S04E15 - FROM THE MAILBAG 1
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 15 minutes
Words per Minute
152.87418
Summary
It's the holidays, which means it's time for the holiday mailbag. This week, the boys are joined by special guest Matty O'Dell to answer all of your mailbag questions, including: What's the deepest part of the ocean? What's your favorite kind of woman? What is your favorite type of guy? What do you like about your ex-wife's hair? What are your thoughts on Diana Depp?
Transcript
00:00:22.000
Hello folks, welcome to a special edition of Get On My Lawn.
00:00:29.000
We don't want to leave you empty-handed during the summer weeks, days, heat waves, even if we're away.
00:00:42.000
He'll be helping us parse through these various letters.
00:00:45.000
As you know, we always get more letters than we can deal with.
00:00:49.000
So during these holiday episodes, we thought it'd be great to catch up.
00:01:18.000
This is from Jason S. You don't have to have the camera on Maddie at all times, Ryan.
00:01:27.000
And Maddie, you don't have to say anything if you don't have anything to say.
00:01:39.000
I missed the random questions you would sling at it.
00:01:41.000
It's fun watching Ryan trying to beat it to the punch because it's like watching the Special Olympics.
00:01:51.000
Remember, we thought we were like, this thing's listening to us all the time and it's not worth getting shitty information.
00:01:58.000
But we could reinstitute it right now if you'd like.
00:02:01.000
I think you just have to hook it up to the Wi-Fi.
00:02:07.000
I know it's spying on me, but I'm not planning another meandering on January 6th, so I have it in the house all the time.
00:02:14.000
It's good, like, what's the population of Australia type of stuff.
00:02:20.000
Plus, with little kids, they're always asking questions you don't know the answer to.
00:02:24.000
Like, what the fuck did my son ask me the other day?
00:02:39.000
He also said the other day, he said, dogs' hearts are better than ours.
00:02:50.000
This one's from Jason, oops, almost said his name.
00:02:55.000
It's happening, he says, and he shows me a letter from the Secretary of Veterans Affairs.
00:03:01.000
Dear veteran, thank you for your service to our nation.
00:03:03.000
Your commitment to our country's long legacy of service has protected us, and our nation owes you a debt of gratitude we can never repay.
00:03:16.000
We must once again ask you to volunteer to serve.
00:03:19.000
COVID-19 has affected all of us in unique ways.
00:03:21.000
We have lost far too many former brothers and sisters in arms, family members and friends.
00:03:25.000
It's time for this pandemic to be over, and I ask for your help in protecting this nation and completing the last part of this journey.
00:03:30.000
Our greatest hope in defeating this deadly virus is for each of us to get vaccinated as soon as possible.
00:03:50.000
I bet it's the same fucking video we already played.
00:04:16.000
I mean, I've been married to a blonde, but I don't like brunettes.
00:04:22.000
Maybe that didn't work out because you're a brunette type of guy.
00:04:39.000
I like Jews, American Indians, Italians, Chings.
00:04:55.000
When your wife dies, like in a plane crash or something, you're like, I'm sad.
00:05:02.000
But this would be one of the first calls I make after my wife dies.
00:05:30.000
I did not know she was going to die of old age.
00:05:54.000
Yeah, I think if my wife looked down from heaven and saw this is the next one I did, I think she'd be pretty happy.
00:06:00.000
You know, you don't want it to be like, who's that famous Asian chick that was on H3H and she has like 9 billion followers?
00:06:12.000
She was abused as a kid and she looks like a 10-year-old.
00:06:16.000
And she does these TikToks where she's like, oops, I'm a baby.
00:06:24.000
And there's all these fucking millennials just, oh, I want to be a pedophile, but it's illegal.
00:06:36.000
10, top 10 most like TikTok videos of all time.
00:06:50.000
That's the number one TikTok video of all time.
00:07:02.000
Annie Mae video games has turned this new generation of men into pedophiles.
00:07:15.000
Because any of us who were laid when we were young teens, it sucked.
00:07:34.000
You tough guys usually lose it like 13 to your babysitter.
00:08:02.000
See, that's what I don't get about this glorification of fucking teens.
00:08:11.000
There was a girl that I had gone to junior high school with and high school with.
00:08:18.000
And it wasn't until maybe 2007 or 2008 I ended up hooking up with her.
00:08:26.000
And it's better when they're in there like, I think at the time she's probably in 2006, in my late 30s.
00:08:39.000
Like once they're comfortable with their body, they're not self-conscious and they know what they like.
00:08:51.000
Obviously cultures are different, different parts of the world, but in Canada, in the 80s, when I was a teenager, girls were not into it.
00:09:02.000
They wanted to make out for six hours, which you do and you have red all over here like a rash.
00:09:10.000
In the 80s, the girls would need a coat hanger to pull up their pants.
00:09:13.000
So to get your hand down there, it was like sliding your hand into a wall.
00:09:18.000
So you get down there, you're trying to feel, you might get pubes, you're probably not going to get pussy lips.
00:09:23.000
I should have actually gone around the back now that I know.
00:09:35.000
Now, I think it's different with kids today, but back when I was in college, they were not climbing up the walls looking for cock.
00:09:42.000
They were like accepting a dick from behind and sort of like, ah, ah, ah.
00:09:53.000
Now they're starting to get into it, but not crazy, not experienced, but like, I enjoy this, let's do this.
00:10:01.000
And then it was only until 25 and up where they started wanting the cock.
00:10:10.000
But from fucking 14 to 20, 10 years, 15 to 25, was just like, it wasn't fun.
00:10:21.000
Like I said, most young women are very self-conscious.
00:10:33.000
And she goes, well, I guess if you show me that, I can show you these.
00:10:52.000
And I was just like, all right, okay, let's put those back in.
00:10:56.000
And thank you very much, by the way, letting me see them.
00:11:01.000
But if you don't want to pull them out, we can do sex with the t-shirts.
00:11:19.000
Hey, Gav, you claim to not have any examples in your life of a man hitting a woman for no reason.
00:11:24.000
Did you forget about the time you went to jail for allegedly headbutting a guy who slapped a mouthy bitch?
00:11:33.000
When I was talking about woman beaters, I was talking about the archetype of the like, where the fuck's my dinner?
00:11:42.000
The one that's in the movies where the guy's in Brooklyn and he has a wife beater on.
00:11:50.000
He's a drunk like fucking Robert De Niro in Raging Bull.
00:11:55.000
That archetype, I've personally never come across.
00:12:00.000
Someone that just beats women just because not.
00:12:02.000
Just because her dinner's late or she's getting lippy.
00:12:09.000
Anthony Kumia has to go to fucking anger management and rehab because he's accused of being that.
00:12:15.000
But I obviously wouldn't be friends with anyone like that.
00:12:25.000
He obviously also kicks dogs and like shoves kids.
00:12:31.000
So in this case, we had a girl at our store, Sarah Brania, Filipina, little tiny girl.
00:12:40.000
I could pick her up and throw her across the room.
00:12:42.000
She's probably, my daughter, my 13-year-old daughter is probably, 14, sorry, is probably way bigger than her.
00:12:52.000
So she, at our behest advice, fired this douche who had a man bun and flip-flops And sold weed at our store.
00:13:02.000
She fired him because he kept not showing up for work.
00:13:05.000
And he lost his shit because he was fired and he was so spoiled.
00:13:23.000
Just going to give Maddie a quick beach, just relax him.
00:13:34.000
Would you like a body work my Asian to blow you?
00:13:40.000
I knew this guy who was doing business in China, and he came back to his hotel room, and there was a woman on his bed.
00:14:06.000
Not that I don't think any of us would be objecting that much if it happened to us.
00:14:11.000
I don't know how many men would have done that, but.
00:14:18.000
So he comes down to his hotel room the next night.
00:14:29.000
He's like, no, no, no, it's not the type of prostitute that was my problem.
00:14:45.000
Wait, I forgot what I was talking about before.
00:14:55.000
An open-handed slap that was probably more shocking than painful.
00:15:00.000
It's not like she had a black eye, but she's probably never been hit by a man before.
00:15:04.000
So we went to his apartment and kicked his ass very briefly.
00:15:10.000
That's a lunatic, pothead, fuckhead, spoiled brat who slapped a woman and got his comeuppance.
00:15:52.000
She goes, it's not because I'm a gay adult who watches kids' cartoons.
00:16:00.000
I know you have both lived upstate, and I'm curious what your take is.
00:16:03.000
We live in Kingston, and I can't decide if we should get out now or if we're in the right place for the apparent impending apocalypses.
00:16:12.000
This article is really good and gets crazier and crazier as it goes on.
00:16:18.000
So Warren Buffett's son, Peter Buffett, has dropped $160 million on a shit town in upstate, Kingston, New York, which sucks.
00:16:30.000
I think $160 million is obviously more than their entire budget.
00:16:38.000
Like in Monticello, I was up in Berryville, not far from Port Jervis, half an hour, 20 minutes.
00:16:46.000
In Monticello, the only people who have money are criminals and corrections officers.
00:16:51.000
So when you're at a restaurant, it's the guy with the gold chains, who's clearly a Coke dealer, or the fucking corrections officer guy that are getting their asses kissed by the waitress because they're the only ones that tip.
00:17:19.000
New Windsor, Monroe is really nice, but all the Hasidic.
00:17:32.000
There's nice parts of all those upstate places, but the places that are in disrepair are very...
00:17:36.000
I've stayed there once in the middle of a snowstorm.
00:17:39.000
They shut the highway down, so we had to stop and stay in some motel 6.
00:17:46.000
Just I was going to visit a girlfriend of mine who was going to college at Delhi University, and we never made it because of the snowstorm.
00:17:56.000
Yeah, I say if they're throwing money at your town, say thank you.
00:17:59.000
Plus, it's increasing the property value around.
00:18:13.000
Just canceled my subscription to Black Rifle Coffee.
00:18:15.000
Been with them for years, but after the recent interview with the New York Times, they can fuck off.
00:18:19.000
The CEO went on a rant about the Proud Boys being extremist and racist.
00:18:24.000
I would link to the article, but I don't want to give them one click.
00:18:30.000
Kiss up to the lefties and see how much coffee you can sell them.
00:18:34.000
Oh, better change the name of the company to something less scary for your new customers.
00:18:55.000
But we should be subscribed to New York Times and I actually drink Black Rifle Coffee.
00:19:07.000
Well, they stabbed Kyle Rittenhouse in the back.
00:19:11.000
Well, I know the CEO is Evan Hafer, and then a guy, Matt Best, and a guy named Jared Taylor.
00:19:24.000
Jared Taylor was what they called T-PAC in the Air Force.
00:19:30.000
He would go on special operations and control the overhead, the air.
00:19:36.000
When he needed air support, he would call it in for the special forces.
00:19:40.000
And then Matt Bess was a Ranger in 2nd or 3rd Battalion.
00:19:46.000
Why don't, like, we're not asking them to support Charlottesville, but how could you not support Kyle Rittenhouse?
00:19:56.000
Well, that's when they had to make it clear that they don't support that.
00:20:03.000
Kyle Rittenhouse does not strike me as a radical righty.
00:20:16.000
And it was fucking radical nut bar leftists that would love you to die.
00:20:20.000
Everyone who drinks black rifle coffee, they would love, and Tifa would love them all to die.
00:20:25.000
Weren't they hitting him in the head with a skateboard saying, I'm going to kill you?
00:20:32.000
Sounds like a pretty clear case of self-defense.
00:20:36.000
So in this article, he says, I hate racist, proud boyish people.
00:20:55.000
First of all, proud boys have nothing to do with racism, but how many racists are like, we love black rifle coffee and we hate niggers?
00:21:17.000
If that was the case, I asked, had Black Rifle Coffee, which sells a thin blue line coffee, consider changing the name of its Beyond Black Coffee, a dark roast.
00:21:26.000
It has sold for years to Beyond Black Lives Matter.
00:21:38.000
I saw, I don't know if it was Photoshop, but I saw a bag that had Black Lives Matter on it.
00:21:48.000
Oh, you have a bag of Black Lives Matter coffee.
00:22:15.000
They have great photography at the New York Times.
00:22:18.000
It's one of the only good things about that place.
00:22:22.000
He's the one who did the video saying, hey, the written out shit.
00:22:39.000
Here's a lame thing to say, but the fact that he has no tattoos bothers me.
00:22:46.000
I don't say it about my waiter or anything or my accountant, but you're in the military and you have no tattoos?
00:22:56.000
We don't see Matt Best saying any of this shit.
00:22:59.000
If it's controversial and it's going to shut your company down, I could see you when Kyle Rittenhouse is wearing your shirt, just shutting your mouth and not saying anything.
00:23:11.000
But to go out of your way to shit on your supporters.
00:23:29.000
Hey, Gavin, Rygai, I've stumbled across a rare 10 out of 10.
00:23:38.000
I stumbled across her show while watching TV with my Spanish mom, and I couldn't believe my eyes.
00:23:49.000
Okay, now I want to make something clear when we review these kind of women.
00:23:53.000
I know that I'm a, without any of the money or the background, I'm like a 5.8, right?
00:23:59.000
So I would eat shit for a mile just to get to her ass, just to be clear.
00:24:04.000
But we're obviously just judging 10, so it's like when you're talking about the MLB and you say Noah Synergaard sucks this year because he's only throwing 90 miles an hour.
00:24:14.000
I could probably throw 45 miles an hour, and even then it would make my hand throb from the blood going forward.
00:24:20.000
I'm not in the same league as this person, but the beauty of, you know, media is you get to bitch about women out of your league.
00:24:28.000
I'll tell you what, though, the way her top is makes her right boob look very long.
00:24:54.000
But the one that's like kind of down on her shoulders.
00:25:06.000
I mean, Maddie could wear that and I'd have a boner.
00:25:11.000
But I gotta say, I'm not at bananas about her nose.
00:25:16.000
So she's got butt cleavage, and her nose is not cute enough for my taste.
00:25:22.000
It's got that Sarah Silverman kind of a beak thing.
00:25:50.000
I don't think he's talking about anyone but Ryan there.
00:25:53.000
Been watching every night with the wife and have been noticing the stuff you're always bringing up.
00:26:00.000
The greatest threat to our democracy since 9-11, the Civil War, Pearl Harbor, etc., are the narrative the idiots of the country are gobbling up in reference to the meandering, voting, and any other thing they can use.
00:26:13.000
They're even talking about censoring anyone from all platforms if they get banned from one, as well as censoring text messages.
00:26:27.000
And check out Cocaine Country Dancing for an intro song.
00:26:38.000
You can't DM someone a censored.tv link on Facebook or Instagram or anything.
00:26:58.000
They're the ones where Ryan Gurduski pointed out that if you're looking for a race war and racism, check out the Mexican gangs murdering blacks in South Central just because they're in their neighborhood.
00:27:13.000
Shooting, they shot some black teenager 13 years old on her skateboard.
00:27:17.000
They would shoot into homes and throw Molotov cocktails into black people's homes based on where the children are to maximize the terror.
00:27:34.000
It would be a grievous error to assume that President Joe Biden and his merry band of Democratic lawmakers only wish to tamper with your tech message over supported COVID-19 misinformation.
00:27:43.000
The very idea they would make such a suggestion should send a chill down the spine of any freedom-loving American.
00:27:50.000
See, that's such a great way to get in the door.
00:28:04.000
Well, that was his big push the other day, Biden, about misinformation.
00:28:08.000
He wants the cellular phone companies to tap into your SMSs.
00:28:15.000
Is there anyone in America who goes, that sounds good?
00:28:26.000
Antifa's got to know that they're on the chopping block, too.
00:28:35.000
Starts out, we don't want you to think that if you take this vaccine, you'll die.
00:28:39.000
And it ends up with, you shouldn't be criticizing Biden.
00:28:48.000
They called the laptop thing Russian disinformation.
00:29:01.000
Hey, Gav, this is just one example of insanity going on in the Bay Area.
00:29:04.000
The crime is so bad in Oakland that even all the BLM anti-police brutality people are starting to think, Jesus Christ, Mercedes calling me like 15 times a day now.
00:29:24.000
Yeah, sorry, the left is starting to think they've messed things up.
00:29:27.000
The D and the judges in San Francisco are still letting out criminals with little to no punishment.
00:29:32.000
So this woman, this young girl, is being stalked by a lunatic.
00:29:38.000
And she calls her father, Blaise Zariga, and she says, this guy's been chasing me, groping me.
00:29:44.000
I'm hiding in a bookshop, and this nut is telling me they belong together.
00:29:53.000
They get the guy, Bill Gene Hobbs, and he has evil tattooed on his fingers, and he's been stalking her.
00:30:03.000
They don't even let her have a restraining order.
00:30:28.000
I mean, is that an argument for vigilanteism or what?
00:30:47.000
First, I'd like to congratulate Ryan on having a baby and getting, quote unquote, married, which he's not done.
00:31:04.000
Then I would like to thank Gavin because he's the reason I cannot find an aide.
00:31:13.000
I'm in a wheelchair and need an aide to help me do my daily things like eat, go to the bathroom, and basically do everything for me that I can't do.
00:31:21.000
I've been looking to hire a new aide, and every time they walk into my room and see the Proud Boy's flag and how religiously I watch your show, they get offended and don't come back.
00:31:33.000
So that's a perfect example of someone scared of your thoughts because you're clearly paralyzed.
00:31:41.000
You're only sitting in a chair and thinking and those thoughts are a threat to them.
00:31:47.000
Talk about the fucking pussification of a country.
00:31:50.000
That paralyzed man's thoughts are a threat to me.
00:31:55.000
If anybody that lives in Syracuse wants to help, please let me know.
00:31:58.000
One more thing, I've been wanting to get a VPN.
00:32:00.000
I wanted to know if you could suggest a good one.
00:32:02.000
Also an internet, because Google is taking over.
00:32:08.000
Well, we had a VPN guy as a client for a while, right?
00:32:23.000
Sometimes there's a weird thing, though, where you look up like Maddie Odell, and it'll say zero results.
00:32:33.000
Like, I'm sure there's a football player with that name from the 60s.
00:32:48.000
Hey, Gavin, if you thought Ryan's apartment was disgusting, you need to check out Hood Meals on TikTok.
00:32:59.000
This guy is living in the hood, and he shows his various disgusting meals, and occasionally you get a look at his...
00:33:28.000
Okay, check him out when he goes to his fridge.
00:33:57.000
I think the toilet you shoved your hand into was a lot bigger than that tank.
00:34:26.000
I talked to a cop once who said he went to a house in East New York, kids running around.
00:34:35.000
And the kids went to bed when they went to bed.
00:34:39.000
There was no nothing, no dinner time, no bedtime.
00:34:41.000
There was food, though, and the food was just a big iron skillet on the stove that was, what do you call it, Sloppy Joe?
00:34:50.000
And when the kids were hungry, they would go by and have a nibble.
00:34:59.000
So what you would do is you'd go by the frying pan and you'd go, kong, kong, kong, kong, kong, with your spoon.
00:35:08.000
And then you'd have your spoonfuls and then drop the spoon and leave.
00:35:16.000
So the sloppy Joe would be probably at least 2% roach shit.
00:35:53.000
I would commit random acts of violence if my home looked like that for sure.
00:35:59.000
Go underneath the sink and turn up the water supply, asshole.
00:36:20.000
That guy, he's living on the street eating what in prison or jail you would call a crackhead soup because it costs 15 cents.
00:36:39.000
He is South African, but lived in China for a long time, and mostly makes videos about China.
00:36:44.000
He recently did a deep dive into what is happening in South Africa right now.
00:36:48.000
Here's one clip I pulled from the video around 40 minutes in.
00:36:54.000
What you can see here, guys, is my daughter playing with children.
00:37:11.000
Mexican, black, Korean, Puerto Rican, white, and God knows what else.
00:37:26.000
And there's nothing, there's no hatred, there's no weirdness, there's no racism, there's no bullshit, it's safe.
00:37:43.000
They think it's the most racist country in the world.
00:37:49.000
If you grew up in South Africa, if you lived in China, any of these places that I've spent great times, like great periods of my life in, you would know what real racism is.
00:37:59.000
America is a country where my child, who is a mixed child, can play with children of all different races and the parents sitting around there.
00:38:34.000
Is this some goofy shit like 12 plus 4, like 12 plus 2, like 14 hours?
00:38:40.000
So this is the guy, if anybody wants to check it out.
00:38:59.000
He was in Gunfights, soldiers in Afghanistan, gang members.
00:39:12.000
That's a once-in-a-lifetime thing, assuming you live.
00:39:26.000
What was that Dianeford song you said was all about Zuma?
00:39:35.000
They don't trust anyone because the cops will shoot you in the back of the head.
00:39:38.000
And they don't stop at the robots, which are the traffic lights.
00:39:42.000
You got to keep your head on a swivel, 360 degrees.
00:39:59.000
There's a live performance of it, but otherwise there is no video.
00:40:23.000
We were talking the other day about how they're much more comfortable with DMS and Lord Isak than they are with Drake and Kanye West because they come from hell.
00:41:19.000
I met this British guy who lived there recently, and it's been shitty for a long time.
00:41:25.000
And he goes, oh, it was the greatest time of my life.
00:41:33.000
We were in an encampment, and you come home, and the steel gates would open, and then they closed behind.
00:41:39.000
He goes, there was a shooting in the next block from me, actually.
00:41:42.000
Home invaders shot, and the people were armed, and they killed the home invaders.
00:42:02.000
Certain types of fish are being renamed in the wake of anti-Asian hate crimes.
00:42:07.000
So Asian carp is now being called invasive carp.
00:42:28.000
Yeah, because doesn't it help to know where they're infading from?
00:42:31.000
Because if you're like, well, this is where they're from.
00:42:36.000
But if you say it's an Asian, you're like, what the fuck's an Asian carp doing here?
00:42:41.000
Well, they say, have you seen the videos of them where people are riding in their boat and they're jumping everywhere?
00:42:48.000
Because they get really freaked out by engines.
00:42:50.000
I guess where they're from, there's not a lot of motorboats.
00:42:54.000
So they go crazy when they hear engines and they start leaping to get out of the water to get the sound out.
00:43:02.000
You spread bread into like balls and you put it on the hook and that's how you catch carp.
00:43:08.000
They don't eat meat or worms or anything like that.
00:43:31.000
They were dumped at the waterways in the United States, and they people threw them there.
00:43:38.000
And that's why they're known as the invasive species.
00:43:50.000
The gookworms are still staying because they come from, I believe, gook, Taiwan.
00:44:01.000
They've been in the United States for 100 years.
00:44:10.000
They're stuck on the hull of some boat or something?
00:44:15.000
See, if we had the computer up and running, we could say, computer, who brought Asian carp here?
00:44:28.000
You can stand over by the bridges, by the railroad tractions, and look down, and you'll see hundreds of them.
00:44:41.000
They were imported in the United States into some of the southern states for us in private aquaculture ponds to clean out algae.
00:44:51.000
We've had some invasive algae that's been pretty bad.
00:44:55.000
Modern Baseball, the band, is just a copy of The Front Bottoms.
00:45:02.000
Sorority Noise is also a similar band that is good, but the song Flashlight by the Front Bottoms is a romantic song you would like.
00:45:55.000
What about uh put on um the hold steady that's an exciting band that does that kind of talky emo while Ryan digs that up someone sent in a picture that's on the Fox News building the maastro still had glitter on his face They led us to the office and once my eyes adjusted I took a little look around Is this their biggest hit?
00:46:24.000
On the mantel was a portrait Ryan play their biggest hit they got this song that has this chorus like oh oh They go crazy people have been complaining about this lip here and asking us to get some sort of a board that makes it consistent.
00:46:41.000
But if you notice no You're a pussy if that bothers you dead on though that's the way it has to be so see how that picture lines up like that otherwise if we move flush like the picture don't line up like that.
00:46:53.000
Well also we get a glare if we don't have the screens at our glare.
00:47:03.000
Yeah, you go to Hold Steady in Videos and you go The Bear and the Made and Fair.
00:47:40.000
I like seeing singers that are ugly because I know they're good.
00:47:44.000
It's like in baseball when they're drafting guys, they look for the guy with the ugly girlfriend because it means he's a hard worker and he's loyal and stays true.
00:47:59.000
Hearts to be heartbroken and always being broken.
00:48:36.000
So he's got some black crackhead calling him a lot?
00:48:47.000
Anyway, due to belligerent, and check out the Hold Steady, they're worth your time, I promise.
00:48:51.000
Due to the belligerent and embarrassing actions of certain individuals, all Fox News and Fox business channel guests must pass a breathalyzer test before appearing on air.
00:49:02.000
I haven't been at Fox for like fucking five years at least.
00:49:10.000
One show, I was doing Coke with Bill Schultz in Drinking All Day.
00:49:15.000
And then I went, oh shit, from 35th Street, I went, I got to go home.
00:49:24.000
Change into a suit and then get picked up to come do Fox.
00:49:28.000
I'm riding my bicycle, annihilated on Adderall and Booz, and I was hitting cars that were going in the same direction, like falling into them, wiping out.
00:49:40.000
And I remember like these construction workers getting out of their truck and going, holy shit, are you okay?
00:49:51.000
And I went home, I put on the suit, I called the car service or whatever.
00:49:57.000
And I just fell asleep on the hardwood floor in a suit with a puddle of blood growing behind me.
00:50:06.000
And then I woke up, cleaned up the bloodstain with toilet paper, got in the taxi, and then I get to the show and Jim Norton was there.
00:50:23.000
So I got more paper towels and I cleaned it off.
00:50:27.000
And then I did the show basically Blackout Drunk.
00:50:37.000
I bet if you looked up Gavin McKinnis Drunk Red Eye.
00:50:46.000
Sometimes they'd have to like Greg would have to acknowledge it because it was embarrassing.
00:51:24.000
I found a good playlist, by the way, but let's see.
00:51:28.000
Kevin McInnis Under the Influence is the name of the video.
00:51:49.000
The truth about this story is actually kind of haunting.
00:52:10.000
Two years later, and a few people tried to rescue it.
00:52:13.000
And just before it does something, stop talking.
00:52:24.000
They found a tongue in a claw machine, and I said the woman had a miscarriage, and she threw it in there, and it lived on Smarties and grew up in the claw machine.
00:52:44.000
See, this we're going to be removing from the mailbag for misinformation.
00:52:52.000
And for your protection, we're not going to read this email.
00:52:56.000
Gavin, you're such a staggering fucking hypocrite lecturing Ryan about willfully ignorant and refusing to take in contrary information.
00:53:07.000
Every time anyone emails or calls into your show with some sort of critique or contrary piece of information, you immediately accuse them of being a quote-unquote millennial and discount what they're saying.
00:53:18.000
It's such an embarrassing fucking crutch that this guy's got some real oomph to him, doesn't he?
00:53:26.000
That anytime a caller brings up something contrary to what you're saying, we immediately start the timer to see how long it takes for you to start screaming the fucking M word at them.
00:53:34.000
Either that or you start quizzing them on how many kids they've had because pumping sperm into a bitch is such a high talent skill.
00:53:47.000
That was very hurtful, but I think it would be much more effective if you had specific examples.
00:53:54.000
Because it is amazing how often millennials come up with some sort of criticism and they're wrong.
00:54:00.000
Now, in this case, you make an interesting allegation, but we need...
00:54:07.000
What you need to make your point is an example of me calling someone a millennial and them being right.
00:54:14.000
But you don't have that because you're a fucking millennial.
00:54:22.000
It's easy to make an interesting allegation, but can you make an interesting alligator?
00:54:33.000
I mean, if you just have the tail and little hands, that's not really interesting.
00:54:39.000
But if you had, like, maybe elephant ears or something.
00:54:54.000
You were going to smash my money on the market.
00:54:55.000
How much is that fancy one with the different colored things on the back?
00:55:14.000
So he's going to try to go ahead copy in that molester.
00:55:25.000
Pete Townsend was accused of having kiddie porn.
00:55:32.000
How much fucking, how would that really help you?
00:55:35.000
If I was, first of all, I would never want to do research.
00:55:38.000
Like, say you're doing a screenplay about a pedophile.
00:55:42.000
But I would call the police or someone and say, hi, I'm about to do some research for a role in a play about a pedophile.
00:55:54.000
I can tell you the hours I'll be doing this research from 3 to 4 on Thursday.
00:55:58.000
Like, I don't want this on my fucking computer.
00:56:07.000
Well, he did have a song called Rough Boys Out on the Street.
00:56:15.000
Now, when I see kids that are like bad boys and they have, you know, a rumble seat in their car and a chain and a switchblade, I think, oh, good.
00:56:24.000
There's some young youngsters getting up to trouble.
00:56:32.000
Sucking on their dicks and tasting them in any fashion doesn't come up.
00:56:39.000
That's not something that goes through your mind when you see quote-unquote rough boys.
00:56:52.000
I don't know, because there's some molesty stuff in that shitty album they put out.
00:57:21.000
So we have a kidney porn allegation and talking about boys and saying he wants to bite and kiss them.
00:57:49.000
Maybe it's a woman saying this and he's just singing it?
00:58:04.000
Rough fits in my hush puppy shoes, but I'm still pleading, pleading, bleeding, fining, whining, shining.
00:58:20.000
Ew, he just, did he tap one of their feet with his feet?
00:58:25.000
The way he was looking at him, the guy he was standing behind there, just looking him up and down.
00:58:31.000
Can you please put her in the video and have her eyeing the rough boys?
00:58:49.000
When he sniffs women, and we were talking with that weird gay black guy, remember, that was on the show a million years ago?
00:58:56.000
You think you want to high five of them and go, what's up, buddy?
00:58:59.000
Sniffing them is number 1,036 on the to-do list.
00:59:14.000
Yeah, if Gay's a step up from your song that you just made, that's...
00:59:23.000
Oh, I saw these kids the other day, these skateboarders, they were out there, they were doing tricks, and security was chasing them, and they were like, fuck you, and they ran away.
00:59:35.000
I just wanted to bite some of them, maybe on the forearm, and then just taste like their legs or their legs.
00:59:47.000
When you see guys out there up to no good, you're like, get over here, you.
01:00:07.000
This is from Mike, Portland PD doing weird shit.
01:00:18.000
The Portland police used Photoshop to alter a defendant's photo to make him look more like a robbery suspect.
01:00:27.000
So at first glance, you go, well, that's corrupt.
01:00:34.000
The guy was a serial bank robber, doing it again and again and again.
01:00:39.000
But when he would go up to the till, he would cover his tattoos with brown makeup.
01:00:48.000
So when the police were looking for the guy, they didn't include the tattooed face.
01:00:55.000
They include the disguise, basically, that he was wearing.
01:00:59.000
But the judges went, oh, so you're photoshopping pictures now?
01:01:12.000
Now, anyone who saw this booking photo would go, oh, it's not him.
01:01:27.000
Well, it's a little darker, so it's more beardy.
01:01:48.000
Yeah, like say I robbed a bank and then I shaved my beard off.
01:01:51.000
When you're putting out the can you find this guy, you're going to have me with a mustache on.
01:02:00.000
Well, that's been done for years with guys would dress up as women and rob banks and they'll show the woman pick.
01:02:16.000
Wait, did he say bite and taste or bite and bite and kiss?
01:02:44.000
I don't even really want to do that to hot chicks.
01:03:28.000
Rough boys, throughout my entire life, I've never heard.
01:03:32.000
The only way to do a song about rough boys is like, good work, rough boys.
01:03:44.000
I know you don't want to fuck me because I wear hush puppies.
01:03:59.000
It's kind of like, it's not even just a gay song.
01:04:23.000
What we value most should be held in our hands.
01:04:43.000
I mean, I guess if a black woman really stayed out in the sun and lay there on a lawn chair for six hours, she might become a little darker.
01:05:04.000
A trust that fuels us to know exactly where we stand.
01:05:28.000
We use sunscreen because we don't want to singe ourselves so we're peeling off giant sheets of skin.
01:05:35.000
And you can't sleep at night if you sunburn your back.
01:05:44.000
So the only excuse you have for sunscreen is because you don't want to be darker and that's racist.
01:05:56.000
I remember I used to go to Costa Rica with my co-worker, Sarush Alve, from Vice, and he'd come back darker.
01:06:23.000
Well, they probably have the excuse of saying, well, it's not that we don't want to get dark or we don't want to get skin cancer.
01:06:30.000
But I think you need to get burned to get skin cancer.
01:06:34.000
I don't think it's bad when black people get dark.
01:06:41.000
Oh, when we were kids, you didn't wear, there was no sunscreen ever.
01:06:47.000
You just made sure there was no sand in the bed because that made it much more painful.
01:06:52.000
I can remember being young, like 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, and getting so sunburned that my back would be blisters.
01:07:02.000
And girls in the neighborhood would want to pop them and peel the skin.
01:07:06.000
I would sit there for hours with girls peeling sheets of skin off my back.
01:07:11.000
Well, that was the goal, to get the biggest piece you could.
01:07:14.000
Like if you got something like this, that was a major accomplishment.
01:07:19.000
Don't move, don't move, don't move, don't move.
01:07:37.000
At a time in my life when I was being convinced that a woman should prioritize her career above all else, your videos made me realize all I really wanted in life was just the opposite.
01:07:45.000
Nothing can make me happier than to be a wife and a mother.
01:07:52.000
However, a common attitude I'm coming across with men in their 30s is that they don't believe in marriage.
01:07:57.000
What they mean by that is they will live with you, they will be in a long-term relationship with you, they'll have kids with you, but they don't see the importance of a legal piece of paper that says you're married.
01:08:06.000
What would you say to a man that says they don't believe in marriage that would convince them of its importance?
01:08:18.000
It's too easy to leave a woman that you're not married to.
01:08:21.000
It's just you're in a relationship and she has a kid.
01:08:25.000
I mean, they're still going to get fucked financially if it's more than 10 years, right?
01:08:28.000
But you should say to him, if it's no big deal, then let's just get married.
01:08:32.000
If it's just a silly piece of paper, then you shouldn't have a problem with it.
01:08:36.000
If I, and this is the woman talking, if I was at a thing where I like men to wear hats on Wednesdays and you go, that's stupid.
01:08:43.000
Well, if it's so stupid and nothing, pop a hat on on a Wednesday.
01:08:58.000
I think that's the way you have to do it because I'm not saying that marriage is the be-all and end-all and your life is meaningless without it, but it's sort of like not all Muslims are terrorists, but all terrorists are Muslim.
01:09:11.000
Not all deadbeats that aren't going to be there for you are against marriage.
01:09:17.000
Not everyone who gets married is going to be a great husband and never stab you in the back, but the deadbeats are all anti-marriage.
01:09:27.000
And I feel like I'm betraying my gender here by giving all these tips.
01:09:37.000
But my buddy Tracy, she said to her friend Dan, what kind of wedding ring are you going to get?
01:09:44.000
And he said, well, I'd want to use my grandmother's wedding ring.
01:09:49.000
She's always talking about marriage, by the way.
01:09:53.000
So next time he sees her, he's brought it back from his grandmother's house.
01:10:18.000
And all this shit about, it's just a piece of paper.
01:10:33.000
Like, we didn't get divorced due to like infidelity or anything.
01:10:38.000
I would say I was 22, 23, and my wife was 19 at the time.
01:11:01.000
But I've been riding motorcycles since I'm 10 years old.
01:11:05.000
She was a little unhappy with my motorcycles because she had a cousin that was very near and dear to her that died in a motorcycle wreck.
01:11:14.000
So to try to pass a fire, I sold the bikes that I had at the time.
01:11:26.000
Like, we had different directions we wanted to go.
01:11:30.000
You know, Chuck Zito says, I spent too much time at the club with the boys.
01:11:38.000
I didn't spend time with my daughter, I think it was.
01:11:44.000
Everyone's walking on eggshells when they talk about Chuck Zito.
01:11:55.000
And he told the story that he was going to show up on this day to go riding with the boys.
01:12:00.000
And he told his wife at the time, no, you can't come.
01:12:04.000
And when he showed up, the two other guys had their wives with them.
01:12:21.000
No, but I mean, spending too much time with the guys, with the club, with whatever.
01:12:31.000
But didn't you go to prison while you were married to her?
01:12:40.000
No, I was actually in jail doing a year in county jail when I got divorced October 2001.
01:12:55.000
He did two years for insider trading, which I think he was innocent.
01:13:03.000
Just in New York State, it takes a year to get for the paperwork to go through because they want you to kind of try and reconcile.
01:13:13.000
So we're just not getting the gossip out of you is what I'm saying.
01:13:19.000
I could go back through my rap sheet and look at it.
01:13:21.000
But in 2001, October, when it was finalized, I was actually incarcerated.
01:14:00.000
And if this guy says it's a meaningless piece of paper, then he shouldn't have a problem with going to get it.
01:14:09.000
But when I got married to my wife, you know, her parents flew down there.
01:14:18.000
And to bail a year later would be I fucked over all of these people who came there and wasted their time for some bullshit.
01:14:27.000
That's why when people have second marriage, the dad doesn't have to pay for it and no one has to go.
01:14:32.000
Because we already put all your eggs in the first basket.
01:14:35.000
Well, traditionally, it's supposed to be the bride's father who pays for the wedding.
01:14:40.000
Right, but he doesn't have to do that more than once.
01:14:47.000
I saw this great meme this morning that said how to arrest an Italian, and it was handcuffs over this part of the hand.
01:15:00.000
All right, folks, that's from the mailbag special edition here in the holiday weeks.
01:15:06.000
We don't want to deprive you of quality content, so we pre-record these.
01:15:11.000
We're also a little insecure and worried that you'll go get your pussy from someone else.
01:15:17.000
We want you to only bite and kiss us and no one else.
01:15:25.000
Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.