On this week's episode, the boys are joined by comedian Douglas Danhope to talk about a variety of topics, including the new soda craze, the mayor of Bisbee, AZ, and much, much more. Also, we talk about how much better it is to live in a small town, and the weirdest thing you can do with 5,000 people in a town where half the town hates you because you're not supporting whatever stupid fucking thing they're doing, and you have to see them at Safeway. We also talk about what it's like to be the mayor in a city where half of the town doesn't like you, and it's not even close to as bad as you think it is, and that's a good thing, because it means you get to go out and do stupid things with people you don't really care about. And as always, thank you for listening to this episode of OH YES! We really appreciate it! and we hope you like it. We'll see you next week for our next episode, where we're doing a live show at a coffee shop in the middle of the night. Cheers! -The boys. -Jon Sorrentino and Doug Stambo (feat. John Rocha) Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Music by Zapsplat and Mat McElroy. Please rate, review, review and subscribe to this podcast, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and tell us what you think about it's good or bad, and what you'd like to hear in the comments section, and we'll hear about it on the next episode. Thank you for your feedback! if you're looking for a good time, please be sure to leave us in the next one, we'll be looking out for us to send us your thoughts on your podcast! or you'll get a shoutout and a review! :) -Jon & Doug - Thank you, Jon and Doug - . Jon & Doug, John R. ( ) -Jon and Doug ( ) - Mike ( ) . . . Jon and Mike ( & the boys ( ) - . . , , , and the boys (and the rest of the crew . ) & more!
00:06:46.000And you started putting that, like, septic on me.
00:06:49.000I had a septic in one of my old houses, and the pump broke, and then first the toilet bowl started back up, and then the tub started filling up with piss and shit.
00:10:37.000And you drive those cars forever until they died and then hitchhike to the next town and hope you know a comic there that can get you to the city for the gig.
00:10:47.000Could you have ever imagined when you were 21 or however old you were when you first started doing The Road, that one day you would look back on those horrible nights with, like, nostalgia?
00:11:11.000I think there's probably a big difference between doing it on the East Coast and Boston and congestion rather than the great wide open of Montana and Idaho.
00:11:23.000The shows are probably bleaker, though.
00:11:27.000We had shows, you would do a lot of road gigs, but they were good gigs.
00:11:33.000The boom of the late 80s, I started in 88, and I started doing gigs on the road, like hell gigs on the road in probably like 89. And there was a lot of gigs back then that were really good.
00:11:47.000You would go somewhere, there'd be 300 people, it'd be a great crowd, 150 people in a bar, everybody's there, they love comedy night.
00:12:09.000There's a lot of downtime and a lot of questionable choices in ladies just because you needed a place to stay for four days before El Paso.
00:12:27.000The travel on the road thing is such a...
00:12:30.000You get a view of the country that if you really stop and think about it, like how many different places you've been and your understanding of America.
00:13:35.000But no one gives a fuck about things that actually affect them locally.
00:13:40.000The thing that sets that guy off to bitch about Trump or bitch about Hillary is he forgot to move his car on street.
00:13:48.000Street sweeping day, but he never goes down to petition city council about, hey, this is fucked up.
00:13:53.000The stop sign was obscured, Your Honor, and I wouldn't have run the stop sign, but there's a fucking branch in front of it, and you need to cut that down, and I get a ticket, and I can't afford the ticket, and it's the economy.
00:14:08.000They just bring it to the highest level.
00:14:10.000Well, one of the things that I've realized by talking to people that really understand how things work, like economics, like I talked to Peter Schiff yesterday, the economist.
00:14:35.000Like, when you talk to him, like, first time we did a show, we got drunk.
00:14:39.000We decided to have a couple drinks and lighten up, because he was doing this, like, Fox News, CNN thing they do, where they have these five-minute panels.
00:14:45.000We just have to rattle off statistics.
00:14:46.000You have to tell the people, the problem isn't economics.
00:15:15.000This is what I realized talking to people like that.
00:15:17.000There's no fucking way you could be on the ball with all this stuff.
00:15:21.000With Congress and the Senate and all the stuff that goes on behind the scenes and the lobbyists, you would have to be fully immersed in it.
00:15:29.000You'd have to be fully immersed in it and then fully immersed in the stock market to have any kind of an argument one way or another.
00:15:35.000And most people are just having these half-assed, half-cocked, shitty, thought-out arguments about almost everything they talk about.
00:15:55.000When it comes to, like, politics, like, you pretend you understand politics, like, how long have they been trying to unravel this Russia thing?
00:16:05.000I know I don't know, and I don't care enough to try to learn.
00:16:09.000I got to a place, I went through a period of, you know, back in our conspiracy theory days, and then I learned a little bit, but anything that's, I really don't know how government works.
00:17:21.000Yeah, he's a fucking loser, but he's the one you created.
00:17:25.000We were just talking about, and I mentioned it on stage here and again, that Trump makes me happy sometimes in that He's a product of everything, like, what's that, Le'Veon Ball,
00:17:43.000Like, he's famous just because he's a fucking asshole, and he knows, hey, if I keep being a fucking asshole, the more I'm gonna get noticed.
00:17:52.000And Ann Coulter, who just says, or Tom Likas, or the Nuge, we were just talking about, you had the Nuge on?
00:21:34.000And as much as he says crazy shit, he's got his, you know, he believes he's supporting the intelligent side of the message that you should be able to have guns if you're a responsible, law-abiding person.
00:21:45.000And part of me is like, yeah, you should be, yeah.
00:21:48.000But maybe, you know, maybe the problem is, just like we were talking about people running for president, you don't really get the nuanced stance of who a person is.
00:21:56.000From these campaign ads or debates or anything.
00:24:21.000This is like, for whatever reason, it barely gets our attention.
00:24:26.000Guys like him are important for getting that message out, even if he does it in this fucked up way.
00:24:32.000We need to look at what this thing is.
00:24:35.000We definitely have a gun problem in this country, but I don't think either side is right about what it is.
00:24:42.000I think we have a fucking human problem.
00:24:44.000The fact that humans are just running around shooting people is the problem.
00:24:47.000It's not the fact that we're smart enough to figure out guns.
00:24:51.000Well, every time me and Chad Shank get drunk and have one of these conversations late into the night, it always boils down to overpopulation.
00:25:28.000And if you get a pet kitten and you come home every night, oh, Mr. Bimbles, you make me so happy.
00:25:34.000But if you came back to that same bachelor apartment of 300 square feet and there were 800 kittens in there, you couldn't kill kittens quick enough.
00:27:10.000I mean, that's the crazy thing is so many people want to be there and there's so many people there that they could just keep jacking the rents up and jacking the real estate payments up.
00:27:22.000What I was saying about Ted Nugent and you were saying about Tom Likas and a lot of these other people, it's It's real easy to write somebody off.
00:28:34.000The idea of treating people as the individual instead of Collective instead of a group instead of a Identifying with a group of whatever no matter what it is Treat people as individuals and he's a big proponent of personal responsibility and treating people as individuals and because of that and because of some of the things he said about They're trying to enforce Pronouns for transgender people like ones that they made up like a bunch of them There was a bill that
00:29:04.000was a human rights violation thing, you know, because they have that Human Rights Council in Canada, and he was arguing this is a slippery slope.
00:29:14.000You can't compel people to use made-up words.
00:29:17.000You can't just decide that you're going to make up a bunch of gender pronouns and then get people to say it.
00:30:51.000I was kind of hoping Trump would do it.
00:30:52.000I think you could manipulate his ego to a point where you could get him to do your bidding just by saying, oh, you're getting good numbers by doing this, and the left hates this, so yeah, you should legalize marijuana, and he wouldn't need logic.
00:31:09.000He'd just need to have his ego fed, and he'd do all the right things.
00:31:13.000I think that's one he's holding in his back pocket, the legalized marijuana.
00:31:17.000I think as we get closer to the election, I think he makes marijuana federally legal.
00:31:22.000And I think if he does that, the stoners just fucking raise their arms in the air and they go, fuck it, I'm going with Trump.
00:31:29.000Do you just know how much that'll change the world?
00:33:09.000So you get that kind of redneck element, but it's not a Trump versus Hillary.
00:33:15.000Obviously, in that small town, there's no Black Lives Matter rallies, but people still go out and protest for Red for Ed for the teacher thing.
00:33:28.000See, that sidearm thing can work in a limited amount of people.
00:34:11.000I'm sure I'm misquoting Carlin, but something to that effect.
00:34:14.000But yeah, you see undocumented aliens getting busted, but there's no...
00:34:19.000You know, fucking drug war shit going on.
00:34:22.000They'll confiscate weed out of a false bottom fake gas tank at the checkpoint.
00:34:28.000I know guys who have been camping on the border, camping near the border on the U.S. side, and had run-ins with people who were coming across.
00:34:37.000They said some of them got real sketchy.
00:34:40.000Because basically, they're coming across constantly, all the time.
00:34:45.000If you're there, these guys were on a deer hunting trip, and they just said they were just running into people all the time.
00:35:01.000And every other house in our neighborhood has humanitarian aid is never a crime because you're not supposed to fucking leave water out in the desert in case someone's dying.
00:35:57.000Yeah, on one of the reservations, one of the Indian reservations, on one of the Border Patrol roads, the guy was filming, and the car's coming right at me, and then it fucking hits him, and then turns around, and he got it all on tape, the guy that he actually hit...
00:36:51.000I can't like I have a hard time I'll get into going down wormholes of You know bad cops and fucking do get a patrol and hit like that I Mean that you you are you're making a decision to shatter a person's body probably forever You're hitting someone that hard with a with a truck that guy's got probably everything's probably broken It's probably and it's not a dirt road where it's yeah,
00:37:32.000You just wake up in the morning and I get on Newser and I click on fucking cop-throws-a-guy-through-a-play-class-window kind of shit and beatings.
00:37:45.000You know, I've said this a hundred times, but it's worth repeating.
00:37:49.000I don't think most people are qualified to be cops.
00:37:52.000I think it's a really fucking hard job, and I think the pressure of it fucks people up.
00:37:56.000Even if they did go into that job, if they gravitated towards it because they were bullies, which I'm sure a certain percentage do.
00:38:03.000I think for most of them, it's just a good job, and they think they can pull it off.
00:38:07.000I've met a lot of cops that are good guys.
00:38:09.000But I think the pressure of that job and being shot at all the time and worrying every time you pull somebody over you're gonna get shot.
00:38:17.000And everybody's seen those videos of people pulling people over and they pull out a gun and kill the cop.
00:38:27.000And he starts, he starts screaming for the guy to get back in the car, and the guy pulls out a rifle, and the guy just starts shooting at him, and he gets hit, and he's screaming, just almost, stop it, stop it, stop it!
00:38:39.000And the guy just keeps shooting the cop while all this is happening, and the guy's like screaming for his life while this guy's just gunning him down, like, man, tell me these cops haven't seen this?
00:39:14.000And so you go looking for things to be wrong, and that person becomes the enemy.
00:39:18.000Just like you push people on a fucking football field or on the other team, that's what you're doing to the people that you're supposed to be protecting and serving.
00:40:00.000You're dealing with people beating their wives.
00:40:02.000You're dealing with kids that get hit by cars.
00:40:04.000You're dealing with just the most horrible shit.
00:40:07.000And we can boil this down to too many people.
00:40:10.000Because I live in a town where I know the cops.
00:40:13.000Same cop came to two Super Bowl parties in consecutive years the night before when we had a big pre-party on the Saturday night and came for noise complaints two years in a row.
00:40:27.000The first time he walked in, Christine Levine was on stage doing her act, and you can hear everything in my neighborhood just speaking.
00:40:34.000And when she's on a microphone doing a bit about, after three kids, my pussy looks like it swallowed a dog that chewed its way out.
00:41:12.000And he came and he goes, hey, I know it's none of my business, but I heard you going through a tough time, and I just wanted to see if you're okay.
00:42:48.000Where you hear all the, oh, that fucking, I hate that fucking country.
00:42:52.000Think she's funny and she's not funny.
00:42:55.000Like, I would, yeah, I would be, if I lived there, if I was a regular like everyone else at the comedy store, yeah, then I'd have my beefs and I'd be political.
00:43:04.000There's very few beefs there these days.
00:44:20.000It would be funny if you only dress like this on the show and then you immediately, the show's over, oh, I can't wait to get dressed for my golf tee off in an hour.
00:44:29.000And then you put on like a polo shirt and a fat Rolex and some nice slippers.
00:44:33.000I only have ridiculous suits and pajamas.
00:45:03.000Where were you getting these ridiculous?
00:45:05.000I got this my neighbor Evelyn found this great old plaid vintage 70s sport coat and I just happened to find a pair of yellow pants that matched it perfectly and then I get so then I'd start like really looking for what when I could put a whole suit together and I like alright and then I realized white shoes go at everything white loafers and So then I just...
00:45:31.000That's all we do when we're driving on the road.
00:49:13.000I just did a couple weeks there in April, and I read it's called The Fatal Shore, and it's like this 700-page history of Australia, and it's fucking brutal.
00:52:18.000Yeah, they would have no structures when they first showed up over there.
00:52:23.000The Aborigines were basically packs, and they would basically cut and burn, or hunt as much as they could in an area, and they didn't have houses.
00:52:35.000They had no, like, they'd just move on.
00:52:39.000Yeah, and they were living, you know, like, essentially, like how Native Americans were, maybe in the 1400s or 1500s, probably even more simply, right?
00:52:57.000That's why they wouldn't fuck with New Zealand, because the Maori, however you pronounce that, the Maori people, they were fucking badasses, and they were somewhat fortified.
00:55:30.000A friend of mine filmed this show, it's called Uncharted, and his name is Jim Shockey, and he's this professional hunter from Canada.
00:55:39.000They hired him to go to Africa to shoot these crocodiles that were killing all these people that lived in this village.
00:55:44.000While they were there, someone got snatched and taken by a crocodile.
00:55:48.000And, like, so you're seeing everyone in the village is missing an arm, or they have a chunk taken out of their head, or a chunk taken out of their thigh, and you're like...
00:56:17.000One's called the Gan that goes from Adelaide all the way up to Darwin.
00:56:22.000And then they have another that goes all the way from Perth to Sydney.
00:56:26.000And I really want to just do a train trip because in the middle there's like a Coober Pedy is a mining town where like most of the town is underground because it gets that hot.
00:56:36.000It's 120 degrees so they built the town underground.
00:58:12.000That's they're trying so hard to keep it from being touched and influenced by people But every time people go over there you have to clean off their shoes.
00:58:19.000Yeah, it's like Don't step off the track though.
00:58:23.000What's the fucking go back in time the butterfly effect?
00:58:26.000Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, people are I mean, isn't that how life got spread all across the world?
00:58:36.000I mean, I know we shouldn't do it on purpose and foolishly, but a lot of how life got spread is just picking things up and carrying them in their shit and dropping them off there.
00:58:57.000Everything on Hawaii is something somebody brought over everything like there's like some birds that used to live there and some bugs You know and everything else is all the different wildlife all the animals.
00:59:07.000They've just been brought over there There's nothing worse than going to Hawaii and hearing white people bitch about the tourists White people that live there.
01:00:09.000And then, you know, she's just trying to figure out when's the right time.
01:00:11.000But she said she wants to do her own YouTube channel, and she's upset at everybody.
01:00:16.000And I felt like, you know, there's a lot of merit in what she's saying.
01:00:22.000You know, I really do think she got fucked over.
01:00:25.000I really do think she made a joke about a woman that she didn't know was black.
01:00:30.000And a woman who's, I think she's only one-eighth black.
01:00:34.000Oh yeah, I saw the picture and I went, oh, I get it now.
01:00:37.000I talked to her on the phone afterwards where she goes, she was asking me for advice and she said, I really fucked up and I honestly didn't think she was black.
01:00:48.000And then she goes, did you ever do Ambien?
01:00:51.000I go, that's exactly why I stopped doing Ambien.
01:00:56.000I'm sure that's why she tweeted that, where I'm like, just talk about this on Rogan, because Rogan spends time.
01:01:06.000And that tweet where she goes, I did take an Ambien.
01:01:09.000Well, yeah, you drink on Ambien, and you're fucked.
01:01:12.000I can tell you a million stories of normal people, like fucking Judy Brown, her husband, Steve Marmel...
01:01:21.000Almost had a plane grounded because he, on a flight, he took an Ambien and had a couple of bourbons and then just started going fucking batch it.
01:02:33.000Renee's brother, you remember my ex Renee, her brother and his buddy took some ambience, had minor amounts of cocktails, woke up on a lawn in a neighborhood they didn't know where they were.
01:02:46.000And that's where, it was that one lucid business conversation where you go, that could have been me driving my car into someone's front fucking porch.
01:03:01.000My mom said that she took it and no booze, just took the Ambien and wound up drawing on a bathroom carpet, you know, in those little bathroom rugs, just drawing on it with like lipstick and nail polish.
01:03:15.000Doesn't have any recollection of doing it.
01:03:17.000Just drawing on it like a little kid would.
01:03:18.000Would they pull out the nail polish, just start...
01:04:27.000And she also can't fucking tell the difference between Twitter and a green room.
01:04:32.000Because if every single comic was recorded, the dark shit that we say in green rooms, because we're comics, and we say the worst possible thing.
01:04:46.000Because you go to the darkest areas and you say all the wrong words and you say the most racist thing to your black comic friend and he says the fucking worst thing to you about your fucking, your ugly fucking teeth or you're fat or you're fucking stupid.
01:05:04.000And if she walked into the green room and said that about that lady, we would be laughing.
01:07:07.000But the thing is, different than anybody that I've ever talked to about these kind of wacky conspiracy theories, when I explained to her how those clouds are made, she went, oh, okay.
01:11:22.000Was it she was touching an undercover cop, or she allowed the undercover cop to touch her?
01:11:26.000I believe that, but what I read from her attorney last night on Twitter is that this is the same show or whatever performance she's been doing all over the country.
01:11:59.000So, like, you walked over to Jamie and rubbed his back, you go to jail?
01:12:05.000Unless we're related, we haven't done a 23andMe yet.
01:12:08.000An employee who regularly appears nude or semi-nude at a sexually oriented business is prohibited from touching patrons except for family members.
01:12:55.000This bitch, she thinks she's gonna take down POTUS? That's my favorite when they call him POTUS. You know, like, they're like, if POTUS did this, like, come on.
01:13:10.000Not only that, it's like, this is what got us here in the first place.
01:13:15.000Daniels remove what okay in probation affidavit attained by CNN Detectives who are at the sirens gentlemen's club said they observed Daniels remove her top and force patrons face into her chest force.
01:14:20.000She fondled a third officer's buttocks and breasts, according to the document, and then forced the officer's head between her breasts and smacked the officer's face with her breasts.
01:14:29.000Can you imagine arresting somebody for that?
01:16:00.000Like, the cops, if you were in, you know, in New Jersey in the 1970s, the cop that was patrolling your neighborhood lived in the neighborhood.
01:16:11.000Officer Bob Friendly, my cop friend in Bisbee, told me a story about where he had to do a welfare check in a house, and they force entry, and he's yelling, police, we're just here to do a welfare check.
01:16:28.000Some older guy that could have been fucking dead, and he's expecting...
01:16:33.000To find a corpse when no one's answering.
01:16:36.000And he gets up the staircase and he gets halfway around and this guy with half dementia holding a fucking.45 on him and he has to make that split second decision to draw his gun and shoot and he just ducked the other way.
01:16:53.000Hey, we're just here to make sure you're okay.
01:16:55.000And he was like that close to taking a fucking bullet in the head just trying to make sure a neighbor isn't dead.
01:17:16.000Shoot an old guy in his house because he thinks he's protecting his house from burglars, and you're just there to check to see if he's all right, and you wind up shooting him in the head.
01:17:27.000The amount of days in a year and the amount of interaction they're going to have with violence, it's just too much for most people's brains, almost everybody's brain.
01:17:36.000It's almost like being on the front lines for 20 years, especially if you're in Detroit or south side of Chicago or somewhere in a terrible neighborhood where they're dealing with crime all the time, Camden, something like that.
01:17:49.000The thin blue line where officers protect their own fucking bad apples.
01:17:55.000Yeah, you only need to see one fucking wormhole run of YouTube bad cop videos.
01:18:02.000Well, there's people that are protecting those cops.
01:18:05.000So yeah, you gotta fucking give up your weak links.
01:22:58.000And they said they couldn't have the ranch, they couldn't turn it into this town, they couldn't develop on it the way they wanted to, because they were recognizing that these people were becoming like It's a giant cult that was next door and all these people were moving in.
01:27:01.000Someone was telling me about you have some viral piece snapping on immigration and anyone who will take away their baby from their parents.
01:27:14.000Yeah, it was just me and Duncan talking on a podcast about how crazy it is that people are like, oh, should have broke the law.
01:28:13.000And I said it on stage last night that the same way people can be offended at a buzzword without hearing the whole bit because you said cunt or retard or something, they just completely tune out and walk out without hearing the context of the whole piece of material...
01:28:33.000The same way people can become attracted to you because you said, you know, faggot Jew.
01:28:53.000I have my little niche base and you can go away.
01:28:56.000And like the libertarians, I have to distance myself from them because that was always a split of...
01:29:03.000You know, civil libertarians and Legalize, you know, drugs and that versus snake handling, homeschooling Christian types that don't want the government involved in them raising freak kids.
01:29:19.000But now it's like, it seems like all the good parts are now just anti-Trump, like we have to vote Democrat and the bad parts of the libertarians are the whole now.
01:29:36.000Not the party, but the ethic, I lean that way, but I'm not calling myself a libertarian anymore because it's a bunch of fucking Nazis.
01:29:46.000Not all of them, but I'm saying a lot of people have, it's become, you know, like the good parts have left.
01:29:54.000Well, I think there's just a problem with groups.
01:29:58.000Whenever you have groups, you're going to have the fringe.
01:30:01.000And when you have the fringe, whether it's the fringe stupid or the fringe radical right or the fringe radical left, they sort of define the group and they taint it.
01:30:09.000And if you have a group that anybody can join, like, do you have libertarian ideas?
01:32:10.000I was on Frankie Boyle's show and I was saying that the only way that Trump would overturn gun control or put in gun control laws is because school shootings are the only time he's not on CNN. It takes like 30 people to die on a schoolyard before CNN stops talking about him for a minute.
01:33:32.000And, like, last time I actually wrote down, he'll just start spewing this jargon where I put him on speakerphone in the van when we're on the road so everyone can hear his...
01:34:42.000Just trying to pay attention to that, too, on top of all the other shit you're supposed to be paying attention to.
01:34:47.000You're supposed to be paying attention to stocks and bonds and up and down and...
01:34:53.000Yeah, I stopped paying attention because I'd get these calls where he's moving it into this and I don't know and then I have to fucking look up if it's up or down and I don't give a shit.
01:35:04.000Well, if you're working on your act...
01:35:06.000If you're going to do your podcast, you're working on your act, you're getting ready to go on the road, you're going over your material, how much fucking time do you have to pay attention to the stock market and really know what you're investing in and really doing the research on the company?
01:35:53.000It's not like I'm relaxed, like there's something I should be doing all the time to where I'm paralyzed in bed because I don't know what it is I should be doing.
01:36:39.000I have used this act in every fucking English-speaking place that I've done, you know, all of the U.S., and now I've done everything international.
01:36:49.000I've done fucking expats in Vietnam have heard this fucking act, and I have to start from scratch, and that's, we talked about this, you're starting a new hour.
01:38:26.000I get to check first, or I sign the contract first, or I agree to do the gig first, and then go, fuck, I'm going to have to have a new hour before I do that tour.
01:39:56.000Yeah, you just, and I saw you do that the last time I was in town, and it was fucking brilliant.
01:40:01.000I go, that was just, you were just riffing that?
01:40:04.000That's not, because you were talking about, yeah, I only have like 10 minutes, like I'm trying to write a new act, and I only have like 10 minutes of good material, and then I watched you do 10 minutes off the fucking top of your head that was brilliant, but it was really funny to see you in that back bar going,
01:40:19.000yeah, but I gotta be fucked up to do it.
01:43:45.000I have to do these three bits, but then you're tired of them, and then I just start fucking around with it, just to make it interesting for me.
01:43:56.000That's a lot of the times where you find, oh, this works.
01:44:34.000This was my first show in the States since March.
01:44:38.000I started in Southeast Asia, and then Australia, and then Canada, and then the UK. And I go, I know a lot of these tags are going to fucking work if I ever get back to the States.
01:44:50.000This is not getting what it should get, but it's also...
01:48:22.000Ari put a whole thing about all these comedians saying things that aren't even remotely funny about issues.
01:48:28.000And how uninformed are a lot of those opinions?
01:48:36.000If you questioned a lot of these comics, three levels below the surface, how much do you really know about this issue that you're speaking about?
01:50:32.000I blame the alcohol probably as much as I should, but I know people that are my age that they can't remember a fucking thing and they don't drink.
01:50:44.000Well, I think too many things happen to people in their lives, too.
01:50:47.000I think it's impossible to remember everything.
01:50:50.000You know, they have that thing where you can only keep a certain amount of people in your brain.
01:50:56.000A certain amount of people in your tribe, like 150 people.
01:50:59.000You can keep intimate relationships with 150 people in your brain.
01:51:02.000I bet that's the case with life experiences, too.
01:51:04.000I bet that's the case with information.
01:51:07.000I think you only have a certain amount of database space in your brain.
01:51:12.000And I think some people really exercise it and expand the capacity and get it pretty impressive, but there's still only room for a certain amount of shit.
01:51:21.000If you're really paying attention to some things, the other things you're kind of half-assed.
01:51:28.000We're not designed for perfect output in every single category of things that we do.
01:51:35.000We're designed to pay a lot of attention to some things, and as long as food and shelter is taken care of, we kind of barely pay attention to other things.
01:51:59.000There was never this much, because people are doing this mostly probably while they're at work, right?
01:52:04.000They're supposed to be doing other shit and like, oh yeah?
01:52:06.000Well, I'll show you, you fucking piece of shit, you fucking Nazi.
01:52:08.000You know, and they're just typing shit at each other and going back and forth with each other when they're not getting anything done.
01:52:14.000They're supposed to be working somewhere.
01:52:17.000It's an old bit about nationalism, but...
01:52:21.000Because of the current climate, people tweet that clip a lot.
01:52:25.000And then, because my name is in, then they start an intellectual Twitter war, which is the worst, when people are using big words and fucking lots of facts and excerpts from Smart Fuck Magazine in a Twitter battle.
01:52:42.000It's one thing, yeah, fuck your mother.
01:52:44.000My team's better than your team and that shit.
01:52:46.000But when they're having these intellectual discourses about whatever, fucking climate change or nationalism or immigration, but they keep me in the fucking thing because it started with a...
01:53:01.000YouTube clip so my name, my handle is in there and they don't take me out of the fucking thing so I'm involved in these long threads between two assholes who are trying to outsmart each other.
01:54:05.000I think most of the people that are tweeting all day either don't have a job and they're just addicted to Twitter, or they're at work and they're just fucking off and they're supposed to be working.
01:54:17.000And so this is way more engaging to them because they're already stuck in this office, so they're making sport.
01:54:22.000Out of, like, going after people or getting at people or communicating with people.
01:54:29.000It's flexing their intellectual muscles because they're, you know, trying to find a good argument to your point that makes you look fucking stupid.
01:55:38.000And they had stopped doing it because they got bored with it.
01:55:41.000So it was like fucking Huckleberry Finn painting the fence where, oh, hey, we'll get you to...
01:55:47.000I asked them, hey, can I do this and submit them to your site?
01:55:51.000I don't know how we had that much fucking time.
01:55:54.000I would spend 14-hour days just trying to get a fucking full one because you'd get one that went halfway through and the guy bails out because he figures out you're fucking with him and it's not printable.
01:56:08.000I remember spending 12 hours on free poker sites, playing poker, and then trolling the people because you can chat while you play poker and then fucking with people and just being an asshole.
01:57:05.000I mean, it's written cleverly, so you're not getting other fucking 13-year-old kids talking to you.
01:57:14.000But just the amount of time fucking off and having fun with it.
01:57:18.000There was a funny story that I heard about a DEA, undercover DEA agent, who moved in to try to arrest another undercover DEA agent, and they were playing each other back and forth against each other, and they didn't know that both of them were cops the entire time.
01:57:47.000If Trump started talking about that, if he really wanted to keep people around...
01:57:52.000If you really wanted to get people on the side, I think what he would do is start making drugs legal and start saying, listen, folks, there's a reason why there's a problem in Mexico.
01:57:58.000And when you talk to real economists and real advisors...
01:58:00.000Oh, you were talking about that on stage last night.
01:59:32.000I think if we made everything legal, we'd have real problems, for sure, for quite a long period of time.
01:59:37.000The question is whether or not you have enough resources to parent your kids to keep those problems from happening to your family, whether or not you have enough self-control to keep yourself from being one of those problems when drugs become legal and accessible.
01:59:51.000But then, once it's settled down, From there forward, we'd be moving in a way healthier place.
01:59:56.000And you essentially take all of the money out of the cartel.
02:03:04.000Those dudes who work there, who are just climbing up and hitching people onto those things, like, they're a little too comfortable with the edge.
02:03:13.000Those people are just a little too comfortable with hanging off of trees, clipping ropes onto wires, and shooting you down.
02:03:22.000A little too casual about that endeavor.
02:03:24.000Yeah, one of the scariest things I've ever done is the cab ride from Haco to San Jose in the capital, and they're fucking speeding around what should be like 15 mile an hour curves, and there's an ox in a cart in the fucking middle of the road,
02:03:42.000and you just say, there's a head-on collision coming now!
02:03:47.000One of the things that I used to always be fascinated by Bourdain's show was his willingness to continue to go to these places where you had to take these trucks down these dirt roads and you look out the window and you see a sheer cliff and up ahead there's a fucking landslide.
02:04:02.000Now they've got to bring in a tractor to move the rocks away from the landslide.
02:04:55.000That might be the view from where I was staying.
02:04:59.000I was staying in the hotel where they have the iconic picture of the last helicopter, CIA helicopter, taking off from the roof of the hotel and people are climbing to be the last person on the hotel.
02:06:53.000Yeah, Bill Clinton did horrible fucking things and increased sentencing for fucking drug stuff.
02:07:00.000Yeah, but he was a good personality and I don't give a fuck.
02:07:05.000Imagine being a guy or a girl that's supposed to be paying attention to every single issue that's going on in this country and making decisions about all of it and doing it all, investigating every single issue perfectly, getting all the right advice from all the advisors,
02:07:21.000carefully considering each and every step.
02:08:26.000That's what the big military proponents fear, is that if we're not strong, someone else will become stronger, and then we'll be weak, we'll be attacked, and that it does happen other places in the world, and we can't be so naive as to think it'll never happen again.
02:08:40.000So give it a shot, and if it doesn't work out, fuck it.
02:08:46.000And I don't know how you can take any president seriously.
02:08:50.000Now, as we're aging and put time in perspective, four years is nothing.
02:08:56.000So I'm going to make a deal with you, and four years later, there's going to be another asshole who goes, nah, never mind.
02:10:02.000And then over there, we're gonna barely have an army and just have a bunch of dudes on the lookout with guns, make sure we don't get robbed.
02:12:37.000After we moved to Boise and immediately my wife left me for my best friend We all moved out there together and then my other buddy that moved with us couldn't handle the stress So he went back to Vegas.
02:12:49.000So I moved all my shit to Boise and within two weeks.
02:12:52.000I'm alone So I moved up to this fucking I bought a cabin like a For sale by owner like I didn't get a loan.
02:13:03.000I was like, I'm just going to give you...
02:14:37.000You'd call up businesses, and you had to pitch, and you won one of these awards, and you just have to buy this many pens, ad specs, advertising specialties, this mug with, hey, Joe, you won a big award,
02:14:53.000and all you have to do is make a small purchase of these mugs with your business name on them, the Joe Rogan Podcast, and you're guaranteed to win this big award that's worth way more.
02:16:33.000The products, like when I was working for a company originally, we would have the black matte...
02:16:43.000Pen with the gold metal Florentine trim and five lines of your ad copy on it.
02:16:48.000And we'd be selling these fucking 25 cent pens for like $4 a piece.
02:16:55.000But the scam that I was just getting into when I started doing comedy and then bailed out and went full-time in comedy was the invention ones, like the George Foreman.
02:18:16.000Well, I never did get into that fully, where I was just starting to do that out of my house, out of my apartment in Vegas when I'm going full-time in comedy.
02:18:28.000But the other scams, no, I never felt bad.
02:18:32.000They say, oh, they're ripping off old people.
02:18:35.000No, we were ripping off young, greedy fucking people that think they're going to fucking get something for nothing.
02:20:08.000But I took about an hour's worth of material that...
02:20:11.000I think there's only 20 minutes on the VHS, just the bit about Pop-Off Vodka Presents, where we tried to get sponsorship with Pop-Off, because it's fucking low-grade, shitty vodka, and I thought that would be a funny sponsor, and Brian reached out through channels.
02:20:29.000They said Pop-Off wouldn't touch Doug Stanhope with a 10-foot pole.
02:23:09.000I like just talking in front of this YouTube camera.
02:23:11.000So if you like me talking, please support my Patreon.
02:23:15.000But when everyone talks about their new hour, I'm doing usually an hour and a half now, and I'm not doing five different bits that I really like that I just got bored with, but I still haven't recorded.
02:24:10.000I mean, Vimeo does exist, and it is good, but in terms of when people think of one platform where you get videos on, you really only think of YouTube.
02:24:46.000I remember your old studio where I'm looking at my face on a giant TV. I remember tripping that bad, bad thing.
02:24:55.000Yeah, we shouldn't have done that way.
02:24:57.000That way was dumb because when we realized somewhere along the line that when they were up on that screen, like we would look at ourselves on that screen, it would make you think about it.
02:25:06.000And then somewhere along the line I said, let's stop doing this.
02:25:09.000It just doesn't seem like the right way to do it.
02:27:00.000I remember Fitzsimmons got kicked out of a gig up there, and they had told him not to drive at night because there's so many moose on the road.
02:27:09.000But they kicked him out of the gig for swearing.
02:28:12.000Yeah, we were buddies when we were raw, open micers.
02:28:15.000We used to steal jokes from each other.
02:28:17.000Like, we didn't really have enough material to do, like, a half an hour.
02:28:21.000So, like, he would do some of my shit, I'd do some of his shit, and he'd tell me, oh, yeah, that blowjob bit worked great, and fucking some shithole in the middle of nowhere.
02:28:30.000Like, when you, when we first, we were, like, a year in, we were both about a year in when we started getting paid gigs.
02:29:29.000I remember, I think I only had to do like 30 or 35 minutes, and I was stretching to get 27 with everything I had.
02:29:39.000And I remember stealing some jokes from one of the Vegas open micers where I lived, and going back and say, oh, hey, I used some of your material because I had to fill time, and then I find out later that was stolen material.
02:29:55.000And they look at you sideways, oh yeah, okay.
02:32:12.000I don't know if I ever did that, but I was certainly the guy pacing in the back alley, saying it out loud, and with the hand gestures and everything.
02:32:22.000Yeah, just going over it in your head.
02:32:24.000I know a guy used to do his act on camera.
02:32:28.000He'd do it alone in a room, like in a bedroom, set up a camera, and do his act to the camera, and then go back and watch it and analyze it.
02:34:10.000Yeah, I mean, if you want to be a theoretical mathematician, you don't go to some guy who's teaching at Harvard and say, hey man, how do I get started?
02:34:20.000I haven't gone to elementary school yet, but I'm thinking about it.
02:34:29.000People that want advice, there's no way you can give them advice anyway.
02:34:33.000You would have to see them a whole bunch of times.
02:34:35.000And even then, you'd have to be like, hmm, what are you trying to do?
02:35:25.000Joey Scazzola was a guy that was just a little above me, and I was giving advice to a kid that was just below me when I was just above open mic-er.
02:36:18.000Well, I have those signs that I still have on all my shows to this day.
02:36:22.000It says, warning, Joe Rogan's show contains the strongest material content imaginable.
02:36:30.000Because I got tired of people complaining.
02:36:32.000I said, tell them that it contains the most fucked up things imaginable.
02:36:37.000So if they read that and they go in, they couldn't be like, wow, I couldn't imagine that.
02:36:41.000It says the most mature thing imaginable.
02:36:47.000I remember playing Zanies in Chicago and having a really hard week of walkouts and angry people, even though they billed it as adult or X-rated.
02:38:13.000It seems like a whole different world like this look at you You've landed in an alien world where the language is all different with the people look like us They're you know, but a little different.
02:38:23.000Yeah didn't like didn't venture out much But yeah, it's pretty weird, but everyone's friendly.
02:41:02.000I think the way to do it is to just spread it out over long periods of time so that you do a gig and then you hang out in a city for like a few days, chill out, see what's there, then move on to the next place.
02:41:16.000I liked, alright, let's get it out of the way, because those days off, I go, ah.
02:43:44.000The American Dream is not just success, it's also freedom, right?
02:43:48.000Freedom to do whatever, not be trapped, like, to be wise enough to not be trapped by your bills or your previous commitments, bang it out, make enough money, stockpile your finances, and go, okay, we're good.