JustPearlyThings - March 30, 2023


Man Claims that Men Should Sign the Marriage Contract


Episode Stats

Length

11 minutes

Words per Minute

183.58076

Word Count

2,061

Sentence Count

1


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 okay you can answer go ahead hello hey how's it going pearl i'm good how are you good just saw
00:00:12.740 your live stream thought i'd call in okay um so what do you think is the solution for men and for
00:00:18.660 women moving forward because i've had a lot of solutions for men so why don't why don't you give
00:00:22.700 me one for both so this is actually a funny thing for me i became a mormon about 10 years ago right
00:00:29.300 when like tinder was uh just starting up and becoming a thing okay and when i started watching
00:00:35.220 your show i saw like how completely different the dating field is nowadays but i think probably the
00:00:40.620 biggest thing right now is that there's no maturity around dating like people are just dating to have
00:00:46.860 fun guys are dating to have fun and get as many girls as they want people aren't dating for the
00:00:51.880 purpose of marrying and having kids anymore and and like the lds community that's what we do when we
00:00:56.860 date we date because we're looking for somebody to marry instead of somebody to just have fun around
00:01:02.180 with so it's it's crazy how much the mentality of dating has just completely changed in the last 10
00:01:07.720 years because guys and girls nowadays they get married when they're running out of time and they're
00:01:12.600 running out of options so what what is the solution to you moving forward dating with intention
00:01:19.000 dating with intention but there's got to be like a cultural shift like everyone is viewed family as
00:01:27.700 not being worth anything you know like family something that you do after you've had fun instead
00:01:32.980 of you start your life with the intentions of having a family so unless people actually have a reason to
00:01:38.900 get married there's no point you know if you're just marrying so that way you don't want to grow old and
00:01:43.380 lonely that's it's a pretty sad way to enter marriage but if you're getting married with the
00:01:49.480 intention of having a family you're dating different people than if you're just looking for somebody to
00:01:54.600 have fun with so say say we're dating with the intention of having a family um do you think men
00:02:01.640 should sign the marriage contract 100 okay why uh because when you sign a contract with men and women
00:02:11.560 women when you enter into that marriage arrangement you're saying hey we're going to be together
00:02:16.920 thicker than no matter what happens we're together for the purpose of having kids raising a family
00:02:23.300 growing old together and dying together that's what your intention is when you get married unfortunately
00:02:28.780 divorce has become so easy people get married i don't even know why people get married if they're
00:02:32.800 not intending to you know right have a better purpose what i'm saying from like a guy's point of
00:02:37.660 view why would you sign a contract that she's paid to leave when the divorce rate is 50
00:02:41.460 like what incentive does he have well uh what's the purpose of getting married if that's what
00:02:48.900 you're worried about and if you're dating the kind of girls that are going to do that then
00:02:53.540 you need to find a better dating pool um so you think it's all on the on the men
00:03:00.680 and the women they're no it's on both that's what i'm saying like normal normal women that you
00:03:05.920 wouldn't expect still leave their husbands so it's like why would a guy sign a contract where
00:03:12.280 she's paid to leave that comes down to trust like with my wife who when we got married about six years
00:03:20.620 ago like when we got married it was to create a stable foundation for our family she could right now
00:03:27.920 i'm in a place where there's no fault divorce she could at any time leave me but at the same time
00:03:32.880 like we both have expectations of each other like i have expectations for her she has expectations for
00:03:39.260 me we have to live up to it and uh one time we were joking uh when we were engaged we were walking
00:03:45.720 in a river valley here and we ran into this old couple and they told us they've been married 60
00:03:50.800 years and my wife asked like hey did you guys ever like think of divorce or anything and the old lady
00:03:56.680 just looked at us she's like divorce she's like never honey murder a few times no and and i agree
00:04:03.800 with you like i think that's the ideal but again i just think right now the laws are the way they are
00:04:09.780 and is it wise to tell men to sign that contract with the laws being the way they are like i i just
00:04:16.460 personally like have a hard time encouraging that because again like men are more likely to commit
00:04:21.720 suicide after a divorce they could lose access to their children they could lose half of their
00:04:25.460 everything they've worked 20 30 years to build up and it's if you get on a plane and there's a 50
00:04:31.300 chance of you of it crashing are you likely to get on the plane probably not and like i i understand
00:04:38.040 like there's different um in the mormon community i'm sure this isn't as prevalent but it this most
00:04:44.140 people don't live in that community and so what is the average guy supposed to do
00:04:48.680 oh i 100 agree like i said the culture is completely messed up nowadays outside like i didn't realize how
00:04:55.220 messed up it become until i started watching your shows and seeing yeah what the people you bring
00:04:59.240 off the street actually say it just blew my mind yeah but um i think i think probably so it's kind of
00:05:06.620 like what's the real solution going forward me and my wife we're open about talking about this stuff
00:05:11.140 and like for example like i we've talked about one time like the number one thing that triggers
00:05:16.060 divorce is the guy losing his job and it's not that my wife would ever want to like dish me just
00:05:22.940 because i lose my job i mean i make a healthy income she's able to be a stay-at-home mom
00:05:26.140 but at the same time i know that if the income stops coming in her uncertainty is going to go
00:05:31.160 through the roof and she's gonna eventually just be her own biology is going to force her to leave
00:05:36.620 so and on the flip side you know i i tell her you know like i gotta sometimes i'm a little horny and i
00:05:46.160 want to have sex sometimes and she understands that and then at the same time i tell her hey i'm out
00:05:51.100 making the money you can help my certainty a ton by taking care of the home making sure the place
00:05:56.440 is nice doing the classic like being a home mother kind of situation so when i come home i'm able i
00:06:02.760 don't come home to more chaos in my life no and i agree and of course we help each other out no and i
00:06:07.980 i agree that's how it should be but my question still is what is the solution moving forward
00:06:12.520 you you would still say that men should sign a contract that women are paid to leave
00:06:16.500 because again like it's it's nice to say oh in an ideal situation this is how it should be but
00:06:24.860 we're in modern times but i'm also in modern times and i like lds culture and it's not just lds but
00:06:32.160 also like more orthodox christian and uh other religious groups we still live in the culture where
00:06:38.880 marriage is a big deal and it's culturally enforced so my best advice to men would be to go
00:06:44.460 and go into a culture where marriage is valued there's still pockets of it out there everywhere
00:06:49.700 it's not mainstream you're going to be going into a pool where there's women and men who have
00:06:55.060 expectations and you have expectations so my best advice to guys would be to go enter into one of
00:07:00.720 those cultures where there's still that pressure from her family from your family from the people in
00:07:05.620 your community to maintain marriage as what it should be as opposed to going in out and dating people
00:07:11.480 in a place where that's not you know there's no cultural pressure to stay together because then
00:07:15.840 you're trying to rely on legal pressure and you know you see how far that goes yeah i just i don't
00:07:22.120 know it doesn't really sit right with me to tell guys to sign a contract that women are paid to leave
00:07:28.000 and trust that she won't and go just go to somewhere where her friends and her family will tell her not to
00:07:34.000 you know yeah you know i can see i can honestly tell you if you're looking at it from a pure legal
00:07:44.300 standpoint and the only thing that's forcing you two to stay together is a legal contract that's
00:07:49.420 easily broken then there's no point you need more than just a legal contract there is a question in
00:07:54.980 the chat do mormons have multiple wives that's a thing in mormon is that right no there's a there's a
00:08:02.280 break off of our church that's broke off like a hundred years ago that practices it but uh there's
00:08:07.920 always the joke you don't brother i see you're lacking wives here take one of mine okay i was
00:08:13.420 just curious uh well thank you for calling in i appreciate it no problem um i wanted to see i feel
00:08:22.980 like i saw a stat and i don't want to i wasn't going to quote this because i'm not sure and i don't
00:08:28.840 want to quote anything i'm not 100 sure of but i swear i saw something that said that religious
00:08:34.300 people like the marriage rates aren't a lot better than with the normal population i don't know chat if
00:08:41.080 you know where that is let me know i'm gonna look it up after the show because i'm just curious because
00:08:48.240 okay a lot of times we get the church right they'll come in and say return to traditionalism but
00:08:54.640 unfortunately as sad as it is i just don't think there's any going back and again
00:09:00.760 people that get married before the age of 24 are 39 more likely to get divorced
00:09:07.700 are traditional outcomes better in modern times i don't know i don't have all the answers so
00:09:15.360 that's why i'm saying call in let me know what you guys think
00:09:18.480 um i want to look up the church marriage i swore it was not that different but i could i could be
00:09:29.840 wrong i don't want to anyways guys call in
00:09:34.200 what'd you say
00:09:38.620 let's see so another question that i have
00:09:51.660 women would you give up a wedding for a marriage the average wedding costs 20 000 would you give up
00:10:02.100 a wedding for a marriage because that's one thing i've seen is that guys don't want to get married
00:10:06.400 because they don't want to pay for the ring and pay for the wedding and like pay for like
00:10:09.460 it's so expensive and why why do you need that expensive of a wedding and a ring to get a husband
00:10:17.340 i'm going to read some of the super chats so one solution take the government out of marriage to
00:10:22.520 remove incentives to walk away marriage is still a very fulfilling partnership the best way to stay
00:10:27.820 together is to just stay together yeah but you can't help it if your wife leaves you
00:10:32.540 what do you you can't help that um your whatsapp call number is not working that's what they say
00:10:41.360 i can't find out how to call but my wife and i got married as virgins i was broke because of her
00:10:46.600 and i am now well above 100k we've been happily married for uh let's say 13 years and half as many
00:10:54.580 of you know i was just banned on tiktok and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform
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