JustPearlyThings - March 27, 2023


She Tried MINIMIZING Fatherhood Roles


Episode Stats

Length

17 minutes

Words per Minute

179.15901

Word Count

3,089

Sentence Count

3


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 it's funny to me that men talk about having children it's so jokes why is it
00:00:05.620 jokes because you man don't do any of the work required I mean the physical
00:00:19.800 hard work required to carry a child what's what's harder giving birth or
00:00:25.120 raising a child raising it's both of them talking about the given birth part fair enough here you
00:00:48.280 are right we don't do the physical part but there's other things that we have to do we have to do that
00:00:52.900 we have to deal with you like in general it's hard be dealing with a woman that's carrying a whole
00:01:12.700 human being in her stomach crazy when they're not crazy I mean no this is Sean no I'm quite I'm a very
00:01:34.700 like everything goes over my end I just I just think it's unfair to say that in it not we say
00:01:46.820 that I think not afterwards mentally emotionally and mentally afterwards is that that's the test
00:01:52.880 that is a very big no matter how how about the sorry pregnant people no matter how bad you feel right
00:01:59.360 now it will get worse I love you but it's bad you just your emotions are everywhere your heads
00:02:09.500 everywhere nothing makes sense it's it's a I get I get what you're saying obviously physically we're
00:02:17.140 not pushing out the baby but what would you actually want the man to do like what can we do I'm not I'm
00:02:21.620 not saying it's not your fault that you don't carry a baby I just meant that you guys like oh yeah of
00:02:35.780 course that I would want to have children whatever whatever but it's like I don't know I do the night
00:02:40.760 feeds mmm so change nappies yeah I love yeah there's a lot of guys that do it but it's a
00:02:58.280 fucking lot of that don't yeah this is why this is why you choose exactly when you get a child 100%
00:03:05.000 you know how many people I've seen yeah they have relationship issues and then they think you know
00:03:09.620 what we're gonna do we're having a baby and this baby yeah is is gonna get born into this toxic
00:03:17.060 relationship is gonna be the leverage it's gonna be like fuck you acted up I'm taking the child and
00:03:22.000 you're and you're really minimizing the guy's role though like like men have to go to work every day
00:03:26.420 and provide for you like what are you why are you acting like that's nothing they have to protect
00:03:31.040 you someone breaks into your house like they're the ones that are in charge they're the ones that
00:03:34.240 have to protect you she's gonna go downstairs and fight everyone I think she's talking about the
00:03:38.880 people that don't do that what are you talking about so for me like when you said the protector and
00:03:43.540 the reason I've always been that person I've always been I've always been lucky and then what you said
00:03:52.060 where y'all like you you would choose someone that is gonna give you all them things I got promised
00:03:57.520 some things it didn't happen if you had a choice it did not happen and that's me being men lie do you
00:04:03.400 men lie I will do this men lie that never happened I've done everything wait so but you guys you
00:04:13.000 didn't not in general but but were you married before you had the kid so you didn't promise you think
00:04:18.040 you guys guys it needs to be you okay one at a time one at a time one okay go ahead yeah no I'm
00:04:28.240 not complaining in any way and I'm the first person to say listen it was not planned and blah blah blah
00:04:32.380 but like because I went through with that situation right but you're saying like men men why would you
00:04:40.120 not choose someone that's gonna give you these things I got told I we're gonna get them things
00:04:43.660 mm-hmm but unexpected those things I just didn't get them right but I'm saying it for me I just roll
00:04:48.940 with it and then I I'm not complaining which is fine right do you think like it probably would
00:04:55.120 have been avoided if you got married first because no difference to my situation except from a fucking
00:05:02.500 message actions though it would prove more than just him saying the ring just to confirm that he was
00:05:10.660 he was gonna be a man of his word is that what we're saying it's not just a ring I mean
00:05:14.380 I'm just being so big of a risk do you know do you know how big of a risk marriage is for men in
00:05:19.540 2022 wait wait guys do you know how big of a risk of marriage is for men in 2022 okay we leave we
00:05:29.080 leave 70 to 80 percent of the time 90 percent of their college educated you they can lose up to 75
00:05:33.340 percent and take the kids okay and give okay we're talking about a man that didn't keep his word we're not
00:05:38.620 talking about whether sorry what she's making is that um what you should have waited until marriage
00:05:45.340 yes to say that he was promised those tricks because because because and I'm not like it's
00:05:55.000 your situation I don't know the ins and outs of it but but the point is like if somebody does something
00:05:59.500 it's better than them saying that they're gonna do something I can say I can say I'm a millionaire
00:06:04.120 that doesn't make me like what you said do you like all right so if you'd have got married would
00:06:10.360 it be different no like for my situation personally the reason like it would not have made a difference
00:06:16.540 if we were married or not if if anything it would have just made a message about there was nothing I
00:06:21.280 was would have got gained from it I have a question going back to you said you protect and provide do you
00:06:29.860 not think it would be better if your son had a father in his life or daughter oh my god I would
00:06:34.240 love so much for him to have a five if you go like I have I'm lucky enough to have men and family members
00:06:40.600 that are male in my life to be able to show him that kind of way but sometimes I do think I wish like
00:06:45.520 every day I wish I wish I had someone there yeah that showed him that side of it but I'm quite
00:06:51.420 masculine in that kind of energy but I know what you mean that then it I don't know it's a weird
00:07:02.280 where best for most months you follow that no not me get up just on your I'm quite I kind of try and
00:07:10.620 make it balanced to do both mm-hmm but I do wish it did have a better was there red flags because a lot
00:07:20.280 of women say this year but I guarantee there was some kind of signs that he was that guy that
00:07:24.420 doesn't keep his promises there was always red flags but like it wasn't planned I would not plan
00:07:28.960 to have a child at that point with now talking about the commitment in general I'm talking about
00:07:32.780 like the commitment side and the keeping his word side I guarantee there was red flags that was the
00:07:37.420 question in hand like would you would would you not want to get married first I would have gained
00:07:41.100 nothing from a marriage but do you think it would have been different if it was I also to the guys as
00:07:46.340 well do you think it changes if a child comes unplanned the way you look at having a child
00:07:51.960 yes to me yeah I would have had one if not yeah yeah because I feel like that changes the question
00:07:57.140 as well because I feel like if you know you want to have a kid then you can mentally prepare okay sick
00:08:02.980 I'm gonna yeah I'm gonna provide if this comes unplanned yeah if I was a man not to say that I would
00:08:08.760 run out and be like see you later bitch but um but I do think that let's say yeah we we have been
00:08:17.600 seeing each other for like a year or something she becomes pregnant um there for example I don't want
00:08:24.680 to I don't want to have a kid now she wants to have the kid I'll I'll help her because I don't want
00:08:30.420 to leave and be the dickhead that's like bye um but then when it comes to you know you're eight months in
00:08:36.620 and this child is gonna come in like a month I would be fucking shitting my pants because I would
00:08:42.420 because it changes the convo you know because you can't mentally prepare and you I still don't say
00:08:48.720 that they should leave never but I do think it really depends on was this baby planned because
00:08:55.800 that changes it because I mean the idea is like we're a hundred percent in control of birth yeah so
00:09:01.860 whether you had it or not it wasn't his choice it was you know I we had the conversation I said right
00:09:06.140 these are the options do I not do I do it and do I we're making a go of it like what's happening we
00:09:11.600 had the full conversation we had full 50 50 import now like if you want me to get I will do you know
00:09:17.480 what I mean and then we had the import and then it would we came to the conclusion of we will try our
00:09:21.560 best to make a family for this child a baby yeah and it did not work and you said there were red flags
00:09:27.900 before I'm not trying to like come at you like I'm just saying like a lot of times like as women yeah
00:09:38.100 they kind of make it seem like we're a victim on a situation right right but I'm saying I'm just
00:09:44.140 saying I'm saying in general yeah but like like there are red flags that happened before and we
00:09:48.780 we choose to move forward yeah so it's not like a gotcha like he got you it's like kind of evading
00:09:57.780 the the whole argument like so look I think we've got to put some wholeness on the men as well there's
00:10:02.940 two types of men there's one that lives up to his word and there's one that doesn't simple as that
00:10:07.680 yeah but I think you could what's your name sorry in the green Angie Angie Angie I think you could learn
00:10:14.400 something from this so basically I think what a lot of people but especially women are missing
00:10:20.340 is the ability to sow seeds right they don't sow seeds they don't think long term they just think
00:10:26.620 like oh yeah now I feel so this I feel so that but you were saying at 19 yeah I wanted one kid
00:10:32.640 now it's I don't want nothing your brain's not fully developed and it's gonna sound rude but like there's
00:10:39.740 some studies that say till 25 your brain is still developing so there's some shots you're just gonna
00:10:45.420 have to take I was gonna this is a battlefield hold on let me just finish if it's a battlefield and you
00:10:50.120 know people are running at you there's some shots you're gonna have to take you haven't got a hundred
00:10:54.020 percent accuracy all right no that's true it's true you're gonna have to start just licking it off
00:10:58.880 licking it off because when you get to 55 like four years ago you was thinking one now it's zero
00:11:04.820 so sometimes you need to think about sowing seeds and don't and be open-minded I think a lot of young
00:11:14.360 people sorry to like you're not trying to lay it down I'm 26 but I'm so one of you in this room proves me
00:11:26.180 wrong or makes me think differently I'm gonna allow myself to think and listen but a lot of people are
00:11:30.620 too hard-headed about something and that's why at 55 there's regret now I wanted to add to what you
00:11:37.640 just said though because obviously I feel like a lot of women I'm not a woman but I feel like a lot
00:11:44.480 evidently well I feel like a lot of women will get to a certain like there will be a switch at some
00:11:50.180 point like you'll be playing with your your friend's kid or you'll see a kid a cute baby on
00:11:56.120 on Instagram or something like that and then you're like when you get past when you get past 35
00:12:01.040 does come in it's it's it's you could you don't have a choice anymore or like as the older you get
00:12:06.020 the choice is goals actually but it depends on your situation I have a couple stats for you guys
00:12:11.220 what do you guys think the average age is of first child like to give birth in the West in England
00:12:23.420 I'm gonna have you guys raise your hands so between under the age of 25 first kid is you think okay
00:12:34.820 between 20 25 to 27 thanks okay 28 to 30 or above maybe 30 to 35 okay okay it's it's 30 that's the
00:12:49.220 the average in 2022 the average age for a woman to give birth is 30 and it's going up and at 30
00:12:57.020 90 of your eggs are gone yeah the rate the rate wait wait let now here's let's go with that the rate
00:13:05.780 of women giving birth in their 20s has decreased while giving birth in their 30s and 40s has exploded
00:13:11.240 only 11 percent of women that freeze their eggs end up with a live birth at the end of the process
00:13:20.820 yeah that's good and how much how much does freezing eggs cost around around of ivy and around of ivf
00:13:27.520 costs around twelve thousand dollars on average in the united states the price the price of an ivf at the
00:13:36.620 private you at the price of a round of ivf in the uk at a private clinic clinic is about five thousand pounds
00:13:45.460 a lot less than the u.s a lot less than the u.s okay okay no one needs to get me pregnant
00:13:51.320 guys guys so i'm just curious out of the moment have you ever considered the risks of geriatric pregnancy
00:13:59.760 and did you know those stats so raise your hand if you knew those stats what is that geriatric
00:14:03.980 pregnancy um is pregnancy after 35 yeah i'm my mates mom had her at 40 and she's 16 she's perfectly fine
00:14:10.720 exception exception no it's not the rule that's not the rule what do you mean it's not the rule
00:14:14.900 she's still a functioning human being she ain't got no wrong with you okay okay okay so all right all
00:14:20.280 right so my my parents also have given birth like my parents and their grandparents have given birth
00:14:25.760 late like my both of my grandparents no no i i understand but i wouldn't bet on it why would i bet on
00:14:32.020 that that's stupid yeah but it's not it's not your time maybe it wasn't your time to have kids yet
00:14:36.560 some people not ready to have kids till they later how is it it's your choice exactly so it's their
00:14:41.080 choice to have kids later right right and i'm saying that's fine but don't complain about the results
00:14:45.380 yeah you can't that's your no but they do like with jennifer aniston jennifer aniston is that's what
00:14:50.820 she she is that's just one person and that's what i'm saying no girls do it all the time
00:14:55.080 how many girls do you see crying on tiktok like everyone every girl here you guys are all pretty
00:15:01.700 enough that you know someone in your friend zone that's ready to marry you tomorrow
00:15:04.800 i don't think that's true though because i want kids i want them now but i just i'm not gonna just
00:15:11.140 have a kid for the sake of it i need to be when you're ready even if it's fun like i want the family
00:15:15.760 so i think it's unfair to say that it's my choice it's not my choice because yeah i could have a kid
00:15:20.780 with you if i wanted to sorry to pick you out but you know i need to be in love with you you know
00:15:34.040 i want i want i want the whole the whole package i don't want just a sperm donor because if that's
00:15:38.660 the case i'll go to a bank no but okay but it's a it's a choice because there are men i'm sure you
00:15:46.500 have men that want to date you right i'm sure you i mean i'm sure you i'm sure you have men that you
00:15:52.520 know are good guys in your friend zone but you know i don't want to fuck them and i understand but
00:15:58.280 then it's like it's it's basically like the men you don't want don't want you yep no and it's it's
00:16:03.480 everyone everyone that's single if if the men if the men you wanted wanted you you would be in a
00:16:09.340 relationship with them not necessarily so it's like it's like women we don't none of us like we
00:16:13.880 don't settle how do you know that it's the it's the men though like maybe i just don't want anyone
00:16:18.280 maybe no one's like living up to the plate okay so so i don't i expect okay okay well i i just think
00:16:24.080 of this there's one of you and there's the whole population of men
00:16:27.280 and you know what it is i'm sorry to say but the uk is mid no but i think it's also social media i
00:16:36.380 think people nowadays they meet someone and then they you know he can be um if you're into men like
00:16:43.540 he can be you know the whole package but because of socials you're like oh but he's but he's but he's
00:16:50.100 but so i feel like a lot of people struggle to actually like build something with someone because
00:16:55.880 they're always thinking there might be something better as many of you know i was just banned on
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