Louder with Crowder - Landau Live! Caitlyn Jenner, Embezzling Nuns, and White Apologists!

00:00:00.000 ♫ ♫

00:00:46.000 ♫ With common sense and self-defense, get you accused of transphobia.

00:01:08.000 It's living in hell with constant urine smell.

00:01:12.000 Everybody's freaked out by Omicron.

00:01:16.000 So I'm headed back to my side of the track Even though my head's full of QAnon

00:01:24.000 I'm coming home In America

00:01:32.000 Yeah, I'm right back with reckless abandon Here in America!

00:01:36.000 Where the bumpers read Let's Go Brandon!

00:01:43.000 Here in America!

00:01:47.000 I can save up to retire!

00:01:51.000 Here in America!

00:01:52.000 And the Walgreens is never on fire!

00:02:00.000 Here in America When no one asked if I put on a mask

00:02:16.000 No bubbles grabbing at my wife's buttocks.

00:02:20.000 No rainbow flags, or 10 cent grocery bags.

00:02:24.000 No one shooting up inside of the Starbucks.

00:02:28.000 I can't order both, and don't count by both.

00:02:32.000 No one asks for your pronouns.

00:02:37.000 I'll sleep in peace, cause we still have police, and no governor.

00:02:43.000 I'm coming home!

00:02:48.000 Here in America!

00:02:52.000 Yeah, I'm right back with redness abandoned Here in America!

00:03:00.000 Where the buffers read, let's go, Brandon Here in America!

00:03:08.000 I can save up to retire Here in America!

00:03:16.000 And the wall breaches never on fire Here in America!

00:03:27.000 BrannerScope.com BrannerScope.com

00:03:52.000 I forgot to slurp.

00:03:56.000 I've got slurp.

00:04:20.000 Nailed it.

00:04:22.000 Made some movies I'm not proud of.

00:04:24.000 Ahoy, everyone!

00:04:27.000 That's a great start.

00:04:29.000 And welcome to Louder with Crowder with Dave.

00:04:34.000 Great.

00:04:35.000 All right.

00:04:36.000 Yes, you're still Dave.

00:04:38.000 I just want to make sure I'm still me.

00:04:41.000 Sorry we were a little bit late today.

00:04:42.000 I know some of you guys get a little uppity in the feed.

00:04:47.000 So, you know, why don't you calm down?

00:04:49.000 So go ahead.

00:04:51.000 Scold the audience immediately.

00:04:54.000 We love you.

00:04:56.000 We just want you to love us back.

00:04:58.000 You can't say uppity anymore, Dave.

00:04:59.000 Why?

00:05:00.000 Uppity.

00:05:01.000 Well, you didn't say the other part.

00:05:01.000 You can't?

00:05:02.000 No, okay.

00:05:03.000 Yeah, we're good.

00:05:04.000 Oh, I just thought it was a word that meant... Uptight.

00:05:07.000 Oh, yeah.

00:05:08.000 Uptight.

00:05:09.000 Yeah, there we go.

00:05:10.000 I like that.

00:05:11.000 Uptight.

00:05:12.000 Uptight.

00:05:13.000 Uptight is alright.

00:05:14.000 Don't get... what was it?

00:05:15.000 Get all wee-weed up.

00:05:17.000 Don't get like that.

00:05:18.000 Who said that to you?

00:05:20.000 Your pimp?

00:05:21.000 Former president, actually.

00:05:26.000 Yes, it was.

00:05:27.000 Is he talking about his pants?

00:05:28.000 Well, no.

00:05:31.000 Anyway, today we got Gerald Day, of course, in studio.

00:05:34.000 How are you, sir?

00:05:35.000 Ahoy to you.

00:05:35.000 Ah, good.

00:05:37.000 Yeah.

00:05:37.000 Ahoy.

00:05:38.000 Ahoy.

00:05:38.000 We got Token Allen.

00:05:39.000 Uh-oh.

00:05:40.000 Ahoy.

00:05:40.000 We got Keegan-Michael Keybump.

00:05:43.000 There you go.

00:05:44.000 Tim the Toolman.

00:05:46.000 How are you, sir?

00:05:47.000 Yeah, I'm good, I can't complain.

00:05:49.000 And of course, one of my favorite people, Crawdaddy himself!

00:05:52.000 There it is again.

00:05:53.000 How are you?

00:05:54.000 I feel like you're going to hit me every time I say that.

00:05:57.000 It seems to be working, I don't know.

00:05:59.000 It's a good nickname, I'm telling you.

00:06:01.000 It sounds like you're a Louisiana mob boss when I say that.

00:06:05.000 You know what I mean?

00:06:06.000 Feels better.

00:06:07.000 You don't want to see that Crawdaddy.

00:06:08.000 No.

00:06:09.000 Once he comes by.

00:06:10.000 He mean bitin' it!

00:06:11.000 He mean bitin' it!

00:06:13.000 Do what he say!

00:06:14.000 He took my thumb!

00:06:17.000 Can't do anything now!

00:06:20.000 So as you know, we are a live show Monday through Thursday at 10am-ish Eastern.

00:06:25.000 We are on Rumble, Podcast, Mug Club, all that good stuff.

00:06:29.000 And today, question of the day!

00:06:32.000 What's your favorite thing about white people?

00:06:34.000 That's not triggering.

00:06:36.000 So go ahead.

00:06:37.000 What could go wrong there?

00:06:38.000 Go ahead, why don't you smash that like button right now and leave a comment.

00:06:42.000 What is your favorite thing about white people?

00:06:45.000 Is that what we're supposed to take away from that?

00:06:45.000 Money?

00:06:48.000 The cash.

00:06:50.000 How easily they'll let you take their shoes.

00:06:56.000 So smash that like button, and also, we've got some shows coming up.

00:07:00.000 Yeah, Dave, well you've got March 25th at the Ames Center in Burnsville, Minnesota.

00:07:05.000 That's right.

00:07:06.000 So that's going to be fantastic.

00:07:07.000 Make sure you go online and get that info and tickets.

00:07:10.000 Yep, my buddy Matt McClary will be with me, and Steven Crowder, a good friend of mine, I don't know if you know that, you may have heard of him.

00:07:17.000 April 16th, we've just added a show to the Royal Oak Music Theater in Royal Oak, Michigan.

00:07:23.000 A 4 p.m.

00:07:23.000 show because that sold out rather quickly.

00:07:26.000 Yeah, so check out louderwithcrowder.com for all your other dates.

00:07:26.000 It did!

00:07:31.000 Those areas should just be thawing out around the end of March.

00:07:34.000 Right around then, yes.

00:07:35.000 People wearing shorts in 40 degree weather because it's sunny.

00:07:38.000 Washing their car.

00:07:39.000 That's true.

00:07:40.000 We're done with winter!

00:07:42.000 Oh yeah, it'd be 32 degrees and you're golfing in shorts.

00:07:45.000 Oh, you're loving it.

00:07:46.000 I remember the days.

00:07:47.000 You're like wearing a sweatshirt and shorts and like, ah, this is great.

00:07:50.000 Sun.

00:07:50.000 It feels so good.

00:07:51.000 You get to hit the new potholes after nine months of clouds.

00:07:55.000 That's a thing people don't talk about.

00:07:57.000 Don't you miss the change of seasons?

00:07:59.000 I don't miss nine months of clouds.

00:08:00.000 Yeah.

00:08:00.000 There's really no seasons.

00:08:02.000 It's just depression all the time.

00:08:04.000 And then there's like eight days where you're like, I don't want to die today.

00:08:08.000 Oh, that's great.

00:08:09.000 That's why they bring you in for some levity.

00:08:11.000 Perhaps I'll go for a jog.

00:08:13.000 And then you don't.

00:08:14.000 You just end up staying inside and watching TV on the only beautiful day you get.

00:08:18.000 At least Dave Landau's in town.

00:08:21.000 That helps.

00:08:21.000 Yes, yes.

00:08:22.000 We'll go see this guy.

00:08:23.000 Come out to the Royal Music Theater.

00:08:25.000 Now, I don't know if you guys know this, February, Black History Month.

00:08:29.000 Yeah!

00:08:29.000 So we'd like to share with you some Black History Facts.

00:08:32.000 Boom!

00:08:33.000 Yeah, you gotta break it down.

00:08:34.000 That was terrible.

00:08:35.000 Yeah, because he pulled the stinger off me right away.

00:08:37.000 Well, I mean, you didn't hear the music coming?

00:08:39.000 No.

00:08:41.000 Just as you were showing your favorite thing about white people, rhythm.

00:08:44.000 Yeah, I know, exactly.

00:08:46.000 Thanks, Dave.

00:08:48.000 I also sing well, too, and I don't dance.

00:08:51.000 No.

00:08:52.000 Even at weddings or anything, I'm like, I'm not going out there.

00:08:54.000 I used to breakdance.

00:08:55.000 Did you?

00:08:56.000 I did, for real.

00:08:57.000 For real?

00:08:58.000 Were you any good at it?

00:08:59.000 Did you have your own piece of linoleum or did you use a box top?

00:08:59.000 No.

00:09:03.000 No, I just would do it at parties.

00:09:05.000 You didn't care the friction level of the floor.

00:09:08.000 No, no.

00:09:08.000 I was very drunk.

00:09:10.000 It didn't matter.

00:09:11.000 It was simply to get a laugh.

00:09:13.000 Carpet burns galore.

00:09:14.000 I can't spin.

00:09:17.000 Dave, if you don't take your pants off, it won't happen, okay?

00:09:20.000 Well, sometimes I would.

00:09:22.000 I would have a cardboard box and no pants.

00:09:28.000 And now the best man with the toast.

00:09:29.000 Dave?

00:09:30.000 Yeah, he is.

00:09:32.000 Hello, everyone.

00:09:32.000 Get up, Dave.

00:09:34.000 He's not wearing pants!

00:09:36.000 Why does he do this on every special occasion?

00:09:41.000 He's a sick man.

00:09:44.000 That's the 17th time I've seen his pants.

00:09:47.000 I don't like pants.

00:09:48.000 They're leg prisons.

00:09:49.000 Well, let's go ahead and share these facts.

00:09:56.000 CroixDaddy, would you mind sharing number one?

00:09:58.000 I could read it.

00:10:00.000 In 1908, Jack Johnson became the first African-American man to hold the world heavyweight champion.

00:10:05.000 Boxing titles.

00:10:06.000 Really?

00:10:07.000 This is Steven's wheelhouse.

00:10:09.000 He loves the boxing stuff, right?

00:10:11.000 So in August of 1936, Jesse Owen shocked the Nazi Germany by winning four gold medals at the Berlin Olympic Games, meant to promote the Aryan race as being superior.

00:10:22.000 Whoops.

00:10:23.000 Bad idea.

00:10:23.000 Wow.

00:10:25.000 Well, that may be, but the greatest black athlete of all time?

00:10:30.000 Larry Bird.

00:10:31.000 So there you go.

00:10:31.000 Wow.

00:10:32.000 These have been Black History Facts!

00:10:37.000 It's funny you guys chose Larry Bird.

00:10:40.000 Maybe the control center can find Isaiah Thomas' comments about Larry Bird where he said, if he were black he'd be just another basketball player.

00:10:48.000 Can you imagine that?

00:10:50.000 Mind it guys.

00:10:51.000 It was scandalous back then.

00:10:53.000 Larry Bird's the real deal.

00:10:54.000 You don't say that about him.

00:10:55.000 No, he was amazing.

00:10:57.000 Magic Johnson had this great, there's a documentary on him where they were talking about Larry Bird and when he went to meet him he didn't realize he was white.

00:11:05.000 And he was like, oh wow, and he's like, that dude was for real, like one of the toughest players he ever played.

00:11:09.000 There was that famous poster of him diving to save a ball and he said, the line is, I just hate it when they let it go out of bounds.

00:11:18.000 Can you imagine?

00:11:19.000 A guy you pay that much diving into the stands just to save a loose ball.

00:11:23.000 He was a competitor.

00:11:24.000 Guys that paid thousands of dollars for floor seats don't like their foot in their eye.

00:11:31.000 It just hits Jack Nicholson's stupid sunglasses.

00:11:35.000 Just to his corn dog he's eating.

00:11:38.000 How'd you die?

00:11:39.000 Well, I was floor side at the Lakers.

00:11:41.000 The bird was in town.

00:11:45.000 Oh, man.

00:11:46.000 I love Jordan vs. Bird on Nintendo.

00:11:48.000 I don't know if you ever played that.

00:11:50.000 That was always a good game.

00:11:50.000 No.

00:11:51.000 He looks to me for gaming.

00:11:53.000 There was also Magic vs. AIDS.

00:11:56.000 It wasn't a fun game.

00:11:59.000 I had Pong.

00:12:00.000 Yeah, oddly you win.

00:12:03.000 It was weird.

00:12:04.000 A was continue to play the game and B was stop having sex with so many individuals that you don't know.

00:12:09.000 And you always hit A, I don't know why.

00:12:11.000 Yeah, it was a preventative game and your only option was no.

00:12:16.000 It was choose your own adventure.

00:12:18.000 It's like, but this is only one adventure.

00:12:21.000 Why not try AIDS?

00:12:23.000 I love that that was a diet pill.

00:12:27.000 And a diet disease.

00:12:30.000 Well, makes you...

00:12:32.000 It's been right before.

00:12:34.000 That's good cocoa.

00:12:34.000 Is it?

00:12:35.000 Do you have cocoa?

00:12:36.000 No, I have vitamin stuff.

00:12:40.000 That desk gets two mugs.

00:12:41.000 One has something tasty and I only get water.

00:12:44.000 You don't deserve either.

00:12:45.000 Okay, thank you.

00:12:46.000 You're welcome.

00:12:47.000 You're lucky.

00:12:48.000 You get bread and water.

00:12:49.000 That's all you get.

00:12:50.000 Like my mother would tell me, I would get in prison.

00:12:55.000 If you go to jail, you just get bread and water.

00:12:57.000 And then I went to jail, and I was like, you get more than that, but it's not good.

00:13:01.000 Yeah, there are other things.

00:13:02.000 Mom.

00:13:03.000 Liar.

00:13:04.000 And speaking of jail... It was way better than your room beneath the stairs in Detroit.

00:13:10.000 Like, oh, they feed you every day?

00:13:11.000 Yeah, perfect.

00:13:12.000 That's better than this place.

00:13:13.000 Right, no kidding.

00:13:16.000 Well, I don't know if you guys have seen this, Showtime put out this new series called Everything's Gonna Be All White.

00:13:24.000 It's extremely racist, to be honest.

00:13:24.000 Oh boy.

00:13:27.000 Really, really uncomfortable.

00:13:29.000 Enjoy!

00:13:30.000 I think what annoys me most about white people is when they pretend like they're the victim.

00:13:41.000 What's also annoying is when they, you know, when they kill us.

00:13:45.000 What is fragile about whiteness when everything has been constructed around it?

00:13:50.000 Every part of who I am has been distorted or criminalized.

00:13:54.000 It's really just a bunch of white lies.

00:13:56.000 We're storming the Capitol!

00:14:00.000 You're not patriots.

00:14:01.000 You're ridiculous.

00:14:05.000 One of the definitions of American whiteness is ignorance.

00:14:11.000 White people, we are not your problem.

00:14:14.000 You are.

00:14:15.000 Should white people today feel any responsibility for slavery?

00:14:20.000 Hell yeah.

00:14:22.000 White Jesus or black Jesus?

00:14:23.000 Jesus was not white.

00:14:24.000 Middle Eastern.

00:14:26.000 Or black.

00:14:30.000 White culture fears the end of the world.

00:14:30.000 Neither.

00:14:33.000 For us as native people, the end of the world already happened, like, multiple times.

00:14:37.000 It's called defeated.

00:14:39.000 How are you talking?

00:14:40.000 Salmon is a monument.

00:14:41.000 These are mementos of racism.

00:14:44.000 Bring that tattoo dad.

00:14:45.000 Put up a T.C.

00:14:46.000 B.Y.

00:14:47.000 yogurt or something.

00:14:48.000 Everybody can get behind.

00:14:51.000 The truth has to be told about history.

00:14:57.000 We have to make sure that these stories are told from our perspective.

00:15:03.000 There's always hope.

00:15:03.000 If you Google POC POV, I think different videos come up.

00:15:08.000 This is a wild place, y'all.

00:15:14.000 It's a wild place.

00:15:15.000 I know Harriet and Frederick be up there just like, what is they gonna do?

00:15:23.000 Was it, Gerald?

00:15:24.000 No.

00:15:25.000 Well, I feel great about myself.

00:15:26.000 Let's move on.

00:15:27.000 I don't want to talk anymore about this.

00:15:29.000 Let's move on.

00:15:30.000 This is terrible.

00:15:31.000 This is just absolutely...

00:15:32.000 It's nothing but landmines.

00:15:33.000 I know!

00:15:34.000 Yeah, I just can't wait to watch TV in the future.

00:15:39.000 More programming like this, Dave, is on its way.

00:15:41.000 I know, that's what I've heard, actually.

00:15:43.000 It's the entertainment business, and there's always similar companies trying to compete.

00:15:48.000 And there is actually a project, and it comes from the Hallmark Channel.

00:15:52.000 Oh, good.

00:15:53.000 It's premiering its very own series on Race, Pretty Fly for a White Lie.

00:16:02.000 Black people, I mean, nothing really.

00:16:06.000 I voted for Obama. I mean, I didn't vote. I would have voted for Obama, but...

00:16:11.000 Well, uh... oh, jeez. I mean, I like black people.

00:16:15.000 I mean, I would have voted for Obama a third time.

00:16:19.000 I guess if I had to pick one thing, maybe just in movie theaters, if you could not talk so loud.

00:16:26.000 Now, if it's Madea's Halloween, go crazy.

00:16:30.000 I mean, I get it.

00:16:31.000 It's hilarious.

00:16:32.000 But if it's the new Tom Hanks picture, I mean, I'd just like to kind of enjoy that with my sweetheart, so.

00:16:40.000 You know, I do get nervous when my overweight nurse has six-inch press on nails.

00:16:46.000 One small thing, I just ask that you just don't push my grandma, my harmony, in front of the train again.

00:16:54.000 I do want to apologize for some of the modern inconveniences that we might have caused.

00:17:00.000 For example, airplanes.

00:17:03.000 Electricity.

00:17:04.000 Modern medicine can be pretty expensive.

00:17:07.000 Calculus.

00:17:08.000 Clothes.

00:17:09.000 I guess when I'm filling up my tank, could you please just not yell, hey yo white bitch?

00:17:16.000 Democracy can get kind of rough.

00:17:19.000 Uh, space travel.

00:17:20.000 Maybe on a job application.

00:17:22.000 You don't put under prior work experience.

00:17:26.000 We was Kangs.

00:17:28.000 I've been supporting myself through college.

00:17:31.000 Tipping would be nice.

00:17:33.000 Who knows what's out there.

00:17:34.000 We could have like aliens or like the moon could explode.

00:17:38.000 There's just, you know, we put that on you.

00:17:40.000 So I do apologize for that.

00:17:45.000 Saw your son today.

00:17:47.000 Uh, Maybe give him a call. I think he'd really appreciate it.

00:17:51.000 Hallmark always pushing the other. Yeah it's crazy. Who knew? It's actually way

00:18:01.000 way less offensive than the other one but we're gonna get more trouble. It's absolutely true.

00:18:07.000 I mean, it looks like a good series.

00:18:09.000 I think both will have their points.

00:18:11.000 I would watch the second one.

00:18:13.000 Hallmark is not my favorite channel, but I would watch.

00:18:15.000 No, very white channel, though.

00:18:18.000 Really?

00:18:19.000 Hallmark, have you seen it?

00:18:20.000 Yeah, of course.

00:18:21.000 It's sort of like the do-it-yourself channel, which is now the Waco, Texas couple channel.

00:18:21.000 A lot of whites.

00:18:27.000 Ah, yeah.

00:18:27.000 Where they just come in and they're like, you should open up your house.

00:18:30.000 I feel like Gene Kane owns a whole lot of Hallmark now, too.

00:18:34.000 Love him for it, but, you know, come on.

00:18:34.000 I think he does.

00:18:35.000 Did that young white guy use the term picture?

00:18:38.000 Referring to a movie?

00:18:39.000 Like Tom Hanks' picture?

00:18:40.000 Yeah, yeah, exactly.

00:18:41.000 The Tom Hanks.

00:18:42.000 Talkie, see?

00:18:42.000 Hey, kid!

00:18:43.000 Yeah, come on, come to the picture show!

00:18:45.000 The pictures!

00:18:46.000 It's not gonna be in there!

00:18:47.000 You don't wanna be in pictures, kid.

00:18:48.000 Ah!

00:18:49.000 Come on, it's a double feature!

00:18:51.000 Just don't talk in it, see?

00:18:53.000 We have nothing to do, it's 1958.

00:18:55.000 Go ahead.

00:18:56.000 You can't heckle it, it's not live.

00:18:58.000 Let's go to the ballgame, sit in the hot hot sun, watch a man in an all-wool suit in 800 degrees yell racist things at Jackie Robinson.

00:19:09.000 Oh my god.

00:19:10.000 You're absolutely right.

00:19:11.000 We're going to take more heat for that than Showtime or whoever's doing the other one.

00:19:15.000 Well, I know a couple of comics in the other one.

00:19:17.000 You know, it's all a joke, but, you know, people get pissed because, you know, you can only make jokes when they're... Well, I just found out from that one I'm responsible for slavery, so...

00:19:26.000 Well, I think slavery's a terrible thing.

00:19:31.000 I just want to say that.

00:19:32.000 I mean, unless you're on the profit side, then it's pretty good.

00:19:34.000 I mean, unless you're on the profit side, then it's pretty good.

00:19:38.000 I mean, it's like 100% profit.

00:19:40.000 It's a terrible thing.

00:19:43.000 Right?

00:19:45.000 Removing labor costs.

00:19:46.000 How do you mean we don't pay people?

00:19:49.000 Ah, yeah.

00:19:50.000 Oh, that's a great idea.

00:19:55.000 It just makes common sense.

00:19:56.000 Amazon's coming as close as they can.

00:19:59.000 Well, they're trying their hardest.

00:20:03.000 Unfortunately, there's stuff going on that it does involve slavery, though.

00:20:06.000 Like, you know, child trafficking is a serious problem in this country.

00:20:10.000 And, uh, recently, a woman had a demonic freakout.

00:20:14.000 Really?

00:20:15.000 Yeah, after being arrested at the border for human smuggling.

00:20:19.000 They're all shaped like bumblebees.

00:20:25.000 The power of Christ compels you!

00:20:30.000 This is Nacho Day.

00:20:36.000 Why has she not burst into flames?

00:20:42.000 Oh, she's got some leverage.

00:20:46.000 Got some leverage on her now.

00:20:47.000 Oh, she's got some strength.

00:20:48.000 That's PCP.

00:20:51.000 Is that Latin?

00:20:52.000 Oh, oh gosh.

00:20:53.000 Satan, be careful of those Warby Parkers.

00:20:55.000 I believe she's Latin, but the language is English.

00:21:01.000 The power of Christ compels you.

00:21:02.000 Protect those Ray-Bans.

00:21:03.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:21:05.000 I like how he tries to not hurt the sunglasses.

00:21:08.000 We'll make sure to get these back to you.

00:21:09.000 Those look designer.

00:21:10.000 I like those.

00:21:11.000 Stop it.

00:21:11.000 Those are nice.

00:21:12.000 She traffics children.

00:21:13.000 The demon won't need them.

00:21:15.000 No, of course not.

00:21:17.000 Well, we actually found out where she worked and was selling these people out of, unfortunately, and we do have some footage of that.

00:21:26.000 Oh boy.

00:21:27.000 My favorite's pumpkin pie.

00:21:29.000 What do you like?

00:21:30.000 I'm not really sure what they're advertising.

00:21:33.000 around our best selection of pussies, this is a pussy blowout!

00:21:37.000 Alright, we got white pussies, black pussies, Spanish pussies, yellow pussies,

00:21:42.000 we got hot pussies, cold pussies, we got wet pussies.

00:21:45.000 Oh, oh lord.

00:21:46.000 My favorite's pumpkin pie.

00:21:48.000 What do you like?

00:21:49.000 I'm not really sure what they're advertising.

00:21:51.000 It's good to see Clint Howard still working.

00:21:53.000 The seventh level of hell.

00:21:56.000 I think she looks better with the mustache.

00:21:59.000 I mean, honestly, if you had the woman we just saw in the video and Cheech Marin, I'm gonna take a stab at Cheech.

00:22:09.000 And I've met Cheech.

00:22:10.000 Choose wisely.

00:22:10.000 Did you ever meet Cheech?

00:22:12.000 No, never met Cheech.

00:22:13.000 I met Tommy Chong.

00:22:14.000 I opened for Tommy Chong.

00:22:15.000 Get this, guy, he was high the whole time.

00:22:18.000 No.

00:22:19.000 I'm like, be a professional.

00:22:20.000 Who could have seen that coming?

00:22:21.000 These people are paid to see you.

00:22:23.000 What if they find out you're lit?

00:22:26.000 These weren't characters?

00:22:28.000 They actually did smoke pot.

00:22:31.000 Can you imagine being upset by that and not understanding anyone's interest?

00:22:36.000 Honey, we are leaving.

00:22:37.000 He, I can smell the weed.

00:22:40.000 This man is stoned.

00:22:43.000 I thought they were acting.

00:22:46.000 This man is clearly...

00:22:49.000 Unbelievable.

00:22:49.000 Clearly high.

00:22:50.000 We're leaving.

00:22:51.000 I'll never see one of his pictures again.

00:22:53.000 Let's go to watch a Dean Cain Hallmark movie.

00:22:58.000 Dean's not here!

00:22:59.000 How many puppies can save Christmas?

00:23:02.000 Depends.

00:23:03.000 You guys heard of Singapore?

00:23:07.000 Yeah, it definitely is a place.

00:23:07.000 It's a place?

00:23:09.000 Have you been?

00:23:10.000 No.

00:23:10.000 Never.

00:23:10.000 No.

00:23:11.000 Never wanted to go?

00:23:11.000 They would cane me.

00:23:12.000 That's true.

00:23:14.000 I've been.

00:23:15.000 Have you been to Singapore?

00:23:15.000 I have.

00:23:16.000 What, like a sex tourism or what'd you do?

00:23:16.000 That's cool.

00:23:19.000 No, actually I was fighting human trafficking in Cambodia and then we went down there to meet some people and raise some money to do that, Dave.

00:23:26.000 Did you really?

00:23:26.000 That's actually 100% true.

00:23:28.000 He's better than you, David.

00:23:30.000 Wow.

00:23:32.000 I went down there for the same reason.

00:23:34.000 I mean, not fighting it.

00:23:35.000 The other way.

00:23:39.000 He fought more of a client.

00:23:40.000 The urge!

00:23:44.000 I was kind of fighting you guys.

00:23:46.000 I knew you looked familiar!

00:23:49.000 Get out of here!

00:23:52.000 Did you just go into a brothel and just...

00:23:52.000 How did you do that?

00:23:56.000 Oh no, I couldn't do that.

00:23:58.000 They took me through the area.

00:23:59.000 In fact, we were in Sihanoukville, which is close to Thailand.

00:24:03.000 And then we went to Angkor Wat as well.

00:24:05.000 So those are two big areas for it.

00:24:07.000 And they're like, yeah, at night, this place right here will be full of people.

00:24:11.000 And I was there like, you should come down here.

00:24:12.000 Nobody will stop you just so you can see it.

00:24:13.000 And I was like, no, I'm gonna end up dying.

00:24:15.000 Because I'm gonna see some, you know, eight-year-old girl being... Exactly.

00:24:19.000 And I was just like, I'm not gonna be able to walk away and I'll die.

00:24:22.000 Oh, man.

00:24:23.000 Did you save some?

00:24:25.000 No, well, not... Well, good job.

00:24:26.000 The goal was not to actually go and physically... Look, I don't have a specific set of skills, okay?

00:24:31.000 I was just gonna walk in.

00:24:33.000 We actually set up housing... Six-five white guy over there.

00:24:35.000 Who's gonna notice?

00:24:39.000 I have a very particular set of skills.

00:24:41.000 Very specific set of skills.

00:24:42.000 It's not this.

00:24:46.000 Enjoy her.

00:24:46.000 It's being stabbed by 75 men as they walk in unarmed.

00:24:51.000 Being beaten by a sex cartel.

00:24:54.000 Wasn't it Singapore where the kid threw some gum in the street and was gonna get caned?

00:24:57.000 He got caned.

00:24:58.000 No, he did get caned.

00:24:59.000 It was like in the 90s.

00:25:01.000 Because the leader, emperor, whatever it was at the time, had stepped in gum and so he outlawed it.

00:25:05.000 I chewed gum on a train and people were looking at me like, this American's about to get it.

00:25:12.000 The most risky thing you can do is have Bubblicious.

00:25:15.000 Yeah, everybody was parting, like, moving away from me.

00:25:18.000 Sex trafficking, okay, but Bubblicious?

00:25:21.000 You don't want to catch a beating on accident!

00:25:23.000 Oh yeah, look at this!

00:25:25.000 See?

00:25:26.000 Why they ban chewing gum.

00:25:27.000 Yeah, tellin' ya.

00:25:28.000 Can you imagine you steppin' chewing gum and the rest of the country has to pay for that?

00:25:33.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:25:34.000 Oops.

00:25:35.000 It happens.

00:25:36.000 Haven't you ever owned shoes?

00:25:37.000 Well, Kim Jong owns the haircut.

00:25:41.000 You can't don that, no.

00:25:43.000 Well, what a tragedy for everyone.

00:25:47.000 If you fall out in the Kim Jong Un, you're gonna get it.

00:25:51.000 Can I get the thick lesbian from Orange is the New Black?

00:25:57.000 Sorry, the leader is the only one that can get that.

00:26:00.000 I think it's more than a caning, though.

00:26:06.000 Oh my gosh.

00:26:07.000 Love it.

00:26:07.000 Well in Singapore, a news report at the Olympics caught Singaporeans off guard with some

00:26:14.000 a homosexual act that was in the background.

00:26:36.000 The men were caned and then punished.

00:26:40.000 Severely beaten.

00:26:44.000 This was actually the first time... Stelter volunteered to do the punishing.

00:26:49.000 He's like, I'll punish him.

00:26:51.000 This was actually the first time, though, that many Singaporeans have ever seen two gay men kiss.

00:26:57.000 So yeah, there were some street reactions.

00:26:57.000 Really?

00:26:59.000 Oh, you should see what happens when somebody steps in gum.

00:27:15.000 Yeah.

00:27:20.000 It's the latest Indiana Jones.

00:27:22.000 Real painful.

00:27:23.000 Terrible?

00:27:27.000 Yes.

00:27:28.000 It's actually the first time I've seen that guy, so I was a bit shocked.

00:27:31.000 Really?

00:27:31.000 Gay men kissing?

00:27:33.000 I live in the Hallmark world.

00:27:34.000 I was about to say, do you not watch any television at all?

00:27:38.000 Dean Cain never kissed another guy in the Hallmark family.

00:27:41.000 No, that's true.

00:27:41.000 You haven't seen like a Chase Bank ad?

00:27:43.000 Because that's relevant.

00:27:45.000 Yeah.

00:27:46.000 No, that's weird.

00:27:47.000 Like, every time I look at my phone, it's like, oh, it's like three men and a dog?

00:27:47.000 You're right, though.

00:27:53.000 I'm like, this is Bank of America?

00:27:57.000 This is your ad?

00:27:58.000 Like, I don't understand.

00:28:00.000 I get it.

00:28:00.000 We should accept people.

00:28:01.000 I'm on board with that.

00:28:03.000 But what does this have to do with banking?

00:28:05.000 Yeah.

00:28:06.000 Never going back to that ATM.

00:28:07.000 Inclusivity.

00:28:08.000 Ew.

00:28:10.000 Lots of deposits!

00:28:11.000 I just go in just to make people uncomfortable and go, this appeared on my phone.

00:28:16.000 I need to close every account I have.

00:28:19.000 I'm just, I'm uncomfortable.

00:28:20.000 I'm actually afraid of these people.

00:28:21.000 Are you homophobic?

00:28:22.000 It's like, no, I just, I just don't understand your reasoning.

00:28:25.000 I don't like your ad spend.

00:28:28.000 I don't blame them, though.

00:28:29.000 There is a lot of disposable income in the gay community.

00:28:32.000 Is there?

00:28:33.000 Okay.

00:28:33.000 Yeah.

00:28:34.000 That's why they spruce up neighborhoods.

00:28:36.000 You ever notice that?

00:28:37.000 That's why they spruce up neighborhoods?

00:28:39.000 I don't think that's why.

00:28:41.000 Well, they're decorative people.

00:28:43.000 We can say that, right?

00:28:45.000 They're not decorations, Dick!

00:28:47.000 No, they are very good at... They're good at decorating.

00:28:50.000 They're good at designing.

00:28:51.000 They have an eye.

00:28:52.000 They have good taste.

00:28:53.000 They have an eye for it.

00:28:54.000 Yeah.

00:28:55.000 They used to be called Dinks.

00:28:56.000 Double income, no kids.

00:28:57.000 Yep.

00:28:58.000 That's true.

00:28:58.000 Oh!

00:29:00.000 That's true.

00:29:00.000 Absolutely.

00:29:01.000 Well, it could be a couple.

00:29:02.000 Any couple.

00:29:03.000 Maybe other meanings as well.

00:29:04.000 Yeah, it could be a lot of other... That was the acronym.

00:29:06.000 They were actually called Twink Dinks.

00:29:11.000 I have two, Josh.

00:29:12.000 All right.

00:29:13.000 So, you guys know Joe Biden, former vice president?

00:29:16.000 Sure.

00:29:16.000 Former vice president.

00:29:17.000 Joseph R. Biden.

00:29:17.000 Yeah.

00:29:19.000 Joseph Robinette Biden.

00:29:20.000 Is that his name?

00:29:21.000 Robinette.

00:29:22.000 Robinette.

00:29:23.000 And you know in French, TTE is the feminine version of any name.

00:29:27.000 And I think they do it in Spanish as well.

00:29:27.000 Yeah.

00:29:28.000 He's not French, though.

00:29:29.000 He's not French.

00:29:29.000 No?

00:29:30.000 But it would have been Joseph Robin Biden.

00:29:33.000 Robinette.

00:29:33.000 Would have worked.

00:29:34.000 You know he spent a lot of time in lockers.

00:29:36.000 Oh, absolutely.

00:29:38.000 How in the world do I not know?

00:29:39.000 The Hurt Locker.

00:29:41.000 Let's get Robinette, yeah!

00:29:43.000 How could you name someone that?

00:29:45.000 People have awful names.

00:29:45.000 That's weird.

00:29:47.000 They do.

00:29:48.000 Robinette, let's go with that.

00:29:49.000 That's not even a good name for a woman.

00:29:51.000 They're like, Joe.

00:29:52.000 Okay, that's safe.

00:29:53.000 Well, how do we screw him up?

00:29:54.000 I don't know, Robinette?

00:29:55.000 Throw that in there.

00:29:57.000 Yeah, let's go with the most basic man name ever.

00:30:00.000 And then just toss in a lady name right in the middle.

00:30:03.000 And I think that's why it's kind of like the boy named Sue.

00:30:05.000 I think he spent a lot of time fighting at the bike racks because of that middle name.

00:30:08.000 It toughens you up a little bit.

00:30:10.000 Looking for his dad at bars.

00:30:15.000 Kill the man that named me Robinette.

00:30:17.000 Then he just shows up, it's his son passed out.

00:30:20.000 Looking for my dad.

00:30:22.000 Son, I knew that name would make you go to work for the government for 50 years on the public dole.

00:30:27.000 Then I'm gonna name my son Hunter.

00:30:33.000 What's his middle name?

00:30:34.000 Oh no.

00:30:34.000 Susan.

00:30:36.000 Hunter Rachel Biden.

00:30:38.000 Hunter's middle name?

00:30:39.000 Hunter's a Bob.

00:30:39.000 Robert Hunter Biden.

00:30:40.000 He's one of the Bobs.

00:30:41.000 That's what middle names are now, it's an alternate just in case.

00:30:44.000 Hunter Rachel.

00:30:46.000 It's Laquisha.

00:30:48.000 Oh my goodness.

00:30:50.000 Hunter's his middle name.

00:30:52.000 Hunter's... Oh, what's his first name?

00:30:54.000 His first name is Robert.

00:30:56.000 Hunter's a Bob.

00:30:58.000 Robert Hunter Biden.

00:31:00.000 He's one of the Bobs.

00:31:02.000 He's Bob Biden?

00:31:04.000 Bob Hunter Biden.

00:31:06.000 So what do they think?

00:31:07.000 They put all this?

00:31:08.000 Oh, I guess we can't talk about stuff on YouTube that's maybe whatever.

00:31:12.000 I don't know.

00:31:14.000 So Bob Hunter Biden.

00:31:15.000 Yeah.

00:31:16.000 Weird.

00:31:17.000 His name.

00:31:17.000 And Bo Biden was Joseph Robinette Bo Biden.

00:31:21.000 Oh my God.

00:31:22.000 He did Robinette to him too?

00:31:23.000 He's a big fan of Bo Bridges.

00:31:25.000 Geez.

00:31:26.000 He did.

00:31:26.000 And Jackson.

00:31:27.000 Robinette to him.

00:31:28.000 Wait, wait, hold on.

00:31:29.000 This is Joseph Robinette Bo Biden III.

00:31:31.000 So that means Joe Biden's dad was Joe Robinette Biden I. Oh my goodness.

00:31:35.000 We cover a long, strong line of Robinettes.

00:31:38.000 You carry on the Robinette name.

00:31:41.000 Except for you, Hunter.

00:31:42.000 We don't know what the hell to do with you.

00:31:44.000 I don't want to give you my strong lady name that I've carried.

00:31:47.000 That's right.

00:31:49.000 We start with Joseph.

00:31:50.000 Strong masculine name.

00:31:52.000 We insert femininity.

00:31:53.000 Soften it.

00:31:55.000 And then we do it again.

00:31:56.000 And again.

00:31:57.000 We create legacy of Robinette.

00:32:02.000 There's one guy watching this whose name is Robinette.

00:32:05.000 He's so pissed.

00:32:05.000 That's it.

00:32:06.000 I'm done with this mug club.

00:32:07.000 We had one unsubscribed just now.

00:32:09.000 Yeah, literally just one.

00:32:11.000 Because no one would hurt their children like that.

00:32:16.000 I don't know if you heard this, the Biden administration will allocate 30 million dollars to help provide safe smoking kits to underprivileged communities.

00:32:27.000 I'm sorry, what?

00:32:28.000 That's correct.

00:32:29.000 Including in these kits will be pipes for users to smoke substances like crack cocaine and crystal meth or any illicit substances.

00:32:39.000 According to reports, $29.5 million will go directly to Joe's son, Hunter.

00:32:46.000 Well, he's tired of giving him the money for it.

00:32:46.000 Of course!

00:32:49.000 Like, I gotta buy a new crack by every four minutes.

00:32:53.000 Snopes also rated the claim as mostly false, saying that this is just one of... Why don't you read this part, Joe?

00:33:01.000 Alright, so the quote is, this was just one of around 20 components of the grant program, and far from its most prominent or important one, but it's the funniest one.

00:33:09.000 Despite being the primary focus of Outrage News Reports, the purpose of the program was to reduce the harm and risk of infection.

00:33:17.000 From a pipe.

00:33:19.000 Among drunk users, not to advance racial equality, although that was a secondary consideration.

00:33:19.000 Yep.

00:33:26.000 Dave, Dave.

00:33:27.000 No, no, no, no, no, no, Dave.

00:33:27.000 What?

00:33:28.000 Come on.

00:33:29.000 No, no, no.

00:33:29.000 Come on.

00:33:30.000 Give me the pen.

00:33:31.000 It's just, it's crack cocaine.

00:33:32.000 Give me this over.

00:33:33.000 Give me this over.

00:33:34.000 No, come on.

00:33:35.000 Just a little hit off the glass dick.

00:33:35.000 No, no, no.

00:33:37.000 Day one.

00:33:38.000 Day one?

00:33:41.000 Come on.

00:33:41.000 The government gave it to me with four COVID tests.

00:33:46.000 They sent that to your house, huh?

00:33:47.000 Yeah, they said it's a pipe for smoking widows.

00:33:50.000 Can I ask a question?

00:33:51.000 I understand the needle exchange program and, you know, maybe making sure people aren't sharing needles and spreading HIV and, you know, all that kind of stuff.

00:33:58.000 Do you want my chip?

00:33:59.000 The crack pipe?

00:34:00.000 I do want the chip, in fact.

00:34:01.000 Just put it on the desk next to the gun.

00:34:01.000 We'll take it.

00:34:03.000 Sorry, then I'm going to be high on crack for the rest of the show.

00:34:07.000 Help me out here.

00:34:08.000 How does giving somebody a fresh pipe Keep them from getting a disease.

00:34:13.000 I don't know.

00:34:14.000 I guess in the days of smoke pipe, the days in COVID, I guess they were like, look, we don't want you guys to share lips.

00:34:21.000 Oh, is this a COVID thing?

00:34:22.000 I don't know.

00:34:23.000 It's a nonsense thing.

00:34:24.000 You don't know where my lips have been, Dave.

00:34:27.000 Why would anyone do this?

00:34:29.000 Why would you send a crack pipe to a crackhead in the mail?

00:34:32.000 They just want to help you out with something.

00:34:32.000 I know.

00:34:34.000 Yeah, well, if you're gonna smoke meth, use the government-issued pipes.

00:34:37.000 The only way to smoke meth.

00:34:39.000 It seems like they're almost condoning it.

00:34:40.000 It's like they're advertising it.

00:34:41.000 Well, the good thing is, San Francisco and places like Los Angeles have already started doing this stuff on like a local... I'm not even kidding.

00:34:47.000 Like, on a local level, they've already had programs like this in place, and it's just led to a utopian society.

00:34:52.000 Oh, it's great there.

00:34:53.000 San Francisco, wonderful model city.

00:34:56.000 It's beautiful.

00:34:57.000 Have you been there in the spring?

00:34:57.000 Love it.

00:34:57.000 Right?

00:34:59.000 I don't know if you know this crack.

00:35:00.000 San Francisco treat.

00:35:02.000 Ah!

00:35:03.000 I thought it was crap.

00:35:04.000 Oh, well, it's... It's ding ding.

00:35:06.000 They're both everywhere.

00:35:08.000 It's the stupidest thing in the world.

00:35:09.000 Just a street filled with hard opioid crack dumps.

00:35:13.000 I want to ask Snopes to be like, yeah, look, I get that there are other programs, but just to confirm, they are giving away free crack pipes, right?

00:35:20.000 Right.

00:35:21.000 Their rating service is the best though.

00:35:23.000 Mostly false.

00:35:25.000 What's the mostly part?

00:35:26.000 It begs so many questions.

00:35:29.000 What you said was true, but there's more information.

00:35:31.000 That's right.

00:35:33.000 In context, they're free pipes, but...

00:35:36.000 I feel like Hunter does have to be doing something, though.

00:35:39.000 Because in the middle of all this pandemic, all this stuff, he's like, guys, what about free crack pipes for people?

00:35:45.000 Yeah, easy those things are to break.

00:35:47.000 It's like, come on.

00:35:48.000 Crack pipes?

00:35:48.000 Everybody gets one?

00:35:49.000 Just in case, you know?

00:35:51.000 Hey, you guys like to party?

00:35:52.000 He's the consultant.

00:35:53.000 Yeah.

00:35:54.000 No, we don't.

00:35:55.000 We don't, Hunter.

00:35:55.000 You know who's loving this?

00:35:57.000 Every drug pusher out there is like, ah, fantastic.

00:36:00.000 Free paraphernalia.

00:36:01.000 That's great.

00:36:01.000 I'll have more clients that can smoke.

00:36:03.000 Oh, there he is.

00:36:04.000 That's one of the government issues.

00:36:06.000 Yeah, yeah, exactly.

00:36:07.000 Well, he's got a Hunter Biden-branded one.

00:36:09.000 Well, yeah, it's his.

00:36:10.000 It's his company.

00:36:10.000 Well, there's a golden signature on it.

00:36:12.000 Well, he painted on it.

00:36:13.000 Well, it's embroidered.

00:36:15.000 He goes to Things Remembered.

00:36:17.000 It says, don't put Parmesan cheese in this.

00:36:19.000 He goes to Things Remembered to forget.

00:36:21.000 There's a Hunter coat of arms.

00:36:24.000 It's on his towels and his crackpot.

00:36:26.000 It says the Rubbinettes.

00:36:30.000 The Robinette Crackbacks.

00:36:33.000 Brought to you by the Biden family.

00:36:37.000 Yes.

00:36:38.000 Enjoy a toke or two.

00:36:39.000 Or three, come on, who's counting?

00:36:42.000 On your fellow citizens.

00:36:44.000 Enjoy it every day of your life until you have to make the choice between penis or poison.

00:36:50.000 There is a Biden coat of arms.

00:36:52.000 There is a Biden coat of arms?

00:36:53.000 Oh, nice!

00:36:54.000 Is there really?

00:36:55.000 Oh my goodness.

00:36:56.000 Oh, that's great.

00:36:58.000 Oh, fantastic.

00:36:58.000 Yes, I would like to pay.

00:36:59.000 No crackpipes, though.

00:37:00.000 Money for that.

00:37:01.000 I missed that.

00:37:02.000 Jeez.

00:37:03.000 That's positively regal.

00:37:07.000 Decadent.

00:37:08.000 Well, that covers for all your sins.

00:37:10.000 Yep.

00:37:10.000 Speaking of sins...

00:37:11.000 Ooh.

00:37:12.000 I don't know if you know this.

00:37:13.000 Do you know what nuns are, Gerald?

00:37:14.000 Do they fly?

00:37:15.000 Uh, some do.

00:37:16.000 Okay, well, yeah.

00:37:17.000 Not all of them.

00:37:18.000 But I've met a nun or two.

00:37:20.000 You've met some nuns.

00:37:21.000 Never.

00:37:21.000 Nuns?

00:37:22.000 I've seen them from afar.

00:37:23.000 They kind of float.

00:37:24.000 Yeah, that's true.

00:37:25.000 When I was a kid, I thought they were on roller skates, because you couldn't see the feet, but they would move along in the long run.

00:37:29.000 That's what your brain went to.

00:37:30.000 It was like, ah, they must have roller skates on.

00:37:32.000 It was creepy.

00:37:34.000 They appear to be walking at a normal pace.

00:37:39.000 Well, get this, a nun was sentenced to federal prison.

00:37:42.000 Really?

00:37:43.000 Boy, that's gotta be crazy.

00:37:44.000 A boring place filled with women.

00:37:46.000 What a strange... Well, it depends on what state we're talking about.

00:37:51.000 Well, yeah.

00:37:52.000 But a nun was sentenced to federal prison for stealing $835,000 from a school in Los Angeles.

00:38:00.000 Sister Mary Clarence, oh no, I'm sorry, just Sister Mary, will have to turn herself Into the Federal Bureau of Prison by June 7th to start her one year and one day sentence.

00:38:14.000 Guess this nun didn't think the vow of poverty applied to her.

00:38:18.000 Sister Mary Margaret Cooper is a Catholic nun who was just sentenced to one year and one day in a federal prison.

00:38:26.000 Prosecutors say the 80-year-old nun embezzled over $835,000 from St.

00:38:29.000 James Catholic School in Torrance, California.

00:38:35.000 And what is a nun doing with that much money?

00:38:38.000 Trips to Las Vegas, Reno, and Temecula on large gambling expenses, according to Sister Mary's plea agreement.

00:38:47.000 Wow.

00:38:48.000 She just really loves Sister Act and wanted to see it live.

00:38:51.000 Yeah, that should really be going to good things for the Catholic Church, like lawyers.

00:38:58.000 It's the perfect cover.

00:38:59.000 Did you see her?

00:38:59.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:39:01.000 Who would ever have suspected?

00:39:03.000 When they confronted her, she said, well, nuns need raises.

00:39:06.000 We're not paid enough.

00:39:07.000 Yeah.

00:39:08.000 It's such a...

00:39:10.000 It's such an addiction, too, though.

00:39:12.000 Like, I get it.

00:39:12.000 Like, she went a little bit crazy.

00:39:14.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:39:15.000 And 835 grand later, they were like, did you take something?

00:39:21.000 Who's the accountant here?

00:39:22.000 It's like Mike Tyson with Don King.

00:39:24.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:39:25.000 Like, a bike.

00:39:26.000 What happened?

00:39:27.000 Yeah, $50 million later.

00:39:29.000 He went to buy a sandwich and they're like, your card declined.

00:39:33.000 What?

00:39:36.000 But I got three tigers at home watching plasma TV.

00:39:39.000 Not no more.

00:39:42.000 I don't know.

00:39:43.000 Now you might say that she's being heretical.

00:39:49.000 Heretical?

00:39:51.000 Heretic.

00:39:53.000 And you'd probably be right.

00:39:55.000 But we think she may have been reading an alternate version of the Bible.

00:39:59.000 We actually have a story from what we think is the same Bible, and we'd like to share it with you.

00:40:04.000 Isn't it wonderful? Isn't it wonderful?

00:40:16.000 In all the years we've been married, we've done some marvelous things.

00:40:19.000 This, however, is truly a miracle.

00:40:23.000 Thank you, Nama.

00:40:25.000 N-Nayama.

00:40:26.000 Whatever.

00:40:27.000 Whatever your name, Mrs. Noah.

00:40:28.000 I love you, Mrs. Noah.

00:40:30.000 And I love you.

00:40:33.000 Shall we?

00:40:34.000 Yes.

00:40:35.000 Oh boy.

00:40:44.000 That is a lot of s***.

00:40:49.000 I'm leaving you.

00:40:51.000 That's a fact.

00:40:59.000 Tearjerker in that ending.

00:41:00.000 It really is.

00:41:01.000 I wonder which one of her sons she left him for.

00:41:08.000 Those were the other two people on Earth, right?

00:41:11.000 Come on!

00:41:12.000 No, there were other family members.

00:41:14.000 They had sons and daughters who had wives and husbands.

00:41:17.000 So they could just sleep with them.

00:41:18.000 Oh, good.

00:41:19.000 You're right.

00:41:20.000 My inbreeding joke was way off.

00:41:21.000 Yeah.

00:41:23.000 Not even close.

00:41:26.000 No, no, no.

00:41:26.000 Don't you realize that, you know, Russell Crowe had to kill all of the babies being born there?

00:41:31.000 So, yeah, that was... Oh, yeah.

00:41:32.000 You know, whatever that movie was.

00:41:34.000 I had a friend.

00:41:36.000 We call them pictures, Gerald.

00:41:37.000 They're pictures.

00:41:38.000 Ah, that picture there.

00:41:38.000 Did you see the Russell Crowe picture?

00:41:40.000 They're talkies.

00:41:41.000 Oh, I thought it was a little too much.

00:41:43.000 He's a gladiator and now he's Noah.

00:41:45.000 I buy it every time.

00:41:45.000 Have you seen Fatty Arbuckle fall down in the new picture?

00:41:48.000 Ah, it's hilarious.

00:41:50.000 For my money, it's that Buster Keaton.

00:41:52.000 It was like the train was coming right at me.

00:41:54.000 Like an Asian in the subway tracks.

00:41:56.000 Are we still on YouTube?

00:42:03.000 How can we not be?

00:42:03.000 He said nothing that was fake.

00:42:05.000 No, no, not at all.

00:42:06.000 Fact check that.

00:42:08.000 Go to Snopes.

00:42:09.000 Snopes us.

00:42:13.000 I've angered you.

00:42:14.000 Mostly false.

00:42:15.000 I've angered you.

00:42:16.000 Yeah, mostly false.

00:42:17.000 You've not angered me at all.

00:42:18.000 I'm never angry.

00:42:20.000 I think life is not about anger.

00:42:21.000 It's not.

00:42:22.000 I mean, the beginning of the show with the Showtime thing angers you a little.

00:42:27.000 A little.

00:42:28.000 Just because it's like, are you just trying to make people racist?

00:42:31.000 Yeah.

00:42:31.000 Like, is that the goal of today is just to separate everyone completely?

00:42:36.000 It is.

00:42:37.000 Let's get some people on to say the most racist things possible and call it good.

00:42:41.000 Yeah.

00:42:43.000 But my friend's dad, anyway, had web feet.

00:42:45.000 Yeah.

00:42:46.000 Swimmer.

00:42:47.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:42:49.000 And that's why the Noah's Ark thing made me think of it.

00:42:51.000 Because if anybody's going to build a boat now, it'd be him.

00:42:55.000 But he also had lactating nipples and it's like, why would you?

00:42:59.000 Wow.

00:42:59.000 Why would you tell your friends that like they're not gonna make fun of you forever?

00:43:03.000 Is that the thing for men?

00:43:05.000 Yeah, men can have lactating nipples.

00:43:08.000 I have nipples.

00:43:09.000 Can you milk me, Greg?

00:43:10.000 And web feet.

00:43:11.000 And web feet, I swear to you.

00:43:13.000 But his middle name wasn't Robinette, so he's fine.

00:43:16.000 But he told us, like, we wouldn't make fun of him.

00:43:19.000 Dave, you say it so matter-of-factly.

00:43:22.000 Yeah, my friend's dead.

00:43:23.000 He used to play a game of duck-duck milk.

00:43:31.000 Guys, I'm leaving.

00:43:31.000 We'll be back.

00:43:32.000 But he really did.

00:43:33.000 Yeah, it was crazy that he told us.

00:43:35.000 Is that true, Tokunawa?

00:43:37.000 Yeah, man can have legs eating nipples.

00:43:40.000 I wanna know.

00:43:40.000 And this is, like, an actual scientific thing, not a thing we just allow now because everything's stupid.

00:43:45.000 Well, no, right.

00:43:46.000 Like, this isn't, like, bleeding, right?

00:43:48.000 No, no, no, no.

00:43:50.000 Milk.

00:43:50.000 Milk ducks.

00:43:51.000 Happens to marathoners.

00:43:52.000 Right.

00:43:52.000 And I believe they're called, actually, milk ducks, which is ironic for a... Ducks.

00:43:57.000 With a T. With a T, yes.

00:43:58.000 But it still sounds like ducks, and he had webbed feet.

00:44:02.000 I learned so much on this show.

00:44:05.000 Look it up.

00:44:05.000 I want to see it.

00:44:06.000 He's looking at the screen very closely.

00:44:10.000 What was that?

00:44:13.000 It's real, right?

00:44:16.000 Are you going to show us something that we're not going to want to see?

00:44:18.000 I don't think it's going to be gruesome.

00:44:20.000 It could be.

00:44:20.000 Well, it could be.

00:44:21.000 Man boobs, as we say, often does get.

00:44:24.000 Show me the stuff that comes out.

00:44:26.000 You just squeeze like this.

00:44:27.000 Ah!

00:44:28.000 Oh!

00:44:29.000 And the same thing on the other side as well.

00:44:31.000 That was the point.

00:44:33.000 Looks like a zit.

00:44:35.000 Do you pop it?

00:44:37.000 I wonder how he found out.

00:44:38.000 I was just in the mirror one day and was like, oh dear.

00:44:43.000 Wow.

00:44:44.000 His boyfriend probably found out.

00:44:46.000 So that was a male person.

00:44:50.000 A male person who has milk ducts.

00:44:52.000 Okay.

00:44:53.000 I'm just... No, you have every right to ask.

00:44:55.000 I am asking simple questions.

00:44:56.000 You have every right.

00:44:57.000 What is the occurrence in the population of that though, Gibby?

00:45:01.000 It's got to be small, right?

00:45:02.000 Oh, I only knew the one.

00:45:05.000 Anecdotally, I guess.

00:45:07.000 Well, look, in a pinch, if there's a famine, you know who to go for.

00:45:11.000 Well, that's true.

00:45:11.000 That's another reason, though, why he could be the new Noah, because if he's stranded at sea, he has chest nourishment.

00:45:18.000 And animals to eat.

00:45:20.000 I guess you'd probably eat an animal before you... I would.

00:45:22.000 I would definitely eat an animal.

00:45:24.000 You drank your own milk.

00:45:27.000 Seems like a waste of effort.

00:45:28.000 That'd be weird.

00:45:30.000 He never goes to the store to get milk, but he always has a milk mustache.

00:45:33.000 Imagine when they had their first kid, he's like, honey, no, no, no, you've done enough.

00:45:39.000 I'll take this one.

00:45:40.000 No, please.

00:45:42.000 Let me go ahead and breastfeed.

00:45:43.000 I told you I wanted to be a part of this.

00:45:45.000 Yes, I want him to grow up to be a monster.

00:45:49.000 I've always wanted a serial killer as a child.

00:45:51.000 Yeah, I think Hitler's father also had milk diets.

00:45:55.000 Come, come taste daddy's milk.

00:45:58.000 That's why they're all from Wisconsin.

00:46:00.000 America's dairy land.

00:46:02.000 Why do you think it is?

00:46:03.000 All the serial killers are from Wisconsin.

00:46:04.000 That's true.

00:46:05.000 Yeah, you're just at his house eating a sandwich?

00:46:07.000 What kind of cheese is this?

00:46:08.000 It's homemade.

00:46:08.000 Homemade, yeah.

00:46:09.000 Fantastic.

00:46:10.000 Oh, you don't seem to have a dairy farm of sorts.

00:46:14.000 No, no, no.

00:46:15.000 Just finish the sandwich and we'll talk about it.

00:46:15.000 No, no, no.

00:46:18.000 Tastes good, huh?

00:46:19.000 It tastes okay.

00:46:23.000 It's pretty well documented in male fruit bats, and then in humans it's very rare.

00:46:29.000 But it happens.

00:46:30.000 It does happen.

00:46:31.000 Well, we've seen it and now heard about it, and we are all dumber for that.

00:46:35.000 His dad's name was Arthur Fruit Bat.

00:46:38.000 Ah, well that makes sense.

00:46:41.000 Listen, eating bats, just a bad idea across the board.

00:46:44.000 Doesn't matter what kind.

00:46:45.000 No, if we've learned anything in the last couple years, bats, not the best food option.

00:46:49.000 Not a good food item at all.

00:46:51.000 Have you ever seen a bat at night?

00:46:54.000 Oh yeah.

00:46:56.000 Creepy.

00:46:56.000 I would never eat that.

00:46:58.000 I would never.

00:46:59.000 Hit it with a tennis racket though.

00:47:02.000 That's not really fair.

00:47:04.000 They can't see it coming, Dave.

00:47:05.000 No, aren't they nocturnal?

00:47:07.000 Yeah, but they can't see.

00:47:08.000 They're blind.

00:47:09.000 Bats are blind.

00:47:10.000 They use sonar.

00:47:11.000 Haven't you seen Batman?

00:47:12.000 Come on.

00:47:12.000 What's the matter with you?

00:47:13.000 Yeah, but I didn't think that was bats.

00:47:14.000 I thought it was Batman.

00:47:16.000 Batman's not blind!

00:47:17.000 Bats are!

00:47:18.000 I've heard blind is a bat, but I thought they had some vision.

00:47:21.000 Where'd you think it came from?

00:47:22.000 Just one bat that was blind and had a cane?

00:47:25.000 Why would you choose that as your superhero then?

00:47:28.000 I have no idea.

00:47:29.000 That's more Daredevil.

00:47:31.000 Well, that was stupid.

00:47:34.000 Why is everybody blind?

00:47:35.000 I don't know.

00:47:36.000 It's absurd.

00:47:37.000 So anyway, speaking of blind and absurd, Caitlyn Jenner has announced the Jenner Racing team.

00:47:50.000 You know, the lady who killed a guy with her car.

00:47:58.000 Maybe this time she'll hit someone else and turn back into Bruce.

00:48:04.000 No stop signs on the racetrack day.

00:48:08.000 All good.

00:48:11.000 Yeah, just go.

00:48:11.000 Nothing to run.

00:48:13.000 Yeah, it just goes from Bruce to Mrs. Doubtfire to Boys Don't Cry.

00:48:18.000 Just keeps switching plots.

00:48:21.000 Yeah, the team will compete in the W Series, an international single-seater motor racing championship for female drivers.

00:48:29.000 Jenner will oversee the daily operation of the team, which will compete in May.

00:48:34.000 we actually have obtained exclusive footage of the all-female team drivers training.

00:48:40.000 Oh my goodness! They're doing good so far!

00:48:54.000 Not so bad.

00:48:55.000 Yeah, it's not too bad.

00:48:56.000 Thank God for walls and fences.

00:48:57.000 Yes.

00:48:58.000 We're gonna see Gale Earnhardt.

00:49:01.000 So we...

00:49:03.000 Get your collector's plates while you can.

00:49:09.000 Could you imagine a Bruce Jenner, Caitlyn Jenner collector's plate for racing?

00:49:12.000 You're like, I'm not eating all this.

00:49:15.000 Not with that face looking at me.

00:49:16.000 I'm eating your cheese nipple sandwich off this gross plate.

00:49:19.000 What world am I living in?

00:49:20.000 I'm going to shatter it and slit my wrist.

00:49:23.000 You web-footed freak.

00:49:27.000 But back to the fun.

00:49:29.000 It's all racing, though.

00:49:30.000 There's no parallel parking or anything.

00:49:32.000 No, thank God.

00:49:33.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:49:33.000 If it's Parallel Parking Championship, you just... What do you think?

00:49:37.000 It would be a long day.

00:49:38.000 I think you just would have to call it.

00:49:40.000 Well, when someone's trying to Austin Powers this thing into a space for the next, you know, 30 minutes.

00:49:48.000 Uh, everybody lost.

00:49:49.000 So I guess everybody won.

00:49:53.000 It's just yelling at a man while he's parallel parking.

00:49:56.000 That's the whole sport.

00:49:59.000 Turn the wheel.

00:50:00.000 It's like, you don't know how to do this.

00:50:02.000 You don't drive anywhere.

00:50:04.000 I'm holding this space for my husband.

00:50:06.000 Move on.

00:50:06.000 Yeah, please go.

00:50:07.000 I wonder if Caitlin's gonna be the judge.

00:50:12.000 There's no judges in racing.

00:50:15.000 Is there not?

00:50:16.000 Not really, it's all about... No, it's all about the checkered flag.

00:50:18.000 Well, somebody says who wins, though.

00:50:20.000 Well, that's typically determined by who crosses the line first.

00:50:23.000 Well, I know, but there has to be somebody... This isn't figure skating, Dave!

00:50:26.000 But they call the race, though.

00:50:28.000 They call the race when someone wins.

00:50:30.000 I only know figure skating.

00:50:33.000 There's no East German judge anymore, Dave.

00:50:37.000 Well, you know what I mean?

00:50:38.000 The ref.

00:50:39.000 Yeah.

00:50:39.000 Um, also non-existent.

00:50:43.000 I was thinking that's gotta, I was looking at a footlocker the other day and the guy's dressed as a ref.

00:50:49.000 They're always like that.

00:50:49.000 And you gotta think that their son's like, my dad's a referee.

00:50:52.000 And then one day they're going to be like, Oh man.

00:50:56.000 Go to work with Dad Day.

00:50:58.000 We're going to a field somewhere, right?

00:50:59.000 Yeah, no, son.

00:50:59.000 No, son.

00:51:01.000 I lied.

00:51:02.000 I'm gonna spray stuff into sneakers all day.

00:51:04.000 I'm gonna sell a pair of Jordans to a guy who's gonna get shot in the parking lot for them.

00:51:10.000 Yeah, you're not gonna own these long.

00:51:11.000 What, are you buying these for someone else?

00:51:15.000 Kinda.

00:51:20.000 Now, Winnipeg, this is very sad.

00:51:23.000 There was a man, David Alexander Zagarik?

00:51:29.000 That's pretty close.

00:51:30.000 Was charged after intentionally striking four men with a car during the anti-lockdown protest in Canada.

00:51:40.000 There's no sound on this.

00:51:42.000 So we can do it?

00:51:45.000 Seems like a normal... Disgusting.

00:51:54.000 It's the most violent thing that's happened at the protest, by the way.

00:51:57.000 That's just sad.

00:51:58.000 I guess he thought Tim Hortons was going to close in ten minutes.

00:52:03.000 Actually, he was leaving Tim Hortons.

00:52:05.000 He was trying to get to a bathroom.

00:52:07.000 Fortunately, nobody was killed, and sincerely I mean that.

00:52:13.000 I think it's an absolute shame that people are doing this.

00:52:15.000 It's disgusting.

00:52:16.000 And one man was sent to the hospital as a result of his injuries.

00:52:21.000 Actually, if you read that in Canadian, he was sent to hospital.

00:52:25.000 Sent to hospital.

00:52:26.000 To hospital.

00:52:27.000 He was on holiday and sent to hospital.

00:52:29.000 He was on holiday and sent to hospital.

00:52:33.000 To be true to form in Canada, he was sent to the hospital for a sprained ankle and died.

00:52:37.000 Yes.

00:52:38.000 Eleven days later, he was seen for dehydration.

00:52:42.000 He right-angled his leg and was seen four days later.

00:52:45.000 Yeah, he died of thirst like the guy in Tremors.

00:52:50.000 He's been discharged, folks.

00:52:51.000 We can make fun of it because he's out of the hospital now, okay?

00:52:54.000 No, he's fine.

00:52:55.000 That's a good thing.

00:52:56.000 Nobody was killed.

00:52:56.000 I guess those kilometers, they think they're going faster than they are.

00:53:03.000 I don't think that was the problem, Dan.

00:53:04.000 I don't know.

00:53:05.000 The setting of the car speed.

00:53:07.000 What was he driving?

00:53:09.000 Well, it was a... It looked like a Jeep.

00:53:11.000 It was a Jeep?

00:53:12.000 I would have assumed a Saturn.

00:53:15.000 Thank you.

00:53:16.000 A few car guys in Michigan are like, good one.

00:53:18.000 Like, I don't get it.

00:53:22.000 It's because they built them over in Canada.

00:53:24.000 Ah!

00:53:25.000 Remember the Saturn?

00:53:26.000 I do.

00:53:26.000 Southern states too, didn't they?

00:53:27.000 I remember it went away.

00:53:28.000 I think they did it in a southern state briefly too, yeah.

00:53:31.000 Those Saturns aren't around anymore.

00:53:32.000 Thank God.

00:53:32.000 They're like a Plymouth.

00:53:34.000 Yeah.

00:53:34.000 Can't get one of those.

00:53:36.000 You don't want one of those.

00:53:37.000 At one time you did.

00:53:38.000 Not anymore.

00:53:39.000 And then they made Neon and the Duster.

00:53:42.000 My friend had a Duster.

00:53:42.000 He put subwoofers in the back.

00:53:45.000 It had tents and furry seats.

00:53:46.000 Did you tell him, like, hey, couldn't you have spent more on the car itself and maybe... Yeah, no, it was great.

00:53:51.000 I loved riding with him and getting pulled over every 12 minutes.

00:53:54.000 Yeah.

00:53:55.000 Getting searched for drugs.

00:53:57.000 Did he loosen the trim so that the bass and the subwoofers would vibrate everything?

00:54:04.000 The bass did it for him, actually.

00:54:10.000 All the old cars look so beautiful.

00:54:12.000 Yeah, the muscle cars.

00:54:13.000 Yeah, they're so beautiful.

00:54:14.000 Remember the things you could actually work on before the computers?

00:54:18.000 They were great going in a straightaway the minute you tried to turn.

00:54:21.000 Well, the power steering thing was, you know, it made for big forearms in men.

00:54:26.000 It kept us stronger.

00:54:27.000 And as far as airbags, they were really just decapitation machines.

00:54:30.000 They were like, look, you're gonna end up on life support.

00:54:33.000 We'll just make this incredibly unsafe so it'll just kill you.

00:54:36.000 Yeah, I had a Mustang 5088.

00:54:40.000 I don't think it had airbags.

00:54:42.000 But yeah, I knew if I got in an accident, it's just goodbye.

00:54:46.000 But it was fun to drive.

00:54:47.000 Like, why would I wear this seatbelt?

00:54:49.000 Yeah.

00:54:50.000 Really no reason.

00:54:50.000 Why would I do that?

00:54:51.000 We don't need those stinking headrests.

00:54:53.000 It was a drop top, so really, if I flip, what am I going to do?

00:54:59.000 Those were so overpowered for what they could handle.

00:55:02.000 Oh, they really were too.

00:55:03.000 Yeah, you could feel the nuts and bolts shaking off of the fox body.

00:55:09.000 But anyway, we're getting off track.

00:55:11.000 That's what happens.

00:55:12.000 Back to Mr. Ziggurak.

00:55:13.000 Yeah, because Ziggurak's a much funner conversation.

00:55:17.000 He is a former member of the Winnipeg-based and self-styled anti-punk band... Antifa Punk.

00:55:26.000 Oh, I thought it was... Antifa Punk.

00:55:29.000 I'm sorry, I thought... Antifa!

00:55:30.000 Antifa Punk Band.

00:55:32.000 Cool guy.

00:55:33.000 the brat attack.

00:55:39.000 When you have to call yourself a brat.

00:55:41.000 I just threw up in my mouth.

00:55:43.000 Anti.

00:55:44.000 Brat attack!

00:55:45.000 We're brats.

00:55:45.000 Yeah.

00:55:46.000 And he was also, yeah, the brat attack.

00:55:51.000 The band was pretty innocent when they first got together.

00:55:54.000 Here's a sample of one of their first songs.

00:55:56.000 Friends forever, we'll be friends everywhere Talking about friends forever

00:56:07.000 For what it is, you know.

00:56:08.000 It's groovy, right?

00:56:10.000 Doesn't sound punk to me.

00:56:11.000 I could be off.

00:56:12.000 No, it's a little Osmond-ish, but you know, whatever.

00:56:14.000 It's definitely an unbuckle the seatbelt kind of song.

00:56:17.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:56:18.000 I mean, it's a little rebellious because it's like no matter what you tell us government, we're friends forever.

00:56:24.000 Let's do our secret handshake.

00:56:28.000 By the way, always wear your seatbelt.

00:56:30.000 Yes.

00:56:32.000 Which is different now, the band's leader song's got a bit darker, with one called, Hey Harper, you homophobe anti-choice eff, die, die, die.

00:56:47.000 This is in reference to Stephen Harper, the conservative Canadian politician and former Prime Minister.

00:56:52.000 Some of the lyrics were, uh, This is class war, you rich white F. Ruling class is shit out of luck.

00:57:00.000 Your god is effing dead.

00:57:02.000 I shot him in the head.

00:57:03.000 Friends forever jumping on the bed Mean yeah, he turned but I mean they were still friends

00:57:14.000 They were.

00:57:15.000 So I think that's important that the government couldn't tear him apart.

00:57:18.000 About friendship, Dave.

00:57:19.000 About friendship.

00:57:21.000 The power of friendship.

00:57:25.000 Wind, water, friendship.

00:57:28.000 Friendship.

00:57:29.000 His band even played at Warped Tour.

00:57:32.000 Really Warped Tour.

00:57:33.000 But then fell apart in 2005.

00:57:35.000 I don't know how that would have happened.

00:57:38.000 We're still talking about the guy that ran over the body.

00:57:40.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:57:42.000 Detailing his music.

00:57:45.000 There's a few darker things that we get into here.

00:57:49.000 Zarek has also been accused of sexual assault by victims on Tumblr.

00:57:55.000 Tumblr?

00:57:57.000 Well, this was a while ago.

00:57:59.000 It wasn't today.

00:58:01.000 He was a pedo.

00:58:07.000 That's what it is.

00:58:08.000 That's why his new song, Pedo Forever.

00:58:12.000 No, not quite the same.

00:58:14.000 Best friends forever whether you want it or not.

00:58:16.000 Trying to get you in my van, pedo forever.

00:58:21.000 I hope you like candy.

00:58:27.000 One victim wrote, this is gonna be fun to read, back in 2005 when I was 13, I was just getting into the Winnipeg punk scene.

00:58:35.000 Who wasn't?

00:58:36.000 This person was a hero of mine.

00:58:38.000 He played in one of my favorite local bands, The Brad Attack, and contributed greatly to my political opinions.

00:58:47.000 He initiated beginning A sexual relationship with me over the internet asking me questions about my sexual activity, sending me pictures of his body, telling me that because he was an anarchist he didn't believe that age dynamics were relevant.

00:59:03.000 So that's a good pickup line.

00:59:05.000 At the time... At the time he was 27, at 13 I just wanted to be taken seriously and respected.

00:59:14.000 I wanted him to like me.

00:59:18.000 So, obviously just a man having a tough moment and he ran people over.

00:59:22.000 No history of speaking bad at all.

00:59:24.000 Yeah, they didn't have sex forever.

00:59:26.000 They didn't?

00:59:26.000 It was just sex the one time she was 13.

00:59:34.000 Was that his defense to the court?

00:59:35.000 Yeah, he sang.

00:59:36.000 He brought in everybody.

00:59:38.000 He brought in all the... Look, I was gonna let you go until you started singing.

00:59:41.000 He's like, guys, let me explain.

00:59:42.000 I'm an anarchist, so... Ready?

00:59:44.000 Hit it.

00:59:45.000 You guys hit it.

00:59:45.000 Ready?

00:59:47.000 Petto that one night.

00:59:49.000 A little boombox in the cork.

00:59:51.000 Holding it up like Cusack.

00:59:54.000 But it was a girl making the accusation.

00:59:56.000 I believe it was a girl making the accusation, so he's not some kind of gay freak.

01:00:03.000 Quite a punk scene up there in Winnipeg, eh?

01:00:06.000 I was just 13 getting into Winnipeg punk.

01:00:09.000 Who doesn't?

01:00:11.000 Snowy nights, terrible music.

01:00:13.000 And now he's mowing down freedom fighters with his car.

01:00:16.000 Yeah, great human being.

01:00:18.000 I just find that so sad.

01:00:19.000 The internet is just... Anti-freedom.

01:00:22.000 Yeah, it is.

01:00:23.000 The internet is just the worst.

01:00:25.000 I'm tired of people going, well, you know, it's a necessary evil.

01:00:29.000 No, it's just unnecessary.

01:00:31.000 This should just be a show on television.

01:00:33.000 Just get rid of the internet.

01:00:35.000 We've taken the internet.

01:00:36.000 We don't deserve it.

01:00:37.000 We've proven it's a toy that we can't handle.

01:00:40.000 It should be taken away and put up on a top shelf like a teacher would do.

01:00:44.000 And be like, you guys can have this back when it's not just awful.

01:00:49.000 Goes in the teacher's drawer with the chattering teeth.

01:00:51.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:00:54.000 You don't get the internet back until you can learn to behave yourself.

01:00:59.000 Everything is porn.

01:01:01.000 Knock it off.

01:01:02.000 I'm not even saying don't do porn.

01:01:04.000 You be you.

01:01:05.000 Don't do porn.

01:01:07.000 Stop it.

01:01:09.000 I'm not saying you should do porn.

01:01:11.000 I'm not saying... You just said you be you.

01:01:13.000 Well, that's you.

01:01:15.000 I can't help it.

01:01:17.000 I'm so confused.

01:01:18.000 What is your platform that you're running?

01:01:19.000 I just don't want to throw stones.

01:01:22.000 No, no.

01:01:23.000 We can call out bad things, though, and say, hey, stop it.

01:01:26.000 Hey, speaking of calling out bad things, I'm going to need you to ready the Admonish button because we got this from Josh Orum.

01:01:32.000 Admonish Gerald, bats are not blind.

01:01:35.000 Oh, come on!

01:01:36.000 This is from USGS.gov.

01:01:39.000 Are bats blind?

01:01:40.000 No, bats are not blind.

01:01:41.000 That's not true.

01:01:43.000 Bats are blind.

01:01:46.000 I want to fact check that.

01:01:48.000 Maybe not all bats are blind, Fawn.

01:01:50.000 Yeah.

01:01:51.000 But where did blind as a bat come from then, huh?

01:01:52.000 No, bats are not blind.

01:01:54.000 Well, they use that sonar, right, to navigate at night.

01:01:57.000 Yeah.

01:01:58.000 But sound travels way slower than light, so they're at a disadvantage, wouldn't they be?

01:02:04.000 They seem to be doing fine.

01:02:05.000 Oh, I figured it out.

01:02:07.000 What evolution has been working on for eons.

01:02:11.000 You think Batman was... I don't think Batman was blind!

01:02:15.000 Bruce Wayne did very well.

01:02:17.000 I don't think he was blind.

01:02:19.000 Gerald's over here just endlessly saying that Bruce Wayne was clearly the blind guy.

01:02:24.000 What was Wayne Enterprises anyway?

01:02:25.000 Do we know what he did?

01:02:26.000 It was Koch Brothers.

01:02:28.000 It became like military equipment or something that they produced.

01:02:33.000 Weapons?

01:02:33.000 Real cool stuff.

01:02:35.000 In the beginning though it was other... I believe it was other stuff.

01:02:38.000 Trinkets?

01:02:39.000 Yes, mostly.

01:02:40.000 Watches?

01:02:41.000 Bobbleheads.

01:02:43.000 Chia Pet was real big for them.

01:02:45.000 Huge for them.

01:02:46.000 I have a Richard Simmons Chia Pet.

01:02:50.000 I do.

01:02:51.000 Are you serious?

01:02:52.000 Yeah.

01:02:53.000 Will you bring it?

01:02:53.000 I haven't taken it out of the box, much like who's ever keeping him captive, but I do have it at home.

01:03:01.000 I wanna see a picture of this.

01:03:02.000 He's actually a fan, Richard Simmons.

01:03:03.000 Oh, is he?

01:03:04.000 Yeah.

01:03:04.000 He's like, I think a dude's fun.

01:03:07.000 I think Stevens had some correspondence with him.

01:03:09.000 Yeah, I do have a Richard Simmons Chia Pet, for real.

01:03:13.000 Sweatin' to the oldies, Chia Pet.

01:03:14.000 Yeah, it's you put the thing and the hair grows.

01:03:17.000 Move, groove, and lose.

01:03:18.000 I figured it would.

01:03:18.000 Yeah.

01:03:19.000 I guess that's true, it won't be the chest.

01:03:23.000 And he says, eww, shapes.

01:03:26.000 This is gross.

01:03:29.000 I'm going to take one more sip.

01:03:30.000 Bats are definitely blind.

01:03:31.000 I hate all of you.

01:03:32.000 We're going to look this up.

01:03:33.000 We're going to confirm this.

01:03:35.000 Some mice can be blind?

01:03:37.000 Helen Keller was blind?

01:03:38.000 At least three of them.

01:03:40.000 And deaf.

01:03:43.000 Fine.

01:03:43.000 You're right.

01:03:43.000 Batman was blind, Dave.

01:03:44.000 Thank you.

01:03:47.000 I don't want to get off on the scam that is Helen Keller, but sorry guys, it's not what you think.

01:03:51.000 No, it's a lady completely lying about what she was saying.

01:03:53.000 Oh, wow.

01:03:54.000 Yeah.

01:03:55.000 The woman is blind and deaf and like-ish.

01:03:59.000 You think she was blind-ish?

01:04:01.000 I just, I, cause honestly, if you're blind and deaf and all you have is touch- It was a bit of a parlor trick.

01:04:06.000 Yeah.

01:04:07.000 There's no way you could learn English.

01:04:13.000 I just don't get it.

01:04:14.000 I don't believe you would be able to communicate.

01:04:17.000 Dave zeroes in on the point.

01:04:20.000 There's no way.

01:04:20.000 Well, I believe like when she was young, she could communicate the way she did by throwing plates and acting like an animal.

01:04:27.000 That makes sense.

01:04:28.000 She appears angry.

01:04:30.000 Yeah, because you'd be pissed every day.

01:04:32.000 You'd be like, I don't know anything but touch.

01:04:35.000 How mad would you be?

01:04:36.000 Well, you wouldn't have any reference for it.

01:04:38.000 Well, you wouldn't have any reference for anything though.

01:04:40.000 You just, you wouldn't know what anything is.

01:04:43.000 I mean, if you're born that way, you wouldn't have a loss.

01:04:45.000 You wouldn't have ever had it.

01:04:48.000 It would still suck.

01:04:49.000 I'm not saying it's a good thing.

01:04:51.000 Imagine how they vision the world.

01:04:53.000 You don't even know.

01:04:54.000 I don't.

01:04:54.000 They just picture whatever they think something looks like, and I bet it's all wrong.

01:04:58.000 I think that's the least of the problems though.

01:05:02.000 Never knew that was a plate.

01:05:04.000 You play piano.

01:05:06.000 You get a sixth sense of piano.

01:05:11.000 That's a good trade-off, if you gotta make the trade.

01:05:14.000 Dude, Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles, amazing.

01:05:17.000 Amazing.

01:05:19.000 Which brings us to the end of our show.

01:05:21.000 Well no, just the end of this.

01:05:22.000 Well yeah, we're gonna go to Mug Club, we're gonna play a little game because we do actually... People say that we can be transphobic and that kind of stuff, and we're gonna go ahead into Mug Club and prove that that's not true with a little game called Hot or Not.

01:05:37.000 And I think you guys should tune in.

01:05:39.000 What edition is that?

01:05:41.000 It's the transgender hot or not.

01:05:48.000 So it's the same level of judgment that we would give anyone else.

01:05:51.000 It's equality and we feel that you will enjoy the segment.

01:05:56.000 Please tune in.

01:05:58.000 I tried to pitch that as innocently as possible just now.

01:06:00.000 You did a good job.

01:06:01.000 We're still on YouTube.

01:06:03.000 Oh.

01:06:03.000 That's good.

01:06:04.000 Thank God.

01:06:05.000 Well, I didn't say anything bad.

01:06:06.000 Soon you can cast off all restraint.

01:06:08.000 You can say a transgender person is attractive on YouTube, can't you?

01:06:11.000 You can, for sure.

01:06:12.000 You just can't together.

01:06:13.000 You probably will.

01:06:14.000 What?

01:06:17.000 I don't know that I want to play this game if it's that close.

01:06:19.000 Isn't that most detergent commercials?

01:06:22.000 Like, isn't that everything now?

01:06:24.000 You're like, oh, this is Eggo waffles.

01:06:26.000 Leggo my Eggo.

01:06:27.000 Oh, you're transgender.

01:06:29.000 You can have it.

01:06:30.000 I had no idea.

01:06:31.000 No idea.

01:06:33.000 That bulge in your pants.

01:06:36.000 My friend's transgender.

01:06:37.000 Is he?

01:06:37.000 Or, wait, sorry, or whichever way.

01:06:41.000 He became a she.

01:06:43.000 Okay, so a she.

01:06:43.000 Yeah.

01:06:45.000 Interesting.

01:06:46.000 I think the game should be Blair White and everyone else.

01:06:49.000 Yeah, Blair White.

01:06:50.000 Yeah, there's definitely Blair White.

01:06:52.000 Beautiful!

01:06:53.000 Yeah, she's a beautiful gal.

01:06:54.000 Met Blair White.

01:06:55.000 Yeah.

01:06:55.000 Great.

01:06:55.000 Yeah, it's true.

01:06:57.000 You have total buy-in.

01:06:59.000 What do you think, Gerald?

01:07:03.000 Definitely convincing.

01:07:04.000 Okay.

01:07:05.000 Yes.

01:07:06.000 And I think that should be the line.

01:07:07.000 It's like, you put a lot of effort and work into that.

01:07:09.000 I wouldn't be able to tell.

01:07:10.000 You're not going to miss...

01:07:12.000 Misname her.

01:07:13.000 No, you would never misgender her.

01:07:16.000 No.

01:07:17.000 I would never mispronoun her.

01:07:19.000 I would never.

01:07:19.000 And I think her name was Blair without the E. Kind of like Robinette without.

01:07:24.000 Ah.

01:07:24.000 Oh really?

01:07:25.000 So that wasn't a huge change.

01:07:26.000 I think so.

01:07:26.000 That's just asking for it.

01:07:30.000 Well, we'll tell you.

01:07:31.000 So guys, go ahead, smash the like button, tell us that you enjoyed the show.

01:07:34.000 We really appreciate you listening today.

01:07:36.000 I want to thank Crawdaddy for stepping in, as usual.

01:07:40.000 And of course, Gerald A., coming in every day, working hard, does a lot of push-ups.

01:07:46.000 Very cruel to the staff, but other than that, good guy.

01:07:50.000 Well, they deserve it.

01:07:51.000 Well, it's true.

01:07:52.000 And I just think reading passages to them from the Bible completely out of context is strange.

01:07:58.000 While beating them?

01:07:59.000 Well, you have one book for hitting and one book for reading.

01:08:02.000 And you will know my name is the Lord!

01:08:04.000 When I lay my vengeance upon thee.

01:08:08.000 May I have a sip of your beverage?

01:08:11.000 Anyway, join us!

01:08:12.000 Until then, piss off YouTube.

01:08:14.000 And smash the like button!

Louder with Crowder - February 09, 2022

Landau Live! Caitlyn Jenner, Embezzling Nuns, and White Apologists! | Louder with Crowder

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