all rolling.
00:37:48.000 Provide the evidence.
00:37:49.000 And then blow your kangaroo head off.
00:37:54.000 That was a very atheist thing to say.
00:37:56.000 Yeah.
00:37:57.000 Maybe being this kangaroo is making me forget that I believe in the Lord and I'm a Catholic.
00:38:06.000 Your mother's in there.
00:38:08.000 I can wait.
00:38:17.000 I gotta say, the reason I put this on is because it was sent to me as an example of black bleeps overacting.
00:38:24.000 But this doesn't seem egregious.
00:38:26.000 This is no Tyler Perry.
00:38:29.000 What's he doing staring down an owl?
00:38:32.000 You'll lose, dude.
00:38:33.000 They're good.
00:38:34.000 Whoever blinks first loses.
00:38:39.000 I remember there was a thing in New York City in the early aughts, and this guy was really ambitious about it, like the way I was about Vice or the way Ryan is about censored.tv.
00:38:48.000 It was his baby.
00:38:49.000 And it was staring competitions.
00:38:51.000 And he'd hold them in bars.
00:38:53.000 He had a camera facing, like you'd charge tickets, and he'd have all these different sort of local celebs and, you know, local musicians and artists and stuff staring at each other.
00:39:02.000 And when they blinked, they lost.
00:39:05.000 And he wanted to have, he wanted to get into the Olympics.
00:39:07.000 And I don't know what percentage he was kidding.
00:39:11.000 You should dig that up and stick it in post next to my kangaroo face.
00:39:17.000 But yeah, they had air guitar championships.
00:39:21.000 I was a judge for that.
00:39:22.000 That caught on and it went around the country, around the world, I believe.
00:39:26.000 And they made a documentary about it.
00:39:27.000 That makes sense.
00:39:28.000 You can see that being a thing, an air guitar championships.
00:39:31.000 Sure.
00:39:32.000 But a staring contest, it's not exactly compelling, dude.
00:39:35.000 As we just learned in this movie where they could only give him and an owl four seconds.
00:39:44.000 Why are your lights off in your office?
00:39:47.000 Are you an editor?
00:39:51.000 Uh-oh.
00:40:01.000 This is overacting.
00:40:07.000 The only way this movie makes a grain of sense is if the man is paralyzed.
00:40:13.000 He would have to be in a wheelchair, like fucking brief history of time level, speaking in a bullcorder.
00:40:21.000 Maybe.
00:40:22.000 And he had to, the rapist would have to be the paralyzed man's only hope for survival.
00:40:29.000 It's be raped or die.
00:40:31.000 Then but I would rather die than be raped.
00:40:35.000 Like to be paralyzed in a chair and have your son rape you?
00:40:39.000 Hello, cops, kill me.
00:40:41.000 Have him kill me, kill me now.
00:40:44.000 But a perfectly fit, middle-aged bleep?
00:40:49.000 What?
00:40:50.000 Don't look so scared.
00:41:05.000 I tell you, Dad, from a poet, I expect more eloquence.
00:41:12.000 Wow, poetry pays well, doesn't it?
00:41:14.000 What does he make 200k a year?
00:41:19.000 What's that house worth, Mil?
00:41:22.000 What for?
00:41:29.000 For nothing?
00:41:31.000 What does the top poet in the world make?
00:41:35.000 Like, it was probably that first we take Manhattan, Leonard Cohen.
00:41:38.000 He's probably the most successful poet of all time.
00:41:40.000 He was probably worth 3 million bucks.
00:41:43.000 This guy.
00:41:45.000 You can tell by his book covers, they're self-published.
00:41:47.000 Where's your money from?
00:41:48.000 Are you a Coke dealer, Cocoon?
00:41:50.000 Is that why you allow yourself to get raped?
00:41:52.000 Because your son's gonna narrow?
00:41:54.000 That would make more sense.
00:41:55.000 And that's ridiculous.
00:41:57.000 What you wrote.
00:42:00.000 You mean your little autobiography?
00:42:03.000 All 300 pages of it?
00:42:12.000 Was that the autobiography?
00:42:14.000 Or is that a screenplay?
00:42:18.000 I love you, Dad.
00:42:19.000 Ooh, you know what would be a trip?
00:42:21.000 If we're watching the screenplay.
00:42:28.000 Every time I watch a movie and there's some really complicated thing, they go, how are we going to tell the police?
00:42:32.000 I always just go, show them this movie.
00:42:34.000 Then they can see the whole thing.
00:42:37.000 But this man.
00:42:38.000 Or another thing that happens sometimes in movies is there'll be some broke waitress down on her luck that's like Christy Brinkley.
00:42:43.000 And you're like, lady, you should get into modeling.
00:42:46.000 That makes way more money.
00:42:48.000 Or acting.
00:42:48.000 You could play like a waitress in a movie.
00:42:50.000 You'd be making tons of money.
00:42:52.000 You don't have to be broke.
00:43:03.000 And I'm burning this.
00:43:05.000 And if I see another copy lying around, it's going to be more than a slap on the wrist.
00:43:10.000 I promise you.
00:43:11.000 You're burning like five bucks of paper.
00:43:20.000 If I had a rape victim that I was kid basically kidnapping, I would beat him up after that.
00:43:29.000 Don't just say...
00:43:36.000 Hey, is this guy?
00:43:39.000 This guy still goes to parties and stuff.
00:43:41.000 Hey, happy new year.
00:43:46.000 Does he live a normal life?
00:43:47.000 I'd like to make a toast.
00:43:49.000 Yeah, me too.
00:43:51.000 Hey, can you pass the salt?
00:43:52.000 The salt?
00:43:53.000 Yeah, can you pass the salt, please?
00:43:57.000 Okay.
00:43:59.000 My son's on the cover of a magazine.
00:44:21.000 Wouldn't it be funny if he married a woman that looked exactly like his dad?
00:44:27.000 He's making out with his wife, staring at his dad.
00:44:31.000 By the way, again, this movie's twisted.
00:44:34.000 I think the premise is ridiculous, but the acting's been pretty good so far.
00:44:39.000 This has not been Tyler Perry.
00:44:42.000 Hey, next Tuesday.
00:44:43.000 Next Tuesday.
00:44:44.000 Please.
00:44:51.000 Black tights with white strappy sandals, huh?
00:44:58.000 You know, I think I'm just gonna help and stay here.
00:45:03.000 You're gonna what?
00:45:04.000 Just to help clean.
00:45:05.000 I mean, this is such a mess we're leaving him with.
00:45:10.000 It's gonna be okay.
00:45:12.000 I'm just gonna come home a little bit later, okay?
00:45:14.000 That's all.
00:45:15.000 Well, I'll stay to help you clean.
00:45:21.000 I think that's him.
00:45:38.000 Now, on the other side of the city, I don't like bats who wakes up and greets the day with enthusiasm and positivity will see the good things on his path because through the power of head.
00:46:01.000 How do I feel about locked doors?
00:46:03.000 They appear.
00:46:04.000 Only you can determine what they're doing.
00:46:12.000 One, two, three, ten.
00:46:19.000 What's your top five son who rapes his dad movies?
00:46:26.000 This is my number one.
00:46:33.000 Damn it.
00:46:33.000 I need a BP now.
00:46:38.000 Okay, so she again.
00:46:41.000 So she's aware this is happening and she's ignoring it.
00:46:45.000 Maybe if like you two were illegal aliens trapped in a basement and the son was like this hulking psychopathic like Cape Fear murderer.
00:46:56.000 But it's a normal middle-class family.
00:46:59.000 Why the fuck?
00:47:02.000 How am I supposed to imagine anyone putting up with this shit?
00:47:06.000 It's hard enough to imagine a family where the father's incestuously raping the daughters and anyone stands by.
00:47:13.000 That's happened a bunch of times.
00:47:15.000 I can't wrap my mind around it.
00:47:18.000 I remember one time my father's family, his siblings, my father was, no one ever touched a hair on his head because he always had straight A's.
00:47:28.000 He was smart.
00:47:29.000 So my grandfather never beat him, but the other siblings were stupid and they beat the shit out of my dad's brothers.
00:47:37.000 He didn't care about the sisters.
00:47:39.000 And it's funny too, because then on the streets of Glasgow, my uncles wouldn't get touched because they were working class guys that worked in the middle.
00:47:47.000 But my dad would have a school uniform on, which was like a Klansman uniform in Harlem.
00:47:51.000 Student was the meanest thing you could say to someone.
00:47:54.000 So then on the streets, he had to fight every day because of his school uniform, because he got a scholarship to go to university, and that was for students, the 5%.
00:48:03.000 And Glasgow is so violent, they would just beat up anyone for any reason.
00:48:06.000 I'm sure albinos got the shit kicked out of them or someone with crossed eyes.
00:48:10.000 So being a student meant you were unusual and being unusual was a death sentence.
00:48:14.000 So the boys got, his brothers got beat at home and on the streets.
00:48:17.000 My dad had to fight in the streets and was safe at home.
00:48:21.000 Anyway, Maggie, my grandmother, Maggie McInnes, I was saying to my other grandmother, my mom's mom, who was very cool and we were close friends, I said, you know, the fighting that goes on, like Johnny McInnes,
00:48:38.000 Grandpa McInnis, would punch Alan in the face like a man.
00:48:42.000 He wouldn't like cuff him upside the head, but he would wind up the way you square off in a ring, get his hips into it and punch him in the face like pow.
00:48:52.000 And that alarms me.
00:48:54.000 But then I talk to other people about it and they go, it was a different time then.
00:48:59.000 You didn't interfere with what a man did.
00:49:02.000 And my grandmother, the good grandmother, goes, fuck that.
00:49:06.000 That's ridiculous, by the way.
00:49:08.000 I don't care who you are, what era you're in.
00:49:10.000 I could be a bloody cave woman.
00:49:13.000 And if someone attacks my wings, they're dead.
00:49:16.000 Who cares when it was?
00:49:18.000 No one's going to touch my children.
00:49:22.000 Pretty interesting.
00:49:23.000 Pretty good point.
00:49:25.000 So yeah, I don't care what the circumstances are.
00:49:28.000 Paraplegic, kidnapped, in a camp run by Nazis.
00:49:33.000 I'm going out in a blaze of glory.
00:49:36.000 This premise is so ridiculous.
00:49:46.000 I get 70 milligrams, Nicholas.
00:49:49.000 I've only got two hands, Doctor.
00:49:51.000 So use them.
00:49:51.000 This poor battle is going to diamond flat.
00:49:53.000 We don't work miracles in fast.
00:49:59.000 We're not talking to me, Maggie.
00:50:00.000 We're doing a pressure.
00:50:03.000 Help me out here.
00:50:17.000 By the way, I thought you loved your dad.
00:50:19.000 Why are you raping him all the time?
00:50:21.000 And don't put on your pants when you got wet legs.
00:50:23.000 Your pants are going to get soaked.
00:50:31.000 I'm going to buy my dad this DVD with a big ribbon on it.
00:50:35.000 And then call him the next day or two days later and go, did you get the movie?
00:50:40.000 Pretty good, huh?
00:50:46.000 What's going on there?
00:50:51.000 I'm guessing their sex life isn't fantastic.
00:50:56.000 What's this now?
00:50:59.000 Cocoon.
00:51:00.000 It's back.
00:51:05.000 Oh, he didn't burn it.
00:51:09.000 Oh, he printed out another one.
00:51:10.000 Well, wait a minute.
00:51:11.000 You printed out another one, so why'd you show us that stupid scene where you deleted it from your desktop?
00:51:17.000 Again, incredible house for a poet.
00:51:21.000 Are you asking me to get upset?
00:51:24.000 I'm not asking you anything.
00:51:26.000 Well, I'm asking you.
00:51:29.000 I can't see anything.
00:51:30.000 I'm just leaving.
00:51:31.000 The director needs some lighting.
00:51:36.000 This is pathetic, Dad.
00:51:38.000 If you want me to apologize, I'll apologize.
00:51:42.000 And I am sorry about what happened last night, and I did go too far.
00:51:45.000 But what about you?
00:51:48.000 Am I totally alone here?
00:51:51.000 Am I just this abusive monster and you're some sad, helpless victim?
00:51:56.000 Yeah.
00:51:57.000 Not helpless, though.
00:51:58.000 Or does it take two to tango?
00:51:59.000 Dude, put the manuscript up the back of your shirt and if I've done anything you've done it with me don't shake your fucking head at me everything I've ever done has been for you and for you and for you and to what end okay so here we go this has all made it worth it wild I'm in the third act we always say and his dad's crying you'll notice his eyes are welling with tears and we finally have the overacting from this particular demographic ask for
00:58:18.000 Tyler Penn.
00:58:20.000 That was 10 years ago.
00:58:22.000 How am I supposed to remember what happened one night?
00:58:25.000 Prom night, which was ten years ago.
00:58:27.000 That's a pretty long time to remember.
00:58:33.000 It started earlier, I know that.
00:58:40.000 When did it start?
00:58:43.000 Mom, you're emotional.
00:58:46.000 I'm emotional.
00:58:47.000 We are not ourselves.
00:58:49.000 You don't even know what you're doing.
00:58:50.000 We're overacting.
00:58:52.000 Okay, we started out in a normal movie, and now we've decided that we're going for the Oscar, and we're really gonna ramp it up.
00:59:01.000 So let's go fucking nuts.
00:59:04.000 The director clearly doesn't know the difference between playing a scene big and playing a scene small, so let's play it big.
00:59:12.000 Bigger than we've ever played before, mom.
00:59:16.000 I think I know.
00:59:18.000 I think I bleed, mom.
00:59:23.000 I think I'm fucking scared.
00:59:32.000 Well, I am.
00:59:34.000 That's never gonna change.
00:59:38.000 It's never gonna change!
00:59:43.000 Go, just go.
00:59:45.000 Exactly what I am trying to say.
00:59:47.000 Well, I don't.
00:59:48.000 But I think it's pretty ugly what you seem to be saying, and I think you would agree if you could hear yourself.
00:59:54.000 I hear my...
00:59:56.000 You monster.
00:59:59.000 You killed your own father.
01:00:01.000 How did you think?
01:00:03.000 Get off of me!
01:00:05.000 I'm warning you, Mom.
01:00:06.000 You don't warn me!
01:00:09.000 I loved him better than you ever did.
01:00:12.000 You sick!
01:00:14.000 Sick ho!
01:00:15.000 Sick ho!
01:00:18.000 Wait a minute.
01:00:20.000 If someone sinks their long fingernails into your eyeballs, that's incredibly painful, I'd imagine.
01:00:27.000 And you could argue it's like attempted murder or something.
01:00:30.000 If someone digs their fingernails into your forehead, I mean, I don't like it, but it just, it would barely bleed.
01:00:40.000 It's not a big deal.
01:00:48.000 I mean, I would let any woman do that to me for eight bucks.
01:00:57.000 Can I dig my fore?
01:00:58.000 Okay, I'm going to have like four little lines, four little dots, four little dashes, four red, sorry, eight red dashes on my forehead for maybe a day.
01:01:09.000 So sure, give me eight bucks.
01:01:11.000 You can scratch my forehead.
01:01:13.000 You sick!
01:01:15.000 My forehead!
01:01:16.000 I can't see the eyeballs in my forehead.
01:01:21.000 Ah, my forehead.
01:01:28.000 By the way, if someone was raping my spouse, I wouldn't be worried about a knife in them.
01:01:38.000 I think in a horror movie, you should probably burn the face really bad.
01:01:46.000 Reaching for a gun.
01:01:48.000 Reaching for a poker.
01:01:51.000 Wait.
01:01:52.000 Could you just pop?
01:01:53.000 Hold on a sec.
01:01:54.000 Hold on a sec.
01:01:55.000 I don't know if you're familiar with fire pokers, but they are not sharp.
01:01:58.000 Maybe it's because, you know, kids are around where there's a fireplace and they tend...
01:02:02.000 And they don't have to be sharp.
01:02:03.000 In fact, you don't want to be sharp because they'd stick in the wood as you're moving the wood around.
01:02:07.000 So they're very dull.
01:02:08.000 Very dull at the end.
01:02:09.000 She just touched him with that and he went flying backwards like he just got hit with a cattle prod.
01:02:15.000 It is a good baseball bat type weapon.
01:02:17.000 I'll give you that.
01:02:18.000 The sheer weight and force will split your head open, but getting poked in the rib with a fire poker that's not hot?
01:02:25.000 Again, I would let someone do that to me for $1.20.
01:02:32.000 That one's going to cost you a lot more.
01:02:43.000 The writer doesn't know what fire pokers are.
01:02:48.000 You can't stab someone to death with them unless you're the strongest man on earth.
01:02:57.000 Why are you crying?
01:02:58.000 He raped your husband.
01:03:00.000 Ruined your life.
01:03:02.000 Grab a beer with your friends.
01:03:04.000 It's party night.
01:03:11.000 This movie is fucking insane.
01:03:26.000 How long are they going to sit there?
01:03:28.000 Cut!
01:03:32.000 What?
01:03:34.000 I guess she's culpable.
01:03:36.000 She turned up the TV.
01:03:40.000 Probably kill herself, right?
01:03:41.000 I did.
01:03:44.000 Ariaster, you're a fucking mental patient.
01:03:48.000 You are the weirdest person I've ever come across.
01:03:52.000 And the actors in this film, you are the weirdest bleeps that I've ever seen bleep a bleep.
01:04:04.000 This is it now?
01:04:06.000 Pretty good cinematography.
01:04:09.000 Matthew LaSalle seems to have found the biggest casting by Twinkie Bird.
01:04:14.000 Okay, so this is it now, right?
01:04:16.000 Is there sort of a extra scene at the end?
01:04:22.000 A hidden scene?
01:04:33.000 Lee!
01:04:35.000 Shit.
01:04:43.000 He probably wouldn't do it.
01:04:45.000 It would probably get old real fast.
01:04:47.000 And the next thing you know, you're watching a dad rape movie for 40 minutes, which I don't want to do, but we just did.
01:04:57.000 All right, let's try to cleanse our palate with a mail bag after.
01:05:02.000 Shut up, you don't have a dad.
01:05:06.000 Let's turn our eyes together.
01:05:11.000 Let me touch it.
01:05:19.000 okay, let's see this first one.
01:05:21.000 Watch Union Worker responds to Biden's threat against AR-14 on YouTube that Joe Biden tried to intimidate.
01:05:33.000 Joe Biden wants to take my AR-14.
01:05:36.000 Let's just not tell him what it really is.
01:05:43.000 Dude, you're awesome, and that's an awesome gun, but this is not exactly a snappy comeback.
01:05:51.000 Why do you give the president shit?
01:05:53.000 The president.
01:05:54.000 The day after.
01:05:56.000 Yeah.
01:05:56.000 If someone says you're full of shit, you tell them to fuck off.
01:05:59.000 You don't go make a commercial the next day.
01:06:02.000 I'm sure that's not the result of the world.
01:06:04.000 The day after, you retard?
01:06:05.000 No, you said I got that the day after.
01:06:07.000 I got this the day after, fucking.
01:06:09.000 All right, next.
01:06:10.000 Captain Pissypants, that's me.
01:06:13.000 Oh.
01:06:14.000 You have hurt me today by saying that.
01:06:20.000 You have hurt me today.
01:06:22.000 And the concierge of the faggotry zone.
01:06:25.000 No, he's not the concierge.
01:06:27.000 He has a concierge, but he is the president, the CEO, the host.
01:06:31.000 I'm not sure if you've seen this book, but it's called The War on Cops by Heather McDonald.
01:06:35.000 Would it be possible to get her as a guest on the show?
01:06:36.000 Dude, I've been talking about The War on Cops and reading it.
01:06:41.000 And I mentioned how sometimes when I'm looking at it, I go, yeah, I know.
01:06:45.000 And other times I go, wow, I didn't know it was that bad.
01:06:47.000 But yeah, it's a fantastic book.
01:06:48.000 And here's another thing about The War on Cops.
01:06:50.000 Heather McDonald is a very talented writer.
01:06:53.000 It's so weird because I keep saying women can't write.
01:06:55.000 And I do believe that.
01:06:57.000 But maybe five of my top 10 writers are female.
01:07:02.000 Those two don't contradict each other.
01:07:04.000 Chinese people tend to suck at basketball, but Jeremy Lynn is very good.
01:07:08.000 Your two favorite basketball players could be Chinese, and you could also think the Chinese suck at basketball.
01:07:14.000 I know, it's counterintuitive.
01:07:18.000 And then he's got something.
01:07:19.000 Carmel Police Prevented Worst Tragedy.
01:07:22.000 Thanks to those that protect and serve.
01:07:23.000 I don't know.
01:07:23.000 I don't have time to be reading all that.
01:07:26.000 This is from Mark.
01:07:26.000 Hey, Gavin, it seems like censored.tv is imbalanced.
01:07:30.000 Uh-oh.
01:07:30.000 You've done a great job adding a diverse cast of talent.
01:07:33.000 However, they're basically all atheists except for you.
01:07:36.000 I like a lot of their programming, but I'd be great if you added new host shows.
01:07:39.000 What about Wayne Dupree?
01:07:41.000 He's no atheist.
01:07:44.000 What about Joe Biggs?
01:07:46.000 Actually, you know what?
01:07:48.000 Let's quantify that, shall we?
01:07:50.000 We're going to call Joe Biggs?
01:07:51.000 No.
01:07:52.000 Oh.
01:07:54.000 Here I am going to censor.tv.
01:07:56.000 Shows.
01:07:59.000 Get off my lawn.
01:08:00.000 Christian.
01:08:01.000 Christian.
01:08:02.000 Get off my lawn live.
01:08:04.000 Friday Nights All Right.
01:08:05.000 Christian.
01:08:05.000 Copper Cap Show.
01:08:06.000 Don't know.
01:08:07.000 Self, don't know.
01:08:08.000 Biggs, Christian.
01:08:09.000 Loomer, Jewish.
01:08:11.000 Larry Barnes, Christian.
01:08:13.000 Gary, I don't know.
01:08:15.000 I bet he doesn't know.
01:08:16.000 Free speech, plenty of Christians on that.
01:08:18.000 Censored TV presents.
01:08:19.000 Off the record, Christian.
01:08:21.000 Mo and I, those are dead shows.
01:08:23.000 Jacob Wall, is he Jewish?
01:08:27.000 I don't know.
01:08:29.000 Jim Goad, atheist.
01:08:32.000 Atheism, atheist.
01:08:34.000 So, no, you're wrong, sir.
01:08:36.000 May I make a suggestion for a possible new host show?
01:08:38.000 There's a Christian black dude called Adventist Hermes, Justin Wilson.
01:08:43.000 He does weekly news commentary, blah, blah, blah.
01:08:45.000 Let's check him out, shall we?
01:08:46.000 Demands and threats against Nulu businesses in Louisville, Kentucky.
01:08:51.000 They had put a list of demands saying, Word out.
01:08:54.000 What's the cameo?
01:08:55.000 Wow.
01:08:55.000 Everybody say when you hear those words, you got to move it on your way.
01:09:01.000 And protesting.
01:09:03.000 It got really violent where there was actually vandalism done to a Cuban business that wouldn't sign their paper.
01:09:10.000 And this Cuban business, of course, they understand what socialism is, communism is, and they were not having it.
01:09:16.000 They're like, look, we just ran from that.
01:09:19.000 Yes, that's a great idea.
01:09:20.000 Let me see the views.
01:09:22.000 Because it has to be like, for him to want to listen to me, he needs to have 800.
01:09:27.000 If he has 20,000, he's not going to give a shit.
01:09:31.000 And if he has 143, he's not worth it.
01:09:33.000 It's about 20,000.
01:09:35.000 18,000 views.
01:09:36.000 He's got 72,000 subscribers.
01:09:38.000 Probably out of my league.
01:09:41.000 Who knows?
01:09:42.000 I mean, he's got the Cash App Me, PayPal Me thing on his thing.
01:09:45.000 So he's looking to make that.
01:09:46.000 That might be his only income.
01:09:48.000 Otherwise, he would have a PayPal bank or something.
01:09:50.000 Write that down on the to-do list.
01:09:52.000 Adventist Hermes.
01:09:54.000 Dear Gavin, an imperator, I've never heard that word before.
01:09:57.000 Of the fag zone.
01:09:58.000 What's an imperator?
01:10:01.000 And I'm not asking Ryan.
01:10:02.000 I've never asked Ryan anything.
01:10:03.000 I wouldn't ask him 897.
01:10:05.000 Imperator is the root of the romance language's word for emperor.
01:10:10.000 Oh.
01:10:11.000 It's like patriarch for father.
01:10:13.000 Last November, I found myself in a village, discoteca, in the first world country of Czechoslovakia.
01:10:20.000 I think we're, the jury's still out on whether we can include Czechoslovakia as a first world country.
01:10:25.000 Do they have catalytic converters yet?
01:10:27.000 Or is it still soot everywhere?
01:10:29.000 While casually standing at the bar with two other friends, a man approached us and began attacking my acquaintance who was standing to the right of me.
01:10:35.000 What transpired next?
01:10:36.000 It cost me thousands of dollars and has put me in a position where I am facing up to four years in jail.
01:10:42.000 What?
01:10:43.000 I'm an IT professional with a family mortgage car payments.
01:10:46.000 This can lead to deleterious consequences for not only me, but more importantly, my wife and kid.
01:10:52.000 I've attached the video.
01:10:52.000 I'm the man with the hat.
01:10:54.000 Feel free to view it and come to your own conclusions.
01:10:56.000 I viciously desire to copulate with you on my heels on.
01:10:59.000 Jesus H Christ, dude.
01:11:05.000 So he's the one with the hat on.
01:11:07.000 I don't see a hat.
01:11:10.000 Me neither.
01:11:10.000 I think this is going to take a few views.
01:11:12.000 Oh, he's all the way to the left, right?
01:11:13.000 That's the guy with the hat.
01:11:14.000 I see him.
01:11:20.000 Where's the guy otherwise?
01:11:30.000 Yeah, I guess.
01:11:41.000 An asshole that picks a fight gets headbutted.
01:11:43.000 In Glasgow, you wouldn't even remember this.
01:11:46.000 It would be like dropping a pencil and picking it up.
01:11:54.000 That's it?
01:11:55.000 Nobody even reacted.
01:11:58.000 If you pick a fight, and then you get beat up, that's mutual combat.
01:12:02.000 Is that the end of the video?
01:12:03.000 Nothing else happens?
01:12:04.000 Look, go back.
01:12:05.000 The other people at the bar couldn't care less.
01:12:11.000 Like, this wasn't a stabbing.
01:12:12.000 The barmaid is not crying.
01:12:18.000 Huh, that's fucking nuts, dude.
01:12:20.000 Wow.
01:12:22.000 Like, on the one hand, when Kangaroo Jack says, why do you think they're in prison?
01:12:27.000 They did crimes.
01:12:28.000 I get that.
01:12:29.000 But on the other hand, I know a lot of people that went to prison or are in prison for bullshit, excluding Max and John.
01:12:36.000 Fucking dealing Coke six years, friend of mine did.
01:12:41.000 Maddie did 10 years overall for dealing pills and then hiding a handgun, giving it to who he thought was a friend to hide, but it was actually a fucking FBI agent.
01:12:53.000 Okay.
01:12:55.000 And he was like meters away from the state that it would have been legal in.
01:12:59.000 Because, you know, in upstate New York, sort of where you are, there's like Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and New York all together.
01:13:07.000 So you take a wrong turn and you're living under different laws.
01:13:10.000 Right.
01:13:10.000 Anyway.
01:13:11.000 It's true.
01:13:12.000 Domestic, I've known of six friends that got shit with domestics and none of them beat their wives.
01:13:19.000 Not one.
01:13:20.000 Now, I'm sure it occurs, but my personal experience is every time there's a domestic charge, it's some bitch trying to ruin his life.
01:13:30.000 All right, we're done.
01:13:32.000 I could do the mailbag all night.
01:13:36.000 Okay, let's do this last one, shall we?
01:13:39.000 And then we gotta go.
01:13:41.000 All right, Gavin, Queen of the Fag Zone.
01:13:42.000 I've heard you mention whales thrice now.
01:13:44.000 I hate the word thrice.
01:13:46.000 That and whom have got to go.
01:13:48.000 In the last two episodes, I nearly jizzed my pants.
01:13:50.000 Just a quick update.
01:13:51.000 Me and the football boys are off to Cyprus on holiday together, and everything's open.
01:13:54.000 Things are fucking fine.
01:13:55.000 And when you get a grip, P.S. Here's my costume tour.
01:13:59.000 I didn't have the balls to go to his brother.
01:14:02.000 I didn't have the balls to go to his brother?
01:14:04.000 You're going as Theo Vaughn?
01:14:07.000 Who's Theo Vaughn?
01:14:09.000 The guy that looks exactly like that.
01:14:11.000 I don't get that joke.
01:14:13.000 I didn't have the balls to go as his brother.
01:14:15.000 Fucking...
01:14:17.000 Wales is the only place in the world where for fun, young men will bash their heads on the kitchen floor to see who can knock themselves out first.
01:14:26.000 That's Wales in a nutshell.
01:14:28.000 They are hillbillies.
01:14:30.000 Rednecks.
01:14:32.000 All right.
01:14:33.000 We always end the show with the final video.
01:14:34.000 This is a great street fight.
01:14:36.000 It's one of the best street fights I've ever seen in my life.
01:14:39.000 I could see Kangaroo Jack covering it.
01:14:41.000 Let's have a look at a guy win three rounds with two knockouts.
01:14:52.000 You'll be famous.
01:14:53.000 You look weak, bro.
01:14:56.000 Black Panther versus Aquaman.
01:14:59.000 Wait one step.
01:15:00.000 Wait, one step.
01:15:01.000 See what happens.
01:15:01.000 I'm taking one knee for this shit.
01:15:05.000 Step up.
01:15:06.000 Step up.
01:15:07.000 I'll step up.
01:15:08.000 Do something.
01:15:08.000 I step up, bro.
01:15:09.000 Step up.
01:15:10.000 He's got good arms.
01:15:12.000 You know when someone picks up the front of their pants, they're getting ready to kick you in the head.
01:15:17.000 And this guy clearly takes judo or Muay Thai.
01:15:19.000 The white guy, I mean.
01:15:21.000 And you can tell the black guy has only ever done hood fighting.
01:15:27.000 Wait, go back.
01:15:29.000 Did he knock him out there?
01:15:31.000 He seemed like he was tased.
01:15:34.000 You can't go frame by frame, can you?
01:15:38.000 No.
01:15:39.000 Unfortunate.
01:15:40.000 Okay.
01:15:42.000 Who man is there?
01:15:43.000 I'm not talking about the kick.
01:15:47.000 That second left.
01:15:48.000 Stiff legs.
01:15:55.000 So he's concussed now.
01:16:00.000 And he has no equilibrium.
01:16:02.000 But he's still coming at him.
01:16:04.000 You get to drop the bomb after that.
01:16:07.000 And he should have.
01:16:07.000 Right there, he should have just given me the right.
01:16:11.000 He's being way too kind.
01:16:15.000 What a sweet white man.
01:16:16.000 He gets to say bitch ass bleep.
01:16:26.000 I think he has a double concussion, actually.
01:16:28.000 Uh-oh.
01:16:29.000 Triple?
01:16:30.000 Okay, there's...
01:16:31.000 He's been concussed thrice.
01:16:34.000 I wonder if this is going to finish the record of this.
01:16:36.000 Walk of the...
01:16:37.000 What do they call it?
01:16:39.000 Walk of the Living Dead.
01:16:41.000 Walking Dead.
01:16:42.000 If he's holding onto a fire hydrant because the ground is spinning.
01:16:47.000 But he keeps coming.
01:16:48.000 Dude, go away.
01:16:51.000 So here's the weird part.
01:16:53.000 That's his skateboard in his bag, and now he walks away from his stuff.
01:16:57.000 What is that move?
01:17:01.000 Look, this guy can't even stand.
01:17:03.000 I'm about to kill this nigga.
01:17:04.000 I'm having a great day.
01:17:06.000 I needed that.
01:17:07.000 I'm having a great day.
01:17:08.000 Hey, you famous, bro.
01:17:10.000 You famous, baby.
01:17:11.000 You did it.
01:17:13.000 Why is he walking away from his stuff with his back to his stuff?
01:17:16.000 I don't understand that part.
01:17:17.000 Unless you have friends there to watch your stuff, but I don't think he does.
01:17:21.000 Because look at this.
01:17:23.000 I don't know.
01:17:24.000 He goes back to his stuff, and that makes him mad.
01:17:27.000 Oh, that was a good...
01:17:29.000 That's the only good move the black guy's dad had this whole thing.
01:17:35.000 Gripped his shorts.
01:17:36.000 What is he doing?
01:17:37.000 Grabbing his dick?
01:17:37.000 Get your man, bro!
01:17:41.000 And he does this again.
01:17:43.000 Worst punch ever.
01:17:48.000 Beats him?
01:17:49.000 Beats him.
01:17:51.000 The guy just takes endless abuse.
01:17:53.000 And now he's pulling the hair.
01:17:54.000 Another reason why men should not have long hair.
01:17:57.000 Look how lackadaisical everyone else is.
01:17:59.000 Hey, man, probably stop fighting.
01:18:03.000 Pay, can you not do that?
01:18:04.000 People are security scrubs.
01:18:08.000 Hey, man.
01:18:09.000 Seth Rogans involved.
01:18:11.000 Hey man, you guys got to stop fighting.
01:18:15.000 Oh, elbow to the face.
01:18:17.000 Kind of McGregor style, that boy.
01:18:19.000 I wasn't knocked up, but you guys are knocked out.
01:18:26.000 He's shit.
01:18:29.000 Let go of his hair, you chick.
01:18:32.000 Go ahead, pound him out.
01:18:33.000 Yeah, you should have pounded him out a long time ago.
01:18:35.000 Why are you not jumping in, bro?
01:18:36.000 That's your brother.
01:18:39.000 And chokehold.
01:18:41.000 Unfortunately, this cuts right when we should watch him getting rang away at chokehold.
01:18:45.000 But that guy stood up for himself.
01:18:46.000 And he won.
01:18:48.000 Get fired.
01:18:49.000 Get in trouble.
01:18:51.000 Be brave.
01:18:52.000 And never stop fighting.
01:19:14.000 And the standard side.
01:19:17.000 And the top of this unit's right.