JustPearlyThings - April 09, 2023


She Proved that Women Love The Bad Boy


Episode Stats

Length

19 minutes

Words per Minute

209.85446

Word Count

4,066

Sentence Count

341


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Okay, so I know we have a mixed crowd when it comes to age.
00:00:04.780 So who knows who Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee?
00:00:07.340 Yeah, I know.
00:00:08.320 You know?
00:00:09.120 I don't follow social...
00:00:10.560 Okay, you don't.
00:00:11.200 You guys are aware.
00:00:11.680 Yeah, Pamela Anderson's huge.
00:00:13.920 Okay, so Pamela Anderson is an actress.
00:00:17.140 Tommy Lee is a rock star, for those of you that don't know.
00:00:20.880 And I was researching them for this show,
00:00:24.860 and they've had just like an on-again, off-again relationship since...
00:00:29.260 Let me see.
00:00:29.820 It says 1994.
00:00:32.240 So they got married after four days of knowing each other.
00:00:37.160 Yeah.
00:00:39.460 After they got married in Cancun, Mexico.
00:00:43.420 And literally, they were just on again, off again.
00:00:46.380 They also had a sex tape that was released during when they were together.
00:00:50.560 They had two sons, and he also was arrested for abuse.
00:01:01.280 And she still actually got...
00:01:02.840 He went to jail for it, and she actually still got back with him after.
00:01:06.740 And then again, on again, off again, on again, off again, until now they're not together.
00:01:11.380 They've separated, and he's married to someone else, and she's single.
00:01:13.880 Now, the reason that I bring this up is because recently she has been doing a documentary.
00:01:21.120 And in the documentary, she said that she texted at 55...
00:01:26.440 She hasn't been with him for five years.
00:01:28.220 She texted Tommy Lee that he is her one true love while he's married to someone else.
00:01:35.940 Damn.
00:01:36.380 So, my question for the panel was, have you ever had an ex that was incredibly hard to get over?
00:01:47.920 And what made him so hard to get over?
00:01:52.980 That one.
00:01:53.840 For me, I would say, it was really like my first kind of love.
00:01:58.460 So, I was at a young age.
00:01:59.560 I think I was like 18 at the time when I got with him.
00:02:01.780 So, I feel like when you're at that age, especially us women, being so emotional, I just felt really attached to him.
00:02:09.200 And even though I'd see him doing a lot, I feel like I'd always want to run back to him.
00:02:13.640 Everything I was doing, he just knew the right word to kind of say.
00:02:16.020 And I feel like I was too good at getting sucked in.
00:02:18.260 How long were you on again, off again with him?
00:02:21.020 So, from 18 to when?
00:02:22.660 From 18 until I was turning 20.
00:02:26.340 So, like nearly three years.
00:02:27.800 No, sorry, nearly two years.
00:02:29.240 Okay.
00:02:29.640 But that one was very serious.
00:02:30.560 We kept going back.
00:02:32.600 We initially started talking in like 2019.
00:02:36.240 And then by the end of 2021, that's when we called it quits.
00:02:40.380 But during that stage, during that time period, we got together about three times and broke up three times.
00:02:47.280 So, yeah.
00:02:48.260 And would you say he was a nice guy or a bad boy?
00:02:50.700 Looking back now, definitely a bad guy.
00:02:53.480 A bad boy.
00:02:54.280 Bad guy.
00:02:55.100 Bad guy.
00:02:55.760 Yeah.
00:02:56.940 What makes you say that?
00:02:58.100 But just like, obviously, the age I am now and the maturity I have, looking back, there's a lot of things that he used to do.
00:03:05.100 Like, he'll be very good with his words.
00:03:06.620 I know now when certain guys say stuff, they don't mean it.
00:03:09.500 But back then, it's very easy to get sucked in, like I said before.
00:03:13.560 And he just used to always know the right words to say, which can be a good trait sometimes.
00:03:17.340 But in relationships, especially as a guy, I don't know.
00:03:20.520 And what made it so hard to leave?
00:03:22.780 Just because he knew the right things to say?
00:03:25.120 He was selling you a dream?
00:03:26.820 Pretty much.
00:03:27.560 And, you know, it's that puppy love.
00:03:29.160 It was puppy love for me because, obviously, that was like my first real proper, like, relationship.
00:03:33.900 Like, we moved in together and everything.
00:03:35.760 So, it was very serious.
00:03:36.660 And, obviously, at that age as well, I'm thinking, like, this is some fairytale going on, da-da-da-da.
00:03:43.020 But realising now and looking back at it now, I wouldn't have done so many things that I did do and listened to him the way that I did, if that makes sense.
00:03:51.360 Okay.
00:03:52.940 You want to go next?
00:03:54.300 Yeah.
00:03:54.640 I feel like my, the love that I had is kind of different to yours in the sense that mine wasn't a bad guy.
00:04:02.840 We both really cared about each other.
00:04:05.260 And it was kind of on and off for some time.
00:04:08.040 But he went to jail for, like, three years.
00:04:10.500 He went to jail?
00:04:11.580 Yeah.
00:04:12.360 But three years.
00:04:13.020 For what?
00:04:15.040 But he wasn't a bad guy.
00:04:16.580 No.
00:04:17.460 Okay, okay.
00:04:18.280 So, the reason why.
00:04:19.580 We always want to see the good in the drug deal.
00:04:21.160 I feel like, I feel like a lot of times, certain situations, it's a cop-out answer sometimes to say, oh, you're not a situation, things like that.
00:04:31.540 But generally, for this guy, like, the way that he was brought up from very, very young was not good.
00:04:38.480 And it kind of, like, that was the path that was predestined for him.
00:04:41.480 But then he's kind of, like, got out of it now.
00:04:43.320 And I'm like, we're good and everything.
00:04:45.040 But for me, it was very difficult to get over him when he came out of jail.
00:04:51.160 And we wanted to get back together.
00:04:53.440 But I was like, you know what?
00:04:54.220 You have to change yourself, everything like this, fast.
00:04:56.800 And he took a year to do it.
00:04:58.320 And by that time, I was like, we're not going to get back together.
00:05:01.720 But I was still very much in love with him.
00:05:03.440 But I had to just realize that the amount that I loved him and the amount that I love myself, I'm very solid on what I want and what I do not want from a man.
00:05:12.380 And he had a child as well.
00:05:13.800 And in that time, the year that he took to change, I realized that I do not want to be with someone who already has a child because I'm selfish.
00:05:18.880 I want to be fast for a little bit of the relationship, at least.
00:05:21.920 But did he change in that year?
00:05:24.560 Yeah, he did.
00:05:25.720 Total 160.
00:05:27.020 So he was a bit like more of a bad guy before.
00:05:30.140 And then he changed into more of a nice guy.
00:05:32.200 I mean, he was in jail.
00:05:33.140 We can't.
00:05:33.660 He was always a nice guy.
00:05:36.180 He's very good.
00:05:36.840 Got a beautiful heart.
00:05:37.700 But I just feel like he saw that there was another way to live life rather than the one that he had been stuck in for all that time.
00:05:45.140 It just was a thing where I realized that as much as I love him and as much as he loves me and all these kind of things, there's a greater kind of love.
00:05:53.480 I feel like when you love people and when people love you, it's a very selfish kind of thing because it's like, I love you.
00:05:58.820 I want you to be with me and we're going to make it work and what I want.
00:06:02.400 But I was just like, you know what, for the best, for what I want and what you want, you can't just keep on going down this path.
00:06:08.140 What made him different than other guys that made it hard for you to get over him?
00:06:14.100 Everyone says that they want honesty.
00:06:16.080 I heard this all the time.
00:06:16.740 We were talking about it earlier, but he was genuinely very honest.
00:06:19.600 If he did something bad, he did something good.
00:06:21.580 Like I had a lot of issues of trust.
00:06:25.220 And even if he did something bad, he was honest.
00:06:27.820 And it kind of made me accept that, you know what, even if I might feel like people are down the wrong road.
00:06:33.840 And I have a stereotype of road men that they're dishonest and that they like to use words because men know that women want to hear certain things, right?
00:06:42.340 And I feel like men use that to manipulate women.
00:06:44.920 And he showed me that, you know what, someone can go be in that lifestyle, want better for themselves and not manipulate you with words.
00:06:51.340 They could just tell you the truth.
00:06:52.280 And if you don't accept it, you don't accept it.
00:06:54.000 And then you have to sort out what you're going to do from there on.
00:06:56.740 So you like that he told you what it was?
00:06:58.480 Exactly.
00:06:58.940 Yes.
00:06:59.160 And that's what made him different.
00:07:00.280 You feel like other guys told you what you wanted to hear where he told you the truth.
00:07:03.600 And yes, and also another thing which I think a lot of men nowadays really struggle with is being assertive in a respectful way.
00:07:10.580 Like he would not allow me, like I can be a bit, I think everyone can be a bit, push the buttons a bit sometimes, you know, push the boundaries and stuff.
00:07:18.300 But he always let me know, this is not how it's going to be.
00:07:20.680 Do not continue disbehavior.
00:07:21.980 And I respected that because he knew the right way to do it.
00:07:25.160 And a lot of men do not know how to do that nowadays.
00:07:27.200 They get angry or they don't know how to express themselves or they blame you.
00:07:31.600 And yeah, it's just not the one.
00:07:32.980 Okay.
00:07:33.700 And what about you?
00:07:35.200 Right.
00:07:35.720 Okay.
00:07:36.480 So when I was going out with my ex, I was very young compared to him.
00:07:44.620 How old were you?
00:07:45.480 How old was he?
00:07:47.160 Okay.
00:07:47.900 You're going to be underage.
00:07:48.940 I just feel it.
00:07:49.960 Yeah, I was 14 and he was 19.
00:07:56.600 Sorry, shock horror, everyone.
00:07:59.100 Yeah.
00:07:59.440 But he actually did ask permission from my mom and dad because he was like, I really like your daughter.
00:08:04.420 Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da.
00:08:06.120 And he was, he wasn't like a creep.
00:08:09.060 He wasn't giving creep.
00:08:10.400 Okay.
00:08:10.560 He was giving like gentlemen, actually.
00:08:14.380 And he was very kind and sweet, but it was also long distance as well.
00:08:20.680 So he was living in Holland and I was living here, but he would get like, I think it was
00:08:28.260 like a 12 hour coach every two weeks to come and see me.
00:08:32.140 And he was working like two jobs as well at like 19 years of age.
00:08:37.260 But I think from that, because I was so young, he was my first everything as well.
00:08:42.940 Like first, well, you know what I mean?
00:08:45.900 Like first everything.
00:08:47.280 And so I think that's what kept the attachment for so long.
00:08:51.620 How long were you with him?
00:08:53.400 Three years.
00:08:54.280 Three years.
00:08:54.780 Yeah.
00:08:55.080 But I think because I was so young, I think I was just so excited that like an older boy
00:09:04.880 had liked me really.
00:09:07.220 And when I look back on it now at 21 years of age, I'm thinking, I don't think that's
00:09:14.860 too right.
00:09:15.800 If one of my friends would come to me and say, I like a 15 year old, what do you think?
00:09:22.280 Why did your parents allow that?
00:09:23.900 Because they saw how he was.
00:09:25.820 Because he was a nice, he was a good dude.
00:09:27.940 I was literally begging them as well.
00:09:30.020 Like if your daughter's growing, like, I love him.
00:09:32.800 You know what I mean?
00:09:33.640 What can you do?
00:09:34.780 Right.
00:09:36.280 But I think the attachment was, is because I was so young.
00:09:41.160 And I think I was with him for that long because I was so young and also didn't really
00:09:46.160 know what I want.
00:09:47.580 So you, you would have said he was a good guy though.
00:09:50.740 Yeah.
00:09:50.900 Not a bad boy.
00:09:51.880 Good boy.
00:09:52.160 No, he wasn't a bad guy at all.
00:09:54.140 But I'm in a relationship, you know, I'm in a relationship now.
00:09:58.360 And what made him different was that you were young.
00:10:01.860 It was your first like guy that you were with.
00:10:03.880 Yeah.
00:10:04.460 Okay.
00:10:04.820 Yeah, literally.
00:10:06.160 But I look on it, I look on it now as in, it was an okay experience, but we also broke
00:10:15.980 up in between as well.
00:10:17.200 And that's, I think, because I was so young, I like missed the, the love and like the kind
00:10:26.360 of like, he kind of led the way through everything.
00:10:28.300 So I think that's why I went back, but I actually broke up with him because I was bored.
00:10:32.420 You broke up with him because you were bored?
00:10:34.000 I broke up with him like three times.
00:10:35.860 Just because you were bored?
00:10:36.860 Because I, one, because I was bored, because we, what do we have in common really?
00:10:41.880 What do you have in common with a 14 year old and 19?
00:10:44.080 Like we are actually in different paths of life.
00:10:47.560 And then he was long distance as well.
00:10:51.940 And it's just, I was growing up and I was starting to like other things and I was starting
00:10:57.580 to actually know what my type was maybe, you know?
00:11:02.360 So yeah, that's, that's the reason why I think I kept on going back because of the age.
00:11:06.580 Okay.
00:11:07.140 Yeah.
00:11:07.740 What about you?
00:11:08.880 Yeah, I can kind of relate to some of what you're saying there.
00:11:11.800 Cause my first relationship, I was 16 and he was 20 and he was already a father.
00:11:17.420 Um, and again, my mom did not want me to date this guy.
00:11:21.160 She would literally pin me down to stop me from going to see him.
00:11:25.100 What was wrong with him?
00:11:26.320 The fact that he had a child and he was 20.
00:11:27.960 Right.
00:11:28.260 Okay.
00:11:28.520 Yeah.
00:11:28.940 So yeah, it was like, that's not what you want for your 16 year old daughter.
00:11:32.320 Um, but yeah, I fell head over heels in love with him.
00:11:35.860 Um, I moved out of home when I was 17, got my own place.
00:11:40.000 He moved in with me.
00:11:41.240 So we were having a very adult relationship from the age of 17.
00:11:45.100 Um, I did end up breaking up with him because actually what was interesting was I ended up
00:11:51.220 taking on quite a masculine role in that relationship.
00:11:53.720 I started earning very well and he wasn't.
00:11:57.400 And I was then paying for everything.
00:11:59.200 And it was, I lost respect for him, to be honest.
00:12:02.920 Um, and I kind of made it known.
00:12:05.240 It kind of came out as quite an outburst one day.
00:12:07.780 And I was like, you know, don't feel embarrassed about the fact that every time we go to the
00:12:11.260 movies, I'm getting my purse out and every time we get, you know, and all this.
00:12:15.000 So he.
00:12:15.560 And how old were you, did you say?
00:12:17.140 Um, so at that point when I broke up with him, I was getting on for 19.
00:12:19.920 Okay.
00:12:20.200 So you're with him for three years.
00:12:21.640 Yeah.
00:12:22.020 Yeah.
00:12:22.240 Um, broke up with him.
00:12:23.820 Um, but I loved him, you know, really loved him.
00:12:26.160 He retaliated when I brought that two cents and by throwing furniture around.
00:12:30.600 So I was like, right, you're out.
00:12:32.160 You know, that was that.
00:12:33.460 He was a bad boy too.
00:12:34.600 Well, he actually wasn't, but he was so ashamed that it was like he reacted by just throwing
00:12:39.880 a drawers, like punching the wall.
00:12:41.860 But I'd never seen that side of him before.
00:12:44.080 Oh, okay.
00:12:44.840 He was soft as a kitten up until that point.
00:12:47.140 And then you said, I pay, I pay for all our dates.
00:12:50.240 Like you, you yelled at him and then he started punching the wall.
00:12:52.600 Yeah.
00:12:53.160 But, but I, and three years I'd never seen that side of him.
00:12:56.080 Okay.
00:12:56.420 But at that point I was like, pack your bags.
00:12:58.600 You're gone.
00:12:59.080 Right.
00:12:59.320 And then you, you had to kick him to the curb.
00:13:01.500 I had to kick him to the curb.
00:13:02.740 He had to go.
00:13:03.480 He had to go.
00:13:04.180 Right.
00:13:04.920 But then when he moved on and got into another relationship, I then started to feel like,
00:13:09.440 actually, maybe I still love him and wanted to be with him.
00:13:13.040 So it was almost like when he, when someone else wanted him, I wanted him back, you know?
00:13:17.780 And then it actually took a while for me to get over him, which was strange.
00:13:22.520 Wait, so you were, you were good.
00:13:24.160 You were moved on.
00:13:24.820 Then you found out he was dating someone else and you, you wanted him back.
00:13:27.960 Yeah.
00:13:28.420 He wanted me back.
00:13:29.520 Did you, did you get him back or no?
00:13:31.820 Um, no.
00:13:32.680 So he, he actually was trying to get me back for a period of time.
00:13:36.040 I didn't want to know.
00:13:37.440 But then the moment he got with somebody else, it was a bit of a toxic trait in me.
00:13:40.740 You know, I then wanted him back.
00:13:43.420 Um, and that, that time it was too late because he'd then moved on, moved in, moved in with
00:13:47.360 someone else.
00:13:48.060 And it actually did take me a long time because I sort of thought, oh, you know, maybe he
00:13:51.480 is my, my one true love, you know?
00:13:54.400 Um, he made a mistake, but he's still a good guy and I still love him.
00:13:57.520 So it did take me a while to get over that one.
00:13:59.820 I think because it was that first significant relationship.
00:14:03.880 What about you?
00:14:04.780 Interesting.
00:14:05.340 Okay.
00:14:05.620 So mine is a little bit chaotic, I guess.
00:14:08.340 Um, my ex-partner and the father of my children, um, I met him when I was 14 years old.
00:14:14.560 What is it?
00:14:15.560 No, seriously.
00:14:16.440 How old was he?
00:14:17.040 He was, I was 14.
00:14:18.360 He was 16.
00:14:19.120 So we were still.
00:14:19.600 A little better.
00:14:20.100 Yeah.
00:14:20.460 What is it with this?
00:14:21.180 Oh, honestly.
00:14:21.800 What do you guys do in England, my lord?
00:14:24.060 Like, what is it?
00:14:25.000 It's a bit groovy.
00:14:26.600 Uh, yeah.
00:14:27.880 So, um, so he was like, he was my first ever boyfriend.
00:14:31.060 And when I met him, I remember this, I was at school and I met him.
00:14:34.660 He came and chatted me up at the bus stop after school with his friends.
00:14:38.160 Um, and I thought he was the most handsome guy that I'd ever seen in my life.
00:14:42.480 And I was super flattered that he was talking to me.
00:14:45.180 Um, so we dated, I say we dated, we were in a little bit of a relationship for maybe like
00:14:49.320 a year.
00:14:50.220 Um, and then he broke up with me and I was just, I was heartbroken.
00:14:54.540 I think at that time I really convinced myself that I loved him and that I was mature enough
00:14:59.120 to know what love was.
00:15:00.380 And my friends and my family were like, no, he's not for you.
00:15:03.980 He's not.
00:15:04.460 They were obviously seeing something that I didn't see because you're in that bubble of
00:15:08.440 being in love and this juvenile sense of, he's my everything.
00:15:12.160 Like at 14, I don't think you can know what your everything is.
00:15:15.000 Um, so we, we were together first kind of intimate experience and things like that.
00:15:20.360 And I think that I put that, uh, I held that to quite an, you know, on quite a pedal store
00:15:26.480 that I was intimate with somebody for the first time.
00:15:28.700 And so this must be love and we're going to be together forever.
00:15:32.080 Um, we, our relationship came to an end when we was, I don't know, I think maybe like a
00:15:36.440 year later, I was about 15.
00:15:38.020 Um, and I saw other people and things like that, but he would always contact me.
00:15:42.140 So it will be like, we wouldn't speak for maybe like six months or something.
00:15:45.440 I'll change my number.
00:15:46.500 And then I'd randomly bump into him in the street, which just kept fueling this sense
00:15:50.680 in my mind of, oh my God, we're clearly meant to be together.
00:15:53.220 When did the kid come in?
00:15:54.420 She was the father.
00:15:55.260 Yeah.
00:15:55.680 When did the kid come in?
00:15:56.860 So we got back together.
00:15:58.120 Um, I would say again, sort of in line with that whole us bumping into each other and me
00:16:02.180 feeling like it's fate, it's meant to be on my gosh.
00:16:05.140 Um, fast forward, I was 19.
00:16:07.400 I'd moved out of my parents.
00:16:08.500 I was living on my own.
00:16:09.340 I was living a great life.
00:16:10.360 I was very happy.
00:16:11.000 Um, and again, I moved, I moved into a place and on my first day of living there, I've
00:16:16.020 gone to the, like the local shop and he's just there and he's like, this is the pub.
00:16:20.180 The pub next door is where he like cashed his checks after work and stuff.
00:16:23.480 So again, this just fueled this.
00:16:25.300 We're meant to be, this is the universe.
00:16:27.360 This is God bringing us together.
00:16:29.300 Um, so we got back together when I was 19.
00:16:32.360 We had our daughter when I was 21.
00:16:34.760 Uh, our son when I was 20, uh, 22.
00:16:38.620 Um, and we had a 10 year relationship.
00:16:40.680 Wow.
00:16:40.980 We separated when I was 30, when I was 30, he's only two years older than me.
00:16:45.000 So he was 32.
00:16:46.180 Um, and it was very in the beginning stages.
00:16:48.760 It was very, I wouldn't say it was very toxic, but I didn't see him for what he was.
00:16:52.940 I was just in this bubble of, I love him and he's who I'm going to be with forever.
00:16:57.300 Would you say he was a bad boy or a nice guy?
00:16:59.480 I would say that I believed he was a nice guy, but in hindsight, he's not a very nice
00:17:03.620 person.
00:17:04.180 Okay.
00:17:04.500 He's a bad, like if you, if you had to classify one, he'd be bad boy category.
00:17:08.360 Yeah.
00:17:08.660 But not like your, your stereotypical bad boy, like he's got edge about him more like
00:17:13.040 you're just not a very nice person.
00:17:14.600 You're actually very insecure.
00:17:16.080 You've got a lot of issues in yourself.
00:17:17.520 You project a lot of things.
00:17:18.700 And I think that was particularly when we had our children, um, we moved away from my
00:17:24.740 parents.
00:17:25.200 So I was quite isolated.
00:17:26.060 I lost quite a few of my friends.
00:17:27.840 I didn't really see my family.
00:17:29.100 So all of my relationships started to take a bit of a, a hit for this love that I thought
00:17:33.680 was going to be forever.
00:17:35.120 Um, and I would say by the time, by the time I got to 29, I started to see it for what it
00:17:40.220 was.
00:17:40.600 And I started to see he was quite narcissistic.
00:17:43.380 He was quite, I would never want to, um, deform his character and say he was narcissistic.
00:17:48.700 But from my experience, I felt like I was being emotionally manipulated, mentally manipulated
00:17:53.580 and things like that.
00:17:54.480 Um, so we separated when I was 30 and it was actually a really bad breakup, like really,
00:18:01.020 really bad breakup.
00:18:02.120 Um, so we've been, we haven't been together for five years, four and a half, five years
00:18:07.160 and he hates my guts.
00:18:08.760 We co-parent and he's a great father.
00:18:11.100 I wouldn't take that away from him.
00:18:12.520 My children absolutely adore him and he adores them.
00:18:15.640 They see him very regularly, but he, we, he doesn't even give me eye contact.
00:18:20.200 He hates me.
00:18:21.680 Why?
00:18:22.360 I don't mind.
00:18:23.240 Um, to be honest with you, I think, I think that he didn't take the time to heal from our
00:18:30.560 relationship.
00:18:31.220 And if I'm being really transparent, um, I checked out in like the last year of our
00:18:37.060 relationship, I checked out he, you know, he was doing his thing.
00:18:39.860 He was unfaithful in the beginning of our relationship.
00:18:42.520 Um, it prompted like an open relationship for like a year, which I didn't really want
00:18:47.500 to have, but because he wanted to have it, I kind of agreed with it because I felt like
00:18:50.880 that was the right thing to do.
00:18:51.940 Um, I never stepped out and did anything, but I would like tell him I was going on a
00:18:56.240 date and I'd go to like my girlfriend's house and just chill with her so that he thought
00:18:59.540 I was going on a date because I knew that he would be with someone else.
00:19:02.080 It was really bad.
00:19:02.960 Really toxic.
00:19:03.520 This sounds very, this is very Pammy actually.
00:19:05.780 This is quite Pammy.
00:19:06.760 You know, I was just banned on Tik TOK and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform.
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