This FEMINIST Said THIS
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
209.88785
Summary
In this episode, I speak to my good friend, Pearl, who has lost over 100lbs and is now a healthy, happy and healthy looking woman. We talk about her journey of losing weight, how she lost weight and how she managed to get pregnant with her third child. We discuss the importance of being honest with people and how important it is to be open and vulnerable with others.
Transcript
00:00:00.000
So she's better looking now, would you say, now that she's lost the weight?
00:00:03.440
The objective was to get pregnant and her weight was a massive thing.
00:00:07.280
But it was, I mean, that's actually, that's the way that her weight loss has helped her.
00:00:12.480
And the bonus is that she's actually attractive.
00:00:18.420
And, you know, by a result, she became attractive because she is healthy.
00:00:25.620
I would consider myself quite feminine and a woman.
00:00:31.860
I think we get too caught up with masculine energy, feminine energy.
00:00:35.660
What's human to do is to look out for somebody.
00:00:38.120
I think women are kind of more socialized to kind of beat around the bush.
00:00:45.360
It's kind of rewarded when women are like, oh, look, they're not as like, oh, I want this, this and this.
00:00:50.040
I think women are rewarded in romantic relationships and friendships and relationships with people in society.
00:00:55.220
So if you know that, why would you still purposely or willingly do it?
00:00:59.840
So you just said that women are kind of socialized to behave a certain type of way.
00:01:04.820
And you know that way you're socialized is negative in terms of creating a better outcome for all.
00:01:12.640
I think I still do this because obviously that's what I'm used to.
00:01:17.280
I find it extremely uncomfortable to go to someone and call them fat or call them ugly.
00:01:21.440
Even if they asked you, so if I said, am I fat and I was visibly fat, you'd find it uncomfortable to be honest with me and be like, do you know what you are fat?
00:01:27.180
I would find that really uncomfortable for me to say the words out loud.
00:01:31.820
Like I can think certain things in my mind, but to directly say to someone straight up, like, I think you're ugly, especially if it's in negative terms, it would be very difficult for me.
00:01:41.680
So if I said, if I said, if I gained, let's say if I gained 50 pounds.
00:01:49.380
This is different because you, because you're Pearl.
00:01:52.080
So yeah, she wants you to be so direct, but had German au pairs growing up to German nannies.
00:02:03.960
People don't understand what German nannies, German nannies.
00:02:07.620
So I feel like it also, you have to have, um, a bit of tact and I feel like you need to gauge the person as well.
00:02:18.820
I just got rejected for the 10th time in a row.
00:03:07.020
I just, I think it's like a scale that's like not real.
00:03:09.440
So I feel like they just make that up, you know, doctors to be mean.
00:03:16.120
I mean, I question it a little bit, but that's why I came to you to get the truth.
00:03:30.180
That was a one-on-one or beating around the bush.
00:03:43.700
So, so this is, you know, I'm at, you know, I'm just like.
00:03:57.040
Um, anyways, I, I, I was walking here and I, and someone called me a whale.
00:04:05.920
When I did see you, you was looking a bit more chunky than last time I seen you still, but
00:04:17.120
Like drop a few, drop a little something, something in you.
00:04:51.080
If I said she's fat and ugly, I said she became attractive because she's, because she's healthy.
00:04:58.100
No, but you said like, I think you said like, you quoted yourself.
00:05:16.560
Because it's good to have a friend like you that will call it straight.
00:05:20.300
Even if it hurts, you, you're the most respected friend.
00:05:23.720
I have to say, the thing is that there needs to be context.
00:05:26.680
So this, she tells me this over and over again.
00:05:32.040
And if like, the thing is, like I said, I am not, my existence isn't to just pacify you,
00:05:39.060
you know, and if you're saying that, oh, you know, I have this issue and my weight is this
00:05:46.380
And her radical acceptance is the most powerful thing.
00:05:55.100
So, so much problems were avoided with me just being honest with her.
00:06:00.680
And if she's an adult, she's going to take that.
00:06:07.260
I think there's a way of like doing it with tact so you can be playful about it.
00:06:10.060
But if you're honest and real with a person, it won't affect your relationship.
00:06:16.340
I feel like if you're honest with someone and factual with a person, a relationship cannot
00:06:21.160
I feel like if someone's real with you and tells you something straight, if it was a real
00:06:26.800
It's why you don't do it for fear of losing that relationship with a person.
00:06:30.500
The reason I don't do it is that I find it extremely uncomfortable.
00:06:53.000
Let's say if I think that I'm like really crazy, amazing, like really, really beautiful and
00:07:00.560
someone's selling me dreams and I believe the dreams he sells me happily ever after in
00:07:07.920
Are you cool with getting cheated on if you never find out?
00:07:12.520
I don't want to ever be quoted on this, but I feel like, actually, let me drink first.
00:07:19.060
Have you seen that TikTok that it's like when you catch your billionaire husband having an
00:07:23.540
pair, an affair, and you're like, ah, I didn't see anything.
00:07:28.560
Like, because if you never find out, it doesn't affect you and you're just believing the lies.
00:07:41.240
He just wanted to wife you and have side pieces.
00:07:44.100
If he wanted to wife me and he didn't want to have side pieces, then I'd be okay.
00:08:00.140
No, like, burst my bubble as in if someone's like, oh, I find you really attractive and
00:08:09.780
That narrative doesn't have to involve cheating.
00:08:12.160
And if it doesn't, why burst that bubble and maybe, oh, she's, you're five.
00:08:16.640
You should be with us, like, a five, two, you know?
00:08:19.620
A guy can't get with you if he's approached you like, you know what?
00:08:28.280
Like, you're not getting a chance unless you're obsessed with me, unless I'm, like, the best
00:08:36.080
Because there's always someone that will treat you that way.
00:08:39.000
There's always someone that will treat you what way?
00:08:46.120
Like, if you tell someone, like, yeah, you're okay.
00:08:51.700
Do you think we like the guys that put us on pedestals?
00:08:59.000
I feel like women enjoy being on the receiving end of being put on this pedestal.
00:09:05.940
Women have, like, a group of men who are just for attention.
00:09:11.560
There's a guy that they like, who they want attention from, and there's all the guys that
00:09:14.600
feed them constant attention that makes them feel validated.
00:09:21.080
I don't like none of these guys, but they make me feel good about myself.
00:09:23.560
Yeah, the ones that don't have a chance, but it's just like.
00:09:29.960
Do you think guys can move out of that zone, out of the friend zone, once they're in it?
00:09:37.740
I think if a woman has decided something, she won't change her mind.
00:09:44.960
I think there's a particular type of guy who is just very, very patient in it.
00:09:52.460
If you wait for the right opportunity to strike, like, cool, you've been friends with this girl.
00:09:54.720
She's going through breakup after breakup because you're always making bad decisions.
00:10:22.820
You need to see that, a sketch from Chris Rock.
00:10:26.000
When he says why women keep a lot of like guy friends and stuff.
00:10:39.220
Ultimately, there comes a time where a woman has to choose between what they always go for,
00:10:44.360
which I think is probably not the best partner for them.
00:10:48.020
Yeah, it's probably just the, like, maybe like the bad boy.
00:10:50.360
You know how like women are always like, men are trash, men are trash, but it's like, no,
00:10:55.640
There's a difference between arousal and attraction.
00:10:58.200
Attraction is like the guy that you could take home to mom and dad.
00:11:06.740
And I think most girls want like a mix of the two if they can, but, but typically like
00:11:15.900
I mean, like, I don't think most, most like stable guys also have that bad boy side to
00:11:22.740
And I think if you find one, you, you, you try to hold on to him.
00:11:26.480
Cause you know what they, those stable guys provide peace and obviously peace doesn't mean
00:11:30.680
continuous, uh, yeah, but you're aroused by the drama.
00:11:37.140
And I don't, I don't think girls, this is a much more honest like panel.
00:11:40.300
Cause the girls like, we don't like to admit that.
00:11:47.360
Why girls like getting cheated on, on some level.
00:11:50.800
It's not, it's not fun, but like, why is every girl obsessed with the ex that cheated
00:11:58.580
And I feel like you should, when you're going into something new, you shouldn't be talking
00:12:01.560
about, oh my God, like my ex done this and that to me.
00:12:03.660
You need to, no one needs to know where you wasn't valued.
00:12:06.440
You need to be completely healthy and just really just, listen, this is what I expect.
00:12:13.200
Anything less, regardless of my feelings, I need to, I need to leave.
00:12:18.400
But then girls also go for guys that they know are likely to cheat on them.
00:12:22.460
So there's the ex who cheated and there's the new guy who's just like, you know, this
00:12:34.380
Cause you ask her like, what value do you bring?
00:12:40.080
Like, cause they, they, like, like we think we can, we're the one that's going to change
00:12:43.940
him, but it's like, there's a million, there's a new girl turning 22 every day.
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As many of you know, I was just banned on TikTok and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this
00:12:58.100
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00:13:02.660
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