JustPearlyThings - July 31, 2023


This Is Why Men Should Fear Marriage


Episode Stats

Length

8 minutes

Words per Minute

141.94798

Word Count

1,197

Sentence Count

94


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 I talked to a divorce attorney once, and I asked him if he was afraid of getting married and having kids, and he told me he had no fear about marriage.
00:00:09.180 He would get married tomorrow, but he said, I am afraid of having kids, because once you have kids, those are not your kids.
00:00:16.460 They're hers.
00:00:18.060 And more accurately, they're the states.
00:00:22.400 The state will enforce her ownership of their children.
00:00:25.900 They're treated like furniture.
00:00:27.040 They claim to act in the best interest of the child, even as they eviscerate the relationship they have with their fathers through the courts.
00:00:37.260 It's a horrible situation, and he's right.
00:00:40.420 He should be afraid.
00:00:41.420 He should be afraid to get married, too, if he values all of his assets.
00:00:46.480 I'm sure that getting a law degree was not cheap, and there's a lot of work that goes into it.
00:00:52.680 And then you make a lot of money if what he's saying is, I don't mind losing half of my worth, then fine.
00:01:00.880 And if you don't mind, you don't mind.
00:01:03.380 But he's right.
00:01:04.240 With kids, it's the gift that keeps on giving.
00:01:07.980 I'm curious about this men's group.
00:01:10.360 What are, like, the most common problems you hear from men in these groups?
00:01:14.580 There's a lot that goes on in there.
00:01:18.120 A lot of the men are in contested, acrimonious divorces.
00:01:22.960 There's cases of parental alienation.
00:01:25.360 There's cases of false accusation.
00:01:28.720 That sort of dots the landscape of what we do at XY Crew.
00:01:33.260 But, you know, the most common thing is that men come there so they have a place to talk without looking over their shoulder and without the world being offended by what they have to say or thinking they're crazy or misogynistic or hateful for just being honest about their lives.
00:01:52.840 And so that's, I mean, that's the real value.
00:01:56.200 But we get the full gambit of men's issues, everything from, what is it, paternity fraud to parental alienation.
00:02:07.640 It's all there.
00:02:09.480 How common do you think paternity fraud is?
00:02:12.760 Real common.
00:02:13.700 As a matter of fact, and you can do the Google on this, the research found that 30% of men who question paternity find out they're not their father.
00:02:27.060 Think about that.
00:02:28.860 30% of men who pursue it to get testing for themselves and the child to determine paternity find out that they are not the father.
00:02:40.140 That's a huge number.
00:02:41.460 And how many, how many millions of men don't test?
00:02:48.700 How, how do you, common do you think it is in the normal?
00:02:51.720 Because I guess I could hear what the other side would say.
00:02:56.300 They would say, well, those are, it's going to be like a smaller sample size because those are just the men with questions.
00:03:03.440 And I say, thank you for making my point.
00:03:06.240 If that small sample is turning up that kind of number, how many men aren't investigating?
00:03:14.380 Wow.
00:03:14.900 Now, I'm not, I'm not suggesting that 30% of all children are not fathered by the, the, the identified father.
00:03:26.720 I'm just saying that it's a substantial enough number.
00:03:30.080 It keeps coming up that I think it's worth mandatory DNA testing at birth.
00:03:36.060 I think it should be jail time too.
00:03:39.280 For however many years the man wasted, the woman should waste a double.
00:03:43.840 Because it's like, he wasted one year.
00:03:46.320 Why shouldn't you waste two?
00:03:47.480 Well, yeah, have fun making that change.
00:03:54.700 No, I, I tried, I've been, I've been telling people this and they're like, well, that's not good for the kid.
00:03:59.340 I'm like, neither is it not having his real dad because it's confusing for the kid too, because like, you know, something's up.
00:04:08.480 Like, um, I, my parents gave up one of my brothers for adoption because they were young and then adopted later.
00:04:15.380 And I'm, I'm more similar to the one I didn't even grow up with.
00:04:19.620 So you can tell like stuff comes, you know, so it's like, but everyone, it's like whenever a woman's held accountable, they just, it's like, they just yell at you.
00:04:33.740 Like, like, like I'm the bad guy for putting them in jail, not, she's not the bad guy for lying about paternity.
00:04:40.420 And that is, I think, reflective of the overall problem of the lack of honesty.
00:04:48.180 It's one of the things I do like about what you're doing is that you're pushing for at least an honest discussion.
00:04:55.300 Because so little of that happens out there.
00:04:58.360 I don't know how long we should punish women who commit paternity fraud.
00:05:03.120 Some women commit paternity fraud when the real situation is they don't know who the father is.
00:05:11.460 That happens.
00:05:13.320 But there's knowing paternity fraud.
00:05:16.400 And it happens.
00:05:17.780 It happens a lot.
00:05:19.980 Can't really put a number on it because it's a, I think it's a number our society doesn't want to investigate.
00:05:25.680 So we haven't.
00:05:28.520 And that's that.
00:05:29.800 I can't even imagine.
00:05:35.180 That would be so crazy.
00:05:36.640 What are the men?
00:05:37.580 Because it's so interesting because you probably have such a unique point of view because you hear like what the men say behind closed doors.
00:05:44.780 So like what, what do men go through when that type of situation happens?
00:05:50.460 It's devastating.
00:05:51.520 It's absolutely devastating.
00:05:53.760 Guys that have loved their children, worked for them, done everything they could, put a roof over their head, loved them, put clothes on their back, feed them, take care of them in every way.
00:06:07.000 And then all of a sudden one day, it's not you.
00:06:10.340 It's somebody else's kid.
00:06:12.180 And they are absolutely devastated.
00:06:15.020 I've seen several of them say, okay, screw it.
00:06:18.340 I love this child.
00:06:19.340 I'm going to, I'm going to take care of them anyway.
00:06:21.940 I want to be this child's father.
00:06:24.580 And it fails.
00:06:27.340 So much of the time, it just falls apart.
00:06:30.460 Because that's a hump you can't get over.
00:06:34.800 Who's usually the most common like dad?
00:06:38.400 Like is it a neighbor usually?
00:06:40.160 Is it an ex-boyfriend, a best friend?
00:06:43.120 That I don't know.
00:06:44.740 Probably I would say there's a high number that come from coworkers.
00:06:50.460 Oh, coworkers.
00:06:52.540 That makes sense.
00:06:54.240 That's got to be like the highest rate of affairs.
00:06:57.040 You would think.
00:06:58.040 Yeah, you would think.
00:06:59.020 I don't know for sure the numbers on that.
00:07:01.220 But it makes sense.
00:07:02.680 That's where you meet people.
00:07:05.120 Right.
00:07:07.300 Do you think if we banned women from working tomorrow, that all of society's problems would go away?
00:07:14.380 Some I'm sure would.
00:07:18.440 I would have fun looking at what got worse and what got better.
00:07:22.880 But, you know, I'm not, despite some of the accusations from feminists, I'm not an extremist.
00:07:30.500 I don't want to ban women from work.
00:07:32.600 I want them to push ahead and have happy lives, whatever makes them happy, whatever floats their boat.
00:07:40.740 But I think they should do it.
00:07:41.960 If you think being in a cubicle five days a week for nine hours with bags under your eyes and kids that are screaming for your attention because you're not there all the time, if that's your happiness, you go, girl.
00:07:55.980 I'm not there all the time, but I'm not there all the time.