The first man to smoke marijuana was a Chinese emperor and he inhaled it. The first person to get high on it was a man named Pablo Escobar. And the first delivery man was a guy named Mitch Hedberg who delivered newspapers in the late 80s and early 90s. We talk about how he got his start in the delivery business and what it was like growing up in the streets of New York City delivering newspapers. And we talk about what it's like to be a delivery driver in the drug-ridden streets of the late 70's and early 80's. We also talk about the first time a priest inhaled weed and how it changed the way we go to church and how the church is now run by incense and holy smoke. And of course, we finish the episode with a story about the Green Hornet and Batman. We hope you enjoy this episode and we hope you all have a great rest of the week. -Jon Sorrentino and Matt Rogan Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Theme by Mavus White. Artwork by Ian Dorsch. Music by Skandalous. If you like what you hear, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and tell us what you thought of the episode. We'll be looking out for you in the next episode! Thank you so much for listening and supporting the show! - Jon and Matt! Timestamps: 5 stars! 5 stars 6 stars 7 stars 8 stars 9 stars 10 stars 11 stars 12 stars 13 stars 14 stars 15 stars 16 stars 17 thumbs up 16 thumbs down 17 stars 18 stars 19 thumbs up! 17 18 15 19 17 points 14 16 points 16 13 21 20 22 12 points 21 up 24 23 25 26 or 27 3 4 5 & ( ) Music: and / 30 # Is it a good one? Or , ? 2 ! 7 + And Can you give it a review? 21/ 28
00:01:23.000You know, I don't know if this is true, but this is one of the things that the pot aficionados always used to say, is that, you know when a priest walks down the aisle and they have that thing that they swing and there's burning incense inside of it?
00:02:39.000Yeah, you delivered them in a car to other places.
00:02:43.000I was an asshole that took a route, but not the route in my neighborhood, the route in the neighborhood over, so I had to beat the kids there before they'd get there and steal the papers.
00:02:52.000I would deliver them right to the doors.
00:03:46.000So I'd have to leave school and run over there because not the dude would steal my papers and sell them as their own on the fucking street corners.
00:03:54.000So I'd have to get them, put the circulars in, put them in a thing, and then throw them on people's balcony.
00:04:00.000And then on Fridays and Saturdays, I have to go back with a ring after dinner and collect.
00:05:21.000When you're like a young comic or, you know, even before I was a comic when I was fighting, it was just I didn't have to do anything where someone was telling me what to do.
00:05:56.000It was the best job ever, because then I would make enough money where I could pay my bills, but I still had all the time in the world to do stand-up.
00:06:07.000All the time in the world to train, all the time in the world to do anything.
00:06:19.000If you listen to people that know things about sleep, like getting up at 4.30 in the morning or 5 in the morning every day and not being responsible.
00:08:32.000Could you imagine if I woke you up every night at 2 when you're 26 years old, Joe, at 3.30 in the morning?
00:08:37.000And you know I'm doing it from my heart.
00:08:40.000And seven out of ten times, you're going to get up and eat the sconjili or the marinara sandwich I brought you from Leo's because they worked in the city.
00:08:49.000So remember, if you bartend in New York City on the way home, what are you going to do?
00:12:38.000When they catch the kid coming back from Turkey with hash on his body.
00:12:43.000That is one of the most hardest movies you'll ever fucking watch.
00:12:50.000The first 30 minutes of that, I thought I was going to die.
00:12:54.000They let him go through, and they played him, and as soon as he hit the fucking plane, they turned him around, ripped his shirt, and they dropped to their hands and knees, and they gave him the seven years, and they started raping him.
00:13:07.000But I watched up to the part where he became friends with this dude that had a cat.
00:13:13.000And the dude name was Lecky, Lecky, Lecky was the guy's name.
00:17:14.000Then the second best beating is our man, Anthony Quinn, at the end.
00:17:21.000When he was 80, he beat the shit out of the good-looking dude for fucking his girlfriend, Mario Stowe, Madeline Stowe, in a movie called Revenge.
00:21:59.000The problem with them is, and this is a tendency, is that when people get really into conspiracy theories, they're into everything being a conspiracy.
00:22:07.000It's not like they're into conspiracy theories and also into the history of Cuba.
00:22:12.000They can give you a detailed history of some really crazy shit that went down.
00:22:16.000Like, how many people that are really into conspiracy theories could give you a rundown on how Castro took over Cuba, which is like a real thing that happened in, you know, our parents' lifetimes?
00:22:32.000How many people that are into, like, you know, whether or not there's bases on the moon know about You know, all these different things that have happened through human history.
00:23:20.000You'll find a bunch of people that'll agree with you, too.
00:23:23.000Gotta be so careful about not listening to scientists.
00:23:27.000I'm gonna tell you what else I saw on Saturday, on Sunday night.
00:23:29.000Sunday night on the 50 years of 60 minutes.
00:23:32.000They were showing how they interviewed different people and how the one guy went to Saddam Hussein and he said to him, ask him to tell him that this guy said he's crazy.
00:23:47.000And the interpreter looked at him and said, you think, sorry, I ain't asking him that.
00:23:52.000And there was one particular interview, he was just talking about the interviewer.
00:23:58.000One of the best interviews he ever did was when he pushed the guy that was standing behind Kennedy in the car.
00:24:07.000The agent that should have taken the bullet for Kennedy.
00:25:30.000This means when you're walking down the street with this guy inside, you have to learn by yourself how to shut off nature and noises and listen to footsteps, weapons clicking, holsters opening,
00:25:48.000Think of how interesting just that alone is.
00:25:51.000That's why sometimes when you see them, they're holding one ear.
00:25:55.000Because they're zeroing in on anything particular.
00:26:08.000So if Joe Rogan has eight guys, when they train, and I don't even know, I've never trained in Quantico, but I just know that I guarantee the first two guys, the first four guys are lead guys.
00:27:12.000Vietnam, another war, and then you had to do a tour of something else where you were just like a spook that you tiptoed and killed people with toothpicks and shit like this.
00:29:58.000That's how you probably become a fucking bodyguard to the president.
00:30:02.000You'd have to fucking start like as an attache somewhere for a year or two with a suit on just to adjust to human life and life without fucking hearing bombs go off every 20 minutes and shit.
00:32:16.000I'd been thinking a lot about this and I ran into somebody and I asked him, the next cop, why are we having the situations we're having in this country?
00:32:24.000The one last week in fucking East Pittsburgh is just mind-blowing.
00:32:30.000That motherfucker just, now, there's a lot of different angles for that.
00:32:34.000They had just finished doing a shootout.
00:34:06.000I never got hit with the butt or What a weird feature of the human body if that you hit it in the right spots it goes out If we have like a plug We have like a loose like some people's plugs a little looser than others Some people's plugs like Mark Hunt it takes forever to knock it loose Some people could just take it and some people can't it's fucking weird It's a weird characteristic you hit people and they go unconscious It's very strange It's
00:34:36.000a very strange Feature that we exploit, you know?
00:34:42.000But in movies, they always make it like it's no big deal.
00:35:14.000We walked in there, we went upstairs, and I think at the time when we walked up, Nicholas Cage was up there at the time, with his little hairpiece on and shit, looking like Johnny Goomba and stuff, and then Terry came over and gave you a hug, and we went downstairs,
00:35:30.000and Terry grabbed Steve Simone later on, because Steve worked there at the time.
00:36:11.000Like, what happened to the guys that I saw playing football in black and white with leather helmets?
00:36:18.000Well, you know, leather helmets are safer, believe it or not, because you don't feel as confident.
00:36:22.000When they had those leather helmets, they didn't crash into each other the same way.
00:36:26.000There's an opinion, I don't know if I agree with it because I don't know much about the sport, but there's an opinion that no pads, no helmets, football would be safer.
00:36:36.000Because you wouldn't be able to do the same things that they're doing now.
00:36:38.000You can't just run into people head-to-head.
00:40:06.000And he would tell us about it, how guys, you'd hear them, he knew that they were on EPO, and then you would hear them when they were on a tour bus, they'd get up in the middle of the night and go ride their bike.
00:40:24.000It seems like it would be awesome though.
00:40:26.000If you could take some drug that like super juiced up your endurance, that sounds awesome.
00:40:32.000But apparently it's just not very safe.
00:40:35.000And they were saying that a lot of executives take it now.
00:40:41.000There's people that are executives that are just entering endurance races and they're taking EPO and entering into these endurance races that regular people with regular jobs just decided to take it.
00:43:05.000To me, Richard Pryor, thinking about Richard Pryor getting so coked up that he let Marlon Brando fuck him was one of the things I was like...
00:47:38.000But I think even just that recent a time, people did not understand that if you're smacking people in the head like that, you're giving them fucking brain damage.
00:47:49.000Like, you smack someone in the head like that, like, you could seriously fuck them up.
00:47:54.000Like, something could be wrong with them for a long time, even if they don't go unconscious.
00:47:58.000Did your mother ever smack you in the head?
00:49:21.000Then something happened at the building, and we ended up moving to 88th Street, and I had a kid I had a beef with every day.
00:49:27.000And one day, I finally got my shit together in karate.
00:49:33.000Like one day my sidekick started working and that fucking right cross started working and I learned how to use my fucking up block and I finally had this kid.
00:50:30.000When I moved to North Bergen, I saw parents that, you know, like, you ever hear a comedian go, you ever hang out with white kids, you go to their house, how they talk to their parents?
00:52:46.000Had a different, you know, I watched a couple weeks ago, I was stoned to the gills, and I was laughing about how people put people down and shit, and I was laughing about when Julius Irving first, when the ABA shut down.
00:53:01.000When the ABA first shut down, I don't know Joe, but if there was eight categories, Julius Irving led seven of them.
00:53:51.000He went off because of a white dude named Pistol Pete Maravich.
00:53:55.000He went to LSU and led the country in scoring.
00:53:58.000A white dude ended up becoming a fucking boozer, but that dude knew how to handle the ball because his father would beat him.
00:54:06.000His father would make him sleep in the garage in the winter and beat him until he learned how to play basketball because there was no losing in his fucking house.
00:58:22.000I swear to God, I ran into probably...
00:58:24.000When I first moved from Cuba to 88th Street, there was a dude on the block that would smack little kids.
00:58:30.000And I'm telling you right now, to my little daughter, there was words on the street that he would take you to his house and fuck you in the ass.
00:59:58.000It's like a good luck statue, and I would steal the change and bring it downstairs, and I would look at the poorer kids, and I'd go, come here for a second.
01:00:35.000The first day, like New Jersey to me was a completely, that was like Mars to most people.
01:00:42.000Like most people listen to me and go, you grew up someplace that doesn't exist.
01:00:46.000I'll bring eight people to fill these chairs to tell you about the parents and the people and the situations.
01:00:52.000But the first day I went out in my hometown of North Bergen, I saw me and Joe Rogan fight.
01:00:59.000And even though I had Joe Rogan on his back, I saw Joe Rogan's father come down the stairs, pull me off Joe Rogan, smack me, punch me, kick me, throw me on the floor and make his kids go in.
01:01:12.000That was my first experience ever in North Bergen, New Jersey.
01:01:18.000He took Anthony off, his son, threw him off, smacked him in the fucking face, Joe Rogan, at two and a half to fucking noon in 90 degree heat, punched him in the stomach and told him to go home, you little giddy fuck.
01:06:52.000Oh, bro, at that time, that was a big issue because a couple weeks before that, a guy named Totoro was a baseball coach and he threw a kid off for speaking Spanish on the bus.
01:13:39.000Yeah, I'm digging it, but I have a little bit of a tear in my meniscus.
01:13:42.000Are you thinking of, if you fix the meniscus, of doing something with running, like running what your buddy does, those marathons, half-marathons?
01:13:51.000Have you considered something like that?
01:15:06.000This is his second surgery that he's had just this year.
01:15:10.000You know, he had knee surgery real recently, like a few months ago, right?
01:15:16.000Didn't he have his meniscus done a few months ago?
01:15:18.000This generation of jiu-jitsu guys is learning a lot and they're learning what they're gonna pass on to the next generation is that it's great to roll and the leg locks are great and all that is great.
01:15:30.000But there's another aspect to this, which is called yoga and keeping your muscles strong.
01:16:12.000They always say they're gonna roll light and then the guy almost gets you and then you're trying to get him.
01:16:15.000Next thing you know, you're defending and it's a fucking serious, heated up roll session, which is great.
01:16:21.000But then you're like, ah, like your neck's all fucked up, and you go, alright, next guy, I'm just going to lay on my back and work my half guard.
01:16:28.000As soon as it starts getting hot and heavy, you almost got caught in an arm bar, and then you try to pop up, and then you try to pass his guard, and then you get into it.
01:16:35.000You know, it's a thing that's too exciting, you know?
01:16:39.000And jiu-jitsu, and when I say, like, rolling hard, I don't mean, like, Not even a real high-level match.
01:17:07.000I had to attack it from a different foundation.
01:17:11.000I was attacking it from looking at Jamie and going, I gotta do what Jamie does, and not realizing I got Jamie by 25 years and I can't do what Jamie does, so my game has to be completely different to Jamie's.
01:17:24.000Mondays when I come into class, it's more about the The drilling and less about the rolling.
01:17:31.000And I'll do an hour conditioning class with Brett.
01:18:51.000Clients are supplied with safety goggles and then relax into NovoThor treatment pod for 8 to 15 minutes of whole body restorative light treatment.
01:19:01.000The treatment may be repeated two or more times a week.
01:20:33.000The Echo Bike, and I got a VersaClimber.
01:20:35.000And I like to do those Tabata sequences.
01:20:39.000So it's like you go hard for 20 seconds, and then you rest for 10 seconds, and then you go hard for 20 seconds, and you rest for 10 seconds.
01:20:46.000And you do like eight rounds of those.
01:21:56.000He was like the last of, like, he represented a real guy that might have had racist views that were kind of funny, and he was in some way endearing, because he was like such a good actor, and he was such a good character,
01:22:13.000and it was so well written, and his relationship with his wife and his kids and with Meathead.
01:22:19.000I mean, the whole thing was, it was a brilliant show.
01:22:24.000When Sammy Davis kissed him on the lips.
01:22:28.000When he found the Puerto Ricans' dude in the wallet, while the Puerto Rican guy comes over, they're talking, and he looks at his wife in front of the Puerto Rican, and he goes, Alice, don't you stand there, offer him something.
01:22:43.000And she goes, I don't know what he likes.
01:22:45.000And he goes, I don't know what Puerto Ricans drink.
01:22:48.000And he looks at him, and the guy's smiling, and I'm like, And he looks at him like, I don't know, a Puerto Rican's drink.
01:23:26.000You have a tradition of drinking pineapple juice in your country.
01:23:28.000In today's society, if I said to you, listen, I'm leaving here, I'm going to Chinatown to get fireworks, if somebody heard me say it to you right now, tomorrow we'd get fucking...
01:23:39.000Well, everybody knows that 20 years ago right now, I'd be heading to Chinatown in New York City getting fucking a mat of fireworks, 144 bottle rockets, a couple of Roman candles.
01:23:49.000You know what's the most stupid, man, is that the food is somehow racist.
01:23:58.000Like, if you talked about black people and also talked about delicious fried chicken or delicious orange soda or grape soda, it would be grape soda, right?
01:24:17.000Not that I'm anti-orange soda, but I'm saying those foods, like watermelon in particular, if you talk about a black person and you talk about watermelon, that's a racist term even though watermelon's delicious.
01:24:31.000What the hell could be wrong about watermelon?
01:24:34.000If you don't like the taste of watermelon, if it's a hot summer day and somebody busts open a cooler and gives you a slice of watermelon, how fucking pumped are you?
01:24:43.000How could watermelon ever be negative?
01:24:49.000And the only way it makes sense that fried chicken could be negative to you is if you're a vegan or a vegetarian and you don't want to eat a chicken.
01:24:56.000That's the only way it makes sense that that would be a negative.
01:24:59.000Because otherwise, fried chicken is fucking delicious.
01:25:03.000If you eat meat, Fried chicken is something, you smell it, and you, oh, someone's really good at making it, and they got a nice flaky layer on the outside, you bite into that juicy, perfectly cooked chicken.
01:30:44.000If you go to an hour class, you're doing technique, he teaches you how to do the drill, and he tells you a joke, so you're pressing 15, done, and then you press the intensity, where you breathe like an atom.
01:31:05.000When I went to Disneyland, that burnt 31 fucking points.
01:31:09.000So it's all the eggs I could eat for breakfast.
01:31:11.000So for breakfast, I go to John's and I got a seated row.
01:31:14.000Even if I give myself four fucking points for the row, five points for the row, six points for the row, I put two eggs in that motherfucker, which is 14 grams of protein.
01:31:24.000And I put a thin slice of Thuman's, Boar's head American cheese, and some Frank's hot sauce on that motherfucker.
01:34:05.000You are killing yourself every time you puree fruit because when you eat fruit, the saliva in your mouth breaks the fruit down and it digests the sugar a different way.
01:34:21.000When you bypass that enzyme in your mouth, that's when you get 300 pounds like Uncle Joey.
01:34:28.000So when you drink fruit, I don't care if they tell you, oh, it's frozen fruit, you lose some of the sugar.
01:37:50.000I would go over there in the afternoons, and I would get a 180, and I would rip the cover off the 180. And I would take a 67, 60 milligram one, and I'd eat that one.
01:39:44.000Jonathan Katz was the emcee and I was maybe going to get up it was one of those things where I signed up for the list you know you get I think it was five minutes and there's a bunch of people that are gonna do five minutes and Jonathan Katz who was already an established stand-up comedian he really funny guy and he was the host and he's like he came up to me he said let me check in a half an hour in to see if I can get young sometimes people wouldn't show up and so a half an hour in I'm thinking,
01:42:32.000It was like an industrial area, trucks everywhere.
01:42:36.000I don't remember what the number that road is.
01:42:38.000We were doing a road there, but there was a place around the corner, Jamie, that had the best fucking green chili you've ever had in your fucking life.
01:42:46.000And when you poured them over fucking scrambled eggs, your dick would get fucking harder than fuck.
01:42:52.000With two tortillas, are you kidding me?
01:42:57.000I walk over there, I sit down, And you know how there's always a paper, like in front of you, you ever go to a diner or something, there's always a paper, somebody read.
01:43:41.000Everybody wanted to see what Roseanne was doing, so it had a big thing about Roseanne, and it had all these open mic spots, and it had classes that you could take.
01:43:50.000And there was a class in Boulder for $33.
01:43:55.000Three Sundays in a row at the University of Colorado, part of the continuing education.
01:44:01.000The guy that taught it, his name was Jeff Harms.
01:44:05.000And I went the first Sunday, did okay.
01:45:33.000I would basically leave at six, come home at five, take a shower, eat whatever fucking crap she cooked, give the baby a kiss, and I'd get in my truck and go back to Westminster.
01:45:45.000It was a club away from the Comedy Works.
01:47:04.000So I had an aunt in New York that I could live with, and I had a godmother in Harlem.
01:47:09.000And I didn't want to live with both of them, Joe.
01:47:12.000I just mentioned to a friend one day, we were out snorting coke and drinking, and I told him, I go, where I'm staying, they're going to throw me out any day now.
01:47:22.000And he wasn't even good friends with me.
01:47:24.000And about a week later, I saw him at school.
01:47:26.000And he goes, Hey, man, I talked to my father.
01:53:37.000The first week of camp, I saw my daughter do shit, and I felt so bad for her.
01:53:42.000She would try to scratch her nose, and I would see her get frustrated, Joe Rogan, just scratching and scratching and scratching, and now it's gone.
01:55:17.000We have a machine that blows some powder in it with a thing, and then there's a regular machine that my wife has, and then she has the inhaler.
01:55:26.000My wife and her and the doctor have been working on different things.
01:56:27.000And if you don't burn that energy, then you deal with it from 7 to 9 when you're fucking trying to do your own shit and trying to get it together.
01:57:49.000Raising children you're seeing how they develop and then you're considering how other people Have been mistreated and how things have gone terribly wrong They've been abused and beaten and fucked up and then left in terrible situations and you realize that so much of what Happens with people with even terrible behavior comes from other terrible behavior like they didn't get a chance to stop the cycle And there are a
01:58:19.000lot of people that we consider really bad people, violent people, people that do terrible things.
01:58:25.000We don't even realize that so many of them are a product of violence.
01:58:30.000They're a product of someone doing it to them.
01:58:33.000They're trying to get back at the world for all the horrible shit that's been done to them.
01:58:38.000And there was no one there to put a stop to it.
02:02:31.000You know, when my mom met my stepdad, he had crazy long hair and he had it like all till I was like almost in high school is when he cut it.
02:03:14.000I knew the dudes were gay, but there's a thing about when a dude is hitting on your straight stepdad and you're like, oh my goodness, this is ridiculous.
02:06:18.000There's going to come a time, and I don't think it's going to be very long, within 10 years, where we're going to be able to read each other's minds.
02:06:27.000I think we're going to be able to communicate in a different way.
02:06:30.000And I think it's just going to be step one into some sort of a technological world where we all read each other's minds.
02:06:38.000We can connect together in some almost like telepathic web way.
02:06:46.000But I think that if technology continues to give us closer and closer access to people, we're going to lose all boundaries between what a person is.
02:06:56.000And you're going to know everything about everyone's past.
02:06:58.000And everyone's going to know everything about yours.
02:07:00.000And it's going to be like some unlimited library of the mind.
02:07:03.000You can travel through anyone's mind and read anyone's thoughts.
02:07:07.000And as a hundred years goes by and the technology gets better and a thousand years go by, we're going to integrate.
02:07:13.000We're going to figure out a way, whether it's in our grandchildren's lifetimes or their grandchildren's lifetimes.
02:07:18.000And I think that cultural shifts and things that are happening in the news and people waking up to things that they think are horrible and people trying to correct the misdeeds of the past, all of that is us waking up in the middle of our culture and trying to...
02:09:40.000And let me tell you something else, too.
02:09:43.000That's why we're fucking the elephants in the room.
02:09:45.000The fucking where we hang out was known for a comedy fucking hell of den of sucking dick, too, for a lot of years at the comedy store.
02:09:53.000A lot of dick sucking went down at the fucking comedy store.
02:09:55.000I don't know how long Harvey Weinstein's been around, but there's a song by the Eagles in 1980 that was released on the fucking long run, their last album, and it's called The King of Hollywood.
02:10:05.000On the way home, put it on, listen to it in the car.
02:10:43.000Now look at me and tell me, darling, how badly do you want this part?
02:10:48.000Yeah, listen, you put men in positions of power and hiring women like that and that crazy position of when you're trying to cast something and you've got a hundred people that want it so bad and you're You know, you're some creepy dude.
02:11:02.000Some people actually think that this would change their life.
02:11:06.000If I came to you right now and said, Joe Rogan, you're fucking delivering papers in Boston.
02:13:48.000Listen, when I read that article about the Cuban Superman that Brando was sleeping with, what they blatantly talked about in that article was exactly what we're seeing today only behind closed doors.
02:14:39.000The federal law establishes at the age of 12 as the minimum age of consent, while the age at which there are no restrictions for consensual sexual activities is 18. Sex with someone 12 to 18 is not illegal per se, but can still be opened to prosecution under certain circumstances.
02:14:59.000Age 12 is the age of minimum age of consent, but the age in which there are no restrictions for consensual sex is 18. So the idea is that sex between someone who's 12 and 18, it's not illegal, but they might be able to lock you up if you do something super creepy.
02:18:26.000Well, there's a great documentary that we've talked about many times called the OxyContin Express and they sort of documented that whole route from Ohio and Kentucky and all the way down through Georgia, all the people that would go into Florida just to get pain pills.
02:18:43.000All you had to do is just get into Florida and you get a doctor and say you hurt your back and they would have a pharmacy right next to the doctor's office and all the pharmacy had is pain pills.
02:18:52.000So you go there, you tell the doctor you're hurt, the doctor says, great, here, here's some fucking serious, hardcore drugs that can kill you.
02:25:38.000I drink something from GNC to get me going a little bit in the mornings.
02:25:41.000I still take my Onnit protein powder I live by, but I do take a supplement before I go to the gym and I do drink something while I'm at the gym to calm me down a little bit.
02:28:58.000People coming to the shows to see you, and they want to see you do well.
02:29:03.000So I go up there with this planned material that I work on hard, that I believe in, that's bullshit, because I'm a lot fanlier when I go up there and I just fucking yell and scream and go off the cuff and go crazy and my eyeballs turn red.
02:29:17.000But no, I want to be John fucking Mulaney because he makes me fucking laugh and he's what in your mind the true comic is.
02:32:42.000Like one of the things a lot of people have been saying with especially the Me Too movement is that people are more cautious about saying controversial jokes now.
02:33:23.000This is a business, and I got mouths to feed.
02:33:25.000But when I'm at the Comedy Store, when I'm at the Improv, when I'm at the Laugh Factory, when I'm at Flappers, when I'm at the Ha Ha, when I'm at New York Gotham...
02:35:36.000You're not going to compromise the way you do it for more profit.
02:35:37.000You know, when I watched the Richard Pryor thing and I know he went to the Hollywood Bowl and they were doing the thing for gays and he went up there and went against the gays.
02:44:10.000We were talking about the, you know, air quotes, Me Too era.
02:44:13.000People are going after people today, for good or for bad, and to still have a wild, controversial act in this politically correct environment...
02:44:23.000What are we going after Me Too people for?
02:44:26.000For me taking you in the back, grabbing your titties, grabbing your pussy, or for you sucking my dick for a movie role, or for something like that.
02:44:32.000All those things really don't exist in my life.
02:47:11.000It's almost the definition of hysteria.
02:47:13.000You're not talking about an evil person.
02:47:14.000You're talking about a person who touched someone's back.
02:47:17.000We've got to be real careful with what you destroy a person's whole life with.
02:47:22.000So on the one side you have the worst case scenario, which is like a Bill Cosby, who's drugging people and raping people.
02:47:30.000It's the worst case scenario for these powerful elite type people that are getting these women into their web and pretending they're going to help them.
02:48:39.000Do you think that it's possible that his behavior was shielded from some of the people that he interacted with, like Hillary Clinton or Oprah or Bill Clinton or whoever it was that they, some high-profile people that he interacted with?
02:49:30.000About a joke that somebody said at the store, no, about a place I went to.
02:49:37.000And some chick took me in the back and sucked my dick under the car and then she stuck a finger in my ass and that's what we talked about.
02:49:44.000So, if that's what we talked about, you're going to look me in the fucking face like a man that you are and the men that you And tell me Harvey Weinstein never turned to Brad or his other bodies and said,
02:49:59.000psst, remind me to tell you a story about that dirty fucking animal.
02:50:35.000Kim Basinger steals the show when she walks into Japanese land and she's like, you know, you're entitled to 50% of your husband's assets in California.
02:50:48.000You know you're in town 50% and she opens up the door 50% 50%.
02:50:54.000That movie's a great movie but there's a scene in the opening of that movie both of those actors are around where the guy comes up to him and he goes you're not going to believe what happened last night.
02:52:17.000So do you think that there was like a community of that where actors and actresses- I think he had four or five guys- That knew what he was doing.
02:52:27.000I want you to remember being 27 and having four of your boys that would come back every Monday with a different story to karate school.
02:55:53.000You know, we don't really rehearse at all.
02:55:55.000But musicians, like a really good musician, they're always working.
02:55:58.000They're always trying and training and working on their craft.
02:56:01.000And we do it on stage, in front of people, probably more than a lot of musicians do, unless they're constantly regularly touring.
02:56:08.000But we don't have that kind of a work ethic attached to what we do.
02:56:14.000If you want to play a phenomenal trumpet, Those guys, their breath control and the way they can blow those horns, man, they practice all the time.
02:56:22.000They put in hours and hours working on that.
02:56:25.000And I was thinking about it, like, that's a different kind of craft.
02:56:28.000It's a different kind of craft, the ability to play a musical instrument.
02:56:32.000The thing about stand-up that becomes a problem sometimes is that it's kind of, you can kind of pull it off.
02:56:39.000Like, you can do it really well, or you can kind of pull it off.
02:56:41.000And to kind of pull it off, you don't need a whole lot of effort.
02:56:44.000You just need a few good subjects and a few good ways of expressing it.
02:56:48.000But to get that where you can kind of pull it off and turn it into a bit that just smashes, a bit that you put it in and you can't wait to get to that punchline because you know it's going to be a nuclear bomb.
02:57:00.000And I think for a lot of us, it's the difference between how much energy you put towards anything, whether it's your stand-up comedy or painting or whatever the fuck you do.
02:57:10.000How much energy you put towards your writing?
02:57:11.000How much energy you put towards thinking about it?
02:57:13.000The more you can do, the better it's going to be.
02:57:15.000And that's a fundamental thing that nobody ever tells you.
02:57:23.000But the whole key to it all is just applying different kinds of focus towards your act.
02:57:29.000And if you look at a movie like Mo' Betta Blues, he's doing that.
02:57:33.000He's playing that fucking trumpet, and you realize this guy is lost in the act of practicing this beautiful musical instrument, and this is his craft, and he takes pride in being excellent at his craft.
02:57:45.000He could just hang around all day and still probably blow an awesome tune at night, but no, he fucking practices.
02:57:50.000And I remember thinking about that, going, damn, that's probably something that's missing from the lives of most stand-ups, and I should probably try to think about that more with my own life.
02:58:00.000I love the writing, and I love the performing.
02:58:08.000The listening is very rough for me, and I listen, I force myself, even before the special.
02:58:13.000I forced myself to listen a lot, and it made me too fucking overcritical.
02:58:18.000You know, it got me too over fucking critical.
02:58:22.000A week before I taped, I also went to places that I didn't put my name on the gazebo, just to see how my jokes would do in front of regular people.
02:58:30.000And that fucked with my head a little bit.
02:58:32.000I made a lot of couple little mistakes in training camp.
02:58:35.000But that's what training camps were for, to learn.
03:02:06.000Fucking great club, but you went up and you got into it with some people in the audience about something and you were just on fire, just on fire.
03:02:52.000You just think about doing your thing and then adjusting along the way.
03:02:55.000And I had the wrong mindset and I needed to see someone kill a bunch of times in front of me and then bomb go after them to realize something's wrong here.
03:03:04.000The wrong thing is that I'm going on stage tense Because someone was funny.
03:04:12.000Just over and over again, bonding together, hundreds of shows together, figuring out how to fucking get everything perfect, figuring out the right amount of weed to smoke before you go on stage, the right amount of getting Joey Diaz riled up.
03:04:27.000You would come in yelling about something, or here, I want you to see something, I'd go into the bathroom and there'd be a shit that looks like a crocodile trying to crawl out of the toilet bowl.
03:04:37.000All that stuff, that's some rock and roll comedy, man.
03:06:01.000But the thing that I love about this time is that even though people are super sensitive, like we were talking about, people are real sensitive about getting in trouble for stuff, there's still Rock'em Sock'em Robots comedy going on.
03:06:41.000Like, the point of that fucking story I told you, of being on top of that hill at 17 and being homeless, is because I had a lot of chances to ice myself, Chuck.
03:06:53.000I had a lot of ass chances to ice myself.
03:06:56.000Think of getting out of fucking prison.
03:07:12.000I used to break into a friend's house to sleep in his house at night.
03:07:16.000I slept in a rocket ship for a month outside of the park.
03:07:21.000You ever go to a park and see those rocket ships and your kids play on them?
03:07:24.000I still remember going up to the third floor of the rocket ship, finishing off my coke and jerking off On the third floor at 5 in the morning outside in a fucking park with leaves around me and shit.
03:07:35.000There was a lot of times I had that I wanted to do...
03:07:42.000I would go up to the third floor with a bottle of fucking Smirnoff silver vodka, a bag, a hooded sweatshirt, gloves with a missing finger so I could fucking touch the rock and put them in my nose and shit.
03:07:59.000Now that's all funny on the way up the stairs and shit, but when you come down and you're in that rocket ship and it's 5 in the morning and it's 20 fucking 2 below zero, and you're thinking to yourself, fucking God took away my mother,
03:08:15.000God did this, this is all God's fault.
03:08:17.000Because the same God that I was raised to believe that was going to help me is doing all this.
03:08:22.000A lot of times I wanted to fucking do a swan dive.
03:09:29.000I think whenever someone does something like that, whatever it is, if there's one thing that people could point to and say, hey, there's a chemical that's responsible for this, or there's a gene problem that's responsible for this, how could someone who's loved so much Want to step out.
03:09:46.000I mean, that must be a terrible moment of pain to want to do it.
03:10:47.000And then I think about all these times, one time, I broke into my friend's house and I broke in the window and it was freezing so I couldn't even sleep in that room.
03:13:48.000There's zombie games and games where you're on top of a castle, defending the castle, shooting arrows down at monsters that are coming at you.
03:13:58.000We're entering into a weird world right now, Joey Diaz.
03:15:06.000So what I do is I'll write on a notebook in the mornings, and then once I take the baby to whatever, I'll go to the coffee shop and transfer it if I really like it to the iPad, and I'll work on it from there.
03:15:19.000And then I look at the whole thing as a whole now instead of in a notebook, and I don't know my spelling, and I can't remember what that word was.
03:15:27.000The social media part is the big part of all this that I'm talking about is that we're just getting closer and closer to each other in some weird ways.
03:15:33.000This is going to be nothing compared to the next wave.
03:15:36.000Whatever the next wave is, but they really do figure out a way to integrate either virtual reality or what they're calling augmented reality.
03:15:43.000Like you'll wear a pair of sunglasses and you can have Google Maps sitting up on it.
03:15:47.000You can Google things, you can see images, give you navigation.
03:20:47.000We'll come in, we'll do a cycle of the different cardiovascular machines and then we'll do a circuit of the cardiovascular machines and do a circuit of like some kettlebell exercises.