JustPearlyThings - April 22, 2023


Boss Babe Regrets Her Life Choices


Episode Stats

Length

10 minutes

Words per Minute

189.40332

Word Count

2,040

Sentence Count

180


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 you give up for the right guy? What would I give up for the right guy? Yeah, because we all agree
00:00:05.300 that you have to make sacrifices in relationships, right? So what sacrifices are you willing to make
00:00:09.340 in a relationship? You know what? We just had the conversation before you came, and we were
00:00:15.360 talking about if we see ourselves as modern woman and independent woman, and I made a transition.
00:00:19.920 I used to think I was a Miss Independent, modern woman, but the recent years, I've made that
00:00:27.420 transition, and I never thought I would give up my career, you know, just like being in a higher
00:00:36.080 position. I was looking, when I was younger, I was always looking for status. I was looking to go up
00:00:40.860 the career ladder, making money, but over time it has changed. I think now I'm getting older, and I'm
00:00:45.780 like, hey, have I been wasting some years? Do you think you have? Now looking back, no. I don't like
00:00:55.780 to think so, but if I were to go back and do some things different, I would, but I don't regret it
00:01:00.840 because that has added to my experience now. What would you do different? Well, don't listen to
00:01:05.620 songs like Neo, Miss Independent, first of all. And I think it's like this music culture, and yeah,
00:01:15.100 society. I would have gone back and gone, spoke to my aunties more, spoke to my mom more from Sudan,
00:01:22.780 and the traditions, because I see my parents are still married. My grandparents are still married,
00:01:27.480 and I would have, I wanted to rebel against that when I was younger. Now I made that transition,
00:01:34.360 and I'm thinking, I'm not that independent woman. I don't want to be an independent woman anymore.
00:01:39.560 So I would, if it's the right man, I believe that the right man, we have aligned visions and missions.
00:01:46.220 So I'm willing to give up everything I had in my career to go for what God has put us together as a
00:01:55.060 mission together. I would do that. Yeah. So you would give up your career for a family, say?
00:02:00.480 I would. If God wants me to do that, I would. Yeah. So one thing you said, you said you don't regret it?
00:02:07.040 Or you do, like... If I were to go back, I would do some things different, but I am grateful for where
00:02:12.440 I am at right now. So I'm grateful that I had this experience. Now I have a little niece.
00:02:17.260 I can teach her those things, so she doesn't go the road that I went to. But...
00:02:22.440 I just never understand when women say they don't regret it, if they would change it.
00:02:27.240 Because then wouldn't you regret it?
00:02:30.100 I don't understand your question. Like, I've heard girls say that, and it doesn't compute to me.
00:02:34.580 Because me, if I would change something, then I regret a certain decision.
00:02:37.640 Well, it's... If you don't like the outcome, if you don't like the outcome, like, why don't you
00:02:43.280 regret it? To be honest, Pearl, I don't... Again, like, I'm not going to apologize for it. I'm very
00:02:51.060 faith-driven, so I speak from that perspective. And regret is a very... It's a very bad feeling.
00:02:58.440 And it's... I don't believe that we're meant to live with regret. So before, I was regretting it,
00:03:03.680 for sure. I was feeling those regrets, and I was feeling those, oh, I shouldn't have done. But then,
00:03:09.120 because I'm safe now, because I have a different life now, I don't carry those feelings anymore. I'm set
00:03:14.800 free from that. So, yeah, if I... If I was... Why would anyone want to live with regret? And why would
00:03:21.780 that be comfortable for anybody to live with regret? And why would you... Anybody see that?
00:03:27.240 I don't mean it in, like, a way that... I don't mean it in a way that shames. But to me, like,
00:03:32.320 when I hear that, it just sounds like the same thing. That was my question. Because if I would
00:03:36.600 change something, then I regret it. Well, regret... If you're living in regret, it's like you're holding
00:03:40.160 on to something. Then you can't, at the same time, be grateful for who you are now, what you've got.
00:03:45.560 Oh, so it's kind of like just not living in, like, the shame of the decision, I see.
00:03:48.700 It's like, okay, I did that. And, like, sorry, was it Carmen? Yeah. Yeah, she was saying it's
00:03:54.540 what she's learned from it. So how can you regret that? It's like, wow, I've learned from it. If I
00:03:59.060 didn't go through this path, I wouldn't even know. I could have... No, I mean, I could absolutely look
00:04:04.620 at certain decisions that I've learned from and be like, well, I regret... Yeah, I wish I didn't do that.
00:04:09.120 Yeah, 100%. There are things I've done... And I'm not saying you should wallow in it. You can't change it.
00:04:13.140 Yeah. But, yeah, I get what you're saying. There are certain things that, yeah, I wish I did not do that. I did not
00:04:17.920 need to learn in that way. I could have learned from other people, but...
00:04:20.800 So, yeah. So you mentioned you went from being more modern to being more traditional.
00:04:24.960 What did you do specifically to make that change? Yeah. So when I came here, when I went to Germany,
00:04:33.280 I lived in Germany most of my life, and then I came to the UK. So I was more... The culture has changed.
00:04:40.800 So I wasn't into very traditional. I wasn't so close to my Sudanese background. So I was more around
00:04:46.240 people who were living a very modern life. And there's a lot of my friends who were with single
00:04:52.160 parents. So in my culture, it's not... This is not happening. And that has shaped who I was becoming.
00:04:59.920 So you didn't surround yourself with modern people? No, I did.
00:05:03.120 I did. No, I'm saying now you chose to switch it to more traditional.
00:05:06.400 Now I have empathy. Okay. Now I have, I can understand why they're living this way and why
00:05:13.680 I rebelled against my roots and who I came from. But I made the transition. So, because I saw this,
00:05:21.200 yeah, I saw, I saw this freedom. I saw this empowered woman. I can be everything. I can do everything.
00:05:28.320 But that comes with a price. So... Could it be because you moved from your country to a more
00:05:34.960 Western and more free country? Could it be that? Yeah, yeah, for sure. For sure. Yeah. Western country
00:05:40.560 has definitely shaped me. And I have to be honest, not for the best way. How old were you when you
00:05:46.320 came to the UK from Germany? Three years. Three years old? Three years, yeah. No, when I came from Sudan to
00:05:52.880 Germany. No, no, but from Germany to the UK, how old was he? I think 18, 19. Okay. Yeah. So, I still
00:06:00.960 don't understand what you did to become more traditional. Like, did you take cooking classes?
00:06:06.720 I'm so sorry, I lost myself. No, I had, so I had examples, um, and I didn't see successful marriages.
00:06:13.440 I didn't see successful relationships. So, uh, then I started to surround myself around Christian
00:06:17.760 communities when I became a person of faith and I, um, I got baptized in 2019. That completely
00:06:23.920 transitioned my life. So as a result, I started to see successful, healthy marriages. I didn't see
00:06:30.080 that before. That's why I didn't even have the desire to be married. You didn't see it. I thought
00:06:33.680 you said your parents and your grandparents were married. Yes, but that's the only example that I had.
00:06:38.880 That's a very limited example, but I didn't, I did. Okay. They're married, but do I want to have
00:06:45.600 their love life? No. Uh, they're still together. Their values are amazing when, when hard times hit.
00:06:52.080 Yeah. They stick together, but I wanted more. So I didn't have those examples, but when I, I, I started
00:06:58.480 to surround myself in the right environments and I started to see that I can have healthy relationships
00:07:03.600 and healthy marriages and, um, yeah, with the right fire. So that has changed surrounding myself,
00:07:09.280 the right people who I can see an example. All I needed was just an example and role models
00:07:14.480 and I didn't see it. So, yeah. So this, it still doesn't make sense to me. And I hear this a lot,
00:07:20.800 but like when I hear girls talk about how they were modern and then they became traditional,
00:07:24.640 like, I don't hear anything that you actually did. Like I hear that I surrounded, I got baptized,
00:07:29.120 which is great. You know, I'm, you know, pro faith here and, and, and like that you surrounded
00:07:34.800 yourself with people that were married, but it's like, I can watch people that play basketball.
00:07:39.440 That doesn't mean I learned to play. So I was just wondering like what specifically you did to
00:07:43.600 become, because if, if women want to know you were modern before, then you became traditional,
00:07:48.080 like what specifically did you do? Well, there's for something new to come in,
00:07:53.040 the old has to go. My old self had to die. So that means my old belief. So because
00:07:59.040 you said you, you, you know, of faith, right? Do you know something called the Holy Spirit?
00:08:04.800 So when the Holy Spirit convicts someone on something, when, you know, you have a conviction,
00:08:10.080 people call it intuition. We call it the Holy Spirit. So, but it's, it's stronger. It speaks so
00:08:17.200 clearly. It's, it's like this thoughts feels wrong. The person, like, I remember the day,
00:08:23.280 Pearl, this was crazy. I remember the day before I got baptized. This was crazy. I was with a
00:08:27.600 atheist guy. Uh, I was dating an atheist guy and, um, I, I was like, yeah, I can change him, whatever.
00:08:36.080 And the day after I got baptized and I had this inner conviction, I had to break up with this
00:08:40.880 person, of course, for obvious reasons. But did someone from outside come and tell me this? No,
00:08:46.560 it was an inner conviction. I knew that I had to let go of certain people, certain beliefs,
00:08:52.160 because my faith is, is now the priority. I'm fully sold out. No. And I think faith is great.
00:08:57.680 Right. I think, I think that's genuinely great for you, but faith, like getting baptized, being taken
00:09:02.720 over with the Holy Spirit. Like I've been baptized. That didn't make me traditional. Yeah. Right.
00:09:07.280 Yeah. So like, what did you physically do? Can you just define traditional? Maybe I don't understand.
00:09:11.840 I mean, I would say traditional is like our grandmothers and our great grandmothers.
00:09:15.920 Yes. That's, that's like what they traditionally did. Is there a hyper vision of that? Like,
00:09:22.400 cause I, I don't see myself traditional, traditional, but I don't see myself modern.
00:09:26.160 So is there like a middle definition or hybrid? Um, I, I don't, I don't really think so. Um,
00:09:33.040 I think it's like a lot of, uh, no offense to you, but modern women pretending to be traditional
00:09:38.720 and some of them don't really know they're not, but I think, I think once you like are around
00:09:43.440 like a truly traditional woman, you just know it when you see it. I think there's differences
00:09:47.920 because you can be around, like you're saying traditional and you can, you cannot be. And
00:09:52.720 I think that per that individual person grows up to believe and do what they believe in their
00:09:57.920 faith and whatever they choose. But, but you can like believe things and that's, that's great,
00:10:02.640 but it's about what you, what you do. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I see a traditional woman,
00:10:07.360 like would dress a certain way. Like yeah, models, you know, wouldn't show off and wouldn't go out
00:10:14.320 party and drinking. Um, yeah, would be at home. I was just banned on tick tock and we are demonetized
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