In this episode of Get Off My Lawn, Gav talks about his new music video, how he would like to be put in a medically induced coma, and why he thinks white people are racist because they're not black.
Transcript
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00:01:49.000These are all baby monster submissions, by the way.
00:01:52.000I was going to play this black homo who I've been meaning to play for a long time.
00:01:57.000It's a really funny video because it's about like, hey, girl, you think I'm not one of the girls just because I'm a big fat, gay black dude?
00:02:29.000They're like the freak homos of the school.
00:02:32.000And the in-crowd, I guess, in this magical world, are white.
00:02:35.000Of course, in reality, the freaks, the homos, would be the in-crowd.
00:02:40.000And the white girls would be getting told that they're racist pieces of shit and probably be, I don't know, have the shit beaten out of them for daring to be white.
00:02:52.000But if you're going to have this crazy world where black gays are treated like shit, which would only really happen at black schools, maybe Hispanic schools, but not white schools.
00:03:01.000But anyway, let's pretend that's a universe.
00:03:04.000Then these people had better be doing some amazing flips and Ollie McTwists and fucking hand springs.
00:03:15.000Like, I better go, what the hell was that?
00:06:46.000And then finally, of course, let's cleanse the palette with the chat's testament to ACDC, which once again, Australia's hitting it out of the park with high-quality entertainment.
00:06:58.000ACDC, who they call the second best band in the world.
00:08:48.000Although, meeting the Catholic Church is a little horn-based.
00:09:26.000Speaking of rock and jams, someone sent me a TikTok today of a woman listening to what appears to be a remix of Yours Truly telling her the truth.
00:09:39.000And she's outraged at how sexist it is.
00:09:41.000And I want to see if you notice something about this video.
00:10:55.000But this woman is happy at home, spending lots of time at home, alone, and lamenting the fact that she doesn't have a boyfriend, which really is, you know, your genetics yearning for a family.
00:11:09.000If a young girl wants a boyfriend, a generation or two ago, she would have been married with a kid by now.
00:11:17.000I mean, God did design us to have families much younger than we do.
00:11:22.000The reason you see these 13, 14-year-olds busting ass at baseball is because they have testosterone coursing through their veins.
00:11:53.000I don't know if you saw the entire show on Wednesday before I showed up, but Bobby Kelly sat down in the chair and the little footrest just went kung and broke off.
00:12:04.000And he just goes, these fucking garbage chairs, these cheap bullshit chairs, which I think is what fat people do when they break a chair.
00:12:11.000They bitch about how stupid and cheap the chair is.
00:12:13.000Now, Anthony's had Big A over at his house quite a bit and has lost $4,000 of chairs.
00:12:20.000And he's not a fan of fat people wrecking his chairs.
00:12:23.000In fact, I heard him say about Big A, he goes, how is that different than a junkie borrowing my car and wrecking it?
00:12:30.000He's addicted to food and he wrecked my beautiful chair.
00:14:30.000The fact that you can turn your obesity into some sort of genetic curse and then get mad at everyone for not acquiescing into your obesity, that's, well, it's the kind of thing that lazy fat pigs do.
00:15:04.000But not due to fatness, I don't think.
00:15:07.000To second guess whether or not it was okay to sit down in the chairs provided to you.
00:15:13.000If you've never had a fucking panic attack at school because you couldn't fit into the goddamn chair desk situation, then you don't deal with fat phobia at the same level that the rest of us do.
00:15:45.000You don't understand the benefits of being a normal person until you look at someone like me who, you know, can't buy clothes off the shelf.
00:15:58.000Can't ride in certain size cars, can't ride in certain size airplane seats, going to hotels, overseas, staying in small beds, trying to fit in small shoes.
00:16:06.000You purposely made yourself way bigger than everyone else in both cases.
00:16:41.000Speaking of funny, Gazzikadzo is still fucking shit up.
00:16:46.000So he's now, he's a giant troll, whether he knows it or not.
00:16:50.000This is the guy, he's the reason we say, Uhuru, he is the soundbite, Uhuru.
00:16:57.000We saw him on a viral video, god damn it, seven years ago now, where he was making white people talk about how they're going to give reparations, Doe.
00:17:34.000Then they got land in Arizona, which I don't think they can have.
00:17:40.000So I think they've since been evicted from this random clump of land they said they were starting a new society on, if we all recall that.
00:17:47.000And the most recent development is that he is supporting Nikki Minaj in her war on vaxxers, which is awesome.
00:17:59.000And now he's inviting Trump people to come with him.
00:18:02.000Group that protested CDC in support of Nicki Minaj invites Trump supporters to join them for demonstration this Friday at CDC headquarters.
00:18:08.000Says CDC employees threw things at them.
00:18:18.000And people keep, he's kind of like Forrest Gump in that he keeps popping up and people don't realize that's the guy from the previous thing.
00:18:26.000They're just like, there's a weird black activist out there.
00:18:29.000Is there a video of him telling Trump supporters that they're invited?
00:19:23.000So, speaking of which, by the way, the COVID thing, jump to 2-2.
00:19:26.000Didn't I call this a million years ago?
00:19:28.000I said, if you have To get on your $5,000 computer and then use your hashtag and your UPC thing to log in and get on the database and then show your iPhone, your $1,000 iPhone.
00:19:43.000You're going to have lots of organized white liberals who are willing to be part of the movement, and you're going to have a lot of 72-year-old Dominican dudes who barely have a flip phone.
00:19:54.000And when that happens at an event and all the white people come in and the black and the browns have to stay there, you're going to have a racist law and you're going to shit your pants.
00:20:02.000Now, Oregon came across this and their solution, which didn't last long because it's a violation of the 1962 Civil Rights Act, was people of color are exempt.
00:20:13.000That didn't work, thank God, because that was a hole in my theory.
00:20:16.000But here we have Black Lives Matter of Greater New York blasting the vaccine mandates as racist and disrespectful.
00:20:25.000That's a funny word in black culture because it means so much to them.
00:20:29.000And as Jim Goad put it, why do you care who respects you?
00:20:33.000Don't be disrespectful to people or not respectful people.
00:20:36.000Disrespectful, I think, is not actually a word.
00:25:14.000But I'm talking about the faces, dude.
00:25:16.000Yeah, no, I. You failed at this so many times and then you always have your stupid bullshit excuse where you're like, yeah, yeah, no, the app only has like one face and you have to do it this way.
00:26:58.000His stand-up career is a complete failure.
00:27:00.000Even at SNL, the only character he managed really to get on screen was Weekend Update's Drunk Girl, which was popular for a while in the Tina Fey, Jimmy Fallon days.
00:27:11.000Anyway, as Ryan showed me, I didn't know this, but last night he showed me this guy has been doing celebrity interviews where he's got the cool digital face that I wish Ryan could figure out.
00:27:23.000And then he's talking to a real celebrity, or sometimes he's talking to himself.
00:27:27.000And the quality of these fucking videos, like look at that, look at the Dustin Hoffman one.
00:27:33.000Surrey is not on prescription medication.
00:27:35.000I try to, you know, try to teach my kids to mirror away from that very negative pathway.
00:32:50.000Also, I'm fascinated by this incredibly pretty and dainty-looking Asian woman named Nina Lin, who lives in Chinatown, and she lives near African Americans.
00:33:04.000And if you grow up with blacks in China, I mean, sorry, in New York City, you become trash.
00:33:11.000So wait, before you show that, maybe show a different one.
00:33:18.000Look, look, she talks like Cardi B. She's begging for a Pygmalion situation where Professor Higgins comes in and shows her how to enunciate and how to be a lady because she's fucking trash.
00:33:30.000Like if your friends saw you with her, they go, oh shit, you hooked up with a hot Asian girl.
00:37:44.000After the fall of the Roman Empire, the Catholic Church had to rebuild society, and with that became a bunch of rules and laws, and they needed experts to run the society.
00:38:08.000And there was, of course, Glasgow University, which was the first to say, thank you, church, for setting these up, but we're on our own now.
00:38:15.000We want to separate church and state, which is really the fundamentals of Western society, which is why Arthur Herman says that the Scots invented the modern world because they were the first to separate church and state.
00:38:27.000Anyway, that's what they sh well, hold on.
00:38:32.000I was going to say, that's what they should have said, but should they have said this?
00:39:48.000But if blacks feel uncomfortable anywhere, people of color, so it could be Lebanese, Polynesian, some fucking Polynesian aristocrat who had her ass wiped her whole life.
00:39:59.000If she shows up and sees like a guy who likes cops.
00:40:33.000This white man thinks he can take up our space and this is why we need a multicultural space because they think they can get away with this shit.
00:40:40.000I'm going to sit here the whole time and you can find somebody to keep it down.
00:42:20.000So it's at this point where I kind of wished, and this is naive of me, I kind of wished he had said, who do you think invented your phone, this table, this backpack, this shirt?
00:42:30.000Who do you think developed your hair products?
00:45:17.000I don't think there's one like geography class where you're learning about Central America and the difference between Honduras and Guatemala.
00:47:49.000So the hypothesis of the Joyanne Reeds of the world is that we see black, missing black women and we go, eh, yuck, they probably deserve to die.
00:48:02.000And then we see a white woman and we go, oh no.
00:48:04.000Dude, you're not paying attention to the cases.
00:48:07.000Lacey Peterson was a very intense case.
00:48:10.000If you had a normal, functioning, happy black family wherein the black woman was pregnant and she was about to give birth and then on Christmas Eve, her black middle-class husband went fishing as she vanished.
00:48:32.000And then we were wondering if she was chopped up in Tupperware in the bay.
00:48:41.000And if a black couple were vlogging their travels and the black girl vanished, it would probably be bigger than Gabby Petito because people love that kind of shit.
00:48:53.000Joy Reed, of course, disagrees and says that we ignore dead blacks all the time, which got me thinking, we ignore dead whites all the time and have been doing so since the early 90s.
00:49:22.00015 brutal murders of whites that didn't garner any kind of rioting, didn't garner any George Floydness.
00:49:29.000The first one that's not on this list, just to get things rolling, is, and I want you to notice when I'm doing this, how unfamiliar the names are.
00:49:59.000The only evidence that it didn't happen is some asshole said, no, I did it.
00:50:04.000Who was already, I think, on death row, an absolute fucking lunatic Hispanic guy, who may well have also raped her.
00:50:11.000This was a free-for-all, while and out, kids were doing all the time.
00:50:14.000Of course, in the Netflix show, The Way They See Us, or whatever it's called, they are wearing sweater vests and little polos, and they're, I think they're on their way to violin lessons.
00:50:27.000Where is Trisha Melly, the Central Park jogger, now?
00:50:34.000She does seminars on surviving brain injuries, and it must fucking murder her again to turn on MSNBC and see these assholes who have made millions of dollars in wrongful conviction suits.
00:51:11.000There she is, beautiful woman, very intelligent, and now she does medical seminars to talk about her fucking mashed in brains and how she managed to get them working again.
00:51:47.000Okay, so let's start with this couple.
00:51:50.000And you should always bring up this couple when people talk about white privilege and crime and how white victims are the ultimate victims and they get All this attention when black victims never get anything.
00:52:03.000One and two, Channon Christensen and Christopher Newsom.
00:52:08.000This is out in Kansas City, I believe.
00:52:10.000Maybe it was Knoxville, Tennessee, somewhere down south.
00:54:28.000This is not a drug deal where someone accidentally shot someone.
00:54:33.000This is a planned racial attack that the media ignored.
00:54:39.000And spoiler alert, the given, I think, with most people who look this up is that they didn't want to expose this because the crimes are so horrific that it would lead to racial strife and racial tension and black murder and stuff like that.
00:54:53.000I even have a dad later on begging people to calm down, Missy McLaughlin's father.
00:55:01.000I believe the reason the media ignores this is much simpler.
00:55:06.000I believe they ignore it because it's too graphic, it's too disgusting, it's too scary.
00:55:13.000And they know that couples and families are watching the news sometimes at dinner time, and they don't want to make people puke.
00:55:20.000So my personal theory is the reason you don't hear about the sadism, the fucking cruelty, the mind-blowing evil behind black-on-white hate crimes is that whites simply can't stomach it.
00:55:40.000Anyway, they put Shannon, she's got a strange spelling, it's like Shannon with the C. They put Shannon in the shower, they forced her, she's still alive, to scrub herself, wash her vagina with bleach.
00:55:50.000They're trying to get all their DNA off of her.
00:55:52.000They make her put bleach up her vagina.
00:55:55.000Then they take her out, they pour bleach down her throat, they light her on fire, and she burns alive.
00:56:04.000Then they try to get a hold of the bodies, and they're not successful.
00:59:38.000And this is, again, a random sampling.
00:59:40.000If you want me to get into the real numbers, it's hundreds of thousands.
00:59:44.000But here's nine I've chose you that are way more worthy of any attention than George Floyd and got maybe a hundredth, a fraction of one percent of the attention.
00:59:55.000Missy McLaughlin is one of the most disturbing ones.
00:59:59.000So she gets in a fight with her boyfriend.
01:00:31.000And by the way, the moral of the story here is if you get in a fight with your girlfriend when she's drunk, do not let her walk home alone.
01:00:46.000Then they invited two more black males to join in the gang rape, telling them, we captured a white woman.
01:00:52.000Two of the rapists' black girlfriends even watched and cheered them on.
01:00:58.000Her body was found on the side of the highway, shot five times.
01:01:02.000A note containing anti-white racial slurs was attached to the body, just so there's no doubts about why this woman was raped and beaten to death.
01:01:13.000Four of the black men were quickly arrested, and they told the police the savage crime was payback for racial oppression.
01:01:22.000They claimed ringleader Gardner told them, my New Year's resolution is to kill a white bitch.
01:01:30.000They shot her in the face five fucking times so she wouldn't be recognized.
01:02:28.000I don't feel like going out and punching a black kid in the face, but I am disgusted.
01:02:32.000And I'm disgusted by Joy Reed and all this bullshit about how we live in a racist society where a sticker on a kid's laptop makes people feel unsafe.
01:02:42.000This makes people feel unsafe because they are.
01:02:47.00010, 11, 12, 13, 14, Brad Heike, Heather Mueller, Aaron Sander, Jason Bieford, and a woman who I think was below, she wasn't of age, so she's just called Holly G. And this is,
01:03:03.000of course, the Wichita Massacre, pretty similar to the Shannon Christian and Christopher Newsom thing, where they kidnapped two couples, sorry, five people.
01:05:14.000There's no riots for her, no statues, no laws.
01:05:18.000I can't remember what's happening to the perps, but it's no 20 years in prison like Derek Chauvin.
01:05:25.000So anyway, we could go on and on for hours at this, but the point is that this missing white woman bullshit is incredibly insulting because the white-controlled media purposely throws stories like this under the rug because we can't stomach the brutal sadism of black-on-white hate crimes.
01:05:56.000I mean, it's ironic that I'm talking about how this isn't reported because it's a bummer, and now I feel bad reporting it because it's a bummer.
01:06:03.000But suffice to say, the next time someone talks about how hard it is for black people, you should go, the level of sadism in black-on-white hate crimes is so harsh that you don't know about most of those cases because the news is too scared to make you puke reporting on it.
01:06:24.000And then I think if they say, give me an example, the best one is always Channel Christian and Christopher Newsom.
01:06:31.000I think they call it like the Tennessee massacre or something.
01:06:53.000And he shows on his phone that massacre that happened where the black guy shot up the white church and no one had heard of it.
01:07:05.000Yeah, this is the guy trying to put it on everyone else.
01:07:08.000But look up those two names, Channon and Christopher Newsom, and see if there's a name for that particular massacre like on Wikipedia or something.
01:07:17.000It's one of the most wildly underreported cases in American history, and it's also one of the most disgusting.
01:07:24.000If a group of fucking rednecks kidnapped a cute young black couple, I mean, it's unfathomable.
01:07:34.000Beat them and rape them and laughing, say, we caught some niggers.
01:08:30.000The reason Haitian migrants discard their Chilean and Brazilian ID cards over here on the Mexico side is to obscure from asylum viewers, reviewers, that they were already safely and prosperously situated for years and years before coming in for the American upgrade.
01:12:12.000What about you and your shithole disgusting projects in the Bronx?
01:12:16.000Frankly, we would go out to play as young as five, maybe six, seven, and you would run around with your friends, and frankly, you'd hang out.
01:12:50.000Who says this is an impossible thing to do, and though I asked him almost a year ago to figure it out, he assured me that it was impossible.
01:12:58.000It's not impossible, but it's using an entire computer.
01:13:02.000And usually my workflow here kind of depends on me having two computers.
01:13:47.000I was watching Talking Sopranos with the two guys from the Sopranos, and they had fans come on the show, and the guy was like, I'm a professor.
01:13:54.000And I'm like, dude, what are you doing?
01:16:25.000Schmidt said yesterday they handled it superbly, but not just with the fire, but also with my wife and I. Tonelli did something beyond the Call of Duty.
01:17:46.000My mother-in-law, who lives in Florida, pointed this out.
01:17:49.000But if there was such a huge increase in deaths from the Chinese lab virus, then why do we not see funeral processions all the time blocking the roadways?
01:17:58.000Well, we had that Milton Keynes guy come up.
01:18:01.000Got a lot of shit from British people, by the way, telling us Milton Keynes sucks.
01:18:05.000Pretty sure that's where I went to meet Tommy Robinson at a beautiful pub on a cobblestone street.
01:18:10.000So maybe it mostly sucks, but it's got some nice areas.
01:18:17.000But yeah, that funeral home operator in Britain said nothing's changed.
01:18:21.000It's been the same number of bodies he's picked up forever.
01:18:25.000It's just these ones all get called COVID.
01:18:29.000I'm sure someone else has pointed this out, but a centrifuge does not test for COVID, aka the Chinese lab virus.
01:18:34.000PCR testing involves amplification of the DNA sample to look for certain base pairs of DNA that we have identified as coming from the virus.
01:18:43.000The polymerase chain reaction was discovered in the early 80s and can take a very minute sample of DNA and amplify to the extent we can see it using electrophoresis.
01:18:56.000What centrifuge does is separate different molecules based on their mass.
01:19:00.000Take a sample of blood and spin it really fast and the cells because they weigh more will be at the bottom of the tube and the serum and the other proteins at the top or in more detail at different layers and you can suck out with a pipette.
01:19:14.000When they talk about cycles they mean each blah blah this is pretty boring dude.
01:19:19.000You could have a couple of viruses in your nose or even a dead virus not as much needed to have illness but if you amplify that enough you could test positive.
01:19:27.000Yeah so six of one has half a dozen the other this is fucking you're being pedantic sir new video drop from Andy Brown.
01:19:37.000Oops I just said his name this is ancient Chinese secret please stop sending me this I get it once a fucking day guys when you send me a video drop you may want to check the date and the views 2.5 million views from the spring means I've probably come across it before wait why can't you load it dumbass because democracy basically means government by the people
01:24:14.000elevator ride to about 1600 feet and for that it's all about climbing how high am i oh a million of course you have to bring All your tools with you.
01:30:13.000So we had a problem with our payment processors.
01:30:16.000They were canceled, and some said that it was because we were involved in auctions, and banks hate auctions because they're rife with fraud.
01:30:23.000But we have a new payment processor now.
01:30:25.000I think I can bring the doodle auction back, especially if we don't put it on the site.
01:31:56.000So they were hearing all the audio that was coming through that we play through the computer, so it's an upgrade in many ways from the Skype thing.
01:32:18.000Study finds nothing more threatening than entirely blonde family.
01:32:22.000Reductress, I fell for this before this week because someone sent it in and I got soundly ridiculed for falling for an onion type of parody site.
01:32:32.000So I told her, I saved her the embarrassment and I said, they're mocking the left, calm down.
01:32:39.000And then she pulls Orion and cannot learn from her mistakes and she says, I don't think they're mocking the left.
01:37:06.000We don't usually do international videos, but this particular one made me just go, do you know what a gun is?
01:37:16.000Even hiding behind a car door is stupid.
01:37:19.000If there's a shootout on the street, I would try to get under the car, but the wheel well is the only place you can even hope that a bullet will deflect.
01:37:28.000Otherwise, it's going right through, Right into you.
01:37:33.000So, this was at an Indian trial in shithole India Stan, and a rival gang showed up pretending to be lawyers, and then they shot the bad guy, and then they got into a shootout with police.
01:37:47.000Now, it's India, so everything's made of fucking pita bread.
01:37:52.000And the fact that people are just sort of meandering like it's January 6th blows my mind.
01:37:57.000I was watching this, just yelling at my computer, going, run!
01:39:07.000Go for a five-hour hike with your kids.
01:39:12.000They'll hate it at first, but then they'll get into it.
01:39:14.000And the conversations you have, you climb up old trees, felled trees, you walk along them like this.
01:39:21.000There's nothing better than a nature hike with your kids.
01:39:24.000It totally recalibrates not just your relationship with them, but it recalibrates the individuals.
01:39:31.000And you just feel more at one with nature, more at one with society.
01:39:35.000You know, a lot of these, the most successful rehabs involve people going into the woods for 40 days, 50 days, 60 days.
01:39:44.000Kids that are having trouble at school or starting to get in with the wrong crowd, they'll send them to these nature retreats and they come out reborn.
01:39:53.000We were meant to be around nature and the fact that we're stuck in these concrete prisons shows that we're separating ourselves from what makes us great and what makes us who we are.
01:40:02.000So even if it's just some local suburban wooded trail, let's get our kids naturified this weekend and reconnect with the trees around us because the city sucks and we're losing ourselves.
01:40:18.000And as far as your future, you don't have to worry about it this weekend, but on Monday, I would highly recommend you get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
01:40:34.000Distance is a problem that I know how to solve.
01:40:40.000My life would be better if I wasn't involved.
01:40:46.000I know it sounds crazy, but lately, oh baby, I wish someone would know how to save me, please save me so please.