The Joe Rogan Experience - November 21, 2017


Joe Rogan Experience #1042 - Krystyna Hutchinson & Corinne Fisher


Episode Stats

Length

2 hours and 18 minutes

Words per Minute

208.39415

Word Count

28,939

Sentence Count

2,819

Misogynist Sentences

199


Summary

In this episode, the boys talk about toilet paper, anal orgasms, and toilet paper. Do you ever use a bidet to clean your butthole? Is it more than just a butt clean up tool, do you also use a diaper wipe to clean up your butt? What do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public with poop stuck in your butt hole? How do you clean up poop from a butt hole in public? And how do you know when it s time to clean it up after you've had an anal orgasm? The boys discuss this and much more in this episode of Bathroom Break Podcast! Have a question or would like to debate a particular bathroom tip? hl=en We ll see you next Monday, when we'll have a new episode! Enjoy & spread the word to your friends about this podcast! Cheers, Caitlyn and Jon! Caitlyn & Jon Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Produced and edited by Jon Sorrentino. We are working on a new music video for this episode and we hope you enjoy it! Jon & Jon talk about poop, poop, poo, and poop. Jon talks about poop and poo. If you like it, please leave us a review on Anchor.fm/PODCAST and we'll get back to you guys on the pod! Thank you for listening and sharing it on the PodCast! if you have any questions or suggestions for future episodes, we'll be looking out for us! - Jon and Jon will be looking over our next episode. Thanks Jon is looking out there! -- Caitlyn's music is -- Jon's music, Jon s music is coming soon! -- -- Jon's Song: Tom's Music: "I'm Too Effing Good, Too Good by Jon's Music is by Jon s Song: "Maggie's Song is Goodbye" by Soothe Me Outtro (feat. ) -- "I'll Be Good, I'm Too Good By You, Too Badbye, I'll See You, I Can't Say That, I Love You, So Good By Me, My Butthole?" -- by Squeep, My Music Is Good by Silly, My Girl, My Song Is Good, My Badass Girl, and I'll Hear That's Good, So Badass, My Dope, My Peeing, My Poop Is Good Enough, My Fucking Good, And I'll Say So Good, You'll Be Better By You're Not Good Enough by Jeezy & I'll Think So Good & I'm Not Good By That, My Boy Is Good By Someone Else's Song, So Much So Much, My Back And I Can Say So, My God Will Say So Much By You Can I Say That (featuring You Can Say That & I Can Have It, I Will Say That So Good And I Don't Say It's Good Enough By You'll Hear It, My Words By Me & I Say This, My Friend's Song "I Can't Do That, That's Not Enough by You're Good Bye, My Squeellay, My Mother's Song (featoring You, My Best Effort, My Story, My Goodness, My Hanger, My Thoughts, My Yell, My Dreams, My MRS, My Lullaby, My Love, My Head Is Good & More)


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Yeah, they're great.
00:00:00.000 We got two of them.
00:00:02.000 I love that you could pick the front or the back.
00:00:05.000 That's an interesting way to start the podcast.
00:00:07.000 Oh, wait, you can squirt it?
00:00:09.000 We're talking about these toilets that have built in...
00:00:12.000 It's not really a bidet.
00:00:13.000 It's more like a butt cleaner, right?
00:00:15.000 Bidets are kind of crude.
00:00:16.000 You ever use a bidet?
00:00:17.000 Is a bidet not a butt cleaner?
00:00:19.000 I thought that's what it was.
00:00:20.000 It is, but it's not good at it.
00:00:22.000 No.
00:00:22.000 You know what I mean?
00:00:22.000 This was good at it.
00:00:25.000 The stream of water was the perfect size and pressure.
00:00:28.000 And warmth.
00:00:29.000 And I have had, I mean, if you want to get into it right off the bat, I've had an anal orgasm before with a vibrator and only once in my life.
00:00:37.000 And that thing, I was like, if I stayed on here like 10 more minutes.
00:00:40.000 It could get you.
00:00:41.000 I think it could.
00:00:42.000 A lot of gals out there taking notes.
00:00:44.000 I was like, I think I just use diaper wipes in my butt.
00:00:48.000 Yeah, that's good too, but think about it.
00:00:51.000 If my beard, if I had shit smeared all over my beard, would that be cool with a diaper wipe and just going out in public?
00:00:57.000 I don't think so.
00:00:58.000 Well, I mean, so the idea is to power wash it?
00:01:02.000 Yeah, that's what that thing does.
00:01:03.000 Power washing.
00:01:04.000 If I had shit in my face, though, I'd scrub it.
00:01:07.000 I would just take a full shower.
00:01:09.000 Full shower's the way to go.
00:01:10.000 I'll put my head in a tub of water for a little bit.
00:01:12.000 They're very smart with the bidet, and the bidet never caught on here in America.
00:01:16.000 They just went with paper, which is just...
00:01:18.000 Which gets caught in your butt, and it gets caught if you're a girl with not a neatly tucked vagina like most women.
00:01:24.000 It gets caught in there.
00:01:25.000 Yeah, and little pieces break off because it's soft.
00:01:28.000 Yeah, that's why I use Scott brand toilet paper instead of Charmin.
00:01:31.000 Everyone thinks I'm being cheap, and I'm like, no, I just don't want toilet paper stuck in my vagina.
00:01:35.000 Do you ever wipe your dick with toilet paper or not?
00:01:37.000 It's just your butthole.
00:01:38.000 No, I don't worry about that.
00:01:39.000 Even the drip?
00:01:39.000 What do you do with the drip?
00:01:41.000 Just drop it right back in the underwear.
00:01:43.000 Don't worry about it.
00:01:44.000 Right back in the chamber.
00:01:45.000 Yeah, it's not a concern.
00:01:48.000 Nice.
00:01:49.000 I've always wondered that.
00:01:50.000 Yeah, it's different.
00:01:51.000 I mean, girls, you know, it's obviously not as efficient a delivery method.
00:01:55.000 I know.
00:01:56.000 Well, you really got to be careful about the wiping front to back.
00:01:59.000 What do you guys know, right?
00:02:02.000 My young daughter got sick from that.
00:02:04.000 You have to learn the hard way.
00:02:06.000 Yeah, she didn't understand.
00:02:08.000 We were on vacation, actually, and she got sick from it.
00:02:11.000 Did she get a fever?
00:02:12.000 Yeah, she was only like, I want to say she was three or four.
00:02:15.000 Oh, wow.
00:02:15.000 Oh, no.
00:02:17.000 Yeah, she was really young.
00:02:18.000 Yeah, it's like, you know, you want to like, even if you tell them, it doesn't make sense to them.
00:02:23.000 Right.
00:02:23.000 You know, back to front is the way you normally would go.
00:02:26.000 But then you gotta do it in your head.
00:02:27.000 You go that way.
00:02:28.000 Until your arms get longer, yeah.
00:02:30.000 Yeah, and then you gotta lift your leg up.
00:02:31.000 I can reach all the way around now.
00:02:33.000 Do you wipe your ass with your leg up on the toilet?
00:02:35.000 No.
00:02:35.000 No, I stand up to wipe my ass.
00:02:37.000 Me too.
00:02:37.000 I do leg up.
00:02:38.000 I like to get in there.
00:02:39.000 If you squat, though, you could get in the butthole area better.
00:02:42.000 It's true.
00:02:43.000 I always do a Captain Morgan stance to clean out the area.
00:02:47.000 Captain Morgan stance?
00:02:48.000 What's that?
00:02:49.000 He has...
00:02:50.000 Oh, on the rum?
00:02:51.000 Leg up on the barrel.
00:02:53.000 Because when you stand up, you've got to wipe and wipe and wipe and you're like, when is this going to end?
00:02:57.000 Yeah, well, that's why I think every toilet should really...
00:02:59.000 I mean, would it be hard to have one of those jet things in every toilet?
00:03:02.000 It doesn't seem that...
00:03:03.000 I don't think that's a big ask.
00:03:04.000 Yeah.
00:03:05.000 But my concern is so, like, if you're squirting and then, like, poop crumbles are coming out and they're going back down, like, could it ever then hit the thing that's squirting on me and then could poop squirt back up at me?
00:03:16.000 That's my main concern.
00:03:18.000 Hmm.
00:03:19.000 Well, there's bigger concerns in life, but that is one.
00:03:22.000 I mean, we're just specifically talking about toilet concerns, so that major one.
00:03:28.000 I don't think, because of the water pressure, I don't think the...
00:03:31.000 You would have to have, like, a log.
00:03:33.000 Like a chit...
00:03:34.000 I mean, it would have to just...
00:03:36.000 You'd have to be prairie dogging.
00:03:37.000 Right?
00:03:38.000 Yeah, it would have to be, like, a cow patty.
00:03:40.000 I have a high-fiber diet.
00:03:42.000 Who's horny?
00:03:43.000 That's good.
00:03:43.000 That's good.
00:03:46.000 Anyway, we're sexperts.
00:03:48.000 Well, you're human.
00:03:49.000 Every human that has sex is in some way a sexpert.
00:03:53.000 Yeah, that's our platform because we don't know shit.
00:03:55.000 Yeah, we're not sexperts at all.
00:03:56.000 I said the other day to Corinne, what's the name of the hole that hugs the tampon?
00:04:00.000 She was like, wow, okay, Christina.
00:04:03.000 We did look it up.
00:04:04.000 Well, because people call the whole thing the vagina and that's inaccurate.
00:04:08.000 Vaginas are so complicated.
00:04:09.000 It's not the whole thing.
00:04:10.000 The whole thing is not a vagina.
00:04:12.000 No.
00:04:12.000 That's inaccurate.
00:04:13.000 Just the sex hole is the vagina.
00:04:17.000 Oh.
00:04:17.000 People call the whole thing the vagina, but that's not technically accurate.
00:04:21.000 So if the doors are closed and you're looking on the outside and you go, hey, that's a vagina.
00:04:25.000 I'm like, nope.
00:04:26.000 That's not technically correct.
00:04:28.000 That's my labia.
00:04:28.000 That's labia you're looking at there.
00:04:30.000 There's the church.
00:04:31.000 Here's the staple.
00:04:32.000 Open the doors and there's the click.
00:04:33.000 Well, let me tell you how I feel about it.
00:04:34.000 I think it's fucking gross.
00:04:35.000 The operation where they remove labial lips, that seems so goddamn crazy.
00:04:40.000 Labioplasty, yeah.
00:04:41.000 Yeah.
00:04:41.000 Somebody actually, because that doesn't do, your vagina is fully functioning and it works fine.
00:04:46.000 It's just aesthetic.
00:04:47.000 And then if you get that surgery and it goes awry, that's not good.
00:04:50.000 Somebody had emailed us once about, Dane Cook had a bit about like meaty pussy lips a while ago and she got labiaplasty because of that bit.
00:04:58.000 I was like, no!
00:05:00.000 Well, I like Dane Cook a lot, but I had talked about that because I was watching his special and I just put my hands over my face and I was like, this is not what we need at all.
00:05:11.000 But I was like, surely no one's going to do it because he said that it's a joke.
00:05:15.000 He's a comic.
00:05:16.000 But he's a cute comic, so then you're like, should I do it?
00:05:20.000 Not me personally, I mean.
00:05:21.000 But it also desensitizes the area a lot.
00:05:25.000 Oh, I imagine.
00:05:26.000 You're cutting meat.
00:05:28.000 Stitching things back up and things get numb.
00:05:30.000 I had knee surgery and there's a slice down my knee that I had this knee operated on in 1994 and it's still numb.
00:05:38.000 Oh, whoa.
00:05:39.000 Yeah, the skin, like where they did what's called a patella tendon graft, where they cut a long slice, they took a piece of your patella, they pull that out, and then they stitch it inside the knee.
00:05:50.000 And that area in the front where they took the scar, like where the scar is, it's numb.
00:05:55.000 So there's just no nerve endings there?
00:05:57.000 I don't feel it.
00:05:58.000 It feels, noticeably different than the sides.
00:06:01.000 Like that one strip where the scar is is very different.
00:06:05.000 So imagine that's your pussy.
00:06:06.000 Yeah, I was like, imagine your pussy is your knee and that just, so what's the point of life?
00:06:09.000 What's the point of living?
00:06:10.000 Now I'm always just going to envision your knees as my pussy whenever I see you.
00:06:14.000 It's got the pussy knee.
00:06:15.000 It would be a big pussy too because it's quite a large opening.
00:06:19.000 Some pussies are big.
00:06:20.000 And that's why babies come out.
00:06:22.000 Otherwise, you have to get C-sections, and then the baby doesn't get the proper vagina juices on the baby, and then they don't get the right amount of healthy bacteria.
00:06:31.000 Right?
00:06:31.000 Yeah, okay.
00:06:32.000 Now I know why there's a notepad here.
00:06:33.000 I'm taking notes on this.
00:06:35.000 Vagina juices.
00:06:37.000 Underline this.
00:06:38.000 They say that a baby born by cesarean section, especially elective cesarean section, it's actually unhealthy for the baby's immune system.
00:06:45.000 I thought you were going to say hotter.
00:06:47.000 Oh!
00:06:48.000 Because your pussy stays the same.
00:06:50.000 So your face doesn't get smushed.
00:06:52.000 Exactly.
00:06:52.000 They're not mashed when they come out.
00:06:54.000 They don't look like they got a facelift.
00:06:56.000 Photo ready.
00:06:57.000 Facetuned.
00:06:58.000 We didn't know what facetuning was.
00:07:01.000 We've been in LA for like three days.
00:07:03.000 We've heard facetuning...
00:07:06.000 Five times?
00:07:07.000 You know how you can auto-tune Britney Spears' voice so it sounds listenable to the general public?
00:07:12.000 You can also do that to your fucking face.
00:07:14.000 What?
00:07:14.000 Okay, so it's an app, and then beyond filters, you actually can take your finger, and if I think my face looks too fat, I can smudge it in so that it's thinner.
00:07:24.000 But then you meet somebody in person, and they're like, oh, fatty?
00:07:27.000 All the celebrities do it, apparently.
00:07:29.000 Oh, come on.
00:07:30.000 Not all of them.
00:07:30.000 Well, not you.
00:07:32.000 Okay.
00:07:32.000 Well, the weird ones do.
00:07:34.000 But...
00:07:34.000 See, the thing is, like, if you're doing that and then someone meets you in person, like, that was the issue with, you know, the Kim Kardashian Mexico pictures.
00:07:41.000 You know, that's the whole thing.
00:07:43.000 No.
00:07:43.000 Kim Kardashian...
00:07:43.000 I can imagine.
00:07:44.000 I love that you're up on this, though.
00:07:46.000 She brings...
00:07:46.000 I am.
00:07:46.000 I'm such a bitch.
00:07:48.000 Kim Kardashian brings photographers with her and they pretend that she's getting paparazzi'd.
00:07:53.000 But it's really, she hires these people, then they take the photos, and then they doctor the photos, they photoshop them, and then they release them as candid photos.
00:08:00.000 Well, she went down to Mexico and some real paparazzi were there.
00:08:04.000 Some real unpaid ones, and they got un-retouched ass shots, and it is a monster.
00:08:09.000 Oh, this cellulite.
00:08:10.000 Really?
00:08:11.000 Well, it's not cellulite.
00:08:12.000 Here's the thing.
00:08:12.000 It's fat taken out of her body and stuffed into her ass to give her this diaper look.
00:08:18.000 It sounds like she's wearing a diaper.
00:08:20.000 It's a meat diaper.
00:08:21.000 And you don't realize how gross it looks until you see it in real life.
00:08:24.000 I've seen one of those in real life, and it's chaotic.
00:08:26.000 And I've only seen them with pants on.
00:08:28.000 I haven't seen them naked.
00:08:28.000 But I saw one, and I was like, what in the fuck are you doing to your body?
00:08:32.000 Whoa.
00:08:33.000 It's chaos.
00:08:34.000 Because you're sucking fat out of your sides and your inner thigh and all this.
00:08:38.000 Like, look at that.
00:08:39.000 Whoa!
00:08:40.000 What in the fuck is that?
00:08:41.000 What the fuck is that?
00:08:42.000 That's a diaper.
00:08:43.000 I gotta say, I don't think it looks that bad.
00:08:45.000 Oh, you're crazy.
00:08:46.000 Find the Mexico pictures, because there was paparazzi pictures of her walking on the beach.
00:08:52.000 See, that's not even the bad ones.
00:08:55.000 This makes me like her more.
00:08:56.000 Why?
00:08:57.000 Because she's not perfect.
00:08:59.000 This humanizes her.
00:09:01.000 Okay, but wait a minute.
00:09:02.000 She's projecting a fake perfection, and that's her business.
00:09:06.000 And anyone who thinks Kim Kardashian is actually perfect is ridiculous.
00:09:12.000 Or young and impressionable.
00:09:14.000 And people who are held up to way higher standards, you look at that and you go, oh my god, how can I be like that?
00:09:19.000 It's not celebrities' job to be role models, though.
00:09:22.000 I mean, especially, it's a parent's job or guardian's job to step in and be like, maybe Ruth Bader Ginsburg, you ever heard of her?
00:09:30.000 Well, that's true, but here's the reality is, if you're a little kid and you're paying attention to online stuff without supervision and you're hanging out with friends at school, you're going to be affected by this, because this woman makes hundreds of millions of dollars, she's super glamour, she's on television, and you find out that she got fat stuffed into her ass to make that thing.
00:09:47.000 It's annoying because she cheated, kind of.
00:09:49.000 That's what it feels like.
00:09:50.000 It's like, well, if you're projecting this image of perfection, and then it's like, well, that's not really...
00:09:54.000 That's a lot of work to get the paparazzi that you hire to then edit it and then put it out like, ah, she's casually on the beach.
00:10:02.000 In her defense, it's a business.
00:10:04.000 It is.
00:10:04.000 I mean, her business is this, you know, looking...
00:10:07.000 I mean, I don't even know what her voice sounds like, right?
00:10:09.000 I do.
00:10:10.000 Sounds like this.
00:10:11.000 I would just play a clip of her saying a sentence to my child and be like, you know, it doesn't matter.
00:10:16.000 It does, though.
00:10:17.000 You could say that, but if you're a 16-year-old girl, and you see her on television, you see her being popular...
00:10:24.000 I was a 16-year-old girl at one time, and there certainly were people who looked hotter, but I still turned out okay.
00:10:30.000 I don't, by any means, have a perfect 10 body.
00:10:33.000 But she has confidence.
00:10:34.000 I truly love myself and my unbothered body.
00:10:36.000 I don't have any problems with it.
00:10:37.000 And I still ingested a lot of this kind of fluffy pop culture.
00:10:41.000 I actually love pop culture.
00:10:43.000 It's one of my favorite things.
00:10:44.000 It's just inane information about something.
00:10:46.000 Right, but this is a different kind of pop culture, because this is pop culture that is famous for just being famous.
00:10:52.000 This is what I would call Instagram culture, like these Instagram models and everything.
00:10:57.000 You do have to be careful about that, because even I find myself at 32 flipping through Instagram and going like, wow, there's a lot of work to do.
00:11:06.000 There was some dude, I don't know who he was, some black guy.
00:11:10.000 I don't know who he was.
00:11:12.000 He just was some funny dude who had this video post about Instagram girls saying, I want to thank all my fans.
00:11:18.000 He goes, yo, listen, you don't have fans.
00:11:21.000 I'm just a pervert.
00:11:22.000 I'm not your fan.
00:11:23.000 And he goes, and if you keep showing pictures of your ass, I'll keep looking because I like that shit.
00:11:27.000 So stop pretending that you've got some talent and you've got a bunch of people who love you.
00:11:31.000 That's uncomfortable.
00:11:32.000 That's so uncomfortable.
00:11:34.000 You don't need talent to have fans though, sadly.
00:11:37.000 You just gotta be hot.
00:11:38.000 There are people who I'm just fans of their ass.
00:11:42.000 I don't have a problem.
00:11:43.000 Are you not fans of anyone's ass?
00:11:45.000 Or bodies?
00:11:46.000 Yeah, I guess.
00:11:47.000 I'm a fan of looking at Kim Kardashian, and I have no problem with saying that.
00:11:50.000 I enjoy looking at her.
00:11:51.000 Yeah, but what he said was funny.
00:11:52.000 That's what my point was when she was pointing it out.
00:11:54.000 You're like, well, let's go break it down specifically.
00:11:57.000 Yeah, don't put me on this hierarchy of a fan.
00:11:59.000 I'm down here jerking off to you in my bedroom.
00:12:01.000 Yeah, I'm a fan of certain musicians.
00:12:04.000 Right, exactly.
00:12:05.000 I don't follow you around.
00:12:06.000 Although some people do.
00:12:08.000 But yeah, no, Corinne was always very naturally confident.
00:12:10.000 She's the only person I know that's a woman that is actually confident.
00:12:14.000 We must know someone else.
00:12:16.000 Do we?
00:12:17.000 That's so sad!
00:12:18.000 No, just like, the way you are confident is very unique.
00:12:22.000 Because she truly doesn't give a shit.
00:12:23.000 It's my only talent, really.
00:12:24.000 And everyone comes up to me and they're like, is Corinne?
00:12:26.000 Corinne's like really insecure, right?
00:12:27.000 I'm like, she's honestly not.
00:12:30.000 Thank you.
00:12:31.000 That's very nice of you.
00:12:32.000 Are you confident?
00:12:33.000 Are you insecure?
00:12:34.000 What's your insecurities?
00:12:35.000 I'm pretty confident, I guess.
00:12:37.000 But everyone's insecure a little.
00:12:39.000 A little bit, yeah.
00:12:40.000 It's part of being a human.
00:12:41.000 You worry about your own mortality.
00:12:42.000 You worry about all sorts of things.
00:12:44.000 I like that we're going to die.
00:12:45.000 I'm constantly worried about that.
00:12:48.000 Yeah.
00:12:48.000 Constantly.
00:12:49.000 People are worried about everything.
00:12:49.000 You're worried about your health, you're worried about your social status, your position in society, your friends.
00:12:55.000 Worrying about your health isn't insecurity, though.
00:12:57.000 That's just, I mean, you're so insecure.
00:13:00.000 Security, like, it's a broad definition, isn't it?
00:13:03.000 If you think of insecurity, what do you think of?
00:13:05.000 Just, like, how people perceive you that don't know you?
00:13:08.000 I think it's, you know, constantly trying to make up for something that you feel like you're lacking in, like an area you're lacking in.
00:13:15.000 So a lot of people aren't confident in their intelligence, their, how funny, you know, whatever occupation you are, that you're not the best in it.
00:13:24.000 I mean, I constantly think I have things to work on.
00:13:27.000 I'll never be satisfied until I'm the best, which will never happen.
00:13:30.000 So it's just a constant loop.
00:13:32.000 The best at?
00:13:33.000 Anything.
00:13:36.000 Existing.
00:13:36.000 Anything I want to do, I want to try to do.
00:13:38.000 And I try not to do things if I don't think that I can excel in them.
00:13:42.000 Which is why I don't have fun.
00:13:45.000 It's so true, though.
00:13:45.000 It's very true.
00:13:46.000 You don't have any fun?
00:13:47.000 We did go to Universal Studios yesterday.
00:13:49.000 That was fun.
00:13:50.000 What do you mean by you don't have any fun?
00:13:51.000 I mean, I don't like fun.
00:13:54.000 What?
00:13:55.000 Yeah, I have a bit about how I don't like fun, and I don't know.
00:13:58.000 I like working.
00:14:01.000 As opposed to fun.
00:14:02.000 Like, just frivolous fun if I feel like it's, like, a waste of, like, just hanging out.
00:14:05.000 I have a hard time just, like, hanging out.
00:14:07.000 Yeah, like, a hard time relaxing.
00:14:08.000 If we're not doing something.
00:14:10.000 That's why I like hanging out with Christina, because she's my friend, but we're also getting work done at the same time.
00:14:13.000 Like, when we were in Universal, we were in line, we were creating the intro for the show last night, and we were always working.
00:14:18.000 Oh, that's cool.
00:14:19.000 But then I discovered Psychedelics, and I feel like that's the release that I need.
00:14:24.000 So you don't enjoy recreational activities?
00:14:27.000 You don't want to go fishing or whitewater rafting?
00:14:30.000 That's athletic, so I feel like that is productive because I'm making my body stronger.
00:14:34.000 So I do like stuff like that.
00:14:35.000 But it's very analytical.
00:14:36.000 There has to be a purpose to it.
00:14:37.000 Yeah, I'm not fun!
00:14:40.000 I mean, I like skiing, but it's because I was like, I'm doing something, I'm learning a new skill, I'm getting exercise.
00:14:46.000 Yeah, no one's ever like, oh, Corinne, I want to party with that girl.
00:14:49.000 No, yeah, no one, I mean, gosh, I mean, unless I'm drinking, which...
00:14:53.000 Or, yeah, like DMT or some shit.
00:14:55.000 Yeah, then that's super fun.
00:14:56.000 She's so sweet when she's drunk, it's so weird, because she, like, gives you compliments, and you never hear a compliment from her, and she's like, you, like, look really good tonight, Christine.
00:15:03.000 I'm like...
00:15:04.000 Bitch, you wasted.
00:15:05.000 You always look good, though.
00:15:06.000 I think it's important to space out compliments so that they're really powerful.
00:15:10.000 Space them out.
00:15:11.000 Yeah, when you give them out.
00:15:12.000 Ration them.
00:15:13.000 Yes, yes, yes, exactly.
00:15:17.000 Interesting.
00:15:19.000 You seem interesting.
00:15:21.000 Wait, what is going on in your head right now?
00:15:23.000 Nothing, just trying to figure out why, you know...
00:15:26.000 Like why you would eschew fun.
00:15:29.000 I mean, it's not a bad thing.
00:15:32.000 It's great that you're going to get more work done.
00:15:34.000 But has it served you well?
00:15:35.000 Yes.
00:15:37.000 We're sitting here.
00:15:39.000 Absolutely.
00:15:40.000 You guys have a great name for a podcast, by the way.
00:15:41.000 Thank you.
00:15:42.000 I use you guys as an example all the time.
00:15:44.000 And when you do, people email us, they tweet us, and we go up like 10 positions in the podcast charts.
00:15:49.000 I'm like, God damn.
00:15:51.000 I know my manager was like, the Rogan bump.
00:15:53.000 I was like, yeah, we make you.
00:15:54.000 Well, I use you guys as a great example of people that didn't have like a big social media profile or a big, you weren't on big TV shows, but your podcast shot up because it's good.
00:16:04.000 Because it's fun.
00:16:05.000 I like how you guys banter with each other, too.
00:16:07.000 You almost finish each other's sentences, and you almost talk over each other, but you don't.
00:16:12.000 It's like you have a thought, and you'll interject with your thought while you're having a thought, and then you pick up your thought right after her.
00:16:18.000 It's like you guys have a weird...
00:16:20.000 Yes.
00:16:20.000 Yeah.
00:16:21.000 We've been working together for many years before the podcast, so I think...
00:16:24.000 And there was a lot of episodes of Guys We Fuck that I would have to go back and listen to and be very embarrassed by how many times I interrupted the fucking guest or her.
00:16:32.000 Yeah.
00:16:32.000 It's hard, right?
00:16:33.000 When you're enthusiastic and you want to talk and someone's talking and you don't know when to do it.
00:16:38.000 Yeah.
00:16:39.000 We have a secret twin language.
00:16:41.000 We do.
00:16:41.000 We've said, like, the same sentence, a long sentence at the same time.
00:16:45.000 It is very creepy.
00:16:46.000 We'll talk with our eyes when we're doing, like, a live show and know exactly what the next thing we need to do is.
00:16:52.000 Yeah.
00:16:53.000 Now, when you say you guys worked together before you did the podcast, what did you do?
00:16:56.000 Our comedy deal was called Sorry About Last Night.
00:16:58.000 So we did stand-up shows we would produce.
00:17:02.000 We did a two-woman show at UCB. We would do sketches, video sketches, just shit.
00:17:06.000 Anything we thought was funny.
00:17:07.000 And this was one of the...
00:17:08.000 The impetus for the podcast was a breakup.
00:17:11.000 Corinne got dumped in a Panera Bread.
00:17:13.000 And it was like...
00:17:15.000 The worst I've ever seen anybody handle a breakup meeting.
00:17:18.000 It really took a toll on her.
00:17:20.000 Well, it's not good.
00:17:21.000 She doesn't show a lot of emotion, so to see her cry, I was like, oh, shit.
00:17:24.000 And then one day she texts me.
00:17:26.000 She's like, we should just interview every guy we've ever fucked.
00:17:28.000 We'll do it on a podcast, which is called Guys We Fucked.
00:17:30.000 And I was like, yeah, actually.
00:17:33.000 Yeah, that's good.
00:17:34.000 I like how you call it an anti-slut-shaming podcast, too.
00:17:38.000 That was my addition.
00:17:40.000 That needs to stop.
00:17:42.000 It's a ridiculous thing.
00:17:43.000 I'm glad you agree.
00:17:44.000 It's ridiculous.
00:17:45.000 And also, you need to stop slut-shaming yourself.
00:17:48.000 I think a lot of people do that to themselves.
00:17:50.000 And I gotta say, like, I feel like Guys We Fucked is the female Viagra because it gets women have written us like, I want to go out and have sex because now I know how to communicate what I want.
00:17:59.000 I know it's not weird to say what I want.
00:18:01.000 I'm not a slut if I sleep with somebody on the first date or have a one-night stand.
00:18:05.000 It's like, that's really cool.
00:18:07.000 Well, I think this country, we still have the echoes of the Puritans that landed here.
00:18:11.000 I mean, there's some weird sexual...
00:18:16.000 There's some weird way that we have of viewing sex that I think is directly connected to the original way this country was founded.
00:18:23.000 There's like some serious prudishness that exists in America that doesn't exist in other places.
00:18:28.000 And some people think it's a good thing because they think that we get more work done because of it.
00:18:32.000 That our society is more geared towards productivity and getting ahead as opposed to some societies that don't...
00:18:40.000 But if you stifle a part of yourself, though, that's going to come out somehow.
00:18:45.000 And that's why people sexually assault.
00:18:46.000 I was going to say, the repression, I think, is why people act out sexually.
00:18:50.000 Because any religion that represses people, it's like, you're going to explode one day.
00:18:56.000 It's Catholicism.
00:18:57.000 I mean, it's the classic example.
00:18:58.000 If there was as many people in NASCAR that fucked kids as Catholic priests, how quick would they shut down NASCAR? Yes, very quickly.
00:19:07.000 Like, religion is so controlling.
00:19:09.000 But you can watch documentary after documentary.
00:19:11.000 Do you know the whole story about Ratzinger, who was the last pope?
00:19:15.000 He was wanted for crimes against humanity.
00:19:19.000 I mean, this guy literally cannot leave Rome.
00:19:21.000 If he goes to certain places, he could be tried for crimes against humanity.
00:19:25.000 What he did when he was a bishop or whatever the fuck the position they call, he was taking priests that were molesting kids and covering it up and moving them to another parish.
00:19:36.000 He moved one priest to a place where he molested 100 deaf kids.
00:19:41.000 Oh, God damn!
00:19:42.000 Yeah, and this was 100% factual, proven, non-speculative.
00:19:48.000 I mean, he's responsible for moving these people.
00:19:52.000 And the number of Catholic priests, I mean, first of all, there's got to be some Catholic priests out there who are wonderful people, and I'm sorry you get lumped into this, but the sheer number of Catholic priests that have been involved in molesting kids, it's fucking stunning.
00:20:07.000 It's terrifying.
00:20:08.000 Yeah, we had a guy emailed us that was in Boston and was molested by one of the priests and he got interviewed by that breaking piece about them.
00:20:15.000 One thing I've learned from doing Guys We Fuck, though, that really surprised me, I feel like 85% of the population has either been molested as children or raped or sexually assaulted in some way, like some big way, not just like groping.
00:20:29.000 And I had no idea it was that common.
00:20:31.000 And then I thought back, I'm like, shit.
00:20:34.000 One time I went to this doctor because I had to get blood work, so I picked a general doctor, and he was like, it was this old man, he's like, I'm gonna give you a breast exam.
00:20:41.000 I was like, huh?
00:20:41.000 Okay.
00:20:42.000 And then I, and he went real slow with it.
00:20:45.000 And then I left, I put my shirt back on, and I left the doctor's office, and I was walking home, and I was like, wait a second.
00:20:52.000 Aw, goddammit!
00:20:53.000 I was like, how did I let that slide?
00:20:57.000 Fuck!
00:20:58.000 And then it turned into a bit.
00:20:59.000 I was like, you ever been sexually assaulted but you didn't realize it until afterwards?
00:21:02.000 And then you're like, fuck!
00:21:03.000 Well, there's been a series of doctors that have been arrested for drugging their patients and then molesting them while they're under with hidden cameras.
00:21:10.000 Some patients had suspected it.
00:21:11.000 And so they had done the investigation and put hidden cameras and caught the doctors feeling them out.
00:21:17.000 Even caught doctors having sex with patients.
00:21:18.000 Oh!
00:21:19.000 Why they were under.
00:21:21.000 These are things that I maybe just didn't need to know.
00:21:23.000 No, there's some fucking creeps out there.
00:21:26.000 People are, I mean, I know, because you're from Jersey as well, right?
00:21:29.000 I was born there, but I only lived there until I was seven.
00:21:31.000 Oh, okay, because I was like, my grandfather was in the hospital for cancer when that angel of death, I don't know if you heard about this doctor that was coming around, like, killing people, and we're pretty sure that's what happened.
00:21:42.000 Killed your grandfather?
00:21:43.000 Died, like, pretty abruptly, and it's like, I don't know, it's like, I'm actually, my mom's gonna kill me, and we're like, we're We're revealing it here!
00:21:50.000 But she had said something to me privately, and I guess it was just too upsetting.
00:21:54.000 You can't trust anybody is the main thing.
00:21:57.000 Damn.
00:21:57.000 It's not that you can't trust anybody.
00:21:58.000 It's like, you're going to run into so many people that if just, like we were talking before the podcast started about social media, about like one out of ten.
00:22:06.000 If you have nine people that are awesome, and then one out of ten is just a fucking creep, you get upset.
00:22:11.000 Yeah.
00:22:11.000 Like, goddammit.
00:22:12.000 It makes you want to stay off.
00:22:14.000 Now think about running into people.
00:22:16.000 How many hundreds of people you run into.
00:22:17.000 All it takes is one creep.
00:22:19.000 And so it's not that you can't trust people, it's just like you're gonna run into a certain amount of creeps just based on the numbers.
00:22:26.000 Yeah, yeah, because the majority of people are not sexual predators, are not giant pieces of shit, but the ones that are really stick out.
00:22:33.000 I think what you're talking about too is big too about the suppression.
00:22:37.000 I think the suppression, any sort of suppression of desires It fosters that sort of creepy behavior.
00:22:44.000 It builds up and it looks for some sort of an outlet and that outlet comes out in really weird ways.
00:22:50.000 I have a friend, Jim Norton.
00:22:53.000 He's pretty open about it.
00:22:54.000 He loves dominatrixes.
00:22:56.000 He gets he goes to them and all that kind of shit and one of the things that he tells me is that these ladies say that a giant percentage of their business is like really powerful CEOs button down men who have to like be in control all the time have to you know have a very rigid Profile that they're projecting to their company and that these guys love to get shit on,
00:23:19.000 kicked in the balls, and they love to be told what to do.
00:23:23.000 Work hard, play hard.
00:23:26.000 Am I right?
00:23:28.000 There's a thing that's happening to people when you have to pretend to be something that you're not.
00:23:33.000 Oh, yeah.
00:23:33.000 That's why you find a lot of, I'm Jewish, and so a lot of orthodox Jewish men are real.
00:23:41.000 There's a lot of hiring sex workers on the down low.
00:23:44.000 And a lot of, I mean, this is a very broad statement to make, but a lot of touching on the subway kind of behavior.
00:23:51.000 You just see it more.
00:23:52.000 Did you see that they're making sex robots?
00:23:56.000 That look really, they look like actual women.
00:23:59.000 I mean, you could tell it's a robot, but it looks very close.
00:24:02.000 And I was thinking, because women have, I think with women, they oppress themselves a lot with their own sexuality.
00:24:08.000 And I'm like, man, women are the ones that should be getting the sex dolls, because then we can feel what it's like to have sex without giving a shit what the person we're having sex with thinks.
00:24:16.000 Because it's a fucking doll.
00:24:18.000 And you could really go buck wild and let loose and be vulnerable.
00:24:22.000 Right, and if you can use a vibrator, you could use a robot.
00:24:24.000 Yeah.
00:24:25.000 Oh, I would love a sex robot.
00:24:27.000 Would you let a robot take you in the butt?
00:24:28.000 Nah, in the butt.
00:24:29.000 I mean, that sounds dangerous.
00:24:30.000 Could the robot do foreplay?
00:24:32.000 I'd have to get one of those toilet seats and then maybe, yeah, I would.
00:24:34.000 These are dolls, though.
00:24:36.000 These are guys who choose dolls as their life partners.
00:24:39.000 I did an article about this once.
00:24:41.000 Oh, my.
00:24:41.000 Whatever you want to do.
00:24:42.000 When I wrote this article, this guy contacted me and he told me he had Oh, okay.
00:25:08.000 I see where you're coming from.
00:25:10.000 Yeah.
00:25:10.000 I see his point, too, though.
00:25:11.000 Imagine if you were just...
00:25:13.000 He has an insecurity and he didn't want to be vulnerable with a person because you're risking the rejection and that rejection hurts.
00:25:19.000 But I feel like in addition to the repression thing, though, I think masculinity...
00:25:23.000 I watched this documentary called The Mask I Live In on Netflix.
00:25:26.000 It's so good.
00:25:27.000 And it points out these little things that little boys pick up.
00:25:30.000 Like, you know, I was at a pool with my friend one summer and this dad...
00:25:35.000 Was trying to get his son to jump in the pool and he was like, come on, don't be a girl, jump in the pool!
00:25:39.000 And then he jumped in.
00:25:40.000 But those little tiny things get in your head and it gets to the point where when you're a grown man, you feel like you deserve pussy or getting pussy or getting girls is going to make you up, you know, raising status.
00:25:51.000 And that's fucked up.
00:25:54.000 Yeah, it's also like a kind of a perpetuating cycle because if you're an idiot and you raise kids that are idiots, you know what I mean?
00:26:00.000 If your parents were dumb and they raised you, you might have some really shitty ideas in your head that you've got to iron out.
00:26:06.000 And sometimes it takes a lot of life experience to figure out what those are and how to get them out.
00:26:11.000 If you ever are self-aware of it.
00:26:13.000 I feel like people go through their whole lives and they never know.
00:26:15.000 100%.
00:26:15.000 I mean, there's a lot of people you run into that are 70. Like I was watching this video on YouTube with this guy who looked like he was in his late 60s and he was giving some Asian guy a hard time on the bus and he was saying all this race.
00:26:28.000 Oh, I watched that.
00:26:29.000 I watched that too.
00:26:30.000 And I was like, Jesus Christ, this is an old guy.
00:26:33.000 This old guy.
00:26:34.000 He also seemed a little not...
00:26:36.000 Off.
00:26:37.000 Yeah, he was a little mentally unstable.
00:26:39.000 Yeah.
00:26:39.000 Off.
00:26:40.000 The night I saw that video, actually, there was a guy doing the same thing to a black...
00:26:47.000 I was at a Panera Bread, and there's this black guy who's working there.
00:26:49.000 What happens at a Panera Bread?
00:26:50.000 It's always at a Panera Bread.
00:26:52.000 We're trying to get them to sponsor our tour, honestly.
00:26:55.000 I know.
00:26:55.000 So we just buy gift cards instead and give them out as prizes at the show.
00:26:59.000 Break up some racism at Panera Bread.
00:27:01.000 No, but this guy, he wasn't old, but he was saying the N-word like very, I was like, I want to intervene, but he might stab me.
00:27:09.000 Was he saying it about someone?
00:27:10.000 To the employee.
00:27:11.000 And the employee was trying to brush it.
00:27:13.000 I'm like, oh, goddammit, that sucks.
00:27:15.000 And he was obviously, I don't know what the hell was up with him mentally, but he had some issues.
00:27:20.000 And he was talking to himself and smacking himself and pushing his chair over and picking it back up.
00:27:24.000 And I was like, you need to get the fuck out of here, man.
00:27:26.000 And then I kind of ran away.
00:27:28.000 I'm like, don't hit me.
00:27:29.000 But then he eventually left.
00:27:31.000 Yeah, there's that fine line.
00:27:32.000 When do you intervene if someone's mentally unstable?
00:27:35.000 You can't fix them.
00:27:37.000 You're not going to shame them.
00:27:38.000 They're talking to voices that aren't even talking to them.
00:27:41.000 I know.
00:27:41.000 So if you say, hey, you need to get the fuck out of here, then they decide to shoot you.
00:27:45.000 And then you're dead.
00:27:48.000 He realized that the guy wasn't there, like, all there, hopefully, and was like, this doesn't matter.
00:27:53.000 I feel like the Asian guy on the subway figured that out, too, right?
00:27:56.000 He was so chill.
00:27:58.000 Yeah, he was.
00:27:59.000 I've seen that a lot in New York City, though.
00:28:01.000 People that seem disturbed and then just going off on racist rants to people, to their faces.
00:28:07.000 I'm like, damn.
00:28:09.000 A lot of homophobic rants I've seen, too.
00:28:12.000 Like straight up to gay people?
00:28:14.000 Yeah, but I mean, again, people who are, as you say, off.
00:28:17.000 I mean, there was a guy not too long ago who just went up to the man sitting next to me and he was like, yo, I saw you looking at me.
00:28:23.000 You're looking at me.
00:28:24.000 I'm not like that.
00:28:25.000 I'm not going to fuck you.
00:28:26.000 And this young woman did step in very much like Christina.
00:28:32.000 And I'm kind of just thinking in my head, I love to step in, but that was Not when someone is mentally unstable.
00:28:39.000 We just all realized, like, okay, we're not going to take anything this person's saying to heart.
00:28:44.000 Subways are so weird because you're jamming that little thing with people and they know you can't get out.
00:28:48.000 And that feeling of vulnerability is always in the air.
00:28:51.000 And because of that, people that are fucked up will take advantage of that feeling.
00:28:54.000 It's also a great place for sexual assault.
00:28:57.000 Most of the sexual assaults I've experienced have been on the subway.
00:29:00.000 Just hard cocks, elbowing them away.
00:29:03.000 Stop by stop.
00:29:04.000 The worst is when you're on the subway late at night and there's not many people in the car and then you look up across from you and there's this guy with his hand down his pants and he's going to town on his dick and you're like, I want to die.
00:29:13.000 And you make eye contact with him and you're like, fuck.
00:29:16.000 Or when someone sits right next to you when there's absolutely no reason to do that.
00:29:20.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:29:22.000 Man, yeah, a lot of shit happens on the subway.
00:29:24.000 I've seen people take a shit.
00:29:25.000 You saw someone take a shit on the subway?
00:29:27.000 Yeah.
00:29:27.000 Multiple times.
00:29:28.000 What happens?
00:29:29.000 Once on the platform.
00:29:30.000 They just pull their pants down?
00:29:30.000 Yeah.
00:29:30.000 They just take a shit.
00:29:32.000 Early in the morning is bathroom usage time if you don't have a bathroom to go to on the subway.
00:29:37.000 So do they do it on the floor or do they do it over the edge?
00:29:39.000 On the floor.
00:29:40.000 On the floor.
00:29:40.000 They don't have that guy courtesy.
00:29:42.000 Come on.
00:29:42.000 Yeah, they don't want to get hurt.
00:29:43.000 You talking about homeless people?
00:29:44.000 I think so.
00:29:45.000 I would say yes, but maybe one or two of them haven't been.
00:29:48.000 I don't know.
00:29:48.000 We're just in a hurry.
00:29:50.000 Or they drank caveman nitro and they had to go.
00:29:52.000 Like, I'm going to shit on the floor!
00:29:54.000 How many people have you seen shit on the floor?
00:29:56.000 Four.
00:29:57.000 Wow, even more than me.
00:29:58.000 I think I only saw two.
00:30:00.000 How many masturbators have you seen?
00:30:02.000 Ugh, endless.
00:30:03.000 It ruined my favorite McDonald's for me.
00:30:05.000 One time it ruined an audition.
00:30:06.000 This guy had like elephantitis of the dick.
00:30:10.000 His dick, he had sweatpants on, but it was like the size of that wooden box in his pants, and I'm like, no way.
00:30:18.000 And then he was like, I'm like, oh no.
00:30:21.000 Totally fucked up the audition.
00:30:22.000 In the pants or out of the pants?
00:30:23.000 In the pants, but his hands were outside of the pants.
00:30:25.000 So it might not have been real.
00:30:27.000 I don't know.
00:30:28.000 He was cradling it.
00:30:29.000 Was it real?
00:30:32.000 He was just doing a little jokey joke, so everyone thought he had a hard big cock.
00:30:36.000 Maybe he was one of those YouTube pranksters.
00:30:37.000 Like, that was his thing.
00:30:38.000 Hey, if he was, great prankster.
00:30:40.000 Really thought...
00:30:41.000 Fucked you up for a couple years.
00:30:42.000 Yeah, fucked me up for a while.
00:30:44.000 It was just Sal from Impractical Jokers.
00:30:46.000 Oh, yeah.
00:30:47.000 And prosthetics.
00:30:48.000 Do you know that San Francisco, they have such a problem with people shitting on the streets, they have an app?
00:30:54.000 They have an app where you can find out where the human shit is and record it so you can avoid it.
00:30:58.000 Yeah, they have like piles of human shit.
00:31:00.000 Oh my god.
00:31:01.000 San Francisco is super duper liberal.
00:31:03.000 Almost to the point where they're like, they've created an issue.
00:31:06.000 They're like, let it be there.
00:31:07.000 They want to shit.
00:31:08.000 Well, it's like they're just super open-minded lefties.
00:31:10.000 That's where we invited the homeless man in San Francisco to do karaoke with us.
00:31:15.000 Oh, but it was the best night ever.
00:31:16.000 My brother lives there and he was like, stop doing that.
00:31:18.000 Is that where all the poop is?
00:31:19.000 Why is the rent so expensive there then?
00:31:22.000 Well, I think they're trying to combat that by shitting on the street.
00:31:26.000 That's a good tactic.
00:31:28.000 Get the elites to shit on the street.
00:31:29.000 But that's all poo areas that have been documented.
00:31:31.000 See, there's like a, I'm sure it's gotta be near the Tenderloin, right?
00:31:36.000 That's probably where a lot of people do their shitting.
00:31:37.000 Oh my god.
00:31:38.000 I love San Francisco, by the way, but one of the things about them is that they're so progressive.
00:31:43.000 They're so hard left that they just tolerate homeless people in a really weird way.
00:31:51.000 Yeah, we didn't know that the homeless people in San Francisco tend to have a reputation of being aggressive, and we were at karaoke.
00:31:58.000 This is...
00:31:59.000 That was only before I took the wee cookie of doom, right?
00:32:02.000 The wee cookie of doom?
00:32:03.000 Did you get it from Joey Diaz?
00:32:05.000 No, I got it from a fan.
00:32:07.000 Why?
00:32:07.000 Did you do that?
00:32:08.000 I know, we've since learned.
00:32:10.000 But we were having karaoke.
00:32:12.000 It was after our show.
00:32:13.000 We were with her brother and the friends, and we were singing.
00:32:15.000 And it was just like a fun...
00:32:17.000 Really fun night.
00:32:18.000 And there was this homeless guy comes up outside and he's just like looking in like he wants to partake.
00:32:23.000 He was dancing on the street.
00:32:23.000 Yeah, he was like dancing to the music.
00:32:25.000 And it was like those scenes where, you know, everyone's having a fun, warm Christmas inside.
00:32:29.000 And then little Tommy's outside going...
00:32:31.000 And I was like, Corinne, we should...
00:32:33.000 And then Corinne like goes up and is like, come in.
00:32:36.000 You want to dance?
00:32:36.000 We bought him beers.
00:32:37.000 No, it went so well.
00:32:41.000 My brother reacted like you.
00:32:43.000 And then...
00:32:43.000 That did everybody else.
00:32:44.000 And then the magic...
00:32:46.000 Of the guys we fucked, Al's, brought him in.
00:32:50.000 We did buy him a couple beers and then later found out he was an alcoholic, but he was already drunk, so I was like, eh, this is not the day that he's gonna, you know, get back on the wagon.
00:33:00.000 And I asked him about him and his life, and, you know, when was the last time he hung out?
00:33:05.000 Like, I was just asking him about himself, and he seemed to, like, the way he was answering, it was like, no one ever asked me about me.
00:33:11.000 I'm like, ugh!
00:33:12.000 Whoa.
00:33:12.000 He said it was like the best night of his life, and then he did mildly grope Christina.
00:33:17.000 Oh, he did?
00:33:17.000 Yeah, but, you know...
00:33:19.000 The weed cookie made you black out.
00:33:21.000 Again, I wasn't on the weed cookie at that point.
00:33:23.000 Shit, I really get groped a lot, and I don't know it.
00:33:25.000 But in that situation, it's like...
00:33:28.000 You know, a grope for your service.
00:33:32.000 Where did he grope me?
00:33:33.000 I love how I'm asking Corinne where and when I got grope.
00:33:36.000 Just like a slow release from the hug.
00:33:41.000 Normally when you hug, you release out.
00:33:43.000 You don't have to slide to release.
00:33:46.000 Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
00:33:47.000 He was drunk, right?
00:33:48.000 So who knows if he even knew what he was...
00:33:50.000 You know what?
00:33:52.000 You're gonna dig your own grave there.
00:33:54.000 I didn't care.
00:33:54.000 But are you sure that that was what he did?
00:33:55.000 That he grabbed her tits?
00:33:56.000 Yeah, I'm pretty fluent in groping.
00:33:59.000 But she didn't know that.
00:34:00.000 She never knows.
00:34:01.000 She's been sexually assaulted millions of times and she doesn't realize it.
00:34:04.000 Are you sure you have the same definitions as her?
00:34:07.000 Touching someone's breast without them wanting you to touch it is groping.
00:34:11.000 But it's tricky.
00:34:12.000 But if you have someone, you're holding them on the side and you release your hands.
00:34:17.000 No, I'm talking.
00:34:17.000 Did he touch your tits?
00:34:18.000 Listen, I'm not trying to have this guy lose his cameo on House of Cards.
00:34:21.000 It's fine.
00:34:23.000 I'm just trying to figure out what he did.
00:34:26.000 I let it go.
00:34:27.000 I think I remember.
00:34:27.000 I didn't even say anything.
00:34:29.000 And you're like, no, not the pussy.
00:34:31.000 Oh, he tried to grab your pussy.
00:34:33.000 See, I thought it was the breast, but it was an area, one of the no-no areas.
00:34:40.000 He got feely.
00:34:40.000 I do remember going, no, no, no.
00:34:42.000 Don't ruin yourself for me, please.
00:34:44.000 He got feely.
00:34:45.000 You guys were hanging out.
00:34:46.000 You had a few drinks, and he got feely.
00:34:48.000 Yeah, bitch.
00:34:49.000 Yeah, but I didn't care.
00:34:50.000 I was happy that he had a good time and he was smiling.
00:34:53.000 He wasn't smiling because of that, hopefully.
00:34:56.000 Yeah, so there's like a spectrum for sexual assault, right?
00:34:58.000 Yes, there is.
00:34:59.000 There is, yeah.
00:35:00.000 There's like the casual, like, not quite touch your breath, but hey, you grabbed me right here.
00:35:06.000 This isn't a hug.
00:35:08.000 I mean, that's you using your hands as underwire, right?
00:35:11.000 Yeah, exactly.
00:35:13.000 Yeah, like under tit on your hands is not good.
00:35:16.000 Good to see you.
00:35:16.000 But a hug, you can feel breasts on a hug.
00:35:19.000 You can.
00:35:20.000 That's normal.
00:35:20.000 Chest to chest hugs are good because hands move too good.
00:35:24.000 And then even though you can feel it with your chest.
00:35:26.000 Are you a hugger?
00:35:28.000 Everybody's a hugger.
00:35:29.000 I'm a hugger.
00:35:30.000 You're not a hugger?
00:35:30.000 She ain't a hugger.
00:35:31.000 You're an odd girl.
00:35:32.000 She is in a good way.
00:35:34.000 If I know them, I think it's strange to hug someone the first time you meet them without knowing anything about them.
00:35:42.000 We shook hands when I first met you, and I will now hug you on the way out if I'm allowed with your consent.
00:35:48.000 I would love to hug you.
00:35:50.000 Let's not get too consent-y here.
00:35:52.000 See, I was going for the hug, and I was like, I don't know what he's thinking.
00:35:55.000 I was comfortable until you just used your hands as underwire, so now I'm scared.
00:36:00.000 Or did this.
00:36:02.000 Well, I should tell you that I have very sensitive breasts, so I like hands.
00:36:05.000 So if you hug me, I don't really have sensitive breasts.
00:36:08.000 I'm just going to lick your face.
00:36:10.000 Andy Dick style?
00:36:11.000 Oh, yeah.
00:36:13.000 I worked with Andy for five years.
00:36:15.000 We love Andy.
00:36:16.000 He's the only man that's ever jerked off in front of me.
00:36:20.000 Everyone has an Andy Dick story.
00:36:22.000 I just opened the door once in my trailer and he was jerking off.
00:36:24.000 Knocked on the door, let me in, let me in.
00:36:27.000 I opened the door and he was jerking off.
00:36:28.000 Oh, he was trying to get into your trailer.
00:36:30.000 I don't know what he was doing.
00:36:32.000 He was either being silly, which is Andy, or he was high as fuck, which is Andy, or he was looking to fuck me, which is also Andy.
00:36:39.000 It could have been a number of different things.
00:36:41.000 He's always said to me, Stephen and I, Stephen's my boyfriend, and we've met Andy, we've hung out with Andy a bunch, and And he'll say in front of Steven, like, when are you going to leave your boyfriend and come find something really funny in front of Steven?
00:36:51.000 And I fucking love it.
00:36:52.000 He's a funny dude.
00:36:54.000 Yeah, he is.
00:36:55.000 But he has no filter and he has no control.
00:36:58.000 And he wants to sometimes.
00:37:01.000 He did my podcast once and he was talking about being sober.
00:37:05.000 He's like, I'm sober now.
00:37:06.000 I'm really happy.
00:37:07.000 I go, so you're going to stay sober?
00:37:08.000 He goes...
00:37:10.000 We'll just have to see how it plays out.
00:37:12.000 It was, but it was also one of those things where you understand his mindset is not...
00:37:17.000 He's embraced his lack of control in some sort of strange way.
00:37:21.000 Instead of trying to reformulate the way he views the parameters that he establishes for him to have a healthy, happy life.
00:37:31.000 Because he was living in his ex-wife's shed.
00:37:34.000 He had a podcast called Shed Life or something like that.
00:37:38.000 Hey, turn it into a comedy thing, you know?
00:37:41.000 Turn your shit into...
00:37:42.000 The Shed Show.
00:37:43.000 That's what he called it.
00:37:44.000 The Shed Show.
00:37:45.000 His programming is great.
00:37:46.000 Did you also remember he had that reality TV show called The Ass-Sistant, which is to this day one of the funniest things I've ever seen.
00:37:52.000 Oh, that's right.
00:37:53.000 We, like, abused potential assistants.
00:37:55.000 You know, just funny physical...
00:37:57.000 Back in the days when people could, you know, just appreciate physical assault for what it was.
00:38:01.000 Yeah.
00:38:02.000 Well, let's go back to that time.
00:38:04.000 It's not the same with him.
00:38:06.000 Because he's so crazy and you know it going in.
00:38:10.000 Yeah.
00:38:11.000 But still, if you're standing next to him and he just reaches over and grabs your tit, it's still wrong.
00:38:15.000 Of course.
00:38:16.000 Yeah.
00:38:17.000 But I have a love for him in my heart that part of who he is is kind of like, you never know what he's going to do kind of thing.
00:38:24.000 To me, I don't have it in my head when I hang out with him.
00:38:26.000 I'm like, is he going to assault me?
00:38:27.000 I don't ever think that, but that's what I love about him is he's very unpredictable.
00:38:32.000 He's a sweet guy.
00:38:32.000 He really is a sweet guy.
00:38:35.000 He's super talented.
00:38:37.000 When we would do scenes together, I would have to redo the scene over and over again because I'd crack up.
00:38:41.000 It'd be a real problem.
00:38:43.000 He's really talented.
00:38:44.000 Well, the thing Yeah, when we met him, he was sober.
00:38:48.000 So we kind of went into it knowing sober Andy Dick.
00:38:51.000 And we actually met him at...
00:38:52.000 I mean, I think it's supposed to be called these days rehab facility.
00:38:54.000 It was a halfway house.
00:38:56.000 And we met him and he had just...
00:38:58.000 I reached out to his agent's assistant and he...
00:39:02.000 We randomly agreed to do our podcast.
00:39:04.000 We met him in the music room of his rehab facility.
00:39:08.000 And he told us the only reason that he agreed to do the podcast was because he learned in AA that as an alcoholic, he's been really selfish, wasted people's time, hurt people.
00:39:20.000 And so he said yes to doing Guys We Fucked because he was trying to make amends for all the bad he had done.
00:39:27.000 And I just thought that was really nice.
00:39:29.000 Like, what a nice reason to do something.
00:39:32.000 Right, but he didn't do any bad to you guys.
00:39:33.000 It sounds more like you wanted to be on your podcast because it's popular.
00:39:36.000 He had no fucking idea what it was.
00:39:40.000 This was a couple years ago, I promise you.
00:39:42.000 It was a karma thing.
00:39:44.000 I mean, yes, we aren't the people he hurt, but I think he was just trying to put good out into the universe.
00:39:48.000 And I really believed him, and that's not something I would normally believe.
00:39:51.000 Well, it was like a year and a half, two years ago when we interviewed him.
00:39:53.000 It was a while ago, yeah.
00:39:54.000 That makes sense.
00:39:55.000 Yeah, I mean, he's definitely had these moments of clarity.
00:39:59.000 Yeah.
00:40:00.000 Yeah.
00:40:01.000 It was funny when he got fired from this movie recently for licking somebody.
00:40:04.000 And he said, uh, misconduct is my middle name.
00:40:09.000 I agree.
00:40:12.000 He's such a fucking character.
00:40:14.000 Sometimes I think about like, I have a monthly show that I run in New York City where my friend and I open it up as characters.
00:40:21.000 Nina and Simone were like prostitutes.
00:40:23.000 And we have a guy, this guy Will, comes up and he intros us every month.
00:40:27.000 And I'll smack his ass.
00:40:29.000 And I've been thinking lately, I'm like, shit.
00:40:33.000 Probably shouldn't do that, huh?
00:40:34.000 Did you ask him if it's okay?
00:40:35.000 No, it's different.
00:40:36.000 No, I didn't.
00:40:38.000 He didn't mind, or if he did, he didn't tell me.
00:40:40.000 I mean, we're friends.
00:40:41.000 Here's my take on it.
00:40:43.000 There's a difference between a girl doing it to a guy because a girl can't rape a guy.
00:40:47.000 You don't have a physical advantage over it.
00:40:48.000 Well, if you drug him, you can do anything to him.
00:40:51.000 If you drug them.
00:40:51.000 But smacking a guy in the ass is very different.
00:40:54.000 There are some women who are bigger than some men.
00:40:57.000 Sure.
00:40:57.000 It's very rare.
00:40:58.000 Those are outliers.
00:40:59.000 There's absolutely a physical...
00:41:00.000 For the most part, there's a difference between a girl doing something like that to a guy, and that's the difference.
00:41:05.000 Yeah, because you don't feel for your life.
00:41:07.000 It's the physical threat.
00:41:08.000 I had a buddy of mine who was sexually harassed by his boss, who was a woman, and he said it was super fucking disturbing, because he's kind of introverted, and his boss would grab his ass when he was getting coffee, and he'd go to the coffee machine, and she'd grab his ass, and he'd jolt, and he was really stunned and worried about being around her,
00:41:26.000 and she would tease him about him being a prude.
00:41:29.000 He said it made it really uncomfortable, and he said, now I know what it's like to be a woman.
00:41:34.000 He was joking around about it.
00:41:35.000 Did he ever address it with her?
00:41:37.000 No, I think he quit.
00:41:39.000 He wound up quitting.
00:41:40.000 But it was a situation where it was like, you know, he was below her in the social food chain of the office.
00:41:47.000 Yeah, and she was taking advantage of that.
00:41:49.000 She could fire him and, you know, he wouldn't have any money and nobody would ever believe that she had done that to him.
00:41:54.000 There was no proof.
00:41:55.000 It was a weird sort of reversal of the dynamics.
00:41:58.000 And then that anxiety got created in his work environment.
00:42:01.000 I feel like with women, it's like little things happen throughout your life when you're a chick.
00:42:06.000 They don't make you feel unsafe.
00:42:09.000 It's just like, I just want to go to the goddamn grocery store.
00:42:11.000 Can you not go to me?
00:42:13.000 I just don't.
00:42:13.000 And then that all adds up, whether it's big things, little things.
00:42:17.000 Usually it's a combination of both.
00:42:18.000 And then that adds up to the feeling unsafeness.
00:42:21.000 And then you hear stories, and then you're like, oh, fuck.
00:42:24.000 Well, the Cosby thing freaked so many fucking people out, but I know a bunch of girls who've been drugged.
00:42:31.000 I know a bunch of girls who have been at a bar and then had a drink that someone gave them and then all of a sudden their legs start giving out and they don't know what's going on.
00:42:39.000 Oh, I've been roofied as far as roofied.
00:42:40.000 You've been roofied?
00:42:41.000 Yes.
00:42:43.000 It ended there, though, but yeah.
00:42:45.000 When did this happen?
00:42:46.000 My friends were with me.
00:42:48.000 I was at my own birthday party, maybe when I was like 25, in that year, 24, 25. And my friends pushed me in a cab because they just thought I was blackout drunk, but I really had been roofied.
00:43:01.000 That person's since committed suicide.
00:43:04.000 The person who roofied you?
00:43:05.000 Yeah, I'm not mad.
00:43:06.000 I knew who it was.
00:43:07.000 I'm not mad about it.
00:43:08.000 People are like, aren't you angry?
00:43:09.000 I'm like, no, that person had demons so much bigger than me getting roofied.
00:43:13.000 And I'm so thankful that nothing happened to me.
00:43:15.000 I feel, honestly, if that's being a woman, when you get roofied and you don't get raped, I feel lucky.
00:43:22.000 And that's being a woman.
00:43:25.000 It's weird to feel lucky that I've never been raped.
00:43:27.000 It is.
00:43:28.000 But we both feel really lucky.
00:43:30.000 Because we hear about it.
00:43:31.000 I mean, now the public is hearing about it how often it happens in Hollywood, which a lot of us already knew.
00:43:35.000 But it happens in every economic status, every class of people, every eight.
00:43:40.000 It happens so much.
00:43:42.000 I mean, it's to the point where a couple times on our podcast I've said, statistically there has to be rapists listening to us.
00:43:48.000 Somebody listening to us has raped somebody.
00:43:51.000 For sure.
00:43:51.000 So fucking sick of hearing of what I hear from the victims all goddamn day.
00:43:55.000 And it doesn't help me get to the bottom of why this is happening.
00:43:58.000 And so I'm like, if you're a rapist, make a fake email and email us.
00:44:02.000 Because help me understand this.
00:44:04.000 Because I think about it all the time.
00:44:05.000 Because we are constantly getting really horrible, heartbreaking emails about it.
00:44:10.000 And we've had a couple of guys email us.
00:44:13.000 One guy...
00:44:14.000 He said he was really sick and tired of seeing other men be douchebags to women, lie to women, and then they'd get laid.
00:44:21.000 And by the time he turned 30, he said he broke and he started putting ads on Craigslist and then would rape the women and he still does it.
00:44:28.000 But I'm like, the problem there is you felt entitled to a woman, okay?
00:44:32.000 Because he was acting like an asshole.
00:44:34.000 That has nothing to do with you.
00:44:35.000 So I think that entitlement thing is an important building block in why people do this.
00:44:41.000 Well, people start...
00:44:42.000 One thing that does happen that I've seen with men as they get older is they start to associate women with pain because they get rejected.
00:44:50.000 And because they try to hit on girls, and they get shit on, and they get rejected, and they get angry.
00:44:55.000 And then there's this antagonistic relationship between women and them.
00:44:59.000 They look at women as the enemy.
00:45:00.000 And then they look at women as the cause of emotional pain, and then they start to insult them and say nasty shit to them.
00:45:08.000 I've seen it.
00:45:08.000 I've seen it happen with guys where they start off kind of like carefree, and then as they get into their 30s, and then they start getting more shitty, and then they get closer to 40. Whoa, so you've seen the arc.
00:45:17.000 I've seen the arc.
00:45:18.000 Wow.
00:45:18.000 I've seen it in a couple guys.
00:45:19.000 Are they your friends?
00:45:21.000 No, not anymore, for sure.
00:45:22.000 I was going to ask if you've ever talked to them about that, because one thing I think would help is if dudes were like, hey, don't do that.
00:45:28.000 Well, one of the reasons why I'm not friends with one guy in particular is because of an extreme lack of awareness that became more and more apparent as he got older, where you couldn't talk to him about things.
00:45:38.000 And if you can't talk to someone about things, if they're doing something wrong, then they're not going to ever learn.
00:45:41.000 And if they're not going to ever learn and grow, you're always going to have this weird blockade whenever you talk to them.
00:45:46.000 I hate that, yeah.
00:45:47.000 You can't talk to those people.
00:45:47.000 So it's good you're not friends with them.
00:45:49.000 Because that's what he should learn.
00:45:51.000 Hopefully, if his friends continue to do that, and he's like, wait, why the fuck?
00:45:54.000 Where'd everybody go?
00:45:55.000 Some people have deep-seated trenches, these defense mechanisms that they just fall right into every time, and it's almost like they can't stay on the edges.
00:46:05.000 Yeah.
00:46:05.000 And for whatever psychological reason, I mean, I'm not a psychologist.
00:46:09.000 I don't know what's causing it, but there's a lot of men that I think, as time goes on, and they get, maybe they're not attractive, maybe they're not successful, maybe it's both, but as time goes on, they get more and more resentful and angry about women.
00:46:23.000 Yeah, sometimes, man, we meet men that are, you know, and it's not often, but you meet them and you're like, you hate women.
00:46:29.000 Dude, you hate women.
00:46:31.000 And a lot of times, I've been doing this lately, when we get like shitty things said to us on Twitter, I'll respond back with like, you know, with a really nice thing to say, like a compliment, and then it'll like break them down and be like, oh, that's pretty funny.
00:46:44.000 And I'm like, okay.
00:46:46.000 To me, when I see a man do that, when they do it to me personally, it's hard not to take it personal, but it's not a personal thing.
00:46:53.000 They're projecting what they feel.
00:46:54.000 Yeah, but they do that to men, too.
00:46:56.000 They do that to me all the time, and they're doing it because they just want to get a reaction out of you.
00:46:59.000 One of the best ways to get a reaction out of you is to make you feel bad.
00:47:01.000 Yeah, that's true.
00:47:03.000 If they say something nice to you, and you don't respond, then you go, okay, well, let me try.
00:47:06.000 Oh, I just retweeted.
00:47:07.000 It's a narcissist.
00:47:10.000 I wanted to be honest.
00:47:12.000 Oh, I respond, Joe.
00:47:15.000 Thank you.
00:47:16.000 Can't respond to everybody, right?
00:47:18.000 But when guys do that to you, what are the flags?
00:47:21.000 They're just trying to say mean things.
00:47:23.000 Negging.
00:47:23.000 Call you a loser or whatever.
00:47:25.000 There's always someone who's trying to push a button.
00:47:29.000 But why do they do that?
00:47:30.000 This is the only reason.
00:47:32.000 Because they're losers.
00:47:33.000 There's no one who's like a happy, fulfilled person who hates on Twitter.
00:47:37.000 So true.
00:47:37.000 Just who has the time to do that?
00:47:39.000 Exactly.
00:47:40.000 You're not doing anything with your life.
00:47:41.000 Go outside.
00:47:42.000 I mean, maybe you're like, I'm going to dedicate five minutes a day to being a cunt.
00:47:45.000 I'm just going to go online, I'm going to shit on people.
00:47:47.000 It's cunt time.
00:47:48.000 And then after cunt time's over, I'm going to just go water the garden and be nice to everybody.
00:47:52.000 That might be very cathartic.
00:47:54.000 Pet puppies.
00:47:54.000 You wouldn't do it.
00:47:55.000 Cunt time.
00:47:56.000 I like it.
00:47:57.000 People need to squeeze in some cuntime in their day.
00:48:00.000 I really think.
00:48:01.000 I like that idea.
00:48:02.000 Or like the social media version of a rage room where it's not really hurting anybody and it's no one's actual dishes you're breaking.
00:48:09.000 Someone just bought it in a thrift store.
00:48:10.000 And then you can let it out and then you can let your punching back.
00:48:14.000 John Ronson is one of the smartest people we've ever had the honor of talking to.
00:48:19.000 He's my super crush.
00:48:19.000 I love him.
00:48:19.000 And he's like, when are we going to stop making people our plaything?
00:48:23.000 What was the quote?
00:48:24.000 Weak people are playthings?
00:48:26.000 Are playtoys?
00:48:27.000 This is another quote that I don't know about.
00:48:29.000 It's just evolutionary instinct.
00:48:30.000 It's an evolutionary instinct that exists in chickens.
00:48:33.000 I have chickens and one of the things you always hear about chickens is the thing called the pecking order.
00:48:38.000 That shit is real as fuck.
00:48:40.000 We have a big chicken coop.
00:48:41.000 We have 22 chickens.
00:48:43.000 And one of the things that happens is the chickens will find the smallest chicken and they fuck that chicken up.
00:48:48.000 And the other chickens will pile on and they'll chase the chicken around and peck it for no reason.
00:48:53.000 It's not like the chickens fed anything.
00:48:55.000 It's just the smallest chicken.
00:48:57.000 Does the chicken die?
00:48:58.000 Sometimes.
00:48:59.000 Sometimes chickens die and the other ones will peck at the hole and try to eat it.
00:49:03.000 Your bitches be crazy.
00:49:05.000 They're crazy.
00:49:06.000 I'm terrified of birds.
00:49:07.000 It exists in dogs.
00:49:08.000 In dogs it exists.
00:49:09.000 There's the alpha and then there's the betas.
00:49:11.000 In wolf packs it exists.
00:49:13.000 I mean, it's just a normal thing about nature where when humans see someone who's weak, you have to work very hard to resist the urge to go...
00:49:22.000 Get the fuck out of here.
00:49:24.000 You're right.
00:49:24.000 Get your shit together, pussy.
00:49:26.000 Stop fucking crying.
00:49:27.000 That instinct to be cruel to someone who's weak is genetically predisposing people.
00:49:33.000 It's a part of what made the genes of the stronger people...
00:49:37.000 Keep moving.
00:49:38.000 And the ones that were weak and they couldn't handle emotional stress and then they were shunned and they were pushed out of the community.
00:49:44.000 But what we're finding now with this new society that we live in where people are able to gather information and communicate and do things that don't even involve person-to-person contact is that these people who are introverts and these people that are shy and maybe even socially awkward or have a huge problem with confrontation and You would consider them weak.
00:50:05.000 They have a type of creativity that doesn't exist in the alphas.
00:50:26.000 Well, not even normally think of, but they're alternative methods of thinking.
00:50:31.000 And you would perceive that, an outgoing person would perceive that as like, what are you an idiot or something?
00:50:35.000 Well, they don't exist in the normal paradigm.
00:50:38.000 Like if you look at human societies up until like the last couple hundred years, you're dealing with people that have these hardworking jobs.
00:50:45.000 There's a few artists, musicians and painters and things along those lines.
00:50:48.000 But most of what you're doing, if you're not a crafts person, hard labor, very difficult jobs, There's no computer coding.
00:50:55.000 There's so many of these alternative positions as far as like the way the human mind works that were never available to someone who lived three, four, five hundred years ago.
00:51:07.000 So we're finding value.
00:51:09.000 We're finding value in different kinds of thinking, different people that are on the spectrum.
00:51:15.000 Asperger's and autism.
00:51:17.000 They're the smartest.
00:51:18.000 Well, they have a different sort of intelligence.
00:51:20.000 And we're looking at them as if there's something wrong with them.
00:51:23.000 Because they don't interact with people in the same way as most people do emotionally.
00:51:28.000 And sometimes they have a real difficult time finding emotional and social bonds with people.
00:51:33.000 But when it comes to numbers, when it comes to a lot of other things, some of these people, not all of them, but some of them, excel at those things in a way that a lot of people can't.
00:51:42.000 Aren't even capable of.
00:51:43.000 Yeah, that's one of the things they say about people in Silicon Valley that work in a lot of these jobs that involve computer coding and programming and things along the lines.
00:51:53.000 You have a giant percentage of the people that are on the spectrum.
00:51:56.000 Giant.
00:51:57.000 It might be like 90. My brother works there, but he is much more social than me.
00:52:03.000 You're not interacting with people a lot in that job.
00:52:05.000 Does that make sense?
00:52:06.000 Some people excel at that.
00:52:07.000 They want that.
00:52:08.000 I think we have to realize that if it was for the three of us, there would be no fucking cell phones.
00:52:14.000 If we were on a deserted island, we could live forever.
00:52:18.000 The three of us, we'd live forever.
00:52:19.000 We're on a deserted island.
00:52:20.000 We'd eat our own shit.
00:52:22.000 We'd kill all the animals.
00:52:25.000 I'd sunbathe.
00:52:27.000 And I'd show you how to kill animals, and maybe you guys could show me some emotional intelligence.
00:52:31.000 Yeah, yeah, we could talk about working on feelings.
00:52:33.000 I could make you a beautiful, like a mask for your face.
00:52:35.000 You'd have great skin.
00:52:36.000 Oh, yeah.
00:52:37.000 Thank you.
00:52:37.000 The urge to be cruel to someone who's weaker than you has to be resisted in any sort of comfortable society, and that's not reinforced enough.
00:52:47.000 That should be on a bumper sticker.
00:52:48.000 That is very true.
00:52:49.000 That's not at all where I thought you were going with this.
00:52:51.000 I thought you were going to be like people who call people out in articles in Jezebel and broadly are really meek when you meet them in person.
00:53:00.000 That's what I thought that was going to do.
00:53:02.000 That's a good point.
00:53:04.000 And then I was following and I was like, that's not at all where he's going with this.
00:53:07.000 No.
00:53:08.000 That's also true, though, in my experience.
00:53:10.000 It is kind of true in a lot of ways.
00:53:12.000 But I think even what they're doing, like, I don't want to Mention anyone in particular, but there's one particular feminist writer that I know who will attack and go after women.
00:53:21.000 She's severely depressed and sad, and I know her.
00:53:24.000 She's all fucked up.
00:53:25.000 She's overweight, and she's unhappy and unhealthy.
00:53:29.000 Is she aware of that?
00:53:31.000 Of course.
00:53:31.000 She's got a mirror.
00:53:33.000 You know what?
00:53:35.000 Thank you for saying that.
00:53:36.000 Whether or not she revels in that awareness.
00:53:39.000 Right.
00:53:40.000 That's more, I guess, what it is.
00:53:41.000 But a lot of these people that are calling people out...
00:53:42.000 Look, there's people that are calling people out that are doing a world of service because they're exposing real problematic behavior When I was talking about my friend who got sexually harassed by a woman, I don't experience that, okay?
00:53:54.000 I don't have a job where I have a boss who's a woman.
00:53:57.000 But if I was a woman and I had a boss who was a man who was trying to fuck me all the time, it would be hell.
00:54:02.000 What if you're worried you have to be a certain amount of flirtatious with this guy, a certain level, so that you can maintain your position or maybe even get a job, a better job or a promotion?
00:54:14.000 That's some real shit.
00:54:15.000 Yeah.
00:54:15.000 I mean, it also plays, though, too, into, like, even in comedy, like when Corinne and I started comedy, I'm like, okay, I first made friends with older male comics because it was easier.
00:54:27.000 It's not that we wanted to fuck each other, but I at least had some currency in the flirting.
00:54:33.000 There was currency in that.
00:54:34.000 You could be friendly with them and they would enjoy that and they would talk to you.
00:54:38.000 You just need to find people who are willing to give you the time of day and a lot of times it's because they want to look at you.
00:54:45.000 But it's in a way that's not creepy.
00:54:47.000 They don't cross a line.
00:54:48.000 It's just like, we got our little flirty and that's okay.
00:54:51.000 You're just using each other.
00:54:52.000 They're using you to feel good and young and sexual and you're using them to get comedy pro-tipped.
00:54:57.000 Yeah, and none of us are being assholes to each other.
00:54:59.000 I mean, obviously we're talking about a bunch of different exchanges, but it doesn't always have to be negative either.
00:55:04.000 You can just be friendly with each other.
00:55:06.000 The last time I dated a female comedian, we were both 21. And it was when I was in Boston.
00:55:13.000 I was like, this is a terrible idea.
00:55:15.000 Yeah, I was gonna say, sounds like a...
00:55:16.000 We're both fucking crazy.
00:55:17.000 Sounds like the beginning of a bad rom-com.
00:55:19.000 Yeah, it doesn't work.
00:55:21.000 But I think one of the things that happens...
00:55:23.000 Oh, it can work.
00:55:24.000 I need a comedian.
00:55:25.000 Well, Tom Segura and Christina Pisysky are super happy.
00:55:28.000 Yeah.
00:55:28.000 They're both really funny.
00:55:30.000 Bonnie and Rich.
00:55:30.000 Rich, yeah.
00:55:31.000 I love them.
00:55:32.000 Natasha and Moshe.
00:55:34.000 They are a great couple.
00:55:36.000 We found three.
00:55:37.000 Out of thousands and thousands of failed interactions.
00:55:39.000 Corinne Fisher and James Myers.
00:55:42.000 Yeah, that's a good one as well.
00:55:43.000 Sometimes it works.
00:55:44.000 Sometimes it works.
00:55:45.000 I mean, look, I hate absolutes, right?
00:55:47.000 I hate never do this or never do that, unless you're saying, like, never eat babies, right?
00:55:51.000 That's a good absolute to have.
00:55:52.000 That's a good one.
00:55:53.000 Wait, no time.
00:55:55.000 But, like, also, too, with the flirting thing, I'm more comfortable.
00:55:58.000 There was a time where I look back, I'm like, I'm not friends with anybody.
00:56:02.000 Big female comedians.
00:56:03.000 It's only male because I feel more comfortable going up to the male because I feel like there's something of like, I have something to offer.
00:56:11.000 It's only flirting.
00:56:12.000 That's it.
00:56:13.000 I've been in a relationship as long as I've been doing stand-up.
00:56:17.000 But if not, I would have probably fucked a lot of comics.
00:56:21.000 Better this way, you know?
00:56:23.000 Probably now, for sure.
00:56:25.000 You don't owe anybody anything.
00:56:27.000 I know, it's great.
00:56:28.000 Going up to a woman, though.
00:56:29.000 Fuck people who are bad at comedy.
00:56:31.000 Not my boyfriend now.
00:56:32.000 Your boyfriend's good.
00:56:33.000 My boyfriend's good, but you know.
00:56:35.000 In the past.
00:56:36.000 My pussy could book a great open mic.
00:56:38.000 Yeah, it could.
00:56:39.000 But going up to a female comic, I'm like, what do I have to, why would she want to talk to me?
00:56:43.000 Because you're a human.
00:56:44.000 Why would men comics want to talk to me?
00:56:47.000 Well, you're looking at yourself as like...
00:56:48.000 Yeah, but you're like the shit!
00:56:50.000 Yeah, but I mean, I've been doing stand-up for a long time.
00:56:52.000 I've always had men friends that are comedians.
00:56:54.000 Men friends?
00:56:55.000 And women friends that are comedians, too.
00:56:57.000 I have female friends that are comedians that are on our same level that started in the same time as us.
00:57:03.000 But I remember when I asked Bonnie McFarlane to do the podcast, I was really nervous to approach her.
00:57:07.000 She was super sweet, and she was like, yeah...
00:57:10.000 She's so supportive of other women.
00:57:12.000 Constantly retweeting, just really championing women.
00:57:15.000 Did you like Women Aren't Funny, her documentary?
00:57:17.000 Yeah.
00:57:18.000 Yeah, I liked it a lot.
00:57:19.000 It's so funny.
00:57:19.000 And really raw.
00:57:21.000 She opened up about a lot of shit.
00:57:23.000 Yeah, a surprise.
00:57:24.000 No, I've known Bonnie forever.
00:57:25.000 We used to have the same manager.
00:57:27.000 Oh, really?
00:57:27.000 Yeah, like 1998. Oh, I was like, was it mine?
00:57:30.000 Three or four or some shit like that a long-ass time ago.
00:57:33.000 She's wonderful.
00:57:33.000 She's awesome.
00:57:34.000 But it's a different animal when you're a woman, you know?
00:57:39.000 And I think that's one of the things that Eliza brought up when she was talking about this whole Louis C.K. thing.
00:57:45.000 She was talking about how some men, especially when she first started, would treat her because she was just starting out.
00:57:52.000 She wasn't very good yet.
00:57:53.000 You know, she was...
00:57:54.000 And someone who is established and is better and really has their careers cooking, they will look at you like you are a lesser thing than them.
00:58:04.000 They don't look at you like a peer.
00:58:06.000 And I try to tell this to as many young comics as I can.
00:58:10.000 It is incredibly important that we look at all of us, all of us that are doing this thing as the same thing.
00:58:16.000 Somebody might be doing it for three days and someone might be doing it for 30 years, but we're all doing the same thing.
00:58:21.000 We're all in it together.
00:58:22.000 Yeah, so like doormen, like I'm super friendly with everybody who works.
00:58:26.000 The Comedy Store is a great example of that because everybody who works there is a comic.
00:58:30.000 The people who are the security are comics.
00:58:33.000 A lot of people that were managers were comics.
00:58:36.000 Bartenders are comics.
00:58:37.000 I know a lot of the people, like Josh Martin and Punky, they're fucking comics.
00:58:41.000 They even paid regulars and they still work the bar.
00:58:44.000 Oh, wow.
00:58:44.000 That's cool.
00:58:45.000 So there's an intense community there.
00:58:48.000 I love the comedy store.
00:58:50.000 It's amazing.
00:58:50.000 And you never get a place where you have pro shows every night and an indie show upstairs.
00:58:56.000 There's no place in New York that has one multiple rooms like that.
00:59:00.000 A couple do.
00:59:01.000 But the quality of the spectrum of comedians in terms of experience is so vast any night of the week there.
00:59:08.000 And it's so cool.
00:59:09.000 And it's really supportive.
00:59:11.000 Yeah.
00:59:11.000 That is a super support.
00:59:13.000 And people that are not supportive, they get pushed out.
00:59:15.000 And I love that.
00:59:16.000 I think the comedy community in New York, too, is very supportive.
00:59:18.000 And we're very...
00:59:19.000 We give each other tags when we think of good...
00:59:22.000 And we just...
00:59:23.000 We talk about comedy.
00:59:25.000 We live and breathe it.
00:59:26.000 And we nerd out on it in the green rooms.
00:59:28.000 And we really are supportive.
00:59:30.000 And yeah, I like it.
00:59:32.000 It's awesome.
00:59:33.000 Don't you guys think that now it's easier to do that too?
00:59:35.000 Because it's not like everyone's competing for a very small amount of spots.
00:59:40.000 Like it used to be like there was only so many spots on a sitcom.
00:59:42.000 There's only so many spots to host a late night show and everybody was like hyper competitive.
00:59:48.000 Yeah, now you can make your own opportunity.
00:59:49.000 You can create your own thing.
00:59:50.000 I mean, there's some examples of it.
00:59:51.000 Guys, we fucked one of them.
00:59:52.000 Broad City.
00:59:53.000 I love the story of Broad City.
00:59:55.000 Abby and Alana couldn't get on house teams.
00:59:58.000 They just kept getting rejected from house teams at UCB. They started working on this web series together.
01:00:03.000 It blew up.
01:00:04.000 I mean, the quality of the web series before it made it to air is phenomenal.
01:00:08.000 They just put a lot of hard work into it.
01:00:09.000 And they said, we're not going to take no for an answer.
01:00:11.000 And if this community that we've worked in so long is saying no, we're going to do it on our own.
01:00:15.000 And they did.
01:00:16.000 You can do that.
01:00:17.000 And also, one of the things is that, like, podcasters and people that do things online, they support other people that do things online.
01:00:23.000 Like, you never see someone from a show on CBS getting promoted from a show on NBC. It's super rare.
01:00:29.000 But in the world of podcasting, it's super common.
01:00:31.000 Like, everybody has everybody on their shows, and we always talk everybody up, and, hey, go see, she's playing here, and he's playing there, and you promote their dates, and it's a way more egalitarian, way more, like, supportive...
01:00:45.000 And it's a win-win for everybody.
01:00:47.000 Because it feels good to be supportive of people you respect and admire and who are talented.
01:00:52.000 And, you know, too, that's why I love stand-up, because you're the only one who's going to do your act.
01:00:56.000 Yes.
01:00:56.000 So don't worry about the company.
01:00:58.000 Hopefully.
01:00:59.000 True.
01:01:01.000 But yeah, there's only one you.
01:01:03.000 And the people that are shitty to other comedians, they get...
01:01:06.000 If you're a comic and you don't have any comedian friends, that's a giant problem.
01:01:12.000 I just started thinking of one famous person.
01:01:16.000 Oh, you can think of a lot of famous ones.
01:01:18.000 I know some famous ones that come to the store and the door people get super bummed out because they just look past them.
01:01:24.000 They don't say hi to them.
01:01:25.000 They'll go straight to Bill Burr or straight to someone famous and only talk to them and they don't talk to regular folks.
01:01:31.000 I feel like too, but I've had interactions with famous comics.
01:01:34.000 Like the first one, the person was being a dick and just like looking down and I was being introduced by his friend and he was like, hey, how you doing?
01:01:41.000 And had sunglasses and doors.
01:01:42.000 I'm like, you're a dick.
01:01:44.000 Yeah, but then it was so LA. It was so LA. Barf all over your dick.
01:01:49.000 Can you give me a name they rhyme with?
01:01:51.000 You're going to absolutely know who it is.
01:01:53.000 But then the second time we met him, couldn't have been nicer.
01:01:57.000 So sweet.
01:01:58.000 Maybe he was going through some weird shit.
01:01:59.000 Exactly.
01:02:00.000 You could run into someone at the wrong time.
01:02:03.000 Yeah, and I labeled him an asshole, though.
01:02:06.000 But he was going through some shit while showing pictures of himself to another person.
01:02:11.000 Is that how you act out sometimes if you're having a bad day?
01:02:14.000 You're like, look at this picture of me.
01:02:16.000 I just go right to naked photos.
01:02:18.000 Yeah, get those moods in, baby.
01:02:19.000 Yeah, only of my ass.
01:02:21.000 I just show them my ass.
01:02:22.000 That's what I do to fans.
01:02:23.000 Do you take nudes?
01:02:24.000 No.
01:02:25.000 Why not?
01:02:25.000 I'm thinking of doing it now.
01:02:26.000 Really?
01:02:27.000 Just from two seconds ago when she recommended it?
01:02:29.000 But just like a close-up of your butthole.
01:02:32.000 No dick pics?
01:02:32.000 Let's redefine the nude.
01:02:34.000 I don't have any that I need to show anybody.
01:02:36.000 Yeah.
01:02:37.000 No, but have you ever taken one?
01:02:39.000 I don't need to see it.
01:02:41.000 I'm sure I've taken pictures of it.
01:02:42.000 Okay.
01:02:43.000 Really?
01:02:43.000 Just because?
01:02:45.000 Well, it's because you have a camera.
01:02:46.000 It's good lighting.
01:02:46.000 If you're a dude and you have a camera, you start taking pictures of everything.
01:02:49.000 I never take pictures of my pussy.
01:02:51.000 I've never taken a picture of my pussy.
01:02:52.000 Sometimes I just need to check if you have a weird feeling down there and just make sure everything's okay.
01:02:56.000 It's your own doctor.
01:02:58.000 If I was a girl, I would definitely take pictures so I would really know what it looks like because otherwise you can't really see it.
01:03:02.000 You just squat over a mirror.
01:03:04.000 Yeah, or you're super flexible.
01:03:06.000 You'd have to get one of them.
01:03:08.000 Wrap around grips.
01:03:10.000 You gotta be a contortionist to see your own pussy.
01:03:12.000 I can see my own pussy from here.
01:03:14.000 Yeah, but you can't because we already discussed that.
01:03:16.000 You're seeing the labia.
01:03:18.000 Actually, pussy is the whole thing, right?
01:03:21.000 It's the hole that hugs the tampon.
01:03:23.000 The pussy would be the whole thing, I would say.
01:03:25.000 The vagina is just the hole that we're most concerned about.
01:03:29.000 The pussy is the house, but the vagina is like the living room.
01:03:34.000 I think so.
01:03:35.000 Okay, yeah.
01:03:36.000 You could be wrong, you could be right, and I honestly don't know which one it is.
01:03:40.000 But, you know, that's why we're relatable.
01:03:43.000 Were you, when you started being sexually active when you were younger, were you like, a vagina?
01:03:48.000 How do I, what do I even, what do I do?
01:03:51.000 Because I kind of feel like men going into straight and by men that are going to be having sex with women, that's got to be confusing.
01:03:57.000 Because a dick, it's like, I don't know what to do with a dick.
01:04:00.000 Yeah, you already have one.
01:04:00.000 But also, as a woman who doesn't have a dick, I know what to do with it a little.
01:04:05.000 Well, guys share information with each other.
01:04:07.000 Do girls share information about what to do with dicks?
01:04:09.000 Yeah, I didn't know guys shared information.
01:04:11.000 Oh, yeah, for sure.
01:04:12.000 Oh, because we've heard a lot of guys don't talk about it.
01:04:15.000 I'm like, why not?
01:04:16.000 What?
01:04:16.000 You're missing out on some tips.
01:04:18.000 What's some information you've gotten?
01:04:19.000 Well, you just start talking about, like, what do you do?
01:04:23.000 That's the first question.
01:04:24.000 Do you feel like you're 14 or 15 the first time you make it out with a girl?
01:04:26.000 Like, did she let your finger her?
01:04:27.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:04:28.000 You gotta keep your fingernails clean.
01:04:29.000 Being fingered at 14 is the fucking worst.
01:04:32.000 It's just like jackhammer.
01:04:34.000 It's like someone's ringing a doorbell inside you.
01:04:36.000 And they're not clean.
01:04:37.000 Yeah, and there is no doorbell, but they don't know that.
01:04:40.000 You gotta pretend to, you know.
01:04:42.000 It sucked.
01:04:44.000 Well...
01:04:44.000 Jackhammer fingers, man.
01:04:46.000 It's got to be better now than when we were young, and it's got to be better when we were young than when our parents were young.
01:04:52.000 That is very true.
01:04:54.000 And don't you think that's the same thing?
01:04:55.000 I mean, I think that's with everything.
01:04:58.000 I think one of the things that's going on right now, and one of the things with all this sexual assault stuff that's making the news, is that we're in the middle of a giant social change.
01:05:11.000 I feel that too.
01:05:11.000 And it's like a hurricane around us, and fucking...
01:05:16.000 Bathtubs and cows are flying through the air.
01:05:18.000 The truck's up there.
01:05:20.000 We're in the middle of it, and I think a lot of times you don't realize how much change has actually taken place.
01:05:24.000 But if you just try to look at comedy from the 1980s and look at comedy from now, what you can get away with then.
01:05:31.000 Go watch Eddie Murphy Raw.
01:05:33.000 Oh, yeah.
01:05:34.000 And you would never do that today.
01:05:36.000 Prior!
01:05:37.000 A lot of them had a lot of homophobic shit.
01:05:40.000 Well, Andrew Jace Clay would never fly today.
01:05:44.000 Maybe, because he was a character.
01:05:46.000 I don't know that that would work.
01:05:49.000 Yeah, he used to be Andrew Silverstein.
01:05:51.000 You know, Andrew Silverstein, he would do straight stand-up, and then he had a bunch of characters he would do.
01:05:57.000 And one of the characters he used to do was the Diceman.
01:06:00.000 And the Diceman, he'd put the jacket on, and he would do these nursery rhymes.
01:06:06.000 Yeah, Mary had a little lamb, fuck yourself.
01:06:08.000 He would just light a cigarette and then he became the Dice Man.
01:06:14.000 It's more comfortable to be that guy all the time.
01:06:16.000 Yeah, that's true.
01:06:17.000 That makes sense.
01:06:17.000 It's comfortable being a character.
01:06:19.000 I'm not...
01:06:19.000 My stage...
01:06:20.000 My bits are very...
01:06:22.000 Well, there's a lot of people that have done that and they got trapped.
01:06:24.000 Like, Emo Phillips got trapped.
01:06:27.000 Yes, I just watched a documentary, Dying Laughing, I think it was called.
01:06:30.000 It's a good one, yeah.
01:06:31.000 And I'm like, wait, is he like that or not?
01:06:33.000 I can't tell.
01:06:34.000 No, he's not like that.
01:06:35.000 Because I saw him when he stopped doing that.
01:06:37.000 He stopped doing that for a while, and then he went back to it.
01:06:40.000 Bobcat Goldthwait talked to me about it.
01:06:42.000 He talked about it on the podcast.
01:06:43.000 It was really hard for him to stop doing it.
01:06:45.000 Because everybody's like, hey man, do the Bobcat thing!
01:06:48.000 He's like, hey, fuck you.
01:06:49.000 I'm just a person.
01:06:50.000 I'm just going to do my stand-up.
01:06:51.000 And he's like, for a long time, it was really hard.
01:06:53.000 Oh, that would piss me off.
01:06:54.000 Yeah, because everybody wanted him to go, yeah!
01:06:56.000 That was his thing, you know, for the longest time.
01:07:00.000 And he just got older and was like, what the fuck am I doing?
01:07:04.000 Oops.
01:07:04.000 And it was really funny when he was younger.
01:07:06.000 Yeah, it worked from then.
01:07:08.000 He just didn't want to do it anymore.
01:07:09.000 But if you have that character, like if you're in a character all the time, you get stuck.
01:07:14.000 Yeah.
01:07:15.000 Yeah.
01:07:15.000 Yeah, it must be hard to perform and never feel like yourself.
01:07:18.000 Yeah.
01:07:19.000 That's what I like about it.
01:07:20.000 And that's why the rejection stings that much more, because, like, you're rejecting my soul.
01:07:24.000 Yeah, you're rejecting you or what you're presenting.
01:07:27.000 Yeah.
01:07:28.000 Then you really got to take a second and think.
01:07:29.000 I think, for sure, this is a tumultuous time of change.
01:07:34.000 And I think, ultimately, it's going to be very good.
01:07:36.000 But I think...
01:07:37.000 I got some weird ideas on it, though.
01:07:39.000 I really think that one of the things that holds us up is the ability to lie.
01:07:42.000 And I think that that's...
01:07:44.000 Is not forever.
01:07:46.000 I think the ability to lie, like, I think, I believe that we are, I don't know how many years away, whether it's 10 or 20, we're 20, whatever it is, years away of some Rosetta Stone of human interaction that takes place electronically.
01:08:01.000 I think they're going to figure out some way where we can teach children a language that's a universal language that's transmitted through computers or through some sort of a human internet interface, some sort of a neural interface.
01:08:15.000 They're working on hundreds of different versions of this right now.
01:08:18.000 They can already send thoughts back and forth to people from the internet.
01:08:23.000 They can send images to other people's minds.
01:08:25.000 One person can send an image of a triangle to your mind.
01:08:28.000 They can currently do that?
01:08:30.000 Currently.
01:08:30.000 How?
01:08:46.000 It's a very obvious symbol, right?
01:08:49.000 You know what it looks like.
01:08:49.000 I know what it looks like.
01:08:50.000 And if I can think of that, there is a pattern in my brain that I can transmit to you through this very rudimentary technology.
01:08:57.000 So I liken it to like a Morse code machine.
01:09:00.000 Do-do [...]-do.
01:09:02.000 That's what they used to be able to communicate with.
01:09:04.000 That was as good as you get.
01:09:05.000 Now, obviously, you take a video on your phone, you send it to someone New Zealand, right?
01:09:09.000 We're in a different world, and it's not that far away.
01:09:12.000 I mean, you're talking about just a couple hundred years.
01:09:14.000 We've gone from the Morse code to sending a video to New Zealand in real time.
01:09:18.000 Well, have you ever heard of a Fisher-Wallace stimulator?
01:09:21.000 I've heard of that, yeah.
01:09:22.000 What is that?
01:09:23.000 So my mom has had depression most of her life, and she has been on 25 different meds.
01:09:27.000 It made her worse.
01:09:29.000 And a doctor prescribed a Fisher-Wallace stimulator.
01:09:32.000 It's just a little tiny machine with two pads or sponges.
01:09:36.000 You wet the sponges a little bit and you put them on your temples.
01:09:38.000 And she did it twice a day for about 20 minutes, and her fucking depression went away.
01:09:44.000 And I felt like I got my mom.
01:09:47.000 The meds would just make her so numb and emotionless, and that would depress her.
01:09:55.000 My whole life, I've been seeing her do these peaks and valleys, and that Fisher-Wallace stimulator, there's no side effects.
01:10:03.000 If anything, she gets a headache, but there's no mental side effects.
01:10:08.000 It's insane.
01:10:09.000 How often does she have to do it?
01:10:10.000 She does it twice a day.
01:10:12.000 The only thing that I've noticed, I guess this is a side effect, it makes her a little bit hyper and not hungry.
01:10:18.000 Those are both bonuses.
01:10:21.000 But it is a miracle.
01:10:23.000 I'm trying to tell as many people about it, but I'm wondering if that's a similar type of technology.
01:10:27.000 What does it do to people that are already happy?
01:10:29.000 What if it'll make you fucking ecstatic?
01:10:30.000 I don't know, but that's what I was wondering.
01:10:32.000 I'm like, Maka, borrow that.
01:10:33.000 What if you slap that bitch on when you get on that Japanese toilet and get that hot water pumping up your clam?
01:10:39.000 Like a molly machine.
01:10:40.000 Yeah.
01:10:41.000 Whoa.
01:10:42.000 Put those babies on.
01:10:44.000 I've got to go to the bathroom now.
01:10:45.000 That's great.
01:10:46.000 Have an edible?
01:10:46.000 Yeah.
01:10:47.000 You just got to go light.
01:10:50.000 20 milligrams.
01:10:51.000 A fan gave us a cookie in San Fran.
01:10:54.000 It was labeled, but I didn't know how much he ate and we had to go on a plane.
01:10:57.000 So I'm like, I'm going to throw this out.
01:11:00.000 It was at the end of a two-week tour.
01:11:02.000 We were doing two shows and I was so tired.
01:11:03.000 I'm like, I don't want to get held up on the plane.
01:11:05.000 So I took a little chunk.
01:11:07.000 I ate it.
01:11:07.000 And then it kicked in when we were at the gate.
01:11:10.000 And Corinne was like, I'm going to go get Starbucks.
01:11:12.000 Do you want anything?
01:11:12.000 I'm like, nah, I'm fine.
01:11:13.000 And then all of a sudden I'm like, no, I'm not fine.
01:11:16.000 And I texted Corinne.
01:11:17.000 I'm like, you're going to hate me, but I'm going to die soon.
01:11:22.000 And this is not okay.
01:11:23.000 And then I just started having a panic attack.
01:11:25.000 This is already someone who's not good at flying.
01:11:27.000 No, yeah, I would have panic attacks all the time.
01:11:29.000 And then I was bawling my eyes out and this little girl came up like two feet in front of me and she was like, We're good to go.
01:11:57.000 It was an anxiety tantrum.
01:12:00.000 And then, oh, getting on that plane, man.
01:12:02.000 I thought I was going to get kicked off that plane.
01:12:04.000 She almost did.
01:12:06.000 I think in 2017, I was like, she's not good at flying.
01:12:11.000 That doesn't fly anymore.
01:12:15.000 And the lady was like, does she need to get off?
01:12:17.000 And I was like, no, she's fine.
01:12:19.000 She's going to be fine.
01:12:19.000 We're going to get through this.
01:12:20.000 We're going to get back home.
01:12:22.000 How far was it flying?
01:12:24.000 That was from San Fran to New York, right?
01:12:26.000 That was all cross country.
01:12:27.000 When did you sober up?
01:12:30.000 An hour after I got home to my apartment.
01:12:32.000 She just put a blanket over her and I was like, that's the way we're going to handle that.
01:12:37.000 That's good.
01:12:38.000 You rode the storm.
01:12:40.000 I did and I survived.
01:12:42.000 Goddamn.
01:12:42.000 But yeah, the edibles fucked me up.
01:12:44.000 Well, they're just too goddamn strong.
01:12:45.000 Especially if you just try to eat a whole cookie.
01:12:47.000 That could have been hundreds of milligrams.
01:12:49.000 Well, I just took a little chunk of it.
01:12:50.000 It was a big ass cookie and I took a quarter of it.
01:12:55.000 Even if you just take a quarter.
01:12:57.000 But that's why I'm scared.
01:12:58.000 Like Corinda's psychedelics.
01:13:00.000 I feel like if you have anxiety, I have a lot of anxiety.
01:13:04.000 Probably not for me.
01:13:05.000 It's a different thing because the anxiety that you get from edible marijuana is very peculiar.
01:13:11.000 It's intensely introspective.
01:13:14.000 I don't love edibles either.
01:13:15.000 I much prefer mushrooms acid.
01:13:17.000 I did DMT recently.
01:13:18.000 I studied partially using your documentary, so thank you.
01:13:22.000 Congratulations.
01:13:23.000 Thank you!
01:13:23.000 It was very important.
01:13:24.000 I mean, because that's scary shit.
01:13:25.000 You need to study.
01:13:26.000 Yeah, it's definitely not something you should take frivolously.
01:13:29.000 No, absolutely not.
01:13:30.000 I had it sitting on my table and I studied for like a good two months, watched a lot of stuff on the internet, read a lot about it, talked to people who had done it.
01:13:38.000 What's crazy is it's a natural part of human neurochemistry, that that exists, that your brain's making that stuff all the time, and then you can just extract it from a thousand different plants, and then you take it, smoke it, and then you meet Jesus and aliens and everything.
01:13:53.000 Have you met Jesus slash aliens?
01:13:54.000 You meet everything.
01:13:55.000 You meet things that are changing.
01:13:57.000 So whatever the fuck they were a second ago, they're not the same thing a second later.
01:14:02.000 It's pretty fucking intense.
01:14:03.000 Is that why you're such a curious person and you really try—has psychedelics made you—because some people, it really makes a positive shift in their consciousness and their curiosity.
01:14:15.000 I've seen it happen, and sometimes it goes the other way.
01:14:17.000 But is that—or were you always that kind of person?
01:14:19.000 I was always curious, but it made my curiosity, it confirmed the need for it.
01:14:25.000 When you do something like DMT, it is so profoundly bizarre that after it's over, you are so stunned at how few people know about this and how you didn't know about it until that happened and how you'll never be the same again.
01:14:40.000 Oh, you'll never be the same again?
01:14:41.000 No.
01:14:42.000 Wait, are you?
01:14:42.000 Do you feel that?
01:14:43.000 You're never going to be the same again because you know that's real.
01:14:45.000 You know that you could go through this...
01:14:48.000 Chemical portal to what's essentially another dimension.
01:14:52.000 It sounds like it.
01:14:53.000 Another dimension where you're interacting with ideas that seem to be sentient.
01:14:59.000 They seem to be alive.
01:15:00.000 You're being inundated with thoughts and words that come at you without a physical presence.
01:15:07.000 No one's saying a word, but if I said to you, hey, let's get a cup of coffee, that signal goes into your brain because you're hearing my words, you interpret them.
01:15:17.000 You get the same thing from these DMT states, but you don't actually hear the words, but you know what the words are.
01:15:25.000 It's fucking titanically bizarre.
01:15:28.000 Have you ever seen a healer, like a psychic healer?
01:15:31.000 Have you ever heard of psychic surgery?
01:15:33.000 I don't believe that.
01:15:33.000 So I okay, I don't like I never really talk about this because I don't I don't need people I'm not trying to convert anybody to believe in this shit, right?
01:15:41.000 But I've had psychic surgery once and I and my mom and I had so he this guy his name was dr. V and He did I did have my shirt off that you wake up Oh,
01:15:57.000 God.
01:15:58.000 Is this another revelation of another sexual assault?
01:16:00.000 No.
01:16:00.000 I was conscious the whole time.
01:16:02.000 But my mom had breast tissue that was really hard in her breast because she had all these surgeries to get little tumors removed.
01:16:09.000 They weren't cancerous.
01:16:10.000 And it really hurt her.
01:16:11.000 If you touched her boob, it would hurt.
01:16:13.000 Okay, so this doctor...
01:16:16.000 He used to work for NASA, and he's Russian, and he's very mysterious.
01:16:21.000 Did you look into his background?
01:16:23.000 I tried to Google him, but I didn't have...
01:16:25.000 It didn't seem legit.
01:16:27.000 We were going into a tiny little apartment, and this old lady was answering, and she was like, come in.
01:16:31.000 I'm like, ugh.
01:16:32.000 But he didn't touch her, and he kept moving his hands like this, and he would do this like he was trying to get warm, and then he would flick it, and then he would circle around her boob and then...
01:16:45.000 Pull out like an imaginary thing.
01:16:47.000 And it was gone.
01:16:48.000 The heart tissue was gone.
01:16:50.000 It's the weirdest fucking thing.
01:16:52.000 And he did it to me with my knee.
01:16:53.000 It's the weirdest thing.
01:16:55.000 And I mean, it's like seeing a ghost.
01:16:58.000 You're like, I mean, that just happened.
01:17:00.000 That's undeniable.
01:17:01.000 Well, if you believe in it, your body can produce some pretty incredible results.
01:17:06.000 And that's what the power of suggestion is.
01:17:08.000 And that's what placebo effect is.
01:17:11.000 Placebo effect is 100% real.
01:17:12.000 Totally.
01:17:12.000 Totally.
01:17:13.000 But I didn't even know that psychic surgery was a thing before he actually did it.
01:17:17.000 I'm thinking he's not doing anything.
01:17:18.000 He's just getting you convinced that he's doing something.
01:17:21.000 And by him convincing you that he's doing something, you feel some sort of a positive response because your body reacts as if he's done something to you.
01:17:28.000 That's a service in and of itself.
01:17:30.000 I mean, I'll take it.
01:17:31.000 It is.
01:17:31.000 It is a service in and of itself, but it's also deceptive.
01:17:34.000 There's a weird thing that people do where there's a lot of weird healers where they do like Reiki and all this different shit.
01:17:41.000 There's no science behind it.
01:17:43.000 It's not real.
01:17:43.000 But if you think that it's doing something to you, you can feel better.
01:17:47.000 What are your feelings on acupuncture?
01:17:49.000 I don't know anything.
01:17:50.000 You've never had it?
01:17:51.000 I've had it, but the guy was a quack.
01:17:53.000 Okay.
01:17:54.000 It doesn't mean it's not real.
01:17:56.000 I'm very skeptical, but I was working in a...
01:17:59.000 A receptionist at a spa was my day job while pursuing comedy, and there was an acupuncturist there, and I was like, let me try it.
01:18:08.000 I was in a really deep depression, and the mind-body connection, I gotta say...
01:18:13.000 And she's an MD. She's not just a person off the street.
01:18:15.000 This woman's an MD. Young woman, and it changed my life, and I hate to even say that I'm embarrassed to even be like, I have an acupuncturist!
01:18:24.000 It seems so hippy-dippy.
01:18:25.000 The mind-body connection is a misnomer, right?
01:18:27.000 Because your mind is a part of your body.
01:18:29.000 I mean, it's all one thing.
01:18:30.000 That's why one of the things with people who don't have healthy bodies...
01:18:33.000 Physicality, I think, yeah.
01:18:33.000 But if you don't have a healthy body, your mind's not going to function at its best.
01:18:37.000 Yeah.
01:18:37.000 You could be a brilliant person with an unhealthy body.
01:18:39.000 Oh, of course.
01:18:39.000 But you will be...
01:18:41.000 Better if your body functions well.
01:18:44.000 It's not giving you problems.
01:18:46.000 It's not causing you issues.
01:18:47.000 It's not a source of stress and concern.
01:18:52.000 And I think that what these people can do, there's a lot of different things that are not supported whatsoever by science.
01:18:58.000 And a lot of people that are very scientifically minded, they...
01:19:03.000 Shun those things and they think those things have zero benefit and they also put religion in that group as well and I think they're very similar in that if you believe in certain things like there was a thing that article recently by Robert Sapolsky who is a He's a professor at Stanford University,
01:19:22.000 and we had him on the podcast.
01:19:23.000 We talked about primates, and he's a really, really fascinating guy.
01:19:29.000 He's got some amazing studies that he's done on baboons and primate behavior.
01:19:33.000 But one of the things he was talking about is the stress-relieving aspect of an actual religious belief.
01:19:39.000 So you could say that if you really do believe that everything is going to be fine because God's looking out for you, just that alone, whether or not it's real or scientifically verifiable, that proof, It's not necessary for you to feel good.
01:19:51.000 Yeah.
01:19:52.000 I mean, I choose to be a positive person because that's my survival mechanism.
01:19:55.000 I wouldn't have made it through life without being positive.
01:19:57.000 Positive is one thing, but an actual belief that something is happening to your body that's not scientifically possible.
01:20:04.000 Like that someone can rub their hands and pull the bad juju out of your body.
01:20:09.000 But if you believe that, though, just the belief in that can trigger a lot of human neurochemistry that literally will make you feel better.
01:20:18.000 That's true.
01:20:18.000 I can now, after that experience, that was a couple years ago, I can, if I lay on my bed and meditate, I don't really do that because I don't have time.
01:20:25.000 But I can, if I think really hard, I can make certain parts of my body have those pins and needle feeling.
01:20:32.000 Which I'm like, that's cool!
01:20:33.000 You should make the time.
01:20:34.000 You probably do have the time.
01:20:36.000 It's kind of cool.
01:20:37.000 Yeah, but it's weird.
01:20:38.000 People worry about the discipline of doing something like that.
01:20:41.000 It gets them concerned.
01:20:43.000 Like, I don't have time for that.
01:20:44.000 And they pushed it off because...
01:20:47.000 There's a weird way that human beings are programmed, that we avoid certain types of strenuous activity, avoid getting up early when you know you should.
01:20:56.000 There's a lot of things that we do where we go towards comfort and away from these uncomfortable feelings, and some of those uncomfortable feelings are just sitting alone meditating, just sitting alone concentrating on your breath for 20 minutes a day.
01:21:09.000 There's big benefits to that.
01:21:11.000 Yeah, and then you get down on yourself, and then that's stress, and then you're like, well, I'm just a piece of shit, and then you're in your room all day, and you're like, well, fuck that.
01:21:18.000 Then you go on the internet, and then you stay in your room for another week.
01:21:20.000 And then you read some bad comments.
01:21:22.000 And then you just masturbate with your tears.
01:21:23.000 No, you've got to not read the comments.
01:21:24.000 That's the key to life, not reading the comments.
01:21:26.000 Do you give a shit about the comments?
01:21:27.000 No.
01:21:28.000 I don't read them.
01:21:28.000 I mean, I very rarely will glance through really quickly, but if I do it once a day, it's rare.
01:21:34.000 Oh, yeah.
01:21:34.000 Sometimes I want to get pissed off, and then sometimes we just make fun of it because it's hilarious.
01:21:39.000 We've had men's rights activists write articles about us, like calling us cum dumpsters.
01:21:44.000 I love that because I didn't know the phrase cum dumpster before.
01:21:49.000 How did you make it to this part of life?
01:21:51.000 I don't know, but it felt like a gift.
01:21:52.000 How did you get this far?
01:21:54.000 I like it.
01:21:55.000 The first sentence in our book is, are you a degenerate cum dumpster, unworthy of love and affection?
01:22:00.000 Is that what somebody called you?
01:22:01.000 Unworthy of love and affection?
01:22:03.000 No, we said that.
01:22:04.000 We added that.
01:22:05.000 We sanded his cum dumpster.
01:22:07.000 If he said it, that's hilarious.
01:22:08.000 If he said that, that would have made it even better because then you would know how broken a person is to say something like that to you.
01:22:14.000 We had an inkling.
01:22:16.000 We read the whole article and laughed.
01:22:19.000 Yeah, it was fun.
01:22:20.000 But that's how, to me, that's the best feeling of taking control of the situation by reading it and then roasting them.
01:22:25.000 Because humor and intelligence is far greater than insulting people.
01:22:28.000 You guys don't say mean shit about men.
01:22:31.000 I mean, you're pretty honest.
01:22:33.000 No meaner than anyone else.
01:22:34.000 You're not negative.
01:22:36.000 You're not like anti-men women.
01:22:39.000 I mean, you rightly call people out for shit that they've done that's fucked up.
01:22:43.000 Yeah.
01:22:44.000 But you guys aren't men haters.
01:22:45.000 We love men.
01:22:46.000 The show is called Guys We Fucked.
01:22:48.000 It's called Guys We Fucked.
01:22:48.000 Yeah, it's not like Guys We Spit On.
01:22:50.000 No, we love them.
01:22:51.000 Guys We Kicked In The Dick.
01:22:52.000 I love having sex with men.
01:22:53.000 I like how you guys say it too.
01:22:54.000 Guys We Fucked.
01:22:55.000 Yeah, it's fun to say it that way.
01:22:57.000 It's a fun podcast.
01:22:58.000 It's powerful.
01:22:59.000 But our definition of feminism is women can be pieces of shit too.
01:23:02.000 Yeah, it is.
01:23:03.000 And I think that for men, I think it's a good thing to be able to listen to women talk unfiltered.
01:23:09.000 And I don't think, and guys avoid that.
01:23:11.000 Like, I don't want to hear what these bitches have to say.
01:23:13.000 Like, you should listen.
01:23:14.000 That's exactly what they say.
01:23:15.000 You should listen.
01:23:15.000 And I'm not saying that you should listen because you have to agree with them.
01:23:18.000 But you will gain more of an understanding of how someone who is very different than you views maybe the exact same interaction.
01:23:26.000 And just that one look at another perspective might make you sit back and go, okay, maybe I need to look at it from their point of view.
01:23:35.000 It's the best.
01:23:35.000 My favorite email is when a guy emails us.
01:23:38.000 He's like, I gotta be honest.
01:23:39.000 I listen to your podcast and I was expecting to jerk off and shit, but I actually learned something.
01:23:43.000 I'm like, bless you.
01:23:44.000 I love you.
01:23:45.000 I was expecting to jerk off and shit.
01:23:47.000 Sorry to disappoint you.
01:23:48.000 No, but I love that we, like, that's the best when you surprise somebody, I think.
01:23:54.000 And the name of the podcast is people are going to either go, that's hilarious or that's disgusting or what.
01:23:59.000 Whatever the reaction is, they're going to check it out.
01:24:02.000 And when they're surprised by what they hear, because it's not what they expected, it sticks, it's stronger.
01:24:08.000 Do you guys feel like the podcast has helped you understand yourselves and grow better?
01:24:13.000 Yes.
01:24:14.000 Yeah, I mean, we had no choice but to grow.
01:24:18.000 When you're sitting down with people who you've had these intimate relationships, both emotional and sexual with, it's just like holding a mirror up to yourself.
01:24:26.000 And that was the concept.
01:24:27.000 The concept was kind of to do this podcast, much like John Cusack and High Fidelity, and just learn about yourself through these kind of human Yelp reviews.
01:24:37.000 Well, don't you think you also learn about yourself from conversations where you're not looking at your phone, you're not checking the internet, you're not watching television, just sitting there for hours communicating with each other, and that's a lost art.
01:24:48.000 It is, and we forget that the microphones are on.
01:24:51.000 We forget that we're talking all the time.
01:24:52.000 One of the things that's changed for me is I said on a podcast, and that was the first time I ever said it out loud, I was like, I really want to see my boyfriend fuck another woman, and I just want to masturbate to it.
01:25:02.000 He must have been like...
01:25:03.000 Yes!
01:25:04.000 Well, he edits the podcast, and he's like, hey, you want to tell me something?
01:25:09.000 I was like, what?
01:25:10.000 The three-way thing?
01:25:11.000 You want to see me?
01:25:12.000 I'm like, oh, yeah.
01:25:14.000 And then we've had three ways, and it's brought us closer.
01:25:17.000 And it's so hot.
01:25:18.000 So I have a cuckolding fetish that I didn't even realize I had.
01:25:20.000 It's not cuckolding if you're a girl.
01:25:22.000 Well, it's cuckqueen.
01:25:22.000 Cuckqueen?
01:25:23.000 That's what you guys call it?
01:25:24.000 Sounds dumb.
01:25:25.000 Who says that?
01:25:25.000 I've never heard of that.
01:25:26.000 No one, because it sucks.
01:25:27.000 That's what you type into Pornhub, but it's like...
01:25:30.000 Really?
01:25:31.000 Just because it's a chick, but it's queen, Q-U-E-A-N. It's just like, ka-queen!
01:25:36.000 It just sounds like...
01:25:37.000 Q-U-E-A-N? C-U-C-K-Q-U-E-A-N is ka-queen.
01:25:42.000 Don't Google it.
01:25:43.000 Jamie's got his hand on the computer right now.
01:25:44.000 No, come on, it'll be fun.
01:25:45.000 I always believe you.
01:25:47.000 Yes, cuckqueen.
01:25:48.000 Well, because I was looking up cuckold and I'm like, why the fuck can't I get shit?
01:25:51.000 And I'm like, this is all for men.
01:25:53.000 And then a dude emailed me.
01:25:54.000 He's like, just type in cuckqueen and it's fine.
01:25:55.000 I'm like, oh, okay, thanks.
01:25:56.000 Well, I think the cuckold thing, though, is like guys that are like emasculated.
01:26:00.000 Like some big black dude comes in with a giant horn.
01:26:02.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:26:03.000 And sends it to your wife and you cry in the corner.
01:26:05.000 And you jerk, that's your lube.
01:26:07.000 Yeah.
01:26:07.000 Your tears.
01:26:08.000 And then one of them was like, at the end of it, the guy came in the other guy's mouth, and I was like, hey.
01:26:12.000 Whoa.
01:26:13.000 Did that take you out of it?
01:26:14.000 That's another category.
01:26:16.000 It wasn't in it in the first place.
01:26:17.000 It was all strictly for research.
01:26:20.000 Right.
01:26:21.000 And at the end of it, I was like, who wrote this?
01:26:24.000 That poor guy that just sits there and pretends, I mean, I guess it's a guy who wanted to suck a dick and they brought him in, they gave him a script, and he's like, okay.
01:26:31.000 Who wrote this?
01:26:31.000 I need to see these IMD memes immediately.
01:26:34.000 But I mean, the thing that they're projecting, like this vision of this poor guy who's with this hot girl and he can't control her and he can't satisfy her, but they're together, and then the big black guy comes over and says, sit the fuck in the corner and watch me fuck your woman.
01:26:50.000 And he's like, okay.
01:26:51.000 How many of these have you watched?
01:26:52.000 Just a couple of them.
01:26:53.000 Okay.
01:26:54.000 What were you researching?
01:26:55.000 I don't like...
01:26:56.000 People that aren't like me.
01:27:00.000 That's what you typed into Google and it brought up Pornhub cuckold.
01:27:03.000 Yeah, I mean, I don't even know how I got there.
01:27:05.000 I think somebody probably Googled it for me and then made me look at it.
01:27:09.000 It was like, I don't even...
01:27:10.000 Orgasm diversity is what you were...
01:27:16.000 Do you watch a lot of porn?
01:27:17.000 Not a lot.
01:27:18.000 What's that to you?
01:27:19.000 What's not a lot?
01:27:20.000 Like once or twice a week.
01:27:21.000 Oh!
01:27:22.000 Yeah, that's not a lot at all.
01:27:23.000 I think porn's like anything else.
01:27:24.000 You can get obsessed with it.
01:27:26.000 People get obsessed with all sorts of things, and porn gives you a stimulation, right?
01:27:31.000 That stimulation is you're watching two people sexually interact with each other, and you can pretend you're there, you can pretend you're doing it, whatever weird stimulation it is.
01:27:41.000 That weird thing that you're doing, people will numb themselves with that If they have too much stress, if there's too much going on in their life, and it becomes almost like a drug.
01:27:51.000 Yep, and then after you're done jerking off and you come, you're like, ugh, why was I even doing this?
01:27:55.000 I'm gonna go eat cake.
01:27:56.000 And it's just sadness.
01:27:57.000 That can happen too.
01:27:58.000 I was like, I feel pretty good after, but I don't consume a ton of porn.
01:28:02.000 I was getting too much.
01:28:04.000 I was like, you know what, I'm gonna try masturbating in my mind.
01:28:06.000 And it's a lot more work, but it's more rewarding.
01:28:10.000 I love masturbating to my imagination.
01:28:12.000 I gotta start masturbating to actual people that I know.
01:28:15.000 Like people you know?
01:28:15.000 Like truck drivers?
01:28:16.000 I don't know any truck drivers.
01:28:17.000 Look at me.
01:28:18.000 Got it.
01:28:20.000 See you later.
01:28:21.000 What were you using if you weren't using real people?
01:28:22.000 Were you creating beings in your mind?
01:28:26.000 The Sims in my head?
01:28:27.000 No, just imagining my boyfriend fucking somebody else.
01:28:30.000 Like a real hot chick.
01:28:31.000 I always think of other people and normally not my boyfriend.
01:28:34.000 You know, I've never allowed my brain to like, let's masturbate to that neighbor guy that we had at our Airbnb.
01:28:40.000 Goddamn.
01:28:41.000 And I did masturbate to him.
01:28:42.000 And it was really fun.
01:28:44.000 Because I'm like, oh.
01:28:46.000 It sounds like you're playing a new game.
01:28:47.000 I got a new candy crush.
01:28:49.000 It's on my phone.
01:28:50.000 It's really fun.
01:28:51.000 But it's like, you can go there in your head, and he doesn't know that.
01:28:54.000 So it's cool.
01:28:55.000 You didn't hurt him.
01:28:56.000 You didn't hurt your boyfriend.
01:28:57.000 Yeah, I didn't hurt anybody.
01:28:59.000 It doesn't seem the same as if you found out that a guy that you know was jerking off to you.
01:29:03.000 I just don't want to find out, but if they're doing it, that's okay.
01:29:05.000 Well, because they shouldn't DM you and tell you like so many men do.
01:29:08.000 It's like, you keep that to yourself.
01:29:10.000 I don't mind if people jerk off to me, but I should never know about it.
01:29:13.000 Right, but we agree there's a difference between a girl saying that she plays with herself to you versus a guy saying that he plays with himself.
01:29:19.000 A girl saying it to a guy is different than a guy saying it to a girl.
01:29:23.000 If a guy came up to me and was like, I jerked off to you once, I'm like...
01:29:27.000 No!
01:29:28.000 I don't know.
01:29:28.000 I mean, it depends.
01:29:29.000 You think so?
01:29:29.000 You get excited?
01:29:29.000 It depends on how much swag he had.
01:29:31.000 If you were attracted to him, probably.
01:29:33.000 And that's this thing that we like to pretend that's not true.
01:29:36.000 But look at it.
01:29:37.000 Oh, my God.
01:29:37.000 If he was this hot, sexy guy and he told me that, I'd be like...
01:29:40.000 Well, like that article that I pulled up before that.
01:29:42.000 Sit on Joe's toilet for a little bit.
01:29:44.000 That article that I pulled up before we started the podcast, it was that women and gay men are more attracted to good-looking, muscular men, which shows that we're not making any progress with sexual gender stereotypes.
01:30:00.000 That's just not true, you fucking idiot.
01:30:03.000 And that was like Newsweek.
01:30:04.000 It's the safest space.
01:30:05.000 Go to the safest space, which is one of my favorite Twitter pages, because they will retweet the most ridiculous social justice warriors Oh, really?
01:30:14.000 I'm gonna follow this.
01:30:14.000 Yeah, look at this.
01:30:15.000 Men with muscles and money are more attractive to straight women and gay men, showing gender roles aren't progressing.
01:30:21.000 It's in tech and science.
01:30:22.000 First of all, it's not tech.
01:30:23.000 That's not or science.
01:30:24.000 And it's not science.
01:30:25.000 That is goddamn nonsense.
01:30:26.000 Is that by a male Sydney or a female Sydney?
01:30:28.000 I need to know this.
01:30:29.000 I mean, I care.
01:30:30.000 If it's a man, he's a bitch.
01:30:31.000 It's tomfoolery.
01:30:34.000 Right?
01:30:34.000 It matters not.
01:30:36.000 Showing gender roles aren't progressing.
01:30:39.000 Hot stays hot, stupid.
01:30:42.000 It's like if you use a lighter and you burn your skin, it stays hot.
01:30:47.000 We're not progressing in our ability to diffuse fire with your fucking skin.
01:30:51.000 But the funny thing, I don't like...
01:30:53.000 I mean, success, to me, I like it because that means you're driven and you don't sit on your ass all day.
01:30:57.000 No one wants to fuck a lazy person.
01:30:59.000 I mean, if you do, that's your own thing.
01:31:01.000 But also, muscles?
01:31:03.000 Nah, I don't like them.
01:31:04.000 You don't like muscles?
01:31:05.000 I was going to say, I wasn't surveyed for that.
01:31:07.000 Yeah, neither was I. I'm like, I mean, I'm not like, ugh, but, you know, I'm more attracted to somebody who, truly, like, comedian, like, funny.
01:31:15.000 When you're funny, that is so much hotter to me.
01:31:17.000 You could be overweight, you could be underweight, you could be whatever.
01:31:20.000 When you're funny, that's the hot thing.
01:31:21.000 Funny and hardworking.
01:31:22.000 Well, isn't that the thing about what is attractive, is that everybody's got their own little thing.
01:31:26.000 Yeah.
01:31:26.000 There's some pretty standard things, but then...
01:31:30.000 Nice teeth.
01:31:31.000 Yeah.
01:31:31.000 Oh, I love, nice eyebrows.
01:31:32.000 People that don't smell.
01:31:33.000 But when you go left or right in a bunch of different weird ways, and that's kind of one of the cool things about being a person.
01:31:40.000 I know some women that are into really skinny guys.
01:31:43.000 Like super skinny, like ribs.
01:31:46.000 Same, I know a lot of those.
01:31:47.000 That heroin look.
01:31:48.000 Some girls think that's hot.
01:31:49.000 I can see that being hot.
01:31:51.000 My boyfriend was always like, I want to get skinny like Iggy Pop.
01:31:53.000 I'm like, no!
01:31:54.000 Do you want to stop having sex then?
01:31:56.000 See, I like chunksters.
01:31:58.000 That's my thing.
01:31:58.000 There you go.
01:31:59.000 Some girls like a guy with a legit gut.
01:32:03.000 That's like Dave Matthews.
01:32:06.000 People love that.
01:32:07.000 Dave Matthews has a gut?
01:32:09.000 He has a little belly.
01:32:10.000 And if he doesn't have that belly, less hot.
01:32:13.000 Have you ever been attracted to somebody and you feel uncomfortable that you're attracted to them because it's just not your type?
01:32:18.000 Poor Joe just takes such great care of his body, working out, and we're like, we like fat people!
01:32:23.000 No, I think it's good.
01:32:25.000 Throw that tremble out and get a donut machine.
01:32:26.000 I don't need everybody to like me.
01:32:28.000 I definitely don't need everybody to be attracted to me.
01:32:30.000 But I'm always weirded out by weird stuff like the skinny one.
01:32:34.000 The skinny one's weird because that's like an unhealthy thing.
01:32:36.000 Like if you're looking at someone and they look like, you know, that Iggy Pop look is like, boy, he doesn't look healthy.
01:32:42.000 That's drug use.
01:32:43.000 I don't know if he's still using drugs and he's still skinny.
01:32:46.000 But I think it maybe stays with you.
01:32:49.000 I like a guy that's bigger than me, though.
01:32:51.000 Physically bigger than me.
01:32:52.000 Because I like that.
01:32:53.000 In case wolves attack, you can grab the wolf.
01:32:56.000 There's Iggy.
01:32:56.000 Well, Iggy looks pretty good right there.
01:32:59.000 I've seen skinnier people.
01:33:00.000 I'm on board.
01:33:01.000 Actually, Steven, I take that back.
01:33:03.000 He's got some muscles.
01:33:04.000 And he did a song with Kesha.
01:33:06.000 That's it.
01:33:06.000 Iggy is an old man, too.
01:33:08.000 He might be 60 years old there.
01:33:11.000 Damn, dude.
01:33:12.000 For real.
01:33:13.000 Yeah, that's him young.
01:33:14.000 He's getting hotter.
01:33:16.000 Men get so much hotter as they get older.
01:33:33.000 I've never heard of her.
01:33:35.000 She is the sexiest woman I've ever seen.
01:33:37.000 Her style and her confidence, she's very graceful, but then she's like, just because you're a woman doesn't mean you're good at shit.
01:33:43.000 She has this realisticness to her that I'm like, you are so sexy.
01:33:48.000 Yeah, the I don't give a fuck-edness that only a woman over 50 can have.
01:33:52.000 Beautiful.
01:33:53.000 The I don't give a fuck-edness.
01:33:54.000 That's a good word.
01:33:55.000 But in a way that, because I think sometimes young women use like, I don't give a fuck, but like you give so many fucks.
01:34:00.000 Right.
01:34:01.000 And there's, when you truly don't give a fuck, you don't need to announce that you don't give any fucks.
01:34:06.000 It's like the person posted the most pictures of the relationship is in the one in the worst relationship.
01:34:10.000 Yeah.
01:34:11.000 When you gotta say it.
01:34:12.000 It's sort of like really depressing strippers always have Instagram pages that have a lot of like inspirational quotes.
01:34:17.000 Oh!
01:34:18.000 Memes.
01:34:19.000 Yeah, a lot of memes.
01:34:20.000 Yeah, a lot of memes.
01:34:21.000 I get so depressed at strip clubs.
01:34:25.000 I really can't handle it.
01:34:26.000 I love strip clubs.
01:34:27.000 I love a hot chick dancing on me with her titties in my face.
01:34:31.000 I fucking love it.
01:34:32.000 I just want to cry every time.
01:34:33.000 How did you guys become friends?
01:34:35.000 You're so polar opposite.
01:34:36.000 We have nothing in common.
01:34:38.000 Except our sense of humor.
01:34:39.000 That's what it is.
01:34:40.000 We like laughing at dark shit.
01:34:42.000 Laughing at something that's real fucked up is the best feeling ever to me.
01:34:46.000 It's the same relationship I had with my brother.
01:34:48.000 We're polar opposites, except we share a sense of humor, and I love that.
01:34:51.000 He's one of my favorite people in the whole world.
01:34:53.000 Yeah, I mean, you don't have to be the same to like each other.
01:34:55.000 No, we are not that all the same.
01:34:57.000 And it's nice to see, I think, a lot of people like seeing two women that just disagree on a lot of shit, but that doesn't mean I don't like her.
01:35:04.000 Yeah, that's a problem, too, is that people get so married to ideas that you don't like people who don't think the same way that you do, which seems to me to be kind of crazy.
01:35:13.000 That is a dumb It's really rampant, right?
01:35:17.000 Identity politics.
01:35:18.000 And this idea that you have to be on one team or the other.
01:35:21.000 You fucking just dig your heels in and fight the other side with tooth, claw, and nail.
01:35:25.000 We see that strongly in politics, right?
01:35:28.000 And it's a gigantic issue in politics.
01:35:30.000 Politics is fucking exhausting.
01:35:32.000 So exhausting.
01:35:33.000 People can't live in the opposite.
01:35:42.000 Don't you think that the Louis C.K. thing was extra disturbing because he was doing it to one of us?
01:35:48.000 He wasn't just saying, hey girl, stay still while I jerk off in front of you, which is gross.
01:35:53.000 But he's also doing it to what should be a peer.
01:35:56.000 Exactly.
01:35:57.000 And that's what indicates to me it's a power dynamic.
01:35:59.000 You could have had a sex worker.
01:36:01.000 A sex worker would have been thrilled to take your money and you could do a scenario where you block the door and you jerk off and she's like, but that's a consensual thing.
01:36:11.000 That's why that indicates to me it's a power dynamic.
01:36:13.000 Yeah, because that consensual thing doesn't give you the buzz.
01:36:15.000 Right.
01:36:32.000 Well, I don't know about that.
01:36:33.000 I'm not saying he was like plotting.
01:36:35.000 There's a certain thing about stand-ups.
01:36:37.000 I think everybody will agree.
01:36:39.000 We're impulsive.
01:36:40.000 Yeah.
01:36:41.000 Stand-ups are impulsive people.
01:36:42.000 It's one of the reasons why you'll say the funny thing before everybody...
01:36:44.000 Some people might not even entertain the thought.
01:36:47.000 You open the door and then blurt it out quicker than everybody else.
01:36:49.000 There's an impulsive aspect to that.
01:36:52.000 So you think that could be an impulse?
01:36:54.000 No, I think that he's an impulsive guy.
01:36:56.000 I think most comics are, and there's a wild thrill to that impulse.
01:37:01.000 The problem is...
01:37:02.000 You're also doing it to a person that doesn't want you to do it to them.
01:37:06.000 Yeah.
01:37:07.000 And even if there's no physical contact, you're making them watch you beat off, which is fucked up.
01:37:13.000 Yeah.
01:37:14.000 You know the whole Tig Notaro thing?
01:37:16.000 Where Tig Notaro thinks that he started helping her to show that he was a nice guy.
01:37:21.000 Yeah.
01:37:21.000 Because she's like a lesbian and a feminist and he's going to promote her thing and this will take some of the weight off of him.
01:37:26.000 Right.
01:37:26.000 And she said that she felt burdened by her relationship with him because...
01:37:31.000 Yeah.
01:37:38.000 Yeah.
01:37:42.000 Yeah.
01:37:49.000 He related it to eating a Snickers bar.
01:37:51.000 You want to touch that little kid so bad and you know how horrible and how many lives it ruins and how fucked up it makes you the kid, but you still do it.
01:38:01.000 That's what I think with what he did.
01:38:04.000 I'm like, you really wanted to do that real bad because comics all knew.
01:38:07.000 We knew about it.
01:38:08.000 Corinne and I knew about it five years ago.
01:38:09.000 Yeah, I had heard it wasn't true and I had heard from someone who knows him better than me.
01:38:14.000 And I said, well, what do you mean?
01:38:16.000 And they gave me this weird scenario where he was joking around.
01:38:19.000 They were all joking around together.
01:38:21.000 And then the story got out.
01:38:23.000 And he pulled his dick out as a joke.
01:38:26.000 And everyone was laughing.
01:38:27.000 And he was being silly.
01:38:30.000 And then the real story came out.
01:38:32.000 Yeah.
01:38:33.000 You know, I don't know.
01:38:34.000 We've had people, like, Ari Shafir was on our podcast.
01:38:36.000 He pulled his dick.
01:38:37.000 I mean, he did ask.
01:38:38.000 But, like, that was fine.
01:38:39.000 I wanted to see his dick.
01:38:40.000 I wanted to see his balls.
01:38:41.000 We had a vasectomy, so we wanted to see the scars.
01:38:44.000 I mean, there was a reason.
01:38:45.000 And then also that we had never seen someone who was not circumcised before.
01:38:50.000 And then he was like, do you want to see it?
01:38:53.000 And we really said, yes.
01:38:54.000 How fucked up is that?
01:38:55.000 Think about that.
01:38:56.000 Cutting baby dicks is so common that you guys have gone through all your life to adulthood.
01:39:01.000 And it's fucked more than the average person.
01:39:03.000 Ari Shaffir is the first dick that you saw that wasn't sliced open as a baby.
01:39:07.000 It wasn't Ari's dick that was uncircumcised.
01:39:10.000 These are two separate dicks.
01:39:11.000 I can't believe I've never encountered an uncircumcised penis.
01:39:14.000 Ari's a super Jew.
01:39:15.000 Of course he's circumcised.
01:39:16.000 Also, Ari was like, I got the longest balls in the game.
01:39:18.000 And I'm like, I mean, show them to me.
01:39:20.000 Like, I want to see them.
01:39:21.000 And I'm like, damn.
01:39:22.000 They were pretty long.
01:39:23.000 They're pretty gross.
01:39:24.000 You've seen them too?
01:39:25.000 Yeah, like grapefruit and an old lady's pantyhose.
01:39:26.000 Yeah, I've seen Ari's dick and balls multiple times.
01:39:30.000 See, that's one thing that male comics do.
01:39:31.000 They're just always showing each other's dicks.
01:39:34.000 I've never showed my pussy to anyone.
01:39:35.000 I've seen your pussy.
01:39:36.000 It wasn't a big reveal.
01:39:39.000 She saw your pussy, she didn't see your vagina.
01:39:40.000 I saw it all.
01:39:42.000 Yeah, no, I didn't open up.
01:39:43.000 You saw the house.
01:39:43.000 You opened the door.
01:39:44.000 I saw the staple.
01:39:45.000 Here's the couch.
01:39:46.000 That's just because...
01:39:47.000 Here's my TV set.
01:39:49.000 Here is my kitchen.
01:39:50.000 I overslept for a flight and woke up drunk.
01:39:52.000 That's why she saw my vagina.
01:39:54.000 That's my pussy.
01:39:56.000 It's a different story.
01:39:57.000 There's no, like...
01:40:07.000 I saw a truck in Union Square a couple months ago that's like circumcision is male genital mutilation and I was like, oh!
01:40:14.000 It is, and a lot of kids lose their dicks from it every year.
01:40:17.000 They lose their dicks?
01:40:19.000 Yes.
01:40:19.000 Not only that, there's a famous story when it comes to, there's a baby that was raised as a woman because they did a botched circumcision on the kid when it was a baby and his penis, essentially there was a massive infection,
01:40:36.000 they had to remove his penis, and because of that they had made the decision to try to transition this person into a woman.
01:40:44.000 And so they transitioned this person to a woman and they gave him hormones, but he always wanted to be a man and it was like super confusing to him.
01:40:50.000 Then he eventually wound up committing suicide when he was older.
01:40:53.000 It was a horrible, horrible story.
01:40:55.000 Directly connected.
01:40:58.000 Directly connected.
01:40:59.000 It is, but what do you do when you cut off a baby's dick?
01:41:03.000 It wasn't a time when you can try to reconstruct?
01:41:07.000 They've only started putting new dicks on people within the last year.
01:41:11.000 I think there's actually only been one or two successful penis transplants.
01:41:18.000 Whoa!
01:41:19.000 I mean, it is harder to create a penis than it is with the...
01:41:23.000 It's not to create a penis.
01:41:24.000 You take it from a cadaver.
01:41:25.000 Whoa!
01:41:27.000 It's not the same as, like, when you transition male to female, you're flipping the dick.
01:41:32.000 But they're adding on cadaver parts when they're going female to male.
01:41:36.000 No, this is not what I'm talking about.
01:41:37.000 I'm talking about someone whose dick is mutilated in an accident.
01:41:40.000 Okay, that's different.
01:41:41.000 Like a Lorena Bobbitt.
01:41:44.000 Yeah, I was going to say, chick cut off her dick.
01:41:46.000 Yeah, well they reattached that thing.
01:41:49.000 They found it in the field, didn't she?
01:41:51.000 Like she threw out the window?
01:41:52.000 Yeah, she chopped it out the window.
01:41:53.000 She should have threw that in the river.
01:41:55.000 Yeah, there's another story about a woman in Orange County who tied her boyfriend up.
01:42:00.000 She drugged him, tied him up, and then cut his dick off and threw him in the garbage disposal.
01:42:04.000 Badass.
01:42:06.000 She's in jail for the rest of the life.
01:42:07.000 Yeah, she should be though.
01:42:08.000 Rightly so.
01:42:09.000 Yeah.
01:42:10.000 Badass, but would you say that if a guy did that to a girl?
01:42:13.000 No, I'd be like, that's horrible.
01:42:14.000 I have a bit about like a...
01:42:15.000 Lost his penis during circumcision 17 years ago, undergoes world's third successful penis transplant, but there's a color discrepancy that surgeons will fix with tattooing.
01:42:24.000 I mean, alright, you got a penis transplant.
01:42:27.000 I wouldn't have complained about the color.
01:42:29.000 It's so goddamn crazy that people lose their dicks because of circumcision.
01:42:35.000 It's not totally common.
01:42:37.000 I mean, it's rare, but it happens.
01:42:39.000 When you're a cadaver who gets your dick taken off to put on another person, is that when you check the box on your driver's license to donate your organs, like it's all up for grabs?
01:42:50.000 I guess, yeah.
01:42:51.000 Wow.
01:42:52.000 Yeah, I'll just put that out there.
01:42:54.000 If I die, I take my dick.
01:42:55.000 Go ahead.
01:42:56.000 That's really nice of you.
01:42:59.000 The thing is, it's probably really hard to get it to work, right?
01:43:04.000 I mean, it's such a complicated organ.
01:43:07.000 There's so much going on in there as far as all these different connections, and apparently the operation takes forever.
01:43:12.000 It's a long, crazy operation.
01:43:15.000 Ticking balls are so mystical to me.
01:43:19.000 Do you ever stare at your balls and it's like there's an alien in it?
01:43:22.000 It's like they just move like an octopus or something.
01:43:25.000 They're definitely weird.
01:43:26.000 It's so weird.
01:43:27.000 The movement the first time I gave a hand job, though, did surprise me.
01:43:30.000 Of the balls?
01:43:31.000 No, the shaft.
01:43:32.000 I didn't realize it was going to move with me.
01:43:34.000 Oh, the skin was going to go with you?
01:43:36.000 Yeah, I was like, how cool is this?
01:43:37.000 But I didn't say that out loud, but I definitely thought it.
01:43:40.000 Wait, the skin moves with you?
01:43:41.000 Yeah, so I thought I was actually just going to be sliding my hand up and down, but there was a little give there.
01:43:49.000 Little give.
01:43:50.000 I thought that was so fucking cool.
01:43:53.000 Oh, I thought it...
01:43:55.000 Okay.
01:43:55.000 I'm going to revisit that later.
01:43:57.000 Does your boyfriend have a dick?
01:43:59.000 He does have a dick.
01:44:00.000 Well, he did say...
01:44:01.000 Oh, God.
01:44:02.000 Our first three-way, this girl gave him a ninja blowjob.
01:44:06.000 Like, it was so impressive.
01:44:07.000 He came right away.
01:44:08.000 And I've never...
01:44:08.000 I've sucked his dick many times.
01:44:10.000 Still do.
01:44:11.000 That doesn't happen.
01:44:12.000 And I was in the corner going, huh, okay.
01:44:16.000 You were in the corner.
01:44:16.000 Yeah.
01:44:17.000 Well, I mean, I was next to her.
01:44:18.000 Voyeurism.
01:44:19.000 But, you know, I was like, oh, word?
01:44:22.000 Okay.
01:44:23.000 And it was, you know, I stole the...
01:44:24.000 I'm so curious to see what you were doing, because we learned this year Christina has been giving blowjobs wrong this whole time.
01:44:29.000 Suck a dick's all wrong.
01:44:30.000 How you been doing it wrong?
01:44:31.000 I didn't know you had to suck, like, suck it when you go up.
01:44:35.000 Like, a flashlight is pleasurable because of the suction, and when you suck a dick, you're supposed to, like, suck it in as you go up.
01:44:42.000 Create a little airlock.
01:44:43.000 A little suction-y.
01:44:44.000 I was just licking it like a lollipop.
01:44:48.000 And, you know, no one told me.
01:44:51.000 Because they were probably just happy I was there.
01:44:52.000 See, and that's why, because I'm like, I don't really love giving blowjobs, but it's like, Christina's like, I love it.
01:44:57.000 I'm like, yeah, because you're not doing it right.
01:44:58.000 I know.
01:44:58.000 And it's so much easier.
01:44:59.000 If I was just licking the dick the whole time, I would also like blowjobs.
01:45:03.000 So you don't like doing it because it's a lot of work?
01:45:05.000 It is a job, Jo.
01:45:07.000 It depends.
01:45:07.000 You know, a lot of...
01:45:09.000 He's going to hate me.
01:45:10.000 My boyfriend takes a long time to come.
01:45:13.000 And so, I mean, just at a certain point, your mouth is uncomfortable.
01:45:18.000 That's why I don't like handjobs.
01:45:19.000 I'm like, you do it.
01:45:20.000 You do it better than me.
01:45:22.000 I like watching you do it.
01:45:23.000 Why are we sitting here and I'm trying this, you know?
01:45:27.000 That's a good point.
01:45:27.000 Unless you really want me to, but I'm like...
01:45:31.000 Where has this gone?
01:45:33.000 Where has this gone?
01:45:34.000 Are you comfortable talking about sex stuff?
01:45:35.000 Sure.
01:45:35.000 Yeah, sure.
01:45:36.000 Yeah?
01:45:37.000 Yeah.
01:45:37.000 Do you have sex toys?
01:45:38.000 Do you use sex toys?
01:45:39.000 No.
01:45:39.000 Oh.
01:45:40.000 No.
01:45:40.000 But I used to have the Fleshlight.
01:45:41.000 It was one of the sponsors, the earliest sponsor of the podcast.
01:45:44.000 But did you use it?
01:45:45.000 Yeah, back then.
01:45:46.000 Okay, so that's a sex toy.
01:45:47.000 My boyfriend doesn't use them anyway.
01:45:50.000 He dated a famous porn star right before me and I discovered he held on to her flashlight while Hurricane Sandy was flooding my apartment and crim was over.
01:45:58.000 Oh my goodness.
01:45:59.000 Very uncomfortable.
01:46:00.000 He grabbed Sandy, strapped a life preserver to him.
01:46:05.000 This is not getting away!
01:46:08.000 Well, no, I picked it up, and I do a bit about this, but I picked it up, and I thought it was a flashlight, and I thought he'd thrown it away, and I was like, oh, that's a butthole.
01:46:15.000 Okay, we're gonna have a little talk when Corinne leaves.
01:46:18.000 The butthole one.
01:46:19.000 It's just crazy that they mold it.
01:46:21.000 Yeah.
01:46:22.000 I mean, obviously not the internal parts, but the outside.
01:46:25.000 They literally put rubber on them.
01:46:28.000 We've been to the place where they do stuff.
01:46:30.000 We went to the Doc Johnson factory, which is in Los Angeles, and we saw the chair that looks like an OBGYN's chair where the porn stars sit, and there was remnants of whatever the cement-y stuff that they're putting in their butt.
01:46:44.000 We're taking pictures.
01:46:46.000 We're at Disneyland.
01:46:47.000 It's our Disneyland.
01:46:48.000 That's hilarious.
01:46:48.000 But when you jerk off with a fleshlight, are you closing your eyes?
01:46:51.000 Are you imagining?
01:46:52.000 Because they make it look like an actual pussy, but is that hot?
01:46:55.000 You're not looking at it.
01:46:55.000 That's what I thought.
01:46:56.000 No, you don't need to look at it.
01:46:57.000 They also made it look like an alien.
01:46:58.000 They made an avatar one at one point in time.
01:47:01.000 Whoa.
01:47:01.000 Yeah, they made a blue one.
01:47:02.000 Like, you can fuck that big blue lady that...
01:47:05.000 Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.
01:47:06.000 But it's just a little bit of her.
01:47:08.000 It's just a tube.
01:47:09.000 It's just the part you need.
01:47:10.000 You know what else they make that I thought was hilarious?
01:47:12.000 They make them that are like, you know, those tall boy, like Pabst Blue Ribbon cans?
01:47:15.000 Yeah.
01:47:16.000 They make them out of that.
01:47:17.000 So you unscrew the...
01:47:18.000 It looks like a can, so you'd have it in the freezer.
01:47:21.000 It's like you're hiding your weed from your mom.
01:47:22.000 Yeah, exactly.
01:47:23.000 You're hiding the pussy from your wife.
01:47:24.000 Yeah, it's like if you had a...
01:47:25.000 Have you ever seen those little...
01:47:26.000 It would be like one of these caveman nitros, but you screw the top and you can stash money inside.
01:47:30.000 Yeah, or wait.
01:47:31.000 I had a fake rock that I used to put my house keys in, but then it's like, it does not look like a rock at all.
01:47:37.000 It looks like, oh, this person hid a plastic rock in their garden for their keys.
01:47:41.000 Yeah, it's so obvious.
01:47:42.000 Like, I could leave my key in the door and it would be less obvious than this rock.
01:47:46.000 Yeah, like I went over to a friend of mine's house and he had fake rock speakers in his backyard.
01:47:51.000 I was like, yeah, they play music, bro, but they look like rocks.
01:47:55.000 It's not really a rock.
01:47:56.000 It's impressing no one.
01:47:57.000 It's making people think less of you, probably.
01:47:59.000 You know what it is?
01:47:59.000 It's those fucking catalogs they leave on planes.
01:48:02.000 Oh, I love those.
01:48:03.000 Remember those?
01:48:04.000 You'd be going through those.
01:48:05.000 The SkyMall.
01:48:06.000 I need one of those.
01:48:07.000 You need stuff to do.
01:48:07.000 SkyMall.
01:48:08.000 I need that six-foot Bigfoot statue from my backyard.
01:48:12.000 Yeah, he watches over the garden, man.
01:48:16.000 They do make...
01:48:18.000 They make torsos.
01:48:20.000 You ever seen one of those?
01:48:21.000 It's just a chick's torso.
01:48:22.000 It looks like you mutilated her.
01:48:24.000 We're looking at those sex dolls.
01:48:26.000 Yeah.
01:48:26.000 You know, those real doll things.
01:48:27.000 You know, they have a brothel in Germany now where it's like a sex doll brothel.
01:48:32.000 That seems...
01:48:34.000 I mean, just buying your home.
01:48:36.000 So bizarre.
01:48:37.000 Oh, yeah.
01:48:38.000 So bizarre.
01:48:39.000 That doesn't seem clean.
01:48:40.000 I wouldn't be comfortable with that.
01:48:42.000 Yeah, there it is.
01:48:42.000 Problem at sex doll brothel.
01:48:45.000 The Johns are getting too weird.
01:48:47.000 Ha!
01:48:52.000 We were hoping normal people would come in and beat off into the same hole.
01:48:57.000 And I mean, would you ever fuck a sex doll?
01:49:00.000 For their story.
01:49:02.000 Really?
01:49:03.000 So I could talk about it on the podcast.
01:49:04.000 Really?
01:49:04.000 I would fuck a sex doll.
01:49:06.000 I would fuck a sex doll for myself.
01:49:09.000 I'm not stupid, so I wouldn't think it's a real person.
01:49:12.000 No, I don't think...
01:49:12.000 There's a big difference between beating off and then, like, when you're going so far that you're fucking this rubber thing pretending it's a person, you're taking it to a totally different place.
01:49:20.000 You are, yeah.
01:49:21.000 Like, you're not in a fantasy land where you're masturbating or watching porn and thinking.
01:49:26.000 But when you watch porn, aren't you thinking?
01:49:27.000 Aren't guys when they watch porn thinking, like, she's sucking my dick?
01:49:32.000 Sort of, but no.
01:49:32.000 What do you think when you watch porn?
01:49:34.000 You're just thinking that the activity is exciting.
01:49:38.000 Like the activity you're seeing?
01:49:39.000 Yeah, of someone sucking a dick is exciting.
01:49:42.000 And then you would like it if they were doing it to you, but you're not thinking, oh, she's doing it to me, because you're not stupid.
01:49:48.000 You know you're not there.
01:49:50.000 Suspension of disbelief.
01:49:51.000 It's like when you see a movie.
01:49:52.000 You know you're at a theater.
01:49:53.000 But if you're holding on to some cold rubber, and you've got her cold rubber feet in the air...
01:49:58.000 And you're having sex with a cold rubber pussy.
01:50:00.000 Oh, that was the other thing the guy told me.
01:50:02.000 I wrote that article and I was going back and forth with him, the guy who had a relationship.
01:50:06.000 He said he puts her in the tub.
01:50:10.000 He fills the tub up with hot water to heat up the temperature of the body.
01:50:15.000 Oh, I mean, that seems like a good idea.
01:50:18.000 Yeah, it does seem like a good idea.
01:50:20.000 It's real murdery, but it is very strange.
01:50:22.000 I don't want to go over to his house, but he's not hurting anyone.
01:50:25.000 What do you guys think?
01:50:27.000 Do you know what CRISPR is?
01:50:32.000 It's the drawer in the bottom of your fridge where you put your veggies?
01:50:35.000 Probably not, though.
01:50:36.000 Yes and no.
01:50:37.000 It is that, but it's also a new thing that they're allowing.
01:50:41.000 They're starting to experiment with this new method of altering DNA. They're figuring out a way to do it with non-viable human embryos, and they're starting to do it with humans now that are alive.
01:50:56.000 And a guy was recently one of the first people to be injected with DNA from CRISPR. And as CRISPR gets more and more complex and more and more effective, they think in the future you're not only going to be able to Pick what happens to your children,
01:51:12.000 what your children are, what they look like, what traits they have and don't have.
01:51:16.000 You're literally going to have a laundry list of things that you can pick and choose.
01:51:20.000 But you might be able to do it to yourself.
01:51:22.000 They might be able to accelerate Whoa!
01:51:42.000 See if you can find that.
01:51:47.000 That's like Rachel Dolezal's dream.
01:51:48.000 I was going to say, Rachel Dolezal would have had a heyday with that.
01:51:51.000 There's a ton of those people out there.
01:51:53.000 But this technology is not going to just change the way you look.
01:51:57.000 It'll literally change who you are.
01:51:58.000 It's going to stretch your legs out.
01:52:00.000 It's going to change your features.
01:52:01.000 And the way your brain works?
01:52:02.000 The way you think?
01:52:03.000 Yes.
01:52:03.000 Then they're going to go knock out Alzheimer's.
01:52:05.000 They're going to be able to stop a lot of the genes that allow people to have Parkinson's and a lot of different...
01:52:12.000 Different ailments that people have, they've isolated those genes, and they think they can shut them off.
01:52:17.000 Whoa, that's good.
01:52:19.000 But I also think, I don't want to live to be 150. You might be able to, though.
01:52:23.000 This is what's going to get really weird.
01:52:24.000 You might not want to, and you might say that, but maybe if you're 80 and someone says, hey, you want to be 30 again?
01:52:31.000 You might go, whoa.
01:52:32.000 If I was in good health, I wouldn't mind it.
01:52:35.000 Somebody might be willing...
01:52:36.000 I mean, it might physically be possible for you to not just look 30, but be 30. Whoa!
01:52:42.000 Like, literally change your cellular structure to the point where you're a young person.
01:52:47.000 And that's going to be the destruction of our society.
01:52:49.000 Modifying your own genes is just an injection away if you're feeling lucky, because right now it's very experimental.
01:52:55.000 But this is just speculative.
01:52:58.000 There's an article where the very first guy had it done.
01:53:02.000 Oh, really?
01:53:02.000 Yeah, very first use of CRISPR on a living person.
01:53:06.000 So this is like, you know, there's this body acceptance thing, right?
01:53:10.000 Like, I'm happy with who I am.
01:53:12.000 Be happy, girl.
01:53:12.000 Be happy, boy.
01:53:13.000 Be happy who you are.
01:53:14.000 You're happy until someone comes along and says, hey, man, you could be Thor.
01:53:19.000 You know, do you want to be Thor?
01:53:20.000 You have to do to be Thor.
01:53:21.000 I'm not willing to make any sacrifices.
01:53:23.000 No, you just go to the Thor doctor.
01:53:24.000 It's like Halloween for life.
01:53:26.000 Yeah, he shoots a Thor shot in your ass and you look like that Christopher whatever his name is guy.
01:53:30.000 And could you...
01:53:31.000 You think you would be able to change it?
01:53:32.000 So like one day I'm Thor, but the next day I'm Cindy Crawford.
01:53:35.000 You might be able to...
01:53:36.000 Well, it probably is going to take a while for your body to shift to whatever form it's going to be.
01:53:39.000 Yeah, you've got to wait to morph.
01:53:40.000 And maybe if you keep doing it over and over again, it's like a VHS tape where you keep copying it over and over again.
01:53:45.000 And it's going to get scratched up.
01:53:46.000 The quality, okay.
01:53:47.000 Like a CD. You might put some errors in your DNA and grow some extra feet and weird shit.
01:53:51.000 Yeah, that's fun.
01:53:52.000 A little exciting.
01:53:53.000 Who knows?
01:53:53.000 I mean, listen, there's going to be some early adopters that are very upset and have buyer's remorse.
01:53:59.000 There's no doubt about that.
01:54:00.000 Yeah, and then what do you do when that happens?
01:54:02.000 What do you do?
01:54:03.000 Sorry.
01:54:04.000 But it's like plastic surgery you can alter.
01:54:06.000 Exactly.
01:54:06.000 I mean, you can't, obviously, there's limitations for plastic surgery, but that don't seem to be on this hypothetically if it goes as far as it can go.
01:54:12.000 But it's like plastic surgery in the sense that there was one way they used to do it, which was awful, and now they're way better at it.
01:54:18.000 Yeah.
01:54:18.000 Yeah, sometimes you can't tell.
01:54:20.000 Yeah, like boob jobs.
01:54:21.000 Like boob jobs now, they make boobs that are soft.
01:54:23.000 They're smooshy.
01:54:24.000 And you couldn't, when people, I've met a couple girls that are like, yeah, these are fake tits.
01:54:27.000 I'm like, really?
01:54:28.000 Yeah.
01:54:29.000 Can I touch them?
01:54:30.000 And then when you touch them, they feel like a boob.
01:54:33.000 Yeah.
01:54:33.000 It's crazy.
01:54:35.000 Have you ever touched a fake boob that felt like a real boob?
01:54:37.000 Oh, fuck yeah.
01:54:39.000 Not...
01:54:39.000 No, but I've touched fake boobs that I liked.
01:54:42.000 Yeah, I like fake boobs.
01:54:44.000 I think...
01:54:44.000 They're fun.
01:54:45.000 They are fun.
01:54:46.000 What do you think, Joe?
01:54:47.000 They're...
01:54:47.000 Well...
01:54:49.000 Real's better, but it's weird.
01:54:52.000 People accept fake girl parts.
01:54:55.000 They do not accept fake boy parts.
01:54:57.000 It's really interesting.
01:54:59.000 Like calves and shit?
01:55:00.000 Yeah, pecs.
01:55:01.000 I know guys that have had pec implants.
01:55:03.000 What?
01:55:03.000 Calf implants, yeah.
01:55:05.000 Can you tell that they're obviously implants?
01:55:07.000 The guy I knew who had it is dead.
01:55:09.000 Oh, it's because he had it?
01:55:10.000 He had a lot of issues and he was getting a lot of weird surgery.
01:55:13.000 Yeah, no shit.
01:55:14.000 One of the things he got was pec implants.
01:55:16.000 Wow.
01:55:16.000 Yeah.
01:55:17.000 That's nice to know that sometimes men can be just as insecure as women.
01:55:20.000 They can.
01:55:21.000 For sure.
01:55:21.000 I think, too.
01:55:22.000 Oh, that's not implants.
01:55:24.000 Those are some tigle bitties.
01:55:25.000 That's synthoid.
01:55:26.000 What that guy's doing is he's injecting oil into his muscles to make his muscles larger and bulge.
01:55:32.000 I mean, that's not healthy, right?
01:55:34.000 No, not at all.
01:55:35.000 Those guys get massive infections and gangrene.
01:55:39.000 You're shooting...
01:55:40.000 I didn't even know you still could get gangrene.
01:55:41.000 I thought that was like a 16th century shit.
01:55:44.000 No, Mitch Hedberg had that.
01:55:46.000 Mitch Hedberg, before he died, a couple years before he wound up overdosing, Stanhope and I were hanging out and he got the call that Mitch is in the hospital for gangrene.
01:55:57.000 He's been shooting heroin into the same spot over and over again.
01:56:00.000 Oh, okay.
01:56:01.000 That makes sense.
01:56:02.000 Yeah, you can get gangrene, for sure.
01:56:04.000 People get it today.
01:56:05.000 Shit, now I got nothing to worry about.
01:56:06.000 Yeah.
01:56:07.000 Fuck.
01:56:08.000 But the thing is, like...
01:56:11.000 You should be happy with who you are if you can't change it.
01:56:14.000 What we're getting into is this weird place in the future.
01:56:18.000 Have you found that article while you're out there Googling Synthoid?
01:56:20.000 I found it.
01:56:21.000 I jumped on that.
01:56:23.000 There was an article from 2016 that said someone in China was injected with it.
01:56:29.000 No, it's really, really recent.
01:56:31.000 Within the last couple of days, it said, man becomes the first living patient for CRISPR. They injected CRISPR DNA within the last week or two.
01:56:42.000 That article, I'm typing that in, it says it's from 2016. And the recent one says there's 20 embryos that got injected.
01:56:47.000 Just add to the Google search really recent.
01:56:49.000 Really, really recent.
01:56:51.000 Have you ever heard of poop enemas?
01:56:53.000 Yeah.
01:56:53.000 Those are interesting.
01:56:54.000 Found the guy?
01:56:55.000 Okay, here it is.
01:56:56.000 Yeah, poop enemas.
01:56:57.000 Yeah, here it is.
01:56:58.000 Genes altered inside a person for the first time ever.
01:57:00.000 This is it.
01:57:01.000 Exactly.
01:57:02.000 In a bold experiment that has never been done before, a man had his genes altered permanently in an attempt to...
01:57:08.000 Cure a disease.
01:57:09.000 So this is one step and this guy had a disease and decided to take this chance and do this.
01:57:16.000 And so scientists for the first time have tried editing the gene inside the body in a bold attempt to permanently change a person's DNA to cure a disease.
01:57:23.000 The experiment was done Monday in California on 44 year old Brian Maddox Madhu.
01:57:29.000 Through an IV he received billions of copies of a corrective gene and genetic tool to cut his DNA in a precise spot.
01:57:38.000 It's kind of humbling to be the first test, said Madhu, who has a metabolic disease called Hunter Syndrome.
01:57:45.000 I'm willing to take the risk.
01:57:46.000 Hopefully it will help me and other people.
01:57:48.000 Well, good for that guy, for being the first guy to take that chance because that's one of the things that they need is they need someone who's...
01:57:54.000 People willing.
01:57:55.000 Yeah, and he, like I said, as an early adopter, they'll learn from him and maybe be able to improve it.
01:58:01.000 But the point is this is happening at an incredible pace.
01:58:04.000 CRISPR was just discovered a few years ago.
01:58:06.000 Damn, that's exciting.
01:58:07.000 There's a great Radiolab podcast on it.
01:58:09.000 It's spelled C-R-I-S-P-R, I think it is.
01:58:13.000 I don't think it has an E in it.
01:58:14.000 But if you look up the Radiolab podcast, it is fucking phenomenal.
01:58:19.000 And it's crazy when they explain how they discovered this and what the implications are.
01:58:25.000 I've got to tell my mom about that.
01:58:26.000 She's got so many health things.
01:58:28.000 And neurological.
01:58:29.000 And every doctor who's ever encountered her is like, I don't know.
01:58:32.000 Sorry!
01:58:33.000 And she's like, really?
01:58:35.000 Was she around, like, any sort of, like, uh...
01:58:38.000 Radiation?
01:58:39.000 No, the only thing, uh, she, uh, she's pretty sure she had Lyme's disease.
01:58:43.000 And she didn't know I have Lyme's disease.
01:58:45.000 Fuck, that stuff's bad.
01:58:46.000 I got the bullseye right away, and I got the antibiotics.
01:58:49.000 Now they give you two weeks of antibiotics.
01:58:51.000 I only got ten days at the time, so I feel like maybe I need to go back.
01:58:54.000 But I don't, I don't, I have a very sensitive stomach, uh, and that's all.
01:58:59.000 Lyme disease is a motherfucker.
01:59:01.000 It's so scary.
01:59:01.000 It can fuck you up.
01:59:02.000 It's getting worse and worse and worse.
01:59:05.000 Spreading.
01:59:06.000 Yeah, yeah, it's not good.
01:59:07.000 I read something like 60% of the ticks in the upper Hudson Valley have Lyme disease.
01:59:11.000 Oh, Jesus.
01:59:12.000 Yeah, something insane like that.
01:59:13.000 Yeah, it's really high levels.
01:59:15.000 And it's all over the East Coast.
01:59:16.000 And, you know, for a long time, doctors didn't even know what the fuck it was.
01:59:19.000 Oh, yeah.
01:59:20.000 I'm pretty sure because it's neurological for her.
01:59:23.000 All of her shifts are neurological.
01:59:24.000 And she has an arachnoid cyst in the base of her stem, but they didn't know if it was there when she was born.
01:59:29.000 Arachnoid cyst?
01:59:30.000 Arachnoid cyst, yeah.
01:59:31.000 It's like a spider cyst?
01:59:32.000 Kind of.
01:59:33.000 It's like a big ball, and then it wraps around the base of her skull and the top of her spinal cord.
01:59:39.000 And they think she just got diagnosed with dementia, and they think that possibly draining it would do something, but they don't know.
01:59:45.000 But then she just got half of her intestines taken out.
01:59:48.000 Jeez.
01:59:48.000 She's one of the 3% of people who gets Bell's palsy and it doesn't go back.
01:59:54.000 A lot of people get Bell's palsy from Lyme disease.
01:59:57.000 Oh, yes.
01:59:58.000 I remember reading that.
01:59:59.000 Because I didn't know you could get Bell's palsy and then it goes back to normal.
02:00:02.000 And it's more common.
02:00:03.000 It's like 97% chance your face is going to go back to normal.
02:00:06.000 The atrophy that happened.
02:00:08.000 Wow.
02:00:09.000 A friend of mine's son got it.
02:00:10.000 He was really young.
02:00:11.000 His son got Lyme disease.
02:00:14.000 And he brought the son to the doctor.
02:00:15.000 The doctor didn't think it was Lyme disease.
02:00:16.000 And then finally, the kid had Bell's palsy.
02:00:19.000 And that's when they realized.
02:00:20.000 And then they started giving him the serious antibiotics.
02:00:22.000 And the son was very young, too.
02:00:24.000 I think he was only four at the time.
02:00:25.000 Oh, man.
02:00:26.000 Intense.
02:00:26.000 She had a stroke, though, when she gave birth to my brother.
02:00:29.000 My older brother is her first kid.
02:00:31.000 And then after that was when the Bell's palsy happened.
02:00:34.000 So I'm like, I guess it's connected to that.
02:00:37.000 She's like a walking health question.
02:00:39.000 She's a phenomenon.
02:00:40.000 Yeah, she is.
02:00:41.000 She is.
02:00:42.000 Crisper.
02:00:43.000 Yeah, I'm like, that shit probably could help, actually.
02:00:46.000 Who knows?
02:00:47.000 I mean, we'll see what happens to this guy with Hunter syndrome, but if this really works.
02:00:50.000 And this is all, like I said, this discovery of CRISPR is only a couple years old.
02:00:55.000 They're already starting to use it on living humans.
02:00:57.000 That's pretty cool.
02:00:57.000 She's at the end of a rope to the point where she would say, whatever, do it, I don't care.
02:01:01.000 So I feel like she'd be a good candidate for that.
02:01:04.000 See, the thing about Lyme disease, too, is that it has a neurotoxic element to it that causes, like, mental disorders.
02:01:10.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:01:12.000 It's connected to something called Morgellons disease.
02:01:15.000 Oh, I've heard of that.
02:01:16.000 I don't know what that is.
02:01:17.000 Morgellons is like people start thinking they have fibers growing out of their skin.
02:01:20.000 They start scratching themselves and they hallucinate.
02:01:24.000 I did a TV show about it and one of the things that I found that was fascinating was there was one doctor who was like a legitimate doctor who had Morgellons disease and it was explaining the hallucinations that he would have.
02:01:37.000 Because he had Lyme disease as well.
02:01:39.000 And he was thinking that when you get bit by a bug and that bug has like Lyme disease and tick diseases, they vary.
02:01:47.000 They vary in intensity and they also vary in how many different pathogens that tick can contain.
02:01:53.000 And so the way he was describing it to me, it's like you're talking about one Symptom, like something that happens to you when you have a host of different pathogens.
02:02:02.000 And he said some of those pathogens, he believes, contain neurotoxic elements that causes people to hallucinate.
02:02:09.000 And one of those hallucinations is they think that things are growing on their skin.
02:02:12.000 And they start scratching themselves.
02:02:13.000 And he was seeing it on his eyeball.
02:02:15.000 He was saying he would look in the mirror and he would see something crawling across his eyeball that he knew wasn't really there.
02:02:23.000 And because he was so smart and because he was a doctor, he was recognizing like, okay, my brain is malfunctioning.
02:02:29.000 I've got a real issue here, and the toxic element of this fucking Lyme disease is spreading through his body.
02:02:36.000 Don't succumb to it.
02:02:37.000 Yeah, and so Morgellons is like widely dismissed by a lot of medical practitioners as being a psychosomatic disorder.
02:02:44.000 They think that people are just crazy and they're hallucinating, but he's saying yes, but if you look into that, they almost all have Lyme disease.
02:02:51.000 You're saying it is connected and people are missing this connection.
02:02:54.000 Yeah, yeah, I have.
02:02:55.000 Yeah, and I feel like we've always debated, my mom and I, if her mental shit is from that, from Lyme's.
02:03:00.000 And then, like, I don't have many symptoms of Lyme's, but one thing I've been getting lately, like the past maybe five years, it's been anger attacks.
02:03:08.000 Like, fucking rage that I can't, I have to do something to get it out of my body.
02:03:13.000 Maybe it's watching that girl suck your boy's dick.
02:03:15.000 No, I like that, though.
02:03:18.000 But that was fun.
02:03:20.000 How come I was jerking off to it?
02:03:22.000 No, but it would just come out of nowhere, and I'm like, it felt like I felt like the Incredible Hulk.
02:03:28.000 You feel like it's a medical issue that something was going on, like there's a problem, like an imbalance.
02:03:35.000 Yeah, because it wasn't attached to hormonal, it wasn't PMS. I also have bad PMS, but that's more anxiety.
02:03:40.000 It's not anger.
02:03:41.000 I would get these like Anger attacks and I would have to scream.
02:03:44.000 Oh my poor boyfriend like I would scream I still do I will scream into a pillow until I can't talk anymore I have polyps on my vocal cords and I feel like that's not helping but it's I need to get it out I don't punch somebody but I need to break something or I need to I need to hurt myself So I can be feel embarrassed and then come down from it But at least you confirm my suspicions that all funny people are fucked up Oh,
02:04:06.000 yeah.
02:04:06.000 Oh, yeah.
02:04:07.000 Oh, I got it.
02:04:09.000 Well, you don't seem very fucked up.
02:04:10.000 Yeah, what's your fucked up?
02:04:11.000 How you fucked up?
02:04:13.000 In what?
02:04:14.000 Yeah, I get it out from martial arts, but my whole life I've...
02:04:17.000 Beat people up?
02:04:18.000 No, no, not...
02:04:19.000 Or been in fights?
02:04:20.000 In competitions, yeah.
02:04:21.000 Oh.
02:04:22.000 That's healthy, though, isn't it?
02:04:24.000 Yeah, and maybe not.
02:04:26.000 I got hit in the head a lot when I was young.
02:04:28.000 Well, your brain works well.
02:04:30.000 You got a lot of facts stored in there.
02:04:31.000 Yeah, it works pretty good, but it's also, there's a hair trigger there.
02:04:35.000 There's a hair trigger mechanism that always wants to flip off.
02:04:38.000 It always wants to go dark.
02:04:42.000 What would trigger?
02:04:44.000 An event.
02:04:45.000 Someone doing something bad, something happening.
02:04:48.000 To you or to anybody?
02:04:49.000 To anybody.
02:04:50.000 To me, to anybody.
02:04:51.000 There's the anger switch where I'm not real comfortable.
02:04:56.000 If you have your finger on a gun and the trigger is very light and you're applying pressure, this could go off any second now.
02:05:04.000 There's that if something goes weird.
02:05:06.000 Oh, that sucks.
02:05:08.000 It does, but if you work out a lot, you can keep it in check.
02:05:10.000 Yeah, I lift weights.
02:05:13.000 I train and I do deadlifts and squats and shit.
02:05:17.000 I love physical labor.
02:05:19.000 I love using my muscles and it takes my anxiety away and it makes the rage attacks way less.
02:05:25.000 I feel like I have a lot of testosterone in me.
02:05:27.000 You probably do.
02:05:28.000 I mean, that's probably why you like threesomes and a lot of crazy shit that some girls wouldn't be into.
02:05:33.000 Yeah, but there's nothing wrong with that.
02:05:34.000 You know, but it's all in, like, finding what you need to do to kind of balance out whatever biological issues you have.
02:05:40.000 That's what it is, because right now, at this point, like, I feel like the world doesn't see the anger attacks by my poor fucking boyfriend, because I live with him.
02:05:46.000 So he's the one that gets the brunt of it, and he cares about me, and he'll go...
02:05:50.000 When this happens, do you want me to come upstairs?
02:05:52.000 Do you want me to ignore you?
02:05:53.000 I'm like, I don't know.
02:05:54.000 I'm sorry.
02:05:55.000 Do you ever do a boxing class or something?
02:05:59.000 Like hit a punching bag?
02:06:00.000 I did kickboxing once and I cried the whole class.
02:06:05.000 Why'd you cry?
02:06:06.000 Because I was like, you piece of shit!
02:06:08.000 Like, anger cry.
02:06:09.000 I was in a good mood that day.
02:06:12.000 My friend Melissa loves kickboxing.
02:06:14.000 She's very athletic, and she's like, you should come with me to a Tiger Shulman's class.
02:06:18.000 And I was like, okay.
02:06:19.000 And then I came, and oh man, I went to...
02:06:22.000 Hound on that punching bag.
02:06:23.000 I love punching shit.
02:06:23.000 Did you feel good when it was over?
02:06:24.000 Yeah, sounds good.
02:06:26.000 So maybe you should do that.
02:06:27.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:06:28.000 I mean, the thing, like, I, yeah, I should take boxing class.
02:06:30.000 I just don't like when anybody else is around because it kind of is embarrassing.
02:06:33.000 Well, that's why the rage rooms that we were talking about before would be, because you're in a rage room by yourself.
02:06:38.000 Yeah, but I, they don't have them in New York City.
02:06:40.000 What?
02:06:40.000 A rage room is a place, they have them.
02:06:42.000 I can't believe you don't know about that.
02:06:43.000 You know about everything.
02:06:44.000 Dude, you would love this.
02:06:45.000 I don't need a rage room.
02:06:47.000 My life is a rage room.
02:06:48.000 I think men need rage rooms more than anyone.
02:06:51.000 I have a rage garage.
02:06:52.000 Okay.
02:06:53.000 Do you break shit?
02:06:54.000 No.
02:06:55.000 I have a heavy bag.
02:06:56.000 They'll go to a thrift store.
02:06:57.000 They'll buy all the plates.
02:07:00.000 And you can go in there with a fucking baseball bat.
02:07:03.000 And just smash shit?
02:07:04.000 This is a rage room?
02:07:05.000 Yeah.
02:07:06.000 This is my fantasy.
02:07:08.000 Oh, God.
02:07:10.000 I mean, that's lame.
02:07:11.000 I want to break glass.
02:07:12.000 That to me looks super wasteful, but...
02:07:14.000 Yeah, this seems wasteful to me.
02:07:15.000 Nah, I love it.
02:07:16.000 Like, this guy's, like, half-ass in it.
02:07:18.000 He's not trying hard.
02:07:19.000 He's not mad at all.
02:07:20.000 He's just trying to fuck these girls.
02:07:21.000 Yeah.
02:07:22.000 Like, yeah, girls, let's get together.
02:07:24.000 I got rage in me.
02:07:25.000 Afterwards, I'll massage you.
02:07:27.000 Smash menu.
02:07:28.000 Look at this guy.
02:07:28.000 That guy looks like he's got some deep rage.
02:07:30.000 He's on the smash menu.
02:07:32.000 He might have some, like, hidden rage.
02:07:33.000 Ooh, hey.
02:07:34.000 I like that guy, huh?
02:07:35.000 Yeah.
02:07:36.000 This guy's like examining his work.
02:07:38.000 See, he's not even angry.
02:07:40.000 This guy's so faking it.
02:07:42.000 He's not even angry the way he's hitting things.
02:07:43.000 I mean, if I'm in a rage room, I do not want there to be cameras.
02:07:46.000 I like how they put chest protectors on you.
02:07:47.000 What a bunch of pussies.
02:07:48.000 Yeah.
02:07:49.000 Lame ass pieces of shit.
02:07:50.000 What if when you're breaking things, something hits you in the chest?
02:07:52.000 Are you going to be okay?
02:07:54.000 There's consequences to rage, you fuck!
02:07:56.000 It's the whole idea.
02:07:57.000 But I want to destroy some shit and not have there be any consequences.
02:08:01.000 This is what I think you should do.
02:08:02.000 I think you should seriously try to meditate, because I think it would help you.
02:08:05.000 Yeah, sometimes it makes me angry, though.
02:08:07.000 Yeah, but then I think you should go to a martial arts class.
02:08:09.000 You should do that and go take the kickboxing class.
02:08:12.000 Go punch a bag.
02:08:13.000 Cry.
02:08:13.000 I bet it'll get it out of your system, though.
02:08:15.000 Maybe.
02:08:16.000 I bet it will.
02:08:17.000 Maybe.
02:08:17.000 I've screamed, man, and it's alarming.
02:08:20.000 What about yoga?
02:08:20.000 You ever try yoga?
02:08:21.000 I love yoga.
02:08:21.000 I do yoga a lot.
02:08:22.000 I use the excuse of time.
02:08:24.000 It does help.
02:08:25.000 But that's why I like weightlifting.
02:08:28.000 I got up to a point where I was squatting 175 pounds, and it felt so good, and it felt like every cell in my body was working for something, and I got energy out.
02:08:39.000 And if I hadn't gotten that energy out, I would have just had a fucking...
02:08:43.000 It excites your whole endocrine system, too.
02:08:45.000 The thing about lifting weights, specifically like squats and deadlifts and these big, giant, complex movements, is that it forces your body to get stronger in a way that it excites your hormonal system.
02:08:57.000 It makes your bones denser.
02:08:59.000 That's one of the most important things about it.
02:09:01.000 It's a great way to combat osteoporosis is to lift weights.
02:09:05.000 I just like it because it's the one time...
02:09:07.000 I like physical activity because I have to think about the physical activity I'm doing so I can't stress about my career.
02:09:15.000 It's like the only time I don't think about getting ahead.
02:09:19.000 It's the only time I'm in the moment, really.
02:09:21.000 And I love talking to trainers because you're talking about...
02:09:25.000 Sex is that too.
02:09:26.000 You're on the moment?
02:09:27.000 No, she's tired of her jaws hurting.
02:09:29.000 Her jaw's hurting.
02:09:30.000 My boyfriend said to me the other day, he's like, you never look me in the eye when we fuck.
02:09:33.000 I'm like, oh yeah, I guess I don't.
02:09:36.000 Yeah, but it's also like, we have a sex podcast, so I think that, I mean, before we had the sex podcast, it was more freeing for me.
02:09:42.000 Now, I do think of work when I think of sex, because we have a sex podcast that is paying my rent.
02:09:48.000 That makes sense.
02:09:49.000 Yeah.
02:09:49.000 Well, it's an ironic thing about careers, is that, especially in a creative endeavor, if you think too much about them, you paralyze yourself.
02:09:57.000 Like you paralyze the creativity because you're thinking about advancement and getting ahead and success instead of thinking about creative ideas.
02:10:04.000 Like you can definitely like have too much of one or the other.
02:10:07.000 I mean you can only think about creative and never get your career online because you just never figure out how to monetize things.
02:10:14.000 And don't put pressure on the idea.
02:10:16.000 Like, when guys are fucked, it just came out of like, let's just do this.
02:10:19.000 And I was nervous to do it because the name was so brash.
02:10:23.000 And I knew it was good, but I'm like, damn, my mom's going to find out.
02:10:26.000 And I was worried about that.
02:10:27.000 I hid it from her for two years successfully.
02:10:30.000 That's hilarious.
02:10:31.000 It started getting too big, though.
02:10:32.000 But we honestly...
02:10:33.000 Both of us were like, no one's gonna listen to this shit.
02:10:36.000 No one's gonna listen to me talk about my pussy, so might as well just talk about it and not care.
02:10:40.000 And then people listen.
02:10:41.000 That's the way podcasts evolve the best.
02:10:44.000 Like, when I first started doing it, me and my friend Brian, we just started fucking around with a laptop.
02:10:48.000 Yeah, Red Band, right?
02:10:49.000 Yeah, we just...
02:10:50.000 Set up a laptop, and we're doing it on Ustream, and we didn't even have it uploaded to iTunes.
02:10:55.000 We're just doing this live streaming thing, and then people would ask questions, and there was like 200 people watching.
02:11:00.000 And it was like, that was the early days.
02:11:02.000 There was no pressure on it at all.
02:11:04.000 And then we were like, I'll do this every week.
02:11:06.000 And then every week started building and building and building, and then we started getting some numbers in, and it was like, hmm, a lot of fucking people watching this thing.
02:11:14.000 And then it got weird.
02:11:35.000 Nobody would ever allow that.
02:11:36.000 Your sponsors are fine with it.
02:11:38.000 We'll go into TV meetings and pitch dark shit and just see the blood draining from their face.
02:11:44.000 I'm like, oh, fuck you, pussies.
02:11:46.000 But then you remember, you have to be...
02:11:49.000 You're true.
02:11:50.000 Gina's never going to sign on to that concept.
02:11:53.000 They live in a different world, those people.
02:11:55.000 Those TV people, they live in a world of tricking dummies in the middle of the country.
02:12:00.000 They look for the next three and a half men.
02:12:02.000 Like, what can I get?
02:12:04.000 I need a Big Bang Theory to shove down these morons' throats.
02:12:07.000 They were really open about it.
02:12:08.000 A lot of concepts we pitched, they're like, yeah, but the middle of the country.
02:12:11.000 They're not going to like that.
02:12:13.000 And they're ten years behind me.
02:12:14.000 And there's a lot of great people in the middle of the country now, too.
02:12:16.000 The weird thing about the middle of the country, it doesn't exist anymore.
02:12:19.000 Because the middle of the country has the internet, too.
02:12:21.000 Yeah.
02:12:22.000 So, like, ignorance is...
02:12:23.000 I mean, there's gonna be pockets of ignorance no matter what you do.
02:12:26.000 And we found that out in Charlottesville.
02:12:28.000 Like, that was a big, like, shocker for a lot of people.
02:12:30.000 They didn't know that there's still people with fucking tiki torches walking down the street talking about the land of our fathers and all this goofy shit.
02:12:37.000 But you're finding more and more people.
02:12:41.000 Like, if you tour, you can go to places like Kansas City.
02:12:44.000 You run into a fucking shitload of cool people.
02:12:45.000 Dude, we were in Spokane.
02:12:46.000 We had a gig in Spokane.
02:12:48.000 Spokane.
02:12:48.000 Or Spokane.
02:12:49.000 Washington is awesome.
02:12:51.000 We've been to Ohio, Minnesota, Dallas, and Salt Lake City.
02:12:56.000 I really love it.
02:12:57.000 That's a city.
02:12:58.000 You say Dallas?
02:12:58.000 Texas?
02:12:59.000 Texas is awesome.
02:13:00.000 But our live show is very...
02:13:03.000 You're going to love it or you're going to hate it.
02:13:05.000 And going to a more conservative state, I'm like...
02:13:10.000 But they're coming to see you.
02:13:11.000 The people who are coming, exactly.
02:13:12.000 It's like they found their podcast that helped them live in Dallas, Texas, or wherever it may be.
02:13:18.000 We did a segment called Sexting Theater, and we're like, who in here is sex?
02:13:22.000 And then when they raise their hand, I'm like, give me your phone.
02:13:23.000 We do a theatrical interpretation of their sex.
02:13:26.000 The raunchiest one, I didn't even want to read it, I was blushing, was in Dallas.
02:13:30.000 This guy's talking about sucking a fart out of someone's butt.
02:13:32.000 It was our first gay man, so of course he was much better than any of the women.
02:13:37.000 But I was like, that's impressive and unexpected.
02:13:39.000 You were on board with the fart sucking until you heard it was a man.
02:13:42.000 I wasn't on board.
02:13:43.000 I was trying to take it all in and then he hit me with gay man and it won't even further.
02:13:47.000 So much.
02:13:48.000 Did you ever suck a fart out of a butt, Joe?
02:13:50.000 No, I haven't.
02:13:51.000 I've missed that part of my life.
02:13:53.000 Wait, have you licked a butt?
02:13:55.000 It's all just experiences, of course.
02:13:56.000 Have you ever your butthole licked?
02:13:57.000 Yes.
02:13:58.000 Finger in the butt?
02:13:58.000 No, not that one.
02:14:00.000 Why not?
02:14:00.000 You have a prostate.
02:14:01.000 There's a lot of shit in there.
02:14:03.000 You don't do it after you've eaten a burrito.
02:14:05.000 I agree with you.
02:14:06.000 No, okay, wait.
02:14:08.000 I don't want to lick.
02:14:08.000 I'm going to give you a homework assignment.
02:14:10.000 I don't want to lick straight men's butts.
02:14:12.000 Take it for the girl with a bullet for a ring.
02:14:14.000 That's where bullets belong on jewelry.
02:14:16.000 But everyone thinks it's a cocaine vial.
02:14:19.000 I'm like, oh, that's a good point.
02:14:19.000 I never thought of that.
02:14:20.000 It could be.
02:14:21.000 But a P-spot stimulator.
02:14:23.000 So your prostate is your G-spot.
02:14:25.000 Oh, I know about all that.
02:14:26.000 And you just put it in.
02:14:27.000 And then you don't...
02:14:27.000 It's not ram.
02:14:28.000 You just put it in and you have sex.
02:14:29.000 Or you put it in and you jerk off.
02:14:31.000 When I hear men talk about they love women when a woman cums, it's so hot to them.
02:14:36.000 I've never experienced that with men because they're always like, ugh!
02:14:38.000 But this thing, I'm telling you...
02:14:40.000 How do I go again?
02:14:41.000 Ugh!
02:14:42.000 I'm surprised I could reenact that so many times I've seen it.
02:14:45.000 Yeah, it's not good.
02:14:45.000 But when they have the, when my boyfriend has the Anerosin, is the product that we use.
02:14:50.000 The what?
02:14:51.000 Aneros.
02:14:51.000 N-E-R-O-S. What is that?
02:14:53.000 It's a prostate simulator.
02:14:54.000 Peace bus simulator.
02:14:56.000 It's a rod you shove in there.
02:14:58.000 Yeah, it's not as...
02:14:59.000 It's more like gently glide with...
02:15:02.000 But wasn't it shaped like this?
02:15:04.000 It's God's thumb.
02:15:04.000 Yeah, it's shaped like...
02:15:06.000 It's not that big.
02:15:06.000 It's not intimidatingly big.
02:15:08.000 And you put it in and we have sex.
02:15:10.000 Like a baby dick?
02:15:11.000 Yes.
02:15:12.000 Like a curved baby dick.
02:15:15.000 You ruined that.
02:15:16.000 No, it's like a mini dildo for your butthole.
02:15:20.000 We were all having a nice time.
02:15:21.000 No, but then you have sex, so you do what you gotta do anyway.
02:15:23.000 And the orgasm for the guy is so much more intense to the point where I'm like, that's the hottest thing I've ever seen.
02:15:30.000 The hottest thing I've ever seen.
02:15:31.000 And he likes it, so you should try it.
02:15:34.000 Do you have a good orgasm face?
02:15:36.000 Probably not.
02:15:37.000 I'm not looking in the mirror when I come.
02:15:39.000 What's wrong with you?
02:15:41.000 Do you feel it?
02:15:43.000 I jerk off in front of the mirror.
02:15:44.000 Yeah, just look at yourself.
02:15:46.000 Angry or sad?
02:15:47.000 You gotta pick.
02:15:47.000 Right before you come.
02:15:48.000 That would make me try for ages.
02:15:50.000 The new Trident series.
02:15:52.000 Yeah, wow.
02:15:53.000 It looks like sperm.
02:15:54.000 The one we use is black.
02:15:56.000 I don't suggest getting a white one because when you pull it out.
02:16:00.000 Ew!
02:16:01.000 Not always.
02:16:03.000 It's like checking the oil.
02:16:05.000 I hate to end this podcast on this note, but I do have to wrap this bitch up.
02:16:10.000 Perfect.
02:16:11.000 You guys are really fun.
02:16:14.000 Like I said many times before, I think you guys, you proved to me that you don't have to be a famous person to have a very successful podcast.
02:16:22.000 And people kept saying that to me.
02:16:23.000 Like, oh, it's oversaturated.
02:16:25.000 I go like, bullshit.
02:16:26.000 And I always say, what about guys we fucked?
02:16:28.000 I go, those girls came out of nowhere.
02:16:29.000 They're always top ten.
02:16:31.000 I go, they're kicking ass.
02:16:32.000 And they're just good.
02:16:33.000 They flow together.
02:16:34.000 They're having fun together.
02:16:35.000 Thank you.
02:16:36.000 It's great.
02:16:36.000 Every time you mention us, man, the spike, you are powerful.
02:16:41.000 You're the top podcast all the time.
02:16:45.000 One time we were above you in Canada and everyone freaked out and emailed us and they were like, holy shit, and I just felt like we are not worthy.
02:16:52.000 Oh my god.
02:16:53.000 But we appreciate it.
02:16:54.000 It's nice to earn somebody's respect that you respect and it's because you have something that's good.
02:16:59.000 I appreciate you guys too, and I appreciate the fact that you guys are really good at being yourselves.
02:17:05.000 I'm a professional.
02:17:06.000 Yeah, but that's fucking even rare.
02:17:09.000 You have a huge point though, because that's what half of our book is about, is about just me professionally being me.
02:17:15.000 That's it.
02:17:15.000 That's all I'm offering.
02:17:17.000 But isn't it amazing that that in itself is incredibly rare?
02:17:20.000 It makes me sad, but yes.
02:17:22.000 It shouldn't make you sad because I think it's going to be less rare in the future.
02:17:26.000 People can change.
02:17:26.000 I hope so.
02:17:27.000 I think human beings and I think our culture is evolving.
02:17:30.000 We were talking about the social climate that's happening and how many things are going on right now and words that people are not supposed to use anymore and things that people used to think of as being commonplace and now thought of as being problematic.
02:17:42.000 There's a lot going on.
02:17:43.000 It's exciting.
02:17:44.000 It does feel like there's a shift.
02:17:46.000 I feel it.
02:17:47.000 It's, I think, and along with things like this CRISPR technology and a bunch of other probably unforeseen technologies that are being worked on right now as we speak, I think some weird shit is going down.
02:17:58.000 Man, in 40 years we're all going to be like basketball players and shit.
02:18:01.000 It's going to be fun.
02:18:01.000 We're going to be aliens.
02:18:03.000 I would do that.
02:18:04.000 I would choose that crisper.
02:18:05.000 Would you?
02:18:05.000 Would you go with the big gray head and the black eyes?
02:18:09.000 That's hack.
02:18:10.000 Nah.
02:18:10.000 That's hack?
02:18:10.000 That's a hack alien?
02:18:11.000 Yeah, that's a hack alien.
02:18:12.000 What kind of alien would you like?
02:18:13.000 Big old titties.
02:18:14.000 Be an octopus with big titties.
02:18:18.000 And my pussy can kill people.
02:18:19.000 Number one, I would be purple and metallic.
02:18:22.000 Those are aesthetically, I would choose that.
02:18:23.000 Your pussy could be like that chest monster from Thing.
02:18:26.000 You could put your pussy on your chest, yeah.
02:18:28.000 You might have more control over your pussy if you could just wham it down on things.
02:18:32.000 Ugh, I wish.
02:18:33.000 Right, like I could just put it, like I could just like...
02:18:34.000 And on that note.
02:18:36.000 Thank you ladies, you guys were awesome.
02:18:37.000 Thank you.
02:18:38.000 Thank you so much for having us.
02:18:39.000 Guys, we fucked.
02:18:39.000 You can get it on iTunes and elsewhere.
02:18:42.000 Twitters.
02:18:43.000 Philanthropy gal.
02:18:44.000 Christina Hutch with two I's.
02:18:48.000 That's it.
02:18:48.000 Goodbye everybody.
02:18:51.000 That was so much fun.