JustPearlyThings - December 28, 2022


Parental Impact On Modern Womenn


Episode Stats

Length

25 minutes

Words per Minute

211.2431

Word Count

5,465

Sentence Count

2


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 women submitted to their husbands and trusted their husbands with their judgment women like
00:00:04.560 tip so that's why the property like the property thing happened and same with the property it was
00:00:09.360 like like women still could own properties if they did not get married but you know but typically
00:00:17.360 then women got married i'll tell you if we want to go back into history i'll tell you something
00:00:22.880 about history that i think and this is why shout out emily i mentioned that's why i mentioned to
00:00:28.960 um andrew tater my problem wasn't necessary with men it is with the men that are running the machine
00:00:34.320 that obviously controls our societies because when women first started going to work they started
00:00:39.200 going to work out of the fact that there was a lack of men in the country because there was war going
00:00:44.080 on war wars so women had to pick up go to work and do their thing cool from the aftermath of war there
00:00:51.120 are women already in the workplace and then there's women that also left widowed which means that they
00:00:55.360 now have a choice either you start at home with your family and become a and stay a housewife
00:00:59.440 or you're going to get up and you're going to go to work and that's how a lot of women have become
00:01:03.520 what they call masculine because they come out of a trauma they come out also the consequences of
00:01:07.520 history and this is why at this point and what i've been trying to say for time is let's stop trying
00:01:13.200 to blame women for what's going on in society right now let's understand that this is a construct and
00:01:19.440 a consequence of history and let's let's start respecting because we cannot go back and and i i
00:01:25.040 agree with you i'm not i'm not saying it's one gender or the other i'm just saying like we have
00:01:28.960 been talking about the men forever it's like we like they i don't want no scrub scrub like there's
00:01:37.120 there's no there's no there's no song saying i don't want no whale a whale is like nobody's saying
00:01:42.960 that no and i'm saying like we they have had like we have had decades where we talked it's like now
00:01:49.120 the men are finally talking and we can't even give them their that's kind of true because even men when
00:01:54.640 they were singing about women they sang a lot about love songs it was nice i feel like from the moment
00:02:04.160 you're born i don't know if it's just in an african home in an african home you're literally raised
00:02:09.360 to cater for your man from that's good because i was so i was eight so my mom was like you need to
00:02:14.800 know how to cook for your man you need to look good for your man you should be thankful you were
00:02:19.600 naturally taught game a lot of girls didn't get taught that i didn't get that yeah like a lot of
00:02:25.760 a lot of women would like i mean my parents just started dating my parents my parents started dating
00:02:31.520 when they were 17. my mom taught me no game she's like meet your husband in high school a lot of women
00:02:36.080 aren't taught the basic necessities of being a woman like cooking this is shocking to me yeah so
00:02:42.400 it's a privilege like you you have something in your holster in your bag that you can whip out
00:02:47.840 whenever you need to for a man like okay i can cook for him i can clean for him because you have it on
00:02:52.480 you a lot of women had to learn that on their on their own or just had to go throughout life and
00:02:58.240 learning it they they never were taught it or they never needed to have it until they were in a
00:03:04.000 position where like oh i i can't do this on my own i can't cook i can't clean i can't work a simple
00:03:10.560 vacuum i can't do this because things have been done for me my whole life or i was never taught
00:03:15.520 that and so you shouldn't look at it as it like oh i was taught this from jump i was taught how to
00:03:22.000 cater to my man or be a woman you should take them and like african women like women like me
00:03:27.360 nigerian background especially that's all we know it's about even like now i'm 26 my mom tells
00:03:33.520 me if i'm 30 without a husband i am basically you okay okay but you you at least so so if you
00:03:39.440 look at dating app data she's right she's absolutely so right so so so so if you look
00:03:45.360 at dating app data that's when the numbers change where like women typically have more like leverage
00:03:50.240 on dating apps than than men until 30 and then men typically do i i i can't remember some girl was
00:03:55.760 going over the study but but and so like she was being honest and if anything you should be thankful
00:04:01.920 for how well they prepped you for the world because a lot of girls hit 30 and have no idea
00:04:08.240 not like this is a privilege a lot of girls don't have a dad or a mom to like tell them these things
00:04:13.520 and even me like my mom didn't know about dating or the dating landscape and yeah and it's like so
00:04:20.800 you at least know this at 26 where you can still make choices that that would get you in a better
00:04:26.560 position at 30 where other girls are going to hit 30 completely blind and screwed oh but you know
00:04:32.720 what i although today i'm not in your side i will agree with her and the only thing i will do is say
00:04:40.400 slightly different i will say like for example for me like i mentioned my dad passed away when i was 12
00:04:48.480 but i grew up seeing my mom catered to my dad so i learned a lot from him but then after he was gone
00:04:53.600 what my mom did is teach me these survival skills that you need any ways to be able to make it
00:05:01.200 through the world so i believe that even things like cooking sewing this this that that's all type
00:05:06.480 of kind of like self-care and once you learn to take care of yourself you'll be able to learn to
00:05:11.040 take care of someone else but the fact that a lot of the time a lot of women also have the ability to
00:05:15.840 take accountability means you're not taking care of yourself because you don't even know what you're
00:05:19.760 doing wrong so you can't even be better so when you go into a relationship you land yourself in
00:05:23.760 trouble that's what it is what you should be able to do for yourself or you can do for others if not
00:05:28.960 then there's no point in you trying to say ah but you know i'm a woman and why am i going to do this
00:05:32.960 for man do it for yourself how can you not cook what's going to happen if you can't cook what about
00:05:37.280 the fact that as a woman you're going to be the mother and as i mentioned earlier as the mother as
00:05:41.760 the woman you're going to be more nurturing so these basic life skills forget about even for a man do it for
00:05:47.280 you and for the fact that one that you may want to be a mother then everything falls into place if
00:05:51.440 that makes it an easier pill to swallow i do have a question i do have a question um from your
00:05:57.680 perspective britney how was it for you um correct me if i'm wrong you grew up with just your mother
00:06:06.800 um so i was raised by my mom till about like nine and then my grandma kind of took over so when i was
00:06:14.320 growing up i thought my mom just didn't want to be around but my grandma was really controlling it
00:06:17.920 was basically like i'm the mom now so like she kicked my mom out and my grandma was my caretaker
00:06:23.520 my grandma and grandpa so i was raised with my grandparents the uh half the other half of my life
00:06:27.920 okay how how was that for you in terms of just learning how to be a woman whenever you reached that
00:06:35.120 point i felt like a lot of their um ideas were just really outdated i felt like they were really
00:06:42.960 strict and it was smothering so even just going to a simple party or going to a friend's house
00:06:48.800 like as an adult do i see why maybe parents aren't so quick to let you go over to someone's house yes
00:06:54.160 but it was to a place where you couldn't even explore um i didn't really learn too much from my
00:07:00.160 grandma about being a wife or um how to be in a relationship because i always felt like they just
00:07:06.400 tolerated each other i never really saw the love like the bond um i've never really seen that it's
00:07:14.960 just always something i've known to be true but i've never seen anybody do it yeah so i felt like
00:07:20.000 my grandma was trying to get me to cook and do little stuff like that but it just was never something
00:07:24.480 and i like i really took an interest in i'm like i i genuinely never felt like i belonged in the kitchen
00:07:30.000 like and that's where too i resented how like my thought process a lot growing up because i'm like
00:07:37.920 why can't i just be a little bit more simple a little bit more obedient maybe more agreeable
00:07:42.240 not have such a strong opinion not be so introspective um that's just where i'm just different
00:07:47.680 so i feel like my grandma tried to teach me how to cook but as far as catering to a man no i learned
00:07:54.320 everything on the fly and that's where um i think sometimes maybe i get a little frustrated with
00:08:00.240 the internet's perspective because i'm like you don't even know what i've had to go through to
00:08:03.840 even be able to speak with this awareness like i've had to bump my head so many times to just be able
00:08:09.920 to sit and sit in my car and tell you give you a sermon you know so i just never felt like i really was
00:08:16.480 prepared to be a wife ever genuinely and you're not alone i think a lot of girls feel like
00:08:23.520 that like i mean how many i don't think the stuff that we talk about on these podcasts would be so
00:08:28.720 shocking if women weren't lied to for 50 years yeah and i think it's like even talking to andrew today
00:08:35.040 like wasn't it helpful like when he was talking about stuff i was even me and i listened to the
00:08:39.680 stuff all the time i was like oh i never thought of that like he was talking about how to get a guy
00:08:43.920 to stop playing video games i was like i wish i knew this i was like wow yeah that's actually a
00:08:51.680 good one when i think about it do you think that coming from a two-parent home and it's like a loving
00:09:01.680 environment it's for everybody that it sets you up more for success to be able to operate in
00:09:08.880 relationships or be willing to submit to whoever the man is because you've seen it growing up or
00:09:16.000 does it just does it not have an effect i i think that's a really great question i know a lot of
00:09:20.880 people who grew up in dual parent households and they saw their mother getting cheated on and staying
00:09:28.720 and like i know like someone recently they were married for like 25 years or so for 23 years and she
00:09:36.240 left basically when the kids were old enough to just like none of them were in high school anymore
00:09:41.040 um and i i remember when i was talking to her she felt like she was setting her kids up for success
00:09:46.400 because we're all under the same roof um they have a better chance of whatever right and it still was
00:09:54.240 damaging because you are witnessing your mother tolerate disrespect for uh security how did the kids know
00:10:06.240 the kids know what that she was being cheated on it was something that this particular situation
00:10:15.040 it was i know one instance was like one of their family friends oh yeah it was really close to home
00:10:21.760 stuff and there was another another scenario where it was it was one of the family friends they were
00:10:27.600 cheating on or is that told them um no it was that they were cheating with one of their family friends
00:10:32.560 so like someone like we go over to her house all the time but my dad is sleeping with her oh so he they
00:10:37.120 would see the parent cheat it i'm not exactly i don't i don't think it was they physically saw it
00:10:42.880 but it was something that the mom would share um that they would hear arguments too like if they
00:10:48.960 weren't even if they weren't involved in the actual argument they would overhear um which obviously
00:10:53.920 you know showing exposing your kids to that stuff is one thing but the other instance was
00:10:58.800 um the dad was going out to the club with like the son and he had a girl with him so it's like that
00:11:07.040 direct like i don't respect your mom in this way i can do what i want to do and your mom's still going
00:11:12.720 to stay so that's where i feel like it really depends on what's going on in that household because
00:11:18.240 seeing your mom be basically disrespected for comfort it's like it sends the wrong message about love
00:11:26.240 i agree like blatant dislike i can't believe he brought his son to a club and she like that that's
00:11:30.720 crazy yeah like the girl but i just think sometimes you know we never talk about like the women's part
00:11:36.240 to play in this and like one one in four marriages are sexless one is horror and so i just think if
00:11:42.560 you're gonna starve a man and he's begging you to sleep with him and someone comes on a platter like
00:11:47.760 that's why i say we never talk about why the men cheat and a lot of people will take this out of
00:11:52.000 context like i believe in cheating but like there are times where the woman is not sleeping with
00:11:56.720 the man and then he cheats but he's not naturally inclined to and and that's a conversation we don't
00:12:02.640 really have i'm not saying it's okay but it's almost like what did you what did you expect but at
00:12:08.400 the same time too like again like let's just like i said make it with me and you like if you're my
00:12:13.280 girlfriend and you don't want to sleep with me the the my first go-to isn't to go try to sleep with
00:12:18.720 someone else i'm not getting it from you i would want to explore the emotional depths of whatever
00:12:23.360 you're feeling what am i not doing why do you not want to be close to me i want to be intimate
00:12:27.200 with you but you're thinking like a woman and that that's how a woman right right but like like
00:12:31.840 men it's just come on you know how guys are like i'm sure you you especially like like like
00:12:37.600 like being as beautiful as you are like most guys if you put yourself on a platter in front of
00:12:43.280 them would be down yeah yeah yeah that's saying much but yeah yeah i mean but that's that's what
00:12:49.840 i'm saying like men men have if you're giving him sex he'll still cheat because there's options i i
00:12:55.200 would say most men that have women on them on a silver for them on a silver platter will cheat
00:13:01.360 yeah like i would say most but not all men most most men work a normal nine to five they go to work
00:13:08.160 they come home there's maybe one or couple girls in the office whatever they he might cheat there
00:13:14.080 but most men girls aren't really checking for so if you date an average guy unless you're starving him
00:13:20.000 of sex it's a lot of work for men to go out and get sex that's why i say what part did you have to
00:13:25.760 play in him cheating like okay if you you were with a elite athlete right they're just gonna cheat
00:13:33.040 that's just i see the normal i saw d3 basketball players i can't an ai i can't look at nba like i
00:13:42.800 can't but okay but like your average nine to five joe it's a bunch of work for him to go out and get
00:13:49.440 a girl so it's like what part did you have to play a lot of women are always nagging on their husbands
00:13:54.640 they got they gained a bunch of weight after they had a kid britney's showing us firsthand you don't
00:13:59.520 have to do that and and it's like then they stopped sleeping with him and the men are like
00:14:04.320 wait wait wait i thought i got 120 pound wife that was gonna sleep with me all the time now she got
00:14:11.280 the ring where i'm locked into a contract for life and you could take my kids with me and my money and
00:14:17.600 put me on child support all this stuff and now you're gonna gain a bunch of weight and not sleep
00:14:23.520 with me like what did you expect to happen you're not holding up your yeah and so men like that's another
00:14:28.400 reason men don't want to get married because they're like oh i even had a guy tell me this he's like
00:14:31.680 i don't want to get married i don't want her to get fat but you know why a lot of the time as well
00:14:37.040 i may just say one thing a lot of the time the reason why some some men get a little bit messed up
00:14:44.240 comes down to insecurities and let me land and i'll explain to you why a lot of the time the women that
00:14:53.040 let themselves go in a relationship or in a marriage is also down to the fact that men now
00:14:59.280 that they own the woman they do not want the woman to be approached they don't want the woman to be
00:15:04.080 desired by other men it comes down to the whole territorial thing which then means that you are now
00:15:08.960 going to punish or going to complain are you going to put the woman in a position where she feels like
00:15:13.440 whatever she looks like is a problem so she'll let go of it and she won't even work for it that's also
00:15:18.480 another thing another side of things women don't just let go of themselves for no reason they start
00:15:23.200 to let go of themselves because there's no desirability in general many to understand as a
00:15:28.800 woman for you to be beautiful and to feel beautiful is not just about you telling me that i'm the most
00:15:33.040 beautiful girl in the world you know i just to me like that's just nonsense girls girls let themselves
00:15:38.720 go because they eat too much and they're lazy i know a couple girls that got married and gained like
00:15:43.120 50 pounds none of them are happy they gained the weight they all wish they were thinner but they're too
00:15:47.920 lazy to fix it it's like i don't know and now they have the ring it's like less incentive you know
00:15:53.760 when you get you guys know when you get breakup with someone you are in the gym you're trying to
00:15:58.800 look like you're not me too me too i'm not saying i'm special me too or in the gym we're trying to
00:16:04.800 like get our bodies right all this stuff and then we get a man and we don't we don't keep it i mean the
00:16:09.840 way i was raised you cater to your man say you've got this is right and i'm not i'm not saying you
00:16:15.840 you need to look good for him so i don't know about letting yourself go uh no i i've got him
00:16:21.520 now i need to keep him i i i agree with you but i'm not saying you in particular i'm saying this is
00:16:26.640 what the men are saying this is this are the issues they're saying yeah obviously i i think it's wrong
00:16:32.080 like when you get into a relationship i don't think like letting yourself go i think it's a problem
00:16:37.440 as a woman like why should you do that because it's gonna leave you so i i do agree do you think a man
00:16:42.960 can leave a woman if she lets herself go he's asked her multiple times to lose the weight and
00:16:48.000 she won't do it i wouldn't say assuming let's say there's no kids involved because kids kind of
00:16:52.480 change things well let's say there's no kids well to be honest yes because no but it's not unfair
00:17:00.640 you'll be telling your guy how many times do you say listen i told him a million times to not this
00:17:05.600 do not do this i told him a million times to get up off his ass i told him a million times to do this
00:17:10.400 he didn't do it i left him if you as a man you're speaking to you to your girl and you're trying to
00:17:15.120 make sure that she improves and she is better and she is not doing that the problem is not that she's
00:17:19.600 not losing the weight the problem is the mentality which is the fact that you are not willing to be
00:17:23.840 better and get better so that we can both be happy and have the spark for life see this is what
00:17:28.320 this is this is what this is what i mean when i say it's like there's little things that are open
00:17:32.880 misandry against men and we don't always realize it so like in this instant you kind of hesitated
00:17:38.800 but if i came forward and i'm not saying i don't think it's intentional but if i said yeah i left
00:17:43.520 him because he wouldn't work he wouldn't get a job you would be like yes girl like and you know
00:17:49.120 bad yeah you and you know you would you shouldn't be with a bum and it's like that's a female bum
00:17:54.080 a 300 pound whale i'll say it i'll say it again be careful be careful the reason i'm a bit more
00:18:00.160 sensitive towards women is because i obviously you guys are saying your reality is different but my
00:18:05.360 reality it's always been you've got to be better for your man so my world has always been about
00:18:10.960 the men and and i'm like so what is he doing for me so yeah i've got to learn to cook clean do all
00:18:16.560 this stuff take care of my man but how is he helping me emotionally how is he helping me feel
00:18:21.680 good but men that's not their job to help you emotionally that's like where i think that's no
00:18:26.560 okay okay okay i want to okay yeah but they don't want to they don't they don't want to hear so this
00:18:31.760 is this is you know this for what what am i like okay you can't i'm not saying they should never like
00:18:35.920 talk to you or what like ignore you all the time but i'm just saying like like typically historically
00:18:41.200 you wouldn't even see your husband that much that's not their job you've had to your friends like
00:18:46.000 your relationships with men and this is something i learned like one time okay i had an ex-boyfriend
00:18:50.800 and i was talking and i was like this person and he was just like i don't care oh i don't care
00:18:58.240 and at first i was like what do you mean you don't care like i was like that was so ridiculous but i
00:19:04.080 like sat and thought about it and i'm like you know what i'm like dumping my problems onto him
00:19:08.720 and that's not his job he's not my therapist like we don't want a guy that's dumping all his
00:19:12.640 problems onto us we're okay we're okay being a companion right but i'm saying i'm saying so again again
00:19:20.560 like they remember this is things that we look for from men but men don't look for from us and so
00:19:26.880 and that's that's what i'm doing all this for you what are you doing for me that's typically what i'm
00:19:30.800 saying i don't want i don't want to be cooking for my man i don't want to i'll tell you i'll tell you
00:19:35.440 so that's what they look so but i'm saying like that you're always going to get protection and that's
00:19:39.920 the one thing like so okay okay okay okay okay but if the world but if the world if someone if someone
00:19:47.760 call my okay i'll tell you living living here living here i i wish i had a boyfriend because
00:19:53.840 it it scares me a lot of times like living like just you know like people know where the studio
00:20:00.240 is sometimes right and there are crazy people and i'm like it would be so nice if i had a guy here
00:20:05.840 just like not even just like if he was staying here and it would be like like if something happened
00:20:11.200 i know he would like there's some level of comfort you have with just having a man next to you and
00:20:16.560 knowing that if goes south you don't have to call the police that he's going to protect you
00:20:21.680 like you know they say women prefer fat guys with muscles over skinny men
00:20:26.240 yeah that makes sense because it's like ellie i ever i agree that's i would take that too
00:20:31.760 no it's true and you know why why for example for me i love to cook for people and one of the
00:20:39.040 things that i love the most as well is to cook for my man and i'll tell you why
00:20:43.600 because at the end of the day whether or not i'm a bad girl and i'm you know successful and i can do
00:20:50.560 my own shin i don't need the man it feels nice to me to show somebody you know love through food love
00:20:56.240 through things that you are actually much better at doing obviously i would don't mind if a man can
00:21:01.040 cook for me great if he can go for himself great but i like to cook why because then when i go out
00:21:07.680 he'll pay for me maybe or he'll fulfill a certain role of chivalry that today in today's age is not
00:21:13.920 needed but because i fulfilled my role of chivalry as a woman he'll give me that because we can't say
00:21:19.600 oh he needs to pay a guy that don't pay on the first date a guy don't don't do this all of these
00:21:25.440 things okay there's there's a transaction with that which means you also cater to him if a woman if a
00:21:30.160 woman don't cook on the second date then she then she ain't wifey we've never heard that that's what i'm
00:21:35.360 saying it's like the the double but i think it depends on what you want in a man like you saying
00:21:40.160 you want a man that will um help you financially but i don't to me that's not a priority because
00:21:46.720 what i want is that's my father someone that would be a good father to my kids he's gonna be there i
00:21:51.760 need time do you i need you to okay okay okay would you prefer if if all would you okay prefer let's
00:21:58.560 talk about prefer if you could would you want a guy that made more money than you if all things all
00:22:04.160 okay okay okay okay let's wait wait wait okay if you could would you prefer a man that's stronger
00:22:11.200 than you okay okay if you could would you prefer a man that's smarter than you maybe can fix things
00:22:18.640 around the house yes yeah okay so that's what i'm saying there are other things that men bring
00:22:25.280 that you get just from having a man around outside of money like i love that i can call my like we all
00:22:31.280 know as women and maybe maybe you guys are better than me my my air pressure light is always on my
00:22:37.040 oil has never changed my my smoke alarm battery will always be beeping and and my it's like when
00:22:44.160 the men come around and they're like how are you living like this like my dad will like run around
00:22:49.040 you're smiling i bet you can think of a time where someone's done this right and they run around and
00:22:54.240 they'll they'll just fix everything and just be like why are you doing this and it's it's just something
00:22:59.120 like comforting like i i feel better like if i'm stressed or whatever i just love talking to my
00:23:05.840 dad and my brothers like there's just something about talking to like masculine men where it's like
00:23:10.320 you just feel better i mean it's great for a man to be masculine of course but what i'm saying is
00:23:15.520 i value more in a man i want a partner i like i don't care about all this fixing light bulb we can get
00:23:21.840 someone to do that i need someone that cares about me after i've had a long day off i would be really
00:23:26.880 curious i want to talk to you and be like but when men such a long day i want you to just listen
00:23:32.240 to me but when men when women talk to men they're like okay you're telling me all this stuff what's
00:23:38.320 the solution they want to know how are you going to fix whatever it is you're telling me or is the
00:23:43.280 solution at least you've been a companion no no they're they want you they they really don't care
00:23:50.240 about the venting is mental clutter they're like okay you've told me all this stuff but you're not
00:23:54.640 going to fix it don't come back to me and say the same stuff that you told me the day before
00:23:59.440 fix it and move on that's that's how men's brain works up with a solution together that's what i mean
00:24:05.040 about partnership no they don't want it that's how it's worked and maybe because i have such good
00:24:10.560 men in my life question question that's why i know that men can do your last relationship how long was
00:24:15.040 it uh i'll be like oh i don't like to get personal i like nearly uh a year okay okay okay i was just
00:24:22.560 gonna say longer than six months yeah okay okay did you end it or did he i ended it okay so so this
00:24:29.760 is just from the men's point of view okay women will say i want an emotionally available man and
00:24:34.560 this isn't just you remember i see you in different bodies every day and and it's like so then like
00:24:40.000 the what they'll do is they'll realize that the same men they said were emotionally available i dated
00:24:44.480 him we also ended it with yes and and so and i've asked this question a lot it's very rare it was the
00:24:50.640 other way around typically when i ask this like oh he was emotionally available i got the things i
00:24:56.000 wanted it's like well why did it end usually she ended it but i'm not gonna because i i respect you
00:25:01.520 don't you don't have you don't have to say why i don't have to say why i won't go into it i respect
00:25:05.920 all my exes i think they were amazing i've dated very good men i respect them they were kings right
00:25:11.280 but the reason i wouldn't even say like the full reason but in terms of just
00:25:16.480 the reason a lot of women leave a relationship is because they didn't have other things that
00:25:23.760 keep them as many of you know i was just banned on tick tock and we are demonetized on a daily basis
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