Debate grades are in. Hillary gets an A. Bernie gets a D. Jim Webb gets an F. And Martin O'Malley gets a C. And all of the other candidates get a D except for Lincoln Chafee, who got a C and Jim Webb who got an F in the first Democratic Debates of 2020, which was supposed to be a moment of triumph for Hillary Clinton. But it was actually a moment where she did exactly what she set out to do, and she did it in a way that hurt Bernie Sanders the most. And it was a good night for Hillary, and a bad night for Bernie, who was let off the hook the entire time. And that's a good thing, because in any competition between Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton, he's going to have to work to make up for the fact that he didn't have a chance to make an impact on the Democratic primary field on the first night of the 2020 primary debates. And Hillary did just that. She didn't even have to go on the stage to prove that she's the best, most honest, most decent, and most decent candidate in the entire race. She did it on Tuesday night, and that's not even close to good enough for her to get an A or a D or a C, which is pretty impressive for a Democratic presidential candidate. And she's a great liar, so there's no question that she deserves an A for the grade she got an A at least in that she did well enough to get the mark she got the nod. And a D at least of the three. . even though she's still got a D, at least and a C at the end of the night. And that s not bad, right? not bad at all, I guess. ...but it's not good at all. Not even good enough, but not good enough at all but good enough? ? right? Not really, right?? maybe not really, but better than none at all at all? . . . just not good, right ? . ...but not really good at anything at all ? or better than good at at all really? or or at all of them? ... anyway, right well, not even good at any of them, right, not really just good at it? , right? ?
00:00:01.000Hillary is still the best old obnoxious white socialist available.
00:00:05.000That is the short story of Tuesday night's terrible, unbelievably dull debate between Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, Vermont socialist loon bag Bernie Sanders, former Maryland Governor Martin O'Malley, former Delaware Governor Lincoln Chafee, who, he was there, right?
00:00:20.000And former Virginia Senator Jim Webb, the reason that I give the scare quotes to the word debate is because the candidates didn't lay a glove on one another at all.
00:00:30.000Republicans at their first debate beat the living crap out of each other, but they took a loyalty oath to the eventual Republican nominee.
00:00:36.000Democrats were simply, they were happy to just arrive and then pledge their loyalty directly to Hillary Clinton, forget the primaries and all.
00:00:43.000Hillary was supposed to go up against Bernie Sanders.
00:00:45.000That was supposed to be the big moment.
00:00:47.000Well, she didn't castrate Bernie Sanders.
00:00:49.000He generously redistributed his testicles to her in a jar.
00:00:53.000So without further ado, here are the debate grades for this endless affair.
00:00:59.000Sad to say, she gets an A, and I try to be objective about these debate grades because I think that Hillary Clinton is about as close to the anti-Christ as any person currently living, with the exception of President Obama, but she does get an A, and the reason she gets an A is because she is a great liar, at least when she doesn't have anyone contradicting her.
00:01:16.000She is practiced, she is polished, she's memorized, they've upgraded all of her programming, her face moves sometimes now, and that means that she gets away with it.
00:01:26.000She lied about her record as Secretary of State.
00:01:29.000She actually got away with calling Libya a beautiful example of smart power, which is just incredible.
00:01:35.000She said that Russia was going great guns until Putin came back as president of the country, even though Putin was always running the country.
00:01:41.000And she said that she'd be tough in Syria after having called Bashar Assad a reformer.
00:01:45.000And then she started lying about what she did when she was senator.
00:01:48.000She said that, yeah, she voted for the Iraq War and the Patriot Act and the Wall Street bailouts, but she opposed all of them as soon as she found out what they were for.
00:01:55.000She just didn't know when she was voting for them.
00:01:58.000She said that she wasn't running as a Clinton or as a woman.
00:02:02.000But she was also not not running as a Clinton or as a woman.
00:02:05.000She said that she wasn't Barack Obama's third term because she has a uterus.
00:02:09.000She said she likes capitalism but really secretly she sort of hates capitalism and agrees with Bernie Sanders.
00:02:14.000So it was a it was a great night for Hillary Clinton and nobody laid a glove on her the entire time.
00:02:19.000Anderson Cooper didn't ask her any questions about her radicalism on abortion.
00:02:22.000After she brushed off her email scandal and Bernie Sanders did his self-castration, no follow-ups, he had no follow-ups on Benghazi.
00:02:30.000She actually said she would get to it, and then she never, of course, got to it.
00:02:33.000She said, I'll get back to that, which is exactly what she said to the dead guys in Benghazi, coincidentally.
00:02:38.000Anderson Cooper allowed her to lie, and he wasted 24 minutes in the process.
00:02:43.000So it was a big night for Hillary Clinton.
00:02:45.000Let's move forward to Bernie Sanders' grade.
00:02:48.000So Bernie Sanders gets a D. And the reason Bernie Sanders gets a D is because his supporters, he's like a Donald Trump character, his supporters will always ensure, always ensure that he has a certain level of support.
00:02:59.000And the online polls showed that the enthusiasm for Bernie Sanders was incredibly high.
00:03:02.000He won all of the online polls from MSNBC to Drudge to Fox News.
00:03:06.000But he hurt himself because he let her off the hook on her corruption.
00:03:10.000He hurt himself because he allowed her to portray herself as honest and decent, even though she's not honest and decent.
00:03:17.000That one point where Bernie Sanders turned to her and said that everybody was sick of hearing about her emails, Hillary could not have been happier.
00:03:26.000And that's why, in the long run, what this debate really showed is that in any competition between Bernie Sanders, who is a septuagenarian,
00:03:34.000Crazy guy who shouts at the sky about what he did during the during the strikes of 1912 with the with the international industrial unions run by the communists.
00:03:44.000All of that, all of that played poorly next to Hillary Clinton's cool and composed line.
00:03:49.000And then there are the other candidates.
00:04:17.000He made the crucial mistake of saying that all lives matter as opposed to all the other old white people on the stage saying that only black lives matter.
00:04:24.000He even bragged about killing that communist and that, of course, made Bernie Sanders really upset because those are the people he honeymooned with.
00:04:30.000So Jim Webb gets an F because he would have won the Democratic Party nomination back in 1952, but now it's 2015 and only socialists get a shot.
00:04:40.000And then Lincoln Chafee was there as well.
00:04:42.000Lincoln Chafee again looked like he wandered in off of Skid Row.
00:04:45.000He was so confused the entire night, no one knew why he was there.
00:06:00.000I mean, he really is the guy who you never want to talk to at parties.
00:06:02.000He's the guy you walk in and you see him and he's got the spittle and it kind of drips down his chin a little bit and he's got dandruff on his collar and then he charges over to you because he can't wait to talk to you and he jabs his finger in your chest and then he tells you about the shirt tail strike and you're like, oh god, can I please get out of here?
00:06:18.000And you just want to wipe his mouth because he's got the crust.
00:06:22.000That was Bernie Sanders last night in the Democrat debate and he won.
00:06:25.000According to the online polls, it was really bad.
00:06:28.000It started off on a bad foot, and I just have to spend one moment mocking Sheryl Crow, because Sheryl Crow sang the National Anthem.
00:06:35.000And let's just say acapella is not Sheryl Crow's friend.
00:06:38.000Here's what it sounded like when Sheryl Crow sang the National Anthem in front of a bunch of people who actually don't like the National Anthem.
00:06:44.000Actually, believe it or not, there were media members who were sitting backstage—they have their own press room—and there were reports that they didn't stand up for the National Anthem, which is no
00:07:38.000This is her actual environmental policy.
00:07:40.000To save the universe, she's only going to use one sheet of toilet paper, which, as everyone knows, is insufficient, and eventually you end up singing like that on a national debate stage, if that's the policy that you pursue.
00:07:50.000Okay, now we can actually jump into the content of the debate.
00:07:55.000The big blockbuster moment of the debate—there were really two, we'll get to the second one in just a moment—but all the blockbuster moments of the debate were between Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders, because no one cares about any of the other candidates.
00:08:07.000Again, Lincoln Chafee just looked utterly bewildered as to the universe.
00:08:12.000He was just kind of standing there wondering what was going on all around him.
00:08:16.000He was like a newborn baby, just staring at the light and wondering what it was and how fascinating it was.
00:08:24.000Martin O'Malley was similarly entranced by all of the bright lights and shiny objects.
00:08:28.000He just kind of stood there looking stupid most of the evening, and then there were certain lines that he said, and he sort of expected there to be laughter that emerged from them, and they didn't.
00:08:38.000Bernie Sanders called for an open revolution, because open revolutions go so well for socialists.
00:08:43.000They usually end in millions of people killed, but Bernie Sanders wanted a revolution, and then they went to Martin O'Malley, and Martin O'Malley kind of grinned awkwardly and said he wanted a green energy revolution.
00:08:51.000And he waited for everybody to cheer for him, and when no one did, his face just kind of dropped, and he got real sad.
00:08:57.000And you could see what he really wanted to do was just yell out to the crowd, does anyone want to see my six-pack?
00:09:02.000But he couldn't do it because he was on national TV.
00:09:05.000Plus, somebody had specifically sewn his shirt to his pants to make sure he didn't do it, so.
00:09:10.000But the real big moments of the debate were all between crazy old socialist Bernie Sanders and crazy old
00:09:38.000Bernie Sanders says he's a socialist, and he's an old Jewish socialist, and so he can say it.
00:09:42.000His actual description of socialism, you'll notice, has nothing to do with government ownership of the means of production.
00:09:47.000This is one of the myths that the left constantly throws out, which is that Marxism is solely and completely government ownership of the means of production.
00:09:53.000If you're not calling for nationalization of all industry, then you're not really a socialist.
00:09:58.000You're not a true communist or socialist.
00:10:01.000He says, I'm a socialist, and basically my vision of socialism is that there is private business, but we get to decide which businesses succeed and which fail.
00:10:09.000We get to confiscate money from the people we want to confiscate money from, and we get to ensure that nobody earns too much money.
00:10:14.000Then they go to Hillary Clinton, and she says, hey, that's my definition of capitalism!
00:10:28.000And the truth is, the person who's wrong is Hillary, because she's lying.
00:10:32.000Marx prefers government ownership of the means of production as an end goal, but until you get there, he's also fine with unionizing all the factories and ensuring that everybody gets their fair share, which, of course, is Hillary's proposal.
00:10:44.000You'll hear these two crazy old socialists
00:10:47.000speak with each other, and the reason that Hillary wins this particular part of the debate is because she doesn't give in to the truth.
00:10:52.000Bernie Sanders actually just says the truth, and this is why the grassroots loves him.
00:10:55.000Hillary continues to lie, and so the grassroots doesn't like her so much.
00:10:59.000So here is Bernie Sanders versus Hillary Clinton, combined age, 723,209, speaking about capitalism, and both of them were around both when Adam Smith wrote his tome as well as when Karl Marx wrote his.
00:11:15.000You don't consider yourself a capitalist, though?
00:11:18.000Do I consider myself part of the casino capitalist process by which so few have so much and so many have so little, by which Wall Street's greed and recklessness wreck this economy?
00:11:33.000I believe in a society where all people do well, not just the handful of billionaires.
00:11:38.000Just to be clear, is there anybody else on this stage who's not a capitalist?
00:11:43.000Well, let me just follow up on that, Anderson, because when I think about capitalism, I think about all the small businesses that were started because we have the opportunity and the freedom in our country for people to do that and to make a good living for themselves and their families.
00:11:59.000And I don't think we should confuse what we have to do every so often in America, which is save capitalism from itself.
00:12:16.000We are the United States of America and it's our job to rein in the excesses of capitalism so that it doesn't run amok and doesn't cause the kind of inequities that we're seeing in our economy.
00:12:27.000There's actually appropriate background music when my phone goes off playing the Patton theme for Hillary Clinton playing as though she likes America.
00:12:34.000Hillary Clinton saying that she loves capitalism and she loves small business and it's all great and you expect this big banner to unfurl behind her because suddenly she doesn't like communism and socialism anymore.
00:12:43.000But notice they're saying exactly the same thing.
00:12:57.000And then Hillary says, well, capitalism has benefited a lot of people, but what we really need to do is make sure that it doesn't benefit the few at the expense of the many, and also that we reign in casino capitalism.
00:13:08.000And you're sitting there going, wait, they just said exactly the same thing, but not in exactly the same way.
00:13:14.000The Democratic Party has moved so far to the left that Hillary and Bernie are saying precisely the same kind of crap, and we're all supposed to pretend that they're not, and that Hillary's an actual moderate.
00:13:24.000Okay, so the second biggest moment of the debate was actually when Hillary was questioned about her emails.
00:13:29.000Now, Hillary has no good answers on why she hid her emails, because there are no good answers.
00:13:34.000She legitimately took her private server, she got it a couple of days before she was appointed Secretary of State, specifically set it up so that nobody could sift her emails from the government, so that we would never be able to look at her emails, and then she destroyed 30,000 of them before handing them over to the government of the United States.
00:13:51.000And then they go to Bernie Sanders, and Bernie Sanders
00:13:53.000My good friend Jeremy Boring has a theory about Bernie Sanders, and I think it's probably right, so I'll explain the theory after you see this particular clip.
00:14:02.000And after you see it, what you're really going to watch right now is Bernie Sanders forcibly remove his own testicles and hand them to Hillary Clinton in a jar.
00:14:11.000That's basically what happens in this particular clip, because Bernie Sanders had the opportunity here to really hurt Hillary Clinton, and instead of doing that, he basically handed her the primaries.
00:14:56.000I mean, we get to that point and Hillary starts cackling like a maniac.
00:15:01.000And then she turns to Sanders and shakes his hand and basically wants to get as physically close to him—physically closer to him than any man she's been with since Chelsea was born.
00:15:12.000And what's amazing about that—so Jeremy's theory—and when I rewatch the clip, I'm not fully convinced.
00:15:17.000Jeremy's theory is that Bernie Sanders meant that to be an attack on her.
00:15:22.000That he meant to attack her the same way that Chris Christie sort of attacked Donald Trump and Carly Fiorina back during the second Republican debate.
00:15:28.000You remember Carly Fiorina and Donald Trump were going at it about their various business records, and then Chris Christie jumped in, he cannonballed in, and he said, everybody understands that you have great business records, no one cares.
00:15:42.000So Jeremy thinks that what Sanders was trying to do there is theories that what Sanders was actually trying to say there is no one wants to hear about your damn emails anymore and the implication being you're corrupt and this is a terrible distraction from all the issues and I can't believe that this has taken up so much time and effort.
00:15:58.000So, when I watch that again, maybe that's what Bernie Sanders was told to do beforehand, but that's not the way it comes off.
00:16:03.000It does come off the way that I think most people take it, which is, here he is, the gallant knight in shining, rusted armor, riding in on a cat and saving Hillary Clinton.
00:16:38.000Who, again, looked just wildly confused as to what was going on at all times on the stage.
00:16:44.000He honestly looked like he'd taken a hit of something before he did.
00:16:49.000Anderson Cooper, at one point in the debate, suggested that everybody in the audience had smoked dope, and it did look like Martin O'Malley may have, directly before the debate, because they went back to O'Malley, and O'Malley has been very aggressive about Hillary's email scandals.
00:17:03.000And O'Malley presumed—absolutely just went forward with the Bernie Sanders approach and said, no, I think this is all, you know, nonsense and a political hit job.
00:17:22.000Bernie Sanders is what the media want you to believe is a challenge to Hillary Clinton, and Bernie Sanders' presence in the race right now forecloses the possibility that somebody like Joe Biden jumps in.
00:17:30.000This debate was so good for Hillary that it prevents Joe Biden from jumping in because all the enthusiasm for—all the panic is gone, right?
00:17:38.000If you're wildly left, you're not panicking because you like Bernie Sanders.
00:17:41.000And if you're a moderate, you're not panicking because Hillary Clinton looks sane because she's Salieri in the insane asylum from Amadeus.
00:17:48.000When you're the guy who's sitting there and you've tried to slit your own throat multiple times, but you're sitting there and you're playing piano, and just outside your room where you're playing the piano, people are smearing their own feces on themselves, you look pretty reasonable.
00:18:01.000And that was Hillary Clinton in that debate.
00:18:03.000Lincoln Chafee was over in the corner of the room knitting a sweater or something, and Jim Webb was still having NOM flashbacks, and Martin O'Malley was sort of walking around like Jar Jar Binks,
00:18:17.000Hillary Clinton, however, is a vile partisan, and that is super clear.
00:18:26.000I have nothing against being a partisan, because I'm obviously a partisan.
00:18:29.000But I will say that what Hillary Clinton said during this debate is indicative of just how far left the Democratic Party has moved.
00:18:36.000Well, in addition to the NRA, the health insurance companies, the drug companies, the Iranians,
00:19:31.000Notice also, for the Democrats, if you asked any of the Republicans who are your greatest enemies, seriously, if you asked any of the Republicans who are your greatest enemies, aside from Scott Walker, who might say teachers unions, really, because they actually tried to take him out of office, virtually all of the Republicans would say ISIS.
00:19:45.000The Iranians, Vladimir Putin, the Chinese, right?
00:19:48.000They were named some sort of foreign policy threat.
00:19:50.000Hillary Clinton proceeds to name a domestic political group, the NRA, which is a fully legal group that has millions of members.
00:19:57.000And then she proceeds to list actual companies in the United States, right, that are engaging in legal business.
00:20:02.000This is a lady who said just a few moments ago, you watch me play it.
00:20:06.000That business and small business in the United States are wonderful things that have created prosperity.
00:20:22.000The Republicans are her big enemies, of course.
00:20:25.000And we all knew this, because Hillary Clinton despises conservatives and Republicans more than she does ISIS, or the Iranians, or anybody else who's truly evil on planet Earth.
00:20:35.000She sees them as the real threat to her and to her vision of the world, to her utopian quest for a more just and equal world.
00:20:44.000And the Republicans don't see it the same way.
00:20:46.000The Republicans see their enemies as actual foreign policy threats, typically.
00:20:52.000Because Hillary is going to spend this entire campaign season explaining Republicans are a bunch of racist, bigot, sexist homophobes who hate their mothers, and Republicans are going to explain that Democrats just disagree on the issues, but we all agree that ISIS is bad.
00:21:05.000And you tell me who's going to win that election.
00:21:06.000We've run this tape multiple times at this point.
00:21:47.000I think being the first woman president would be quite a change from the presidents we've had publicly at this point, including President Obama.
00:21:57.000To really put a capper on that, she really should have just done a strip tease at the end.
00:22:30.000Hillary name-checked Obama about a dozen times last night because she's trying to lock up the minority vote and to keep it away from Joe Biden.
00:22:42.000I mean, she told something like 27 lies, 27 separate lies, ranging from where she said that she didn't really back the Trans-Pacific Partnership, the TPP, the trade deal, that she negotiated and called the gold standard.
00:22:54.000She said, well, no, I said I hoped it would be the gold standard.
00:22:56.000No, Hillary, you said it was the gold standard.
00:22:58.000To when she said that it was smart power in Libya.
00:23:03.000And she said that they'd elected a moderate government in Libya, neglecting, of course, to mention that the government is now meeting in boats off the coast of Libya, because it's a government in exile.
00:23:11.000She told lie after lie, my favorite line of the night, actually.
00:23:14.000We don't have it on tape, but Hillary Clinton, at one point, this was the most important line of the night for her.
00:23:19.000She was talking about how Republicans, they always say that they're against big government, but they love big government.
00:23:23.000See, they want to shut down Planned Parenthood.
00:23:25.000And then she proceeded, which of course is idiotic.
00:23:27.000They wanted to fund Planned Parenthood, that small government by nature.
00:23:30.000She then continued by saying, when it came to paid maternity leave, paid family and parental leave, she said, of course we can pay for it.
00:23:48.000Donald Trump says, we're going to build a wall between the United States and Mexico and we will make the Mexican government pay for it by leveraging them, using our trade deals and using sanctions.
00:23:58.000Well, we'll use all the methods at our disposal to make them pay to build that wall.
00:24:02.000And the media goes, no, this is crazy!
00:24:04.000How could he possibly say such a thing?
00:24:06.000Hillary Clinton said on national television, the leading candidate for President of the United States, she said, we are going to build Utopia, and rich people are going to pay for it.
00:24:20.000If we removed 100% of all earnings above $1 million for everyone in the United States this year, that would be a grand total of $616 billion.
00:24:31.000There's just not enough money to go around for Hillary Clinton's grand utopian visions.
00:24:36.000And killing the rich, the execution of the aristocracy, exempting of course herself and all the other rich white people on stage with her, including Anderson Cooper, that is not going to solve the problem.
00:24:46.000The Democratic Party has gone full-scale socialist.
00:24:49.000The only difference between Hillary and Bernie Sanders is that Hillary doesn't wave her arms around in the air, and she doesn't have wild hair, and she has a steely demeanor, and her programming has been upgraded.
00:24:59.000But the reality is that Hillary, Bernie Sanders, two sides of the exact same coin.
00:25:03.000Bill Clinton—if Bill Clinton were running today with the same platform he ran with in 1992, he would not even make it into the debates.
00:25:11.000That's how far left the Democratic Party has moved.
00:25:13.000And that's not the fault of the Democratic Party.
00:25:15.000That's the fault of all of their supporters, all of the people out there who want their free stuff.
00:25:21.000Because that's what the debate was last night.
00:25:22.000It was Bernie Sanders saying, I want free college education.
00:25:26.000And then it was Hillary Clinton saying, and I want free abortions.
00:25:28.000And then it was Bernie Sanders saying, well, you know, I want free green energy for everyone.
00:25:33.000And then it was Hillary Clinton saying, well, I want free automobiles.
00:25:36.000And then Bernie Sanders said, free everything for everybody!
00:25:39.000And then Hillary finally blurted, free everything infinity!