Noah and Bill are joined by Trevor Noah to discuss the coronavirus pandemic, Ted Cruz wins $1,200 in stimulus money, and more. Plus, a look inside the Trump administration's hall of mirrors.
00:02:48.000Counties that are majority black have three times the rate of infections and the answer to all of Cuomo's questions is tragically familial.
00:07:25.000And we'll be getting to, of course, the denigrating of all the American citizens who think they should be getting back to work, and Trevor Noah decided to take a big steaming South African crap on them.
00:09:09.000COVID-19, of course, this is what everyone's talking about, and COVID-19 has changed a lot of people's minds.
00:09:15.000It's actually forced epidemiologists to question the long-standing medical theory that, quote, laughter is the best medicine.
00:09:23.000It's no secret, of course, that Donald Trump has been holding daily press briefings.
00:09:30.000We did a live stream with one of those, which networks have accused of turning into propaganda sessions, with CNN even going so far as to refuse to even air them, replacing it instead with a fat gay guy talking about them.
00:09:47.000Brian Stelter this week stated, and I want to make sure I get this right, that it's, quote, okay to not be okay.
00:09:55.000This week when he was speaking of his grief over the coronavirus, even leading to his admission that he, quote, crawled into bed and cried for hours over the pandemic.
00:10:06.000And matters just weren't helped any when his tweet was protested by the Westboro Baptist Church, So that's a double whammy.
00:10:49.000Now, of course, Kenyan Governor Mike Sanko, he's not to be confused with Nigerian President Mahamadou Buhari, who himself is a notorious Colt 45 man.
00:11:44.000Probably my favorite joke I've ever written in my life.
00:11:47.000Because not only is he a pedophile, not only in that joke is Joe Biden very old, he's old enough to have been a pedophile when he sniffed Shirley Temple.
00:11:59.000And if you don't appreciate that, go watch Trevor Noah.
00:12:03.000In an odd turn of events, today is Shirley Temple's birthday.
00:12:39.000Yeah, let me explain the story of this.
00:12:41.000New Yorkers showed de Blasio how they felt about being asked to snitch on each other when his tip line went public by flooding it with crank complaints, including pictures of penises and memes featuring Adolf Hitler.
00:12:52.000Now, I do want to note that the photos were initially separate until the great meme convergence of Hitler d*** pic.
00:14:01.000Our best and smartest guy, especially when it comes to Mass Monday, is the one who is instantly identifying the absurd size of the crack rock.
00:15:20.000This means that while the mortality rate is drastically lower than initially expected, and that's a good thing, more people can be potential carriers.
00:21:47.000Yeah, because a lot of you gave us some positive feedback that you liked the press briefing and you want us to do more of it, and we thought, well, you know what, though?
00:21:53.000Then the next day we were sort of covering the lies that happened after the press briefing, and since we won't be doing a show next Friday, since that's the end of Mug Club Quarantine, we just said, let's just do four hours because I'm a sadomasochist.
00:22:11.000A lot of people have been making these same exact claims out there where they've just been vilifying anyone who wants to go back to work as conspiracy theory nuts, as morons, as flyover dunces.
00:22:22.000So let's specifically just target Trevor Noah because I think he's everything wrong with not America because he's not from here and he shouldn't be here, just humanity.
00:22:55.000I want to run some clips and we'll go through.
00:22:56.000He's just emblematic of this so it's perfect because we can rebut all of his points because it kind of just, it's this amalgamate of horrible points and straw men that everyone else has been making.
00:23:08.000He's vilifying the protesters and right here, this is the same attack you hear all the time, that people who are protesting out there right now who want to restart the economy, they clearly want to increase deaths.
00:23:19.000Over the weekend, America surpassed 40,000 confirmed coronavirus deaths and 750,000 confirmed infections.
00:23:28.000And because of that, most of us have accepted that as painful as it is, we need to stay at home a little longer until we can get those numbers under control.
00:23:39.000But it turns out there's a different group of people around the country who are saying, How can we get those numbers to go up?
00:23:44.000He's wearing a sweater that makes him look like he's being raped.
00:23:46.000Protests erupting coast-to-coast with calls to end stay-at-home orders.
00:23:50.000Thousands lining the streets of Wisconsin, rallying cries from Washington to Colorado to Maryland.
00:24:34.000Surveys show that one in four Americans have either lost their job or had pay cut from shutdowns.
00:24:39.000They don't even know how much this is going to lessen.
00:24:42.000I think it was 35 percent of retailers that were non-groceries, 20-something percent of hotels, 15 to 20 percent of restaurants.
00:24:48.000They say they'll have to close if the crisis continues over the coming months.
00:24:52.000And we know that that kind of stress and trauma comes with suicide, depression.
00:24:56.000That is more of a burden on our health system than building extra hospitals that are entirely empty.
00:25:00.000Yeah, and people are picking on other states for opening up, saying, look, you don't need to get your hair cut, you don't need to go to a nail salon, right?
00:27:38.000And by the way, just something to be clear, flattening the curve is important so that you obviously give, it's that rubber band effect, that you give the healthcare system enough time to deal with the burden.
00:27:46.000But as far as the disease, flattening the curve can often just make it go longer.
00:29:17.000Pug definitely knows this is One Step Closer.
00:29:19.000She reminds me of like a sort of milky brown version of Star Jones after she lost the weight and you're like, ooh, put it back on, put it back on.
00:31:17.000People are going to remember this in November.
00:31:19.000Initially, they wanted you to remember this in November.
00:31:21.000So do I. Now, they want you to still be in this come November, because there's no objective reason to try and flatten the curve when it's already been done.
00:31:30.000There's no objective reason for an indefinite shutdown.
00:31:33.000And by the way, Europe, many places in Europe, they're far more leftist.
00:31:46.000Somewhere the Swedish chef is going verd to f**k.
00:31:51.000Well, this is a classic example of the treatment killing the patient.
00:31:53.000So the whole goal was to save the hospital system, essentially, right?
00:31:56.000Don't overwhelm it so that it ends up collapsing, right?
00:31:59.000Now what they've done is they've taken away the main source of income, which is elective procedures, and now hospitals are facing- Stop looking down!
00:33:24.000Alright, so back to the point was that we are going to do the same thing that we were trying to avoid in the first place and kill the economy at the same time.
00:33:45.000And the next point here that we have from Trevor Noah is he makes this claim, you hear this a whole bunch, this idea that people are out there, the more you protest, right, all of you protesters out there, I don't know, I can't do the accent.
00:33:56.000It doesn't, I've known a lot of South Africans, they don't sound like him.
00:34:08.000You know, it's easy if you're doing, like, a Mickey Rooney breakfast at Tiffany's or something, like an old school Milton Berle, but just like, ah, how do I convey unfunny ****?
00:34:59.000The problem is I still have an injured foot, and it's going to be very difficult for me to finger with my toe the trigger to the shotgun in my mouth.
00:35:19.000Where someone is doing the whole, like, hey, and I, we used to do this back, like, Philip DeFranco would do it.
00:35:22.000Like, you, you would kind of do a character, in his case, a straw man, right?
00:35:25.000You'd do a character, maybe you'd put on, like, if you were Shane Dawson, you'd go on blackface by slapping pudding on your face to be Corbin Blue and then hope people forget about it.
00:35:33.000But the point is, you would do that and then go back to commentary.
00:35:36.000But the issue here is, uh, he's bad at it.
00:36:09.000No, that should be back off from the microphone, What do we want?
00:36:12.000Yelling like you would be outside at a protest, give it some passion, then it doesn't feel so awkward with people wanting to punch you in the face.
00:36:18.000And it's not because you're South African, it's just because you're bad at your job.
00:36:22.000It remains unfunny, though, even if it's louder.
00:36:29.000And here's the truth of the matter here is that, yeah, okay, obviously there have been some dumb protesters, but in a lot of these protests, people are staying in their cars with plenty of space in between, and I've seen people in their cars with masks, which we encouraged masks back when the CDC was saying don't wear masks, and actually I think that you should be wearing masks.
00:36:47.000So protests when you're destroying public property, good.
00:36:53.000And I will say, you should wear a mask, I think we should destigmatize masks in public, but if you're wearing a mask in your car, you're a p***y. So!
00:37:25.000No one talks about, I haven't seen this on many other shows or any other shows, we're talking about people being in their cars, for example, in a Lansing Cap.
00:37:32.000Let's take even a more extreme example.
00:37:33.000Some people on the beach who are maybe not exactly six feet apart out in the UV light with the salt water.
00:37:40.000That's something that we need to be upset about.
00:37:54.000I understand this because when you live in a big city, you can't be independent.
00:37:58.000You can't get in your car and drive anywhere.
00:38:00.000I used to think New York was a living hell.
00:38:02.000When I was there, because I had to get on the subway.
00:38:04.000I was on the east side, where I had to take the green line.
00:38:06.000And at that point, they were talking about how they were going to build another one, I think, on... Where were they going to build another one?
00:38:41.000Anyway, I just am amazed that no one's talking about the subways more, and I hate subways, so any chance I can dig at them?
00:38:46.000Yeah, well, you should be able to, but that would be the only fair thing to do, right?
00:38:49.000You have to have some kind of media coverage saying if somebody's in a car in Michigan, it's really just pointing out that they're doing it to people that they like.
00:38:55.000Democrat governors are facing these protests.
00:38:57.000That's what they're trying to protect against.
00:38:59.000Uh, here's another claim that he made, and you've heard this quite a bit, and this is not new, but Trevor Noah makes it because he doesn't really have, he doesn't have a sense for originality.
00:39:06.000He doesn't even enter into the equation that the protests are, of course, far-right and some are anti-Semitic or something.
00:39:12.000Now, these protests have clearly been infused with a far-right ideology.
00:39:17.000Many demonstrators wore MAGA hats, they held up anti-Semitic signs, and in Michigan, they even waved Confederate flags, a clear symbol of Michigan's proud Southern heritage.
00:39:28.000All right, that last one was a little funny, I'll give you that, but let's be really clear here.
00:39:31.000The sign that said, Hail Whitmer, that's not anti-Semitic, it's comparing Governor Whitmer to Hitler, which I would not personally do.
00:39:40.000They're trying to imply that her orders are fascist, you know, like they do with Trump all the time.
00:39:44.000And most importantly, it's a pun that works.
00:40:01.000I do like it just completely unironically is talking about how comparing someone who engages in wrongful government tyranny as a bad person is somehow against the Jews.
00:40:44.000And also, you may be new, and I know some people out there are saying, well, what about the swastika that I saw at these protests?
00:40:49.000Yeah, well, it turns out that was actually an Antifa supporter pretending to be a Trump supporter, and it wasn't even a lockdown protest at all.
00:40:59.000And it's pretty cheap to define a movement, even if any of these claims were true, which they're not, it's pretty cheap to define a movement by a few bad apples.
00:41:05.000Every movement like this, every protest, every rally is going to potentially have an idiot that shows up.
00:41:09.000And we can all point at them and say, yeah, they're idiots.
00:41:11.000That doesn't mean that every other person that was there trying to make sure they can put food on the table should be lumped in with that person.
00:42:56.000Because something, something, something, unfunny something, Dr. Fauci.
00:43:00.000You see, after Dr. Fauci appeared on the network and made the case for continuing the shutdowns, Fox News decided to get a second opinion from the doctor.
00:43:07.000It's like a Malcolm in the Middle transition.
00:43:27.000That being said, And this is why they don't run the press briefings.
00:43:31.000This is why we did the press briefing live stream, and we will do it next Thursday.
00:43:34.000Donald Trump's plan for reopening the economy, it's been created, developed very carefully with a team of doctors, pretending that it's just, all right, open forth the floodgates.
00:43:45.000You're talking about a multi-phase system that still involves mainly social distancing and protecting our most vulnerable all the way until phase three.
00:43:53.000If I'm not mistaken, they're going to be adding more phases, which is a little bit ridiculous to me.
00:43:57.000Not that we shouldn't have phases, but we don't need 4, 5, and 6.
00:44:23.000I mean there's not a single jurisdiction in the United States, city, county, or otherwise, that is completely shut down.
00:44:29.000Every one of them are already in a staged opening in the sense that there are certain businesses, and whether you call them essential or not, but pet stores are open.
00:44:54.000So all we're talking about is making this change by degree, whether we need to do two phases or four phases or we need to approach it.
00:44:59.000I mean, the thing you've talked about before, since the very beginning of this was, can we do some kind of spot quarantine?
00:45:05.000Can we do this in a way that minimizes the amount of closure as opposed to just this blanket close?
00:45:11.000And wait, we're doing it already and we're going to open it safely.
00:45:14.000Quarantine old people, sick people, the most vulnerable, since that makes up 95% of the deaths, and then allow everyone else to not be thrust into a third-world economy.
00:45:24.000Seems to me to be reasonable, that's what we're suggesting.
00:45:27.000I guarantee you, anyone out there, if they're complaining, if you see people on Facebook, anyone out there, this is your job, okay?
00:45:33.000People complaining about the reopening, show them, send them the link to the actual plan, the three-phase plan of reopening.
00:45:40.000No one, No one will have a problem with it.
00:45:42.000And by the way, if they ever shut down Quick Trip, I'm dead.
00:45:47.000My diet is nothing but neurobliss and taquitos.
00:45:49.000That is the hill that you would die on, isn't it?
00:45:51.000You would break into the Quick Trip to get your stuff.
00:45:55.000Real quick, you made a great point, that phase plan.
00:46:09.000That is the most reasonable thing to possibly do.
00:46:11.000I gotta say, I'm just so disappointed in so many of these conservative hosts out there who have gone along with it because, listen, we're not right about everything, but when it comes to this, compared to any, we've been right about a lot.
00:46:22.000We've taken a very balanced approach, and guess what?
00:46:24.000When you're the only one who's right, you get no credit for it.
00:46:27.000Because no one else wants to highlight how wrong they are.
00:46:42.000The people who have the least skin in the game are the ones who are saying, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, stay closed and see how long we can run with this chicken, you know, how this chicken can run without its head.
00:47:21.000But what you're doing is you're taking away everyone else's choice.
00:47:23.000You're telling them that you don't know how to exercise the kind of precautions that are important.
00:47:29.000And what's really emblematic of this from everything else is it's the kind of paternalistic You can't be trusted to do something correct.
00:47:37.000When you talk about guns, you talk about raising a family, you talk about all of these different things, it comes down to can you be trusted as an individual to mostly make the right decision and have an agency to do it on your own?
00:47:47.000Or do you need the government to dictate every step you can take, every move you make?
00:47:52.000And don't be confused by the fact that Don't be misled by me giving away $1,200 to a truck driver who's a fan of the show.
00:47:59.000If you choose to not show up to the work, you'll be fired immediately.
00:48:16.000economy may be able to start reopening as early as next month.
00:48:21.000That's according to Dr. Anthony Fauci.
00:48:23.000The nation's top infectious disease expert told CNN the economy could gradually reopen in various parts of the country depending on the status of the pandemic, widespread testing availability, and sharp declines of people who are seriously ill.
00:48:39.000We are hoping that at the end of the month we could look around and say, okay, is there any element here that we can safely and cautiously start pulling back on?
00:49:36.000We have told people very clearly and the president guidelines made it very clear about the expectations of phase one.
00:49:44.000And remember phase one also included social distancing in restaurants, social distancing In every place that was entertainment and keeping your own individual social groups to less than 10.
00:49:55.000I mean we've been very clear in the guidelines and I think it's up to the governors and mayors to ensure that they're following the best they can each of those phases to make sure that both the public is completely protected.
00:50:25.000You have to listen to people in the country, people who are truckers, people who run small businesses, people who work in maybe what you determine to be non-essential services.
00:50:32.000There has to be a collective discussion.
00:50:35.000So let's say that you have the flu, just a really bad flu some year.
00:50:40.000But you're also about to go through a big business merger, a busy season for you with clients typically in the fall, right?
00:51:38.000So, here's another clip from Trevor Noah where this is another implication that they're making on the left.
00:51:42.000You can see this on any mainstream website or Reddit politics.
00:51:45.000Oh my gosh, I would just love to see a coup against, not hurting anybody at Reddit politics, but conservatives to migrate there and just make the voices heard because it is amazing.
00:52:05.000The implications of protesters are all conspiracy theorists, morons, and, of course, a Darwin award they deserve to be wiped out by COVID.
00:52:13.000Now, it would be a lot easier to not take these protests seriously if they were just being fueled by Fox News and internet conspiracy theories.
00:52:20.000The problem is that all of these morons also have the support of the moron-in-chief.
00:52:25.000Well, luckily for us, Sir David Attenborough has agreed to study these strange life forms to help the rest of us understand.
00:52:34.000And here we see natural selection in its purest form.
00:52:38.000A group of morons crowded together, spitting in each other's faces as they demand the right to get a haircut.
00:52:45.000Even for the coronavirus, this is too easy.
00:53:21.000There are so many reasons that I can't stand Trevor Noah, and of course it combines the elitism, the smugness, and he, by the way, he's probably the least familiar with flyover country because he just flew to New York, to Los Angeles.
00:53:32.000Why would he ever be in Grand Rapids, Michigan?
00:53:34.000Why would he ever be in El Paso, Texas?
00:53:36.000He has no exposure to that, so this is not a guy who should be speaking to the average everyday American.
00:53:44.000There are unfunny moments for some people.
00:53:47.000For example, Stephen Colbert I don't think is always funny, but he comes by it honestly.
00:53:50.000The Colbert Report was very funny when he used to do it.
00:53:52.000If you look at Jimmy Kimmel, I don't think he's always very funny, but he comes by it honestly.
00:53:55.000The Man Show was funny when he was there with Adam Carolla.
00:53:57.000If you look at David Letterman, you look at Conan O'Brien.
00:53:59.000All of these people at some point, even though I don't really like Jimmy Fallon, I understand that college kids really liked his impressions musically.
00:54:17.000They're smug, they hate you, but more importantly, when they talk about Americans wanting to go back to work, and they call them morons, while you subsequently take a check for a job that you do not do.
00:54:32.000Trevor Noah is everything wrong with late night, he's everything wrong with politics, and he's everything wrong with this sort of pre-packaged... You know when they used to call bands like sellouts?
00:54:42.000Unfortunately, like Green Day, they committed this unbelievable, unforgivable sin of having an album that was successful.
00:54:48.000And I don't like them, I think they're douchebags, but the point is that that's really ridiculous, you're a sellout.
00:54:52.000That being said, Trevor Noah, he is the pre-packaged corporate comedy that they're trying to thrust upon the American public that people don't want because they don't think that he's going to tip over any carts.
00:55:52.000Not a dark horse being prayed, not a good being prayed.
00:56:04.000It's morning and Wade decided to come in and dress up.
00:56:06.000We're gonna show you today one of my favorite methods, the AeroPress.
00:56:11.000The reason this is so great is you kinda get a middle ground between drip coffee and espresso, not really because it's filtered, but you can make a coffee concentrate.
00:56:19.000So first step, I'm just gonna put the paper filter in here, put it on the mug, and the reason I'm doing this, you don't have to, is just to preheat the vessel and the mug.
00:56:27.000I'm gonna grind about 25 grams of coffee.
00:56:33.000On the dot, this grinder has a built-in scale, so I don't need to weigh it.
00:56:36.000So, this is really simple with the AeroPress.
00:56:44.000It's pretty tough to make a crappy cup of coffee, especially if you're using the right temperature and beans that are freshly roasted, which, of course, you get at BlackRifle.com slash Crowder.
00:56:57.000When you're using an AeroPress, is that a different grind size, maybe from other...?
00:57:01.000You can do really fine sizes if you want to do a short brew time, or you can do really coarse and let it sit.
00:57:06.000Here's kind of a tip with this, if you want a stronger brew, you want it to brew longer, you put that in, and just like a straw, you pull up a little bit, that creates a suction.
00:57:13.000So right now, that'll brew for as long as I want it to brew.
00:57:15.000You don't need to brew it for that long, though, because, again, I'm going to press down gently to create pressure, which extracts, of course, along with heat, all of the compounds of the coffee.
00:57:36.000Now see, this is kind of a concentrate there.
00:57:37.000What most people do if you want a big cup of coffee, you just do what they call bypass, which is I add water to it to make the size of a cup of coffee that I want.
00:57:44.000Really easy, probably my favorite method for making coffee at home.
00:58:04.000Enter in promo code Crowder, you get 20% off.
00:58:06.000And it's important, by the way, to note that they've donated, I think, over 20,000 bags of coffee with their Buy a Bag, Give a Bag campaign.
00:59:32.000They've been forming a secret cabal aimed to destroy late-night comedy with terrible writing and apathetic production value, and they hold all their meetings in a rented bedroom of the Mark Twain house.
01:00:46.000Is it called The Verdict or something with Ted Cruz?
01:00:49.000Senator Cruz, you ventured into the podcast space.
01:00:52.000Well, Steven, I'm doing what I can to compete in your arena, and I gotta say though, when you open your show with those dance moves, nobody told me dancing would be involved in this.
01:01:05.000You may have some natural advantages over me in that arena.
01:02:38.000As far as YouTube, you know, it's not so much a give and take.
01:02:41.000It's really more like, um, like Ali Chuck Wepner.
01:02:43.000I just, I take pride in making it to the 14th round, and then, of course, they'll ban me.
01:02:47.000Um, speaking of, before we move on, you were just talking about, those are AirPods that you're wearing right now, but they're not the AirPod Pros.
01:02:53.000You said you don't like those for some weird reason?
01:02:55.000Yeah, so it's the bottom-of-the-line version of the AirPod, so it's the cheapest one.
01:03:02.000And out of the AirPod Pros, to be honest, I haven't tried them, but I didn't like how they look like they stick deep in your ear, and I sort of like how these ones fit.
01:03:10.000I'm comfortable with these, and so I didn't really want to jam the things deep in my ear, and these work fine.
01:03:15.000You make that sound far less pleasant than it is.
01:03:24.000And then the new AirPod Pros, they come with three different sizes, and they do like an air suction test, where it tells you you have the right size.
01:03:31.000I tried the biggest size, and it just said, what's wrong with you?
01:03:35.000Maybe you should go to 23andMe and see what's wrong with your genetic lineage, because my ear canals are so big, nothing fits.
01:03:45.000All right, so listen, Senator Cruz, I'm glad that you're wearing the standard ones.
01:03:48.000We don't want to hear about any hearing damage.
01:03:51.000What is going on right now with China?
01:03:56.000I'm not a big fan of what's been going on with this whole pandemic and the World Health Organization, and I know you've been outspoken with this.
01:04:03.000Seems like more people now are coming around for the longest time.
01:04:05.000We were kind of the lone voice in the wilderness.
01:04:09.000What do people need to know, and how should the American government take... what stance should they be taking right now?
01:04:36.000For a long time, I had been Advocating that the position that China is the single greatest geopolitical threat to the United States over the next century.
01:04:47.000They are investing massively, billions in their military, and they rely on intellectual property theft as a strategy from the government.
01:04:57.000In the history of mankind, that has never happened.
01:04:59.000We've had thieves, we've had pirates, but never a nation-state with trillions of dollars of resources Investing in stealing, stealing military hardware, stealing commercial hardware, stealing medical innovations.
01:05:18.000We've always thought of their censorship as a human rights issue, but the cover-up that they engaged in with this coronavirus outbreak illustrates that their censorship is not just a human rights issue, it is a national security issue and a global health issue, because in a very real sense, China bears responsibility for the over 170,000 people who have died due to COVID-19 and the trillions of dollars of economic value that's been destroyed.
01:05:45.000I think it's a very good way to put it.
01:05:46.000It's very important that people realize, as a basis of how they do commerce, intellectual property theft.
01:05:52.000And, you know, as a libertarian, you can get into sort of this idea of intellectual property sometimes violates real property rights, where if I say, hold on, a ham sandwich, and I coin it, and it's like, well, I have ham and bread.
01:06:57.000They want access to the Chinese market.
01:06:59.000You know, just yesterday, YouTube announced that they were going to pull down anything on their site that was contrary to the recommendations of the World Health Organization.
01:07:09.000The World Health Organization is a Chinese puppet that has echoed The communist propaganda from China in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic in January, late January, the World Health Organization tweeted out that there's no evidence of human-to-human transmission of the coronavirus and China's doing a great job dealing with it right at the time China was covering it up and hiding it and helping contribute to this global pandemic.
01:07:39.000The willingness to sell out for the almighty dollar I think is really, really dangerous.
01:07:46.000When it comes to China, they use their economic might.
01:07:50.000Hollywood is terrified of them, so Hollywood censors them out of movies.
01:07:54.000Yeah, they changed Red Dawn from... what did they change it from?
01:08:00.000Speaking of Chinese... Puppet-looking!
01:08:03.000I know North Korean, not Chinese, but you know, come on, the guy looks like a puppet.
01:08:06.000Let's be honest, when people saw Team America, if you flip through the channels really quickly, you're tired in your hotel room and it's on HBO, you think it's a biopic!
01:08:14.000Team America is one of the greatest movies ever made.
01:08:30.000If you're laughing, it makes fun of everybody.
01:08:33.000I will say, though, every third word is a profanity.
01:08:37.000And Heidi and I made the mistake of bringing a Team America DVD on vacation with her parents, and I sort of was forgetting, thinking it was a little more family-friendly.
01:08:47.000I would just say the look from your mother-in-law when you're playing 52nd F-Bomb You're being very, by the way, generous in saying F-bombs.
01:08:57.000it off. Yeah, never mind. How do you forget that? That makes me question, are you going
01:09:45.000When we ran the video of the WHO representative who flat out denied or flat out refused to answer the question regarding Taiwan and then hung up the Skype call, it maybe had a few hundred plays at that point.
01:10:00.000It is remarkable to me where these, when you have leftists who talk about Darfur and they talk about these human rights abuses across the world, but right now when there's something that we could do about it, we're in a position where there's an international dynamic where we could do something and we're in a position of power where the global community could support us.
01:11:14.000I don't know, but it was a crap ton of monkeys.
01:11:16.000They were all running around and playing and it was like baby monkeys and I filmed it all and sent it to my girls and the only part of the trip they thought was cool was like the monkeys that were playing right next to the Ministry of Defense.
01:11:28.000But the whole course of that trip Okay, okay, that would be my... Okay, you're home like national TV, Caroline.
01:12:21.000We need to document So, for example, the origins of the pandemic.
01:12:26.000We now know that there were not one but two Chinese labs, controlled by the Chinese government, in Wuhan, within miles of where the outbreak occurred, that not only were researching coronaviruses, they were researching coronaviruses derived from bats, and they had live population of bats they were researching.
01:12:45.000We know that there were serious questions There needs to be serious inquiry.
01:13:01.000Did this virus escape accidentally from one of those Chinese labs?
01:13:09.000They will not answer the simple question, were you studying the novel coronavirus?
01:13:14.000This particular coronavirus at that lab and did it accidentally escape?
01:13:20.000And the media point we were making before, so I've been raising these questions for about six weeks now, early March is when I started raising these questions.
01:13:29.000The media reacted like they lit their hair on fire and they said, you're a crazy tinfoil hat wearing conspiracy theorist, which is actually what they call us any other day too, so it's not really different.
01:13:40.000But the Washington Post had this big reputation That they ran, I think, early March, if I remember right, where they said, people pointing to these labs are crazy conspiracy theorists.
01:14:37.000We know they punished, they silenced the whistleblowers that tried to draw attention to it.
01:14:44.000Once we have accountability in terms of understanding what they did, then I think there will be a real global reassessment of what the consequences will be for the deaths and the trillions of dollars of economic value that China bears direct responsibility for.
01:15:04.000Usually this would be behind the paywall, but because we're doing a free Mug Club month, Mug Club quarantine, let me ask you this while we're talking about reassessing.
01:15:10.000Why was there any American funding going to a lab in Wuhan?
01:15:17.000I know that you don't agree with it, but it is remarkable to me where we sort of talk about the legitimate purview of government, and you're sort of more of a libertarian conservative like I am.
01:15:25.000That's where I fall on the political compass test, which is useless.
01:15:27.000But, you know, I cite it when it's convenient for me.
01:15:31.000It's so far outside of the purview of the legitimate role of government.
01:15:35.000How many steps of screw-ups does it take for us to find that we are funding a lab that could be creating communicable deadly diseases for years to come?
01:15:46.000Well, sadly, it is hopeless naivete driven by ideology.
01:15:51.000Listen, there is a perfectly legitimate role for government to research pandemics and how to stop them.
01:15:57.000What the CDC does, we need to be prepared to keep us safe.
01:16:01.000The stupid part is that we were sending taxpayer funding to the Wuhan lab, to the lab in China that had shoddy security measures, and whose government, the Chinese communists, are not our friends.
01:16:20.000And this is, look, it's the same naivete that led the Obama administration to send $100 billion to the Ayatollah Khomeini, who chants death to America.
01:16:30.000Don't give millions of dollars or billions of dollars to people who want to kill you.
01:17:04.000And because of, I know that you feel this way, because of my empathy for the Chinese people, I have nothing but disdain for the communist Chinese government.
01:17:11.000And what I would hate to see is them build up a military and forcibly enlist people for this to, God forbid it ever leads to some kind of a global conflict or catastrophe.
01:17:29.000You're right, but let me give you some real encouragement.
01:17:30.000to silence American senators and hosts. Do you have any idea? I mean, I know you have
01:17:34.000an idea, but for people, do you have any idea how demoralizing that has to be for a Chinese
01:17:37.000citizen right now to go, hey, I want to speak up, I want to earn freedom. Oh, wait a second.
01:17:42.000They're fact-checking Senator Ted Cruz for saying this, and they're redirecting from
01:17:46.000Steven Crowder's show. I better be quiet now.
01:17:49.000But you're right, but let me give you some real encouragement, which is freedom is powerful.
01:17:56.000You know, some years ago I sat down with Natan Sharansky, the famed Soviet dissident.
01:18:00.000He and I sat down in Jerusalem, and he described how, when he was at a Soviet gulag, they would pass from cell to cell notes saying, did you hear what Reagan said, referring to the Soviet Union as an evil empire, saying Marxism-Leninism will end up on the ash heap of history, saying Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall.
01:18:18.000Those words There is power and tyrannies.
01:18:23.000Communist tyrannies are terrified of truth.
01:18:41.000Liu Jiabao Nobel Peace Laureate, spoke up for democracy, was imprisoned, and won the Nobel Peace Prize for speaking up against the Chinese Communist government.
01:18:52.000I actually took a page out of Reagan's book.
01:21:16.000I wanted to ask you about the immigration ban, but you know what?
01:21:19.000I just want to sit... Steven, I just want to be clear.
01:21:21.000As a result of that action, just remember, I know where your underground bunker is and the black helicopters circling and the stormtroopers pulling out and locking the doors.
01:21:33.000You know, it's tough to know, because every now and then it sounds like a tugboat is going past this studio.
01:21:37.000We picked an area that was away from airports, and then they started running a train that, like, what is this?
01:21:42.000You just started running this, is it the Polar Express?
01:21:45.000You stopped it for 30 years, and now we found out there's a We're on track, so I wouldn't be able to hear him coming, so that's another one for you, Senator Cruz.
01:21:52.000And I wanted to talk about the immigration ban, but you know what?
01:21:55.000I'm really glad to hear you speak out about China.
01:21:58.000I've been following you, you've been an inspiration, and I hope that, I know they don't, and unfortunately we thought this would be the silver lining with new media, because we know that Chinese media will never allow those dissidents, or never allow their citizens to see these kinds of conversations on television, and unfortunately now we're running into the same roadblocks with big tech.
01:22:14.000So I appreciate your fight there as well.
01:25:47.000There's been a lot of people and we've gotten a lot of feedback.
01:25:49.000And of course, promo code quarantine, $30 off.
01:25:52.000This is still Mug Club Quarantine and it ends on Thursday, which is, I'm not going to lie, it's been a lot of work for quite a few folks here.
01:26:01.000I've been You know, I've talked with you guys before the show.
01:26:05.000It's, um, you know, when I get tired, I'm like, oh, I'm tired.
01:26:08.000So I'm not going to do something, but I'm always concerned about doing it well.
01:26:49.000There are people out there who were going through crap before this, and who have been going through crap during this, that is far more severe.
01:26:59.000You know, I didn't want to talk about this, and my wife and I weren't going to until she felt comfortable with this, but I have been tired.
01:27:06.000There's been something kind of going on.
01:27:07.000Some people have noticed that maybe I feel a little tired.
01:27:11.000Yeah, to explain it, my wife and I have been trying to become parents for a long time, and I was very happy that I thought I was going to be a father until I wasn't.
01:27:29.000Listen, people have it worse than that, right?
01:27:34.000But, yeah, it is semi-devastating, I would say.
01:27:39.000And the reason for this, too, and this is something that I think a lot of feminists miss, because all men, if you've ever had a pregnant wife, if you've ever been through something like a miscarriage, You just want to serve as best you can, and you don't necessarily know how.
01:27:52.000You just know this is something that obviously they are feeling more intensely, and you feel things really intensely, but you can't show it.
01:27:59.000And that's kind of what I was talking about.
01:28:00.000I mentioned it as a joke that was a bit veiled last week, where I talked with sort of a marriage counselor after this, which I encourage people to do, where I said, you know, men sort of We don't really want to sit there and cry in front of our wives because we don't want them to feel that they lack the stability or someone to lean on, and so you're like a dog.
01:28:26.000But let me tell you this, what the roller coaster was and why coronavirus was, I gotta tell you, it's still at the bottom of my list of priorities right now.
01:28:36.000Upon hearing, you know, weeks ago that, oh, okay, I was going to finally be a dad, I don't know if anyone else has experienced this, but I was like, oh, wow, and immediately, like, crippling fear set in.
01:28:48.000I was like, oh, my God, okay, what do I need to do?
01:28:51.000We have to, well, we have to turn this, we have to turn the office into a baby room, and okay, we gotta make sure, well, now we gotta get a fence for the pool, and we gotta make sure that, okay, that you get a book for Betty, and I think that when this, you know, often women are just thinking about how they feel, and we're sort of thinking about what we need to do.
01:29:25.000And I think we confuse fear with negative emotions sometimes.
01:29:29.000It's not that sad is always a negative emotion, but sometimes fear sits in because of something that matters.
01:29:34.000Sometimes you're fearful because you don't want to lose something that brings you so much joy, something that is so important to you.
01:29:42.000And that's why I think that fear is pretty damn close to not only intelligence, but emotional intelligence, EQ.
01:29:52.000And one thing the reason that I talk about this and I often talk about these things I've talked about my struggles in the past with with sort of mental health issues and struggling with with depression is because I know that there are a lot of people out there listening and it doesn't solve anything I'm not one of those celebrities who First off, I'm not a celebrity, but I'm not one of those people who, when a celebrity dies, everyone comes out and goes, oh, I've struggled with this as well, like Heath Ledger died, and everyone came out and said, oh, I struggle with depression, but where were you when that wasn't in the tabloids?
01:30:17.000Where were you when that wasn't in the headlines and people were looking for someone to relate to?
01:30:21.000And so I've tried to be transparent with those things so that you out there don't have to suffer alone.
01:30:32.000I'm sure that a lot of people out there, it's not all that uncommon, have gone through this and I don't want you to feel like you're suffering through it alone, but let me be honest, I'm also doing this a little bit selfishly.
01:30:42.000I'd like to see, you know what, I would like to see people who've been through this same scenario comment below.
01:30:49.000Let me know what it was, so I'm not complaining about that.
01:30:51.000But I'm not going to lie, it makes it pretty tough when I have to have my wife stay away from the computer.
01:30:55.000And everyone is usually right when they talk about the nightmare that is the comment section.
01:31:00.000But I'm just going to be a little vulnerable here and do this in trust.
01:31:05.000Trust that humanity has a little bit more to offer by pointing them to the comment section below.
01:31:11.000I want to see what you have to say about this.
01:31:13.000I want to see what people out there have been through, and I want to see you supporting each other, because we have all these tools, and I think it slipped through our fingers.
01:31:20.000We thought social media, this online, we're going to be more connected than ever, and instead it just became about crapping on each other.
01:31:26.000And believe me, the irony is not lost on me that I just took a big steaming dump on Trevor Noah.
01:31:30.000That being said, he has a national platform.
01:32:10.000And this isn't just a podcast where we talk into a microphone and call it a show, okay?
01:32:13.000I hope that seeing the late night hosts broadcasting from home has highlighted just how much work this entire team puts into the show.
01:32:21.000Yeah, you see me hosting it and you see people in this room, and yeah, okay, you see the fruits of our writing.
01:32:26.000Maybe you see some jokes, maybe you see a Photoshop, but you don't necessarily understand how much work always goes from people who you never get to see, or occasionally see on a security camera, if it's Brendan.
01:32:36.000When Colbert is broadcasting from his home with just a few crappy punchlines and maybe a photo still, and he still has five to ten times the staff of anyone working here right now, and that same week, you can look at those same weeks, look at Stephen Colbert, look at Kimmel, look at Trevor Noah, look at Samantha Bee, we've done massive parodies, sketches, original content, twice the volume of shows, this, not myself, and I wouldn't be able to do it without them.
01:33:10.000Was I able to go out and do hidden camera stuff?
01:33:12.000Yeah, but it was maybe once a week, once a month.
01:33:16.000The volume of content and the quality of content that you see, this isn't me bragging on myself, wouldn't be able to do it without this remarkable outfit.
01:33:28.000You'll never hear us say that we're the number one show with a bullet in this space.
01:33:31.000That when you add up all the avenues where people consume this, that everyone else is competing for a distant second, because we like to focus on the work.
01:33:41.000And I don't say it for myself, I say it for what they've done.
01:33:43.000They are the ones who helped make this number one, because I've been around for a while and I wasn't even number 51.
01:33:48.000So when I see reporters and activists on social media just wailing like Kim Jong-il died and they deserve a f***ing Razzie because of this pandemic, when they haven't lost their business, they haven't lost their jobs, many of them don't have employees at all to support, let alone families to support, they didn't even get the sniffles and they say, this is the worst episode in our history, however, when we regain hope.
01:34:15.000Specifically because of COVID-19, what have you lost?
01:34:19.000And I'll tell you this, you can look at the timeline of COVID-19.
01:34:23.000What I've lost, what I'll never get back, has nothing to do with a virus that is increasingly seeming like having the mortality rate of the flu.
01:34:53.000That is, I want to be really clear about this, okay?
01:34:55.000This isn't me bitching, but this is also, as we talk about pro-life, that is a life lost.
01:34:59.000That is a life lost that I will never get to know.
01:35:02.000And this is really messed up, but I was talking with someone about this on the team, and women Understand that I have just gone into my hole with this and tried to be as supportive as I can and then at one point cry like a bitch in the car listening to James Taylor, which thankfully no one will ever see, except the NSA.
01:35:20.000F*** me, I'm uncomfortable with talking about this stuff.
01:35:37.000I understand that there's something that my wife is going through that I will never know.
01:35:40.000But there is also, and men, please tell me, again, in the comments section, if you've been through this with a miscarriage.
01:35:47.000I've been trying to, I'm just going to call it what it is.
01:35:49.000There's a almost, I don't want to use the word jealousy, but that's where it is.
01:35:53.000When you have all of these hopes and dreams and this idea of what your child could or maybe won't be, And it gets taken away from you and you're almost sort of jealous that at least your wife was able to have a connection with that life that you're never going to get to have.
01:36:19.000But I want to know if that's something that I suffer along with.
01:36:22.000I want to know if that's something other people out there have felt, because we usually don't talk about this, and certainly men don't really talk about it.
01:36:28.000They go, oh yeah, it's a tough racket.
01:36:31.000And so when I see people in the media right now acting like all is lost, when they personally have lost nothing, and they just absolutely belittle the people who've experienced real loss in this pandemic, This whole charade from the media, not saying the virus is a hoax, but the blowing it out of proportion and using it as a political weapon, it's belittled real loss.
01:36:55.000It's belittled when people experience real loss, because I'll tell you, the virus has made it very hard for us to scale up a lot of work, made it hard to keep work afloat, period.
01:37:05.000It's made every single day for people here, one big stutter step, just, oh, oh, we gotta, oh, okay, we gotta do this, no wait, we gotta do this show.
01:37:26.000This is a thing that people don't want to talk about.
01:37:27.000We all have a set empathy meter, and at a certain point, it runs out.
01:37:32.000And I want my heart to be open to the people who need it.
01:37:35.000And we can't keep running everyone's empathy meter down to nothing without refilling it back up with some validation.
01:37:42.000And that's what is happening right now with this virus.
01:37:46.000What you are doing is draining people of their empathy because at a certain point they have nothing left to give, especially when you aren't empathizing with them and they don't know how they're going to put food on the table.
01:37:57.000Or especially when you talk about, oh my god, I can't believe that there's a disease out there, a virus that can have a death rate of 0.2% when there are people out there who are going through miscarriages, who have parents with early onset dementia, who have cancer running in the family, Who maybe just had to hold their dog in their arms while they put him down.
01:38:17.000And so, when we go into 2020, this was a strategy from the left.
01:38:21.000They wanted you to be... They wanted to appear empathetic and they wanted you to remember all of this loss that they were hoping and praying for when you actually look at their statements.
01:38:30.000It's very clear what the motivation was.
01:38:38.000I want you to remember all of this, and I want you to remember what you lost versus what you were told would be lost, and the real losses that you've had in your life all along the way.
01:38:50.000I hope to see you in the comments section and regain some faith in humanity.