Louder with Crowder - June 21, 2021


Who ACTUALLY Divides Americans?? Don Lemon Pushes Race-Baiting Narrative | Louder with Crowder


Episode Stats

Length

45 minutes

Words per Minute

167.75064

Word Count

7,669

Sentence Count

912

Misogynist Sentences

32

Hate Speech Sentences

31


Summary

Dave and Crowder are back in the chair talking about Stephen's upcoming surgery, the birth of a new holiday, and a new James Corden music video. Plus, we talk about Juneteenth being made a federal holiday and what that means for America.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Down to Earth, y'all.
00:00:02.000 What if they green-laced your ears?
00:00:03.000 What if they glow red and you pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop?
00:00:10.000 Planets down to Earth, down, down to Earth, y'all.
00:00:13.000 Down to Earth, y'all.
00:00:15.000 What if they green-laced your ears?
00:00:16.000 What if they glow red and you pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop?
00:00:22.000 Louder with Crowder is brought to you in part by Crowder.com!
00:00:26.000 dot com.
00:00:27.000 You don't have to be a freeloader your whole life.
00:00:30.000 The good news is that you can support this show and the fight by buying some really cool clothes.
00:00:37.000 Stop Stop! Dot Com!
00:00:39.000 🎵 Music 🎵 🎵 Music 🎵
00:00:43.000 🎵 Music 🎵 You're doing strange and wrong, that is what I know.
00:01:01.000 You're doing strange and wrong, I know the fault.
00:01:19.000 Ooh.
00:01:20.000 Mmm.
00:01:21.000 Easy.
00:01:22.000 Oh.
00:01:23.000 Disgusting.
00:01:24.000 Satisfyingly disgusting.
00:01:25.000 Mmm.
00:01:28.000 Seven up.
00:01:29.000 That's what I'm talking about.
00:01:31.000 Oh, no.
00:01:32.000 Yeah.
00:01:32.000 No.
00:01:33.000 Sprung.
00:01:34.000 Fago moon mist.
00:01:37.000 For all you juggalos and juggalettes out there.
00:01:40.000 Anyway, welcome to Louder with Crowder with Dave Landau today.
00:01:45.000 That's me.
00:01:45.000 What?
00:01:47.000 Stephen is out right now.
00:01:48.000 He's pre-taping some stuff because, as you know, he's gonna be going into surgery.
00:01:52.000 Getting that baboon heart put in.
00:01:54.000 Oh, yeah, right.
00:01:55.000 A better heart.
00:01:55.000 Yeah, a better heart.
00:01:57.000 Much better.
00:01:57.000 Well, a bigger heart.
00:01:59.000 I don't think you can get him a bigger heart.
00:02:01.000 No, I think that's the problem.
00:02:02.000 There's not enough space.
00:02:03.000 No, there's not.
00:02:04.000 It's too large.
00:02:05.000 It's killing him.
00:02:06.000 It's just too big of a heart.
00:02:08.000 Yeah, that's what I think.
00:02:09.000 He's the Grinch at the end of the story.
00:02:11.000 Yes, he is.
00:02:12.000 Yeah.
00:02:12.000 Yes, when it grew three sizes and anyone else would collapse.
00:02:17.000 It's actually the diagnostic tool they used on Stephen was that magnifying glass.
00:02:20.000 Really?
00:02:20.000 And it broke and it was like, boing!
00:02:22.000 They brought in a crying little girl.
00:02:24.000 It grew three sizes, that Cindy Lou Who.
00:02:28.000 Well, today we've got Gerald A. Howdy!
00:02:31.000 We've got Angel A.
00:02:36.000 There you go.
00:02:38.000 And ahoy everyone.
00:02:40.000 Yes, we got tiny Tim Tebow.
00:02:42.000 I don't know why.
00:02:44.000 Tim Tebow.
00:02:45.000 We got Quarter Black!
00:02:46.000 What's up?
00:02:47.000 What's going on?
00:02:48.000 And my personal fave, no offense to you guys, Braw Daddy.
00:02:52.000 Where you at?
00:02:53.000 Stop, David, stop.
00:02:54.000 Oh, I do, I do it.
00:02:56.000 I do.
00:02:56.000 Not awkward at all.
00:02:58.000 What?
00:02:58.000 No, I'm kidding.
00:02:59.000 It's like at the end of Wizard of Oz, where it's like, I'm gonna miss you the most, whatever, lion tin man.
00:03:07.000 What about the rest?
00:03:08.000 I'll make you the most.
00:03:09.000 And you the most.
00:03:11.000 And you the most.
00:03:13.000 I'll just go commit suicide.
00:03:17.000 The Tin Man just goes and stands in the rain.
00:03:19.000 That's the Cowardly Lion's way out.
00:03:22.000 All right, glad to be back in the chair today.
00:03:24.000 Enough of that.
00:03:25.000 Anyway, yes.
00:03:27.000 Today we'll be talking about Juneteenth being made a federal holiday.
00:03:30.000 It's my time.
00:03:31.000 That's right.
00:03:32.000 Congratulations to Quarter Black.
00:03:36.000 And what that means for America.
00:03:38.000 We'll also be hitting Biden's German shepherd champ, Don Lemon, pushing critical race theory and a climate organization inspired by Greta Thunberg shutting down over racism.
00:03:49.000 We'll also be hitting newest Victoria's Secret model Megan Rapinoe, is that correct?
00:03:53.000 That's correct.
00:03:54.000 Rapinoe being cancelled for an old tweet, the Michigan Attorney General going full totalitarian mode, and Fabletics and Adidas newest advertisement strategies.
00:04:06.000 So, go ahead, watch.
00:04:08.000 And right now we're going to see this if you get ready.
00:04:14.000 Just don't throw up.
00:04:15.000 It's James Corden and his vaccine video.
00:04:19.000 Let's check it out, guys.
00:04:21.000 ♪♪ Well, I've seen enough.
00:04:29.000 -♪♪ I already hate it.
00:04:37.000 Very gay.
00:04:39.000 Yeah.
00:04:39.000 Is that door a closet?
00:04:43.000 Let his wife know.
00:04:45.000 Who goes outside in their robe?
00:04:49.000 They had time to dress.
00:04:50.000 Oh.
00:04:54.000 We're vaccinated, let's get day drunk.
00:04:58.000 Oh good, Santa.
00:05:00.000 That beard is on his wife.
00:05:02.000 Oh my goodness.
00:05:03.000 Yes, that beard is not his.
00:05:06.000 Oh boy.
00:05:10.000 What city is this supposed to be?
00:05:11.000 There's no city that looks like this.
00:05:14.000 A set in L.A.
00:05:17.000 It's the New York Street in L.A.
00:05:19.000 Because New York, there'd be fecal matter everywhere.
00:05:22.000 You'd be dodging it, like, you can't do dance moves.
00:05:25.000 Oh, a Fauci trampoline!
00:05:28.000 That's cool.
00:05:30.000 It makes you bounce up and down like the way he goes with his instructions.
00:05:35.000 I never actually wished for a drive-by.
00:05:37.000 No.
00:05:38.000 Aereo.
00:05:40.000 Why?
00:05:43.000 Oh stop, you do not go to the gym.
00:05:46.000 The gym he goes to, it just has a pool and towel boys.
00:05:51.000 Swimming's a workout too.
00:05:54.000 Who is this?
00:05:56.000 Oh, go faster car.
00:05:59.000 Was that Ricky Lake?
00:06:01.000 I don't think so.
00:06:02.000 They're reaching back.
00:06:04.000 Oh no, throw that couch away.
00:06:09.000 Well, we know it's not in Oklahoma, because they have the right to mow them.
00:06:12.000 Yeah, that's true.
00:06:16.000 Oh, good.
00:06:18.000 What is that?
00:06:19.000 Oh, it's a luggage cart.
00:06:21.000 At any point, let me know when I can turn this off.
00:06:23.000 Oh, it's now.
00:06:24.000 Now's good.
00:06:25.000 Well, that was terrible.
00:06:27.000 I'm sorry.
00:06:27.000 I feel a polyp.
00:06:32.000 You're not getting out of it that easy, Dave.
00:06:33.000 Am I developing?
00:06:34.000 What?
00:06:35.000 I don't understand.
00:06:36.000 What is with every- I don't even- I hope we're allowed to say this on here, because who knows what you're even allowed to say.
00:06:41.000 What is with every talk show host saying about vaccines and doing cartoons and such-ins about it?
00:06:49.000 It's just weird.
00:06:51.000 It's strange.
00:06:51.000 Like, can you ever imagine Johnny Carson coming out and like, yeah, got the new polio vaccine?
00:06:59.000 You may have your dates a little off, but- I probably do.
00:07:02.000 I wasn't around.
00:07:04.000 I just remember Johnny's sign-off episode.
00:07:06.000 That was about it.
00:07:07.000 And then they brought in Leno and Letterman and then ever since it's all been crap.
00:07:12.000 Just endless.
00:07:14.000 Big.
00:07:14.000 What did he say?
00:07:15.000 You can finally go to a movie.
00:07:16.000 Is that what he said you can do?
00:07:17.000 You know a movie you're not gonna go to?
00:07:20.000 Cats!
00:07:21.000 Nobody did.
00:07:22.000 Nobody went to that.
00:07:23.000 I think they should combine cats and rent and call it feline AIDS.
00:07:29.000 That would make sense though.
00:07:30.000 I would go to that Broadway play.
00:07:35.000 That's what late night has become.
00:07:39.000 Do you ever watch the Carpool Karaoke?
00:07:44.000 No.
00:07:46.000 I'm not saying this should happen, I'm just saying it would be interesting to see the car get t-boned.
00:07:51.000 Especially if it's not an act you like.
00:07:55.000 Like if he's just in there with you two and all of us, and just a garbage truck hits the side of it.
00:08:02.000 Yeah, it doesn't have to hit on the driver's side, just on whoever the guest is.
00:08:04.000 Yeah, that's the rating right there.
00:08:06.000 And just watch James Corden dance out of the wreck.
00:08:12.000 I'm not bleeding anymore.
00:08:16.000 Terrible.
00:08:18.000 So we are on Instagram, we're also on TikTok, because unfortunately that exists.
00:08:24.000 It's a platform.
00:08:24.000 Yeah, it's a live show Monday through Thursday at 10am.
00:08:28.000 You can go to MugClub slash live chat, and please comment, comment, comment after this, and I'm gonna go ahead and plug myself.
00:08:35.000 You can see me this weekend.
00:08:36.000 Comment, comment, comment.
00:08:39.000 About you this weekend.
00:08:41.000 About seeing me this weekend.
00:08:43.000 Where?
00:08:43.000 Buffalo, New York, and then next week at Big L's in Emily, Minnesota.
00:08:49.000 There you go.
00:08:49.000 Big L's.
00:08:50.000 I'm looking forward to it.
00:08:51.000 The guy who runs it's a really nice guy.
00:08:53.000 Nice.
00:08:53.000 Be July 1 and 2.
00:08:55.000 Then I'm gonna be in like Des Moines and a few other places over this little break we have.
00:09:00.000 Tickets for this weekend's show because people keep, you know, finding out that it sells out really quick.
00:09:04.000 They sell out quicker than me for a paycheck.
00:09:07.000 There you go.
00:09:08.000 There you go.
00:09:09.000 So here we go, guys.
00:09:10.000 Are you ready for this?
00:09:11.000 Yeah.
00:09:12.000 I don't know if you've heard the big news.
00:09:14.000 Last week, Juneteenth was made a federal holiday.
00:09:18.000 Yep, so that means... Nothing!
00:09:28.000 Yeah!
00:09:30.000 All right.
00:09:31.000 Congratulations to everyone.
00:09:34.000 How do you feel about that, QB?
00:09:35.000 I feel really good, you know?
00:09:36.000 I feel like reparations have been paid and we can move on.
00:09:39.000 As long as you got a holiday.
00:09:41.000 Are we just not taking the time to say 19th?
00:09:44.000 It's Ebonics.
00:09:44.000 Okay.
00:09:45.000 Well, I mean, I think... I just want to be current.
00:09:47.000 Did they ask the LGBTQAIP plus community if that was okay to take one of their days?
00:09:52.000 Is AI artificial intelligence?
00:09:54.000 I don't believe so.
00:09:56.000 Yes.
00:09:57.000 I identify as AI.
00:10:00.000 I don't know what anything means anymore.
00:10:02.000 Well, no one does.
00:10:03.000 No one does.
00:10:04.000 That way you can get in trouble for everything.
00:10:05.000 Right.
00:10:06.000 It's all a riddle.
00:10:07.000 You can just make something up.
00:10:08.000 I bet you could offend somebody just in the middle of a store and be like, you didn't call that a peep hawk.
00:10:13.000 You're like, what?
00:10:14.000 You're like, well, it's a person who eats pistachios.
00:10:19.000 Of color.
00:10:21.000 Speaking of people of color, Jussie Smollett.
00:10:24.000 Hey!
00:10:25.000 Jussie Smollett.
00:10:26.000 Yeah, haven't heard of him in a while.
00:10:28.000 Smollett.
00:10:29.000 Jussie Smollett.
00:10:31.000 Happy birthday.
00:10:31.000 He turns 39 today.
00:10:33.000 Oh, good!
00:10:34.000 Isn't that great?
00:10:35.000 Does he still have a career?
00:10:36.000 I don't know.
00:10:37.000 He barely made it, though, if we remember that story.
00:10:39.000 So glad he was able to survive.
00:10:42.000 In honor of his birthday, Subway has actually decided to induct Jussie into its Hall of Fame, alongside other prestigious inductees, like Jared, Jared's Pants, and Crying Children.
00:10:53.000 Oh, okay.
00:10:59.000 Market country.
00:11:01.000 Also in that Hall of Fame, wet meats.
00:11:05.000 Have you ever had a dry meat at a Subway?
00:11:07.000 They're all slimy.
00:11:08.000 Not even wet, slimy.
00:11:10.000 Anytime I see a Subway, I just think, your spokesperson had kitty porn.
00:11:16.000 Yeah.
00:11:17.000 You can't have a place after that.
00:11:18.000 Is he still doing time?
00:11:19.000 What happened to Jerrod?
00:11:20.000 He's gotta still be doing time.
00:11:21.000 I think they beat the crap out of him too.
00:11:23.000 Hopefully.
00:11:24.000 Yeah.
00:11:24.000 Footlongs mean a whole other thing.
00:11:27.000 Oh yeah, he's gonna get a lot of them in prison.
00:11:30.000 What if Jerrod's in there holding it down, he's head of a gang and he's got these face tattoos.
00:11:35.000 Oh yeah.
00:11:36.000 Made a hard turn.
00:11:37.000 He's just got a cold cut combo tattoo.
00:11:41.000 No, I bet he's not.
00:11:41.000 I bet he's just getting raped.
00:11:44.000 Probably.
00:11:44.000 If there's any justice.
00:11:45.000 This is every time somebody gets to a prison.
00:11:52.000 Hey, how you doing?
00:11:53.000 You want to rape the subway guy?
00:11:54.000 We do that.
00:11:55.000 First week here, you get to rape the subway guy.
00:11:58.000 It's in their pamphlet.
00:11:59.000 By the way, he is still in prison currently.
00:12:02.000 Is he?
00:12:02.000 There we go.
00:12:03.000 I hope he stays there.
00:12:04.000 Well, he deserves to stay there for quite a while.
00:12:06.000 Yeah, well, I would say till death.
00:12:10.000 Till the end of time.
00:12:11.000 I think when he dies, his bones should stay within the prison walls.
00:12:15.000 I agree, they should.
00:12:16.000 He's sentenced to 15 years and 8 months.
00:12:18.000 That's it?
00:12:18.000 That's it?
00:12:19.000 Wow.
00:12:21.000 15 years, that's pretty old for him.
00:12:26.000 All of the kids he looked at will have aged out by then.
00:12:28.000 He considers it three 5 year olds.
00:12:34.000 Can I split it up?
00:12:35.000 You're costing me four generations, Judge!
00:12:38.000 Double digits!
00:12:40.000 Disgusting!
00:12:41.000 Alright, so.
00:12:41.000 Let's ask this question of the day.
00:12:45.000 What do you think is actually driving racial tension in America?
00:12:49.000 Systemic racism.
00:12:50.000 Comment, let us know.
00:12:52.000 Is it systemic racism?
00:12:54.000 Is it the movie White Men's Burn with John Travolta?
00:12:59.000 It's one of those things.
00:12:59.000 It's one of the two.
00:13:00.000 If anyone had seen it, that might be a fact.
00:13:02.000 Yeah, I watched it and I was like, this isn't good.
00:13:05.000 Here's me after any movie with John Travolta.
00:13:09.000 Well, that was terrible.
00:13:11.000 You keep going back, expecting a different result.
00:13:13.000 Yeah.
00:13:14.000 Did you see Gotti?
00:13:14.000 He's a generous man.
00:13:15.000 I did not.
00:13:16.000 Oh, you have to.
00:13:17.000 No, I hear it's terrible.
00:13:18.000 It's why.
00:13:19.000 Oh, stop it!
00:13:20.000 I don't want to watch something horrible.
00:13:21.000 His performance in the O.J.
00:13:22.000 Simpson, that was stellar.
00:13:24.000 That made... Oh my goodness.
00:13:26.000 He was so bad, that made it.
00:13:28.000 He was just terrible.
00:13:30.000 Hard to watch.
00:13:30.000 Oh my lord.
00:13:31.000 But you know, it was good, the guy that played Cochran.
00:13:35.000 Yes.
00:13:35.000 Yeah.
00:13:35.000 He was awesome.
00:13:36.000 Very good.
00:13:36.000 He made it watchable.
00:13:38.000 No, it wasn't Kuba.
00:13:39.000 He played OJ.
00:13:41.000 He was OJ.
00:13:41.000 No, it was... I forget his name.
00:13:44.000 He's from Detroit, though.
00:13:45.000 At least went to Wayne State University, the guy who plays him.
00:13:48.000 But no, Kuba was... He's in some sexual troubles, I believe.
00:13:51.000 Is he?
00:13:52.000 Oh, wow.
00:13:53.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:13:54.000 Ah.
00:13:54.000 Yeah.
00:13:55.000 Well, sorry, brother.
00:13:55.000 He's the ABCs in me, baby.
00:13:58.000 The ABCs?
00:13:59.000 Yeah, that's his character.
00:14:01.000 He won an Oscar for the worst performance ever.
00:14:05.000 What did he win an Oscar for?
00:14:06.000 Jerry Maguire!
00:14:07.000 Oh, I thought he was good in that.
00:14:09.000 No.
00:14:09.000 No!
00:14:09.000 No, he was not good.
00:14:10.000 No, he's just, show me the money!
00:14:12.000 And they're like, well, I guess here.
00:14:13.000 Oh, there was more to it than the catchphrase.
00:14:15.000 This equals Denzel and Glory.
00:14:18.000 What's the difference?
00:14:19.000 Yeah, we'll look over him.
00:14:21.000 Clearly.
00:14:21.000 Clearly equal caliber.
00:14:23.000 Who was he up against that year?
00:14:24.000 Was that it?
00:14:25.000 Was it that level, like Denzel?
00:14:27.000 No, that's like, if you look at what people have won for, yeah, I don't know.
00:14:31.000 I just wasn't a big fan of Jerry Maguire, but I think Tom Cruise is a bit weird.
00:14:36.000 I don't mind his height.
00:14:37.000 What a hot take.
00:14:39.000 Thank you.
00:14:40.000 Hot take.
00:14:41.000 I try.
00:14:44.000 Speaking of Jared being cancelled and cancelled, Biden's German Shepherd, Champ, died over the weekend.
00:14:57.000 One of his beloved German Shepherds, Champ, died, which is sad.
00:15:02.000 But we actually have a lead on the cause of Champ's death from a deleted tweet exclusively released to this show.
00:15:11.000 About to go on a walk with the Clintons.
00:15:14.000 Woof.
00:15:15.000 Big mistake, champ.
00:15:17.000 Dogs are so trusting.
00:15:19.000 They really are.
00:15:20.000 They really are.
00:15:21.000 And you know it's a dog who tweeted it because it says woof.
00:15:24.000 Yeah, it's authentic.
00:15:26.000 Yeah, just R.I.P.
00:15:27.000 champ.
00:15:28.000 R.I.P.
00:15:29.000 Is that the one that broke his leg by petting him?
00:15:31.000 Maybe.
00:15:33.000 That's Joe.
00:15:34.000 Yeah, because Joe broke his leg, right, while playing with the dog?
00:15:38.000 That's heroic.
00:15:40.000 How'd you break it?
00:15:41.000 Well, I bent over to Pet Champ.
00:15:42.000 Yeah, I touched a poodle and my knee went out.
00:15:45.000 Also, I'm going to be president.
00:15:47.000 Yeah.
00:15:47.000 Joe, we have people for that now.
00:15:49.000 Yeah.
00:15:52.000 Pet my dog.
00:15:53.000 Oh, he's the worst.
00:15:54.000 All right.
00:15:55.000 So anyway, Don Lemon.
00:15:57.000 Let's talk about this.
00:15:58.000 Don Lamone.
00:15:59.000 Don Lamone.
00:16:00.000 Last week, Don Lemon and Chris Cuomo talked about the great critical race.
00:16:04.000 How great?
00:16:07.000 How great.
00:16:07.000 I meant to call it the Great Critical Race Theory because it is.
00:16:10.000 But how great Critical Race Theory is.
00:16:15.000 And that white people should just stop making everything about themselves.
00:16:19.000 So if you are the person who happens to be telling the history, you're going to tell it in your favor.
00:16:25.000 And the best way to correct that, so that some people aren't over-indexed in the history of the country, is to have all voices, as many voices as possible, included in that history.
00:16:36.000 People don't like to have their pleasure interrupted, their peace interrupted.
00:16:42.000 And so people think that it should be the way that it should be because they've been taught that in this country.
00:16:48.000 But you know, telling people, having people come to the realization, especially ancestors of slaves, That they were enslaved, and that they were beaten, and that they were sold, that they weren't able to accrue wealth, that they weren't able to go to school, they weren't able to go vote.
00:17:01.000 You think that makes them feel good?
00:17:02.000 So, the folks on the other side, stop making it about you.
00:17:06.000 And be curious, instead of judgmental.
00:17:09.000 That's all.
00:17:10.000 I get that, you know.
00:17:11.000 For sure.
00:17:12.000 Fourth of July's gonna roll around, I'm still gonna have my Juneteenth decorations up.
00:17:17.000 What exactly are those?
00:17:20.000 Um, I'll tell you off.
00:17:21.000 You can't say that.
00:17:22.000 Do you realize he said folks on the other side.
00:17:25.000 You know what that means?
00:17:26.000 Yes.
00:17:26.000 You can't say white people.
00:17:28.000 You can't do that.
00:17:29.000 You say folks on the other side.
00:17:31.000 It's very strange.
00:17:32.000 I don't know.
00:17:32.000 Well, and on Sunday, Don Lemon said in an interview with Washington Post
00:17:38.000 magazine that, I don't know if America sees black people, and especially
00:17:43.000 black gay men, as fully human, and as deserving of the American dream.
00:17:49.000 What? Where are you getting this information?
00:17:51.000 Well, that is obviously not true.
00:17:54.000 Right.
00:17:54.000 America is not an inherently racist nation, and everyone is fully human, regardless of race.
00:18:01.000 I think we can agree.
00:18:03.000 Even you, Rosie O'Donnell.
00:18:06.000 We make exceptions.
00:18:07.000 I mean... Stretching it!
00:18:09.000 We're stretching it a bit, huh?
00:18:11.000 She's gross.
00:18:13.000 But what's so bad about critical race theory that Lemon is pushing, in my opinion?
00:18:19.000 You know, we've talked about it on the show a bunch, but since it's coming up so frequently, we want to explain it a little bit more in depth.
00:18:27.000 Critical race theory is based on the idea that racism is systemically embedded in American institutions, not just the result of individual prejudices and stereotypes.
00:18:37.000 These conclusions are drawn from decades-old policies like redlining and segregation, which you know a bit about, right, Jim?
00:18:47.000 Yeah, so, and I understand, like, there are definitely instances where redlining was a bad deal, where you just circled an area on the map and said, regardless, we're not giving people from this area a loan and we're not going to do it based on the color of skin, but I was thinking about this this morning and I thought, look, You might be 100% right, or you might be 50% right, or 25% right.
00:19:06.000 Maybe people that did submit a loan application trying to get a home loan couldn't get the loan because they couldn't afford it.
00:19:13.000 Hey, by the way, I moved 13 times before I graduated high school.
00:19:16.000 We didn't rent houses and move from apartment to apartment and go to 3 3rd grades.
00:19:21.000 Because people looked at my dad and said, oh, he's white, I'm not gonna give him a loan.
00:19:24.000 We couldn't make the payments on the loan, so they were like, this is money, we're not gonna give it to you because it's not a good investment for us.
00:19:31.000 There were probably tons of that going on, and I'm sure tons of racism going on back in the 1930s, what they're talking about with redlining, and even sometimes after that.
00:19:39.000 But you can't just look at one instance and that's how they're teaching it.
00:19:42.000 Well, this is because of redlining.
00:19:43.000 Not because people couldn't afford the homes.
00:19:45.000 Not because they didn't have enough income to show.
00:19:47.000 It was just racism across the board.
00:19:50.000 And I think that's painting it with too broad of a stroke.
00:19:52.000 You don't really get at the actual problem if you do that.
00:19:56.000 No, I think that's really well put.
00:19:57.000 Especially because I'm pretending to know more about this than I do.
00:20:00.000 Crawdaddy, what's shakin'?
00:20:02.000 I just had no idea that third grade was three hard years on Gerald.
00:20:06.000 I know.
00:20:07.000 And he moved 13 times.
00:20:08.000 No, no, I went to one third grade year, but three different schools.
00:20:12.000 That must have been tough on you.
00:20:15.000 My mom was surprised.
00:20:16.000 She was like, you passed!
00:20:17.000 Not moving on.
00:20:18.000 These kids really didn't like you to move 13 times everywhere you went.
00:20:23.000 You couldn't make a friend.
00:20:24.000 Five different elementary schools.
00:20:26.000 Two middle schools, one high school.
00:20:28.000 We used to call it flunking.
00:20:29.000 Do they still use the term flunk in high school?
00:20:31.000 We called it flunking.
00:20:33.000 Or we called him a little bit behind or special.
00:20:36.000 He was held back.
00:20:37.000 I was never held back.
00:20:38.000 I didn't fail.
00:20:39.000 Or failing.
00:20:40.000 But I fled the jurisdiction multiple times.
00:20:44.000 To avoid accountability.
00:20:46.000 You can't fail me if I don't go here, see?
00:20:48.000 Yeah, that's right.
00:20:50.000 Even with housing loans and all that, it drives me nuts because we also give out terrible housing loans.
00:20:57.000 We decided to make sure it was all equal.
00:20:59.000 The 2008 housing crisis is what happened.
00:21:02.000 It was predatory homelanding!
00:21:03.000 It's the exact opposite of what you just said!
00:21:05.000 And then we blamed the American.
00:21:07.000 We blamed the black American, the white American, any American home buyer by saying, oh, it was your fault for buying something that was way out of your price range.
00:21:15.000 When you were sold this by a company and then backed by a bank like it was your fault, then all this stuff collapsed and who do we bail out?
00:21:23.000 The banks.
00:21:24.000 Yes, that's true.
00:21:25.000 They're allowed to do whatever they want.
00:21:27.000 Predatory lending.
00:21:28.000 Don't you love it?
00:21:29.000 So look, there were some loans out there where people sold them a bill of goods, right?
00:21:33.000 Of course.
00:21:34.000 They should never have gotten a loan, but it was also because they were pushed to correct the wrongs.
00:21:39.000 This is what happens when you try to fix something by going, oh well today we'll just do the exact opposite of what we did back then and that'll fix everything.
00:21:46.000 That's not how you fix it.
00:21:47.000 That's how you create other problems.
00:21:48.000 They're just in a different direction.
00:21:50.000 Yeah, that's how it becomes now.
00:21:51.000 Bankruptcy.
00:21:52.000 Right.
00:21:54.000 It's just, you can't, yeah, doing the polar opposite of the way things have always done and make it so sudden, that's the problem with everything going on, I think, right now in the country, is you want this sudden, abrupt 180 with absolutely everything and then punish the people that are confused by it.
00:22:09.000 Yeah.
00:22:10.000 I think I'm going to butcher this quote, but I think it was Justice Alito who said, and maybe not, it may not have been Alito, so forgive me if it wasn't, said that it's kind of hard to fix racism with more racism, right, when trying to address these problems.
00:22:22.000 That was Chandler Bing.
00:22:24.000 Ah, yes.
00:22:25.000 Supreme Court friends.
00:22:28.000 I get them confused sometimes.
00:22:29.000 Current drunk pelican.
00:22:33.000 He looks rough.
00:22:34.000 Man, he looks bad.
00:22:35.000 That reunion should have been an intervention.
00:22:39.000 That's right, he's got billions of dollars and no brain.
00:22:43.000 No discernible talent whatsoever.
00:22:45.000 But anyway, let's put it this way.
00:22:50.000 Schools.
00:22:50.000 We really just discussed schools.
00:22:51.000 Just last week, Rhode Island school teacher Allison Greico, is that right?
00:22:56.000 Greico?
00:22:57.000 Greico.
00:22:58.000 Not Geico?
00:22:59.000 Almost.
00:23:00.000 I bet if it was Allison Geico, she don't need to be teaching with all that cash.
00:23:04.000 Got all that caveman money.
00:23:05.000 So just last week, Rhode Island school teacher Alison Greico offered extra credit for students who testified.
00:23:13.000 Testified, is that right?
00:23:14.000 Testified, brother!
00:23:17.000 Alright, students who testified against, I would assume tested, but it's testified against House Bill 6070, a bill that specifically bans teachers from Making individuals feel distressed on account of their race or sex.
00:23:35.000 So we don't want that?
00:23:37.000 Yeah.
00:23:37.000 I just, I'm just curious.
00:23:38.000 There it is.
00:23:39.000 Thank you, Bernie.
00:23:44.000 Why would you get credit for that?
00:23:45.000 I wish I went to school now, I would get all A's.
00:23:47.000 Well, no, look, getting credit for participating in public discourse is fine, right?
00:23:51.000 Like, hey, go out and, like, be active in the community.
00:23:53.000 It's better than sitting in the class sometimes and doing nothing.
00:23:55.000 Of course.
00:23:55.000 Or just going and doing, like, stupid busywork homework.
00:23:58.000 But she actively sent people to do this so that they would protest something that was keeping teachers from making people feel distressed on account of their race or sex.
00:24:05.000 That's weird.
00:24:06.000 You don't want them to fight something like that, right?
00:24:09.000 Or jump into a political argument for it.
00:24:10.000 Like, how about this?
00:24:12.000 You'll get extra credit if you go testify on whichever side you come down on of 60-70 and here's the bill.
00:24:18.000 That would be a little better idea.
00:24:19.000 How do you make somebody feel better about their sexuality?
00:24:24.000 Like, go out there and make them feel good.
00:24:25.000 Like, this alright?
00:24:26.000 Does this feel good?
00:24:28.000 I thought these questions weren't supposed to be asked.
00:24:30.000 You don't mind if I go down here, do you?
00:24:32.000 Is this making you distressed?
00:24:34.000 We don't want teachers.
00:24:36.000 Can you imagine being in school today?
00:24:38.000 Imagine Stephen in school today.
00:24:39.000 I would just have to rent space in the principal's office.
00:24:43.000 I'd have to live at the school.
00:24:44.000 He said, what did he say?
00:24:46.000 Which teacher did he challenge?
00:24:48.000 I couldn't go to school then.
00:24:49.000 I left every single class.
00:24:51.000 I skipped everything.
00:24:52.000 Now I would just be like, done!
00:24:54.000 No, today you'd be engaged.
00:24:56.000 You'd be really, you'd be the top student because you'd be pissed off at everything going on.
00:25:00.000 I would come in in a neckerchief looking like Paul Lind.
00:25:04.000 And just get A's.
00:25:07.000 This show has done so much for Paul Linn lately.
00:25:10.000 It really has.
00:25:12.000 You help where you can.
00:25:13.000 Dug him up.
00:25:14.000 I'd buy a wheelchair and blow in it, and they'd be like, straight A's.
00:25:19.000 No offense to anybody who's handicapped, I'm just saying.
00:25:21.000 There seems to be favoritism in some ways.
00:25:24.000 Look, it's like water finding its level.
00:25:26.000 You'll find the favoritism wherever it happens to be.
00:25:29.000 Yeah, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't beat it to death.
00:25:33.000 Huh.
00:25:34.000 I don't think that's how that goes.
00:25:35.000 Is that right?
00:25:36.000 I think that's deep.
00:25:36.000 Oh no, it's... Make it...
00:25:40.000 Okay.
00:25:41.000 So, um, the federal government, um, on the first day in office, Biden resumed the workplace diversity training Trump had banned from federal agencies.
00:25:52.000 Trump's- He didn't do anything.
00:25:56.000 He doesn't even know where he is.
00:25:57.000 It's astonishing.
00:25:59.000 This is what he did.
00:26:00.000 Don't- No.
00:26:01.000 He didn't do- His handlers.
00:26:04.000 He probably took- The only thing he did was take a shower while sitting in a chair.
00:26:09.000 What are we doing?
00:26:15.000 Showering, Joe, I told you.
00:26:16.000 I do dips in here.
00:26:17.000 No you don't.
00:26:18.000 You get out of the chair with that.
00:26:19.000 You're in water, it doesn't count.
00:26:21.000 The guy gets more random bruises than one of Don Magic Juan's bitches.
00:26:26.000 And we're just supposed to go, oh yeah, this is what he did today when he woke up.
00:26:30.000 Don Magic Juan's dog.
00:26:31.000 Just jumped out of bed with no pain and fixed everything.
00:26:35.000 So, Trump's Mao Banning training sought to eliminate words like white supremacy and systemic racism, as well as root out ideologies that label entire groups of people inherently evil or racist.
00:26:48.000 Also known as white people.
00:26:49.000 Yes.
00:26:49.000 So you mean racist things.
00:26:51.000 Just racist.
00:26:52.000 Racist things.
00:26:53.000 You don't have to define it.
00:26:54.000 It's just racist.
00:26:54.000 You don't have to put a word before it.
00:26:56.000 So, white.
00:26:58.000 What?
00:27:00.000 I had a whole speech planned, too, about three dents in a skull.
00:27:05.000 Anyway, Biden's executive order resuming this training mandated the federal government advance racial equality.
00:27:14.000 I wish I could read.
00:27:14.000 Equity.
00:27:15.000 Racial equity.
00:27:17.000 I really should just read off of this one.
00:27:19.000 Racial equity.
00:27:21.000 It's the close one.
00:27:23.000 Racial equity in government institutions.
00:27:25.000 The executive order stated the federal government's goal to advancing equity is to provide everyone with the opportunity to reach their full potential.
00:27:35.000 Because advancing equity requires a systematic approach to embedding fairness in decision-making processes, executive departments and agencies must recognize and work to redress Why is this so stupid?
00:27:54.000 It's nonsense!
00:27:55.000 It really is nonsense.
00:27:57.000 By the way, you read it, I don't even care.
00:27:58.000 Look at that, equity and opportunity, I'll come back to that.
00:28:00.000 It doesn't mean anything.
00:28:00.000 It does to a lawyer.
00:28:01.000 They repress inequities in their policies and programs that serve as barriers to equal
00:28:05.000 opportunity.
00:28:06.000 Look at that, equity and opportunity.
00:28:07.000 I'll come back to that.
00:28:08.000 It doesn't mean anything.
00:28:10.000 It does to a lawyer.
00:28:11.000 Yeah, that's the only person who it makes sense to.
00:28:14.000 Consistent with these aims.
00:28:16.000 I'm sorry to the babies.
00:28:17.000 It's alright.
00:28:18.000 They might be sleeping.
00:28:18.000 Consistent to this aim, each agency must assess whether and to what extent its programs and policies perpetuate systemic barriers to opportunities and benefits for people of color and other underserved groups.
00:28:32.000 Dave's moving it around like, ah, how's this Joe?
00:28:34.000 Can you see when I move it back and forth?
00:28:36.000 How you like looking like you can't read?
00:28:42.000 But it's really, it's double speak.
00:28:43.000 The guy that used to go on Carson and would speak and say nothing, the words worked, but in syntax they made no sense.
00:28:51.000 That's what every policy.
00:28:53.000 And that's why when I read it I get frustrated because you're saying the same words over and over and over again.
00:28:57.000 That's how you manipulate people.
00:28:59.000 That's how you just shove something into somebody's brain to get them to believe you is by repeating the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over.
00:29:07.000 But look what they said.
00:29:08.000 They said opportunity and they said equity.
00:29:12.000 Those are two very different things.
00:29:14.000 One is ensuring the outcome, right?
00:29:16.000 You're trying to ensure the outcome for people.
00:29:19.000 The other one is saying everybody needs the same opportunity at some level, right?
00:29:23.000 Where they have the opportunity to go out and make their life great.
00:29:25.000 It doesn't mean you won't have challenges.
00:29:26.000 I mean, 13 times I had challenges in third grade.
00:29:28.000 We've talked about it.
00:29:29.000 Yeah, you were real dunce.
00:29:32.000 They have challenges that they have to overcome.
00:29:35.000 The government is basically saying, no, no, no, it's about opportunity, but it's equity.
00:29:38.000 If you're trying to ensure equity, the only way that you can do that is to bring everybody
00:29:42.000 down to whatever baseline. They've moved their goalpost
00:29:44.000 like recently.
00:29:45.000 Yeah, exactly.
00:29:46.000 And so you're gonna see them say equity and then talk about opportunity.
00:29:51.000 But that's not the goal.
00:29:52.000 The goal is to ensure outcomes.
00:29:54.000 And the only way to do that is to say, oh, reparations.
00:29:56.000 Oh, we've got to get rid of school loans.
00:29:58.000 Oh, we've got to get rid of paying for health care because that's a human right.
00:30:01.000 Oh, we've got to get rid of this or that.
00:30:02.000 And oh, we have to tax the rich and bring them down so that everybody's equal.
00:30:06.000 That's not the society we live in.
00:30:07.000 We want everybody to have the opportunity to go up, not stay at a terrible level and everybody's just equally terrible.
00:30:12.000 That's the American dream.
00:30:14.000 None of this is the purview of government.
00:30:15.000 No!
00:30:16.000 The referee needs to keep his whistle in his pocket right now.
00:30:19.000 It's crazy.
00:30:19.000 They're involved in every call.
00:30:21.000 Well, and they screw stuff up more than they make it better.
00:30:24.000 Look, IRS, DMV, go look at those things.
00:30:28.000 Tell me they work well.
00:30:29.000 Oh, every government thing you're a part of is just stellar.
00:30:33.000 Yeah, you just show up.
00:30:34.000 Social Security, bankrupt!
00:30:35.000 You think they're doing a good job?
00:30:36.000 How about the mail, like you said, right?
00:30:37.000 We spend billions of dollars.
00:30:38.000 How about public education?
00:30:40.000 Are you satisfied with the $12,000 to $15,000 a year that we're spending on each student in a lot of states and have terrible results?
00:30:47.000 Uh, yes.
00:30:49.000 Dave's like, I fully support the program.
00:30:54.000 That's why I think we should have government health care, we should all make the same wage.
00:30:57.000 Government cheese?
00:30:58.000 Oh yeah, that stuff's good.
00:31:02.000 I like to light it up.
00:31:03.000 You ever make a good grilled government cheese?
00:31:06.000 Good grilled cheese.
00:31:08.000 Anyway, let's move on.
00:31:10.000 Sharing is caring.
00:31:13.000 In May, documents revealed... Unless it's AIDS.
00:31:18.000 If you share AIDS, it's not caring at all.
00:31:20.000 Well, it's legal in California.
00:31:22.000 Genital warts, yes.
00:31:23.000 Can't disclose.
00:31:25.000 Is AIDS legal in California to share?
00:31:27.000 Well, you don't have to say anything to anybody, even if you know that you have the word.
00:31:32.000 You don't have to tell somebody you have AIDS?
00:31:34.000 No.
00:31:35.000 Well, what am I doing blabbing?
00:31:38.000 Zip it!
00:31:39.000 I didn't even know.
00:31:40.000 All I had to do was go to California and spread my demon seed.
00:31:45.000 Ladies, line up for AIDS, Dave!
00:31:49.000 All right.
00:31:49.000 That's not a good ad.
00:31:52.000 I know, I'm getting the wrap-up thing.
00:31:53.000 Jingle was catchy.
00:31:55.000 Do we want to just cut this part?
00:31:56.000 No, we'll do this one and maybe we'll cut the last one.
00:31:59.000 No, I like the last one.
00:32:00.000 All right.
00:32:01.000 Would you rather cut this one?
00:32:02.000 All right.
00:32:03.000 In May, documents revealed by Chris Ruffo of Manhattan Institute showed Lockheed Martin sent executives to a three-day white male re-education camp in order to deconstruct their white male culture.
00:32:17.000 And atone for their white male privilege.
00:32:19.000 Wow.
00:32:21.000 Dude, what is going on?
00:32:23.000 Sounds benign enough to me.
00:32:24.000 What is going on?
00:32:25.000 I want to meet any guy from the...
00:32:28.000 Any guy.
00:32:29.000 I just talked to him.
00:32:30.000 I can't imagine what kind of guys would go to that.
00:32:31.000 Does anybody have any balls anymore?
00:32:33.000 Really?
00:32:34.000 Does anyone have the balls to be like, I'm sorry.
00:32:36.000 I don't know those people.
00:32:37.000 I do not recognize them.
00:32:38.000 Just sitting there in your Cub Scout uniform, waiting for the bus to go to White Reform Camp.
00:32:43.000 Can I get my badge?
00:32:44.000 Wearing your badges is a shame.
00:32:46.000 What do you get badges for?
00:32:48.000 You're like, oh this is my ally badge.
00:32:52.000 Uh, this is my, uh, doesn't-say-the-N-word-anymore badge.
00:32:55.000 Oh, there you go!
00:32:57.000 You get nothing!
00:33:01.000 My girlfriend has a boyfriend badge, right?
00:33:02.000 This is my rugs-are-oriental-not-people badge.
00:33:08.000 Oh my god.
00:33:09.000 Participants were told to associate the term white men with old racist guilty KKK and founding fathers.
00:33:17.000 Ah.
00:33:18.000 Oh that's good.
00:33:18.000 No.
00:33:19.000 Well I think the founding fathers and KKK.
00:33:22.000 That's a natural connection right?
00:33:25.000 It just makes common sense.
00:33:27.000 Valjeet!
00:33:28.000 Dammit, he's everywhere.
00:33:30.000 What's your favorite K in Klan, Gerald A?
00:33:33.000 When there's none of them.
00:33:34.000 Do you like the Klux?
00:33:35.000 I used to go to baseball games, it was really awkward when the pitcher had three strikeouts because it was just three Ks.
00:33:40.000 I know, I always thought that was hilarious.
00:33:42.000 Get to the fourth!
00:33:43.000 We should really do the four-strike system here.
00:33:47.000 We don't start until you get to the point.
00:33:49.000 It's just weird.
00:33:50.000 The program also made participants repeat hundreds of privileged statements, such as, my culture teaches me to minimize the perspectives and powers of people of other races.
00:34:02.000 Brainwash.
00:34:03.000 Right there.
00:34:04.000 I can commit acts of terrorism, violence, or crime and not have it attributed to my race.
00:34:12.000 Black people too?
00:34:14.000 I don't know.
00:34:14.000 Are there black terrorists?
00:34:16.000 We just did the NPR story where they did that exact thing.
00:34:19.000 They attributed race to the white guy and not to the black guy.
00:34:23.000 Weird.
00:34:24.000 Almost like it happens to everybody.
00:34:26.000 Or I am not accused of having made a choice to be heterosexual.
00:34:30.000 I don't think anyone's accusing you of that.
00:34:35.000 And in case you didn't know, Lockheed Martin is the biggest defense contractor in the world.
00:34:41.000 Oh my gosh.
00:34:42.000 That's good.
00:34:44.000 This is terrible.
00:34:45.000 Listen, we need you to associate old white men because those will be the ones we aren't hitting with bombs.
00:34:51.000 Right.
00:34:53.000 By the way, if you can go find the series of tweets that revealed all this information, go out there.
00:34:57.000 It's on Twitter.
00:34:58.000 I think the links will be on the website.
00:35:00.000 Read through all the other things.
00:35:01.000 It's like saying hard work and, you know, personal responsibility and other things are, like, they oppress black people.
00:35:09.000 It literally said that.
00:35:10.000 It's like, oh my gosh.
00:35:11.000 Dude, I can't even anymore.
00:35:12.000 That is the most racist thing that I've heard.
00:35:14.000 I've ever heard.
00:35:15.000 It would say, saying hard work to a black man would be oppressive.
00:35:19.000 What do you think of black people?
00:35:21.000 They're hard-working, too!
00:35:23.000 What the hell's the matter with you?
00:35:24.000 The soft bigotry, it's so true.
00:35:25.000 Unbelievable!
00:35:26.000 I don't even know if it's- it is soft bigotry, but it's now become hard.
00:35:29.000 Without them even noticing that they're doing it.
00:35:32.000 There's a lot of straight phobia there, too, did you notice?
00:35:35.000 Oh, yeah.
00:35:35.000 I like their straight phobic ways.
00:35:37.000 I do not enjoy people accusing me of being heterosexual.
00:35:42.000 I mean, I am.
00:35:44.000 Usually.
00:35:45.000 Twice in college, I wasn't.
00:35:47.000 I think we're going to skip the Greta Thunberg thing.
00:35:50.000 Oh, let's just go right through it, okay.
00:35:52.000 Well, that's fine.
00:35:53.000 I didn't mean to rant and ramble.
00:35:55.000 I just like having a chit-chat with you.
00:35:56.000 Here, let me sum it up.
00:35:58.000 Greta Thunberg's racist.
00:36:00.000 Not her, not her.
00:36:01.000 This organization has claimed that they are racist in New Zealand and has decided to disband.
00:36:06.000 That's all you need to know.
00:36:06.000 Okay, well, let's get rid of it then.
00:36:08.000 How dare you!
00:36:09.000 I dare.
00:36:12.000 Oh, why are we still listening to her?
00:36:14.000 Well, she turned 18 and her biggest fans were like, yuck.
00:36:23.000 Jared unfollowed her very quickly from prison.
00:36:26.000 Yeah, I don't need to hear any more about it.
00:36:27.000 What was it, Acid Rain?
00:36:28.000 That's still a big thing?
00:36:29.000 Or was that the 80s?
00:36:30.000 I think that was the 80s.
00:36:30.000 Remember Toto, Bless the Rains down in Africa?
00:36:32.000 I do.
00:36:33.000 I bless the rains!
00:36:34.000 It's a great song.
00:36:35.000 Yeah, it is.
00:36:36.000 It's what I use at the gym.
00:36:38.000 I don't work out.
00:36:39.000 You don't go to the gym.
00:36:40.000 I just watch people work out and listen to that song.
00:36:44.000 That's not awkward at all.
00:36:45.000 This is what I listen to when I peek through the windows of a gym.
00:36:47.000 Could be me.
00:36:50.000 Get arrested every once in a while for it, but hey.
00:36:53.000 You guys know Megan Rapinoe, right?
00:36:55.000 Yeah, the soccer star.
00:36:56.000 She put out a tweet, and we covered her last week with her role as replacing the Victoria's Secret Angels.
00:37:05.000 And after the show, however, she was cancelled for a tweet involving the U.S.
00:37:11.000 soccer player Natasha Kai, I believe.
00:37:16.000 From May 2011, they found this tweet.
00:37:18.000 And what this read was, Yeah.
00:37:24.000 I can't.
00:37:25.000 No.
00:37:26.000 I can't do that.
00:37:27.000 This is, you know, I believe in, I believe in cancel culture, but I don't believe in cancel culture, I should say, but some things, some things are just hate speech, you know?
00:37:37.000 Some things are just... They cross the line.
00:37:38.000 Yeah.
00:37:39.000 I'm gonna go ahead and bring in, is Troy Jr.
00:37:41.000 here?
00:37:41.000 Could Troy Jr.
00:37:42.000 come in and maybe field this one?
00:37:44.000 Because I don't want to be a part of the actual...
00:37:47.000 Hey Austin, how are you?
00:37:53.000 Read this.
00:37:54.000 Okay, what's this?
00:37:56.000 It's a tweet from Megan Rapinoe.
00:38:02.000 Okay, the new Victoria's Secret model.
00:38:05.000 Okay, let me read this.
00:38:09.000 Megan Rapinoe.
00:38:11.000 At Tasha underscore Kai zero zero, you look Asian with those closed eyes.
00:38:19.000 I don't understand how she could... How she could say this.
00:38:31.000 Austin.
00:38:34.000 Sorry, buddy.
00:38:38.000 I hope you saw that, Megan.
00:38:40.000 Yeah.
00:38:41.000 We'll wait an apology.
00:38:44.000 You broke an Asian boy's spirit.
00:38:44.000 It's terrible.
00:38:46.000 Yeah.
00:38:47.000 Congratulations.
00:38:48.000 And we tried to and couldn't.
00:38:51.000 I can't believe you got out of here that quickly with those binded feet.
00:38:57.000 They look adorable.
00:38:58.000 I know.
00:38:58.000 They really are nice.
00:38:59.000 Little tiny feet.
00:39:02.000 So let us know what you think of Megan Rapinoe's tweet.
00:39:05.000 Comment, comment, comment below.
00:39:07.000 And go ahead and say, you know, if you want to tell Austin how you feel.
00:39:11.000 He is really seriously hurt right now.
00:39:13.000 He needs help.
00:39:14.000 He's broken.
00:39:15.000 He's broken.
00:39:16.000 So do we have to jump up?
00:39:18.000 I think we've got a couple minutes.
00:39:19.000 We can do this real quick.
00:39:20.000 Or should we do the bottom one?
00:39:23.000 There we go.
00:39:25.000 That's better.
00:39:26.000 Good job.
00:39:26.000 Let's do this one.
00:39:27.000 I like this one.
00:39:27.000 Yes!
00:39:29.000 We have so much fun, we just end up not having enough time to cover all the stories.
00:39:29.000 All right.
00:39:32.000 We just start chit-chatting, right Crawdaddy?
00:39:34.000 That's right.
00:39:34.000 We do the old chit-chat.
00:39:36.000 Gossip to old grannies.
00:39:37.000 Chit-chat.
00:39:38.000 I'm actually wearing a Joe shirt, by the way.
00:39:40.000 Joe Louis.
00:39:41.000 And I got the rink right in the middle there.
00:39:41.000 Nice.
00:39:43.000 It's not there anymore.
00:39:46.000 But if it were, I bet you they'd have monster truck rallies.
00:39:46.000 Ah.
00:39:49.000 Have they torn down Joe Louis right now?
00:39:51.000 I don't know.
00:39:51.000 I said that without really knowing.
00:39:53.000 I just guessed.
00:39:55.000 I'm not playing it anymore.
00:39:56.000 They were certainly talking about how they were going to do it, but usually they save it for terrible events and then it closes, which is yeah, monster truck rallies are And Supercross!
00:40:07.000 Supercross!
00:40:08.000 Bring your mullet!
00:40:09.000 Bring your kid!
00:40:10.000 Bring your black-eyed wife!
00:40:11.000 Sunday!
00:40:12.000 Sunday!
00:40:16.000 Bring a baby bottle filled with Mountain Dew!
00:40:19.000 Sunday!
00:40:20.000 Start them early!
00:40:21.000 Jolt Cola for babies!
00:40:23.000 Trash!
00:40:24.000 Is Detroit Dragway still there?
00:40:26.000 I don't want to go down a rabbit trail.
00:40:27.000 I don't know if Detroit Dragway is still there.
00:40:28.000 That was a big thing.
00:40:29.000 That was it in the country for a while.
00:40:30.000 Yeah, that was there.
00:40:31.000 I don't know if it's still there.
00:40:32.000 They do still have the Grand Prix.
00:40:34.000 Oh, sure.
00:40:35.000 Yeah, and then they have the, you know, various boat shows sometimes.
00:40:39.000 Boat races.
00:40:39.000 Yeah.
00:40:40.000 Boat races they do.
00:40:41.000 My friend George's dad drove us to a boat race.
00:40:43.000 Fill it up with water?
00:40:44.000 Race away from Detroit?
00:40:46.000 Yes, it's right on the Detroit River.
00:40:50.000 And they do these boat races.
00:40:51.000 My friend's dad honestly brought us there and it was the first time I've ever had someone's father drink and drive me somewhere.
00:40:58.000 And the whole time he just had a Coke koozie around his Bud Light and he's just slamming them.
00:41:05.000 And when we pulled up, a cop saw it and was like, better keep that hidden.
00:41:10.000 There's a bit of privilege.
00:41:11.000 for you. It's Detroit. There's a bit of privilege. Put that under the seat. Yeah.
00:41:18.000 Well speaking of athletes and being athletic, Adidas and Fabletics have
00:41:25.000 decided to put out, I guess for lack of a better term, they call it this Fat
00:41:30.000 Promos.
00:41:32.000 Adidas and Fabletics are using morbidly obese models to show off their new workout gear.
00:41:38.000 Adidas will now actually feature advertisements with the band Can't Run DMC.
00:41:44.000 I can't wait, I gotta get me some of that, man.
00:41:50.000 They all get stung by bees?
00:41:51.000 What happened?
00:41:52.000 It's carbs.
00:41:52.000 No, bro.
00:41:54.000 It's carbs.
00:41:56.000 It's the white man's carbs.
00:41:57.000 That's what it is.
00:41:58.000 Too many empty calories.
00:42:00.000 Bunch of starch.
00:42:01.000 You know what it is?
00:42:03.000 It's racism is filled with empty calories.
00:42:08.000 So they're just ballooning.
00:42:09.000 Damn it, that's what it is.
00:42:11.000 Now we're not saying fat people shouldn't work out.
00:42:14.000 Of course not.
00:42:14.000 Actually, we encourage it.
00:42:16.000 It's just not a good message to send to young girls that being morbidly obese is healthy and normal.
00:42:22.000 But a bunch of other athletics companies have also followed suit, so I think we should mention that.
00:42:27.000 Of course.
00:42:27.000 Nike's new slogan is Just Donut.
00:42:31.000 Uh, no.
00:42:32.000 That's a bad idea.
00:42:33.000 Puma is rebranding itself as Fupa.
00:42:37.000 Okay.
00:42:37.000 Do the math on that one.
00:42:38.000 That is fat upper p area.
00:42:41.000 Ah!
00:42:42.000 Oh!
00:42:44.000 Didn't have to do the math.
00:42:47.000 I did it for us.
00:42:48.000 Thanks Dave!
00:42:49.000 Or as I call it, for some reason, every substitute teacher I've ever had that was a female always had their jeans right up to here and you're like, how big, how big is that gina?
00:43:04.000 To where you have to urkle your pants.
00:43:07.000 Every one of them just look like Fatty Arbuckle in a silent.
00:43:12.000 New Balance will now be called No Balance.
00:43:15.000 And it's changing its slogan from Let's Make Excellent Happen to Let's Make Excellent Waffles.
00:43:21.000 I'm on board for that one.
00:43:22.000 I like that one.
00:43:23.000 And Gerald A, do you want to field this one?
00:43:25.000 Sure!
00:43:26.000 Under Armour used the slogan, the only way is through, it will now be the only way to the hospital is through a removed wall and a craned out onto a flatbed while neighbors watch.
00:43:37.000 Oh my gosh, yeah, this is my 600 pound life.
00:43:39.000 It's wordy.
00:43:40.000 It's happening everywhere.
00:43:41.000 It is wordy, but that's what happens when you You have to cut a hole in the wall and crane people out.
00:43:46.000 It's true.
00:43:47.000 Richard Simmons will be their spokesman.
00:43:49.000 Yes, he will.
00:43:49.000 He's pulled a few people out of picture windows, hasn't he?
00:43:52.000 He has.
00:43:53.000 He's done it.
00:43:54.000 But I understand he's chained in a basement with deal and meal cards now.
00:43:58.000 Jerry Springer.
00:44:00.000 Yeah, some guy kidnapped him.
00:44:02.000 No, it's his housekeeper.
00:44:05.000 It's gotta be weird to look for a housekeeper.
00:44:07.000 You're like, what are you looking for besides a clean house?
00:44:10.000 I don't know.
00:44:11.000 Could you abuse me?
00:44:12.000 Yeah, do me a favor and like don't abduct me.
00:44:15.000 That's all I really want.
00:44:16.000 Yeah, maybe just take all my money.
00:44:17.000 Take all my money, yeah.
00:44:21.000 You know how you sweat to the oldies?
00:44:22.000 I want to sweat wondering if I'm going to make it through the day.
00:44:27.000 Will I eat?
00:44:28.000 It's a different kind of word.
00:44:29.000 Move, groove, and lose.
00:44:31.000 Awesome.
00:44:31.000 So, we gotta jump off this platform if we're still on it.
00:44:35.000 So far, so good.
00:44:36.000 We didn't say anything the least bit offensive.
00:44:39.000 Not at all.
00:44:39.000 And I'm friends with DMC from Run DMC.
00:44:42.000 I'll admit that on this show.
00:44:43.000 Why not?
00:44:44.000 Because I liked a name drop.
00:44:46.000 My Adidas.
00:44:46.000 Look, it's just too cool of a ban not to say you know the guy.
00:44:49.000 Yeah, come on.
00:44:49.000 Come on.
00:44:51.000 They basically invented Modern Day Rap and then Rap Rock with Walk This Way with Aerosmith.
00:44:56.000 Love it.
00:44:57.000 Yay, yay.
00:44:57.000 That's actually Ice Cube.
00:45:01.000 I don't like when Ice Cube goes on a talk show and he's like, yay, yay.
00:45:03.000 It's like, just sit down.
00:45:05.000 Sit down and do the interview.
00:45:07.000 Daddy Day Camp.
00:45:11.000 So anyway, we're going to go ahead and jump off of here.
00:45:13.000 Remember, you can see me live, DaveLandau.com.
00:45:16.000 We've got Minnesota, all kinds of places.
00:45:18.000 Also, comment, comment, comment.
00:45:20.000 Go to the store.
00:45:21.000 We also have awesome new shirts.
00:45:23.000 They're really, really great.
00:45:24.000 I just grabbed a few myself.
00:45:25.000 Shark Jail, we got Fight Like Hell.
00:45:28.000 Do you still have Fight Like Hell?
00:45:29.000 We do.
00:45:30.000 That one's one of my faves.
00:45:31.000 Thomas Finnegan.
00:45:33.000 Oh, Finnegan.
00:45:33.000 I love the Thomas Finnegan.
00:45:35.000 Be sure to buy that one, because Thomas doesn't like it.
00:45:39.000 He doesn't like it at all.
00:45:41.000 It really pisses him off.
00:45:42.000 Yes.