Comedian and writer Joe Scarborough joins Jemele to discuss his life and career. They talk about what it's like to be a stand-up comedian, how he got into the business, and what it s like being a writer. They also talk about drugs and alcohol, and how they ve been introduced to each other over the years. It's a fun, lighthearted conversation between two friends who have a lot in common: they're both funny, smart, and have a good sense of humor. It was a lot of fun and I hope you enjoy it as much as we did making it. Thank you so much to Joe Scarborough for coming on the pod and being a part of this conversation. He's one of the funniest people I've ever met and I can't wait to see what he has to say in the future! Tweet me if you liked this episode and what you think of it! Timestamps: 1:00:00 - What's your favorite part about Joe Scarborough? 4:30 - What does it take to be funny and smart? 6:20 - How does he feel about drugs? 7:00 8:15 - Does he have a problem with cocaine? 9:40 - How much money does he make? 11:00- What does he drink? 12:00 | How often does he smoke it? 13:30 16:30 | What is his favorite kind of cocaine 14: What is the worst thing he's ever done? 15:00 // 16: What s his favorite thing to do? 17:15 | How much does he like to eat? 18:15 19:40 | What do you like to do to relax? 21:40 22:20 | What s your favorite thing? 26:30 Do you like a good night out? 27:20 28:30 Is it hard to have fun? 29:30 What s a good day? 31:30 Can you tell me what you're going to do in a good place? 32:00 Do you feel less than? 35:30 Are you have a weakness? 33:00 Are you overconfident? 36:40 Do you need to be less than less than someone else? 37:10 39:00 Is it more than a little bit more confident?
00:00:33.000You're one of the few people I follow on Instagram.
00:00:35.000And I've said it on the previous show.
00:00:37.000I just love to look at your life because I'm like, fuck, he's doing everything he wants and nothing I'd ever want to do, but fuck, he goes to the hill.
00:00:44.000And not in a judgy way of like, he shouldn't be doing that, but just like, you know, I've said, you live a man's life.
00:00:50.000I live a boy's life as a 47-year-old man.
00:00:53.000So you do things like you got a float tank.
00:01:09.000I guess the point is, I know you're busy as fuck, and I know sometimes I get very busy as fuck, but I think we only don't do this because of how busy we are.
00:01:24.000No, that's all it is for me, for sure.
00:01:26.000For me, I'm like, fuck, I could do that once a week because I'd walk away.
00:01:29.000I always walk away with a real like, I've never done cocaine, but I imagine it's what it's like to do a line of cocaine off, I don't know, somebody beautiful or something like that.
00:02:25.000Those of us who try to be funny in this business and those who have been insanely successful and become icons, they always have, you know, and then they did blow for hours and blah, blah, blah.
00:02:36.000Do you ever feel like, oh, that's not part of my matrix, hence I must not be one of the greats?
00:05:23.000I think 2009. It was in two years of the big bang.
00:05:28.000When I jumped in, it was Leo Laporte doing This Week in Tech, and I think he still does that.
00:05:36.000And the Happy Tree Friends, and that was like the Apple Podcast Top 5. And then me and Scott started with Smodcast, and then later on we added a bunch of stuff.
00:05:46.000But getting in within the first two years, we happened, and then right on the heels of us, Adam was on the radio, and then the radio job went away.
00:05:56.000What year was that where Adam went to podcasting?
00:05:59.000If we started Smodcast 2007, we start February 2007. Either he loses the radio gig in 2007 and moves to podcast, or it happens in 2008. But it was...
00:06:40.000I always like talking to him at K-Rock.
00:06:42.000When you go to K-Rock, that's how our friendship began.
00:06:44.000You sit there doing the show and then afterwards, like I was a cigarette smoker in those days, and we'd sit there out in the parking lot and smoke.
00:06:51.000And Slowly, like, I remember I came in once to K-Rock, just announced, like, hey, I've rented a theater on Santa Monica Boulevard, and we're calling it Smodcast, and we're the world's first live podcasting theater, and we're going to do podcasts there and stuff.
00:07:27.000So, we recorded a demo for the show, gave it to his bosses, and his bosses were like, nobody wants to listen to people talk on the radio anymore.
00:07:34.000And so it died there, just like how years ago things died when you couldn't get past a gatekeeper who was like, we don't want your shit.
00:07:43.000Was this after the talk radio station in LA went under?
00:08:18.000And then months later when I was in there going like, yeah, I'm opening this podcast theater.
00:08:23.000Afterwards, in the parking lot, grabbing the post-show smoke, Ralph was just like, hey, would you ever want to try that radio show at that theater?
00:11:27.000Anyway, Matt and Macaulay do a podcast called Bunny Ears.
00:11:31.000And so Matt Cohen was the guy that I had opened Smodcastle with.
00:11:35.000Like, I was the guy going, I wish I had a black box theater.
00:11:37.000And Matt went out and found it and stuff.
00:11:39.000So we kept it open for like one year and then let it go because...
00:11:42.000What had happened was, like, the Babble show sold so well so quickly all the time that it became clear, like, we could move this to a bigger theater.
00:12:14.000And now we do it on the road quite a bit and stuff.
00:12:18.000That Lovett's place is always weird, right?
00:12:19.000Because the people were way above your head.
00:12:21.000They were like one level here and one level way up there.
00:12:23.000It was B.B. King's originally, back in the day.
00:12:27.000So it was like a jazz club where you wouldn't mind looking down at the acts, but for a podcast, and with a guy with a fucking bald spot, it was nerve-wracking, because how am I supposed to be funny knowing they're staring down at me judging my bald spot?
00:12:40.000Yeah, we did some comedy shows there, and it was great, but it was odd, because you did have to go straighten up and straighten up.
00:12:47.000Let me just jump off topic real quick.
00:12:50.000Was it The Times you were featured in for being like the source for news?
00:12:57.000It's this thing that these guys are calling something the intellectual dark web.
00:13:03.000And they've connected a bunch of people together.
00:13:06.000That are interesting people that don't follow the standard...
00:13:24.000He just gets a kick out of it, I think.
00:13:26.000But essentially the piece was about how you are doing media that...
00:13:33.000Well, it's really more about the rise of certain intellectuals that are very controversial, like Jordan Peterson and Sam Harris and all the debate about them.
00:13:41.000I'm just someone who they get a chance to talk to for three hours in a pretty well...
00:13:52.000There's a lot of people that are going to listen to these conversations and they go, well, why haven't I heard people talk like this before?
00:13:58.000Why haven't I heard about the idea of determinism versus free will?
00:14:02.000Why haven't I heard like- Last time we were here, we talked about the universal monetary, everybody starts with a salary.
00:14:16.000And then the more I thought about it, whenever I just immediately dismiss something, I always have to go, okay, why am I immediately dismissing it?
00:15:02.000So I said, okay, let me really examine this.
00:15:07.000The real issue, I think, is going to be automation and artificial intelligence.
00:15:12.000I think it's going to remove a tremendous amount of jobs.
00:15:17.000I think automation in terms of car driving and different functions, once they get better at robotics and being able to do things, then people will be less and less necessary.
00:15:29.000They have a real problem, they think, with cars, with the number of males that drive cars.
00:15:36.000It's in the millions for a job, and that they would all almost instantly be out of work if they ever get these automated cars down.
00:15:45.000I mean, since we're a culture that believes in technology, one's inclined to believe, oh, they will get these self-driving vehicles down to a science.
00:16:42.000There's a fucking robot that DARPA created, and it's called the Eater Robot, E-A-T-R. And it can fucking fuel itself with biological material.
00:17:53.000Because it's going to kill people, right?
00:17:55.000It's going to be sent there as a military machine.
00:17:56.000And then it's just like, even though I have killed your loved one, watch in horror as I consume its flesh and power me further to kill you next.
00:18:07.000I defaulted to a pretty bad and kind of stereotypical, and one might even say racist robot voice.
00:18:38.000I mean, that, if that was in the Eater robot...
00:18:41.000Would that scare you more or would it scare you more if there were like the Eater robot, its head is full of hypodermic needles, each one more toxic than the last and infectable at a moment's touch?
00:20:46.000And he got up in the middle of the night, cooked himself a meal, ate it, went to sleep, got up in the morning, and had no recollection of it.
00:21:11.000I hate to be this guy, but during that meal at any point, did he...
00:21:19.000It's a spooky story to be like, I took Ambien and I made myself some food.
00:21:25.000It's an even spookier story to be like, I took Ambien and I fucking killed somebody.
00:21:28.000But it's a stretch to be like, I took Ambien and I said something I would never say in a million years.
00:21:35.000It heartens me To hear you say that she said that she wasn't aware of the ladies' race.
00:22:35.000And then she got that sitcom, and it's absolutely one of the greatest sitcoms of all time.
00:22:40.000But now she's 65 years old, and it's fucking hard for her.
00:22:44.000And that schedule, she was telling me, was absolutely brutal.
00:22:47.000They were killing her with all the work.
00:22:51.000I don't know her very well, but I do know there was another time where she said something about Susan Rice, who is another African-American woman, and she said something about her and compared her to...
00:23:56.000You know, if you said that the other lady looked like Planet of the Apes just because of her haircut, because she looks like the lead woman.
00:24:27.000That was the part of the story that, again, I have no skin in the game other than I watched the old Roseanne and I was enjoying the new Roseanne as well.
00:24:36.000But I came home from, like, I was in Vegas the other day and I flew home yesterday morning and then I had a meeting over at the studios, like, at noon.
00:25:42.000I've read a lot of articles online where people are like, hey man, ABC didn't own the show, so of course they didn't have as much skin in the game, so it was easy for them to cancel it.
00:25:51.000Would they have canceled it as fast if they owned the show?
00:25:53.000You can make a bunch of caveats, but at the end of the day...
00:25:58.000Something bad happened and then the network reacted.
00:26:01.000A major company, a major corporation reacted and acted.
00:26:06.000Do you think what they did is the right way to handle it?
00:28:56.000It's like the serpent in the rainbow, man.
00:28:58.000You become zombified and you're like, I'm not dead.
00:29:00.000You're Bill Pullman in a fucking casket.
00:29:02.000Well, there was a guy that got pulled over a few years back who was famous.
00:29:07.000And I forget what he said something about like I got to get to the dance or something like that and the cops are like what the fuck are you talking about?
00:29:14.000And they realized like he was kind of out of it and then after it was over it was revealed that he had been on Ambien and that he had gotten in his car and really had no idea what the fuck.
00:29:23.000He didn't even know he was talking to cops.
00:29:24.000Like literally the guy was in a dream.
00:29:31.000I fell asleep on the couch watching TV. And before my brother had lost his fucking wallet at a school dance, and my mother was like, I'll drive you up there and try to find it.
00:29:40.000And my father would get up for work at about 9 o'clock at night and then head to work at 10 o'clock.
00:29:44.000And I think he started work at 11 o'clock at night.
00:29:46.000He worked at the post office canceling fucking stamps.
00:29:51.000So my mom tells me that and I fall asleep on the couch watching like fucking Dynasty or some sort of shit.
00:31:21.000Well, even better, there's no stories of people that took Ambien and, you know, became addicted to it and became some sort of a – where is there?
00:34:39.000And for many people, I think it fucking works.
00:34:41.000At the end of the day, it's not like, she took Ambien and that makes her bad.
00:34:44.000Like, no, it's that she fucking tweeted what she did.
00:34:47.000And it's like, if you think for a second that if in using this drug, which I need to go to sleep because I'm a late 60s woman and I need my rest or whatever...
00:35:00.000Mercifully I've never suffered from a lack of sleep, but I know people who have and it's fucking mind-bending itself.
00:35:05.000But if you know you have to do that, and you know there's the slightest chance that You could become somebody else or say things that are not in your character.
00:35:15.000Give up your fucking social media, man.
00:35:18.000I don't think she probably realized that she was obviously going to do that.
00:35:22.000I think she had tweeted ridiculous shit in the past before and it flew under the radar and nobody cared.
00:35:29.000What's fascinating to me about it and what's positive to me about it is that we have, our culture has like a fucking zero tolerance for racism now.
00:35:51.000With the spread of the internet, we're going into, like, 50 years from now, 60 years from now, racism could be seen as the ridiculous idea that it is.
00:36:00.000Racism could be seen the way someone like you looks at it, or someone like Jamie.
00:36:10.000Yeah, the distrust and hate for specific gigantic general groups of people, like Asians or blacks or whatever, and the disparaging ideas that you have about a race.
00:36:28.000Just because a person's from a specific part of the world.
00:36:32.000That shit has got to be a thing of the past.
00:36:51.000I'm not saying, like, yay, California, fuck the rest of the world, or fuck the rest of the country, but I will say this.
00:36:57.000Everyone here lives fairly multiculturally, and there doesn't seem to be...
00:37:01.000I mean, granted, in this area of the state, perhaps it's different elsewhere, but it feels, I'm not going to say utopian, but it feels like people get along out here.
00:37:12.000Even if it's a plastic get-along, it's still...
00:38:03.000This was explained to me in high school why the Electoral College was necessary.
00:38:07.000And even then I was like, Yeah, but one person, one vote kind of makes more sense, no?
00:38:13.000Both you and I know jack shit about politics.
00:38:16.000This makes this journey of words very difficult.
00:38:20.000Some where people are bleeding from their ears going, fucking idiots!
00:38:23.000But the checks and balances that are in play, like the representative government, is what keeps someone from just like running through the whole thing.
00:38:28.000And we get a little bit of a test to it by like Trump.
00:39:52.000But he easily could have been with that person by the flight's end.
00:39:58.000And it was just, as I sat there watching it going like, I've had to make up for a deficit my whole life and be like, here, here's some funny things.
00:40:05.000And hey, I saw Star Wars and talk about all this other shit to try to trick somebody into fucking me.
00:40:10.000This guy just like sits down on the plane and was like, what's up?
00:40:58.000Kifaru, K-I-F-A-R-U. It's a company that he works for that makes really high-end hunting and hiking backpacks and military backpacks, and he does a podcast through them.
00:41:21.000Like, there was nothing about him that instantly, I mean, he was definitely very macho, but there was nothing about his thing that was like, I'm a guy's guy.
00:41:32.000Like, honestly, that flight attendant probably could have been a guy, and if Aaron was just as interested in short-range bow hunting, he would have landed that guy as well.
00:41:40.000Like, he was very, I don't know, it was good.
00:41:42.000Like, when he said, I do a podcast too, it made sense.
00:42:08.000He's another guy who's ex-military too.
00:42:10.000It's a lot of these ex-military guys that get really into bow hunting because they find it very difficult and a physical challenge and it's nerve-wracking and it's hard to keep your cool under pressure.
00:42:21.000And for a lot of guys who they go from the military and maybe do a few tours overseas and come back to...
00:42:28.000The mainland and just have a real issue with being just not stimulated enough and you feel detached and you don't feel like you're involved in anything that's got like a high adrenaline threshold and for a lot of these guys bow hunting is very therapeutic.
00:42:44.000So is that an issue when people come back The issue I always hear about, of course, is PTSD. But that sounds like the opposite.
00:42:52.000Like somebody who's like, I was there for the rush and now the real world offers, like that's that move, Hurt Locker.
00:42:58.000Not even necessarily that they were, yeah, like Hurt Locker.
00:43:01.000Not even necessarily that they're there for the rush, but that once they experience that rush, you know, gotta bring this book up too much.
00:43:09.000But Sebastian Junger wrote a book called Tribe, and it's all about this.
00:43:13.000And it's about these guys coming back from war and trying to Just sort of assimilate and having a really difficult time and how so many of them talk about when they were over there they had a purpose and that the life was intensified and cranked up to 10 and the highs were the highest and the lows were the lowest and they come back here and everything's just too flat.
00:43:33.000It's just really hard for them to adjust and they feel disconnected from their community and they long to go back.
00:43:40.000And that's why a lot of them keep signing up and going back.
00:43:42.000And they feel that that life at the tip of the spear is actually more satisfying, more rewarding.
00:49:47.000And he goes, because in 80% of cases of 100% occlusion, the patient always dies.
00:49:53.000He's going, but you're going to be in the 20% because I'm really good at my job.
00:49:56.000And he fucking disappeared into my crotch, went up my groin, through my femoral artery, and fucking went up into my heart and put a stent in that LAD. And the moment he opened up, he goes, I'm going to open it up now.
00:50:07.000And he showed me what it was, tiny little mesh wire thing.
00:53:21.000When you call paramedics, fire department comes as well.
00:53:25.000So, they're looking at me, because I'm sitting in the chair with my arms up, and some of them were young, four of them were young, and they looked at me like, why is Silent Bob celebrating a fucking touchdown?
00:53:35.000All of a sudden, the medics came in, and there was a guy and a girl, and the guy puts a cuff on me, he goes, how you doing, man?
00:53:41.000I was like, good, I just can't really catch my breath.
00:53:44.000And he goes, well, we're going to look at you right now and put this cuff on you.
00:53:49.000I said, oh yeah, I know how to do this.
00:53:50.000And then the girl looked like a fishing tackle box.
00:53:54.000Had a bunch of leads, wires coming out of it and shit.
00:53:57.000She put that down as a heart monitor thing.
00:53:58.000You know, they get your fucking blood pressure, all that shit on one arm, then the other thing they put on your chest to monitor what's going on inside.
00:54:05.000So she's like, I've got to put these wires on you.
00:54:08.000And I'm sitting in the chair, and this is 40 pounds ago.
00:54:11.000And sitting is no good angle for a fucking fat guy to begin with and shit like that.
00:54:15.000So she just yanks my fucking hockey shirt and my undershirt up, and every titty I have falls out of my fucking shirt in front of these people.
00:54:24.000And there's a room full of people, and I'm like, holy fucking shit!
00:54:44.000And I was like, just use my nipples as guideposts.
00:54:46.000Like, you know, I've spent all of my life trying to hide my fucking fat.
00:54:51.000And when your life is in danger, I've never been in that situation, but when your life is in danger, nobody gives a fuck about your fucking ego and shit like that.
00:55:00.000So they looked at their info and they realized, I guess, what was going on.
00:55:03.000They were like, we're going to take you to the hospital just to be safe.
00:55:22.000So if this turns into the opening five minutes of Hollywood Babylon, where I'm like, they took me to the hospital and it turned out I was just too fucking high.
00:55:30.000Life's great when you're a podcaster because there's no such thing as fucking bad news anymore.
00:55:35.000Like, it can hit you on the level of like, oh shit, that's unfortunate.
00:55:38.000But right away, you repurpose it into like, alright, well, I got something to talk about.
00:55:42.000And this latest setback is just the longest, is just a momentary chapter in the long story you're fucking telling.
00:55:49.000So I was happy to go to the hospital, not because I was like, I think I'm dying, but because I was like, alright, fucking I'll have a story to tell after this.
00:55:58.000I got to the hospital, like Dr. Leidenheim, he's the guy who's now my cardiologist, they pulled me into the ER and he's like, hi, how are you?
00:56:32.000I gotta find these kids and give them a hug one day.
00:56:35.000On the call sheet, because we were shooting that night, on the call sheet was a different hospital.
00:56:39.000But they took me to Glendale Adventist because they knew that I was having a cardiac episode.
00:56:47.000And that's shy of one hospital in New York Glendale Adventist is one of the best cardiology wings in the United States of America.
00:56:56.000So I happen to be in the right fucking place at the right time.
00:56:59.000We were supposed to shoot my comedy special at the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville.
00:57:03.000It wound up being shot instead at the Alex in Glendale and stuff.
00:57:08.000And if I hadn't been doing the show there, who fucking knows, man?
00:57:12.000I've gone to a hospital, but I probably might have fucking died.
00:57:15.000Because Homeboy told me when he went up the heart, when I was in the operating room, and he told me, like, they call that the Widowmaker and shit.
00:57:23.00080%, 80-20, I sat there going, like, these are the weirdest odds I've ever had in my life.
00:57:27.000I figure, like, look, you leave the house, it's 50-50, you're gonna fucking drop dead, right?
00:57:32.000You get hit by a car, struck by lightning, you trip over a fucking dog, and then the dog bites your jugular, and you fucking bleed out.
00:57:37.000You're like, but I always loved dogs, and you die, ironically.
00:57:46.000First time I'd ever had that kind of thought.
00:57:48.000And in my head, I had to cognitively reframe it and go, You don't know.
00:57:53.000You might have been close to death so many fucking times in your life.
00:57:57.000There might have been like a psycho behind you with a fucking knife and then all of a sudden you got a cell phone call and forgot about you or something like that.
00:58:16.000After they told me that I was having a heart attack and that they had to get up me fast and stuff.
00:58:20.000So they're holding up a phone, and I see it, and that's the first time it crystallized where I was like, oh, these people think I'm going to die.
00:58:28.000Like, I didn't, I was in no pain whatsoever.
00:59:57.000Well, years later they did, but when we were kids they didn't because how can you have a commercial and sell your product for 59 cents a box?
01:00:51.000They were like, hey, we can take this and fuck it up and turn it into something edible and shit like that, not knowing it would block our arteries.
01:02:44.000Yeah, I was doing a bit of that, which they've since told me is not good because you're supposed to distribute the juice of whatever with the fiber while eating the fruit and stuff.
01:05:25.000And then you realize you don't like potatoes as much as you like butter and salt and milk and everything that goes into mashed potatoes and stuff.
01:05:35.000There's a sense of satiety because potatoes have some girth to them and stuff, but they're mostly water, so it's an excellent diuretic, so you're pissing like a fucking racehorse, and that's dropping weight, like the more water out of your body.
01:05:45.000There's some good vitamins in the skin as well.
01:05:49.000Vitamin C. But some people, like when I was telling them, you know, the moment you tell people what you're doing, you know, everyone's got their fucking advice about how to diet and shit, and when I was talking about, I'm doing this potato diet, people, you can't eat potatoes?
01:09:16.000That's where I met Ray to talk about the diet.
01:09:20.000Yeah, they have some killer fucking pancakes, man.
01:09:23.000I don't know what they're doing, what kind of voodoo they're doing to make a vegan pancake tastes that good.
01:09:27.000In New York, they got a place in Brooklyn called Champ's Diner, which is also like all...
01:09:31.000It's not plant-based vegan food, but they do comfort food, like you can get an Impossible Burger or Beyond Burger, or you're eating meatballs, and you think about it, you're like, alright, the bread is most of it, the sauce is the next biggest part.
01:09:46.000And meatballs themselves aren't really that packed with meat.
01:09:48.000It's much more breading than fucking meat and stuff.
01:09:50.000So all you have to do is find something that'll stand in for the fucking meat.
01:09:54.000Drench it in fucking marinara sauce and put it in between a nice soft roll.
01:09:57.000And they use like ricotta, like cashew ricotta to like kind of finish it off.
01:11:36.000Like, you know, I don't know if you ever pull, like, fucking grit off your teeth after you've eaten or something like that, compacted.
01:11:42.000You know, that's plaque, technically, I guess.
01:11:45.000But that's the kind of shit that's up in your veins.
01:11:48.000When that shit gets hard, it gets super hard.
01:11:50.000Like the cholesterol that was blocking up my LAD, my man had to drill through it to get the stent in there.
01:11:57.000And you keep that cholesterol forever?
01:11:58.000Now, I can't say that 100%, but that's the way it was communicated to me because I thought, I was like, this magic drug will eat up the cholesterol.
01:12:04.000He goes, no, we have to be very careful with the cholesterol because it moves throughout your system.
01:12:08.000So I guess maybe eventually it moves out of your system, but if it's in your blood system, right, there's a chance that it goes up near your brain eventually.
01:12:16.000So maybe that's what they're trying to keep that shit.
01:12:18.000Yeah, both idiots talking about medical stuff.
01:12:20.000I know, but that's what it's all about.
01:12:21.000You can't be an expert on everything, Joe.
01:12:24.000Sometimes you have to take shots in the dark.
01:15:17.000Like, I watched my kid go through it where I'm like, you have no choices.
01:15:20.000You're really limited to the places you can go in life and go out to eat.
01:15:24.000But if it's a choice between winding up in the fucking emergency room again and, you know, eating whatever I want to eat, which is what I did for 47 years and then wound up nearly fucking dying, closest I ever came to death, I'm okay to go plant-based for a while.
01:15:39.000Like, I told the kid, I'm doing it for at least a year and if I can live like this, I'll keep going.
01:15:43.000So you cut out milk, cheese, animal products, and sugar?
01:16:52.000You're like the adrenaline junkies who have kind of raised their level, and so it's not enough for you to just sit in one place.
01:17:00.000Like, you could do this, and it's shocking that you'll do it for three hours, but then after this, you probably do something like Razzle a Bear, I don't do any of those things, but I run hills.
01:17:25.000Because you're supposed to be in a meditative state where you're just pushing yourself at a certain pace.
01:17:30.000And when you're listening to something, especially something cool, it distracts you to the point where you hear how heavy you're breathing, but you don't think negatively about it.
01:17:37.000Because you're thinking about whatever the music you're listening to is.
01:17:40.000It's really interesting because it's a nice trick.
01:17:43.000Because you can actually work harder and not be bothered by it.
01:17:47.000Because you're so tuned into the music that you're listening to or whatever it is you're really captivated with that you can keep pushing.
01:17:54.000But most of the time I like to do it where I don't hear shit.
01:17:58.000I just hear the pounding of my footsteps and my breathing.
01:18:01.000And also I have a logical fear of mountain lions.
01:18:18.000At first they tried to get big because I go to a place called Canyon Ranch with the wife in Arizona.
01:18:26.000And there's like one trail where they have a sign right at the gate that's like, you know, mountain lion area.
01:18:31.000And it's got one of those little like graphic tutorials on what you're supposed to do with your body if you encounter a mountain lion.
01:18:37.000And, you know, you're supposed to big up like the way they're like, hey, man, if a bear is charging at you, you fucking big up at it or some such shit.
01:18:59.000The one guy, his friend got bit and dragged and then he took off like he was gonna get help or I don't know what he was gonna do and the mountain lion said fuck this guy I'm gonna go after you now and chased him.
01:20:59.000And so I locked myself in a bedroom with this kitten and just brought a stack of books.
01:21:04.000Put a mattress in there, brought a stack of books, just hung out with this cat.
01:21:08.000And every time I'd get near this cat, the cat would freak out and hiss at me and jump on the curtains and fucking literally like climb the blinds, screaming and hissing.
01:21:16.000And then I finally would get my hands on him and he would immediately start purring and giving in.
01:21:21.000Because once he realized I wasn't trying to eat him, that I was his friend, I would pet him and he would purr louder than any cat would purr.
01:24:47.000It's just some horrible neurological disease that dogs get.
01:24:51.000And if they don't get the right shots when they're young, they can get this, and there's a bunch of different horrible reactions, and it's fatal.
01:24:59.000So I had to take him to the vet, and the vet was like, there's really nothing we could do with him.
01:26:55.000And he goes, you don't have to see them in court every week for a year over and over again while they're just trying to take money from you and lying about what you've done so they can get more money from you.
01:27:06.000He went through a bad one, and I believe some of his friends went through real bad ones, too.
01:29:22.000So we went to the pet shop, tried to find a yellow lab, and we found this dog that was blonde like a yellow lab, and they were marketing it as a yellow lab, but she'd been left behind.
01:29:32.000All the other puppies had gone, and she'd been there perhaps a little too long.
01:29:36.000Like, you know, she wasn't a dog yet, but she was fucking on the, you know, what was the Britney Spears song?
01:33:06.000The last two years of Scully's life, almost as a rehearsal for Mulder, they're yellow labs, so what usually goes first is the hips and the back legs.
01:33:15.000So Scully's back legs went, she just, the rest of her body could work, but she was literally dragging her carcass.
01:34:18.000Mulder would run after and she would just chase Mulder and try to bite his back legs to prevent him from doing it because she wasn't nearly as fast.
01:35:28.000And it's not, you know, it sounds fucking cruel or sick, but...
01:35:32.000It was just a reminder because every once in a while, I knew eventually that we would have to put him down.
01:35:38.000It's such a weird relationship where one day you're like, I love you to death and I love you so much I have to fucking kill you.
01:35:44.000So I had that video on my phone for the longest time so that when, in the wee small hours of the morning, I would wake up and be like, you killed your best fucking friend.
01:35:53.000I could watch that video and be like, you had to.
01:36:16.000And so, like Dr. Kumar, who's our vet, was scheduled to come over and that last fucking hour was probably hands down the most difficult hour of my life, man, because we all knew what was coming.
01:36:30.000And you're programmed to stop that at all costs.
01:36:34.000You're programmed to keep people around, keep yourself around.
01:36:39.000And yet, like, we were just all sitting there loving on him, knowing that, like, by the time Dr. Kumar gets here, it's all done.
01:45:17.000But those females, man, they would fight all the fucking time.
01:45:20.000And they would fight whenever one of them, when someone would come over to get They got in a big fight once because the pool guy came over and the pool guy was like, hey, what's up kids?
01:45:30.000And he pet one of the dogs and didn't pet the other one.
01:45:33.000And so they started going after each other like, fuck you, no fuck you.
01:45:37.000And you know, I get this call, hey man, your dogs are about to fuck each other up over the pool guy.
01:45:47.000We were keeping them separate with Gates, but somebody turned her back and the two wound up in the same space and fucking went at it.
01:45:57.000And so one dog's way bigger than the other, and so the big dog picked the little dog up by her hind quarters and was like, shaking it like a dog shakes a toy.
01:46:07.000But meanwhile, Shecky is the little one.
01:46:09.000She has no Napoleon complex, so she's got no idea of like, you're bigger than me.
01:46:16.000The dog, as Marty is swinging Shecky, the little dog, the little dog is swinging from side to side, biting her, and then swinging to the other side and biting her.
01:46:26.000Like, I imagine if somebody bit me in the ass and shook me from side to side, I'd be like, you win.
01:46:31.000But this dog was just like, from fucking hell's heart, I stab at thee.
01:46:36.000She kept trying to go right back at her.
01:46:38.000So when I came home, it was fucking heartbreaking, because I'd heard they got in a fight, and my daughter was like, she's got stitches and stuff.
01:46:45.000So I was prepared for stitches, but when I got home...
01:47:02.000She knew she got in trouble because Jennifer put her into what we call chicken's prisons, the other side of the gate where you lured dogs in with chicken and then you're locked in the bathroom.
01:47:12.000You can still see everybody else, but there's a gate keeping you on that side of the room.
01:53:10.000Yeah, but alright, but let's say, like, Shucky I've had for 13 years.
01:53:14.000Over 13 years, this little dog knows, like, I got him wrapped around my finger.
01:53:18.000I can make the man do anything I want.
01:53:20.000The way you talk and the way you look, if a guy the size of LeBron James was right next to you with his fucking crazy deep voice and super powerful body, and he talked to that dog, that dog would listen to him.
01:55:34.000I am about to pull out my flea dick and throw it on the table against your own flea dick.
01:55:40.000We had cats, and the cats, a lot of them were outside cats, so they would come in with fleas.
01:55:44.000We'd never had pets when I was a small child.
01:55:46.000We didn't start getting cats in our house until I was about 12, 13 or something.
01:55:49.000So, my mom, like, having no prior experience with cats and stuff, decided that, like, these flea problems are too much, we have to give the cats baths with, you know, fucking flea shampoo and stuff.
01:56:01.000So, you would do that, and cats don't like to be anywhere near water and shit like that.
02:02:12.000You ever eat something and you feel like a hard piece of something, like maybe you're eating a crab or something like that, a little piece of shell gets in there, or you can kind of move that shell around inside your mouth while you're chewing, and you get the shell over to here.
02:02:25.000That sense of moving your tongue and knowing what that...
02:02:28.000That cat has that with a fang and knows how to hit like an antelope's jug or a lion when it bites into something.
02:04:20.000So if people have the presence of mind to be like, I know your fingers in my ass, but biting this other dog is the most important thing in the world.
02:04:52.000I have a joke in my act about how you could have a dog and have a pet hamster, and that hamster could live a long and healthy life in the same house, running around.
02:05:02.000If you've got a good dog and you train that dog, if you've got a cat that lives in a house with a hamster, the hamster has an hour to live.
02:06:56.000So if that cat was eight times its size...
02:06:58.000Did you see that video of the guy who was a long-time animal trainer?
02:07:02.000He trained lions, and he trained this lion for like 10 years, and he's in the pen with the thing, and the thing just looked at him funny, and the guy starts backing up.
02:07:10.000It's like, oh no, and he runs, and this lion just chases after this motherfucker, grabs him by the head, and drags him around.
02:15:20.000Roar is a 1981 American adventure exploitation film written and directed by Noel Marshall, produced and starring Marshall and his then-wife Tippi Hendren, co-starring Hendren's real-life daughter Melanie Griffith and Marshall's real-life sons John and Jerry.
02:15:33.000Oh, they were a Brady Bunch type family.
02:15:35.000The film follows a family who are attacked by a range of ravening jungle animals at the secluded home of their keeper.
02:15:43.000I always thought this was a documentary.
02:15:44.000They were literally making a movie with fucking real lions about how lions were attacking people.
02:18:02.000They're out there taking out as many of those fucking zebras or water buffalo or whatever they can.
02:18:07.000And so that's what they want to do all the time.
02:18:10.000And if you're just feeding them and then you just have them in a yard, they don't even do anything, you've got to exercise the fuck out of those girls to keep them from just that kill lust that's in their body.
02:18:22.000It's evolved over millions of years to get to this point where they're this enormous, hulking, supernaturally powerful animal that kills things with its face.
02:18:32.000And you just take that away from them.
02:18:34.000It's, no, you're going to be in the pool with us.
02:19:07.000I'm in a 0% chance in most of my life of getting eaten by a shark.
02:19:12.000But I have friends who are surfers who surf all the time, and they fucking love it, and they're willing to roll that dice because they like surfing that much.
02:19:18.000And I'm like, you know, you can't get bit by a shark if you don't go in the ocean.
02:25:36.000Let's hope we wane gently because once in our history the worldwide population of human beings skidded so sharply we were down to roughly a thousand reproductive adults.
02:25:44.000One study says we hit as low as 40. 40?
02:25:48.000Well, the technical term is 40 breeding pairs, children not included.
02:25:52.000More likely there was a drastic dip and then 5,000 to 10,000 bedraggled homo sapiens struggled together in pitiful little clumps hunting and gathering for thousands of years Until in the late Stone Age, we humans began to recover.
02:26:05.000But for a time there, says science writer Sam Keen, we damn near went extinct.
02:26:49.000Yellowstone is what they call a caldera volcano.
02:26:51.000Meanwhile, what it is is it gets to this peak and the eruption is so violent, it flattens out and the mountain disappears and they just left this crater.
02:27:01.000And so when they were first looking at it, they were trying to figure out what it was.
02:27:03.000They didn't know if it was an impact crater, where was this crater from?
02:27:07.000And then they started using satellite imagery, I want to say like 20 years ago.
02:27:12.00020 plus years ago they realized that it was a super volcano, an enormous volcano.
02:27:17.000I think it's something like 600 kilometers across.
02:27:20.000And if that fucker blows, like that is a wrap for North America.
02:27:26.000And it blows every six to eight hundred thousand years.
02:27:30.000And the last time it blew was six hundred thousand years ago.
02:27:34.000So we could be on the verge of the worst blowjob in history?
02:27:38.000Within the next 200,000 years, it's likely, if the history repeats itself again, that we get some sort of unbelievably violent event that comes out of Yellowstone that literally brings humanity to its knees.
02:27:51.000So all of our problems with overpopulation, destroying the environment, crime and war and corruption, they will seem like nothing.
02:29:36.000You don't want to be like a million miles away and watch it from the distance and know that in a month you're going to be starving to death.
02:29:52.000It's not like it is in the movies where you suddenly...
02:29:56.000You're like, no, I see everything fucking more clearly.
02:29:59.000It's certainly an organizer where you're like, you know, I guess that shit just doesn't really matter so much anymore.
02:30:06.000And periodically you sit there and go like, oh, fuck, I almost died.
02:30:09.000So it puts things in a different perspective.
02:30:11.000But I saw a lot of folks online going like...
02:30:13.000I can't wait to see what he makes next, man, because it's going to be so profound, and that's not true.
02:30:18.000The next thing I'm going to make is Jay and Silent Bob reboot.
02:30:20.000There's nothing profound about it and stuff.
02:30:22.000But I figured, because I started thinking about that, why?
02:30:26.000And I think it's because I've just always, at least for the last 20 years, 25 of my career, Just conducted myself in a way like live a fucking bucket list life.
02:31:18.000So tomorrow I have Robert Schock on the podcast.
02:31:21.000He's a geologist from Boston University.
02:31:24.000And he is one of many people that's now pushing this very controversial theory that the Sphinx and many of the other structures in Egypt are far older than people think they are.
02:31:34.000Not just like a couple thousand years ago, but maybe even 10,000 years ago, maybe even more.
02:31:39.000And he bases it on water erosion marks in the Temple of the Sphinx.
02:31:43.000Like where the Sphinx was carved out in the Sphinx enclosure, there's all these deep fissures that they thought was sand and gravel and wind.
02:31:50.000But he has, you know, he studied, he's a geologist, so he studied erosion his whole life.
02:31:56.000And he looked at it and he's like, this is water erosion from thousands of years of rainfall.
02:32:02.000The last time there was great rainfall in the Nile Valley was 9,000 years ago, which is many thousand years before they think the pyramids were constructed.
02:32:10.000So it's one of these things like they didn't even know of a civilization from 9,000 years ago that was capable of cutting and moving stone like this.
02:32:17.000Like this rewrites history to people who are super reluctant.
02:32:21.000But the idea that all these people have, these people that are talking about these ancient civilizations, is that humanity rose to a very high level and built some incredible structures and then something like that super volcano or an asteroid impact or an ice age, some gigantic catastrophic event wiped out a shitload of fucking people.
02:33:15.000I have to – It's entirely possible, if the Great Period of Giza, which I think is somewhere around 5,000 years old, if that was 5,000 years old, the Sphinx might be 4,000 or more years older than that.
02:33:29.000There might be structures that are 10,500, even 30,000 years old, as some people, when they go deep, like a guy named John Anthony West, that was his deep speculation.
02:33:39.000Based on the way the Sphinx lines up with constellations and the constellation Leo, it does it at like 10,500 years ago, but it also does it at like 30,000 years ago or somewhere in that range,
02:33:55.000like really long ago, which people are going, get the fuck out of here.
02:34:52.000So if that turns out to be the case, humanity...
02:34:56.000Has experienced these great, great, like, high achievements in construction methods and their ability to put together these enormous structures and then cataclysm.
02:35:30.000Go back 500 years, which is nothing in terms of the history of the planet and nothing in terms of even the history of human beings, relatively.
02:35:38.000But 500 years, there's nothing here but Native Americans.
02:37:20.000Well, they don't think the pyramid, I'm pretty sure, and maybe this is controversial as well, but I think it's based on the biological material that they can pull out from in between the cracks and the stones.
02:38:06.000I think limestone is seashells that have been ground down and smashed by gravity and layers and layers of earth until they form into a stone.
02:39:45.000Once they decide this is the age where this was made and Thutmose III was responsible for this and this guy's responsible for that, once they write that and sell the books, it's super hard to take that back.
02:39:59.000Yeah, it's super hard to admit they don't really know.
02:40:02.000And this isn't something like, hey, Pluto's not a planet anymore because we were off by its size or whatever.
02:40:08.000This is like we had literally no idea that people existed that far back.
02:40:14.000Well, we knew people existed, but we didn't know they were capable of building things like that.
02:40:18.000But I'm saying, why is that even surprising?
02:40:20.000If people 4,000 fucking years ago could build something as crazy as the Great Pyramid, why would I be shocked that someone 4,000 years before that could build a Sphinx?
02:40:30.000Or 4,000 years before that could build some other fucking temple?
02:40:34.000It's also just a number that's really fucking ridiculous to get your head around.
02:41:37.000So 200,000 years ago, more over around 50,000 years ago, for a period referred to by archaeologists of the Upper Paleolithic, an unprecedented cultural explosion began to manifest itself for human communities.
02:43:48.000Dude, that is like some sort, like if you had a computer printout, remember those old school printouts that would run through computers with little holes punched in them?
02:44:30.000Like when I started Catholic school, Our Lady of Perpetual Help, they had old school nuns that, you know, would wrap your fucking knuckles and shit like your parents would talk about.
02:44:40.000And then all of a sudden these new sisters come in, the Franciscan sisters of the infant Jesus.
02:44:49.000And they were more like about education, almost like a Jesuit priest.
02:44:54.000So they definitely had their vows and whatnot, but they were more progressive in their thinking than like the previous generation that had come prior to them.
02:45:05.000So, Sister Teresa, who is like our 8th grade teacher, captured our imaginations with the Dead Sea Scrolls story.
02:45:12.000About how, you know, there was a Bible that we all worked off of.
02:45:17.000And then thanks to some kid who threw a rock in a cave, they found all these jars.
02:45:23.000And inside of the jars, perfectly preserved, were all these writings on parchments and scrolls.
02:45:28.000And so that's where we started getting a clearer picture We're good to go.
02:45:49.000Yeah, the scrolls are fascinating, man.
02:45:51.000You know, they had to use DNA testing to make sure that they were getting the pieces of this parchment from the same animal skin.
02:46:00.000So like, say, if you had these pieces, they studied them for years.
02:46:07.000And to decipher them, they would have to lay them out on tables.
02:46:10.000You ever see what they look like, like laid out on tables?
02:46:13.000And so one of the ways that they had to determine where pieces would go, and this is an incredibly painstaking process, they had to take small bits of organic material, because it's animal skins, and then they would run it through a DNA test and go, okay, this is the same animal.
02:46:28.000This animal is where all these pieces go in here.
02:46:32.000This is likely from the same piece of skin.
02:47:21.000I mean, but it is for somebody and I'm grateful.
02:47:24.000You know, I'm grateful that there's guys like that, like Robert Shock, who's, you know, taking these trips to Egypt to study this and really putting his neck out there, releasing this very controversial theory.
02:47:34.000I'm glad there's all these people out there that are questioning these things and looking into these things and that someone has the energy to study the Dead Sea Scrolls and to go over and apparently there's some wacky ass fucking crazy stories in there.
02:47:46.000Like, they've tried to compare the stories, like, way more extreme, way, way weirder, to the point where people are like, oh, I don't think we should use these stories.
02:48:15.000Probably have to read a book on what they learned out of the Dead Sea Scrolls.
02:48:18.000But I remember there was some sort of a documentary on all of the hidden truths of the Dead Sea Scrolls and why these Christians were trying to omit it and not put it into the final version of the Bible.
02:48:33.000The Gnostic Gospels, they pull a lot from...
02:48:36.000From there, the Gnostics were people that, it was a faith, I guess, or a section of faith, that they were great record keepers, but they were also not necessarily like, and it was the Christ himself,
02:48:52.000the mighty Son of God, you know, they were a bit more practical in their telling of the tale.
02:49:01.000If you could go back to a time and observe life, like being like a giant bulletproof hamster wheel and observe life, would you go to the dinosaur era and see like live T-Rexes running around and predators and crazy thick atmosphere and heavy vegetation of pre-65 million years ago?
02:49:23.000Or would you go and watch people from like 5,000 years ago?
02:51:15.000So this guy is the one who got me like really into it in the first place.
02:51:20.000Wrapping my head around the concept of civilizations collapse and then a thousand years later rebuilds again.
02:51:26.000And then you think about what the United States was like 500 years ago.
02:51:29.000It was non-existent and now look at what it is now.
02:51:32.000That these great moments of change happen periodically in human history, especially in places where there's a lot of commerce and there's a lot of food, like the rich, vast wilderness and the rivers filled with fish and places where people could get enough food and they would build these cities and then they would start inventing shit and innovating and a hundred years later they'd be better.
02:51:55.000Two hundred years later they'd be better than that.
02:51:57.000Five hundred years later they'd have crazy structures and then they'd be building things and Apparently, this is what it was like in the Nile Valley when they were constructing all these things.
02:52:32.000And so this is probably also partially responsible for what happened to those people.
02:52:36.000But those people had taken shit to another level, man.
02:52:40.000I need to go there because I've only been watching DVDs and I'm scared of going to Egypt because sometimes it's a little unstable.
02:52:48.000But man, what it must be like to see these 4,000-fucking-year-old gigantic stone structures that were cut and moved by who knows how many people and who knows how the fuck they did it.
02:54:42.000So even though logic would point, I mean, if you really paid attention to the way human beings tell stories, you would have to say, well, a lot of these religious stories are probably fabricated, or maybe there was an initial message, or maybe there was some wisdom that these people initially stumbled upon,
02:54:59.000But whether or not all this came from God, you know, the Cain and Abel shit, and trying to trick a brother into killing another brother, like, oh, Oh, I almost got you.
02:55:07.000You know, you're going to do it for me.
02:55:19.000This universe is too bizarre for you to leave anything off the table.
02:55:24.000Any possibilities of what created it, what sustains it, other than scientific, you know, you get down to like the most reductionist perspective of it's just a series of quarks and gluons and atoms and,
02:55:44.000Maybe it is just that, but maybe that in itself is God.
02:55:47.000Maybe God is not a material thing, but it's a creating force of the entire universe itself, and it also has good in its heart.
02:55:55.000Like, maybe the reason why we love, like, hugs and good conversation and, you know, a cute puppy and all these different things, we like love and we like happiness, because all these things are powerful forces in the universe, and all these Things represent the greater will of the Creator,
02:56:11.000of whatever it is that makes this universe so spectacular, whatever the fuck that is.
02:56:39.000So it doesn't mean that there's no God, but it means you definitely, this guy that wants the jet, who's that televangelist that wants $50 million to buy his own private jet?
02:57:01.000Did you ever meet somebody who experienced the afterlife?
02:57:06.000I've met people that my belief is that a lot of that can be attributed to the chemicals that your brain is capable of producing on a regular basis.
02:57:16.000It does while you're in periods of extreme stress.
02:57:18.000And that all these different chemicals most likely are released in the brain during these overwhelming periods of anxiety and fear and terror and injury when your body is thinking, hey man, this might be it.
02:57:32.000And I think that's probably what a lot of these near-death experiences are, is that people are experiencing what you would call an endogenous psychedelic experience.
02:57:41.000Your brain is releasing these potent chemicals that it has, it absolutely has inside of it.
02:57:48.000Your brain has a ton of different You know, things like dimethyltryptamine and different psychedelic chemicals it's capable of producing, as well as like melatonin, dopamine, serotonin, adrenaline, cortisol.
02:57:59.000There's a fucking storm of shit going on in your brain.
02:58:04.000And in a moment like near death, it just jacks it all out into your system.
02:58:08.000It probably pumps it through your fucking neurons and everything's firing and you're seeing things that aren't there and you're talking to dead relatives and you're imagining the pearly gates and your imagination is on 10 and you're just seeing everything.
02:58:23.000The hopeful, optimistic, spiritual woo-woo perspective is this is a chemical gateway, and you're seeing through the door of the other side, and then when they decide it's not your time yet, you're sucked back to where you lie,
02:58:38.000and then you're allowed to resume this life because you have more work to do.
02:58:41.000And that's the perspective that a lot of people feel when they come out of those experiences, right?
02:58:45.000They feel like, I have more work to do.
02:58:47.000My mom, years ago, God, it was like 10 years ago, more than that even, maybe 15 years ago at this point, had a heart attack, or a heart episode, rather.
02:58:57.000My dad died of a heart attack, but my mom was on the table and they were putting a stent into her heart, into her artery.
02:59:04.000And she was sitting there chit-chatting while they were doing the surgery.
02:59:07.000I guess she was on a local more so than anything else.
02:59:11.000And she was joking around with the doctor.
02:59:12.000She's like, you gotta hurry up, doc, because I gotta pick up my mom for the...
03:00:46.000She's like, and if that's what happens, then I look forward to that again.
03:00:49.000So when I was having my shit three months ago, and the doctor was like, you got a 20% chance of living, I was sitting there going through all the fucking shit in my head about like, all right, well, this is it.
03:01:01.000You've spent your life with your head up your ass, you know, fucking trying to figure out who you are.
03:03:17.000That was the thing that I love to communicate.
03:03:19.000I spent my whole life terrified of fucking dying.
03:03:23.000And when I was as closest to it as I ever knew I was, and for all I know I was closer someplace, but like, I was cognizant and told by a professional, this is fucking risky.
03:03:41.000Like, yeah, and I'm 47, and it seems short, but fucking, like, you gotta admit, you did more than fucking most people get to do, and maybe that's why it happened at an early age, because you weren't gonna get the rest of this time and shit like that.
03:03:53.000But, like, I wasn't mad, I wasn't like, fucking, why?
03:04:43.000She's ferrying souls over to the other side.
03:04:45.000You see a baby pass and she's holding the baby and then the refrain is like I hear the sound of her wings and that's taking this soul over to the next place as she's sitting around talking to her brother.
03:04:58.000And so she eventually gets into a room with this older guy who's like, who are you?
03:05:15.000And she says, a line that when I read it when I was 18, it was powerful.
03:05:20.000But when I was laying on the fucking table, it was powerful.
03:05:24.000Constantly going through my head and made it all easier made me kind of at peace with the idea of dying There's this line she says to the guy she goes you get you got what everybody gets you got a lifetime and as I was laying there I was like oh my god I got a lifetime like that's that's what it was nothing more nothing fucking less and I did some shit in it and now it's gonna stop and people are gonna go on without you and That's not terrible.
03:05:49.000Like, I thought I'd be fucking desperate to live.
03:07:47.000Like, now, until it ends, like, I've got to, you know, and it's kind of easy.
03:07:53.000As long as I don't wake up with a fucking dead girl or a live boy, I don't think, like, they'll fucking break me over the coals when I die in the future and shit like that.
03:08:02.000But it felt weird to be so close to the completion and having something that normally terrifies you suddenly be like, oh, it's okay.
03:08:12.000If you walked up and put a gun in my face, I'm sure I'd feel threatened, but I kind of lost my fear of death.
03:09:36.000Death is no longer something—I'm not looking for it, and I certainly won't put myself in harm's way, but it doesn't preoccupy me anymore.
03:09:44.000I've been there, and it's not the thing that I was led to believe it was.
03:09:49.000Like, it's not the ultimate fear come true.
03:11:23.000And I think if you can just think that way, like today's a borrowed day.
03:11:28.000Sometimes you have to trick yourself into finding more enthusiasm.
03:11:33.000You have to trick yourself to be pumped up about stuff.
03:11:36.000But if you can really do that and exercise those patterns in your brain and get them normal, there's There's people that have tricked themselves into enjoying all sorts of things that they know are good for them.
03:11:47.000They just fire up those fucking chemicals and today we're going to just go out there and attack this day because this is a gift.
03:11:58.000I think that all the time now, honestly.
03:12:00.000That's like an underlying that goes under almost every thought I have.
03:12:04.000And it doesn't happen constantly, but it literally happens about ten times a week.
03:12:08.000You'll be doing something, you'll be heading somewhere, you'll be eating something, fucking whatever the fuck, fucking having a conversation, and then you'll be like, this isn't supposed to be happening right now.
03:12:18.000Based on the odds, I was supposed to die back on that fucking table.
03:12:22.000So suddenly you're like, I'm playing on house money.