The Joe Rogan Experience - July 25, 2018


Joe Rogan Experience #1146 - Jeff Garlin


Episode Stats

Length

1 hour and 49 minutes

Words per Minute

193.56435

Word Count

21,134

Sentence Count

2,394

Misogynist Sentences

47

Hate Speech Sentences

16


Summary

Comedian Jeff Perla joins Jemele to discuss his new show on HBO, Curb Your Enthusiasm, working with Brian Callen, and his new song, Who Sang That Song? on the album. Jeff also talks about his stand-up career and how he got to where he is today, and why he loves going on the road so much. Plus, he talks about why he doesn t do standup anymore and why it s a good thing. And, of course, there s a song he s written and sings about the making of that song. You won t want to miss this one. Thanks to Jeffrey Perla for coming on the pod and for being the first guest on the show. We hope you enjoy this one, and we ll see you again next week. Thank you so much for being here, Jeff! -Jon Sorrentino Hosted by Jonny LoQuasto and Alex Blumberg Produced and Edited by Matt Knost Executive produced by David Axelrod Artwork by Jeff Perlan Music by Bobby Lord and Jeff Perlman Copyright 2019 Jeff Perlas (c) 2019 & Matt Knapp is a writer, editor, producer, and editor, and is a producer, director, and producer, in Los Angeles, California, and New York City, New York, NY, and London, NY All Rights Reserved, and other places in London, London, England, and Toronto, Canada, and Vancouver, Canada , New York London, USA New York & London, Canada & New York , London, Australia Paris, Chicago, USA, London Toronto, , and Los Angeles etc., London, Europe, and Boston, Canada , Chicago , and New Amsterdam, etc. , Paris, Canada and Berlin, Boston, & Los Angeles , & Paris, USA , , Canada, ) Boston . Berlin, Canada - Montreal, Paris , Chicago, Toronto , Milan, NY , Berlin, France, (London, Milan , Milan, Paris, NY , Chicago , Toronto , Toronto, Milan, Canada . , London , Montreal, Toronto, and Milan, Ireland,


Transcript

00:00:03.000 Three, two, one.
00:00:05.000 Hello, Jeffrey.
00:00:06.000 Hello, Joe.
00:00:08.000 How you doing, man?
00:00:08.000 I'm young and handsome.
00:00:10.000 You are young and handsome.
00:00:11.000 Yes.
00:00:12.000 We all are, if we're not dead.
00:00:15.000 I don't know what that means.
00:00:16.000 It's all good.
00:00:17.000 I'm all jet-lagged.
00:00:19.000 Yeah.
00:00:19.000 It's cracking.
00:00:20.000 How are you?
00:00:21.000 I'm a big bowl of wonderful.
00:00:24.000 A big bowl?
00:00:24.000 A big bowl.
00:00:26.000 A fucking huge bowl of wonderful.
00:00:28.000 You're aggressive with that statement.
00:00:30.000 I am.
00:00:30.000 I am.
00:00:32.000 Yeah, don't doubt me with wonderfulness.
00:00:34.000 I don't doubt you.
00:00:35.000 Yeah.
00:00:36.000 Good to see you, man.
00:00:37.000 Good to see you, too.
00:00:38.000 What's the latest?
00:00:39.000 What is the latest?
00:00:42.000 About to start another season of the Goldbergs, another season of Curb after that.
00:00:46.000 Do you enjoy working with the fabulous Brian Callen?
00:00:49.000 I love working with Brian Callen.
00:00:51.000 He makes me laugh all the time.
00:00:52.000 He's here later.
00:00:53.000 He's going to be here at 2 o'clock.
00:00:55.000 Oh, so then I'll see him.
00:00:56.000 Or three, yeah.
00:00:57.000 Oh, maybe not.
00:00:58.000 But anyhow, point being is, I dig Brian Callen very much.
00:01:01.000 He likes you, too.
00:01:02.000 Yeah, that's cool.
00:01:04.000 That's cool, man.
00:01:06.000 What's the latest with the stand-up career?
00:01:09.000 I see you around the store a lot.
00:01:11.000 At the store, on occasion.
00:01:13.000 I don't do the store that much anymore because I've stopped doing showcase spots for the most part.
00:01:18.000 I just do.
00:01:19.000 I have a regular show every Friday night at the Improv.
00:01:22.000 In the lab.
00:01:23.000 And I do, you know, an hour, hour and 10 minutes.
00:01:26.000 And then occasionally I do flappers, which is a horrible name in Burbank.
00:01:31.000 But a great room.
00:01:33.000 A great room.
00:01:35.000 And I do there on occasion on Sunday nights.
00:01:38.000 So I do an hour.
00:01:41.000 Going out of the house for 15, 20 minutes, not worth my time.
00:01:46.000 When you do like an hour set, do you plan your sets out or do you have like some material that you'd like to be working on and is that why you like the freedom of having an hour so you can just kind of fuck around?
00:01:56.000 I have no preparation whatsoever except I may think, oh I'll talk about that tonight.
00:02:01.000 But I have no preparation.
00:02:03.000 I may bring up a story I've told before, but I have no idea.
00:02:07.000 Literally when I step on stage, I have no idea what I'm going to talk about.
00:02:11.000 What does help me, what I've done for quite a while now, is I come up to a different song every time I come up.
00:02:19.000 And then I just talk about that song, the story of the making of that song, who sang that song, what that song means to me, and that will usually lead me to something.
00:02:28.000 That's all I need.
00:02:29.000 Yeah, the reason why I ask is you have a very unusual style.
00:02:32.000 I've seen you a bunch of times at the store.
00:02:34.000 You're very loose.
00:02:35.000 Yeah, very loose.
00:02:36.000 But it's a great thing because you have the confidence to do that.
00:02:39.000 Yes.
00:02:39.000 Like a lot of people have to be like super rigid in their preparation.
00:02:42.000 Without a doubt, yes.
00:02:43.000 Say things set up punchline in the correct order every night.
00:02:47.000 I'm only confident in the fact that I'm funny.
00:02:50.000 I am not confident in any other fact in terms of going on stage.
00:02:54.000 That's the most important thing.
00:02:55.000 It is the most important.
00:02:56.000 And so I go up with the knowledge that no matter what goes down, I am funny and will be funny.
00:03:02.000 Boom.
00:03:03.000 Good night.
00:03:03.000 Boom.
00:03:04.000 That's it.
00:03:04.000 Good night.
00:03:05.000 Yeah.
00:03:05.000 And are you doing the road at all?
00:03:07.000 Hardly ever.
00:03:08.000 When I do the road, I did London in December.
00:03:11.000 I did a couple weeks of shows.
00:03:13.000 A couple weeks?
00:03:14.000 Yeah, a couple weeks at a theater there.
00:03:16.000 What theater did you go to?
00:03:17.000 Soho Theater.
00:03:18.000 It's a small, cool theater.
00:03:19.000 That's like 500 seats or something?
00:03:21.000 I don't even know.
00:03:22.000 I don't even pay attention.
00:03:23.000 How's that?
00:03:23.000 I feel like I've done that.
00:03:24.000 I've done Leicester Square.
00:03:26.000 I've done a couple different places.
00:03:27.000 Yeah, Leicester Square is good.
00:03:29.000 Yeah, I just...
00:03:30.000 I'll go to London.
00:03:32.000 I go to New York on occasion and perform.
00:03:35.000 I've played everywhere.
00:03:37.000 I've played everywhere from Indianapolis to Seattle to Miami, and all points in between, you know?
00:03:46.000 Tucson, you know, Phoenix.
00:03:49.000 I mean, like, all over.
00:03:50.000 I've done it.
00:03:51.000 I'm 56 years old.
00:03:53.000 I've got two TV shows.
00:03:55.000 I develop a bunch of other stuff.
00:03:57.000 I'm passionate about my stand-up.
00:03:59.000 I don't have to earn a living by going on the road, which I have had to in the past.
00:04:05.000 So I stay home and do my stand-up when I can, which is every Friday for sure.
00:04:11.000 That's a nice thing, because the thing that does get you...
00:04:12.000 It's very nice, and I've worked towards that.
00:04:13.000 That's a beautiful thing to work towards, because the thing that does get you is that travel.
00:04:18.000 Oh!
00:04:19.000 You know, the thing that no one understands is the only joy that you can possibly get when you travel is the moment when you're on stage.
00:04:29.000 And if that's troublesome or not fun, it's a drag.
00:04:34.000 It's depressing.
00:04:35.000 But those moments on stage, if they're great, it's all worth it.
00:04:39.000 Yeah, no.
00:04:41.000 Also, when you go on the road, if you have to do morning radio, and you have to do those kind of things, it affects your health.
00:04:48.000 It screws up your time, you know, what time you go to bed.
00:04:51.000 Because I like to set, I don't worry as much on a consistent basis what time I wake up, because that'll be automatic.
00:04:59.000 I try consistently to go to bed at the same time every night.
00:05:04.000 It's a different approach that a psychiatrist told me, and it has worked wonders for me.
00:05:11.000 A psychiatrist told you?
00:05:12.000 Yeah.
00:05:13.000 Because everyone always focuses on waking up the same time every day.
00:05:18.000 He said, focus on going to bed at the same time every night, and that'll be more productive for you.
00:05:25.000 And I do that with a sort of a half-hour bump to fall asleep, to maybe read for a minute, whatever.
00:05:31.000 But I'm in bed usually by 10. I've never gone to a psychiatrist, but one of the shows that I was on, I was like the only person on the set that didn't go to a psychiatrist.
00:05:43.000 I'm like, maybe I'm fucked up.
00:05:45.000 No?
00:05:46.000 By the way, if you're functioning in the world, that's great.
00:05:50.000 Congratulations.
00:05:51.000 I have sometimes trouble functioning in the world.
00:05:56.000 How so?
00:05:57.000 Well, it's like I find going on stage, I'm fearless.
00:06:02.000 And I don't even like leaving my house.
00:06:05.000 I prefer to stay home.
00:06:07.000 I love napping.
00:06:09.000 Oh, do I love napping.
00:06:10.000 If I could smoke some indica and take a nap every day, I do transcendental meditation.
00:06:15.000 I do all the chill things at home, and I leave to work.
00:06:20.000 I don't like going to parties.
00:06:22.000 I like a good dinner party, because that means I can have an actual conversation with someone.
00:06:27.000 But I was just at a party the other night, a goodbye party for a friend of mine.
00:06:31.000 It was at Jeff Ross's house.
00:06:33.000 And I had the worst time.
00:06:35.000 I lasted 20 minutes.
00:06:37.000 The only people I could talk to were comedians.
00:06:40.000 Who else would be at Jeff Ross's party but comedians?
00:06:43.000 Well, some people with man buns in a hot tub.
00:06:45.000 It was very unsettling and wrong.
00:06:48.000 I wanted nothing to do with it.
00:06:50.000 I said my goodbyes to my friend, and she's moving to Japan, so I said my goodbyes.
00:07:00.000 I was out of respect to her that I went, but out of respect to myself, I didn't stay long.
00:07:04.000 Man buns in a hot tub is never a good combination.
00:07:07.000 You see a man bun in a hot tub, you go, I don't I don't belong here.
00:07:09.000 It's over.
00:07:09.000 I don't belong here.
00:07:10.000 Yeah, you don't belong there.
00:07:12.000 Yeah.
00:07:12.000 That can't be done.
00:07:13.000 No, it's bad.
00:07:14.000 When did that start happening?
00:07:15.000 When did the man bun start?
00:07:16.000 Man buns, to me, like in a big way, a couple years ago.
00:07:20.000 It was like samurais, and then there was a big drop-off for a long time.
00:07:24.000 Samurais, and then a big drop-off.
00:07:25.000 Drop off!
00:07:26.000 That's exactly it.
00:07:28.000 I don't get it.
00:07:29.000 I mean, why grow your hair long if you're going to wear a man bun?
00:07:32.000 I think they like the idea.
00:07:33.000 Either grow your hair long and dig it.
00:07:35.000 Yeah, the idea, but it's ridiculous.
00:07:36.000 I was at a gas station in Studio City, and I was seconds away from talking to this dude.
00:07:43.000 He had a man bun that looked like a bird's nest with a waterfall on the outside.
00:07:51.000 And I just went, why?!
00:07:52.000 I just wanted to ask him.
00:07:54.000 I go, I'm being totally friendly.
00:07:55.000 I want to make this a conversation.
00:07:58.000 Why?
00:07:58.000 Explain!
00:07:59.000 I don't get it!
00:08:00.000 I feel like what it is is like they're letting you know that this is me when I'm out, but when I'm at home and I'm feeling sexy, I just undo that.
00:08:08.000 And let it down.
00:08:09.000 I don't know what it is.
00:08:11.000 I just relax and I unravel and I'm sexy.
00:08:14.000 It's a big ball of rung.
00:08:15.000 I know you're not sexy.
00:08:17.000 You're douchey.
00:08:18.000 You're douchey.
00:08:20.000 What's the longest your hair's ever been?
00:08:21.000 Mine?
00:08:22.000 I had like a Jufro type festival happening when I was younger.
00:08:25.000 Like longer, curly hair, but not like shoulder length.
00:08:28.000 Right.
00:08:28.000 No.
00:08:29.000 It's ridiculous.
00:08:30.000 It's ridiculous!
00:08:32.000 It's weird that hair grows that long only on your head.
00:08:34.000 That's what's weird.
00:08:35.000 It's like hair knows better on your arm.
00:08:37.000 But by the way, if you're a rocker and you're growing like Robert Plant's head cool hair, go for it.
00:08:41.000 Don't man bun it.
00:08:42.000 Go for it.
00:08:43.000 I'm all for long hair.
00:08:45.000 Rockers have different rules.
00:08:46.000 I saw a guy last night in a band, a bass player.
00:08:50.000 Big man bun.
00:08:51.000 Big ball of rung.
00:08:52.000 You know what I'm uncomfortable with?
00:08:53.000 A CEO haircut in a rock band.
00:08:56.000 Oh.
00:08:56.000 What are you doing with that fucking button-down conservative haircut?
00:08:59.000 See, I dig that.
00:09:00.000 Playing a band.
00:09:01.000 I think playing against type is a big bowl of delightful.
00:09:04.000 Nah.
00:09:05.000 Not into it.
00:09:06.000 Joe, we differ on this one!
00:09:08.000 We differ on this one.
00:09:10.000 Yes, we do.
00:09:11.000 I think a group of men, like I thought David Bowie's band Tin Machine, I didn't really dig their music, but I love the look of all them wearing the suits with the close-cropped hair.
00:09:21.000 Well, Bowie's so odd and so undeniably creative that he's allowed to get away with anything he wants.
00:09:27.000 Well, he's allowed to do anything he wants, but truthfully, if you have any sort of confidence, you can, except the man bun.
00:09:35.000 There it is, right here.
00:09:36.000 Yeah, there it is.
00:09:36.000 The history of David Bowie's...
00:09:38.000 Yeah, but that dude should have cut his hair short, the one with the long hair.
00:09:41.000 Uh, maybe.
00:09:42.000 But he's kind of John Travolta and Paul Fiction-ish.
00:09:44.000 No, there he is!
00:09:44.000 He cut it short.
00:09:45.000 There he is now on.
00:09:46.000 The pressure from the other three guys got to be too much.
00:09:49.000 He got tired of buying shampoo and all that bullshit.
00:09:51.000 Yeah.
00:09:52.000 Yeah, the upkeep is ridiculous.
00:09:55.000 Yeah, it's outrageous.
00:09:55.000 Yeah.
00:09:56.000 Dudes who condition their hair and they have to leave it in for ten minutes.
00:09:58.000 Oh, that's a big bowl of...
00:10:00.000 Come on, man.
00:10:00.000 Come on, bro.
00:10:01.000 Yeah.
00:10:02.000 But there's some reason why it is okay in a band, but it's not okay for a comic.
00:10:07.000 Like a comic with long Led Zeppelin hair?
00:10:11.000 Because you know what happens when a comic does that?
00:10:13.000 Their whole act becomes about it.
00:10:15.000 And it's like, dude, that's just boring.
00:10:18.000 Do you remember Jackson Perdue?
00:10:20.000 I do remember Jackson Perdue.
00:10:21.000 Crazy long hair, like a band guy.
00:10:24.000 Yeah, a lot of material about his hair.
00:10:26.000 Yeah.
00:10:27.000 I know!
00:10:28.000 I used to, when I was younger, I went for the obvious.
00:10:32.000 I did a lot of material about having a big head.
00:10:35.000 Now it's of no interest to me.
00:10:38.000 No, you couldn't also do like the Robert Plant shirt thing either.
00:10:43.000 I have.
00:10:43.000 I have a Robert Plant shirt.
00:10:45.000 Not his.
00:10:46.000 You never like let it open down to your crotch.
00:10:47.000 I think it's called Nurses Do It Better or Nurses.
00:10:51.000 Someone nursing on it's powder blue.
00:10:53.000 He wore it on one of the Zeppelin tours in the early 70s and I saw it for sale on Amazon and I bought one.
00:10:59.000 It doesn't give off the same vibe.
00:11:01.000 Yeah, it's different with different people, right?
00:11:03.000 Yeah, but I always, one of my non sequiturs to tell people all the time is you love the nursing industry.
00:11:08.000 I just say to people, you know what you love?
00:11:10.000 You love the nursing industry.
00:11:12.000 I've said that to nurses even.
00:11:13.000 And what do they say?
00:11:14.000 People just chuckle.
00:11:15.000 They don't know how to make, you know, it's a non sequitur.
00:11:17.000 He's weird.
00:11:18.000 Yeah, it's a non sequitur.
00:11:19.000 They don't know, you know, non sequiturs throw people.
00:11:22.000 Nervous laughter.
00:11:22.000 Yeah, nervous laughter.
00:11:23.000 There's certain things, certain looks that came and went and people tried to bring back.
00:11:28.000 Do you remember a few years back they were trying to bring back bell bottoms?
00:11:32.000 No.
00:11:33.000 Yes.
00:11:33.000 That's how much of a failure it was.
00:11:35.000 Bill Murray was actually photographed a couple of days ago at a golf course with some fabulous bell bottoms on.
00:11:42.000 Oh, see, that's delightful because it's so wrong that it's beautiful and perfect.
00:11:47.000 They're crazy, too.
00:11:48.000 Look at the picture.
00:11:49.000 Look at them.
00:11:50.000 Oh!
00:11:51.000 See, that's a big bull.
00:11:52.000 He's so fun, that dude.
00:11:53.000 He's wonderful.
00:11:54.000 He is so fun.
00:11:56.000 Look at him.
00:11:57.000 He lives in South Carolina or something.
00:11:59.000 I think it's because of his kids.
00:12:01.000 Is that what it is?
00:12:02.000 Yeah, I think it was a family thing.
00:12:04.000 Oh.
00:12:05.000 That's a beautiful shot.
00:12:07.000 He was on Bourdain's show, and Bourdain interviewed him in this small town where he lives, and it's like, wow, look at this guy, just kind of Hanging out, being normal.
00:12:16.000 No girlfriend, no wife, just being himself now.
00:12:19.000 But you don't know that he doesn't have a girlfriend?
00:12:22.000 He was talking about it.
00:12:23.000 Oh, he was talking about it?
00:12:24.000 I don't think he was talking about it on that show.
00:12:25.000 He was talking about it on an interview.
00:12:27.000 He just doesn't want to do it anymore.
00:12:29.000 Leave me alone.
00:12:30.000 Yeah, leave me alone.
00:12:31.000 Stop.
00:12:31.000 It's delightful.
00:12:32.000 That's why I like staying home.
00:12:33.000 It's nice.
00:12:34.000 As a matter of fact, at the end of my shows, I always thank the audience for actually leaving their homes to come see me because I know what an effort that is.
00:12:44.000 And I'm so appreciative of it.
00:12:46.000 So you're just a homebody type character.
00:12:49.000 Yeah!
00:12:50.000 Well, you know, it's like my life is extraordinary, so I want to live an ordinary life as I can.
00:12:58.000 That makes sense.
00:12:58.000 You know, just calm.
00:13:00.000 It doesn't have to be ordinary.
00:13:01.000 Down.
00:13:02.000 You know, chilling, man.
00:13:03.000 Yeah, you need that, right?
00:13:04.000 Yeah.
00:13:04.000 With the chaos of performing and shows.
00:13:07.000 Like tonight I'm going to an opening of a movie.
00:13:09.000 My friend wrote it.
00:13:11.000 Yeah, prepare yourself for it.
00:13:13.000 Here we go.
00:13:14.000 No, no, I just, I'll be cool with it.
00:13:16.000 Like, if I know I'm doing it and why I'm doing it, I do it.
00:13:19.000 You know, but the movie sucks, I'll leave.
00:13:22.000 Who's party?
00:13:23.000 Jeff Ross's.
00:13:24.000 But, you know, I'd go to a dinner party if he had one again.
00:13:26.000 I'm done, though, with the Jeff Ross parties.
00:13:29.000 Jeff Ross has a lot of parties.
00:13:30.000 I know.
00:13:31.000 I love Jeff Ross.
00:13:32.000 I do, too.
00:13:33.000 But I am not going to any more of his parties.
00:13:35.000 Pfft.
00:13:36.000 Tell him.
00:13:36.000 I'll go by myself to his house.
00:13:38.000 Tell him now.
00:13:38.000 Grab him.
00:13:39.000 Put two hands on his shoulders.
00:13:40.000 Tell him you love him.
00:13:41.000 By the way, I will.
00:13:42.000 As a matter of fact, next time I see him, I'm going to talk to him about the man bun in the pool.
00:13:46.000 Like, who are you friends with that has a man bun?
00:13:49.000 He's a producer, bro.
00:13:51.000 Yeah.
00:13:51.000 He's helping me with a project.
00:13:53.000 Yeah.
00:13:53.000 Well, he didn't look like a producer.
00:13:55.000 Grab the shoulders.
00:13:56.000 God love you.
00:13:57.000 I can't come to your fucking pool parties anymore, bro.
00:13:59.000 Yeah.
00:14:00.000 Well, it wasn't even a pool party.
00:14:01.000 That was a thing.
00:14:02.000 Somebody went, I'm going to bring my suit and my man bun and get in the pool.
00:14:06.000 And he got in the pool with two other people.
00:14:09.000 I didn't really notice that.
00:14:10.000 That's unfortunate.
00:14:11.000 If it's not a pool party and you decide to get in the pool, that's always awkward as fuck.
00:14:16.000 I just didn't belong.
00:14:18.000 Yeah.
00:14:18.000 You got to be like a really comfortable person to take off your clothes when everybody else has theirs on.
00:14:22.000 By the way, I'm pro-naked.
00:14:24.000 Good for you.
00:14:25.000 I'm pro-naked.
00:14:26.000 Me too.
00:14:26.000 I mean, for me.
00:14:27.000 I'm all comfortable.
00:14:28.000 Well, you're fit!
00:14:29.000 The fact that I'm pro-naked...
00:14:31.000 It sounded like you were angry at me.
00:14:32.000 No.
00:14:33.000 By the way, I saw your little festival here.
00:14:35.000 Your passions are comedy and fitness.
00:14:39.000 That's one thing.
00:14:41.000 Yeah, that's one thing.
00:14:41.000 Cars.
00:14:43.000 American Werewolf in London.
00:14:44.000 Is that what the thing in the middle is?
00:14:46.000 Yes, it is.
00:14:46.000 Yeah, I recognized it.
00:14:47.000 You did?
00:14:47.000 Good.
00:14:48.000 I love that movie.
00:14:49.000 But that's when he was in Trafalgar Square.
00:14:53.000 Yes.
00:14:53.000 Yes.
00:14:54.000 I remember that moment.
00:14:55.000 Scary.
00:14:55.000 I'm not happy unless I'm exercising.
00:14:58.000 I've tried both ways.
00:14:59.000 I'm not happy unless I'm napping.
00:15:01.000 So we both have our ways about us.
00:15:03.000 Yeah.
00:15:03.000 Well, everybody's body's different.
00:15:04.000 By the way, but I do exercise.
00:15:06.000 I eat well.
00:15:07.000 I eat gluten-free, I eat dairy-free, and I eat sugar-free.
00:15:13.000 That's awesome.
00:15:14.000 That's a good combination.
00:15:15.000 Yeah, and I aspire to be more of a vegetarian, but I'm not obsessed with it.
00:15:20.000 Do you read books on nutrition?
00:15:22.000 I have read many books on nutrition, yes.
00:15:24.000 Some that Brian Callen even recommended to me.
00:15:26.000 Really?
00:15:27.000 Which ones?
00:15:30.000 I couldn't think of the name.
00:15:31.000 Oh, I probably have them in my phone.
00:15:32.000 If you really want to know.
00:15:33.000 Brian Cowen's a big recommender of books.
00:15:35.000 Yeah, Kindle.
00:15:36.000 Hold on.
00:15:36.000 I'll tell you what he recommended.
00:15:38.000 And they were good.
00:15:39.000 You know, every one of those kind of books, even if they're not well-written or whatever, I learn something from.
00:15:45.000 I pick up...
00:15:45.000 I read a ton.
00:15:48.000 That's what I do when I'm at home.
00:15:49.000 I read a lot.
00:15:50.000 I listen to albums, and I read music, and I play guitar.
00:15:54.000 When you say albums, do you have like a record player?
00:15:56.000 I have a record player, and I have a thousand albums.
00:15:59.000 Okay.
00:15:59.000 Wow.
00:15:59.000 Yeah, I'm one of those guys.
00:16:01.000 You have a thousand albums?
00:16:01.000 Probably about a thousand.
00:16:03.000 Holy shit.
00:16:04.000 Yeah, I enjoy it.
00:16:05.000 Do you have like a room that you go to?
00:16:06.000 I'm going to.
00:16:07.000 I'm moving into a new house, which will have a specific room that I will go into to strictly play guitar and listen to analog.
00:16:15.000 Whoa.
00:16:16.000 Yeah.
00:16:17.000 Do you know Henry Rollins at all?
00:16:19.000 I do know Henry Rollins.
00:16:20.000 We're not great friends, but I do know him.
00:16:23.000 He's an acquaintance of mine.
00:16:24.000 He's a fascinating guy.
00:16:26.000 He's a fascinating guy.
00:16:28.000 Good man.
00:16:28.000 Very good man.
00:16:29.000 I dig that dude.
00:16:29.000 Very inspirational guy, too.
00:16:31.000 Inspires me.
00:16:32.000 I dig him.
00:16:33.000 I did an interview with him at Largo.
00:16:36.000 I dig him big time.
00:16:37.000 He's got these crazy quarter-million-dollar speakers in his house.
00:16:42.000 They're like, there's his speaker room.
00:16:45.000 Look at this.
00:16:46.000 This is The Room.
00:16:47.000 So he has all these albums and those gigantic things.
00:16:51.000 By the way, the dude on the right, I think is Robert Hilburn, who was the critic for the LA Times.
00:16:57.000 That's how much I dig music.
00:16:58.000 I think that's Robert Hilburn, I'm pretty sure.
00:17:00.000 So Henry gets it.
00:17:01.000 Henry, who obviously became famous as a musician.
00:17:05.000 He wrote the great Johnny Cash book that came out a few years ago, because I see you dig Johnny Cash by the pictures on the wall.
00:17:11.000 I love Johnny Cash.
00:17:12.000 I had a dog named Johnny Cash, just died recently, unfortunately.
00:17:15.000 My granddaughter's name is Johnny King.
00:17:18.000 Those speakers are fucking crazy.
00:17:20.000 Look at these speakers he's got.
00:17:21.000 Yeah, I just got new speakers, and they were like 8,000 for a pair, and I thought I was nuts.
00:17:25.000 Look at the size of that shit.
00:17:26.000 That's ridiculous.
00:17:27.000 200 grand, it says.
00:17:28.000 That's like 2001 A Space Odyssey-looking speakers.
00:17:31.000 I want to go over his house, but I don't want to ask.
00:17:35.000 I don't want to be like, Henry, come on, bro.
00:17:37.000 Let me come over to your house.
00:17:38.000 I don't want to be that weird guy.
00:17:39.000 I'm looking for the books.
00:17:41.000 That he avoids.
00:17:41.000 Because I know I downloaded them.
00:17:43.000 I didn't want to own them.
00:17:44.000 But how many people do you think own those speakers?
00:17:47.000 I mean, I think you have to be...
00:17:48.000 But first off, you have to be wealthy.
00:17:50.000 Yes.
00:17:50.000 Or that's where you want to put your money.
00:17:53.000 Click on that yellow one that you just...
00:17:55.000 What's that?
00:17:55.000 Oh, that's the same speaker except in yellow.
00:17:57.000 Oh, okay.
00:17:58.000 Those are a big ball of run because they look like plumbing supplies.
00:18:01.000 Do they?
00:18:02.000 They don't look good.
00:18:03.000 I don't think they look good.
00:18:04.000 Oh, I think they look good.
00:18:05.000 I think they look futuristic.
00:18:06.000 Again.
00:18:07.000 Oh, here we go.
00:18:08.000 Why we get fat?
00:18:12.000 I can't remember the guy's name.
00:18:15.000 Why We Get Fat and The 4-Hour Body.
00:18:17.000 Oh, yeah.
00:18:18.000 Okay, Tim Ferriss.
00:18:19.000 Tim Ferriss.
00:18:19.000 And I learned stuff from both.
00:18:21.000 So I learned stuff about nutrition and stuff.
00:18:24.000 And at my most, I was 320. Whoa.
00:18:27.000 And I'm currently in the 240s.
00:18:29.000 That's nice.
00:18:29.000 And I'm...
00:18:30.000 I'm making the transition now to hopefully low 230s, somewhere in the 220s, and then building up muscle.
00:18:38.000 And I'll never be fit like you, and I'm not saying that to insult myself in terms of like, you know, but this is a passion of yours.
00:18:48.000 It's not a passion of mine.
00:18:50.000 I just want to live life at a higher level and a better level.
00:18:54.000 You just want to feel good.
00:18:54.000 I want to feel great.
00:18:56.000 Yeah.
00:18:56.000 And I already do.
00:18:57.000 So if I can improve on this, delightful.
00:18:59.000 The big thing is cutting carbohydrates.
00:19:02.000 Most people eat far too much bread, far too much pasta.
00:19:05.000 For me, that's where the gluten and the sugar came from.
00:19:08.000 And the dairy, and I feel good with my body not having those things.
00:19:13.000 I react positively.
00:19:15.000 So anything else is okay for me.
00:19:19.000 What kind of exercise do you do?
00:19:20.000 I do Pilates.
00:19:21.000 Pilates is fucking hard.
00:19:23.000 Really hard.
00:19:23.000 Yeah, I have a great Pilates teacher.
00:19:25.000 It's great.
00:19:25.000 I swim.
00:19:27.000 I work with a trainer.
00:19:29.000 I play tennis.
00:19:30.000 I'm playing tennis tomorrow morning.
00:19:33.000 Today's Wednesday.
00:19:33.000 Yeah, tomorrow morning I'll be playing with my tennis teacher.
00:19:36.000 I play golf, which is not that physical.
00:19:38.000 However, I was at the store buying stuff the other day, you know, at the golf store, and the guy was a very nice guy helping me.
00:19:45.000 He wanted to sell me something that I don't have to bend over to get the ball.
00:19:49.000 I go, I think that bending over and, as a matter of fact, stretching my hamstrings Really, I don't know the benefit I'd get from golf if I didn't at least bend.
00:19:58.000 He's telling you not to bend?
00:19:59.000 Well, they have these things so people don't have to bend.
00:20:02.000 Well, that's for people who have really bad backs, right?
00:20:03.000 No, no, no.
00:20:04.000 It's for lazy people.
00:20:06.000 That's what I think a lot of people...
00:20:07.000 So for me, it's a matter of pride to bend.
00:20:09.000 Well, because if you have a bad back, you probably can't swing either, right?
00:20:12.000 You can't swing, yeah.
00:20:13.000 Because it's a lot of your back.
00:20:14.000 But I do a lot of different things.
00:20:16.000 I love sports.
00:20:16.000 I used to play...
00:20:17.000 When I was younger, I played baseball and football.
00:20:20.000 Do you ever play golf or tennis, rather, with Callan?
00:20:23.000 Because he's a tennis freak.
00:20:24.000 No, I should actually...
00:20:25.000 By the way, I just started again.
00:20:27.000 I haven't played tennis since I was a kid.
00:20:28.000 I'm actually going to talk to him about that.
00:20:30.000 Hopefully we can play some.
00:20:31.000 The thing about tennis, though, is it's a lot of going left and right and left and right and putting weird strains and pressures on your knees.
00:20:38.000 Yeah, but it's great for bone mass.
00:20:42.000 Oh, okay.
00:20:43.000 Yeah, it's good for it.
00:20:44.000 Bone mass.
00:20:44.000 That makes sense.
00:20:45.000 Yeah, because you're Pushing, yeah.
00:20:46.000 Pushing off.
00:20:47.000 Oh, I dig it.
00:20:48.000 And by the way, I'm not going to play competitive with him.
00:20:50.000 I'm going to hit with him.
00:20:51.000 Right.
00:20:52.000 Because he could probably beat me.
00:20:53.000 He also weighs about 70 pounds less than me.
00:20:56.000 Yes.
00:20:57.000 So he can move better.
00:20:58.000 He's spry.
00:20:58.000 And he's been playing.
00:20:59.000 He's very spry.
00:20:59.000 He takes his physical fitness very seriously.
00:21:02.000 He does.
00:21:03.000 And I'll tell you about it.
00:21:04.000 Oh, yeah.
00:21:04.000 Listen, I know.
00:21:05.000 Yeah.
00:21:06.000 He gets very serious about half-assing everything.
00:21:10.000 He gets very serious.
00:21:11.000 Oh, okay.
00:21:12.000 You know what I'm saying?
00:21:12.000 He's never going to commit to being a professional tennis player.
00:21:18.000 Right.
00:21:18.000 But he'll get pretty serious about kind of getting into tennis.
00:21:23.000 You know what I'm talking about?
00:21:24.000 Well, that works.
00:21:25.000 Whatever.
00:21:25.000 Sure.
00:21:26.000 Who needs the stress?
00:21:27.000 Yeah.
00:21:28.000 No, I'm saying it's like a good balance.
00:21:31.000 I get obsessed about things.
00:21:33.000 He gets obsessed about kind of getting into things.
00:21:36.000 But then doesn't go, like, we started out doing jiu-jitsu together.
00:21:40.000 He's not Baron von follow-through.
00:21:41.000 Exactly.
00:21:42.000 Yeah.
00:21:42.000 Exactly.
00:21:42.000 You are a follow-through fucking motherfucking follow-through.
00:21:48.000 All persons do is walk around here and go, or look at you, you're a fucking specimen, you fucker.
00:21:54.000 You're a specimen.
00:21:55.000 Just trying to stay sane, Jeff.
00:21:56.000 That's right.
00:21:57.000 Are you married?
00:21:58.000 Do you have a girlfriend?
00:21:58.000 You're married.
00:21:59.000 Yep.
00:21:59.000 Yeah.
00:22:00.000 Your wife must appreciate that.
00:22:02.000 What, the physicalness?
00:22:03.000 Well, you're a good man, but looking over and going, my husband's not a fat piece of shit.
00:22:09.000 He's a fit motherfucker, and I'm going to fuck his brains out tonight.
00:22:13.000 Does she ever say that?
00:22:14.000 No.
00:22:14.000 Not around me, at least.
00:22:15.000 Well, she should.
00:22:16.000 Maybe I should start bugging the house.
00:22:18.000 You should.
00:22:18.000 Find out what she says when I'm not there.
00:22:19.000 When you're not there, I bet you that's what she says to her friends.
00:22:21.000 Are you married?
00:22:23.000 I can't answer.
00:22:25.000 Hmm.
00:22:26.000 Yeah.
00:22:26.000 Okay.
00:22:27.000 Yeah.
00:22:27.000 I don't want to pressure you.
00:22:28.000 Don't pressure me.
00:22:29.000 That's like, I can't talk about that right now.
00:22:33.000 Yeah.
00:22:34.000 That's probably good.
00:22:35.000 Transition's healthy.
00:22:36.000 Yeah.
00:22:37.000 I like it.
00:22:37.000 Yeah.
00:22:38.000 Things are in flux.
00:22:40.000 They're fluxing.
00:22:41.000 I'm in a flux festival.
00:22:43.000 It's not bad.
00:22:44.000 Yeah.
00:22:44.000 No, it's bad.
00:22:45.000 There's no winning.
00:22:46.000 Oh.
00:22:47.000 Yeah, I've been there before.
00:22:48.000 I love my wife, but I don't want to go home, and I love being alone, but being alone blows.
00:22:54.000 So, there's no winning.
00:22:56.000 Whew.
00:22:57.000 There's no winning.
00:22:58.000 I'm a sad young man.
00:22:59.000 But I'm really happy.
00:23:01.000 Because I'm functioning at a high level.
00:23:03.000 I'm rising up.
00:23:06.000 You know what I mean?
00:23:06.000 I'm facing adversity head on.
00:23:09.000 But my wife is a lovely woman.
00:23:12.000 Lovely woman.
00:23:14.000 That's one of the things about going on the road.
00:23:15.000 You appreciate people when you come back.
00:23:17.000 Oh my God, yeah.
00:23:18.000 When you're with them every day.
00:23:18.000 But do they appreciate you?
00:23:20.000 Good night, everybody!
00:23:23.000 Yeah, if you're there with them every day staring at each other.
00:23:26.000 I mean, I don't care who it is.
00:23:27.000 It could be your best friend on the planet.
00:23:29.000 Too much time with somebody, except for rare exceptions, wow, is that bad?
00:23:35.000 Yeah, it could be terrible.
00:23:37.000 It could be terrible.
00:23:38.000 Almost everybody.
00:23:40.000 You need to be around variety in terms of different styles of communication.
00:23:46.000 Yeah, most definitely.
00:23:47.000 And by the way, I don't...
00:23:51.000 I'm not staying home because I want to avoid experiences.
00:23:56.000 I like experiences, and I'll go have an experience.
00:23:59.000 But when I deem that experience, like Jeff's party, not good for me, I leave.
00:24:05.000 But if I'm having an experience that's new, and I'm digging it, I'll stay.
00:24:10.000 That makes sense.
00:24:11.000 Yeah.
00:24:11.000 Well, you know what you like.
00:24:12.000 That's a healthy thing.
00:24:13.000 I'm 56 years old, man.
00:24:14.000 I know.
00:24:15.000 You're a man.
00:24:16.000 I'm a man.
00:24:17.000 I am a man.
00:24:18.000 You're a man.
00:24:19.000 I'm Jeff Garland.
00:24:20.000 You're an actualized man.
00:24:21.000 I'm an actualized.
00:24:22.000 I'm aspiring to grow all the time.
00:24:25.000 That's my thing, to be a wise man.
00:24:27.000 I aspire.
00:24:28.000 My goal is to be a wise man, and I'll never reach it.
00:24:32.000 Not that I'd be stupid, but I'm saying it's always evolving.
00:24:36.000 I have a friend and many, many years ago was at her house and she had the sign that said, enlightenment is possible in this lifetime.
00:24:43.000 I saw that and I went, whoa.
00:24:45.000 That's deep.
00:24:47.000 Levels of it and putting you at a higher place than you are, I agree with.
00:24:52.000 But true enlightenment, I'm not cynical.
00:24:57.000 I have more of a critical eye.
00:24:59.000 There you go.
00:25:00.000 Right.
00:25:00.000 But that's possible.
00:25:01.000 I'm not cynical.
00:25:01.000 I've never seen it.
00:25:02.000 I've not seen it, but it's like I'm not going to deem it impossible because then who am I? That's like me saying there's no God.
00:25:09.000 That's like me saying I'll tell you who killed Kennedy.
00:25:11.000 I don't know!
00:25:12.000 Right.
00:25:13.000 And it's also what exactly is enlightenment and by whose standard definition?
00:25:18.000 Right.
00:25:18.000 So maybe if you have a very low standard for enlightenment and you reach whatever that level is, you go, I did it in my lifetime!
00:25:27.000 Look at me!
00:25:28.000 If you're smoking indica, listening to great music, and having fantastic sex after a great meal, and then someone says, no, no, no, you're just supposed to meditate and just sit in a room and be mindful.
00:25:43.000 Hey, how about fuck you?
00:25:44.000 How about a big bowl of fuck you?
00:25:46.000 By the way, can we make that happen for me, that I smoke some indica, listen to some music, have some great sex after a great meal?
00:25:53.000 How do I arrange that?
00:25:54.000 It can be done.
00:25:55.000 I guess it can be done.
00:25:56.000 You're Jeff Garland.
00:25:57.000 It should be done.
00:25:58.000 Yeah, that's what Tony says to me.
00:26:00.000 You're Jeff Garland.
00:26:01.000 Tony who?
00:26:01.000 Hinchcliffe?
00:26:02.000 Yeah.
00:26:02.000 Yeah, he's right.
00:26:03.000 Yeah, well, I tend to be confident in my comedic skills.
00:26:09.000 Well, you should be.
00:26:10.000 You're a funny guy.
00:26:11.000 Yeah, but outside of that, I'm not lacking in confidence, but leaving my house is, like I said, quite the effort.
00:26:17.000 But that's what I'm saying is, like, by whose definition is enlightenment?
00:26:21.000 Because, like, say if you wanted to go to a concert or you wanted to go to a great movie, would an enlightened person enjoy a great movie?
00:26:30.000 I would think my version of an enlightened person would, in fact, enjoy a great movie.
00:26:34.000 I've been enlightened at a concert.
00:26:36.000 I saw James Brown when he first got out of prison, and I found that performance that he gave was the most enlightened performance I'd ever seen.
00:26:47.000 Was this when he was in the car chase?
00:26:49.000 Was that that prison?
00:26:51.000 Yeah, it was the last prison.
00:26:52.000 He shot at cops because...
00:26:54.000 I believe so, yeah.
00:26:56.000 That one was someone else used his bathroom, right?
00:27:00.000 Isn't that what happened?
00:27:01.000 Someone took a shit?
00:27:02.000 I actually don't know.
00:27:02.000 I know that he got in trouble with the cops, but maybe it was taxes.
00:27:06.000 I don't know.
00:27:07.000 There's a big difference between someone using his toilet.
00:27:09.000 But the point thing is that he had gotten out of prison, and just the idea that James Brown was in prison.
00:27:14.000 I think, maybe I'm remembering this incorrectly, but I think someone used his toilet, and then he got mad at that person and shot at something, like either shot at the wall or something.
00:27:26.000 I don't remember that story, but I assume that you're looking it up right now.
00:27:31.000 Yeah, he's looking it up.
00:27:32.000 Okay, so we'll find out.
00:27:33.000 I feel like he was in a high-speed chase.
00:27:35.000 They shot his tires out.
00:27:37.000 I don't remember it this way.
00:27:40.000 I remember something in a car, though, maybe.
00:27:42.000 I'm pretty sure they shot his tires out, and he was driving around on the rims.
00:27:46.000 He had to have been doing a lot of blow or something to make him that agitated.
00:27:50.000 You know what I mean?
00:27:51.000 No normal human—then again, we're talking about James Brown—is that agitated.
00:27:56.000 I mean, who gets that agitated?
00:27:56.000 He was fucking phenomenal when he was young.
00:27:59.000 Two-state chase that went up to 85 miles an hour involved 14 cars.
00:28:03.000 He said he didn't stop because he feared for his life, though.
00:28:05.000 I'm trying to see why it started, and I don't see that.
00:28:07.000 I feel like that's what started.
00:28:10.000 He fired off a gun because someone used his toilet.
00:28:14.000 By the way, a two-state chase, I'm guessing he lived near the border.
00:28:17.000 He probably lived in one of those wacky states.
00:28:19.000 He lived in Georgia.
00:28:21.000 Oh, okay.
00:28:22.000 Well, maybe it was like Georgia-Florida.
00:28:23.000 Yeah, could be.
00:28:24.000 Right?
00:28:24.000 They're close to each other.
00:28:25.000 Georgia-Florida line.
00:28:26.000 Isn't that a band?
00:28:27.000 It is, right?
00:28:28.000 Doesn't Wheeler Walker make fun of them?
00:28:30.000 It just says you failed a beta pullover.
00:28:33.000 That's all it is?
00:28:34.000 But I'm pretty sure that's why they were pulling him over.
00:28:37.000 I think they were going after him.
00:28:39.000 I might be wrong about that.
00:28:41.000 Maybe I'm confusing him with...
00:28:43.000 Okay, Chuck Berry was the one that was filming people going to the bathroom, right?
00:28:48.000 I think.
00:28:49.000 He liked to pee on ladies, I'm pretty sure.
00:28:54.000 Interesting.
00:28:55.000 I'm pretty sure.
00:28:56.000 Interesting.
00:28:57.000 Generally, when I enjoy James Brown's music, I'm not thinking about his car.
00:29:01.000 I'm thinking about his other side, you know.
00:29:04.000 It does say that for your story.
00:29:05.000 Oh, really?
00:29:06.000 Yeah.
00:29:06.000 What does it say?
00:29:07.000 That's right.
00:29:07.000 Oh, here it goes.
00:29:10.000 Carrying a deadly weapon at a public gathering in an attempt to flee Paris, driving under the influence of drugs.
00:29:16.000 Okay, he reportedly stormed into the insurance company next to his office, waving a shotgun and complaining that strangers were using his bathroom.
00:29:24.000 As Time reported...
00:29:26.000 He drove on the rims for six miles!
00:29:30.000 There you go.
00:29:30.000 Are you kidding me?
00:29:31.000 Years later, this episode would frame the 2014 Brown biopic, Get On Up.
00:29:38.000 I'm guessing that I saw him after this.
00:29:40.000 Uh-huh.
00:29:41.000 Because it was right after that.
00:29:42.000 It would be late 80s, early 90s.
00:29:47.000 Jesus Christ, he did six years?
00:29:49.000 Yeah, he was in there for a while.
00:29:50.000 Six fucking years?
00:29:52.000 Yeah.
00:29:52.000 How about just sober him up?
00:29:55.000 He was on PCP? They gave him a year for each mile he drove on his rims.
00:30:00.000 Rumors of a PCP habit had already surfaced by the time his erratic behavior came to a head in September.
00:30:07.000 Wow.
00:30:08.000 PCP is a tricky one, huh?
00:30:09.000 He sang in the prison choir.
00:30:11.000 I bet he did.
00:30:13.000 Shit, imagine you go to jail for like stealing a car and your fucking celly is James Brown.
00:30:17.000 You're like, hey buddy.
00:30:19.000 What do you want to do?
00:30:21.000 Yeah, that's something.
00:30:22.000 That's a hell of a story.
00:30:23.000 Yeah, help him write some songs.
00:30:25.000 Get on up.
00:30:27.000 Did you ever see when he opened up for the Muhammad Ali fight with George Foreman and Zaire?
00:30:35.000 Holy shit, was that incredible.
00:30:37.000 That was incredible, yeah.
00:30:38.000 Incredible.
00:30:39.000 He had so much power.
00:30:42.000 There was something about him, man.
00:30:44.000 He would get on stage.
00:30:44.000 Ridiculous.
00:30:45.000 It was just power.
00:30:46.000 To give you an idea how much power Prince wished for that power.
00:30:49.000 Fuck yeah.
00:30:50.000 Well, Prince had it, but he had it in a different way.
00:30:52.000 Different way, but Prince looked up to that power.
00:30:55.000 Who the fuck didn't?
00:30:55.000 No, James Brown was ridiculous.
00:30:57.000 I can't sing and I looked up to it.
00:30:59.000 I don't have any musical talent.
00:31:00.000 It just tells you what a waste Elvis was.
00:31:03.000 Because Elvis had that power and he didn't use it.
00:31:06.000 He had it early on and then...
00:31:08.000 He could never dance like James Brown, though.
00:31:11.000 Or if he did, he never showed it.
00:31:12.000 Oh, no, no, but it would be different.
00:31:13.000 It's a different kind of power.
00:31:15.000 If he just took and harnessed what he had.
00:31:18.000 Yeah, here it is.
00:31:18.000 Look at this.
00:31:19.000 Look at his dress, too.
00:31:20.000 Look at the way he's dressed.
00:31:21.000 Look at that.
00:31:22.000 The fucking pants and the shit.
00:31:23.000 Look at his...
00:31:25.000 Goddamn!
00:31:26.000 Dropping down doing splits.
00:31:27.000 I know, he was not human.
00:31:29.000 And by the way, he's not even really flexible enough to do a full split, and yet he's still dropping down on stage.
00:31:35.000 Do you know he was wearing a turtleneck that night, and I said to him, cut that baby out.
00:31:41.000 I said, let's leave a little bit.
00:31:44.000 Let's put your initials on there.
00:31:46.000 I think that that was done in advance.
00:31:48.000 What were the girls I was hanging around with?
00:31:49.000 Yeah, I know.
00:31:50.000 He's James Brown.
00:31:51.000 Woo!
00:31:52.000 Yeah, look at his giant-ass band.
00:31:54.000 I don't envy those people.
00:31:55.000 You know when you see people with bands touring?
00:31:58.000 All those people, all those working pieces have to fall into place?
00:32:02.000 Yep.
00:32:03.000 Look at all that, though.
00:32:03.000 Yeah.
00:32:04.000 But goddamn, what a performance.
00:32:05.000 What a performer.
00:32:06.000 When I saw him, it blew my mind.
00:32:08.000 It literally blew my mind.
00:32:09.000 Well, what's interesting, too, is that, you know, Prince, who died of painkillers, he died from fentanyl, he blew his hips out dancing.
00:32:19.000 Like, that was the thing, you know, and that apparently is a very common thing.
00:32:23.000 My friend Maynard, Maynard Keenan from Tool, the lead singer of Tool, he just recently had his hip replaced.
00:32:29.000 And he was doing, he's big into jiu-jitsu, loves jiu-jitsu.
00:32:34.000 And he was having a really hard time doing certain things.
00:32:38.000 So he went to a doctor to see what's going on with his hip.
00:32:40.000 And they're like, dude, your hip is gone, son.
00:32:43.000 Like, it's just deteriorating.
00:32:43.000 And now is he functioning at a high level?
00:32:45.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:32:46.000 He's fine.
00:32:46.000 The hip replacement is one of the most unusual ones in terms of, like, its ability to restore you back to a fairly normal state.
00:32:55.000 That's why being a comedian is delightful.
00:32:58.000 We don't have to do any of that shit.
00:32:59.000 No?
00:33:00.000 There's no, get on up!
00:33:01.000 Get on up!
00:33:02.000 And by the way, when you see someone moving around like that on stage, I will bet you every penny I have they're not funny.
00:33:10.000 Callan moves a lot on stage.
00:33:11.000 He's very funny.
00:33:12.000 He doesn't move like...
00:33:13.000 Sometimes he throws kicks.
00:33:14.000 So upstairs in the...
00:33:16.000 Belly room?
00:33:17.000 No, the improv upstairs.
00:33:19.000 You know that green room thing?
00:33:21.000 Okay.
00:33:21.000 There's a monitor on stage with a thing, and I will turn to whoever I'm with and go, funny.
00:33:27.000 Not funny.
00:33:28.000 Because I can watch and tell whether the comedy is coming to them or whether they're pushing it.
00:33:36.000 And most of the move-around people are pushing it.
00:33:39.000 But Jim Carrey was a move-around guy.
00:33:41.000 He was always really funny.
00:33:43.000 Move around in a different sort of way.
00:33:45.000 There's exceptions.
00:33:46.000 Well, there's exceptions to all stuff, like all things.
00:33:49.000 But in this sort of way, I'm talking about when someone just stands there and talks, and then they're doing some sort of movement, it's not good.
00:33:57.000 Jim Carrey, there was a purpose.
00:33:59.000 Brian, it's part of who he is.
00:34:02.000 That's not what I'm talking about.
00:34:03.000 I'm talking about people that just oversell shit by physicalizing what should be just funny the way you say it, not even what you're saying, the way you say it.
00:34:14.000 Tom Segura calls it dance moves.
00:34:16.000 It is dance moves!
00:34:20.000 Tom Segura's funny.
00:34:21.000 He's a genius.
00:34:22.000 I used to call it English, putting English on a cue ball.
00:34:25.000 Yes, it's English.
00:34:26.000 It's English.
00:34:27.000 Totally unnecessary.
00:34:28.000 But dance moves is better.
00:34:29.000 Dance moves is better.
00:34:30.000 So I've adopted dance moves now.
00:34:32.000 And that's what I'm talking about.
00:34:34.000 So Jim Carrey and Brian Callen do not have dance moves.
00:34:36.000 Right.
00:34:37.000 They just are funny and they also move.
00:34:39.000 Yeah, there's a reason for their moving.
00:34:41.000 But yeah, dance moves.
00:34:43.000 Oh, come on, man.
00:34:44.000 And you know what's so funny?
00:34:45.000 Years ago, I remember any time I saw someone miming having sex, you know, pumping air, I would just go, not funny.
00:34:52.000 No.
00:34:53.000 It was just like, it was a sign of like...
00:34:55.000 But what if there's a bit where you have to mime pumping air?
00:35:00.000 There's gotta be a bit.
00:35:01.000 Pumping air?
00:35:03.000 Screwing pumping?
00:35:04.000 Yeah, some bits.
00:35:05.000 But who doesn't know what that looks like?
00:35:07.000 Why do you need to pump?
00:35:08.000 Maybe there's a reason.
00:35:11.000 Unless you're imitating someone having a heart attack pumping.
00:35:15.000 Right.
00:35:15.000 Or, you know, if the content is about your physicality, that's not dancing.
00:35:21.000 Right, right, right.
00:35:22.000 Dancing's when you put, like, English, like when you're doing this to accentuate what you're saying, it's like, screw that.
00:35:30.000 We don't need that.
00:35:30.000 Well, do you ever go to open mic nights?
00:35:33.000 I used to do them up until recently.
00:35:35.000 Really?
00:35:36.000 I would just show up and say, can I go up and do 10, you know?
00:35:40.000 And what was really fun was when the person who had them didn't know who I was.
00:35:44.000 Oh, that's great.
00:35:45.000 And then I watched as other people explained.
00:35:48.000 And it was cool because I didn't have an attitude, you know?
00:35:50.000 And I would do my sets and the audiences at open mic nights are really, they're terrible.
00:35:56.000 A lot of times, yeah.
00:35:57.000 Yeah, they're there to see their friends or they're tired or whatever.
00:36:00.000 Or they've been beaten down by totally unfunny shit.
00:36:03.000 Totally unfunny shit over and over and over again.
00:36:06.000 So yes, up until about four or five years ago, I used to go to open my...
00:36:11.000 What's fascinating about open mic nights is you're watching people try to figure out how to be funny.
00:36:16.000 Like, you're watching people, like, if you go to the store, like, tonight, and you go there, it's gonna be a packed house, it's all Chris D'Elia, and fuckin' Andrew Santino, and Ali Wong, it's all killers.
00:36:31.000 And you're seeing high-level comedy over and over again.
00:36:34.000 And so you get into that vibe and you're like, oh, this is a great place to be.
00:36:38.000 But if you go to an open mic night, you're seeing this primordial ooze.
00:36:42.000 You're seeing single-celled organisms.
00:36:44.000 You're seeing things that you really shouldn't be seeing.
00:36:46.000 Sometimes.
00:36:47.000 Every now and then you see a little glimmer.
00:36:49.000 I explain to people, when you start, get as much stage time as you can without people seeing you.
00:36:55.000 That's good, too.
00:36:56.000 That's very good advice.
00:36:57.000 But you need to go on stage over and over and over again.
00:37:01.000 But don't go on stage at any popular places.
00:37:03.000 Go on stage at the suckiest.
00:37:05.000 Because you only learn from when you suck.
00:37:08.000 That's a big part of it, for sure.
00:37:09.000 That's one of the reasons why I really admired Charlie Murphy.
00:37:13.000 Because Charlie Murphy was essentially a famous open-miker when he started.
00:37:19.000 I mean, when he started, he had never done stand-up comedy ever, and then he was just a really funny actor who was the brother of one of the greatest comics of all time, who got on the Chappelle Show and then started doing stand-up.
00:37:30.000 And, you know, Charlie would just...
00:37:32.000 Just fucking do it.
00:37:33.000 Just go and do it.
00:37:34.000 And he had some rough sets, too, when he was famous.
00:37:37.000 Like, really famous.
00:37:39.000 You think when I did those things that I didn't eat it plenty of times?
00:37:43.000 Oh, open mic nights?
00:37:44.000 Yeah.
00:37:45.000 Everybody eats it there.
00:37:46.000 But what I had was I was in control of myself.
00:37:50.000 Yes.
00:37:50.000 And it didn't fall apart.
00:37:52.000 Right.
00:37:52.000 Which, if you're an amateur, it would fall apart.
00:37:54.000 Yes.
00:37:55.000 But it doesn't mean I did well.
00:37:57.000 Well, of course.
00:37:58.000 As a matter of fact, I remember one time Dice came into the store.
00:38:02.000 This is probably four or five years ago, maybe five years ago.
00:38:06.000 And he came up to me and goes, I'll go up after you.
00:38:09.000 You know, it was very respectful, very nice.
00:38:11.000 And I said, no, I really want to follow you.
00:38:14.000 I want to see what that's like.
00:38:15.000 I've never followed you.
00:38:16.000 Please go up there and go for broke.
00:38:18.000 Go for fucking broke.
00:38:20.000 How long are you doing?
00:38:20.000 He goes, well, maybe a half hour.
00:38:22.000 I go, great.
00:38:23.000 Go up there for a half hour.
00:38:24.000 I got nowhere to be.
00:38:25.000 I'm going to watch you.
00:38:26.000 And I want you just to fucking hold nothing back.
00:38:29.000 And then I went up after him.
00:38:30.000 You know how I did?
00:38:31.000 Fine.
00:38:32.000 Didn't do good.
00:38:33.000 Didn't do bad.
00:38:35.000 Did fine because I knew how to handle myself, my professionalism.
00:38:39.000 The craft of what I know won out.
00:38:42.000 But there's no following that with what I do, which is totally different, and having the audience go, oh, this takes it to a whole new place.
00:38:51.000 No.
00:38:52.000 Did you ever listen to The Day the Laughter Died?
00:38:55.000 Rick Rubin's album with him.
00:38:57.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:38:58.000 Fucking phenomenal.
00:38:59.000 Yeah, great album.
00:38:59.000 And it's just eating shit for two hours.
00:39:02.000 Two hours, I know.
00:39:03.000 He showed up at Dangerfields, for people who don't know.
00:39:06.000 Literally, I will never forget, I was just starting out.
00:39:10.000 I think he did this, look this up when that was.
00:39:12.000 I want to say it was like 1989, 1990. No, it was after that.
00:39:16.000 It was fairly early.
00:39:18.000 It was fairly early because I was very young in my career.
00:39:21.000 It might have been then.
00:39:22.000 Because I was still living in Boston.
00:39:23.000 No, no, it might have been then because I was thinking about me living here now, but it came out the first time I lived here.
00:39:33.000 Well, I was living in Boston, and I was just starting out, and there was a great comedian named Mike Donovan, who to this day is one of the funniest guys I've ever seen in my life.
00:39:42.000 And Mike Donovan was laughing to the point where he couldn't breathe at Dice doing this set while he was doing fucking stadiums.
00:39:53.000 I mean, Dice was doing enormous.
00:39:55.000 Nassau Coliseum.
00:39:57.000 What's in the bowl, bitch?
00:39:59.000 Oh!
00:40:00.000 20,000 people.
00:40:02.000 Yeah!
00:40:03.000 He was the biggest comedian of all time.
00:40:04.000 And he just decides to show up at Dangerfields in New York City randomly, like on Monday and a Tuesday night, doesn't tell anybody he's gonna be there.
00:40:12.000 I mean, there's 13, 20 people in the crowd.
00:40:14.000 He records two different sets, and he has no material.
00:40:19.000 I mean, fucking none.
00:40:20.000 He's making things up as he goes along.
00:40:23.000 And people are getting angry at him, and they're walking out, and he did a bit about Richard Nixon, about how he eats ass, and when he eats ass, he does it like Richard Nixon.
00:40:33.000 He was like, oh, I love this fat fucking ass!
00:40:37.000 He was doing this Richard Nixon impression of eating ass.
00:40:40.000 And for whatever reason, Mike Dunvin thought it was the funniest thing he'd ever seen in his life.
00:40:43.000 He was wheezing, like couldn't breathe, talking about Dice doing this impression.
00:40:48.000 And I was like, wow.
00:40:50.000 This is like comedy for comedians.
00:40:53.000 But for the people that were in the audience, like a guy got up and goes, you're about as funny as a glass of milk.
00:40:57.000 The guy said that to him and then left.
00:40:59.000 That's one of the best things on the album.
00:41:01.000 These people from like Kansas getting, you're about as funny as a glass of milk and walking off and dice shitting on them.
00:41:07.000 It's...
00:41:08.000 But to have the mindset to be at not just the top of his game, but literally the top of stand-up ever.
00:41:18.000 No one before him had ever sold out Madison Square Garden multiple nights in a row the way he did.
00:41:26.000 I mean, guys have done it since then.
00:41:28.000 You know, Dane and Louie and there's been a bunch of guys, Aziz, but no one did it like he did then.
00:41:35.000 He was the first ever to do that and to do that and then to record these fucking awful sets and then put it out!
00:41:43.000 We're gonna fucking put it out!
00:41:46.000 I guarantee that was Rick Rubin's idea.
00:41:49.000 You think so?
00:41:50.000 Without a doubt.
00:41:50.000 But you know Dice?
00:41:52.000 Dice is like that.
00:41:52.000 I know Dice and I know Rick Rubin.
00:41:54.000 I bet it was both of their ideas.
00:41:56.000 Well, maybe he didn't fight Rick Rubin.
00:41:58.000 I'll have to ask Rick Rubin next time I see him.
00:42:00.000 Yeah, ask him.
00:42:00.000 I never asked him that.
00:42:01.000 But that sounds to me like Rick Rubin going, let's do this.
00:42:05.000 Interesting.
00:42:05.000 Yeah.
00:42:06.000 But it was such a crazy, bold move.
00:42:08.000 I remember thinking at the time, because I was terrible in 1989 when it came out.
00:42:12.000 I was just confused.
00:42:13.000 How does one do that?
00:42:15.000 One is so confident that they release something that sucks.
00:42:19.000 Because when I was 19, it was me and my girlfriend, Marta.
00:42:24.000 Me and Marta.
00:42:25.000 We're sitting in my car, and I had a cassette player, and we're listening to Dice.
00:42:30.000 It was just called Dice.
00:42:31.000 And crying laughing, crying laughing.
00:42:34.000 It was before I'd ever done stand-up.
00:42:36.000 And I remember thinking, wow, this guy is fucking something.
00:42:40.000 The amount of power that he had on stage, and these roars from the crowd.
00:42:47.000 We're sitting in my car, laughing our asses off to this cassette.
00:42:51.000 It wasn't even a CD. A couple years later, he decides, eh, I'm just gonna put out something that sucks.
00:42:59.000 The day the comedy died.
00:43:01.000 The day the laughter died, yeah.
00:43:02.000 And he's got, like, one of them fucking paperboy hats on, on the cover.
00:43:07.000 No, it's black.
00:43:08.000 It's a bold man.
00:43:09.000 Black and white.
00:43:10.000 And there's a little picture of him on there.
00:43:12.000 Is that what it is?
00:43:13.000 Yeah, a small picture, I think.
00:43:15.000 Or maybe it's a big picture of him.
00:43:16.000 There it is right there.
00:43:17.000 I don't remember.
00:43:17.000 Oh, no, it's a big picture.
00:43:18.000 We should get a...
00:43:19.000 Oh, yeah.
00:43:20.000 But it is small in comparison to the actual CD. Yeah.
00:43:24.000 See if we can get...
00:43:25.000 Jamie, let's get a framed copy of that and put it on the wall somewhere.
00:43:31.000 Was it released as an album?
00:43:33.000 I don't know.
00:43:34.000 Let's get the image.
00:43:35.000 I guarantee there's vinyl.
00:43:36.000 Yeah, let's find it, see if we can buy it in vinyl.
00:43:40.000 Look on eBay right now.
00:43:41.000 They did it again.
00:43:44.000 He did it again?
00:43:45.000 Yeah, three years later.
00:43:48.000 He did the same thing?
00:43:49.000 It's a part two, yeah.
00:43:53.000 I've seen him do that at the store.
00:43:55.000 I've seen him go up late night at the store like, look at you.
00:43:58.000 Look at you over there.
00:43:59.000 And just start talking shit to people.
00:44:02.000 Like mean Dice is my favorite.
00:44:03.000 Why does he wear weightlifting gloves whenever he goes anywhere?
00:44:05.000 He's like touching people's hands.
00:44:06.000 Is that what it is?
00:44:07.000 Yeah.
00:44:07.000 Oh, okay.
00:44:08.000 And Big Jay Oakerson wears weightlifting gloves in homage.
00:44:12.000 To Dice?
00:44:13.000 That's hilarious.
00:44:13.000 I didn't know that.
00:44:14.000 That's great.
00:44:15.000 Yeah, I was trying to get the two of them together on a podcast, but scheduling-wise it never really worked out.
00:44:19.000 You know, I'm shaking Dice's hand.
00:44:21.000 Different photo on the vinyl.
00:44:22.000 Oh!
00:44:22.000 It's available for $400 on Amazon.
00:44:25.000 Oh, buy that shit.
00:44:26.000 No, no.
00:44:27.000 Buy that shit.
00:44:27.000 We're going to frame it.
00:44:28.000 $400.
00:44:29.000 I'll go to Dice.
00:44:30.000 He might not have it.
00:44:31.000 Yeah, I guarantee he's got it.
00:44:32.000 Hey!
00:44:33.000 Yeah.
00:44:34.000 You pay for lunch, I'll give you the album.
00:44:37.000 Have you ever seen his Instagram?
00:44:38.000 You ever go to Dice's Instagram?
00:44:39.000 No.
00:44:40.000 It's hilarious.
00:44:41.000 It's just so random.
00:44:42.000 It's like an older, rich, famous guy who does whatever the fuck he wants.
00:44:48.000 I'm supposed to have had coffee or lunch with him a million times.
00:44:51.000 I never have.
00:44:51.000 It's one of those things.
00:44:52.000 Well, no, it just never happened.
00:44:54.000 Right.
00:44:54.000 Yeah.
00:44:56.000 Yeah, his Instagram is him, like, with a gold gym t-shirt on, with crazy sunglasses, and he'll do, like, these little sketches.
00:45:04.000 But they're so random and weird.
00:45:06.000 Like, him talking to a girl, like, maybe we should do something later.
00:45:09.000 And the girl's like, okay.
00:45:10.000 Like, click on this.
00:45:11.000 Play this.
00:45:12.000 This is, like, his whole thing.
00:45:19.000 You like skateboarding?
00:45:20.000 I was thinking about it.
00:45:22.000 Yeah, maybe we should do that.
00:45:25.000 See, that'll be a good time.
00:45:28.000 Can you cook dinner for a reason?
00:45:30.000 Why don't you stay out of this one?
00:45:31.000 He doesn't even know how to use the phone.
00:45:34.000 What's your name?
00:45:35.000 Nicole.
00:45:36.000 What?
00:45:37.000 Nicole.
00:45:37.000 Nicole.
00:45:38.000 Alright, I'll call you.
00:45:39.000 I gotta go take care of something.
00:45:43.000 Oh, it's the end of it.
00:45:46.000 Afterwards, he's got another one, a follow-up, where he gets mad at himself for not doing anything about it.
00:45:51.000 Like, go to the next video.
00:45:56.000 That's not it.
00:45:57.000 There, play this one.
00:45:59.000 What a beautiful night, huh?
00:46:03.000 Beautiful.
00:46:06.000 It's Eleanor!
00:46:09.000 What a beautiful night, huh?
00:46:11.000 She's a comedian, right?
00:46:13.000 Eleanor Kerrigan, yeah.
00:46:14.000 They're so random.
00:46:16.000 I guess the text in that video was like, I should have done something.
00:46:20.000 What's wrong with me?
00:46:21.000 Yeah.
00:46:22.000 But this is him.
00:46:23.000 Why did I leave?
00:46:24.000 I'm so dumb.
00:46:27.000 But they're so random.
00:46:29.000 It's like, what is he doing?
00:46:31.000 He's just being dice.
00:46:33.000 He used to do that at the store.
00:46:34.000 He used to have comics do these little sketches.
00:46:37.000 Okay, you're gonna run through the door there, and you're gonna knock him over.
00:46:42.000 And you're gonna go, what the fuck?
00:46:44.000 Okay, go!
00:46:45.000 And the guy would do it and he'd run into the door and knock the other guy over and he'd go, what the fuck?
00:46:49.000 Go, perfect, do it again.
00:46:51.000 And he would just film this with like VHS tape.
00:46:54.000 You know, like an old school one.
00:46:56.000 And then he would edit it together himself.
00:46:58.000 But he did nothing with it.
00:47:00.000 And this was like...
00:47:01.000 Dice was giant!
00:47:03.000 Just fucking top of the world giant!
00:47:05.000 And this is what he's doing to amuse himself.
00:47:07.000 But I love the fact that the comics would just do it.
00:47:09.000 Oh, Jesus Christ, you're just so happy Dice is talking to you.
00:47:13.000 He's the reason why I started doing the road.
00:47:15.000 I would just do the store all the time.
00:47:17.000 I was constantly at the store.
00:47:17.000 One time we're in the bag, he goes, hey, you're funny.
00:47:20.000 You know, you should do the road.
00:47:22.000 I go, yeah?
00:47:22.000 He goes, yeah.
00:47:23.000 He goes, you don't want to rely on these fucking assholes for money.
00:47:26.000 He goes, you can fucking do whatever you want.
00:47:28.000 Go do the road.
00:47:29.000 I was like, yeah, why don't I do the road?
00:47:31.000 Because I was just doing TV shows.
00:47:32.000 And you're doing TV shows.
00:47:34.000 You're kind of trapped in this.
00:47:36.000 This is how you make your living.
00:47:37.000 You've got to kind of always be acting and always be going on auditions.
00:47:41.000 I was like, yeah.
00:47:42.000 Because you don't make real money at the store.
00:47:45.000 You make like 15 bucks a set or whatever you make.
00:47:47.000 I've spent one year, I never collected a check.
00:47:51.000 And then they never had them again.
00:47:53.000 At the store?
00:47:53.000 Yeah, I probably...
00:47:54.000 I'm guessing with the number of sets, I did probably about $2,500, $5,000.
00:47:59.000 Probably donated.
00:48:00.000 Donated back to the club.
00:48:01.000 Yeah, donated back to the club.
00:48:03.000 It's not donated to any charity on behalf of the store.
00:48:06.000 Yeah, no, not a charity.
00:48:08.000 You donate to the charity of the store.
00:48:10.000 Yeah.
00:48:11.000 I don't care.
00:48:12.000 I don't care either.
00:48:13.000 Yeah.
00:48:14.000 It's a good donation.
00:48:16.000 Mm-hmm.
00:48:17.000 Yeah, that's a...
00:48:19.000 The place is a fascinating place.
00:48:21.000 Really, I was gone for seven years, and I've been back for four now, and it is just a...
00:48:29.000 I love the original room.
00:48:31.000 Oh, it's incredible.
00:48:31.000 That's the room that's got it going.
00:48:34.000 Well, I left all three.
00:48:35.000 I don't.
00:48:36.000 They're all different.
00:48:37.000 The belly room's okay, and the main room...
00:48:39.000 By the way, the main room performing in the main room does not bother me.
00:48:43.000 I hate the green room.
00:48:44.000 Really?
00:48:45.000 Hate it.
00:48:46.000 Why?
00:48:46.000 The cocaine piano in the middle of the room.
00:48:48.000 It's the best piano.
00:48:50.000 But the point being is, most of those people I don't want to see.
00:48:53.000 Oh, hanging around back there?
00:48:55.000 Yeah, they just irritate me.
00:48:56.000 There's such a negative vibe.
00:48:58.000 Really?
00:48:58.000 I think that there's a lot of comedians that play there that are a big bowl of dead weight.
00:49:03.000 Wow.
00:49:04.000 Yeah.
00:49:04.000 Wow.
00:49:05.000 I don't want to name any names.
00:49:06.000 But there's a lot that are joyful and great and I dig and I like watching and my favorite thing to do is laugh at my fellow comedians.
00:49:15.000 But on the flip side, some people just, man, their presence just depresses me.
00:49:21.000 Wow.
00:49:21.000 Interesting.
00:49:22.000 Yeah.
00:49:22.000 I don't feel that.
00:49:23.000 Okay.
00:49:25.000 Maybe do an impression.
00:49:27.000 No!
00:49:29.000 Just mime it.
00:49:30.000 No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:49:35.000 No, but some really, I think, yeah.
00:49:38.000 Because, you know, the thing when I started in comedy, which is 82, working through, comedians really were a group that stuck together.
00:49:46.000 You don't think that's the case now?
00:49:48.000 No.
00:49:48.000 I think for the past, I think it started changing in late 90s, 2000s, to where it was every man for himself.
00:49:59.000 And a lot of people, it wasn't like you're part of this fraternity.
00:50:03.000 It was like, fuck you, I'm gonna do this, you know.
00:50:06.000 My thing with competition is Go do your thing.
00:50:11.000 If the audience digs you more, great.
00:50:12.000 If I'm auditioning and you're auditioning, go beat me in the room.
00:50:15.000 I don't give a crap.
00:50:17.000 But there's such a competitiveness.
00:50:20.000 And I know that's part of why Eddie doesn't do spots.
00:50:24.000 Eddie Murphy?
00:50:25.000 Eddie Murphy.
00:50:26.000 Because when I work with him, I would say, why don't you go?
00:50:29.000 He'd say, the looks that I get and the vibe that I get from comics, it's not pleasant.
00:50:35.000 And I go, I knew exactly what he was talking about.
00:50:36.000 That's so weird.
00:50:38.000 I have the exact opposite feeling about comedy now and about particularly the store and the camaraderie of that place.
00:50:47.000 I don't get it.
00:50:48.000 By the way, I dig a lot of people there.
00:50:50.000 But the people who I dig know I dig them.
00:50:53.000 And the other ones who I don't dig don't know anything.
00:50:56.000 It's not like I spend time being negative.
00:50:58.000 But there's lots of guys and gals that are great, but also plenty of them that, like, please step away.
00:51:06.000 I was having a conversation about this with a friend of mine recently who was living for a while in a place that he hated, and he was saying that if you're in a place where everyone's negative, you really kind of forget that people can be positive.
00:51:18.000 Without a doubt!
00:51:19.000 So why should I leave the Comedy Store and at least half of the times I play there, leaving there driving home feeling like not positive?
00:51:27.000 That's so weird.
00:51:29.000 By the way, I sometimes now arrange it.
00:51:31.000 The only set that I do at the Comedy Store now is I sometimes will close the 7 o'clock original room show.
00:51:40.000 Because there's no one after me, so if I'm five minutes long, no one's giving a crap.
00:51:44.000 And they've already seen the whole show.
00:51:48.000 And I can do that, zip in, do it, and get the hell out.
00:51:51.000 I'll do a benefit in the main room, like I did watch Tony's show.
00:51:58.000 Right.
00:51:58.000 Kill Tony.
00:51:59.000 Yeah, we've got to bring you into the fold, Jeff Garland.
00:52:02.000 Bring what into the fold?
00:52:02.000 Bring you into the fold of the nice people.
00:52:04.000 Bring you into the fold.
00:52:06.000 By the way, I know the nice people.
00:52:07.000 We have nice conversations with them, but the other people are always there hovering.
00:52:12.000 The hoverers.
00:52:13.000 I don't like a good...
00:52:14.000 I don't like a hoverer.
00:52:15.000 No.
00:52:16.000 Stop hovering.
00:52:17.000 That is brutal when you're having a good conversation and...
00:52:20.000 If your groove is not about making people laugh, like I don't care whether you're political, social, how you do your comedy, but if your ultimate goal isn't to bring joy into people's lives, what's the purpose?
00:52:37.000 If it's not about the laughs and joy, and so I find, here's the thing I don't dig, a lot of ego running around the store when I'm there.
00:52:47.000 And most of the people I don't like have the biggest egos.
00:52:50.000 Do you think that they're threatened by you because you're a very accomplished guy, so maybe that's why you're getting that weird vibe from people?
00:52:57.000 I've been told that before, but if I thought that, that would be weird.
00:53:00.000 So I don't pay attention to that.
00:53:02.000 Well, that's because you're a pretty humble guy.
00:53:03.000 You know, there's a great line.
00:53:04.000 I'm not an alcoholic, but I do know this line from the program, which is, what you think of me is none of my business.
00:53:12.000 Which I love.
00:53:13.000 That's a great perspective.
00:53:15.000 Great perspective.
00:53:16.000 So what they think of me is none of my business.
00:53:18.000 I just know what they're putting out there.
00:53:21.000 That's all.
00:53:22.000 Yeah, I think sometimes people will look at you and go, well, here's a guy who's been on some of the all-time greatest television shows ever.
00:53:29.000 You're a guy that's got a massive...
00:53:34.000 Your resume, your accomplishments as a comic and performer is very enviable.
00:53:40.000 So maybe perhaps they see you and they're like, this guy's in.
00:53:42.000 I look at myself as a generous guy on every level.
00:53:45.000 I like being generous and I like helping comics, sticking my hand out, doing what I can to help.
00:53:52.000 So I don't feel that I put anything that they should be fearful of out.
00:53:58.000 No, but I think it's their own issue.
00:54:00.000 I mean, I remember when I was starting out, I would get real uncomfortable when I was around really famous people.
00:54:05.000 I'd be like, wow, this feels weird to be around this guy in real life.
00:54:09.000 I get that.
00:54:10.000 That can be.
00:54:11.000 But when you and I had met, you've always been very friendly, easy to talk to.
00:54:16.000 I like to be a warm, thoughtful person who most of the time prefers to stay at home.
00:54:21.000 But if I'm going to go out, if I'm going to go to the farmer's market, if I'm going to go to the comedy store, I'm prepared to talk to people, take pictures of people, be warm to people, engage with people.
00:54:33.000 Because if I don't want that, I stay home.
00:54:35.000 Right.
00:54:40.000 I really will go do my set and get out, but that doesn't happen very often.
00:54:44.000 But I'll stay home.
00:54:46.000 Yeah, that's why you need that downtime, right?
00:54:47.000 Yeah.
00:54:48.000 Because you've got to be able to recharge.
00:54:50.000 You've got to be able to recharge.
00:54:51.000 I used to not allow myself that.
00:54:53.000 I used to work so hard.
00:54:55.000 I was reading this article yesterday about Tom Cruise and about Tom Cruise's life being very strange.
00:55:00.000 Jesus Christ, Jeff Garland.
00:55:02.000 What is going on with your phone?
00:55:03.000 What is that ringer?
00:55:06.000 It's a theme to a man and a woman.
00:55:12.000 I don't even know what a man and a woman is.
00:55:16.000 It's a French movie.
00:55:17.000 Jesus Christ.
00:55:18.000 But hold on a second here.
00:55:19.000 How am I supposed to know that?
00:55:21.000 But actually, I actually sing that with, you know, Jeff who plays piano in the original?
00:55:26.000 Yes, Jeff Richard.
00:55:27.000 Not Jeff Richards.
00:55:28.000 Jeff Scott.
00:55:29.000 Jeff Scott.
00:55:31.000 Why say Jeff Richards?
00:55:32.000 I'll look at him and I'll go, I'm not singing tonight.
00:55:34.000 And the audience most of the time goes, as if I'm known for singing, which I make fun of them.
00:55:39.000 But then in the middle of the show, I'll just look at him and go, And I sing.
00:55:49.000 And then when I'm done, I tell the audience that I'm in a very accomplished French gibberish, which is what it is.
00:55:56.000 But yeah, it's a great song.
00:55:57.000 So do you have custom ringtones for when different people call you?
00:56:00.000 No, I just have...
00:56:01.000 That's the one?
00:56:02.000 And generally my ringer's off, which is off now.
00:56:04.000 Last thing I was listening to is Buddy Guy.
00:56:06.000 The blues is alive and well.
00:56:08.000 Buddy Guy's newest album.
00:56:10.000 He's, I think, about to turn 82. I'm going to go to Chicago for his birthday.
00:56:13.000 He just put out a new album and he's 82?
00:56:15.000 And it's a badass album.
00:56:17.000 Of course it is.
00:56:18.000 Oh, he rips it the whole album.
00:56:19.000 Of course he does.
00:56:20.000 He's amazing.
00:56:20.000 But that inspires me.
00:56:23.000 By the way, everything about aging is about relevancy.
00:56:26.000 How are you contributing?
00:56:27.000 Right.
00:56:28.000 Like George Carlin.
00:56:29.000 No one cared that George Carlin was 75 or whatever he was.
00:56:33.000 Doesn't matter.
00:56:33.000 He's relevant.
00:56:34.000 He's contributing.
00:56:35.000 That's what I aspire to.
00:56:37.000 Relevancy.
00:56:38.000 To contribute to mankind, to my art, to everything.
00:56:42.000 So I'll never be like...
00:56:44.000 If someone says, who's that old dude and I'm not doing anything based on what I'm aspiring to do, that's their issue.
00:56:52.000 Right, right, right.
00:56:53.000 Because I will be, to my best ability, relevant.
00:56:56.000 That's an interesting perspective because it's really true, but it's something that people don't think about.
00:57:01.000 It's like rock stars in particular.
00:57:03.000 No one looks at Mick Jagger and go, why is that guy still doing it?
00:57:06.000 Because when you watch him do it, you're like, oh, Jesus, he's still doing it.
00:57:10.000 He's still doing it.
00:57:11.000 He's like, button your lips!
00:57:12.000 Yes, watching him live is ridiculous.
00:57:15.000 And by the way, he really moves, no kidding around, like at the oldest 30. No, he moves phenomenal.
00:57:22.000 It's ridiculous.
00:57:23.000 He's 71?
00:57:25.000 70-something, still shooting loads into hot models.
00:57:27.000 He had a baby recently.
00:57:29.000 That's my stage name, by the way.
00:57:30.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:57:31.000 Is it?
00:57:31.000 That's my band.
00:57:32.000 How do you have that stage name?
00:57:33.000 That's my band's name.
00:57:34.000 I didn't license it, though.
00:57:36.000 So, I'll give it back to you.
00:57:37.000 My apologies.
00:57:39.000 Bruce Springsteen's another one.
00:57:40.000 Springsteen's in his 60s.
00:57:41.000 By the way, I saw that show.
00:57:42.000 I saw that show.
00:57:44.000 Yeah?
00:57:44.000 And my jaw was on the floor.
00:57:46.000 I could not believe that show.
00:57:47.000 His Broadway show?
00:57:48.000 His Broadway show.
00:57:49.000 It was one of the greatest things I've ever seen.
00:57:51.000 74, he turns tomorrow.
00:57:53.000 Yeah, 75 tomorrow, yeah.
00:57:54.000 Jesus Christ!
00:57:55.000 And he works out, I believe, twice a day, every day.
00:58:00.000 Does he really?
00:58:00.000 He does yoga, and he trains with weights.
00:58:04.000 See if you can find Mick Jagger shirtless as an old man.
00:58:08.000 I'm sure there's a ton.
00:58:09.000 Yeah, but I mean, like, recent?
00:58:12.000 Well, now go to Tools.
00:58:14.000 Go to Tools to the right.
00:58:17.000 And then go to...
00:58:19.000 Yeah, Time.
00:58:21.000 Yeah, there we go.
00:58:22.000 That's the old pick.
00:58:23.000 I know.
00:58:24.000 Say, write recent.
00:58:28.000 See if you can find a recent one.
00:58:30.000 There's a lot of pictures of him with his clothes off.
00:58:32.000 Jesus Christ, Mick.
00:58:33.000 Put a fucking shirt on.
00:58:35.000 What are you, a hot model?
00:58:37.000 Yeah, he's an interesting man.
00:58:39.000 But that's why I say to you, there's always exceptions.
00:58:41.000 Yeah, far right.
00:58:42.000 What do you got there?
00:58:43.000 Is that him?
00:58:44.000 That's a model.
00:58:45.000 Oh, that's not Mick Jagger, you son of a bitch.
00:58:48.000 That's him at 40 with the beard.
00:58:50.000 I know that for sure.
00:58:51.000 So, that's the oldest one I've seen.
00:58:53.000 Okay.
00:58:54.000 Well, either way, the guy has a crazy...
00:58:58.000 No, he's ridiculous.
00:58:58.000 But his movements are what's amazing.
00:59:00.000 His voice, I think, is still amazing.
00:59:03.000 And the way he moves, it's so fluid.
00:59:06.000 It's so beautiful.
00:59:07.000 He does a lot of yoga, I'm pretty sure.
00:59:09.000 Google his workout.
00:59:11.000 Mick Jagger's workout.
00:59:12.000 Because he's incredibly disciplined, apparently.
00:59:15.000 And then look up Barnaby Jones reunion.
00:59:18.000 Just out of curiosity.
00:59:19.000 Is that coming?
00:59:21.000 Look at him.
00:59:22.000 Look at that.
00:59:23.000 Right there.
00:59:23.000 Takes up yoga at 73. There you go.
00:59:26.000 Oh, is that what he did?
00:59:27.000 Yeah.
00:59:28.000 Oh, it takes up aerial yoga.
00:59:30.000 I guess you're doing it on the ground.
00:59:32.000 It didn't work for him enough anymore.
00:59:34.000 Yeah, not enough.
00:59:34.000 He needed to take it to a new level.
00:59:36.000 That's just ridiculous.
00:59:38.000 Yeah.
00:59:38.000 Incredible.
00:59:39.000 Mick Jagged Diet and Exercise Program.
00:59:41.000 Live long, stay young.
00:59:43.000 What if he only eats peppers?
00:59:45.000 Pfft!
00:59:48.000 I was just in Thailand, and when you go to the bathroom, right by the toilet, they literally have one of those garden hoses that you would wash a car with.
00:59:57.000 They don't even play with bidets.
00:59:59.000 Because with those peppers, when you're eating that Thai food, like this kind of splatter that you're creating, they're like, let's just be honest.
01:00:06.000 Toilet paper is not good enough.
01:00:08.000 You're going to need a hose down, son.
01:00:10.000 But wouldn't it be funny if there's a guy waiting outside the bathroom to explain that to you?
01:00:14.000 You just walk out and he says to you, you're probably a little confused, but toilet paper's...
01:00:19.000 They're not explaining nothing there.
01:00:20.000 There's something I put up on my Instagram today about a sign that I saw that said, please don't pee on the floor.
01:00:26.000 And I'm like, how many people have to pee on the floor before you put a sign up that says, please don't pee on the floor?
01:00:32.000 And by the way, if you're a person who pees on the floor, are you really going to go, oh, I was going to, but now I'm not...
01:00:39.000 At all.
01:00:39.000 I'm stopping the floor peeing.
01:00:41.000 Exactly.
01:00:41.000 It's like, please don't rape.
01:00:43.000 By the way, the truth is about floor peeing, pee ends up on the floor.
01:00:48.000 Some does.
01:00:49.000 Yeah, some does.
01:00:50.000 For dudes.
01:00:51.000 Yeah, for dudes.
01:00:52.000 Another thing I read that's very honest that I read that I agree with, some guy said because of smartphones, I pee sitting down much more than I would like to admit.
01:01:02.000 Oh.
01:01:02.000 That's a fact.
01:01:03.000 We did an episode about that on Curb Your Enthusiasm.
01:01:06.000 Yeah, because you sit down and you're like, well, I'll just take a shit, and if it doesn't come out, I'll just pee and I'll read my phone.
01:01:10.000 Yeah, I guess.
01:01:11.000 I'll just read stuff.
01:01:12.000 Yeah.
01:01:13.000 You guess.
01:01:14.000 No, look, people with their phones, that's a whole thing for me.
01:01:17.000 You got a problem with phones?
01:01:19.000 As a tool?
01:01:20.000 No, I do not.
01:01:22.000 But as avoiding being in the present, I do.
01:01:26.000 Yeah, they're addictive.
01:01:27.000 They're addictive.
01:01:28.000 They're very addictive.
01:01:29.000 And by the way, I gotta be honest, I don't remember the last show where somebody didn't pull out their phone.
01:01:35.000 The last show?
01:01:36.000 Some people are texting.
01:01:38.000 Someone is.
01:01:39.000 Even if it's one person, I can't even remember somebody not doing that.
01:01:44.000 And that's so disrespectful.
01:01:46.000 Well, one of the things I did before my last Netflix special that I filmed in April was I went on tour for three months where you had to use those cell phone bags.
01:01:55.000 Oh, you did those?
01:01:55.000 Those yonder bags.
01:01:56.000 Yeah, they're a giant fucking pain in the ass.
01:01:59.000 By the way...
01:02:00.000 I play a lot at Largo, and I would just make an announcement, and then if someone does, you kick them out.
01:02:08.000 No, I mean, some people just feel like, yeah, yeah, yeah, but I gotta just answer this text.
01:02:11.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I just gotta do this.
01:02:13.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I'm a big fan.
01:02:15.000 I'm gonna take a picture.
01:02:16.000 Yeah, but my response is, yeah, yeah, but I'll see you later.
01:02:20.000 Yeah, there's an issue.
01:02:21.000 But what I was gonna say is that it's a big pain in the ass, those yonder bags, but the show is like 10% better.
01:02:28.000 Because no one had their phone.
01:02:29.000 And you'd sit there and you would actually be connected to the show.
01:02:32.000 But people are like, yeah, but what if I got a fucking plan later?
01:02:35.000 What if I got a this?
01:02:36.000 What if I got a text coming in?
01:02:38.000 What's that character's name?
01:02:39.000 I don't have one.
01:02:40.000 You don't have a name for the character?
01:02:41.000 Doug.
01:02:41.000 Oh, okay.
01:02:42.000 No, but that's Stanhope.
01:02:43.000 Toby.
01:02:43.000 Toby.
01:02:44.000 Okay, Toby.
01:02:45.000 That's Toby.
01:02:46.000 This is Toby.
01:02:46.000 Toby complete.
01:02:47.000 What if I got a call coming in?
01:02:49.000 Yeah, hey, Toby.
01:02:50.000 I gotta leave the show to answer the phone?
01:02:52.000 Toby, which of your Pirates of the Caribbean movie is your favorite?
01:02:55.000 All of them.
01:02:56.000 I'm a fucking huge Johnny Depp fan.
01:02:59.000 One of the reasons why I did that, because Chappelle was telling me how much he enjoys it, and Hannibal Burris was telling me how much he enjoys using those bags, too.
01:03:08.000 But another reason was, this woman complained that when she went to my New Year's show, that some girl behind her made two separate phone calls and was saying Happy New Year to people during the show.
01:03:20.000 During the show!
01:03:21.000 She's like, this stupid fucking bitch was making phone calls while the show was going on.
01:03:26.000 By the way, I've been...
01:03:28.000 Behind, in front of, next to that person.
01:03:31.000 That's a crazy thing to do to me.
01:03:33.000 You're at a performance, a live performance, and you're calling people and talking to them or even answering the phone and talking on the phone.
01:03:39.000 But I think if you have signs with a stern language saying you'll be...
01:03:44.000 It's like peeing on the floor, bro.
01:03:46.000 No, but I've got to be honest with you.
01:03:47.000 I really respect my audience and I really think that that would eliminate the handful of people that would be douchey.
01:03:55.000 Because I play at Largo a lot and at Largo they make the announcement and I have never seen anyone during my show.
01:04:03.000 Largo is exceptional.
01:04:04.000 That's an exceptional place.
01:04:05.000 Yeah, but you can create an exceptional vibe in your audience by respecting them.
01:04:11.000 I certainly agree.
01:04:12.000 It's like, you know when I go someplace and they want to put a stamp on my hands?
01:04:16.000 I just go, no, no, no, no.
01:04:18.000 No.
01:04:19.000 There'll be no stamps on my hands.
01:04:21.000 And you know what the doorman usually says?
01:04:22.000 What?
01:04:23.000 Okay.
01:04:24.000 Really?
01:04:24.000 Yeah.
01:04:25.000 I don't really drink alcohol.
01:04:27.000 But if I go to the bar and order a drink, the guy's going to look for my stamp.
01:04:32.000 Point being is, fuck all that.
01:04:34.000 I've got to have respect for people.
01:04:35.000 What if you go to a musical festival and they want to put a wristband on you?
01:04:37.000 It's like also when you go to the bathroom and they have the sinks.
01:04:40.000 I don't mind the sinks where it senses your hand, even though it doesn't always do it.
01:04:45.000 But man, those ones where you push down and you get 10 seconds, that's so disrespectful.
01:04:52.000 It's wrong.
01:04:53.000 Wrong.
01:04:53.000 Wrong.
01:04:54.000 Really?
01:04:54.000 Wrong to mankind.
01:04:56.000 You know what bothers me?
01:04:57.000 What's that?
01:04:57.000 When you wave your hand on a thing and it gives you a tiny little strip of paper.
01:05:01.000 Yeah.
01:05:01.000 Yeah.
01:05:02.000 A little stingy-ass piece of paper to dry your hand with.
01:05:04.000 Yeah, you wave it a second time.
01:05:05.000 Give me a real fucking piece of paper, bitch.
01:05:07.000 You know what's great?
01:05:07.000 Those powerful new blow ones.
01:05:09.000 No, those are no good.
01:05:11.000 I dig them.
01:05:11.000 There was an article that I tweeted about those things.
01:05:14.000 What is it?
01:05:14.000 The problem is there's like shit dust in the air from people and all the bacteria.
01:05:19.000 Wait, but by the way, let me ask you the premise of the shit dust thing there.
01:05:22.000 So you're saying people take a dump, wash their ass, wait, and then don't go to the sink to wash their hands.
01:05:29.000 They just go straight for the dryer thing because it's fun and let's spread the shit around.
01:05:34.000 The thing is, when you hit that dryer, the dust from that, the wind, it kicks up.
01:05:41.000 This is science.
01:05:42.000 Okay, enjoy it.
01:05:43.000 There's too much for me to think about.
01:05:46.000 Too much for me to think about.
01:05:47.000 Listen, man, I did no research.
01:05:48.000 I just posted an article that I read that said that those things are super unhygienic.
01:05:52.000 And then somebody goes, hey, if Joe posted it, it must be true because he did his research.
01:05:57.000 Could be very clickbaity, right?
01:05:59.000 They could have just got you.
01:06:00.000 Some bullshit.
01:06:01.000 Some bullshit.
01:06:02.000 Some guy named Bob who's a doctor.
01:06:04.000 I'm telling you, there's shit in the air.
01:06:06.000 That's my character of Bob, who's an angry doctor.
01:06:08.000 There's shit in the air.
01:06:09.000 Am I right, Toby?
01:06:10.000 Shit dust.
01:06:11.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:06:12.000 I was on the phone.
01:06:13.000 I didn't have time.
01:06:15.000 I didn't have time to wash my hands.
01:06:16.000 Hand dryer, suck in fecal bacteria and blow it all over your hands.
01:06:20.000 Study fine.
01:06:20.000 See?
01:06:21.000 Bro.
01:06:22.000 Alright, there you go.
01:06:22.000 Enjoy.
01:06:23.000 So I will not be using that anymore.
01:06:24.000 I will use the blow dryer.
01:06:26.000 And when I touch the thing to have the towel come down, I know that that's very clean.
01:06:32.000 Yes.
01:06:33.000 No.
01:06:34.000 No?
01:06:34.000 No, that's not clean.
01:06:35.000 But at least it's not blowing fecal dust.
01:06:36.000 Let's just put it this way.
01:06:38.000 There's no winning.
01:06:39.000 It's no winning.
01:06:40.000 When you take a dump in public, there's no winning.
01:06:43.000 Well, there's also the issue of becoming some OCD person who's fucking completely crazy, squirts Perel all over their body everywhere they go because they're afraid of everything they touch.
01:06:53.000 And then they don't build up immunity.
01:06:55.000 I have a giant issue with that.
01:06:58.000 I've worked with many people who, in auditions, won't shake an actor's hand because they've got...
01:07:05.000 Are you friends with Howie?
01:07:08.000 Yes, I know that Howie doesn't touch.
01:07:10.000 He doesn't even bang knuckles anymore.
01:07:12.000 He was banging knuckles for a while.
01:07:13.000 He won't even do knuckles anymore.
01:07:14.000 He's gotten worse.
01:07:16.000 That's his business.
01:07:16.000 He's a good man.
01:07:17.000 He's a very good man.
01:07:18.000 Yeah, he is.
01:07:19.000 I really like that guy a lot.
01:07:20.000 Yeah, I do too.
01:07:20.000 But I want to hug him.
01:07:21.000 I want to go, come here, motherfucker.
01:07:22.000 Give me a hug.
01:07:23.000 Give me a kiss right on the lips.
01:07:24.000 You want to make it?
01:07:25.000 Yeah, that's so funny.
01:07:27.000 No!
01:07:27.000 I just imagine him running to the emergency room.
01:07:29.000 He's such a nice man.
01:07:31.000 He's a good man.
01:07:31.000 He's a very good guy, but I want him to get over that, because I think it's insane.
01:07:35.000 It's not going to happen.
01:07:36.000 Why not?
01:07:37.000 You think people haven't worked with him on it?
01:07:38.000 It doesn't make any sense.
01:07:39.000 You have to want to change, Joe.
01:07:42.000 Okay.
01:07:42.000 You sound like your own psychiatrist.
01:07:44.000 If you don't want to change, you're not going to change.
01:07:47.000 That's true.
01:07:47.000 And that's with addiction, with anything.
01:07:49.000 If you don't want to do it, nobody...
01:07:51.000 By the way, when it comes to addiction or behavior like Howie's, logic does not enter the room.
01:07:59.000 You can present your logical cases to all those different types of people.
01:08:03.000 It doesn't matter.
01:08:04.000 They've got to want to.
01:08:05.000 Yeah.
01:08:06.000 Well, he goes so far as that he puts down a trail of paper towels in his hotel room so that he never has to stay on the carpet.
01:08:14.000 See, I did not know this.
01:08:15.000 I don't want to know this.
01:08:16.000 I don't want to think about Howie in hotels.
01:08:17.000 Sorry.
01:08:17.000 I want him to be happy in hotels.
01:08:19.000 Well, I'm sure he's happy once he steps on that paper towel.
01:08:21.000 You know what special I loved as a kid?
01:08:24.000 What?
01:08:24.000 Howie from Maui.
01:08:25.000 Oh, yeah.
01:08:26.000 It was hilarious.
01:08:26.000 He told me, I told him this the other night, he goes, that was shit.
01:08:29.000 And I go, no, no, I laughed really hard at that special.
01:08:32.000 Well, it's because he's very funny that he's self-critical.
01:08:34.000 Every funny person I've ever known thinks their sex sucks.
01:08:38.000 I find the best response is just thank you.
01:08:40.000 Yeah, that's a good response.
01:08:41.000 Thanks.
01:08:42.000 Glad you enjoyed it.
01:08:42.000 Thank you.
01:08:43.000 And then if I feel that way, like when people come up to me and they go, you're my favorite character on Curb Your Enthusiasm.
01:08:48.000 What I could really do is look him in the eye and go, really?
01:08:51.000 Really?
01:08:52.000 The guy who does all the exposition?
01:08:55.000 Larry David's not your favorite?
01:08:57.000 I think you're wrong.
01:08:58.000 By the way, every blue moon...
01:09:00.000 When somebody says that to me, I can tell that they mean it.
01:09:03.000 But all of them wouldn't know the difference because I say thank you to all of them.
01:09:08.000 No one needs to hear that shit.
01:09:09.000 People do say stupid shit that they don't really mean just because they want you to respond to them.
01:09:13.000 They want to tell you you're the best.
01:09:15.000 Well, fame is weird.
01:09:15.000 I learned that when I was at a...
01:09:18.000 This is 100% true.
01:09:20.000 And I had this moment where fame became clear to me.
01:09:23.000 I found myself waiting at valet parking with Tony Danza.
01:09:27.000 Whoa.
01:09:28.000 And it wasn't like we were even looking at each other or we had an awkward moment together.
01:09:32.000 I really wanted to say hello.
01:09:34.000 And not because I'm a big Tony Danza fan or any reason.
01:09:37.000 It was just the fame factor wanting me to talk to Tony Danza.
01:09:41.000 Not even like, hey, Tony, I'm Jeff Garland.
01:09:44.000 Just, hey, Tony Danza!
01:09:45.000 Oh, you know, hey!
01:09:47.000 And so I thought, ah, this is fucked up.
01:09:49.000 Shut up.
01:09:49.000 I didn't say anything.
01:09:50.000 He seems very approachable.
01:09:51.000 He seems like a very nice fella.
01:09:53.000 But that is not...
01:09:54.000 Yeah.
01:09:55.000 When I was a young man, I always wished that I was as nice as Tony Danza.
01:10:01.000 Because when I used to see Tony Danza on Taxi and all those shows, I'm like, he always seems so friendly.
01:10:05.000 Like, why can't I be nice and friendly?
01:10:07.000 Wouldn't it be weird if, as you got into show business, you found out he was a prick?
01:10:11.000 Yeah.
01:10:12.000 But the truth is, I've never heard a bad thing ever said about him.
01:10:16.000 There was a fist fight with him at the comedy store one night.
01:10:18.000 Oh, really?
01:10:19.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:10:19.000 A long, long time ago.
01:10:21.000 I want to say, like, it was before my time, and I started there in 94. So someone said something stupid to him somewhere back in the day, and Tony Danza was a professional boxer.
01:10:31.000 Boxer, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:10:33.000 He actually took a pro fight in between tapings of Taxi Driver.
01:10:39.000 When he was first season, in between first and second season, he was off for a few months.
01:10:43.000 He's like, fuck, I'll have a fight.
01:10:44.000 And then he's like, what am I doing?
01:10:46.000 I'm a fucking actor now.
01:10:47.000 Yeah, he is.
01:10:49.000 But somebody got mouthy with him.
01:10:52.000 By the way, when you see someone like that get into a fight, you know whoever approached him really.
01:10:58.000 There have been times where I felt like it's just not worth it.
01:11:01.000 Yeah.
01:11:02.000 Oh, for sure.
01:11:02.000 Because you lose.
01:11:04.000 Well, that's the other reaction, right?
01:11:05.000 You lose.
01:11:06.000 I don't care if someone calls you a Nazi, a kike, any bad word.
01:11:12.000 Just move along.
01:11:13.000 That's the other reaction, right?
01:11:15.000 Like, there's some people that would come up to you, Jeff Garland, hey, how are you?
01:11:17.000 They'll be like, oh, you fucking think you're all funny because you're on Kirby Enthusiasm?
01:11:21.000 I've gotten that, like, maybe once every two, three years, but you're really continuing the character.
01:11:27.000 Which is this?
01:11:28.000 No, but...
01:11:29.000 Same guy?
01:11:30.000 Was that Toby?
01:11:31.000 No, it's not Toby.
01:11:32.000 Toby's brother's an asshole.
01:11:34.000 He's on meth.
01:11:35.000 Jimbo's on meth.
01:11:36.000 So sad.
01:11:37.000 No, but I just avoid, you know, I don't get into it.
01:11:41.000 You know, what you think of me is none of my business.
01:11:43.000 That includes fame.
01:11:44.000 So people come up and say things.
01:11:45.000 Thank you.
01:11:46.000 That's the right thing to say.
01:11:47.000 And then you want to say to them sometimes, and you know this one, could you move along?
01:11:54.000 Because they just stay there.
01:11:56.000 They just stay there.
01:11:57.000 And it's really awkward.
01:11:58.000 There was a dude at the comedy score who scared the hell out of me.
01:12:01.000 Because he told me how much I meant to him.
01:12:04.000 And then he didn't leave.
01:12:05.000 And then he was telling me personal things about him that were not...
01:12:09.000 I'm not going to repeat them because I don't want to let him know that I'm talking to him.
01:12:12.000 But he started telling me things.
01:12:14.000 I go, wow, you're really a scary individual.
01:12:16.000 And I never have said the words move along.
01:12:19.000 But I actually moved along into an area he couldn't enter.
01:12:23.000 Ah.
01:12:24.000 I don't remember if it was behind the rope, you know, by the cars or in the bar, you know, something to get away, and he still tried, you know.
01:12:32.000 It was scary.
01:12:32.000 Yeah, people get crazy.
01:12:34.000 You know, what bothers me sometimes is you'll be in the middle of a serious conversation with someone.
01:12:38.000 They're telling you something, like, really intimate, and someone will go over, Hey, man!
01:12:41.000 Hey!
01:12:44.000 And you're like, but Tony's just telling me he's suicidal.
01:12:47.000 I'm in the middle of a conversation with someone who's ready to jump in front of a bus and you don't give a fuck.
01:12:52.000 No, it's a big bowl of wrong.
01:12:54.000 Because really, just be respectful and kind.
01:12:58.000 Anyone who comes up to me as respectful and kind, I'm kind to.
01:13:02.000 Anyone who comes up to me as an asshole, I'm kind to.
01:13:04.000 I don't even think they notice that they're being an asshole.
01:13:06.000 They just don't know what to do.
01:13:07.000 They don't know because they are.
01:13:08.000 Either you're an asshole or you're not.
01:13:09.000 Either you're enlightened or you're not.
01:13:11.000 You've been taught.
01:13:12.000 You have a couple of drinks and you don't know what to say and you just feel awkward.
01:13:15.000 What's the number one rule with someone who's drunk too much?
01:13:18.000 What?
01:13:19.000 Telling them that they're drunk.
01:13:20.000 That's good, too.
01:13:21.000 You know, saying...
01:13:21.000 Hey, man, you're drunk.
01:13:22.000 Yeah, hey, man, I don't really talk to drunk people.
01:13:24.000 I'm not drunk!
01:13:25.000 Oh, always!
01:13:27.000 It's the only go-to.
01:13:29.000 Yeah.
01:13:30.000 There's no other go-to in that situation.
01:13:32.000 I can drive.
01:13:32.000 Yeah, I can do it.
01:13:33.000 Because whatever it does, it really plows into your ego.
01:13:38.000 And so I just make the quickest connection and get out.
01:13:43.000 Yeah, that's a good move.
01:13:45.000 It's true.
01:13:45.000 But I'm appreciative.
01:13:46.000 When people come up to me, I'm appreciative.
01:13:48.000 And I treat them the way if someone I dug, especially a comedian, if I told them I dug them, I'd treat the people the way.
01:13:58.000 And the warmer and the more interesting the person is, the more I give them of myself.
01:14:05.000 How does Larry David handle it?
01:14:06.000 He's not bad.
01:14:07.000 Yeah?
01:14:08.000 Yeah, I'm a big fan.
01:14:09.000 Oh, thank you.
01:14:10.000 You know, how about that?
01:14:12.000 That's a good impression.
01:14:12.000 Yeah, thanks.
01:14:13.000 I've seen him go through because it was...
01:14:15.000 I saw him become famous.
01:14:18.000 You know, he was on Fridays, he created Seinfeld, but that still wasn't the fame that he has now.
01:14:24.000 So I saw him through Curb Your Enthusiasm become truly iconic.
01:14:29.000 So he's had trouble figuring out how to – people want to take a picture.
01:14:34.000 People, you know, how do I do it?
01:14:36.000 And it's always changing.
01:14:38.000 He's never an asshole.
01:14:39.000 It's truly one of the greatest comedy shows of all time.
01:14:42.000 Well, thank you.
01:14:43.000 100%.
01:14:43.000 And I have to say, the new season we're about to film in October, the storyline may be my favorite.
01:14:48.000 And it's really subtle and fun.
01:14:52.000 It's like one of those things like, oh, I think people watching it will feel that they're living a fantasy.
01:14:58.000 And after the first one airs, I'm happy to come back and talk about it.
01:15:02.000 You know what I mean?
01:15:03.000 Because that premise of where we're going is delightful.
01:15:06.000 Yeah.
01:15:07.000 I love how HBO gives him sort of carte blanche.
01:15:11.000 They're like, you know, take a couple years off.
01:15:12.000 Do whatever the fuck you want.
01:15:14.000 Yeah, it's pretty great.
01:15:16.000 Well, for Larry, it's not about the money.
01:15:18.000 Of course.
01:15:19.000 It's about, can I do another good show?
01:15:21.000 And that makes us different than most shows in history.
01:15:24.000 Yeah.
01:15:25.000 And he only wants to do good work and enjoy himself.
01:15:30.000 Otherwise, there's no reason.
01:15:32.000 And HBO is smart that way.
01:15:35.000 They're genius.
01:15:36.000 I mean, look, if you think about the show Sopranos, fucking Game of Thrones, they know how to let a show just be a show.
01:15:47.000 From what I understand, they give a lot of notes on their pilots, but once you become a series, they kind of leave you alone.
01:15:55.000 That's amazing.
01:15:56.000 You know, whereas when you're doing a network show or from other pay sources, I've heard that the notes never stop.
01:16:04.000 Well, when I was on news radio...
01:16:06.000 Comedy is the easiest thing to ruin with notes.
01:16:08.000 Drama can survive notes.
01:16:10.000 Comedy cannot.
01:16:13.000 Doing comedy is like the dominoes, and if you take one of those and just move it a little to the left or the right, you're screwing up the whole thing.
01:16:22.000 That's a very good point.
01:16:24.000 When I was on news radio, we weren't successful, and that is when you get the notes.
01:16:30.000 My friend Lou Morton, who was one of the writers, he would wear a shirt every Monday after the ratings would come in with a number on it.
01:16:37.000 He would take a white t-shirt and write it.
01:16:38.000 And one day he came in and the number said 88. I go, fuck dude, really?
01:16:42.000 He goes, yeah, we're 88th.
01:16:43.000 I'm like, fuck!
01:16:45.000 I was like, God damn it, I'm going to save money.
01:16:47.000 But that was out for three years, right?
01:16:48.000 Five.
01:16:48.000 Five years.
01:16:49.000 So the point being is, that was an immensely successful show.
01:16:53.000 Barely.
01:16:54.000 Barely made it.
01:16:54.000 If you stay on the air, that's pretty great.
01:16:57.000 No, no, no.
01:16:57.000 For sure.
01:16:58.000 I mean, it's definitely better than being canceled.
01:17:00.000 But the point being is that we were never a hit.
01:17:03.000 So we always got notes.
01:17:05.000 We're constantly getting notes.
01:17:06.000 Like, we need a gay neighbor.
01:17:07.000 We need a black guy.
01:17:08.000 We need a this.
01:17:10.000 We need a that.
01:17:11.000 We need a love interest.
01:17:12.000 We need a I'd watch that show, by the way, The Gay Neighbor and the Black Guy.
01:17:15.000 If that was the name of the show, I'd be in.
01:17:17.000 That's probably a good name of a sitcom, The Gay Neighbor and the Black Guy.
01:17:20.000 There's a lot of sitcoms, and I don't want to name names, but I watch them, and I know they're very, very, very successful.
01:17:27.000 And I watch them, and I'm stunned.
01:17:29.000 I don't understand it.
01:17:30.000 It's like they're speaking a different language.
01:17:32.000 I don't get it either.
01:17:34.000 I don't.
01:17:35.000 But I don't watch comedy, man.
01:17:37.000 But I think it's middle America.
01:17:39.000 I think there's something going on with tired people.
01:17:43.000 No, you know what it is?
01:17:44.000 Here's something that I noticed.
01:17:45.000 This is something that's recent too.
01:17:47.000 That audiences now respond to what they think is supposed to be funny.
01:17:55.000 Like real comedy fans dug news radio.
01:17:59.000 Like, people who dug comedy, I think, dug news radio.
01:18:03.000 People who did comedy did Curb.
01:18:06.000 Do we have other kind of fans, too?
01:18:07.000 Yes.
01:18:08.000 But I find that comedy fans really do get comedy.
01:18:13.000 But everybody likes to say they like comedy or they watch comedy, and they may not have any sense of humor.
01:18:19.000 So I find...
01:18:20.000 There was a show.
01:18:21.000 I'll give you an example.
01:18:23.000 And this one was like the specific, and I don't care if I'm slamming it.
01:18:26.000 It was the something in the girl in the apartment B or the bitch in something B. It was lead actress, very talented.
01:18:35.000 But I watched the show, and the rhythms were, this is what comedy is.
01:18:41.000 It wasn't funny.
01:18:42.000 It didn't have a natural vibe to it.
01:18:45.000 It had no reason for me to keep watching it.
01:18:47.000 But it was done in a style that other shows have done since...
01:18:53.000 Where this is how comedy is done.
01:18:55.000 This is the way we spin a line or do a situation.
01:18:58.000 And I don't know why, but it always involves a lot of that putting the spin on the ball or dancing in English.
01:19:09.000 It has a lot to do with it.
01:19:11.000 Because even if you watch a lot of Nickelodeon shows or Disney shows, they tend to do that.
01:19:17.000 They put the spin on it.
01:19:18.000 It's never funny enough just to have...
01:19:22.000 Here's the thing about comedy, TV comedy, I think for the most part.
01:19:25.000 You're supposed to be enthralled with the situation.
01:19:29.000 So the situation...
01:19:31.000 Lucy got into a situation.
01:19:34.000 Yes.
01:19:34.000 And you laughed at Lucy dealing with the situation...
01:19:38.000 I really, I bet, in the entire time Lucy ran on the air, that there might have been 12 great jokes that she said in the situation.
01:19:48.000 You're laughing on how she deals with the situation.
01:19:51.000 It's a very good point.
01:19:52.000 And you look at any great comedy, and that's what it is.
01:19:54.000 It's Larry David dealing with a situation.
01:19:57.000 Yes.
01:20:00.000 And by the way, one thing Larry and I are very proud about with Curb Your Enthusiasm, if one of us says something funny to the other one because we improvise, we laugh.
01:20:08.000 So these shows you see, people say these lines written by writers, and then the audience laughs if it's on stage, but yet the actors don't laugh at one another?
01:20:18.000 That's wrong!
01:20:19.000 It doesn't make any sense.
01:20:20.000 So on a lot of levels, it's just not right.
01:20:23.000 And then there are shows now that I've watched for maybe five minutes where I cannot believe how terrible they are, and yet they're successful.
01:20:33.000 Hugely successful.
01:20:35.000 Hugely successful.
01:20:36.000 Don't get it.
01:20:36.000 Yeah.
01:20:37.000 When you guys do a show, you don't really have, like, a full script in terms of the exact...
01:20:43.000 No, we have a very tight outline.
01:20:45.000 We have seven pages written.
01:20:46.000 Outline.
01:20:47.000 Larry has written the story.
01:20:48.000 Right.
01:20:49.000 And in that story, maybe a half dozen things are like, he says this, or she says that.
01:20:56.000 Because you have to move the story a little.
01:20:57.000 Yes, for story purposes, not because it's a great joke.
01:21:00.000 Right.
01:21:00.000 And then I play it every time differently.
01:21:03.000 Unless I'm told by the director or I'm one of the producers, we have a meeting of like, we need to get this across.
01:21:10.000 This is not coming across and I'll make an adjustment.
01:21:12.000 But in general, I try and do it different every single take.
01:21:15.000 That is so crazy.
01:21:16.000 And how many takes will you do?
01:21:18.000 Well, if it's Larry and I, just us, he and I alone in the scene, we can have a scene done in less than an hour.
01:21:25.000 But if there's a bunch of other people, it could be three hours.
01:21:28.000 Wow.
01:21:29.000 And the idea is just like, this is what needs to take place.
01:21:31.000 We have to figure out how to get across the fact that the refrigerator's broken and we're going to have to go buy ice.
01:21:38.000 And who's going to buy the ice?
01:21:39.000 I don't want to drive to buy the ice.
01:21:40.000 And then you're all just talking.
01:21:42.000 It's more in-depth than that.
01:21:44.000 The story is really there.
01:21:46.000 But yes, how we approach it, and sometimes that can change things.
01:21:49.000 But that's one of the reasons why the show is so good, because it seems so organic when you guys are talking.
01:21:53.000 It is.
01:21:54.000 Well, that's what I get out of it.
01:21:56.000 We don't rehearse.
01:21:57.000 That's amazing too.
01:21:58.000 Zero rehearsal.
01:21:59.000 The Goldbergs, we don't even do a lot of rehearsing, but I have to stick to the script.
01:22:04.000 If I want to improvise on the Goldbergs, I have to let the producers know, not to get permission, to let them know this take, I'm going to do something different, and I have to let my fellow actors know.
01:22:16.000 Ah, that's interesting.
01:22:17.000 Is it hard for you to adjust, to go from two different styles?
01:22:21.000 I don't know that it's difficult, but I find the Curb Your Enthusiasm way more enjoyable.
01:22:28.000 Oh, I'm sure.
01:22:29.000 But I'm really proud.
01:22:31.000 The Goldbergs is the number one show on TV that families watch together.
01:22:35.000 So I'm very proud of that, and I get why people dig it.
01:22:38.000 It's not my style, but when I watch it occasionally, I don't watch it very often, I get why people dig it.
01:22:45.000 I'm not confused by the show.
01:22:47.000 You know what I mean?
01:22:49.000 Like these other shows we're talking about, I'll be confused as to why they're successful, why they're on the air.
01:22:55.000 But other ones I watch, like I watch Modern Family, I get why people dig it.
01:22:59.000 It makes total sense to me.
01:23:05.000 It's much more enjoyable doing the curb thing.
01:23:07.000 It's edgier and all that.
01:23:09.000 But I still dig the Goldbergs.
01:23:11.000 And I also dig the crew.
01:23:12.000 And I dig the people I work with.
01:23:14.000 And I dig the writers.
01:23:15.000 So it's a very positive, wonderful experience.
01:23:18.000 And I'm lucky.
01:23:19.000 I'm on one of the most popular network comedies.
01:23:22.000 And I'm on the most popular alternative comedy.
01:23:25.000 How did you get to be so lucky?
01:23:27.000 By the way, I'm grateful.
01:23:29.000 I keep on getting told in therapy, don't say lucky so much.
01:23:33.000 Why does he tell you that?
01:23:34.000 Because grateful.
01:23:35.000 Because I do have something to do with it, but not from an ego standpoint.
01:23:40.000 Like, I've worked hard, I've done this, I've done that.
01:23:43.000 So I'm just incredibly grateful.
01:23:46.000 You're lucky too.
01:23:47.000 I think I'm lucky too.
01:23:48.000 Yeah, you're lucky too.
01:23:49.000 You're grateful and you're lucky.
01:23:50.000 And by the way, what if I told you, I'm not kidding, that dude has taught me so much, that might be the only thing I disagree with him on.
01:23:56.000 Yeah, he doesn't know shit.
01:23:58.000 No, lucky is good.
01:23:59.000 You know, Roger Do- Roger Do- Adultery always said, be lucky.
01:24:05.000 Because that means no matter how great you are, no matter how much you have to do with this or that, if you look at it that you're lucky – by the way, being humble is a big bullet.
01:24:15.000 The combination of being confident and being humble, you can't beat that.
01:24:20.000 Well, being aware that you could be born in Ethiopia.
01:24:22.000 You could have been born in the middle of nowhere.
01:24:26.000 Yeah, you know.
01:24:27.000 Could have been fucked.
01:24:27.000 I'm not big on ego.
01:24:29.000 Ego screws me.
01:24:30.000 And by the way, I was ignorant enough at one time to think I could eliminate my ego.
01:24:33.000 You can't.
01:24:34.000 You just got to recognize it when it pops up.
01:24:36.000 Yeah, recognize it and keep it under control.
01:24:39.000 Well, just say, hey man, don't need you.
01:24:41.000 Thank you.
01:24:42.000 You know, sometimes I'll get asked to do something.
01:24:45.000 And as I'm thinking about it, well, am I saying yes to this out of an ego move?
01:24:49.000 You know?
01:24:49.000 Oh, I've definitely done that before.
01:24:51.000 Yeah.
01:24:51.000 Yeah, I think that's...
01:24:53.000 Well, one of the main reasons why I exercise so much is to try to keep my body in balance, not in terms of the way it looks, but so it doesn't get in the way.
01:25:02.000 By the way, if your body's in balance, then that helps your mind.
01:25:05.000 Oh, yeah.
01:25:05.000 And that helps your soul.
01:25:06.000 Oh, for sure.
01:25:07.000 It's not a vanity thing, man.
01:25:09.000 No.
01:25:09.000 But it is, too.
01:25:10.000 I definitely like looking good.
01:25:12.000 But I think that's more of a respecting yourself.
01:25:19.000 That's a self-respect thing to me.
01:25:21.000 There's definitely that.
01:25:24.000 And you actually dig it, which is weird.
01:25:26.000 Why is it weird?
01:25:27.000 Because that's not something that most people generally love.
01:25:31.000 They hate going to the gym, but they go.
01:25:33.000 You feel at your best when you're exercising.
01:25:37.000 That is amazing!
01:25:39.000 That is awesome!
01:25:40.000 I wish I could have that for a week.
01:25:42.000 Just let me borrow it for a week.
01:25:44.000 I'd always rather nap.
01:25:47.000 Then do anything.
01:25:49.000 I don't mind napping.
01:25:50.000 Stand up, I like over napping.
01:25:53.000 Sex over napping.
01:25:55.000 Sometimes eating, not as much anymore.
01:25:57.000 It's not a big thing for me anymore.
01:25:59.000 So I'd say sex and...
01:26:02.000 Stand up.
01:26:03.000 Stand up.
01:26:03.000 And spending time with my boys.
01:26:05.000 That takes precedence over it.
01:26:07.000 My boys are 18 and 22. I'm madly in love with them.
01:26:10.000 And so that takes precedence.
01:26:13.000 I'd rather be with them than nap.
01:26:15.000 Yeah.
01:26:16.000 By the way, when they were little, taking a nap with them, I was in heaven.
01:26:20.000 Yeah.
01:26:20.000 Because I knew they were good, and they'd be laying against me.
01:26:24.000 Oh, man.
01:26:25.000 Good night, nurse.
01:26:26.000 Yeah.
01:26:27.000 That's the pleasure of having children.
01:26:30.000 I don't know.
01:26:30.000 Like, having these people that you love more than you could ever have imagined loving someone.
01:26:35.000 By the way, that's the thing.
01:26:37.000 Like, when someone's having a kid, they're about to have a kid, whether it's a woman or a man, I don't say to them, oh, you know, because you can't explain it.
01:26:44.000 It's truly a thing that you can't explain, and you only sound like an idiot when you try going, well, here's what it is.
01:26:51.000 No, you can't tell me!
01:26:53.000 It's going to be unique to me, and it's so much bigger than I ever could have imagined.
01:26:59.000 It's a different thing than you can ever imagine.
01:27:01.000 You become a different person too.
01:27:04.000 There's an actual switch that seems to go off and a change of course.
01:27:09.000 By the way, let me just say something.
01:27:11.000 Because you know people and I know people where for whatever reason that switch doesn't go off and they still stay the most important person in their own lives.
01:27:21.000 That's weird.
01:27:21.000 It's weird and it throws me and that's somebody I do not want to be friends with.
01:27:26.000 No, it's people that are bad parents that don't like their kids.
01:27:29.000 It's a very unfortunate thing.
01:27:32.000 It's a big bowl of rung.
01:27:33.000 It's so sad.
01:27:35.000 It's painful.
01:27:36.000 I think there's certain...
01:27:38.000 I mean, there has to be levels of sociopaths, right?
01:27:42.000 There's levels of it.
01:27:43.000 I think there is.
01:27:44.000 I mean, that's just me.
01:27:44.000 I don't know anything about that topic.
01:27:46.000 There must be.
01:27:46.000 You see people with sociopathic behavior, and you just go, ooh, okay.
01:27:51.000 Well, it's also the business that we're in, too.
01:27:54.000 It draws them.
01:27:55.000 Well, for sure.
01:27:56.000 I used to do a joke about it, that the problem with actors is that they have this big hole in their soul that they need to fill up with other people's attention.
01:28:07.000 And I would say, not me, I'm different.
01:28:08.000 That's why I'm up here with a microphone.
01:28:10.000 By the way, comedians are completely different for the most part than actors.
01:28:14.000 You also know that to be a great actor you can be dumb as a rock.
01:28:19.000 It's the only art form.
01:28:22.000 Excuse me, I had a little hiccup something.
01:28:24.000 It's the only art form And I know plenty of really intelligent actors, but I know some that are so talented, and if I could never have a conversation with them, I'd be thrilled.
01:28:36.000 Oh, it'd be amazing.
01:28:37.000 Because they're just so dumb.
01:28:38.000 Yeah, but when the time comes, and they said they can become that person, they can fall into that role, and there's something wrong with them.
01:28:47.000 Wayne Fetterman has a bit about it.
01:28:50.000 God bless you for just mentioning Wayne Fetterman.
01:28:52.000 I love Wayne Fetterman.
01:28:53.000 I love him so much.
01:28:53.000 I did a pilot with him way, way back in the day.
01:28:56.000 He's just such a good egg.
01:28:58.000 He's so funny.
01:28:59.000 He's a rock, man.
01:29:00.000 And I've known him since I'm 20 years old.
01:29:02.000 I met when I first started doing comedy.
01:29:04.000 Oh, wow.
01:29:05.000 I'm from Chicago, but I started comedy.
01:29:07.000 I'd moved to Florida with my family, South Florida.
01:29:10.000 And we're from the same little town in Florida called Plantation, Florida, outside of Fort Lauderdale.
01:29:15.000 We did a pilot together 20 years ago.
01:29:17.000 Mm-hmm.
01:29:19.000 1998, I think it was.
01:29:20.000 I think that was his last pilot.
01:29:24.000 You might be right.
01:29:25.000 But I love him so much!
01:29:27.000 He had a bit that he was doing on stage once about actors, and I grabbed him off stage.
01:29:31.000 I go, dude, you put it, you said it.
01:29:34.000 Like, the way you said it.
01:29:35.000 You said it the right...
01:29:36.000 Because, like, also, he's free.
01:29:38.000 Right.
01:29:39.000 Because, you know, he doesn't have notoriety, he's not worried about running into these people that he talks shit about on stage, so he can be free.
01:29:46.000 And he was like, it's not normal to be able to cry on cue.
01:29:50.000 He's like, yeah, you can cry on cue.
01:29:52.000 Yeah, because you're fucking broken.
01:29:54.000 There's something wrong with you.
01:29:57.000 By the way, that's another change in the world of stand-up.
01:30:00.000 The number of people who – and this started from the comedy boom when people were getting sitcoms.
01:30:08.000 Actors saw this and they went, oh, if I do stand-up, I'll be discovered.
01:30:14.000 Yes.
01:30:14.000 And so that's brought a lot of people that aren't truly comedians to comedy.
01:30:22.000 Yeah.
01:30:22.000 Which – and I can spot them.
01:30:24.000 There was a dude.
01:30:25.000 You can spot him.
01:30:25.000 Oh, my God, yes.
01:30:26.000 There was a dude at the Lab Factory who was actually funny, and he was actually good.
01:30:31.000 And he said, if I don't have a sitcom, I'm quitting by next year.
01:30:37.000 And he didn't, and he quit.
01:30:38.000 Wow.
01:30:39.000 I don't remember his name.
01:30:40.000 Otherwise, I'd tell you off there.
01:30:41.000 I'll talk to you about it.
01:30:42.000 That's unfortunate.
01:30:43.000 No.
01:30:44.000 But the point being is that...
01:30:47.000 If you're really a comedian, it is so part of your DNA. It is so part of who, you know, people are like, it's not who I am.
01:30:55.000 No, comedians, it's part of who we are on a deep, deep level.
01:31:01.000 The passion and caring that comedians truly have for comedy, and that's why I look at other comedians as my brothers and sisters.
01:31:11.000 So if you're dealing with ego, if you're dealing with you're an actor, you're trying to get famous, if you're dealing with the competition, I got no part of you.
01:31:20.000 When you look at me and you go, Jeff Garland has no choice but to be a comedian, then you're thinking on the same wavelength as me, because I have no choice.
01:31:29.000 I have to be a comedian.
01:31:31.000 Yeah, some people get very, very resentful of those actors.
01:31:34.000 Well, I don't get resentful of them.
01:31:36.000 There's plenty of room.
01:31:38.000 And I remember some famous actors trying stand-up.
01:31:42.000 Nothing wrong with trying them.
01:31:43.000 In the 80s.
01:31:44.000 I remember, what's her name?
01:31:47.000 Sean Young?
01:31:48.000 Is that her name?
01:31:48.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:31:49.000 Yeah, she was coming into the improv.
01:31:51.000 And I remember- She was doing stand-up?
01:31:53.000 But hers was full of shit.
01:31:55.000 So I was like- I was the only one there who didn't help her.
01:31:59.000 Everyone bent over backwards.
01:32:00.000 But she wasn't sincere, and she did it for five minutes.
01:32:03.000 But they liked being around a famous woman who's beautiful.
01:32:06.000 But the point being is that...
01:32:08.000 People forgot about her.
01:32:09.000 Anyone can do whatever they want.
01:32:11.000 But do me a favor.
01:32:12.000 If you're going down that path...
01:32:14.000 Don't screw me with your negative shit.
01:32:16.000 She's an interesting case.
01:32:18.000 I read a whole article about her and fame and her struggles with it.
01:32:23.000 People forget, she was in the original Blade Runner.
01:32:26.000 She was a phenomenal actress.
01:32:28.000 And so beautiful.
01:32:29.000 Stunning.
01:32:29.000 Stunning, yeah.
01:32:30.000 But so good, too.
01:32:32.000 I mean, just so able to absorb the role.
01:32:34.000 She probably was a very intelligent woman, and there were flaws in her life and flaws in being an actress.
01:32:41.000 By the way, being in the public eye, especially now with social media, is the opposite of a walk in the park.
01:32:50.000 I am not entitled to any privacy.
01:32:53.000 I am not entitled to any alone moments when I'm walking in a park.
01:32:58.000 I'm not.
01:32:58.000 And that saves me to look at it that way.
01:33:01.000 That I'm not entitled to it.
01:33:03.000 Because if I want to be alone...
01:33:05.000 I'm going to stay in my living room.
01:33:07.000 I'm going to sit in my backyard and look up at the trees and the breeze.
01:33:11.000 Man, I can't see the breeze, but I can feel the breeze.
01:33:13.000 But the point being is, the world of any privacy for you in the public eye, gone.
01:33:21.000 And you know, when I'm at like a restaurant or the airport and the TMZ people coming with their microphones, I don't say a word.
01:33:27.000 Why help them sell that crap?
01:33:30.000 And then they turn off the mic, and they know this at this point now.
01:33:33.000 And I'm very friendly.
01:33:33.000 How you guys doing?
01:33:34.000 What's going on?
01:33:35.000 And I know some of them.
01:33:36.000 But I don't have the right to walk through the airport without them in my face.
01:33:41.000 That's part of the thing.
01:33:42.000 The only thing that you ever get out of those is you say something stupid and people get mad at you.
01:33:47.000 Right!
01:33:47.000 Like Anthony Bourdain.
01:33:48.000 The only thing...
01:33:49.000 You get out of that as saying something stupid and people get mad at you.
01:33:55.000 There's no winning.
01:33:56.000 There's no time when you're going to say something to TMZ and people are going to watch it and go, that was so damn insightful.
01:34:02.000 Well, it's possible.
01:34:02.000 It's certainly possible you can, but a lot of times it's on the spot.
01:34:05.000 That is Baron Von Longshot.
01:34:06.000 That is such a long shot.
01:34:08.000 It is a long shot.
01:34:09.000 Specifically TMZ. Yeah, Bourdain got a shitload of death threats when he was at the airport and they said, if you were going to cook dinner for Trump and Kim Jong-un, what would you serve?
01:34:21.000 And he said, hemlock.
01:34:23.000 You know, just a joke.
01:34:24.000 He's a funny guy.
01:34:25.000 He said something funny.
01:34:27.000 No, but see, that's the thing.
01:34:28.000 There's no winning.
01:34:30.000 Yeah, there's no winning.
01:34:31.000 Because, by the way, he could say that at a dinner party.
01:34:34.000 Right.
01:34:34.000 You know what I mean?
01:34:35.000 Yeah.
01:34:36.000 And if someone's offended, then they're a tool.
01:34:37.000 Right.
01:34:38.000 You know, he could say that – by the way, he could say that in a room full of 11 Republicans.
01:34:42.000 Yes.
01:34:43.000 And they will laugh.
01:34:44.000 Yeah.
01:34:44.000 But you're opening yourself up to the whole world.
01:34:47.000 That's right.
01:34:48.000 So I don't say anything.
01:34:50.000 You know, you can ask me comments about things that go on in the world, and I know I'll have an answer that will not get me in trouble.
01:34:57.000 That's the case today with comedy, right?
01:34:59.000 It's like you're opening yourself up to the world.
01:35:01.000 You're not just opening yourself up to the people that— But I never, when I went on stage, was ever in fear of going down a path where I would say something that was wildly inappropriate.
01:35:14.000 Not inappropriate from the standpoint of taking a risk, but just because my sense of humor doesn't go the way to use certain words.
01:35:23.000 Like, I don't use that word.
01:35:25.000 Not because I'm scared of anything, but...
01:35:28.000 So people who do that and do that, it's like...
01:35:32.000 Like Michael Richards.
01:35:34.000 Michael Richards.
01:35:35.000 Yeah, that's the worst example.
01:35:37.000 By the way, you know when he walked off stage, and I think it might have been Tom Papa who was standing in the corner, he went up to him and went, ah, weird crowd.
01:35:45.000 Having no idea that his life was over as he knew it.
01:35:49.000 Wow.
01:35:50.000 Because, by the way, I remember being furious because certain people that came down to them on the news like the next day or two were people who I had heard say worse things in their stand-up.
01:36:01.000 And they were talking shit?
01:36:02.000 They were talking stuff.
01:36:03.000 It's like when someone's swimming in a river of shit, you don't throw shit on them.
01:36:07.000 I agree.
01:36:08.000 Let them swim in their shit!
01:36:09.000 Have a good time!
01:36:10.000 You chose to get in the shit pool!
01:36:13.000 You know, but I'm not going to throw shit in there.
01:36:15.000 It's loaded with shit.
01:36:16.000 How I felt with Roseanne, you know, when this Roseanne thing went down.
01:36:20.000 By the way, do you need to say anything else except she really needs some sort of help and support?
01:36:26.000 Yes, yes.
01:36:27.000 Not like, oh, she's a Nazi or she's a horrible person.
01:36:30.000 No, no, no.
01:36:30.000 She needs help.
01:36:32.000 And that's the whole thing.
01:36:35.000 When Harvey Weinstein or any of these fuckers come out, I don't have a Twitter account because I also know, just like TMZ, how long till I say something that pisses somebody off.
01:36:45.000 But there are people, and I'm not saying their names, I don't want to get into a thing, who will come out and go, gentlemen, that's not the way to behave.
01:36:54.000 Or, you know what I mean?
01:36:55.000 Like, really, do I need to say rape is bad?
01:36:58.000 Do I need to say calling a successful, accomplished black woman something bad is bad?
01:37:07.000 No!
01:37:08.000 You don't need my comment.
01:37:09.000 All these people on Twitter think their comment's necessary.
01:37:13.000 Oh, I need to add into this.
01:37:14.000 I need to be part of this dialogue.
01:37:16.000 Well, it's virtue signaling.
01:37:18.000 It's letting everybody know that I'm on the right side of this.
01:37:21.000 I'm on the right side.
01:37:22.000 It's a bunch of crap.
01:37:23.000 I want people to assume that I'm making the right choice.
01:37:27.000 I want people to assume, because they're not going to hear what my choice is.
01:37:30.000 There was a guy who was a journalist who was angry, and he was saying that the lack of blowback from other comedians about Louis C.K., that they weren't screaming at how horrible this is, speaks volumes.
01:37:43.000 What speaks volumes, you don't know what you're talking about.
01:37:46.000 That's what speaks volumes about this dude.
01:37:48.000 He doesn't know what he's talking about.
01:37:50.000 By the way, should anyone disrespect a woman?
01:37:52.000 To my knowledge, never.
01:37:54.000 Should anyone be sexually forward in a woman in an inappropriate way?
01:37:57.000 No.
01:37:58.000 Do I need to say that?
01:37:59.000 Excuse me for yelling.
01:38:00.000 Do I need to come out and say this is wrong?
01:38:04.000 No!
01:38:05.000 I'm telling you this is within five days of the thing.
01:38:09.000 Five days of it coming out of him admitting that he did it.
01:38:13.000 The whole thing was crazy.
01:38:14.000 This guy was accusing all these other comedians of being pieces of shit because they're not...
01:38:19.000 Wrong.
01:38:20.000 They're not adamantly...
01:38:22.000 You don't need my opinion on something.
01:38:24.000 Condemnation.
01:38:25.000 Of something.
01:38:26.000 If someone's swimming in a river of shit...
01:38:29.000 I do not need to throw shit in that river.
01:38:31.000 It's like, what are your requirements as a person?
01:38:33.000 When something happens, if there's a mass shooting, do I need to stand up and say that that was a bad thing?
01:38:38.000 Right.
01:38:38.000 No.
01:38:39.000 No, it's obvious that was a bad thing.
01:38:41.000 No.
01:38:41.000 Why do I need to comment on everything that happens?
01:38:43.000 Why do I need to comment?
01:38:44.000 And if that's the case...
01:38:45.000 Is there an action I can do to help?
01:38:46.000 Right.
01:38:47.000 Or is it just commenting, which does nothing?
01:38:49.000 Nothing.
01:38:50.000 Nothing.
01:38:51.000 Oh really, you're letting us know?
01:38:52.000 That's what I'm saying.
01:38:53.000 These certain individuals, and I'm thinking of two in particular who I know and like both of them.
01:38:58.000 No, three of them.
01:38:59.000 Three of them actually.
01:39:01.000 One I don't know as well.
01:39:02.000 No, but I'll tell you afterwards.
01:39:06.000 Always in these situations, say the obvious.
01:39:09.000 Like, who wouldn't believe that?
01:39:11.000 And I get furious.
01:39:13.000 Especially one of them's a great old friend of mine, and it's just a comment every time, and it's like...
01:39:19.000 Yeah, I have a friend that does the same thing, who's an accomplished stand-up, and it's always...
01:39:26.000 How do I word this without giving this guy away?
01:39:28.000 It's always about anything that has anything to do with women.
01:39:32.000 Like, he's always standing up for women.
01:39:34.000 But meanwhile, I know this guy lives in hell.
01:39:36.000 I know he lives in hell.
01:39:37.000 Like, his marriage is shit.
01:39:39.000 He, like, literally hides.
01:39:41.000 Like, he's in hell.
01:39:42.000 He's in hell.
01:39:43.000 His wife's a monster.
01:39:44.000 It's amazing, though.
01:39:46.000 By the way, isn't it amazing, though?
01:39:47.000 It is!
01:39:48.000 It's just, like, almost like he's, like, hoping, like, when the divorce comes...
01:39:54.000 Down the line, which is definitely going to come, at least he'll have established himself as a really good guy.
01:39:59.000 I will have irreverent conversations with my friends, drinking coffee, hanging out.
01:40:04.000 Sometimes I even talk too loud in a coffee shop.
01:40:06.000 Hey, he's talking shit.
01:40:07.000 You're having fun.
01:40:08.000 By the way, here's another one you know.
01:40:12.000 The worst possible things you could ever hear?
01:40:15.000 Comedians at a funeral.
01:40:17.000 Especially if a comedian dies.
01:40:18.000 What comedians are saying to one another.
01:40:20.000 Oh, for sure.
01:40:21.000 It is stuff that would be unforgiven.
01:40:25.000 Unforgiven, but it's just the way we deal with grief in those situations.
01:40:28.000 Well, it's also the inappropriate thing at that time is very funny to someone like you or I. Very, very funny.
01:40:34.000 I was sitting right next to Dave Foley, and we went to the Emmys, and Phil Hartman had just been murdered, and he was nominated for an Emmy, and he lost to this guy from Frasier.
01:40:44.000 And Dave looks over at me and goes, what the fuck does a guy have to do to win?
01:40:49.000 That's great.
01:40:50.000 And we're like crying and sad.
01:40:53.000 We're drinking and we're just so bummed out at his death.
01:40:56.000 Right.
01:40:56.000 And then Dave says that and he says it like a total straight face.
01:41:00.000 What the fuck does this guy have to do to win?
01:41:02.000 That's really funny.
01:41:04.000 It was in the moment.
01:41:05.000 It was just perfect.
01:41:05.000 But we say the most inappropriate things in tragic moments.
01:41:09.000 To make each other laugh.
01:41:10.000 To make each other laugh.
01:41:11.000 But I'm not going to say them on my Twitter.
01:41:12.000 No.
01:41:13.000 I'm not going to say them to other people.
01:41:14.000 By the way, any time I have ever tried something sort of inside with someone not on the inside in terms of comedy...
01:41:24.000 It has been a disaster.
01:41:27.000 Every time.
01:41:28.000 I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, even privately, like at a party or something.
01:41:32.000 Or worse, what about with your kids' friends' parents?
01:41:37.000 By the way, the...
01:41:40.000 The biggest fights with my wife, I look back over the years, are when we either went to the principal, we went to have the meeting, we went to the open house, something I said.
01:41:51.000 I never left there unscathed.
01:41:54.000 The only one that she couldn't get that mad at me for was I convinced our tour of a school that the building was haunted.
01:42:03.000 That was the only time where she went.
01:42:05.000 That was kind of funny, but you freaked everybody out, including the school officials.
01:42:10.000 Yeah, inappropriate.
01:42:12.000 You're inappropriate, Jeff Garland.
01:42:14.000 I am a big ball of inappropriate.
01:42:16.000 You have to be.
01:42:17.000 But it's sort of how we get through life.
01:42:19.000 We, meaning comedians.
01:42:21.000 And the thing is, we're wired alike.
01:42:25.000 We share, I'm not going to say DNA, but we share something.
01:42:30.000 We're a brotherhood and sisterhood.
01:42:32.000 We're together.
01:42:33.000 So I remember coming off stage, this is like a classic one, Coming off stage at Caroline's, doing a benefit.
01:42:39.000 No, not coming off stage.
01:42:40.000 Waiting to go on stage.
01:42:41.000 Colin's on stage.
01:42:42.000 Colin Quinn.
01:42:43.000 And he's fucking eating it.
01:42:44.000 And I'm thinking this crowd sucks.
01:42:46.000 Fuck them.
01:42:47.000 But I'm going to go do my best.
01:42:49.000 It's a benefit.
01:42:50.000 Some guy comes up to me and he says, I can't wait till you go up.
01:42:54.000 I go, thanks.
01:42:54.000 He goes, this guy.
01:42:55.000 I can't.
01:42:56.000 I go, just know you're talking about my brother.
01:42:58.000 My brother is standing up there doing that.
01:43:02.000 You're not complimenting me if you're fucking with my brother.
01:43:04.000 That's what I told him.
01:43:06.000 Because it's the truth.
01:43:07.000 We are together.
01:43:09.000 We experience something.
01:43:10.000 But that's what I'm saying.
01:43:12.000 There's a uniqueness and a specialness, and not everybody is part of that.
01:43:17.000 Everybody is an actor trying...
01:43:19.000 I mean, a lot of people are actors.
01:43:20.000 A lot of people are in it because their ego.
01:43:22.000 Their singing voice maybe wasn't good enough.
01:43:24.000 Like, I'm just saying it's like...
01:43:26.000 And by the way...
01:43:28.000 The people that I have problems with almost never are true comedians.
01:43:32.000 Yeah.
01:43:33.000 Like to where it's the brother, you know, like where really when we're together, you know, it's almost never.
01:43:40.000 It's always ego people.
01:43:41.000 And it's always people that are doing it for the wrong reasons.
01:43:45.000 And by the way, it's not me sitting in judgment.
01:43:48.000 It's me getting what they give me.
01:43:50.000 Mm-hmm.
01:43:51.000 And by the way, I don't have conflicts with them.
01:43:55.000 That's something I learned a long time ago.
01:43:56.000 That's ego, to put my shit on them.
01:43:59.000 But I drive home feeling sad.
01:44:01.000 So I avoid doing that.
01:44:02.000 I've learned to not have conflicts.
01:44:04.000 It took a while.
01:44:05.000 Before, when I would disagree with something, I'd be like, fuck you.
01:44:08.000 But that fuck you doesn't get anywhere.
01:44:10.000 It's like the same thing as when something happens and you complain about it on Twitter, you're not changing.
01:44:15.000 But I have to say something.
01:44:16.000 Let's talk about change.
01:44:17.000 Did you read about that girl from Sweden?
01:44:19.000 From Sweden, maybe?
01:44:21.000 Who got on the airplane with the guy who was being sent to Afghanistan.
01:44:24.000 I did read that this morning.
01:44:25.000 I have never been more...
01:44:28.000 The guy was being deported and she wouldn't sit down.
01:44:31.000 She knew when he gets back, he's going to die.
01:44:33.000 He's going to be murdered, this guy.
01:44:35.000 That was her attitude.
01:44:36.000 What is this stuff?
01:44:37.000 Because I only read the headline of it.
01:44:38.000 I didn't read the whole story.
01:44:40.000 So she's on the plane, specifically bought a ticket knowing that he's being deported.
01:44:44.000 So she's an activist.
01:44:46.000 She's an activist, but I don't know what she's done in the past.
01:44:48.000 All I know is...
01:44:50.000 She refused to sit down.
01:44:52.000 And at a certain point, there was a soccer team on the flight, stood up with her.
01:44:57.000 There were other people who said, we back you.
01:44:59.000 But there were also a lot of pieces of shit.
01:45:03.000 Sit down!
01:45:04.000 You're making us late!
01:45:06.000 Someone's going to die and look at her putting herself on the line.
01:45:10.000 And then she and the guy who was being deported were finally escorted off the plane because she did her research.
01:45:17.000 And her research told her that the captain can have them both taken off the plane and take off any time he wants.
01:45:23.000 So the story was that he was being deported because of ICE? Is that what it was?
01:45:28.000 See, I only read the one story.
01:45:30.000 See if you can find it, Jamie.
01:45:32.000 But they were deporting him and then he was going to get sent back to Afghanistan where he was going to be killed.
01:45:39.000 We live in a weird time when it comes to this.
01:45:41.000 There was a story I was reading about some woman who was devastated because her daughter-in-law was being deported and she was a Trump supporter.
01:45:52.000 And her daughter-in-law has been in the United States her whole life and being deported and just couldn't believe it.
01:46:01.000 Came over here as an infant, that kind of thing.
01:46:04.000 When you're an illegal alien, no one gives a fuck if you've been here for 30 years, you've only been alive for 32. They don't get it.
01:46:09.000 You get sent back.
01:46:11.000 And that's a disgrace.
01:46:13.000 It really is a disgrace.
01:46:14.000 No, it's a horrible thing.
01:46:16.000 And people are like, well, why don't you fucking try to get your shit?
01:46:18.000 Seeing this young girl, young girl...
01:46:21.000 Believing so strongly that she bought a ticket, got on the plane, and then wouldn't sit down.
01:46:28.000 But what happens now, though?
01:46:29.000 What if the guy still gets sent back and he still gets killed?
01:46:31.000 She did something.
01:46:35.000 And maybe he won't.
01:46:37.000 You don't know.
01:46:39.000 But that's more than just her putting on her Twitter account, this is not right, people being deported.
01:46:44.000 This is someone actually doing something.
01:46:46.000 Doing something that doesn't injure somebody else.
01:46:50.000 And it inconveniences people, but nothing more than that.
01:46:54.000 What if you had a layover, though?
01:46:55.000 You had a big gig?
01:46:56.000 What if I had a layover?
01:46:58.000 I'm on her side.
01:47:00.000 I know that from the get-go.
01:47:01.000 Sold out crowd?
01:47:02.000 No, I don't care.
01:47:04.000 Filming a Netflix special?
01:47:05.000 No.
01:47:05.000 Are you going to film a special?
01:47:07.000 I am.
01:47:07.000 Next spring.
01:47:09.000 So when you do that...
01:47:10.000 After I'm done with the Goldbergs and Curb, I'm going to do a Netflix special.
01:47:14.000 So a year from now, essentially.
01:47:15.000 Somewhere in the range.
01:47:17.000 Summer.
01:47:18.000 Less than a year from now.
01:47:19.000 So when you do that, will you change your approach?
01:47:23.000 Will you have an outline like you do on Curb and roughly know what you're going to talk about?
01:47:28.000 I have stories and things I've been telling on stage that have been coming out of me.
01:47:33.000 So I will tell all those, but I'm doing...
01:47:37.000 Three different locations here in L.A. and three different shows.
01:47:42.000 So you're going to film it here?
01:47:43.000 I'm filming it here.
01:47:44.000 Three shows.
01:47:45.000 I'm not doing a big theater.
01:47:47.000 I mean, I've played big theaters, but that doesn't help me for a special.
01:47:52.000 That's just the typical, come out to the big applause, do my shtick, goodnight everybody.
01:47:57.000 Right, right.
01:47:57.000 No, I'm going to actually, Tom Papa's going to actually direct this.
01:48:02.000 Oh, beautiful.
01:48:03.000 It was his idea.
01:48:05.000 He's going to follow me around during the day and then how my day comes into my show that night.
01:48:11.000 Beautiful.
01:48:12.000 Yeah.
01:48:12.000 I love it.
01:48:12.000 But I'll have some prepared.
01:48:14.000 But between three shows, I should get enough.
01:48:17.000 And, you know, hopefully it'll be an interesting thing.
01:48:19.000 That's what I aspire to do.
01:48:20.000 Make something worthwhile and interesting as opposed to filling my ego.
01:48:25.000 I don't care.
01:48:25.000 Can we do this again sometime?
01:48:27.000 My friend, I am honored.
01:48:28.000 It's too long in coming, and I'm thrilled to have been here.
01:48:33.000 People ask me, I'm like, you know, I don't really know Joe.
01:48:36.000 I go, but the first chance I get, which was the other night when I saw you, where it was like, oh, hey, can I do the thing I really want to?
01:48:43.000 And you're like, yeah, sure.
01:48:44.000 You know, it was so simple.
01:48:46.000 But people have said to me all the time, go on the show.
01:48:49.000 And I'm like, yeah, I will, you know.
01:48:51.000 But Being busy like yourself.
01:48:54.000 It's not like that opportune or I have a list.
01:48:57.000 Call Joe, you know.
01:48:58.000 Right.
01:48:59.000 We did it.
01:48:59.000 We did.
01:49:00.000 It worked.
01:49:01.000 And I will, again, anytime you want.
01:49:03.000 Let's do it.
01:49:03.000 Yes.
01:49:04.000 It worked.
01:49:04.000 It was an honor.
01:49:05.000 This was great.
01:49:05.000 I had a ball.
01:49:06.000 I enjoyed it.
01:49:07.000 Yeah, thank you, man.
01:49:08.000 Jeff Garland, ladies and gentlemen.
01:49:10.000 Thanks, brother.
01:49:10.000 Thank you.