S04E01 - NEW STUDIO
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 54 minutes
Words per Minute
153.70067
Summary
In this episode, the boys talk about the new studio they moved into, the new couch, and the new equipment they have in the studio. They also discuss some of their favorite songs from the 90s and early 2000s, including "Waking Up" by The Chemical Brothers.
Transcript
00:00:13.000
Live from New York, it's Get Off My One with Kevin McGuinness.
00:00:54.000
Don't even know there's bad ideas, where do I begin?
00:01:16.000
I always called 4 a.m. for some reason, but that's Hack Baker.
00:01:21.000
We'll be discussing that and other songs that start out awesome and become shitty.
00:01:29.000
Yes, that was a lame joke on Thursday where we pretended we were done.
00:01:36.000
I think 90% of the people went, ha ha, they're moving to the new studio.
00:01:41.000
We worked tirelessly from the end of that show till now to make sure we ironed out the kinks.
00:01:50.000
We'll take you on an office tour any second now.
00:02:04.000
A lot of people are getting really concerned about your hair.
00:02:07.000
They just, they think that it's not acceptable.
00:02:15.000
Well, okay, now it looks bad, but once I touch it a little bit, touch it a little bit.
00:02:22.000
That's like a phase you go through when you're 13.
00:02:31.000
Why don't you show everyone the cool cam you have?
00:02:46.000
So yeah, this camera does some cool things and it spins.
00:03:12.000
We're right on the main boulevard, so you may hear sirens and trucks reversing and stuff.
00:03:24.000
I don't like how the couch hides my son's brilliant design.
00:03:36.000
But yeah, that song, Waking Up, is such a good song.
00:03:40.000
But when I was a kid and we made mixed tapes with the tape-to-tape, that's the thing you ask for when you're like 13.
00:04:05.000
Maybe if you want to do reggae, maybe you would segue with the bad brains.
00:04:09.000
You should make them for girls all the time and parties and stuff.
00:04:12.000
And you would listen to it for a while before you made it public.
00:04:16.000
And then you'd be bummed that that song is in there.
00:04:22.000
So then you would re-record the entire thing from scratch because you can't just pull out a song and move everything over on a cassette.
00:04:31.000
And the beauty of it was if a song started out awesome and sucked, you could just cut it when it started to suck.
00:04:41.000
We moved up to CDs, making mixes on CDs, and you could like, I guess, record your own MP3 and like edit it in .move and then export it as an MP3 and then pull it in.
00:04:56.000
And now I guess people make mixes on Spotify, but I wouldn't know what to do with that song.
00:05:23.000
So you just confidently said there's no video for it, unfortunately.
00:05:34.000
See, notice there's well, there's a glare on that top one, actually.
00:05:51.000
We'll be obviously ironing out some kinks here.
00:06:01.000
And it's about like being a partier and waking up wasted in some strange bed.
00:06:18.000
I like how it sort of makes when I stand seem shitty.
00:07:01.000
I was thinking of making this a gym mix and putting this on at the gym.
00:07:06.000
And this would be the first song because it gets you into it.
00:07:36.000
Whether it's hitting the heavy bag or dancing, you just made the party.
00:08:03.000
We might even have to re-record this because we're not debuting very well.
00:08:08.000
Because it has this like I don't know what they were thinking.
00:08:43.000
And just like that song should have been abandoned early, I'm abandoning this segment of songs that started awesome and become shitty.
00:08:50.000
The other one I was going to do was Carry On My Wayward Son.
00:09:09.000
It sounds like they're at guitar center testing out their shit.
00:09:59.000
That would be a nice breakdown in a different song.
00:10:20.000
Now look at that other song, Air of Night, with Phil Collins.
00:10:30.000
It ends with the budoom badam badum badam boom.
00:10:34.000
I think there's a good video that was in a commercial with an ape doing it.
00:10:54.000
But yeah, they should have hired Andrew WK in a time machine to take that do doom badum badump and did like da da da da da da da.
00:11:29.000
If it was CGI, they would make it do more stuff facially.
00:11:32.000
Like they zoomed in the nostrils to be like, look, we can make the nostrils move.
00:12:01.000
Yeah, but look at how confident you were when it was animatronics.
00:12:07.000
The guy's nostrils aren't flaring, and then the puppet does that.
00:12:29.000
This is three words Millennials cannot pronounce.
00:12:38.000
This is the guy who calls out all those fake videos.
00:12:43.000
It actually goes drummy more than I thought it would.
00:13:07.000
Technically, it's just the latency between this and the screen.
00:13:10.000
We got it down to the very low, but the game mode.
00:13:22.000
Alright, that was my segment that seemed like a great idea at the time.
00:13:27.000
I feel like we should probably do the studio tour.
00:13:31.000
You're seeing a guy that you see every day in a new environment.
00:13:34.000
You're like, can I see the environment, please?
00:13:40.000
Although, maybe we should talk about this delay that we have with the drums.
00:13:52.000
And if they see this and it's not linked up, that's going to be some really bad news.
00:14:01.000
Just so you know, with the office, I did the design.
00:14:14.000
Well, this is probably the worst possible thing we could do.
00:14:19.000
President Biden wants predictability and stability.
00:14:56.000
Anyway, we're boring the people at home with nuance.
00:15:10.000
Oh, he's got the police, one of the worst bands ever, most annoying vocals with sting.
00:15:20.000
My neighbors terrorize my family with this sign.
00:15:23.000
They put it on my lawn, my neighbor's lawn, and then all the homes in the area put this on their lawn.
00:15:29.000
So this is traumatizing for me to have to see every day.
00:15:32.000
My wife actually put it inside our house to try to desensitize herself from it.
00:15:38.000
Like the N-word, which is ironically what got us in this mess in the first place.
00:15:45.000
Look, it's a Trump vodka chalkboard from a bar.
00:16:47.000
This desk was made by a white liberal with a Jewish wife and Jewish kids.
00:16:52.000
Not a lot of straight, white, waspy all-American males are responsible for this office, I'm afraid.
00:16:59.000
This backdrop, now the problem with putting TVs on TV is the glare.
00:17:04.000
But what we did was we tilted them a little bit.
00:17:06.000
And you'll notice when you look at the Y, they're sort of like concave or whatever.
00:17:26.000
And I try to keep my eyes up here because it looks weird to be looking down.
00:17:31.000
Got my little clock here to know where we're at.
00:17:37.000
We might have a collapsible ping pong table we store here.
00:17:40.000
If I paint it white, you wouldn't notice, right?
00:17:51.000
And to Tucker Carlson and Dave Rubin and Candace Owens, stop hiring people to design your studios.
00:17:59.000
They look like something out of a crate and barrel catalog.
00:18:02.000
All these weird little knickknacks you have, like a ball made of twine and like a bowl with three big acorns in it.
00:18:12.000
Are you a 50-year-old fucking liberal cunt housewife?
00:18:21.000
Built up this fake wall and then put two giant lights on either side.
00:18:28.000
These lights are for like lighting up a mechanics garage.
00:18:34.000
So that's A, that's B. Got a loose site table, some nice Emes chairs.
00:18:51.000
Ann Coulter, Roger Stone, Michelle Malkin, people like that.
00:18:57.000
Do something new, maybe get into their whole life.
00:19:05.000
I'm saying that because there's another interview room coming right up.
00:19:14.000
Or we're in like some sort of space-time continuum.
00:19:18.000
Well, if they're sitting across and looking at you, do they think they made it to heaven?
00:19:30.000
So that's the white room, and then the black room is the bar.
00:19:42.000
When we had another tech guy here and two other guys, I said, let's rent a dolly and get this out of there.
00:19:47.000
It ended up just being Ryan and I. Bringing this here was AIDS.
00:19:52.000
And it wasn't just, you know, when you lift a lot and you go, oh, this is really heavy.
00:20:00.000
Weird pains, like someone was stabbing you in the wrists.
00:20:03.000
And then also a lot of like, I can't break, I didn't break, I got to, put it up, put it up, put it up, put it up, put it up.
00:20:07.000
And then the other guy going, get put it up, don't do it.
00:20:21.000
The problem is, I'm not going to push a button because the audio will start.
00:20:29.000
But I'm too good at this, so I'll use it as the handicap.
00:20:37.000
For three grand, I think you can get these stand-up games that have 3,000 games.
00:20:47.000
Now, this is totally different than that studio.
00:20:50.000
The bar is like Vietnam vets, plumbers, tradesmen, sit and talk to them about how to become a plumber.
00:20:59.000
Such that when you're done watching it, you know how to become a plumber.
00:21:05.000
Vietnam vet, like, I want to get into the details, like a three-hour talk where you find out when you were drafted.
00:21:16.000
What kind of plane did you get on to go to Vietnam?
00:21:28.000
This is Penny Rimbeau and G. Vaucher when they were in art school.
00:21:32.000
I took this at their house and then printed it out.
00:21:45.000
It's saying like they're meant to put on a positive, happy face when we send them to die.
00:22:04.000
This is a buck, I guess, that my friend Sprague hunted for three days.
00:22:08.000
Sprague was also a junkie, though, so he could have been lying.
00:22:15.000
Don't you think if you were painting this, like you'd have the brush and you'd go, boom.
00:22:25.000
These are like really expensive prints because he was in Vietnam.
00:22:30.000
So Vice had an art show, and while no one was looking, I just scanned it in two pieces and then photoshopped it back together and then printed it out.
00:22:59.000
And then this gun was, you know, the Hatfield versus the McCoy's.
00:23:07.000
And this is the gun, but I got all the pieces here.
00:23:17.000
I got the little cloth pads you stuff it down with.
00:24:09.000
All right, let's see if we can do this right, right?
00:24:35.000
Look at these cool bourbon bottles I bought at garage sales over the years.
00:24:39.000
This is 100-months-old Kentucky Straight Bourbon whiskey.
00:24:48.000
They should have had cool bourbon bottles back then.
00:24:56.000
You might recognize him from my book, How to Piss in Public.
00:25:08.000
I didn't really care about Maker's mark back then.
00:25:13.000
It says, to my loyal friends of Max Fish, Uli, here's to being the first in the neighborhood and the best.
00:25:25.000
And just like the Jews in Jersey, I was dancing in the streets.
00:25:29.000
Because this all of a sudden became so valuable.
00:25:31.000
Then I ended up marrying my girlfriend that I met at Max Fish.
00:25:38.000
If you really want to hurt me, Antifa, steal this.
00:25:43.000
We've got the Sex Pistols, the Great Rock and Roll Swindle.
00:25:57.000
And because we live in New York where you can't have guns, We have an emergency supply of booze, which isn't really necessary in a bar.
00:26:23.000
I think it's the kind of thing you do when you've had a few, and then you wake up the next morning, you're like, where's my huge fucking bowie knife?
00:27:11.000
This rug designed by Johnny Buffalo McInnes when he was four.
00:27:30.000
This is the kind of thing that dads get at Christmas.
00:27:48.000
I wanted to put this in the bar, but the thing about the bar is once you've established that height where the bottles are, you can't really go below that.
00:27:58.000
Everything has to be like chest up or it'll look weird.
00:28:10.000
This is my NYU talk that started the Proud Boys getting violent because I got pepper sprayed when I went to talk at NYU and Proud Boys started saying, all right, let's start defending conservatives when they go do talks.
00:28:23.000
Which, of course, the media twisted into, they crawl the streets looking for minorities to beat up.
00:28:29.000
Or my favorite is they beat up people who disagree with them.
00:28:32.000
No, the people who they beat up, who pick fights with them, tend to disagree with them.
00:28:44.000
This is the real one I stole from a museum in Philadelphia.
00:28:51.000
John Hancock's got the most elaborate signature.
00:28:59.000
Didn't they write that way before they declared independence, like 10 years before or three or four years before?
00:29:07.000
But I remember that America had all their independence all worked out way before they were independent.
00:29:12.000
Then, of course, the Bill of Rights here at Censor, we're obsessed with First and Second Amendments.
00:29:23.000
I was at South by Southwest, and my buddy Scott in the band Chrome, him and his friends all showed me their knee tattoos.
00:29:31.000
Ozzy Osborne did this to his knee when he was in jail because he was bored.
00:29:36.000
And so they all got matching ones and they all saw each other and went, oh shit, I haven't seen you in a while.
00:29:44.000
And we got Annie Oakley, Low Dog, and Buffalo Bill.
00:29:51.000
I mean, he was just a showman, but Low Dog was a real dude.
00:29:58.000
And eventually they amalgamated so many tribes they beat Custer.
00:30:08.000
But the problem is with motorcycle gangs, only the Hell's Angels have top to bottom hierarchy.
00:30:17.000
So if the top of the pagan says, we called a truce, they would just say, fuck you.
00:30:26.000
So say all the guys who do have top to bottom negotiated.
00:30:29.000
The Hell's Angels would just say, FTT, fuck the truce.
00:30:38.000
Joe Strummer gave me this, and he said, to Gavin, open your eyes, I said to the crowd, but no.
00:30:44.000
And this story, this made me laugh my head off, and it sums up being a father.
00:30:48.000
He realized he was in the part of whatever, East London, where this photo was taken.
00:30:55.000
And so he said to his kids and his wife, close your eyes, close your eyes.
00:30:59.000
And then he stood like that in the same alleyway.
00:31:04.000
And they opened his eyes and he goes, same place as the album.
00:31:12.000
The Ramones want to live my life, puke, be your boyfriend, sniff some glue, something to do, shock treatment.
00:31:17.000
They want to be sedated, have some chicks, get some cakes, the airwaves, steal from the rich and give to the poor, live.
00:31:26.000
And then just like the Makersbark thing, I love, We Love America.
00:31:32.000
Probably should have got it for free, considering I'm the only person in the world who wants it.
00:31:43.000
We put lights in it and we had the Mexicans do it.
00:31:49.000
Actually, the Mexicans did build a wall, really.
00:31:58.000
We're going to pay for it, but they're going to build it.
00:32:08.000
No bureaus, no printers that's all in the fag zone.
00:32:16.000
Italian great rock and roll swindle, the Sex Pistols tour, pretty much their only tour.
00:32:23.000
New York Post article about them selling all their stuff.
00:32:28.000
Now we have our ADT security, when you come in here, you push in the code 1864.
00:32:34.000
That disarms it and makes sure we do not get robbed.
00:32:44.000
You've seen what I see, I've seen what you see, and you see what we all see.
00:33:44.000
The green screen is really just the far end of the bar.
00:34:14.000
I was recently bitching about the Hay Does No Home here signs, which are mildly inconvenient, but no one can hold a candle to Roger Stone, who has had his life flushed down the fucking toilet.
00:34:42.000
Because the deadweight is basically the monarchy 200 years ago.
00:34:47.000
You don't fuck with them or you disappear, as we've learned from Hillary's various enemies.
00:34:54.000
And, you know, they tortured him so much, they bankrupted the guy.
00:34:58.000
His wife has terminal cancer now from the stress of it.
00:35:02.000
Devastated Roger Stone reveals his wife now has stage four lymphoma, which he blames on the stress of being smeared, framed, and gagged as he pleads with a judge for a 90-day stay over claims he dodged $2 million in taxes.
00:35:14.000
If you recall, the initial allegation against him was that he lied to the FBI and that thwarted an investigation.
00:35:23.000
The lie was, did you get an email from Julian Assange?
00:35:31.000
And for that, they just kept raking him over the coals.
00:35:40.000
Yeah, if you go to 1.6, now they're trying to say that because he's near Oath Keepers, then he planned the January 6th meandering.
00:35:53.000
This is Roger Stowe in the morning of January 6th, flanked by five to six members.
00:35:56.000
Yeah, don't you find it unusual that Roger Stowe needs to be constantly surrounded by Oath Keepers and Proud Boys?
00:36:04.000
Because people are constantly trying to kill him, to attack him.
00:36:08.000
He can't afford round-the-clock bodyguards, so patriots volunteer, and they tend to be proud boys and oath keepers.
00:36:38.000
It cannot be stated enough that Roger Stone's Stop the Steel campaign was intended for 2016 if Trump lost.
00:36:44.000
If Hillary had won, the capital attack would have simply happened in 2016.
00:36:55.000
And I've scrolled through these and it's just like dozens of people going, trust me, I know he did it.
00:37:09.000
So now they're like, they're saying about the Gen 6 meandering, oh, you guys said it was Antifa, and now you're claiming the FBI was involved.
00:37:17.000
Only a matter of time before the false flag theory took hold.
00:37:20.000
They tried the Antifa did it version first, but it had flaws that limited uptake.
00:37:23.000
This inside job version is a much better fit with the profiles of those involved and an effective twist on government inaction.
00:37:34.000
Meanwhile, everyone watching this show knows the truth.
00:37:42.000
There was at least five people in the front line who were Antifa-linked, who were smashing things.
00:37:49.000
The FBI definitely was, I shouldn't say definitely in case I get sued.
00:37:54.000
It is looking a hell of a lot like the FBI was involved in ginning up enthusiasm.
00:38:02.000
Remember those guys that were going to kidnap Gretchen Wilson?
00:38:04.000
And then we discover it was a bunch of feds saying, we should kidnap her, right, you guys?
00:38:09.000
And these sad, lost, frustrated young men who've been told they suck their whole lives and want revenge go, yeah, we should kidnap her.
00:38:23.000
So it's very likely that the same kind of entrapment was evidenced in January 6th.
00:38:30.000
And there was a lot of dummies who were pissed off that the election was stolen, which is a justified anger.
00:38:38.000
But they were so angry that at this rally that was meant to be peaceful, some of them broke some windows, meandered in there, wandered around, took goofball pictures.
00:38:49.000
Not violent, not scary, stole a podium, posed sitting at a desk, laughing.
00:39:00.000
It's possible that more than one group is responsible for this fucking melee.
00:39:04.000
And then, of course, number four, which might be linked to the FBI, the strange occurrence where there was cops going like this and almost no police presence that day.
00:39:13.000
That's a whole other thing implying that the DNC was somehow involved.
00:39:35.000
Goetz calls on FBI Director Ray to fully disclose the role FBI operatives played in investigating.
00:39:40.000
Like, imagine being such a simpleton that you go, first you said it was Antifa, now you're saying it's the FBI.
00:39:49.000
I've been framed a million times for this thing.
00:39:54.000
Someone sent me a video saying I hate Jews and I was there planning the insurrection.
00:40:00.000
I had the fucking dude, Alan Foyer from the New York Times, bragging that he has footage of me there and asking me if I think he's an idiot.
00:40:20.000
Speaking of real news, I saw this article where they identified a Chinese spy.
00:40:26.000
So I guess he defected from the Chinese establishment.
00:40:29.000
Maybe we shouldn't be talking about him in case he gets in even more shit from China.
00:40:35.000
You know, in North Korea, when you defect or do something wrong, they don't just like kick your brother in the nuts.
00:40:41.000
They punish your entire family and everyone remotely associated with them for generations back.
00:41:10.000
Exclusive from Red State, from a woman named Jennifer Van Lair, a qualified journalist who's doing hard work and getting answers.
00:41:20.000
Chinese defector's identity confirmed was top counterintelligence official.
00:41:34.000
Who has been working with the Defense Intelligence Agency for a few months and what his position within the Chinese military and government was, among other details.
00:41:42.000
Like when this, when I saw this, it was like seeing a mongoose.
00:41:49.000
I went, oh my God, someone is doing research and finding out important information about our enemies and then publishing it with no bias whatsoever and no bullshit.
00:42:00.000
Instead of looking like a babysitter, they look like a mother.
00:42:09.000
And then you see, you know, what most journalism is today, 1-3.
00:42:19.000
I was kicked off the Harry Potter ride for being too fat.
00:42:27.000
It's a combination of a real ride and a fake ride.
00:42:30.000
So you're in like four seats on a big arm and it goes like, travels through this thing and then this is you.
00:42:41.000
And then you see like a dragon and a thing explodes and you go underneath this thing and you're up over here.
00:42:48.000
But the way they plunge you into the video thing, it's, I was actually really worried about my eldest boy.
00:42:54.000
And I was like, am I permanently traumatizing him?
00:42:59.000
So as you're going like this, you don't want a fat pig on there breaking the arm.
00:43:06.000
But is she using this as an example of persecution?
00:43:10.000
Note how most female writers just, they have to do the first person thing and talk about themselves and how me, me, me, all they do is me search.
00:43:19.000
Not Jennifer, not the first chick, but this chick.
00:43:26.000
That first opening that had a brilliant summary of what they're doing.
00:43:38.000
It turns out Hogwarts absolutely condones this and so does the general public.
00:43:43.000
So we have the subhead three times and then some strange comma with a end a quote.
00:43:53.000
The spell in Harry Potter that causes an object enemy, blah, blah.
00:43:56.000
But like the fat lady, I am big and loud and demanding and I absolutely refuse to vanish.
00:44:00.000
So I did what any new Hogwarts student would do after being warned that she might be excluded.
00:44:04.000
I bounded into the line with my friends and we were soon dazzled by the intricate details of the Hogwarts School of Wizardry.
00:44:21.000
Walked over and asked us to step off because it's a safety issue.
00:44:30.000
Like, no one appreciates this non-box you made.
00:44:58.000
We rushed it through a door that looked like a backstage area.
00:45:02.000
20-something employee rattled off a spiel about safety, blah, blah, blah.
00:45:20.000
So remember last week there was that woman who live on air said, I'm going to be working with Project Veritas.
00:45:26.000
And this might be because that dude Morgan, the whistleblower from Facebook, he raised half a million dollars.
00:45:33.000
He texted me and said, What am I going to do now that I'm rich?
00:45:41.000
And then there was the woman who said, I was told I can't talk about Bitcoin because blacks don't like it.
00:45:46.000
And I don't know how much money she's going to raise or if she'll ever work again, who knows?
00:45:57.000
I'm meteorologist April Moss and happy Father's Day.
00:46:00.000
Today we saw temperatures above level again, topping out at 85 degrees at Metro Airport.
00:46:05.000
Plenty of sunshine today, but all good things must come to an end.
00:46:09.000
And that starts as early as tomorrow morning with showers moving in around 8 a.m.
00:46:14.000
And speaking of a brand new week, I will be sitting down this week with Project Veritas to discuss the discrimination that CBS is enforcing upon its employees.
00:46:27.000
Now, later Monday, we will see those showers continuing through late morning.
00:46:46.000
Speaking of whistleblowing, I don't know if this is really a good segue, but 1-5, this Trump impersonator is way better than Ryan, and this has been making the rounds.
00:46:59.000
We're talking about a left or to Sortell Boulevard.
00:47:13.000
If you reach Bernie Sanders, you've gone too far left, okay?
00:47:18.000
In three big, beautiful quarters of a mile, we're going to make a U-turn, okay?
00:47:22.000
We're going to make a U-turn, turn around, or as Jen Saki likes to say, we're going to circle back.
00:47:28.000
We're going to make the U-turn, the greatest U-turn the world has ever seen at Corpus Christi Drive.
00:47:33.000
And we're going to turn it around faster than the world has ever seen.
00:47:37.000
We're rerouting, or as I like to call it, lost, okay?
00:47:42.000
We're more lost than a liberal after reading the Constitution.
00:47:48.000
We're more lost than Sleepy Joe after leaving his basement.
00:47:56.000
In a quarter mile, you're going to make a list, okay?
00:48:15.000
Did you notice that the first boulevard was called Shortel or maybe Sortel?
00:48:24.000
The errant thread that unravels the whole sweater.
00:49:01.000
But yeah, David Shortel, that, like, I love little one-liners, little tiny errant threads that unravel the whole sweater.
00:49:10.000
Like, with Proud Boys, when people say the race of blah, blah, blah.
00:49:13.000
All you have to say is, like, explain to me the black Proud Boys and the gay Proud Boys.
00:49:19.000
Or explain to me why everyone knew that David Shortel, or David Shortel knew that the SWAT was coming to arrest Roger Stone.
00:49:31.000
And then they have to concede, they can't do what CNN did, which is say, he's just really good at stakeouts.
00:49:40.000
So once you concede that, you have to concede that law enforcement is in bed with the media to make a show.
00:49:48.000
And once you concede that, well, now everything's a show.
00:49:52.000
Like, did you need scuba guys at Roger Stone's house?
00:49:57.000
But you have to make him look like a villain so you can push this bullshit like the DA is saying, whatever his name is, Magger.
00:50:05.000
Where he's saying the number one threat to America's white supremacy.
00:50:08.000
So you have to have these silly games, these ridiculous fucking theatrics in order to justify your bullshit.
00:50:25.000
I don't think we should have to look at this the whole time.
00:50:30.000
Like that guy who was gambling and he's got his own show now, Robert and Cantor or something.
00:50:38.000
But it's like two guys in t-shirts on a mic and nothing else, no other video.
00:51:13.000
That's what it is, and that should be coming up.
00:51:21.000
As opposed to just someone sitting here talking, which you could hear on the radio.
00:51:28.000
And, you know, frankly, before we get into that, the weird thing to me about My Pet Biden.
00:51:37.000
It's a lot like the 80s cartoon My Pet Monster I've noticed.
00:51:47.000
So since you took that away, we'll just take it away.
00:52:14.000
When Putin, this is 1-7, when Putin went to meet Donald Trump, he was nervous.
00:52:21.000
He knew he was up against a worthy adversary, so he brought cue cards.
00:52:27.000
When Joe Biden went up to meet Putin, he was nervous.
00:52:32.000
He realized he was up against a worthy adversary, so he brought cue cards.
00:52:37.000
Just like I was saying with that errant thread with Chortel, cue cards tell you everything you need to know about where America was and where America's headed.
00:52:47.000
He's clutching them when he's talking to Trump.
00:52:57.000
And then we all know the flashcards that Biden...
00:53:02.000
Biden didn't just bring flashcards to talk to Putin.
00:53:08.000
That's how Mercedes Carrera writes me from prison.
00:53:19.000
And then I don't have to find you, Biden, with the cue cards, right?
00:53:22.000
Because he had cue cards for Putin, but he also has cue cards when he talks to the press.
00:53:26.000
And then there was that time last week where he goes, Naz per ush, I got a list they give me of what journalists I'm going to call out to.
00:53:45.000
Vox is not a place that gives the news, nor is Daily Beast or Huffington Post or Washington Post.
00:53:58.000
So Trump throws a fit when Caitlin Collins of CNN tries to ask him a question and abruptly ends the press conference.
00:54:05.000
And I'd love to see what led up to that, of them constantly berating him, insulting him, demanding answers, treating him like shit.
00:54:14.000
Then the same woman asks a similar question, but without the long lead-in of endless abuse, and Biden has a meltdown.
00:54:24.000
Vox's response, it would have served Biden better not to lose his temper with Caitlin Collins, then puts a period there for some reason.
00:54:32.000
But the problem with her question is she put words in Biden's mouth that he didn't say.
00:54:37.000
Biden never expressed confidence that Putin would change his behavior.
00:54:43.000
This is like CNN saying, asking Jen Saki, what do we do wrong as the media?
00:54:51.000
Boy, Brian Stettler, the Turgid Tattletale, has been, I don't have this in the notes, but he has been abused this week.
00:54:59.000
If you like him, you must, even as one of his enemies, I fucking hate the guy, but even I am going.
00:55:06.000
Like he was on C-SPAN, and it was just an endless list of callers.
00:55:10.000
He's sitting there in his fucking underwear and his red socks.
00:55:13.000
Remember, he's fucked his wife once and made a baby, so her pussy is as tight as a dime.
00:55:20.000
And it's just endless callers calling in, berating him about what a piece of shit he is and how much CNN sucks.
00:55:36.000
He made the statement just a few minutes ago that he is all the stories are always evolving.
00:55:53.000
Yes, I was just wondering if you still feel like Michael Avenatti is the greatest thing in the world and should run for president of the United States.
00:56:03.000
And my suggestion is whatever CNN says, do the opposite and you'll be fine.
00:56:38.000
The New Yorker covers are supposed to mean what now?
00:56:58.000
I want this thing to be like InfoWars, like have a globe.
00:57:13.000
But yeah, show is a gay bumper and let's talk about the gays.
00:57:21.000
Like every city hall in New York, all over Westchester, South Bronx, they have two polls.
00:57:30.000
It's Juneteenth, which I actually am pretty cool with Juneteenth.
00:57:36.000
The last slave was, I think, emancipated like November 12th.
00:57:49.000
We can get into how many white slaves there were.
00:57:54.000
I wouldn't hate a thank you for losing 620,000 men, ending slavery in America, but I'm not going to hold my breath.
00:58:12.000
It's not Breonna Taylor who's living with a drug dealer and he got her shot up.
00:58:17.000
It's not George Floyd who OD'd and was resisting arrest.
00:58:20.000
It's not Black Lives Matter, which is a Marxist group that wants to dismantle the patriarchy and destroy the nuclear family and end capitalism.
00:58:33.000
It's not the Tulsa, Oklahoma race riot that's called a massacre now, which is apparently supposed to lead to reparations.
00:58:49.000
And if you dare fuck with any of these flags, you're dead.
00:59:03.000
You don't want to see a closed up picture of my animals.
00:59:14.000
You can't prove that this was done on purpose, by the way.
00:59:33.000
Do you think that they would be happy with capital punishment if he was to die in the electric chair?
00:59:48.000
I don't want the head of the LGBT to suffer in the electric chair.
01:00:04.000
In two years, we'll be arrested for laughing at you.
01:00:16.000
I was laughing at because I was picturing him dying.
01:00:19.000
I have the Joker thing where I laugh and weird.
01:00:24.000
It's going to make me seem very non-rednecked, but how do you do that?
01:00:31.000
I think I'm retarded, but I'm guessing that a combination of the brake and gas.
01:00:36.000
Or maybe you put on the handbrake and then slam it down so the wheels are spinning, but it has nowhere to go.
01:00:53.000
That just, remember this was the, reminds me of the guy who got 15 years for burning the flag.
01:01:05.000
And we're not talking about how to spin the tires and take off.
01:01:10.000
It's when you're trying to sit here spinning the tires or to move very slowly while your feet might work better, you know, this way or this way.
01:01:21.000
Or for me, I've got kind of fat feet, so I roll my ankle.
01:01:44.000
I'm going to start mixing the throttle till I get up to 3,000 or 4,000 RPM, and I'm going to dump the clutch.
01:01:51.000
And what you'll see is I'm going to hold the brake pedal and the throttle with my right foot.
01:02:03.000
So you can only do it on a manual transmission, I guess, and you hold the brake down and then hit the gas with the other part of your foot.
01:02:21.000
We've already talked about this, but it just amazes me.
01:02:25.000
And the thing I don't get, too, about Enrique is he admitted to taking down the Black Lives Matter flag and burning it.
01:02:34.000
Which I think Prowboys did again this weekend in Portland.
01:02:38.000
I hate Black Lives Matter too, but that's really, really bad optics.
01:02:48.000
I think his problem was that he was really adamant about how he did it on purpose.
01:03:06.000
I'm sending them all to myself as we speak, but not at the moment.
01:03:14.000
There was a big rally, I think, in Oregon City.
01:03:29.000
Like, if there was a pedophile convention, I would care because I'd think, let's go beat them up.
01:03:36.000
But if there was a We Hate America private rally at a hotel with a bunch of talks, can you imagine giving a shit?
01:03:43.000
Can you imagine getting in your car and being like, I don't want these people talking about how much they hate America?
01:03:50.000
I mean, if they're terrorists, maybe you might find some bad guys there.
01:03:56.000
Yet Antifa was outraged that these people were, look at this, fuck Proud Boys, fuck Nazis, fuck your flag.
01:04:03.000
Which is actually good optics for Proud Boys because it implies that if you hate them, you hate America.
01:04:11.000
Anti-fascists are mobilizing against the Proud Boys and other far-right neo-fascist groups this Friday in Oregon City outside of Portland.
01:04:19.000
Violent white nationalists have moved their weekly flag wave to Clackamette Park.
01:04:40.000
I don't actually have footage of the fights, but you get the idea.
01:04:53.000
I want to talk about this video, this new Dharman dude.
01:05:00.000
So let's do now the beauty of the new studio is we can do green screens live.
01:05:26.000
He does those terrible videos where there's like an orphan at an orphanage and he's crippled and he's going to the fridge and the owner of the orphanage for some reason is like, oh, don't mind him.
01:05:41.000
And then the black woman, because the kid's white, goes, actually, we do.
01:05:48.000
And then Darman gets off with his weird little faux hawk and says, don't be mean to crippled people.
01:05:55.000
You might be talking to another crippled person.
01:05:57.000
It's super low IQ garbage that gets millions of views.
01:06:00.000
And we've been battering it on this show for many years.
01:06:03.000
But there's a new kid in town, Louis Markado, who is so much stupider than Dar Man, which we didn't think was possible, that he's making high quality comedy.
01:06:24.000
And now he saw Darman as doing well, who's doing the exact same thing.
01:06:29.000
So this particular video is about the Asian hate crimes.
01:06:32.000
And we know what's going on with Asian hate crimes.
01:06:35.000
Blacks tend to be disproportionately represented in crime.
01:06:46.000
So this is a very typical Asian hate crime, right?
01:06:51.000
It's just a fatherless thug piece of shit attempting to murder.
01:07:02.000
I don't know why they're not treated like attempted murder.
01:07:08.000
There should be another one right after that, right?
01:07:18.000
Like, this is what annoys me about the media is they want there to be some sort of a thought process behind it.
01:07:28.000
It's based on people mad that they're not wearing masks.
01:07:42.000
Not just, actually, it's fairly old news by now.
01:07:45.000
But he wants, this is, he sort of represents what America wants to be going on and Canada too.
01:07:55.000
They want it to be a white supremacist, maybe some other black asshole, but if it's a black guy, he's with a white guy who's sort of leading the charge.
01:08:08.000
And they shouldn't because not all Asians are responsible for the pandemic.
01:08:14.000
Nobody sees an Asian on the street and goes, thanks a lot, dick.
01:08:18.000
If anything, when you see a Chinese person on the street, you go, hey man, congratulations on getting out of that shithole.
01:08:26.000
Anyway, check out not just Louis Markado's take, but what most people's take is, and mostly women, I would argue, the sort of sanitized version of what's really going on.
01:08:58.000
You'll notice, by the way, when he hit him with the cake, stop, he lowered him down because the actor was worried about the other actor.
01:09:03.000
These are all cheap ass extras that probably get $100 a day.
01:09:12.000
So these Filipinos are getting, or he's about to propose, and a bunch of racists show up and get in the way.
01:09:22.000
This is so sanitized, and these people have such a great attitude that the inadvertent message of this video is that Asians like being attacked and you should probably attack them more.
01:09:59.000
I'm so glad that we're finally done with medical school.
01:10:13.000
So she can still, if he fucks her all night, she can still sleep in the next morning.
01:10:25.000
I guess I could squeeze out one extra night for you.
01:10:39.000
So someone who's 31 is proud that they have the body of a 28-year-old.
01:10:45.000
Now, a lot of this will seem like a parody of Dharman.
01:10:56.000
Things are so fucking ridiculous that it doesn't matter if it's a joke anymore because it makes you laugh.
01:11:05.000
Look at Josh Denny's retarded stepbrother there.
01:11:08.000
Look at these guys over here sitting like they own the place.
01:11:15.000
These are the guys that bring those diseases and stuff, man.
01:11:19.000
So when you see blacks shoving a 70-year-old Asian man in a mask, he's mad at him because he brings diseases.
01:11:30.000
We've been through some of the worst times and some of the best times.
01:11:47.000
It sounds like it's his first language, actually.
01:11:59.000
The only person that was down on anyone's neck is facing 20 years in prison for it and turned the fentanyl victim into a saint.
01:12:10.000
We loved each other more than I could ever have thought possible.
01:12:14.000
Now that we're both doctors, I promise you there's going to be better days ahead of us.
01:12:23.000
You know, when my dad passed away early this year, things just weren't the same.
01:12:31.000
I'll never forget what my dad told me when he was lying on his deathbed.
01:12:35.000
He said, Keith, the key to happiness is to find someone you love and hold on to them.
01:12:43.000
Usually they just say, wait, which one are you?
01:12:55.000
Will you make me the happiest man on earth, Dan?
01:13:03.000
This actor knew a football was going to hit him in the head, which I assume is very painful.
01:13:11.000
This is why it's good to have people on the spectrum in your videos because they have no emotions and they can turn off all buttons like robots.
01:13:33.000
Those are the two most successful Asians in the world.
01:13:45.000
And then you have Jackie Chan, who I think might be gay, but they don't know that.
01:13:49.000
The most successful action movie star in history.
01:13:53.000
As far as his career goes, I mean, it's been, what, three decades of nonstop hits?
01:14:01.000
Later on, they switched to food insults, which I think are much more effective.
01:14:09.000
You don't call people successful people as an insult.
01:14:24.000
To be clear here, the racist's name, and judging by their accents, we're up in the northeast.
01:14:37.000
Like, this guy Lewis does not know what 8x7 is.
01:14:53.000
My grandma died six months ago because you and your family brought all these diseases over to this country.
01:15:07.000
First of all, they do eat rats and bats and monkeys.
01:15:32.000
I think he just said that because he wanted to make them look stupid.
01:15:34.000
By the way, you look really stupid when you can't spell Chinese.
01:15:40.000
But he's if he took like a Korean girl and a half Japanese guy and made them both Filipino to make those people look ignorant, aren't you the ignorant one?
01:15:52.000
If you're just moving the races around like they don't matter?
01:16:04.000
And you guys are being extremely rude, interrupting us on our anniversary date.
01:16:22.000
We're more than 50 feet away from anybody else.
01:16:25.000
Yeah, why don't you just mind your own business?
01:16:43.000
So they're in a tense situation where someone just whipped a ball at their head.
01:16:48.000
If someone whips a ball at your head and they don't have a gun, you should fight them.
01:16:52.000
You might lose two-on-one, but you have to live with yourself.
01:16:56.000
So that's, at the very least, your heart is pounding.
01:17:00.000
They're sitting on their asses, confronted by two people who want to do them both harm.
01:17:05.000
And now they're distracted by his proposal and are chatting about possibly getting married.
01:17:33.000
Yeah, they're like bad guys from Ed, Ed, and Eddie.
01:17:36.000
And the way he eats his cake, like, no one eats a cake like that.
01:17:43.000
All right, well, let's all celebrate then, huh?
01:18:14.000
You're trying to make this guy look magnanimous, but what you ended up doing was making him into a complete pussy.
01:18:20.000
And the message of this video becomes Asians are fine with abuse.
01:18:27.000
When someone fucks with you, takes your cake, ruins your proposal, you're just supposed to say, we're out of here, guys.
01:19:14.000
And they ran in different directions, which is...
01:19:17.000
That's something we advise separately on the show.
01:19:19.000
If you are running from police, don't run in the same direction.
01:19:23.000
You want to split up and confuse them as much as possible.
01:19:36.000
And look at how he has no problem with being totally humiliated like that in front of his girl, who I assume doesn't want to marry him anymore.
01:19:46.000
Those jerks are going to pay for what they did.
01:20:10.000
Yeah, that's what we're asking watching this shitty video.
01:20:15.000
How do you have such a good attitude after this?
01:20:18.000
I want to hurt them so bad for what they did to my fiancé.
01:20:29.000
I think they ran away because they saw me coming back.
01:20:44.000
What was that you were saying before we were so rudely interrupted?
01:20:49.000
You want me to propose a little cake on my face?
01:21:02.000
I don't know if you could fit more cake on the face.
01:21:04.000
I mean, I might be able to squeeze some on your part of your right cheek, maybe?
01:21:08.000
But like, you were lowered to the ground and the man really smushed it on.
01:21:20.000
Well, in that case, Eliana, will you make me the happiest man on earth and be my wife?
01:21:43.000
By the way, these guys got eight years in prison.
01:21:51.000
So ideally, that guy knocks them both out and everything's over.
01:21:57.000
Even if he fights them a little bit and they beat him up, that's still pretty good because they've learned not to fuck with people.
01:22:04.000
If I was a judge and it ended up in court, I think I'd be pretty mad that this made it all the way to court.
01:22:08.000
But I'd probably go like, all right, we got to keep things moving here.
01:22:11.000
40 hours community service, eight years in prison for being a dick with a cake?
01:22:20.000
I believe he said twice, it's just a little cake.
01:22:30.000
This is like that guy who got 15 years for fucking burning a rainbow flag.
01:22:47.000
They got married and opened up their own doctor practice.
01:23:12.000
It seems like there's been an outbreak in Asian hate crimes in our communities lately.
01:23:17.000
Nothing pains my heart more than watching an elderly Asian person being attacked for simply being Asian.
01:23:24.000
Nothing pains his heart more than seeing an old Asian attack for simply for being Asian.
01:23:51.000
Let them know that that kind of behavior, it's not even kind of okay to joke around about.
01:23:59.000
If I'm ever around someone and they make a racist joke, I'm going to send them to prison for eight years.
01:24:23.000
Yeah, that guy is so bad that we, for a moment here in the studio, we thought that we were dealing with the funniest person alive.
01:24:32.000
For example, he has a video where one of the actors says shit and he bleeps it, but you can still hear the word shit.
01:24:44.000
So you go, okay, this is a piss tick on Darman.
01:24:50.000
look at his Instagram because I had my doubts too.
01:24:58.000
Like, click on his name so we see all his shit.
01:25:08.000
That's another self-help guy in the top right you just clicked on.
01:25:39.000
And there it is with Chris Hansen to catch a predator.
01:26:03.000
Which, I mean, it's wrong to cheat on your wife.
01:26:07.000
But to set up someone with some hot chicken lingerie, you're not really helping.
01:26:20.000
Wife, desperate for a divorce, sets up her husband to cheat on her with a female underwear model outside his office in California.
01:26:29.000
Oh, I think in this story he tells her to fuck off.
01:26:43.000
So you can't look at Daily Mail with an ad blocker?
01:26:56.000
Do you have any like good places to eat like for young people?
01:27:08.000
They're going to be dishing me and I'm going to be all alone.
01:27:11.000
Like, do you want to exchange numbers or something?
01:27:16.000
I mean, we could just like grab each other's Facebook, give me your number, and then we'll meet up this weekend and it'll be great.
01:27:34.000
If a woman hit on me like that, I would smell a rat pretty fucking fast.
01:27:57.000
Maybe, like, they just, they say, they send him out and they say, go get this footage.
01:28:02.000
And then he brings it back and they know it's garbage and they know it's fake, but, or they don't care if it's fake.
01:28:06.000
They're just like, all right, this will play on the show.
01:28:28.000
Like, I used to think you're a fuck-up, but now I think you're just, like, bad.
01:28:36.000
If I found out that you worked for, I don't know, Antifa, I would say Touche.
01:28:49.000
Okay, now that you've planted that seed, I can't get it out of my head.
01:28:59.000
But I'm sure that's nothing you can't handle, right?
01:29:05.000
Speaking of human shit, how's that fat heifer of a...
01:29:15.000
This is when we go, this guy's just the best guy in the world.
01:29:24.000
Speaking of human shit, how's that fat heifer of a wine reviewer's door?
01:29:38.000
I'm so sick of people calling black kids nerds.
01:29:45.000
Is that like from Walmart and they forgot to take the size large off?
01:30:07.000
I'm so sick of small, diminutive, effeminate white bullies picking on huge black kids.
01:30:12.000
This is us imagining if the races were reversed, and it doesn't work.
01:31:10.000
Hey, Gavin, thanks for bringing up the hot professor lecture on your show.
01:31:14.000
Look at another example of these stupid little interconnected webs all justifying themselves in media, aka a circle jerk.
01:31:21.000
I remember hearing Miriam Dictionary changing the definition of racism, and so I was just going through words and found this.
01:31:28.000
Look at the example sentences they use for the word essentialism, which, by the way, you learn these words in college that are not words.
01:31:39.000
And Brian, for tomorrow's episode, I want a lot more than the bookshelf going on.
01:31:44.000
Like, for example, if we're doing LGBT or Antifa, I want like an Antifa montage going on in the background.
01:32:02.000
Just like intersectionality, you're going into debt to learn words that no one in real life uses, and you're going to look like an asshole when you bring them up in public.
01:32:10.000
What out of this proposal would you say are examples of essentialism?
01:32:24.000
The view that all children should be taught on traditional and ideas and methods regarding essential prevalent culture.
01:32:41.000
Because in the thing he sent me, I didn't include the picture.
01:32:44.000
It was from the same stupid leftist writer using the word essentialism.
01:32:57.000
They used two sentences from the same writer writing with the same thing.
01:33:00.000
In all of the internets, Miriam couldn't find one other use of this word by anyone.
01:33:42.000
But I have a screen grab of both of them being Cecilia.
01:33:47.000
To undo the racial essentialism of D ⁇ D would drastically alter the character of the game.
01:33:57.000
So then he goes into a rabbit hole of this Cecilia Denastasia chick.
01:34:01.000
She's a SJW gamer who writes about feminism and political correctness and how important it is in gaming and how all gamers are white supremacists.
01:34:12.000
And she has this strange, you know how we talk about the sprinkles with comedy?
01:34:29.000
How Roblox became a playground for virtual fascists.
01:34:33.000
But look her up in Google Images, and you're going to have weird feelings in your loins.
01:34:44.000
Hot chicks who aren't attractive, that's kind of a boring subject.
01:34:50.000
But I find unattractive chicks who are attractive to be a fascinating subject.
01:34:54.000
Because you're like, what is it about her weird schnaz?
01:35:01.000
Like, there's just something happening Egyptian looking?
01:35:14.000
Look at that one where she's on the couch with her feet.
01:35:33.000
She's like, like Oscar Wilde said, pretty is pretty, but only ugly can be beautiful.
01:35:48.000
Kind of reminds me of Jordan Peterson's daughter.
01:35:52.000
Yeah, she's got a strong nose, but it doesn't take away from her base.
01:36:02.000
All right, so now the way we do the mailbag is I send you the subject headers and blue flag them, and I don't have my computer on my desk anymore.
01:36:14.000
Don't tell me you don't have access to the mail, or I will fucking kill you.
01:36:28.000
I would have not even killed you, but slowly, like North Korea, slowly murdered the people around you until you committed suicide.
01:36:48.000
Okay, so how do I show this without docks in this neckro?
01:37:04.000
Seems to think that probably he's probably Norwegian himself, and he thinks this guy is the Norwegian John Blue.
01:37:15.000
Whatever gets the letter onto the fucking show as soon as possible.
01:37:25.000
Whatever, I mean, whatever gets it on faster, and that was going to be the fastest way.
01:37:30.000
So you abandon your initial idea to get it on faster.
01:37:50.000
Sup guys, I don't know what it is about tall, lanky guys who look like they're made of rubber, but I always crack up from them.
01:37:54.000
Case in point, this Norwegian guy who I think has the sprinkles in the same way that John Belushi has them.
01:38:02.000
He could be giving a funeral eulogy and I would be cracking up at his stupid face.
01:39:16.000
Thank you for turning us on to that comedy genius.
01:39:24.000
Gav, you probably have already seen this just happened over the weekend.
01:39:41.000
And, you know, I'm sure people would say, well, this is how trashy people act.
01:39:45.000
No, there's no trashy white rednecks humping an ambulance as someone is being wheeled in.
01:39:53.000
And then mock fucking someone who's twerking and then filming it.
01:40:00.000
Is he even filming it or is he just looking at his phone?
01:40:19.000
They'll always show you the Montreal riots at the Guns N' Roses concert, too.
01:40:33.000
Not one of our cameras catches my TV screen that's on my desk.
01:42:12.000
I grew up in Glasgow and had plenty of opportunity to act like that around cops.
01:42:19.000
Act sensibly and it'll turn out the best for you.
01:42:31.000
Useless tiny female cop doing absolutely fuck all.
01:42:34.000
Totally compliant and not aggressive black suspect.
01:42:38.000
An ultra-woke rich kid for Vancouver with nothing to be angry about.
01:42:43.000
My question to you is: when do you think this bubble will burst?
01:42:46.000
This young black guy in Vancouver has clearly been radicalised by all the excitement in America and will hopefully get a rude awakening.
01:42:51.000
As for the pink shirt loser, cocking back his tiny little noodle arm threatening to punch a cop, hilarious, when his phone gets launched 30 feet away.
01:43:01.000
It's truly an escape to normal life like you said in a previous show.
01:43:04.000
Listening to you and Kamehi at bullshit and there's a breath of fresh air.
01:44:28.000
He should be like, if every time you don't back up, I'm going to hit this guy in his head.
01:44:37.000
Now you can make the other people do what you want.
01:44:53.000
The kid really does care about the kid more than his phone.
01:45:02.000
Vancouver's really gone off the deep end, by the way.
01:45:06.000
It's as bad as Portland and Berkeley as far as the general mentality goes.
01:45:22.000
That was like the woman who protested on the plane until the immigrant, illegal immigrant, was released.
01:46:22.000
He thinks because he's a lifeguard he can help out.
01:46:46.000
You don't wait for any of these people to become sane.
01:46:55.000
He started arresting turnsaw jumpers and all the bullshit stopped overnight.
01:47:11.000
Pretty good show, I would say, for a brand new studio.
01:47:17.000
Gavin Orion, here's another great example of how women writers use their work.
01:47:28.000
Here's what you should do now by Annie Nova at CNBC.
01:47:35.000
So they have a bunch of subheads there, like Daily Mail.
01:47:42.000
The other day, I did something I haven't done in over a year.
01:47:45.000
I signed into my student loan account, or at least that's what I tried to do.
01:47:49.000
Turns out I'd forgotten my password and couldn't get in.
01:47:53.000
Instead of going through the steps to change it, I closed the browser and went back into denial.
01:47:58.000
Come this fall, like, does she think that's a fun way to introduce a story?
01:48:06.000
If you're some famous person that doesn't usually write, then yeah.
01:48:09.000
Have an opening paragraph that says, when I finished filming my latest movie, I got into my car and I couldn't find my keys.
01:48:44.000
You can just do a find if you apropos of nothing.
01:48:49.000
I want to express my deepest gratitude to show yourself when you're talking, please.
01:49:02.000
I want to express my deepest gratitude to Gavin and by extension censored TV.
01:49:06.000
Gavin has been a shepherd through some of the most illogical years and has very, very positively influenced my psyche.
01:49:16.000
The face recognition can't zoom in on you because you have a mop on your head.
01:49:31.000
It's like what a lonely old woman has on her lap in her final Twilight years.
01:49:44.000
It spreads it out to make it like crazy on the sides, too.
01:49:54.000
All right, so you've influenced this guy's psyche and his consciousness.
01:50:03.000
I want to express my deepest gratitude to Gavin and by extension.
01:50:26.000
Apropos of nothing, I want to express my deepest gratitude to Gavin and by extensioncensor.tv.
01:50:34.000
Gavin has been a shepherd through some of the most illogical years and has very positively influenced my psyche and consciousness.
01:50:47.000
That's what I like to hear, and that's really the purpose of this show: not to blow your mind with radical concepts, but to blow your mind with common sense.
01:50:56.000
It's mind-blowing to be a reasonable person in 2021.
01:51:18.000
I hate seeing a fist fight where they stomp on the head at the end.
01:51:24.000
Please, if you knock someone out, just make sure they don't get run over and walk away.
01:51:57.000
Run up there and get his license plate for your insurance.
01:52:10.000
We'll be here from now on until we move down south.
01:52:16.000
We'll be ironing out the kinks as we move forward, and it'll be getting better and better and much more exciting.
01:52:21.000
But yes, Censored.tv and Get Off My Lawn are a place to relax, a place where clown world has no power over us.
01:52:30.000
We can make fun of people who act like retards.
01:52:33.000
If black people do something wrong, if they behave badly, we can call it out, just like we call it out with other race.
01:52:46.000
We don't care what you do with your private time.
01:52:54.000
We want everyone to have a gun, including black people in the hood.
01:52:59.000
They need fair gun laws more than anyone, as Maj Touré will point out.
01:53:09.000
But more importantly, we want the family to return as the backbone of America.
01:53:17.000
If you're an atheist or you're non-Christian, at least respect that, that this is a Christian nation and it was built on Christianity.
01:53:28.000
We have to revere the family, the housewife, and the entrepreneur.
01:53:32.000
You know, there's not enough stories in school about entrepreneurs, I guess, because they tend to be white males and that's taboo in this day and age.
01:53:39.000
Well, we're not racist, so we don't care what race someone is when we're praising them and what race someone is when we're criticizing them.
01:53:46.000
If you want to form a pattern, then form your own fucking pattern.
01:53:49.000
We're about meritocracy and truth here at censored.tv.
01:53:56.000
And also, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.