JustPearlyThings - July 07, 2023


Pearl Schools Modern Women On Traditional Relationships


Episode Stats

Length

10 minutes

Words per Minute

197.1022

Word Count

2,036

Sentence Count

167

Misogynist Sentences

10

Hate Speech Sentences

11


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 It would be unwise for a woman to meet a man
00:00:03.280 and tomorrow be like, go ahead and lead the way.
00:00:05.700 You're still getting to know him.
00:00:07.400 You're supposed to have like your brothers
00:00:09.460 or you're supposed to vet him.
00:00:11.300 Can I ask Johnny a question?
00:00:12.840 Cause you work with men, helping them date at the,
00:00:15.880 you know, is that something that men generally are one in
00:00:19.340 the men you're working with for a woman who will obey them?
00:00:24.860 I wouldn't use the word obey.
00:00:26.580 You know, it sounds quite controlling.
00:00:28.240 Ooh.
00:00:30.860 As I said earlier, allows them to take the lead.
00:00:34.180 You know, femininity is about receiving.
00:00:38.080 Masculinity is about giving, you know,
00:00:40.680 so just allow space for that.
00:00:43.420 An example is I was speaking to a friend of mine.
00:00:45.940 She went away with a friend, two girls and two boyfriends.
00:00:50.860 They emptied the car.
00:00:51.600 They had the bags.
00:00:53.080 One of them independently just grabbed her bags
00:00:55.940 and took them straight to the door.
00:00:58.320 The other one allowed her guy to take the bags
00:01:01.760 and I take them to the door.
00:01:02.760 And the friend goes, why did you let him take the bags?
00:01:05.280 It's little things like that, that I give him space to do.
00:01:08.500 So he feels like he's, he has a role in the relationship.
00:01:13.880 Yeah, I, I, I sort of, I fear though.
00:01:16.980 All these little micro things that, you know, on a day to day.
00:01:19.200 Oh yeah, yeah.
00:01:19.820 I, I completely agree.
00:01:21.140 I think that there is a real magic that happens
00:01:24.340 when you have a relationship where a woman can be feminine
00:01:28.960 and a man can be masculine.
00:01:30.220 I think that there's a real sparkle.
00:01:32.260 Yeah, um, but I think, um, that actually, I don't, well,
00:01:43.020 it's a question I have rarely.
00:01:45.000 It's just that from my experience, if I'm dealing with a man
00:01:50.700 who is fawning over me and would obey my every command,
00:01:56.320 like I would think he was pathetic and disgusting.
00:01:58.720 I didn't say he obey you, I said you're supposed to obey him.
00:02:01.960 No, I know, but I'm just saying, like, I, I personally feel like
00:02:06.560 men and women, that we are different, but I don't think
00:02:09.780 that I can not empathize with men at all.
00:02:13.180 And I feel like wouldn't, um, I don't know, the kind of men
00:02:19.700 that I would want to be with, you know, sort of high intelligence,
00:02:23.160 very interesting kind of guys, I would think that they would
00:02:26.540 lose respect for me if I, you know, flatly obeyed
00:02:32.540 without any kind of challenge, you know, for me, I think that
00:02:36.120 a relationship should be, you should be challenging each other
00:02:39.120 to be the best versions of yourself.
00:02:40.880 Absolutely, to grow.
00:02:41.880 And yeah, and if that, if that means that on, you know,
00:02:45.720 in an appropriate way, on, you know, on appropriate occasions,
00:02:50.420 a wife has to tell her husband, I think you're taking the wrong course
00:02:55.400 of action.
00:02:55.840 I think, you know, you could behave in a way that's more effective.
00:03:00.000 That's cool.
00:03:01.080 And, you know, a good husband would want to hear that if it was appropriate.
00:03:05.760 You're absolutely right.
00:03:07.340 One of the exercises I do with anyone when I first work with them
00:03:10.960 is hash out what they want from someone.
00:03:14.460 You know, of course, the superficial aspects, but the character traits.
00:03:18.640 And one thing that comes up time and time again is this word challenge.
00:03:22.380 That's exactly what you're talking about.
00:03:23.600 It's this pushback.
00:03:24.880 It keeps the respect in the relationship.
00:03:27.280 It lets the other know where the line is and what your boundaries are.
00:03:31.140 And I feel, and back to, like, one of the earliest points we had
00:03:33.960 in this conversation today, we spoke about why people leave.
00:03:36.820 Like, I feel like people leave because they attach so much fear
00:03:41.360 to relaying what's important to them,
00:03:44.960 that they never actually have that conversation.
00:03:47.580 And they just end up getting frustrated.
00:03:49.760 And then they walk.
00:03:51.040 But my point isn't that you can't offer your perspective.
00:03:53.700 My point at the end of the day, it's his decision that's traditional.
00:03:57.320 Like, that's if we're going to go back to, like,
00:03:59.040 I've read the writings of people, like, 100, 200 years ago
00:04:02.100 when they described, like, real traditional relationships.
00:04:04.380 They don't really exist anymore.
00:04:05.760 And the whole point is, like,
00:04:07.820 if you want to be in an actual traditional relationship,
00:04:10.640 you're supposed to obey your husband.
00:04:12.880 Like, at the end of the day, it's his decision.
00:04:14.580 It's not saying, like, you can't give him any input.
00:04:17.100 Let me ask you a question.
00:04:18.300 Do you feel that if a woman meets a man, she should let him lead?
00:04:21.600 Like, straight off the gate?
00:04:24.220 Like, when do you think a man should start leading in a relationship?
00:04:27.500 Instantly.
00:04:28.460 Do you think instantly?
00:04:29.540 We go on our first date for a couple of calls.
00:04:31.960 You're measuring it straight away, right?
00:04:34.040 Like, is he making the plan for the date?
00:04:36.840 Or is he a bit indecisive and sort of on the fence?
00:04:39.740 And he's asking.
00:04:40.860 You're losing attraction for him right there and then.
00:04:43.900 So you're measuring from that right from the get-go.
00:04:46.540 Yeah.
00:04:47.500 Okay.
00:04:47.940 I love this now.
00:04:48.660 When you say let him lead, it sounds like you have to allow him to.
00:04:53.520 I mean, you do.
00:04:54.360 Like, you have to, like, give it to him.
00:04:56.020 You do have to allow.
00:04:57.000 You are in control of yourself, right?
00:04:59.040 So if I let a man lead me, that means that I'm taking my authority away and saying,
00:05:03.880 hey, whatever you say, I'm going with what you say.
00:05:06.460 Well, no, but that's indicating on you following.
00:05:09.280 Like, it's so interesting, language, like, the way we use language, because it's, like,
00:05:14.220 like, I think a Trump.
00:05:15.820 Like, that's someone who's, like, a leader.
00:05:17.440 Like, Melania doesn't let him lead.
00:05:19.120 He just leads and she can either follow or not.
00:05:21.400 Yeah.
00:05:21.860 But that's the, he.
00:05:23.460 But she loves to be led.
00:05:24.320 I don't want to call her a puppet, but that's what he married.
00:05:26.800 He married someone who was easy just to be like, hey, I need you to be this beauty queen.
00:05:31.080 Sit here.
00:05:31.580 Well, look at, that's what the top men pick.
00:05:33.580 But we all have roles.
00:05:34.400 Typically, if you look at, yeah.
00:05:35.940 I'm sorry, if you let me put my five pence in.
00:05:38.140 We all have roles, right?
00:05:39.660 And if there is a, let's say, let's say family is like a company, right?
00:05:43.160 So if there is a boss, do you obey your boss?
00:05:46.300 Yes, you do obey your boss.
00:05:47.620 So if the husband is a boss, then you kind of have to obey him anyway.
00:05:50.920 I have no problem with obeying my husband.
00:05:54.320 And, but I trust him wholeheartedly.
00:05:57.220 So if he does not, you know, if he betrays my trust,
00:06:00.560 then there is other ways and repercussions.
00:06:03.600 And perhaps we are not suitable or we are discussing the situation, stuff like that.
00:06:07.980 But there has to be a head.
00:06:10.020 And I have to agree with you.
00:06:11.360 There has to be a head to every company.
00:06:13.840 So if you just say yes, you know, you have to obey in some situations.
00:06:18.820 But again, we are going back to the trust and the level being built and built and built
00:06:24.020 and working as a teamwork together.
00:06:25.660 We are all different.
00:06:26.680 I do my bit, you do your bit.
00:06:28.480 And if I need to, I obey you.
00:06:29.960 I'm not ashamed.
00:06:30.880 I'm proud of it, actually, because it builds our family's bond stronger.
00:06:34.320 Can I ask you a question, Pearl?
00:06:35.700 Now, when you meet a man, right?
00:06:37.500 This two-part question.
00:06:38.400 When you meet a man, do you let him lead right away?
00:06:41.560 Do I let him lead?
00:06:42.700 I don't think I can let a man lead.
00:06:44.100 Or does he lead right away?
00:06:45.160 Do you, like, follow his decisions, like, right away?
00:06:47.320 You meet him.
00:06:47.940 You're like, you know what?
00:06:48.720 You got this.
00:06:49.900 Yes.
00:06:50.540 Yes.
00:06:50.840 Okay, so if he came to you, let's say, first date was November.
00:06:56.220 Now, two months later, in January, he's like, hey, I saw this building.
00:07:00.580 I think I kind of want to buy it.
00:07:02.320 I want you to go win half of me.
00:07:04.420 Would you do it?
00:07:05.220 He's leading.
00:07:06.960 Are we married?
00:07:07.940 You're letting him lead, and he's telling you, for our future, this building's going
00:07:13.200 to be it.
00:07:13.900 Yeah, I would say, let's get married, and then we can go right ahead, you know?
00:07:19.280 So you would just, no, you're letting him lead.
00:07:22.060 You know, I don't know if that's the best example.
00:07:24.760 But that's what I'm saying.
00:07:25.640 Let's buy a building.
00:07:26.480 But that's what it sounds like.
00:07:27.560 When you say just, like, you have to get to know the man first before you say, okay,
00:07:32.780 I trust your judgment to know that you are not going to lead me to a path of destruction.
00:07:38.440 So you have to get to know that man.
00:07:40.300 You have to know that he can lead himself first.
00:07:42.340 I'm not saying, like, submit to any old guy you meet.
00:07:45.980 But I'm saying, if you're going on a date with him, I'm saying go in in good faith.
00:07:50.760 Yes, I'll go on dates with good faith.
00:07:52.580 Actually, what you said earlier, I get turned off if a man's supposed to take me on a date,
00:07:56.160 and he comes and picks me up, and he has no plan of where we're going.
00:07:59.180 Like, lead the way.
00:08:00.320 My favorite thing to tell a guy is lead the way.
00:08:03.000 Lead, especially on a date.
00:08:03.840 Lead the way.
00:08:04.440 This is you.
00:08:05.300 I'm following behind you.
00:08:06.340 Show me you.
00:08:07.180 Yeah, I want to see because I'm ready to let a man lead.
00:08:10.460 I'm tired of working.
00:08:11.680 Go ahead.
00:08:12.400 You want to have three babies?
00:08:13.500 Go ahead.
00:08:14.340 I'm ready.
00:08:15.520 But when you meet these men, and you're, like, the new age men, especially after 35 years,
00:08:21.420 it's like, hey, so what do you want to do?
00:08:22.880 What do you want to do?
00:08:23.500 50-50 split the bill.
00:08:24.280 Yeah, the 50-50 concept.
00:08:26.240 So if I work at the nursery all the time, how would I do?
00:08:30.000 How do I get the money to pay 50-50 if I work all these white field jobs?
00:08:33.420 Well, is that common?
00:08:34.920 I've never really had guys want to go 50-50.
00:08:37.580 Is that common for you guys?
00:08:38.760 Yes.
00:08:38.920 In New York, it is common.
00:08:40.780 Like, I don't.
00:08:41.400 That's actually, that's like a me thing.
00:08:43.540 Like, I don't know.
00:08:44.700 When I grew up, I had a lot of, like, you know, male friends.
00:08:48.660 It was a mixed group, but there were a lot of boys, and we were equal.
00:08:52.220 This was, you know, the sort of late 90s, early 2000s, and we were equal.
00:08:58.800 And so it has never occurred to me that if I go on a date, I would do anything other than go 50-50.
00:09:07.000 Yeah, but that's common friends.
00:09:07.680 English thing is really, like, British thing.
00:09:10.040 No, I just said, like, if I went on a date, like...
00:09:12.420 I know, but you're talking about in your childhood.
00:09:14.720 That sounded like a common friends, as opposed to a date scenario.
00:09:17.220 Yeah, and I just, I don't think that that is appropriate.
00:09:25.540 Like, I think it's appropriate if you both decide that kids are, you know, what you want in your life.
00:09:31.780 And, you know, you want to give kids the best possible nutrition.
00:09:35.760 So, mum's going to stay at home and breastfeed them.
00:09:38.900 And unless she's, like, fortunate enough to be able to earn from home in minimal time, you know.
00:09:47.520 He is going to have to be the one providing.
00:09:49.920 But, like, on a first date, like, I don't know.
00:09:52.640 I find that quite emasculating.
00:09:54.540 It's, like, the idea that someone would have to pay for the privilege of spending time with me.
00:10:01.080 It's, like, no, I want to start out, like, as...
00:10:04.140 I've just found that most guys, like, want to.
00:10:06.940 Yeah, that's exactly it.
00:10:07.860 I've never had, like, a guy didn't want...
00:10:10.060 Like, I can't even...
00:10:11.060 Yeah, no, I have experienced, like, discomfort from guys.
00:10:17.300 Like, honestly...
00:10:17.820 Because I'm not comfortable with them paying.