S04E11 - ADVANCED PHYSICS FOR RETARDS
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 41 minutes
Words per Minute
159.59605
Hate Speech Sentences
119
Summary
This week, the boys talk about the first time they met each other in a club, Dejeep cringe-cringe's new music, and how to pick up a girl who's not interested in you. Also, we talk about a woman who's going to write a book because she's stoned, and why video games suck.
Transcript
00:01:16.000
Imagine how gay, not homo, but lame you'd feel in a club dancing to that.
00:01:23.000
Dude, if that's your trick, though, and that song comes on, but oh, that's sad, actually.
00:01:29.000
You're like, hey guys, guys, guys, guys, you're on the dance floor like this.
00:01:48.000
Like, you look at his videos and you think, you're probably the coolest guy in India, and I feel deep embarrassment for you.
00:02:05.000
When you see that, and you just sort of go, haw.
00:02:11.000
I was going to do this song that a reader sent in.
00:02:16.000
We've got to come up with a better name, viewer.
00:02:20.000
I've seen this before, but I almost chose it as a song.
00:02:26.000
He's a great poet, which is hard to say because poetry is gay, but this ends up being lyrics to a song.
00:02:33.000
And he shit on some girl who was going to have a book because he was stoned.
00:02:40.000
I really hope that you find happiness in the book you write's magnificent.
00:02:45.000
And I won't help but stare at every word that would burn holes in many mattresses.
00:02:50.000
After I place it down, read and fold that lovely little book titled I told you.
00:03:14.000
Think about the dumb words I said when I was a bitch.
00:03:19.000
He's not as good as that black girl who got up there and said, there's no justice, just does.
00:03:37.000
This is like a guy who's great at writing lyrics.
00:04:20.000
This kind of shit renews my faith in young men.
00:04:26.000
Because I'm worried you're not out there courting ladies.
00:04:30.000
Guys always say, like, how do you pick up a chick?
00:04:43.000
Say, I know this is super lame and it comes from the 1920s, but I just can't stop thinking about you here.
00:04:56.000
We were in class in college and our elbows were touching.
00:05:01.000
And I told her that that might have meant nothing to you, but I just milked everything I could out of that one little piece of contact.
00:05:07.000
I left my brain and I went inside my body and I crawled down to that little elbow part where we were both touching and I put 100% of me in that little dime-sized dot.
00:05:19.000
And I got us to be together for that one moment.
00:05:33.000
I was looking up that band yesterday, too, The Week Modern Baseball, because that guy was so romantic.
00:05:40.000
And all those songs are about, like, I can't believe I'm walking away.
00:05:43.000
Something so great we had one day and still we want to get back together and do.
00:05:50.000
I mean, I'm old, so I get that it's juvenile, but I still love to see, I don't know, young people trying.
00:05:59.000
Like I worked so hard to, you know, live every moment.
00:06:04.000
And then I pass the torch to the next generation and they go, no, thanks, and let it fall on the floor.
00:06:08.000
Then it starts a brush fire because there's so much dead grass.
00:06:33.000
I think that's his actual girlfriend, too, which is cool.
00:06:41.000
And I got kind of scared because I saw the word they.
00:06:47.000
But it's possible he's changed his fucking pronouns.
00:06:53.000
Doesn't that break your heart in two when you see a romantic heterosexual?
00:07:11.000
In January 2017, Brendan Lucens, that's the guy we just saw, the singer, released a statement saying they would not be joining the band.
00:07:25.000
Are the kids today so fucked up and PC that normal straight men just use they-them?
00:07:32.000
It's very confusing, young people, when you change pronouns that they, them would not be joining the band on the European tour.
00:07:40.000
Instead, they want to stay at home and focus on their mental and physical well-being.
00:08:02.000
You worry about guys like that when they're so romantic.
00:08:04.000
They're usually troubled if they're able to make such great songs that they have breakdowns.
00:08:11.000
By the way, speaking of snapping, I want to replay the intro to yesterday's show because it was one of the worst fuck-ups that Ryan's ever done.
00:08:19.000
Getting a motorcycle into the studio is not easy.
00:08:27.000
So you want it to be a grand entrance, despite the khakis and sockless Chuck Taylors.
00:08:34.000
But with all that pressure, Ryan dropped the ball through the floor.
00:08:38.000
He dropped a bowling ball through a glass floor.
00:09:19.000
I told you that it's fine to show the license plate.
00:09:21.000
I would have covered it up if it was a problem.
00:09:50.000
Getting someone's information from their license plate is fucking impossible.
00:09:54.000
You need to find a corrupt cop who's willing to risk his entire pension, and even then you got to pay him like $200 to $500.
00:10:05.000
Our Thursday regular is here, Mr. No, it's not.
00:10:22.000
Look at how my shirt matches the background perfectly.
00:10:30.000
So what do you think of that pathetic intro where you ruined everything?
00:10:36.000
And you were supposed to play the video of the fucking...
00:10:39.000
Like, I asked you to come in early, and then 10 minutes before, you're checking Maddie's mic, which was also a catastrophe.
00:11:00.000
So the other people could hear it perfectly, but that one guy couldn't hear it.
00:11:06.000
But the numbers are, we had about 12 calls to one call complaining about Maddie.
00:11:12.000
And then people talking directly to him and talking back to him.
00:11:14.000
No, this isn't like a fruit compote where most people enjoyed the dessert, but one person didn't like it.
00:11:19.000
The other people suffered through the shitty audio.
00:11:21.000
And we know that the audio is shitty because one person pointed it out.
00:11:35.000
Well, I read the comments sometimes, and then you'll always get one guy saying something, and then somebody's like, what are you talking about?
00:11:41.000
There's just, there's always, there's never definitely, that's why it can't really be trusted as a...
00:11:50.000
But when someone says they can barely hear Maddie, they can barely hear Mattie.
00:11:54.000
But your problem is you don't learn because you block information from your tiny fucking brain.
00:12:02.000
So you hear something and you go, well, just one person said that.
00:12:21.000
And so there's no messing around with the levels.
00:12:27.000
But then afterwards, when he couldn't hear us at all, the callers couldn't hear us at all.
00:12:31.000
We had to just restart Skype, and then that worked.
00:12:33.000
But he was hearing you, so therefore he should have been hearing Maddie.
00:12:37.000
Was he talking about right before that call or while he was on the line when he was hearing Maddie?
00:12:42.000
See, now you're slightly curious because I'm raking you over the coals.
00:12:45.000
Now you're looking into it, but formerly you just blocked it out.
00:12:48.000
And the reason I'm bringing that up on the show is because this is how people stay dumb.
00:12:53.000
I told you that story 100 times about Derek Beckos when we were trying to figure out how Bob Geldof is rich, and he said it's because he's a sur and the queen gives all the surs a certain stipend, which didn't make sense.
00:13:02.000
And then we looked it up and discovered that Bob Geldof got in on the ground floor of reality TV and big brother type shows, like even the real world.
00:13:11.000
He somehow, I don't know, copyrighted that or worked with media companies, whatever.
00:13:15.000
And then when Derek found that out, instead of going, oh, that's why he's rich, he goes, yeah, no, still because he's a sir.
00:13:22.000
So they have like a force field where information can't get in.
00:13:30.000
You have to take in information, take in criticism, and write down on like a chalkboard.
00:13:36.000
People can't hear Maddie on the Thursday night shows.
00:13:38.000
That's your to-do list now when there's like a lull in work.
00:13:55.000
I figure if I have four TVs, we could do a green screen from here, but let's try it out first.
00:14:00.000
Now, a viewer sent in the worst Dharman video ever made.
00:14:08.000
And let's try doing a green screen here with Camera 2.
00:14:19.000
There's a lot of, like the dummies and the assholes are usually white males on this show.
00:14:30.000
If you did this with any other group, if every video he had was an Asian female being a cunt, you'd go, oh, the anti-Asian woman fund is obviously donating to this guy so he can make Asian women look bad.
00:14:46.000
But that's what I think is going on with these white males.
00:14:50.000
This would be better on a green screen already.
00:15:17.000
Remember that this guy is so retarded that he can't even in his head go 13B.
00:15:26.000
That's sort of like us if there was this complex Rubrik's cube code for everything, every chair, every aisle seat, row, and you'd go like, okay, blue on top, green on the side.
00:15:38.000
Okay, no, two greens and a yellow and a blue on the, okay.
00:15:49.000
I want you to remember that because it comes up later.
00:15:51.000
Secondly, if you see someone with Down syndrome getting on your flight and you go, oh, God, that implies this has happened before.
00:16:00.000
Now, liberals have aborted these people literally to death.
00:16:04.000
So how did you get the chance to be jaded by retards?
00:16:11.000
You see like one a month if you're a world traveler who's out looking at people all day.
00:16:20.000
I don't know when I last saw someone with Down syndrome.
00:16:57.000
There'd always be one dad who was just like lobster arms.
00:17:09.000
Now, if you saw someone like that, you'd go, what the fuck?
00:17:18.000
So this guy's jaded with the person with Down syndrome.
00:17:20.000
That doesn't make sense because you don't see them.
00:17:22.000
But also, say you did hate all people with Down syndrome.
00:17:25.000
You're a fucking freak, weirdo asshole that represents one in a fucking million.
00:17:41.000
He doesn't want to lose his job, his everything, his family.
00:17:44.000
His wife would divorce him because this would go viral.
00:18:03.000
You're rubbing up all against, all up against me?
00:18:06.000
That's not how old white guys with white hair talk.
00:18:09.000
Did you just get your hair and your nails did, too?
00:18:16.000
Should I talk to the hand because you ain't got no man?
00:18:26.000
Nick DiPaulo is taking testosterone, but he got the needles wrong and he's been injecting estrogen.
00:18:38.000
Excuse me, excuse me, you're rubbing all up against me.
00:19:04.000
I don't know why they make the deal so complicated.
00:19:15.000
Coming from an Italian fag, you guys are like maybe one point higher than that on the IQ scale.
00:19:28.000
No adult male has ever Said to a special needs person that they're not smart.
00:19:34.000
If you do say that to someone, then you're special needs.
00:19:39.000
No one with an IQ over 82 has ever gone, oh God, hey, you with Down syndrome, you're not very smart, are you?
00:20:24.000
Didn't we theorize that he had a head injury or something like that that makes him off and he thinks this is the best thing to do?
00:20:38.000
He was a big CBD pot, not CBD, but like marijuana dude, legal marijuana guy, and he got arrested for corruption.
00:20:46.000
Maybe he has a serious head injury and he got $3 million.
00:20:54.000
He was the state told him to use his influence to spread awareness videos, public service announcement videos, and this is him being like...
00:21:05.000
This is going down in the history books where Ryan's theory is better than mine.
00:21:10.000
For the first time on earth, he was court-ordered.
00:21:19.000
Everyone wears Crocs and gets a mullet every July 15th.
00:21:32.000
And this is him starting a new career making videos that he thinks are good.
00:21:36.000
Better theory is that he got in big shit with the marijuana stuff.
00:21:40.000
And part of his thing was that he has a budget.
00:21:50.000
Maybe they take, like, he made tons of money, like $2 million, and they made him put it into some sort of fund.
00:21:56.000
And he has to spend that money, because the state doesn't want it.
00:21:59.000
It's dirty money, on making videos that raise awareness for the public good.
00:22:06.000
And he cares so little that he like farts these out.
00:22:11.000
He pays some guy in India who barely speaks English.
00:22:14.000
He tells him on the phone what the general vibe of the thing is, ah, retarded guy gets in a plane.
00:22:22.000
And then some Indian's like, you're not being very nice, buddy.
00:22:26.000
And then they edit out all the buddies from the end.
00:22:38.000
They take Piati Lurkey out and make a pretty girl.
00:22:58.000
His daughter has an Instagram account, Indian descent, wife, Hispanic.
00:23:02.000
We have to see the timeline on this because if he was really in trouble.
00:23:26.000
Did you not realize that he has to sit down there?
00:23:30.000
Like, who goes back to their book when someone has a window seat and you're in the aisle?
00:23:37.000
And 100% of the people on earth would help the special needs guy get his suitcase in.
00:24:11.000
This is some bummer course you're really depressed you have to take in high school.
00:24:17.000
And if the guy was reading it, maybe he's doing some night course where he has to, he's a machinist and he has to take an advanced physics class to be able to move to the next echelon.
00:24:29.000
Then he'd wait till the plane was really cooking, right?
00:24:32.000
You're up there, you got internet and everything.
00:24:34.000
And then he'd have a piece of paper with it and a highlighter and a pencil and he'd be, you know, going to work.
00:24:48.000
If that's supposed to be a book that shows like how much smarter of a book that is than something that this guy can comprehend, you know?
00:25:01.000
See if there's a book called Advanced Physics with no other subhead or anything.
00:25:18.000
But I don't know if you can see it, but they blurred out the author's name.
00:25:39.000
This is not proof that the green screen should be abolished, by the way.
00:25:49.000
I was just asking about the book you were reading.
00:25:55.000
Well, it is called Advanced Physics, and it is by Thomas Watson, one of the most prestigious physics scholars in the entire world.
00:26:03.000
And I would explain it to you, but I don't think you're smart enough to get it.
00:26:07.000
Who the fuck talks to special needs people like that?
00:26:18.000
You know that Reddit where they have liberals patronizing blacks, treating them as pets?
00:26:30.000
And they had that guy who was there was a special needs dude at the gym, and he was talking to the black guy going, hey, do you know where the waits are?
00:26:43.000
He didn't know I was recording this and taking pictures, but he was totally nice to the special needs guy.
00:26:49.000
As Chris Rock says, that's some shit you're supposed to do.
00:26:53.000
I hate when niggas bragging about shit they supposed to.
00:26:58.000
You're supposed to take care of your kids, you low expectation of a motherfucker.
00:27:18.000
If you were a complete, if you were a black retard, for example, you would watch this and go, those guys are dicks.
00:27:26.000
This is ironic because this video is making special needs black people hate me.
00:27:54.000
He called her an incompetent imbecile and then said, don't take the blame for him.
00:28:09.000
Out of all the people that you have seen lose it on a plane, what percentage are not insane white males?
00:28:20.000
There's the guy with the Burger King hat, right, who said the N-word quite loudly, and he went viral because everyone was like finally a real racist.
00:28:29.000
But we dug him up and discovered that he lives in his mom's pool house and is severely mentally damaged.
00:28:39.000
Like he has the brain of a four-year-old, I'd say, maybe five.
00:28:47.000
I think you might find a few more women of color than you would guys like this.
00:28:58.000
Wouldn't it be funny to get Darman on the show, but have really hard-hitting questions with all of this data and statistics to back it up?
00:29:06.000
We've looked into this, and over 86% of people who lose it on a plane are African-American females.
00:29:30.000
I'm still down, but just getting the audition might be tough.
00:29:37.000
I'll go talk to the captain and see what we can do.
00:29:42.000
By the way, also, speaking of white privilege, white males are the lowest on the totem pole as far as people you can abuse.
00:29:50.000
I mean, I guess they're the highest in the totem pole in that sense.
00:29:56.000
Waitress in the sky, that's what a stewardess is.
00:30:00.000
This waitress in the sky would not be hesitating to tell him to sit the fuck down.
00:30:17.000
And she wouldn't be going, oh, I'm so sorry, sir.
00:30:20.000
That's not how people talk to white males in 2021.
00:30:29.000
Actually, I've noticed that flight attendants have a shitty attitude now.
00:30:36.000
Like, they get on the mic and they talk so much.
00:30:46.000
Not one person on earth thinks you're allowed to smoke on a fucking plane.
00:31:00.000
But they also say, we are, they sort of have this weird phraseology where they say, we're not here to serve you.
00:31:07.000
It's not said like that, but it's that kind of a vibe where they make sure we don't see them as waitresses.
00:31:12.000
Anyway, she'd be abusing the shit out of him if this was real life.
00:31:19.000
Clearly, you are not smart enough to do anything right.
00:31:49.000
And thank goodness I don't have to spend the entire flight sitting in the background.
00:31:53.000
This guy obviously wants to be an actor, right?
00:32:23.000
The captain is actually upgrading his ticket to first class.
00:32:28.000
Because we all agree, he shouldn't have To sit next to someone like this, wait.
00:32:34.000
Everyone would be clapping right now, by the way.
00:32:36.000
How would you like to move to first class with us?
00:32:44.000
And then he shows he's better and bigger than that guy.
00:32:46.000
Yeah, I'm only going to first class if my friend can come.
00:32:58.000
Like at the beginning of the first Charlie's Angels, they ripped their masks off.
00:33:03.000
Now, wouldn't it be funny, though, if right now the black guy was pretending to be a retard that whole time so he could get first class?
00:33:09.000
And as he walks by, the white guy is like, in your face, motherfucker.
00:33:28.000
What if Key and Peel are like, all right, we have an idea, but we don't want to release it under our name?
00:33:37.000
We'll just have him like do something at the end of the video.
00:33:43.000
Like if someone said, do you want to watch a Dharman video or a Kiyam Peel video?
00:33:50.000
Key and Peel's like, but how do we get it into schools where it's like kind of mandatory that you show this to people in like a learning setting?
00:33:57.000
My wife sent me a Key and Peel video this morning where the one guy has a hat, baseball hat, and then the other guy shows up and his still has the tag on it with the stickers.
00:34:07.000
And then Peel shows up, or Keys shows up, and his is still in the plastic bag from the store.
00:34:25.000
See, this is what we mean when we say sprinkles, guys.
00:34:28.000
Stop sending me mediocre comedians that are slightly funny.
00:34:57.000
And then when you pull back, I'm going to lean on a pole.
00:36:14.000
Anyway, you know, you gotta come real, come correct when you come in at all, you know?
00:36:22.000
I was like a thriller because I knew it was going to escalate, but I couldn't figure out how.
00:36:26.000
Right, and they, instead of going one, one, one, one, one, one, they realize you know where it's going, so they just like multiply and bang, slam it in at the end.
00:36:52.000
That's the equivalent of the Chinese lady on his head on the hat, making the hat.
00:37:00.000
Because the line is, by the way, that book is going to get even better in the next chapter.
00:37:11.000
And his handler was sort of like, he should have a sandwich at this point.
00:37:17.000
Yeah, legally, you can't do more than 12 takes.
00:37:23.000
So they're like, all right, just the next chapter, fine.
00:37:32.000
He's like, wait, what have you been putting under my name?
00:37:34.000
He saw about two, and he was like, nah, whatever.
00:37:53.000
I'm sorry, but special needs people have an ADIQ across the board.
00:38:01.000
There is no such thing as a person with Down syndrome who can write any kind of book at all.
00:38:12.000
One could argue that they are God's chosen special people.
00:38:18.000
They are an integral part of humanity because humanity has variety.
00:38:43.000
Unfortunately, they have a thing with the eyes that goes like this.
00:38:47.000
That's an unfortunate trait, but it doesn't make you hot.
00:38:51.000
If you're a burn victim, you cannot be Miss America.
00:38:57.000
But your skin is gone, and that's not attractive.
00:39:09.000
When you have a specialties person in an octagon and he fights a professional fighter and he wins, sure, go nuts.
00:39:17.000
It was a few minutes out of that fighter's day.
00:39:25.000
Singing the national anthem, I'm of two minds about that.
00:40:14.000
I've never seen anything like that before, though.
00:40:19.000
See, this is what pisses me off about modern American culture in general is this whole fake straw man evil person.
00:40:28.000
You know who likes, you know who has a problem with that handicapped girl singing the national anthem beautifully?
00:40:45.000
If your neighbor moves next door, he's a nice middle-class black guy.
00:40:52.000
That stupid fucking horror movie where the Karen, I think it's called Karen, where a normal black family moves in next door and she tries to kill them.
00:41:05.000
People don't want poor blacks moving in next door and trashing the neighborhood, but they don't want white trash moving in next door.
00:41:11.000
There's classism in America and maybe it's justified.
00:41:16.000
Even in my neighborhood, they didn't want me in there and I think a lot of it was classism because they see me as trashy.
00:41:26.000
We did have a guy with a gun covered in blood outside where I had to confiscate his gun.
00:41:42.000
Even though she was good at figure skating, they said, we don't want you here.
00:41:53.000
Because though she didn't do it, she attracted other white trash.
00:41:56.000
And white trash decided, I want you to do good.
00:41:59.000
I'm going to fuck up that bitch that you're fighting with.
00:42:15.000
They don't have like, you know, they can't think critically and be like, is this ethical?
00:42:19.000
And it's conceivable that someone with Down syndrome would be obsessed with drag and want to be in drag.
00:42:30.000
All seven of them happen to be at the same British camp.
00:42:48.000
That someone with Down syndrome, because he's not just, like, special.
00:42:51.000
There could have been someone like this with Parkinson's that has trouble talking.
00:42:59.000
Then you'd be like, oh, okay, you just have Parkinson's.
00:43:06.000
This guy, you can tell by his face, he clearly has Down syndrome.
00:43:27.000
Well, I guess you should never adjust a book by its cover.
00:43:45.000
Sir, your 30-pound tongue has to be put in the storage compartment in the car.
00:43:52.000
Why would you think there'd be first-class seats?
00:43:57.000
So my 10-year-old daughter keeps full first seat.
00:44:03.000
I mean, just this clip of the black thing here.
00:44:14.000
Like, this is, I think he's jumping the shark and he's showing his cards.
00:44:50.000
So the moral of that one is a Chicano street gang was accused of stealing a car, and they're actually sweethearts.
00:45:05.000
You know, like police uniforms and police cars.
00:45:09.000
This is like a, I would say a $20,000 short minimum.
00:45:16.000
He literally says, my cousin one was here in the restaurant business.
00:45:21.000
But actually, he owns the largest chain of steakhouses in Mexico.
00:45:48.000
I think yesterday we learned from now on on Thursdays, I'm just going to do letters for the first hour with Maddie, and I'll edit them first so they're all good.
00:45:58.000
Because cramming news and a guest and the sponsors and the half-hour goodbye, it's too clunky to get into stories.
00:46:18.000
And then we're going to get into a little bit of, should we do feminism first?
00:46:28.000
Hunter Biden paused probe before 2020 election.
00:46:44.000
Sternstaffers score fast buyers for homes amid NYC exits.
00:46:49.000
Tense video shows young gunman fatally shoot cyclist.
00:46:58.000
And then Britney Spears' mom posts cryptic message amid conservative...
00:47:16.000
Abominable snowman, Exalciser, and conservatorship.
00:47:39.000
What do you think's going on with that with Brittany?
00:47:45.000
And every time the judge feels sorry for her, he sees how much money she gets.
00:48:11.000
So they talked about having cameras in schools, which I think is a great idea.
00:48:19.000
You want to make sure your kid's not getting abused, hit, ignored, neglected.
00:48:32.000
Now, I would like it if bars had cameras, just so I could see if my friends were there.
00:48:35.000
But we had that guy last night who told us about Beer Buddy, which was a cool piece of information.
00:48:42.000
And as my dad pointed out, for elections, there should be 3D cameras over everyone counting.
00:48:48.000
And anyone can tune in at any time and just watch them count the ballots.
00:49:03.000
Similarly, teachers, there should be a 3D camera in there.
00:49:12.000
And I thought, I wonder how the left is going to defend this.
00:49:20.000
I don't want the police involved in my kids' education.
00:49:29.000
If anyone is going to get arrested or in trouble, it's going to be anyone saying conservative values.
00:49:35.000
So though I'm for this, I would argue that the people most at risk of getting in shit are going to be conservatives.
00:49:42.000
Because they'll say something like, this land wasn't stolen from the Indians.
00:49:47.000
Then there's going to be a big woke mob outside the school.
00:49:51.000
His career's over because he refused to leave the campus the day they said no white males on campus.
00:50:04.000
Although, if they go really, really far, like this is how far they have to go to get in shit.
00:50:09.000
Remember that Asian woman here in New York at private schools?
00:50:12.000
She said she wanted to educate children on porn awareness, porn literacy.
00:50:20.000
So this is what kids, this is what a gangbang is, this is what pegging is.
00:50:31.000
They have to almost fuck our kids before we tune in.
00:50:41.000
A fight in Springfield Mass over the use of video surveillance in schools is part of a broader debate playing out from London to Wisconsin over the use of increasingly sophisticated surveillance technology to ensure public safety.
00:51:00.000
And they're not very forthcoming, by the way, because they know you're going to cause a scene.
00:51:04.000
So when you ask your kid, are you being taught about Tulsa as ethnocide?
00:51:12.000
They don't tend to tell you, especially when they get into their teens.
00:51:19.000
I had a big fight with my daughter the other day about gay priests, gay camp counselors.
00:51:28.000
And I said, no, if you're in the Boy Scouts, you shouldn't be.
00:51:36.000
And then I told her about someone we know who was molested at a camp when he was a kid.
00:51:42.000
That was kind of dirty pool of me because that really shocked her.
00:51:48.000
But she was like, oh, so you think all gays are rapists?
00:51:51.000
And then my wife jumps in, because she's a fucking lib, with it's priests who molest little boys.
00:52:03.000
I'm not going to say in the bud because it was after it fully bloomed.
00:52:06.000
And even let's say that is true, that doesn't negate a different truth.
00:52:12.000
It's not straight priests who do that, it's gay priests.
00:52:16.000
They would send gays off to go super religious sometimes.
00:52:22.000
And I'm like, no, a disproportionate number of molesters are gay, especially when they're eagerly getting involved in things where they don't have a stake, like their kid isn't into it.
00:52:35.000
Like if you're childless and you want to be a baseball coach, I'm already a little dubious.
00:52:42.000
Why do you care about strangers' kids baseball?
00:52:46.000
And then if you have no kids, now it's really fucking weird.
00:52:54.000
There's going to be like, and I'm pulling this out of my ass.
00:53:02.000
12 people who have not just molested kids, but have a criminal record for it.
00:53:20.000
Remember that gay choir where they were coming out saying, we're coming for your kids?
00:53:24.000
And then out of the whatever it was, 100 people, we discovered 12 to 14 hadn't just molested, but had criminal records for it.
00:53:35.000
I'm not a sharkophobe, but I'm not going to go swimming around sharks.
00:53:43.000
So the way the left out with those cameras is to say, I don't want the police monitoring my children.
00:53:52.000
The only people who should have the codes to watch those particular live streams are the parents of the kids.
00:53:58.000
Now, we know we're good at verifying who the parents of the kids are because you don't want some stranger picking them up from school.
00:54:09.000
Because even with divorced parents, when all these missing children you see, 99% of the time, it's a dad who's pissed off that he didn't get custody, stealing the kids and hitting the road.
00:54:26.000
I can sign into that and see how much work they've done.
00:54:29.000
So I can monitor my kids' progress, but I can't monitor what you tell my kids.
00:54:36.000
Every time we come up with a solution, like that letter we had the other night where he said, why don't we have Republicans insisting it's easier for people to get ID?
00:54:46.000
That would be a great way to beat the Democrats at their own game.
00:54:50.000
Remember that guy that we almost had on the show?
00:54:53.000
He's talking about, because all the classes were Zoom-based, and we're like, we don't know how long this is going to go on for.
00:54:58.000
But, you know, like people who are quietly not super duper liberal in colleges that are doing these Zoom courses can record and stream their lessons.
00:55:09.000
And so, and it can't be deleted and they can't track it.
00:55:11.000
And then also there's an incentive for doing that for the students and stuff.
00:55:15.000
And once you start it, there's no way to stop that.
00:55:18.000
And then the teachers would, yeah, they said, hey, conservatives, or sorry, hey, other teachers, be prepared for conservative mobs to be beating down your door.
00:55:27.000
Meanwhile, they invented the whole fucking mob thing.
00:55:38.000
So Amazon employees will quit if you have transphobic content.
00:55:44.000
And when we say transphobic content, we mean when Harry became Sally.
00:55:49.000
If you go to Amazon right now, that book is not available.
00:55:53.000
Books about it are available, which is why you should hoard books.
00:55:59.000
I have CDs from the 90s that I've moved from house to house with them.
00:56:06.000
I have books upon books upon books, boxes and boxes, and they literally go back to the 80s.
00:56:12.000
I don't think I've ever thrown out a nonfiction book.
00:56:15.000
Thank God I still have these books because books are becoming scarce.
00:56:26.000
Now, if you go to Amazon, you'll find a lot of books criticizing that book.
00:56:34.000
We've talked about this on the show before, Ryan.
00:56:43.000
So do you think this is a good summary or this is a...
00:56:48.000
And also, why can I find books about books and not the actual book?
00:57:05.000
At least two Amazon employees have resigned in recent weeks to protest the company's decision to continue to sell a book they say frames young people who identify as transgender as mentally ill.
00:57:17.000
I'm not saying it's my opinion that it's true, but it's not an unequivocal fact.
00:57:23.000
And then Abigail Schreier says, you're welcome.
00:57:30.000
See, I'm going to buy this book and just store it before it vanishes.
00:57:52.000
It does seem to be seducing more girls than boys.
00:57:56.000
And yeah, they cut their tits off when they turn a certain age, which just looks so depraved, doesn't it?
00:58:05.000
Like Nat Getty or the woman in that video where she carried the baby to term, but she's the father.
00:58:18.000
We're so worried about sexism, yet we live in a world where we encourage women to remove their fucking tits and throw the meat in the garbage.
00:58:28.000
They literally threw their tits in the garbage.
00:58:36.000
Yeah, so when they take these hormone blockers, they can't breed.
00:58:46.000
That she looks like a G.I. Joe where, like, the top rotates as a rubber band here.
00:59:02.000
Gigi Gorgeous is a normal gay man who's attracted to like hunks.
00:59:10.000
And Natty has tiny little toes, and Gigi has my feet.
00:59:15.000
Yet they have this depraved, sick relationship that's actually heterosexual, much to both of their chagrin.
00:59:22.000
Nat Getty is definitely disgusted by his wife's penis, and Gigi is definitely disgusted by her husband's vagina.
00:59:36.000
They definitely have orgies where Nat Getty gets to eat pussy and Gigi gets to suck a dick.
00:59:44.000
And pretend it's, yeah, because it's the real thing.
00:59:54.000
We've had two letters so far this week about, oh, sorry, last week, about moms whose daughters were brainwashed into thinking they were boys.
01:00:03.000
And they had to deprogram them like they were Scientologists.
01:00:08.000
Anyway, also in the news, Jared Holt isn't gay.
01:00:14.000
This is the Nazi conservative watcher, anti-gay Facebook post of right-wing watches, Jared Holt.
01:00:40.000
And it won't make the upper class boys think any higher of you.
01:00:47.000
Just leave all the slutty things you did in eighth grade and middle school.
01:00:50.000
Don't brag about the number of seniors you know.
01:00:52.000
The more you brag, the more we can tell you're a freshman.
01:01:02.000
So he was always a little bitch, a little cunt.
01:01:09.000
Getting written up every day and purposely feeling really doesn't look cool.
01:01:16.000
They're the bitchy little mean girls from college who would shit on the freshmen because they're not seniors.
01:01:29.000
He's trying to gatekeep coolness within like a nerd.
01:01:36.000
I knew kids like this, but they didn't have the confidence to write things like this.
01:01:45.000
We would hang them from the basketball net by their underwear, and they would be there for an hour until someone could get them down.
01:01:51.000
We would wedgie these guys so hard that the waistband would be gone.
01:01:57.000
I don't consider it a wedgie if it's not an atomic wedgie.
01:01:59.000
In fact, as far as I'm concerned, atomic is redundant.
01:02:05.000
If you just wedgie someone and they can untuck it and they have a waistband, then you're just joking around with your friend.
01:02:23.000
You know, maybe if he's not gay, then when you called him a queer that one time, you're like, are you gay?
01:02:28.000
When he was making that face like this, he was like...
01:03:16.000
Sarah Silverman is a woman who might have made a good mom.
01:03:21.000
Her sister's a Zionist Israeli, which is weird because Sarah seems very anti-Israel.
01:03:29.000
These ginos are Bolsheviks and they will stab their own people in the back, including their own sister, to look cool and pro-underdog.
01:03:39.000
Her sister is a prominent Israeli activist, but she has tons of beautiful children.
01:03:46.000
Now, all these aunties, they must go home after playing with the kids and go, my life is vacuous.
01:03:58.000
How do you play with little kids with your DNA?
01:04:05.000
They got her big weird nostrils and everything.
01:04:08.000
And she's like, those kids are going to grow up, love their mother, while I get more and more alone.
01:04:15.000
I actually had this argument with her not too long ago.
01:04:17.000
She checked in about six months ago, and I was drunk.
01:04:37.000
Yeah, that's because you don't know what joy is.
01:04:45.000
There's something about being a woman that has no children, who's decided to not have children, or decided not to get married, or just hasn't gotten married or have children.
01:05:07.000
Every stand-up routine, she talks about how happy she is to be divorced and how it's awesome, and how she doesn't even want to be married, and how it's really great being single.
01:05:17.000
And people feel sorry for me, and I don't know why, because I want to be single.
01:05:38.000
There's like an odd kind of condescension where they feel threatened by our choices.
01:05:46.000
This is like Bill Schultz telling me that the reason I encourage people like him to get married is because I'm jealous.
01:05:53.000
And I wish I could be a lonely drunk living in a one-bedroom apartment by myself, getting fucked out of my mind every night.
01:06:06.000
That's what I was doing on Fox News with Tamara Holder.
01:06:12.000
I don't get any bonuses, but I put off kids for way too long.
01:06:20.000
Whatever you think of her, she's a funny person.
01:06:26.000
Now, I did notice one time we went out and we were out of pot, and I've never seen someone more sullen in my life.
01:06:34.000
Like no smiles, staring straight ahead, shittiest mood ever.
01:06:39.000
I was with David Cross, and eventually I just leaned over to him.
01:06:52.000
I don't want to be around Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh.
01:07:01.000
But when I've had good times with her, they've been fucking amazing times, super fun times, which means great mom.
01:07:08.000
And she's had all these relationships where she just gets fucking thrown out to the curb, kicked to the curb.
01:07:16.000
Threatened by our choices and maybe what they did.
01:07:24.000
Your kid's clearly going to be a left-wing activist, so that's a bigger threat to me.
01:07:28.000
If we're talking about like the culture wars, ideally I want your bloodline to end because you personally are a fucking nut.
01:07:39.000
Maybe they did what they thought they were supposed to do.
01:07:43.000
Or it's, you know, a sincere belief like, oh my God, I mean, I can't imagine not having my family.
01:07:57.000
Isn't it funny how when a liberal comes up with the idea that maybe you're telling the truth, they're sort of, they think they're being really open-minded?
01:08:12.000
It doesn't mean that it's my experience because it's not my experience.
01:08:16.000
You can't put what makes you happy onto other people.
01:08:21.000
People go, oh, I'm normal because I made these normal or traditional choices and this other person didn't do the same.
01:08:41.000
Why don't you have an RV and your kids can live in it?
01:08:44.000
All we're saying is stop walking, stop riding your bicycle.
01:08:48.000
You can get really far on this thing called a car.
01:08:51.000
There's even these things called highways where you can go to fucking New York City to Montreal in six hours.
01:09:00.000
And they go, yeah, for you, that's your choice.
01:09:15.000
So we're not trying to make your life boring and normal and traditional.
01:09:20.000
Plenty of people raise their kids in New York City.
01:09:23.000
I don't condone it, but they can still be kooks.
01:09:41.000
But what people think of you is irrelevant and vice versa.
01:09:47.000
I think we've all, most of us, have let major life choices get decided for us based on just what society has told us is normal.
01:10:03.000
It's hundreds of thousands of years of evolution.
01:10:13.000
Because everyone else is eating and they want to feel normal?
01:10:20.000
And it's the same with the propagation of the species.
01:10:22.000
It's a natural feeling that these feminists, these nuts, and these liberals have managed to push out of their DNA.
01:10:36.000
There are gay people that live lives as straight people.
01:10:45.000
We're going to have to end this soon, but isn't it interesting?
01:10:47.000
Comedians are the most lonely people in the world.
01:10:51.000
They travel in a, for the most part, in a Honda Civic, coast to coast.
01:10:59.000
They jerk off with their permission in front of them.
01:11:08.000
They're on Xanax and what a Prozac and all this shit.
01:11:14.000
They all are either severe alcoholics or they're AA.
01:11:24.000
It's really amazing that the people with the worst life are telling you how to improve yours.
01:11:48.000
And they keep dying of old age, so she keeps getting new ones.
01:11:55.000
Realize that we can and we must curate our own lives based on our own wants, on our own tastes, our own desires.
01:12:25.000
I'd probably be a great mom, but I don't want one.
01:12:29.000
Yeah, you don't want one because you don't have a husband who said, I love you forever.
01:12:37.000
Dude, I would be a fucking awesome motorcycle racer.
01:12:45.000
Ryan was talking yesterday about getting a scooter.
01:12:49.000
It's enough that I allow you to wear crocs to work.
01:13:00.000
Have you noticed in the black community, I assume it's New York City too, but in the Bronx, all black people are wearing crocs.
01:13:08.000
Crocs or you got the regular sliders with slides with socks, of course.
01:13:16.000
I hate seeing their little toes go like that every time they take a step.
01:13:23.000
And there's, you know, you want, you step in a puddle.
01:13:32.000
This morning I saw a black woman wearing that shower cap thing and her boyfriend and they're both wearing crocs.
01:13:41.000
I think I blame the pandemic because people have been home bodies for so long, they dress like they're at a sleepover now.
01:13:54.000
These are the people who don't want you to watch them at work.
01:14:00.000
I couldn't imagine having a meltdown like this.
01:14:05.000
And even then, I would look back and go, wow, was I ever fucking lost?
01:14:09.000
You've seen this before, but it's, this is what feminism has done to women.
01:14:15.000
They didn't do this in the 60s and 70s and 80s.
01:14:27.000
You keep lying, saying I'm threatening you, so I'm recording to protect myself.
01:14:38.000
When Faith Goldie was spotted at a restaurant bar in Toronto, a woman did this and said there's a racist here.
01:14:47.000
Someone had just told her that Faith Goldie's there and she's racist.
01:14:51.000
So the rumor of an unknown racist in the restaurant made her collapse to the ground.
01:15:15.000
Then she attacked me and try to say I attacked her.
01:15:32.000
Can you even conceive of losing your shit that much?
01:15:36.000
I have been mad and said fuck and punched a hole in the wall.
01:16:28.000
Jesus, since we started the show, as we've been filming, we have about six new emails.
01:16:38.000
Like, I started your sensor to try to get some of this going.
01:16:52.000
I mean, I have the live Chiron set to take her call.
01:16:59.000
Hey, Gavin, Loose Lips, McCanis, why did you publicly show that video of Ryan's girlfriend hitting him when you had explicitly promised him you wouldn't?
01:17:07.000
Is your tendency to start to snitch after a few beers why so many people around you are in jail?
01:17:15.000
So I got Max and John in prison by being a snitch?
01:17:20.000
It wasn't the camera footage of them fighting in the fucking crazy clown world we live in?
01:17:28.000
I mean, one of my friends was like, hey, wow, I feel bad.
01:17:37.000
He's like, he showed the video of your girlfriend.
01:17:44.000
And I was like, no, he shows that video to everybody.
01:17:47.000
Well, the good thing about it is if any rumors start about you being a domestic abuser, people can see what really happened.
01:17:55.000
I'm not one for caring about rumors, but it is a bad look.
01:17:57.000
Like, it's always disgusting when you hear a woman hitter or like watching sopranos.
01:18:02.000
Like people that swipe at chicks are like, whoa.
01:18:04.000
But this goes back to what we were saying before.
01:18:08.000
The whole, like, it's, it's definitely a problem in the Latino community with illegal aliens and Mexicans.
01:18:14.000
But as far as like, where the fuck is my dinner?
01:18:19.000
And when Anthony was going through that shit, I was offended that would people believe it because I would never hang out with someone who beat their girlfriend.
01:18:30.000
Like, the implication is that me, you, Pat Dixon, fucking, what's his name there?
01:18:35.000
Joe Curry, we're all, when he comes home and he's smacking her around, what are we doing?
01:18:39.000
Just sort of like sipping our beers, looking down at the ground?
01:18:47.000
That doesn't mean you don't use your strength to stop somebody from attacking you.
01:18:54.000
Because I've been in a situation where, obviously, where there's a lot of violence coming my way.
01:19:16.000
It tends to be a disproportionately less white problem.
01:19:20.000
But in my 50 years, I've never known of one guy, whether I found out later or anything, who was like, where are the fucks my dinner?
01:19:31.000
And we just slap a bitch around just because he's in a bad mood.
01:19:36.000
I've heard of crazy fights where both sides were bloodied and he's all scratched up and she got slapped around.
01:19:45.000
But as far as like the 1950s Guido archetype with the wife beater.
01:20:06.000
Yeah, back in the day, you'd maybe see or hear about that.
01:20:18.000
It's like, you know, I don't know what the context was, but here's the context.
01:20:25.000
Yeah, I think I might have been in another room and heard that and been like this.
01:20:32.000
Being a pussy and letting a woman get the shit beaten out of me?
01:20:36.000
So yeah, I'm not going to go in and be like, hey, get that shit out of here.
01:20:40.000
If you're a little kid, then you don't know the story.
01:20:42.000
Yeah, that seems very old school, but I remember hearing a woman get hit as a kid.
01:21:02.000
From a woman watching the live show, dude's been in prison a lot.
01:21:09.000
Well, yeah, he hasn't been in prison for molesting children.
01:21:21.000
So, you know, just don't be his opposition and you're good.
01:21:26.000
Dear Gavin and Rygai, Gavin's theory that quarantine is going to cause immune deficiency is completely correct.
01:21:32.000
And then he clicks to The Guardian, which New Zealand children falling ill in high numbers due to COVID immunity debt.
01:21:42.000
Doctors say children haven't been exposed to a range of bugs due to lockdowns, distancing, and sanitizer, and their immune systems are suffering.
01:22:17.000
Hey, Gavin and Ryan, see attached piece of artwork.
01:22:34.000
If you came to our house, you'd think you're at a powwow.
01:22:37.000
And then in the dining room, there's a picture of the fall of Fort DeQuesne with like British people being murdered and Indians and French in the trees.
01:22:47.000
And even my mother-in-law, who's 100% Indian, goes, it's a little extreme for a dining room painting, is it not?
01:22:58.000
And there's a British guy falling off a horse going, ah.
01:23:09.000
On your bike, the air box is made to look like the carbs on the old school Bonneville.
01:23:18.000
There may be a way for you to adjust your idle still.
01:23:22.000
They say it's fake, and then I can adjust my idle.
01:23:29.000
But usually with fuel injection, that's all computer ran.
01:23:31.000
If your bike is running rough and sits around a lot, you may have a dirty injector.
01:23:34.000
One of my go-to cheap fixes is try running a little bit of sea foam in your gas.
01:23:43.000
It's relatively cheap and it's worked miracles on some bikes I've owned.
01:23:55.000
It is now, it's now just evolved into kill white people.
01:24:02.000
South African political person calls for supporters to go to Indian areas and white areas and burn them down and kill everyone.
01:24:39.000
Because doesn't he say right there, I'm not saying that.
01:24:58.000
It sounds like the context there totally changes.
01:25:07.000
So we still like it as a song, Kill the White People, but there needs to be a beat.
01:25:14.000
That's a racist statement because I look like a Korean K-pop boy or something, and BTS is Korean kid.
01:25:20.000
Maddie was touching a bit on West Coast prison structure.
01:25:24.000
His name is Wes Watson, and he did 10 years in California prisons.
01:25:28.000
My biggest fear is going to prison, and his stories further validate my concerns.
01:25:32.000
Anyway, he breaks down nicely the gang structure and has some crazy stories if you care to check it out.
01:25:37.000
My group, the people I identify with, and if you're white, the people you're rolling with, if you choose to go general population, which is GP in the California prison system, the name of my channel.
01:26:02.000
You're gonna be part of the wood pile if you're white.
01:26:10.000
My dad went into county jail on assault on a police officer.
01:26:14.000
It was a weird ass scenario where he ended up getting assault on a police officer, and he only had to do 60 days from it because they came in his house, kind of fucked him up a little bit, and then he ended up getting a case off it.
01:26:27.000
It was his first case ever, so he ended up being good.
01:26:36.000
He's supposed to be calling my dad Clint Eastwood.
01:26:38.000
My dad sits down at the table where he didn't know he was supposed to sit by a black.
01:26:42.000
And the white boys come up and they're like, hey, Clint, the fuck you doing?
01:26:48.000
He's a construction working hard-ass motherfucker who's just real.
01:26:53.000
He don't realize that when he walked in, he walked into a gang.
01:26:59.000
He was going to get down or he was going to get discharged.
01:27:04.000
Under any circumstances, how could you not sort of suss that out when you walk in?
01:27:15.000
My wife is due with our new boy next week, so I have some suggestions for the dude who emailed earlier this week.
01:27:20.000
Yeah, I felt bad when that guy asked because I just have put it out of my mind for eight years, so I've forgotten all the tricks.
01:27:26.000
Like, here's two things that I've since remembered.
01:27:32.000
You shouldn't be a hyperchondriac when your kid is like four, five, six, seven, and all that.
01:27:38.000
But baby, toddler, anything weird, go have it checked out.
01:27:44.000
A fever goes a little too long, be a pain in the doctor's ass.
01:27:53.000
My littler, Johnny, he had a, we went to the hospital in Port Jervis, and my wife changed him, and he had a little abrasion from the diaper on his inner thigh, and he got some fucked up disease that was from a Iraq war vet.
01:28:09.000
And the disease was so complicated that I had to type it into my phone, like the virus, whatever it was, like it was an internet passcode.
01:28:23.000
And it's like from black scorpions in the Middle East or some shit.
01:28:26.000
So it got sort of turgid, like a little blister.
01:28:30.000
And I went into the doctor and I said, hey, he's got a blister here.
01:28:35.000
And I just assumed she'd be like, oh yeah, that's not a problem.
01:28:37.000
She'd like pop it with a sterilized needle and drain it and whatever.
01:28:39.000
And she goes, oh my God, we're going to ER now.
01:28:44.000
He went into surgery, like the same room you'd have a heart transplant in with doctors like this all washed up and the shower caps.
01:28:53.000
My wife, of course, was fucking bawling her eyes out hysterical.
01:28:59.000
We weren't allowed in the main room, but even to be in the hallway, you had to have all that gear on.
01:29:05.000
And then they had this cotton swab in it, and a nurse was coming by twice a day to change it out.
01:29:10.000
Now, this was a blister the size, not even as big as a jelly bean, a third of the size of a jelly bean.
01:29:21.000
So freak the fuck out on everything when they're babies.
01:29:27.000
The other thing I forgot to mention is the beauty of kids outside of those weird emergencies, like when they get fevers and stuff, is there's only three things that can be wrong.
01:29:42.000
Now, what if they're tired and you can't get them down?
01:29:44.000
Well, swaddling is crucial to get them to sleep.
01:29:47.000
Because a really great book you got to read is, oh, fuck, he's French.
01:29:58.000
But his whole thing is like babies come out a trimester early because their heads are so big.
01:30:06.000
Babies come out too soon because if we waited four trimesters, the head would be too big to get them out of the hole, which you see in animals like pugs, where they cannot give birth to their own offspring.
01:30:17.000
So they come out early, but you have to mimic the womb.
01:30:20.000
So you swaddle them so they can't move, and that reminds them of being in the womb.
01:30:25.000
And then the other thing you do is go, shh, shh, shh.
01:30:30.000
And that mimics the sound of the blood and all the juices that were going around their ears when they were in there.
01:30:35.000
So foolproof way to make a kid sleep is you get him in the swaddle and then, and I did this on a plane to Scotland a few times where no tears the entire way.
01:30:45.000
I'd go by the like bathrooms where there's a little area by the emergency exit thing.
01:30:50.000
And I would just hold my kid and just go, shh, shh, shh.
01:31:09.000
Now, how delicate is that sleep when they're asleep?
01:31:12.000
They can be woken up pretty easy, or they're heavy sleepers.
01:31:16.000
It's weird because as they get older, they become rocks.
01:31:19.000
I've had arguments with my wife with my son sleeping there, and he doesn't wake up.
01:31:26.000
You can talk like this around sleeping kids, but babies are different.
01:31:29.000
Their sleep's a little more fragile, which is why you get so fucking pissed if a motorcycle or a car with no mufflers goes outside and you're just like, hope you enjoyed your cool badass ride, dude.
01:31:48.000
Apart from diapers, pacifiers, wipes, and other obvious baby needs, taggies are a huge hit.
01:31:55.000
Swaddles with Velcro to keep them tight are good for sleeping in.
01:32:04.000
Well, you should be looking them up rather than showing a letter I'm already reading.
01:32:14.000
By the way, people have sent stuff, and I'm super duper grateful and very touched by that.
01:32:20.000
And we're going to send out thank you cards to everybody.
01:32:26.000
She's going to be a little elephant lover girl.
01:32:33.000
A boppy is great to have for holding, feeding the baby.
01:32:46.000
Boba wrap for mom to carry the baby hands-free.
01:32:51.000
I swore before I had kids I would never wear a baby knapsack.
01:33:02.000
I'm probably forgetting a bunch of things they add.
01:33:08.000
I'm glad your buddy is trying to scare New Yorkers away from Florida, says Mindy.
01:33:15.000
So here are two screenshots from Google about New Smyrna's coastal breeze.
01:33:20.000
Florida gets hot, but if you live along the Atlantic coast, you will always get a cool ocean breeze.
01:33:32.000
I was pretty surprised that August has a low of 74.
01:33:49.000
Cracker Barrel Billboard in Florida, our secret ingredient care.
01:33:55.000
Why are they stealing my jokes, Cracker Barrel?
01:34:10.000
It looks like Target Market is basically just Milo.
01:34:29.000
So you could, because your graphic design's terrible.
01:34:32.000
I was showing you what graphic design looks like when it's good.
01:34:45.000
T-shirts should be triangular where everything is centered around the chest and then it tapers down.
01:34:51.000
That's got the center in the middle, which looks good on a poster, but not so much a t-shirt.
01:35:04.000
I want to have one that's like, puppies are wonderful.
01:35:44.000
So someone broke into our home and ate Mr. Kipling's angel slices.
01:35:50.000
Didn't take the TV, didn't take, you know, some jewelry.
01:36:11.000
Something I don't get are guys who say they don't like strip clubs.
01:36:14.000
There's alcohol, and the only woman there are there to entertain you.
01:36:17.000
Do you think these guys are just virtue signaling?
01:36:19.000
And if they are, these guys probably agree that sex work is real work.
01:36:24.000
I have heard one good argument against strip clubs, which is it makes me, this isn't me, but the guy said it makes me too horny.
01:36:35.000
Sometimes if I'm in a meeting and I'm bored, I might look at porn just to like get the juice.
01:36:45.000
He was looking at porn because the meeting was so boring.
01:36:48.000
And then the next thing you know, he got himself all riled up.
01:36:55.000
It gives you good ideas for what you're going to do to your wife.
01:36:58.000
And the thing I liked about strip clubs back when I would go, I can't go now that I have a daughter because all I can think about is her dad and what he did wrong.
01:37:06.000
But back before I had a daughter, it's just like you're talking to a dude and instead of like a beautiful garden behind you, it's beautiful naked ladies.
01:37:16.000
What a wonderful thing to be in the background.
01:37:34.000
Let's go to 2-8 where we see the aforementioned stripper falling from, I'm going to say, 30 feet.
01:37:49.000
Play something I'm giving wait wait stop stop stop stop.
01:38:13.000
So the viewer who sent this in goes, is she just on autopilot and doesn't know where she is?
01:38:34.000
One time we were at a strip club, I think I was with a girl too, amongst our crew, and the stripper was kind of a hipster.
01:38:41.000
So she was of our demographic, like with similar tattoos.
01:38:49.000
Like when it's a Puerto Rican single mom, everything's normal.
01:38:52.000
But when it's one of your people, you go, ooh, you kind of fucked up, didn't you?
01:39:00.000
She must have went, oh my God, there's people there that might know people who I know.
01:39:04.000
So she just started doing shots, and then she was all sloppy and falling all over the place.
01:39:09.000
Yeah, that's a better look than just doing what you were doing.
01:39:11.000
Strip clubs are fun, but we don't want the people we love to be strippers.
01:39:23.000
If our girls are meant to be oncologists or meant to be Kennedy from Fox Business News or meant to be Maggie Thatcher or meant to be Ann Coulter, by all means, go bananas, get out there, conquer the world.
01:39:37.000
If, however, you represent the other 99.5% of the female population, then we want you to find a man that loves and respects you, is going to treat you right, is never going to cheat on you, is going to kiss you to bed at night.
01:39:50.000
Here's something, by the way, I recommend doing.
01:39:52.000
My screensaver recently is my wife cleaning my ears.
01:39:59.000
And just like I look at it about a thousand times a day because that's what you look at with your phone.
01:40:06.000
It's reminded me how much I love her and how much work she does and how much she has to put up with me.
01:40:14.000
Instead of your kids, which everyone else does, make your lock screen you and your wife.
01:40:20.000
Anyway, that's our ultimate goal with women is to have them fulfilled and happy and not jiggling on the floor because someone's filming them as they have a nervous breakdown because they haven't fulfilled any of their biological needs.
01:40:33.000
If you're a freak, by all means, pursue freakdom.
01:40:36.000
But I'm sick of this culture where we force people into freak land when they don't want to be there and they end up lonely and alone, lying on their back, getting boned by some guy who doesn't give a shit about them.
01:40:51.000
So ladies, if you're 25, start getting serious about who you're dating.
01:40:59.000
Not that there's anything wrong with Autistic Kids, but old people tend to have them, and they struggle.
01:41:20.000
The baby will come after the marriage, to be fair.
01:41:27.000
Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.