The Joe Rogan Experience - January 23, 2018


Joe Rogan Experience #1067 - Whitney Cummings


Episode Stats

Length

2 hours and 28 minutes

Words per Minute

211.36838

Word Count

31,434

Sentence Count

3,177

Misogynist Sentences

183

Hate Speech Sentences

119


Summary

Bill Cosby is back on the stand-up comedy circuit, and we're here to talk about it. We also talk about OJ's acquittals, and why we should all be scared of Bill Cosby, because he's a monster, but he's also a monster who does not deserve to be punished for his crimes. And we talk about why he should have been sent to prison for the rape of a young black woman in the 1970s and why he shouldn't have been allowed to stand trial because he was a black man. We also discuss why we shouldn't care if Bill Cosby is a celebrity or not, because we should care about the crimes he committed, and how we should be grateful that he's not serving a life sentence for the crimes that he committed in the first place, and that he didn't get a mistrial. And we answer the question, is he a monster or a hero? And is he really a monster? or is he not a monster at all? And what does it mean to be black in America now that he s back in the public eye? We'll talk about that and much more on this episode of Thick & Thin with our favorite podcast, Thick and Thin. Also, we have a special guest on the pod, and it's our first guest of the week, our good friend, our friend, Sarah! Sarah. . Sarah is a standup comedian, comedian, writer, and all-around badass, and she's here to break down Bill Cosby's return to the standup comedy scene and her thoughts on Bill Cosby and his return to comedy and his new life after his first trial. We can't wait for you to hear about it! Sarah and Sarah are here to give you all the details! . . . and we can't thank you enough. , Sarah is here to make you enough of that you can't get enough of it. Thank you so much of it, Sarah's here for letting us know that you're here, Sarah loves you, Sarah is there for you, we love you, so much more than you deserve it, so thank you, enough are you enough, enough, you're good enough, thank you are enough, bye bye, bye! , bye bye. Sarah xoxo, bye, Sarah, bye Bye Bye Bye bye, Bye Bye, bye Love, Bye, Bye bye. Love ya. - Sarah


Transcript

00:00:01.000 I think what you said is dead on, that he's got to go straight African-American because white people are just not, hey, and we're live.
00:00:09.000 This is what I think.
00:00:10.000 We need to recognize the return of Dr. Cosby and send a shout out to him and all the folks at the barbershop.
00:00:16.000 I can't do this.
00:00:16.000 No, I can't do this.
00:00:18.000 I'm triggered.
00:00:19.000 I'm triggered!
00:00:20.000 You were saying before the show, like, what do you do if you're at a comedy club and Bill Cosby walks?
00:00:26.000 Because apparently Bill Cosby's doing stand-up again.
00:00:28.000 They're like, what do you do?
00:00:31.000 Why isn't he in jail?
00:00:33.000 I'm not even trying to be funny.
00:00:35.000 Why isn't this guy in jail?
00:00:36.000 Well, because the first trial was...
00:00:39.000 Was it a mistrial?
00:00:40.000 Yeah, it was a mistrial.
00:00:43.000 They couldn't agree, which is hilarious.
00:00:46.000 How many people have to say, that guy fucking drugged me and raped me?
00:00:49.000 How many people...
00:00:50.000 Can you imagine there's like 80 people that are telling the same story of you drugging them and raping them?
00:00:59.000 And people are like...
00:01:01.000 So, look, and here's what I'll say, like, you know, I'm sorry.
00:01:05.000 I just, I don't want anything black and phallic near me right now.
00:01:08.000 We're talking about Bill Cosby.
00:01:09.000 This is too soon for this.
00:01:12.000 I guess I just, you know, and it's interesting that this happened after this weekend was the Women's March, and I know, like, a lot of people want to roll their eyes, and I was getting a lot of shit on Instagram for, like, the Women's March.
00:01:21.000 This is exactly the kind of thing that I'm terrified of, is that this guy is now not in jail, and he's just, like, back to doing stand-up.
00:01:29.000 Yeah.
00:01:30.000 Because I don't know if we got desensitized or if we just forgot about him or we just got sick of talking about it.
00:01:35.000 I just don't understand how people in that club- Nobody saw it coming.
00:01:38.000 First of all, he has an enormous ego and he's a psychopath.
00:01:42.000 Correct.
00:01:42.000 And I think that he has enough fans- And enough people in his community still love him, where he can go places, and small places, and they accept him, and then he's advertising it.
00:01:57.000 And what is that?
00:01:58.000 Is that the people that accept him with this, is it people who have their own skeletons in the closet, and they see him coming back as like, they get redemption in some way, or maybe it makes them not be incorrigible people, or is it like a herd mentality, or is it just star-fucking?
00:02:12.000 Like, how do you rationalize that in your head?
00:02:13.000 A little bit of star-fucking, a little bit of dumb people.
00:02:16.000 The fact that he's famous eclipses the fact that he's a psychopathic.
00:02:19.000 But then there's also...
00:02:21.000 Do you remember how it was right after OJ got innocent?
00:02:26.000 There was a guy, and I don't want to say his name because I respect him.
00:02:29.000 He's a comic, and he went on stage.
00:02:30.000 Carrot Top.
00:02:31.000 He said...
00:02:32.000 No, he's a black guy.
00:02:33.000 He goes, my blackness will not allow me to think that OJ did it.
00:02:37.000 And I was...
00:02:40.000 Interesting.
00:02:40.000 I was like, what?
00:02:42.000 What the fuck did I just hear?
00:02:44.000 Like, that is insane.
00:02:45.000 Like, okay, all black people are innocent?
00:02:47.000 What if a black person comes in and kills your family?
00:02:49.000 Will your blackness exonerate that person?
00:02:52.000 Like, how are you going to handle it then?
00:02:54.000 And I don't know what the...
00:02:55.000 I mean, do you know who was in that job?
00:02:57.000 Was it all black people?
00:02:58.000 I don't know anything about it.
00:03:00.000 I can't read it.
00:03:01.000 Like, I'm sick to my stomach.
00:03:03.000 Okay.
00:03:04.000 No!
00:03:05.000 I don't know if it's a black or white thing, but I think it's a culture.
00:03:07.000 When rapists are on stage performing and there's not a complete melee of disapproval, that's really scary to me.
00:03:15.000 It is scary.
00:03:16.000 It's scary.
00:03:17.000 But I think that there's a certain amount of people that get overwhelmed by celebrity.
00:03:21.000 He shows up like, I can't believe he's here.
00:03:23.000 They don't want to say anything.
00:03:25.000 But like if Charles Manson goes up at a jazz club, it's like he's a celebrity, but he's also a monster.
00:03:29.000 Charles Manson's probably less of a monster.
00:03:32.000 Here's why.
00:03:32.000 I'll throw this at you.
00:03:33.000 He never killed anybody.
00:03:35.000 Charles Manson actually told people to kill people.
00:03:38.000 And they did.
00:03:38.000 And it's terrible that they did it.
00:03:40.000 Like Tex Watson did all the crimes.
00:03:42.000 And what was her name?
00:03:44.000 Squeaky Fromm.
00:03:45.000 She was the one who tried to kill Gerald Ford.
00:03:47.000 They're the one who did the crimes.
00:03:49.000 He was just this crazy fuck who talked these people into these things.
00:03:53.000 He was kind of the puppet master, yeah.
00:03:54.000 Bill Cosby raped who knows how many women.
00:03:58.000 Allegedly.
00:04:00.000 Allegedly.
00:04:02.000 It scares me and shakes me to my core.
00:04:05.000 Not that a psychopath does psychopathic things, but the people who permit it and who are permissive and are okay with it and don't resist.
00:04:13.000 The fact that a bunch of people in that club are just like, okay, we're all good.
00:04:15.000 We don't really know what happened.
00:04:17.000 We just know that he was there and we know that he's going to do another show and he announced that he was going to do some show at a jazz club.
00:04:25.000 It's like today, I think.
00:04:26.000 Is it today or tomorrow?
00:04:29.000 And is this jazz club...
00:04:30.000 I mean, I don't know who owns it.
00:04:32.000 I don't know enough about it, probably, to weigh in.
00:04:33.000 I don't know anything about it.
00:04:33.000 And I'm, like, frozen with disgust.
00:04:35.000 It's like, that's the other thing.
00:04:36.000 It was yesterday?
00:04:37.000 Yeah.
00:04:37.000 Oh, so it's already over.
00:04:39.000 Yeah.
00:04:39.000 As promised, he performed at a jazz club today, but this article was yesterday.
00:04:43.000 Wow.
00:04:43.000 As promised.
00:04:44.000 Like, oh, he's a man of his word.
00:04:46.000 He might be a rapist, but he does not lie.
00:04:50.000 And he was wearing that Hello Friends sweater that he always wears.
00:04:53.000 What a fucking nightmare.
00:04:54.000 And he's got that Bobby Brown thing on.
00:04:56.000 I don't know what that is.
00:04:58.000 I'm triggered.
00:04:58.000 I'm triggered.
00:04:59.000 I'm upset.
00:05:00.000 I'm upset.
00:05:01.000 The microphone headpiece thing.
00:05:02.000 I mean, I don't know.
00:05:03.000 It's just so tricky because it's like I was getting all these nasty comments on Instagram this weekend.
00:05:08.000 But why are you getting nasty comments?
00:05:09.000 For what?
00:05:09.000 Well, I think with what's going on.
00:05:11.000 Right.
00:05:11.000 But why are they being nasty?
00:05:12.000 Because I was posting photos from the Women's March.
00:05:15.000 Which was the march was about a lot of things.
00:05:17.000 And I think just in the last month or so, there's been a little bit of eye roll of like, oh, this is still going on.
00:05:24.000 You know, like, there's a lot of I think, guys and women also who are a little bit exhausted.
00:05:28.000 Or I had one guy I talked to a couple weeks ago, a friend of mine who was like, I'm done with this.
00:05:35.000 What do you mean you're done with this?
00:05:37.000 You're done with sexual predators getting in trouble and getting fired and getting cleansed from our society and possibly stopping from assaulting people in the future.
00:05:51.000 And they were just like, I feel like this has gotten ridiculous.
00:05:54.000 I think a lot of people think it's like a hysteria or it's like women being dramatic or something like that.
00:06:01.000 And then something like this happens.
00:06:02.000 And I'm like, oh, are we not being dramatic enough?
00:06:05.000 Because this is crazy that he's just going on stage and performing like as if everything's just kind of fine again.
00:06:10.000 Well, I think he's a bad example because I think he's nuts.
00:06:12.000 And I don't think it makes any sense that he's out.
00:06:14.000 I think anyone who rapes as many people is nuts.
00:06:16.000 I think all these people are nuts.
00:06:17.000 I think we're more nuts for just being like, okay, I guess he's doing comedy again.
00:06:20.000 I don't think we are.
00:06:21.000 I think most people are like, what in the fuck?
00:06:23.000 Are outraged.
00:06:24.000 Yeah, I sent it to Tom Segura and his immediate reaction was like, what?
00:06:29.000 He gave me like a bunch of yous.
00:06:30.000 I guess I'm thinking about the people who are in that jazz club and the guy that owns that jazz club.
00:06:34.000 Fuck you, guys.
00:06:36.000 Yeah, we don't know.
00:06:37.000 I mean, we don't know who these people are or what it was like.
00:06:40.000 If I'm in a comedy club and Bill Cosby gets on stage, I'm like, I gotta hear what the fuck this bitch has to say.
00:06:44.000 Like, that's what I'm thinking.
00:06:45.000 I'm not being like, awesome, Bill Cosby's here.
00:06:48.000 So maybe I should give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that they think they're seeing some kind of circus show.
00:06:52.000 Well, I don't think I would say anything.
00:06:55.000 I don't think, I mean, I don't think it helps.
00:06:57.000 Like, I don't think I would yell out, you're a fucking racist!
00:06:59.000 I don't think I would do that, but I definitely think I would sit there and watch and study him like some weird fucking creature, which is what he is.
00:07:10.000 He's an aberration in humanity.
00:07:13.000 First of all, he's an aberration in a couple ways, right?
00:07:16.000 Right.
00:07:16.000 He's an outlier in terms of the popularity he reached.
00:07:20.000 He reached this insane level of popularity.
00:07:22.000 And he did it in the 60s and the 70s when the world was a different place.
00:07:25.000 And I really...
00:07:26.000 We've talked about this a bunch of times in this podcast.
00:07:28.000 I think a lot of people drugged people back then.
00:07:31.000 I think it was normal.
00:07:32.000 I think that dropping a Mickey in someone's drinks...
00:07:35.000 It was common, maybe not normal.
00:07:36.000 Yeah, that's a better way to put it.
00:07:38.000 I think a lot of people did it.
00:07:40.000 I think a lot of people...
00:07:42.000 People still do it.
00:07:42.000 Yeah.
00:07:43.000 Well, but I think a lot of famous people did it back then.
00:07:46.000 Yeah.
00:07:46.000 I think they were giving out pills and I don't think...
00:07:49.000 I think culturally we've evolved way more than we are aware of.
00:07:55.000 I think we think of ourselves as being very similar to people from the 1960s.
00:07:59.000 I don't think we are.
00:08:00.000 Interesting.
00:08:01.000 I think we're way...
00:08:02.000 I think if you go from like...
00:08:06.000 1810 to 1870. I bet people are pretty goddamn similar.
00:08:10.000 Interesting, yes.
00:08:11.000 Okay, good point.
00:08:12.000 Yeah, the technology is moving so fast and adapting to that and the fact that we have alarm systems.
00:08:16.000 Right, got it.
00:08:17.000 1960 to 2018, way different.
00:08:20.000 Yeah.
00:08:21.000 Fucking way different.
00:08:22.000 What's acceptable, how people think of things, what we've...
00:08:26.000 Just how people...
00:08:28.000 I think one of the things that's happening, one of the reasons why guys are eye-rolling about the Women's March...
00:08:32.000 Is that it's a new thing.
00:08:35.000 And this is an overwhelming amount of energy that's headed towards this thing.
00:08:39.000 But what it represents is years, decades of frustration.
00:08:44.000 Women that had to work with guys that were grabbing their ass and trying to fuck them.
00:08:48.000 The pendulum swang hard.
00:08:50.000 It's like it snapped fast.
00:08:52.000 And there's also, we always talk about this, and I'm obsessed with epigenetic imprinting.
00:08:55.000 It's not just us.
00:08:56.000 It's our moms and our grandmothers who this happened to.
00:08:58.000 And we carry that pain and that suffering with us.
00:09:02.000 There's a lot of guys that say, hey, I didn't do anything.
00:09:04.000 I shouldn't have to feel this.
00:09:06.000 But this is the thing.
00:09:07.000 These guys saying, like, I'm done with this.
00:09:09.000 You're not even a part of this.
00:09:11.000 Yeah.
00:09:11.000 Like, how are you done with this?
00:09:12.000 You don't have to go there.
00:09:13.000 How is this inconveniencing you so...
00:09:15.000 Like, I don't understand how...
00:09:16.000 Well, I guess if you're stuck in traffic...
00:09:17.000 Well, yes.
00:09:18.000 Women's March traffic.
00:09:19.000 That's it.
00:09:20.000 I mean, that's exactly right.
00:09:21.000 So it's like a couple...
00:09:22.000 I mean, you're in LA. You're always sitting in Women's March traffic.
00:09:25.000 But I feel that way about the fucking marathon.
00:09:27.000 When they have a marathon, I feel that way.
00:09:28.000 Completely.
00:09:28.000 And the gay pride parade and whatever.
00:09:30.000 So it's like, I'm so sorry you're going to have to sit in traffic for an extra 20 minutes.
00:09:34.000 But get your Amazon drone.
00:09:36.000 Why are you driving on a Saturday anyway?
00:09:38.000 I get it.
00:09:39.000 I mean, it makes sense.
00:09:41.000 If I was a woman who worked in an office, I'd fucking hate it.
00:09:44.000 I guess I just don't understand why this is such a hassle for men.
00:09:48.000 I don't understand why it's such an...
00:09:49.000 Unless you were raping people, assaulting people, hurting people, nothing's being taken away from you.
00:09:56.000 And I feel like a lot of men think something's being taken away from them.
00:09:59.000 And I don't know what that is.
00:10:01.000 You know, and I'm just a little bit confused.
00:10:04.000 If it's...
00:10:05.000 Unfollow me.
00:10:06.000 I don't know.
00:10:06.000 Unfollow me.
00:10:07.000 If it's blowing up your Twitter feed and your Instagram...
00:10:09.000 I just...
00:10:09.000 I can't wrap my head around why this is such an inconvenience for guys.
00:10:14.000 And what's so threatening about it.
00:10:16.000 I don't think it's that many guys that are saying this.
00:10:18.000 Oh, okay.
00:10:18.000 Most men, I think, are recognizing, like, that...
00:10:21.000 If you look at the stories, the Harvey Weinstein one is the worst and most egregious example, right?
00:10:26.000 I mean, he's a guy that did it for decades.
00:10:29.000 They even enabled him.
00:10:31.000 Cosby's pretty bad, too.
00:10:31.000 Well, Cosby's worse.
00:10:33.000 Right.
00:10:34.000 Because Cosby was, like, Harvey Weinstein was an obvious predator.
00:10:38.000 It's like, hey, don't go in the chicken coop with the wolf.
00:10:41.000 And here's something interesting.
00:10:42.000 I was also getting shit about this, about a lot of people are like, well, if you knew about Harvey, why didn't you say something?
00:10:49.000 And it's just, it's such a testament to how...
00:10:52.000 Someone said that to you?
00:10:54.000 Yeah, like I just got some comments that were like, well, you knew about Harvey, why didn't you say something?
00:10:58.000 You know, when you knew about it 10 years ago or whatever.
00:11:00.000 But what did you know?
00:11:00.000 But I had heard like, oh, he like sleeps with actresses and he like makes them fuck them.
00:11:05.000 But I wasn't really in that world.
00:11:07.000 So I knew about it.
00:11:08.000 But what was I going to call up the New York Times and be like, hey, I was on Comedy Central for 10 minutes.
00:11:11.000 I have an idea.
00:11:13.000 You know, like who was going to let, you know, and it's also it's like the kind of thing where we didn't even know what we were allowed to say.
00:11:19.000 And we didn't even know that there was a possibility for change.
00:11:23.000 I think?
00:11:49.000 Yeah.
00:12:07.000 I'm making $22 at the comedy store.
00:12:10.000 And it already took me 40 minutes to get out of the comedy store parking lot.
00:12:14.000 I can't go back in there.
00:12:16.000 And I remember literally just being like, the lighting in there is bad.
00:12:20.000 I don't want him to see me.
00:12:21.000 The lighting is bad.
00:12:23.000 The lighting on stage is great.
00:12:25.000 He saw me at my best, and I really don't want to go back and talk to him.
00:12:29.000 I don't know how to do small talk with producers.
00:12:31.000 You know me.
00:12:31.000 I'm a neurotic mess.
00:12:33.000 I'm not good at charming and whatever.
00:12:36.000 That is such a crazy way to think of things.
00:12:38.000 Insane.
00:12:38.000 The lighting in there was perfect.
00:12:40.000 Yeah.
00:12:40.000 He saw me at my best.
00:12:45.000 Like, let me just get the fuck out of here.
00:12:46.000 But, like, I didn't know how bad it was.
00:12:50.000 But, you know, it's like the kind of thing that it's like we didn't know what we didn't know.
00:12:52.000 Don't you feel a little guilty, though?
00:12:54.000 Like, what you're saying, what I'm getting is that people saying that to you, you feel like, oh.
00:12:58.000 Of course.
00:12:59.000 I didn't do it.
00:13:00.000 I didn't.
00:13:00.000 I'm not.
00:13:01.000 Totally.
00:13:02.000 I think that there's a lot of women that kind of have done nothing wrong, but were consumed with guilt and shame.
00:13:06.000 Men, too.
00:13:06.000 Yeah.
00:13:07.000 Yeah.
00:13:08.000 I'm so glad to hear you say that because I'm just not hearing a lot of that.
00:13:11.000 I'm not hearing a lot of empathy and maybe I'm just like zoning in on negative comments.
00:13:14.000 I've never had a female employee and I've never worked in an office.
00:13:17.000 But even though you hear all this sexual harassment shit and you go, did I do anything?
00:13:23.000 Yeah.
00:13:24.000 You gotta check.
00:13:25.000 Seems like everybody did something.
00:13:26.000 But we were the same way.
00:13:28.000 I remember working on a talk show and everyone's like, oh, well, does that count?
00:13:32.000 That's not as bad as rape.
00:13:33.000 Like getting granular about it.
00:13:34.000 Right.
00:13:35.000 I remember I worked on a talk show, a late night talk show, and a guy came up to me in front of a couple of the writers and he took his hand and put it between my butt cheeks and just swiped and he was like, it's like a credit card machine!
00:13:47.000 And everybody started laughing.
00:13:49.000 And of course I started laughing because I froze and I was embarrassed.
00:13:53.000 Was he your friend?
00:13:54.000 No, he was like my co-worker.
00:13:56.000 Like, you know.
00:13:57.000 And it was just kind of a dick comedy writer.
00:13:59.000 And I was like, what am I going to do?
00:14:01.000 I mean, at the time, I had no concept that it was offensive.
00:14:04.000 I was emotionally so numb and unconscious in my 20s.
00:14:06.000 Like, I didn't even think to do anything about it.
00:14:08.000 But looking back, I'm like, that was fucked up.
00:14:11.000 But what was I going to call human resources and say that...
00:14:14.000 Right.
00:14:15.000 There's all these little tiny things that aren't enough to be assault but are too much to be appropriate.
00:14:19.000 And it's just like a gray area that I don't...
00:14:22.000 You know...
00:14:23.000 It's hard for us to delineate what makes sense of what doesn't.
00:14:27.000 Well, it's funny how cautious you are now.
00:14:29.000 I mean, we're good friends, but we're joking around.
00:14:31.000 We had these hoverboards, and we're rolling around these hoverboards.
00:14:35.000 If I had fallen, you would not have caught me, because you didn't want to touch me.
00:14:38.000 What?
00:14:39.000 That's my fear.
00:14:40.000 But what you said was hilarious.
00:14:42.000 You wanted to say something about a porn, but you weren't sure if you could talk about it because you were worried that you bringing up a porn would somehow or another be sexually harassing.
00:14:54.000 And I had to say, like, hey, that doesn't work.
00:14:56.000 You can't do that to men.
00:14:58.000 Like, you say whatever the fuck you want.
00:14:59.000 I remember...
00:15:00.000 I'll give you license right now publicly.
00:15:01.000 Say whatever the fuck you want forever.
00:15:04.000 You can't sexually harass me.
00:15:05.000 Women feel it too.
00:15:06.000 Like, you know, I don't want to...
00:15:08.000 Well, you would feel like a hypocrite.
00:15:10.000 Look at me.
00:15:10.000 I'm stuttering.
00:15:10.000 I'm panicking.
00:15:11.000 Exactly.
00:15:11.000 I don't want to be a hypocrite.
00:15:12.000 Right.
00:15:14.000 You know, I've been coming back to the comedy store a lot and I hadn't been there in the last like six months.
00:15:17.000 I've been working on something and I noticed when I used to go to the comedy store, I used to feel like praying or any comedy club.
00:15:22.000 It was like, you know, people would hug you too long and, you know, you were just waiting to kind of like have something inappropriate happen.
00:15:29.000 I went in the other night.
00:15:30.000 Not one man hugged me.
00:15:33.000 Everyone was like, hello, m'lady.
00:15:34.000 People were like bowing at me.
00:15:37.000 No one would come near me like I was a fucking leper.
00:15:41.000 Donnell Rawlings came up to me and gave me a hug and halfway through he was like, oh my god, I'm so sorry.
00:15:44.000 Am I allowed to do that?
00:15:45.000 And I was just like, oh, whoa, like this is this is fucking crazy.
00:15:49.000 The tables have turned because it used to be women were terrified of men and now men are kind of terrified of women.
00:15:53.000 Definitely guys are afraid of being called out.
00:15:55.000 There's a lot of that and a lot of guys going over there.
00:15:58.000 Are you afraid if you don't have skeletons in your closet, though?
00:16:01.000 If you're afraid if you don't?
00:16:03.000 If you don't.
00:16:03.000 Are you afraid because you know you have some shit?
00:16:06.000 Well, here's the thing.
00:16:07.000 You don't have to have skeletons in your closet.
00:16:09.000 You can just have a bad relationship where someone's mad at you.
00:16:12.000 Like this Aziz Ansari thing is very bizarre.
00:16:14.000 Like this seems like he went on a bad date and they took turns eating each other out and blowing each other and then she didn't like it and she said that there was like, I don't know what the fuck happened because I wasn't there, but there's a lot of people that are picking sides on this.
00:16:29.000 And I'm not accusing or supporting either side because I don't think there's enough information yet.
00:16:34.000 And it all seems very like he had one experience, she had one experience.
00:16:37.000 And if they're both telling the truth, you know, who fucking knows?
00:16:40.000 But here's what I'll say just about my experience in my 20s as a woman is I was not fully formed yet at 22 years old.
00:16:49.000 I didn't know.
00:16:50.000 No one is.
00:16:50.000 I had literally no sex I wanted to have in my 20s.
00:16:53.000 Well, we understand that now, that the frontal lobe is not really fully formed in human beings until you're 25. So, hey guys, in your 30s and 40s, stop dating 20-year-olds.
00:17:01.000 Just, in general, this is a bad idea.
00:17:04.000 And I think that a really big part of the conversation that, for me, a blind spot is sexual abuse victims.
00:17:12.000 So, the statistics are a little foggy, but one out of six women are sexually assaulted as children, and those are only the people that come forward.
00:17:21.000 Is that real?
00:17:22.000 Yes.
00:17:22.000 One out of six?
00:17:23.000 One out of six is the statistic for people that come forward.
00:17:26.000 That's not even including the people that don't come forward, which is a lot.
00:17:30.000 And not to get too serious.
00:17:32.000 Did you see that fucking Olympic...
00:17:33.000 I'm sorry to interrupt you, but did you see that Olympic thing?
00:17:35.000 It makes me crazy.
00:17:36.000 That Olympic thing is insane.
00:17:37.000 The Olympic gymnastics coach, or doctor rather, that was molesting all those girls?
00:17:41.000 Makes me want to...
00:17:42.000 It makes me homicidal.
00:17:43.000 And when they're doing the testimony, he's saying that this is too uncomfortable for him to listen to these girls?
00:17:49.000 If I saw that guy in the street, I think I'd kill him with my hands.
00:17:52.000 I'd have to.
00:17:53.000 I would go batshit crazy.
00:17:55.000 So I don't talk about this publicly because I'm too embarrassed.
00:17:58.000 That's the other thing about this.
00:18:00.000 I think that some guys have this idea that us being sexually harassed is like It's fun for us and we want to come forward and there's some glory in it.
00:18:09.000 It's embarrassing and it's awful.
00:18:10.000 And I don't talk about my sexual assault publicly because I just freeze up and I can't.
00:18:15.000 But you're very self-aware.
00:18:16.000 There are people that take some sort of glory in being victimized.
00:18:21.000 Maybe.
00:18:21.000 I can't speak to that.
00:18:23.000 What I mean by that is to the point where they will exaggerate any sort of interaction with someone.
00:18:31.000 Maybe.
00:18:32.000 But men and women.
00:18:33.000 So here's what I'll say.
00:18:35.000 That could be true.
00:18:36.000 I don't know enough about the science of that, and I'm not a psychiatrist, but my experience was the opposite.
00:18:41.000 I minimized mine.
00:18:42.000 Most people do.
00:18:43.000 I didn't come to terms with the fact that I was sexually assaulted until I was 32. I'm 35. I just kind of figured this shit out.
00:18:49.000 And there's a lot of stuff that is still blind spots that I don't want to deal with.
00:18:53.000 And I was only able to write about it in my book because I can't talk about it publicly.
00:18:57.000 I freeze up.
00:18:58.000 I get weird and scared.
00:19:00.000 And one of the trauma responses of if you've been sexually assaulted as a child is that when a man moves towards you or you have any kind of sexual...
00:19:08.000 See, I'm getting all nervous.
00:19:10.000 When you have a sexual interaction, you freeze up.
00:19:12.000 Because when you were sexually assaulted as a child, it didn't serve you to fight back and you had to kind of disassociate.
00:19:17.000 Right.
00:19:17.000 That's why people get confused with fight or flight.
00:19:20.000 It's not just fight or flight.
00:19:22.000 Freeze is a big one.
00:19:24.000 I have a freeze response around sex.
00:19:25.000 I should be clear about what I'm saying so nobody misconstrues this.
00:19:27.000 What I'm saying, I'm not talking about real victimization.
00:19:31.000 I'm talking about people that love to play the victim.
00:19:35.000 Sure.
00:19:35.000 There are a lot of people...
00:19:36.000 I'm not talking about real...
00:19:37.000 When I say that people take glory in victimization, I don't mean someone who's actually been sexually assaulted.
00:19:42.000 I mean someone who may have had a weird interaction with the person when they said something to them.
00:19:47.000 And by the way, I've done that.
00:19:49.000 Like, you know, I get bumped at the comedy store and I'm like, can you...
00:19:55.000 I just am getting adrenaline and dopamine from being self-righteous or having been wronged or something.
00:20:01.000 I know what you mean from that perspective, but I think when it's something real, my reaction is to completely hide.
00:20:07.000 Freezing is a big one.
00:20:09.000 That's also a big one with assault.
00:20:12.000 Not just sexual things, but physical assault.
00:20:15.000 One of the things that happens to people when they're confronted by someone in a dangerous situation is that panic and they freeze.
00:20:21.000 They don't do anything.
00:20:22.000 They literally can't move.
00:20:24.000 So if at least 20% of women have that, who knows what the fuck is going on in some of these interactions.
00:20:29.000 So for me, like in my 20s, when a guy came towards me, I would freak out and people go, why didn't they say no?
00:20:34.000 Why didn't they leave?
00:20:35.000 Because I'm fucking frozen and I don't know what to do.
00:20:37.000 Anybody that says that has never been involved in any sort of real altercation when they're in danger.
00:20:41.000 Anybody says, why didn't you just...
00:20:43.000 Well, you don't know why you didn't do things.
00:20:46.000 There's times in my life when I look back, I'm like, why didn't I fucking say something?
00:20:49.000 Why didn't I tell that guy to fuck off?
00:20:52.000 You don't know what to do.
00:20:53.000 And that's a lot of, I mean, that was me in my whole 20s.
00:20:56.000 Why didn't I tell him no?
00:20:57.000 Why didn't I leave?
00:20:58.000 Why didn't I tell him to stop?
00:20:59.000 Like, you know, so a lot of it I didn't even understand because I was too young to.
00:21:03.000 And I also, I didn't, it took me 15 years of a 12-step program and therapy and EMDR to even be able to say.
00:21:11.000 What's EMDR? EMDR, eye movement reprogramming and desensitization.
00:21:14.000 How the fuck would you expect anyone to know what that means where you could just yell at me?
00:21:19.000 Your fans are so fucking smart and like they're such neurology nerds.
00:21:24.000 Yeah, but that's off the deep end.
00:21:26.000 EMDR. I've never heard of that shit in all my life.
00:21:29.000 It's a post-traumatic stress disorder therapy.
00:21:31.000 It was started for Vietnam vets and it helps you to sort of deactivate traumatic experiences.
00:21:37.000 Have you ever done ecstasy?
00:21:39.000 No.
00:21:40.000 Yeah.
00:21:40.000 MDMA therapy is supposed to be amazing for people that have gone through trauma.
00:21:44.000 I've been told about this.
00:21:45.000 I'm going to go to Coachella next year and try that.
00:21:47.000 I don't know if that's the place.
00:21:49.000 But it's supposed to be amazing for people that have gone through real traumatic experiences that are just so ingrained in their mind.
00:21:56.000 Like, the memories of those experiences are ingrained with trauma and horrible feelings.
00:22:00.000 And somehow or another, MDMA therapy allows people to separate from that.
00:22:05.000 And...
00:22:06.000 Lose the trigger and like lose this reoccurring...
00:22:10.000 That sounds like a way more fun way to do it because EMDR is like you sort of have to relive the memory and then other shit gets unearthed and things start clicking into focus.
00:22:19.000 Well, the reason why they call it ecstasy is because that's literally what you feel.
00:22:22.000 You feel so much love.
00:22:24.000 It just floods your brain with dopamine.
00:22:26.000 Yes.
00:22:27.000 And I only did it once, but the thing that stunned me was how comparatively insecure I am in regular life.
00:22:35.000 Comparatively insecure.
00:22:36.000 Can you say that?
00:22:37.000 Comparatively insecure compared to when you're on ecstasy.
00:22:40.000 Oh, got it.
00:22:41.000 You have no inhibitions.
00:22:42.000 None.
00:22:42.000 Zero.
00:22:43.000 You're so friendly and so warm and so affectionate.
00:22:46.000 But you always like that.
00:22:46.000 I try to be.
00:22:47.000 Yeah.
00:22:47.000 But when you're on ecstasy, you really realize all the hitches in your personality, all the things that are holding you back.
00:22:55.000 I only did it once, but it made me completely aware of insecurity that I didn't even know existed.
00:23:00.000 That's fascinating.
00:23:01.000 Yeah.
00:23:01.000 Let's do that.
00:23:03.000 Yeah, do it.
00:23:03.000 You trip out.
00:23:04.000 It's very interesting.
00:23:05.000 I'm super into it.
00:23:06.000 I had another friend recommend that and I'd be down because it's also like, you know, and something else I'll say, not to speak for all women, like I'm not the face of all women, but like with this administration, if you're a sexual trauma survivor, seeing this fucking guy on the news every day can be really triggering.
00:23:22.000 Do you see his post about the Women's March?
00:23:24.000 No.
00:23:24.000 His Twitter post was hilarious.
00:23:26.000 Joe, I literally can't read the news anymore because I'm too activated and I'm going crazy.
00:23:32.000 I'm way too activated.
00:23:33.000 Seeing a sexual predator or someone I deem to be a sexual predator with all the women that have come forward in the news every day is activating my trauma response of...
00:23:41.000 I think he's a predator.
00:23:43.000 I don't think it's just sexual.
00:23:44.000 I think he's a predator in business.
00:23:47.000 I think he's a predator in politics.
00:23:49.000 I think he's...
00:23:49.000 I mean, if you look at the way he campaigned, you know, like about the Hillary Clinton, lock her up, lock her up.
00:23:55.000 Yeah.
00:23:55.000 He's predatory.
00:23:56.000 Yes, correct.
00:23:57.000 He's a bully.
00:23:57.000 Yeah.
00:23:58.000 Well, he's a fucking winner.
00:24:00.000 I hate to say it that way.
00:24:02.000 Can I tell you?
00:24:02.000 And I was, do you remember, I think it was, I don't know, was the primaries or it was like when Ben Carson was still in the mix and they were all lined up.
00:24:10.000 And I remember seeing, and this was when we all thought it was like a joke.
00:24:13.000 And he called all of them out.
00:24:14.000 He was like, you've asked me for money and you've asked me for money and you've asked me for money.
00:24:19.000 And I was like, that's fucking hot.
00:24:21.000 The reptilian brain was like, oh shit, that guy's a fucking winner.
00:24:26.000 And he's not scared of anything.
00:24:28.000 And with the sound off, I'm like, that's the alpha.
00:24:31.000 If shit hits the fan, I'm following that guy.
00:24:33.000 He's old.
00:24:34.000 He's lived a long life.
00:24:35.000 He's on speed.
00:24:36.000 And he has a lot of money.
00:24:38.000 And there's all these reports that he's on diet pills.
00:24:41.000 Do you believe that syphilis theory?
00:24:43.000 I don't know that.
00:24:44.000 Can you look this up, B? As if you haven't already today?
00:24:47.000 Do you know the diet pill thing, though?
00:24:48.000 No.
00:24:49.000 Is that like caffeine?
00:24:50.000 Yes.
00:24:51.000 He's on some sort of amphetamines, apparently, according to several sources.
00:24:55.000 One of them that tracked his prescription from Dwayne Reed Pharmacy in New York from a few years back, that he was on this one type of amphetamine for like eight years.
00:25:06.000 Do you have to take drug tests if you're the president?
00:25:07.000 No.
00:25:07.000 I don't even know.
00:25:08.000 No, you don't.
00:25:09.000 Wow.
00:25:09.000 No.
00:25:09.000 This is amazing.
00:25:10.000 Wow.
00:25:11.000 You have to take a drug test if you work for UPS. Wow.
00:25:14.000 You don't have to take a drug test if you have the fucking nuclear football.
00:25:18.000 How is that not a thing?
00:25:19.000 Yeah.
00:25:20.000 Well, I don't know.
00:25:21.000 Meanwhile, Jeff Sessions is fucking trying to take pot away from everybody and Donald Trump's popping pills.
00:25:26.000 I don't know if he's really popping pills.
00:25:27.000 I just should say this.
00:25:28.000 But what I've read is that what he's taking, what they believe he's taking is...
00:25:33.000 Do you remember Fen-Fen?
00:25:34.000 No.
00:25:35.000 Fen-Fen was some shit that went on in the 90s.
00:25:39.000 It was a diet pill that they had to stop taking because it was super effective for people, but it was essentially speed.
00:25:45.000 They lost their appetite and everybody lost weight.
00:25:48.000 Dexatrim?
00:25:48.000 Do you remember that diet pill?
00:25:49.000 I took that when I was in high school and had an eating disorder.
00:25:52.000 That's similar.
00:25:53.000 All these things are similar because they're amphetamines.
00:25:55.000 They're speed.
00:25:56.000 They're all stimulants.
00:25:59.000 And there's one of the ingredients in fen-fen.
00:26:03.000 When the two of them are combined together, fen-fen is two different things.
00:26:06.000 And see if you can find that story about what they think that he's on.
00:26:10.000 But it gives you delusions of grandeur.
00:26:12.000 That's a thing.
00:26:14.000 Whoa, I need that.
00:26:15.000 One of the symptoms.
00:26:16.000 First of all, think about the amount of energy this guy had.
00:26:18.000 Running for president.
00:26:19.000 Giving these long speeches.
00:26:20.000 He's tireless.
00:26:20.000 Never seemed tired.
00:26:21.000 Yeah.
00:26:22.000 Rumored.
00:26:23.000 Doctor prescribed Donald Trump cheap speed.
00:26:25.000 Look at this.
00:26:26.000 That picture's amazing!
00:26:28.000 Who made that picture?
00:26:30.000 I'm triggered!
00:26:31.000 Who's Jim Cook?
00:26:34.000 Jim Cook, you're a fucking wizard.
00:26:35.000 Whoever you are.
00:26:37.000 His neck looks like a fucking elephant ear.
00:26:39.000 My applause.
00:26:40.000 That made me laugh hard.
00:26:41.000 The orange is perfect.
00:26:42.000 It's like such a...
00:26:43.000 But just exaggerate just enough.
00:26:45.000 The eyes...
00:26:46.000 I'm glad you're enjoying this.
00:26:48.000 He looks like you're a rock salt lamp.
00:26:50.000 You gotta be able to laugh while this is going on.
00:26:52.000 I can't.
00:26:53.000 You can't freak out.
00:26:54.000 Okay.
00:26:54.000 Rumors of Trump's predilection, I love that word, predilection for stimulants first started really popping up in 1992 in Spy Magazine Road.
00:27:03.000 You ever wonder why Donald Trump has acted so erratically at times full of energy, of manic energy, paranoia, and wow, what is that word?
00:27:10.000 Garrulous?
00:27:10.000 Where is it?
00:27:11.000 Garrulous.
00:27:12.000 Garrulous?
00:27:12.000 Have you ever used that word?
00:27:13.000 Garrulous is like, I thought, like cheerful.
00:27:15.000 Like garrulous.
00:27:15.000 Well, you're speeded up.
00:27:17.000 Well, he was a patient of Dr. Joseph Greenberg's from 1982 to 1985. At the time, Dr. Greenberg was notorious for allegedly dolling out prescription stimulants to anyone who would pay.
00:27:27.000 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:27:29.000 Diet drugs.
00:27:30.000 Trump took a pill for him.
00:27:31.000 How can you be on diet drugs and also be fat?
00:27:33.000 Because he's eating a lot of terrible things.
00:27:35.000 Okay, this is the stuff.
00:27:37.000 Okay, Fen-Fet.
00:27:39.000 It's called...
00:27:42.000 Fentermine first gained notoriety in the U.S. under the name Fenfen, a miracle combination of fentermine and fenfluramine, another established anti-obesity drug.
00:27:53.000 The two of them together.
00:27:54.000 The only problem was when the patients taking the drug began reporting damage to their hearts and lungs.
00:27:59.000 Apparently the combination destroyed the patients' bodies.
00:28:02.000 So he's not taking both of them.
00:28:04.000 He's taking one.
00:28:06.000 Phentermine on its own, however, is still prescribed.
00:28:08.000 Trouble with thinking, speaking, or walking, decreased ability to exercise, false or unusual sense of well-being, insomnia, nervousness.
00:28:15.000 This is my suicide note.
00:28:16.000 Increase in sexual ability, desire, drive, and performance.
00:28:19.000 That's not true.
00:28:19.000 Yeah.
00:28:21.000 Confusion.
00:28:22.000 Sure.
00:28:23.000 I mean, so this is doctor prescribed.
00:28:26.000 Yes.
00:28:27.000 This is what I think.
00:28:28.000 Why wouldn't you just take Adderall?
00:28:29.000 Well, that's a good one.
00:28:30.000 Yeah.
00:28:31.000 But it's the same thing.
00:28:32.000 Got it.
00:28:32.000 Will you look up the syphilis theory, Trump?
00:28:34.000 Sure.
00:28:35.000 Adderall is essentially, like, incredibly similar.
00:28:38.000 There it is, medical theory.
00:28:40.000 Many mental health professionals believe the president is ill, but what if it causes an untreated STD? So apparently syphilis untreated?
00:28:52.000 It creates reddening of the face, manic behavior.
00:28:56.000 I can't read this for him.
00:28:58.000 But his face is pale.
00:28:58.000 It's orange skin color.
00:29:00.000 Oh, is that self-tanner?
00:29:01.000 Yeah, if you look at his eyes.
00:29:03.000 Syphilis?
00:29:03.000 That's why his eyes are white.
00:29:05.000 All around his eyes, like a raccoon, they're white.
00:29:07.000 Okay, it's characterized by the development of an ulcer, usually genital, a few weeks and a few months after sexual contact with the infected person.
00:29:14.000 If the ulcer is not noticed, not...
00:29:16.000 Secondary stage of the disease is seen in some patients.
00:29:19.000 Weeks or months later, these patients may develop a variety...
00:29:22.000 Thank you.
00:29:23.000 Look at you, you're leaning towards it like you're so obsessed.
00:29:26.000 Because I can't see.
00:29:28.000 I want to get to the...
00:29:30.000 It's right behind you, too.
00:29:32.000 Oh, I can't swivel.
00:29:33.000 I hurt my back.
00:29:34.000 I told you that.
00:29:35.000 I hurt my back on your fucking Segway.
00:29:37.000 Just trying to impress you.
00:29:39.000 I'm suing you.
00:29:40.000 You didn't even fall.
00:29:40.000 I'm suing you.
00:29:41.000 We have video cameras everywhere in this place.
00:29:44.000 And you know how to use a bow and arrow.
00:29:46.000 I'm not suing you.
00:29:49.000 Neuropsychiatric disorder.
00:29:50.000 Neurosyphilis.
00:29:51.000 Symptoms of neurosyphilis are protein, varying widely from one individual to another.
00:29:57.000 Irritability, loss of ability to concentrate, delusional thinking, and grandiosity.
00:30:01.000 Memory, insight, and judgment can become impaired.
00:30:04.000 Maybe he's got everything and they're duking it out inside of his system.
00:30:06.000 He got syphilis in the fucking 80s from Stormy Brown or whoever, and now he's fucking got delusional thinking and grandiosity.
00:30:14.000 Okay, Stormy Brown right now is pissed off.
00:30:18.000 And then it also makes your hair like fluffy and just exactly like his.
00:30:21.000 Yeah, but he's fucking 90 years old.
00:30:23.000 You're gonna lose your hair.
00:30:26.000 There's like a history of his hair.
00:30:27.000 Look at all those girls.
00:30:28.000 I banged her, I banged her, I banged her, and I banged her.
00:30:31.000 That's amazing.
00:30:32.000 I came on her feet.
00:30:33.000 That's kind of amazing.
00:30:35.000 Anyway, so I mean you can see why we're all a little triggered.
00:30:39.000 Yeah, but I don't think...
00:30:40.000 I think people are reaching for straws.
00:30:42.000 I mean, he just got...
00:30:43.000 It was interesting, the doctor that examined him, examined him and said that he probably, if he had a good diet, he'd live to be like 200 years old.
00:30:50.000 He's got just great genes.
00:30:51.000 That doctor that examined him, I was like, this is...
00:30:54.000 Who is this doctor?
00:30:55.000 The guy that killed Michael Jackson is his doctor?
00:30:57.000 Who is this guy?
00:30:58.000 But here's the thing.
00:30:59.000 After he did that, then Sanjay Gupta examined the actual results.
00:31:03.000 And Sanjay Gupta said, well, no, there's actually an issue here.
00:31:07.000 And the issue is something to do with arteries and something to do with the potential for a future stroke or heart attack.
00:31:16.000 And he was basing it on actual test results.
00:31:20.000 And obviously, I don't know jack shit about medicine, but see if you can find out what he said.
00:31:24.000 He's a common form of heart disease.
00:31:27.000 Yeah.
00:31:27.000 See, scroll up and see if you can find what it said there.
00:31:33.000 Yeah, here it is.
00:31:34.000 This is what it is.
00:31:52.000 That were released yesterday.
00:31:53.000 After further questioning, Jackson also revealed that Trump underwent coronary calcium CT scan.
00:32:00.000 Now, this is it.
00:32:00.000 His score was 133 and anything over 100 indicates plaque is present and that the patient has heart disease.
00:32:07.000 According to Trump's official records, in 2009, his coronary calcium score was 34. Does a president have an obligation to be in shape?
00:32:16.000 I mean, wasn't Robert Taft, like, notoriously obese?
00:32:20.000 Like, do you have to be in shape to be the president?
00:32:22.000 I don't know the answer.
00:32:23.000 That's a good question.
00:32:24.000 Like, do you, are there certain boxes you have to check?
00:32:27.000 But what I'm getting out of this is it's Sanjay Gupta, who is an unconnected third party, who's unbiased.
00:32:34.000 Is going basically just off of these coronary calcium CT scans.
00:32:39.000 And what he's showing is the difference between how it was in 2009, which was 34, 2013, which is 98, and then 2018, which is 133. So you're saying it's increased, basically doubled every couple years.
00:32:54.000 It's bad.
00:32:55.000 Everything over 100 indicates heart disease.
00:32:58.000 I'm not going to say anything else bad.
00:32:59.000 I'm worried I'll get death threats.
00:33:01.000 Were you worried that you want him to get this?
00:33:03.000 No, I just, you know.
00:33:04.000 Just kind of say it.
00:33:05.000 No one's listening.
00:33:06.000 I yelled millions of fucking people.
00:33:09.000 You know, but I think that's the other thing.
00:33:11.000 I think we're all sort of just especially angry.
00:33:15.000 Like when you were talking about the pendulum swinging so hard of women.
00:33:19.000 It's like having to see this constantly every day in the news.
00:33:22.000 This guy, it's hard.
00:33:23.000 It's really hard and depressing.
00:33:26.000 Trying to be objective.
00:33:27.000 This is what I find fascinating about it is that obviously this is an aberration like no one's ever seen something like this before.
00:33:33.000 No one's ever seen a president.
00:33:34.000 There's a video that was on go to The typical liberal Instagram page, there's a video of him saying, no one is better at blank than him, and it's like a video that was actually put together by people to mock him,
00:33:51.000 but the Trump supporters actually love it.
00:33:54.000 Yeah, play this, because 24 things nobody is better at than Trump.
00:33:58.000 Nobody can do it like me.
00:33:59.000 Nobody.
00:34:00.000 Nobody can do it like me.
00:34:02.000 Honestly.
00:34:02.000 Nobody's stronger than me.
00:34:04.000 Nobody has better toys than I do.
00:34:05.000 There's nobody bigger or better at the military than I am.
00:34:08.000 Nobody loves the Bible more than I do.
00:34:10.000 Nobody builds walls better than me.
00:34:11.000 Nobody's better to people with disabilities than me.
00:34:15.000 Nobody's fighting for the veterans like I'm fighting for the veterans.
00:34:18.000 There's nobody that's done so much for equality as I have.
00:34:21.000 There's nobody more pro-Israel than I am.
00:34:23.000 There's nobody more conservative than me.
00:34:25.000 There's nobody that respects women more than I do.
00:34:27.000 Nobody would be tougher on ISIS. Had I known...
00:34:31.000 Nobody's ever had crowds like Trump has had.
00:34:36.000 But here's the thing.
00:34:37.000 Before the internet, you could say shit like this and get away with it because no one could check you on it.
00:34:41.000 He belongs in the 1800s when you could just lie to crowds of people and they couldn't corroborate it.
00:34:47.000 I know what it means.
00:34:48.000 Nobody knows more about trade than me.
00:34:52.000 Oh my god.
00:34:53.000 Nobody in the history of this country has ever known so much about infrastructure as Donald Trump.
00:34:58.000 Nobody can do it like me.
00:35:00.000 I feel like people who actually do no shit do the opposite.
00:35:03.000 They're like, look, I'm not a scientist.
00:35:04.000 I don't know that much about this.
00:35:06.000 Like, are more humble about it.
00:35:08.000 I wish he wasn't president because I love him.
00:35:10.000 I love what a character he is.
00:35:13.000 He's entertaining.
00:35:14.000 He's fascinating.
00:35:15.000 But that's fascinating.
00:35:16.000 But he has power is the problem.
00:35:19.000 Yeah, that's the problem.
00:35:20.000 And he's doing horrible things with it.
00:35:21.000 As a character and as the host of a reality show, he's a gem.
00:35:26.000 I mean, he's such a freak.
00:35:27.000 Oh, to be on a reality show, great.
00:35:29.000 Sign me up.
00:35:30.000 But to be running the most powerful country in the world, I don't know, maybe China is now, is really, really scary.
00:35:36.000 Well, it's just fascinating, the supporters, too.
00:35:38.000 Like, I love reading his supporters, because I'm always trying to figure out which ones are Russians.
00:35:43.000 Oh, interesting.
00:35:43.000 Like, how many of these are Russian bots?
00:35:44.000 A lot of them are women.
00:35:46.000 There's a few that are women, yeah.
00:35:48.000 A lot of women voted for him.
00:35:49.000 What's the deal with those girls?
00:35:51.000 You know, here's what I'll say.
00:35:53.000 And I have some family who voted for him who are in, you know...
00:35:58.000 Exile.
00:35:58.000 But no, they're just in working class.
00:36:01.000 And their whole thing is like, we don't care.
00:36:03.000 All we care about is the bottom line in our jobs.
00:36:05.000 It's actually kind of a luxury.
00:36:07.000 And that's, I think, a fair flaw with what's happening with this, you know, women's, you know, movement conversation is right now the people getting the most visibility are fucking millionaires.
00:36:17.000 Right.
00:36:17.000 You know, that's sort of, for the most part, who's speaking up right now.
00:36:20.000 And like, you know, that's what Time's Up is for, to enfranchise people who don't have the kind of resources to just be like, you know what?
00:36:27.000 You're mistreating me.
00:36:28.000 I'm going to quit my job.
00:36:29.000 You know, a lot of people can't quit their job and they have to tolerate sexual harassment and whatever.
00:36:32.000 And they don't really have a choice in the matter.
00:36:34.000 They have to stay in bad relationships because they can't afford to get their own place or whatever.
00:36:38.000 But all they heard was jobs.
00:36:41.000 Their thing is, like, we don't care anything about his character.
00:36:43.000 We think all politicians are assholes.
00:36:45.000 We just want Yeah.
00:37:07.000 Which is so crazy.
00:37:08.000 A lot of my family members are like, we're going to work in coal mines.
00:37:10.000 I'm like, you realize that's 50,000 jobs, right?
00:37:13.000 And it's starting to become obsolete.
00:37:15.000 So he promised kind of jobs that I think the pipeline and shit like that.
00:37:19.000 So I think that, you know, and they just watch Fox News and they believe everything that's when they think like liberal news is a lie, you know?
00:37:26.000 So I think it's like the kind of jobs that they promised.
00:37:28.000 And I know and I think that you're exactly right.
00:37:30.000 It's like their whole thing is unemployment going up is what helps women because more women can get jobs.
00:37:35.000 But isn't it a case where when you see unemployment and how more people are doing better than before and the economy is doing better than it's ever been before, isn't this like a natural cycle?
00:37:47.000 Wasn't it already charting in that direction when Obama was leaving office?
00:37:50.000 I was going to say, I think it's the president that's like four years prior that usually is what caused it.
00:37:54.000 Because you can't just become president and all of a sudden there's more jobs.
00:37:57.000 It's something that has to start a little bit earlier.
00:37:59.000 I'm not saying Obama.
00:38:00.000 I don't know enough about it.
00:38:01.000 When Obama got into office, everybody was blaming him.
00:38:04.000 Correct, even though that's probably what the president before him caused.
00:38:07.000 Sure.
00:38:07.000 Here it goes.
00:38:08.000 The economy gained a net 11.5 million jobs.
00:38:12.000 The unemployment rate dropped below the historical norm.
00:38:15.000 Average weekly earnings for all workers were up 4.1% after inflation.
00:38:20.000 The gain was 3.7%.
00:38:21.000 We're just production and non-supervisory employees after tax.
00:38:27.000 Corporate profits also set records as the stock profits.
00:38:31.000 S&P 500 index rose 166%.
00:38:33.000 There was some story about how the tax break that we got here because of Trump that people got, that California was going to somehow or another impart Some sort of a 10% surcharge to counterbalance that.
00:38:49.000 And I was like, what?
00:38:51.000 But then they said it was all going to social programs.
00:38:55.000 I'm like, well, that's a good thing.
00:38:56.000 I'm all for paying more taxes if those taxes can go to poor communities.
00:39:01.000 That's what I feel like.
00:39:03.000 I feel like if there's one thing that we need to concentrate on in this country, It's people that are disenfranchised and live in poor communities that don't feel like there's any hope.
00:39:10.000 And then setting up community centers, setting up some education programs, setting up safe places where kids can go and they don't have to worry about gang violence and shit.
00:39:19.000 And just making it safer for people and giving them more opportunities to possibly get out of that fucking horrible cycle of unemployment and fucking welfare and crime that so many people are stuck in.
00:39:32.000 And I completely agree.
00:39:33.000 And when I think about that, I'm like, oh, you know, and this is just my point of view because of what I come from, and maybe it's being a woman, a female brain, whatever.
00:39:40.000 But, like, when I hear that, I'm like, the thing that perpetuates that cycle is having kids too soon and having a lack of access to birth control and education.
00:39:47.000 And this administration is a huge threat to that, an enemy to that.
00:39:51.000 So I'm like, what...
00:39:52.000 Right, but why is that?
00:39:53.000 What completes you faster than a kid?
00:39:54.000 Is that just a straight-up Republican thing?
00:39:56.000 Pull this thing...
00:39:57.000 I'm so sorry.
00:39:58.000 I always have this problem.
00:39:59.000 Don't have it like here, though.
00:40:00.000 I always do this.
00:40:01.000 Why?
00:40:01.000 What does this say about me?
00:40:02.000 Make it like a fist.
00:40:04.000 Do any of your other guests have this problem?
00:40:06.000 Okay, good.
00:40:07.000 I used to do it before I did a podcast.
00:40:09.000 I'm terrible at this.
00:40:10.000 I do radio shows.
00:40:10.000 They'd always yell at me because I wasn't in the mic.
00:40:13.000 Why is it a Republican thing?
00:40:15.000 It's always a Republican thing to try to deny women birth control, to try to restrict abortion.
00:40:20.000 This is always a Republican thing.
00:40:21.000 Because I think it probably boils down to religion.
00:40:22.000 Yes.
00:40:23.000 And I still can't understand why religion is the reason that people think women have to be cows.
00:40:29.000 But he was never religious.
00:40:30.000 This is what's so crazy.
00:40:31.000 Yeah, well, he used to...
00:40:33.000 I mean, I think a lot of it's kind of like Keeks conveniently now, super pro-life or something.
00:40:37.000 Nobody likes the Bible more than I do.
00:40:40.000 Nobody hates abortion more than me.
00:40:42.000 I wish I could do an impression.
00:40:43.000 I can't do an impression.
00:40:44.000 I was just thinking.
00:40:45.000 I need to learn how to do it.
00:40:45.000 You don't.
00:40:46.000 You don't.
00:40:46.000 It's chilling.
00:40:47.000 I don't want to hear it.
00:40:48.000 Last thing we need is more fucking Trump impressions at the Comedy Store.
00:40:51.000 I'm good.
00:40:53.000 Steve Byrne has a really good one.
00:40:54.000 Really?
00:40:55.000 It's really good.
00:40:58.000 I would not have seen that coming.
00:40:59.000 I know.
00:40:59.000 I didn't see it coming either.
00:41:00.000 He did it the other night.
00:41:01.000 I went, whoa!
00:41:03.000 He nails it.
00:41:04.000 That's kind of amazing.
00:41:05.000 He nails it.
00:41:06.000 I have to process that later.
00:41:08.000 He does the finger thing.
00:41:10.000 That's great.
00:41:10.000 I mean, Alec Baldwin's is like fucking just next level.
00:41:13.000 But yeah, I think it's religiously sort of based and hubris based.
00:41:18.000 I mean, just the idea that women shouldn't have control over their own bodies.
00:41:20.000 It's just like, why do you want me to have kids that I'm not ready for?
00:41:23.000 It depletes our economic system.
00:41:25.000 It means everyone else has to pay more taxes.
00:41:27.000 It puts more people on welfare.
00:41:28.000 All the things that Republicans hate.
00:41:30.000 Do you think that it's a vulnerability thing?
00:41:32.000 They like women to be vulnerable?
00:41:33.000 Maybe.
00:41:34.000 Maybe.
00:41:35.000 And they want control over people.
00:41:37.000 Control over people they've never met.
00:41:38.000 Why do you want to control the uterus of a woman that lives 10 states down from you?
00:41:42.000 How does that benefit you?
00:41:43.000 I think there's a sick thing that people have where they want to control people in a lot of ways.
00:41:47.000 I think that's a lot of when you see people that are trying to control people's language.
00:41:52.000 When you see people that are trying to restrict.
00:41:53.000 Yeah, PC. Don't say this.
00:41:54.000 Say this word.
00:41:55.000 Don't say this word.
00:41:55.000 I think there's a weird instinct that we need to address outside of ideology, outside of political lines that you cross.
00:42:04.000 There's a weird instinct that people have to try to control people.
00:42:07.000 It's just a fear-based thing or it's a habit.
00:42:10.000 I just think it's a thing that people do.
00:42:11.000 They don't have much control of themselves and they want to control their people.
00:42:15.000 And I think this is where bullying comes from and I think this is where a lot of what sexual harassment and just the entitlement The way bosses behave when they're employed, like this is one of the things about Harvey Weinstein that I found fascinating, is that he would bark at his employees and they would run and they were terrified.
00:42:33.000 I used to date a girl when I first came to L.A. Wonderful woman.
00:42:40.000 Beautiful, perfect personality.
00:42:43.000 Terrified of her boss.
00:42:44.000 She worked as an agent's assistant.
00:42:46.000 She couldn't have been a nicer person.
00:42:48.000 And this girl would wake up in the middle of the night terrified that her agent that she was working for needed her to do something.
00:42:55.000 She would freak out.
00:42:56.000 Sure.
00:42:56.000 She was like constantly worried.
00:42:58.000 And this guy, I mean, she made terrible money.
00:43:01.000 It was constant stress.
00:43:03.000 And she would work insane hours.
00:43:04.000 I mean, they would make, she would make like $400 a week.
00:43:07.000 And she was working fucking insane hours.
00:43:10.000 Yeah, this is before they had the rules of, you know.
00:43:12.000 I don't know what she really made.
00:43:13.000 I'm just guessing.
00:43:14.000 She was always broke.
00:43:14.000 And then my questions for you are that Stockholm Syndrome, super real thing.
00:43:18.000 Yes.
00:43:18.000 And then what was her relationship with her dad?
00:43:20.000 Was she recreating her childhood circumstances?
00:43:22.000 It wasn't good.
00:43:22.000 Done that.
00:43:23.000 It wasn't good.
00:43:24.000 Yeah, the relationship with her dad was very bad.
00:43:25.000 And then the epigenetic imprinting.
00:43:26.000 It's only till very, very recently that we were not completely dependent on men for our survival.
00:43:32.000 Yeah.
00:43:32.000 And that you guys weren't killing us in the streets.
00:43:35.000 Yeah.
00:43:35.000 Like, it's so recent in terms of human evolution.
00:43:38.000 And, you know, I did this movie with Neil Brennan.
00:43:41.000 And we wrote it together.
00:43:42.000 What's it called again?
00:43:42.000 It's called The Female Brain.
00:43:44.000 And it's about all the shit because I'm obsessed with figuring out and you're so good at delineating what's nature and what's nurture, what's a choice and what's not, what's biologically, neurologically driven and what's socially constructed.
00:43:53.000 That's my fascination in life.
00:43:55.000 And like when all this stuff happens, I'm always trying to figure out this kind of behavioral stuff.
00:43:59.000 And then it talks a lot about epigenetic imprinting.
00:44:01.000 So it's like even if your girlfriend at the time had not gone through some sort of trauma with a man, her mom certainly did.
00:44:06.000 And then her mom's mom certainly did.
00:44:08.000 And she carries that with her.
00:44:09.000 So all of a sudden you're in 2016 and a man's yelling at you and it's like, Flashback to 1850 when one of your ancestors was being fucking murdered by a guy.
00:44:18.000 We just don't think about that kind of stuff.
00:44:20.000 But what I meant to say is, we used to have this storyline that was about sexual harassment.
00:44:24.000 We ended up kind of changing it.
00:44:25.000 It's the Cecily Strong and Blake Griffin storyline about her.
00:44:29.000 Because women are generally wired for consensus.
00:44:32.000 We get dopamine from consensus, right?
00:44:34.000 Because we are physically weaker.
00:44:35.000 I know nobody wants to talk about it.
00:44:37.000 When you mean by consensus, what do you mean?
00:44:38.000 In terms of like, if you guys are arguing about something, I mean, we're on a show that kind of encourages, you know, healthy discourse.
00:44:45.000 And I know you guys a little bit and I feel safe here.
00:44:47.000 But in general, in a work environment, I'm going to try to get everyone to agree because 2000 years ago, getting everyone to agree made my life safer.
00:44:55.000 If I'm eight months pregnant, I need protection from the whole tribe and I want everyone to agree.
00:44:59.000 I'm going to pretend I agree with things that maybe I actually don't.
00:45:02.000 That makes sense.
00:45:03.000 We get dopamine from Harmony because I'm less able to defend myself.
00:45:06.000 Especially with men.
00:45:07.000 I need you to like me because I need your protection.
00:45:10.000 We're not that different.
00:45:11.000 I mean, 200 years ago I needed your protection.
00:45:15.000 My brain has not caught up to the fact that it's illegal for you to attack me and rape me now.
00:45:20.000 That doesn't mean anything though.
00:45:22.000 I think it means something to our reptilian brains.
00:45:25.000 But the illegal part doesn't mean anything in terms of no one's going to save you.
00:45:30.000 Totally.
00:45:30.000 Correct.
00:45:31.000 That's correct.
00:45:31.000 You could kill me whenever you wanted, but 200 years ago it was like, you know, there was no phones to even call to report anything.
00:45:39.000 It was just much more common, I suppose.
00:45:40.000 What I'm saying is that today, anyone saying that that fear is alleviated because there's laws against it is crazy.
00:45:47.000 Totally.
00:45:47.000 Because those fears are always there.
00:45:50.000 Completely.
00:45:50.000 In my reptile brain, just in my conscious brain, I'm sort of like, okay, it's less likely that this is going to happen because we all have this illusion of being civilized, you know?
00:45:57.000 That's all horseshit.
00:45:58.000 I get nervous when I interview Francis Ngannou after a fight.
00:46:01.000 Like when I had to interview him Saturday night, because he's...
00:46:05.000 265 pounds and six foot four and he smashes people's heads in for a living and I stand next to him and I feel like a little tiny person.
00:46:11.000 This is just no getting around that.
00:46:12.000 And here's the thing.
00:46:13.000 And that's why it's like that.
00:46:14.000 And he likes me.
00:46:15.000 I know he's not going to do anything to me.
00:46:16.000 But exactly what you're saying to me right now is what I'm trying to explain to people that are like, I don't understand the fucking women's movement.
00:46:21.000 Why are you guys freaking out in the office?
00:46:22.000 It's not like we're talking to those people.
00:46:24.000 It's like, what are we going to rape you?
00:46:25.000 It's like, yeah, maybe.
00:46:27.000 I don't get in elevators with guys.
00:46:28.000 I just wait for the next one.
00:46:30.000 I'm scared.
00:46:31.000 We have tribal thinking.
00:46:32.000 And this is, right now, there's tribal boundaries that are being established on the male and female side.
00:46:38.000 And people are picking sides.
00:46:39.000 And there's a bunch of men that are annoyed that people are talking too much about women.
00:46:44.000 And there's a bunch of women that are saying, now it's my time to be a fucking crazy bitch and go crazy and attack all these men and take that.
00:46:50.000 We're not trying to go crazy.
00:46:52.000 But there are some.
00:46:53.000 But there are some.
00:46:53.000 Okay, maybe I don't know them.
00:46:54.000 But what I'm saying is, see you saying that right there.
00:46:56.000 We are not trying to do this.
00:46:59.000 That's a crazy thing to say because you're not all women.
00:47:01.000 Because I'm looping us all in together.
00:47:02.000 I'm not all men.
00:47:02.000 That's crazy.
00:47:03.000 I guess I just don't know anybody like that.
00:47:05.000 I do.
00:47:05.000 I don't.
00:47:06.000 Who?
00:47:06.000 Where?
00:47:06.000 On Instagram?
00:47:07.000 I know some crazy people.
00:47:08.000 Women?
00:47:09.000 Yeah, I follow a lot of really insane people on Instagram.
00:47:12.000 There was a woman that was, she's like an editor for Vogue or something like that, that said, here's an unpopular opinion.
00:47:19.000 I am not at all concerned with men being falsely accused of sexual harassment or sexual assault.
00:47:26.000 That's irresponsible.
00:47:27.000 But they exist.
00:47:28.000 Those people exist.
00:47:30.000 There's the burn it all down people.
00:47:32.000 That fuck them or burn it all down.
00:47:35.000 But they're not going to succeed.
00:47:37.000 It doesn't matter.
00:47:37.000 It doesn't matter.
00:47:38.000 It's inherently tribal.
00:47:39.000 This is a tribal thing.
00:47:41.000 And there's no nuance to that.
00:47:42.000 There's no consideration of all the different kinds of men.
00:47:46.000 There's a lot of men that are considerate and friendly and nice.
00:47:49.000 And they're concentrating on themselves.
00:47:51.000 And they don't want anything bad to happen to anybody else.
00:47:53.000 But there's men who are like, fuck these bitches.
00:47:55.000 Fuck all women.
00:47:56.000 They're all whores, bitch.
00:47:57.000 And they listen to rap music.
00:47:59.000 I've been listening to a lot of really bad rap music lately.
00:48:03.000 That is one of the rare places where you could still just be a straight up misogynist.
00:48:08.000 Totally.
00:48:08.000 And then do you think, and I'm always, and I don't know the answer to this, do you think, because I think porn definitely affects our psyche and how we view, dehumanize women, just, right?
00:48:18.000 Especially young people watching it.
00:48:19.000 Do you think that a rap song going...
00:48:22.000 Destroy that shit, murder that shit, beat that pussy up.
00:48:26.000 Do you think that that affects the way men view women on like a cellular level?
00:48:31.000 It's impossible that it doesn't.
00:48:34.000 It's impossible.
00:48:35.000 When you have something that's incredibly popular and you're repeating the words to it over and over again.
00:48:40.000 I don't know what percent.
00:48:41.000 Yeah.
00:48:42.000 Of an effect it has on a 20-year-old brain, whether it has a 5% effect over your parenting and what your life experiences have been, all the various different variables that come into your psyche, like what makes you a human being.
00:48:58.000 I don't know, but that's a factor.
00:49:00.000 It's a factor.
00:49:01.000 And what happens when you hear, beat that pussy?
00:49:06.000 Why do guys cheer for that?
00:49:08.000 Aren't we also kind of on some level wired to protect?
00:49:11.000 Is that a tampon tattoo?
00:49:13.000 Is that a tampon tattoo?
00:49:14.000 Yes, it is.
00:49:14.000 What is that?
00:49:15.000 No, it's a safety pin.
00:49:16.000 Oh, okay.
00:49:20.000 I'm trying to figure out what the fuck that tattoo is on your wrist.
00:49:23.000 And I was like, does she have a tampon tattoo on her wrist?
00:49:25.000 That would be hilarious.
00:49:26.000 What kind of monster do you think I am?
00:49:29.000 What kind of monster would you get a safety pin?
00:49:30.000 Burn it all down.
00:49:30.000 Why do you have a safety pin?
00:49:31.000 It's like a personal thing.
00:49:34.000 It's too much of a bummer.
00:49:35.000 You don't want me to tell you.
00:49:36.000 Most of my tattoos are white.
00:49:38.000 I have white ones everywhere.
00:49:39.000 What?
00:49:39.000 You are fucking crazy.
00:49:41.000 Here's what I will say, is that burn it all down, people.
00:49:44.000 Most of my tattoos are white.
00:49:46.000 I want the pain, but I don't want anybody to see it.
00:49:47.000 You have fucking 5,000 tattoos.
00:49:49.000 You're covered.
00:49:49.000 Why am I crazy?
00:49:50.000 Because you can't see mine.
00:49:52.000 I'm crazy, too.
00:49:52.000 I'm not saying I'm not crazy.
00:49:53.000 I don't think you're crazy.
00:49:54.000 I'm probably pretty crazy.
00:49:55.000 Really?
00:49:55.000 Yeah.
00:49:56.000 You hide it very well.
00:49:57.000 Well, I manage it.
00:49:58.000 Or you channel it.
00:49:58.000 You manage it in healthy ways.
00:50:00.000 You get it out.
00:50:01.000 Oh, if I didn't manage it.
00:50:02.000 If you didn't work out every day, would you just be murdering people in the streets?
00:50:06.000 I would probably have been in jail a long time ago.
00:50:08.000 You would be like breaking apes out of zoos and fighting them.
00:50:10.000 I don't think that.
00:50:11.000 But I think...
00:50:12.000 I would have done something really stupid a long time ago.
00:50:30.000 For me, the way through it was martial arts.
00:50:32.000 If I didn't find martial arts, who knows?
00:50:35.000 And I think that is one of the best ways for men to not be pieces of shit.
00:50:40.000 Because I think a lot of the way people behave is through insecurity.
00:50:43.000 So find pride in other things and do ecstasy.
00:50:49.000 That'll help too.
00:50:50.000 But give you some security and give you an outlet for your aggression and give you some humility.
00:50:55.000 Like in martial arts, you get humility.
00:50:57.000 You get strangled all the time.
00:50:59.000 You learn humility.
00:51:00.000 Right, right.
00:51:00.000 You get real humble real fast.
00:51:01.000 You can't have an ego.
00:51:03.000 You let it go.
00:51:03.000 You do it to them.
00:51:04.000 They do it to you.
00:51:05.000 Everybody does it.
00:51:05.000 And you hug.
00:51:06.000 And there's like real genuine love and affection between the guys that I do jujitsu with.
00:51:10.000 It's very intense.
00:51:14.000 It's as real as it gets.
00:51:15.000 And here's something, sorry, I just wanted to go back to that Vogue woman for a second, or whoever that was, because it's like, I think what I'm trying to do is understand, like, when a man acts in a way that's violent or whatever, I'm like, what's the root of that?
00:51:26.000 What's going on?
00:51:27.000 What happened in his childhood?
00:51:28.000 Like, what's going on biologically or genetically?
00:51:30.000 Or like, what has he been taught?
00:51:32.000 Like, he was failed somehow.
00:51:33.000 If a guy feels the need to rape a woman, someone failed him, or he's a sociopath and just should be locked up or is mentally ill, but he saw it from his dad, he learned it, hurt people hurt people.
00:51:43.000 So it's like, when a woman says, like, all men should, I don't care if they're, I'm like, what happened to her that made her think that that's her paradigm?
00:51:51.000 She probably met a bunch of fucking assholes.
00:51:54.000 Something went wrong.
00:51:56.000 Yeah, it was probably guys that she grew up with, guys that were in her life.
00:52:00.000 Could be sexual trauma.
00:52:01.000 Her stepdad.
00:52:03.000 There's a lot of variables.
00:52:05.000 And I guess I'm just trying to start a conversation that's like, let's explore what happened back then and how do we sort of stop that shit from going on?
00:52:12.000 Right.
00:52:12.000 Whether it's like sexual abuse, physical abuse, whether it's like the messages we get growing up of like, and I don't know how you parent your kids, but the idea of like, all I heard growing up was calm down, relax, it's fine, be seen.
00:52:25.000 Like the messages that we give kids.
00:52:27.000 Calm down, relax, be fine.
00:52:28.000 About what?
00:52:29.000 Anything.
00:52:30.000 Anytime I cried or I was injured or whatever, it was calm down, you're overreacting.
00:52:34.000 That's what I heard as a kid growing up.
00:52:37.000 And that bothered you?
00:52:38.000 I think it did because...
00:52:39.000 Were you overreacting?
00:52:40.000 It caused me to...
00:52:41.000 I mean, I was a kid.
00:52:42.000 Right.
00:52:42.000 I don't know.
00:52:43.000 When kids cry...
00:52:44.000 But don't you think that kids should be assured?
00:52:46.000 Like, it's okay.
00:52:47.000 It's just a small boo-boo.
00:52:48.000 You're going to be fine.
00:52:49.000 Everything's okay.
00:52:50.000 I think it depends.
00:52:50.000 I think normally what kids do when they're crying is they're just testing to see how available you are to them.
00:52:54.000 Right?
00:52:54.000 So when you go, calm down.
00:52:55.000 Everything's fine.
00:52:56.000 Sort of.
00:52:57.000 Let me tell you.
00:52:57.000 I don't know enough.
00:52:58.000 Take it from someone who has kids.
00:52:59.000 Yeah.
00:52:59.000 They do that, but then they also recognize that it's a way that they can get attention so they will overreact on purpose about things.
00:53:04.000 You have to know the difference.
00:53:05.000 Yes, they will have fits if they don't go to the movie they like to see.
00:53:08.000 Sure.
00:53:08.000 Like, if my two daughters want to go see a movie and one of them wins and the other one starts throwing a temper tantrum, you gotta go look.
00:53:13.000 We're gonna go see a fun movie.
00:53:15.000 Right.
00:53:15.000 Like, you can't get pissed off.
00:53:16.000 Next time, you'll get to choose.
00:53:17.000 Yeah.
00:53:17.000 But this is crazy.
00:53:18.000 You can't stomp your feet and cry.
00:53:20.000 But she's seven.
00:53:21.000 Yeah, totally.
00:53:22.000 You know, but this is like...
00:53:24.000 Have a chance to Explain to her that these feelings are natural.
00:53:28.000 Yeah, you're gonna win some you're gonna lose some but you can't hold on to that You got to let it go and realize oh, we're still gonna go to go to see a fun movie, right?
00:53:35.000 It's just not gonna be this one.
00:53:36.000 It's gonna be that right and you know for whatever reason we made a decision sure We try to be as fair as possible, but you can't have fucking temper tantrums over all the time Oh, we're going to the wrong restaurant Kids do that.
00:53:50.000 That's because they're little kids.
00:53:52.000 They're recognizing that there's some influence, that they have some power over you.
00:53:56.000 And then I'm going to see how much power I can get and how much attention I can get and how much I can play you.
00:54:00.000 So you just have to figure out the difference.
00:54:02.000 I think for me, I learned to invalidate my own reality and stuff my feelings.
00:54:06.000 I remember a specific moment where I was like, you can't rely on adults.
00:54:10.000 They won't help you.
00:54:11.000 Figure it out yourself.
00:54:12.000 Or don't have those feelings or invalidate those own feelings.
00:54:15.000 And I think there's probably a bad parenting.
00:54:18.000 You don't want your kid to go like, if I'm hurt, don't tell anyone.
00:54:21.000 Parenting is fucking confusing.
00:54:23.000 Because you try to figure out what bad parenting you received.
00:54:27.000 I was lucky in that my parents were very busy.
00:54:30.000 So I didn't get a lot of parenting.
00:54:32.000 Yeah, me too.
00:54:33.000 Same way.
00:54:33.000 That's interesting.
00:54:34.000 It wasn't like I got bad parenting.
00:54:37.000 I didn't get bad parenting.
00:54:39.000 I was just alone a lot.
00:54:40.000 I didn't get anybody who was mean to me.
00:54:41.000 Yeah, I was alone a lot.
00:54:43.000 But then I found things to occupy my time.
00:54:46.000 So that literally became like those obsessions that I developed when I was young with various things, whether it was art or martial arts or whatever.
00:54:54.000 Those things became my vehicles for developing my human potential.
00:54:58.000 Do you think you got a lot of eye contact as a kid?
00:55:02.000 I never thought about that until just now.
00:55:04.000 Apparently that's a big one.
00:55:06.000 Eye contact.
00:55:06.000 Eye contact and physical touch in the first couple years.
00:55:09.000 We're affectionate.
00:55:10.000 My family's always been affectionate.
00:55:11.000 It's always been huggy.
00:55:12.000 Yeah.
00:55:13.000 And I'm real huggy with my family, too.
00:55:15.000 And I'm huggy with my friends, too.
00:55:18.000 I think that's super important.
00:55:19.000 And I think it's also very important to tell your friends.
00:55:22.000 I tell everybody I love them.
00:55:24.000 Yeah, that's awesome.
00:55:25.000 I mean, I know I got really into John Bowlby's theory of attachment because I couldn't make eye contact until like two years ago.
00:55:31.000 Like I would always kind of look here.
00:55:32.000 Really?
00:55:33.000 Yeah.
00:55:33.000 This is how I used to always look at people.
00:55:35.000 And then I just recently started making eye contact.
00:55:37.000 And it still makes me a little bit uncomfortable.
00:55:38.000 It's like a muscle.
00:55:39.000 But I had something called infant maternal disruption, which is basically you just didn't get enough eye contact.
00:55:44.000 So apparently the amount of eye contact.
00:55:47.000 How do you know this?
00:55:48.000 Because I can't make it now.
00:55:50.000 But isn't that just an insecure?
00:55:52.000 I used to get real insecure.
00:55:53.000 I've talked about this before.
00:55:55.000 Talking to a bank teller, I'd freak out.
00:55:57.000 Why?
00:55:57.000 I'd get nervous.
00:55:58.000 I was nervous.
00:56:00.000 Only bank tellers?
00:56:01.000 That's an example.
00:56:02.000 I remember being in the bank, getting ready to deposit a check, and in line, there's two people ahead of me.
00:56:07.000 That's because it was the old times of the comedy store.
00:56:09.000 You didn't know if it would go through.
00:56:10.000 No, it was before.
00:56:11.000 Way before then.
00:56:12.000 It was before I did comedy.
00:56:14.000 Did it have anything to do with a man or a woman?
00:56:16.000 No.
00:56:17.000 No.
00:56:17.000 Didn't matter.
00:56:18.000 I just was nervous talking to people.
00:56:20.000 That's so interesting.
00:56:21.000 I'm like that too.
00:56:22.000 The first couple of minutes you talk to me all the time, I get a little shaky.
00:56:25.000 I'm socially awkward in the beginning and then I sort of settle in, but I do get a little shaky when I first talk to people, even now.
00:56:31.000 Well, I feel that with you.
00:56:32.000 I feel like I have to say, we're friends.
00:56:34.000 I love you.
00:56:35.000 We're friends.
00:56:36.000 And you're like, we're friends, right?
00:56:37.000 Yes, we're friends.
00:56:38.000 Like, right away was the thing with the porn and the hoverboards.
00:56:42.000 You're like, I really shouldn't bring this up.
00:56:44.000 What are you talking about?
00:56:46.000 Say whatever the fuck you want to say.
00:56:47.000 I get, you know, and I also have this contingent called codependence.
00:56:52.000 I'm working on it.
00:56:53.000 But...
00:56:54.000 I'm fucking dealing with it.
00:56:56.000 It's expensive to handle.
00:56:58.000 It's very time-consuming to rewire your brain around it.
00:57:00.000 But when I first meet someone, it's like a chameleon response where it's like when you grow up in an alcoholic home or if you have codependence, the first thing you do is you meet someone and you kind of try to figure out what they want and then you morph to become what makes them comfortable.
00:57:15.000 So I still have to fight that response sometimes, especially with men.
00:57:19.000 Especially with men and then with women.
00:57:21.000 Men do that too though.
00:57:22.000 Men do that for sure.
00:57:23.000 Like, are you into football?
00:57:24.000 Who is this guy and how am I going to make him like me?
00:57:27.000 That's kind of what codependence is.
00:57:28.000 Well, men do that with other men, but they also do that with women.
00:57:31.000 They'll become like what the woman wants.
00:57:33.000 Like women will...
00:57:34.000 I see it a lot of times with my friends with the way they dress, like the woman will come along.
00:57:38.000 Yeah.
00:57:38.000 Well, also, women will mold men.
00:57:40.000 Like, women will get men into shape.
00:57:42.000 Like, you should just lose some of this love-handled honey.
00:57:44.000 Well, that's like in a relationship.
00:57:44.000 I just mean, like, when I first meet someone, my instinct is kind of like, how do I make...
00:57:48.000 And especially with...
00:57:49.000 It has taken me so long to not be funny when I'm not doing stand-up.
00:57:53.000 Because, like, my first instinct is, make this person laugh.
00:57:55.000 Make them like you.
00:57:56.000 And I kind of have to, like, manually be like...
00:57:58.000 Turn that shit off.
00:57:59.000 You're not five and you're not trying to get the approval of your dad.
00:58:02.000 Like, not your dad, not your dad.
00:58:03.000 Right, but do you turn it off?
00:58:04.000 But what if you just see something funny?
00:58:06.000 You're still free enough to just be funny.
00:58:08.000 I can do that, but it's like my motive is not I'm trying to make this person like me.
00:58:11.000 Don't be on all the time.
00:58:13.000 Totally.
00:58:14.000 You know those people who are on all the time?
00:58:15.000 Brian Callen, just say his name.
00:58:17.000 To say his name.
00:58:18.000 But Brian, I feel like genuinely Brian isn't trying to get anyone to prove all this because he's not getting it.
00:58:27.000 Well, he's just really funny and he loves being that.
00:58:29.000 Brian is at his best, and I've said this before.
00:58:31.000 There's an innocence to it.
00:58:32.000 He's at his best in a group of people.
00:58:34.000 Correct.
00:58:35.000 Not on stage.
00:58:36.000 That's really funny.
00:58:37.000 He's at his best around 20 people.
00:58:38.000 If you've got 20 people and they're going somewhere, Brian's like, guys, guys, guys, I just want to show you something real quick.
00:58:44.000 He's calling my cock.
00:58:46.000 He'll just be this...
00:58:47.000 I've never met anybody that makes me laugh harder just in groups of people other than Joey Diaz.
00:58:53.000 Kills me.
00:58:54.000 But Joey Diaz is the opposite.
00:58:55.000 Joey Diaz is not trying to do that.
00:58:57.000 He's just naturally.
00:58:58.000 It's not a performance.
00:58:59.000 I just wonder if Brian Calla knows the difference anymore.
00:59:02.000 Is there a certain point where you can't even tell when you're performing and when you're not?
00:59:06.000 It's like he's morphed in...
00:59:07.000 It doesn't matter.
00:59:07.000 He doesn't care.
00:59:08.000 He has a bizarre ability to not care if people are upset at him.
00:59:14.000 He's got this weird, almost Peter Pan-like way of moving through life.
00:59:18.000 It's correct.
00:59:19.000 I am in therapy and a 12-step program to get the inner monologue of Brian Kellen.
00:59:23.000 If I could just have an iota of the self-esteem that he has.
00:59:26.000 Do you meditate?
00:59:27.000 I do.
00:59:28.000 I lost my dad last year and I started getting too sad.
00:59:36.000 I couldn't close my eyes for 20 minutes, so I've stopped for the past six months, but I'm trying because I need to build those neural pathways.
00:59:42.000 Well, I feel like you're always...
00:59:44.000 Do you know that feeling when you're running down a hill where it's super hard to stop?
00:59:48.000 Yes.
00:59:49.000 You have this momentum.
00:59:50.000 It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:59:51.000 You're still up, but it's fucking tricky.
00:59:54.000 That's how I feel you are.
00:59:56.000 You're running on a slight angle.
00:59:59.000 You're not flat.
01:00:01.000 You're always like a little...
01:00:04.000 I'm fucking, I am sometimes, I think in the last, yeah, I agree.
01:00:11.000 I'm trying to answer in a way that makes you seem wrong, but I realize you're pretty right.
01:00:16.000 And I think that also in the last couple of years that we've gotten to know each other, I haven't been doing as much stand-up.
01:00:22.000 And when I don't do stand-up, I get a little manic.
01:00:25.000 I think that stand-up serves a really important release and catharsis purpose where I'm much more calm when I'm not performing when I do stand-up regularly.
01:00:32.000 Well, you get it out, right?
01:00:33.000 You get out those thoughts, these antagonistic and protagonistic thoughts, all these weird little ideas that are wrestling in your head.
01:00:42.000 You could put them into a comedy form and then deliver them on stage.
01:00:46.000 It's a very cathartic way of releasing ideas sometimes.
01:00:50.000 And then when the audience laughs, You know, and you're like, oh, I nailed this.
01:00:54.000 I'm on to something here.
01:00:55.000 I got it.
01:00:55.000 And there's just, I think that, you know, and again, I, and not to beat the, I come from a, we all do tricky home.
01:01:01.000 And I think that my brain seeks control or even a false sense of control soothes it.
01:01:07.000 And when I do stand up, you kind of get to have control for at least the 20 minutes or an hour.
01:01:11.000 That you're on stage and everything feels like it's in order.
01:01:14.000 I know my place.
01:01:14.000 You know your place.
01:01:15.000 It's very clearly defined rules.
01:01:17.000 I'm talking.
01:01:18.000 You're laughing.
01:01:18.000 I'm talking.
01:01:19.000 You're laughing.
01:01:20.000 And that makes me feel really calm.
01:01:21.000 Whereas going through the world with like, I don't know who you are.
01:01:23.000 You're dangerous.
01:01:24.000 I have a hyperactive amygdala.
01:01:26.000 So it's like during the day I'm just very dysregulated.
01:01:29.000 And doing stand-up is just, I don't know, I just feel very like, I know where everybody's place is.
01:01:34.000 And I feel safe for that amount of time.
01:01:36.000 Do you get calmed down by working out?
01:01:39.000 A little bit because my motive for working out is so fucked up.
01:01:44.000 It's not like to, you know, I'm working more on like working out to get strong and to get healthy.
01:01:49.000 But for the longest time, it was like to get skinny and to look fuckable, you know, so working out was like, I was kind of hate fucking it.
01:01:55.000 I wasn't like doing it because I enjoyed it or wanted to be doing it.
01:01:58.000 So I'm trying to sort of find a new motive.
01:02:01.000 What kind of exercise do you do?
01:02:04.000 I get bored, and I used to work with a trainer, and I stopped, and so I just started doing it myself, like lifting, and I just want to have a big butt.
01:02:13.000 That's all I really care about.
01:02:14.000 I just want an ass.
01:02:15.000 So I use that machine.
01:02:17.000 Is it called the Jimmy John machine?
01:02:19.000 I don't know.
01:02:20.000 Isn't that a sausage company?
01:02:21.000 Or is that a sandwich company?
01:02:23.000 Jimmy Dean.
01:02:23.000 I eat Jimmy Dean sausage to make my ass bigger.
01:02:26.000 Jimmy John sandwiches.
01:02:27.000 Do you know what I'm talking about?
01:02:28.000 It's a squat machine, but it has a little helper.
01:02:30.000 It has little claws.
01:02:32.000 What is it?
01:02:32.000 I think it's the Smiths.
01:02:33.000 The Smith machine?
01:02:34.000 The Smith machine is the rack where the squat goes up and down.
01:02:38.000 That's what I do.
01:02:39.000 And you can just turn it forward and catch it.
01:02:41.000 That's what I do.
01:02:42.000 I do that.
01:02:43.000 Yeah, that's a good machine to do.
01:02:45.000 It's good to do on your own.
01:02:46.000 I used to just run.
01:02:48.000 Oh yeah, that's a Smith machine.
01:02:49.000 Yeah, that's what I do at the gym.
01:02:51.000 Yeah, those are good.
01:02:52.000 And then I do...
01:02:53.000 A lot of people don't like those because you don't have to balance them, though.
01:02:56.000 The idea is that there's a benefit to all the stabilizing muscles.
01:03:00.000 Like, if you have a real barbell, a real bar on your back...
01:03:03.000 I don't trust myself.
01:03:04.000 Yeah, sure you do.
01:03:05.000 I'm too ADD. If I do that one, I'm afraid I'll hurt myself.
01:03:07.000 The Jimmy John helps me to not...
01:03:10.000 I'm not like a professional athlete.
01:03:12.000 I'm just like...
01:03:13.000 You should get a hug in pill form and take it five times a day.
01:03:16.000 Whatever you're just getting.
01:03:18.000 Everything's gonna be in here.
01:03:18.000 I'm working on it.
01:03:19.000 Here's a hug in pill form.
01:03:21.000 But I was doing like SoulCycle.
01:03:23.000 I was doing like Spinning for a while.
01:03:25.000 Yeah.
01:03:26.000 Just because whatever.
01:03:28.000 There's a great episode of the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.
01:03:31.000 Oh, really?
01:03:31.000 I'm making fun of it.
01:03:32.000 You ever watch that show?
01:03:33.000 No, it's funny though.
01:03:34.000 I've seen a couple episodes.
01:03:35.000 It's fucking hilarious.
01:03:36.000 She's great.
01:03:36.000 It went down for like two episodes and I almost abandoned it.
01:03:39.000 Great commentary.
01:03:40.000 Let me tell you folks, if you're watching it now, because I've talked a lot of people into watching it, when you get to like episode six of season one, don't panic.
01:03:47.000 It sucks for two episodes.
01:03:49.000 And then it bounces back fucking strong.
01:03:52.000 It's hilarious.
01:03:53.000 And they made fun of spinning?
01:03:54.000 Oh, there's one with Nick Kroll.
01:03:57.000 Yeah, I love Nick.
01:03:58.000 And he's the spin instructor.
01:04:00.000 Great.
01:04:00.000 Genius.
01:04:01.000 I don't want to give it up.
01:04:02.000 Genius casting.
01:04:03.000 But it's like, it's a cult.
01:04:05.000 These fucking SoulCycle things.
01:04:06.000 I used to go into SoulCycle and cry.
01:04:08.000 Yeah.
01:04:08.000 I'm not fucking kidding.
01:04:10.000 They'll play like Sheryl Crow or like Pink.
01:04:13.000 Like, you know, Neil Brennan always says that I have the musical taste of a 45-year-old divorcee.
01:04:17.000 I love an inspirational Kelly Clarkson song.
01:04:20.000 I swear to fucking God.
01:04:22.000 Pink, Sheryl Crow, Alanis Morissette.
01:04:25.000 Like, I will just get in there and you just start crying.
01:04:27.000 Because you're in a lot of pain and you're working really hard and you're just vulnerable.
01:04:31.000 Do you feel like it's okay to cry because you're sweating?
01:04:32.000 It's like me.
01:04:33.000 It's like sweat or tears.
01:04:34.000 It's me and a bunch of publicists crying.
01:04:38.000 Because it's $35!
01:04:40.000 A fucking class!
01:04:41.000 It's crazy!
01:04:42.000 Is it that much?
01:04:44.000 I mean, if you buy like 100 packages, it ends up being like 28. I have a thing called a Peloton bike.
01:04:51.000 Oh, that's the...
01:04:52.000 No, I tried it.
01:04:52.000 It's supposed to be amazing.
01:04:53.000 I tried someone else's.
01:04:54.000 You do a live spin class with people.
01:04:57.000 We have it here.
01:04:57.000 So do you do spin it?
01:04:58.000 You like it?
01:04:59.000 No, they gave it to me.
01:05:00.000 Not a fan.
01:05:01.000 I mean, I would use it.
01:05:02.000 I'll come in and do it.
01:05:02.000 But I have one here.
01:05:04.000 I just like it because I can get in a groove and I can check out and think about other things.
01:05:09.000 It's like a moving meditation for me.
01:05:11.000 That's how I feel about regular running.
01:05:13.000 When I run the hills.
01:05:14.000 Me too.
01:05:14.000 I love running.
01:05:15.000 But now I run it with my dog.
01:05:16.000 It's a different dynamic because I always have to keep an eye on him.
01:05:19.000 Yeah.
01:05:19.000 But he's pretty good.
01:05:21.000 He waits and waits for me and then I run and he's so much different than any dog I've ever had.
01:05:25.000 You don't do it on a leash.
01:05:25.000 He's just following you.
01:05:26.000 No, he's just running.
01:05:27.000 That's amazing.
01:05:27.000 Yeah.
01:05:27.000 He's great.
01:05:28.000 That's cool.
01:05:28.000 He's great, but he's not a...
01:05:30.000 All my other dogs have been psycho.
01:05:32.000 Really?
01:05:32.000 So I've had to have them on leashes because they would attack other dogs.
01:05:35.000 What kind of dog?
01:05:36.000 Pit bulls.
01:05:37.000 I had a bunch of pit bulls.
01:05:38.000 So I'd run with them.
01:05:40.000 And my mastiff, I just never ran with him.
01:05:43.000 He's too fucking big.
01:05:44.000 I just think it's bad for his body too.
01:05:46.000 Because he's always limping a little bit too.
01:05:48.000 He runs around too much in the yard.
01:05:50.000 He's huge.
01:05:50.000 They're too big.
01:05:51.000 They're sort of meant to just hang out and loaf.
01:05:53.000 And I'm running really steep inclines.
01:05:56.000 This is yours now as a golden retriever.
01:05:57.000 Yeah, that's great.
01:05:58.000 That dog is the best.
01:05:59.000 It's great for them.
01:06:00.000 Running with animals is the best feeling.
01:06:02.000 But me and him have this crazy bond.
01:06:04.000 Like when we stop, like I'll stop when I run the hills.
01:06:07.000 I'll pause because it's like, you know, I'm running this big sprint up to the top of the hill.
01:06:11.000 And then he'll sit and wait with me.
01:06:13.000 And then he's just like, I love you!
01:06:14.000 And he'll like jump up and kiss me.
01:06:16.000 I'm like, I love you too, buddy.
01:06:17.000 Like calm down.
01:06:18.000 But it's like he's so excited that I do this with him.
01:06:21.000 He loves it.
01:06:21.000 He's so grateful.
01:06:22.000 We have this crazy bond thing going on.
01:06:24.000 That makes me so happy.
01:06:26.000 It's really intense.
01:06:28.000 He's a sweet dog.
01:06:30.000 I bonded with him from the moment we got him.
01:06:31.000 But we have this extra bond now that we run three or four times a week.
01:06:35.000 Oh yeah, totally.
01:06:36.000 Well, you're a pack.
01:06:37.000 You're a pack together then, if you're running together.
01:06:38.000 The other day, he found some shit.
01:06:40.000 I don't know if it was his shit, because he usually shits in this area.
01:06:43.000 And he just...
01:06:44.000 I laid down on it, started rubbing on it.
01:06:47.000 I one time took my fucking dog to hike and he came back.
01:06:51.000 I let him go.
01:06:52.000 I was like, alright, let's see how this goes.
01:06:53.000 Let's see if this is going to end the lawsuit for me.
01:06:56.000 So I let him go.
01:06:57.000 He comes back.
01:06:58.000 He's covered in like, he smells like wharf.
01:07:01.000 I can't even explain the rancid smell.
01:07:04.000 I was just like, what is that?
01:07:05.000 And he's covered in like, he's got like stringy, I'm like, is that spaghetti?
01:07:09.000 And then I keep walking.
01:07:10.000 There's a dead deer.
01:07:11.000 He had rolled in a dead deer carcass.
01:07:14.000 Oh, so you get all the worms.
01:07:15.000 It was just covered in worms and guts and eyeball.
01:07:18.000 And I was like, oh, fuck.
01:07:20.000 Now I just, you're up for adoption.
01:07:22.000 Yeah, it's weird.
01:07:23.000 Dogs like that smell on them.
01:07:25.000 Well, because don't they do it?
01:07:26.000 Because my dogs, coyotes, when coyotes shit in my yard, my girl rolls in it.
01:07:34.000 Because don't you do it so that the coyotes think you're in the pack so they don't kill you?
01:07:37.000 I think that's why you do it.
01:07:39.000 Wow.
01:07:40.000 Fire up that Google.
01:07:41.000 Make sure I'm not wrong.
01:07:42.000 Does that make sense?
01:07:42.000 Yeah, they roll in the shit so that the coyote doesn't kill them.
01:07:46.000 There's a guy I follow on Instagram that has a pet coyote and he hunts coyotes.
01:07:51.000 And he uses this pet coyote to help him hunt coyotes.
01:07:56.000 I don't like this person.
01:07:57.000 He has dogs and they hunt coyotes.
01:07:58.000 Well, hunting coyotes is important in areas where coyotes attack deer fawns and coyotes...
01:08:05.000 Is this in California?
01:08:06.000 No, no.
01:08:07.000 He's a hunter.
01:08:09.000 I mean, the guy's just a hunter, period.
01:08:11.000 But one of the things that he's done, he found a puppy.
01:08:14.000 Coyote puppy that had been abandoned and so he adopted it and she lives with him.
01:08:18.000 It's really weird.
01:08:20.000 Coyotes can't attune to human faces.
01:08:22.000 They're basically sociopathic.
01:08:23.000 They're not like dogs.
01:08:24.000 You can't domesticate them.
01:08:25.000 Maybe not true because this dog seems to be very playful with him.
01:08:30.000 Biting his hand but not hurting him and he's petting it.
01:08:36.000 It's playing with other dogs.
01:08:38.000 Oh, but you can raise, because it's like, you know, I go to work with this place, Wolf Connection, and essentially it's like, I'm always like, well, which one's the most wolf?
01:08:46.000 Which one has the highest content of wolf in it?
01:08:48.000 Like, with their blood, and they're like, it doesn't really matter.
01:08:50.000 It's back to the nature-nurture thing.
01:08:52.000 It's that there are some wolves that were raised by dogs that have more dog-like qualities, and some dogs that are raised like wolves that have more wolf-like qualities.
01:08:58.000 It's like the nature and nurture thing.
01:09:00.000 Yeah, that makes sense.
01:09:03.000 Rolling in feces, they're really common, possibly a dog's ancient instinct to mask his scent, which then enable an animal to sneak up on their prey without detection.
01:09:11.000 Oh, I guess dogs do it with other dog poop as well.
01:09:16.000 But my dog doesn't roll in my other dog's shit, only coyote's shit.
01:09:21.000 You know what I mean?
01:09:22.000 Wait a minute, your dogs are...
01:09:24.000 Fucking tanks.
01:09:25.000 Huge.
01:09:26.000 They're probably not worried about a fucking coyote.
01:09:28.000 But coyotes hunt in fucking packs and they lure one and they surround them.
01:09:32.000 Did I ever tell you a story about the guy who worked at the pet food store?
01:09:36.000 There's a guy who worked at the pet food store also worked at a veterinarian's place and they got this dog in.
01:09:41.000 It was one of those giant pit bulls.
01:09:43.000 One of those like 120 pound muscular tank pit bulls.
01:09:47.000 And it was covered with cuts all over its body.
01:09:49.000 Required hundreds and hundreds of stitches.
01:09:52.000 And so he asked the owner, like, what happened?
01:09:54.000 He goes, I don't know.
01:09:54.000 He goes, I came home and he had gotten out of the yard.
01:09:56.000 He was covered in blood.
01:09:57.000 It was all fucked up.
01:09:58.000 He goes, I don't know what happened.
01:10:00.000 And so they stitched the dog up and then they literally follow a blood trail up into the hills where he finds nine dead coyotes.
01:10:10.000 Jesus.
01:10:11.000 This pit bull, they lured him in, and then the coyotes ambushed him, and he killed them all.
01:10:19.000 It's my homie right there.
01:10:20.000 Exactly.
01:10:21.000 It's my homie.
01:10:22.000 It was like Vietnam.
01:10:23.000 Dude, it was like just necks ripped open, guts torn apart, arms snapped off.
01:10:28.000 He goes, this pit bull just killed...
01:10:30.000 The pit bull had a head like a fucking fire hydrant.
01:10:33.000 And their muscles are in their head.
01:10:34.000 Yeah, it was a monster dog.
01:10:36.000 You know I had my ear bitten off by one.
01:10:37.000 Yeah, you told me.
01:10:38.000 It happened so fucking fast.
01:10:40.000 I didn't feel anything.
01:10:42.000 And you said it didn't mean to do it.
01:10:44.000 I felt no pain.
01:10:45.000 I don't have to defend it.
01:10:47.000 We talked about it on the podcast.
01:10:49.000 Right.
01:10:49.000 So fucking fast.
01:10:52.000 I didn't even feel it.
01:10:53.000 I felt no pain.
01:10:54.000 That's how fucking precise it was.
01:10:55.000 That's what they say about shark bites.
01:10:57.000 You don't feel the shark bite until you realize your leg's missing.
01:11:00.000 Actually, that girl, Bethany something, she said it was like an orgasm.
01:11:04.000 It was like bliss because so much dopamine rushes to the area so that you keep fighting.
01:11:08.000 It actually felt good.
01:11:10.000 I don't think I'm comfortable about a 13-year-old talking about orgasms.
01:11:13.000 Oh God, we're going to jail, Joe.
01:11:14.000 Are you sure?
01:11:14.000 We're going to jail.
01:11:15.000 You sure she said it was like an orgasm?
01:11:17.000 Maybe I'm putting that in there because I want to fuck a shark.
01:11:21.000 She was a little kid.
01:11:21.000 Whoa.
01:11:23.000 Sorry, don't sue me.
01:11:24.000 I do feel myself walking on eggshells around anything sexual all the time now.
01:11:28.000 You shouldn't.
01:11:28.000 You can't.
01:11:29.000 A woman, I would say this right now.
01:11:31.000 You can say whatever the fuck you want to me.
01:11:32.000 We're fucking next.
01:11:32.000 You know women are next and they should be.
01:11:34.000 No, they shouldn't be.
01:11:35.000 If women are predators and using their power to coerce people, they should.
01:11:39.000 Have you seen my Harvey Weinstein bit?
01:11:40.000 You haven't seen it.
01:11:41.000 No.
01:11:42.000 I'll say Wednesday.
01:11:43.000 I'll tell you, yeah, Wednesday.
01:11:45.000 Yeah, for sure.
01:11:46.000 But I don't, that's, that's nonsense.
01:11:49.000 Any guy, well, there are, I know guys that have been victimized by women at work.
01:11:53.000 There was a guy, TJ, remember the amazing atheist was telling the story about the woman that he worked with was always grabbing his ass and making him uncomfortable and she was like his boss.
01:12:01.000 He was, you know, real socially awkward and in this fucked up situation.
01:12:06.000 But that's super rare.
01:12:07.000 And I think that this is a balancing thing.
01:12:10.000 You know what I thought was the most hilarious thing about the Women's March?
01:12:13.000 What?
01:12:14.000 That people were angry that these white women were wearing pink pussy hats because not all women have vaginas.
01:12:22.000 Because not all women have vaginas.
01:12:24.000 Fascinating.
01:12:24.000 Because there's trans women.
01:12:25.000 Oh, I thought you were going to say not all women's pussies are pink.
01:12:28.000 That too, because women of color.
01:12:29.000 It's both.
01:12:30.000 They're offensive to women of color and trans women.
01:12:32.000 I haven't even heard this.
01:12:33.000 How many trans women were marching in the Women's March?
01:12:35.000 I saw a bunch.
01:12:36.000 Yeah.
01:12:36.000 I mean, I didn't know they were trans based on their appearance.
01:12:40.000 Calm down, internet.
01:12:41.000 I know them personally, so I knew that they were trans.
01:12:43.000 I would have been able to tell.
01:12:44.000 Yeah.
01:12:45.000 I would have sniffed them out for you.
01:12:48.000 What does that mean?
01:12:50.000 I'm a joker.
01:12:51.000 I'm a comedian.
01:12:52.000 There was a thread on my Twitter that I wasn't even involved with where these trans people and these lesbians were going at it back and forth.
01:13:00.000 And it was fascinating because lesbians are one of the few groups that don't feel intimidated to talk shit to trans people.
01:13:09.000 They're like inoculated against that.
01:13:12.000 Yeah.
01:13:12.000 And they were saying that these trans people are homophobic and these trans women...
01:13:16.000 I can't keep up.
01:13:17.000 It was fucking crazy.
01:13:18.000 It was for days.
01:13:18.000 I can't keep up.
01:13:19.000 I mean, for seven or eight days they were going at it back and forth.
01:13:22.000 But essentially, the trans women...
01:13:24.000 This is what the lesbians were saying, that the violence, the intersexual...
01:13:29.000 No, that's not the way to put it.
01:13:30.000 Intersectional.
01:13:31.000 No, the violence between women, women on women violence in relationships, domestic violence, the statistics were skewed because a lot of it is trans women that were attacking women that they were in relationships with.
01:13:46.000 Because these women that are trans women...
01:13:48.000 They have the same behavior that men have, which is this inclination towards domestic violence.
01:13:53.000 And so they were saying, and she was citing statistics about how many of these women that were the victimizers, they would not specify their gender at birth.
01:14:06.000 They were talking about their current gender, which is like a weird thing now.
01:14:10.000 You could get arrested if you're a trans woman for beating up a woman, and they will say, okay, you're a woman.
01:14:16.000 And they'll say, yes, I am a woman.
01:14:17.000 But you have the strength of a woman.
01:14:19.000 It's none of your fucking business.
01:14:20.000 Like, oh, okay.
01:14:22.000 So it was really deep.
01:14:25.000 That's fascinating.
01:14:26.000 Because one of these lesbians that started this with these trans women was very educated about these statistics and was attacking these trans women.
01:14:34.000 And she was saying, essentially, like, don't go around and say, because you've been a woman for a fucking year and a half, that you understand the struggle.
01:14:41.000 Fuck off.
01:14:42.000 Right.
01:14:43.000 And because you just had male privilege two years ago or whatever, and you've had it your whole life.
01:14:48.000 What was that video?
01:14:49.000 That guy, that comedian?
01:14:51.000 You said it to me.
01:14:52.000 The face swap thing?
01:14:52.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:14:53.000 So I ran into him yesterday.
01:14:55.000 Kyle Dunn again.
01:14:56.000 I ran into him.
01:14:57.000 Find his Twitter page and there's a thing that he did with...
01:15:00.000 No, it was...
01:15:03.000 Bruce Jenner.
01:15:04.000 Bruce, nope.
01:15:05.000 Caitlyn Jenner.
01:15:06.000 Caitlyn Jenner.
01:15:07.000 You're going to get us killed.
01:15:09.000 Fuck that.
01:15:10.000 Can't change your name.
01:15:11.000 I love coming in here.
01:15:12.000 There's no PC shit allowed in here at all.
01:15:15.000 Fuck off.
01:15:15.000 But this is it.
01:15:17.000 Hold on.
01:15:18.000 Play it from the beginning and give me some volume.
01:15:20.000 So, hold on.
01:15:21.000 Before you play it, before you play it, let everybody know.
01:15:23.000 This is what I wake up to.
01:15:25.000 This is...
01:15:25.000 So, Kyle Dunning...
01:15:28.000 How do you say his name?
01:15:29.000 Dunningan.
01:15:30.000 Kyle Dunningan did a face swap with Kim Kardashian and Caitlyn Jenner.
01:15:36.000 And so, take it from the beginning.
01:15:38.000 It's...
01:15:40.000 It's, uh...
01:15:41.000 Hey, how about this women's movement, huh?
01:15:43.000 It's our turn now!
01:15:45.000 Yeah, baby!
01:15:47.000 God, you lived as a man most of your life.
01:15:50.000 You're not a victim.
01:15:52.000 Are you serious?
01:15:53.000 Bruce used to make me touch his penis till he climaxed.
01:15:57.000 Time's up!
01:15:58.000 Me too!
01:15:59.000 Wait, I'm confused.
01:16:01.000 That was you, though.
01:16:03.000 Oh, nice, can't blame the victim.
01:16:05.000 That's nice.
01:16:06.000 What's your next question?
01:16:07.000 What was I wearing?
01:16:08.000 Jeez.
01:16:08.000 What are you wearing?
01:16:10.000 It's super cute.
01:16:11.000 Are you like this?
01:16:12.000 Donna Karan, 800 bucks.
01:16:14.000 Worth that.
01:16:15.000 That's funny.
01:16:15.000 Fuck yeah, it was worth it.
01:16:18.000 That's it, but it's fucking very funny.
01:16:19.000 Where did you file on his Twitter page?
01:16:21.000 No, his Instagram.
01:16:22.000 Somebody sent it to me.
01:16:24.000 I think that's his Twitter.
01:16:25.000 But somebody sent it to me on his Instagram page.
01:16:27.000 Oh, he does tons of this.
01:16:28.000 I don't know him, but he does a bunch of these and they're fucking hilarious.
01:16:31.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:16:31.000 He wrote an Amy Schumer show.
01:16:34.000 He's really funny.
01:16:35.000 He's really funny.
01:16:35.000 Hey, do you remember back in the day, he did that cow commercial back in the day?
01:16:39.000 Was it Chick-fil-A or something where he was like dancing with a cow?
01:16:42.000 Do you know what I'm talking about?
01:16:42.000 No, we don't have to play that.
01:16:47.000 But I just mean like it was something funny.
01:16:49.000 He's funny.
01:16:49.000 I tried to go to Chick-fil-A yesterday.
01:16:51.000 Why?
01:16:52.000 Because I was hungry.
01:16:53.000 Do you eat fast food?
01:16:54.000 Occasionally.
01:16:54.000 On Sundays.
01:16:55.000 Chick-fil-A is fucking delicious.
01:16:57.000 I went to Five Guys instead.
01:16:58.000 But I couldn't go on Sunday.
01:16:59.000 Is that terrible for you?
01:17:00.000 Five Guys?
01:17:01.000 Why can't you go on Sunday?
01:17:02.000 Because they are open.
01:17:04.000 Because of the baby Jesus.
01:17:06.000 Chick-fil-A does not open on Sunday.
01:17:07.000 Oh, because Chick-fil-A is fucking super religious.
01:17:09.000 I'm going to go have an abortion in the Chick-fil-A bathroom.
01:17:12.000 Don't do that.
01:17:13.000 Do you think that would upset any money?
01:17:15.000 Aren't we?
01:17:15.000 Yeah, I feel like I heard we're not supposed to eat a Chick-fil-A because of that.
01:17:18.000 You can't eat and you worry.
01:17:20.000 I was somewhere the other day and I was like, oh, let's go to this restaurant.
01:17:24.000 They're like, we can't.
01:17:24.000 That's a Mario Batali restaurant.
01:17:26.000 I was like, can everyone stop raping people so I can eat my favorite pasta?
01:17:30.000 How about Monique telling everybody to boycott Netflix?
01:17:32.000 That was crazy, huh?
01:17:33.000 That's hilarious.
01:17:34.000 I mean, that's fucking insane.
01:17:36.000 I'm only getting a half a million dollars for an hour.
01:17:39.000 But it's like, for most people, that's like an insane fucking amount.
01:17:43.000 I mean, that's an insane amount of money.
01:17:44.000 Well, what's insane is her comparing herself to Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle and Amy Schumer.
01:17:48.000 Look, she's not as famous.
01:17:50.000 There's a scale.
01:17:52.000 This pay disparity stuff is tricky because you get paid based on the value that you bring.
01:17:57.000 You know who else was going on that?
01:17:58.000 Kathy Griffin.
01:17:59.000 Kathy Griffin was saying something about...
01:18:01.000 She did 23 stand-up shows, 23 standing ovations, and she would do a special.
01:18:09.000 She would be willing to do a special, but she wants to make sure she gets equal pay for women, and she was making it a part of that.
01:18:16.000 Here's my thing.
01:18:16.000 Say no and go somewhere else.
01:18:18.000 You know, there's so many outlets now.
01:18:20.000 There's Epix.
01:18:20.000 There's fucking Hulu.
01:18:21.000 There's so many places.
01:18:22.000 Just say no.
01:18:22.000 But here's the thing.
01:18:23.000 They pay you what they think it's worth.
01:18:26.000 Based on how popular you are, based on how popular your stand-up is, and based on what they think they can get out of it.
01:18:32.000 The tickets that you can sell.
01:18:32.000 Yeah, I mean, that's why Dave Chappelle gets the most.
01:18:34.000 That's why Amy Schumer got a lot.
01:18:36.000 She was selling out fucking gigantic arenas.
01:18:38.000 She was selling out arenas.
01:18:39.000 Yeah, Monique's not doing that.
01:18:40.000 So for her to compare herself to those two people is fucking crazy.
01:18:43.000 I agree.
01:18:44.000 And she's basing it on her tickets, like their box office for movies that she was in.
01:18:49.000 Like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
01:18:50.000 And it's also, you're not just getting paid that amount.
01:18:52.000 You're getting paid when the special airs.
01:18:54.000 The tickets are going to sell because that special is streaming.
01:18:56.000 Which is, people are so crazy when they start going, boycott.
01:19:00.000 You need to boycott.
01:19:00.000 We need to boycott Netflix.
01:19:04.000 The head of Netflix could openly lynch someone and not one person would stop watching Netflix.
01:19:10.000 We're so addicted to it.
01:19:12.000 They were in trouble though with the Kevin Spacey thing.
01:19:14.000 They had to do something about that.
01:19:15.000 And they did.
01:19:16.000 And they did.
01:19:16.000 And they did.
01:19:17.000 I mean they lost a lot of money on it.
01:19:18.000 Yeah, they lost 39 million bucks.
01:19:20.000 Yeah.
01:19:20.000 Between that and the Gore Vidal.
01:19:21.000 Wow, I didn't know it was that much.
01:19:22.000 Yeah, there was an article about it yesterday.
01:19:23.000 Oh, right, the Gore Vidal, the Kevin Spacey thing.
01:19:24.000 You know where they shot that movie?
01:19:26.000 Yeah.
01:19:26.000 I saw them when we were there.
01:19:29.000 Yeah, well, that was where Gore Vidal used to go to bang dudes.
01:19:31.000 But I feel like that's right.
01:19:33.000 But I feel like that it had to get this bad for people to be like, you know what, we're not going to hire these people because it has to be like a bottom line issue.
01:19:39.000 They're like, I'm not going to hire a rapist because it's too expensive.
01:19:41.000 Have you ever seen the Gore Vidal-William F. Buckley documentary?
01:19:44.000 No.
01:19:44.000 Where it details the two of them.
01:19:46.000 Was that his lover?
01:19:47.000 No.
01:19:47.000 No, the opposite.
01:19:48.000 They hated each other.
01:19:49.000 William F. Buckley was a conservative.
01:19:51.000 A lot of lovers hate each other.
01:19:52.000 He was a British conservative guy who was very popular during the day.
01:19:56.000 And this is from the 1960s on television.
01:19:59.000 And they were debating back and forth, Gore Vidal and William F. Buckley.
01:20:04.000 Liberal versus conservative.
01:20:05.000 But on national television, it was these really contentious, highly charged debates.
01:20:11.000 And it kind of sunk William F. Buckley's career.
01:20:14.000 Because at one time...
01:20:15.000 Gore Vidal called him a Nazi.
01:20:17.000 He called him a neo-Nazi or something along those lines.
01:20:20.000 And then William F. Buckley said something, called him a fucking queer and I'll punch your face.
01:20:26.000 I'll sock you in your nose and you'll stay plastered.
01:20:29.000 Like, lost his cool on television.
01:20:31.000 Called him a queer on television.
01:20:33.000 And it was like this, whoa moment.
01:20:35.000 And then William F. Buckley's career completely descended.
01:20:37.000 I love that.
01:20:37.000 I love when people lose their shit.
01:20:40.000 You get to see who he really is.
01:20:41.000 Yeah.
01:20:41.000 You pressure him.
01:20:42.000 When somebody snaps.
01:20:43.000 And I love thinking about what in 30 years or when you look back and be like, yo, I can't believe we used to just fucking say that.
01:20:48.000 You know, like retard.
01:20:49.000 We used to just say retard.
01:20:51.000 I still say it.
01:20:51.000 Of course you do.
01:20:54.000 But only the retards.
01:20:56.000 Only if someone's being retarded.
01:20:57.000 Not people with a disease, just a human who does.
01:20:59.000 But the word is not, the word is retarded means like to slow the growth of something.
01:21:05.000 Yes, to retard the business.
01:21:06.000 Somebody has retarded ideas.
01:21:07.000 Yeah.
01:21:08.000 You know, like, or like, yeah, like, okay, like denying someone birth control.
01:21:13.000 That is retarded.
01:21:13.000 It's retarded.
01:21:14.000 It's like socially retarded.
01:21:16.000 Right.
01:21:16.000 Because it's retarded.
01:21:17.000 It's slowing progress.
01:21:18.000 Yes.
01:21:18.000 I don't think that's a bad word.
01:21:19.000 What I think is a bad thing is to mock someone who has a disability.
01:21:23.000 But I don't think that you're always talking about that when you're saying that word.
01:21:27.000 I think we have a real problem with language policing.
01:21:29.000 I think we have a real problem with denying the use of sounds.
01:21:34.000 This is what a word's supposed to be.
01:21:35.000 It's like, you make a noise, so I understand what you're saying.
01:21:37.000 I understand.
01:21:38.000 There has to be context.
01:21:42.000 It's supposed to be a sound that you make, so I can understand what you're trying to convey.
01:21:46.000 Right.
01:21:47.000 But if you say that's retarded and I go, you mean, you know, that's missing a chromosome?
01:21:53.000 You know, like, it's like...
01:21:54.000 Well, that would mean me saying that's Down syndrome, though.
01:21:56.000 Right.
01:21:56.000 Oh, that's true.
01:21:57.000 You know what I'm saying?
01:21:58.000 Yeah.
01:21:59.000 I think it's figuring out what the etiology is of the word.
01:22:01.000 I did not know.
01:22:02.000 This happened recently.
01:22:03.000 Someone said in a writer's room, she's uppity.
01:22:06.000 I did not know that that was a slave term.
01:22:08.000 We all learned very quickly that that was a term.
01:22:11.000 That's what it means?
01:22:12.000 Yes.
01:22:12.000 The ideology of it was to describe a slave that was acting out.
01:22:17.000 Uppity.
01:22:18.000 Uppity?
01:22:18.000 Wow.
01:22:19.000 I always thought uppity was someone who was like a highfalutin, like, you know, some rich person.
01:22:24.000 I thought it was just someone who was recalcitrant and would not participate or who was resisting.
01:22:29.000 But it actually has origins.
01:22:31.000 And same with like Paddy Wagon.
01:22:33.000 Is, like, offensive to Irish people.
01:22:35.000 Because it used to describe drunk Irish people.
01:22:37.000 Oh, but Irish people don't care.
01:22:38.000 Trust me.
01:22:39.000 I'm one quarter Irish.
01:22:40.000 We don't give a fuck.
01:22:41.000 Of course.
01:22:41.000 It's like non-Irish people are the ones that are offended by it.
01:22:43.000 Isn't it funny that, like, one quarter Irish, I can't really say I'm Irish.
01:22:46.000 But if I was one quarter black, I'd be...
01:22:48.000 You would be...
01:22:50.000 I would be a part of the community.
01:22:53.000 And then what's the other one?
01:22:54.000 There was another one, Under Your Thumb.
01:22:57.000 If you have someone under your thumb.
01:22:58.000 It's a Rolling Stones song.
01:22:59.000 Yeah, but it used to be, that was the thickness of a switch that you could hit your wife with.
01:23:03.000 It couldn't be thicker than your thumb.
01:23:06.000 What?
01:23:06.000 Yeah.
01:23:07.000 Is it etiology or etymology?
01:23:09.000 Etymology.
01:23:10.000 Etymology of those words, which I just didn't know.
01:23:13.000 Do you know the term faggot?
01:23:16.000 Where that came from?
01:23:18.000 Cigarettes?
01:23:18.000 No.
01:23:19.000 That's a fag.
01:23:19.000 A bundle of sticks.
01:23:20.000 Oh, that's right.
01:23:21.000 Right.
01:23:22.000 And do you know- Why did it turn into a gay slur?
01:23:25.000 This would piss me off on Louis C.K.'s show.
01:23:27.000 They used this- Urban myth that what it meant was that a bundle of sticks was a faggot and so a gay man was a faggot because they were a bundle of sticks and you would burn them in a fire.
01:23:40.000 That's not true.
01:23:42.000 At all.
01:23:43.000 Did he know that wasn't true?
01:23:44.000 I don't know.
01:23:45.000 It's convenient to ignore.
01:23:47.000 All you have to do is research it.
01:23:48.000 It's not hard.
01:23:49.000 What a bundle of sticks was referred to was a burdensome woman.
01:23:53.000 They would call a burdensome woman a faggot because she was like a bundle of sticks.
01:23:58.000 Very difficult to carry around.
01:24:00.000 They would be awkward.
01:24:01.000 So a man who acted like a woman was a faggot.
01:24:05.000 Whoa!
01:24:06.000 That's what the term meant.
01:24:08.000 That's where it came from.
01:24:09.000 I had no idea.
01:24:10.000 That's the absolute origins of that term.
01:24:13.000 So when people say, like, there was a gay guy on Louis C.K.'s show that was saying that, and it was him and Nick DiPaolo and Louis were all playing cards together, and someone said some faggot, and you realize why that's so offensive?
01:24:25.000 It's because, you know, they used to burn people.
01:24:28.000 There's no fucking history of gay people being burned like witches.
01:24:31.000 By the way, even the Salem witch trials, they didn't burn witches.
01:24:34.000 They drowned them.
01:24:35.000 They drowned them and dogs.
01:24:37.000 This is how fucking insane the hysteria was.
01:24:39.000 They drowned the dogs?
01:24:39.000 They killed two dogs in the Salem witch trials.
01:24:41.000 Because they were dogs or witches?
01:24:42.000 It was mass hysteria.
01:24:44.000 Do you know why they think they did that?
01:24:46.000 Why they think what?
01:24:47.000 The dogs or the drownings?
01:24:48.000 Why the whole witch trial thing happened.
01:24:52.000 Religious fanaticism.
01:24:54.000 Urgot.
01:24:55.000 There was a late frost, and this has been proven by core samples of the ground.
01:25:00.000 They had a late frost, and when you have a late frost on wheat, one of the things that happens is bacterial growth on the wheat, essentially ergot is very similar to lysergic acid, very similar to LSD. Cows were dying and shit,
01:25:17.000 right?
01:25:17.000 And they thought it was like witchcraft.
01:25:18.000 Well, yeah, there's a little bit of that, but that could have been other diseases.
01:25:23.000 Just fucking everyone had hepatitis back then.
01:25:26.000 But ergot is a psychedelic.
01:25:28.000 And so these people were literally on acid.
01:25:30.000 And they were freaking the fuck out thinking they were being hexed by witches.
01:25:34.000 And they were paranoid, losing their mind.
01:25:35.000 But why was it only women?
01:25:37.000 Why didn't they think men were being witches as well?
01:25:40.000 I guess a couple of men did die.
01:25:42.000 I don't know.
01:25:42.000 And babies.
01:25:43.000 They killed a couple of babies.
01:25:44.000 Jesus Christ.
01:25:45.000 They just lost their fucking minds.
01:25:46.000 Well, they're on acid.
01:25:47.000 But I think given the situation when men are in a position of power, which they almost always were back then, And then something's happening to them.
01:25:55.000 They would go for the weakest thing, which is probably a woman or a single woman or a woman is weird in any way.
01:26:02.000 And just like that bitch.
01:26:03.000 I mean, it's also just sort of annoying that now people are like, this is a witch hunt.
01:26:06.000 This is a witch hunt.
01:26:07.000 Like without even knowing that that word is actually something to describe when men used to hunt women.
01:26:11.000 And now they're using it as a way.
01:26:13.000 That's funny.
01:26:13.000 I mean, you know, men thinking that we're like hunting them or it's some kind of like McCarthyism or something.
01:26:18.000 Yeah, well, the idea is that you're looking for something that's not really there.
01:26:23.000 Exactly.
01:26:24.000 And I just don't know a lot of people who are doing that.
01:26:29.000 Yeah, I think there's a real problem we have, like we said earlier, about tribalism.
01:26:34.000 Correct.
01:26:34.000 This is a mass shaming, wouldn't you say?
01:26:38.000 There's definitely that going on, for sure.
01:26:40.000 But what I'm saying is that people identifying with all women or men identifying with all men.
01:26:46.000 Especially men.
01:26:47.000 I had this bit that I was doing for a while about a bumper sticker that I saw in a car.
01:26:51.000 It said, girls kick ass.
01:26:53.000 That drives me nuts.
01:26:55.000 I hate that shit.
01:26:56.000 Some of them.
01:26:57.000 Some of them are lazy.
01:26:58.000 Don't even, I mean, we're getting into this too.
01:27:00.000 Have you seen the bit I do?
01:27:01.000 But the point is, you can never have that about men.
01:27:04.000 Like a guy have a bumper sticker that said, boys kick ass.
01:27:06.000 I'd be like, pull the fuck over.
01:27:08.000 What are you doing?
01:27:10.000 What's in your car?
01:27:11.000 So yes, and here's what I'll say.
01:27:13.000 I do have a lot of girlfriends who are conflating You know, empowerment with entitlement.
01:27:20.000 I totally get it.
01:27:21.000 And I have a lot of girlfriends who think they're feminists and they're actually just assholes.
01:27:25.000 Like, I have that.
01:27:26.000 I talk about this a little bit.
01:27:27.000 That's real, right?
01:27:28.000 On stage, yeah, I have a couple girlfriends who are like, I need a man to respect me and men need to respect me.
01:27:32.000 I'm like, bitch, you need to get those photos of you in tank tops that say Rosé all day off your fucking Instagram before we have this conversation.
01:27:38.000 Or not.
01:27:39.000 Or recognize who you are.
01:27:40.000 Yeah.
01:27:40.000 Yeah, but you then earn my respect.
01:27:43.000 You don't automatically get respect just because you're a woman.
01:27:46.000 That's entitlement.
01:27:48.000 You still have to watch a fucking TED Talk and read a book every now and then.
01:27:51.000 You still have to be cool and know what you're talking about.
01:27:54.000 So there's definitely some duds.
01:27:57.000 Well, there's people that are now on the team that's attacking.
01:28:01.000 And there's a tribal...
01:28:03.000 Yeah, this is no different than someone like, the Patriots, we're fucking kicking ass!
01:28:08.000 That's tribal too.
01:28:09.000 It's the same thing.
01:28:10.000 It's a natural inclination that people have.
01:28:13.000 But it's also at the same time, like, you know, I think a lot of guys I've heard be like, well, you guys hate all men and you think all men are assholes.
01:28:19.000 It's like, for me, it's actually the opposite.
01:28:20.000 I know a lot of really amazing men that have self-control and restraint that I'm comparing the shitheads to.
01:28:26.000 Those guys that say that, though, just...
01:28:28.000 Or just what?
01:28:29.000 They're scared?
01:28:30.000 They're guilty?
01:28:31.000 Who's saying that you hate all men?
01:28:33.000 No, I get it.
01:28:34.000 The people are like, you're bitter, you know, feminists that hate men.
01:28:39.000 Like, you can't even say that word.
01:28:40.000 It's the same thing.
01:28:40.000 They're tribal.
01:28:41.000 They want to stand up for tribe male.
01:28:43.000 Instead of just objectively looking at this and going, what's going on?
01:28:46.000 Well, imagine being a woman, man.
01:28:48.000 Imagine being a woman who's been working in an office.
01:28:50.000 And dealing with this shit all of your life.
01:28:52.000 Imagine being a woman who's been raped.
01:28:53.000 Imagine being a woman who's been, you know, had to walk down the street past a bunch of guys and they grabbed her ass and harassed her.
01:28:59.000 And learn about the neurological ramifications of that that go on, i.e.
01:29:03.000 like sometimes we can't speak out, sometimes we freeze, like you said.
01:29:06.000 You know, and I think it's just like nobody wants to look into that research.
01:29:09.000 There are some women, very few, but there are some women that hate men.
01:29:13.000 There are some men.
01:29:15.000 To hate a whole gender is a trauma response.
01:29:17.000 That is a one person hurt me or a couple people hurt me and I need to generalize about all of them to give myself a false sense of safety.
01:29:24.000 I have friends that have been divorced a couple times and those are the trickiest ones.
01:29:28.000 Because those guys, they literally have this idea that the women are the enemy and they take your money.
01:29:37.000 Some do.
01:29:38.000 They pretend they like you and then eventually they turn on you and they get their lawyers and they take your money and And then I go, what's going on with you that you keep gravitating that woman?
01:29:47.000 Yeah.
01:29:47.000 That's my thing.
01:29:48.000 It's like, what's going on with you that you had no idea?
01:29:51.000 Well, people are very different in the beginning of a relationship.
01:29:53.000 Date women that have as much money as you.
01:29:54.000 Very few people have real personal sovereignty in the beginning of a relationship.
01:29:58.000 Interesting.
01:29:59.000 In the beginning of a relationship, you lock on.
01:30:01.000 Like, is this going to be the person that makes me feel better about life?
01:30:03.000 Is this going to be the person that brings me joy?
01:30:05.000 Is this going to be the person that brings me lust and sex and fun?
01:30:09.000 And then after one, you get bored with each other.
01:30:12.000 And then people get resentful.
01:30:14.000 Yep, yep, yep.
01:30:15.000 And this is the thing about men with money that I've always said.
01:30:17.000 When a man with money is dating a woman who doesn't have money, then there's this weird dynamic.
01:30:22.000 But I think you like it at first, or some guys like it at first.
01:30:25.000 When the man with money is dating a woman that doesn't have any money, the woman is like, wow, this guy's got money.
01:30:31.000 This is amazing.
01:30:32.000 But then, when they get married, she's got money too now.
01:30:36.000 It's like, now you're just another guy.
01:30:38.000 I'm a rich lady now.
01:30:39.000 Now I have money.
01:30:41.000 I'm fucking divorces, dude.
01:30:42.000 I'm rich.
01:30:43.000 Oh, I see.
01:30:44.000 And then they get entitled to money.
01:30:46.000 See, I would never take money of the guy I'm dating.
01:30:48.000 Well, you have money.
01:30:50.000 That's different.
01:30:51.000 But that dynamic of the guy having all the money and the woman being a waitress or something like that, that's a normal dynamic.
01:30:58.000 When it happens, men like it, because look at me, I'm so advanced in comparison financially to where she is.
01:31:07.000 I have all these things that I can offer her that she can never get on her own.
01:31:10.000 We're going to fly to Paris on a private jet.
01:31:12.000 I'm going to blow her mind.
01:31:13.000 You know, that kind of shit, right?
01:31:15.000 And then the woman marries this fucking asshole, and then next thing you know, she is rich too.
01:31:19.000 She's got Gucci bags and a big diamond, and she's driving a Ferrari, and she's like, you know what?
01:31:25.000 I don't want to suck this guy's dick anymore.
01:31:27.000 I'm tired.
01:31:28.000 I'm tired of it.
01:31:29.000 I'm tired of the whole thing.
01:31:30.000 And then, you know, she's not impressed anymore because she's wealthy too.
01:31:35.000 So he's not a wealthy guy anymore.
01:31:37.000 He's just a guy because she's wealthy.
01:31:40.000 I see.
01:31:40.000 They're now equals.
01:31:41.000 And he doesn't have something that I can't access on my own.
01:31:44.000 I don't need him anymore.
01:31:44.000 Exactly.
01:31:45.000 I've not had money before, and I've been hungry and poor before.
01:31:51.000 I guess I get that, but I don't know.
01:31:53.000 Maybe things are going to change in terms of maybe we'll look back in 40 years and be like, remember when 40-year-olds just used to date broke 20-year-olds?
01:32:01.000 It's still going to happen.
01:32:02.000 It's still gonna happen.
01:32:03.000 We're biologically wired.
01:32:05.000 You guys are biologically wired to want to, you know, fuck women that are fertile.
01:32:09.000 I totally get that.
01:32:10.000 It's not just that.
01:32:10.000 It might be a liability.
01:32:12.000 The women are biologically wired to want to fuck successful, mature men that have their shit together.
01:32:17.000 They're more emotionally stable.
01:32:19.000 They're physically more together.
01:32:21.000 Sure.
01:32:21.000 Yeah.
01:32:22.000 Are you my dad?
01:32:22.000 Are you my dad?
01:32:23.000 I've done it.
01:32:24.000 But this is not even just a dad thing.
01:32:26.000 It's just a position of power.
01:32:28.000 Like that someone is, like, they've accomplished something.
01:32:31.000 And maybe that's going to be the new Darwinism.
01:32:33.000 It's like, I don't need to date a man who has power.
01:32:36.000 I don't really need protection, right?
01:32:37.000 Because we have alarm systems and I have a lock on my door and whatever.
01:32:39.000 But we're still wired to seek men that are alphas that have power and that have resources.
01:32:44.000 Even though, you know, we're not.
01:32:45.000 Maybe.
01:32:46.000 But I don't think that's going to go away anytime soon unless we go full socialist.
01:32:49.000 Like, we're not as vulnerable as we were 2,000 years ago, you know?
01:32:53.000 Yeah.
01:32:53.000 Well, we're definitely, I'm sure, 2,000 years ago, men and women had a much more different dynamic than they have in 2018. Yeah.
01:33:00.000 It's getting better.
01:33:01.000 Yeah.
01:33:01.000 I think, overall, we have less violence, we have less crime, we have less almost everything today than we did 2,000 years ago.
01:33:09.000 But I think the amount of radical change that's happening, like we were talking about before, between 1960 and today.
01:33:15.000 Yeah.
01:33:16.000 If we go another 50 years in the future, it's going to be even more insane.
01:33:20.000 But it just might be like the people that thrive are the ones that are able to have some self-control over their primordial brain.
01:33:27.000 So it's like you, it's like, I want a Ferrari, like I would love to, but it just doesn't make sense.
01:33:31.000 I don't want to suck that Donald Sterling guy's dick.
01:33:33.000 Do you know what I mean?
01:33:34.000 Totally.
01:33:35.000 It doesn't seem worth it.
01:33:36.000 I'd love to eat pizza every night, but I'll fucking die.
01:33:38.000 That's not hell.
01:33:39.000 I'll get fat.
01:33:40.000 You will just start to understand the consequences of dating the person that we are sort of primally attracted to and just go like, I know what that is.
01:33:47.000 That's what I want, but I can't have everything I want because I'm a fucking human adult.
01:33:51.000 I think there's also a real this the way human beings react the way we even think and the way what we think is acceptable and isn't acceptable changes with the culture and I think like it's one of the problems with going back to like 1960 and being upset at some of the ways people behaved because I think man that is the way people behaved back then we know better now but to get mad at a man who behaved a certain way no I'm not talking about like drugging and raping and stuff like that Yeah,
01:34:20.000 yeah.
01:34:21.000 Certain classic classic sexist behavior from 1960 that was just normal.
01:34:28.000 Yeah.
01:34:28.000 Like, I think this is just a part of the culture and people thought that's how you behaved.
01:34:33.000 Now people are shifting.
01:34:34.000 Yeah.
01:34:35.000 And I think we're...
01:34:36.000 And also, I think one of the things that's going on, this is one of the things that's empowered the women's movement and empowered a lot of other movements, is access to information.
01:34:43.000 It's radical, it's happening so fast, and it's inundating us, and we have to catch up to it.
01:34:48.000 It's like it's happening so goddamn quickly that we're just trying, okay, what is okay now?
01:34:52.000 What's not okay now?
01:34:53.000 What can we do?
01:34:54.000 What can we not do?
01:34:55.000 And access to each other.
01:34:56.000 Never before have 10 women all assaulted by the same man been able to meet each other.
01:35:02.000 How else would we run into it?
01:35:03.000 The grocery store?
01:35:04.000 Hey, were you assaulted by that guy by any chance?
01:35:06.000 We're able to find each other online.
01:35:07.000 Jamie, were you talking about Steve Carell in The Office?
01:35:10.000 Was it you that was talking about that?
01:35:11.000 Yeah.
01:35:11.000 What about?
01:35:12.000 You watched the old episodes of The Office, which is not that long ago.
01:35:16.000 Yeah.
01:35:16.000 He was such a creep.
01:35:18.000 Yeah.
01:35:18.000 You know, like, you can't really do that today.
01:35:22.000 That's amazing.
01:35:23.000 But he was kind of, like, bumbling, you know, like, silly, hapless.
01:35:27.000 I didn't watch the show, so what was the difference?
01:35:28.000 It was, I think, the purse episode where a girl shows up to sell purses and he just, like, makes a big to-do, just like, you can have the conference room, and guess what?
01:35:36.000 I just got this espresso maker.
01:35:38.000 Don't make me give it to you, because I won't.
01:35:40.000 Oh, and you need a ride home?
01:35:41.000 I give you a ride home.
01:35:42.000 But did it feel creepy, or did it feel...
01:35:44.000 The ride home thing was a very particular creepy thing based off today's, like, world.
01:35:47.000 Right.
01:35:48.000 And I think that, like, I mean, what I know about the English version, I don't know what the intention was for the American version.
01:35:52.000 The idea was to make him kind of polarizing and make it makes you uncomfortable.
01:35:56.000 And he, you know, it's crazy that it wasn't that long ago.
01:36:00.000 Yeah, it was like, but it's like, you know, it's like, you know, it's interesting because so much of this is is.
01:36:06.000 It's because it's so intangible it's hard to explain and I think this is why a lot of guys are getting annoyed because when you get granular about it it makes us seem like we're just being crazy because so it's like you hug me at the comedy store and it feels different than when let's call him Joe Blow hugs me there's just something creepy about Joe Blow and there's something not creepy about you and I can't explain it and I can't tell you why and I sound crazy and manic and histrionic.
01:36:30.000 No that doesn't sound because that's the same way with gay guys there's certain gay guys that hug me where it's creepy There's certain gay guys that hug me.
01:36:36.000 I don't want to out anybody, but there's certain guys that hug me.
01:36:39.000 I'm like, what's up?
01:36:40.000 I give them a hug, and it's all just warm and friendly, and it's cool.
01:36:43.000 It doesn't matter if they're gay or not.
01:36:44.000 But then there's other guys that hang on to me a little, or they'll squeeze my back a little.
01:36:49.000 It's a little extra going on.
01:36:51.000 I'm like, okay!
01:36:53.000 And I think that that's what, like, females are kind of trying to sort of say with the more granular stuff and with the Aziz story and stuff.
01:37:00.000 It's like, I know it sounds like I'm being crazy, but I promise there's something fucking creepy about it.
01:37:04.000 And I know that I don't have proof and I don't have photo evidence, but I'm, I, but, and the more I talk about it, the crazier I sound.
01:37:10.000 But I think that that is just making me, the Steve Kroll thing is making me think.
01:37:14.000 It's like a hug that lasts a little too long.
01:37:16.000 I had a guy once in an office.
01:37:17.000 Right, but don't Don't you think the Aziz story is like, you don't have to try to tank a guy's life from a bad date.
01:37:23.000 It seems like you both ate each other out and went down on each other.
01:37:27.000 It sounds like it sucked, but then you're anonymous and then you're 22 or 23. This is poor judgment.
01:37:34.000 And cruelty.
01:37:35.000 There's a lot of cruelty involved.
01:37:36.000 Somebody described it as revenge porn.
01:37:39.000 Yeah, it's our version of revenge porn.
01:37:43.000 This is not these are not comparable crimes to like what we've been discussing.
01:37:48.000 And I don't know if and I can't speak to saying who's guilty and all that sort of information, but I don't think that that this person is coming forward equating it to rape.
01:37:59.000 I think women know that there's different echelons.
01:38:02.000 There's rape, sexual assault.
01:38:04.000 I mean, look, I don't know enough about it.
01:38:06.000 None of us were there.
01:38:07.000 But, like, I do know in my 20s, I'm not saying Aziz is guilty again, I don't know, but in my 20s I had a lot of sex that I felt I was coerced into that was transactional sex that I didn't want to have, you know, and this is something we talk about in the Female Brain movie, is that men are less able to read emotional cues on faces than women are.
01:38:26.000 How does that work?
01:38:28.000 So we have evolved to cry four times more easily because men have a harder time reading emotional cues on faces.
01:38:36.000 What?
01:38:36.000 Oh, that's why women cry easier?
01:38:38.000 That's why we cry easier because men are designed to see movement and to hunt.
01:38:42.000 You're not designed to read, oh, is she frustrated or angry?
01:38:46.000 Have you ever been on a double date with your wife and you think that her and the other...
01:38:51.000 I can't imagine you on a double date.
01:38:53.000 That was so weird thinking about it.
01:38:54.000 I've done those things.
01:38:55.000 Really?
01:38:56.000 In the very early stages?
01:38:58.000 No, I've done them recently.
01:38:59.000 They get annoying.
01:39:00.000 Yeah, and you go on a double date, and you have to fucking talk to the guy, and he's asking you a million questions about hunting, and you're like, just listen to my podcast, why do I have to fucking do this for free?
01:39:08.000 And then your wife is talking to the other girl, and you think it's going well, and the girl gets the car, and you're like, that went well, and you're like, she was such a bitch, I couldn't fucking stand her.
01:39:16.000 And you're like, it seemed like you guys got along great.
01:39:19.000 Has that ever happened to you?
01:39:21.000 My wife's not like that.
01:39:22.000 She's pretty transparent.
01:39:25.000 She just talks.
01:39:27.000 If she thought something was bad, she would let everybody know.
01:39:30.000 Like right away?
01:39:31.000 Well, it would be obvious.
01:39:33.000 Or just sort of like sometimes there's...
01:39:35.000 Basically, and we talk about it in the movie, men are not as good at reading emotions on faces.
01:39:41.000 So it's like if you were to say, like, Whitney, how are you?
01:39:43.000 And I was like, I'm fine.
01:39:45.000 You might just be like, OK, she's fine.
01:39:46.000 Let's move on.
01:39:47.000 A lot of guys can't understand that there's a discrepancy between what I'm saying and how I'm saying it.
01:39:52.000 And it's like about just reading like how muscles move on human faces.
01:39:55.000 So it's like you can look up sort of the difference.
01:39:58.000 And, you know, so I'm not defending men in that area.
01:40:01.000 I think that that an interesting conversation that might come up at some point is people who have autism are really going to be fucked in all of this.
01:40:07.000 People who can't pick up on social cues because so much of this is nonverbal.
01:40:11.000 I fear that we're going to get to a place where we're going to have to, like, sign contracts and shit before we have sex and stuff.
01:40:16.000 Because, you know, I know that in my 20s, and I'm freezing up just talking about it, is that when men made physical advances to me, I would be giving off these nonverbal cues.
01:40:28.000 And I wasn't saying no, but my body was saying no.
01:40:31.000 And I'm not saying it's necessarily a guy who's supposed to, like, be able to read my body language.
01:40:34.000 But that's what was happening because I froze up because of my trauma response.
01:40:37.000 Right.
01:40:38.000 And I was scared.
01:40:39.000 And also we are conditioned to be submissive to men.
01:40:42.000 I am conditioned to feel shame if I don't fuck a guy in a certain amount of time.
01:40:46.000 What?
01:40:46.000 Wait a minute.
01:40:47.000 Totally!
01:40:48.000 I thought it was the opposite.
01:40:49.000 I thought you would feel shame if you fucked a guy too quickly.
01:40:51.000 If you fuck a guy on the first date, you feel shame.
01:40:54.000 But there's this sort of unspoken rule that you kind of have to fuck a guy on the third date.
01:40:58.000 What?
01:40:58.000 Yeah.
01:40:59.000 Oh, totally.
01:41:00.000 Do you not think that?
01:41:02.000 Jamie's never heard of this either.
01:41:03.000 Oh, yeah.
01:41:03.000 I feel guilt and shame and I'm difficult and I'm a prude and I'm like, whatever.
01:41:07.000 This might just be you.
01:41:08.000 Yeah, this might just be me.
01:41:09.000 But like every, I mean, every girl that I know that I, maybe it's just my generation or something.
01:41:13.000 Every guy out there is like, all I gotta do is just get three dates in and we're in.
01:41:17.000 But think about all, think about negotiations.
01:41:19.000 So just the, just the tip is like something we joke about, right?
01:41:23.000 But it is based in the idea of negotiating for sex.
01:41:26.000 So if someone is starting to say just the tip, that means I've already said no.
01:41:29.000 And you're like, well, come on, how about just a blowjob?
01:41:31.000 And then I'm like, no, just come on, just the tip.
01:41:33.000 It's like we joke about it, but that means that a negotiation is going on and that I've already said no.
01:41:37.000 And then you just get worn down.
01:41:39.000 And that's like transactional sex, which I think women are kind of just I won't generalize about all women.
01:41:45.000 But I think some women are like sort of like, I don't want to have that kind of transactional sex anymore.
01:41:49.000 And I feel like I'm being used as a blow-up doll.
01:41:52.000 And I think from what I understand that girl felt is she felt like she was rushed through dinner and went back and was just sort of expected to be fucked.
01:42:01.000 And I think a lot of what's happening is that men were promised something from porn and women were promised something from romantic comedies.
01:42:08.000 Men were promised that women want it all the time.
01:42:11.000 And women have been promised that men want to talk to us.
01:42:14.000 And I think these expectations are clashing.
01:42:16.000 So I think it's a little bit of nature and a little bit of nurture.
01:42:19.000 So a lot of it being media misrepresentations of actual relationships and that's the models that people are acting on.
01:42:26.000 Maybe.
01:42:27.000 Yeah.
01:42:27.000 I think it's different for every person because every person has a different experience with sex.
01:42:31.000 Everyone has a different ability to read faces.
01:42:33.000 Everyone has a different nature and nurture.
01:42:35.000 Everyone had different fucking parenting.
01:42:37.000 And then there's a problem with like sometimes you really shouldn't be with that person and you're there.
01:42:41.000 Yeah.
01:42:42.000 And you're there.
01:42:42.000 And what do you do?
01:42:43.000 What do you do?
01:42:44.000 I mean, I've literally had sex before just to like get out of there.
01:42:49.000 You're just like, oh god, I don't want to argue with this person right now, but I feel like this person feels entitled to my body, and I feel shame, and I'm embarrassed, and like, it's just all this stuff that's really kind of hard to explain, and I think it probably is annoying to the guy, and I just like, I don't want to be difficult, and I've been so gaslit to believe that I'm difficult.
01:43:06.000 It just gets like really messy, and then by the time you figure it out, you've already had sex, and you're just like, oh fuck, can I have my parking pass back?
01:43:12.000 Isn't this part of just being a human and trying to navigate your way through the fucking treacherous waters of just social interactions, sexual interactions?
01:43:22.000 I didn't figure it out until I was 32 years old.
01:43:24.000 I wasn't able to, like, articulate or figure out whether I actually wanted to be having sex or not.
01:43:28.000 So, like, my advice to all my guy friends is do not have sex with girls that are under 30 because, like, I could not, I didn't have the ability to even know or say what I wanted until I was 32. But for men, a lot of men feel like if you have sex with a girl who's under 30, then it's fun.
01:43:42.000 And you can have fun.
01:43:43.000 But if you have sex with a girl who's over 30, their biological clock is ticking.
01:43:48.000 Maybe.
01:43:48.000 I froze my eggs.
01:43:49.000 I've got time.
01:43:50.000 My shit's on ice.
01:43:52.000 They're pressuring you into this relationship very quickly.
01:43:55.000 What's your intentions?
01:43:56.000 Where is this going?
01:43:57.000 I want to know how we stand.
01:43:59.000 What are we?
01:43:59.000 Block that bitch!
01:44:00.000 Block her.
01:44:01.000 Find another one.
01:44:02.000 There's Tinder.
01:44:02.000 You can find plenty of women in their 30s.
01:44:04.000 What if you like her?
01:44:05.000 You just wanted to calm down.
01:44:07.000 Let's work this out.
01:44:08.000 I mean, look.
01:44:10.000 We're going to have to start talking to each other, I guess, and setting expectations.
01:44:13.000 I know.
01:44:13.000 That sounds like a nightmare, doesn't it?
01:44:15.000 So much drama.
01:44:16.000 LBC. But it's also...
01:44:18.000 It's like...
01:44:18.000 It's so funny.
01:44:19.000 This is totally, like, I probably shouldn't say this, but I was thinking someone was like, yeah, and then they had dinner, and afterwards, whatever, and she wasn't into it.
01:44:29.000 I was like, that is already fishy.
01:44:31.000 I never want to have sex after dinner.
01:44:32.000 I think it's disgusting.
01:44:34.000 I'm, like, full of lasagna.
01:44:36.000 Like, I don't want anything in my body after I've eaten.
01:44:40.000 Like, I need a couple.
01:44:41.000 I like to have sex before I eat.
01:44:43.000 Someone's going down, and you have to fart.
01:44:44.000 I'm like, I... Can we, if we're gonna, if I'm, just assume that any sex after dinner is non-consensual.
01:44:53.000 But it's super normal.
01:44:54.000 Yeah.
01:44:55.000 Sex after dinner, you're grossed out by it.
01:44:57.000 If I just like eat chicken parmesan, like I don't want your, you know, it's disgusting to me.
01:45:02.000 I get it.
01:45:02.000 You know, so I just know that I've had a lot of sex in my 20s that I didn't want to be having, that felt transactional, that just didn't feel, you know, I think that, you know who really wins in all this?
01:45:13.000 Prostitutes.
01:45:14.000 And sex robots.
01:45:15.000 I think if prostitution was legal.
01:45:17.000 See, the problem with prostitution being legal is it's still shameful and still looked down upon, whereas massage therapy is not.
01:45:23.000 But you get to keep your job.
01:45:26.000 You get to keep what job?
01:45:27.000 You get to keep your job.
01:45:27.000 The man?
01:45:28.000 Is that what you're saying?
01:45:28.000 No, I mean like if you're afraid of sexually assaulting someone by accident or having an interpersonal relationship at work and all this stuff that's going on, just like having sex with a hooker, like you're not going to get fired.
01:45:40.000 They're not going to report you.
01:45:41.000 Yes, but it's very problematic in that it establishes this dynamic between a man and a woman where it's very transactional.
01:45:49.000 Yeah.
01:45:49.000 Oh, yeah.
01:45:50.000 Good point.
01:45:51.000 And then if you get accustomed to transactional sex...
01:45:54.000 It could make it worse when you're actually with...
01:45:56.000 Yeah, I mean, it's like then your thought is just, I just got to pay for it.
01:45:58.000 Yeah.
01:45:58.000 Like, why would I deal with your bullshit?
01:46:00.000 I'd just be a grown-up baby paying to get my dick sucked all the time.
01:46:03.000 I just mean if, like, men need...
01:46:05.000 Because I literally was thinking about the other day, I was like, I would like someone to invent, like, a virtual reality game so that women can understand what sex feels like for men.
01:46:12.000 Like, it must be so amazing.
01:46:15.000 I was thinking about it.
01:46:16.000 Why do you think it's more amazing for a guy than it is for a woman?
01:46:18.000 Just because I'm like, to be willing to throw away your career and take that big of a risk.
01:46:23.000 No, that's not what it is.
01:46:25.000 The way I described it in one of my specials, I said, being a man is like having a small 24-hour sperm factory.
01:46:35.000 With a very shitty agreement with the union.
01:46:38.000 You got one delivery truck.
01:46:40.000 That's your dick.
01:46:41.000 And you got one warehouse.
01:46:42.000 And packages are piling up every day.
01:46:45.000 And your dick is like, hey!
01:46:47.000 Hey!
01:46:47.000 We gotta get these fucking packages out of here!
01:46:49.000 What are we gonna do?!
01:46:50.000 And the more it stacks up, the more desperate you get, the more you're willing to negotiate, the more you do stupid things.
01:46:56.000 The nature of being a human being is men are trying to get rid of cum because we're making it all day long.
01:47:02.000 All day long we're making cum.
01:47:03.000 We're cum factories.
01:47:04.000 That's what we are.
01:47:05.000 And when a man doesn't have sex for a few days, I did an experiment on my website many years back where I didn't jerk off for a month.
01:47:15.000 What happened?
01:47:16.000 I was like, holy shit.
01:47:17.000 Punching walls.
01:47:18.000 You get so desperate.
01:47:19.000 Yeah.
01:47:19.000 Like, just touching people, just getting a hug, your dick gets hard.
01:47:22.000 He's like, this is bizarre.
01:47:23.000 Like, because most of the time, guys handle it by just jerking off.
01:47:27.000 It's like a relief.
01:47:29.000 You literally are backed up.
01:47:31.000 You have pressure, and you relieve it.
01:47:33.000 I don't know what it's like to be a woman, but one thing I do know is you're not making a thing that you have to get rid of.
01:47:39.000 Correct.
01:47:39.000 Like, we have...
01:47:40.000 And the difference between a guy being horny on day one of No Jerking Off versus day 30, you're a totally different human being.
01:47:48.000 You're desperate.
01:47:50.000 And men who don't ever get touched and don't ever get to have sex are extremely desperate.
01:47:56.000 And they will do almost anything.
01:47:57.000 They will negotiate in very bizarre ways in order to be involved in relationships.
01:48:01.000 That's why you see men that are...
01:48:04.000 Quote, pussy whipped.
01:48:05.000 Like, why are they pussy whipped?
01:48:06.000 Like, what is that?
01:48:07.000 Well, that's the only option they have.
01:48:09.000 Sure.
01:48:09.000 These are weak people, and the only option they have is to acquiesce to whatever desires and needs the woman has.
01:48:15.000 Right.
01:48:16.000 You have to submit.
01:48:17.000 You have to submit, and then she'll throw some pussy at you like a dog.
01:48:20.000 Throw some fucking scraps your way.
01:48:22.000 That's literally what happens.
01:48:24.000 I just thought of airborne pussy.
01:48:26.000 Take it!
01:48:26.000 Take it!
01:48:27.000 But my question...
01:48:31.000 But these men had no lack of pussy in their lives.
01:48:35.000 Which men?
01:48:36.000 The powerful men that are going down.
01:48:38.000 These are men that could fuck whenever they wanted.
01:48:40.000 But there's still...
01:48:42.000 The Harvey Weinstein thing...
01:48:44.000 He had the most beautiful wife on the planet.
01:48:46.000 I don't know if she wasn't fucking him.
01:48:47.000 I think he was a fucking addict.
01:48:50.000 And I think he's a power addict.
01:48:51.000 And a sex addict.
01:48:53.000 And he's a fat fuck, so he's a food addict.
01:48:56.000 Insatiable.
01:48:57.000 And power.
01:48:59.000 I want a big baby.
01:49:01.000 Just stuffing things in his body.
01:49:03.000 I mean, he's a fucking crazy person.
01:49:04.000 But Bill Cosby could have fucked anyone whenever he wanted.
01:49:07.000 He was so famous.
01:49:08.000 Power addict, fame addict.
01:49:08.000 Did I ever tell you a story about Bill Cosby?
01:49:11.000 I did this casino once, and I talked to this woman who was one of the managers of the casino.
01:49:15.000 She said Bill Cosby would make the entire staff watch him eat curry before he would perform.
01:49:21.000 They would have to watch him eat.
01:49:22.000 They would come into his dressing room, and he wouldn't talk to them.
01:49:24.000 They would watch him eat.
01:49:26.000 And that's what he would do.
01:49:27.000 When he was eating his food before his performance, everyone had to watch him.
01:49:33.000 Then he had someone, a security guard, tuck him into bed at night.
01:49:37.000 They had to tuck him in.
01:49:38.000 So he laid in bed and they would tuck him in and then shut the lights off and close the door.
01:49:43.000 What mental illness is that?
01:49:45.000 Delusions of grandeur, complete separation from normal society, this thought that he is royalty.
01:49:52.000 This is what I think.
01:49:53.000 I think the same behavior that kings have, you see that with dictators, you see that with celebrities, especially celebrities that, again, became super famous 50, 60 years ago, like Bill Cosby.
01:50:06.000 You know, he was famous 60 years ago.
01:50:08.000 Well, there's some people like Danny Masterson who's young.
01:50:10.000 This guy's not, you know...
01:50:12.000 The Danny Masterson one is interesting because he's a Scientologist.
01:50:15.000 Yeah, of course, yeah.
01:50:16.000 I mean, I'm not saying...
01:50:17.000 Is he left Scientology?
01:50:18.000 Did he leave Scientology?
01:50:19.000 No, I don't...
01:50:19.000 I mean, now I think he's left...
01:50:20.000 I don't know if they embraced that or I don't know enough about it.
01:50:23.000 Well, this is Paul Haggis, too.
01:50:24.000 This is one of the things that they were saying about him.
01:50:27.000 They think that he's being set up...
01:50:30.000 I understand.
01:50:30.000 Right.
01:50:31.000 So, yeah, I know Leah Remini, I heard her saying that she thinks that these are fake allegations.
01:50:35.000 But I don't know if that's true.
01:50:35.000 But I think Danny Masterson didn't leave.
01:50:37.000 Like, I don't think it was a ploy.
01:50:38.000 I've been hearing this for years.
01:50:40.000 Oh, you have been hearing this before.
01:50:40.000 And I didn't come forward.
01:50:42.000 Why the fuck didn't you come forward?
01:50:43.000 What was I going to do?
01:50:44.000 Hey!
01:50:45.000 Tell everybody.
01:50:45.000 This is my phone, as if phones still look like this.
01:50:47.000 I don't even know if this is true, but I'm going to tell you because I don't want to feel bad about it 10 years from now.
01:50:53.000 I know, totally.
01:50:53.000 Like, I don't...
01:50:54.000 You know, like, I had heard creepy shit about him, but it's like, why does a young guy like that, who can fuck anyone whenever he wants, have to do something like that?
01:51:00.000 And it's like, I understand if you have all the packages and the sperm building up, but why can't you just jerk off?
01:51:05.000 Why can't you just fuck someone consensually?
01:51:06.000 See, that's a different thing, though.
01:51:08.000 The rape thing's a different thing.
01:51:09.000 The rape thing is a...
01:51:11.000 Dehumanizing power things.
01:51:13.000 It's like you say, no, fuck you.
01:51:15.000 Don't say no to me.
01:51:16.000 I'm going to fucking do this to you.
01:51:19.000 That's not sex.
01:51:20.000 There's something way more.
01:51:22.000 Because if you can get hard when a woman is crying and wants you to stop and saying, please stop.
01:51:29.000 Don't rape me.
01:51:31.000 Don't do this.
01:51:32.000 I don't want you to do this to me.
01:51:34.000 And you could still do that.
01:51:36.000 That's like some Viking shit.
01:51:37.000 That's really some...
01:51:38.000 Because it's like, I mean, there could be some sort of, obviously not to defend it, but some sort of survival instinct in being able to procreate with a woman who's not interested.
01:51:47.000 Like, our biology is still not checked for, like, overpopulation, the fact that we no longer need to force ourselves upon women to proliferate the species.
01:51:56.000 Yeah, there's got to be some leftover, ancient, horrible, rape DNA. Because there were a lot of people that were...
01:52:04.000 I mean, Genghis Khan, his genes are in some ungodly percentage.
01:52:08.000 That's right, a mount.
01:52:09.000 Yeah.
01:52:10.000 Pull this microphone off your face.
01:52:10.000 Oh, shit.
01:52:11.000 Sorry, I keep doing this.
01:52:12.000 You got it on your neck again.
01:52:13.000 Yeah.
01:52:14.000 I can see.
01:52:14.000 It starts sounding like this.
01:52:16.000 I mean, it's interesting.
01:52:17.000 Like, I'm just so curious how things are going to evolve.
01:52:20.000 Like, are the people that are going to proliferate the ones that have the most self-control?
01:52:23.000 Whereas it used to be your masculinity or your value was defined by how strong you are, by how powerful.
01:52:29.000 And maybe the new power is self-control and restraint.
01:52:32.000 Well, I think maybe people need to start looking at each other as other human beings instead of us versus them.
01:52:38.000 And I think that's part of the women's movement that's an issue and part of the men's side of it that's an issue.
01:52:43.000 I think we have to get past tribalism.
01:52:48.000 Dan Harris from Good Morning America was on the podcast the other day and we were talking about it in terms of politics.
01:52:52.000 He was saying toxic tribalism.
01:52:55.000 I love that term.
01:52:55.000 Me too.
01:52:56.000 Because that is across the board an issue in this country, right versus left.
01:53:02.000 That's an issue in this country with basically everything, men versus women.
01:53:05.000 I think we have to just look at each other as human beings.
01:53:08.000 And, you know, I'm not...
01:53:10.000 I'm not pro-men.
01:53:12.000 I'm not pro-woman either.
01:53:13.000 I'm pro-humans.
01:53:14.000 And there's a lot of really shitty men out there.
01:53:17.000 And there's a lot of really shitty women.
01:53:18.000 And it's a real problem if we lump everybody into, well, women want this.
01:53:23.000 Women are not going to do that.
01:53:25.000 Women are not going to lie about rape.
01:53:27.000 Of course they are.
01:53:28.000 Just like men are going to lie about it.
01:53:30.000 People are liars.
01:53:31.000 Great point.
01:53:31.000 There's a lot of people that are just poorly formed human beings and they are now a part of a righteous tribe of people that are attacking this other tribe.
01:53:41.000 And it's like most women didn't march.
01:53:43.000 You know what I mean?
01:53:45.000 Imagine if they did.
01:53:47.000 Imagine if 150 million women were marching.
01:53:50.000 Most women did not give a fuck.
01:53:52.000 But the numbers are pretty staggering.
01:53:54.000 Staggering.
01:53:55.000 But there is something interesting, I think, about what happens when a group of women get together.
01:54:01.000 Because I think that, at least in my experience, especially in the workplace, and I was trying to do some research on this, and I don't know enough about it, but there's this thing called, I believe it's called favoritism bias, and it's how women in a workplace actually compete with each other because they're afraid that the man is going to think that they're favoring their gender,
01:54:19.000 so they're actually shitty.
01:54:21.000 It's like queen bee syndrome or something, where it's actually, I've experienced a lot of conflict.
01:54:25.000 Competition with other women because there's so much scarcity for jobs.
01:54:28.000 It's like women just getting in the workforce.
01:54:30.000 In the last 10, 20 years, this is kind of new.
01:54:33.000 So it's sort of like, bitch, this is fucking my job.
01:54:35.000 Oh, hell no.
01:54:36.000 So I think for women to actually be on the same team not to support toxic tribalism is actually kind of a refreshing thing to just be like, we're not competing for a man.
01:54:45.000 We're not competing for a job.
01:54:46.000 We're actually going to unite.
01:54:47.000 I think there's something kind of healing about that, at least for now.
01:54:51.000 Yeah, I agree with that.
01:54:53.000 I've experienced women confiding in me about other women in comedy, and they're so shitty and judgmental and critical.
01:55:03.000 I've had women say things about other women comedians like, what?
01:55:07.000 Wait a minute.
01:55:07.000 You really think she's like that?
01:55:09.000 Yeah.
01:55:09.000 Like, yeah.
01:55:10.000 Oh, she's a fucking hack.
01:55:11.000 She's fucking terrible.
01:55:12.000 Wait a minute.
01:55:12.000 Wait a minute.
01:55:13.000 Wait a minute.
01:55:13.000 She is funny.
01:55:14.000 Like, what are you talking about?
01:55:16.000 They'll get really angry about it.
01:55:17.000 And like, like, what is it?
01:55:19.000 Like, what is that?
01:55:20.000 Like, what is that?
01:55:21.000 Scarcity complex.
01:55:22.000 There can only be one woman each show, and it's fucking her or me, or it's like, you know, and that's like a primal thing, of course, because it's like, I want protection from the man, because whatever, there's all that sort of like old primordial shit.
01:55:34.000 But competition between women, like I have, this is the first time I'm kind of not feeling that.
01:55:39.000 And it's kind of nice for the moment.
01:55:43.000 And we'll see, because I definitely know, even though I think that, you know, women...
01:55:48.000 My concern, I don't remember who I was talking about this the other day, is that basically people are just going to stop hiring women or stop hiring mixed, like putting, mixing people, genders up in offices because it's just too scary.
01:55:57.000 I'm concerned.
01:55:58.000 Do you really think that's going to happen?
01:55:59.000 I'm concerned there's going to be a little bit of a backlash that guys are, you know, it's not worth hiring a woman because it's just going to be a nightmare.
01:56:06.000 I mean, I know a lot of guys who are like, I never hire pretty assistants or I'll never hire a pretty girl to be in my office because I'm just too scared the way men are going to act, which I think is a little crazy and unfortunate, but it's like, but it's true.
01:56:17.000 No one wants to get sued.
01:56:18.000 But it's not just no one wants to get sued.
01:56:20.000 You change the office dynamic.
01:56:22.000 If you have a really hot assistant and she's walking around with all these other guys in the office and the other guys in the office are getting their cups of coffee.
01:56:29.000 All of a sudden they're her assistant.
01:56:31.000 And then men recognize that.
01:56:33.000 Like when I see a guy that's like skeezing on a chick, I'm like, I see what you're doing.
01:56:38.000 If you need an intern or something and you have two women that are equally qualified and one is overweight and 55 and one is 22 and gorgeous.
01:56:46.000 I don't know how they could be equally qualified, but whatever.
01:56:49.000 Like, who are you going to hire?
01:56:50.000 Are you kind of like, oh, this is a liability, this could be a problem?
01:56:53.000 Well, the 55-year-old lady might be fucking crazy.
01:56:57.000 She will not know how to use Dropbox.
01:56:59.000 She might be, like, really interested in, you know, some of the things that we're interested in, make it easier to talk to her.
01:57:06.000 Or it could be the opposite.
01:57:08.000 The 55-year-old might be wise and, you know, very calm to be around.
01:57:11.000 I mean, you can't, like...
01:57:12.000 That's a good...
01:57:13.000 It's the individual.
01:57:14.000 It's based on the individual.
01:57:15.000 If you're owned by a corporation or if you're NBC or if you're Disney or something, I know there are a lot of conversations about potential liabilities.
01:57:22.000 Well, someone who's a 55-year-old intern is like, whoa, don't you need money?
01:57:25.000 Well, that's a red flag.
01:57:26.000 Where are you getting your money?
01:57:26.000 Yeah, that's a red flag.
01:57:28.000 We had a PA on this show that I was on once and he was 39. And I was like, wait a minute, you're a PA and you're 39?
01:57:35.000 And he turned out to be a fucking nut.
01:57:37.000 And he was on pills.
01:57:39.000 I had to tell people.
01:57:41.000 I go, do you see the way he's moving?
01:57:43.000 Like he turns really quickly.
01:57:45.000 I go, that guy's on speed.
01:57:46.000 There's 100%.
01:57:47.000 And they were like, you sure?
01:57:49.000 I go, watch him.
01:57:50.000 I go, watch him.
01:57:51.000 He's twitchy.
01:57:52.000 Swiveling around.
01:57:53.000 He's always talking.
01:57:54.000 He can never shut the fuck up.
01:57:55.000 He interrupts conversations and he injects with these long, boring stories of his own.
01:57:59.000 That guy's on speed.
01:58:01.000 A hundred percent.
01:58:02.000 39 year old intern.
01:58:03.000 They fired him.
01:58:03.000 They wound up firing him like right after this one job that we did.
01:58:06.000 But I was like, okay.
01:58:08.000 It was tricky, though.
01:58:09.000 I've talked to a bunch of people who are like bosses, and they're like, fine, I'll just stop hiring women.
01:58:13.000 Oh, that's crazy.
01:58:14.000 And it's like, oh God, that's a whole other...
01:58:15.000 That's crazy.
01:58:15.000 Because they're just so afraid of getting sued, and they're so afraid of inter-office relationships and that sort of shit.
01:58:20.000 So this could backfire.
01:58:21.000 I'm too free.
01:58:22.000 I'm too free to have input on this.
01:58:25.000 I think there's a weird dynamic when men and women work together, and you have a really hilarious bit about it.
01:58:30.000 People working in an office together, the way they interact with each other, it's very strange.
01:58:35.000 Honey badgers in a fucking cage.
01:58:37.000 Which is weird.
01:58:38.000 This is your new family.
01:58:41.000 You're with these people eight hours a day and you're only asleep for five.
01:58:44.000 You know what I'm saying?
01:58:47.000 How long do you see your wife every day?
01:58:48.000 Two hours?
01:58:49.000 Maybe?
01:58:50.000 It's fucking weird.
01:58:52.000 And then you're in traffic for three.
01:58:54.000 What are you doing?
01:58:56.000 Your life is these people.
01:58:58.000 And so then your sexual situation gets weird.
01:59:01.000 You're developing bonds with them.
01:59:03.000 Trauma bonds.
01:59:04.000 Especially if you're...
01:59:05.000 That never fuck, but they want to fuck forever.
01:59:08.000 And they just hug each other a little, and they're sweet to each other forever, but nothing ever comes of it.
01:59:12.000 But they both know.
01:59:14.000 Yeah.
01:59:14.000 They both know they really want to fuck, but they're not going to, so they're kind of a little flirty and a little affectionately.
01:59:20.000 While pretending we're not.
01:59:20.000 Yeah.
01:59:20.000 And they exchange silly text messages, and then the wife will find out this is an inappropriate emotional relationship.
01:59:27.000 Yeah.
01:59:27.000 And you're like, well, what does that mean?
01:59:28.000 I can't have friends.
01:59:28.000 And it's emotional cheating.
01:59:30.000 My work wife or my work husband type thing.
01:59:32.000 I've had that sort of stuff happen.
01:59:33.000 People have that.
01:59:34.000 I've heard people openly talk about their work husband.
01:59:37.000 I was like, whoa, this is dark.
01:59:39.000 I mean, I remember with Chris D'Elia.
01:59:41.000 I was doing a show with Chris D'Elia and we would spend all day together every day and we were like having this relationship.
01:59:47.000 I mean, we were also acting as girlfriend and boyfriend and we were sort of super bonded and then because you spend all day talking to each other, confiding in each other, sharing all these experiences, by the time you get home to your actual boyfriend, you're like, goodnight!
01:59:59.000 And then a month later, I'm like, because remember when that director yelled at me?
02:00:03.000 And they're like, no.
02:00:04.000 And it's like, I thought I told you.
02:00:05.000 You don't listen to me.
02:00:06.000 You don't understand me.
02:00:06.000 It's only because I've invested everything in that other person that all of a sudden it starts driving a wedge between you and your actual.
02:00:12.000 So what you're supposed to do in relationships is keep everything and hold it.
02:00:17.000 It's like not ejaculating, basically, emotionally.
02:00:20.000 It's like hold.
02:00:20.000 Like if something crazy happens to me at work, I don't confide in someone at work.
02:00:24.000 I have to wait till I get home and bore the shit out of my boyfriend.
02:00:26.000 I know this dude who is a very funny guy and he brings this woman on the road with him and when he brings this woman on the road with him his wife freaks.
02:00:34.000 She does not like it.
02:00:34.000 You mean like an opener?
02:00:35.000 Yeah, he's got a woman opening act and his wife is fucking freaking.
02:00:40.000 Do you truly think...
02:00:43.000 I'm all for female opening acts, obviously.
02:00:46.000 I'm panicking.
02:00:49.000 Do you think he has any interest in her?
02:00:52.000 No.
02:00:52.000 No, I don't.
02:00:53.000 He just wants to...
02:00:53.000 I mean, I support having a team.
02:00:54.000 She's nice.
02:00:55.000 She's funny.
02:00:56.000 Yeah.
02:00:56.000 She's a good comic.
02:00:57.000 Yeah.
02:00:57.000 You know, and he has her open for him.
02:00:59.000 Yeah.
02:00:59.000 I used to open for...
02:01:00.000 Yeah.
02:01:01.000 I mean, it's totally possible.
02:01:02.000 Yeah.
02:01:03.000 But, you know, it's that thing.
02:01:06.000 You know, you're experiencing this thing that she can't do.
02:01:09.000 The wife is not a comedian.
02:01:10.000 That's another thing.
02:01:11.000 I think comics also have a bond that I feel like the outside person can never totally understand.
02:01:16.000 Never.
02:01:17.000 Well, just the way we joke around with each other.
02:01:19.000 Like, just the things you and I have said to each other.
02:01:21.000 If we said these things in an office, like, holy shit.
02:01:24.000 Lawsuit.
02:01:25.000 Human resources.
02:01:26.000 We'd both go to jail.
02:01:27.000 Yeah, totally.
02:01:28.000 I think you'd go to jail more than me.
02:01:30.000 I am the worst, but thank God that NBC lawsuit, those Friends writers made a lot of progress for us.
02:01:36.000 What is that?
02:01:36.000 Okay, so there was this famous lawsuit on Friends.
02:01:38.000 The writer's assistant sued the writers in the writer's room because they were saying something about the actresses or saying like fucking them with twigs or I think something crazy.
02:01:48.000 Yeah.
02:01:49.000 And the writer's assistant sued the writers for sexual harassment and said, I need to hear all this disgusting shit.
02:01:56.000 And the writers won because they said it was part of our creative process.
02:01:59.000 Well, it is.
02:02:00.000 It certainly is.
02:02:01.000 And especially with comedians, we have said ridiculous shit to each other.
02:02:05.000 Yeah, I mean, like, we just, like, guys, first of all, like Callan, D'Elia, me, we've said ridiculous shit, like, about each other.
02:02:14.000 Like, about how I'd fuck you.
02:02:17.000 We had fuck you, bro, first of all.
02:02:19.000 I'm a top.
02:02:20.000 I'm a top.
02:02:21.000 That's me.
02:02:21.000 I'm a top.
02:02:22.000 And you're just going to give in.
02:02:23.000 You're just going to give in.
02:02:24.000 You're going to spit on your hand.
02:02:25.000 You're going to rub it on your butt.
02:02:26.000 And we will do that to each other because it's how we make each other laugh.
02:02:30.000 That we need something really extreme and completely forbidden to make each other laugh.
02:02:35.000 That's correct.
02:02:35.000 I think that is so fascinating.
02:02:37.000 I think comedians, we just have to go off the grid a little bit every now and then.
02:02:40.000 Like someone who watches too much porn.
02:02:41.000 Right.
02:02:41.000 We need gags and fucking mascara running and fucking belts around your neck.
02:02:46.000 We need the whole thing.
02:02:47.000 Amputee porn.
02:02:48.000 Yeah.
02:02:48.000 We need gagging.
02:02:49.000 We're desensitized to regular conversation.
02:02:50.000 I think we have a certain threshold of adrenaline we need or something.
02:02:54.000 Yeah.
02:02:54.000 When I get around comics, it took me so long to delineate the difference between how to act around comics and how to act around human beings.
02:03:00.000 And I also think part of the reason I'm a little manic when I first see a comic, it's like a puppy seeing its owner.
02:03:06.000 And then I just get so excited that I get to be like, bitch, can't fuck.
02:03:09.000 I get to be deviant.
02:03:13.000 And you get to be free.
02:03:14.000 Because I feel like I spend all day just being like, don't say that, don't say that, don't say that.
02:03:17.000 Yeah.
02:03:18.000 Well, it's our culture, the culture of comedy, stand-up comedy.
02:03:22.000 It's very unusual.
02:03:23.000 Yeah.
02:03:24.000 The community, it's one of the reasons why I'm very protective of that community.
02:03:28.000 And it's one of the things that I thought was the weird, you know, it's one of the things I've said about this whole Louis C.K. thing.
02:03:33.000 I'm like, he did it to one of us.
02:03:36.000 Yeah.
02:03:36.000 He did it to us.
02:03:37.000 It wasn't, not that he should do it to anybody.
02:03:40.000 Yeah.
02:03:40.000 That doesn't want him to jerk off in front of him.
02:03:42.000 Yeah.
02:03:43.000 But I don't think writers or interns on a writing staff are the same as stand-ups.
02:03:49.000 Oh, he did that too, right?
02:03:49.000 Yeah.
02:03:50.000 It's like stand-ups is one thing.
02:03:51.000 Well, he just had a thing.
02:03:52.000 He just had a thing.
02:03:53.000 You like to beat off in front of people.
02:03:53.000 Pick on someone your own size.
02:03:55.000 You know what I mean?
02:03:55.000 Come jerk off in front of me.
02:03:57.000 You know what I mean?
02:03:58.000 Now, as a 35-year-old woman.
02:04:00.000 I would love to see that.
02:04:01.000 And apparently he did do that to some comedians and they laughed and they thought it was funny.
02:04:05.000 Yeah.
02:04:05.000 Yeah.
02:04:06.000 Oh, God.
02:04:06.000 I've seen so many dicks.
02:04:08.000 Yeah.
02:04:08.000 Well, there's some women that he did that to that didn't come out and they thought it was funny.
02:04:12.000 But there's a difference between like, oh my God, what are you doing?
02:04:14.000 And like, stop, please.
02:04:16.000 And I could lose my job if I challenge you, you know?
02:04:20.000 Right.
02:04:20.000 Nobody's doing that now, right?
02:04:21.000 No one's beating off in front of anybody anymore.
02:04:23.000 I think that's over.
02:04:25.000 Most likely.
02:04:26.000 There's still people scared to talk, right?
02:04:28.000 I guess I just am curious what the neurology is of being able to get an erection when a girl's going, stop!
02:04:37.000 The worst is if they didn't get an erection.
02:04:38.000 It's like three quarters hard.
02:04:40.000 But if that's your thing, if a woman, is that like being humiliated as an aphrodisiac or shame?
02:04:47.000 I think it's driven by shame, yeah?
02:04:49.000 There's a lot of weird shit to that for sure.
02:04:51.000 I don't know.
02:04:52.000 There's nowhere to go like I was reading this thing about pedophiles and like I'm not supportive of pedophiles but like if you are a pedophile and you have horrible thoughts there's nowhere where you can go unless you can afford therapy where you can say hey I have some really fucked up thoughts and I want to fuck a kid and because shame is the engine of pedophilia yeah and you have nowhere to go or if you do go somewhere people are gonna go oh you're disgusting Yeah.
02:05:34.000 Yeah, and it's also because your thing is victimizing children.
02:05:40.000 There's zero tolerance for that anywhere.
02:05:43.000 People want to kill you.
02:05:43.000 They literally think you should be killed.
02:05:46.000 But there should be a place like AA or somewhere where you go to go like...
02:05:49.000 But how would we know if it even works?
02:05:51.000 That's the problem.
02:05:52.000 Like, you know what works?
02:05:54.000 Bullets.
02:05:54.000 Bullets in your head.
02:05:55.000 Bullets in your head work.
02:05:56.000 Correct.
02:05:57.000 Yeah, I mean, if someone's a kid fucker.
02:05:59.000 How do you feel about the fact that if you are a pedophile, that means someone molested you?
02:06:03.000 And you were a victim at some point.
02:06:05.000 No, it's horrible.
02:06:06.000 Because victims become perpetrators.
02:06:08.000 So it's like, how do you break that cycle without just constantly shaming people?
02:06:11.000 Because then you shame them into isolation, and isolation is where shame thrives.
02:06:15.000 Maybe one day we'll have some sort of a form of therapy that can literally erase inclinations, that can erase desires.
02:06:23.000 Or surgery that fucking takes out...
02:06:24.000 Well, that's what they were trying to do, right?
02:06:26.000 Like a lobotomy?
02:06:27.000 Yeah.
02:06:27.000 Great.
02:06:28.000 Bring those back.
02:06:29.000 Oof.
02:06:29.000 I don't think that works.
02:06:30.000 Like whatever you have to do.
02:06:32.000 They just went in there with a drill and fucking...
02:06:34.000 But it's like, because when you see...
02:06:35.000 I mean, I was reading about the dark web.
02:06:37.000 Is it the deep web or the dark web?
02:06:38.000 Dark web.
02:06:38.000 I'm a hundred years old.
02:06:41.000 But like 90% of it is child pornography.
02:06:44.000 And you're just like, there's so many, like, what the fuck?
02:06:47.000 It makes me homicidal.
02:06:50.000 Did you see that hero cop?
02:06:51.000 This guy was like a hero cop, got his arm blown off, and then they just caught him with child porn.
02:06:57.000 Like, oh, fuck.
02:06:59.000 That fucking Vegas shooter apparently had a bunch of child porn.
02:07:04.000 Not surprised.
02:07:05.000 Yeah, you know, so it's like, but like to stop that cycle is just so it's like the same idea of like jerking off on someone and being turned on by them being scared, being sexually aroused by a woman being scared.
02:07:16.000 There's something fucking going on there.
02:07:18.000 And I don't know if it's nature, if it's nurture, if it's fucking Viking shit.
02:07:21.000 The pedophile thing is also it's such a forbidden topic that no one even wants to express any sort of sympathy for those people at all.
02:07:28.000 You don't want to be thought of as a pedophilia sympathizer.
02:07:31.000 Correct.
02:07:32.000 Correct.
02:07:32.000 That's almost like a thing that you can't fix.
02:07:34.000 The recidivism rate is so high.
02:07:38.000 But if there's a way, if it's technically an addiction, I mean, I think it's probably a mental illness or some sort of trauma therapy, because those people are traumatized, right?
02:07:47.000 Right, but if you're addicted to cigarettes...
02:07:49.000 Yeah.
02:07:49.000 And you go through therapy, and you kick them, and then you get back on the cigarettes 10 years later.
02:07:53.000 I don't care.
02:07:54.000 But if you're addicted to fucking kids, and then you live, and then another kid gets fucked because you couldn't keep it together anymore, I'm not willing to take that risk.
02:08:05.000 And that becomes a real problem, especially someone who has young children.
02:08:10.000 That freaks me the fuck out.
02:08:12.000 And I, like most fathers who are hearing my voice thinking about this right now, I want to murder.
02:08:16.000 I just want to take that person out of the food chain.
02:08:19.000 And you don't want to take that risk.
02:08:22.000 And I guess the one thing I would say is people have a lot of sympathy for children who are molested or victims of pedophiles until they grow up.
02:08:29.000 You know, like a lot of women who were victims of that end up manifesting as the women who can't say no or the women who are like, you know, traumatized and freeze up and stuff like that.
02:08:39.000 But those women were hypersexual.
02:08:41.000 That's the other thing.
02:08:42.000 Porn stars.
02:08:43.000 A lot of women that get involved in the adult industry were molested as children like a giant percentage.
02:08:49.000 I don't want to say it's all of them.
02:08:51.000 I don't want to say it's all of them because I know there's a lot of women that do it just because they enjoy it and that's totally cool.
02:08:56.000 But there are a lot.
02:08:57.000 There was some survey they did once back in the day and it was some alarming number.
02:09:04.000 And those are just the ones that admit it.
02:09:05.000 Right.
02:09:06.000 A lot of people can never come to terms with it.
02:09:08.000 I was talking to a therapist who was saying something about plastics.
02:09:11.000 A lot of people that get crazy plastic surgery do it because they were molested and they're trying to change their face so when they look in the mirror it's not the person that got molested.
02:09:19.000 That's what they thought about Michael Jackson.
02:09:21.000 Really?
02:09:22.000 Yeah, that was one of the big theories about Michael Jackson.
02:09:24.000 His father abused him.
02:09:26.000 Yeah.
02:09:27.000 You know my theory about Michael Jackson?
02:09:28.000 Tell me.
02:09:29.000 Don't say it again.
02:09:30.000 Tell me everything.
02:09:31.000 I think he's a castrato.
02:09:33.000 I think he had his balls removed.
02:09:35.000 I think that's why his voice was so high.
02:09:37.000 That was a common thing they used to do with singers.
02:09:40.000 Really?
02:09:40.000 Yeah.
02:09:41.000 You ever heard of castrato music?
02:09:44.000 I'm going to teach Whitney Cumming something.
02:09:46.000 They used to do that with opera singers.
02:09:48.000 You know so much more than I do.
02:09:49.000 No, I don't.
02:09:50.000 You know a lot of shit.
02:09:52.000 I know I'm not to eat cookies while we're doing a podcast.
02:09:55.000 Sorry, because my blood sugar.
02:09:56.000 There's no sugar in those.
02:09:57.000 I'm not in ketosis.
02:09:58.000 No wonder I'm so hungry.
02:10:00.000 Yeah, those are no cookies.
02:10:02.000 They have very little sugar.
02:10:03.000 The glycemic index on those is extremely low.
02:10:06.000 How do you not get hungry?
02:10:07.000 I don't understand it.
02:10:07.000 Because my body burns fat.
02:10:09.000 I eat very little carbohydrates.
02:10:11.000 Like this morning, I ate eggs and fat beef.
02:10:14.000 So you never have sugar dips because you don't eat sugar?
02:10:18.000 No, I don't have any spikes.
02:10:19.000 No, I'm eating fat most of the time.
02:10:21.000 I'm eating fat and meat.
02:10:23.000 That's what I eat mostly.
02:10:25.000 God, I need to just regroup here.
02:10:27.000 I need to start from scratch.
02:10:27.000 It's way healthier.
02:10:28.000 It's way better cognitively.
02:10:31.000 I don't get mentally tired this way.
02:10:34.000 I take four naps a day, Joe.
02:10:35.000 I don't take any naps.
02:10:37.000 I'm always so fucking tired.
02:10:38.000 Well, I'm on beta blockers, too.
02:10:40.000 I think that's a whole other thing.
02:10:41.000 You're on beta blockers?
02:10:42.000 I take beta blockers.
02:10:43.000 Why are you on beta blockers?
02:10:43.000 Because I get really bad migraines, and it's hormonal, but I think I figured that out.
02:10:49.000 But beta blockers are supposed to keep you from getting nervous.
02:10:51.000 Yeah, it stops adrenaline, I think, from what I understand.
02:10:56.000 I know a lot of archers use that to actually test for it.
02:11:00.000 Because when you're on archery competitions, the nerves will make you shake.
02:11:05.000 So I produce a lot of adrenaline and cortisol at the tiniest things because I'm a fucking trauma source.
02:11:10.000 You need a goddamn hug, woman.
02:11:12.000 Don't.
02:11:13.000 Every time I'm around you, I want to hug you.
02:11:14.000 I'm a fucking spaz.
02:11:16.000 And so I was getting really bad migraines because of my neurochemical spikes.
02:11:20.000 I would get too much adrenaline and too much cortisol when I get nervous.
02:11:22.000 So I take two beta blockers a day.
02:11:25.000 I'm a catch!
02:11:26.000 Jesus.
02:11:27.000 If you had your balls cut off today, would the octaves of your voice go?
02:11:31.000 No, it's the way you're developing.
02:11:33.000 They do it to a boy when they're very young.
02:11:34.000 There's actually recordings of castratos from the early 1900s.
02:11:38.000 See if you can get that.
02:11:39.000 What surgeon does that surgery?
02:11:42.000 Got us pulled off YouTube before.
02:11:43.000 Oh, did it?
02:11:44.000 I'll pull it from there.
02:11:45.000 Oh, really?
02:11:46.000 Because it's like child pornography?
02:11:49.000 No, no, no.
02:11:49.000 Because the recording gets flagged by YouTube as being their proprietary or their property.
02:11:57.000 And so anything that you use that someone else's stuff can get you pulled off of YouTube.
02:12:02.000 You know, like, there's a shitload of people out there that have, like, these nature videos.
02:12:07.000 There's a big one.
02:12:08.000 Yeah.
02:12:08.000 It gets us pulled all the time.
02:12:10.000 Really?
02:12:10.000 Yeah, people that own things.
02:12:12.000 Can you pay for it?
02:12:13.000 Like, the way you would license something?
02:12:14.000 You could do something like that, or you could give them your ad revenue, but you'd have to give them, like, all the ad revenue from a show.
02:12:20.000 Yeah.
02:12:20.000 That's insane.
02:12:20.000 It's insane.
02:12:21.000 So, like, if we played a clip from The Office, and we played it, and you could see it on the show, we would totally get flagged and pulled off YouTube.
02:12:28.000 Yeah.
02:12:28.000 And if it happens more than one time, you can lose your whole channel.
02:12:32.000 That's insane.
02:12:33.000 I didn't know that.
02:12:34.000 Yeah, you could argue it, that it's fair use, but you don't have a license to do it, and if you're making money off of it, it might not be considered fair use.
02:12:41.000 So listen to this sound.
02:12:43.000 What this sound is that we're hearing, and Jamie, what is the name of this?
02:12:50.000 This is a young man who had his balls removed.
02:12:54.000 And one of the things that happens to them as they get older, they never really develop masculine traits.
02:12:59.000 This guy got fat.
02:13:01.000 Because he had no testosterone.
02:13:02.000 Yeah, no testosterone.
02:13:03.000 There's no balls.
02:13:04.000 And so they have this haunting, high-pitched...
02:13:20.000 I can't handle things like this.
02:13:23.000 Yeah.
02:13:23.000 This is my thought about Michael Jackson.
02:13:25.000 I think Michael Jackson's voice was so high.
02:13:28.000 It was so high-pitched.
02:13:30.000 And, like, his falsetto was so pure.
02:13:33.000 I really...
02:13:34.000 I mean, no one's gonna know.
02:13:35.000 I mean, there's no way to know.
02:13:36.000 But I'm a retard and I have my own thoughts.
02:13:39.000 These are my thoughts.
02:13:40.000 But if I'm the surgeon who did that surgery, after he dies, why aren't I coming forward and getting $5 million for this story?
02:13:47.000 Because that surgeon's going to go to fucking jail.
02:13:49.000 Is that illegal?
02:13:51.000 You do that shit in America?
02:13:51.000 100%.
02:13:52.000 You took a kid and cut his balls off?
02:13:54.000 You can't do that.
02:13:56.000 It might not even be real.
02:13:57.000 I might just be a stupid person who has a dumb idea, which is more likely.
02:13:59.000 I don't know.
02:14:00.000 I think it's a pretty good explanation.
02:14:02.000 It's weird, right?
02:14:03.000 Because he had other brothers that didn't sound like that.
02:14:05.000 They didn't sound anything like that.
02:14:07.000 You hear Jermaine Jackson saying he sounds like a man.
02:14:10.000 Michael Jackson never sounded like a man.
02:14:11.000 Doesn't add up.
02:14:12.000 Yeah, it was all weird.
02:14:13.000 It's fishy.
02:14:14.000 Well, it's also the abuse that he suffered as a child and his incredible connection to children, this bizarre connection.
02:14:21.000 Because when you're traumatized, you get stunted, yeah?
02:14:23.000 What, Jamie?
02:14:23.000 The doctor that killed him or was in jail for killing him wrote in a book that his parents had him chemically castrated.
02:14:31.000 What is that?
02:14:31.000 Oh, like taking those pills?
02:14:33.000 For real?
02:14:33.000 I mean, that's what he wrote in a book I'm reading on some New Zealand news hub.
02:14:36.000 I don't know how accurate this is.
02:14:37.000 Well, they do that.
02:14:38.000 They've done that to child molesters.
02:14:39.000 They do that to child molesters.
02:14:40.000 They give them the option.
02:14:42.000 Oh, so that you don't...
02:14:44.000 Michael Jackson, chemically castrated by parents, claims doctor.
02:14:47.000 Dude, this is my fucking theory.
02:14:49.000 Goddammit, I'm right.
02:14:50.000 I bet I'm right.
02:14:51.000 I bet I'm right.
02:14:52.000 Well, also, his children weren't his children, right?
02:14:55.000 He's a heterosexual man, but heinous things happened to Michael in his lifetime that actually changed or had him morph into who he thought he was.
02:15:04.000 One of those things, according to Murray, was his parents arranging for his chemical castration.
02:15:09.000 His testes were never removed, but injections were given to Michael Jackson to maintain his voice.
02:15:14.000 His high-pitched voice of a child that went long beyond puberty.
02:15:18.000 He places much of the blame for Jackson's extraordinary but difficult life at the feet of his family.
02:15:23.000 I fucking knew it.
02:15:24.000 So let me ask you, is this something that stops testosterone production?
02:15:27.000 Yes.
02:15:27.000 Like what's given to kids who are transitioning and that sort of thing?
02:15:30.000 You're done.
02:15:31.000 That's why he was so skinny.
02:15:32.000 And how long ago was that?
02:15:33.000 I thought that was a more recent thing.
02:15:35.000 They did that to him as a child to maintain his voice.
02:15:36.000 But then why did he grow so tall?
02:15:38.000 Can you still grow?
02:15:38.000 Yeah, you can still grow.
02:15:39.000 Women are tall.
02:15:39.000 You're tall.
02:15:40.000 You're taller than me.
02:15:41.000 A lot of GMOs.
02:15:43.000 That's why.
02:15:43.000 No, it's just different genes.
02:15:45.000 It doesn't stop you from growing tall.
02:15:47.000 It stops your muscles from developing.
02:15:49.000 Oh, and then what does that have to do with the vocal cords?
02:15:52.000 Because something about your vocal cords...
02:15:53.000 Testosterone changes your voice.
02:15:54.000 That's why when a woman turns into a transgender man, their voice becomes a different thing.
02:15:59.000 Right.
02:16:00.000 Is that legal?
02:16:01.000 No.
02:16:03.000 It's not legal to chemically castrate a boy.
02:16:06.000 It's expensive, though.
02:16:06.000 It's fucking crazy.
02:16:08.000 Because we talked about this in Roseanne.
02:16:10.000 This doctor's right.
02:16:11.000 If that doctor's right, and I bet he is right, if you wrote about this, I bet he's right.
02:16:15.000 He self-published it, too.
02:16:17.000 What does that mean?
02:16:17.000 No one would give him a book deal?
02:16:18.000 Who the fuck's going to give a book deal to the guy who killed Michael Jackson?
02:16:22.000 That's a bad idea.
02:16:22.000 Well, someone gave a book deal to that Milo...
02:16:25.000 No, they didn't.
02:16:25.000 They took it away.
02:16:26.000 Oh, did they get the money back?
02:16:27.000 Yeah, he lost it.
02:16:27.000 He lost his book deal when the thing came out about him thinking that it's okay for young boys to have sex with gay men.
02:16:34.000 Not great.
02:16:34.000 Not a great brand.
02:16:36.000 The gay community has a different take on that.
02:16:38.000 Really?
02:16:38.000 Yeah, they have a different take on it than the straight community.
02:16:41.000 The idea of young gay boys having sex with gay men, it doesn't bother them in the same way.
02:16:47.000 Obviously, I'm not speaking for the gay community, and I don't want to generalize.
02:16:51.000 But the reactions that I've had from gay friends that talk about it say it's way more common.
02:16:56.000 Huh.
02:16:56.000 Well, that was the Bryan Singer thing.
02:16:58.000 Bryan Singer had those parties at his house where he had a whole pool full of fucking gay kids.
02:17:02.000 And Morrissey also defended Kevin Spacey about it and was like, it's different.
02:17:06.000 Yeah, exactly.
02:17:07.000 But how young, like how do you know if you're 17 and like we were just talking about the power dynamic, how do you even know you're trying to figure out who you are?
02:17:15.000 Are you looking for a father figure?
02:17:16.000 Are you abused yourself?
02:17:17.000 It's like we just we don't know until they grow up and figure it out in therapy if it was really consensual.
02:17:21.000 Yeah, I mean, it's weird that we put this arbitrary date too, like 18. Right, it's so arbitrary.
02:17:27.000 Well, you can go to war now, you're 18. Like, what?
02:17:29.000 I figured out at 32 who I was.
02:17:32.000 Well, when should she be allowed to vote?
02:17:34.000 I say 50. I say...
02:17:36.000 That's a really...
02:17:39.000 Yeah, I mean, it's so interesting.
02:17:41.000 It's like, I mean, you know...
02:17:42.000 When should you be allowed to drive?
02:17:44.000 I drove like a maniac when I was young.
02:17:47.000 I just never should have had a car until I was like 25 years old.
02:17:50.000 When should you be able to drink?
02:17:51.000 Right.
02:17:51.000 When should you be able to drink?
02:17:51.000 If at all.
02:17:52.000 If at all.
02:17:52.000 Yeah.
02:17:53.000 It's a good question.
02:17:53.000 It's terrifying.
02:17:54.000 And when should you be able to have kids?
02:17:56.000 That's a good question, too, because you only can do it for a certain amount of time.
02:17:59.000 That's right.
02:18:00.000 And by the time you can't do it anymore, that's when you finally know what you're doing.
02:18:03.000 Yeah.
02:18:03.000 I feel like I'm 35 years old.
02:18:04.000 I finally am qualified to be a mother, and this is when you stop being physically capable.
02:18:08.000 Isn't that nuts?
02:18:09.000 Nuts.
02:18:09.000 Like, you have a couple more years.
02:18:10.000 We could still shoot one out.
02:18:11.000 I have...
02:18:14.000 I have my shits on ice, so I think I might have more time.
02:18:18.000 But you have to find someone that you would really raise a kid with.
02:18:20.000 It's a very different thing.
02:18:22.000 I have to find the perfect nanny.
02:18:24.000 It's hard to do.
02:18:25.000 I have a guy that I think is pretty A+. And if he's not, I'll just give the child to you.
02:18:31.000 You seem to be doing a pretty good job.
02:18:33.000 I'll raise him in the forest.
02:18:36.000 That's a very real fear.
02:18:38.000 I'm finally, for the first time, like, oh god.
02:18:40.000 Do I have to get my shit together on that?
02:18:41.000 But then I get super scared about this world.
02:18:43.000 I'm like, do I want to bring kids into this world?
02:18:45.000 Yeah, I have a bit about that, too.
02:18:46.000 Oh, yeah?
02:18:47.000 I'm like, oh, I wouldn't want to have kids today.
02:18:48.000 Yeah, why would you with all the books and medicine and shit?
02:18:51.000 People are shitting kids out in cave floors.
02:18:53.000 That's why we're here.
02:18:54.000 Are we going to have water in 20 years?
02:18:56.000 Yeah, we'll have water.
02:18:57.000 We're going to figure this out.
02:19:00.000 We're panicking, we're freaking out, but that's also why we correct things.
02:19:04.000 I think the technology, ingenuity, and I also think, as ironically as it seems, a guy like Donald Trump as president is going to really Activate people.
02:19:14.000 Agree.
02:19:14.000 They're gonna start moving in...
02:19:16.000 Look at this fucking women's march thing.
02:19:18.000 You're right, you're right.
02:19:18.000 A big part of that is having to grab the pussy president.
02:19:21.000 It had to get this bad in order for us to wake the fuck up because we're all zombie sleepwalkers.
02:19:26.000 He's the reason why those pussy hats that, by the way, whoever's making a windfall off those goddamn pussy hats, they should be thanking Donald.
02:19:33.000 There were people down there selling them.
02:19:34.000 No one knows how to make pussy hats like me.
02:19:37.000 What if he's behind the selling of that?
02:19:39.000 Yeah, no, it was amazing to see all the commercialization of it and everybody capitalizing on it.
02:19:43.000 And also, I think it's going to make us much more appreciative of the Environmental Protection Agency and then all the restrictions that Obama put in offshore drilling.
02:19:52.000 If anything goes wrong, because he's just opened up offshore drilling everywhere.
02:19:56.000 You know that, right?
02:19:57.000 Yeah.
02:19:57.000 Do you know what he's done?
02:19:58.000 Yes.
02:19:59.000 I mean, I know.
02:20:00.000 I've heard that.
02:20:00.000 He's done a lot of really crazy things with the environment and with state, with, you know, whether it's Bureau of Land Management areas or I don't know which organization.
02:20:13.000 There's definitely...
02:20:32.000 There was an earthquake in Delaware.
02:20:38.000 Well, there's earthquakes in Oklahoma all the time now that never used to happen.
02:20:41.000 And all that's directly attributed to fracking.
02:20:44.000 They're drilling these giant holes in the ground and pumping all this water in there and fluids and all this shit they use for fracking.
02:20:50.000 It's going to energize people and get people to understand that there's real consequences to just thinking about money.
02:20:59.000 Also, how ridiculous it is that a guy who has more money than he could ever fucking possibly spend is only thinking about money.
02:21:05.000 In his mind, he's thinking about America.
02:21:09.000 He's thinking about people prospering and getting jobs and this and that.
02:21:12.000 But clearly it's not just that.
02:21:15.000 Clearly there's some personal profit that's being extracted from all this.
02:21:19.000 Of course.
02:21:20.000 Yeah, it's like his people.
02:21:21.000 And look, I love Oprah, she's a delight, but for the left to go like, let's have Oprah be president.
02:21:27.000 How about NBC's Twitter page?
02:21:28.000 This is our president, capital letter, our president, Oprah.
02:21:33.000 Let's hire another celebrity who isn't qualified to be the president.
02:21:37.000 Oprah, I just want to tell everybody, do you guys remember the secret?
02:21:41.000 Remember the fucking secret?
02:21:42.000 Go back when Oprah was telling everybody, you can have anything you want, you just got to imagine it.
02:21:49.000 What?
02:21:49.000 What the fuck are we watching here?
02:21:52.000 It's not great to also be like, let's have this other celebrity be president.
02:21:57.000 She's a wonderful lady.
02:21:58.000 Wonderful.
02:21:59.000 I don't have any problem with Oprah, but I just think what we should have is someone who is extremely educated, who has incredibly nuanced and well-thought-out opinions on things, and someone who's got a really good grasp of what it takes to run a democracy.
02:22:15.000 Let's stop electing rich celebrities to run our country.
02:22:19.000 We tried it.
02:22:19.000 Didn't work.
02:22:19.000 Didn't work out so well.
02:22:21.000 Well, you know, maybe it worked out if you're an oil man.
02:22:23.000 Maybe it worked out if you're in the mining industry.
02:22:26.000 And then it's just tricky.
02:22:27.000 It's like the idea of being like, I don't think Oprah should be our next president.
02:22:30.000 It's like, well, you're sexist.
02:22:31.000 It's like, Jesus fucking Christ, you're racist.
02:22:33.000 No, I'm not.
02:22:33.000 It's like, we should be able to say we don't think certain people are qualified.
02:22:37.000 It's also crazy.
02:22:38.000 Stop yelling at me.
02:22:39.000 Do you read your comments on Instagram?
02:22:40.000 Should I just stop?
02:22:41.000 No.
02:22:41.000 You never do?
02:22:42.000 No.
02:22:43.000 Very, very rarely.
02:22:45.000 Sometimes I'll look in and I'll see someone that's a dick and I'll just block them.
02:22:48.000 It's like, what?
02:22:49.000 Because I try to engage and try to see what's going on, but the kind of shit is just too insane.
02:22:55.000 It's not worth it.
02:22:56.000 You just put out good things, try to be nice.
02:22:58.000 And is that a crazy person or is that a person that masquerades as being sane and then behind closed doors as crazy?
02:23:03.000 Could be both.
02:23:03.000 Mix of both.
02:23:04.000 Could be both.
02:23:05.000 Did you ever hear about that guy that got fired from Reddit and he was saying awful shit on Reddit and posting all these terrible things and they found out his personal identity?
02:23:14.000 And they went after him and then got him fired from his job and it devastated his life.
02:23:19.000 I think I was married with kids and the whole thing, his life completely fell apart.
02:23:21.000 Yeah.
02:23:22.000 People enjoy being a cunt anonymously.
02:23:25.000 They enjoy it.
02:23:26.000 One of the things that I found on Instagram, if someone says something really particularly heinous, you go to their page, they're almost always private.
02:23:32.000 They almost always have like a blocked page because they're cowards.
02:23:35.000 There's just a lot of like very deeply unhappy people that will lash out at anybody that's in the public spotlight, like you.
02:23:42.000 Especially a woman.
02:23:43.000 Crazy question.
02:23:44.000 Okay.
02:23:45.000 If a man, this happened to someone I know, if a man is engaging with relationships with other women on the internet as a character, is it cheating?
02:23:56.000 No.
02:23:57.000 It's just, he's having a character.
02:23:59.000 Roleplay?
02:24:00.000 Yeah.
02:24:01.000 Well, is he an artist?
02:24:02.000 Is he a writer?
02:24:03.000 No.
02:24:04.000 No.
02:24:05.000 Like in a, you know, just sort of pretty adrenaline-free job.
02:24:10.000 Yeah, he's probably fucking completely bored out of his mind, and it gives him a charge.
02:24:14.000 Is it like a video game?
02:24:15.000 Yeah.
02:24:15.000 Because I was like, this feels kind of like a video game.
02:24:17.000 In a little bit of a way it is.
02:24:19.000 It's role-playing.
02:24:20.000 Yeah.
02:24:21.000 You know, it's like a simulation, right?
02:24:23.000 In a little of a way it's just being deceptive.
02:24:25.000 Right.
02:24:25.000 Maybe it's fantasy.
02:24:26.000 Right.
02:24:26.000 He wishes he was someone different.
02:24:28.000 Mm-hmm.
02:24:28.000 Yeah.
02:24:29.000 If your wife is online as a different person engaging with men...
02:24:35.000 Sending pictures of her own pussy.
02:24:36.000 Ugh.
02:24:37.000 That's when it gets weird.
02:24:38.000 Dicey.
02:24:39.000 Right.
02:24:39.000 Pussy flying through the air.
02:24:41.000 Ha ha ha!
02:24:44.000 Literally.
02:24:44.000 You know who's here?
02:24:46.000 This is what's going to win.
02:24:47.000 Fleshlights.
02:24:47.000 I wonder if the sale of fleshlights is going to go up.
02:24:51.000 Robots.
02:24:51.000 That's what's going to win.
02:24:52.000 Sex robots.
02:24:53.000 Sex robots.
02:24:54.000 Totally agree.
02:24:55.000 They're closing in.
02:24:56.000 But to your point about the...
02:24:57.000 Do you think that that also works the muscle of dehumanizing?
02:25:00.000 Yes.
02:25:00.000 Yeah.
02:25:01.000 Yeah.
02:25:01.000 And also changes your reward system.
02:25:03.000 Like instead of like learning to be an interesting charismatic person who's caring and kind and reaping the rewards of real relationships with people that care about you and you care about them and understanding real true love.
02:25:15.000 Right.
02:25:15.000 Instead of that, you're fucking this robot.
02:25:17.000 I cannot, like, is it cheating if he fucks a robot?
02:25:19.000 Like, I can't have that fight.
02:25:21.000 I can't.
02:25:21.000 I can't do it.
02:25:23.000 Did you fuck the robot or not?
02:25:25.000 I can't have that fight.
02:25:27.000 I can't do this.
02:25:29.000 What do you do about that?
02:25:30.000 What do we do?
02:25:31.000 Did you fuck the robot?
02:25:31.000 Tell me the truth.
02:25:32.000 Look me in the eye and tell me you didn't fuck Siri.
02:25:34.000 What do we do?
02:25:34.000 I can't.
02:25:35.000 Is a robot bad, but a fleshlight okay?
02:25:38.000 Yeah, because there's no head, I guess.
02:25:41.000 If there's eyeballs, it gets very dicey.
02:25:44.000 Is the robot skinnier than me?
02:25:48.000 Is she prettier than me?
02:25:50.000 I just want to make sure the robots have wrinkles, couple crows feet.
02:25:53.000 Giant anime eyes.
02:25:55.000 Yes, I don't want them being too...
02:25:56.000 We've got to make sure these robots...
02:25:57.000 You see your dick, they faint.
02:25:58.000 They giggle.
02:25:59.000 They laugh at your bad jokes.
02:26:02.000 We have to make sure these robots aren't too pretty.
02:26:04.000 They've got to be ugly.
02:26:05.000 It's not going to happen.
02:26:06.000 They're going to be hot as fuck.
02:26:07.000 They're going to be perfect.
02:26:08.000 I don't like this one bit.
02:26:10.000 You posted that thing of that robot jumping.
02:26:12.000 How crazy is that?
02:26:13.000 Did you fucking see that?
02:26:14.000 How crazy is that?
02:26:15.000 There's so many of them.
02:26:17.000 Did you ever see that episode of Black Mirror?
02:26:19.000 Called Metalhead?
02:26:21.000 Is that what it's called?
02:26:22.000 I haven't seen the new one.
02:26:23.000 Oh my god.
02:26:23.000 The new season of Black Mirror is fucking insane.
02:26:27.000 And one of the episodes has a bunch of robots that are going after people and it's called Metalhead.
02:26:32.000 I don't want to say anymore.
02:26:34.000 It's terrifying because it's very realistic.
02:26:37.000 Incredibly realistic and probably represents something that's going to exist in the future.
02:26:41.000 Or maybe it's going to go the other way.
02:26:42.000 I'm going to be like, baby, can you just fuck the robot tonight?
02:26:44.000 Maybe.
02:26:45.000 I'm tired.
02:26:45.000 That's when you know it's over.
02:26:46.000 I just ate too much.
02:26:47.000 Send him over to the robot because you've got lasagna in your stomach.
02:26:50.000 Please don't impale my lasagna.
02:26:53.000 Maybe you'll allow him to fuck robots, but the robot has to look exactly like you.
02:26:59.000 You have a spare.
02:27:00.000 The problem is that we'd get the robot, we'd order it, it would come in and be like, is that what I look like?
02:27:04.000 I have two dysmorphic.
02:27:06.000 And you'd put your hand up and just like a mirror, it would put its hand up and you'd both like move perfectly in sync.
02:27:12.000 It would be a nightmare.
02:27:13.000 It would have to age with me though.
02:27:14.000 It would have to age.
02:27:15.000 It would have to get older when I get older.
02:27:17.000 It'd have to get wrinkles and gray hairs and shit.
02:27:19.000 You'd take it outside and drag it through the dirt.
02:27:21.000 Of course they're all Asian.
02:27:23.000 Did you see the woman Grace Wu at the march?
02:27:25.000 Hello.
02:27:27.000 Hello?
02:27:27.000 Oh, is that a dick?
02:27:29.000 I've never seen one.
02:27:30.000 I'm getting lightheaded.
02:27:31.000 I can't do that.
02:27:33.000 No, I didn't see a woman at the march.
02:27:35.000 There was an actress named Grace Wu who talked about sort of the fetishization of Asian women.
02:27:44.000 Well, get over it, bitch.
02:27:45.000 She's just bragging.
02:27:46.000 That's what she's doing.
02:27:47.000 She's bragging.
02:27:47.000 Oh, everybody just wants to fuck and I'm so tired.
02:27:50.000 That's my thing of fucking free the nipple.
02:27:52.000 I'm like, only girls with great tits want to free the nipple.
02:27:56.000 Now you're just bragging.
02:27:58.000 Got those leather tits.
02:27:59.000 No women in their 40s are like, let's free the nipple.
02:28:01.000 It's all like hot chicks.
02:28:03.000 I see what they're doing.
02:28:04.000 Yeah, I don't want to free the nipple.
02:28:06.000 Wendy Cummings, let's wrap this up.
02:28:07.000 When's your movie out?
02:28:08.000 It's out, February 9th, The Female Brain.
02:28:11.000 It's about all of this shit.
02:28:12.000 Yeah.
02:28:12.000 Yeah, it's about all of this sort of stuff.
02:28:14.000 And where would it be?
02:28:15.000 It's going to be in movie theaters, and then it's going to be in VOD. It's got Blake Griffin, Will Sasso is in it.
02:28:21.000 Yeah, Neil Brennan is in it.
02:28:23.000 Will Sasso's hilarious.
02:28:24.000 Hilarious!
02:28:25.000 Funny dude.
02:28:25.000 I gotta get him in here.
02:28:26.000 He has a scene with Blake Griffin where he plays his physical therapist and it's fucking hysterical.
02:28:33.000 I could not cut it.
02:28:34.000 It's really great.
02:28:36.000 Whitney Cummings, ladies and gentlemen!
02:28:38.000 Give her a big e-hug.
02:28:41.000 Oy!
02:28:42.000 Oh god.