Gavin and the boys are back with another episode of Get Off My Lawn. This week, it's all about 9/11, David Cross and Bob Odenkirk, and country music. Also, the mayor of New York is running for re-election.
Transcript
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00:00:59.000And I'm not just talking fat, though I am including fat.
00:01:03.000That was Baines and Dunfrey, All I Need.
00:01:07.000And it's Bob Odenkirk and David Cross, a very funny sketch about, I mean, dissecting comedy is not funny, but I believe it's a parody on these billionaire country stars who are just like, I'm just like you.
00:05:08.000I don't want to jinx his career by endorsing him, but I endorse him.
00:05:13.000Guardian Angels founder Curtis Silwell rips Mayor de Blasio and Governor Cuomo on Criminal Justice Monday, and he's wearing his Guardian Angels beret.
00:05:57.000It's just like this happened, or here's a fun thing, or here's some inventions I thought of.
00:06:01.000So, I mean, it's a good bathroom book, but it's kind of the easiest book to write because it's just a hodgepodge of a short list of videos with babies in them that I have not seen on the internet, but most likely exist and I would like to see at some point.
00:06:15.000And then one of them is a combolation of babies eating the poo of their household pets.
00:15:23.000Your dad and my dad were naked, and they rubbed butter all over their asses.
00:15:27.000Like they had this big handful of butter.
00:15:29.000And then they got on all fours and they pushed their asses together with the butter and it attracted all these flies.
00:15:35.000There was flies everywhere landing on the butter, going in their butt cracks, and they just kept pushing the hot butter from their, and he just goes, oh my God, that's fucking disgusting.
00:15:45.000Or I remember Jesse was drunk once and I was standing over him just talking about like some mass murderer who cut this old lady's tits off and you could see all the string and the muscle tissue.
00:15:55.000And she's like, oh, that's so disgusting.
00:16:00.000So it's one of my favorite things in the world is making someone barf.
00:16:04.000And we had the pictures because that's how James told me is he said, check it out, man.
00:17:09.000His eyes, he had no white in his eyes.
00:17:11.000This was all dark red, and all the capillaries bursting, tears pouring down his face, and just go, oh, oh, oh, and anytime I wanted it to happen, I would just go like that, boom.
00:17:25.000I would go like that, boom, and he'd see it and just go, you don't have to delete that.
00:17:31.000I'd go like this and he'd just go, oh, and it was like having a magic barf gun where I just like, show him, and he's like, no, I'm serious.
00:17:58.000Oh, so just to be clear here, the reason I brought up this story is because when he was barfing, dry heaving, me and James were laughing the hardest I've laughed in two years.
00:18:07.000Like I hadn't heard my laugh, that kind of a laugh.
00:18:10.000I was a little disappointed in it, to be quite frank.
00:25:52.000If right-wing humor is on the chopping block, left-wing humor is next.
00:25:58.000Of all the good things, Bad things the internet has brought us.
00:26:02.000One thing we're celebrating is the renaissance in satire and comedy online.
00:26:08.000No website represents that renaissance better than the Babylon B. Here's some recent headlines they've run: quote: Democrats grasping at straws to impeach Trump now regret banning straws.
00:26:43.000Well, I guess it is bad to say Beto was doing acid.
00:26:59.000And so the left has set out to crush the Babylon B. The New York Times suggested that when the right pokes fun at the left, it's not satire, it's quote, deceit.
00:27:08.000A CNN reporter recently accused Babylon Bee of spreading, quote, clickbait and misinformation.
00:27:15.000In other words, Facebook better censor it and fast.
00:27:18.000Seth Dylan is the CEO of the Babylon B, and we're happy to have him.
00:27:27.000Just like March Madness, you vote for the most hack journalist.
00:27:31.000Liberal hack tournament brackets announced stars from CNN and MSNBC compete for hack royalty.
00:27:36.000Every time I look at Brian Stettler, the Turgid Tattletale's weird, ugly little sexless, genderless, turgid Tattletale face, I think, does anyone watch him and not hate him?
00:27:51.000I get watching Rachel Maddow and not hating her.
00:30:16.000Okay, here's one of the weirdest things I've seen in a long time.
00:30:20.000I've learned this from anti-fash Gordon, one of these tattletales who gets people fired.
00:30:25.000That's their contribution to society, is pretending that conservatives are Nazis and then getting them fired from their various jobs, their careers shut down, or their weddings or their funerals, just shutting down their life, sticking the mob on them.
00:30:40.000It's a strange, very bourgeois thing to do.
00:31:18.000There was people at the Capitol, sorry, in D.C. who were rich, but the actual imbeciles who stormed the Capitol happen to all be working class guys.
00:31:32.000Not a surprise, but about four paragraphs in, they're taking shots at sex workers and trans people, like the reactionary authoritarian nightmare that the party actually is.
00:31:43.000I got some bad news for you, Christian.
00:31:45.000Real, true communists are anti-gay, anti-trans, anti-sex worker.
00:32:43.000So, Jason Kessler, who was the guy who infiltrated Proud Boys and was booted twice, but it keeps getting listed in the New York Times as an example of Proud Boys being in Charlottesville, which is a ridiculous notion.
00:32:59.000Another reason I called Alan is his story blew up.
00:33:01.000It was above the fold on the front page of the New York Times.
00:35:26.000Karl Marx, the godfather of socialism.
00:35:30.000And then we have this ugly bitch, Talia Lavin.
00:35:33.000And she was the one who was fired for saying that someone in the military had a white power tattoo, and it was actually the name of his battalion.
00:42:27.000So yesterday, or two days ago now, that New York Times article that was above the fold said, yes, Prowboys are dangerous, they're fascists, and we've got an expert here.
00:42:40.000So Nick points out that your expert source, you used ABC News, is calling for Twitter to ban my account.
00:42:46.000Squire is an SPLC operative and Antifa collaborator who says that left-wing terrorism is the last resort of a diversity of tactics.
00:42:57.000Their expert source literally wants me to be killed.
00:43:01.000And experts are baffled that he still has a right, a reach, I believe, as Stelter talks, as Stelter put it, he still has a right to free reach.
00:43:11.000Megan Squire, computer science professor at Elon University, a senior fellow at the SPLC, told ABC News, he's verified over there.
00:43:37.000Though she may be peaceful herself, among her strongest allies are activists, anti-fascists.
00:43:43.000When did Wired, when did nerds become so radically left-wing?
00:43:47.000She doesn't consider herself, like imagine Revenge of the Nerds, those were all Antifa guys.
00:43:52.000She doesn't consider herself to be Antifa and pushes digital activism instead of the group's black block tactics, in which bandana masked, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, bandana masked activists physically attack white supremacists.
00:44:05.000But she is sympathetic to Antifa's goal of silencing racist extremists and is unwilling to condemn their use of violence, describing it as a last resort.
00:44:15.000She's an intelligence operative of sorts in the battle against far-right extremism, which has become America's number one obsession.
00:45:28.000He's a very cool guy, I got to say, very generous.
00:45:31.000He used to, back when he had money and we didn't have money, Vice had gone bankrupt, and I had no disposable income.
00:45:37.000He'd rent a house like in Mexico or Barbados, whatever, pay for it himself, not ask anyone for money.
00:45:43.000And then he'd also take the money and donate it to like Wounded Warriors Project or something and not tell anyone.
00:45:49.000I'm probably the first person to make that public.
00:45:51.000He'd also, if we went to Vegas, he'd meet us and he'd save us per Diem every day when he worked on arrested development and then just give us money to gamble.
00:51:55.000But there's something unique about America that I'll just bring up now that is crucial To this whole argument, America is unlike any other country because it has two major problems with mooching: fatsos and illegal immigrants.
00:54:36.000When you add federal, state, local, and sales taxes and include other costs and services that our taxes don't cover but other countries' taxes do, like our uniquely high health insurance premiums, you'll find.
00:54:47.000By the way, in Scandinavia, you start hitting, like, you'll notice if you make less than 50K, if you make less than the average American, you basically don't pay income tax, right?
00:54:57.000It's those of us who make big money that get reamed.
00:55:00.000In America, you need to be making about nine times the average 50K before you get really fucked up the ass, like David and I do.
00:55:09.000In Scandinavia, if you make 1.5 times the national average, so 150K, you start getting reamed right away.
00:55:22.000But by throwing in all this shit, they're trying to get our tax numbers up to say that we pay more tax than Scandinavia, which is patently false.
00:55:59.000For example, in Canada, for a married worker with two kids, very white country, no illegals, and not much of an obesity epidemic, not even close to America.
00:56:11.000Previously mentioned costs combined, from taxes to health insurance premiums, make up only 11% of the average wage.
00:57:15.000By the way, minor detail here, this is all horseshit in that when you talk about job support, yeah, they do have paternity leave, maternity leave.
00:58:43.000American health care is simultaneously the most expensive, the least efficient, and the least effective health care system in the developed world.
00:58:50.000Now, one thing, in UK and in Canada, everyone gets a hip replacement when they need it, right?
00:58:57.000Well, I should say everyone gets new hips if they need them.
00:59:48.000We used to get in street fights in Canada.
00:59:50.000You go to the local hospital, totally normal to wait there with your nose bent sideways, blood shooting out, 12 hours, 12 hours waiting in ER.
01:00:12.000It's heavily regulated by the government.
01:00:14.000If you want to build a hospital, you got to ask the government where you're going to put it.
01:00:18.000So it's that disgusting combination of free market and big business, which is, I'm sorry, big business and big government, which is what brought us Fannie Mae.
01:00:27.000Remember that ridiculous mess we're doing because we thought minorities should get a mortgage no matter how much money they have?
01:00:32.000That's what we're dealing with with Medicare.
01:03:17.000Anytime you'll see something sane from these radicals, you'll realize it's just paleoconservativism.
01:03:25.000In fact, in 2017, the United Nations sent a commissioner to West Virginia to document what he saw, and he described, quote, third world conditions of absolute poverty.
01:03:52.000We even have a higher infant mortality rate than people in Russia and Serbia.
01:03:58.000By the way, if there's one group I trust, it's communists and fucking Serbians, who I believe during the civil war in the early 90s were playing soccer with Croatians' heads.
01:04:09.000That's why Milosevic was charged at The Hague for war crimes.
01:04:13.000So no, we're not listening to the Serbs.
01:04:16.000And another big problem with this stat, I've heard it many times, is how we define born.
01:04:21.000If a baby comes out premature, it's alive for a second, even stillborns, we often classify as born.
01:04:29.000And then we can't revive them or they're already dead.
01:04:31.000And then we count that as an infant mortality rate.
01:04:33.000So our definition of birth is what fucks us on this stat.
01:08:10.000Much money out of patients as possible, too.
01:08:13.000In 2015, the average cost of an MRI scan in the U.S. See, this is where I get lost in the weeds because these cherry-pick numbers, it's a very complicated subject.
01:08:24.000I've never really been good at healthcare.
01:08:26.000All I know is my experience in Britain, Canada, and America.
01:08:30.000Three totally different systems, or I should say two totally different systems.
01:09:46.000All this Denmark, Norway, Sweden, Finland, they have all realized that public choice, voucher programs, charter schools work way better than their shitty public education.
01:09:59.000They're also realizing that with healthcare, by the way.
01:10:29.000We all know that American health care is so much more expensive, you say, but that's the cost of having the freest freedom in God's favorite country.
01:10:47.000I mean, you want to talk about the cost of 30.
01:10:50.000A minute later, we agree on something else.
01:10:52.000Because of these high costs, Americans often avoid going to the doctor, something almost half the population say they do.
01:10:58.000With shoddy or non-existent health insurance, Americans will wait until their conditions force them into the emergency room where treatment is far more expensive.
01:11:09.000The example he uses was an example story in The Guardian, which is one of the least reliable news sources imaginable.
01:11:16.000But every time I go to ER, my kid hits his head or something, I see, just especially in upstate New York, just a slew of fatsos indulging themselves.
01:11:25.000They've got some bed sores they need cleaned, and they're all pissed off at the doctor.
01:11:29.000Fatties are the issue here, my friend.
01:11:32.000And at the very least, if you disagree with me, if you're going to discuss healthcare in America, surely you have to include 32 million illegals.
01:14:45.000More to do with the way GoFundMe is structured.
01:14:48.000Like if you just go, hey, man, I'm kind of down on my luck and I didn't have an accident and I'm perfectly healthy and capable of working, but I'd like some money.
01:15:24.000This does not seem like a smoking gun to me.
01:15:27.000Powerful, rich, and great country that its citizens have to beg strangers on the internet for money so they can get life-saving treatments that are free.
01:15:36.000Here you say to David, if you hate America so much and if Britain's so much better, then go to Britain.
01:17:05.000Oh, he couldn't pay his heating bills, so he froze to death.
01:17:10.000See, America has the least generous job support programs, the least generous family benefits, and the least generous unemployment benefits of any wealthy country.
01:17:19.000It's one of the only countries on earth that doesn't guarantee paid time off for vacations.
01:17:24.000It doesn't even help provide paid time off for parents who just had a child.
01:18:58.000It's because public unions, I'm not criticizing private unions, and even in public unions, I tend to avoid the fire department and the police.
01:19:05.000The fire department's 75% volunteer in this country.
01:19:40.000There's a ton of books called Plunder.
01:19:43.000Refusal to give people the means to lead a good, dignified life commensurate with how rich our country is can explain a bit of what we've seen in the end of the year.
01:20:11.000Pelosi, San Francisco, Newsom's, California is my fault.
01:20:16.000Fraying communities, rising rates of depression and suicide, huge numbers of deaths from drugs.
01:20:21.000It's mostly white males and mostly my age.
01:20:24.000Could it be because you people on the left do nothing but shit on white males and eventually it gets through to some of them?
01:20:31.000I wonder what the political division is on all of this white male suicide.
01:20:38.000I mean, it's an epidemic right now that no one talks about, especially if you include opioid addiction.
01:20:43.000We don't know how much of that was accidental and how much of that was suicide.
01:20:46.000But I wonder what the political proclivities of these victims are.
01:20:50.000Because I wouldn't be surprised if they were more liberal than conservative.
01:20:55.000Because patriots on the right get told they suck and they go, fuck you, you suck.
01:20:59.000But liberals go, yeah, I know you're right.
01:21:01.000I mean, how many times have you seen, remember there was that tweet a while ago that said, I want to put every white male on a big barge, a big ship, and send them off to Europe or some other country.
01:21:10.000And there was all these guys going, you know what?
01:21:12.000If it would help, I'd be the first to go.
01:21:31.000These so-called deaths of despair, suicide, drug overdoses, alcoholic liver disease, they're one big reason why American life expectancy has actually started to decline over the last few years.
01:21:43.000No, they are a fraction of the obesity deaths.
01:21:47.000I can't remember what it actually is, but I think obesity-related deaths are half a million a year.
01:24:51.000I need to know how many Americans die of obesity-related causes every year.
01:24:54.000And let's get back to the video while you look that up, please.
01:25:00.000America devotes a smaller percentage of spending on social welfare than any other industrialized economy because, say it with me, socialism is evil.
01:25:27.000All of these white Wakandas don't have black families.
01:25:31.000We have noticed that when you give a woman a financial incentive in the black community to dump her baby daddy, she tends to, which is why one in four black children are born out of wedlock.
01:26:13.000Outside of unions, there's no minimum wage there.
01:26:15.000It is powered by a strong need for capitalism.
01:26:21.000It is a capitalist country where they have fairly high personal tax and they're very generous with many of their social programs, which is a new thing, which is ending.
01:26:31.000Their corporate tax, under Trump, our corporate tax was as low as it was in Scandinavia, as it is, sorry, which is about 22%.
01:26:38.000The corporate tax before Trump, under your guy, Obama, was 35%, 10% more than it was in Scandinavia.
01:26:47.000When you stimulate business, when you don't hamper salaries, when you allow corporations to thrive, you got a bit of extra money.
01:27:23.000America also has the highest rate of child poverty of any developed country and the highest percentage of workers earning significantly less than the national median income.
01:28:01.000I think a lot of people watching this haven't really been to Northern Europe, haven't been to Cuba, definitely haven't been to fucking Turkey, which David has been to and thoroughly enjoyed.
01:28:13.000Well, to me, especially since such a tiny fraction take as much of your money from themselves and their families as you will.
01:30:09.000That's that lunatic dictatorship where you don't see anyone walking in the streets, where they have all that white ivory on every single building, right?
01:32:01.000But yeah, the drug war and welfare are the two biggest causes of the prison population.
01:32:07.000And us here on the right want to abolish both.
01:32:11.000Actually, there's many of the right who are totally against drugs, legalization of drugs, but not modern libertarian righties like me, or more aptly called not lefts.
01:32:42.000We had 12 unarmed blacks killed last year in America, right?
01:32:48.000I'm not counting the murder of people when you're coming at a cop with a gun, like the one we just saw where she's reaching for her gun after she's getting tased and he ends up shooting her after he gets shot.
01:33:09.000Six out of millions upon, I forget the number of the transactions, the back and forth, the meetings, whatever you want to call it, that police have with Americans every day.
01:37:59.000And crafted to protect a class of parasitical middleman industries.
01:38:03.000Instead of using a proportionately tiny piece of the massive amount of the wealth in this country to make people's lives healthier and happier, most of our electors are and have I don't want you using my money to do anything.
01:40:00.000It is big business and big government working hand in hand to fuck you and I. Only guiding as much money as possible from working people into the pockets of the well-connected and the ultra-rich.
01:40:11.000Yeah, like Pelosi, Maxine Waters, all these corrupt fucking politicians that you want to give more money to.
01:41:26.000I bet he worked a hard day these coming months and years in the greatest, strongest, richest, most powerful country on the face of the earth.
01:44:59.000I always thought the D in Disney was a G. Turns out it's actually, get this, a D. Okay, maybe the D in Disney being a D doesn't come as a surprise for most of you, but it does come as a surprise for some of you.
01:45:14.000And that's why I'm not going to be ashamed that it took more than 20 years to realize.
01:45:19.000This confusion over the Disney D isn't some random obscurity, as it turns out.
01:45:22.000Hank Green even made a recent video about it, calling out the fact that this is a- But now he has to show you that he thought of it before Hank Green.
01:46:43.000Former model who features in explosive new Woody Allen documentary says the Hollywood director seduced her when she was 16 and he was 41, which implies he likes very young girls.
01:46:54.000Christina Engelhardt was only 16 when she first met Woody Allen in a New York restaurant.
01:46:59.000And then the guy we're just looking at goes, so the age of consent?
01:49:30.000I asked the question because I got interested in it for a second, but I've always kind of avoided that conversation because I thought, honestly, what difference does it make?
01:50:56.000And it's funny talking about if the races were reversed.
01:50:58.000How many times have we seen an article where it says, black man attacked by two white police officers?
01:51:06.000The race is only relevant when the victim is black and the perps are white.
01:51:11.000Can you imagine if the races were reversed?
01:51:15.000Rochester journalist and radio host Bob Lonsbury reports that the two teens instructed the victim to tell authorities they were white as they burned him alive.
01:51:21.000The demand to lie with the teen skin color delivers a strong hint that the assault and murder was possibly racially motivated.
01:51:28.000While the order does not definitively prove racism, it's more evidence toward the label than most incidents the national media has called undoubtedly horrible acts of racism.
01:51:50.000Hey guys, do me a favor, play this bumper I made and then tell us what the hell is going on with Milo.
01:51:54.000He seems to have been going through a midlife crisis this past year.
01:51:56.000His show went from an insane house party variety show, my preference, this is him saying my preference, to a mailed-in, wannabe big shot political consultant to a poorly produced and self-serious interview program with nobody as his guests.
01:52:09.000And now he's straight trad cast televangelist.
01:52:43.000Well, we probably built the table and we probably farmed all the meat and the vegetables that are going on your plate that's on the table.
01:52:51.000We also probably worked on the water mains that enable you to fill up your kettle or have a glass of water with your food that we farmed to put on the table that we built.
01:53:00.000Or maybe you want a beer with the dinner from the food that we farmed on the table that we built.
01:53:05.000Or we probably worked at the breweries to produce that beer that you can drink to eat with the food that we farmed on the table that we built.
01:53:11.000Now right now it's raining outside, so I would much rather eat my food that's been farmed by men on the table that's been built by men indoors.
01:53:22.000Men laid the foundations for the male bricklayers to build a house that the male roofers could put a roof on so then you and I and everyone else could eat their dinner farmed by men, drink the drink that's been produced by men on the table that's been built by men.
01:53:36.000So I think we bring more than enough to the table.
01:53:40.000Too bad they don't have a response to that, huh?
01:57:09.000This is before he ran for president, or I guess as he was running for president.
01:57:13.000So I'm not sure you'd want this out here if you're going to go up against Barack Obama, one of the most popular and charming presidential candidates of all time.